Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum - Nick Swardson

Episode Date: March 31, 2020

Nick Swardson (Grandma's Boy, Just Go with It) returns to the show this week to share his crazy stories of alcohol induced benders and how one of these ultimately lead to his hospitalization and near death scare. Nick opens up on how the recent loss of close friends and loved ones have contributed to a downward spiral, and how he is now living sober. We get into frustrations trying to get projects passed by networks, his experience with the likes of Adam Sandler and David Spade, and creative new shows that Nick is self funding to get out there. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Cha-ching. Then, redeem your points on gift cards from over 200 grand. Your idea of rewarding happens here. Conditions apply. Visit RBC.com slash Ion Cards. All right Ryan's not here if you guys didn't get it

I just pressed record on that I hope you're in focus I hope you're in focus because right now I'm not focused as you can see I got a lot of stuff going on here I'm alone in the house

I do have my dogs but you know I don't think I combed my hair this morning I did shower I've got like some loafers on no socks. I don't know what the hell's going on. You're listening to Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum. Didn't even say that to open it up unless Ryan just switched it. Crazy times, but everybody's talking about it and there's just, let's not be redundant.

Let's just get into it, huh? This is just what it is. This is how we're living. I suggest we all have a routine because right now my routine's effed and I notice a big difference in my attitude. um my mindset if i don't wake up and have something to do motivated to do something working out or walking or reading or writing or something i'm fucked do you understand me i'm effed let's not use the f bomb let's try not to use the f bomb but uh look i'm excited to be here i'm excited that i can go in this room and just start talking and hopefully someone's listening and you are listening i want to

thank all of you for subscribing and listening to Inside of you. A lot of you since the beginning. And I just, you know, I miss Ryan. Hi, Ryan. One day you'll be back here. But for now, I'll just pretend you're Wilson, the ball from Castaway. But, you know, please subscribe on YouTube. We are now filming all of them.

We put a lot of cash into it. Ryan's busting his ass, editing them, which is not easy. And we're giving it to you. So you got the video to watch. Make sure you subscribe. Push the little bell to notify you every week so you can watch the episodes. And if some of you aren't working, some of you are. So continue to listen on audio, Spotify, Apple, whatever you're listening to.

I appreciate the hell out of you. I really do. And my patrons, I've been doing these live Instagrams, Insta lives. I've been doing the Facebook lives. I'm not doing the TikTok. I just can't get into it. I don't know. Maybe one day.

I just can't. It's too overwhelming for me. I just don't get it. I don't need to make a 15 second funny video. So everybody goes, oh my God, it was funny. And it's just why?

I mean, just too much. I think what's happening is there's so many things. It's just like people are just not connecting at all. So I think that's part of the, this, this show. I just want to connect.

I want to connect to you. I want to connect to people and I want to talk about stuff, hopefully that you or someone out there can relate to. And, you know, it's weird, like not being able to do any, um,

uh, conventions you're just you're quarantined right i mean if you're if you're playing by the rules if you're doing if you you know we're actually saving lives inadvertently i think by doing that but um so thank you guys for for listening patreon i'm on the cameo if you want a cameo those are fun um but also remember to there's a lot of homeless people by the way that need your help more than anything uh food Dunfoot.org really helps. I know Bob Odenkirk, he's part of that organization. I'm part of the organization.

I'm a club member. Ronald McDonald's House, their families need food, need meals. I've done some meals for them, and you can too. So contact Ronald McDonald's House, wherever you are across the nation, and help them out. Because it sucks because we can't volunteer, right? We can't be in person. So we have to, in fact, I have all these pizzas. delivered now they have to have them delivered piece by piece like when they deliver it they

have to put each each piece in a zip lock bag or whatever separate it all so things are complicated and that's the phone all my love by the way to uh it's rob dancing should we should we talk to rob dancing real quick i mean we don't have rob here dude i'm trying i'm trying to record right now for my podcast. I'm literally recording, so you're on the air. Oh, hi. What do you got, buddy? Well, if you're recording, I'll let you go. Are you not quarantining yourself? I just went outside for a little bit. I try to go. There are these pull-up bars right at the top of Mulholland that I was going to because they'd closed all the gyms, including my apartment gym.

but now there's a big rope around it and it says that if I go on there I could get a thousand dollars fine or end up in jail for six months so wow a couple pull-ups could cost you some big time huh hard time yeah I mean those are the times we're living in so you know I just got to do my my exercises at home which is you know just push-ups and sit-ups and planks masturbating well I'm Whether there's a pandemic or not, masturbating is essential for mental health. I agree with you. This is Rob Danson, by the way. He's a guitarist on left on Laurel. He's my guitarist, and now we're doing some stuff on her own that we're rocking out, too. So anyway, Rob, all right, buddy. All right, stay healthy, buddy.

Okay, bye. That was Rob Danson. Nice guest that popped up like that. You know, maybe we could do a little intro with Stephen Amel. No, I don't know. that's actually fun just a little uh i wonder that might be a good thing they do um call a special guest in the intro of every episode just to say hey and uh a little 30 second minute two minute thing just going how you doing how you're holding up they don't have to be here they can just be on face time

and you could see them that would be pretty cool kind of add to the show what do you guys think about that write in tell me patrons i know you will and uh anyway let's uh thank you for the support Thank you for the love. Zach Levi, if everything goes right and the world comes back together, we'll be in Austin, July 2nd at the North Door, back-to-back shows, live podcast, get your tickets. But that will happen sometime. We're going to get back to normal.

But right now, let's get to abnormal with my good buddy. Let's get inside of Nick Swartson. It's my point of you. You're listening to Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum. Inside of you with Michael Rosenbaum was not recorded in front of a live studio audience. Dude, why is it that this is the first time I'm seeing you? Since when? Since you've been gone?

Since, son, son, son, I don't know. Is it before the summer? I was gone all summer. Then I went to the hospital. And then I came back. And then I was away for the holiday. So yeah, I guess it's been a. in it, hasn't it? Yeah, we, uh, because I think it doesn't feel like it, though.

No, the last time I saw you, I think I, I couldn't have been when I did your, your show, typical Rick. No. I saw you after that. I did the podcast after that. That was that long ago? Yeah. Because you did a podcast, my podcast, probably a year and a half ago when I started it. Yeah. We did it post to the very first. Yeah. What is RVCA on your hat stamp? It's RUCA. It's a company out of Hawaii. Do they give you money? No, I just, I like their stuff. comfortable and uh so you know it's very nice there's so much i want to say god hold it i mean don't talk about on the podcast why not i think it's i'm joking it's like the only time to talk about something i don't know i just think it's important man it's just like you know you're somebody

who's got you know there's so much success so much you nobody looked at your watch you just look at your watch three seconds in no i move this to get more comfortable to hear the nice things you were saying well you are you're an extraordinary talented guy looks at his watch again i'm okay i didn't i didn't but you are you're you're funny i was watching some of your stand-up again because i've done stand-up with you i've watched you do stand-up i've watched you just you're one of those guys who you seem like you're fearless but there's there's still you know you hide it well i think you've hidden your fear in a lot of ways maybe through alcohol maybe through over the years is this how you talk now is this like the new mike

No, this is old, man. This is an old, Mike. I need to get new ones. Good God. No, man. I was just thinking, like, all these things, like, that I see. No, but look, I know a lot of shit happened. And the reason why I thought it was like, is Nick really talking about diarrhea when he says that?

Here's a Nick Swartzon line. Would you rather eat cold food fast and not get a brain freeze or eat hot spicy food and not get fire butthole? Mm-hmm. Yes, that's correct. I'm 43 years old. these are the things that I talk about. Do you still eat fast food?

I don't eat fast food that much. I do every once in a while. But I've always, like, ate really healthy. Even when I was at the peak of my drinking, just completely insanity, like, I would be just chugging vodka, and I'd be like, yeah, can I get a salad? Yeah. And then, yeah, five shots of fireball. Thank you. Thank you.

Is that true? Yeah, I would do it all the time. Do you have tofu with that? Does that go good with the Eagermeister? Okay, perfect. Perfect. Thank you. You think he's joking, Ryan?

This isn't a joke. No, I literally, I would do it all the time. And people would be like, what the fuck? And I would always take, I was this real, like, extreme dichotomy of, I would, I would just, when I drank, it was, I mean, and I had a blast. I loved drinking. And then I, but I would always take vitamins. I would have all this stuff that I would do. And people would be like, what?

And I would take all this stuff. that helped you get through all that at that time? I think it definitely maintained me for people that don't know. I quit drinking four months ago. I mean, yeah. Is that the longest you quit drinking? No, I've quit for a while. And so, I mean, I've, I would drink like half the year.

And I wouldn't drink while I was filming some movies I did. What movies were you drunk on? I was never, like, drunk. But if I had a couple days off, we would go drinking, you know what I mean? Me and the cast. And, I mean, but you learn to, you know, and you know this is an actor um like one the older you get the more the drinking really shows up when you're in uh your 20s you can go get drunk and show and be like ugh and you can you don't

look like it but like when you're when you get into your 30s and then 40s it's like oh and i remember the first time i noticed that i went out to a party and i was supposed to be on set but i didn't i thought i was off that day and my assistant was like no i think you're on camera And I'm like, no, I don't think I am. And they were like, no, I think, I think you are. And I showed up to set just because I was like, all right, I'll just, whatever. And I showed up and they're like, oh, you're here. Yeah, you get in the wardrobe.

I was like, my God. But I wasn't like on where I had lines, but I was on camera. And then they had like a cutaway to me. And I saw myself and I was like, go. Gollum. What is? Did you just look bloated? Red face?

I just looked a little banged up. But it wasn't terrible. But I noticed, you know what I mean? So, yeah. You just, the older you get, you don't. And it's very hard to use the term alcoholic. Do you think there's no doubt you are an alcoholic or is it just you? No, no, I'm the guy who likes to drink, but I could stop and I could do this.

Or do you just say, no, I'm a fucking alcoholic. Yeah, that's a common question. And I feel like there are different levels of it. So I would say I'm an alcoholic to a degree because I can still, I mean, I just quit cold turkey. And I go to bars almost every day. And I hang out. I go all the time. and I have no desire to drink.

I don't... None. This time it's different than the other. Yeah, I don't like flip out. I never like flipped out. I just would be like, oh, I've got time off. You know what I mean? I'd be like, oh, I'm going to drink.

So I would just... I mean, other people might say, you know, I've got a few days off. I might go golfing. You know, I might get... I've golfed. I've done everything. I've done it all. There's no like...

But drinking was better. Drinking was just fun. I just really liked doing it. And then the thing about it, it is that you get to a thing where I would drink a lot and then the next day it really banged up and then I'd be like okay I got to even out and then you would have a couple drinks bloody mary whatever and then eat and then whatever and go to have some more drinks or you know it would revolve around sports it would revolve around a lot of stuff but the more you do it in a row

the more you have to do it to get even you know what I mean so I would just get in these ruts where I was like okay I need a couple drinks and then I would have a couple and then it would always I would just keep going you know there was always something to build it around you know and then sometimes I just liked day drinking and watching a baseball game you know football game or the Vikings or the twins yeah but a baseball game is like kind of everybody's like oh it's football sunday but yeah I would just and I don't know I really enjoyed it but is is there something usually when I like if I go out let's say I go out for some drinks or if I got in the past especially because I'm not a big drinker now like I'll have a few drinks I'm

I'm not like I could do that. But there were those times. I always made bad decisions. Always. Why did I go home with that girl? Why did I do that? Why did I? Whatever it was.

And that always made me go, you know what? I don't want to drink for a while. And that's, I think, what everybody does is we're like, oh, we made a bad decision. So let's stop for a while. And until we get drunk again and make another bad issue, then I'll stop. So did you like stop four months ago because of a bad decision? No. So four months ago, I was in the hospital.

So I was hospitalized. I drank the entire summer, by choice, really heavily. So I was like, you know what? I pitched a TV show in the spring. They didn't get it. And I was like talking to my other creator. And I'm like, I'll just pay for this on my own. I'll just pay for the pilot.

And he was like, okay, and he kind of flaked out a little bit. And then I was just really frustrated. And I had the summer off. So I was like, you know what? I'm just tired of the business. I'm tired of so much shit. I'm just going to get drunk every day. I didn't have to film.

I didn't have to do anything. I had a handful of shows. And I was like, I'm just going to drink. Shows, stand up. Yeah, stand-up shows. Right. And so I just did that. I just drank.

And then the curveball, which just happens with people, that my sister-in-law died pretty unexpectedly. And then another friend died. And then two friends committed suicide. And that's a real wrench, you know what I mean? Which is an understatement. This happened all before or enduring? It happened during.

Well, Brody Stevens killed himself beginning of the year. And then my friend Mark killed himself. And that manifested even harder. Because when Brody had taken his life, I was sober and filming. And it was awful, but I didn't really like drinking lose it. You know, I didn't turn to the bottle. And then when I drank over the summer with all that death around me, and then Brody's saying hit again, it was just an eye of the storm, you know.

and that's where you don't want to go if you're drinking or drinking a lot you know sometimes it's cathartic where you just want to numb yourself but there's a balance that you have to find where you know then it gets dangerous and I went to that territory where I was drinking really heavy

and not in a good mindset well I remember just like I remember seeing on Facebook I remember seeing Instagram Twitter like he's always funny shit you're always throwing funny shit out there vice cracks doing this everybody's laughing couple zappers zing things but then i see i noticed it wasn't just one but there's like i'm heartbroken blah blah blah if you or someone you know is suffering from

this please get help blah blah blah i love you but there were a few there weren't like if there was one then there was another yeah i was like wow what the fuck swardie like you know he's got people around and that he really loved and admired dying and you mix alcohol with that and stuff and now you're feeling when you say you're feeling down was it just like fuck it i don't want to be here either i want to be with them no it wasn't like that it was just the kind of thing where a what could i have done my friend mark who drank himself to death had been battling it for a while and i tried to help him through it and he would hit me up and he's like hey man i can't stop drinking and he goes i've dialed it down i've scaled it back to beer i've done this and i go you need you need

a detox Mark. He was lived in Florida and I was in L.A. And I go, you need an assisted detox. You need to find somebody, you know, because you should not. It's really a dice roll. And I've done it before when you go cold turkey like that. It depends on how much you drink. But I mean, me and Mark fucking drank. For those of you listening, I was drinking easily about a half of vodka a day. A fifth. Yeah. And that's easily. And Mark was at that level. And it's, you know, if you just sides like you need to take help or break or whatever you you really need somebody to monitor you go talk turkey'll die you can go yeah you can die i've been to detox before and they were like alcohol and they said zanax were the two worst come downs on the planet they said those are really

really shocking to your system i know that one yeah so it's like those are really intense anyway you know it just it was just hard because i knew mark battled with it you know and it was I got the text that he passed and I just couldn't I just lost it and I you know then I just drank and you know I I don't know I was already on I was already drinking so much you know I just couldn't I just decided to drink through it well he just started to feel like you know fuck I should have spent more time with him I should have talked him through it I should have done that I always should have right yeah I mean I did what I could there wasn't you know I hit we had another friend and I'd reached out to him because he lived by him you know and

And, you know, we were just heartbroken because we all had battled with it, you know, and it was just, it was just really rough. That one really, like, hit me bad. Who's the one guy out of all your friends, whether I don't know if it's Sandler or it's like, you have a lot of famous friends. You got a lot of friends that aren't famous. You mix them out. Whoever you like, you like to be around. That's it. Right.

But you have those friends. Who are those friends that will go, Nick, you're going to fucking die. I don't want to see it. I love you. You're drinking too much. and really level it I mean has anybody intervened or said something or really

Yeah people have all yeah people have all the time But the thing is and this is really important too Is people can say all they want You know what I mean But if you're drinking You really have to make that choice yourself And sometimes it's not your choice With me I would have wake up calls and wake up calls

And then I'm in the hospital And I have a 10% chance of living Go there for a second So well let me finished my thought so it really is you know people just kind of realized okay next gonna just do whatever the fuck he wants like you can sit there and go hey you know don't you blah blah blah blah and i you know i knew all of that it wasn't it wasn't giving me an epiphany of like oh right i should fucking you know i was like yeah yeah no i know you know and i wasn't drinking alone i wasn't

you know i wasn't like drinking in the dark like i you know i was going out and having fun And so people were kind of torrents. It's like, well, Nick's having a blast. He's hilarious. You know, so it was like, it was just a really gray area. But so to have me end up in the hospital, I just had hit a wall. And I had, I went on the summer bender and it bled into the fall. Now we're in September.

And I am in my hotel in Minneapolis. And I start throwing up bile all over the place, which is, not uncommon are you drunk at this point no i just woke up and i'm throwing up bile and i'm like ugh and i feel a pain in my body and my assistant picks me up to go to the airport and i'm like hey i think something's wrong and he goes now you're just hungover dude and i'm like no no no i know what a hangover is you know what i mean so we get to the airport i go to the computer to get my ticket i throw up in the trash can then i go to the bar get a drink so i'm like just drink through it throw that up I'm like fuck now the pain's like on fire in my body so I get on the plane throw up in the plane

in the bathroom that I'm sitting at window seat and I have to puke again the plane's about to land so you can't get up so I just like open my carry-on and just do a little side vomit into my carry-on and the guy next to me's on this laptop and he just I know he sees me doing it and he's just like so he doesn't look at me so I just barf and then I get off the plane and now it's really pain so again i go just drink through it because i was always i was always like there's always if you know this as a drinker with your anxiety or anything you feel like shit you always get to a point and me and my friends call it um the like the magic cocktail where it's like drink three or four we're like oh finally where your nerves and everything finally everything hits the plateau and you're like ah all right

i'm back and so i couldn't find that i kept vomiting so i call my agent and i'm like dude I've got a I've got to go to the urgent care like this is like bad and he's like really and he he's been my agent for 20 years so I go yeah so this is like a funny part because life's funny I I pull up urgent care by the Denver airport and I found one that was like mile away I'm like okay great and then I noticed that had one star I was like all right well clearly care gets ranked on stars well first of all I'm like okay clearly they're not urgent about caring they have one start. I'm like, am I going to go in and be like, yeah, I think I drank too much and they walk out with like a sex change. I'm like, no, I have a pussy now. No, I just said I have a drinking

problem. Let's show some urgency here. So I go to the urgent care and the woman goes, oh my God, you need an ambulance. And I was like, what? And she was like, yes, they call paramedics. Why did she think that? She just, I don't know. Are you green? I don't know what I look like. I've I have no, I have no idea. I was just like, no, I'm just hung over. And she was like, no, no, no. So the paramedics came. And the guy looks to me and he's like, whoa.

He goes, what's your name going through all this stuff? And I answered everything and my hands are shaking. And I go, I just, I've been drinking a lot, blah, blah, blah. And the guy goes, no, I've been on Skid Row for 30 years. He's like, you need to go to the fucking ER. And I'm like, really? And he's like, yeah. And then the other guy goes, were you in Grandma's boy?

And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. not let's save that right now this is more important impertinent so i go to the er and i was there four or three weeks this is how bad it was um are you shitting by the way you nervous as hell that they're telling you all these things like what are they seeing that i'm not seeing other than i am throwing up when i was in the ambulance i started to kind of go holy fuck how did i get myself here you know what i mean i was like i can't believe it got to this point and we go to the ER and they hooked me up with morphine and then I was fine and then my two opening acts

um like found me somehow through my phone I must have texted them I did when I landed and then um I text them and I was going to the ER and so they found me and they showed up and then who found you my openers and the two comedians that were there I was in Denver for a gig and the rest it was just put me on morphine and then it was flashes and then out completely lights out for a week and a half then I came to and then it was just building just building myself back up and it was like I mean I've been to been through a lot of things I've been to the ER and we've gotten on IVs and I'm fine but this was just way different so then I you know I was released and it was it was a miracle truly a miracle that you lived they the nerves goes you should have died she goes what you

had and what you were your body was going through she's like i swear to god you you shouldn't be alive it's crazy that you're alive and it's from alcohol it was a perfect storm of pancreatitis pneumonia blood bacteria alcohol poisoning altitude sickness so five of those things hit my system at once five and she goes you know you can die from one of those and all five hit your system at once and she was like it's like she goes i can't believe you're walking out of of here. She goes, people come in for quadruple bypass surgeries, and they're out in like three to four days for quadruple bypass heart surgeries. You were there for

four weeks. Three weeks. Those are almost three weeks. Do you remember the names of your nurses? Yeah, Jenae. Yeah, I have their, yeah, I was like, if you guys want to come to a show. They probably know you more than anybody knows you after these three weeks. Oh, it was nuts. Was it embarrassing? Were you? I mean, they told me what I was doing and I was like, what? Like what? What were you doing? Oh, I mean, I was just rocketing diarrhea um i was i was hallucinating like crazy so i was like my family flies in

and i go hey what's going on and they're like hey and i go and this is real i'm not joking i go god why did you guys bring all these rabbits and my sister's like what and i go that's why would you bring all these rabbits that's like really nice but i mean it's a lot and she was like there are no rabbits and I was like okay and it was stuff like that my nurse god bless her soul she is still alive but god bless her um she broke up a fight between me and an invisible man there was like some guy i thought was talking shit to me and she had like she was like there's nobody there it was like all from morphine and all the shit you were on it was just everything and she goes if you weren't in altitude and you didn't get on that plane if you'd stayed in Minneapolis it would not have been as

bad like at all like the altitude in the plane kicked everything in tenfold are you glad it happened in a way i know it sounds stupid yeah of course i mean i am glad it happened and it's weird because it's like a switch just kind of flips you know where it was like oh like i'm definitely i mean the same person but it you definitely have a different mindset of course you know yeah it was it was not dude but you know you just you live and you learn and i don't look back on my life and I eat it you know it's just regrets and stuff like oh I should I fucking move god I just look back and I'm like all right well here I am and that was part of my existence you know did anybody visit you or yeah of course besides your the bunnies and the family

yeah a couple more bunnies came by and then a deer and then a deer um yeah no friends came by it was really sweet but they didn't want to get it all all of it out there so they um you know only a handful of people really knew do you ever have this feeling of like fuck man i've been drinking my whole life on and off but a lot of drinking i like it i'm a good drunk i have fun all these things and i get a lot of material when i'm drunk and then i write shit down and now were you scared that oh now i'm going to be boring no because i'm not boring i know but you might think oh shit now i'm not drinking anymore well um yeah no that's a valid question i mean i was kind of over that stuff anyway because it was just like i didn't want to

keep talking about drinking you know and i was looking at my stuff and i'm like oh it's a lot of drinking material which was fun you know what i mean but after a while i'm like okay i did that it's just like anybody if you talk about i mean it's love diarrhea jokes they're still funny they're still funny and i have some new alcohol jokes and it's not like from experience but i'm not one of those people that's now going to be you know pinchy about being sober and stuff like that Not that that's bad, but it's just not my style. And I just don't regret it. I had a blast.

I mean, I had so many stories. I mean, it was ridiculous. I know those stories. I know. I've been there. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I was running around the country. I mean, I was, you know, people like, oh, don't you regret anything.

And I'm like, no, I don't look back and go like, I wish I gotten drunk in San Diego. Like every city I was like lit it out. I had a blast. What was it? And, you know, I might do a Yeager mom and I'm 60. I don't know. Who cares? Let's just put that down.

Let's write that in the diary, the diarrhea. Yeah. But is a joke about, you know, now being like the sober guy, like the sober guy driving through a drive-thru? I remember that joke. How old is that joke? Where you're like, oh, no. Oh, yeah.

That's one of my favorites. Yeah. I closed, I think my special called Taste It. And that's one of my favorites about being the sober driver and everyone in your car is shit-faced. And you have to go through a fast food drive-thru and get them food so you don't die. So you're just.

fielding orders for everybody that's hammered yeah that's one of my favorite i still tell that just i love that joke nostalgia what do you want oh i could just yeah is every joke different for you when you tell it do you always sort of improvise like you know the joke but you're going to add this maybe a different effect yeah i'll add her to switch it up i mean if you see me live i sometimes i'll do older material if somebody yells something out i'll do it but for the most part i always try to do a new act when i tour for sure you know but every once in a while there's jokes that I like doing and sometimes people be like, yeah, I started to show's great.

You did a couple of old things and I'm like, yeah. Because I like them. Yeah, and it's my show. I mean, obviously, like, I always like try to do as much new stuff. But, you know, it's like a band. It's like, yeah, so he performs stairway to heaven. It's an old one. Led Zeppelin's like, yeah, what the fuck?

Not that my drinking jokes are tan them out to stairway to heaven. But yeah, so sometimes, I don't know, it's fun to do old stuff. You know, I think also there's a stigma. sort of like, I don't know, it's a stigma, but like, when people like you, that are your friends, do you get upset with them when they are like, when people are like, hey, you know, maybe you should stop drinking? Are you like, fuck them. I'm not going to hang out with them anymore.

They're boring. Did you feel like you alienated people who were kind of called you out? No, I was never like that. I was just fucking chill as fuck. I was like, I would say like, I would just do whatever I wanted. And if people were on board, cool. But if people were worried about me, I was never like. fuck you

you know I was never like that it was funny when people would judge me sometimes where they'd be like you know you're a fucking mess who would say that well I mean I'm not gonna say names but does it rhyme with

fade no no no sometimes you would but no but some people would be like hey you're a fucking mess I'd be like um okay you're on your second divorce and you owe me like 50 grand like get your shit together for you just to come at me judge judy fucking dork

fuck you so sometimes I would like Sam but for the most part I always like if people cared it always meant something to me it was never dismissed did Sandler ever say anything

and was he ever was he was he the one you he was always concerned for sure like what would he say to you no he would no he would be like hey man

you like you know you want to dial it down a little bit you know just you know he would definitely be worried but you know i you know i would always take it and be like okay but at the end of the day i'm living my life you know what i mean i'm going through my stuff i don't like people judging what i'm going through and my process i mean granted it for somebody who's really close to you you know

it's it's hard to see somebody like drink that much but i wouldn't get like smashed around him i wouldn't you know my family and stuff like that i would never i would certain people you wouldn't go there yeah i wouldn't you know i wasn't that reckless like if i was going to get reckless i you know i would be with people that you know like to drink a lot or it would be an occasion or something but for the most part i wouldn't drag anybody through it like i wouldn't show up and barf on the christmas tree you know what i mean so i i kept it together was there anybody though in your family that honestly it was almost like i think this could be almost like a funny show or something where it's the one guy who's just in the dark or maybe your mom or sister's like nick drinks

you know anybody that just didn't know that side about you i'm trying to think i don't think so it's got to be one person who's just oblivious nick why are you here i honestly can't name one my first album was called party when i was 23 right but no i again it was funny because if I was on one, it was a blast. So I remember this happened several times where I did a gig in Miami and I did one show. And then I went back to my hotel and started drinking. And my buddy was opening up for me, one of my best friends. And we started drinking and we drank the next day.

We drank the next day. I mean, then we had a flight. And I'm like, let's just stay. And he's like, all right. I'm like, yeah, I'll cover it. So we just stayed in Miami and just drank on the beach. how long there's more to the story

Michael I just don't yeah you're getting you've got ADD I cut it in yeah it's inappropriate inappropriate so we kept drinking

and then in like a week goes by and he's like are we leaving and I'm like yeah yeah just a couple more days a couple more days another week

a couple more days and he goes and we're having a blast dude it was so fun we're meeting people at the hotel hotel drinking and airport drinking

at two of my favorites but hotel I'm just meeting people from out of town there for a conference you know what I mean we're just everyone's just ham town it was fucking a blast and so weeks go by and he goes hey I've got to fucking go home and I go what I go we can still and he's like you can but I goes I've got like a job I've got it you know like I can't and so I was like all right so I like flew him home and

stuff and I just stayed for two more weeks so I was there for over a month how much money did you spend I don't even know but I just had a blast and I just stayed for a month alone I was You didn't meet anybody. No, I would just meet people. And I would hang out with, like, a bartender. Landos. Yeah, but it was so fun. I just have, like, a lot of fun.

People have drank with me. I just have. Yeah. You know, somebody recognized. They'd be like, are you in exports? I'm like, yeah. Like, I'm a big fan. I'm like, cool.

Like, you might do a shot? I'm like, yeah. And then we were just hanging out. Now what do you do? What? Now what do you do? Do you still go to bars? Yeah, I go to bars all the time.

You're not going to be tempted. There's nothing that could tempt you now. Let's get a shot. No, because this is something that somebody told me where, and first of all, I'm not tempted. I just, I've been there, done that, you know what I mean? But someone's like, you know, if you do want to drink, think about having a drink, and then having another one, and then you'll feel good, and then you'll have another one, then you'll have another one, and then you'll probably have a couple more. And the next day you're going to wake up and feel like shit, and you're going to have a headache,

and you'll chug a little bit of water. But then you'll be like, oh, okay, I'll have a couple more. you know and then it just goes into a cycle and I'm like oh okay yeah that's what would probably happen I wasn't like great at drinking like one day and then stopping I think it has to do probably I mean maybe not with you but it's got to be self-loathing like I have no control or I keep doing it I know it's fun but why can't I just stop this why why do I need this why do I need you know to make every be the you know because dude I've suffered from this like being the center of attention make everybody laugh I got to please everybody everybody's got to have fun I

I don't care about me as long as everybody's having fun and when does that stop? You're like, you know what? I just, I don't want, I can't do that anymore. I got to try to do it without this. So that's the new chapter, I guess, man. Not really, not for me. I was never like, I've got to be the life for the party.

I was like, hey, I'm having a parties. And we want to come over? Hey, what's up? And then I'm just hanging. I was never that kind of guy. And I, and for the most part, I never drank when I filmed, like staunchly. I mean, you know, a couple times I would. But for the most part, I was.

I've got a movie coming out in May with me and David Spade and we shot in Hawaii and I didn't drink at all and people would drink on the weekends people would drink all the time and they're like hey do you want drink and I'm like now people are like how do you do that I'm like I don't want to it was really all about what I wanted to do if I wanted to drink I would drink What do you want to do now? I mean now I'm just like excited about work I wrote a TV show I'm shooting a pilot episode that I'm funding myself in April

putting that together now. It's amazing. And I'm doing stand-up. I'm doing a new special. I'm talking about developing a movie with the director of Grandma's Boy. And I'm just all work. Nick? Nick? Yeah. Goosen. Oh, yeah. Nick Goosey. What? Yeah, you can finish the last name. My name's Nick too. Nick, you're like, you're like, you fucking asshole. It's true. I looked at him like, Nick and you're like, yeah? I'm like, no, it's like, yeah. Goose. Oh. But

Even like another movie I have coming out in May Me and Josh DeMel, Liby Monde, Dachshepard You've worked with them before you're doing Deported? With who? What movie? Airplane mode? What are you talking?

Do you have Tourette syndrome right now? I don't know what you're talking about. What movies do you have coming out? I have the wrong Missy and buddy games are coming out in May and even Demel who is directing the movie like everybody was having cocktails on the weekends and Josh was like having cocktails

he's like how do you, you just not drinking? I'm like, no. I just, and, you know, I just don't want to. I don't know. I've already said that, but. I don't think that's cool either when your friends around, you're like going, dude. They should not. Nobody should be going, hey, man, you can't drink?

Really? Can I? I get one. No, people don't do that. It's not fucking high school. It's like, bro, what? No, it's like, oh, you're really not drinking? People just expect me to drink.

So they're like, oh, you're not? And I'm like, no. And they're like, oh, all right. That's kind of the same thing the way you said it. Well, you're not joking. Because they're just... Oh, okay, cool, yeah. Well, no, they're just surprised as they should be.

People don't know that I don't drink when I film for the most part. And so they were just surprised. Like, oh, Nick Swarton's not having a drink. And they're like, oh, all right. But nobody was like, dude, you're so far. Such a bitch. Your bitch, your bitch boy? Yeah, your bitch boy.

Huh? Yeah. You got a pussy lip! No, nobody did that to me. I'm playing one of these characters in a movie. Yeah, that'll be my next one. Pussy lip, a musical. Inside of you is brought to you by CBDMD.

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don't you think you're way more productive no I was always productive I've created a show every year I would write a podcast That was one thing that was driving me nuts is I would create a show and I would have to be amazing and be really funny I'd have great producers, all these people

and it would go nowhere and so the people out there that go like oh what's that guy doing? What's that guy up to? How come that guy doesn't work? It's like you don't understand behind the scenes a lot of people are like busting their ass trying to get shit going

and you create stuff and then the network's like I don't get it. What is it? No, we're good. What about that script? And it happens all the time. What about the script we read

that you wrote with Danny McBride that I did table read we thought we're going to start filming that yeah we did basically a grandma's boy type show which was a video game office comedy which is so funny Danny McBride was producing it for those of you out there this is a script I wrote with Nick Goosey who directed grandma's boy Michael was going to be cast Danny McBride was going to produce and it was fucking hilarious it was called game on effron from Napoleon dynamite was going to be in it yeah we just everything and they were like no we were like what and it passed on it

so it's like even with all those elements even back in the day I did I wrote the show Gay Robot that was on Comedy Central they bought it Adam Sandlin's producing it we filmed a pilot that's that you can find on YouTube and comedy center was like nah

I was like what what's happening? I think of all the people that that happens to how many hours how many hours have you I want to call it wasted but put into something and all these projects and nothing ever happened with them

no people just got to get it And you're like, I got it, he gets it, Danny McBride gets it, Adam Sandler gets it. And it's just like stuff like that after a while. You're just like, cocktails, woo. Yeah, well, you know, I think people do that all the time with my dad still doesn't, you know, for him, it's like, yeah, well, what are you doing? It's like, well, I don't know, I've worked hard as I could to write three things in the last two years that no one bought or someone bought and then we didn't make after four months of negotiations. I spent three years Busting my ass for nothing

They don't see any of that You're either on the TV Or you're not on the TV You're not on the TV You're not working Well that's why stand-up is great And I always write and develop that Because it's my control

I do what I love My fans are awesome You got a new special Yeah I'm getting ready for that this year What's called? I can't announce I've got like all the artwork and stuff I want to save that It's really it's really I'm really excited

Where are you going to film it? I don't know yet. There's still a lot up in the air where I'm filming and where it's going to be on. But it's coming out. It's already coming together really well. How much time do you put in to your set? Like you have to have like an hour, right? An hour to do a special.

For the most part, you want an hour. It depends upon what format it's on because sometimes there's half hours. Like a half hour on Netflix. There's an hour on Comedy Central, which is actually 42 minutes. There's, you know, Now there's like short form options where they're just showing 10 minute chunks. So for the most part, you want a new hour, especially if you're touring and you're doing theaters and stuff.

So people are like paying good money to see like a fresh hour, in my opinion. And then however long that takes to develop an hour, I just want to make sure I'm happy with it. And how long does that happen? Because you go to the improv down a number of hours. You go to the laugh factory on sunset. You travel at the comedy store. You kind of do the circuit over and over every night working on the same shit adding to it.

For the most part, yeah, you just want to build on it. And do you ever, who's the one? No! Who's the one? Oh, sorry. Who's the one guy that you're like, I really want to know. I want his opinion means something. I want to know if he really thinks this is funny.

Or do you not need that? You're like, I know it's funny. I do it sometimes. But I know, you know, I've done this long. I've done this 25 years. So I know I'll think of something. I'm like, oh, okay. But, I mean, the other night it was at the comedy store and I was backstage.

And I was with Bill Burr. And Bill's the old friend of mine, 20. plus years and we were just sitting there catching up and I go hey uh I tried this bit last night I didn't work and he goes what is it and uh I told the bit and he goes oh fuck yeah that didn't fucking work and I was like no and I go but I think I set it up wrong and he's like how'd you set up and I can't remember what it was and in my head I was like oh yeah I set it up wrong and then just even talking about it with Bill but it made me feel because I was like it's good it's funny right and he's like yeah it's a funny bit

And then I was like, oh, okay, I'm not. Bill would have said, it's not that funny. Well, yeah, he laughed. He was like, oh, yeah. So, you know, sometimes it's good to just go, like, I'm not crazy, right? And then I realized just a technical setup of it. I didn't get into it right. Sometimes you overdo a setup where you talk too much and, like, there's just key words that I was like, oh, I need to emphasize that and that, cut it down and then boom.

Before the last four months, when you're going like, do your sets, didn't you have a drink? I remember we'd have a drink, maybe a drink, maybe two drinks, something that, you know, take the edge off, go up there, be relaxed, but now you're not doing that. Right. So that's what I talk about changing the work, changing, like, how you approach it. No, but I've done stand up sober. I've done it drunk. I've done it. Yeah, I've done it every kind of way.

But when I started stand up, I wasn't shit-faced. You know what I mean? Right. So I spent years and years where I didn't drink at all. I mean, when I first started, I never drank at all, really. So it wasn't weird to me where I needed to cut that edge. Do you still think there's, uh, do you still have, do you still have, scared me, scared Ryan. Yeah.

Do you still get nervous? Do you still bomb? Do you still go, fuck, I ate it. Do you still, and how do you rebound? How does that work? You don't really bomb because I've done this long enough where you don't really bomb. How do you not bomb? Because you're just that good.

You've been doing it so long that you just, I, I just, I don't know. I know how to get out of it. I mean, usually I, I just know what I'm doing. so even if something doesn't work I'm like alright I'll try this or I'll try that you know it's not it's never like when I say like all the time

it's never when I when I bombed for the first time back in New York I bombed what year was that oh 1998 I just tanked because I had you need confidence and I was still nervous and so when it started to bomb I was like

and I got booed off like booed off like booed off like boo yeah boo it was in New York So I cut my teeth there, thank God. So when I started in Minnesota, it was like, all right, yay, everything. It was like so hard to bomb because they're so polite.

Is it hard to get back on stage after you bomb like that? It's really hard. When you're that young and that new, it is jarring. Because I was going up multiple times a night. And then when that happened, I took like five days off. I was shell-shocked. Could you have actually gone in the other direction to say, I'm done? No.

You get addicted to doing stand-up. like once you once you do it you can't do anything else it's not something that when people always ask me like how do I do stand up I want to get into it

I want to do this it's like okay well be prepared to eat shit well be prepared to like bomb be prepared to go through a roller coaster of you know it looks easy

and it's really not so it's like I'm always really honest with people it's really hard when I started you know it's a little easier now because you've got social media

and you've got the internet and stuff like that So you can post clips on YouTube. You can post stuff on your Instagram. You can do all that stuff. I mean, when I started, it was like you were doing the road. You were getting in your car driving to a bar in but fuck nowhere for a hundred bucks. Lappers.

No, not even that. Less than flappers. No, it would be like Gary's basement jamboree. And then you were in some fucking basement. Gary's got a fucking paintball gun pointed at your fucking cunt. God. no but you would travel around and if you ate shit you just had to tough it out it was there was nothing you could do there were barely even cell phones then so yeah it was it was tough

dude i mean i was sleeping in my car i was sleeping anywhere i could it's even bushes come on no one sleeps in a bush i slept in a bush that's a story i've told before who's bush hey oh no i was in san francisco and i drove from minnesota and my car broke down and I slept in my car Then my car got towed And then I would bounce around I didn't really know any comics But I'd bounce around on couches

And then finally they were just kind of like All right my car I couldn't afford to fly home So I just walked into a park And I was like all right I'd sleep here And I slept in a park It was fucking awful Yeah I mean I was like 19

So you're 19 years don't give a fuck Yeah I had a fake ID so just get drunk and pass out Who's the one guy that you really think is just fucking funny Like somebody knew that you're like, or in the last couple of years that you're like, that guy makes me laugh or that woman makes me laugh a lot. I don't know what it is. It's just the delivery. That's something special.

Because you don't seem like a guy that cracks up from other people's shit a lot. You're probably doing your own thing. You've heard it all in a way. Whose delivery is it? It's rare when you really laugh at something. It's really hard because you've watched so much comedy and it pisses people off in social situations. Sure.

So if you're like a group of people and somebody says something, everyone's laughing. and in my head I'm like oh that's funny but I don't like laugh and then they're like oh sorry sorry I'm not professional comedian oh that wasn't funny enough for you and I'm like oh no it was funny and I'm like oh yeah you didn't laugh

and I'm like yeah I don't I don't laugh anymore yeah I don't I'm done laughing what is your name our buddy Harlan Williams has a well he had a manager he died but Harlan

I guess he had heard everything he wasn't being a dick, but Harlan would pitch. Yeah, so he's pitching him something. He's like, yeah, so anyway, at the end, the guy fucking falls down a shit hole and breaks his ankle and he's like, hey, time's up, God. And he pitches this pitch and the guy, his manager looks at him,

and goes, I'm on the floor. And Harlan goes, I don't get it. You don't think it's funny? He's like, I'm on the floor, Harlan. No, I thought it was funny. I'm on the floor. He just didn't laugh. the guy just didn't laugh

for whatever reason straight-faced I'm on the floor how could do possible oh my gosh well in a way it's kind of like you like that

you didn't think that was funny no no no I thought it was funny I just didn't laugh yeah but I'll think something's brilliant I'll watch stuff I'm like ah

that's really fun so who is it I mean I don't really keep up with it because I don't watch comedy so it's like I don't set out to watch stand up

you know I really just can't watch it the last thing I watch was Chappelle's sticks and stones and you know I thought I loved it I thought it was amazing and you know there's guys that are there's people women there yeah there's people are funny of course this is especially hard not to laugh at your like obviously you love Stanley you love Spade you love all these guys Schneider that you do it right so is it hard to like do you still think they're funny when

they're on stage do you still think their jokes are funny you're like I love you I know I'll still laugh yeah for sure like what's the one thing that spade does like his his gimmick whatever it is that He has his things that always make me laugh. What is it? What is it? I'm not going to, like, point out Spade stuff. What's the one thing that... What's the one thing that you like that Spade does?

The one thing that he's... That gets you. I like, um... And I've always liked this. I like Asides. When something's not planned and they comment on how the reaction was. Or it's something really organic. I always like that in movies, too.

Where you can tell it's not scripted. Because I improvise a lot. It's like Reno 911 was all improvised. Everything I do, I like to improvise. Right. So if there's something that's just clearly, and I can tell, if it's just organically, like, you know, they'll be like, ah, blah, blah, blah. Right. That happened.

So that little moment. Yeah, those kind of things, like, those make me laugh. I said, like. So somebody's just sitting there ripping, ripping. All right, that shit the bed. You know, yesterday I was. Yeah. Or just even a line that's organic that's just part of the scene where you just clearly, they can, you can tell.

I would always crack up on Grandma's boy because we would make up so much stuff and we would do stuff on the fly where I would throw stuff out at Joel David Moore who played JP was like the robot guy and I would always throw stuff out at him and I couldn't be in any scenes I would laugh immediately because his voice was so funny

that was one of the hardest That was really hard to keep a straight face And Kevin Nealon and Bucky Larson There was a scene we could not get through to the hotel room It was the apartment apartment yeah And we couldn't get through it and people were, and any actor-comedian knows this, if you're in a scene and you're laughing

and you get yelled at, it makes it worse because now you're conscious of it and then now you can't stop laughing. If you're in a scene with a buddy and Reno 911, my goal, as Terry, was to say the most outlandish stuff I could to get them to break, to make them laugh. So I always would just rack my brain

for Terry insanity. And it was great that I would get them to break a handful of times. Are you going back? Because they're having that whole reunion thing or whatever Because every show's doing it And Reno 911 supposedly So why wouldn't they ask you back

That'd be kind of would you do it? I'm not going back to Reno 911 Okay They asked me and I thought about it And I just I love them and I love the show But I just I spent my time as Terry And the character had come full circle

With the movie and everything And I just It was just something I want to just move on You know Go forward and I've developing this new show and uh you know i love terry but it was just something it was really a hard choice it wasn't an easy choice but i'm not coming back you know what i understand i notice about you is when you are in like you know all these shows because i did typical rick i did this other show you

did i forgot it was called it was called uh pretend time pretend time with nick swartson so you always invite me to do stuff and i love it i love playing with you but what i do notice on set is as i don't know lack of a better word like malleable as you are right like you can just kind of do shit off the cup there is an intensity that i don't see in real life with you right and i noticed other people notice that are working with you that's just very like all right we got to get it done let's go we got to get this done let's go come on let's go like like there's a there's a certain rap there's just an intensity i'm like oh it's worse one you're right you're just it's it's it's not a bad thing it's a focus work i want this to be right i want to do it now i just noticed the

about you yeah it's a very control thing with stand-up I'm really controlling of what I do you know and even though it's loose and stuff but when you're filming a movie or anything especially if I've written it and I my words I just know how to execute a joke so I will be like really staunch about something like that if we're behind schedule I want to keep it on schedule too for sure but I want to get it right so I'll know you know I'll be like no no no no deliver it like this no no you're too hard on that word no no no just say it no throw it away don't put emphasis just blah blah blah you know so I get and people are like oh all right you're not mad you just like no I don't get mad I'm just like no this is how you do it you know yeah like this new

pilot is really great I'm really excited and I'm funny it out of my own money I'm just like I'm just gonna shoot this how much we don't know yet I mean it's gonna I don't know it's not like crazy is it a half hour kind of uh single 10 minutes so it's like a presentation so for people watching I can't say the cast yet because they're not locked down yeah we're talking to some really great comics. I haven't signed my contract. You're playing the elder. Okay, so this is coming.

You're putting your own money into this. Yeah, and I'm doing that. It's the director of grandma's boy, the land producer who did the movie Peanut Butter Falcon, which is amazing. And I want to just shoot it on my own because I'm tired of waiting for people. I'm tired of people telling me what to do,

what's funny. And so I'm just like, I'll just pay for it. So we're shooting it in April. And we're really excited. I love it. And I just, all control of just like this is exactly how it should be executed when you're just an actor on a set much laid better more laid back do whatever fun laugh and do whatever when you're in control

when you're a creator when you're a writer you're more hey let's go would you say that's true i mean i've produced a lot of movies with sandler and he gives me a lot of free reign to be like you know chime in if you have anything but if i'm just an actor for hire on a movie it's fun it's a it's kind of a release but I'll watch somebody and be like I don't think he did that right like in my head right right I'd like that delivery wasn't so that line should be okay because you were like I mean back in the day wasn't a huge movie but you were like really first of all you weren't drinking at all not once where on the set in Indiana when we filmed oh back in the day back in the day and when you were working I mean if that scene in the car right fucking I love that seems much it's not just because I did I directed the movie but but you're so intense and real and like you can see the sweat and like the emotion and I'm like and you were so easy to fucking work with you it was just like there were some pains in the asses but for me you were like what do you want me to do I remember your knees were hurting in that little fucking car and you're supposed to be having sex with you know pregnant Liz pregnant Liz and it was

just like you were just right there you were it wasn't and that's hard especially as a first time director of a feature and I was like I didn't have much time but on the other side you just being an actor awesome it was awesome to have a pro that's done this right and i also respect other people's time and energy so what you were going through i was just like i'm here for you so whatever you need for me yeah i felt that like just let me know you know i'm not going to hold anything up i've never had an ego i'm never i'm not even about that i'm just about the work and like okay whatever you need for me i'm i'm here for you so that's really important how upset were you that Sandler didn't get an astronaut

for Uncut Jim. Honestly, as a, did it bother you at all? It didn't really bother me. I thought he was great and I thought it'd been awesome if he did. But I mean, stuff like that, it's like it doesn't take away from what he did. You know, he was great.

It's on film forever. Yeah. You know, you don't need that. You don't need that. So to me, it was kind of like, yeah, it was, yeah, it would have been awesome. But he was great. So it's like, nobody takes that away and look I'm not saying this because of anything other than I watched it and I just thought out of all the performances and I was like wow great oh yeah he was good yeah that was the one performance that I just I looked at and I go I couldn't I couldn't imagine doing that I don't know how he did that yeah the he was so fucking quick the lines just speed alike yeah that was a lot different directions that his characters are going on the phone like let him let him go let him in don't let him fucking keep him there yeah yeah no doc is how was it going uh But the way I was blown away, I thought, in fact, I was betting on him to probably win the Oscar or maybe Joaquin because it was like, maybe the movie wasn't everybody's whatever.

Right. It was an intense movie. I thought Uncut Jim's was hard to watch. It was fucking intense. So intense that you have to watch it once, but you're like, oh, I don't know if I could watch it again. And watch it in the theater because it takes you over where I texted Sandlin. I was like, dude, I had major anxiety. Oh, my God.

Yeah. No, he was, he was great. and the movie, just the whole thing is such an experience. Yeah. And it's really out of his wheelhouse. I mean, it was just like, whoa, Garnett. I mean, it was...

Garnett, I was just going to say. Garnett was fantastic. But yeah, I mean, awards are just like... I get it. The Grammys just happened. I don't watch them. I don't even go on social media that much, but when I checked it and people were outraged

about so-and-so not winning or so-and-so. It's like, you guys, I mean, just let your work just be your work. You know, people love you, and come on. Nick Swartson said, my sister just asked me if I wanted to do an escape room. Every room over the holidays with my family was an escape room, so I'm good. That's one of my favorites. That's deece. That's deuce.

That was a tweet I did. Was it a tweet? I thought maybe it was one of your lines in his show. No, it was a tweet, I think. Yeah, it was. I love my family. Sorry, that was, it was a... I still want you to think about the one family member that just...

You drank? I never knew that. It's just a funny short. I'll tell you one of my favorite moments. sister's wedding, which, our first wedding, which was such a hot mess. So I, it was in Florida on the beach, and I flew in a couple days early, me and my brother, and we started drinking, and I was a tornado. I'm in the wedding.

I'm about 24 years old, and I'm in the wedding, just to sum it up quickly. I forgot to bring my suit, so I had no suit. I was in the wedding party. I forgot my suit. She's like, you know what? I'm like, can I borrow one?

She's like, what? I go to go buy one. There's no suit store on this like island. So then I run down the street. I had written suck it on my chest

and a permanent marker. I was walking around shirtless and thought it was super funny. And then that's how I met her in-laws. They were like, who the fuck is this? And I was all shit-faced. I'm like,

this is funny. Not funny. Then I missed, so the trollies going to the wedding. and I pass the trolley on a moped going to the beach as they're going to the wedding and they're like Nick what what the fuck then I was like oh shit is that today

seriously turned around had to borrow a suit from somebody that didn't even fit me so he had an extra suit thank God so I'm wearing this awkward too I get fired from being an usher then I go to the reception yeah she was like no this is ridiculous I'm just sweating at this wedding

and then I start smoking and like fucking reception it was just it was a hot mess and then so my grandma i was drinking white russians at the time so i was a big lobowski fan so i'm drinking white russians and uh my grandmother god rest her soul she goes nicholas can you make me a white russian and i go yeah of course and she took a sip of mine which was strong as fuck and so i made her one not nearly as strong she took a sip and she goes nicholas and i go what and she goes make me one like yours And I was like, oh, all right.

I forgot you were in a couple wars. Grandma, you know what you're doing. So I poured her a sip on. She's like, that's right. That's just nice. I forgot I had your blood. Yeah. She was like, what?

Okay, guy. I'm drinking longer than you have. I remember all the time growing up to, she's ripped Manhattan's and all that stuff. And I was sitting there like, I don't know if she can handle my. Can I too? Whose wedding was that, by the way? My sisters. Now, did your sister still talk about that wedding is she still married?

the same guy? No, she was, she's, uh, twice divorced. Twice divorced. Twice. But, um, yeah, no, she'll bring it up sometimes, but, you know. Do you remember how fucked up you were? How many times have you heard that? Oh, my God. Yeah, when I went, I just went home for the holidays in Minnesota and I drank a lot there this summer and I was like, yeah, I'm not drinking. And people are like, oh, good. It wasn't like, what? And they were like, they weren't like good, but they're like, oh, yeah, you needed a time out i'm like why and they're like dude you know like you were

smart you know what it's going to be now now it's going to be god do you remember how sober you were last christmas god you were so sober do you remember that yeah it was sober of course i remember that yeah nick swartz and this is called shit talking with rosam these are questions from fans real quick uh my patrons here good old jason says what inspired you to become a comedian

and or actor quickly you could say it um what inspired me to be a comedian and actor. There really was no inspiration. It was, I went to rehab when I was 16 for drugs. I got caught smoking a blunt in high school in the middle of class during school. And then I was arrested with me and my friends. We had court ordered rehab.

So I had to dry out back then. I don't do any drugs anymore. And I took acting to get an easy grade. And I took theater. I was like, my GPA was diarrhea. And so I took acting. And then the teacher was like, like, whoa. She's like, you have a gift. Like, this isn't just a class. And so she advanced

me. Long story short, I just, it took away my addiction. I just became addicted to comedy and acting. So that was kind of my weird inspiration was I just became obsessed with it and just threw myself into it. I threw myself into everything. All this acting, all these plays, different theater companies, improv and started stand-up out of high school. And I just committed my life to it. All from one go, let's get a free. A, let's just take it back. Yeah, literally. By chance.

Yeah, and then the more research I did, the more I studied acting and comedy and stand-up and everything. And then I became an aficionado and just became obsessed with it. I loved it. Sophie, who are the top three comedians you admire? You can take Sandler off there, or maybe the people you know. But who are the top? Who are the top comedians I admire? Can I guess?

I would say Richard Pryor. Don't put names in my mouth. Sorry. This is a question for me. You're such a fucking attention whore. I told you that, really. You panic. I told you.

If you don't get enough attention, you get a weird thing. That's what happens. God, your first podcast, you're the fucking micro machine, man. That's a dated reference. You're a fucking auctioneer. Well, you were an alcohol. I was like, yeah, but I learned a respect to talking to people. Well, you know, I was just trying to let them open up.

Trying to move things along. Yeah, you're a real speed demon now. Sophie, you're the three comedians. made out of fucking mannais. Who was the three comedians you admire besides Pryor? Richard Pryor, I would say Sandler. I would say that just because of his work ethic and how he juggles being such a giant star

and a family man and having such passion for what he does, even at this point. It's just been, I've had front row seats to it, working with him and him being such a great friend. I've seen it. So I really admire him. um not david um i don't know prior for sure anybody that came out of was able to turn pain into comedy i admire across the board i mean it's comedians that have gone just through all those older comedians

that went through that of just and you know contemporary too but turning pain into comedy i admire across the board of just that's fucking really hard comedy's hard alone but to you know turn the corner like that i'd admire surprised any murphy wasn't on there angie asks well we see i brought in it to a lot of comedians i'm not just going to boil it down to three people will we see a netflix special for me this year it might be netflix but you'll see a special for me this year Andrew see and Raj what is the best back and forth you have ever had with the heckler during a stand-up set hacklers usually are just hammered and they they just kind of that's a good question but I'm trying to think of a great

a great one a lot of them are so in the moment that I don't even really remember them but I remember a lot of back and force where oh god sorry I'm dropping the ball on it whoever asked this question but I can't think of one specifically we'll come back to it okay danny what single comedy bit has made you laugh the hardest me or somebody else if it's somebody else i would say charlie chaplin's a night in the show it's an old sketch he did a lot of shorts

before he became a huge movie icon star and he had a short called a night in the show and it is still i was obsessed with charlie chaplin i would watch everything if you really want to see just pure genius there's really in my opinion nobody better overall on planet earth than charlie chaplin and a night in the show he plays two characters the performer and the heckler and it is fucking piss your pants i think hilarious because he plays this drunk heckler and there's a scene where he has a fire hose and this is back in the day when there was nobody really regulating the fire hose or what the pressure was like or what was going to happen so he i'm not going to say anything else but he just brings a fire hose

into the scene and it is chaos ensues and he still has to hold it together. Lucas M. This is a serious question so you're going to have to answer this honestly and be honest. Will the fart jokes ever end? I don't even know how to answer that. I don't

know where my comedy will take me so I don't think so. It's not a conscious choice but I have a question for you, Lucas. will farting ever end i thought you're going to say do we need oxygen to breathe will we always need oxygen because the answer is right back to your attention they will never end in your moment there shut up god christopher talking over here jesus he has no peppermint chatty Tommy tick a while

jerry w favorite director to work with and why i would probably i mean it's a given but i'd probably say Nick Goosen because I know it's going to look I mean I respect to all my directors but uh goose that I I know it's going to look great because he's really great on a budget like he can take a $500 idea a $5,000 idea of grandma's boy which is $5 million and he can make it look like a billion dollars so I just trust him He trusts me with the comedy, and I trust him with how it's going to look. Lisa. Falcon Crest.

I just tried to guess the answer. What's the question? Am I right? Well, let's see. Having worked as a writer, producer and actor in many shows and movies, and also as a touring, touring comedian, touring, touring, touring, which type of work do you prefer? Falcon Crest. Falcon Cres.

It does kind of fit. Hollywood life or the touring comic life? That's a question that people wonder where they're so different. So a touring comedian is exhausting, exhilarating, crazy. Again, it goes back to it's great because I have control. I'm the show. My fans are awesome. It's an immediate response.

It's a great bonding experience. It's just fun. And Hollywood's shooting stuff is great too because if you're lucky enough to have control over the dialogue, seeing something that you wrote and casting it and seeing people deliver it and execute it is such a great experience that's, you're not. unique unto itself i mean just imagine writing something and seeing people like read your words and stuff like that it's really trippy and it's really cool and also being in a scene with great actors i've been in scenes with so many people that it's like it's insane i mean i'm working with

just the comedy alone sandler and spade schneider and norm and you know blades of glory 30 minutes or less with danny mcbride i mean oh it's just so fun what's the most you've ever gotten paid for one night of stand-up for one night how many people were there and what's the most you made 500 boxes of fruit loops they brought I'm not going to say how much I've gotten paid is that rude to ask that yeah it's a rude question it's just a terrible question it's not terrible but it's you know you kind of wanted to answer it though a little bit no people ask me that questions this is my first interview what's the did anyone did you the lead singer talking has did anyone ever ask you to did anyone not pay you they owed you money to do

stand up and they didn't pay you no I got threatened to not get paid because I was late when I was first starting and I was doing a gig in New York and I was a little late and this guy was like really mad and he's like I don't want to fucking pay you because we're late but my wife's cool so I'm going to pay you and I'm like all right sorry I was 19 from Minnesota. I go, I didn't miss the train. I didn't know what I was doing. He's like, I don't fucking care.

He's like, here's your money, but I don't want to pay you. My wife's cool. I'm like, tell your wife, thank you. He's like, fuck you. I don't believe half of that. No, that's true, actually. He was really angry. Yeah, he was like really mad.

And I was like, clearly like, young. I was just like, just moved to New York and I know what trains work. But that was the only time. Dude, I love you, man. This is, honestly, I'm, I'm super proud of you. I think, I mean, it's just awesome that you have your shit together, that you just, you know, you went through a lot. And I love seeing you back on top. I love seeing you keep busy.

And the fact that you stop drinking stuff, hey, it's your choice and it's a health thing. And you had a wake up call and you don't need it anymore. And that's it. Yeah, it is. It's awesome. I feel great. And for those of you listening out there, it really is you have to make the choice. You have to really want to do it.

You know what I mean? You have to go like, okay, enough is enough. and you're going to hit a wall, you know what I mean? It's, that's one of the things if you're a drinker, drinker, like I was a drinker, drinker, I mean, it's serious. A lot of my friends were too, and it's, you're physically going to hit a wall, and it fucking sucks. I mean, being in the ER, it was, I remember it was just hell on earth. Tubes everywhere, it was so much pain.

It was just nonstop, taking blood, monitors, just everything. And it was just, I was like, oh, my God. and I had had a blast up until then, you know. So just so you know, just if you need to, however you want to do it, what your process is, but, you know, just know, just you have to make that choice. And if you need help, you know, just ask somebody, you know, reach out and people will help you. And, you know, I'm not going to get preaching, but no, you don't have to. I think it's, I think people hearing you say that and you've gone, you've gone through it. You've seen friends God.

I've been there, done that. Yeah. And it's like, you know. I don't know Ryan Yeah What do you want I'm pumped

I had something else I was going to ask you Can't remember it Is my real name Gary Was that the question No let me think about it I feel like it was Oh for those of you

Are wondering about the new show I'm working on It's called boo And it's about two sons Of a world famous ghost hunter That don't have their shit together and they can't until they confront their own demons they can't be as good as their dad and it's a it's like the conjuring meet stepbrothers i love that actually it's amazing it's amazing the conjuring meet stepbrothers i know what i was going to say a lot of comedians you always

hear comedians hate themselves they just they they do drugs they all you know they die you hear all the horrible things it's the worst thing you have to really hate yourself to be a stand-of comedian all these things do you look in the mirror you someone who honestly can say I love you, Nick, or I like you, Nick, or Nick, I'm working on it. That's such a therapy question. Well, I think it's an honest question. Are you so corny weaver right now? I'm so corny weaver.

I think it's important. I mean, I would be like, so, Nick. Do you like yourself? Yeah, I do. Yeah, I do. That's really all the question. We could just use that. You like yourself.

I like myself. You love yourself. Sure. That's good. Dude, I don't think a lot of people do. Yeah, I mean, it's a weighted question. I mean, sometimes if I rip some beef, I don't.

Look how I just went right to a fart joke. Yeah, I do love myself, and I do like myself. Sometimes I'm like, man, all right, guy. Right guy. Yeah. I think that's fair. I think that's more like, hey, I like myself sometimes. And sometimes I'm like, fuck, man.

You got to get better than that, dude. You got to be better than that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, be better than that, man. Do you want to... Believe it in yourself. All right.

I'm going to get you out of here. I want to take some pictures with you. Thanks for allowing me to be inside of you. Of course. Thank you for allowing to be inside. Nick, say a lot of the fans. Bye, guys. Thanks a lot for listening to me blabber mouth.

Dude, it's awesome. Take care. Well, how about that? Two guests in a row that both went to a wellness center. It's something I can relate to because I went. And it both helped them out tremendously. tremendously and these are guys that you know i'm not going on wellness i'm not people are always too good for everything and you know they i think it's just when you when you can be vulnerable

when you can just say this is what i'm this is how i'm feeling i don't care what people think this is me i'm a mess i'm a beautiful mess i think there's an awesomeness to that where people can well they embrace it look at robert johnny junior god damn has there ever been anyone a bigger mess than him and now a bigger star because somehow people were just like, God, I wish that guy would get his shit together. And I gave him chance after chance after chance. I mean, this guy was just blowing

it. And they saw him back on time. I'm not saying that that's the way to go. I'm just saying it when you're vulnerable. Although, I think he was just getting caught doing stupid shit. I don't know how vulnerable he was. Anyway, and now let's give a shout out to my top tier patrons. You guys on Patreon are so

wonderful. And let me give you your shout out. message each and every one of you. You've all got messages from me. It's me. You know it's me. The way I talk. How can anybody else talk like that? Allison L. Andrew C. Angelina G. Barry I. Bob B. B. B. Brian H. Chris. C.J.P. Dion K. Emily F. Emily S. H. H. Emily S. Jason D. Jason W. Jennifer S. Jerry W. G. L.E. Joshua D. Kevin R. Kimberly E. Lauren G. Leah S Lee a Mark A Melissa R

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You're new you're new rocks Raccoon Samantha M Saravie Sean V Stacey B Tiana Tricia Vanessa in the sky, and you Kiko. Thanks for all the support. Make sure you follow us, our handle inside of you,

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I hope you enjoyed today's episode with Nick Swartson. And that's about it. I did it by myself. Hi, I'm Joe Sal C. Hi, host of the Stacking Benjamin's podcast. Today, we're going to talk about what if you came across $50,000. What would you do? Put it into a tax-advantaged retirement account. The mortgage. That's what we do. Make a down payment on a home. Something nice. Buying a vehicle. A separate bucket for this addition that we're adding. $50,000. I'll buy a new podcast. You'll buy new friends. And we're done. Thanks for playing everybody. We're out of here.

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