Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum - Taylor Dayne

Episode Date: February 18, 2020

Taylor Dayne (3x Grammy Nominated) joins us to share some amazing stories from her successful career as a pop star who’s sold over 70 million albums worldwide. We get deep and Taylor opens up on her brutal upbringing in a mentally and physically abusive household, and how she found attention and validation through her musical talents. We talk about the origin of “Tell It To My Heart,” her previous lost loves, and her memories with both Michael Jackson and Prince.  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

You're listening to inside of you with Michael Rosenbaum. I was, I just peripherally, I could see you kind of staring at me, Ryan. It's kind of weird. Well, we got creepy lighting in the room right now. Yeah, I wish you guys could see the lighting right now. It's spooky. But when we start video in two weeks, you will see it. But right now, it's just like one light's missing.

So it looks like I'm doing a horror podcast. And if you're my good buddy from Fangoria, Dallas, who's one of the main guys, pretty much the main guy, produced Bone Tomahawk. And you're listening because you always listen. to the podcast and he's been wanting me to do a fangoria podcast and god i'd love to do it we got to figure that out one day when it makes perfect sense for both of us but i you know i also want to do his movies too god i love you dallas you're a genius does that me kiss an ass ryan a little bit well right but dallas likes me we have a mutual respect and love for each other that helps yeah i think

that is important did you have a good week man yeah i did yeah yeah it's been a good week do you listen Do you listen to the podcast? I do. You listen to the Nikki Whelon? I did. You did? Yeah. So we recorded it together.

Uh-huh. And then you actually, you know, you didn't edit this one. Mia did. She did, yes. Because you're going to edit the videos coming up, what you're working on right now. Yeah, those are coming out in a couple weeks. Right. But, uh, and Mia does a great job.

She's a fantastic. She's amazing. She's amazing. Yeah. And she's really helped you in, uh, yeah, some good pointers. I mean, I already had plenty of respect, but I have even more respect now that I'm in the editing process of all this. She's great.

Yeah. Because you got to, you know, people want to listen and they don't want to listen to a lot of us and ooze and, you know, it's got to sound good. I just don't want it to sound natural. Sound that. You don't want it to be choppy. Edit, edit, edity. Edity. Edity.

Last week, Nikki Wheelan was a good episode. In fact, my assistant Jess was like, I love this episode. And she doesn't say that often. I mean, I think she likes them all. But, uh, this one rang pretty true for, uh, I don't know a lot of us. I feel like, you know, you see a pretty woman or a good looking guy and you think, uh, they have it may they have this then you realize we all have been through shit like so and i think every every uh every uh guess sort of surprises me in their own way and she was very forthcoming very honest and that's

great and uh so i was i was really pleased with that with that um i've just been very lucky with guests and you know some people might say oh well why don't you get stephen speleberg is what people say or uh rene zeggweggler is what's it's funny it's you you haven't gotten it right once But I'm just going to let you keep going. Shit. But, you know, look, I'd love to get whoever. You know, I turn down guests. I just, because I think there's certain guests that are right for the show.

And if you have a story, if you want to talk about something that I think is going to help people and just you're interesting, I love it. But look, of course, you know, we always try to get big guests. I mean, I know you turn people down, but you did not have to be so rude to Martin Scorsese. Yeah. You crossed a line. What else is Scorsese going to tell us that we don't already know? You know what I mean? Of course, I get Scorsese guy.

That would be genius. Anyway, I want to say thanks to all the patrons out there that my patrons, we're racking them up. There's 234 or something patrons now who are subscribed to the podcast. And this is a, it's called Patreon. And you guys get extra footage and you get to ask questions. This is a bunch of stuff. Check it out.

I just want to say, I appreciate all you guys and all the sweet cameos that I do. Those are fun. Those are easy. Again, supporting the podcast, you know, you guys know what to do. All right. I've said it. You guys are avid listeners. but if you're new, spread the word if you like the podcast so I could pay Ryan here and

the other guys. It's nice to get more people subscribed and, you know, it's funny. I sent an email to all my friends and I said, guys, can you please subscribe? And most of them hadn't subscribed. These are my friends. Like, hey, dude, look, I subscribed. I'm like, this has been going on for a year and a half. It's free.

It's my friends. It's like, dude, subscriptions and downloads are important. This is why, but they're doing it. My buddy Harlan, who's a comedian, look at his Twitter. He's like, hey, buddy, I tweeted it. And like four people already retweeted it, man. You got four more. Like, thank you, Harlan.

But look, I love it. Like I said, no one's ever going to stop me from doing this podcast. I just wanted to blow up and help more and more people trying to get Dr. Drew in the show. So working on him and some other great people. But look, let's get into this podcast. By the way, I'm going to be in Richmond. Virginia on the 28th, 29th, with Tom doing a signing. We're doing a Smallville Nights, too, on a Saturday night improv show.

And I'm also doing a stage it with Jason Manns on Sunday night, which is I believe the 20, maybe the 30th, whatever that month, Sunday is the 28th, 29th, I think it's the 29th of February. We're doing a stage it. So if you go online to stage it, we're going to play a live acoustic show online so you can watch it. Our guest today is from Baldwin, New York. I have known her for a little while.

she was a big heartthrob I mean heartthrob dude guys just loved her women loved her she has the voice of an angel we get to sing a little bit on this episode she's just and she had a tough life man she really divulged so much information thank you taylor dane for fucking being so cool i know people are going to thank you for this story so without further ado let's get inside Taylor Dane It's my point of you You're listening to Inside of you

With Michael Rosenbaum Inside of You Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum Was not recorded In front of a live studio audience You want the thing on there It's like a condom Yeah

Protects who though You wouldn't know about those Would you? Do you hate condoms? Did you ever think that would be your first question as a guest in my show? No, do I hate them? Honestly, I'm not that, I'm not a guy. I can't say I'm wrapped up in, but yeah.

I'm wrapped up in, in hate putting on a condom. You ever see some of them struggle so hard? And I'm like, guy, just, you know, find a way to make it happen. But no, I've never really had a whole night spent working on a condom. I've pulled one off once and said, not even happened and thrown it against the wall. like we're doing this without one we're taking a chance please i mean you know you're from baldwin you take i'm from baldwin i'm from frieport i'm from ruse you know you we just kept going and going rosalind where no no i grew up um don't you watch how didn't you listen to

howard stern he used to say that leslie vunderman that that taylor dane right next door so we were the rusevelt you know edie murphy roosevelt and freeport and baldwin i didn't listen to that interview Howard stern well you know yeah i got to listen to that why didn't i do my Well, we're Long Island people. Was he cool? Did you like it? Well, did I like him? Yeah.

Did I like Long Island? Did you like Howard Stern? Howard's funny. He's, he's definitely changed. I mean, here we are today talking Howard's shit. Yeah, Howard's cool. It's so true. He's the one who started it all.

He started all this kind of nonsense. He actually, I was, I interviewed McCauley Colkin and somehow the show went viral, some clips or whatever, you know, it was about Michael Jackson or whatever. And it went on Stern and Stern's reading the stuff. Yeah, so McCauley. call him was talking to Michael Rosenbaum inside of you with Michael Rosenbaum oh you know that's a double entendre rob and it's like you know it's a play on words and I'm like fuck yeah and she's like um you know we like him he was he's on smallville we used to watch small but you know he was a big

fan I am wow blew me away and I was always bummed I was like gosh he talks about so my brother would call me in the morning goes dude Stern's talking about you but I never was on his show did you call you Rosie uh no he just said uh you know that Lex Luce the guy yeah he gave you the He's good. I like that guy. He's good. But I was always hoping. He takes someone for the Jew team.

He's very good that way. But I wish that I was always like, God, you know, if I got on Stern or Letterman, now that Letterman's gone. Well, he's not gone because he's got that new show, right, Ryan? Yeah. What's that called? He's back. It doesn't matter.

Why are we asking Ryan? The point is Letterman's coming back. And hopefully with a shave. Yeah. And hopefully he cut it down. I like that. I love David. David was always kind to me.

Beautiful guy. What year were you on Letterman? It's called my next game. Sorry, my ex-guards, definitely in the 90s, 93, definitely, because I remember doing all weight on there. Did he flirt with you? Yes. He liked you, didn't I? Yeah.

How'd you know? I could just tell. Oh, he was like, hi. Did he call you afterwards? Did he? No. Well, I don't think, no, not David, no. No, he let that go.

He let that sleep. Did you ever sleep with a late show host? Or how about a afternoon show host? I've seen one naked. Has that as far as it goes, though. Wait. naked who'd you see naked um what's that one guy um i think you all know him we're gonna leave it at that not naked like naked like and afraid but naked and like i saw him like he was

definitely working the room um is it someone on the air now uh he he on and off phallan no jimmy first of all i party with jimmy jimmy i adore you i party with jimmy i love jimmy jimmy's the best jimmy's unbelievable he'll come to a house party let's throw up Let's party party. Will he come? Fallon, of course he'll come. Oh, I don't know Jimmy Fallon. I know Kimmel.

And Kimmel's, it's great. Kimmel's wonderful. Well, I like Jimmy Fallon. I party with him at the Derby. How come you've never come to the Derby with me? I know, I went to the Derby one time. Who took, who'd you go with? I went with some friends, some old, some friends from college.

And then. Oh, but you went like, you went like, you know, regular people. No, but name dropping here. Brookheimer invited me to his party in his house in Kentucky afterwards. That's correct. I play hockey with him. That's true. name drop

and I went to his house and it was like he was having his post like a derby party and it was like Sigourney Weaver Oh you can't imagine The eclectic mix

Yeah Who's the biggest star you've met That you're like All right I'm star-struck Oh wow Because you've met everybody Not everybody I mean you were the big

You were the biggest At one time Like you were the biggest Like one of the biggest things there People want it That's the thing When you're hot People just want you

Right Well I mean Who haven't I mean okay So Michael Jackson Prince Right those are the Prince definitely threw me off my game because there was a lot to it.

What do you mean there's a lot to it? You can't think, I'm not going to talk about that, but whatever. No, it's in the book. I read the book. But I have to say with Prince, it's just he was a funny freaking guy. He was just funny. He was good at everything. So when he came up and just would flirt and talk and then he's like, you're going to do this.

You're going to do that. I'm like, am I going to do this? Am I going to do this? He goes, yeah, you're coming to Minneapolis. You're going to meet me at my house. You're going to do this. And I'd be like, okay. Like, what do you say?

And you did? Yeah. How old were you? What do you mean? I don't know, 25? So you say, yeah, I'm going to go hang out with Prince. Well, I said to my manager, I go, dude, we're going. My Prince is like, he's throwing this party, he's doing this.

We're singing after, you know, we're in Frankfurt. Now we're in Minneapolis. What's the difference? Are you, are you fearless? You seem fearless. You seem like. All you guys say that. No, no, no, you do, though, because I'm not as, I can seem fearless at times.

But for someone to just be like, you know, when you came in here, I was like, you know, would you sing? She goes, I'd say, I don't need anything. I don't need a guitar. I don't need anything. You don't need a guitar. Like, there's this confidence that you have that you're so, I mean, because your voice is so good, but like some of these people, for instance, rage against the machine. They're coming back, right? And I'm like, how are they coming back? I love them, but his voice was like, don't fuck you, I won't do what you tell me 30 years ago. How is his voice good? How could it possibly be good? But you, but that's not what they're about, is it? Is it the voice?

Is it the sound, the texture tone? Yes, me, you expect a standard of excellence when it comes to vocal sounds. I can't think the guy of rage against the machine or Henry Rollins or any of that matter. You're really worried about his sound. I mean, it's the vibe. You still want to sound good.

I just saw a rat. Stephen Piercy, who I love. Percy, yes. One of the best voices I thought, like in heavy metal. God, you're a good one, Rosie. Why is that? I just think that's cool. You know all your bank.

Well, I just saw him, and I was just like, you know, I've seen him before, and he's got just this great voice, but he's in his 60s now. And it's hard to hit those. It's hard. Do you find... Got to train like an athlete, which I am.

Right. You're not old, but you train? I train my voice. How do you do it? What do you do? Well, I certainly, I, people don't know this about me, but I'm operatically trained. I studied operatically to actually have a voice and maintain it and sustain it over a course of a period of time, knowing I would have a career.

And my maestro, my actual teacher would come to the clubs and go, oh, let me. Leslie. Leslie. Yeah, he goes, look, list, you're going to have the foundation for, you know, having longevity. And that was the key for me. And I always knew I wanted to be a rock and roll star, whatever you want to call it the day. I never thought I'd be a pop star, dance star, whatever you want to call, whatever this is. And music, the type of music. The type of top, well, here it is, female artists of all time 35. I guess it has to do with sales. Come on. Well, that's sales. You sold 70 million. million albums. Yeah. 75, some of that. That's a lot of albums.

I think our band has sold 160 CDs in the last three weeks. Dude, I feel like that every show I might sell 100 CDs. So don't worry about it. The world has changed. We're all good. We're still here, baby. It's fun, isn't it? Can't be really fun.

Do you still have a good time? Do you still really? When I'm on stage and when you're doing stuff like this, when you're, when you have the opportunity to reflect a little bit, think back about it. Yeah, writing, I wrote a memoir the last two, three years. I did TED Talk. There's a reason, you know, because people do want to see what it takes

to maintain and sustain something. Have a voice. Still have something to say. So, yeah, I have a good time. Did you get? And I have a frustrating time at well. All right, that's what I want to get into because... Oh, yeah.

Well, look, you go to concerts and you sing like, of course, we met at Echoes of Hope, which is a wonderful charity that Stasia, our good friend, Stacey, Luke Robatai. I'm on the board. I don't know if you're on the board, but you're always there. You're always participating.

I can support them anytime. Foster youth, go to Echoes of Hope, please. Please. And Andy McDowell's there, and I get to introduce her. Oh, you like, Danny. And they're like, you know, they're like, oh, yes, he did. I like you. He's like, you know, Taylor wants you to introduce her.

I'm like, all right. Yeah, great. Yeah. So I'm like, live from Baldwin, New York. She's a girl on the rise. How do you differentiate it? How do you separate, like, whether there's 30,000 people in arena or there's like, it's a hundred people for a charity event.

Do you still give it your all? Yeah. I think you notice. that. I do, but how do you do that? Okay, I don't know what the thing is with me, but I'll remember this. There was an article written about me in like, I don't know, the Times or some crap when I just sort of broke, but it was like six months, eight months, a year into fame and a year into having successful singles. And I did a thing at the bitter end, the bottom line in New York City. And I just come off the Michael Jackson tour. So you're talking 60,000 people to a room of,

you know, where Clive, Dave, all the people, all my record reps, all the, you know, every critic in the town, you know, page 6, you name it, was there. And they were like, she tore through this like, like she was playing for 60,000 people. So, again, I don't think I do that anymore. I think I can read a room a little better. But, I mean, I was up there like I was feeding it to the last person down their throat, the last person in the last seat in the back of the house. I'll be honest with you.

That's what happened to me because, look, was I a fan of yours? Sure. I mean, everybody was a fan of yours. I knew your music. I knew some songs. But then when I heard you that. night that you were playing i was like okay and you started singing these songs this is honest to god ryan it was like you could have turned on the radio back in 89 and gone she sounds the same

and the energy and the songs it's oh my god i i love that song that's her that's wait she sings that i didn't know she sings that because everybody loves tell it to my heart and all this shit oh my god yeah do you hate that song no hell no you see your hat inside of you i got one that says tell it to my you don't give a shit you love it you embrace it it's like I embrace that hell yeah what a great title for a song such a great title did you write that song nope I did not did you wish you had well who the hell wouldn't it's a stupid that's a stupid question no it's great do you write your own songs any of yeah of course what's the biggest one you've written that you um well I wrote a song Tina Turner recorded made it number one whatever you want I'll wait uh not send me a lover um born to sing

Good songs. What about, like, working with Diane Warren? Well, you don't really work with her. She just has a song. She doesn't talk to her. You didn't say, Diane. Fuck, I see Diane once a week, if not once a month. She's out there.

You talk about a tenacious D. How many songs are she written? It doesn't matter. She just puts, she used to show to me in the studio. She goes, do you see this list? And I go, yeah, and she had a bird on her shoulder. I'm like, I'm not going to get too close to you, Diane. No matter what it is that bird's vicious looking.

It's coming after people. She always had a parrot on her shoulder. You don't know. I don't know the story. Oh, I mean, she's just like a rusty. She was like a pirate. She is. Anyway, she's just tenacious D.

So I remember in the studio, she goes, you see this list? This is the top 20. She goes, I have this in front of me every week so I know what the fuck I have to compete with. That's Diane Moore. Still? Well, I can't say still. But you go into her studio, she had this thing where don't touch it, don't dust it. It had the magic juju.

Everything was like, don't touch, don't this. That was at real songs. Now they have a beautiful building on, not too far from the old one. right up there on How old is Diane Warren, you think? What the fuck? I mean, road. You see her once a month.

You should know how old she is. I think we're around the same age. If not, I think we're around the same age. She probably might be. Yes, yes. But she's got the same haircut. It's like watching Liza Minnelli or Rod Stewart. She looks the same.

She looks great. She's in therapy. She'll tell you seven days a week. It's all good. Did you have a happy childhood? Because it's tough question. It's not. You know, I can talk to you about dysfunctional day, but my listeners, they know my dysfunction.

So they don't want to hear me. They want to know about you because, you know, it helps them navigate through their lives and deal with their shit because you obviously had so much success. So if you had dysfunction, what was it? Was it your mother? I sense it's your mother. Well, let's break it down there, Rosie. Break it down.

Well, it doesn't happen alone. No, my father was quite a rageaholic. My father was very, my father was an angry. I have parents that are first-generation children of Holocaust surviving parents. So, you know, these are families that were broken apart. They come to a country at 15, 16. They get on a boat. My father's father, they come there and then they have arranged marriages.

My mother's mother came at 15 from Poland, lost all her family. So these are not happy. I mean, we live in some bubble when we think about it, how we've, our grandparents, when we know what we know of them, you know, had much suffering. So, in my case. You're prefacing this. Like, you're right now what you're doing. No, mine sucked.

We're protecting our parents right now. Because mine are still alive. Right. Are they going to listen to this? Probably not. Right. Well, that makes me. That's fine.

And I wrote the book already. So, and I have my father, I just had like each, you know. Hey, you know. Now, are we talking? What do you want me to say? No, it was really brutal. Was it physical abuse? Yeah.

And it was. Not to me. I was the girl I was the special one so you didn't get hit I got hit once or twice and that's all I needed but verbal abuse the emotional abuse when you say verbal it's like uh you suck your piece of shit you're you're worthless you don't know what you suffering is you don't know you're ungrateful you're go around the house like a flame it was like a torch like a blow torch my father was didn't had no there was no discern he didn't discern between anything and mostly he went after my mom and he went after my older brother and but it didn't matter. door flung open. So it was like a drunken rage. Like it didn't matter. And it was usually three, four, five in the morning, it didn't matter. So PTSD, huh. You still have PTSD. I don't see how you can on a cellular level. I mean, since the time I could remember, I was watching doors open. And that caused me to have massive issues internally by four or five. I was hospitalized for bladder and kidney infections and bleeding in my, yes, in my urine. All from stress and just overwhelmed.

Well, I held everything in. I held it all I'm getting anxiety right now Still or just watching me Listening to the story Ryan I mean it lives inside of me It's part of the urgency I have

It's part of that also passion you see Because I have one thing One thing only And I said this thing's gonna fucking get me out of here And that was my voice Since five years old Four years old That was the deal

Well tell me this Did your father Was were they You know like Supportive Were they like About the arts They're Jews

from Long Island, from New York, yes. My parents were incredibly supportive. So even though he was drunk, even though he was... He never drank. But he was abusive verbally and physically and all these things. He still managed to say, hey, you're really good. Do you understand Sundays in the Wonderman household was

like Family Day? My parents were avid theater goers. My mother had a beautiful voice, gave it up, obviously, when they got married and wasn't really... You know, for them, the arts was an expression and it was a way to get out of the shithole of their lives.

And it was theater. They were members of the Papp, the mom, the mama, right? It was incredible. I would see the most off, off, off Broadway stuff. And it really framed my childhood. Sunday, if my father woke up on a decent side of the bed, you know, there was three of us. And I had only brothers growing up.

I had two brothers. Does it kind of make sense now? Middle child. Mm-hmm. So I've always played with the boys, like understood, like mentally. like that's and very comfortable I love my girlfriends but like I'm just saying like that's where it was I found no protection there no solitude so your brothers didn't protect you at all no did anybody protect them did anybody stand up to your father at all one time any any neighbor no no someone's say hey no no it was all fear in that house unfortunately my mom played the victim role really well so my anger more went towards her as a child I saw my father is more, you know, is the stronger of the two. So I went in that direction. I held on to that as something that nobody will ever hurt me, no, will ever get inside, nobody will ever. So I think

that's the ferociousness in some level that you see. But at the end, it's such a price to pay because you cut off, like I remember sitting outside on, I grew up in apartment. So I remember sitting outside on the wall. We used to call it the wall. And I was like, that shit that's going on in that house right now, nobody's ever going to do that to me, ever, ever. And I mean, I've lived by it. I raised two children by myself. I hired a surrogate. I've done it as immaculately and as controlling as you can. And I don't mean that to say there's no vulnerability. There's no, I mean, my kids are incredible and I wouldn't change a thing, quite frankly, other than I have to look at my life and go, wow, I have really, by design, kept it so, I don't know, what would you call it? Controlled?

There's that word, sure. I mean, you were trying to have somewhat, some kind of control on safety, anything, yeah. Safety. I just, you can't. Well, I used to get panic attacks like crazy. You talk about anxiety. So it started with massive bladder kidney infections. It all starts in the gut.

That's what I hear. It does start in the gut. So that was four or five years old. I'm bleeding. I'm, you know, I'm hospitalized and we do massive surgery. All this, this invasive stuff on a four and five year old girl. It was traumatic. I've had to go back many times through many different therapies and modalities and try to visit that girl, that little girl and try to heal her, hold her.

And I feel like I'm in a best place now with her just to let her, you know, know that she's beautiful and loved, you know? In those days, I was in the hospital in the late 60s, early 70s. Parents don't sleep with the children. They don't get to stay in the hospital ward. I don't get nervous when I go into terminally ill children's wards and things like that. I know exactly what they need. They need to be hugged. They need to be slept, but they need to be held.

And they need people around them. There's no, there's no pity there. There's no party going on. It's just like, let's be friends. Let's hang out. So I get it. All right. You're going to make me cry.

Aw. Start talking about the kids and stuff too. That's it. Yeah, but they're beautiful. No, but I go to the Ronald McConnell. I don't go there and feel like I can't do this. I go there and I feel like a warrior, like, I've been exactly where you were. I made it through.

You know what they need. I know what they need. They need not to be looked at like that. They just want to get escape. They want hugs. They want love. They want affection. They want to play.

They want to be in the world. Dude, you know what it's like to be locked up in a hospital? I do. And not being able to look out. You look at that little window. I used to look at that little Kodak cube and look at my brothers. I mean, that stuff was rough. And there wasn't anybody there.

I became the prankster. I became the comedian Rhype, so the nurses would come spend more time with me. Do you think you did a lot of this? Because I know I did. Whatever, I did whatever it took to make my father laugh, to make him smile, to make him whatever. And I knew that the only way I was really accepted as a kid is to crack jokes, to be funny, to do this, then I did a play and like, oh, this guy's fun.

So not being me was always the thing. So even to this day, it's like, hey, I got to make someone so laugh. got to entertain. I've got to do this. So there's a sense of like, this is what's going to make him happy. I have to make him happy. You know, and I've talked to a lot of people about this. It's just like Andy McDowell was on here. And she talked about working with Bill Murray. And I think she was probably like a father figure to her in a way. But she just came to work every day. How do I make Bill laugh? How do I make Bill happy? How do I? So you start doing things for other people. So do you think you were like, oh, I want to be successful. So they love me. So that wasn't

the case? Not that way. No, I basically put a hand up, a wall, and I just said, I'll never be in that position to force anybody to let me. They're going to see it because I'm going to bring my best A game, right? They're going to know how much I want this, how badly I want it. That's why you feel that. I want that so badly when I'm on stage. It became very evident to me that laughter and being that little girl that was at least funny was going to get me attention from somebody. Now, is it with the voice is it with for you is a comedy whatever it was you'd get attention and a positive and what that does to me is a seed it's a seed of your your abilities right so you took something that was a fragment of of what you were actually good at and you formed it you know you 10,000 houred it you

just blew it up and and that's really what I believe you know is the foundation everybody has something everybody everybody everybody's born with that gift that that that seed of some sort of and for me it was my voice I heard it I had a natural ear and uh you know what you felt that you loved it. You knew you had something different. You said, I've got to just go with this. Well, I got attention for it, just like you did. If you got a smile from your father, that's attention. And from somebody saying, wow, you're good. I got that from a music teacher in school when I was in kindergarten. Next thing, you know, I had a solo, right? I'm the only kindergartner with a solo with the third grade with the Glee Club. So it just forms from there. But, you know, from there, that's the only

place where you're feeling good, right? It's a high. It's that place, except it was a, thank God, a natural and something that was at least a healthy diversion, if you will. But in my mind, I was like, well, you hear that radio? You hear this little thing. My father gave me that little transistor radio. Do you hear that voice? Who's that? Holy shit.

That's Stevie Wonder. Wow, his life looks really happy. He looks happy. And not only that, he's getting paid. You know what I mean? And he's got a lot of girlfriends. And why do you think you did it? And he's blind.

Well, that was his problem. Not the, everybody's problem. Like, look at the... I mean, I heard of Rita Frank. I heard a lot of people on that. You know, Marvin Gay, everybody has something. There's always something you're fighting against. Inside of you is brought to you by Rocket Money.

I'm going to speak to you about something that's going to help you save money, period. It's Rocket Money. It's a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. This is just some wonderful app. There's a lot of apps out there that really, you know, you have to do this and pay for and that. but with rocket money it's they're saving you money

you're getting this app to save money I don't know how many times that I've had these unwanted subscriptions that I thought I canceled or I forgot to you know the free trial ran at Ryan I know you did it that's why you got rocket money I did yeah and I also talked to a financial advisor recently and I said I had rocket money and they said that's good

this will help you keep track of your budget see see it's only we're only even the pros. We're only trying to give you, you know, things that will help you. So Rocket Money really does that. Rocket Money shows you all your expenses in one place, including subscriptions you forgot about. If you see a subscription you no longer want, Rocket Money will help cancel it. Rocket Money will even try to negotiate lower bills for you. The app automatically scans your bills to find opportunities to save and then goes to work to get you better deals. They'll even talk to the customer service so you don't have to. Yeah, because I don't want to.

Press 1 now if you want Get alerts if your bills increase in price If there's unusual activity in your accounts If you're close to going over budget And even when you're doing a good job Rocket Money's 5 million members Have saved a total of $500 million In canceled subscriptions

With members saving up to $740 a year When they use all of the app's premium features Cancel your unwanted subscriptions And reach your financial goals faster With Rocket Money Download the Rockett Money. Download the Rocket Money app and enter my show name inside of you

with Michael Rosenbaum in the survey so they know I sent you. Don't wait. Download the Rocket Money app today and tell them you heard about them from my show inside of you with Michael Rosenbaum. Rocket Money. Inside of you is brought to you by Quince. I love quince, Ryan.

I've told you this before. I got this awesome $60 cashmere sweater. I wear it religiously. You can get all sorts of amazing. amazing clothing for such reasonable prices. Look, cooler temps are rolling in. And as always, Quince is where I'm turning for fall staples that actually last. From cashmere to denim to boots, the quality holds up and the price still blows me away.

Quince has the kind of fall staples you'll wear nonstop, like Super Soft, 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters, starting at just 60 bucks. Yeah, I'm going to get you one of those, I think. Oh, nice. I like to see you in a cashmere. Maybe a different color, so we don't look like twins. Their denim is durable, and it fits right. And their real leather jackets bring that clean, classic edge without the elevated price tag. And what makes Quince different?

They partner directly with ethical factories and skip the middlemen. So you get top-tier fabrics and craftsmanship at half the price of similar brands. These guys are for real. They have so much great stuff there that you just have to go to Quince. Q-U-I-N-C-C-E. I'm telling you, you're going to love this place. Keep it classic and cool this fall with long-lasting staples from Quince. Go to quince.com slash inside of you for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns.

That's Q-U-I-N-C-E.com slash inside of you. Free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com slash inside of you. Did your father ever break down and just crows? cry to you and say all the time even today my father came into the room after those explosives moments in my room right after he exploded hell no three hours later when i'm talking about things that have no when you're on eggshells and when you're in a pt you know a traumatic you're there's no certainties there was no certainties when my father came back how many times the door would slam and

he'd leave and when you come back so i was constantly in hypervigilance of listening i always was listening. I was listening when he came home to get myself ready, prepared for war all the time. And then he would come in and he'd stand at the door. You're my favorite child. You're the love of my life. You're so special. You're this. That's fucked, isn't it? Well, if you talk to a therapist now, sure, at the time, it made me feel secure that I knew I was, really ultimately loved. But you know what? In relationships, it made me have to watch somebody crawl through fire to love me, I think, on some level. I mean, that had to fuck up your relationships. I'm sure it has. I mean, I look at you now, and I look at me, and we're both single.

Yeah. And I wonder if, you know, seeing dysfunction, so much dysfunction as a kid made us just go, ah, I don't know. I don't. I can guarantee it. But what is it? What is it that you like, do you want to be with somebody? Like, have you been massively in love, you know, madly in love with someone where you're just like,

fuck, this is it? Yeah, I have. You have. Yeah. And you felt safe. And it wasn't dysfunctional? Until I didn't feel safe. And what didn't make you feel safe?

Well, lack of commitment moving it to the next, something that wasn't moving it. Although my best relationships, when you think about them, although I wasn't invested in it because I was completely invested in fame and moving my career, all through my time. I mean, that was my investment. I married this. And I, all I, and I, it wasn't for women like, oh, you can get, pregnant and have a career. We weren't Cardi being it back then. It was like, you don't talk about

who you're fucking. You don't get pregnant and you stay on the road. I'm sorry. That's how it was. And like, usually it's your boyfriend that's, you know, what boyfriend was run in my show? I wasn't Patty Benatar. I wasn't Debbie Harry. They weren't the lead guitar player. It wasn't, you know, I was- because Pat Benatar was married to her lead guitarist. They were on the road together. They had this protection. They had this, you know, who really is fought, who did it. Madonna on her terms, on her, you know, did it her way. You know, Mariah went right in, had Tommy Mottola, like, fighting the fight for her. I mean, this is not a simple thing. In my case, I guess I didn't want anybody fighting the fight. I mean, were you dealing with guys that were like, oh, you don't have any time for me, you're alone.

Like, and it didn't matter. I was like, this is my career. I don't give a shit. Not in my 20s, like, not like that. I just didn't look at things. Not until I was 29. It was the first relationship where I could say that I was actually the clearest and fame had already been in the fame game five years. and that first relationship, and it was very impactful, and it set me our ass right into therapy. And you know what? For the betterment, it was incredible

and couples and everything. And at the end of the game, I did my best, and he couldn't move the needle forward. Are you better alone? Do you feel, are you just happier alone? Sometimes I really am. Isn't that funny how sometimes it's...

I mean, I'm not going to say sometimes. Like, I think about this a lot. Are you thinking about this a lot in your life? Like, I do think about it. I love, I mean, I love my life, but I do recognize that I'm getting older and that there's also this part of me that I do love having a part. I do love sharing things with somebody. Of course. Rosie, let's just hook up, I guess. What are we waiting for? You have to use a rubber? No.

Let me throw it against the wall. Ryan, how are you doing it with him? Jesus, guys. Ryan is watching. Ryan, you're always in a relationship. Always? I mean, Ryan's 10. He's 20. He's 20. 29 when I had many relationships then have you ever have relationships with younger guys now Yeah usually like a 10 year spot 10 year but what about older guys and my age and and and and because younger guys which is I was kind of like nah not much you always like older guys no I don't I mean I was not even when you're younger Uh you seem like the kind of person that would date like a 30 year old if you're 20 but when I was 25 How many 30 year olds were dating me? I don't know

It was age It was just You know Either I'd never dated musicians I didn't want to I really didn't Were you promiscuous Were you like somebody

Who was just going out And saying fuck it I'm gonna go play I'm gonna rock and roll I'm gonna party at night I'm gonna F Yeah I did

I don't know about I'm promiscuous I mean That's a word I'm still a woman I know I get it though Like I mean

Two bodybuilders walk in my bus Am I gonna get Oud But if two playboy chicks Walked in your bus You'd be like Ooh and ah Two guys come in my bus

I'd be like This is the silliest shit I ever saw I didn't take men serious that way If they were hunting me down Usually a businessman or stuff like that But I mean in my 20s It was game on 30s still game on

But I fell in love at 29 Super like on another level And he was a massive He was a chef He was very well renowned He was world renowned And there was a lot of things to it And it was complicated

But at the same time I found I figured out what love was Was it heartbreaking when it ended it ended multiple times so certain ones were heartbreaking and then at the end I pulled the trigger is it do you fear the like I picture that little girl who's just feeling like I just I don't feel safe uh you know when's my father going to come in when he's going to leave what's going to happen it's unpredictable I don't feel safe I don't feel safe is that sort of what relationships are like you're just like I don't trust I don't trust you have to prove your trust you have to prove it I still

don't trust you're going to fuck me here it comes or when's it coming I'm not going to say no I'm not going to say no at all to all of that is there's it's cellular babe it lives in your body it showed that to me at four years old it lived in my body all that rage had to go somewhere I didn't act out my brother my older brother acted out my older brother from the rage was he's three years four years older than me he was the one that was bullied every day after school he they put a ring of kids around him and beat the shit out of them and I said that's never going to be me I made rules with myself that's never going to be that's me and I really held on to them like hardcore what did your brother do i mean now did he get he got beat up did he ever turn it around like and fight back did he he ever he just wasn't he had no like to me i was like dude why are you always like why are they coming after you it's like he just didn't know how to socially get out of shit like you socially know how to get out of things you knew you you knew how to work a room but i would get hit i would get the shit beat out of me because um i was really small and weak i was the smallest kid in my high school And I remember

So you were bullied? Oh yeah I was bullied for sure I mean yeah I mean I could tell you times So when did you turn it around With what It was with the joking

It was with the comedy It was with the people just like You know I had friends that just like being around me But when did chicks start digging you College I started to grow in college And then guys like Kyle Finn Like the big guys that live next door

And they protected you There was also this one guy Thomas Gattis He was this Greek guy but him and this guy Woody they all thought I was so funny and they were big football players and they just protected me

I remember Thomas Gattis this is a non sequitur but it made me laugh because it was the day those guys that wore their jeans backwards Chris Cross I remember those guys yeah what was that song

you know that song yeah what was that song Chris Cross make a jump jump jump jump jump right you remember that shit yeah so I remember Thomas Gatt he hung out with a bunch of like black football players and everything so he started to try and act

black i guess in a way yes we know i love i love him but he but he just was like he was kind of a little bit of a you know he was like yeah what's up ladies what's a good boy yeah he was a little bit like that that was just his style and he was cool and he was good looking and he was like he was a stud western kentucky university he didn't need a big j jac j tucky what did you think was going to happen but i loved him but i remember one time that he's well there's a weird you grow up in Indiana but hang on but I listen I remember this this moment in college where this guy's walking down the hallway this dude and he oh this this girl she's drunk at two in the morning down the football dorms right and she's yelling Thomas Gaddis changed his name instead of

Thomas he took the H-O-M-A-S and changed it to Thamall Thomas Gattis became Thamall Gattis I got so this girl would go down the hallway yelling drunk Thamall The mall. The mall. And this big black dude comes down and goes, The mall's clothes, bitch. Now go to sleep. The mall's clothes.

The mall's clothes. And anybody with my buddies, listen to this. I loved it. I loved it. But anyway, these guys protected me because I was goofy. I found it did tons of impressions. Nobody had heard impressions.

I was, you went Western Kentucky. It used to give me money at parties. Put dollar bills in a thing. I'd make $15, 20 bucks doing like ice clay or doing fire marshal bill or doing Rodney Dangerfield. And that's how I got out of beatings, I think. But sometimes my mouth would get the best of me where somebody would say something like, oh, that's pretty funny.

Was that original? Did your dad write that? And I would get smacked or because I, like, wow, this guy is making me feel like shit. I feel intimidated. Fuck him. I'm going to make this big fuck hurt because everybody's going to make fun of him now. And I'd say something really funny. And he'd go, what the fuck?

And everybody'd laugh at him and he'd fucking knock me down. So that's sort of that. Well, I had the opposite. it like I always said that's never going to happen to me I said that at five I sat on the wall I told you at six and then I put myself in the circle where they I had protection so I hung out with all the kids that people didn't expect me to hang out with I did all that but I had a treaty with myself you're not going to get fucked up you're not going to do this you're not going to do that Taylor you're just going to like Leslie whatever you want to call Leslie joy wonderman and uh

that's the real name I think you've seen enough of the men in my life I always went with the you know somebody i felt protected with safe with and something of that nature and that would get me on an intrinsically on a on a bigger scale because i did i definitely am not anybody's arm candy quite the opposite and i always felt like i need to feel like they have my back do you ever see any of your parents come out in you like that temper that darkness that fuck you and then go oh my God. And then you have that feeling, that numbing of like, oh, my God, I'm my father. I'm a mom all by myself. Yeah. I see it. Of course, I have a son who's 17. We're at the wall. I have twins. He's 17. I'm at the wall. But they are the coolest kids ever. And yet, I know. I mean, it's

tough. I walked out on a relationship. The one I thought it was after we met right when before the kids and after. And I just remember saying, I'm not going to let you show my son what being on loving is. I'm not going to let you. I'm not going to let this kid turn on me. And he tries all the time. What does he do? My kid? Levi, he's a tough mother freaker. He's, uh... Is he a big kid? He's football. Football. Does he know formal? Yeah. Tylenol. He knows coding, Tylenol and murine too. What is it? Does he get in trouble? Nope. So what is it? It's his mouth. He brought a third party into our relationship in the What do you mean the third party?

A girlfriend? Mout, like, tough. His girlfriend's tough. Well, it's not his girlfriend anymore. Please, dear God. But yeah, he just needed somebody started fighting his battles between, you know, he has a twin sister. It was just not, not.

So wait a minute, she was fighting his battle, so she was mouthing off to you. Yeah. So she was saying shit like, what do you know? Just because you had this. Oh, she didn't have the balls to say it to my face. But it was going, it was, things were going around. So, oh, I'm not. Do you raise your voice?

Of course Does the Baldwin Freeport come out? Oh yeah How well yeah Well no not off When I mean it Like

I've told as an athlete I'm sprinter Give me an example Like if I pissed you off And you just lost it for a second You're one of those people That are just like Give me a little bit of something

Like if I was like I'm not fucking doing that Don't tell me what to do Really? Yeah All right audience Don't judge But we all got this

Motherfucker I will rip your goddamn fucking eyes out how do you like that just like that pretty much or harder but i think that's moms moms do that's what i think of course my dad used to say i will beat you to a pulp a pulp yeah that's what my dad said one more goddamn word out of you like we'll beat you to a pulp yeah i agree but i mean coming out of my mouth it doesn't sound the same i think it's cute right ripping eyes out yeah yeah I mean, she doesn't mean it. He knows she's not going to actually rip the child.

But that's what my daughter says. She goes, he knows at the end of the day, you're not going to do it. Like, I'm like, this is too much. He knows at the end of the day. Bang, bang, bang, bang. Dude, I took your car away. I took your phone. I took everything.

What about guys with the girl with your daughter? Oh, she, my daughter hits home runs. What do you expect? This is how I came. What do you mean hits home run? Okay, so nobody bullied me. Let's start. Nobody I hung out with the cool.

I made sure. had a plan since five that I wasn't going to get my, as I watched my brother, who was in sixth grade when I'm in second grade, get his ass kicked out by all the hot, whatever football players, I go, no one's going to touch me. I'm going to always be the cool chick in the cool crowd and just make sure I skimmy by all this. No arrests, no priors, no nothing. Just make sure you stay on your game. T. Dizzle. And that's what I did. So all those tough mother freakers and all the this and all that other that they were had my back do you really think like when your parents say your parents are alive yeah do they still they obviously say they love you do you roll your eyes

when they say i love you no you believe him babe not over the last 10 years no over the last 10 years everything seems to have come together for me forgiveness forgiveness is the not when you say forgiveness is the most important grateful and forgiveness those are probably the two biggest words there are there are words i think forgiveness is something um you work on with yourself first and as you do it with partners, as you find these people in your life that you have these relationships with over time, of course it starts with our family.

It starts with our brothers. It starts with our mother and father. Of course it does. So as you work it out and you come back to this nucleus of being a parent or whatever, in my case, 18 years ago, I've spent a lot of time working it out.

But do you recommend anything? Like I've done the Hoffman process. That's word of mouth. What's that? Oh, it's... We'll talk about that. What about EMDR? Yeah, I did. I did a little bit of that.

I think that that really helped me. Boy, did I? Holy shit. I was like, this isn't going to help me. In fact, my therapist was like, if you guys don't know EMDR, it's for post-traumatic stress disorder. And I, I didn't think I had it. I was like, no, no, no, this is for really, like, vets who in wars, they kill people. It was tapping, it's called.

It's EMDR, right? It's tapping. It's a, yes, it's a behavior modification tool. And I, I, I, was not all tapping. for this it was yeah you can do your yeah you can do your own but it was like rapid eye movement the rapid eye movement yeah and I just felt like the first time I met with this woman and it was amazing she well she was like yeah I go what about the EMDR she was yeah we're not going to do that and I'm like okay and I was thinking I'm not right for this I'm not good enough for EMDR I haven't

suffered enough and that's one of the major issues I think with people in general when they have problems they start to compare their problems with other people's problems meaning that they go oh, my problem isn't as big as that. So I should just shut up or I shouldn't do anything about it. And that is the wrong way to go because your problems are affecting you and you've got to take, you've got to, you've got to, you've got to work on them. You've got to, and for me, I didn't think EMDR was right for me. I didn't think I had PTSD.

Well, how high was your anxiety? Pretty good. I had pretty good anxiety. Did you have panic attacks? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I had him when I was acting. Like, what's funny is, I thought my, I thought the anxiety was just part of me.

I thought the anxiety wasn't anxiety. It is part of you. But I thought it was just an energy that I didn't like, but it was just part of me. And then I realized how unhealthy it was and how I was in fight or flight all the time and how I was unhappy. And, you know, I started noticing it my work and I'd have anxiety attacks. I wouldn't be sleeping well. I wasn't eating. I changed my whole life.

I haven't talked about it in a while, but I went to this wellness facility. And I, I, fuck, for the first time my life, I had a routine. routine. I had structure. I got on a better nutritional program. I was taking EMDR. And by the way, when I did take that, finally the third time, she tapped into something. I was talking about something that happened in my life. She goes, I think you're ready. I go, what? She says, I think you're ready. You want to do this? I go want to do what? And I got scared because that part of me that, oh, I want to please her. I want to make sure I do this right. I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? You're in therapy. This is for you. I still couldn't. So she got me into this moment where I

stayed there. She goes, I want you to stay there. Close your eyes. close your eyes when you open them i want you to watch my finger go back and forth and i want you to stay with it stay with that moment and i'm telling you within 30 seconds of opening my eyes i was ball state university i was fucking it was the ugliest cry you've ever seen it was like i couldn't control it and boy did it feel good man i tell my friends sometimes i'm like you know what you need we we have these emotions in us that just like we're too tough we'll just say oh like you said Well, they're fine. And they get bottled up more and more.

And the more and more they get bottled up, what happens? Your gut, all these things start to happen, right? These manifestations, they come out in different ways and with ticks and things that you do and discomfort and pain. Usually it comes down to the decisions. You can live with it for so long. And then, of course, you know, it'll eat you up physically. I mean, for me, I had a very young age. Yeah.

When you talk, this is the thing about panic attacks and phobias. I was clinically diagnosed agoraphil. by 15. That's the fear of open places. Correct. So, and I never really spoke about it, but my biggest fear was that I couldn't be a star if I couldn't get anywhere. So what you do is you do create safe places, right?

And imagine a 15-year-old. Well, because I went to France. My parents forced me to go on this bike trip in the middle of nowhere. I got sexually molested on it, drank every night. All these things happened, right? And here I started with my parents forced me. It was a youth hostel trip. It was supposed to be a trip of a life.

lifetime. And I'm like, you have no idea. It was Lord of the Flies. But it was all part of everything before that, bulimia, right? A girl trying to control all the things you hear everybody, every child that you've ever known. And for you, all you're trying to do is control the environment around you. You don't want to get beaten up. You want to be liked, right? You want to come out with decent grades. You have no idea what the future holds, especially when we were going to college other than I had a game plan. Fame looked good. People on the radio were like my idols, and I knew they had a better life than I could ever have, sitting where I was sitting in Baldwin, New York, at panic attacks.

So agoraphobia. And how I got through those was just step by step. One stop off a subway, one stop off the LIR, one stop off a, you know, and that's what it takes, eye rapid movement. I mean, those are all those behavior. Try it. If you, if you suffer from things like that, there's many things out that you just have to explore.

But like, for me. Except the Xanax usually in the Valium. get away from it I'm off all that shit I don't do any Xanax I don't do any pain pills I was doing it I had to take Xanax to sleep

I had to take this and I go what are you doing man I don't want to live like this for the rest of my fucking life it's really messing me up it really it's you realize you are addicted even though I wasn't taking tons of pills

I was addicted I was I was addicted to it and I wanted to take a norco at two in the afternoon just to have a couple hours of relief I got it I was looking for any fucking relief I could get and you know what

I do now? I try to once a week. I'm like, man, I have emotions inside of me. Like, I've been talking to my grandma and she's alone and she's sad and makes me all these things with family. I'm like, I'll just go downstairs by myself at night. No one's here because I'm alone. I'm single. And I will, I go, what's a movie that, what's a scene from a movie that you know gets you? And I'll watch a scene from whatever the fuck, whether it's a cheesy movie that gets me every time, even if it's five minutes. I won't dwell in it. I won't keep watching that scene over and over. And I will fucking cry. I will get some shit out of my system and it feels so fucking good and I'll go up and I'll sleep.

And I just want to fucking take a few minutes to just feel, to feel, to be real, to be like, I'm feeling this. This is, uh, these are emotions. This is something I, it just, I don't know what it is, but when I, when I went to that place and I start crying, like you talk about safe places, I felt safe. First time in my life, I felt safe. I told them that. And that's why crying was like, I always felt like I was a puss if I was crying.

I don't cry in front of my friends. And the next thing you know, I'm crying and she goes are you okay we get stuff I go no this is fucking great I it feels good I want to fucking cry this is you know it was it was vulnerability and that's it sounds like that's a tough thing for you and myself myself I know for sure you don't cry in front of people a lot do you I don't well no do you cry in front of like guys you date have I yeah is it hard for you no I don't think the crying part is hard what's the hard part I think is allowing yourself to get to that place

that you can be instead of making decision to leave making a decision to stay and work through something means that you got to get vulnerable. You know it's funny they say that about anxiety. They say if you're having anxiety attack don't leave the scene of the crime.

Stay there, stay in it, fucking feel it and you have otherwise you run. Every time you go back to a situation like that, you'll run. You'll have that anxiety. That's how you become phobic. That's what phobias really are.

You become a scared, like a dog If a dog attacked you, if it's dogs, dogs, next thing you know, you hear a dog bark and you're that anxiety, it's somatic. It'll happen. Goes in your body. Did you think we were going to talk about getting so deep today? I don't know, baby. I mean, honestly, you look a little bit maybe like, wow, I thought we were going to talk more about my career and all this stuff. But we've been talking about your life.

I love it. I'm good. I like it. I love this. Spent a summer doing this crap. You can't. What do you mean you spent a summer? This summer, I had a couple of health.

things when you when you start getting a couple of health things and one of them had to do with my my voice so polyps I did and what does that mean when you get a polyp uh well when you sing like I do it means that you have developed a um I burst some capillaries on my vocal cords from overworking and doing and doing and at my age I guess I didn't recover as well like an athlete I didn't recover so I had to get surgery to get them removed so that was a month of not talking six weeks and not singing, speaking, everything, and then retraining. And it was scary and it was a lot and it was a juggle. So I had to go inside and figure out what was going on.

And it was the quiet was unbelievable. And I went to a couple of places that really supported that. And one of them similar to what you did, not a wellness, however you want to call it. And one of them was the Hoffman process. I did the Hoffman Institute. And that was deep work. That was in August. But deep is where you got to go sometimes.

Expensive? No. not really probably cheaper than the one i went to jesus i don't know what you did baby if you're our sponsors please keep signing up uh no it was worth it um yeah it's worth it well i'm glad you're doing well you're by the way this is the best i've seen you look are you serious i swear to god that's that's the truth i'm not i i promised to god i wouldn't have said that i when you walked up i was like fuck you look great not that you never look great you just look better yeah amen you know people a lot women or guys they get upset when people say,

they're like, oh, you look really good. No, I know what you mean. Wait a minute. What do you mean? As opposed to last month, you fucking cock. You know what I mean? But it's true. It's like, my dad's said in the phone, he's like, you look thin. I'm like, well, I'm on a nutritional thing. I'm working, I'm trying to get better shape. He's like, you look too thin. I hate being too thin. No. Dude, it's just the same. If you call a guy

thin, it's the same thing as having a call a girl fat. Yeah, I guess so. Girls wouldn't think of that that way, but it's true. No, I mean, but no, I hear you. I hear you. You know, yeah, I do. It means you're not cut, means you're not fit, but your father doesn't get it. You get what I'm saying?

What do you mean? He doesn't get it. Yeah, you're a lean machine. You don't get it. I'm a lean machine. You're not thin. You're a lean machine. You know, I wanted you, see, now after you talk about your polyps, I don't like

the name polyps. I wish they'd change them. Oh, honey. Jackson polyps. Maybe call them a Jackson polyp. It's really nasty. Are they just like growths on your? I burst, I sang on a heavy-duty fever and stuff like that, and I burst capillaries.

And what happens is, it's like a, what is this? Like, when you get, whatever you call it, like a, when you're lifting weights and you get these things. What are they called? A callous. A callous, but the thing is, a polyp is a bump. So you keep singing on it, you don't rest it, and it can continue to grow scar tissue all over it. And that's what happens. And that's what happened.

Because I didn't stop. the jam look at Rosie picks up a guitar Ryan how much how much input do you have on this stuff I don't know

what he's about to do anything he does how slow I feel the night what is it yeah okay I feel the night explode

when we're together there you go emotion overload In the heat of pleasure Well, take me I'm yours into your arms Never let me go Tonight, I really need to know

Tell it to my heart Tell me I'm the only one Is this really lover just again? Tell it to my heart I can feel my body wrong. every time you call my name there you go on the fuck on yes dude you that you can just sing like that you see how we need another better song all right what do you want to sing girl oh my god i love the kiss doll you know jim croce i know holl and oats

shit do i know holl and oats there you go remember this What is this operative? Well, I know it's kind of late. I hope I didn't wake you. What I gotta say, can't wait. I hope you understand. Every time I try to tell you, the words just came out wrong. So I have to say I love you in a song.

Isn't that a good one? Cat Stevens Oh Took my love Took it down So you could sing anything What's your favorite music to sing? Oh well

Favorite music? Just a song that's inspired me Who's your favorite artist? Ooh Aretha Franklin No I mean Aretha was totally incredible But I have to say

Joni Mitch Not just an artist Like anything from blue Anything from Ladies of the Canyon That was just profound stuff for me. That was that it's a 15 year old, 16 year old girl. It was just KCU, right?

Gladys Night. Midnight Train of Georgia could be my favorite. One of my favorite songs of all time. I just sang something at her 75th birthday and it wasn't Midnight Train to Georgia. Of course she did. But I did, because you're the best thing that ever happened to me. I think soul, something that has some relevance to emotional like angst. something that's a happy chorus like gat band like charlie wilson man you drop the bomb so like a funky verse right yeah bruno mars is nailed that hasn't he brunner mars is pretty incredible i don't like a lot of

modern music but yeah oh he's incredible i mean did you listen to michael macdonald like everything and i told and i'm saying with michael all right let's pretend on michael mcdonnell okay so michael michael's the most humble and i go michael just do me this favorite sound check i remember saying to my go, could you play the intro for a minute by minute for me? Like, just play it so I can like, like, just sit here and like die. And he'd be like, yeah, but he would just like, do, do, do, do on that, it's that heart Hammond. To do.

I keep holding on. Ooh. I keep holding on. I keep holding on. Did you ever play with Lana Richie? Lano Richie? You played with him? played with Lionel.

No, we never sang together, no, no. What's your favorite Lionel song? Oh, my Lanta. Okay, so it would be Commodore stuff. What was that one song? Easy like Sunday morning.

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, I don't know how that song goes. It's not going to be hello, because all I can see is a blind girl making a bust. But I just can't stand the pain Well, I'm leaving you tomorrow There it is. Seems to me, girl, you know I've done all I can. You see, I beg stone and I borrow. Yeah, you gotta get that fading call.

Yeah. That's why I don't. I'm easy. There you go. I'm easy like Sunday morning. You get this one. That's why I'm easy. I'm easy like Sunday morning.

I didn't know we're going to that part. This has been awesome. Oh, my God. Love you, baby. I love this. Did you have fun? Oh, yes. 100, baby.

I love this. We're going to hang out. You live over the hill. I live five minutes from me. I always keep thinking because you're so in New York. You know, you live in New York. Are you playing a lot still? I mean, you are, but are you playing around here anymore.

Do you ever play at the Agorahill's Canyon Club? Tell people where you are so then go see you now. Just go on my website. Taylordane.com or anything on Instagram, Taylor, the real Taylor Dane, yeah. You're the real. Dude, tweet her, Instagram, her, go see her. Yeah. Facebook, yeah.

You will shit yourself when you see her. live. You give it all. Your music's amazing. Thank you, baby. And you got so much heart. And it's nice to see the human inside. You know, people always think of you as, you know, you're a musician. Oh, her songs. But like when you really dig deep. What we did today was it's been, it's my 30 year anniversary last year. So it really, reflection is part of the key of being grateful, right? Yeah. Appreciation. And, and all the work you do on your inside is what reflects on the outside. So I'm ever grateful and I ever appreciate you. And we've had. out a nice friendship. It's great.

I'm grateful for you. All right. Thanks for allowing me to be inside of you. Oh. Inside voices. Thanks for listening. What a great story. And very powerful. It's powerful how you could just, she just tells it how it is. And she's strong. And she still sounds great in concert, man. She still plays her ass off. You know what I mean? I mean, she's kind of great in this room. Didn't she? Oh, my God. She could just like she doesn't care. She's one of those

musicians who I need like hey can you put some reverb on there can we edit that but not with these music but these guys have been doing it their whole lives Taylor is just a sensational talent thank you for listening again by the way if you like that spread the word one more week next week we've got a great ending to the just the audio podcasts it's really a good one next one's a great one to end on but don't worry because the week after yours your buddy right here Ryan is editing the first episode, which will be on YouTube and all over Spotify and the same platforms you can listen to it. So nothing changes for you, but I will ask you to do me a favor, go to YouTube and look inside of you with microzone and subscribe.

Subscribe. Press the subscribe button. And then you can watch it. You can listen to it. Maybe both. That would be really helpful. I want to shout out to the top tier patrons who have really helped us out, gave us the ability to buy some cameras here. we could film this thing in a few weeks, and here they are, Allison L, Andrew C, Angelina G, Barry L, Bob B, B, Bortex, Chris, Dion K. We got Emily, Emily S, M.H, Jason D, Jason W, Jason W, Jerry W, Jill E, Kevin R, Kristen K, I wonder if that's Kristen Kruk, Lauren G, Lee S, I love Lee, hi Lee, and Lauren, Mark A, Matthew, Michael S. Nancy. Hi, Nancy D. Nico P. Raj, Robert L.

Sarah V. Scott B. Sean W. Tiana, Trisha. Yukiko. I love my little Yukiko. And also, my assistant, Jess. You know, she's a patron. Oh. And I think that's really sweet.

So I want to give you a shout out, Jess. She won't ever listen to the outro. You know, we get letters a lot. And it really has surprised me in the last few months, right? And it's pretty cool because I didn't get, I used to get some letters, but now in the last six months or so, it's like every day we get letters. And so I'd like to, of course, read you this one. Hey, Rosie. My wife and I are huge fans of Smallville and came across your podcast this last June.

After listening to the first couple, I was immediately hooked. I listened to every episode in order until I finally cut up your most recent episodes around October and have been up to date since. This also includes all of the in love episodes. which is no longer I am, but it was a good time. Thank you. I love the openness of them and really getting to know you and all of the guests. As with many of the other listeners and guests, I have had my share of issues and love hearing how others have coped and learning something from every episode. I've also shared many of the ideas expressed, such as being present with my kids and team at work.

Each week, I look forward to the new episode every Tuesday and listen to it. First thing on my way to to and from work, I have to say the newest episodes this show, year have been top-notch and I'm excited to see where it goes from here. Good luck. Keep up the good work. You're doing great things with this show. Forever your fan. David N. from Fort Worth, Texas. David, it makes me feel really good and, you know, I'm trying to get better. You know, people say, you ask me if I listen to the show. I don't really listen. Once I interview someone, I don't really like listening to myself. Because I know I'll just tear myself apart going, oh, cut that, do that. With the videos that Ryan's going to start editing, I'll

probably look at the, at least the beginning to see if we're on the right track to see what we're, you know, and so far they look great, Ryan. So thank you for making me look. I'm giving you a thumbs up. Less of an asshole. But thank you for that. It's tough to do. It is. Let's see here. This is from, well, this is from Stephen. Dear Michael, I wrote a review about inside of you. I just wanted you to know how much this podcast means to me. There's been a lot that's happened in my life. And your pot has helped me come to terms with a lot of it. I was an abusive relationship back in 2012 and because of it I became broken. I thought that I was broken beyond repair. For seven years, I struggled with mental illness that I didn't even know I had.

After a suicide attempt in August 2019, I discovered I had auditory schizophrenia. I already knew I suffered from depression and anxiety, which was just made worse by the abuse I went through. I found your podcast in late 2019 and I've been listening to every episode since. I can't express how much it means to me and how much your care for others means to me. Thank you once again. I hope you keep doing inside of you for a long time. I wish you all the best. Well, Stephen, that means a lot and, you know, obviously I'm not a doctor. I've said this a million times, although Jeff seems to think she calls me Dr. Rosenbaum because the doctor will say one thing to me and I'll go, you know, I'm not going to do that. She's like, oh, really, Dr. Rothenbaum. Oh, really? But what I'm trying to

say is, you know, I don't know a lot about. When I say mental illness, I know that we all have anxieties and all these things. And obviously, auditory schizophrenia is something I know nothing about. And I'm hoping that you're, uh, you're talking to people who do know about that and have studied their whole lives to become the doctors that they are. And I just love hearing that, you know, my podcast has done something to help you to make you, uh, if nothing else, it just seems like it's, it's relatable. We could all sort of say, hey, I get that. I understand that. I hear that. It's not all just fluffy and fun sometimes. Sometimes it's fluffy and fun, but you know, that's the whole point. The point is to just, you know, one guest says one thing in an

hour that you're like, that really resonated. And sometimes there's more. But I think that's what I try to capture because I need it. It's like advice when I'm talking to someone and they say something profound. I'm like, oh my God, I'm going to use that. Thank you so much. I forget sometimes that I'm even on a podcast that, you know, other people are listening. But then I realize, oh, wow, I think that's cool. Maybe some of them do, too. So anyway, thank you, Stephen, for that wonderful, wonderful note. Thank you to everyone.

But remember the handles at Inside You Pod. I think it's on Instagram. It's Inside You Podcast or Inside You Pod on Twitter or vice versa. And make sure you join us, follow us, spread the word. Remember, I'll be in Richmond on the 28th, 29th, doing a Smallville Nights, and then a stage in on the Sunday. Anything coming up for you, Ryan? No. I have nothing to promote.

But you can go to your YouTube video. Yeah, you could say. I'm still popping up on the Warp Zone YouTube channel every now and again. And that stuff, that's all there. That never goes away. Check him out because you're going to become a fan. Then you can follow them and what's your handle? At Tejas, Ryan.

At Teas, it's T-E-L-L-E-Z. I think that's E-Z, isn't it? Yeah. E-Z-E.E-E-R-Y-E-Ryan. Thanks so much for listening. And remember, Left On Laurel, you can get the album everywhere. It's free online and all that stuff in the merch store for Inside of You and Left-on-Lorle's.

at the inside of you store online. I think that's about it. Did I cover it all? I think I did. Yeah. All right. Much love to everybody. And by the way, we are going to do a live podcast, it looks like, right now, unless

things get canceled. But who's around in late March or early April for a podcast in Austin, Texas, a live podcast? Who would come? I want you to tweet me and say, Rosenbaum, I absolutely would come to Austin for the live podcast. I just would like to get maybe a headcount. maybe if I see 100 people, then we're going to do it.

But we're working on it. I want to do a live podcast. I've always wanted to do it. So tell me what you think of that idea. I love you. Thanks so much. Thank you for allowing to be inside each and every one of you. Football season is here.

Oh, man. Believe has the podcast to enhance your football experience from the pros. One of the most interesting quarterback rooms to college. Michigan is set at eight and a half wins. To fantasy. If you feel that way, why didn't you trade them? Become a better fan and listen to the football podcasts from Believe. Just search Believe.

That's B-L-E-A-V podcast. Follow and listen on your favorite platform.