Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum - Top 13 Moments of 2019

Episode Date: January 7, 2020

Today we go inside some of our favorite moments from 2019. It’s been amazing to see how this show has helped so many listeners over the past year deal with their anxiety, trauma, and mental health... all by hearing Hollywood’s finest relate to those same issues. To highlight some of the growth we all experienced in 2019, we wanted to pick some of our favorite moments that showcase the full range of this podcast. Enjoy some of our favorite moments and get ready for an amazing 2020. Special thanks to SunBasket for sponsoring today’s show. SunBasket provides real food and unreal flavor through chef-crafted, dietitian-approved meals. Right now SunBasket is offering $35 off your order when you go right now to sunbasket.com/inside and enter promo code inside at checkout. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I'm Chris Hadfield, astronaut and citizen of planet Earth. Join me on a journey into the systems that power the world. No politics, just real conversations with real people shaping the future of energy. Listen wherever you get your podcasts. TD Bank knows that running a small business is a journey, from startup to growing and managing your business. That's why they have a dedicated small business advice hub on their website to provide tips and insights on business banking to entrepreneurs,

No matter the stage of business you're in, visit td.com slash small business advice to find out more or to match with a TD small business banking account manager. It's my point of view. You're listening to Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum. Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum was not recorded. in front of a live studio audience. You're listening to Inside of You with Michael Rosenbaum.

Wow. It is 2020. Wasn't that a TV show, Ryan? Yeah, with Barbara Walters. Barbara, Babba Waba. Barbara. What? Didn't they do that on Saturday Night Live?

Remember Sherriot-R-Therry? She did it this year. Yeah. Anderson Cooper editor. Bobo Wava, yeah. He was losing his mind. Have you seen the clip? No.

Oh, it's hilarious. Really? Yeah, Anderson Cooper is just losing it. He loves it. Yeah, he loves it. It's so funny. Was your little tipsy? I think so.

He had to be tipsy. It's new years, you know. So look, guys, this is awesome. We're back for another season of Inside of you. And I want to thank you. This is awesome. It's been a long year of like abandonment issues and guests with great stories and tragedy. A lot of laughs.

And I'm just really grateful. I'm grateful to be back to be doing the show. I love doing it. I've talked to you about this a lot. We wanted to do something special this year. I talked to Bryce and Ryan, who's here with me. First of all, Ryan, I want to give a shout out. Ryan, how do you pronounce your last name?

Tejas. Yeah, you can't say Tell us. No. Tell us more. It's Tejas. There's a first baseman who plays for the Toronto Blue Jays who goes by Rowdy Telez. Rowdy Telez. And it's, it rolls, but it's, I've just been told that it's pronounced Tejas my whole life.

And that's... Ryan Tears. God damn it. Hey, man. Live with it. Uh, you know, Rob Hollis took off. We had an agreement and, uh, he was just, you know, he was doing, making a lot of money. He's got a family and he, uh, he had to do what he had to do. And, uh, we're still buddies. And I wish him the best. And, uh, so he left and we had started this in the beginning. And, uh, I was sort of like a bit out of a lot, you know, at a loss and, uh, man. And you get all these things, feelings inside of you like, you know, like, fuck, he's leaving. Even though it's mutual. And, you know, like, but he's leaving and my show's not as successful as Daxes and comparing yourself and that's when you go down this wormhole of negativity and it just doesn't nobody any good especially yourself and

I learned a lot of that you know you fast forward to me going to a wellness center last year and taking care of my shit I think things just got they caught up with me and I had to handle them I think you either don't handle them or you handle them in whatever way you can and getting help and I did that it wasn't it wasn't because Rob left by the way it was just the culmination of things surgeries botched surgeries uh don't use this surgeon his name is i'm just kidding i'm not going to tell you that one i don't know if i want to go there yeah i don't want to go there right now but um you know ryan came on board and we were just having art night something i learned at the wellness center and i was like Ryan's like you know

i i i go right can you can you engineer i'm sure i can right and i it turns out i can you you did you did a fantastic job another thing that's coming up by the way so first of all I'm grateful for you, Ryan. I'm grateful, Teas, that you're here. Thanks, Rosembourg. I am.

It's really nice. It started out as an episode. Let's see what happens. And now we're doing them. You know, the top 13 clips that we're going to show or sorry that we're going to have you listen to are not necessarily the best guests or the best. They're just great moments that we hear it inside of you, myself and Bryce.

We looked through and, you know, we thought these were great moments, a nice moment and relevant to the, the show they they sort of just depict the show in if you put them all together it's kind of what the show is about it's you know anyway you'll hear these in a moment these top 13 not top 10 list it's the top 13 moments but remember these aren't necessarily the best guests although they are great guests what's great is we've decided here and inside of you to start doing video now

you're thinking if you're listening to this you're like wait a minute what and a lot of people have and we thought it was a good idea. And so we're going to do a video. Now we're going to transition from the audio to the video. So that's going to take a little time. We have some guests that we did audio. Some great guests coming up. So you got to listen to them.

We've got Stephen Amel. Great guests. And we're going to start doing video. So I'm doing the whole video setup. I stole some of those guys at Bobby Lee's podcast and they're going to help me set a nice little video stuff here. And my friend Ryan here happens to do a lot of other things. so he's going to help me out with the video.

It's been a great year. Also, I joined Patreon. Do you guys know Patreon? Holy shit, Ryan. This is the coolest thing ever. And I'm lost because for five years, people have been doing this. But if you love something, if you love a podcast, you could join Patreon and you could subscribe. So I was like, oh, who wants to pay money?

Well, it's amazing how people really, uh, loyal listeners want to support the podcast, support me paying you and paying other people and making the show better and doing video. And also, it just feels like a family. You know, I thought, oh, I would just do what I'm required to do. But I've already, like, had text people on it and say, hey, thanks for this. I become, it becomes like, Patreon to me is more like a friend in a way. I mean, you have to have your space. I'm really grateful to all the Patreon to subscribe. There's tiers on there if you want to be a Patreon member.

There's so many cool things, depending on the tier you're in. But you get extra footage, extra me rambling that just will. be seen on Patreon that you won't see here. We have a thing called shit talking, which we talk to guests. I talk to guests, and I ask them questions that some of the patrons ask. They want to know. It's all Patreon questions. And I will ask each guest, the questions.

I mean, at least the 10 that I choose each week. And there's so much more. The shit talking with Rosenbaum, we've got to Q&A sessions with me alone that only my patrons will get to see. So it's really cool. So check it out. Join me. join me and we'll have a lot of fun we always have fun anyway and i really uh appreciate the support

what else oh tom welling and i have a new wine out ryan uh we did wine last year for knocking point at stephen emmels wine and uh they asked us i guess we sold out last year we were the biggest grossing wine wow so they want to do it again so this year there's a mix a little spin i get to be the pure it's called pure evil wine i was the evil last time tom was pure because you know and now I'm the pure and he's the evil. It's pretty cool. We love it. We love wine.

If you like wine and you want to use my... What kind of wine is it? You know, it's like Tom's as a red and I'm the white. I'm always the white because I like white wine. So you'll just have to see. Go to knocking point.com. Type in the code pure and take an additional 10% off. So all you have to do is go to knocking point wines.

com slash tastemakers dash club and get some pure evil wine with me and Tom willing. Also, I'll be in Portland. At the end of January here, if you want to come see me in Welling at a con, that would be a lot of fun. We do these thing called Smallville Knights. I don't know if you know it, but if you go to a con, Tom and I improvise, we read old Smallville scripts. I might wear a ball cap. I don't know. Tom wears a flannel, perhaps.

We have special guests occasionally. It's a lot of fun. I'd like to say a little shout out. We were talking about the Patreon. I'd like to give a little shout out in the beginning and the outro of the show. In the intro, I'd like to shout out to the top tier patrons. That's Angelina G. It's almost Angelina, Joe G. Lina.

I'm not following that one. No, I'm not either. Angela G. Bob B. Dion K. Jerry W. Jill E. Kevin R. Lauren G., Leah, or Lee S. Robert B. Taylor B. N. Ukeko. Ukiko. I think it's Ukiko. Wouldn't you think? I think so. But anyway, listeners, I want to thank you. 2019 was a learning curve for me and a growing and let's get into the top 13 we've got a fantastic year coming at you many great guests i'm digging deep i'm pulling them out of the shadows i think you're going to be really excited with all this i i know it this is going to be a bigger year than last year ladies

and gentlemen this is the inside of you top 13 moments of 2019 that's right the top 13 moments. You know, Ryan, this guest, I don't know if you were here for this, Richard Marks. I was not here. Richard Marks, you weren't here, but Richard and I have a bit of a relationship, not sexually. I had tweeted something. And he tweeted back and he says, hey, Smallville was a big thing for my family and I. We used to watch Smallville every week.

And I'm like, wow, great. Can I have a song for my movie directing back in the day? He's like, yeah. And you want to be in it? and we started this whole friendship and we went to see Lionel Richie together and we'd go out because he was single at the time and he was looking for love

but he was kind enough to come in here and not only that this is what I want I want to strive to be he wasn't nervous about playing music on a podcast I was like do you want me to add an effect or

he goes no do you want me to add a little reverb no what do you need I don't need anything I need a mic And he said that right before we went on the air And he gave a killer live performance Of a song that I love So let's go to Richard Marks

Live on the top 13 moments of 2019 What do you want to play? I'll play whatever you want A little endless summer nights, the song from your... Oh yes, can I get intro it like a DJ? Right now off the coast, 96. W-S-T-O, we've got Richard and Mark. You see, hang on, Richard.

So you start strumming a little so they could hear the beginning while I'm... Okay, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? But, yeah, you got to time it just so, though, right? Right, right, right. 94.7 WKD-Q off the coast. Richard Marks now with us.

An oldie, but a goody, endless summer nights from the movie back in the day that didn't make a red scent. Summer came and left without a warning. All in once. I looked and you were gone Now you're looking back in me

Searching far away than we can be Like we were before Now I'm back to what I knew Before you So how the city Doesn't look the same Give my life for one all night having you here to hold me tired

please take me there again and I remember how you loved me time time was all we had until the day he said goodbye and I remember every moment those endless summer nights there's only so much i can say so please don't run away from what we have together it's only you and me tonight so let's stay lost in flight wish you please

Please surrender Yeah Yeah And I Remember how you loved me Time was all we had Until the day we said goodbye I remember

Every moment Those endless summer nights Yeah those endless son of nights. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 94.7, Richard Marks off the coast. Wow, if you hadn't heard that song, you're probably going to have that on your playlist.

You know what? 2019 brought a lot of fun, a lot of making fun of me, which is always good, picking on me. This next guest, I think you know him. This is number 12 in the top 13 list of 2019. He's been on the podcast before. This is, I believe, his second appearance. And we go to cons together.

We have a lot of fun together. He just had a kid. We do wine together. We made a wine. We've had a friendship that's lasted more than just a hit TV show. So this is Tom Willing. I guess roasting me about potential new Lex Luthor's

in the future and Rob who was on here he's these poking fun too so here's number 12 in the top 13 this is Tom Welling you got to see what kind of fan base you have and it's unfortunately or fortunately I don't know but like your Instagram followers

this how many people does he have is IMDB I know there's a big producer actor director the only cast people based on their IMDB number If you're not top 10, you're not in. He's not casting you. Yeah. It's so fuck.

It's advertising outreach. I'm not going to say the person because I really like the person. It's just where he does business. If I got out, I would be, he would never fucking cast me in anything. Well, you don't have followers anyways. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, so what's the difference? He's never going to hire you.

What's the difference? Maybe after this podcast. How are he, how many, how do you go out of? Hey, Michael, what are you doing this weekend? I see that you have five more followers that when I want to hire you. hire you like what's the number that you have to be to get his attention a million 500 i don't know i only have a couple hundred thousand followers i think that's actually a lot i mean i mean it's not compared to these the beavers not tom welling we've got a hundred million

tom you got like 450 000 followers well that's not but not enough for this guy no but those youtubeers have 20 million that's crazy i'm talking numbers on i mdb pro like your number your star meter oh you said social media follow that too but star meter is bigger oh like if your number like yeah if you're like number 20 is like how does doesn't that work that just means that you're popular like right now maybe but if you hire somebody to do a movie right now it doesn't come out for a year that person might not be popular a year from now I don't know it seems like the same people are always up there like you know decaprio is probably top 15 all of the time well but he's decaprio yeah yeah and he deserves that I mean he's good

and everything well jean hatman's better decaprio's um i think he's working on something where he's going to play lex luther decaprio is he you fuck i was like oh my guy really was like wait what you know it's funny as um you don't guarantee i i text james gonna go dude i'm not asking you for anything but you're doing suicide squad it if i'm not playing lex luther that would be dope but he he just goes he said you didn't have enough just sit tight just fuck off I have a feeling that means that there's probably not gonna be

a Lex Luther in the Suicide Squad No, Leonardo DiCaprio got casted There you go For it for it For Suicide Squad It's right there, it's on the internet It must be real There's a picture of it

Let me see it You're a fucking line Are you're DiCaprio Lex Luthor Is he really? Is he really There he is in character for it? He's not playing this

You fuck I mean it's on the internet it must be true yeah isn't that doesn't that piss you off though they're like oh he was a great lex luther or he was a great clark kent so they were on tv so they can't be great in film i don't understand that either it's just stupid it's just especially when the fans are like going are you listen to the fans every once in a while just every once in a while listen to him do you think it would hurt dc if they cast me right who played it for seven or ten or whatever you want to say years i'm just not blowing smoke but they've done these polls of the better Lex Luthorth.

And I'm just saying, do you think it would hurt D.C.? Do you think they'd go from a hundred million weekend? Oh, it's Rosenbaum instead of something. So you know what? It's going to be $5 million. Do you think that it's all of a sudden going to ruin the franchise for a Lex Luthor that has worked to them played? Am I upset about this? Please comment and subscribe.

Let's start a poll. I'm just saying. I don't think you want to see this. What is it? I don't think you're the 15 best actors who show. should have played Lex Luthor. Joaquin Phoenix, Michael Fastbender, Brian Cranston would be great.

Bradley Cooper. Michael C. Hall. The best? Yeah, these guys are great. But they didn't play it, so we don't know. It's a moot point. They didn't play it for seven years. This one, number 11, on the top 13 moments of 2019.

This guy became a friend. We ended up doing a podcast. called In Love with Michael Rosenbaum and Chris Sullivan. And he really taught me about being grateful. Thank you, Chris Sullivan. I love you. And if you guys want, you could subscribe and listen to In Love with Michael Rosenbaum and Chris Sullivan. That wouldn't hurt you, but you could.

It is frequently mislabeled as depression. But it's this feeling of worthlessness and that the world is a terrible place that eats away. at me or at a lot at a lot of people but it's i believe that all of these years when i thought oh maybe i'm depressed maybe i need this maybe i need this is is this idea of it's it's just negative self-talk it's negative self-thinking it's low self-esteem it's um it's a it's a lot of things rolled up into one but it seems to be like it was too complicated an idea that it was like ah laziness we'll just call it laziness we'll call it sloth um And that type of thinking is something that you have to actively fight against because we all have it inside us.

You look around at everything that's happening in the world. If you look around long enough and you're not depressed by what you see, I don't know anyone who, especially now, is able to kind of process everything that's happening in the world without ending up a little down. Acidia. Acedia. Tell me about how you deal with that. how every day it sounds to me like it's part of like cognitive behavioral theory therapy you know thinking of thinking positively changing the way you think correct yeah therapy uh it's it's uh living in conscious gratitude writing it down sharing it with others where you write this down seriously

i'm not going to listen to this because i well i'm doing it right now well write that down because i want to do that i i'm writing down writing down positive things like i am grateful i have a new puppy blanche you know what we could do every day and i do it with a couple of my friends we have a couple of my wife and i have different text threads going we today i am grateful for dot dot dot three things you and i could do that and we could do it every day and it doesn't have to be a big conversation it could be three things that we just send to each other and when when it's written down and when it's shared with someone else it becomes this tangible thing in our lives that we can use throughout the day to remember to kind of get outside of ourselves.

Number 10 on the top 13 last up, 2019, Julie Benz. This is cool because Julie, she like goes into my DM, not because she's sitting on me. She's married, but she'll slide in and be like, dude, your episode with so-and-so was so amazing. It really touched me. She listens to them. And when actors, your peers are listening to the podcast, folks, it makes me feel like I'm doing something right. And I'm just honored by it.

And her talking about her panic attack right after getting killed off in Dexter, just listen. Probably like 10 years ago, I just had to accept what it meant to be an actor. In order to love the good of our jobs when it's good and all the goodness that goes with it, you also have to accept the bad parts that go with it. You can accept the bad parts.

You have to. You can't just have the good without the bad. What's the worst thing that happened to you as an actress? The worst thing? In terms of rejection or whatever. I mean, I mean, getting killed off Dexter was pretty bad. You had no idea? I had no idea that was coming.

When did they tell you? Three days before. Who called you? They called me in on my day off to do some ADR, and then they called me to the producer's room. And I knew walking from the eight-year-old. ADR stage to the producer's room. When you get called to the producers, you're being killed off a show.

I mean, it's just, you just know that. Were you getting an anxiety attack? Yeah, I suffer from panic attacks, and I started having a panic attack, and I called my manager at the time, and I said, oh, my God, I think they're killing me off, and this is what he said. He's like, all right, kid, okay, because he knows I suffer from panic attacks, and he's like, just get in and out as fast as you can. Just say thank you, and get out.

And I was like, okay. And then I called my husband, who was my boyfriend at the time. And I said, and he's not in the business. And I said, oh, my God, I'm walking to the producer's office. I think I'm being killed off the show. And he's like, maybe they're giving you a raise, which like really broke my heart. Because I was like, no, they don't call it. You don't get a raise that way.

Hey, Julie, great four seasons. You're making with dexter mates. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, it doesn't happen that way. You've got to fight for the raise. And then he said the same thing. And he said, just get in and out as fast as. you can and get home and I'll meet you at home.

So I tried to get in now as fast as I could. Like I walked in the room and I said, you know, I know what this is about. How many people were in the room? It was three. The three executive producers. All men? No, one woman. Okay.

I think I was a one woman. Yeah. And I said thank you so much for a great four years. I've appreciated every moment. You said that? I did. Before they said a word. Before they said I'm smart enough to know what's going on.

So thank you for a great four years. Let's talk tomorrow. I mean, because I'm feeling the panic attack coming on. And what did they say? They wanted to have, you know, to have a conversation. And so then I had to sit down and, you know, it's true now. But wait, let me release at this stage because to make matters worse, I worked out at a gym right by the studio.

And so I had worked out that morning. And it was really hot, like hot, like today hot. So I was only in a sports bra and a pair of, like, leggings. And I went to do ADR. So they rehired you. I went to do ADR that way. So all I could think about. was, what was that movie where the guy gets broken up with while he's naked?

Is it forgetting? Forgetting Sarah Marshall? Forgetting Sarah Marshall? That's all I could think about was like, I don't have a shirt on, and I'm losing my job, and I'm, like, sitting there, like trying to, like, like, I felt so vulnerable. But they wanted to discuss it. They wanted to tell me the reasons why, and, and I, you know, they needed to do that for their own, their own clarity, I guess, their own therapy, because everybody was upset about

it but um did you cry in the room i did which i didn't want to um did they hug you they did but i was sweaty and smelled they didn't have clothes on basically were you bawling i was i was really upset you loved the show i loved it also it was such a great family and then here you are being told like okay well we're still going to like get together as a family but like you're on your own so it was really hard how long did it take you to recover from that it took a while it took a while it took a while. I remember... Should you have got a therapy for that? I did. I did. Did they pay for it?

No. They should have. They should have. I remember I met Elizabeth Mitchell right after. I was doing some little indie film and I was working with her. And the episode hadn't aired yet. So nobody really knew. And I was talking to her on set one day and I told her about it.

And, you know, she had been killed off of Lost and it was a very similar situation where like they didn't tell, you know, didn't tell the actor until the last minute. They didn't tell her to the last minute or whatever. And I was like, you know, they want me to do press for the show and do interviews after it airs. Like, how do I handle that? And she's like, just be honest, which is what I did. I was like, yeah, I got killed off the show. It sucked for me.

Like, I was upset, you know. Jeez. And that's just the only way I know how to deal with that. So it was hard. And my therapist was really great because, you know, when I went to see him and I was crying and I was like, everybody knows. I felt like I got fired. That's what it feels like you get fired. And he said to me, he's like, listen, when I'm watching a really great show and a character gets killed off, I'm not thinking, oh my God, that actor just got fired.

I'm thinking, well, this is great storytelling. Number nine is a guy that, you know, afterwards, he's like, look, I don't, I don't really talk about this stuff. I don't know, was it weird? Was it, you know, he's so, another authentic guy. I think a lot of these guests I get on the show are just authentic. and I think maybe it's just my soft-spokenness that brings it out in them, Ryan Teyes. Why are you talking about that?

I don't know, man. I don't know. Bobcat, Goldthwaite. Goldthwaite. Number nine on the top 13 moments of 2019. Here's Bobcat. Lately, that's my thing. I've been really connecting with old friends on purpose.

Why? just because you just talk a lot of shit hey let's get together boy we had fun and now I actually do it like I just I buy ticket I fly across the country doesn't it take a lot of your time it doesn't matter because it's meaningful and it's also just like oh do you remember that day you you worked on that script all day or do you remember that time you surprised Tony on his 65th birthday you know which that what am I going to remember you know what's the project you're most proud of that you've worked on you're like I think it's like call me lucky and I think

World's Greatest Dad, the movie I did with Robin. I like those movies. I like them all for different reasons, but those are the two where I felt. You had the most fun? No, it was the two where I think I kind of came closest to what I was trying

to do. Do you get over shit quickly? No. I mean, that's why, like I said to my friend who just, this other fellow who I'd worked with and I did know, and it was a really good guy Kevin Burnett. He passed away, but I went to his two closest friends, Josh and Jermaine, and I was like, you know, when this

happens, you kind of feel like you're not allowed to live your life because you're forgetting this person because these guys are so close to him. Like if I laugh, I feel like I'm betraying Robin. If I continue my life, I feel like I'm betraying him, but I'm not. He would want me to. Of course. And it's hard. It's easier if it's not someone who takes. their own life but when someone dies it's an arm that's missing and that and it is in a way

but you do you will experience joy again that's that's I think that comes from experience and that comes from just living and hitting a rock bottom so many times yeah so many times that you're like going I mean what's the alternative when someone dies you think

well I'm going to do this you know we're going to have a memorial and that'll help and it won't or it does for some in some ways but it doesn't or we're gonna i'm gonna go on a trip and go to a beach and that doesn't do it it's i think time is the thing you know do you um do you ugly cry do you go home by yourself and cry like no one's ever seen a person cry no you know it's funny i well up at a commercial but then i those big blowout cries it's been a long time what's the last time he had one of those i think it's when robin passed away of it but But it was weird because it didn't come at all when people expected it to.

What about success? I was on a plane. Wait, you were on a plane when you found out? No, no, no. I found out and everything. But the big, ugly cry came when I was on a plane. Robin had the worst taste of music. He really just, like, I'll apologies to anybody.

I probably love it. I bet it's like cheesy music. No, but it's just like, just anything. Like, he didn't really, he wasn't, for some reason, that wasn't something of his passionate. So in World's Grace's dad, the song Under Pressure is used in a couple ways. It's used comedically, and then it's used at the end of the film. And he loved it, and he's like, I'm going to make that my song.

He wanted that song when people play, when he walked down to a talk show. He wanted that. He wanted that, but no way people are going to play Rock and Robin or, you know, some bullshit from Aladdin or something. And I just put on my headset, and that song came on, and then I just, lost my mind. I just, out of plane.

I just like... Were people, someone next to you? No, I don't know what they were making. I just buried my face in the window and I just lost it. And sob and sobbed, yeah. Number eight, this is a woman who I've always been in love with.

I do this charity, Echoes of Hope for Foster Youth, and I host it. And I've had to, I always see her in the crowd. She's part of it, and I would introduce her, or I'd say some funny things.

things and I'd sort of be, you know, I had a crush. And one time she gave me a kiss on the lips and we're just, we're buddies. You know, I'm obviously, you know, not her kind of guy. I wear sweatpants. But she's a real down-the-earth girl. But what I loved about this podcast, this moment, or these moments, is that I really felt bad because when she's talking about working with Bill Murray, and I'm like, did he hug you? Did he just listen to what she says. This is really profound. Andy McDowell. Have you ever had sex with Bill Murray?

No, I did not. I wasn't even sure Bill liked me to tell you the truth. I was doing everything I could. If he was attracted to you and into it, did you find him so talented and funny that you might have considered it? Were you single at the time? No, I wasn't interested in having...

You've never cheated. You're not that girl. I'm not going to say whether I was purely pure. I'm not going to get into that. But I can tell you, I didn't sleep with Bill Murray. Did it Bill Murray make you laugh all the time? Was he improvising a lot or was he just doing? He did improvise a lot.

Bill's, Bill is moody. He's a moody person. And so it depended on his moods, whether he was making me laugh or not. He was, he could be, he can be intimidating. Of course, he's like the biggest, one of the biggest comedic geniuses of all time. He is, a genius. I will give him credit for that. Did he make you ever, was he the same person off?

camera as he was on camera. He's as weird as he can be. He's a very strange person. I meant when you're doing your lines, does he give you what you give him? When I was working with him, he's, all you have to do is be present and pay attention

and be involved in the scene because he's so good and they're always different. So it's the best acting you can do because it's not formulated. You know, like some people just over prepare and it's just like bad acting

sorry and it was it was never like that it was always fresh and authentic and sort of in the moment very spontaneous

he's very extremely spontaneous and you just had to listen and react so it's that whole Meisner thing which I wasn't even like a huge Meisner student but it's pretty simple technology

formula to listen and pay attention and be present. Did Bill Murray ever look at you and say, you were really great in the movie? You were really, you really shine. It was a joy to work with you. Oh, my God. Never?

No. He never said, I loved working with you. No. I would be floored. He never said, Andy? No. Great take. No.

Andy, you look stunning today. I don't think so. You worked within three months on ground on day. I don't know if it was three months. He never wants... I don't have any memories of that. I was intimidated by him, but always kind. I kind of felt like that's how to deal with him.

Was he kind back? Sometimes. Was he always in his head? You're going to get me in big fat trouble. I don't think he wants to work with me again either. I don't get that from him that feeling. I don't think it was going to be a ground hugs day too. No, it's not.

I do think he's a genius. And I have seen him since then, and it's the same kind of feeling when I see him. I adore him. I would do anything if he would hug me. That would mean so much to me, but it's not going to happen. Isn't that something how that's all you wanted really if he just gave you one hug? I think, you know, that would be, he's just the kind of person that, you know, for me, I felt like I was constantly, I might cry. This is terrible.

No. Just constantly trying to please him. Like everything I did, like every moment of every second I was around him. it was to try to keep him happy and to please him. Inside of you is brought to you by Sun Basket. Juice cleanse, Ryan, intermittent fasting, carbs, cycling, struggle to see long-lasting results from any of these. What if instead you tried eating real food, dude?

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He opened up. We cried about our moms the first time he was on. The second time I learned even more. He's going to come back. He wants to interview me on the show. Also worth talking about maybe doing live podcasts, not just Zach and I, myself, inside are you taking it on the road. Do you think people would come and watch?

Yeah, sure. Because I've been to others and it's like, oh, there's hundreds of people here. I mean, I think it'd be embarrassing if I showed up and like, there's eight people there. But I guess what do you do? Right. You're like, hey, thanks for coming. Yeah, you do it anyway. You do it anyway.

Of course. You got to stop worrying about other people or, you know, what's the word when you, you know, it's like validation. Like, oh, oh, 200 people came. So that means you're good or worthy. Fuck that, man. How about I love the podcast? people love the podcast? If they show up, they show up. And what if one of those eight people is the Dalai Lama?

I mean... That would be pretty cool, man. That could happen. Maybe they'd come on stage. Yeah. He'd come on stage. Yeah, why not? All right, this guest, number seven, again, in no particular order. Number seven of the top 13 moments of 2019, Zachary Levi.

I had this conversation with Dax, Dachshepard on a plane where it started to get heated. where he was talking about mental illness, and I was like agreeing, but I was also saying, sexual molestation, molestation, molesting, Jesus, I can't speak. But, you know, as a kid, there was some things that happened to me that, like, I dodged some bullets, and I still had, I still, like, I remember the feeling I had as a child so scared, so nervous, what's going to happen, and I wasn't even molested, but it was close. Like, I almost, like, I escaped. And I can tell you that story on time.

And I will say that now when I hear these stories, I can relate to that scared little boy or girl that is just, that's going through the in a small way where I'm like, oh, look, I was molested when I was a kid by another kid. And the ramifications of that have followed me throughout my entire life, literally introducing me to sex at a time when. You shouldn't have been introduced to her. You shouldn't be interested. How old were you? About five, I think, four or five, something like that. It's amazing. We just moved back from, well, what?

Most people can't remember what they did when they were five, but you, that. Oh, dude, I have vivid and vivid memories starting around, around three or four. I mean, I don't remember all of it, but I mean, I have very vivid, uh, tangible memories. And also, you know, I, of course, I have to always, um, assume that there could, be some romanticizing in my own brain, you know, like, do you really remember moments exactly the way, even as an adult? Do you remember a moment exactly how it went down? Or do you have their, you know, there's all kinds of studies on this kind of, you know, you remember somebody wearing a black suit when they were wearing a blue suit or whatever. I don't know. I'm not

professing. I know everything that happened to me exactly when I was a child, but I know what happened to me. It's so crazy. You said that because I'd never really talked about this. but the same thing happened to me. It was another kid. Oh, so that did. And I never talked about it. But now that you've talked about it, I feel like, fuck it.

This is the first time we talked about it. I think this might be the first time that I've talked about this, like on this. But, you know, I talked to my therapist about it. I go, um... Oh, so you've talked to these therapists about it. Yes. Oh, yeah, yeah.

And I said, um, has this affected me? And he looked at me and said, no. It didn't affect you. Because the person was so, it was young, you were both young it's hard to explain because you looked at me like wait wait what are you saying what i'm saying was they weren't old enough to think they were a teenager i was young we were similar in age it was you know but i it felt like i was like but this was still wrong this was still something that i i blocked out for many many years and then i told him about it and i

really wanted him to tell me yeah you're fucked up because of this and he said you're not it didn't affect you well wait wait wait but this but that's a that's a big statement well it's a big statement but it's also a big spectrum like you might you might not you might not be fucked up by it but i i'm sorry i don't agree that you weren't affected every single thing that happens in our day affects us what i'm saying is how old was the person that you know i mean i think that that that kid was like two years older so it's a seven and a five year old so something something I think what my therapist was saying, it was an exploration. It was more of like, well, yeah.

Not on my behalf. I didn't want to explore. Yeah, yeah. But that's the thing, though, is that I think that this kid, I mean, I think that his, looking back on it with the, with the, now the mind that I have and the heart that I have and the understanding that I have through my life, clearly that kid was being molested by somebody in his life. the way that all of that went down

and the way that how it affected me then even after that like yes sure at young ages kids are exploring and doing things and that's totally understandable I'm not it wasn't I don't feel like it was an adult you know being a predator on me

right and by the way and I never even judged the kid but but my mom you freaked out See nobody knew about this Oh yeah Yeah so there was all kinds of effects I mean even if nobody knew about it

It still would have an effect on And when I say I blocked it out I just didn't think anything was like I was so young that I didn't think anything was wrong with it So all of a sudden I'm like 30 One day I just go Hey that happened Yeah that happened wait a minute

That happened wow Why do I remember that now It was the craziest fucking thing I mean, and do you think you were affected or do you... Oh, I definitely, definitely was affected. I mean, that compounded by all of the other issues that I was going through and held and carried throughout my childhood and having a psychologically abusive mom because she was psychologically abused and all of the ways that that manifested in my life as a kid and with my sisters and my stepdad who was also an abused, he guaranteed he was abused when he was growing up. and then he became an abusive person when he was older. And I wouldn't change any of it now at all

because now I'm on the other side of it and can look back on it and actually appreciate the fact that it brought me to being healthy or in a journey of being. I'm not saying I'm completely, you know, absolved and this is all good. And I'm like, you know, whatever thing, level nine or whatever. I'm just saying I've now gotten to the other side

of what that darkness that wanted to kill me was doing. and I was able to pierce through and love of friends and family and the tools that I learned in all that therapy to get through that darkness and then from the other side of the darkness be able to look back and go oh yeah, shit, yeah, all that happened

and all of it led me to here and I'm grateful for all of that stuff that led me to here because now on this side I get to talk about all that. Number six is probably Ryan Tejas my engineer's favorite. I've known this guy a long time.

I remember when he was doing the state, And I was like, you're so funny. And little that I know. I mean, he made very little money on that show. It was a big group of people on the state. And then they would do these, you know, three lines here, funny guy in a scene, fighting. Three bangers. You know what three bangers are?

No. They're the trailer. When you get a trailer, you either get a big trailer because you're the lead or you get a double banger because there's, you know, there's two rooms in a trailer because, you know, you're maybe a second lead. Or then a triple banger. A three banger is. you're probably, you could be an extra. I think he was on like a 10-banger. With all the members of the state.

There was just like his room was the size of, because I've had those rooms where it's honestly, you could go in there. I'm not sure if there's even a urine on there. I think you have to go to the men's room. But anyway, I mean, he fought and he fought. And you know what his, I think what we got from this podcast,

you tell me what you got. He talks about entitlement. He talks about how you can't expect anything given to you in life. And boy, is that true. Is there anything you want to change about yourself, Ryan? Uh, things. all right thanks for being so open you know i mean not to have you as a guest i'm not a guest

i know i'm just getting paid to be here when you want me to open up is that all you are but i mean you know you get you get sad right you cry it gets sad no do you love to yeah you cry alone or you cry in front of people uh no i've cried in front of i mean i think we've talked about this before i've cried in front of my girlfriend amanda but it's mostly with movie stuff right i know that but i'm talking about like i don't know he just like dad or no i mean it just it's just like a lot you know i get anxious all the time i'm like an anxious i'm an anxious i'm an anxious person do you meditate i don't because i don't think i'd have the

patience but you know what that's what everybody thinks and dude i meditated for 20 minutes and if i told you two minutes i had it my mind was clear it's worth it just to maybe get two minutes i'm telling you you just keep doing it you think my mind doesn't keep effing going it does so joe Lettruglio, number six of the top 13 moments of 2019. This is a very interesting part of the conversation we're segueing into now, because what you're talking about is accepting when your time is, right? I had a long time accepting when my time was going to be. Many actors go through that. Mark Kevin Jackson just did a podcast with Brooklyn 9-9, and I was talking about Brooklyn 9-9 in that I almost didn't go in for Brooklyn 9-9. I almost

didn't get Brooklyn 9-9 because I'd gone in. I put myself on tape for Allison Jones. Then they wanted me to come back in for a callback or a session. At that point, it was during a very kind of dark time in my career, in my head about my career. Like, you know what? I've done Superbad. I've done all these like little movies like, enough is enough. Like everyone knows what I can do. Like cast me or don't cast me. But like I'm tired of it. I was really, the ego was overwhelming, swallowing me up. And so I almost didn't go. And if I didn't go, I would not be on the show, clearly. More importantly, the lesson learned is that no one owes you anything.

And if you're doing a job because you're expecting to get another job, you've got to find what you like about it. I know that you hear it all the time. You find the joy in what you do. But the older to get, you realize that's really the truth because it put me in such a mood of, I know this and people know what I can do and just give it to me, give it to me. me entitlement that it really starts to weigh you down and it starts to infiltrate you in a in negative ways and you don't enjoy where you're around i remember kemerino it's why it's such a

great guy his wife erika yama wrote this in really funny digital series called burning love that ken was in and so many funny people were in that and i was shooting that and i was just in a terrible mood and like ken had to bring me inside like while we're shooting you know i didn't know disruption during the set but between takes i was just like not the greatest of moods. And he's like, what's up, man? He's like, man. He's like, can I love you? I love this. This is so funny. Like, am I just going to be doing this? Like, web shows? Like, it was really narrow-minded, ungrateful type of stuff. And he heard me as a friend and he related. And here I am talking to someone that also hadn't got his big break. Ken's amazing. He's seen all this

stuff. But also hadn't gotten his break. And you realize you just end up sounding like a complete asshole because you can't see your path you can't see when is your time and it took me a while and if i if i had kept in that kind of mode well then i don't get brooklyn 9-9 and now brooklyn 9-9 has given me a gift that is above and beyond i mean i have a new family i've gone through life changes several of us have gotten married several of us have gotten have had kids including myself if i had like no fuck it i'm not going in that is not open to me any more. That's not here. And that's a very humbling place to be when you're like, ah, now I'm getting it. The struggle's real. Even after you think you've made the big time, not the big time,

but like super bad. I did super bad. I'm like, that movie was huge. I'm like, oh, well, here we go. It's only a matter of time now. Start getting the calls. Here they come. They don't come. You know, you still have to go in. You still have to do all that stuff. So you just have to keep it in check because no one owes you anything. No one's going to give you the money for the movie. No one's going to write the script for you. No one's going to like create the ideal part for you. You find it. You get it. Or just follow. Or if you don't know how to get it, follow things that are coming at you, that are opening up to you. And maybe that will lead you there. This number five was pretty emotional. I couldn't believe that he actually teared up on the show.

It makes me feel like they're comfortable. They're comfortable enough to talk about their stuff in front of me and I truly appreciate it. I think this is a guy who loves his family, loves his fans, loves fame, which I think is okay when you're in a healthy place. You can love fame and do great things because of fame. Fame can give you the opportunity to help people and I think that's what Joe does. You should check out his Netflix specials. He's, he's brilliant, go see him live, which was even better. But let's get into number five of the top. Top 13 moments of 2019. You feel like you fit in?

I don't know. I feel like, I have like this different mindset now. I feel like with my accomplishments, I'm like, yeah, I belong here, man. I walk in a party and I'm like, yeah. But you did feel like that before there was time. Oh, before I was like, well, what am I doing here? Yeah. But then I'm starting to get love from other celebs and I'm just like, oh, okay, cool.

Yeah, people love you. How many people come up to you a day? A lot. It's kind of great. Yeah, it's a lot. It's kind of weird because the Netflix is what put it over. And you're doing another one, right? I got two more coming.

You got two more coming. Yeah, but you know, Mike, I didn't get that first one, man. Did I tell you my story? I want to hear it. I didn't get it. They passed on me. So when they made that big push for stand-up comedy, it was like 2016, and they announced it 2015 that they were going to do like this huge push for stand-up and they were

going to go after all these comics. and I was like I want to get on that you know I didn't want to go to Comedy Central again I wanted to be on Netflix and uh and we kept pursuing them kept inviting them to come to the shows and you know I'm selling 18 shows in a row like come to one just see what I'm doing like please give this to me and they weren't coming and uh and then finally they were like we're gonna pass we already got everybody for 2016 and you know we'll come out and look at you on 2017 for 2018 I'm like, my son's going to be 20 by then, you know? Are you heartbroken?

Yeah, I was crushed because I didn't get it. And I'm not. What did you think it was? What did you think it was? I don't know. Was it politics? I don't know what it was. Was I not ready?

Because I thought I was very ready. It was proven. Like, I mean, my demo shows that it's, it's relatable. It's, you know, I'm killing it. And so I was really like hurt, you know? I deserve this. I've worked hard. Yeah.

And not only that when you have a son, it's like you, you know, especially in this business. man like especially comedy it's like how do you show your son that i was appreciated or something you know what i mean like whenever you say i'm a stand of comic everyone always like oh really where tell me a joke or they'll do something stupid like that if they don't know you and this was that that moment this was that what i needed like this is what i wanted my son to be like yeah that's my dad you know like it was more than just me it was like it was everything you know there's everything i worked for and I was just like I want to I want to when I die I want my son to be like that's my dad you know what I mean so I could have done the hate thing I could have went on Twitter and

just done that whole deflecting the energy you know what I mean and absorbing just negativity and and just bashing I could have done that I really could think about a lot of people would have went to no I mean I was mad because I felt like I was like yo I deserve this and I don't understand why you know I said who doesn't say that oh he got one but I didn't get one she got one I didn't get one you could do that all day but that doesn't do anything that doesn't do anything though

no matter how many times people say no to you you just I don't know you gotta dig deep and show them you know and I literally paid for that special man I paid every fucking penny Mike you paid the whole thing how much man I can't tell you that because in the agreement when they bought it from me

you know they disclosed it yeah you know they gave me my money plus some more let me just say was it over $100,000 more that you put your own money way more hundreds of thousands of dollars okay let me tell you why I went way more

because I could have went that route we could have shot it for 100,000 right you know I could have went to any improv got three cameras and shot it and I could have said oh well the material is what's going to sell it or I can make it look like something that Netflix put money into

yeah like like this is something that they would be proud of so after that you edit this together you put it together and your agent and you guys send it back to Netflix the same guys yeah we walked it in

what you mean you walked it in well I didn't walk it in they walked it in right because you said we well I know well you know it is me and my team is me and my team is me

right and that's my work you're a team player yeah and so they hand us to them they didn't watch it then they watched it on their own they know they watched it in a in a group

all of the execs watched and how soon after they bought it the minute we dropped it it was like maybe a day later or you know well this is what they said we dropped it and they said don't shop it around and then right when they got it they watched it and then they called my agent and they go don't shop it around we want to put it in an offer so just take it off the market and when he told you that uh-huh i cried i was going to ask you did you cry in the phone hell yeah i'm crying right now are you

that's a beautiful fucking thing you really are crying i know i fucking love that yeah man it was You're a real guy, dude. You're a real fucking, you have that heart in you that just, you know, and I knew it when I met you, that inviting sort of, you love people, you love life, you love, but you're passionate about what you do. You're so passionate what you do. I love that you're crying. You're going to make me cry, make Rob cry.

Fuck you, Rob. Fuck you, Rob. Dude. That was my dream, you know. You wanted a special. Yeah. It's from delirious to that. Like, that's all I lived.

Oh. And, you know, that's all I wanted to be was a stand-up comedy. So them saying no, it was like, what? And I had to show them. What a fucking story, dude. I don't know how many people would do what you did. Like I said, this is going to be a special year, folks. I hope you stick around and tell your friends,

force your friends to subscribe in a non-threatening way. Remember, video is coming back. We're doing video for Inside of You. It's going to be coming, hopefully, sooner than later. Stay tuned, but please keep listening. Also, if you want to write into the podcast, remember hello at inside of you podcast.com. We love this stuff. We love reading stuff.

It touches me, the letters I've gotten from you, again, your support. The patrons, patrons joining Patreon and subscribing to the show and giving back and getting extra supplemental material and videos and all that stuff. really helps. So thank you all for that. I really appreciate that. Number four on the inside of you top 13 moments of 2019. Wow. This was a guest that just said fuck it. She just opened up about her sexuality. She loved sex. She had a lot of it. Her relationship with Al Pacino, which we're going to listen to now a little bit crazy story about being boxed out by Pacino's criminal business manager and a beautiful moment between our dear friend carrie fisher who passed away three years ago

this past christmas it was crazy man two weeks before she passed away three years ago she had a party for her 60th birthday at her house and i brought her some cupcakes and some stuff and then when she went off to film star wars uh she i still have the message on my uh machine maybe i'll play it for you some time but she said said hey asshole or something i'll uh i'll be back in a couple like i'll be back next week let's all get together and um that was it and it wasn't but like a week week after that that she passed and uh still in shock sometimes i just sit there and go i had this little room where it's just all my carry stuff just like a picture of her her chair from force awakens uh that she gave me

and pictures and little things like that and um she always is she's doing i know you you love this shit take it she'll just she didn't care that i was a star wars fan usually when you're like friends with people that you're kind of a fan of i don't know i'm sure it's a little weird but you know it's not like i always looked at her like she was princess lea it was like i knew carry i know more about carry than a lot of people i know the moments when she was married to paul simon i know the letters that her and her ex would write uh to each other i know so much there was a real friendship she knows about my family she knows she knew sorry i feel like she's still here but hearing this uh interview with beverly de angelo who was also way closer just a dear

dear friend of carrie's talking you can hear carrie's voice when she plays a little video but let's get into beverly de angelo number four on the top 13 moments of 2019 you know and you guys get along now. Yeah. Now that took a while. Well, it took a while. It took until I just went, this guy is never going to change. He's never like this is. Well, when you met, what you were in love? You were in love? Oh, instantaneously. Right? Yeah. And you thought this is the way it is. And he says, I want you to be the mother of my children. Three months in. Three months in. And then seven years later, two kids later, it was like not happening. What was that heartbreaking for you? It was very much, the rug was very much, it was very, there was a lot of internecine

shit going on. He had a, there was a parallel story. He had a business manager named Ken Starr, not the guy who did the client thing. But after I had the kids, I became more involved and more privy to his, his financial scene. Because it was always independent financially from the get-go. and but then having the I'd been on bed rest for seven months the kids twins I got pregnant when I was 40 I mean it was there was I was definitely not working I was holding down the fort right so anyway the kids were like six months old and long story it was covered in vanity fair so I'm not going to get into it right I've already told that story read vanity fair but anyway in a nutshell in a nutshell I said when the kids were six months old I said your business manager is a crook and I said five Five years from now, it's going to be you and me and the kids or you and him, because there's something screwy going on. He'd done something. And little did I know that I was igniting the fuse of a criminal. And that was in 2001. And he was also a lawyer. So Al, I had finally got, by the time the kids were two, I'd gotten Al to agree to audit him. And, you know, we had kind of.

ramped up to this audit that was supposed to happen. And right before I was going to leave for L.A., I was in the country house, and the estate manager called and said, what are you doing? I said, oh, I'm just online, you know. And he said, as a kid's asleep? And I went, yeah, why? I guess it was like 630. And he said, oh, I just wondered. And then there's a knock at the door, because there were two houses on me saying, knock at the door. And Bob, the state manager, says, I just want you to know I'm quitting tomorrow and I went okay and then the guy standing beside him said are you Beverly DeAngel and I said yeah and he went you've been served so I open up this envelope and it's a subpoena it's a custody filing and it's Al signed by the business manager

because he's a lawyer and it's a custody file and it was odd and it said you know that Al was filing in court to get a grant to be able to take the kids anywhere with him without the mother. I was worded even weird. What the fuck did this come out of? I called him up and said, what is this? He goes, well, you know, we're not married. So it's just, you know, a custody thing. Because if you're not married, you don't, whatever.

And I was like, huh? And I went, do I need a lawyer? And he went, oh, the court will give you one. And I went, the court. So I'm like, what the fuck is happening? The thing is, I would go over to see Carrie and just stay there. And we traveled all over there. We were never out of touch.

But we had a lot of serious hang time. And one thing I did learn how to do, starting out early as like a flower child floating around all over the place. And a musician was hanging, which is what I love. You just like make it up as you go along. And if there's music. it. So inevitably, whenever we'd get together, and it was something that Griffin Dunn actually said in that Bright Lights documentary about her. I really picked up on that when he said that when they were roommates in New York, that they just sang all day long, I'm going into the

kitchen. That's exactly how she would sound. You sounded like for no way. That's right. So anyway, so that was a big part of our life. So the other day, I don't know how I found this, but I was looking at my phone and I found a video that in a nutshell was really what our relationship was. Our relationship was agendas list. When you think about two women who were actresses and agendaless, agenda less and that we just hung out together and I really do think that one of the ingredients of our friendship was that what we wanted from each other was friends. friendship. That's it. It wasn't like, oh, this person, because Carrie would have, Carrie would have friends that, you know, were as a result of work or professional thing, and they'd be there for a while, and then they'd be gone when that mission was accomplished. But, you know, I was, we always

had that thing. Anyway, so I find this, this video that we made. She'd just gotten her dog, Gary. So I'm going to play the audio because of the video, and, and, and for some reason, she just started singing. She wanted me to film Gary. So we're taking, we're taking pictures of Gary, and she started singing, come back to me. Well, let's hear it. Okay. So this is on your iPhone. We're listening to this now.

It's Beverly DiAngelo, a late, beautiful Carrie Fisher, singing to Carrie's dog, Gary. Yeah, with a song made up on the spot. Here's Gary, Gary, Gary, Gary over here. Getty, you see. Getty, oh, getty, oh, getty, oh, getty. Come back to me, Gary, you see. Daddy, oh, Gary, oh, Gary, oh, Gary, oh, oh, Gary. Gary, oh, jeepoo-jee-d-d-d-d-d-getty-o, Gary, oh, Gary, oh, Gary, you see.

Getty, oh, Gary, oh, Gary, oh, Gary, oh, Gary, oh, Jerry. That just honestly made it. I put a tear in my eye that. No, but I mean, that's like, that's it in a nutshell. And then I don't, and then after that, we did it again and again and again. You know, people always say, you know, what was she like? Like to each person, she was different. She had her own relationships with everybody.

You know, for me, it was like I was kind of a lost soul. And she was stay in my bungalow for a couple months. Get your shit together. And Sarah Paulson was getting her shit together. We were both kind of fucked up. She always had that going on. She was always helpful. Number three, I'll tell you, Ryan, Sean Aston.

Sean Aston really opened up. Talk about opening up about their mothers. Patty Duke, very famous. And he really over. opened up about his mother's mental health. I can't believe how much he opened it. If I thought for sure he was going to call me and say, hey, can you edit that out? And he didn't.

And that's what helps people. When we don't edit shit out, when people listen to go, oh my God, my mom had, um, you know, bipolar disorder. My mother had this. And what I, what I really got, listen to this. Listen to number three, Sean Asson on the top 13 moments of 2019. Well, my, my, my, my, my, did you yell that? My mother was bipolar.

You better. So did she, like, hit you? Yeah. There was a physical abuse. Really? Yeah. Usually, there's always a reason, but there was, you know, it was, yeah. But my dad was, uh, he would go calm and it pissed her off because the more she would

freak out, the more he would just get mellower and mellower. But when he would, when he would raise us with stuff, he'd say things like, hey, put yourself in the other guy's shoes. And, you know, two wrongs don't make a right. And he would say it at critical moments when you just gotten beat up in school or something like that and you'd you'd uh or you know you were opinionated about stuff um so there was a value system there but to go back to the the the abuse thing yeah we we felt sorry for her you know what i mean it was like watching a little kid act out so even though we were little

kids and and a lot of times i would kind of adopt the paternal vibe you know that that was an interesting role to assume sometimes when she'd be freaking out about my dad and in some ways she's looking to the kids for no to like to adjudicate the fight you know your father did this and your father did that and he did this and then she looks at you and you're now in the position of having to say like you're right mom you know what he shouldn't have done that or be like well you know but you did kind of flip out before you had it you know we're you're like this weird juror so so what ends up happening is you develop this ability to kind of you know run between the raindrops where you're on yeah where you don't but you all but a tone is what she really

wants she wants a nurturing supportive understanding tone you know and it's impossible with any relationship to kind of like break it all down and into its component parts but this is the quality that people are interested in hearing because it's what's different from from or it's what they've experienced that people don't like to talk about so when my mom mom was physically abusive. I always sensed that she knew what my limits were and she didn't push past them. So where there was abuse, you were kind of like, it was almost performance art. And you kind of like, well, maybe this doesn't hurt as much as it could.

There was one or two times where she lost it, where she wasn't. I can see your eyes to you remember exactly the moment. Oh, yeah, yeah, absolutely. 100%. I think she wanted to have like the perfect kid. She wanted to prove to everyone that she was like the perfect mother and that you didn't have to have the kind of turmoil that she had in her life in order to have success. So when I was seven or eight, I'm always, I always get the days a little bit wrong or the age is a little bit wrong. But I was seven or eight and she came to me and said they're doing an after school special you remember these after school specials they would do these like issue of the weak shows child abuse teen pregnancy drug addiction kind of groundbreaking it was groundbreaking but it was also lame because they would just wrap it all up in a nice neat little bow in 20 minutes yeah but they would still talk about it at least yeah so they wanted my mom to play this

abusive mother and she said okay but if my son can be the abused that's right that's right so i played it was called please don't hit me mom and please don't hit me mom starring your mother as your mother and you as you i actually just saw the poster for it lance guest was in it i don't know if you ever knew who lance guest was uh and nancy mckeon of what do you call it uh different uh facts of life that my brother started in for five years so it was their three names my mom and those two and then my name wasn't mentioned on the poster at all but but the poster was of my mom uh crying on a couch hugging me and i had like i just remember i have this like really big

hair but it was an interesting experience I mean she in the in the movie or in the yeah she was abusive so you were like reliving your life I mean your life essentially you were playing a part where it's like this is real yeah this is actually happening in my house but you didn't say that no one there on said no one had no one in the world knew anything that you think they just knew you think people knew what that your mom I think you could tell it was an amazing learning experience, not just the fight scenes where she would be, you know, the abuse scenes, which I was a little bit nervous, uncomfortable laughter. That's my first acting story that I tell people is that, you know, she's supposed to grab me.

I like forgot to tell her something or I dropped a math book or I don't know what it was in the show. And so she's grabbing me in the kitchen and banging me against the cupboard. And so I'm laughing. And the director's getting nervous. You know, these TV movies, they don't have a lot of time to sort of think about stuff. Or use it because it's interesting. Well.

Interesting choice, Sean. They were just panicked because I wasn't doing what I was supposed to do. So my mom took me outside and she goes, Sean, this is my career. I took a chance on you. And I start to cry. And she's like, okay. And they go and she's like rolling, rolling. So they roll and she's beating me up and I'm crying and everything.

And then they say cut. And the director's like, God, that was amazing. And my mom hugs me and tears are rolling down my cheeks because I've just like disappointed or whatever. and she looks at me and she smiles and she goes, honey, that's, that's acting. You did it. And you're like, oh, oh, good. Okay, good. That's like a good thing, I guess.

Number two. This dude, you know, I've seen him at, when I was doing comedy, doing standup. Boy, was I frightened. Stand up was a really tough time for me. I had to pretend I was just fine. And I just watched the movie Judy. Oh, yeah. Renée Zeguiller?

Zegwiller? That's right. I, listen. me. I'm going to tell you guys something. I have never cried this hard, this long after seeing that movie. At the end, 15 minutes of hard crying. And I don't regret it a bit. It was cathartic. My dogs consoled me. They really came to me. And they hugged me and kissed me. Well, they didn't hug me, but they kissed me. She gets horrible stage fright, Judy Garland. And I was like, oh, my God. And she died at 47. I'm like, oh, my God. And all these things. I was like,

She popped pills. That's what killed her. I'm like, oh, my God. I'm just saying I felt like I could relate. I just did. I felt like I was like, wow. And she's 47. I'm like, I'm like, I'm 47 now. And I felt like it was that even that movie was sort of that you have to have a wake up call or you will die. People will die. You can't suffer. You can't hurt your body. I've always had stage front. I think that's the real thing. And I never want to admit it. But I do, the way I'm trying, I think with meditation and things, I'm trying to calm that. it's not that big of a deal you know do your shit don't think in the future don't take a week stressing out when you're wasting time stress out the day of or the hour of give yourself a chance maybe for an hour a day but doing it to yourself fight or flight all the time you know so going up with dang cook against you know not against dang cook but with these other huge um talents these standups it was rough and um dane i was surprisingly i thought is he going to open up or is he going it'd be because everybody has this perception it was daint cook a dick was he this and he fucking talks about things that make you go yes this is a good dude this is a solid guy he just text me

he wants to come back on the podcast i love how open he was about his brother's embezzlement about life if you listen to the whole podcast he talks about his dad there's some sweet sweet moments. Number two of the top 13 moments of 2019, Dane Cook. Greatest moments in my life are sometimes the things that were the absolute most atrocious, because from that, you get tools. You get tools that you can then implement, sometimes into your work, just sometimes into something funny, a funny story, or a performance. You know, those things that like, oh, I lived through that. I studied the, uh, the steps, the empathy, the anger, I allowed myself to kind of sit in it. I don't drink. I don't

do drugs. I've never done anything in my life. I feel feelings. And then I get to put that and share it in stories and performance. So there's nothing that comes bad from weakness sometimes in myself or in people around me that I have to cohabitate with. What's the, when you say atrocious, you probably don't want to talk about any of this. But if you do, what's one thing you will talk about that you're like, you know, this happened in my life. And as bad as it is, I learned so much from that. And how did you get through it? Well, for me, it was putting my brother in jail. I had to put my brother in the embezzlement. Yeah. So once that happened, and I pick and choose where I talk about it because I, um, it was a cataclysmic betrayal in my life

that almost sent me into a, an abyss of depression. So sometimes if, and forgive me if I say to you like, I just don't want to keep going down this rabbit hole. But to look down from the cusp of it for a minute, I can tell you that it was like everything that I thought my life was up until the day that that happened and then the year to follow of how bad it got. It capsized me. And it made me a person that was very difficult to be around because I was encumbered and sad. So I didn't, I had to, you know, go back over the years because I probably didn't always

treat people fairly because I was mortified. I was humiliated by my brother publicly at a time when I was hitting a level, an echelon of superstardom that I should have fucking been enjoying 24-7 and I couldn't. It was like somebody's just dragging you, pulling you down when you're trying to get up. I said a couple of times in previous interviews, I said, I felt like I was surviving the piranhas of Hollywood so well only to find out my brother was the devil. it was nuts would I change it now zero what I change zero everything that I became from that as a person and performer I value myself even more from that experience you know before we get into the number one I also want to throw out some just some love to everyone again for making uh not making me do this but showing me the light that I'm doing something I really enjoy it I really love I really love doing this podcast and um write in tell us how you feel write a review get your friends to

subscribe it's important let's get into the number one super talented the best thing i think he said was my work does not define me i am not my work it just it really sat with me and uh let's get into it this is Rain Wilson. Are you still extremely hard on yourself? Even when you were doing the office? Did you like going, I have to step it up or hit show? I have to be funny. I have to be this.

Were you hard after the show? Yeah, you know, I've gotten so much better in the last four or five years. Like, I've really made big strides in a lot of ways. I used to be really career obsessed. And you know what that's like in this world. just constant comparing myself to others and like why is he in that movie and I'm not and and I was when I was on the office like it was all about like how do I leverage Dwight to get more movie roles and to get greater stardom and and so it was really just hard on myself and

really kind of had OCD about about that you know filming that in my head and going over it over it again and now I've really I really let that go how How? Well, a lot of it's been this therapy work, you know, and, you know, just work with my wife. She's been really supportive about it and, you know, as I've kind of loved myself more, I think going more into spirituality has allowed me to love myself more so that I'm not, I am not my job. I am not my success. My self-esteem is not, it's certainly linked to success in my work, but I am not my work. I am not how successful my work is going.

So I don't need that anymore, but it used to be that way. It used to be that way. And it kind of made me an asshole, you know? You were an asshole. I wouldn't say, I don't think if you talked to the office cast, they would be like,

oh, rain was an asshole. I think people, we all get along and good, but I could be an asshole. Yeah, I could be pretty narcissistic and self-centered. And yeah, I had some rough years in there. So there you have.

guys top 13 moments it was really a joy there's so many other great guests this year we've got so many other great guests coming on some will repeat stephen and mel he came back marina baccarin come on man that's exciting many other guests i'm so excited video is coming your way on youtube so make sure i'll let you know when that comes out but we're gonna just try to make the show better and better we're not changing the show we added a little intro a little outro a little more talking about you guys and trying to be more current, you know, we'd like to just be a little more current and record the intros and outros close to when we air. So we're trying different things and it's hard with different schedules. But we love you. We thank you, this top 13 moments

of 2019 for inside of you with Michael Rosenbaum. Ryan, thank you. This has been fantastic. What a, what are your, Bryce? I want to think Bryce, because he really put a lot of this, most of it together. He really did. And Mia for editing. this really top-notch stuff and you know we're just striving to be better and better Ryan this has been great thank you thank you yeah man this is a lot of fun also the patrons I love you the patrons if you want to join Patreon go to Patreon subscribe to the podcast you're going to get a lot of stuff I mean the top tier I think gets care packages for me every four months I think there's Q&As with me there's shit talking with Michael Rosam on a bunch of other stuff too extra

podcast stuff extra extra extra um so i'm really excited about that and uh remember portland oregon i will be there uh at the end of january so come see smallville nights come see tom welling and i we got the wine knocking point wines it's called pure evil i'm the pure this time welling's the evil we sold out last year get the 10% off it's in the intro i gave all the information all right this is a shout out to the top tier patrons on patreon Bortax Christina B Emily

Emma H Jason W Nancy D Nico P Sarah V Tricia Barry I And listen patrons

patrons I freaking love you guys I was so shocked at like looking on there going Is anyone going to subscribe to this? I don't know Everybody's telling me to do it And all of a sudden I'm like boom

100 patrons right away And I'm like This is awesome I'm like can I just do inside of you for the rest of my life. Also on social media, don't forget to follow and at Inside of You Pod on Twitter, at Inside of You podcast on Instagram,

and Inside of You podcast on Facebook. Also, this is a message from a fan. Brian says, a message from Michael. Hey, Michael, not sure if this will ever reach you. My name is Brian, 30 years old from Kansas City, Missouri. Thank you for staying true to yourself and doing things that suit you. Man, I know Smallville was long hours and stressful,

but man, it got me through some difficult times in my life. My parents divorced, grandparents, death, et cetera. I discovered your podcast and I came for some humor, but it has helped through so much. So many days dealing with panic and anxiety and your podcast is a breath of fresh air. I have to make it out to the West Coast and meet at a convention or something. Many blessings. And that's Brian Kelly. So you see how would impact, you know, the show has. That means the world to me. Thank you for for writing in because I do read them. You see, I do read these things.

Oh, and thank you for listening to my band Left on Laurel. I know it's another actor playing music, but I think a lot of you guys liked it. And, you know, it was great. We played at the Roxy, the famous troubadour. We went to Germany and tour. We sold a lot of merch and we do stage it, which are online shows. And it was just a real treat. And I want to say thank you for all the wonderful support.

I want to thank my band. I want to thank, you know, I know it was a rocky road. And I don't know what the future holds, but I'm working on stuff with my lead guitarist, Rob, right now. Left on Laurel guys, Tom, Lally, Rob Danson, Kent, Irwin, Carl McDowell. Thank you guys for a wonderful, wonderful memory of playing in a band. Never thought I'd ever do that. But that's part of this show is like overlooking your fears, man. I'm just saying, just do it for you, man.

I love our band. We're being placed in a TV show that's coming up. Sure, they cut out my vocals, but I don't care. I think it's really cool. Thank you, listeners, for a wonderful year, 2020. So let's play a little on the right side of the canyon, shall we? Mia, you have the song. When you're driving on on the right side of the canyon.

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