Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum - The Talk’s AMANDA KLOOTS Grace in the Face of Tragedy

Episode Date: August 17, 2021

Her kindness and positivity proceeds her; Amanda Kloots (The Talk, Bullets Over Broadway) comes on the podcast this week to discuss how she manages her anxiety and stays positive even after losing a loved one. Amanda talks about her early start of fame with Broadway and how her family viewed her passion for the stage. We discuss her views on relationships and her life before and after the passing of her husband Nick Cordero during the pandy. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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tables, or join a live dealer game to feel the thrill of real-time action, all from the comfort of your own devices. Why settle for less when you can go for the gold at Golden Nugget Online Casino. Gambling problem call connects Ontario 1866531-260. 19 and over, physically present in Ontario. Eligibility restrictions apply. See Golden Nuggett Casino.com for details. Please play responsibly. You're listening to Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum. Ryan's here with me. Hi, Ryan. Howdy, Michael? It's good to have you guys with me.

Amanda Kluz is on the show. If you don't know, are very inspirational. She's on the talk. She has a crazy, inspiring, tragic story to tell. And it was really wonderful having her on the podcast. We'll get to that in just a minute. But I appreciate if you enjoy the podcast today and you're here for Amanda. I hope maybe you'll subscribe.

Write a review and stick around because, you know, I think you'll like the show. Tell them about the handles. They could follow us on the Twitter and Instagram and Facebook. At Inside of You Pod on Twitter. At Inside of You podcast on Instagram and Facebook. That's correct. And if you want to, you can watch on YouTube, you could listen to the podcast pretty much everywhere and write a review. Tell us what you think.

Also, I got merch on the Inside of You online store, Lex Luthor stuff, Smallville stuff, inside of you stuff. also the band sunspin.com you could book zooms with me and rob from the band and you can book the band and you can get a bunch of cool merch there sunspin.com and lastly patreon.com if you want to join the wonderful family that subscribes uh and gives a little more to the podcast if you're enjoying the podcast and you want to help the podcast a little more join patreon just go to patreon p-at-r-e-on.com inside of you and i'll send you a message thanking you and uh you can join the family and there's a lot of goodies there yeah thank you for watching the stage at show last week we had a great time and um it was nice seeing everybody out there and listening us to play

music ryan good week yeah okay week yeah not too shabs not two shabs did you lead that stuff we talked about um in the podcast about covid yeah left the whole thing oh good yeah good it was a good it was a good it was a good i think it was helpful yeah yeah so i think if anyone out there's talking about like, you know, confronting, you know, things that might bother you. You know, we talked something through a little more, so we understood each other. We did. And I also thought it was helpful if anyone thinks they may or may not have the disease and, you know, what to sort of do about it. And this was sort of a situation.

And I think it might help anyone out there who doesn't exactly know what to do. Doesn't know what to do. Yeah. It might be confronted with that situation and how to handle it. Yeah, exactly. If you're feeling sick or a little down, you're like, That's probably nothing. Go get tested. Go get tested. I mean, just be careful. Let's just go right into this and stick around. We'll talk goodies. I read Patreon names.

Top tier patrons and a bunch of other stuff. But right now, let's just get inside of the wonderful, beautiful Amanda Clutes. It's my point of view. You're listening to Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum. Inside of you with Michael Rosenbaum was not recorded in front of a live studio audience. You're an inspiration. I read all your posts, which either make me cry or make me smile. The little boy Elvis is just to die for. He's the sweetest little thing I've ever seen in my life. And you've got this book out, live your life.

And obviously, I haven't read it yet. I'm a slow reader. But I assume it's about, I mean, do you play everything? pen to paper, do you put everything out there? Like everything you could think of as dark as you your mind gets, do you write it down? Or are there some things that you go, you know what, this is too much? No, I really did. We wrote the honest story of exactly what happened. And I'm very honest about everything about Nick and I's relationship, the highs and the lows, the everything that I went through at the hospital, the battles that we fought on a daily basis with the hospital.

all of the things. It's all in there. And I think that's what's special about this book. For anyone that followed the story, you think you know the story because you were with me every day following it. But what you don't know is that, you know, oftentimes on social media, we share the tip of the iceberg and you're not seeing what is underneath the water. Right.

I mean, it's a lot. And we'll get there. I want to get there. But I do want to talk about like the Amanda Kluz. before all this happened, before you got into the acting and one of the hosts of the talk and wrote a book and went through all this, you know, drama, for lack of a better word again. But, I mean, what was life like back? I mean, you, this sounds like a Stephen King title, Plain Township, Stark County, Ohio.

I know. Is that where you're from? Yeah. What did you do in Plain Town? I don't even know what that means. Plain Township. It's a township that's plain and Stark County, Ohio. Yeah, I mean, it's a lot of, you know, farms.

And, I mean, honestly, though, I, with my neighborhood, it looks like a Norman Walkwell painting. It was beautiful, covered, tree-lined, covered streets, dairy queen at the corner, my elementary school at the corner, you walked to school, white picket fences, green grass, you know, we would be playing. down the street and my dad would just do a huge whistle and it was like oh time to go home dinner's ready gotta go leave it to beaver it was leave it to beaver in a lot of ways it would leave it to beaver yes it was oh my gosh oftentimes my mom and dad didn't even know where we were i mean we just had to hear

the whistle and we knew it was time to come home for dinner so i mean growing up was it was it did you have a pretty fun life i mean were your parents cool did you have good relationships with them Growing up was great. I have one brother, four sisters. Anna, my little sister, who wrote the book with me is seven years younger. So when Anna was born, she was like our real live Barbie doll, our baby doll, not Barbie doll, baby doll. And we, you know, we were a big old happy family, family vacations. Every summer to Hilton Head Island, we'd all pile in the band.

You know, Friday nights you're watching, you know, a movie that we all rented from video time, you know, ice cream parties, family dinner every night at 6 p.m. Church every Sunday. I mean, it was... What? Yeah. So you would mean, most people either avoid that if they had such a great childhood, they don't like to share it. But, you know, the juxtaposition of like what you've gone through,

it's really nice to know that you had this. I mean, that's a nice through line. I mean, you know, backwards, but... Oh, my God. No, it's because of that that I am the person I am to do. today that my family, you know, that my sister and brother came to rescue me at the time that they did, that, you know, we're each other's best friends. We really are. My, my mom and dad taught us to always put family first. And, uh, and we really, we really do. We love each other

so much. If we could all live in the same block, we would. I honestly, I'm, I'm sorry to say this, but I can't say the same for my family. I don't, you know, Ryan, my engineer here, my buddy, he just saw his his girlfriends he went to see their family for like nine days and i got an anxiety attack from that do you understand i couldn't be with i look i love my family but i could i can't last more than two days with them it's just there's a but there's a difference with us there's it's it's it was highly dysfunctional growing up it was sort of a mess so i can understand why you could gravitate towards that it's some normalcy real love they they listen to you when you told them you want to. I mean, what age did you want to go into entertainment and how do they

respond? I wrote an essay in sixth grade about wanting to be a radio city rockette and on Broadway. And then when I was in high school and I started doing the musicals in high school, that's when I was like, I think this is what I want to do. I took some good convincing, though. My dad especially was like, you know, you should go to a four year college and then if you really still believe that you want to do this, go to New York then. And I was like, you know, no, dad, I have to go to New York. No.

And luckily got into Amno, which is a two-year musical theater conservatory, and he finally, my mom and my dad finally said, okay, you can do this, but just know that if it doesn't work out, the money for the two years that you're going to be spending in New York is this equivalent to the four years we spent on your brother and sisters.

So after these two years, if nothing happens, you're on your own and you're 20 years old without a college degree. And I said, I don't care. I want to do this. And so they let me. Because deep down, you knew they'd still help you. I think yes, of course. But I also deep down knew that I was going to do it. Right.

I have an intuition like that. So how long, from the time you started this thing, this two-year program, until you started to see some success and things started turning around a little bit. I mean, it happened pretty fast. Two days before I graduated, I booked my first national tour of a Broadway show. And what was that?

42nd Street. Two days before it ended. You called your parents and they're like, oh, two days left. She's got shit going on. There's nothing going on. And you got this. And were they screaming on the phone?

Oh, my gosh. Of course. I saw 42nd Street 10 times in the front row student tickets. I worked my butt off. I went to that audition twice before and got cut right away. It was the third time I auditioned for the show. I had worked really hard on my singing and my tap dancing, especially because that show was all tap.

And so when I got that job, it was, I mean, it was huge. It was huge. What's your thing? What would you rather do, sing or dance? Are you equally good at both of those? No, I'm much more. I was trained as a dancer. And then I learned how to sing in college or at the conservatory.

but I didn't actually really learn how to sing and use my voice until I was doing Broadway shows. And when did the Broadway started to happen? When did that happen? Well, 42nd Street was the Broadway national tour of the revival that was on Broadway at the time. Right. Do those pay well, by the way? Are those like something that they make? What is?

How does that work? Well, it just depends. Back in the day, you would die to get a Broadway show national tour because you would make Broadway salary, but then you would also make per diem on top of that. And if you were smart with your per diem, you could basically bank your salary and live off of like half of your per diem. So a lot of actors would prefer to be on a national tour

because of those contracts. You could come home from a national tour and buy a home, you know, or buy an apartment. And then, you know, as the world changes, those contracts started getting kind of, torn apart. And so the 42nd Street National Tour job that I got was the first of the, they called them the CETA contracts. And my salary was about an eighth of what an actual Broadway salary should have been. And our premium was again about like a fourth of what it should have been.

But I was 20. I didn't care. I was like, I would have done the job for free. I remember the first day that they said paychecks are here, come get your paycheck. I looked at my girlfriend. I was like, oh my gosh, that's right. We get paid. Like, I completely forgot. I just was so happy to be there dancing. Isn't it funny how he gets so jaded? The first thing we're saying, I was like, well, how much do I get for that now?

We're not like, I'll do it. I'll just do it. I just want to ask. I want to dance. Right? What happened? Now it's like, I mean, look, if the right job comes along. What happens?

They have a family and a house and a mortgage payment and car payments. And at 20, you know, you're living in a college dorm or you're sharing an apartment with 10 people so you don't have to worry about that. By the way, I think I would be more at, I mean, look, if Spielberg ever called or any of these big directors and said, we want you to do this part, I wouldn't care about money at all. I'm like, I'm in. I don't care.

There's certain jobs you don't care about. But when you take most jobs, it's like, all right, I got to pay for my mortgage here. I got to do these. I got to pay for my mom's mortgage. I got to help my sister out. These are things that I have to do, by the way. Right, right. When did your parents finally first see that show,

how soon after you went on tour? They came to quickly after we opened. We opened at Kansas City Starlight Theater, which is an outdoor amphitheater, very much similar to the Hollywood Bowl. And it was magical. But then like two cities later, we were in Columbus or no, Cincinnati, Ohio.

And because I'm from Ohio, that's where they first saw the show, drove down to Cincinnati and saw it there. Did you get nervous? Do you get more nervous when people are there? No, not. my family um no you know if i am nervous i'll get nervous a little bit before but then once i'm on stage it goes away immediately even no matter what i do um performing wise it's always if there's nerves

it's just right there and you know but that fuels my fire i actually use it to help my adrenaline i bet your dad cried i'm gonna i'd put all my money on it oh they all did they all did they were all crying afterwards they came up to you they oh man do we just knew it even though it was two days before you graduated, we knew it was going to happen. And we were going to help you if you didn't make it. You know that, right? It was that, yes, that was a big day. I would say my dad and my mom probably teared up more so when I did the Radio City Rockettes, though, and they were at that opening night. That opening night for them was, you know, my dad still, no matter where we are, no matter what I do in

my life, if we're sitting at a restaurant, he'll be like, to the waitress, my daughter was a Radio City Rockette, you know. Ooh, I want to hear, I want to hear about that. Like, I could win an Oscar, and he would still talk about, you know, his daughter that's a Radio City racket. See, that's pretty sweet. You know, I remember doing theater in college and then after, after college was over in New York, like off Broadway, but I'm talking off off, like New Jersey Broadway.

Wasn't really Broadway. But, you know, that little click that they have, the green room click, the, uh, all those actors backstage, it's more drama than you can imagine. you know that more than anyone doesn't everybody just sleep with everybody on these tours did you experience that on these tours where people just banging everybody oh my god um what happens on tour stays on tour it is a crazy life and you are not too far from the truth my friend yeah i assume did you were there any loves though that you kind of fell in love with like um early on uh on the broadway circuit well i met both of my husbands in shows but on broadway shows but on broadway

shows. On tour, I never fell in love with anybody, but I saw a lot of relationships and a lot of people doing things they shouldn't be doing late at night. You know, tour is such an alternate lifestyle. You have no responsibilities. You are in these weird cities, in hotel rooms, and you can sleep all day. The only thing you have to do is go to your show at night and then the show ends and you have nothing to do but go to the bar next door and stay there. way too long and then past 2 a.m., things starting happening that this shouldn't happen. So, yeah, this is exactly why you guys out there listening, you always hear about these Hollywood, you read the tabloids, it's so much fun because everybody's cheating and all these big movie stars. It starts out at an early age. It starts out on tour. It starts out in the green room in college. You get a lot of alone time, a lot of, you know, I'm lonely. And you want to have fun and you're young. And talent is sexy. Talent is sexy. When you see somebody, all of a sudden that you don't think is cute get up there and like belt out a song and then go

into a dance and then the audience applaud you're like wow you know she's cute why am i all of a sudden liking you know that isn't that funny how people like women tell me if i'm wrong i mean you like funny guys you like or talented guys so you see talent even if you might not look at them on the street if you didn't know them and you walk by and you'd be like i wouldn't look twice at this guy He gets up there and belts something out, Maria, I just met a girl, right? And you're just like, holy shit. You know, why? It shows vulnerability.

It's like you're, you know, showing your soul, especially with, I think, anything live, live music, live theater. You know, you're like, you're being real and raw. There's like an honesty that you have to, like, get to and showcase, you know, you're crying in front of people. You're, you're being brave in front of people. you're, you know, it's, you're showing your different colors. It's, I think, and I think that's what makes it attractive. So when you were talking about a while ago, you said like in sixth grade or seventh grade that you wanted to be a rock set, was that right?

Mm-hmm. You wrote this thing out saying, I want to be a rock set at whatever years old. And now, how old before you get your audition for the rock sets? Rock sets, rock sets, rockettes. Did I say, you know why? Because, you know why? Because rock set is one of my favorite 80s bands. and I keep saying it.

Remember that song? She's got the look. What in the world can make a bright out boy turn blue. Oh, yeah, good song. You say, sorry, so not Rock Set, the Rock Cats. Yeah, no, it's okay. Yes, it's the Rock Cats, yes. So the Rock Cats, I first auditioned for the Rockets when I was going to school in New York.

I auditioned for the National Tour of the Rockets because at the time, there was the Radio City crew. And then there were Rockettes and all these other cities doing the Christmas show in St. Louis or in Columbus or Chicago. So I thought I would go to those auditions and maybe have a better chance at getting that job first. And I got cut and then I went back again to another audition and got cut. And so my third audition again was for the actual Radio City Rockets. And that was while I was on tour with 42nd Street. and I flew from L.A. to New York to that audition, spent two days. It was like a thousand girls there. They needed 12. And after two days, I ended up getting done. Those high kicks. I mean, how hard is that to get those kicks, right? And what was it in the first two auditions that you think, that they give you notes like, well, you know, your heels to the right too much? I don't know what you do. You're doing something wrong. They tell you what you're doing wrong so you can come back and correct it.

Oh, yeah, your head was, it's, it's, you know, they'll say, like, looking to the sun. So, like, your chin is like, you're looking to the sun. But if it's this way, you're like, you know, your chin was an inch low, so you got to lift it up. Or, you know, your pinky was out. So you put it in. I mean, it is so detailed. I mean, it's all about, you know, being uniform. So you have to be like, it's precision.

Precision dance at its best. You're like a Marine. You're like the Marines. It's like everything has to be precise. Yeah. The goal of the Rockettes is to not stick out, right? You don't want to be an individual. You want to be one of 36. So the hard, honestly, the hardest thing about the kicks is that you have to kick its eye high. So your toe to your eye. So it can't be higher or it can't be lowered. So it's not necessarily, it's not like, oh my gosh, is it so hard to kick your, do the high high kicks. It's more so you have to hit a target that is like right in front of you that is like a laser. being that no one else can see except, you know, your imagination. And that's, I think that's the hardest part about the kicks. Was that though?

Go ahead. Oh, about in, like, when I was a racquet, I did five shows in one day. So it was, you know, you're doing, you know, a ridiculous amount of, of activity. I mean, I guess the first time you auditioned, you were just, it was like you were shit kicking. You were just trying to, in a way, you're probably trying to stand out when you weren't supposed to stand out. No, well, I knew not to stand out. my first two auditions I just I you have to learn it's a process you just you know and it's

intimidating you're auditioning at the grand hall at Radio City Music Hall there's a lot of girls everybody looks the same because it's again about having a certain look and height um so I think it was just about like learning and being confident and and getting super sharp in your dancing and and you know you have to be good and I just I wasn't good enough the first two times then i got good inside of you is brought to you by quince i love quince i've told you this before i got this awesome sixty dollar cashmere sweater i wear it religiously you can get all sorts of amazing amazing clothing for such reasonable prices look cooler temps are rolling in and as always quince is where i'm turning for fall staples that actually last

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unusual activity in your accounts, if you're close to going over budget, and even when you're doing a good job. How doesn't everybody have Rocket money? It's insane. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Download the Rocket Money app and enter my show name inside of you with Michael Rosenbaum in the survey so they know that I sent you. Don't wait. Download the Rocket Money app today and tell them you heard about them from my show. Do you remember the conversation when you called your dad and said, I'm a rock set? Rockette. I'm in the band Rock set. Yeah, I do. I do. I, um, Well, ironically, my parents had flown into New York for the two days that I had the audition.

And, you know, the first day, you go through many cuts. The second day, they give you a callback. So you come back. They'd go through a lot of cuts. My dad picked me up at the stage store at Radio City. And after the second day, and we all went to a big family dinner. And he said, how to go? And I was like, I think I did good, Dad.

You know, I don't know. And I had to fly back the next day to L.A. to go back on tour with 42nd Street. So I landed at LAX and I was walking off the plane. I saw that I had an email saying, please call us. And I'm walking through LAX. I'm still to this day when I passed this spot at LAX airport, I'm like, that's where I found out that I got to be a Radio City Rocket.

And I called them immediately afterwards and they were floored. They were so excited. Was it the biggest achievement? I mean, yes, at that time of your life, was it better than getting 42nd Street? Was it better than anything you had done? Like, I'm a Rockette. Yeah, you know, I think that was a, that was a huge achievement because 42nd Street was still a national tour. It wasn't like by Broadway debut, which Broadway debut came after Rockets.

But yeah, the Rockets was a huge, that was a lifelong dream of mine. And like I said, it was a thousand girls. They needed 12. So that was, it was a huge accomplishment. Now, I'm not comparing Laker Girls to Rockets, the Rockets. I'm not going to do that. I'm not saying that. But I know for a fact that Laker Girl.

Laker Girls. Do you know every time they go to dance, the guy, I think he just gets paid to say, Laker Girls. Oh. That's what he does. I'm like, that's the only thing that guy says. But they don't get paid very much. Like they, I hear they get paid $100 a night. Oh, wow. Now, Rockettes, they got to get paid pretty well, right? No, we are treated so well.

You get paid very well. You get, you know, you have beautiful dressing rooms. They have a full, like, floor of PT for you. that, you know, you can go to at any time, ice baths that we all go into right after the show. They give you scholarship money so that on the off-season you can go to school and further your education. They give you money to, you know, do dance classes so that you can, you know, keep your, you know, your ability up.

It is a, it is a very, very good job, 401K, you know, it's wonderful. What? They treat you very well. This is remarkable. I don't think anybody knows any of this. They assume it's probably a low-paying job. that's just like they make a lot of money but the girls don't make a lot of money but they you're saying they treat you right and you did did you know what you were getting into in terms of uh the PT room and all these scholarships and all these things you had no idea until you were a rocket yeah no I mean you know again I was I was making pennies on the 42nd Street tour but happy as a clam and when I got that job I was like I make this wow and I get all I get this too and I can like go to school to get my, you know, yoga certification and teach yoga, like, oh, cool.

And, you know, I mean, no, I was, I was 22 years old. I mean, I was like, I was green as I'll get out. How many guys were coming on to you? I mean, a rock cat has to be the coolest thing to say, I'm going out with a rock cat. I mean, you have to be hit on. I mean, obviously, you're a very pretty girl anyway, very talented, all these things. But to be a rock cat is like, that's, that's like a Dallas, Dallas Cowboy cheerleader back in the day, right?

I, Michael, I really, you know, I never really had a lot of boyfriends. I honestly, and or dated a lot. So honestly, that really did not happen to me too much. You fall fast is what you're saying. You fall for someone quickly and then that's it. You're a monogamous, one guy only girl. No, you know, I don't think I fall for somebody fast, actually. I just, you know, I met my first husband in a show.

And again, like, I think just like the repetitive, seeing somebody every day and then seeing their talent every day and it just became attractive. And then I'm a person that is friendly first and then through friendship, I start to like you. Huh. Well, that's interesting. That's probably the smart thing to do. You get to know someone. I like this person. I like how they make me feel.

They make me laugh. They're fun to be around. And then things start to happen. Yeah, natural, organic, I guess. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, and then that's how I met Nick, too. So, yeah, I don't know. Now I'm, now I'm screwed because I'm on a talk show with all women, so. The talk. Well, Terry O'Connell just joined our show. He did, because they said that the deal was breaking soon. So it broke? Yes. Yeah, it broke today. Yes. So now you got a dude on the show, which is probably fun for you, because it's like talking to girls a whole time, probably got boring for you. You do that. It's wonderful. No, Jerry brings so much energy. And I love having, you know, the male energy there. It's great. No, Jerry's the best. He actually, I did the Hollywood Bowl with his wife, Rebecca. We did the producers at the Hollywood Bowl together. And then Jerry and I did Crazy for you at Lincoln Center together in New York. So I've known Jerry for a while. So it's wonderful to now be working with him on the talk. How old were you when you got Bullets over Broadway, a musical? I was 30.

31, 31. So last month. You just got it. Bullets over Broadway. That was a big thing for you, right? Yeah, it was a big deal because it was Woody Allen directing with Susan Stroman and slated to be, you know, the next big, big show on Broadway. I got that job thinking I would be on Broadway for three years. I'd be able to have three kids and, you know, have, you know, be able to buy a house.

Were you already divorced when you were doing bullets? No, I was still with my first husband, and he was doing the national tour of Book of Mormon. So he was on, he was leaving for a tour as I was starting Bullets over Broadway. So it was hard because when you're starting a Broadway show, you have no life and you can go nowhere. Traveling is not an option. And then he's on the road on the West Coast leading the Book of Mormon tour, you know, doing a crazy tour schedule. he can't leave either. So we left each other knowing that we wouldn't see each other often

and that we were going to be on different sides of the country. And I knew from being on three national tours, like we talked about just a second ago, what tour life is like. So are you insinuating something happened while he was on tour? I'm insinuating that tour life is crazy. And my husband was always the life of the party. and he's a good guy but yeah to her life is is crazy so that kind of sizzled out after a while

how long did that take before it kind of just you started hearing things or he was honest with you how does that work there were things in our marriage that had happened uh throughout our six years of being married married together um and you know you work through them i never got married to get divorced so it was always something that like you know we just worked through and um And then, you know, tour just accentuated those problems and made everything that we always kind of fought and dealt with even worse. And, and it's okay now, you know, you look at things retrospectively. And it was honestly the best thing that ever happened to me, getting a divorce and going our separate ways. We got married very young. And I think that, you know,

we found out that we actually weren't the perfect person for each other. and that's okay you know it was a very very hard awful thing to go through i'm not trying to put it lightly because it wasn't at all but now retrospectively i can look back and be like you know what it's all good how do you put things aside though while you're sitting there doing a broadway show with woody allen directing all these big names and you're it's broadway and all these things are happening materialize materializing in front of you how do you how do you just separate them how do you go to work and just separate it. How do you do that?

That's got to be a mind fuck. Sorry for my language. First F bomb of the day. It totally is all day. And then you walk into a theater and you put makeup on that makes you look like an accentuated version of yourself. And you put a wig on. It makes you feel like you're not yourself.

And then you put on a really cool costume and then you really don't feel like yourself. And then you're with this whole family that you have an extremely close and different and new relationship with and then after the show ends you go to the bar next door and drown your showers because you don't want to go home and sit at your house by yourself and so then you get drunk and then you repeat the next day and that was my life that's but that was how I coped with it and what was it like working with Woody Allen was he just kind of quiet and distant and just did his job and then what left and you didn't really get to talk to him like that's how it feels it probably would be like yeah yes yes most of the time and then you had like the

the rare occasions where he would come over and do cast notes and and you know you kind of had to like pinch yourself that like Woody Allen's giving cast notes but he was very quiet he would he watched everything all the previews and always had opinions and things but um yeah he was he was very quiet he did his own thing he was always you know his wife was there and his daughter was there a lot and and they were always always very kind and but quiet for sure.

So Nick Cordero yeah when you first met him on Bullets Over Broadway obviously you're married you're going through all these things you probably didn't think not anything of it at first right?

Yeah. You're just working together there's how many people in this show? Oh gosh the cast was probably I don't know like 25 people. Right.

So when was the first time that you see? said, huh? Hmm. We, um, you know, I had known Nick because we did the reading of this show. So when a Broadway show conceptualizes, they usually do like a reading, like a year before or sometimes even years before. So I met Nick before.

So when we started rehearsals, yeah, it was nothing. I was, I was happily married, um, you know, or I thought so or trying to be so. Um, so I just saw Nick as like, you know, a cool guy in the cast. But also, like, you know, Nick was going through his own change. He was a starving actor living in Williamsburg and a friend, you know, with like three other roommates. I mean, to me, he kind of looked like a big, like a mess a little bit, like a hot mess a bit. But charming and talented and funny and extremely tall and you can't not look at it when he walks in the room because he's six, five, dark hair and like, you know, playing the leading man next to Zach Braff. And so you're like, you know, okay, this guy's interesting.

And it was one night we were finishing a preview. No, we had opened the show. So you do previews of a Broadway show. Then you have your big opening night. Then the show's open. So we had opened the show. And we were at the bar next door having, you know, drink celebrating. And Nick and I sat down at the bar and we just talked the whole night.

And it was just one of those, it's in the book, but it's one of those like movie sequences where like you see the couple talking at the bar and they're in like real time but everything around them is happening in like four times the speed and you know it came to be like three o'clock in the morning and you know the bar is almost empty and we're still chatting and I was like obviously I had to go I was teaching fitness in the morning and I remember walking to the subway being like oh no do I like this guy but exactly what I said like that's what happens to me like I'm just friends of friends friends and then all of a sudden i like you yeah you see all everything about the person you're like oh you you probably see all the good the bad and then huh that's interesting

so when when how long did it take before you know did did he make the first move did he just kind of say hey no he had wanted nothing to do with me because i was i was married you know um and to everyone in the Broadway world, which is a very small world, I was married. I was not letting anyone know that my marriage was falling apart, that things were happening. Certain people in the cast knew. My girlfriend's in the cast knew. And that night, I confided a lot to Nick about things that were going on. And he was confiding into me about his past relationships. And so we had this like big like kind of heart to heart. But yeah, nobody knew. And so the last thing Nick wanted to do, And this, you know, Bullets Over Broadway was a huge life changer for him.

He got nominated for Tony. He was, you know, he was the star of the show essentially. So he didn't want to get into any scandal, you know. So he was like, he was kind of like Amanda, you know, I think you're cool. But like also you're married and I can't be seen with a married woman. So even as we solely started to like hang out, he would always be like, you know, meet me on the corner or something. It was all secretive. Yeah, because he was so scared to, like, ruin his reputation at a time where he was finally being recognized in the Broadway community for his artistry.

So he's being respectful is what he was doing. Yeah, yeah. But then, you know, which made me just want to be like, you know, no, you know, make me here. And it doesn't matter, you know. So when was it? When was that moment? Do you remember the moment? You're like, okay, this is.

I think this is going somewhere. We're hanging out a lot. We're talking now. Maybe we can take this moment. And it's in the book. It's in the book. Live your life, which you guys must read. I mean, she really divulges everything here.

And you're that kind of person. And so it's a New York Times bestseller, for Christ's sakes. Read the thing. But go ahead. No, it was, it was July. We were still doing the show. My marriage was really over. You know, we had talked about.

you know officially kind of separating taking that break and um and nick took me on a date like an official like okay this is an official like first date and um because again you know when you're doing a show together you're hanging out a lot you're going to the bar after the show a lot but none of that's not not it's not like a date you know what i mean it's it's not a date at all but you're hanging out all the time so he asked me out like on a date date date and And we took me out to dinner at this beautiful restaurant in Washington Heights. And that was, that was July 6th. So we always celebrated that day as like our first date.

And then ironically, you know, he passed away on July 5th. So it's crazy, you know, timing wise. So after that, you kind of knew. You had spent enough time with him. You were friends. You were working together. And after that first date on July 6th, you felt like, hey, this is it. And how fast was it after that that you guys were together?

Pretty fast. I mean, pretty fast. Yeah, pretty fast. But we, we, we had lots of issues. We had lots of fights and broke up like, I mean, definitely broke up three times. The last time that we broke up, we both thought it was over. So we, we thought we could fight really well together. What was it?

Were you both just kind of the same A personality's in a lot of ways? No, that was, we were exact opposite. Nick, you know, Nick's like a dreamer and like, you know, I mean, so am I, but in a different way, you know, he, you know, he's just, you know, smoke weed and just kind of like listen to music, lay on the bed, look at the ceiling, kind of, you know, think about things. And, you know, while he's done that for three hours, I've taught 10 fitness classes, answered all my emails, and I'm about. to bring another company. So you would get upset. You're like, would you get up and go do something? For Christ's sake, you're just sitting here.

Smokey's like, hey, I was nominated for Tony, so I'm going to sit here for a while and smoke some G. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, we thought about, you know, I was in a different place in my life. I was going through a divorce. So I had already had seven years of marriage. And I was looking at my life as like, what am I doing now? I want, you know, I'm on my own now.

I've lost that security I have to create things for myself I have to figure out how to make money for myself I want a home one day I want a family one day how am I going to make that happen and yeah and Nick's career was just starting

so he was kind of just being like you know in that in that mindset so and we thought about religion he was not religious I was and so we had a lot of we have a lot of issues This sounds amazing how really the love of your life like how it was meant to be to get together but like you did fight it wasn't perfect it was your opposite people you were doing two different things you were getting out of this marriage

i mean it's pretty incredible how you came together what made that happen was it just like regardless of the fights regardless of whatever there's this underlying love this sort of i want to be with you i want to take care of you each other yeah i know it's funny i i i i don't know, you know, Nick, when we were dating, he would always say, like, we're so different. We should not be together. And I would be like, what do you mean? Because we were. We were, it was so different. And I think, yeah, I think there was an underlying love. I think, you know, Nick, in the end, our last breakup, his father passed away or got cancer and then ended up passing away. And in his father getting cancer at a young age

and passing away. I think it made him really just kind of realized like, you know, like all of our differences and like the things that we fight about, they can all be like we can talk through these things. Like the most important thing is like I don't want to lose you. And so he came, you know, he came back and yeah, kind of was like, you know. There was conviction in that. There was something different in him. You think that changed when he said those things?

Yeah. a lot of people will say that when you lose a parent it changes you especially if it's at a younger age and you know nick was 39 or 38 when his dad passed and um and you know and his dad was young and um and he's the oldest of his siblings and they're very close they have a beautiful family and yeah i think it just i think it just helped him to to grow up a little bit and and see like what he wanted in life, you know. Wendy's most important deal of the day has a fresh lineup. Pick any two breakfast items for $4.

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Together we host Wicked and Grim, a true crime podcast that unpacks real-life horrors, one case at a time. With deep research, dark storytelling, and the occasional drink to take the edge off. We're here to explore the Wicked and Reveal the Grim. We are Wicked and Grim. Follow and listen on your favorite podcast platform. So tell me if I'm wrong, but you go out to L.A., we fast forward. Things, you know, his father passes away. he has this thought of you're the one this is it we've got to do this you guys are together

you move out to L.A. Am I right about this? You stayed at Zach Braff's guest house while you were shopping for a house. Yeah well we stayed at Zach Braff's guest house because we were still paying rent in our New York City apartment. We were still letting it but not for the whole amount and and Zach is so generous and he loves this so much that he was like stay at my house for free and just kind of like get your feet wet. We had no, we had a goal of buying a home one day, but it definitely wasn't like we have everything set in place to buy a home. We were just more so, it was just like,

we're going to stay at Zax, we can live there for free, we can save our money and see if we like living in L.A. And then we happened to find a home that we could barely afford and we bought it. And how soon after was little Elvis conceived? Well, Elvis was conceived right before we moved. to L.A. He was conceived, he was, well, he was born in June. We moved to L.A. in September. Right. So now you got this little munchkin around. You're trying to find a place. You finally got a place. And then things are, things seems, things seem pretty damn good at this point. Yeah. Well, even,

well, to, to, to just give a funny antidote when we first moved into Zach's guest house, this two bedroom, two bath cottage that he owns, he was living there because his main house. He was, house was being completely renovated. You know I live, like, right around the corner. Yes. Anyway, but go ahead. Go ahead. Yeah.

So, as his home was supposed to be finished, but as, you know, everybody that's gone through construction knows, if they say it'll be done in May, it'll be done in September. So he, his house is running late. So we have our plane tickets. We're coming. Nick is opening Rock of Ages. And Zach's like, we're all going to live together for like two weeks. So it was me.

Nick, Elvis, our two dogs, Zapp and his dog, all living in the two-bedroom, two-bath guest cottage. Then, Zach's girlfriend, Florence arrives. And so then it's Zach in Florence, their dog. Nick, Elvis, and I, and our two dogs, all living happily together. I mean, what the, I mean, who went crazy first?

Had to be Zach. Ironically, no. Zach loved it. Zach is used to living by himself and so he all of a sudden had this big family where every night we were cooking dinner and eating together drinking wine and having a bowl, he was like not even wanting to go. Thank God for Florence because Florence came in and was like, we're moving into your house. These people need their space. We need our space. We're doing this. And so she was a saving grace. I mean, we all actually did get along living together so well and it was

really, really fun. It just was hard with the baby because Nick and I and Elvis were all in one room together. I mean, it was, it was tough on me. I went through a little postpartum, but we actually all did. I mean, you know, again, you look back retrospectively and you're like, oh my God, like that time was so magical that we were all living together at Zach's house. I always look at those times. I had times where my friend Tom and Danine stayed with me up when I was filming Smallville and we lived in a houseboat and they stayed with me for months on end. And those are the happiest times in my life. I feel like, you know, I live alone.

You know, I have a dog, but I do get lonely. I'd like to entertain. I like to people to come over. I like to barbecue and hang out and movie nights. And, you know, my grandmother's always like, when are you going to get someone? When are you going to have a kid? This is the best thing in the world for you. What are you?

And I'm like, I'm not doing this just so I can, so to make you happy. That's what I always think. And then I have the kid and then you end up dying. You know, you're 93 years old. I don't want to and we have these conversations probably every week but there is there is a sense of I don't know what it is security some comfort having people you love around you and it just that warm feeling that it presents so um ironically we all lived together very very well and really never once had a weird spat I mean we all really respected each other's space and had a really great time right that's very fun so sorry to get a little dark but like we know the inevitable but you know when did this first start where Nick started to get sick and you and we won't we won't go through it entirely but like we'll skip over some things but like you know I'm sure you were thinking this is not a big deal in the

beginning correct like this is a young guy you never had you explain yeah oh yeah I mean it was it was weird Nick I think was a bit of a hypochondriac with So he was saying from day one, I have this thing. I have this thing. Is it what he kept saying. And because his only symptom was that he was tired, I was like, no, you don't. And it all started on my birthday night. And then, you know, for the next two weeks, he basically just slept all day every day. But yeah, I was not worried about it because I was like, this isn't a symptom of COVID. So you definitely don't have COVID. You can smell, you can taste. You don't have a fever you're not coughing you're just tired i thought he was depressed which nick could easily go

into uh you know because he's he's a performer he's a musician and everything in that world just got you know and all of our worlds got cut off especially that so um yeah i didn't think anything of it and when did you realize this this is something i didn't get extremely worried until um like the night before we, I took him to the emergency room. Um, that would have been March 29th. And, um, I got worried because his breathing was really bad. For the first time, I was like, you can't breathe. Like, you're having a hard time, like, walking from the kitchen table to the sofa,

which is like 12 feet. Like, what's how, you know, that's when I got scared. Right. And when did you, but even when I took him to the emergency room, I was like, I'll pick up in two hours. I was like, I literally was like, I'll just, not. walk around third street with all this i'll pick you up in a couple hours and so what did they say they they he's in the emergency rooms doctor calls you or calls you in no no they called you they can't go

anywhere so they call you and what do they say nick called me the doctor didn't even call me nick called me and he said amanda they want to keep me overnight they're gonna put they put me on some oxygen to help me with a breathing they want to do some further test they're testing me for COVID and they're keeping me here overnight just to make sure i'm okay and i was like oh okay gosh all right well I'll talk to you tomorrow again not being like I don't know and he had no real pre-existing conditions nothing I mean it's just he was never sick Nick never was sick he was like if he had a cold it was like wow we've a cold I mean he was like never sick so jump ahead when you realize this is this is really serious and I can't believe I'm going through this shit I didn't think it was really serious until the day um that they called and told me that he died on the table for two minutes. Because, and I'll say that because the 10 days leading up to that when he was in the ICU, even though the ICU was scary, every day I was getting reports back from Nick's doctor

that he's doing great, we're progress every day, numbers are looking great. We'll take him off the ventilator on, you know, Thursday. He'll be home by the next Wednesday. like doing great Amanda everything's great and so I was like okay so I was you know hanging out with Elvis trying to like be the best single parent I could be and managing everything at home trying to manage my fitness business because that was the only thing that was making money for us at the time so I was just like you know great he'll be home by Wednesday and boy this this has been crazy you know but wow so they just keep throwing kind of false hope at you kind of

or maybe not even false hope they're throwing things at you that this is going to be okay That was the truth. He was progressing. Everything was going great. He was going to get off the ventilator. Everything was literally like if it was on the incline of like we're going to, he's going to be completely fine. And then they called the morning of April 10th and said, you know, the exact opposite that overnight he spiked a fever. His heart stopped. He went into septic shock and he's on an hour. like a minute to minute basis and every hour counts we'll let you know and I was like that's when I was like what you know I just got like chills like it's just I'm shocked and I know the story I mean I know what ends up happening but it's it's absolutely got to be the most shocking thing to ever hear when you think okay my husband's going to be back and things are getting better and then all of a sudden hey this is this is life and this is what just happened Yeah.

Yeah. And how long after did it take before he passed? Well, that was April 10th. And then so July 5th, he passed. So, yeah, it was a good long, I mean, it was like around 95 days. I mean, from when he was in the ICU on a ventilator to the day he passed. And you documented a lot of this on an insular. Instagram. Yeah, I did. I started documenting it when he went into the ICU is when I started

documenting it because I was on I was online every day offering free fitness classes and promoting my fitness business. And it felt like I was leading a double life to just be like on, you know, Insta lives every day being like, okay guys, here we go, 20 minute workout, smiling and happy. and then, you know, having my husband in the ICU. So on top of that also, I was like, my husband's in the ICU with apparently COVID, and his only symptom was that he was sleeping. So I feel like other people should know this

in case you're at home sleeping and you don't think you have COVID. So it was, you know, something I decided to go on and share because I just was leading a double life and I wanted people to know what was going on with Nick. And I had already had, like, you know, what I thought was a lot of followers at the time. I still do, like 50,000 followers. And I am, I was a very active person on social media anyways, a very honest, like, what's going on in my day kind of person on social media.

So, you know, it was just like natural to get on and say what was going on. Well, I think, yeah. You know, and then everything exploded. Well, I mean, to say your inspiration is just, you're on another level. And I think that's why people gravitate towards you because you have so much positivity, but you also divulge the truth. I mean, you really tell the truth. And I think, you know, that's why people like you. I think you're a great, not only super talented, but like, likeable.

And that's, that's cool. I mean, you know, one of the questions I thought I was like, you know, what do you do to get through the day? And but I remember what you said when you were going through a terrible time on Broadway. And then you put your makeup on, you put this and you, I mean, what do you do? do you have a routine that because, you know, people all across the world, they suffer. They suffer loss every day. And but hearing you speak, I mean, maybe they'll get something out of it. Like, what is your sort of routine in the morning or what you do to maybe give you a little bit of sunshine?

I mean, I start every day with a positive thought. I put it on my Instagram. I share it with everybody. It's something I've done now for like five years. I just, the first thing I put in my head, I'm very, I'm a grateful person. Every day I drive to CBS, I say a prayer and just like, thank God for everything that I have in my life. Even if all I can think about that day is that it's sunny.

Like, it's a sunny day. So I try to find those, like, beautiful things in the day. I exercise a lot because for me, that's like my number one mental health, like stress and anxiety reliever. Put on great music. Get my jump rope or start dancing or start doing anything. Go on a walk. It just clears my head and puts me in, like, a different space. And, yeah, I don't know.

That's kind of like my go-toes, my three go-toes. Because you do get anxiety? Do you have anxiety attacks? Do you? And so for you working out is really what helps you, get that heart going, get things moving. You have to do it. If you don't do that, you're going to fall apart. Yes.

100%. It's like, to me, it's the best thing you can do for yourself. can either sit there and ponder and let your head go or you can get up put some music on so it distracts those thoughts and just like focus on moving your body and using it and breathing and circulating your blood and just you know doing things what do you do when you start to go down a dark path when you start to go oh my god why me why this why this all those those feelings come up and you just feel like it was yesterday that happened probably you feel like that every day but how do you stop that it depends sometimes i'll be honest sometimes uh i just have to let myself

go down that dark path for a smidge so like the last time that happened was nick's anniversary um this past you know july 5th was a really hard day for me i spent like the first probably four hours in bed um i just was like i was at the beach i was in a beautiful resort at cabo i put the black shades down and i just cried and laid in bed and felt sorry for myself then i was like okay I can't do this all day because I'm not serving Nick's memory by doing this. I'm not making, I'm not being a good mom by doing this. I'm not even making myself feel good by doing this. So I did a guided meditation session with a girlfriend of mine,

which really, really helped kind of get me out of my phone. And then I went out to the pool and played with Elvis, which got my mind off of things. And then I did some self-care and I got a massage. And I just forced myself to do things, to do things that make me happy. Like when Nick passed, it was my goal every day to do one thing a day that made me happy, one. And that's all. If one led to 10, that was great.

But if one and I was done and then I went back to crying, at least I did one thing that day that made me happy. And how often do you hear from Zach Braff? Oh, all the time. He's my neighbor. And, you know, where all the, he's one of my best. friends of the entire world. We hang out and talk all the time. Yeah, he's a really good soul. Yeah, he is. This has been really amazing. It's been, you know, uplifting at times. And then,

you know, it's obviously what it is. I mean, it's, it's a terrible thing that happened. And I just, I just love what you're doing. This is, I have a Patreon account. And so I have these wonderful patrons that get to ask questions. It's called shit talking. So these are just rapid fire. You could just be quick. If you can. Sophie M. I see you join the talk. Do you have a dream guest you'd like to interview? Oh, Michelle Obama or Julia Roberts or Jennifer Aniston. Jennifer Aniston, really? That's a big one. You're a big fan of hers? Oh, I do. I really like her. Cindy H. How have your family and friends rallied for you? Any special stories you're comfortable with sharing? Is there one story in particular that you that just you think of when you think of your family or your friends? Yeah, my really good friends,

Molly and Trevor Tuttle and Joan O'Hart. From day one when Nick got sick, they knew how important music was to lift your spirits and they all of a sudden would just show up at like the most magical times you'll read about it in the book in Trevor's truck covered in twinkle lights and jono you know arranging nick song and just playing playing songs for us and singing nick song and then singing outside our door i mean it was like out of a movie couldn't write it i love it um so the book is live your life it's a memoir it's a new york times bestseller you guys got to get this. We only touched, didn't even scratch the surface of what, you know, she talks about. She's going to talk about in this book or that she does write about in this book.

Leanne P. says, I think this sums it up. You are a kind and beautiful woman both inside out. You bring joy to so many. And I just want to say thank you for spending the time with me. I really, I really appreciate it. And I feel like I got to know you a little bit. So thank you. And all my best to you and Elvis and the family and your friends and your career. I wish you the absolute best. So thank you. Thank you. Thanks so much for having me today. Finally. I got you on here. Finally.

Thank you for listening. I hope you enjoyed that interview. Amanda was wonderful. Wasn't she? Very nice. Yeah. Great story about the Rockettes, which I kept saying Rock Set. But, you know, what are you going to do? I do that. I tend to mix up words. I think we all do that every once in a while, don't we? Rockset.

Well, Roxette was a band in the 80s, which we talked about. But it wasn't. She was in the Rockette. she did she's done so much and she's so inspirational and her instagrams are pretty uh pretty wonderful she's she's great yeah if my mom met her she'd say why don't you marry her i'm like well i mean no i don't my grandmother would say the thing why are you single why are you 49 why are you still single you're a great guy michael they ask why are you 49 yeah why are you 49 like i have a choice thank you again for listening to the podcast again if you want to follow us on the instagram twitter and all that stuff it's at inside of you podcast on instagram and facebook and at inside of you pod on the twitter uh you can watch

the show on youtube i appreciate you guys writing a review watching listening all that stuff um and also if you want to go to the online store it's the inside of you online store you can get tons of merch funco pop lex luther things there just so much you could get on there just take a look it's a lot of fun and also my band sunspin dot com you could book a zoom with me for god's sakes and uh you could uh book the band and get cool merch there And lastly, but not leastly, is the Patreon. Just go to patreon.com slash inside you if you want to join. Help the podcast out a little more.

It really helps. If you're enjoying this and you want to help a little more, there's nothing like it. Patreon.com slash inside of you. Also, I should mention I'm going to be at DragonCon in Atlanta, September 4th, that weekend, the Saturday and Sunday. And then September 11th weekend, I will be in Lexington, Kentucky. and September I believe 24th

I check me on that but I'll be at the Mountaineer Con in West Virginia so three cons coming up in September just check my Twitter at inside at Michael Rosenbum because they couldn't I didn't have enough for the letters

Baum so I had to put Rosenbaum what the hell's that about? Let's get into it let's read the top patrons these are people who give a little bit more and substantially help the podcast podcast. Nancy D. Leah S. Trisha F. Sarah V. L. Lisa, Uquico, Jill, E. Brian H. Mama, G. Nico P. Jerry W. Robert B. Jason W. Pothian. Kristen. K. Gosh. I could just throw that out of me. He just nails it. Amelia O. Allison L. Raj. C. Joshua D. Emily S. C.J.P. Samantha M. Jennifer N. Stacey L. S. Jamal F. Janelle B. Kimberly E. Mike E. E. L. Don.

99 more. Ramirez, Santiago M. Sarah F, Chad, W. Lian, P. Janine R. Ray A, Maya, P. Maddie S. Shannon D. Matt W. Belinda and James R. Chris H. Spider-Man. Chase. Sheila. G. Brad D. Brad D. Ray H. Tav of the T. Tom N. L. L. T. Tom N. L. L. L. H. T. T. T. L. L. H. T. L. T. L. T. L. T. L. M. L. L. L. L. T. L. R. L. L. L. M. M. M. K. J. J. R. J. L. J. R. L. J. R. L. L. L. L. L. L. R. L. L. Dan N-O-A-Jeta A-Jetta Lorraine G, Veronica K, Big Stevie W, Kendall T, Carol D, Angel, M, Rian, C, Corey K, Super Sam, Emily C, Coleman G, Dev Nexon, Michelle A, Liz L, Jeremy C, Andy T, a few more left here, the top-tier patrons

that get their name read off at the end of every episode and they're wonderful and they really help the podcast. Cody R, Sebastian K, Gavinator, Ann H, David C, Elliott M, John B, Brandy D. Yavor Camille S. Bono Orbano. Hi, Bano. I messed it up didn't I? The C.

Joey M. and P.T. Scarborough. Those are the top tier patrons folks. I'm sorry. I didn't even know we had an oil baron. Yeah. Is that what it was? Yeah. P.T. Scarborough. That's what a name that is. You've got to be really rich to have that name, I think. I love doing this. I love you guys listening. I've been doing it for a while now I love all the support

I love all the messages I may not get back to all your messages right away it takes me some time I'm busy as I know you are but I certainly appreciate the support and are aware of all of you listening and watching

and all that so keep listening tell your friends email them text them make sure they listen and watch the show from the Hollywood Hills in Los Angeles California

I'm Michael Rosenbaum waving to that camera up there I'm Ryan. I'm waving up to the camera. I'm waving up to the camera. You guys are great. Thank you for allowing to be inside of each and every one of you. I hope you have a glorious week and much love to you.

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