Is It Just Me? - #102: Top 5 Doorbells

Episode Date: April 4, 2022

Remember Mufti Day at school? Well, it's MUFTI WEEK on IIJM this week with Churi and Jenna taking the reins.In this episode:What's mufti week? (02:15)"First in, best dressed" is so STUPID (08:02)Pig dicks (12:26) Being late is not a 'cute' personality trait (15:12)Coombs and Jenna's annoying American colleague (19:12)Top 5 doorbells (22:00)Show & tell (33:27)Our “Secret Segment” ADDebrief (49:28)Follow us @coupleofmitchesSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

People do some weird shit. Would you like to try a vape? Why would you take up something that is going to be addictive and expensive? I think for people... I'll tell you why. Yeah. Because you're young and stupid. Some things make more sense than others.

You mentioned that your goal was to be healthy, and I just don't know how you figure that's going to happen when you're ordering a chocolate mousse. No. You know, I had it in the car on the way home and I didn't have a spoon. So I was like an armadillo trying to get ants out of a hole. Brace yourself for the rude shocks of young adulthood. Being fingered is an awful sensation.

Getting fingered by the right person. Goodness me. This is Is It Just Me? Hosted by a couple of bitches. Hi, it's Jenna. Please don't forget to include my name in the opener this season. I'm sorry. Ta-da!

Now, here's Mitch Chooley and Mitchell Coombs. Hello, everybody. Mitchell Coombs, welcome to the show. G'day, g'day. Back for another week. Back for another week for a mufti show, everybody. Welcome. I've got some mufti music for us.

So much like Mufti day at school. Yeah, yeah. When you get to dress up and, you know, be a little bit silly. Yeah. Is that what we're doing this week? That's exactly right. It's kind of, we're a bit more relaxed. You've done nothing for this show.

You haven't planned a thing. You haven't, you don't know what's going to happen. Yeah, I'm going in blind or blind, as you would say. Going blind. Our prize keeper, Jenna, is here and she's helped me prepare the show today. Yes, I am here. Yeah, so if you missed it last week, I said that because I've got my Melbourne comedy gig that I need to focus on, I just want to kick back and not stress about the podcast.

So you guys have taken charge. Yep, we've taken charge. What have you got planned for the episode today? Oh, I think we just run in and I think we do it. I think we keep it a surprise. Well, I don't keep it a surprise from you. When I plan stuff, I say, okay, we're doing talkback tings, we're doing Janet Snow. I want it keep it a surprise. Well, I don't keep it a surprise from you. When I plan stuff, I say, okay, we're doing talkback things. We're doing Jen and Snow.

I want it to be a surprise. Why don't you get out of the studio and Jenna and I will tell everyone what is coming up. And hop on out. So you really want me to go in blind? Yes. I want you to go into the show blind. I've got a spider for you. Ready?

Crack open that gate. And put in a scoop of vanilla ice cream. It's a spider. What's month today? Oh, right. Of course. Well, I don't have a gold coin donation, so get fucked. But anyway, I'll leave.

I'll be back. Get out of the studio. Go. And Jenna and I will tell you what's coming up on the show. He's walking out. This feels like work to me. Get out. Wait till the door closes.

Go to the loo or something. Is he out? Okay. Yeah, it's closed. Happy Mufti Day, Jenna! A little bit of Monica. A little bit of Erica. It's just us. Oh, we can look at him looking through the window. He's just us.

Oh, we can look at him looking through the window. He's always working. That horror film. Notting Hill. What's the horror film? Not Notting Hill. That's a wrong call. Pretty scary if you ask me. Oh, the hills have eyes.

It looks like he's watching. All right. It's Muff's new day. So, Jenna and I have planned the show. Off the back of last week's infamous doorbell chat. You want to know. 131065, what does your doorbell sound like? Give us a call. We're taking live calls on the show.

I'm so excited. Mitchell will be so thrilled, Jenna. Because he loves live calls. Loves live calls. So we're taking live calls. We want to hear what your doorbell is. That's later in the show. We've got international doorbells as well.

Very exciting. Fun. We've got a wide range of bells. And also we're going to That's later in the show. We've got international doorbells as well. Ooh. Very exciting. Fun. We've got a wide range of bells. And also we're going to be doing later in the show, hence the Play School music, show and tell. Yay! So I've been learning a new instrument. Ooh.

And I haven't told you or Mitchell. No. I've announced it on the Instagram live, but I'll be playing it and debuting it later in the show, and you have something to show and tell. I sure do. Fantastic. It's something I wear, so I'd like to share it.

Oh, is it the leather? No, not this time. Because I saw that on your desk, I thought. Yeah. No, that's something else. All right, bring him back in. Mitchell, you can come in. Come in.

We're just celebrating Mufti Day. S Club 7. Oh, Siri again. You must have a lot planned. That took you a while to get through. No, sorry. No, we just took a little. We do have a lot planned. We had sponsorships. to get through. No, sorry. No, we just took a little bit. We do have a lot planned.

We had sponsorships. You had to throw to the sponsors. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, welcome back to the studio. Thanks. We've got all the hooking and teasing out of the way. We were celebrating because it is Muffy Day.

Do you want to have a little dance? Very exciting. I don't know. I don't like to dance on cue like that, on command. If the mood strikes, I'll get up and dance later. You're an organic dancer? Mm-hmm. Yeah, fair, fair.

We also didn't say there isn't Is It Just You coming up. We're getting a listener on the show, but that happens every week, so that's no shock to you. Yeah, that's no shock to me whatsoever. Also, something we've noticed, something we hate or appreciate. We're ready to go with two idioms, Is It Just Me? It's how we start the show, the same every week. The basis, the backbone of Is It Just Me?

I saw someone on our secret Facebook group, Injured Idiots, go, oh, thanks for reading out my itty-jum. It's been years, guys. I know. I never thought it was that hard to understand, but ah well. I don't know where the T comes from. I just figure we know what they're talking about, so no need to call them out.

It's like those people that say, you can't call them rat tests because the T in rat stands for test. You're saying rapid antigen test test, so you can't call them that. You know what we mean, bitch. Shut up. ATM machine. The M must be redundant then. Shut up, Uncle Greg.

Yep, so the only thing you've prepared this week is an itch-em. Correct. Would you like me to go first or would you like to go first? I'll go first because you are on break. You're relaxing. There's a lot of you going first recently. That's all I've noticed. Well, ask Hayden. He'll say the same thing. Well. a lot of you going first recently. That's all I've noticed.

Ask Hayden. He'll say the same thing. Whoa. Would you like to go first? No, no, no. You go because you think yours is better. So go. I think it's better. But, I mean, Jenna, you don't know this, do you?

No. Why don't you vote who should go first? No, just go. It's fine. No, I think Mitch, Churi. Thank you, Jenna. Fuck you then. No, I don't want you working.

I have to do it anyway. Jenna's cracking a spider. Get the vanilla ice cream. Take the tub. Just put you working. I have to do it anyway. Jenna's cracking a spider. Get the vanilla ice cream. Take the tub. Just put it in. You've got to... Yeah. Oh, is it hard, is it?

Yeah, it's really frozen. I don't know. Yum. I love a spider. Have you had yours, Mitch? Yeah. Oh, it's gotten all melty. You can't let them melt for too long, can you?

Spiders go rank. They get a film on top of them. Yeah. A little spidey web. They start to curdle. I've made chocolate crackles later. Had to go and get, what are they called? Cornflakes from the grocery store and kofa.

Remember kofa? Yeah, well mum gave me 40 cents for a zombie chew today. I can't wait. Really? Oh, I got a brain licker from Karen at the canteen. Oh my god, I said brain licker the other day and no one knew what I was talking about. I'm so glad you're here telling me this. Was that on that rancid show, the other show? No, it wasn't on my podcast.

Oh, you said it out into the world. Yeah, it was internal content, as in a conversation with friends. Yes. Yeah, no, Brain Lickers. I used to get them all the time at the canteen of my brother's footy games because there was nothing else for me to enjoy at a footy game, is there? Did you ever get, no, did you ever get like a sore tongue from the brain liquor? Yes, of course.

For the internationals. A brain liquor is not unlike a roll on deodorant, but instead of deodorant, you're just licking the little ball thing and it's this sour shit. It's revolting. It literally is a Mitchum deodorant roll filled with sour juice. It's awful. Zombie chews were good. I liked anything by Wonka.

Like, I love the Wonka red licorice. Oh, yeah. Nerds rope. Nerds rope. Oh, I loved the nerds rope. I loved the nerds rope. I was one of those weird kids that would sit there and, like, pick off the nerds and then have the raw red rope at the end.

Oh, no, you have to have it together. Ironically, the least impressive thing from Wonka was their Wonka bars, which is what they're famous for. Yes, and they didn't even do the fucking gold ticket. No. Just put one in every bar even do the fucking gold ticket. No. Just put one in every bar, guys. No one cares. Just for fun.

But do you remember when they did some promotions with the golden ticket? Yeah, you went, you want a trip to Disneyland or something stupid. No, you want a trip to Queensland. To go to the chocolate factory, like where they make them, which is not as fun as Willy Wonka's factory. No. I've been to the Cadbury factory. Let me tell you, it's disgusting.

First of all, it's in Hobart. Is it? The travel destination of all, it's in Hobart. Is it? The travel destination of Australia. Not for the international listeners. It's in the little arse end of Australia, Hobart. I actually really want to go to Hobart, just saying. Beautiful mountainous regions. That was back in my water polo days.

And the Cadbury factory is disgusting. It's grey. It looks like Chernobyl. It's not beautiful. It doesn't sound impressive looks like Chernobyl. It's not beautiful. It doesn't sound impressive, I'm sure. Like everything. Like if people come into this studio, they'd probably think it's way less glamorous than you'd think.

Yeah, you're very true. This studio is smaller than you. Yeah. No, nothing's good in life. That's the lesson. That's the takeaway. Everything's a letdown. All right, let's start the show.

Might you, Jim, to kick us off? Yeah, go for it. Let's go. Is it just me or is first in best dressed stupid? As a concept or what it actually means? Well, both. It makes no sense. What does it actually mean?

Exactly. First in best dressed, maybe if you're the first there and the person at the party goes, yeah, oh, best dressed, but you're the first person and the person at the party goes, yeah, oh, best dressed. But you're the first person. So you've only got places to fall from. Yeah. Do you reckon people have ever actually been turned away? Because they're like, in hindsight, that outfit's foul.

That person that came half an hour later, 10 out of 10. Hey, Nancy, I know we all voted collectively that you were best dressed when you were first in. But now that Margaret's here, she's best dressed. But no longer first in. It doesn't make any... It's stupid. What scenario do people actually say first in, but now that Margaret's here, she's best dressed, but no longer first in. It doesn't make any, it's stupid. What scenario do people actually say first in best dressed? Is it usually like everyone at the radio station, there's three pies in reception, first in

best dressed? That's exactly what I was thinking. Yes, or my mum will text a family group chat. All right, brunch at ours Friday, making bacon and egg rolls, first in best dressed. Is there a comma? Jenna, can you Google first in best dressed, please? Yeah. It's just just it makes no sense is there a comma first in best dress or is it you're the first that is also best dressed oh so it's got to be the first in that is also best dressed yes well that's what

i'm asking there's a comma first oh well i've been getting it wrong this whole time i thought it was you had to show up first and be hot so what does it mean that means first in yep makes you the best dressed yeah it sounds like the earlier you get to the clothes store and be hot. So what does it mean? That means first in makes you the best dressed. Yeah. It sounds like the earlier you get to the clothes store, you'll have the pick of the bunch, the best clothes there. So if you're the first in, therefore you'll be best dressed. Did you know it's an Australian expression? That doesn't surprise me because it makes no sense.

What's the history? It's just similar to phrases like first in, first served or first come, first served. First in, first served, sorry, makes so much sense because you're there first, you're in the front of the line. First in, best dressed means nothing. So is that what it means? Just if you get there first, you're served first?

Yep. Well, there you go. Why can't they just say that? Yeah, I know. Can't they just say, race in now? Yeah, get in now. And why are they bringing what you're wearing into it? It's like the rules of Mufti Day. It brings other people down. Maybe they can't afford to look nice. What's the saying you said just

before we started recording and we couldn't work it out? Hey? You said something before the show started and we were trying to work it out. Oh, I said ebbs and flows, but I didn't know which one was which. I was like, oh, you know, my enthusiasm seems to ebb and flow. And right now I'm in a, wait, which one's which? Yeah. What the fuck's an ebb? Can you Google ebb? Yeah.

Because I just perceive flow as being flowy. Flow, you're in the flow. Yeah. But also there are floods at the moment. Flows can be treacherous. So maybe it's the negative. You never know. Ebb and flow.

Flow could be bad. You know what I love? Yeah. I just love a mixed metaphor. Like saying shit wrong on purpose. You put two different metaphors together. Like, listen, it's not rocket surgery. Yeah.

You know? Or, oh, God, that really threw a spanner amongst the pigeons. Yeah. Jeez, it takes two to samba. Does the pipe shit in the woods? You're very right. So ebb and flow means a decline and increase. So ebb is decline, flow is increase.

No point crying over spilt water, Jenna. Well said. What's the one that you're mixing it with? No point crying over spilt milk. And what? Oh, you're right. Yeah, you have to mix two together. Water off a duck's back.

I don't think he understands. I don't, but it's very hard. Also, another stupid saying, sorry, money can't buy happiness. I'm sorry, but I think it can. Even, not ultimate happiness, not 99% of your life happiness. No, not deep fulfilling happiness. No. But it's like it'll make your life a bit more comfy, I suppose.

Oh, the happiest I am is on May 14th on payday. Oh, my God, I forgot that that was the thing. Monthly pay is the worst. But now I get paid based on when I can be asked invoicing. I don't get paid for months sometimes. Really? Because I don't get around to it. Yeah, but you get paid a million dollars.

But I'm also not the sharpest cookie in the jar. But what's that combined with? Sharpest tool in the shed. Stupid sayings. They were made for when people only had 12 words to pick from, when we were all reading Shakespeare, you know, but now we have many words, olden days people. But I love a good saying, even if it doesn't make sense.

Yeah, right. I don't know what the conclusion is here because I thought you said you hated sayings. Isn't that what this idiom was? I hate that saying, but I love other sayings. I don't like my cup week so far. I'm so confused. All right, you ready for your region?

Yep. Let's jump in. Is it just me or Have you never seen a pig's dick? Oh dear. I hope Hayden doesn't listen to this episode, but yes I have. No, I haven't. I don't think I have. No.

Well, apparently they're quite the sight. They're not like your usual schlong. Really? Yeah. I found this out from our mate Kate Langbrook. She was doing the 3pm pick-up the other day, her radio show, and this is what happened. They've had phones in their pockets since they were 12,

pumping out all manner of actual filth, turning their beautiful, pure minds twisted like a pig's penis, and you think that they haven't watched Ghosts? I was going tail. I thought you'd say tail. Do not Google pigs. Don't do it. I mean, when she says don't do it, obviously we're going to do it, aren't we?

I've been so curious ever since I heard that. I'm like, what do they look like? Apparently they're twisted, according to her. I couldn't type pig's dick quicker if I tried. Pig's dick. Maybe not those words. Pig penis. Pig appendage.

Pig willy. All right, here we go. What? Oh, my God. No. Oh, it looks like a smiggle bendable pencil. I don't like this. It does does actually.

It looks like, back to canteen food, those trolley pink sticks with the white cream in the middle. Oh, it does. That makes me feel sick. Like a little yogurt stick. Oh, no. Oh, my God. That's revolting. Oh, what's happened there?

No, that's not. Wow, I really did not know that that's what pigs were packing downstairs. Like, God, I wouldn't have pictured that. It just doesn't match them at all, does it? Not in the slightest, no. Like at least kind of, you know, when – I can't believe we're talking about this now. I was going to say, you know when horses crack a fat,

you're like, no, yeah, that makes sense. That checks out. That looks – it doesn't work, the pig dick. I've tried to open a bottle of wine with a corkscrew and it's very hard. So imagine trying to fuck your pig lady with your pig dick. You'd have to sort of twist and pivot. Yeah, it does look like a corkscrew. There you go.

Look at this. Like a really red corkscrew. Oh. The Week has written an article, the 12 weirdest animal penises on earth, and number one is the pig dick. Yeah, no, that makes sense. Apparently closely followed by a dolphin.

They have a retractable penis. The echidna. That'd be handy, the retractable one. You know, drag queens wouldn't have to tuck. Yes. It's like, fuck it back in. Also, if Hayden's in the mood and I'm not, I'd love to have a retractable penis. Just go, sorry, hon, not home.

It's stuck. It's out of service. Just pretend you're Macca's frozen Coke machine. Oh, sorry, babe, it's on defrost. Sorry, honey, try tomorrow. Is it just me? That's enough of these two. Now let's hear, and is it just you?

Okay, we're continuing on with the Mufti show. We having fun, everybody? Happy Mufti Day. Yeah. Woo-hoo. Oh, do you want me to validate you? No. Okay, we're continuing on with the Mufti Show. We having fun, everybody? Happy Mufti Day! Yeah! Oh, do you want me to validate you? Yeah! Come on, you don't have to do a thing. Kick back, relax.

Yeah, that's why I'm forgetting to talk. I'm too relaxed. I know. It's me most weeks. This is the Mufti Show. Mitchell Coombs has his comedy shows, of course, so all he has to do is turn up, be the talent for the day. Jenna will edit this podcast too.

So if there's any obscenities or any things that slip through the cracks of course, so all he has to do is turn up, be the talent for the day. Jenna will edit this podcast too. So if there's any obscenities or any things that slip through the cracks that are really on the nose, you've got Jenna to blame. Send her to prison. Also, we're doing an Is It Just You of course today. Rachel sends this in. If you want to get in touch, a couple of Mitch's on Instagram, send us a voice message or you can type it or send us your number, we'll get you on the show. Your chance to have your very own Is It Just Me.

I hope that they're as profound as ours were today oh god yes all right rachel go for it is it just me or are people who are late to things constantly think it's a cute personality trait when in reality it's just selfishness and they think that their time is more important than others. I mean, I don't have as much rage towards the topic as she does. I'm not going to say it's selfishness, but yeah, I don't, I don't know. People like that just won't change, I don't think. I agree.

They just won't. And so there's no point in getting all frustrated about it. But then I also do feel weird that I have to like work around them. Like there's so many people in my life life that's like, okay, so we want to be there at three, so let's tell them it's at two so that they rock up on time. There's so many people like that. There are also so many other things to worry about than someone being late. Enjoy your

own party. If it's a one-on-one lunch, then I get it. But if you're throwing a party... It depends on the circumstance. And someone's late. You don't realise until you have a party. Hayden and I threw a party last week, a couple of weeks ago. But it was for seven. And then by eight o'clock, we only had a quarter of the people there. And we spiralled.

What if people don't come? What if no one turns up? That throws you off if you're the host. Listen, I know you don't party often. No. But I think that's a difference. Sorry. No one shows up to a party on time.

I mean, some people do, but it's not expected. Like most people get there at their own fucking leisure at a party. But yeah, it depends on the scenario. Like sometimes if people are always late and you're like, you're waiting on them. Like, let's just say, oh, everyone come over to watch RuPaul's Drag Race. And you're waiting on that one bitch before you start the episode. I always message my friends and say, I don't even like the show that much. I'm running late.

Just watch it without me. Now that's a good person. I think it's also important not to let your energy affect people if you are late. Like if people show up late and they're like, sorry, I'm so frazzled. I'm so stressed. Then it just kind of throws everyone else off. So if you're late, just rock up and be like, oh my God, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I'm late.

And then just soldier on. Yeah. You know, act like nothing happened. Don't make a point of it. Don't drag on the whole night. Drag the mood down. Have you ever heard that weird piece of business advice where it's like, instead of saying, sorry, I'm late, you say, thank you for waiting.

Because then that takes the power back. You're not like admitting a fault. And I'm like, that's so stupid. I would feel like a dick if I showed up and said, thanks for waiting, everyone. That's so rude. That's like treating everyone like they're your servants. Thanks for waiting. Like we weren't waiting.

We were just on time. Yeah. Also, we had to. Like I have thought about it in some scenarios where I'm late. I'm like, I'm going to give this a whirl. I'm going to say thanks for waiting because apparently that's, you know, good business advice. And every time I try and say it, I'm like, it feels wrong.

I can't say this. I'm just going to be like, soz, I'm late. Yeah, also clearly business advice if you're late to a business meeting and you're talking about stocks. But if you're late to someone's christening, you're not going to go, thanks for waiting. Thanks for not baptising baby resume. And imagine showing up to a one-on-one lunch.

Thanks for waiting, babe. No, you don't need to power play with your friends. That's shit advice. Pretty sure that was an American TikToker. You can imagine that. Yeah, yeah. Dumb. Do you find that, Jenna, you'll back me up here,

sometimes Americans in the workplace come across ruder. Not saying they are, but they come across ruder. We had a bitch like that at our old workplace that was like, thanks for waiting, Tim. Yeah. Always thought she was better than everyone else, even though she wasn't even qualified. Even though she was quite shit.

And there's just something about referring to people as my team that I find so condescending. I also find Americans are very quick to jump into confrontation. They do not mind. They're very happy to jump right into an argument. Yeah, I don't mind that. No, maybe you're half American. You should have heard the confrontations between Mitchell and this other American.

Oh, yeah, I was the only one that would go that bitch. Oh, I can imagine. I'd pull her up on her shit. She asked me to make a Steve Irwin meme on the anniversary of his death. About him dying? Yeah. Yeah, because she thought it was funny. What was the meme?

And I was like, I can't remember. This was years ago. And I was like, and she tried to play that, well, I'm your manager card. And I was like, well, I'm telling you that Australians won't find that funny. And I'm telling you it's not a good idea. So I'm not doing it. Oh, my God. And she was like, okay, well, you need to find me an alternative by COB.

And I was like, you don't have to abbreviate in real fucking, in real life. Stupid cow. She said COB out loud. Yeah. Yeah. You don't do that. Or maybe she said end of play. She loved that, didn't she?

Oh, I hate end of play. You wish you could play soccer. But yeah, I was the only one that would stand up to her. I wasn't rude about it. I was just like assertive, assertive. Yeah, you are very assertive. Yeah. And you're teaching us to be assertive as well. Whereas Jenna would be like,

alright, I will. And then as soon as she left the room, I can't stand that bitch! You would. When they said that she was leaving, I started laughing. What? You hated her that much? Poor Jenna though, because

me and this cow in our office clearly didn't get along. And so we didn't bother to pretend that we did, whereas this chick that we all hated kept inviting Jenna to like the movies and shit out of work. And Jenna's like, fuck me. I had to go to her Thanksgiving dinner.

And that's what, that was my reaction. I evil laughed, being like, sucked in, Jenna. That's what you get for being nice. You've got to be real, Jenna. You've got to be honest. Otherwise you'll be invited to your enemy's dinners. Thanksgiving. And you would have kept complimenting her too.

Lovely turkey. Also, I did make an effort with that fuckhead. Do I know this person? No. I was like, oh, let me take you to lunch. We should catch up one-on-one. We haven't done that since you've been here. And then she emailed me from her desk, which was two metres from me,

being like, I packed lunch today. Can we reschedule? I was like, why the fuck are you emailing me? We're fucking spitting distance from each other. I was like, nah, forget about it. Fuck your lunch. I hate it. I simply hate it.

Now, Mitchell, it's time to move on. Yeah. As you know, it's muck up week here on the show. Yep. You've already had two spiders, which I think hate it. Now, Mitchell, it's time to move on. Yeah. As you know, it's muck up week here on the show. Yep. You've already had two spiders, which I think is excessive. Yeah. You guys are running the show. We are.

I'm not planning a thing. Mitch isn't doing a thing. He's got his comedy shows to plan for, which is absolutely fine. We're here. We're doing the heavy lifting. Jenna and I have organized the show. So we thought we'd bring in a segment when you have no control over it that you've already turned down and said no to.

31065, what's your doorbell sound like? Oh, my God, that'd be fun. What's your doorbell? And you run to your front door and you just tell us what your doorbell is. I actually quite like that. Well, you can keep that shit for your radio show. Nah, I saved it for the next episode, baby! Oh, no.

131065, show us your doorbell. We're doing it. Did you actually? Oh, yes. Oh, is that what you were posting in our Facebook group about? Yes. You said, is anyone going to be home? Yep. Oh, God. Because what's at home? Doorbells! All different kinds. Ooh, we like that doorbell, don't we?

You got this doorbell, got the classic doorbell. I like the classic. So we want to know, 13-1065, call us. What does your doorbell sound like? You do realise that this isn't live. You can't. Giving the number out makes no difference. I know, but it sounds real, doesn't it?

I've got some doorbell music playing. So there's our doorbell music. Right, okay. It's very on brand. And what I've got, Mitch, is five doorbells. Five. Five doorbells. Let me tell you, I'll spoil it to you.

Today we have an international doorbell. Really? So this is an Idjim top five in a way. Technically, yes. I will get you to critique each five doorbells. Have you heard them already? I've never heard them, no. Oh, okay.

No. And it's up to me. It's up to you to select who has the best doorbell in the world. Yeah, right. This is glowing global, ladies and gentlemen. This is exciting. So, Mitchell, take notes. We are continuing, I guess, the My Kitchen Rule theme by getting you to judge.

Shall we go to the first doorbell? Let's start with Lisa on 131065. Hello, Lisa. Hello, my Mitchie Moo. How are you? Oh, my God. Is this the Lisa from Adelaide? Oh, my God, darling.

This is me. Hello, my Choo Choo,, my Mitch and my Madam Jenna. Hello, how are you, my love? It was Madam J last time. Madam J it was. I know. Well, I have to be kind, though, because she's Jenna and she's beautiful and she's wonderful and she's amazing.

Thank you so much. You know, that's all right, my love. Lisa, you were first cab off the rank. Can you please show us your doorbell? Are you ready for this? We're ready. It's Adelaidean. Are you please show us your doorbell? Are you ready for this? We're ready. It's Adelaidean.

Are you ready? Adelaidean. Good, Mitch. He's picking up notes of Adelaidean. All right, go for it. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Yeah, that sounds like the sort of thing that goes off when you walk into a store. It does. Yeah. One more time, Lisa. One more time. Yeah. It rings twice. I quite like it. Yeah, does. Yeah. One more time, Lisa. One more time. It rings twice. I quite like it. Yeah, right. Okay. Short and sharp. That's classic. How do you feel about your doorbell, Lisa? Is that fucking annoying? It sounds loud. Listen, no, it's still going off. It fucking keeps going

until you go there and turn it off. Oh, no! And it's one of those with a screen so you can see the poor bastard standing at the door waiting for you to come and answer. And you think, yeah, no, I'm not answering the door. So you just turn it off and walk away. Lisa, you're losing points. You're losing points. Yeah, it sounds like quite the pain, that doorbell.

I'm losing points. What do you mean I'm losing points? And what am I? Because I didn't answer the door. I only answered the door to Uber Eats, babe. Same on this show. All right, thank you, Lisa. Let's move on. Doorbell number two.

We have Steph. Hello, Steph. Hello. Where are you from, darling? Tassie. Tassie. Oh, we're going local. Have you ever been to the Cadbury factory, Steph? Yes, lots of school excursions there as a kid. It's disgusting, isn't it? Yeah, it's actually rank.

Yeah, we were just talking about this earlier. What I said. Doorbell. Alright, Steph, everyone say it with me. Play their doorbell. Oh. Go again, Steph. Oh, okay.

Oh, it's haunting. What the fuck are we doing? I actually really like that. I'm going to say I don't like it. No, I's haunting. Yeah. What the fuck are we doing? I actually really like that. I'm going to say I don't like it. No, I like it. You don't like that one? Yeah, it's a bit pitchy, bub. Yeah, it's not great.

It was this house belonged to an old lady before us, so I think it was her pick. Oh, definitely. That's why I love it. Yeah, no, she's got like those hearing aids. You can. You can. All right, Steph, Mitch is writing notes.

Thanks, Steph. Hopefully you win. We love you. Let's move on. Mitch is writing notes. Thanks, Steph. Hopefully you win. We love you. Let's move on. We've got Joey. Hello, Joey. Hi, Mitch. Mitch and Jenna are here as well.

Where are you from? Where are you from now? I'm from the Philippines. Where? Philippines. Oh, I thought you said Thorpeys. I was like, what? You spent the night with Ian Thorpe.

Okay, the Philippines. There we go. I'm in Dubbo at the moment. Oh, Jenna's hometown. Yeah, I know. You're in Dubbo? You're joking. Oh, they'd have sick fucking doorbells out there.

North, south, east or west? Which area? Yeah. The south. Oh, south Dubbo. All right, I want to hear this Dubbo doorbell. Yeah, all right. Hit us go, Joey, when you're ready.

What? Play the... I've really got to get that catchphrase down. Yeah, you told us to say it together, but then you didn't tell us what to say. Play the doorbell. Ready? Three, two, one. Play the doorbell.

Okay. Ooh. That one sounds like a – ooh, fuck. Wow, Dubbo doesn't muck around. That was our doorbell too, Dubbo. Really? That one sounds like a toy cash register. Yeah, very Mattel vibes.

Joey, one more time, please. I can't believe you have the same doorbell as me. You know what that sounds like? Like you're in a service station. All right, Joey, Mitch is taking notes. So I hope you win, okay? Good luck, Joey. Okay. Thanks, guys. Thanks, Joey. Did they win anything? No, Joey, Mitch is taking notes. So I hope you win, okay? Good luck, Joey. All good.

Thanks, guys. Thanks, Joey. Did they win anything? No, God, no. Just the gratitude of talking to us. All right, this is very exciting. In an IJM world first. Actually, in a global world first.

Never been done before. We are crossing live to Minnesota in the United States of America. Hello, Jessica. Oh, my God. Hey, guys. Hello, Jessica. Oh, my God. Hey, guys. This is Jessica. Here's my doorbell. Oh, okay.

Let's hear it. What was that? There it was. What the fuck? That sounds like you're being electrocuted. Sounds like you're in the purge. Oh, Jesus. Sounds like a cat got caught in the gym's mowing.

Yeah, that's painful. Does that give you the ick when that goes off? It scares us sometimes. You know what it sounds like, Jessica? It sounds like I'm in my nan's back room playing Operation as a six-year-old. I accidentally sleep and drop the kidney. That is scary. Wow, okay.

Well, thanks for that, Jessica. I'm so sorry to hear about your doorbell. Thanks. Hey, thank you for listening from Minnesota, too. That's amazing. That's so exciting. How long have you been listening? Well, I just found you guys maybe like a month ago. I started with the old ones, and then I started listening to the newer ones

and the older ones. Yeah, well, clearly it's downhill because now we're ranking doorbells. All right. Thank you very much, Jessica. We love you. We love you. Thanks for listening. Love you guys.

Thank you. Thank you for taking part. Final doorbell, Mitchell. Yeah. Hope your palate is adjusted and ready for Sky. Hello, Sky. Welcome to the show. Hi, guys.

How are you? Good. Where are you from, Skye? Melbourne. Melbourne. A very well-rounded selection of bells. Are you going to be at my comedy gig, which at the time of recording has not happened yet? Sure.

Let's say yes. I'm sensing that you don't mean that And I will never meet you Oh Sky, you should have just lied You wouldn't have known Alright Sky, you're the last doorbell Doorbell number five Take us out and play us your doorbell Ready?

Yeah Wait, do that again? Wait Ready? Yeah. Wait, do that again. Wait. Go again. No, I think she was shot. Go again, Skye. Are you knocking on a door, Skye?

Are you clapping or something? Rich enough for a doorbell. She's not rich enough for a doorbell She's knocking You're disqualified Get out You're out of the competition That's not how it works Sky

Cheater Well Sky comes in at number five Naturally Sorry Sky Thanks a lot Can you believe that? So we're done That's it Mitchell

Yeah wow Doorbells have been delivered Which brings us to this moment in time. Dungeon top five. Dungeon top five on the fly. Okay, so it's the top five doorbells based on the calls we just had. Global doorbells, yes. Global doorbells, yeah.

From Dubbo to Minnesota, no doorbell left unrung. Oh, I'm turned on. I like it. All right, give us a ranking. All right, well, coming in at number five would have to be Sky because she was disqualified. She was knocking. That's not a doorbell.

I'm so sorry. I mean, I wouldn't have put that cord away, but what would I know? She lied to me. She lied to me. I vetted everyone's doorbells. Oh, did she? I said, do you have a doorbell? And she was cheeky.

Gotcha. I kind of pay that. I pay the cheekiness, but no, she didn't have a doorbell. Okay, well, coming in at number four would be Jessica with this. That electric chair doorbell. No good. Number three would be Steph. It was completely harmless, but

this... Yeah, a bit too high pitch for me. Yeah, it does a pain in the ears, that one. It irked me. No, it's not good. Coming in at number two, Lisa from Adelaide had a beautiful doorbell. However, it's got a mind of its own. It's an unhinged doorbell. Show me, show me.

Yeah. Remember she said she couldn't turn it off? Yeah. And, like, you have to physically go out there and ring it again so it'll stop. Otherwise, it could ring all day and night. Yeah. No, I don't like that. I need to have control of my bell.

So that brings us to number one. Yes. Well, number one is Joey from Dubbo, whose doorbell was basically like Lisa's, but it just is a bit more reliable. Have a listen. This is it. Ooh.

Oh, see, now that's a good doorbell. He joins us to celebrate. Hello, Joey. Thank you, guys. Who would you like to thank? I would like to thank all the people of Dubbo for bringing us this doorbell. Well, Jenna reckons that you have the exact same doorbell that she did in Dubbo. I reckon there's one Dubbo doorbell dealer.

I think that's a requirement to be in Dubbo. Yeah, right. You need that bell. Wow. Well, congratulations. You need that bell. Wow. Well, congratulations. You're a superstar in our eyes. Thank you. And Prize Keeper Jenna, because it's her job,

will hook you up with a prize for winning, won't she? Oh, thanks. Yeah. Yep, she will. I'll find something. Take that off the air and you can do it. I'll pick it up to Jenna's house in Dubbo. Yeah, good idea.

South Dubbo, so easy for you. Don't give out your address. Thank you, Joey. It sounds like he was cracking on to you. Congratulations. I think Joey was definitely not interested in pushing the doorbell. He likes to be pushed himself. Oh, I see.

You know what I mean? What a shame. I thought you'd get some Dubbo dick. Oh, no. What a shame. I wonder if the Dubbo doorbell dealer gives good dick. Listening on Spotify, don't forget to leave a five-star rating. You're listening to Is It Just Me?

Okay, the mufti show continues, everybody. Are you enjoying Mitchell? Turn it down. You don't like the music? No, you need to be able to hear our voices over it. Yeah, but it's like an excitement song that it fades out. Vanessa fades out quite like her career. Yeah, right, okay.

You know what I mean? It starts really big, everyone's really excited, and then nothing for 30 years. She's still going strong. How very dare you? Is she? If you weren't homophobic and didn't come to Mardi Gras, you would have seen that she did a brilliant performance. She did actually.

I retract that. I take that back. Alright, sorry Vanessa. What are we fucking doing now? Alright, as we move on. Jenna, are you ready? I'm ready. I'm ready. This is something that happens in all schools and as we continue the school trend, this is Mufti Day after all. We're celebrating freedom. We can wear whatever we want. We're doing a round of Ijem

Show and Tell. Show and Tell. Put on a show. Put on a show. Show time. Opener at everything, Mitchell. You just had that line around. I put on a show. Put on a show. Showtime. Opener at everything, Mitchell. You just had that line around. You didn't make that. I did.

It is a segment from the Kyle and Jackie O Show. I did edit that to take Kyle's Show and Tell out, so I'll probably be made redundant tomorrow. Yeah, if you go back and listen, there's a moment where, and we pull it down. Yeah, right. And now we're doing a round of Show and Tell. Yay.

So as I mentioned on the Instagram live, I think I'll go first, Jenna. Okay. Yeah, I never liked Show and Tell in primary school. It's actually something that we didn't do round of show and tell. Okay. So as I mentioned on the Instagram live, I think I'll go first, Jenna. Okay. Yeah, I never liked show and tell in primary school. It's actually something that we didn't do. It feels very American. Did you guys do show and tell? I lived for it.

Did you? Yeah, and in hindsight, I don't think anyone gave a fuck about what I was showing and telling. I was like, right, class, today I got the new Shakira album. And I would just show that and all sorts of shit. But I don't think anyone really cared. I did take my dad to school, take your parents to school today, and you brought your dad in and they told what they did at work. Oh, that was so cute.

Remember that? No. Showed your parents? No. Did you ever do that? No. Oh, and your dad would sit down and go, I work for a wine company. I'll tell you how that would have gone at my school.

Yeah. My dad's a farmer. My dad's also a farmer. My dad's also a farmer. My dad's a farmer. Yeah. It also a farmer. My dad's also a farmer. My dad's a farmer. It wouldn't have been that interesting. And you're right, it would have been similar for Jenna. My dad's an executive banker. My dad's an executive banker. My dad's

a wealthy billionaire. My dad's a mogul. Lane Coe, primary. Lane Coe? That's hardly high falutin Lane Coe. Anyway, if you follow us on Instagram a couple of inches, you would have seen about a weekend or two ago,

I revealed that I'm playing a new instrument. Oh, is that what this is? That's what this is, ladies and gentlemen. I'm going to introduce you. Yeah, you wouldn't tell me what the instrument was. No, no, no. And I'm going to put a timer on. We're going to do two minutes on the clock.

But I will be showing and telling today my theremin. So if you'd indulge me, I'm going to go. Theremin? Yeah. I'm going to get my theremin. You haven't'd indulge me, I'm going to go get it. Theremin? Yep. I'm going to get my theremin. You haven't seen it because it's under the desk. It sounds like a kitchen appliance. Here it is.

Whoa. Oh, what for the love of God is that? It looks like a laminator. Oh, my God. It's my theremin, everybody. It's like a mini spaceship. So I'm moving the theremin. It is like a mini spaceship.

Hold on. I spoke to the technicians and it is wired into the desk. Now, for those at home thinking, what the hell is a theremin? Well, I might point you to it. I'm not at home. I'm in the technicians and it is wired into the desk. Now, for those at home thinking, what the hell's a theremin? Well, I might point you to... I'm not at home. I'm in the room. What the fuck's a theremin? Okay.

For those in the room, this is a theremin. You know this famous theme song. X-Files, right? Of course. Listen to this. Hear that in the background? So it's like a synthesizer in a way. It's like a synthesizer.

However, it's the only instrument in the world that requires nothing to be touched. It's all played via electromagnetics. What? Just watch and learn. So I'm turning my theremin on, ladies and gentlemen. So there's a giant antenna. It looks like an alien spaceship. On the right, there's a giant antenna.

This controls frequency. On the left, there is a curved antenna which controls volume. So I'm turning it on. Jesus. We're on. We're on. How are we doing that? I'm just connecting to the theremin.

Stay there. Wait, so does it depend on how close your hand is to that antenna? I'm now at one with the theremin. What the fuck? That is wild. This is so cool. You know I've tried the banjo and I like to stand out from the pack. How many people can play the banjo in the world?

Millions! And you're not that crash hot on the saxophone either, despite listening. So this is my third shot at an instrument that I think I can actually play because it requires no fucking playing. All you need is your hands. But what if you actually want to play a song?

Oh, I'll get there eventually. But I'm going to perform for you now, okay? So, this is, ladies and gentlemen, me playing the theremin. Are we ready? Yep. Yeah. You know what that makes me want to do? What?

Ah, mozzie. I can get higher. Ready? So it's... How do you get higher? This way. There's a mozzie in the room. You're going to have to explain it to the people listening. How do you do it?

Do you move your hands further away? Is that how you get higher? So there are two antennas here on the theremin. On the left is volume. Here, this one here, Mitchell. This controls the volume. The higher my hand goes, the louder it gets. On the right, this antenna, it looks like an old TV. The further away it gets, the lower the pitch becomes. And the higher, the louder it gets. On the right, this antenna, it looks like an old TV.

The further away it gets, the lower the pitch becomes. And the higher, the higher it becomes. I'm going to do classic theremin. Oh, can you change the sound on it? Yes, this is quite a modern theremin. Could you make it sound like a church organ? Yes, I can. You're joking.

Yeah, I can make it sound like, ready? I think we could actually try and play something. Yeah, okay. Can you play the X-Files? I want the X-Files theme song. I could try X-Files. Or do the scales. Ready?

I'll start with scales. Okay. See, I find that harder than an actual instrument because a piano, you know which key to press to get a certain note, but that, it's guessing by distance. Yeah, you're right. Like, you could easily get the wrong note. Would you like to have a try?

Yeah, I would actually. Yeah, come on over. You're going to have to take my seat. I'm going to give you, would you like, in orbit. No, that's like that irritating doorbell. Yeah, marry that. Go to the least irritating sound. What is it?

Thermomix. No, not that. All right, I'm over here watching. Now, don't forget your left hand is volume. So take the cord off it. I put the, yep, and keep your left hand, touch your hand on it. Yep. And then get your right hand and put it maybe a centimetre away flat like this.

Yep. And now lift your left hand up. I might just leave the left hand still. Just to leave it low. I can't find the starting note of the X-Files music. Does it even go low enough? Oh, fucking hell. Yeah, that's low.

I don't like this. It's too high. Change the knob. Change the setting. Get something more classic. Furthest knob to the right. Oh. Oh.

Oh, there we go. It's way off. No, I heard it. Yeah. Wow, it's almost ridiculous how talented I am. I talk to that like a duck to water. You know, if anyone will innately do the theremin, it's Jenna. I think you should have a quick go.

I think you've got it in your body. Go on, have a go. The theremin is in fact voted the hardest instrument to play in the world. And you thought that was easier? You told me the reason you wanted to learn is because it's easier than an actual instrument. Yeah, I thought it was too. Until I paid $800 and had to pick it up from Marrickville on Facebook Marketplace. Imagine getting invited to play this at the Anzac ceremony.

The last post on the fucking... I dare you. On the theremin. I don't know what you're gasping at. She's just playing nonsense. No, but it's innate. It's in her blood. You didn't say that about me.

I'm blown away. I mean, it's one of those instruments where it just sounds correct, even if you're just making it up. Like if I did this on a piano, just bashed random notes, it wouldn't sound like a song. But because it's a thermomix, it just kind of... It's not a thermomix. Because it's so, like, obscure anyway. Okay, I'm going to just try for my final show.

So what's your plan with this? Are you actually going to get lessons? Do you get lessons on them? I have Maddie J and Laura Burns Wedding coming up in October and I'm hoping to be asked to play it. That's my goal. Right. But are you actually going to learn it or did you just buy it to play with? No, no. I've got YouTube lessons. I'm up to

lesson three of Theremin 101. Yeah, I'm learning. I'm going to try and nail it over the beat of the x-files theme ready oh god oh no it goes higher i think i did it ready i'm doing it that's not you ready. Ready? Hold on. I'm going to try now. Oh, so hard. I did it. Phew! Wow!

Is that actually what X-Files is played on? Yes, a theremin, yeah. What made you want to get this? Like, where did this idea come from out of nowhere? Well, I went to a microphone store to purchase a microphone for my radio show. And it's a music store. And someone was playing it beautifully. And I said, I want to be them.

They had people lined up to watch them and I thought, that's attention that I'm not getting. I need to be getting. So how do I buy? It was like $1,400. So I went straight to Marketplace. There was one online in Marrickville. I went, hey, buddy, I'll give you $810.

You hold that theremin for me, you sit put. I'm going to quickly show you one thing. I'm going to show you a professional theremin player so you know where I'll be in about three to four days. I feel like you're going to start taking this thing to parties and being like, no, don't make me play, don't make me play, and then you just start playing Wonderwall on the Thermomix. Listen to

this. This is a boy, 4.7 million views on the internet. He's playing The Theremin. It's gorgeous. Isn't that nice? It's not that nice, actually. Really? Yeah, I find that particular one a bit annoying sounding.

The piano's nice. Well, he doesn't have a theremin as expensive as mine. Not everyone can afford it. He's been playing for 30 years and he can't afford it. It's actually his life craft and he's on an old school one. And that's my show and tell over. I think we play this for the rest of the episode. I could do the next season's music.

You could. It's not like there's royalties issues. You made it. No, I made it with my own instrument. I just don't know why you're striving for that same attention the guy in the music store had. Because when are people ever just going to stumble across you playing it? Unless you take it to parties, which in itself is a bit annoying. It's very horrible.

Very obnoxious. Imagine you busking. In the QVB. I will do it. Do you need like a guitar amp or something to go with it to play it out loud? Well, I've just connected it straight to the studio desk. It's got the guitar connection. How do you play it at home?

Oh, it's got a built-in speaker. Oh, right. I've got a guitar amp that I'm not using, so you can use that. Oh, I will use it. I will use it. All right, guys, if you want a custom theremin played at your wedding, contact me. I reckon I'll be at that level in about three to four days.

So hit me up, and by the time this episode's out, I'll be playing. Yeah, what happens if your hand has a fucking spasm? I am speaking fairly. If you just go like this. Wave your hand like a lunatic. I'll do it. I like this. Now we're getting somewhere. This sounds like half the shit

they play on Triple J anyway. Amazing new track here on Triple J. That right there was Jehovah's Beethoven, the modern take on Jesus Christ Superstar. The artist simply goes by the number seven. And you can catch them at Splendour this year. Seven takes inspiration from sounds such as

carnival cruise line horns and airplane turbines. Have we had enough of this yet? I'll get better, I'll get better. My show and tell has completed. Jenna, your two minute timer that I blew out starts now. Gee, her fucking podcast craft just isn't

up to scratch. No, she... Because she's like, you said alright, over to you, Jenna, and then she was mute, and she's not describing what's happening that no one can see. Jenna, you need to use your mouse. I'm going to! She's putting something on. That's not how it works. You're multi-task. Wait! Be quiet! I'm currently wearing a WSFM

jacket worn by the one and only Amanda Keller. That's my show and tell. Would you like to feel it? No. This is from the Jonesy and Amanda show. Yes, this is Amanda's specifically. And she wears it every show? No, they don't wear it every show.

It's just events. Yeah. Cool. Fascinating. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Jenna. Thank you so much. She showed. She told. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Jenna. Thank you so much.

She showed. She told. I told. Barely. She didn't do the tell bit. She said, all right, I've got something to show you. Yeah, Jenna, that was technically just show. No, I told you.

Yeah, this is really good for a podcast, Jenna. It's a WSM jacket. Show someone a jacket that they can't see and don't describe it. Oh, well, we're out of here. Mufti show done and dusted. You know what? Let's all one more time crack open it. Oh, you're having a Fanta spider.

That's a nice one. Yummy. Creaming soda. Oh, the creaming soda spider. I've got taste. Yeah, you do. You do. I had a Fanta one.

Do you reckon that you could do a Pashiona spider? That'd be fucking dope. Oh, yum. I wonder if you can do spiders with non-fizzy drinks. Oh, sorry. I mean alcoholic drinks, like an alcohol spider. Oh, surely. I wonder if you can do spiders with non-fizzy drinks. Sorry, I mean alcoholic drinks. Like an alcohol spider. Oh, surely.

Like a cruiser spider. It'd need to be a bubbly alcohol though. And sweet. Yeah, like a Moscato. Oh, I love Moscato. You're joking. I had a wedding over the weekend and all I drank all night

was Shandy's. Oh, really? Sounds like a great night to me. What is the point of this story? I love a Shandy. It was half alcohol so I wasn't even pissed by the end of the night. What do you mean half alcohol?

Well, a shandy is half alcohol, half beer, half lemonade. Oh, I thought you were just being bogan and saying shandy instead of, like, shandon. No. Oh, no, no, no. Oh, well, fuck that. A shandy is like an old woman's drink, which is half lemonade, so you don't get too drunk. And it's a bit sweet, so you can drink it. Sounds terrible.

No, I really liked it. All right, Mitchell, did you enjoy the kickback relax week? It oddly made me more tense, but it's okay because I can walk away from this building and it's not my problem. That's right. I appreciate the help, though. That's the spirit. Well, we love you.

And by the time this is out, Mitch's shows would have been a hit success. I've actually got a review from the future and it says five stars. Good. Really good. Yeah, fabulous. And that was from HuffPost. And stars. Good. Really good. Yeah, fabulous. And that was from HuffPost. And that's just the Melbourne leg. I've got the Sydney shows coming up end of April, early May.

Do you want to come along to that? I don't want to spoil anything, but Midge has asked me to play The Theramon to open. So if you want to see it live, imagine. Imagine if I was good enough to count you in with The Theramon. No, I can't even imagine. You know what? Neither can I. Thank you for listening, everyone. Please give us a five-star rating. We love you. You can do even imagine. You know what? Neither can I. Yeah.

Thank you for listening, everyone. Please give us a five-star rating. We love you. You can do it on Spotify now. Apple Podcasts keeps us going. If you haven't written a review and you're new here, like we heard, we had some Minnesota listeners, write a review. It keeps us going.

And we love you, and we'll see you next week. Catch you then, idiots. And that was a fun, mufty week. Yay! Thanks for listening. See you. Chook us for your shows, Mitch. Thanks, darling. Bye.

Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of Mitches. Make sure you hit follow on your podcast app. Welcome to ADD Brief. Hello. This is our secret segment on the end. Yes. Oh, you should be doing this bit, actually. Oh, I've never done it in the history of the show.

Oh, my God. Welcome to ADD Brief. This is the secret segment on the end of the show. Oh, we got one. Oh, turn it down. Holy shit. That killed my ears. I wonder if I could play that sound effect on a theremin.

Probably. Do you have to explain what A to D Brief is? Oh, A to D Brief is the little part of the show where nothing is planned and we don't know what's going to happen. It's meant to be the chaotic alternative to what otherwise is a really thoughtfully structured show. But this whole week is Mufti week, so fuck it. Yes. You know when you drink milk and now there's milk alternatives?

You've got oat milk, you've got soy milk, you've got tit milk. Now ADD Brief is your alternative. If you're allergic to the main show, you've got this. If you have a bad reaction to the main show. Yeah, if you need to be EpiPen'd in the neck straight after listening to the main show, this is for you. You know, Hayden said to me the other day, he goes, I think I'm lactose intolerant. I go, oh, why?

He goes, well, ever since I started drinking milk. Because I live in Glebe now. Of course I am. No, he goes, I've been shitting myself after I drink milk. I go, then yes, that's a direct correlation. But how does that come on all of a sudden? Like people who have never been lactose intolerant all of a sudden just change one day. I feel like it's the virus, you know, like coronavirus.

Like one day I'll catch the lactose intolerance. Maybe you're right. Maybe we spent too much time in the inner west near the city and we've just caught hipsterism. Yeah, I have. Look at you. Wearing fucking blue light glasses that serve no real purpose. Playing the thermo mix. Wearing a little knit jumper like that.

It's not a thermo mix. It's a theramix. Oh, mine is sick! It's a theramix! Oh, minus sake. It's a theramin by Moog. If you want to look at this, guys, Theramini by Moog. It's very good. So the old theramin that I played before, it's a wooden block with two antennas on the side and it's just that one sound.

This is the new state of the art. What do you mean the old one you played? Remember I played a sample of some kid playing it on YouTube? Oh, right. That is a wooden block, like a cheese block, with two antennas. But this is state of the art. That's why it costs so much money. Yeah, right. Can't return it now though. I think it was a good investment. It just feels

like you're going to lose interest. Yeah, that banjo is still in its case. It's still got the tags on it. Oh, did you actually get a banjo? Yeah. Oh, that's right. Fucking hell, I forgot. I brought that in too. Yeah. That was during the at-home shows. Yes. Then we did the saxophone, of course, which I was good at.

Did you really bring a banjo in? Yeah. Remember I played banjo? Nah. Yeah. Yeah, it was at your house. At your house. The drugs appendix.

The drugs. Oh, was that the episode where we were doing it from my place because I just had surgery? Yes. And I did it from your bedroom. I played the banjo in your bedroom. Yeah. I have no recollection. I think that's what made Isabella your cat fall for me. I remember organising the saxophone to come in here.

Yes. That was shocking. Yeah, yeah. I had to return that. Oh, yeah. How was it? I went, yeah, real good. Did you vow that you were going to learn the banjo?

Yep. Right, okay. But I'm not vowing I'll learn this. I already know it. It's innate in my bones. You don't. I am at one with the theremin. Yeah, okay. But I'm not vowing I'll learn this. I already know it. It's innate in my bones. You don't. I am at one with the theremin. Yeah, okay.

Now, something I wanted to bring up on the show this week was the Will Smith stuff. But we can't, it's going to be old by the time this comes out, but it has literally happened yesterday, recording time. Do we all have hot takes on it? I feel like there's nothing I can say that hasn't already been said. Yeah. Because there was like, it ebbs and flows, my feelings towards that. Because at first I was like, yeah, good on you for standing up for your bird, your missus.

But then I was like, oh, violence is never the answer. But then I thought, well, no one would be talking about the issue if you hadn't done that. Because it wouldn't have made as much of a statement if you just had a polite adult conversation backstage. No, but you know what he could have done, which would have been really impactful? He could have got up there, taken the microphone and said, my wife is beautiful. Don't make jokes about it. Alopecia is a disease.

Donate here at thealopeciafund.org. And then sat down. How powerful would that be? I have a feeling it wasn't that well thought through. No, I agree. But yeah, hindsight's a beautiful thing, isn't it? I was watching it live and I was eating Sultana brand because it was like 11.30 in the morning in Australian time.

Yeah, it was. It was early. And Hayden was working from home in the kitchen with his AirPods in a very important TikTok meeting, Peach PRC's rehab video or something. And I went, oh, Hayden, I think there's something happening at the Oscars. He went, shut up. And I went, something really big's happened. It's like I watched 9-11 happen and no one believed me.

I saw it live. It would have been weird to watch it live, actually. Because I was like, that's a joke. And then everyone started laughing and then the veins in his neck were bursting. It was very aggressive. It was intense. I really want to coin that phrase for myself now. Give me someone's name.

Jessica. No, that doesn't work. Like if someone slags you off. Keep my co-hosthost name out of your fucking mouth it's quite satisfying to yell that then he repeats it that was powerful and poor oh my god chris rock to go through live and he stuffed it up like the audio is so he's like i'm here to give the document documentaries and then he kept going with his jokes. Oh, I felt for him. That was real.

And he was punched in the face. Slapped. Slapped, which I think is worse. A slap covers more surface area and your skin tingles. Yeah, but a punch kind of has more force because, like, you're using knuckles and you could, like, form a bruise in a matter of minutes if it's hard enough. But a slap is more just like a.

But when you listen to that grab, the Will Smith shit, it sounds like a punch, so it must have been quite the hefty slap. Well, yeah, well, they were in the Dolby Theatre, the home of Dolby Atmos, so no wonder it sounded so bloody good. Yeah, right. Do you want to hear the audio? I've got it right here.

This is the slap if you missed it. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. It's one of the elites laughing. Dame Helen Mirren. Oh, wow.

They love it. Imagine how many people right now listening to this podcast are like, oh, thank you so much for playing that audio. I've been looking for this everywhere. I could not find it. It has not been published. E-Dream exclusive. E-Dream exclusive, ladies and gentlemen.

Never before heard. Oh, wow. That was my exclusive music that I wrote the score to. Call me Hans Zimmer. Call me Bach. Not the stuff you get on a tree, the composer. No, B-A-C-H. There's a famous composer called Hayden,

spelt the same way as my beloved. I'm sure there's a few Haydens in the world. No, H-A-Y-D-N. He's got the unique spelling. Oh, right. I didn't think. Is that unique? Yes.

Oh. How's it usually spelt? H-A-Y-D-E-N. Oh. Hayden. I've seen it spelt both ways plenty of times. Oh, who? Do you think that Mitchells that only have one L are fucked, by the way?

Yeah. People that are like, one L or two Ls? I'm like, who has one? I don't know anyone. I've never met anyone. It would just look naked, the word, with that two Ls. Mitchell. Yeah.

Mitchell. It needs a double L. It needs a double L. Although I. Imagine being like, go to hell with one L. Oh, he fell with one L. Yeah. You need both.

He fell. Yeah. Do you get mispronounced as Michelle? All my Uber Eats delivery drivers go Michelle. And I go, where the fuck is the E-L-L-E? Yeah, no, I get that. Or the other one that makes no sense. Like Michelle, I kind of get, but Michael?

Yes. Like you're just going to ignore the T, are we? Yeah. Michael. It's not a hard fucking name. Like, you're just going to ignore the T, are we? Yeah. Michael. It's not a hard fucking name. No, it's not. It's Mitchell. It doesn't help that I look like a woman now.

So Michelle, is this what they instinctively say? They see me in the breasts and they go, there she is, Michelle. I was at a pub the other night and I was leaving the bathroom. And as I opened the door, I kind of ran into someone who was about to walk in. So we, you know, bumped into each other in the doorway. Yeah. And he goes, oh. And then sees me and goes, oh, fuck, is this the men's?

And I was like, yeah, mate, it is. It is. He took one look at me and goes, fuck, am I about to walk into the ladies' room? Oh, that's disgusting. What's disgusting about it? What a stupid thing to say from him. I think it's an easy mistake to make. No.

I looked gorgeous that night. You do look gorgeous. Yeah. You do have a 5pm shadow. Maybe you just shaved. I can't remember. But yeah, at a first glance, you would be like, fuck. Yeah.

Do you think I could get away with weeing in a woman's bathroom? Probably not. You don't reckon? No. No. I do it all the time. I'm all for gender neutral bathrooms. Bathroom's a bathroom, guys.

Yeah. I mean, a lot of places I go have that anyway. Really? Yeah for gender neutral bathrooms. Bathroom's a bathroom, guys. Yeah. I mean, a lot of places I go have that anyway. Really? Yeah. Like Stonewall. Oh, yeah. My house. The bathroom is for anyone. Yeah. Everyone's welcome. Everyone's welcome in my B room.

Oh my god, this morning I was having a shower and I was in the shower when the doorbell rang and I'm like, package! Oh, just leave it! Great. So then I get out of the shower, the doorbell rang. And I'm like, package. Oh, just leave it. Great. So then I get out of the shower, put my towel around my waist and walk out. And he's still standing there.

He probably didn't understand you. No. Because the raining outside, my shower was on. Just leave it at the door. He probably said, I'm a big fat whore. I'm going to come in. Fuck me. So I walk in.

And I have tits. And I'm very insecure about my butt. So I walk out. And I go, oh! I audibly scream. I can just imagine it. it i scream i went oh screamed on that he went are you that theremin player oh yeah and he said you need to sign i went oh i have to put a shirt on he went oh you're fine don't tell me that i'm fine yeah i had to run through my put my shirt on which was annoying because i was dripping wet so i'd like ruin a shirt oh put the shirt on then i

had the towel wrapped around my waist and I signed for the wet hand and everything and then I took my package and cringe. It was an awful moment. I don't know why but I've always been a little bit confused about why the male titties are allowed to be out but the women's ones are like, oh no, they're meant to be covered.

Because instinctively, for some reason, I always just cover my titties as well. If I ever walk around the kitchen at my place in a towel, Jordan will be like, why is it wrapped around your whole body and not just your waist? And I'm like, I don't want you to see my boobs. Yes. I don't know why. I've just always been like that.

Isn't it so dumb that Instagram will censor a topless woman but not a topless man? Yeah. I should post a topless photo and see what Instagram thinks I am. Oh, yes. Yes. Imagine. Imagine that. I just post a photo of me being see what Instagram thinks I am. Oh, yes. Yes. Imagine. Imagine that. I just posted a photo of me being like, free the nipple.

Have you posted? You know what? This is going to sound really weird, but I was thinking about your nipples the other day. Yeah, no, fair enough. A photo was put up and I thought your nipples looked good. What? Yeah, I saw a photo of your nipples. I thought his.

When did I put my nipples up? I'm trying to think. It was really recent. You were topless and I thought, gee, he looks great. What? I can't remember anything I've posted topless. Have you posted anything topless? Let me go to your feed.

No, definitely not in feed. Really? Oh, I remember. It was for the celebration of the 100th episode of Ascentenary. I think you posted a swipe through and you were in your Mardi Gras uniform and it was pulled down. Oh. And your tits were out. That's the video when I asked you, does my belly button look like a clit? Yes!

Yeah. But your tits were out and I don't know where I saw that grab or if one of us shared it or someone shared it. It's on our TikTok if you go find me looking like an absolute drunk man talking about my belly button looking like a clit. You can't go onto our TikTok at the moment. It's just so viral.

The comments just coming hot. Anyway, you thought I had a good set of boozies on me, did you? You have a lovely set of boozies, yeah. Thanks. Well, you were freshly spray tanned, I think, wax to the boot because of the Mardi Gras. Don't backpedal. Just let the compliment breathe. At the moment.

Oh, another one. Jenna, what do you have? I'll try the Phantom one. Really? Yeah. All right. How's the creamy soda, Mitch? Oh, I finished it Jenna, what do you have? I'll try the Fanta one. Really? Yeah. All right. How's the creamy soda, Mitch? Oh, I finished it.

Smashed that thing. Really? Why don't we have any Paschiona? No, we do. Now you've got Fanta and Paschiona open. You better drink it. Or we'll get ants. Oh, that's true.

Is it just me on the fly? Mm-hmm. Or were your parents also obsessed with the notion of ants? What? No. My parents always. Ah, ah, oh. You drop the crumbs on the notion of ants? What? No. My parents always. Ah, ah, oh. You drop the crumbs on the floor.

You drop your capillo. Capillo? Is that what it's called? Ice cream? Calippo. Calippo? We're going to get ants. Mark, go to the corn store and get ant raid.

Oh, they were that anti-ant. They were so anti-ant. Fuck. Also, each one on the fly. Americans, how they say like an anti-acid, they go ant acid. Yeah, so anti-ant. Fuck. Also, each one on the fly. Americans, how they say, like, an anti-acid, they go ant-acid. Yeah, ant-acid. Oh, I need an ant-acid. It sounds like that's your auntie's name.

Yes. Ant-acid's coming over. Ant-acid will be here. Great drag queen name. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage, ant-acid. Yeah. Ant-acid. Like, it's anti-acid.

Like, they just dropped the T-I. Also, each one on the fly. Instead of herbs in America, you know what they say? Herbs. Herbs. Herbs. Oh, I had the best potato and herb mash. You had what?

Herb. Oh, I love herbs. My herb garden. Oh, and the fires. Burn down the herbs. Shut up. My uncle herb. My uncle herb.

Yes. Imagine if they added an H to words that start with a vowel and then ditch the H. So it's like, oh, my hunkle herb. You know I'm not good with vowels and consonants. It confuses me. When I was in acting school in New York, because I lived in New York, there was a guy named Graham we went to school with.

And I would go, oh, Graham, Graham, Starbucks, Graham, want to do the scene, Graham, Graham. No, no, no. Everyone else, Graham. Yeah, I don't get that. Graham. What is it, Graham? G-R-A-M. Oh, I love you, Graham. Want to do the same? Graham, Graham. No, no, no. Everyone else? Graham. Yeah, I don't get that. Graham. What is it? Graham.

G-R-A-M. Oh, I love you, Graham. We were talking about this the other day, weren't we? How they say mirror as one syllable. Mirror. Mirror. Mirror. Mirror.

Are you a slow cat? Mirror. Mirror. That fucking filth we used to work with used to say mirror. Yeah, all the time. Look in the mirror. Graham. Graham. Graham. How many grams, Graham? Oh. Yep. All the time. Look in the mirror. Gram? Gram.

How many grams, Gram? Herb? Damn. How many grams? We're going a bit manic, I feel. How many grams of herb, Gram? All right. I think, Mitchell, if you were to rank Joey's doorbell against this,

which is the better doorbell? Because this is the ultimate doorbell, in my mind. I don't think that is the ultimate doorbell? Because this is the ultimate doorbell, in my mind. I don't think that is the ultimate doorbell. Think about it. If that was actually in your home, that would scare the living fuck out of you and your family. Like there's just no way that wouldn't catch you off guard. And it also doesn't make your guests feel welcome. It makes them feel like a real burden if that's their entrance.

Allah, I am here. I'm so sorry to disturb you. Yeah. If that went off when I arrived at someone's house, I'd be like, oh, fuck, I'm so sorry for that disruption. Jenna actually sent me this audio grab of her doorbell. Are you ready to hear this? It's not actually on the wall.

It is a man with a conch. I wish that you could do, like, a custom voice. Like, you know how your voicemail, you can do a conch. I wish that you could do like a custom voice. Like you know how your voicemail, you can do a custom greeting. I wish you could do like a custom doorbell. And so I could just voice record something into the doorbell and then when people press the button, it fires it off. Like someone arrives to my house, all right, here we are. Just arrived to Mitchell's early because I'm respectful

and I show up on time. Just ring the doorbell. Yay. I think you can do that with a ring doorbell, which is like the techie doorbell that people have these days. Fucking hell. Because in Teslas, in electric, those electric cars, you can custom your horn. You can customize your horn so it can do whatever you want.

Any sound. Really? You just download the MP3, upload it to your car and you play the horn. You can customise your horn so it can do whatever you want. Any sound. Really? You just download the MP3, upload it to your car and you play the horn. Oh my god, I'm going to put so much shit as my horn. Listen, ready? Have you seen the TikToks? Tesla horn TikTok compilation. Let's play that.

It's Addison Rae. Ready? Hey y'all, it's me Addison Rae. So is there just like a big ass megaphone in the Tesla or something that plays it that loudly? No, out of the road. So is there just like a big-ass megaphone in the Tesla or something that plays it that loudly? No, that's the horn. I don't think you're understanding my question.

What did you say? How the fuck does it make the MP3 play that loudly? Is it like a big megaphone or something? Yeah, you make a good point. Okay, you don't have the answer. No, I... Here, ready? This is it. Your answer was, no, it's the horn. No, I never did. Here, ready? This is it.

Your answer was no, it's the horn. I understand that bit. Bollywood music is a horn. Now, Mitchell, next week we can put you back to work. If you're listening to this and you drive a Tesla and you want it custom, is it just me? Horn, we will send you the working file. I can send it.

You just need to be willing to film yourself using the Tesla horn. Mitch, what could yours be? Oh, let me have a look. I'll think of one for me and we'll send you the three options. I've told you about this before on the podcast that I have a folder full of isolated reactions of ours for editing purposes if I ever need it. Great. So we don't even need to make them up. This is perfect. But for me, it's mostly just like I don't have any purposes if I ever need it. Great. So we don't even need to make them up. This is perfect.

But for me, it's mostly just like I don't have any sentences that I've used. Okay. Oh, wait. Yes, I do. I've never used this. Grab once. It's me saying yes. As if I'd ever need to agree with you.

Yes. Yeah. That's good. When would you use that? We'd have to record custom ones. It'd be like, move. Yeah, well, let's just do it. People can use that as We'd have to record custom ones Just be like move Yeah well let's just do it People can use that as their horn

Let's just do them now Oh Oh I've got one Okay Imagine that Someone trying to merge on the highway Yeah no Because you need a horn that's applicable to every situation

Yeah it needs to be universal. What if I just went, oi! That's terrifying. That kind of works. No, I'm more passive. I wouldn't go. I would never go, uh-uh, on the traffic. Would you do this?

Would you do this? No. That's good. Yeah, that's good. That's good. No. All right. If you have a Tesla or another electric car,

sorry to shun other electric car owners, DM us and we will get you the working files and make them your horn and we'll make it worth your while. I'll play the theremin at your funeral or your wedding. What should Jenna's one be? I'm turning Mitch's and my mic off. You're making your own horn now. Good work.

Okay. Whee! There. Good luck. Okay. Whee! There. Surely not. That's horrific. You sounded like the Thermomix. Oh, dear. Yeah.

It's a lot, isn't it? Yeah, it is. I know what Jenna's horn would be. What? Ready? I am woman. I am fearless. I am sexy. I'm divine? Just that.

You'd get so over it. This would be a good horn, though, actually, don't you? Yeah, I like that one. That's so regal. I'd really love that. I have arrived, squire, on horseback. I've ridden 40 moonsets. Are we done?

This. They'll go, shit, round oneham and Bishop's on top of us, honey. Oh, my God. Imagine if you made your horn like a plane crash sound effect and then everyone's like, what happened? Why don't you make your horn a siren? Once the cops get hold of the capabilities of this, they'll make it a little.

Oh, yeah. You'd just make yourself sound like a police car and be like, get out of the way, idiots. They'll make it illegal. Oh, yeah. You just make yourself sound like a police car and be like, get out of the way, idiots. I've got somewhere to be. Does anyone want – this is their horn. The Ijum Wush. No, not our Wush. The Ijum Wush.

Get out of the way. What if you just made your horn someone yelling help? They think there's something going on. Help! They think there's something going on. Help! They think there's someone trapped in someone's boot. Help! Oh, I know what would be a good horn, ready? Oh, wow!

Nah, we've got different tastes in horns, clearly. Okay, whatever you want your horn to be, let us know. We'll put it into your Tesla and we'll get that footage. We'll play it on the show next week. I'm sure someone listening right now in a Tesla is open to it. I know someone with a Tesla. Yeah, us know. We'll put it into your Tesla and we'll get that footage. We'll play it on the show next week. I'm sure someone listening right now in a Tesla is open to it. I know someone with a Tesla. Yeah, I know. I actually test drove a Tesla last week

at the dealership. He goes, do this. Change the blinker sound effect to a fart. See, that's ridiculous. If we're being custom horns, what should our custom blinkers be? Yeah. Nah. Yeah. Nah. Yeah. Nah. It might have just been two variables in my life. some horns, what should our custom linkers be? Yay, nah, yay, nah, yay, nah, yay, nah. It might just be two variables in my life.

That's good. That'd be very good. Oh, what else could I be? Yeah, nah, I can't think of anything. Nor should I. It's muck up week. I'm not doing any work. I'm not using my brain. We should go, though. Happy muck up week and happy good luck to your shows, Mitchell, once again.

Thanks, darling. If anyone wants theremin one-on-one classes, my rate is through the roof. As it should be for my skill level. But still reach out. And of course, if you've got a Tesla, let us know. It's like Marge Simpson says, you only have to be one lesson ahead of the kid. Oh! Just teach them what you learnt last week. I love that we're quoting

Marge in life now Remember she goes I'll take up To make extra money Marge Simpson says Oh I'll start Giving piano lessons And she goes You don't play piano

I only need to be One lesson ahead of the kid That's very cute Yeah Well I agree I'm one lesson behind Give me a couple days And I'll be up to scratch

Alright we love you Thank you for listening everyone And we'll see you next week Yep Let us know if Muffdy Week should be something that we do again. I'm not vibing. I'm not sure.

It just feels all over the shop. Well, we mulled that over. Pig Week is coming up in the next few weeks as well. Is it? Yeah, of course. I think we missed Pig Week last year. No, last week was Pig Week. Last year was the first Pig Week.

Yeah. Yeah. How could we have missed it? I don't know. It's only been one. Yeah, but I don't know if it's been over one. Do you reckon it's been under one? Pig Week was when I first started week. Yeah. Yeah. How could we have missed it? I don't know. It's only been one. Yeah, but I don't know if it's been over one. Do you reckon it's been under one?

Pig week was when I first started seeing a PT. Oh. And that was the reason for it. It was like one final pig out before I started watching my diet. And that was a month before lockdown, and lockdown was July. So I'm going to say May or something. Okay. All right. So yeah, we're close.

Yeah, we're getting there. And by the way, we're working on that Idrim Telephone. Talk Back Things Live will be happening. I'm talking to a broadcast technician at the moment. All you need to know on that. Okay. Cool. Hope this podcast, Mitch, I mean, you can do it.

It is your catchphrase and I know you're not doing the work, but go for it. Oh, you expect me to do it. You expect me to do that in my wake up? I'll accompany it. I'll play us out. I'm going to play us out. Try and make it a bit more soothing sounding. We hope this podcast made you feel at least 2% better today.

That's all. Just 2%. So we do. See you next week. That was very culty. Catch you next week, idiots. Love ya. Very culty. Catch you next week, idiots. Love you. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of meaches. Make sure you've hit follow on your podcast app.