Is It Just Me? - #105: Dumb It Down, David
Episode Date: May 15, 2022Welcome to the new week, idiots!In this episode:Ben Fordham joins us (05:14)Shitty infomercials (17:56)Corporate talk on emails (21:12)An ‘Is It Just YOU?’ from one of our idiots (28:54)TikTok Sch...ool - Our ‘Straight Boy’ Experiment (31:38)Our “Secret Segment” ADDebrief (45:37)Follow us @coupleofmitchesSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
People do some weird shit.
Would you like to try a vape?
Why would you take up something that is going to be addictive and expensive?
I think for people...
I'll tell you why.
Yeah.
Because you're young and stupid.
Some things make more sense than others.
You mentioned that your goal was to be healthy and I just don't know how you figure that's going to happen when you're ordering a chocolate mousse.
No.
You know I had it in the car on the way home and I didn't have a spoon.
So I was like an armadillo trying to get ants out of a hole.
Brace yourself for the rude shocks of young adulthood.
Being fingered is an awful sensation.
You haven't been fingered by the right person.
Goodness me.
This is Is It Just Me?
Hosted by a couple of bitches.
Hi, it's Jenna.
Please don't forget to include my name in the opener this season.
I'm sorry.
Ta-da!
Now, here's Mitch Chooley and Mitchell Coombs.
Yes.
Hello, everyone.
Hello, hello.
Hello, Mitchell Coombs.
What's the goss?
How are you?
You know what?
Nothing.
Nothing?
Met Gala.
Great chat.
Good hassle.
Are people still talking about the Met Gala?
I'm so over it.
Yeah, I saw an article that was clickbait, which I always click, by the way.
It was like, which Kardashian was booed upon entry of the Met Gala?
And I clicked it, and it was none of them.
It was a Star Wars actor, but she was behind him.
Which celeb was shot?
None of them.
They're all alive and well.
No, they were shot, but by a camera.
That's their headline.
It's so stupid.
Hey, here's some goss that I'm sure will make some of our horny listeners very thrilled.
Oh, God, yeah.
Our contraceptive diaphragm Sam is single again.
Oh!
So, yep, he's available.
Hello, darlings.
How are we?
Look at you trying to put on your sexy voice now that you're a free man.
Oh, well, no, hang on.
Hang on.
Hang on.
Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on. Hang on you're a free man. Well, no, hang on.
Oh, my God, that did something to me.
His first sexy voice was just Mr Bean.
Hello, darling.
Like Mrs Doubtfire role play going on there.
Well, there we go.
Been a naughty kid.
So he didn't have a Tinder happily ever after like you?
No, no.
Give us back that Tinder gold membership.
Although we have some lying around.
We could probably chuck another one his way.
If you could, that would be a delight.
You're on the prowl already.
Actually, to be honest, no, not at all.
Oh, well, forget about it then, idiot.
There's no point sliding into his DMs.
Didn't you see Sam at a gay club on the weekend?
I did, not being gay.
Sam, you can't do that.
You come into our faith base.
Yeah, that's like eating a Big Mac at a Subway.
I did feel bad about it, actually, in a way, because the next day I was like,
am I doing the wrong thing by going there and not being gay?
I feel like I'm just... No, you are.
You need to be gay next time, please.
Oh, okay.
I'll get some glitter.
Speaking of horny, guess who else is here?
Hi, Jenna.
Hi, Jenna.
Hello.
You still single, darling?
Yeah, I am.
Yeah, good, good. Anything on the horizon single, darling? Yeah, I am. Yeah, good, good.
Anything on the horizon there?
Nah.
No one?
No.
She's not one for details, is she?
No, I'm not.
Nope.
I feel like if Jenna were to bring someone into this studio and say they're a partner,
it would be like a doctor.
It'd be someone she met.
Like, I was getting a dental clean and we fell in love.
That's what I want to happen.
That's what I wish for my future, to just meet someone out and about.
Like coincidentally.
Or like a mutual friend or something.
Not that there's anything wrong with meeting people on a dating app.
I mean, look at you.
Yeah, very true.
Very true.
Social media love and fantasy.
Jenny, you could meet someone on Cat Daily.
That's the app that you're on all the time.
Oh, yeah.
I'm on it all the time.
Christianmatch.com.
Yeah, Christianmatch.
That's another one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're on it all the time. Christianmatch.com. Yeah, Christianmatch. That's another one.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're on them all.
Crochet and Cock, the great foot group.
I haven't been on that one for a while, but I'll check it out tonight.
What do we have on this fucking show today?
What are we doing?
I don't know.
We're doing a TikTok school.
I know that much.
Yes, we are doing a TikTok school.
Yeah, and a very interesting one at that.
I think the show's about to change, all I'm going to say.
I did forget to ask last week, how is the guest booking going?
Because I can put you back on probation again.
It's good.
Sure.
It's good.
I've got someone, but the Qantas delays and the staff issues at the airport,
none of them can get into town.
And I can't stop no one getting into town.
I'm happy for a Zoom.
No, people are over Zoom.
People are over Zoom.
How many Zoom interviews have you done this week?
Oh, my God.
Six.
You can't use Qantas as a fucking excuse.
I have been emailing and there are emails out and we will have guests.
But today there's none.
Do you reckon he's going to have to go back on probation soon if there's no guests?
You can't put me back on probation.
I can because the condition was you were the guest booker.
But what about you?
We were meant to have Ben bloody Fordham on to celebrate our 100th episode,
and that never came through.
I'm not convinced that was even booked.
That was partially our fault, though, because we mucked him round.
We cancelled on him twice because of our varying health issues.
I had COVID.
You had God knows what.
I was fat.
I have followed up a bunch of times, but I think his producer is ignoring me now
because I think, yeah, we've mucked him round too many times.
Well, to be fair, they've got the Prime Minister's office
barking up their email chain.
I highly doubt Mitchell Coombs at Gmail is getting their attention.
True.
I just thought as a friend of the show he'd be an easy get, but no.
Why don't we just call – let's cold call him now.
Yeah.
We have his number.
Yeah, just do it then.
And he's expecting it.
I'm really getting sick of the whole booking in process.
It's just too hard.
Oh, my God.
This is genius.
Why don't I never book a guest again and we just go through my little black book
and just cold call celebrities?
I've got Kevin Rudd's number.
Let's call him.
You should have 1-807.
Hang on.
All right, let's dial Ben.
Yeah, go on.
Give it a whirl.
Hello?
There he is.
Ben Fordham?
Hello, hello.
Ben Fordham!
Oh, look, you actually answered the phone, darling. Good on you.
He answered us! Hello! We've been really
struggling to get you on the podcast.
Oh, well, I was
invited on for episode 100,
and then all of a sudden, I don't know
what happened, but all of a sudden, the invitation
seemed to be cancelled for some reason.
Ben, as you'd know better than anyone else, those
delays at Qantas Airport, they're through the roof
and we've had scheduling issues.
Are you free now to do this?
Yeah, of course I am.
I'm always free.
Remember we got that opener made for him?
We had a custom-built Ben Fordham opener.
Yeah, it's ready to go for the 100th episode.
I can find it, Ben.
Hold on.
Yeah, let's just get this interview over and done with now.
Yeah, here it is.
All right.
We got him.
Let's do it.
Let's go.
Now, one, two, three.
Ben Fordham Live.
Welcome to the show, Ben.
Now, listen, speaking of Sydney Airport,
have you guys noticed the lights at Sydney Airport, how small they are?
Ben.
Oh, haven't we ever.
Oh, man.
Man to my heart.
Because they're so small and cute.
I mean, it's really interesting, and I'm surprised no one's brought it up before.
It sounds like really good content for a podcast.
Oh, righto.
Thanks, Ben.
Yeah, listen.
You can't wait to be schooled on coal seam gas next.
How are you, other Mitch?
Oh, I am just all the better for hearing your voice, Ben.
Like I said, it's been hard to get you on the show because you're so bloody busy.
After you finish your radio show at 9 a.m., you're always bloody gallivanting around going
to luncheons and charity bullshit.
Aren't you tired from getting up early?
No.
You know what I'm really disappointed about, though?
I haven't had a chance to come and see your live comedy yet.
And that is on my bucket list.
Between now and the time I die, I want to come and see you live on stage.
Are you going to make it until next year's Sydney Comedy Festival?
Could you hold on for the next 12 months?
I'll hold on.
I'll hold on for you.
You know, I've always been holding on for you.
He's a big fan.
They were great shows.
They were great.
He's very good, our Mitch.
Well, I'm proud of him.
I'm proud of both of you guys.
I mean, not everyone knows this, but, you know,
these are two young men who came along.
They came my way when they were young and impressionable,
and I took them under my wing.
Yeah, we were work experience kids.
We were.
They did the work experience and I now look at you guys flying high
and young Jenna.
Jenna didn't do work experience with me,
but I feel like she did in another life.
No, well, this is true.
That's perfectly it.
Well, back in Jenna's day, women weren't allowed to do work experience.
No, but I disguised myself as a male.
Yes.
I count you as one of my flock as well, Jenna,
even though, you know, officially speaking,
I've had nothing to do with your success.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
How many of your work experience kids do you keep in touch with,
or is it just us?
All of the good ones I do.
And, you know, I just hired a girl recently, Sienna Williams,
who is 17 she got 99.15 in her leaving exams HSC for those people that's what we call it and I just hired her recently and
she's fantastic I got a good kid called Spiro Christopoulos who listens to your podcast hello
Spiro oh I met I met Spiro at the Easter show and the bastard upcharged me on the show bags.
And I thought, mate, you could have thrown in an extra Hershey's bar.
He was running the American candy store.
I've taught him very well to take advantage of, you know,
young, impressionable people who come along.
He's listening.
But Spiro is 18 and, you, and he was a talkback caller
who then turned into a work experience kid.
He came and did his first day of work experience
the day after his school formal, and now he's our knight of it.
So you find really talented people out there
who are just keen and ready to rock and roll.
It's good.
So it does actually pay to keep in touch with people
after you're the work experience kid,
because I do guest lectures at the TV and radio school, and I always say, here's my email. Feel free to keep in touch with people after you're the work experience kid because I do like guest lectures at the TV and radio school and I always say, here's
my email, feel free to keep in touch.
And I take it very personally when no one does.
So it's actually better to keep in touch, isn't it?
Because you might get a job out of it.
It's funny.
People sometimes go, oh yeah, but you need to know someone in the industry to get a start.
And I go, yeah, but you know me.
You just met me.
You've just got to be brazen and ballsy enough to say, can I get your number? And you know what,
when you ask for someone's number, they find it very hard to say no. And this is quite interesting.
The bigger the name, the bigger the star that you meet, ask for their number because no one
wants to be that person who says, oh no, sorry, I'm too important. I'm not passing on my numbers.
That's very true.
When I meet a big-name politician or a business person or a celebrity or whatever, at the end of the conversation, I say, mate, listen, I'll grab your number.
I don't even ask for it.
I just say, I'll grab your number.
You tell them what's happening.
That's very smart.
And then they just feel guilty.
And also, you've got a big audience, Ben.
They want to impress you.
No, no, no.
But you can just sense that they feel trapped and they start going,
yeah, sure, 0411.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And before you know it, boom, you've got that phone number.
Ben, we often talk about my little black book of celeb contacts in my phone,
but I think as famous as I go is Ida Buttrose.
I famously have her landline number, not her mobile, but she still answers.
Who would you say the most famous one or two people are in your phone book?
I think you'd have the police commissioner.
You'd have prime ministers.
Well, yeah.
I mean, I suppose I'd probably go on the political front.
We've got an election campaign at the moment.
So ScoMo and Albo are in there.
Hey, I'll grab their number.
You don't know what's going on.
You know, I don't know.
And then, I mean, probably Kyle and Jackie O.
They'd be up there.
You know, Kyle only writes back when he's in the mood.
Jackie's always pleasant and so well-mannered and lovely.
Don't we love Jackie?
Oh, absolutely.
I feel I've got the biggest imposter syndrome sitting in her chair right now.
She's a bloody queen.
Yeah, yeah.
Why don't you have a female bird sitting opposite you in the morning?
A bird?
Yeah.
Excuse me?
You word bird turd.
See, that's why I love you, mate. I just put you on the spot there and you just go,
nah, nah, nah.
I just found out your next career move, bird and bird turd in the morning.
No, I'll tell you why.
I've got some wonderful women who work with me,
but we just can't afford a second host because they pay me so much.
Yes.
True.
You just can't afford to go sharing that money around.
I've got three kids.
Yeah, very cute kids.
And all these work experience kids,
and I don't know how you guys are going to work out.
You might end up on the bones of your ass,
and I've got to support you one day.
So I need that money.
My ass is never getting down to bare bones.
There's a lot of meat on that dumper.
Now, I want to know, did you ever,
because you're obviously in Sydney radio for the international listeners,
radio is a terrestrial broadcast.
And no, Benny's on breakfast in 2GB in Sydney.
It's sensational.
Did you ever have an old school radio show?
Did you ever do like Ben, Brittany and the Budgerigar?
Any old shows back in your day that you were ashamed of
Or you don't really talk about, Ben?
No, well what I did is I had my own radio show
In my red Mitsubishi Colt
When I was driving to do work experience
And also working to work on weekends at 2UE
So what I would do
I kind of worked out you've got to be able to work on weekends at 2UE. So what I would do, I kind of worked out,
you've got to be able to keep on talking as a radio host.
So I thought, how long can I talk for before I run out of things to say?
So I used to host my own tragic little radio show with an audience of one.
As it turns out, it kind of gave me a bit of a basis
of being able to talk and talk and talk.
That's a good way to do it.
That's how I started.
I used to back announce the songs in the radio on my own.
They'd play and then when they'd end, I'd go,
that is this and that is that.
I've been clinically diagnosed as insane, Ben.
You've got to be.
You know what I mean?
People kind of think, well, how am I going to learn how to do that?
Well, that's how you learn how to do it.
You just start doing it.
You just start having a crack.
I mean, I know it's an old school line, but practice makes perfect for it.
Yeah, yeah.
Preparation prevents piss poor performance. I know that's an old school line, but practice makes perfect, boys. Yeah, yeah. All right.
Preparation prevents piss-poor performance.
I know that's actually, my dad taught me that when I was very young, and I still live by that today.
Genuinely.
Don't you prepare.
Not for this bullshit.
Jesus Christ.
But for everything else.
You know what?
I like the vibe of your dad, Shuri, because I follow you on Instagram, obviously, and
you know what?
I'll say this as well about both of you boys.
You've both got great love for your families.
I know that you're young and cool and you've got your podcast and you're popular, but you
also go out of your way on your social media to showcase your beautiful families, whether
it's at Bogan Gate or Chury, whether you're hanging around the barbecue table with mum
and your dad.
Your dad seems like a really cool cool young vibe of a dude.
He's a good man.
He's an ex-Cronulla Sharks footy player that now he runs a wine company.
So he's gone from cool job to cool job.
He's a very cool dad.
What's the name of the wine company?
You wouldn't have heard of it.
It's Yellowtail.
Yellowtail?
That shit's far too expensive for you.
It's beyond your recognition.
It's beyond your taste. It's beyond your taste.
Oh, no.
I'm more than happy to talk up Yellowtail if it means getting a little bit of Yellowtail.
I'll connect you with Dad.
But, yeah, he's a good man.
So is Mum.
We're very lucky, Mitch, to have good family.
And, Ben, you're the same.
You, your family.
We saw your brother enjoy our 100-episode smash cake.
Oh, yeah.
We sent you the bloody cake for the 100th episode and you re-gifted it.
What a cheats game. That was, you know for the 100th episode and you re-gifted it. What a cheatscape.
You know, I've got
no issues with re-gifting. I know people
frown upon it, but I've got
no qualms about that. And when you send me the
smash cake for the 100th
episode, I thought, oh, it's my
brother Nick's birthday in a few days
and we're all going up to Avoca during
the Easter break to catch up
with him. So I said, I'll bring the cake.
So it traveled well.
We actually do a segment here on the podcast.
It's called Talkback Tings.
We just play any bloopers or weird callers that come through on Talkback Radio.
Has there been anything like that happen to you recently?
Have you had any weirdo callers go to air?
Look, I love my weirdo callers.
And I love when you guys bring out a bit of John Laws.
I mean, some of the stuff you have on Lawsy is just fantastic.
And look, I'm a big fan of the king, John Laws, as you guys are.
Can I give you a little bit of a humble brag for a moment?
Yeah, please.
So twice a year I have lunch with Lawsy,
and I bring a few younger people along,
people who might learn something from Lorsie.
And the last time we had a lunch towards the end of last year,
I thought, how do we get into his house?
Because he lives in that mansion at the end of the Woolloomooloo War.
So you've got Russell Crowe in one apartment and Lorsie just upstairs from Russell.
I just said, John, I said, look, I'd love to be able to show these young people the kind of things that can be achieved when you work hard.
Can we go back to the apartment for a wild turkey after lunch?
And he said, of course we can.
He took us downstairs onto the golf buggy.
I don't know how many wines he'd had, but we all jumped on the golf buggy, went to Lorsie's place.
And do you know what?
I'm going to tell you one little secret about John Horne.
Yeah, please.
to Lorsie's place.
And do you know what?
I'm going to tell you one little secret about John Horne.
Yeah, please.
He's got one of those secret walls in the house, like a big case, right, that opens up and reveals a secret room.
That's all I'm going to tell you.
Wow.
That's my dream.
Well, can I just say that we interviewed him on the podcast
not long ago and he said, oh, we've got to keep this tight.
I've got a hard out of 12.30 because I'm going to a lunch.
That lunch turned out to be with you, wasn't it?
And were we the young guns that were dragged along that day?
No, we weren't.
Who did you invite that day?
I brought Peter Stefanovic from Sky News.
I thought you meant like beginners, Amit,
when you said I bring young guns with me.
If we knew you were bringing media professionals,
then we would have gone for sure.
Peter Stefanovic is a beginner, okay?
He's got a lot to learn, that young man.
So I took him along.
And the other young up-and-comer who I took along that day
was a young bloke called Richard Wilkins.
And just write that name down.
Is that with a W?
Wilkins, yeah, with a W?
Yeah, with a W.
Lovely, lovely young man.
And he's got big hair and a real interest in entertainment.
Mitch and him have so much in common.
I know what I was going to say.
All right, Ben, you're a good man.
We love you.
Thanks for coming on.
We'll talk soon.
Love you, Jenna.
See you, boys.
Bye, darling.
See you, Benny.
Bye, Ben.
See you.
Bye, bye, bye, bye.
Oh, what a good man.
Correct.
Well, there you go.
My guest booking's going just fine.
Thanks for asking.
I dialed. I think that's
a duel, we can claim that. Why didn't we do
that weeks ago? Just call him without any
warning. Great. Where were we up to? I don't
remember. We haven't even started the show.
Hold on, the show, oh yeah, Mitch is right, we haven't even done
the e-jams. No!
If it's your first time listening.
We start the show the same way every week, with a call to
Ben Fordham.
No, it's something we've noticed, something we hate or appreciate.
They're our idjams.
Is it just me?
Yeah, we do one each.
We don't know what the other's going to say.
Why don't you kick things off, darling?
We're running late now, thanks to Ben.
All right, go Bradley.
Kick us off.
Let's jump in.
Is it just me or?
Do you love a good morning TV show infomercial?
Oh, they're so cringe, but I adore them.
Oh, they're awful.
And they're all clearly pre-recorded and the hosts are live
and they throw to these pre-packaged commercials
that they've done all in one day, all in bulk,
and the presenters don't want to be there.
Let's be real.
I just feel like the only beef I have with those
is they could try a little bit harder to make it sound less scripted.
Yes.
Like the people are always like, wow, Denise, that's amazing.
How can people get this insurance plan?
Tell me how.
If my husband were to die tomorrow, I couldn't get a house in the Bahamas.
And they act so surprised with the information,
even though they would have pre-read the script.
You know exactly what the deal is.
So I saw one this morning.
This happened this morning.
You know, I wake up a bit later because I do the night show.
So I'm up and Studio 10's really in the middle of their show.
Oh, is it Studio 10?
Studio 10.
We love.
We've been on the show.
You were just on their show.
We've had them all on here.
With our good friend Kerry Ann.
We're not knocking.
Very, very true.
We're not knocking the show, but this is an infomercial.
And I want you to tell me what you think the product is.
So Tristan, the host, threw to this infomercial.
It got my attention.
But the result and the product is shocking. So I'm going to play
it for you and I want us all to just take a guess. We all need a couple of stabs. Let's roll it.
We'll see you in just a moment. Good morning, Kate. That's right. Stress, tension, stiff muscles,
anxiety, or fatigue could lead to chronic health conditions and dependency on prescription drugs. But what if you could get relief just by...
Oh, just by what?
By what?
I mean, what do you think?
Maybe a foot massager or...?
I was literally going to say foot massager.
I bet it's something really obscure like that.
A foot massager, Jenna, what do you think?
Because that's all we all have collectively,
all those issues between the lot of us.
Yeah, can I hear it again?
Yeah, one more time.
And the music's so dramatic.
Also, hang on, why does she say, that's right, Kate, can I hear it again? Yeah, one more time. And the music's so dramatic. Also, hang on.
Why does she say, that's right, Kate, when it was Tristan?
I was wondering that too.
No, because you know how there's the presenter that stands with them?
The presenter gestured at her to go.
Oh.
Like it was.
So a dodgy edit.
Okay, go.
It was a dodgy edit, yeah.
We'll see you in just a moment.
Tristan.
Good morning, Kate.
That's right.
Stress, tension.
That's right.
Stiff muscles, anxiety or fatigue
could lead to chronic health conditions
and dependency on prescription drugs.
But what if you could get relief just by...
Just by...
I think it's one of those neck massage things.
You know, those big neck things?
Like the in-flight neck pillows, but it's got a built-in massaging.
Anyway, this is the result.
This is the product they're selling.
After all that, this can solve all your health ailments.
Sitting down.
What?
What?
That's it.
That's how you fix all the issues.
What?
Sitting down.
Oh, my God.
It's literally an ad for Australian sitting.
Like just the concept of sitting.
Yes.
Sitting down.
It's just sitting down.
Who paid for the ad?
It's just sitting down.
Oh, my God.
Australian arses.
Australian rumps.
Australian tushes.
What the fuck?
Oh, my God.
Were you sitting down when you saw it and you were like,
couldn't agree more, babe?
Yeah, I could.
I thought my anxiety was actually really low at the moment.
Who is standing watching Studio 10 thinking, great advice.
I never thought of that.
I know.
If you have an infomercial that you've seen that's worse than that,
send it to us because we'd love to play it.
I do get a kick out of them.
They're gorgeous.
Me too.
All right.
Your turn?
Yep, hit me.
Is it just me or?
Do you struggle with bloody business jargon?
Oh, I do, but I don't get it much in radio.
Everyone talks in lingo.
I know. That was one of the great things about working here. But, oh, my God, but I don't get it much in radio. Everyone talks in lingo. I know.
That was one of the great things about working here, but oh my God, I just can't do it. All
the fancy talk on emails. Wait, when do you need to deal with jargon? Well, not much.
Although I remember when I worked here and I got in trouble because I was too casual
on emails. Oh, I remember that boss. I literally replied to my boss saying, yeah, nah. She
was like, listen, we need to talk. She didn't like that.
No.
No, what's happened is I have a new manager now.
Yeah.
David.
He loves business jargon and he's really good at it.
I'll give him that.
Like he sounds so fancy.
But the problem is I don't understand a word that he's saying.
Oh, dear.
At all.
Is it in person or it's all over email?
Oh, no, like in person.
He doesn't talk to me like that.
But just even over text, he talks like he's on email.
He'll be like, oh, you know, just confirming this will be of interest.
And I'm like, okay, what he's trying to say is, you keen?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I just can't understand what's happening.
Or just things like, oh, circling back on the above.
And I'm like, hey, did you get a chance to look at that?
It's like I'm having to Google translate it in my head.
What are they actually trying to say to me?
Yeah, but also you.
I'm just like, just remember who you're talking to, Davo.
You'd actually prefer to be spoken to like a dog, I think.
It's so true.
Fucking reply, Mitch, and you'd be like, oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I leave him on read and he goes, oh, dog.
Yeah.
Reply to me.
Okay, so you're struggling with it.
Well, just bring it up with him.
Just say, talk to me like a human.
No, I can't do that.
That's rude.
I just feel like I don't want him to think I'm dumb.
So do I have to start talking back like that?
No, don't change you for him.
Why don't I call him and just say, listen here, Davo,
you dumb it down, mate, for my man Coombs, okay?
I'll call him.
What if he thinks he's got an idiot on his hands?
I'd be a bit late for that.
If he's listening to this podcast, I'm not going to change it.
I don't know if he has or not.
I really don't know if he's listened.
Let me call him. I'm charming. I'm charming. I can convince anyone to do anything. Well, you know him. He used to this podcast, I'm not going to change it. I don't know if he has or not. I really don't know if he's listened. Let me call him.
I'm charming.
I'm charming.
I can convince anyone to do anything.
Well, you know him.
He used to work here.
I do.
I do know David.
He's a lovely guy.
Did you speak to him much when he worked here?
All the time.
We were very close because I was still in the closet.
I think he knew.
So he sort of took me under his wing.
Yes, he is a gorgeous gay man.
Gorgeous gay man and a brilliant drag queen too.
He performed at one of our Christmas parties.
Oh my God.
I completely forgot that happened.
Yeah.
It's been a while. It's been
about a year or two because he left and travelled the world.
I know, small world and now we're working together again.
I didn't know he was back. Yeah, he is.
Well, no, no, no. He's
in market.
That's good.
Just say he's in Sydney. I hate that.
In market. You know what? It took me months
to realise that people weren't
talking about corn cobs.
When they're like, we need a buy cob, C-O-B.
Yes.
Close of business. Close of business.
I got one the other day and I still don't know what it was meant to be.
Oh, read it, read it.
Let me find it.
Jenna, I feel like you wouldn't to us,
but to external companies you would talk in business jargon.
No.
No, no, no.
Okay, so here's one I got the other day.
Yeah, okay.
This is the opposite issue.
There's too much abbreviation in the email that I'm just supposed to,
it's assumed that I understand this jargon.
O-T-Y, if you're interested for idjim.
What's O-T-Y?
O-T.
O-T.
Sam, do you know?
On the way.
On the way.
On preparing.
Wait, no, that's OTP.
What does that mean?
Is that a typo?
Anyway, do you have his number or what?
Yeah, I've got his number.
No, you actually have to send it to me.
Sorry, I don't have it.
I want to know what that means.
What does OTY mean?
See, I'm not cut out for this business jargon shit.
Just talk to me like a normal person, I reckon.
OTY means over to you.
Or the Orchestra for Talented Youth, which was established in 2002 in Bushwick.
That must be it.
Definitely that one.
And you know what, Mitch?
Book him. Yeah, good. I'd love to have him on. All right, I'll send you his number if you really it. And you know what, Mitch, book him.
Yeah, good.
I'd love to have him on.
All right, I'll send you his number if you really want to call him.
Yeah, I'll call David.
Like rekindling an old friendship.
Yeah.
Thanks, Star.
I'm going to call him through.
What are you going to say?
Because I don't want him to think I'm dumb.
I know how to position this perfectly.
Good afternoon, David speaking.
Oh, good afternoon, David.
It's Mitch Turi speaking, KISS FM Radio Star TV personality.
Oh, goodness.
I think I've heard of you.
I'm here too.
Your client is here.
I call this afternoon, David, representing your client, Mitchell Coombs.
Oh, okay.
What's he done wrong this time?
Now, listen, David, before you continue, I need you to know something.
Mm-hmm.
He's too stupid to understand anything you say.
And he's creative, very funny, very talented,
but only room for one thought in that brain per day.
And the jargon that you spitfire him in email form,
yes, it's professional and yes, it would work.
Yeah, just to clarify, I was actually talking about how I found it impressive.
I'm like, oh, my God, he speaks like a professional,
but I don't understand what he's saying.
David, David, no more EOD.
No more COB.
Dumb it down, David.
Look, are you interested in working with any clients
that might provide a dictionary or a thesaurus?
I can't even say thesaurus with my lisp, darling.
Forget about it.
I mean, how many letters can I use?
What's the maximum?
Keep this in mind.
Less jargon, more garbage.
I'm trying to make it work.
Less jargon, more garbage.
More garbage.
That actually works.
Yeah, that's very neat.
He doesn't respond well to jargon.
He just likes real, straight to the point, maybe
a curse word, maybe some profanity.
I don't think I've ever heard David swear, to be
fair. No, no.
His high form of intelligence is not
swearing, which I've always
incorporated into. Get fucked, David!
I'm very conscious that
I am in charge of
a lot of Mitchell's revenue,
and so if I'm throwing around the C-bombs, the F-bombs, whatever bombs it might be, it could severely impact his ability to keep up his drinking habits.
Wow.
Hey, that was it.
That resonated.
You should have seen his eyes light up.
I do like that he's thinking of my drinking habits first and foremost.
That is important.
Yeah.
I've got the right person in my corner.
I think, David, I speak for Mitchell, your client, the talent.
Use as many acronyms as you need when booking him gigs,
but we're communicating back to him.
I speak as a third party here.
And let's write this down.
D, D, D.
Dumb it.
Down.
David.
So use a dollar figure, figure at times and a client,
and that's about all I need to do.
Or even just a voice message.
Oi!
Bitch.
L'Oreal.
Insta story.
10K.
And he'll just...
Stop putting dry shampoo on your hair and do this now.
Yes!
Oh, my God, yeah, I do like that, actually, the aggression.
That's it.
Thank you, David.
Pleasure.
Take care.
See you.
Bye.
We love you.
Is it just me?
Got something on your mind?
Hit up at coupleofmitches on Instagram to get yourself on the show.
All right, it's now your turn to get on the show with Is It Just
You? It's your chance to have an idiom of your
own. Something you've noticed, something you hate or
appreciate. Because we can't be expected to
notice, hate and appreciate everything.
You bring something for once. Sometimes
I just want to look at something and not hate it,
not notice it, nor
appreciate it.
What's something I've never noticed,
hated or appreciated in this room?
I don't think I've ever paid any attention to this bottle of hot sauce on Jackie O's
desk in front of me.
Oh, don't touch that.
I've removed that once.
What?
I got an email from Jackie's PA.
Really?
Yeah, because Jackie puts hot sauce on her eggs every morning.
Yeah, but this is something I've never noticed, hated or appreciated.
This bottle of hot sauce says may cause anal leakage.
What?
What?
Wow.
It pays to notice things, actually.
It does.
What?
You put that sticker off and put that on you on your forehead.
Hey.
Here's Harry with his Is It Just You.
Is it just me or is there nothing better than the smell of a brand new,
like, Lazy Boy sofa or any sofa?
It doesn't need to be Lazy Boy.
And double points if it's leather.
Like I love just going to Harvey Norman and just walking laps,
sniffing the fabric.
It's just something so comforting about the smell.
Right.
No, I agree.
How good's a dead cow?
Sorry, vegans, but they smell gorgeous in couch form.
A brand new leather couch, yes, but that lasts for a good year
and then it's out.
Yeah.
No, you're right.
But as he was painting that picture, beautiful is it to see there, Harry.
Great theatre of the mind.
I was picturing walking through Harvey Norman.
Yeah, he's right.
Yeah.
Just new furniture.
Gorgeous.
Do you know what's weird?
And I learnt this the other day and I didn't know this was a thing.
And I know everything, so it shocks me.
No, I know.
That restaurants and businesses craft a signature scent.
They pay upwards of $100,000 to have a signature scent for that store
or for that location.
Like the Crown Sydney, which is the casino and the hotel,
has its own signature scent that nowhere else in the world has.
And people walk in, you go, oh, my God, I love that smell.
So you only ever smell it there.
So it's like recognition.
Louis Vuitton has their own smell.
Jenna, use that new MacBook to Google the clowns that make these signature scents.
We need an Idjim scent.
Oh my God, we need an Idjim scent.
What will it smell like?
Anal leakage?
Anal leakage.
We're a bit fruity, so we need fruity notes.
Definitely.
Definitely a bit fruity notes.
I just want to put it out there.
I love vanilla.
I'd like a bit of vanilla.
Oh, but not too much.
It'll smell like a bloody airwick toilet spray.
True, true. What about a little bit of caramel? I really do. Just'd like a bit of vanilla. Oh, but not too much. It'll smell like a bloody air-wicked toilet spray.
True, true.
What about a little bit of caramel?
I really do.
Just like a tinge.
You don't want to err on that. But only a tinge, Jenna.
That's your input.
Is Scent Australia coming up?
Yep.
That is it.
That is the body.
I've got it.
Scentaustralia.com.au.
Because Damien, our friend, was telling me, because I said, your house smells gorgeous.
Is it an Aesop candle?
He went, no, it's our house scent.
I went, what do you mean?
He went, oh, I've ordered, I have our own custom house house scent and he goes in four different diffusers around the house he goes
everyone says it but it's unique to us you can't buy it i love that yeah we need a scent we need
an agent and you know what we can do great jenny you've got a project okay because people listen
to this show on in their car we could get it made into little bottles and it can be a car scent.
So as you listen to the show.
Oh, my God.
They can smell us.
Yeah, no.
I like where we're headed with this.
We can put one drop of Sam's sweat so the women go ravenous.
Oh, my God.
Can we give them a call?
Australian.
Scent Australia.
Scent Australia.
You do that off the bloody cloud, Jenna.
It's your internal task.
Yeah, bring us an update next week.
Okay.
Anyway, thank you for that, Harry.
Appreciate your usage issue. Thanks, Harry. Keep them coming, Jenna. This is your internal task. Bring us an update next week. Okay. Anyway, thank you for that, Harry. Appreciate your visit to you. Thanks, Harry. Keep them coming, darling.
Yeah, if you've got something you've noticed, something you hate or appreciate,
send us a voice message or a note on
a couple of pictures on Instagram and we'll get you on the cloud.
Are you ready to go to TikTok school,
darling? I'm getting my crispy red apple.
Class is in session.
Right. So TikTok
school. As you know, we like to just
rip off other people's ideas.
Sometimes I'll be scrolling and I think, oh, Cheery will nail that.
I'm going to bring that up on the show, get his hot take.
And for those at home who can't see this because it's a podcast,
Jenna is in a slutty teacher's outfit.
She does it every time we do it and it's hot.
It's hot.
But today we're doing a bit of a social experiment, aren't we?
Yes, we are.
We wanted to put it out into the world and change the podcast up a little bit.
Because you know those TikToks that you always see of straight men who host podcasts mitchell had to
just swallow his vomit there for a second because they are vile and they are rising in prominence
these boring straight men talking about women's issues i know it's like you just leave a couple
of men alone with a microphone no women in the room although often there is one there's just
some little pick me girl that's the's the worst part. Just laughing along.
And they'll say really uninformed, dumb shit.
Misogynistic bullshit.
And there's no one to call them out.
Yeah, exactly.
But there is like, there's sort of method to the madness because those videos always
blow up, don't they?
Oh, my God.
And that's why I see them because then my algorithm has straight in it.
No, it doesn't have any of the boy words in it, but it gets on my feed.
It'd be because of podcast.
Oh, you're right.
Yeah.
And also the amount of views.
They always blow up because it stirs the pot whenever these straight men put these problematic
things out in the world.
The funny thing is, it's essentially the anti version of us.
It's the straight version of what we do.
I mean, I'm not saying that we're the most intelligent podcast.
Like, we're as dumb as they come.
But we talk about inane shit too.
But, like, there's just a certain way about these straight men
delivering their podcasts.
So, like, I've got an example.
This is just the sort of things that you might hear on a straight man podcast.
One thing I hate about going to restaurants is when they ask for a tip.
I feel like in Australia we just don't do that, right?
Yeah, no, get far.
So, like, I was like, yeah, can we just have the bill?
They bring it over and they've got, like, the receipt printed out
and they put it on the table and, like, we'll be back. And I was like, so you're just waiting for me to write a tip? There's a thing down the bottom for tip. I'm like, yeah, can we just have the bill? They bring it over and they've got like the receipt printed out and they put it on the table and like, we'll be back.
And I was like,
so you're just waiting
for me to write a tip?
There's a thing down
the bottom for tip
and I'm like,
nah,
not happening.
Nah,
never happened.
The screen literally said,
would you like to tip?
And there's like
a yes or no button
and I was like,
oh fuck,
it's in her hand.
And I just went,
no.
And then babe,
I was like,
I'm like such a piece of shit.
Like she's standing like this
and I was like,
nah,
no tip for you.
I can get fucked.
It's fucked.
What?
To be fair,
they actually sound quite fun.
I feel like I get along with them.
What's the name of that show?
But there's just something about the way they do this thing that my brother does,
right?
Where they talk and it's like,
they don't open their mouth very wide.
So that I kind of,
it's kind of like this,
like they sound like you're mumbling a bit.
Yeah.
Like,
Oh fuck that.
I'm not tipping you.
No fucker.
They just keep their lips really close together when they talk.
And they laugh so aggressive and really quickly.
Yeah, okay.
And then they immediately result to insults.
Always.
Like, always have to insult somebody.
And also, I love, that was the most basic observation.
Yeah.
I mean, like I said, we can't talk.
We're quite bloody basic when it comes to our observations too.
However, this is the sort of problematic shit we're talking about
that always blows up, okay?
So this is what we need to channel in our experiment.
All right.
As a male, I could have 18, 30, 40, 50 women pregnant at the same time.
As a female, you can only be pregnant by one man at a time.
And further, it benefits you as a woman to stick to that man because the more you get pregnant, the more your value declines.
Stretch marks, losing the vaginal elasticity and all of these meaningful things that attract men.
So you are one who should stick with a man.
And so monogamy is very meaningful for women, whereas for a male who has a lot of resources,
monogamy is not a necessity.
Shut up!
I feel sick.
I feel fucking sick.
Vaginal elasticity.
Oh, my God.
What an idiot.
And the ding.
Why do they need the tick sound?
I know!
And so, anyway, these always blow up, don't they?
Always.
Millions of views.
So this is our experiment.
So we're going to pretend we're straight.
Yeah.
Okay.
So we need to change quite a few things.
What we're going to do is, for those listening, you're in on the joke.
This is a long game.
We're going to do our impression of a straight man podcast.
We're going to put it up on our podcast feed, which has quite a few thousand followers.
Yeah, it'll be on our TikTok.
So you idiots listening right now, you've got to go to the comments and be outraged as soon
as you see the video.
Don't be like, this is hilarious.
I'm in on the joke.
We want people to see if they believe that we're a straight podcast.
Just be like, there's people like this in the world and it's just sad that people think
this way.
Yeah, or amen, brother, with the praying emoji.
Now, the problem is, Mitch, our screen's behind us.
They're not straight.
We need to fix them up.
Oh, do you reckon they're a bit limp-wristed, do you?
Yeah.
Something about the hot pink and the yellow.
They're always in like a home office.
It's never a good set.
Yeah, why do straight men just avoid studios?
They're always just in their lounge room.
Can you find a really disgusting bedroom?
Find us a share house lounge room.
100%.
With one half dead palm frond in the back.
And they always have a cheap boom arm.
Oh, this is going.
I reckon I'm going to be the giveaway.
I'm not going to sound straight at all.
I can't say anything problematic like that.
Oh, yeah, true.
Isn't that ironic?
I've got a higher voice than you.
Oh, my God, that is you.
Oh, my God, Sam.
He just has the most disgusting blow-up mattress on a carpeted bedroom
with boxes and no furniture.
Oh, yeah.
And a used coffee mug on the ground.
Oh, that is foul.
Okay, you nailed it, actually.
Well, he is a straight man.
That's actually Sam's bedroom.
You're going to have to say something really dumb.
Well, don't go too far.
Just, like, really uninformed and stupid.
Yeah, okay.
And then I'll just be, like, your hype man that just eggs you on.
Yes, because there was one in that first one that would just repeat
what the host was saying and then they'd laugh. Actually, Jenna, you're going to have to be, like I said, the pick-me girl that just never stands on. Yes, because there was one in that first one that would just repeat what the host was saying and then they'd laugh.
Actually, Jenna, you're going to have to be,
like I said, the pick-me girl
that just never stands up for women.
He just goes, yeah.
Yeah.
Sam, is there like a hat out there
so I can look straight?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yes.
Hang on, give me a minute.
Or I can just put my hood on.
I'm going to give myself a front fringe.
Do I look straighter if I put my hood up?
Is that better?
You do, actually.
No, that's good.
So, yeah, don't show your perfectly coconut-oiled hair.
They'll know straight away.
All right, this is my fringe because what do straight men do?
They love to cover their receding hairline.
True.
I like to do that too.
Shut up.
That's why I've embraced the middle part.
I'm going to button all the way up.
Is that straight?
Sam, is there like a hoodie or something out there to make Mitch look more straight?
He still looks gay to me.
No, you need the full button up. Like a lad? No, you look like a bloody or something out there to make Mitch look more straight? He still looks gay to me. No, you need the full button up.
Like a lad?
No, you look like a bloody altar boy.
So is there no hat out there, Sam?
I think he's found one.
He's found a hat.
He's found it.
Fuck, yes.
This will change everything.
Oh, snap back.
You're going to have to loosen that thing for your big head.
Anyone have an extended belt?
Should I wear it front way or back way?
Back way is definitely... Oh, God.
There we go. Yeah, that's it.
Have you guys ever seen me with a hat on? Never.
It's skewing a bit
Humpty Dumpty just quietly.
I've got Mitch's bum bag on. Yeah, wear my bum bag.
I'll be a lad, yes. Sorry, that's my purse.
I think you'll find. And that's the difference.
Perfect. There we go. Holy
shit. did you just
see your own reflection i look heterosexual yes okay i don't even know let's just let's just roll
okay so this is us channeling a stupid uninformed straight man podcast and you just know that if
this was real it would be called couple of bitches no it'll be called like lads unfiltered or
something you know no Yeah, yeah.
And our logo would be a redback spider with our faces in the middle.
But don't say anything too fucked up.
Just say something dumb.
But like you say it with such conviction.
Oi, dude, I got a theory, right?
Yeah.
That breast milk isn't real.
Mitchell, lower the tone.
You sound gay.
You're like, breast milk isn't real.
Too animated.
Breast milk isn't real. Okay, true, true. Don't you reckon? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You sound great. You're like, breast milk isn't real. Too animated. Breast milk isn't real.
Okay, true, true.
Don't you reckon?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
All right.
Okay.
But here's the thing, but bro.
Women are lying about their periods, man.
That's so true.
Put your mind to it for a second and think about it, right?
And I'll put this to the room.
Chicks love to waffle on about their period.
Yeah.
Oh, I get every two weeks.
I get every two weeks.
Oh, it's fucking constant, man.
Where's the proof when you think about it?
It's so true, bro.
Get this right.
Only periods I know in my life?
High school, finishing home economic.
You finish English, you finish mathematics.
What about maybe when you're writing a sentence and you finish that thing?
Nah, you lost me there, man.
I don't know what you're talking about.
The thing at the end of a sentence?
That's a period.
Yeah, like how are we supposed to know that you're actually telling the truth?
Like you're a chick.
I've never actually seen a period, eh?
So you could just be a conspiracy, eh?
I don't know.
I'm so with you.
And they lie like this.
They get us.
They try to get us.
Yeah, a little bit.
She's being all flirty.
You want me, don't you?
It's not even true, man.
And I've never seen anyone buy periods.
No, I think that was really profound from us.
I think we made some points.
The first one, they just basically described how paying at a restaurant works
and they thought it was groundbreaking.
So we need to do something really simple and think that it's groundbreaking.
Hear me out.
Let's try it.
Oh, you're actually doing it now?
Yeah.
Okay, hold on.
You have to give me warning.
It takes a while for me to get into straight man character.
All right.
Ready?
And that's why giving birth should cost money.
But more on that later.
Hey, today, petrol.
They're all the same, bro.
93, 94, 96.
It all comes from the same pit, man.
Yeah, I reckon it's not even any different, eh?
You just put it in and, like, the car goes.
It doesn't even matter.
I've got a friend, right?
Blake.
Blakey!
Blakey!
Oi, you fucked Blake at the Christmas party twice in the night.
Oi, nah, man.
She doesn't like to talk about it, you know.
She fucked Blake. Yeah. She fucked Blake.
Yeah.
She fucked Trevor.
And then she fucked Blake again.
Fuck, man.
Nah, you gotta,
you gotta stop doing that, man.
You gotta keep yourself pure.
You gotta dedicate yourself
to the one man
once you find him.
But that's the thing,
Stacey Lee.
No one actually
respects a woman
that has kissed a man before they kiss you.
Yeah, like the lips just feel dirty, man.
You know what I mean?
Like, oh God.
They feel dirty?
But if I want to kiss someone, it doesn't matter.
But for girls, nah.
Nah.
Nah.
It's true.
It's so true.
It is true.
Yeah, see, even she agrees.
Like women are just not speaking up, you know, like they all think this shit, but they're
not brave enough to say it.
Is that what you think, Stacey Lee?
Exactly.
And that what you just said there is profound.
Yeah.
Stacey Lee.
When did we change names?
Oh, I hate it.
I hate it.
I feel disgusting.
I'm like, 93.
Okay, so if you see these videos on our TikTok, go be offended or agree with us and say equally stupid shit in the comments.
And another thing.
Yeah.
That ding is so annoying.
Yeah.
So dumb.
Our ding is much more theatrical because we're Moes.
Yeah.
What a performance that tick is.
You want to hear their incorrect buzzer?
Doesn't exist because men can't be wrong in their eyes.
You're so right, man.
That's so right.
It's so fucking true.
So fucking true.
Yeah.
True.
Preach.
All right, shall we go?
Yeah, I think we should before we say something fucked.
This bum bag reminds me of that time I wore a Holter monitor for a week.
Oh, I've had to do that before too.
Awful.
You know what I just realised?
We said that Jenna should be the pick-me girl that never disagrees with us.
I feel like you should disagree with us more.
You should pipe in with your opinion.
I know, but you're not talking about stuff like that.
Yeah, we don't know.
If you were, I'd punch you in the face.
Just as long as you know that you're allowed to, you know.
If we ever say something and you disagree, please pipe in.
I know that.
Because usually you agree with us. What's something we can say that Jenna would disagree with? Yeah, you know. If we ever say something and you disagree, please pipe in. I know that. Because usually you agree with us. What's something we can say that
Jenna would disagree with? Murder? Not on.
Oh, come on. You've never tried it.
Alright.
Thank you for listening, everyone. Thank you to Ben Fordham
for coming on. What a superstar. He's a good man.
He didn't really have a choice, did he? No, he didn't.
Actually, did we even tell him that was live? Maybe he just
thinks we only do dual phone calls. We never actually said, hey, Ben, you're on the show. I think we did, didn't really have a choice, did he? No, he didn't. Actually, did we even tell him that was live? Maybe he just thinks we only do dual phone calls.
Yeah.
We never actually said, hey, Ben, you're on the show.
I think we did, didn't we?
I don't know.
Oh, my God.
We actually should mention, Mitch and I saw each other twice this weekend.
It's too much.
I've run out of conversation.
Actually, almost three times, really, because we went over to midnight to a new day.
So I saw you Friday, Saturday, Sunday.
You know how he said last week that he's in his social era?
I thought, bullshit, you're not going to socialise.
Oh, God, he's really committed.
I saw him twice.
Two nights in a row, Friday and Saturday night.
Famously, he hibernates on those nights.
Yes.
But no, we didn't this week.
I've realised that I just won't have any friends if I keep saying no.
So I've said yes to everything I've been invited to.
God, let's fuck with him and just invite him to so much shit.
I've got a BDSM party first.
Do you want to fill in on Trash Alley when I'm at Hazelway?
I will, actually.
Great.
Is this socialite era?
Imagine that.
Yes.
I'm not kidding.
He's going to be in Fiji in a few weeks, and so I have to do the show by myself.
I'd love to do it.
You wouldn't have to alter the catering budget at all.
Oh, God.
Well, you wouldn't.
Oh, God.
I can say that.
Okay.
Thank you for listening.
Should we actually do that?
Can you imagine you on Trash Hour?
I'll fill in.
What are you talking about?
Celeb Goss, that's my radio show.
If anything, I'm more qualified than him.
Yeah, it's very different to here.
We don't talk about, you know, misogynistic TikTokers and, like, infomercials on Studio 10.
What do you talk about?
Kim K and...
Oh, no, we ban the Kardashians. Oh yes, I did know that.
If this is a genuine offer,
loop me in with David and I'll send you my
feed.
By close of business. We'll talk off
the cloud, but that would be kind of funny. You on Trash Alley.
I'm in my Yes Man era, that Jim Carrey
movie. I watched it and thought, I'm going to do that.
Alright, well we'll see how long this socialite
era lasts. Thanks for listening everyone. I need to go rinse
my head under cold water
That hat has really done me a dirty
And great to see you again Sam, Jen, we'll see you next week
We'll catch you next week idiots, love you bye
Is it just me?
A podcast by a couple of mitches
Make sure you've hit follow
On your podcaster Welcome to ADD Brief.
This is our secret segment on the end.
We pretend that the show is over and then we keep talking shit
and hopefully no one hears this part unless you're like a
real MVP because
this is a bit embarrassing. And also
hello to all the new listeners because
like we said, the straight men get a lot of
views on TikTok. The gay men also get a lot of
views. We have a whole new
TikTok audience that are here listening and a lot
from the States. So I don't know what we did, but we
hit the American gay audience and I love
it. I love it. Also, have you noticed that a lot of people, because our Facebook group, Enduring Idiots,
just for our own little survey monkey, we've got a question when you enter the group.
It says, how did you discover us?
Just out of curiosity.
There's been a lot of people saying, I listen to Trash Alley and I ran out of episodes.
So I started listening to this one.
Yes.
And so it's worked in your favor, actually, even though Crash Ali is your nemesis.
Oh, well, I actually saw a lot.
I accept them straight away.
I am a fan of Mitchell Turi in everything that he does,
and I ran out of everything that he does.
I haven't seen any of those.
Have you seen those, Jenna?
I haven't seen any of those.
I've got them on auto-approve, auto-approve,
and the moderators can back me up.
Speaking of, are we due for a moderator games?
Are we due for – have we done 12?
Because that's every 12 months, the Moderator Games.
Oh, well, all I remember about the Moderator Games is that we were in lockdown because
I was working from home.
So it would have been what, like June, July, August?
Okay.
Well, time is running thin for the current moderators.
Are you actually going to off them?
Are you going to cancel them and get new ones?
Yeah.
To moderate our Facebook group? Yes. I will be. I'll miss them. I will be. Are they allowed to off them? Are you going to cancel them and get new ones? Yeah. To moderate our Facebook group?
Yes.
I will be.
I'll miss them.
I will be.
Are they allowed to reapply?
Of course they can, yes.
Yeah, maybe we bring on people to oust them.
Yeah, I'm happy with that.
It's coming up, so don't freak out about it, current moderators.
There's not a lot of moderating required.
Not really.
One person said one dumb thing once once and I think I blocked him.
I jumped on.
Do you know one thing I had to delete once?
What?
Someone put in the group.
Don't be mean.
Huh?
What's so mean about me?
No.
Oh.
No, no, no.
You'll back me up on this.
I think you'll find that I made the right call.
Okay.
Someone put in the group, oh my God, I heard you guys talking about banana vapes, Coombs'
favourite flavour.
Yeah.
I just went and tried one and it's delicious.
It's my new favourite.
And I was like, how many times do I have to say, do as I say, not as I do?
I've said a million times, I don't endorse vaping.
It was a huge mistake.
Yes.
Because it's like very addictive and not good for you.
So just don't go there.
And you would have cancelled it for that.
And I would have denied it purely based on the mention of our rival fruit.
Sam, you missed this last week.
Chiri has boycotted bananas and you're expected to do the same.
Oh, really?
Australian bananas?
I'll go to Fiji and scoff a lady finger.
No, you're in character as the straight man again.
But yes, like I said, just for the record, don't bloody vape.
Mitch and I, at the party we were at, remember I was very tipsy and I found someone's vape on the ground and I took it. And I said, don't you darepe mitch and i at the party we were at remember i was i was very tipsy
and i found someone's vape on the ground and i took it and i said don't you dare and i don't
you dare and i did no you did not then the bottom flashed and mitch was like ah that means it's out
and i was sucking on someone's dead oh no that's foul and all i got was battery acid in my mouth
it was awful i told him not to do it he did he did he did um now jenna can you get me the number
for australian cents Because I'm serious.
I reckon in many years to come.
Sorry, this is I'm still on the vaping thing.
In many years to come, when they've finally done all this research about how harmful it
is, I'm going to be that bitch on the ad, the smoking ads.
It's like, I wish I never smoked.
I had a successful podcast.
They'll cut to me.
They'll go, this is my counterpart who didn't vape.
And I'm holding up Logies.
Same age.
Same income.
But one of them vaped.
This is the one that vaped.
First your teeth.
Oh, wow.
Then your wig.
And then your N3 device.
And now you're ready for the day.
And now here's the one that didn't vape.
Welcome to Wheel of Fortune, everybody.
It's Julie here.
Yes, I had my third heart transplant this week
and I'm back on the show.
All right, can you please get me Australian scent, Joe?
Yeah.
Who?
Scent Australia.
I want to call them and I want to pitch them.
Oh, my God, that feels like so long ago.
I know.
Is that the same show? Yeah, no, it's today. I'm them. Oh, my God. That feels like so long ago. I know. Is that the same show?
Yeah, no.
It's today.
I'm sure.
Oh, shit.
Why are you calling Send Australia?
It's Reggie from Big Brother.
Is it?
Yeah.
Hi, Reggie.
I've got an interview with Reggie from Big Brother.
Do you?
Yeah.
I've got to take it.
Oh, she's really nice.
Yeah, I like her.
Pause it.
She was sweet.
I do froth Reggie, in all honesty.
And she's back.
I know, God love her.
Did she win?
Yeah.
Yeah.
She beat Chrissy Swan.
Was Chrissy Swan runner up?
Yeah.
They were besties in the house the whole time, Chrissy and Reggie.
If only I told you that prior, you could have used that in your interview.
It's almost like you haven't researched her at all.
I Googled her and I saw Legally Blind and I read Legally Blind, so I asked her how the
filming was.
Well, idiot. So, sorry, who the fuck are you calling? The scent place. I googled her and I saw Legally Blind and I read Legally Blind so I asked her how the filming was. Well.
Idiot.
So sorry, who the fuck are you calling?
The scent place.
I'm calling Scent Australia.
Oh, because we want our own Idjim scent.
Correct.
To sell at a very affordable price.
Yeah.
I'll do the talking.
Stefan from Scent Australia.
Hey Stefan, my name's Mitch Turi.
I'm calling from iHeartRadio.
How are you?
Good.
Yourself?
Good, mate.
I'm good.
Hey, I know this is a crazy, crazy ask and we can discuss it in email or whatever, but I host a podcast, a couple of mitches.
I also work at Kiss FM.
We're recording right now.
We have to tell you that.
We're on the podcast right now, Stefan.
And we want to, I don't know if anyone's ever done this, but is it possible to potentially
craft a scent for our podcast?
Yeah, absolutely it is.
There's a bit of lead time behind it and getting it right,
but it's absolutely something that we can do in Australia.
Stefan, that's fantastic because the podcast people listen to in the car,
so we thought maybe get the scent, maybe get it as a car air freshener
so they can smell the show as they listen to the show.
Absolutely, yeah.
That's a really good idea and it's something you would love to do.
Oh, my God.
Can I give you an email?
Because I'd genuinely love to make this happen.
Awesome, yeah.
Reach out and we can get the ball rolling on it.
Look forward to hearing from you.
All right, Stefan.
Thank you, mate.
See you guys.
Bye.
What a charming fellow.
Stefan.
He did say there's a bit of lead time, so make sure you get on that.
Shit.
Because the last thing we need is more merch delays.
For everyone who's still waiting on merch, I apologise.
Don't you worry.
I've been going full Karen on them.
They're on the way, though.
They actually are, finally.
Good.
Apparently there was, like, rain, which delayed the hand-tie-dying of the shirts or something.
And then...
I'm like, go inside.
Also, did I tell you?
You know how we had the competition blue versus yellow pop socket? I won!
Yeah, you did. You did.
Originally it was going to be yellow and pink.
And then we ended up saying, no, swap
out blue. They sent all three.
So now we have a fuckload of pink pop
sockets.
Shit. Yeah.
Well, you know what we could bring back?
Leave a review.
Get on the podcast. Get a pop socket. It gets us listens. You know what I really bring back? Leave a review. Get on the podcast.
Get a pop socket.
It gets us listens.
You know what I really want to do?
I wanted to do mug May.
Like we bring back the mugs, but with the season four photos in a different colour.
I pitched this.
Tell me if you think this is a good idea.
I wanted to also put Jenna's face in the middle of the mug, down the bottom.
So people go, you've left her out again.
And when they get to the bottom of their drink, they're like, oh, hi.
Jesus.
There it is.
I love that.
But we make her face like burnt because she's been under a hot coffee.
Yes.
Tea bag me.
Tea bag me.
Oh, my God.
Well, let's not discuss merch until our listeners get their latest bunch of merch.
We thank you for buying it.
Yeah, totally.
And it's actually not far off.
Yeah.
It's coming and we apologize.
But yeah, you know, maybe as an incentive to say thank you for waiting.. Yeah, totally. And it's actually not far off. Yeah, it's coming and we apologize.
But yeah, you know, maybe as an incentive to say thank you for waiting.
Some free pop sockets on the show could be one.
Yes.
Yes.
No, they will be getting free pop sockets with their order.
Yeah, lovely.
I love it.
You know what?
I, because I don't have a case on my phone because I'm rich and I want a pop socket because I don't have a case and I can just stick it on and on.
It'd be so good.
You could do that now, you know. Yeah, but I want it my own. Oh, yeah. True case and I can just stick it on and on. It'd be so good. You can do that now, you know.
Yeah, but I want my own.
Oh, yeah, true.
Okay.
I've got an ego to drive.
I realise that we should have put fucking, what do you call it?
QR codes?
Yes, on the pop socket.
That'd be a bit busy, wouldn't it?
You're a genius.
I'll put it on the new mugs.
Maybe we'll make Mug May happen.
I get this right.
It's not too late.
No, we could.
Right.
Mug May.
Mug May.
We're halfway through the month, but fuck it.
I like Mug May, but we need to do a fun design.
Yeah.
That's it.
That's my point.
I've already called Stefan, so I'll follow up that.
You follow up the mugs.
Great.
And see who sells more.
I'm going to be sending them out.
Yeah.
Do you ever think that Jenna, who is prizekeeper, really should be the one sourcing and doing
all this prizekeeping.
So what I'm going to do is once we get these pop sockets,
I'm just going to dump them on a desk and be like, deal with it.
Give them out.
You've got a week.
You think of the mechanic.
You send them out.
You do everything.
One of those viral videos of the wankers that get a parking ticket
and they're like, hey, I'm out in the front of City Hall
and I got my $300 parking ticket in pennies.
And they dump the pennies on the desk.
Yeah, I know.
I hate them.
But, yes, great idea.
Yeah, Jenna, about time we put you to work.
We should name it.
We'll call it the Jenna Does Her Job Challenge.
He can't even get guests.
No, you're right, he can't.
You're not wrong, Jenna.
God, it's just really difficult being the only one that's competent
in the room.
You waffle on.
Eh?
Nothing, nothing.
Nothing.
I didn't say anything.
Nothing.
I said I want a phone.
Yeah.
A Haviana.
Good idea.
God, I love a Haviana.
I used to make, what happened to Haviana?
The fall of Havianas.
They had vending machines in Westfield.
The vending machines, yes.
Do they not have those anymore?
I don't feel like people, I would not know where to buy a pair of Havianas.
Crocs took over.
Slides took over.
That's true. But I also do have a pair of Havianas. I haven't seen. Crocs took over. Slides took over.
That's true.
But I also do have a pair of Havianas.
They're bloody gorgeous.
Yeah.
You know what?
You're the only person I can, and this isn't a dig, but you're the only person I can think of that I have recently seen in Havianas.
You rock it.
It's very you.
They did send them to me, though.
Oh, for God's sake.
I got sent Bennett Street.
David put the package at my door and said, see below.
What else is there?
Let's quickly Google some work lingo.
Business jargon.
I'm going to craft an email to my producer of my radio show.
Oh, my God, Nat Penfold, who we love.
Nat now produces my radio show.
We don't.
In case you didn't know, but she produces the show.
I'm going to send her an email for my night show,
but I'm going to only speak in business jargon.
Oh, my God, there's a website.
Good afternoon, Nath.
No, no, no.
So the subject, I've got Jess Malboy on the show tomorrow night, so let's craft an email.
I'm going to make the subject JM, Jess Malboy, C's.
No, JM in the PM, C's.
Oh yeah, JM to morrow.
No, but they always write like in the AM
Instead of in the morning
And I thought they were talking about the radio frequency at first
When I got those emails here
It was like, oh, in the AM
And I'm like, we're on FM, babes
Oh my god, Mitch, you tell this story very well
You told me the first email you got
When you worked on the Kyle and Jackie O show about Kyle
And they used abbreviations
Remember?
Oh yeah, I got an email that says
Speak to Kay in the AM, TA.
No full stops or capital letters.
And I was like, who's Kay?
Does she work in reception?
Kay?
And what's the AM?
I was like, we don't work on AM.
But also TA.
You're like, is that TA or is that thanks a lot?
Like, what is TA?
No, I'm actually these days, I'm quite a slut for a TA.
I use TA all the time on emails. I write cheers, which is G-A? No, I'm actually, these days, I'm quite a slut for a tar. I use tar all the time on
emails. I write cheers, which is a bit
heterosexual. Alright, so I've done GM
in the AMCs. I'll go...
Who's GM? JM, Jess Malboy.
Oh. So I'm going to go
Nat. Good afternoon, Nat.
Hope this email finds you well.
God, he's a slow typer. Yeah.
Um...
I am writing in regards to the Jessica Malboy appearance scheduled for tomorrow AM.
No, PM.
Is this something that you have the capacity to make priority by COB?
Sorry, I'm just up to good afternoon now.
Warm?
Warmest?
No.
We were talking about this on Trash Hour the other day.
The bitchiest thing you can sign off an email with is thanks in advance,
which kind of implies like it's not up for discussion.
You're fucking doing it.
JM in AMCs.
Nat's out at her desk.
Let's see if she reads them.
I'm writing in regards to the JM appearance scheduled for tomorrow AM.
Is this something that you have the capacity to make a priority to make happen AM? It's PM. Priority to make it happen by COB.
Thanks in advance, Ms. Cherry.
She says, warmest regards, your boss.
No, warmest regards, M.
Yeah, M.
Is she looking?
No, she's doing her.
What a slack bitch.
We're witnessing her be slack on emails.
Yeah, what a slack bitch.
She's out there producing my quiz and not replying to my stupidity.
I didn't realise that she was working on your show properly now.
Yeah, she does.
She produces everything.
Wow.
She's not very good.
We should probably go, by the way, everyone.
What a show.
Round of applause to us.
I just want to wait.
Can we just wait until Nat opens this email?
Oh, she's scheduling music.
I feel bad.
Just tell her, put the station on shuffle.
You don't need to schedule music.
It'll be fine.
I want to do this on the show.
I don't know what it is, but my private Gmail, I keep getting.
The name Mitch Turi has been mentioned by a well-known author on academia.
I think we did do that once.
Oh, that again?
No, I think I mentioned it.
You've got to make an account to know.
I actually used to have an academia account because I went to uni,
and it's so painful that website.
What even is it? It's literally
academic sources that you have
to cite in all of your fucking things.
You can't make your own original thoughts. You have to find
someone else who's had that thought before and then cite them.
Bullshit. It is bullshit.
Oh wait, she's looking at
the other screen. Is she looking now?
Is she checking her email? Yep, she's looking.
No she's not. Is she looking now? Is she checking her email? Yep, she's looking.
No, she's not. She's looking very confused.
Here we go. Did you get the email
I sent you? Yeah, what the fuck are you talking about?
Who's JM?
Who's JM? How very dare you? Jess Malboy.
Of course.
You can go now. Can I go now?
I have work to do. Just make sure you get
it done by COB.
She doesn't have time for this bullshit.
Neither do we.
Let's go, guys.
Yes, we hope this podcast made you feel at least 2% better today.
That's all.
So we do.
Oi!
Sam, did you forget your line or something?
No, he's fucking the finance lady.
This is so horny at the moment.
That's pheromones dripping.
What is a pheromone?
Pheromone.
No, I'm not saying you're wrong.
I just don't know.
It's a new instrument I'm learning.
Oh, for God's sake.
A pheromone is the...
What is it?
No, a...
Shush.
Pheromone are what men and women...
Shut up, girl.
Shut up, ovary.
Ovary is...
Sorry, plural.
There's two of them.
So the women say.
Pheromones.
Pheromones are what men and women excrete,
and they are what arouse people.
They turn people on.
What a word, excrete.
So have you ever been with a man, Mitch?
No, never.
And you've been turned on by the smell.
Maybe they've been at the gym.
Maybe they're a bit sweaty.
Or maybe they're clean.
Maybe you get off on the fact that they're clean.
True, yeah.
I know what you mean.
Never the sweaty version, though.
Ew.
Yes.
If we end up that way, so be it.
They don't want them to start sweaty.
Hayden kind of likes that, I think.
He likes to sweat a little bit.
Oh, well, thank God.
That comes in handy.
What a bush pig of a boyfriend he's got who's always perspiring.
We wouldn't have made it past one month if he wasn't into perspiration.
All right, let's go.
Thank you for listening, everyone.
We love you.
What do tears smell like?
That's what my boyfriend's going to get one day.
Also, if you eat oysters, it increases your pheromones, right?
Oh, aphrodisiac.
Yeah.
Sorry, different thing.
I also don't know what an aphrodisiac is.
It's a local drag queen.
She's very good.
She's amazing.
Aphrodisiac.
What actually is it?
Aphrodisiac is a food or something local drag queen. She's very good. She's amazing. Aphrodisiac. What actually is it? Aphrodisiac is a food
or something that you consume
that increases your libido.
Oh.
So...
You can do that?
Yeah, if you eat
a whole shit ton of oysters
it increases your libido.
Shit.
Okay, great.
I've got some Googling to do.
We'd better get out of here.
Yeah, we need to get
into Australian oysters.
Oh, I actually hate oysters though
so it's never going to work for me.
Well, maybe that's the answer.
You haven't had the right oyster.
Good, fresh oysters or Oysters Kilpatrick with bacon on it.
Yum.
Oh, I remember that scene on Offspring Kilpatrick.
Oh, no.
Yeah, that was an oyster driving that, I guess.
All right.
See you next week, everyone.
Thank you, Oysters.
Love you, idiots.
Love you.
Catch you soon.
Bye.
Is it just me?
A podcast by a couple of mitches.
Make sure you've hit follow on your podcast app.