Is It Just Me? - #106: Carla From Bankstown, Bro!

Episode Date: May 23, 2022

Star of Celebrity Apprentice on Channel 9, Carla From Bankstown, is our guest host this week!In this episode:Desperate dogs on TikTok Live (10:32)Why supermarkets need to GROW UP (13:25)Leaving people on ‘seen’ (17:26)Sending nudes (21:48)Shitty kids drawings (26:06)Carla calls Julia Morris (27:00)‘Sound of Silence’ prank call on Carla’s mum (30:09)Our “Secret Segment” ADDebrief (39:29)Follow us @coupleofmitchesSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

People do some weird shit. Would you like to try a vape? Why would you take up something that is going to be addictive and expensive? I think for people. I'll tell you why. Yeah. Because you're young and stupid. Some things make more sense than others.

You mentioned that your goal was to be healthy, and I just don't know how you figure that's going to happen when you're ordering a chocolate mousse. No. You know, I had it in the car on the way home, and I didn't have a spoon, so I was like an armadillo trying to get ants out of a hole. Brace yourself for the rude shocks of young adulthood.

Being fingered is an awful sensation. You haven't been fingered by the right person. Goodness me. This is Is It Just Me? Hosted by a couple of bitches. Hi, it's Jenna. Please don't forget to include my name in the opener this season. I'm sorry.

Ta-da! Now, here's Mitch Chooley and Mitchell Coombs. Well, well, well, we're back, Mitchell Coombs. Hello, everyone. Hi, idiots. What's happening, darling? I'm very hot and sweaty. We're not in our usual studio.

I know, they've shoved us in a broom closet because there's more important talent using our studio at the moment. But they don't realise we're in the company of celeb royalty at the moment. Guess who's here today, idiots? Carla from Bank of Australia. Carla from Bank of Australia. Hello. I thought I smelt Link's Africa.

Oh, get fucked, bro. I love you. You're the only person in the entertainment industry that I can share clothes with. Now that Burt Newton's died, it was him. But now it's just you and me. Bro, that's it. I've got a whole wardrobe for you, babe. I love you so much.

You introduced me to Carla Minch. I did. I think the very first video, I found it, the very first video of yours that I saw on TikTok that I was like, oh my God, I'm hooked. Because you know how Carla does a lot of those impressions of receptionists or secretaries. Gladys Berejiklian's PA. Yes, yes, famously. There was one where she was a travel agent during COVID when everyone was in lockdown. And this was the first video I saw and I found it so funny.

Okay, here it is. Welcome to Alhamdulillah Travel. You're speaking with Carla. How can I help you today? Alhamdulillah. A flight? Where, bro? Everything's closed, the border's closed. No, you can't go on Kentucky, what are you talking about? Bro, Kentucky? Yeah bro, the closest Kentucky I can get you to is Kentucky to Auburn bro.

Yeah bro, the sights and sounds of the area bro. We go to Auburn, go to Granville, Guildford, bro, Marylands. Where do you want to go? Well, don't call me then, bro. All right, well, I'm going to book you in anyway. Oh, my God. Credit card details. Yeah, I already got them on the system, bro, apparently.

So, yeah. Guess what? I just booked you a Contiki all the way to Auburn, bro. Congratulations, Mark. No, I said congratulations. Yeah, enjoy your flight Enjoy your Uber Flight to Auburn Enjoy your Uber

We've got Bankstown Airport So you can fly if you want to Put your mind to it, you can do anything you want That's so funny, you are hilarious And you're actually coming up on Channel 9's Celebrity Apprentice By the time this podcast is out It's actually already on television It comes out Sunday night Celebrity Apprentice. I know. By the time this podcast is out, it's actually already on television. It comes out Sunday night.

Oh, my God. Celebrity Apprentice on Channel 9. I know. Premier night. Congratulations. I'm so excited for it. It was the most random thing I've ever done in my life. How did that come about?

Well, I got an email from Warner Brothers. They were sending me this thing. Both the brothers? Yeah. Yeah, the two. I've done them both. Yes. Okay.

You know, they emailed me and they're like, Carla, we want you um we've got an exciting amazing opportunity for you on tv and i was like bro what the fuck is going on here so i thought it was drag race because warner brothers does drag race down under oh yeah in australia distribute it and whatever i didn't know that here i'm thinking like bro i'm gonna go on drag race i don't know how to walk in heels i don't know how to fucking sew what what am i gonna do if i can walk down in my slides and my crocs no way and i so i rang her and she's like this british lady hello carla um that's my british accent did you have a concussion hello um yeah she asked me channel nine's a big fan of yours we want want you on Celebrity Apprentice. And I was like, me?

What? I actually was very confused. I thought I was being pranked, really. But here we are, months later. It's about to come out, and I'm so excited to see it. So it's on Sunday to Wednesday on Channel 9, isn't it? Yes. Okay, sweet.

And then you can catch up on 9 now as well, idiots, if you want to check out how Carla's doing. I love Celebrity Apprentice. Like the good old days when Roxy Jacenko, I think she almost won or did she win? Sophie Monk won. Sophie Monk won that season. Sophie Monk won. That was the best season of television in a long, long time.

You were telling me that some of the other celebs on Celeb Apprentice, you were having hangouts in the bathroom, just having a vape. Bro, I ended up being the vape dealer. And on the first night, we were filming, we had a break, had dinner And I'm walking out onto the balcony and I'm like looking out and no one was out there I'm like, I'm the only smoker, that's great, fuck, whatever And then Vince Corsmo came out and he was like, Carly, got a lighter? And I was like, oh bro, yes please

It's been my dream to have a cigarette with Vince Corsmo, I never thought I'd say it Samantha Jade would love a grape Bro, yes, please. It's been my dream to have a cigarette with a Vince Clawson. I never thought I'd say it. So, and then. Samantha Jade would love a grape. A grape. Oh, my God. Bubblegum, actually. Oh, yeah. Nah, she's too pure for that, I reckon.

I mean, Darren and I were like, he's like, bro, these vapes are great. Darren McMullen. Darren McMullen, bro. So, we would just duck into the bathroom and just have a cheeky vape. That's it. And the, not the judge, but the boss, because it's the apprentice. You're trying to be the apprentice of Lord Alan Sugar, which in America, it's Donald Trump. Is it still Donald Trump?

Oh, no. I don't think they do anymore. I wish it was Donald Trump here, bro. I would have told him off. Oh, that would have been good. He was the TV. Imagine having a go at Trump. Oh, I'd love to see that.

I would have knocked him out. Did you get along with Lord Alan Sugar? He's an old man. You can't push Lord Alan Sugar. He was like a grandpa. Yeah. Like, it was so weird because, like, the first thing he ever said to me when he saw me was, are you a Sheila or a Blake?

Oh, my God. And I'm like, here we go, bro. This is going to be a shit fight. But as the show went on, he was like, every time he saw me, he would always go directly to me just to see what I was wearing. Aw. Always give me a little smile. Hi, Carla.

How are you? And he actually said Gronk as well at one time Really? I'm very excited Oh my god you know what I'm going to play right now I'll edit it in later but how iconic was it when Carla was on A Current Affair and then the report finished the package ended it cut back to Tracy

Grimshaw at the desk and she says this A Current Affair introduced you to the social media sensation and the man behind the character earlier this month. I enjoy bringing people that happiness and making them smile. She's made it, Gronks. Look at that. You've impacted her vocabulary.

That is amazing. Bro, that was probably the best moment of my existence. Part of culture. That's huge. It was a cultural reset for Australia, honestly. She's made it gronks I reckon Tracy Had no idea what she was saying

Like some producer said Just do it It'll be funny Just say gronks Tracy you better say it Or you're getting cancelled Everyone will love it but She's like fine

Well we were talking about Apprentice I've actually got Some little gifts for you guys Oh my god Yeah bro So We got given these On set

The Louis Vuitton's on the table I know That's a hot bag Okay so you've got to close your eyes Oh alright Don't worry I'm not going to I've got a star in one eye So it hurts to close

Aren't they the worst? Oh it's so bad My brother and I used to call them clits He calls them clits We're like oh I've got a clit in the eye Open it and grab it Okay where am I looking? I said open your eyes you gronk

Oh my god I know Speak of the devil It's a Lord Sugar Okay, where am I looking? I said open your eyes, you gronk. Oh, my God. I know. Speak of the devil. It's a Lord Sugar. The Appentice. Appentice. Oh, ages six plus. That's why Jenna didn't get one.

A Lord Sugar talking point pen. Oh, my God. Is that like a little action figure? It is, bro. It's like, you know, those like punching pens. The boxing kangaroos. The boxing kangaroo. Oh, this is gorgeous.

Look at that. We were in the middle of doing hair and makeup. The boxing kangaroos. The boxing kangaroo. Oh, this is gorgeous. Look at that. Don't come the wrong way, sunshine. We were in the middle of doing hair and makeup, and then one of the producers came up and was like, Lord Sugar's giving you a gift. And I'm like, bro, you better give giving me a fucking check for five grand, bro. I've got car payments to make, bro. I need money.

And they give us this pen. I'm like, oh, okay. Thank you. Thank you so much, Lord Sugar. That's amazing. Quickly, why don't you plug your charity? Because you play for charity, right? My charity that I'm playing, okay, thank you. Thank you so much, Lord Sugar. That's amazing. Quickly, why don't you plug your charity? Because you play for charity, right? My charity that I'm playing for is 2010.

They are an LGBTQAI plus charity. They help house trans youth, queer youth. Great. Helping them who are homeless, who need education, who need support, finding jobs, all that kind of stuff. So something very close to my heart, helping all the little kids out there who want to be just like Carla. Amazing.

Gorgeous. Now, Carla and I also did the Mardi Gras parade together on the TikTok. Oh, yes. Memories. And you know how I did it twice? Yeah. The second year, I was like, oh, I don't know if I want to do it. I'm only doing it if Carla's there.

If Carla's involved. I'll do it. And it was so fun. Like, we had to go to these bloody dance rehearsals. Oh, my God. And, oh so fun. Like we had to go to these bloody dance rehearsals. And oh God, they were such a punish. Remember that time the dance instructor chick, she tried to make, she was putting us in pairs and then making everyone get up and dance one at a time

in front of everyone else. And we were like, we don't, yeah, well, she just wanted to, you know, focus on each person in pairs and make sure they're doing it right. And we were like, should we just gaslight her into thinking we already went? And Carla's like, we just did it. Didn't it right. And we were like, should we just gaslight her into thinking we already went? And Carla's like, we just did it. Didn't you see?

And she's like, oh, okay. That's it, bro. We didn't have to do it. She's like, bro, we went. We already did, bro. I went. I'm not fucking dancing again, bro. You have to pay me for that shit.

Sorry. Oh my God, that poor bitch is a doctor somewhere asking if she's got early onset dementia. We were like those fucking pesky kids in the class that think they're really funny, but they're not. Like, we were just fucking cracking ourselves up up the back. Making comments. I was just thinking to myself, why hasn't Jenna spoken? It's because we haven't introduced her. I'm waiting.

Our third wheel prize keeper, Jenna, is here as always. Jenna, I'm so sorry. Finally, I can talk. Thanks so much. I'm so sorry, bro. I'm so sorry. That's okay. Anyway, should we start the show?

We're all here. Yeah. So later on, we're going to be raiding through Carla from Bankstown's Celeb Contacts. Yes, a black book. Yeah. My little black book. Or my little black box. Or maybe a pink box.

Oh, we hope so. Little. Big. A little big pink furry box. Oh, my God. But if it's your first time listening, let's start with Is It Just Me? Is It Just Me? Is it just me?

Is it just me? Is it just me? Is it just me? Is it just me? Is it just me? Is it just me? Is it just me? Is it just me? Is it just me? Is it just me? Is it just me? Is it just me? Is it just me? Is it just me? Is it just me? Is it just me? Is it just me? Is it just me? Is it just me? Is it just me? Is it just me? Is it just me? Is it just me? Is it just me? Is it just me? Is it just me? Is it just me? Is it just me? Is it just me? Is it just me? Is it just me? Is it just me? Is it just me? Is it just me? Is it just me? Is it just me? Is it just me? Is it just me? Is it just me? Is it just me? Is it just me? But if it's your first time listening Let's start with Is It Just Me It's how we start the show The same every week

Something we've noticed Something we hate or appreciate Mitch doesn't know mine I don't know Mitch's Jenna should do one too Because every time we do a guest host Yep, all four of us have got an Is It Just Me I'm assuming you've got one, Carla, of course

Yeah, I do Righty-o, who wants to go first? Okay, you go first Do the Mitch's No, I insist Carla, ladies first Yeah, let's Let's kick it off with Carla

Me? Yes What series is it Just me bitch How do I start Okay so Brad will count you in Our musician Brad Will play you in

And then you just continue When you're ready Bradley Okay Is it just me Or Are we sick and tired Of People

On TikTok Begging for gifts On live I'm so I'm begging for Number one top spot But I don't care What does that actually mean The number one top spot, bro. I don't care. What does that actually mean, the number one top spot?

There's like a podium. So you're like the top three in the whole of Australia. And the more views you get, the more gifts you get. Apparently it's just like, bro, give it up. And they're never gifts. It's like a picture of a monkey in a box. They're like, please give me monkey box. Oh, I want a fish chimney. I'm like, what the fuck is this? Universe, universe, let's go. Give it like, please give me monkey box. Oh, I want fish chimney.

I'm like, what the fuck is this? Universe, universe, let's go. Give it to me. Give it to me. Yeah, I didn't realise that when someone buys you a gift during a TikTok live, it's actual money that they're spending. Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that either.

So it's like badges on Instagram. Yeah. I was in the middle of a TikTok live and I was like, oh, thanks, Denise. She just sent me a party duck or something. I don't know. Little, little dance on the screen. Yeah, yeah. And then after I finished the live, I got a notification being like,

oh, you need to fill out your bank details to claim, you know, your payout account or whatever it is to claim your money. And I was like, what the hell? And apparently I made six bucks, which I was like, oh, that's nice. She just kind of did that off her own bat. But I was just like, oh, I'd feel a bit dirty asking for it because people beg. People beg on TikTok live.

It's begging. Oh, colour. It's crazy. I saw one the other night and it because people beg on TikTok Live. It's begging. Oh, colour. It's crazy. I saw one the other night and it was a man asleep in bed and it had a poster above his head that was like, if you buy me this gift, the alarm will sound and I'll wake up. So it was an incentive to get cash because people wanted to see this poor guy be woken up.

It's not even entertainment. And also ones that are like, give me a gift and I'll write your name on this whiteboard. Oh, I've seen that. People can actually make an insane amount with that stuff, can't they? Yeah, 100%. I think the most I've made on TikTok before I got banned, because I'm banned from going live forever on TikTok.

Let me talk to Hayden. Someone showed their dick on TikTok, but anyway. Apparently they've already spoken to people at TikTok, and Carla, the ban will not be lifted. No, but you need Hayden Hickson. Okay, good. He's top, top dog. Yeah, good him.

And I made 12 cents. 12 cents. Because someone sent me like two roses. I was like, oh, beautiful. Thank you for the roses. But it's just the concept of it is so stupid because there's little kids on there. Do you know what I mean? Yes.

And if they're using their mum and dad's phone and it's connected to their bank account, it's like, I think it's like $14.95 for like 200 coins. I really think we should work on getting Carla's TikTok live ban lifted, okay? Should I text Hayden? Yeah, text your boyfriend right now. Okay, I'll send him a text. It's not what you know, it's who you know. It's not what you know, it's who you blow.

Oh no, he's got Do Not Disturb on. I'll send a voice message. You can get him ready, okay? Yeah, good. Yeah. Babe, I'm here with Carla. Hello. From Bankstown.

She's banned from going live on TikTok. Help me out, please, bro. Help her out. She only showed her dick once. Bro, I'll suck, okay. Yeah, good. Yeah. Babe, I'm here with Carla. Hello. From Bankstown. She's banned from going live on TikTok. Help me out, please, bro. Help her out. She only showed her dick once. Bro, I'll suck your dick if you want to. It wasn't Carla. It wasn't Carla's dick. It wasn't my dick.

It was someone else's dick. Lord Alan Sugar's dick was on live. So can you unban her from live? Thank you. We love you. All right, sent. I just sent the voice message. That's pretty good.

Fabulous. Who's up next? Do you want to go? Yeah, all right. I'll go. Go for it. Is it just me or? Does IGA need to grow up?

As in the store? Yeah, actually, to be fair, it's not just IGA, but my local is the one that's pissing me off. I'm sure a lot of other stores do this, but I think we're beyond the point where we have to stick a fucking gold coin in the trolley to be able to use it. What happened to the

good old days? My nan used to carry them around, those little silver fake coins. They'd sell at Aldi, they'd sell at Coles, and they'd go, you just buy one and you do it. And now they've stopped doing it. Yeah, but why do they do it in the first place? Like, I cannot use a fucking trolley at me IGA. Who the hell carries gold coins?

It's because gronks take the trolleys and dump them in the rivers. Is that what happens there in Bankstown? Did you ever? Yeah, it happens all the time. I've got trolleys in my backyard. I use them to move shit around. Did you ever remember seeing those commercials back in the day of like, if you see a lost trolley, call this number now.

Yes. I don't remember seeing that. When I worked at Coles, my first job was at Cole, one of the first jobs, and you'd get people calling and they'd be dobbing in. It'd be like they'd found a missing boy. Like, I found a red trolley in the river and it's cold and wet. I'm like, thanks, Mary, and we'd write down the location and we had a team that would go and retrieve the trolley.

But also, how does putting a fucking gold coin in there to unlock it actually stop you from stealing it in the first place? Because then you don't get your coin back. It's the incentive of getting the coin back. Two bucks. I'm sure you'll be fine. Yeah, but Mary in, you know, Bankstown cares about two bucks. 100%.

I care about two bucks, bro. How am I going to get my Macca's McFlurry, bro? But I'm sure even Mary in Bankstown is evolved enough that she doesn't carry shrapnel. Like whatever happened What's going to happen to gold coin donations? Like no one carries coins anymore Oh my god I was the other day at a

Where was I? At a festival or something And the Oxfam came up or a charity came up And they went, you know, money for the poor And I went, I don't have any cash on me They went, no worries Pulled out a PayPass device Yes, really

With the branding on it The little square pay The square pay And I was like, shit So I had to PayPass them four Yes, really. With the branding on it. The little square page. The square page. And I was like, shit, so I had to PayPass them four bucks. Oh, my God. Imagine if you had to, like, PayPass just to be able to wear Mufti Day at school. Like, you know how sometimes it's a gold coin donation? Yeah.

Oh, God, how is that going to work? I don't know. Someone at Facebook Marketplace the other day had a square reader. Like, people are evolving. They are getting legit those things. That's crazy. I also got fucked off at the vending machine at my train station near my house because it only took coins and cash.

And I'm like, for fuck's sake. Like, pay pass. Like, come on, grow up. My area, my whole suburb needs to grow up. Grow up. I agree. I completely agree. And also, like, the shopping centres and the IGA's acting like

trolleys are so expensive. They're a piece of metal with four wheels on them. Literally. They're a glorified razor scooter. And I've got a bunged shoulder. i can't be lugging around a basket it's actually impeding on my health and wellness i just want a fucking trolley i've got a hack i've got a hack now it's not for everyone but most west it's westfield thing um westfield valet yes it's ten dollars and you think oh but if you're gonna be there for a long day it's six bucks anyway i love so get valet but

here's the trick you go to any store Because they give you a little tag right You go to any store And you buy Like a whole grocery run You show them your tag And they will go No worries And you don't take your groceries around

They will take them And put them in the boot of your car As in like someone at Woolies Yeah Will take it down to the valet Or they'll like page valet And go hey we got a grocery shop For ticket number 12

And then by the time You get back to your car They have all your groceries And it's ten bucks There's no extra fee. But I'd be taking all that shit home. You reckon? Yeah.

I'd be putting it in the back of my car and driving home. If you were the valet. Oh, if I was the valet, that's what I would be doing. Oh, you'd steal it. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm racking it. That's what I'm doing. I'm stealing her money.

See, I see. How much time do you spend at supermarkets, Carla? Because I personally, I don't spend enough time to warrant a valet. What was that noise? The mic pack fell off. Oh. What are you filming a reality show or something? Oh, she kicked off the mic pack because we're not

our normal studio, everyone. Thanks, Jenna. Do you love how I did not jump to your rescue at all? I was like, yeah, she'll fucking figure it out. No one cared. I could have just died right now and no one gave a shit about me. You're listening to Is It Just Me? A podcast by a couple of Mitches.

It's Carla. I'm that bitch. Got it? Okay, sandwiched in the middle of the show every week we do an Is It Just You. Carla, this is when the listeners of the show, we call them idiots. It's endearing. Gronks. We actually just had an idiot referendum.

We got them to pick their own names and they wanted to keep idiots. I love that. It's like, oh my God, the election happened this weekend. We put the power back in our listeners. At least they know they're idiots. Some people don't know they're idiots. It's really sad. We let the idiots have an is it just me of their own.

You can send it in. A couple of minutes, you send us a voice message like, Nikita's done. This is Nikita's idion. Is it just me or their own. You can send it in a couple of minutes. You send us a voice message like, Nikita's done. This is Nikita's idjim. Is it just me or to avoid leaving people on scene, do you just not open the message and leave a lot of people unread? Oh, I have a tactic here. I just read the message,

not as soon as I get it because they could still be in the chat, but a couple of minutes after they send it and then I unread it. That's what I do all the time. Wait, but does that take away on their end as well that it's been seen? No. Yeah, I'm pretty sure.

No, I think it does. Let's test it. Let's test it. Because I'm pretty sure if you mark it as unread on your phone, it's just telling you that you haven't read it yet, but the other person knows. Oh, my God. Because, by the way, just so you're across it,

I know that you leave me unread all the time. Okay, I just wrote, hi, boo, XX knows. Fuck. Oh, my God. Because, by the way, just so you're across it, I know that you leave me on read all the time. Okay. I just wrote, hi, boo, XXX. Okay. Oh, wait. It's on Instagram. You need to message me. Yeah, it's on Instagram.

You need to message me. Hi, dog. Yeah, perfect. Yeah. That's it. Beautiful. All right. So Mitch's, I've seen it.

I haven't opened it yet. I'm going to click it. Yeah. Open it. Oh, he says hi, dog. It says seen just now. Okay, now I'm going to unread. Yep, it's still seen.

Oh, no, Carla. What about if you hadn't read it yet? We're getting a bit bogged down, Jenna. Oh, no. I've already seen it. It's just my phone. Bro, do you know how many DMs I have from people asking me to do shit for them? Like what?

I read it. Like, hey, can you promote my thing on your Instagram or all that kind of stuff? Or, hey, I want you to do this with me, a video or whatever. And I'm like, I read it and then I unread it. But they've seen it that I've seen. Oh, no. Sorry to break it to you.

No, but I mean, I don't really. I don't. I think that is just her. No, I definitely leave things open. Like she said, like I've currently got 16 unread texts, 295 unread emails, and four unread Facebook messages. I'm at 357 on my Gmail, 13 on my work email, 19 on Messenger, eight on Snapchat.

Snapchat? God, I haven't used that for ages. That's how my family can hear. I have 465 emails. I have 25 unread text messages and three voicemails. Three voicemails? Who are they from? Or missed calls or some shit.

Who the fuck leaves voicemails anymore? I love a voicemail. I'm back onto voicemails. I love it. I love just talking shit on voicemail. Carla! Oh, no! Who created the Velcro on this table, bro?

It's not cute. Do you know what, though? Speaking of voicemails, Mitchell, can I just say, there is nothing that irks me more in this world than your voicemail greeting. What do you mean? For some reason, I don't know what microphone you were using, whether you're on your car Bluetooth or something, but you sound like a chipmunk.

You're like, hi, it's Mitch. It's so bad. Can you play it for me? I want to hear it. I'm going to go on do not disturb, so you don't have to sit through the dial time. Oh, my God, I'm so excited. Ready?

Does this not sound off to you? Hi, it's Mitch. You missed me. What a shame. I'll be back to you as soon as I can. Okay, bye. Hey, it's Mitch. You missed me.

What a shame. And I'm like, that's not your voice. What happened that day? Why is it like that? I sound like Alvin. It irks me every time. Theodore, the chubby one. Theodore's the cutest one.

Yeah, I know. He's the cutest one. My ringtone at some point when I had a Motorola Razr Mini was Kim Possible. That's my message tone right now. Oh, no way. Wait, let me put it on. Send me a text. I hope Grindr doesn't go off.

Here we go. I love that. But I had the actual song. That's gone. You can message us at couple of Mitch's just like Nikita did and get on it. Yes, thanks, Nikita, darling. Keep them coming. All right, Mitchell, you want to jump in with yours?

You've already done one. I can go again if you really want. It's been a long day, bro. My turn. My turn. Yeah, you go. Here we go. Is it just me or?

Do you feel like you've missed your window to send a good nude? Oh, my God. I feel like my nude-free streak has lasted this long that it's more impressive if I just never do it. Yeah. I've never sent a nude. Really? Really? I've had FaceTime sex. Okay. I've never sent a nude. I've never sent a nude. Really?

I've had FaceTime sex. Okay. Sorry, what? Like phone sex, like FaceTime sex. That's fun. In the same room or? No. They were overseas.

They were on a holiday and we had FaceTime sex. Are we talking about your current gay factor? Yes, my current partner. Gay factor. We say partner just to keep it ambiguous. Yeah. For the straight listeners. We don't want to isolate you.

Call it. Yeah, we've had Face. We don't want to isolate you. Calla gets it. Yeah, we've had FaceTime sex and phone sex plenty times. Not plenty. I don't think I'd even be down for that. So you've never sent a nude before, Mitch? No, I've never taken one. Neither have I. Actually, people have asked and I've just been like, absolutely not.

Yeah, no, I have never taken a nude and I feel like I've missed my window. I feel like, A, I've gained the fucking weight. I'm old. I'm haggard gained the fucking weight. I'm old. I'm a haggard. No, you're not. Shut up. But I have a long term partner and they and she has breasts and I don't want to send her a photo in case she's breastfeeding.

You know, I don't want to put her off. No, I don't know. I just I feel like my window is gone. I've got friends that send it and it sounds so exciting and the thrill of like a Snapchat nude, it excites me, but I feel like I could never do it. Jenna, you're awfully quiet. I've never.

Never what? I thought we were going to get something controversial there. I've never done either. Carla, do you send nudes? Absolutely. But what about your profile? It's grown. I know.

See, that's the thing. Now I have to be DL, disc grown. I know. See, that's the thing. Like now I have to be. You're a TV star. I have to be DL, discreet, you know. Oh, do you? Well, I mean, on all the dating apps, everyone's always like, it's the first thing people say, oh my God, are you calling from Bankstown? I never, I don't send it to people unless I like get to know them a little bit first, you know.

And most of the time the DL or the straight guys, they don't send photos or they don't want to, you know, take a video, nothing like that. So I feel like I'm safe in that one. Yeah. But I did take a whole bunch of nudes once of my behind and I was FaceTiming my best friend Aaron and I was screen sharing because I was trying to find his video on my camera roll of something funny that we did at a wedding. And as I'm scrolling up, I clicked on it and i saw it but then down the bottom it got me because he could see it was whole he could see my hole and he was like what's that and i was like ended the facetime call real fucking quick that's the photo of the

black hole that's not that's not my asshole i promise and he still asked me to this day like literally last night he was like can you show me the photo of your asshole again me no no but let's be real at the end of the day and a photo of your asshole again? I mean, no. No. But let's be real. At the end of the day, a photo of a bear asshole, they're all the same. Yeah, you could just Google it. Yeah. And I'll be like, yeah, that's mine, I swear. In fact, Jenna, come on.

Come on. Bend over. Oh, God. Black in studio. It doesn't sadden me. I don't feel like I've missed out on anything. But I didn't realize 26-year-olds are all similar age. Are they really all sending nudes?

Yeah, all of them. Yeah. Wow. You know what I hate though about guys sending nudes? Yeah. Is when they put their dick and they compare it to something. Like a deodorant. Like a deodorant.

What have you received? What have you got? So I got one that was like a dick and a Foxtel remote. I was like, bro, come on. Was it IQ2 or 3? Because there's a big leaf inside. Holy shit. That would rip you

to pieces. And it was like that and like a can of Coke or like a deodorant can, maybe a deodorant can. I'm like,

this is turning me off touching all this shit, bro. I don't want to look at that. Mitchell, what would you

get? What household item would you need for metric? What would you, could you use a? I don't feel like that's an appropriate

question to ask me. How very dare you. A watering can. I'll have to go back to the Shire to get the pool noodle in the back shed. Mine's just my vape. Yeah, but it's one of those hand grenade vapes that look like a walkie talkie. Anyway, send in your nudes to our couple of mitches. Yeah, yeah, totally.

We'll go through them. We'll go through them. Actually, don't, because then we'll get banned like Carla did on fucking TikTok Live. If anybody on this podcast wants to send me a dick pic just for fun, just for hack bro, just DM me, please. Yeah, if there are any listeners, any idiots that are horny for Carla, slide into the DMs and then you come back and let us know if our listeners have nice dicks. I'll read it and unread it.

Yeah, no, that won't work, darling. That won't work. That won't work. You ready to go, Jenna? Yeah, I'm ready doesn't work, darling. It doesn't work. Yeah, that won't work. You ready to go, Jenna? Yeah, I'm ready. Alright, cool. Is it just me or... Do kids'

ugly scribble drawings look disgusting on parents' walls at work? Jenna's are always so evil. Do you hate children? There's somebody upstairs and all over their wall, it's just pictures of their child's scribble.

It's literally scribble. You should add to it one day. Put your own scribble in amongst them and see if they notice. And it's just like, just wait until they can actually draw. Unless they can properly sketch some sort of landscape, I'm not interested. You're poor kids, Jenny. You're going to make them get like,

unless you can draw floor plans up for my new renovations, don't fucking draw. Unless you're fucking Picasso, bitch. Don't even pick up that fucking pencil, bro. Time out. Bye. Is it just me? Listening on Spotify,

don't forget to leave a five-star rating. Hey, now, Carla, we were saying last week on the show that we're done with booking in celeb interviews because it's easier just to find someone in our contacts if we have someone famous and just give them a ring unannounced, see if they pick up. Because we called Ben Fordham last week and his bloody producer had been saying no and ghosting me when we were trying to go through official channels trying to book him in properly we weren't getting anywhere so we're just like

fuck it let's just call him so while your phone's in the room we're going to put this to the test once again yeah and also you're connected in the in the entertainment industry you have a little black book on your phone i do do you have like a group chat with everyone from celebrity apprentice i multiple group chats oh my god she'd love an emoji wouldn't she well she loves it who would you say the most famous person in your phone is um who have i got you have me but don't give out my number no i won't do that um you know what i reckon i could give julia morris a call oh my god. 100%. She's been on the show before. She's an icon. What should we do if she picks up?

Just chat? Just chat to her. Get an ID from her. Hi, I'm Julia Morris, and you're listening to Is It Just Me? Okay, should I call her? Yeah, try to get an exclusive for us. Just something that we can send to the papers. And if that fails, we'll move on to who else have you got?

My mum. Is she famous is that a drag queen my mom my mom is gonna be on the show too honestly she made a cameo appearance did she yeah she did you didn't cut me you came on my radio show during filming you're like now leave the cameras outside all right i'm gonna call julia hang on okay here we go host if i'm a celebrity get me out of here i hope she answers imagine it goes straight to voicemail. Well, how are you, baby?

Oh, my God. She answered. Joy is there. JM, how are you? In vintage form. I've just stood into a grown-up meeting. It took me about four hours to get ready. I think legally you have to tell her that we're recording this.

Well, we're just recording a podcast at the moment, and the whole gist was – No one's in the meeting yet. It's just me in the special massive, fancy boardroom. Oh, beautiful. Okay, well, basically I had to pick someone who was the most famous person in my phone contact list to call to say hi, and that was you. Oh.

I know. But also, oh. No, Patty Newton didn't pick up first, Julia, to be honest. Yeah. It's not a great calling card, but it's exciting at least. And so how do you two know each other? How do we know each other? It's through Instagram.

Oh. We just. Legally, we're not allowed to talk about how we know each other. So we go with the Instagram line. That's it. You know, and the word spooning never comes into it. Spooning, forking, whatever we were feeling that in that moment. Absolutely.

All right. I'll let you go. I love you. I love you too. I'll give you a call soon. We'll catch up. Bye gang. Please, please, please. I love you.

All right. Love you. Bye. Bye Julia. See you. Sorry, Tunnel. Success! Oh my god! Do you know what I just realised? We should have gotten you to do, we have this really dumb game we get our guests to do sometimes.

It's called Sound of Silence. We just get people to call someone. And then when that person on the phone asks you a question, it might be, how's your day? Or what's up? You just take ages to think of an answer. You just leave them in silence. Okay.

And then how does it work again? Well, the last time we did it was Christian Hull. So you have to call someone. Okay. The longest you can keep them on is the better. You have one bridging term. So you start, right? You say, hello, how are you?

Once they ask you a question that you need to reply to, oh, but where are you? Leave it silent. Okay. And then you have one bridging phrase, which could be, oh, but hold on one sec. Oh, yeah. I'm still here. I'm still here. You can only say one thing.

Just one of those. After they've asked you a question. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And so Christian Hull's record is, what was it? Like two minutes 20 or something. Two minutes and a half.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Who's the next most famous person? I don't know. Samantha Jade. Call Samantha Jade. Do you reckon she'd call her?

No, she's doing a shoot today. Oh, okay. Yeah. Fair, fair. I reckon I could get my she'd call her? No, she's doing a shoot today. Oh, okay. Yeah. Fair, fair. I reckon I could get my mum to play along. I know she's not a celebrity, but my mum. Yeah, do your mum. She will fucking piss herself.

Yeah, make your mum. She comes to all the recordings. She'll get the shits at me, but you know. Brilliant. All right. So I just started off saying hello. How are you? Have a normal chat.

Maybe, you know, 15, 20 seconds. And then when she asks a question, you just never answer it. Okay. All right. Here we go. The sound of silence. Have you got to stop and watch, Mitch? No, I'll start it now.

When she answers. When the silence starts, yeah. Hello? Hello. Hi, Mum. How are you? I'm good. How are you?

Hello? Hello? Sorry, just one sec. Hello? Hello? What are you doing? Is this a prank call? Carla, is this a prank call? Because I'm hanging up. Oh, my God.

What's going on on you grunk? What do you want? I'm hanging up. Hello? Hello? You've got 30 seconds to answer me. Wow. Is that all I get? Jesus Christ.

He's done it! He's beat the record! He just beat Christian's record. Oh, my God. Mum. Don't even explain. Mum, I'm so sorry. I've got to go.

Love you, Mum. Love you, Mum. Bye. Oh, my God. Carla beat the record. That was the best one. Oh, shit, you just topped Christian Howell, the first person to ever do that.

Congratulations. Wow, what an honour. Oh honour Oh my god I love it I knew My mum puts up with my shit all the time Clearly Someone from Melbourne's calling me Oh should we do it again Do you know the number

I'm not going to answer it Okay I'll answer it It's probably a scam call bro Probably yeah Or another TV show warning you You're so into me Another one

My dream would be to do Dancing with the Stars Oh my god I feel like that could be so fun. Yeah. I feel like it's pretty hard to get a villain edit on Dancing with the Stars. Yeah. Like, you're pretty safe. Yeah.

Either that or apparently they're supposed to be doing Celebrity Married at First Sight. Get out. No way. Yeah. I've been hearing it through the grapevine. Yeah, I heard that too. Apparently there's a celebrity version of Married at First Sight. That'd be brilliant.

I don't know whether or not they're going to marry celebrities or whether the celebs are going to marry each other. Yeah, I heard that too. There's a celebrity version of Married at First Sight. That'd be brilliant. I don't know whether or not they're going to marry celebrities or whether the celebs are going to marry each other. Yeah, yeah. Or marry a civilian. Yeah. Like a poor person. As long as they put me with someone hot, I would go on it. What celebrity would you date currently in Australia? Don't do a Hemsworth. Do like

someone that actually get on the show. No. The new Purple Wiggle. Oh. The one that was on justice crew oh yeah yeah he's hot he's hot gorgeous yeah and he's got a brother too twin brother so yes yes maybe i could do like a thruple like i could marry both of them yeah yeah that's i don't know who else really there's i don't know i don't really think there's anyone else hot do you i was waiting for mitchell coombs but that's right one of the two in the room celebrity after all so sorry yeah oh yeah hot. I was waiting for Mitchell Combs. Celebrity after all.

Yeah. Now before we get out of here, there's another important question that I do ask all of our guests that I need to run by you. Okay. So we need you to contribute to our list of things better than drugs and dick because wait, what?

Because we have a running list of things better than drugs and dick because we just want to remind our younger listeners that there's more to life than partying and boys. Yes. So it's a small thing in life you appreciate. Yep. It's all about celebrating the little things. What's some examples?

Angela Bishop said a waterbed. Keenan Lonsdale from Love, Simon, Fame said putting your feet in the grass. No, that was Jess Malway. I think Keenan Lonsdale just said like being in nature or whatever. Being in nature.

Very boring answer. Very boring answer. Yeah. What's another good one we've had? Christian Hull said gardening, which I wouldn't have picked. Gardening. Wouldn't have picked. No.

You know, like a good clean bed sheet, you know, changing the bed sheets. Oh, crispy bed sheets. Sophie Monk said Jimmy Rings. I'm like, that's kind of a drug, but anyway. Yeah, true. All right, your turn. Better than drugs and dick? Better than drugs and dick, I would say KFC Wicked Wings.

Love it. Good one. Add it to the list. Do you remember when they brought out, you might not, KFC Wicked Wings with that cola sauce, the sticky barbecue sauce? Oh, yeah. That didn't look good.

I never tried it. No, they were great. So good, bro. They were really good. Do you remember Mashies at KFC? The mashed potato balls? The mashed potato balls? Yes.

Oh, memories. You could used to get them. McCain used to make those. Yeah. I used to get them on lunch orders, the little, with the smileys and the mashies. Oh, potato smileys. Pommies. But yeah, Wicked Wings, bro, that goes off every time.

I'd rather that than Dick any day of the week. Yeah. Honestly, bro. Less clean up. Actually, no, they're both as messy as each other, really. I get the sweats from both of them, so I might as well. You can watch Carla on The Celebrity Apprentice. It started tonight, so that is so exciting.

It's on Sunday to Wednesday on Channel 9, or you can just catch up on 9 now. Or OnlyFans or in her DM. She's waiting for Is It Just Me? Idiot Dick Picks. Absolutely. If it ain't seven or above, I'm not into it. I don't want it.

I don't want it. Period. Unread. Sorry. Bye. Well, I'm glad we finally got you on. We've been wanting to for ages. it. I don't want it. I don't want it. Period. You'll unread it. Sorry. Bye. Well, I'm glad we finally got you on. We've been wanting to for ages. Yeah.

Thank you for having me. Anytime, darling. It was a pleasure. Listen, guys, we'll be back next week. If you want to get in touch, send us a voice message, a couple of inches. Otherwise, we will see you guys. We really should have gotten Carla next week because you know what next week is. What?

What? Oh, my God. Pig week. Yes. Oh. Our annual pig week. What do you mean pig week? Annual pig week. So pig week is a term that I think I coined. Pig week. Yes. Our annual pig week. What do you mean pig week? Annual pig week.

So pig week is a term I think I coined. I was very excited. So last year I was about to start a new diet and my trainer was going to be monitoring what I was eating. And so Mitch said, well, you need to have one last pig out before you go on this diet. And so we called it pig week. And then he said it's annual. And I thought he was kidding, but all of our listeners have been messaging us and reminding us, don't forget, it's Pig Week.

Pig Week. Pig Week. Wow. And guess what? Because my new manager, David, is a bloody legend. We met him last week, yeah. Pig Week is sponsored by Daryl Lee Chocolate next week. Oh my God.

So, idiots, make sure you run along, get yourself some Daryl Lee so that you can eat along with us next week for Pig Week. The Daryl Lee bullets are heavy. Like the white chocolate with the raspberry licorice is so good. Absolutely. So that's Pig Week next week, everyone. Well, thanks for that. Thanks a lot.

Just rubbing it in. Go fuck yourselves. Thank you for giving us a gift. We give you nothing. Thank you. I'll send you some Daryl Lee gorgeous. We love you, Carla. We'll see you guys next week.

Thanks for listening, idiots. Thanks, idiots. Bye. Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of mitches. Carla. We'll see you guys next week. Thanks for listening, idiots. Thanks, idiots. Bye. Welcome to ADD Brief. This is our secret segment on the end. We pretend the show's done and then we just stick around a bit longer. Nothing's planned in this bit. It's just a couple of people with ADD having a debrief.

What do you mean? I thought we were finished doing this. Carlos stood up. I'm like, I'm tired. I've got a grinder appointment to go to. You do not, you actually? I thought we were finished doing this. Carla stood up. I'm like, I'm tired. I've got a grinder appointment to go to. You do not, you actually. I do. Yeah, bro.

Moe. Moe. One of the Moes. One of the Moes. One of the many Moes. What is this? Talk to me. Tell me.

What do we do? Oh, so, you know, the other parts of the show, we come with something prepared, but this bit, we just talk shit out. Okay. Yeah. I mean, you don't have to stick around if you've got a dick to get to. No, it's fine. Just know that we might talk shit about you when you leave.

There's far more better things in life than dick. And drugs. As we've established. As we've well established. Carla, have you ever been in this experience? I talk about it often on the show. Yeah. McDonald's.

I don't know if you... Not again. Oh, my God. Why is your little volume control thing falling apart? Are you knocking it? No, I'm not even touching it, bro. You're just that hot. You've got your own gravitational pull.

I'm going to hold my hand on it. It's very hot, but I'll just... You're cupping it. It looks like you're holding your dick. I am. Under the table. Do you tuck when you... No.

When you... No. Okay. No. I mean, look, most of the time I'm not wearing super tight shit, so... Yeah. And I've got Spanx for that. Sometimes I do, but it just depends on what I'm wearing.

Yeah. Because this is the secret segment. If you can't be fucked saying in character as Carla, you can do ADD brief as Ben. Oh, thank God. I'm so sick of Carla. Do you know what I was really surprised about when I first met Carla slash Ben? Because like usually when people do a character, their real voice is completely different. But you kind of just sound like Carla.

Yeah. I have, I think like over the years of doing Carla, it's literally just become this thing now where I'll be like, oh, bro, or something like that. Yes. So it's just a part of me now, unfortunately. Yeah. So, you know, that's just my life now.

And do they have you as Carla the whole time on Celeb Apprentice or do they let you be Ben as well? I mean, I don't know whether I can say, but yeah, yeah, I'm Ben sometimes. Like I would say like the ratio would be like 85 to 15. I don't know maths, but that is how I'd say it. But like most of the challenges, most of the boardroom was Carla. Yeah. And then there was a few challenges where I was Ben.

Which was nice. It gave me a break from doing makeup and there was a few challenges where I was Ben. Which was nice. It gave me a break from doing makeup and gave my skin a break because I was fucking over it. Yeah. Speaking of challenges, do you remember Mitch, while you were filming Celeb Apprentice, I got a message from you and you said, bro, like I've got to do this challenge where I invite heaps of friends to come to this event I have to do. That's one of the challenges on the show.

Are you free? And I was like, sure. And then it never went ahead. You were like, don't worry, all good. So what happened there? They just changed it. Oh, okay. They changed the challenge.

Production. Production just changed everything every day. And it was just hard because of COVID at the time. Oh, yeah, that's right. You had to have like a PCR test and you had to get a rat test done and you had to be vaccinated. It was, like, the most horrible thing. I nearly said no because I had to do a bloody PCR test.

I was like, no, I can't dog Carla. Literally every person I asked, they were like, yeah, of course. And then I'm like, okay, I need you to get a PCR test today. And they're like, oh, no, sorry. I remember the days when you had to get PCR tests for events and they took three days to arrive. Like, the forward planning involved with that shit is – Sorry. I remember the days when you had to get PCR tests for events and they took three days to arrive. Yeah. Like the forward planning involved with that shit is because you came into, I was filling in for breakfast for Kyla and Jackie O.

You came in and were a guest on my show for two weeks. We gave you your own segment. It was so funny. That was the best. You were filming at that point and someone else who is competing at that point came on my show because they needed help. I won't say who it is just in case I get in trouble. Okay. But yeah, so I will feature.

I'm also on Celebrity Apprentice, everyone. I am a celebrity friend that was called. I think I know who you're talking about. Yes, yes. They came on my show to promote their own event. Yeah, I know. Well, they wanted to go to the biggest show, so smart choice. Yeah, true, true.

So I'll be on the show at one point. That's exciting. My voice will be my voice. Hopefully not my voicemail chipmunk voice. Which is true. Kiss FM. Oh, welcome to the show. Hi, guys.

How are you? You were telling me the other day, because we did an Instagram live together, you were telling me that there was one other celebrity on Celebrity Apprentice that was fucking you off big time. I ran through every single person and you're like, no, I love them. I love them. I love them. I finally got to them and you're like, that's it, bro.

Fucking hate you. Who was it again? So I would say like, look, at first I felt really bad about talking shit about this. Not talking shit, but just saying how I really felt about this person. But then when all the promos started coming out and I started seeing things that I hadn't seen before about them talking to other people or saying shit, I was like, fuck this person, bro. I don't give a fuck. So Ronnie from the block was a bit of a gronk. You will see it.

He looks like a gronk too. Oh, bro. Tool. You know, he plays with tools. He's a tool. Also, act your age. He looks like a boomer who doesn't want to age. I know.

He talks young, dresses young. It's like a 60. But like, I mean, look, him and I didn't have any like, it wasn't any like altercations between the two of us. It was just how he was with other people on the show and how he spoke to other people. Just didn't vibe with me very well. So it wasn't like he wasn't targeting you or anything.

It was just to everyone. Not necessarily. There may or may not be something in the show that you might have to wait and see. Can't wait, but. I was, my favourite part about being on that show was when you go, obviously when you finish in the boardroom, you go into like the winner's room and you get to like,

I guess if you win the task and you get to watch what's happening on TV and all that kind of stuff, there's always champagne, there's always wine, food. I would get so tanked. Yeah. All the time.

And, um, Will and Woody used to say to me like, Oh, Carla, go get your fishbowl. Because there was, like, this big wine glass and I could fill up an entire bottle of wine in this cup.

That's funny. An entire bottle. Yeah, literally, I had the wine glass and a champagne cup in my hand. Iconic. So I'm sitting there and then one of the producers was like, Carla, it's a family show. You can't have two glasses on screen. I was like, oh, sorry, they're not mine.

And he's chugging it down. That was my, I miss that. Lord Alan Sugar's like, you on screen. I was like, oh, sorry, they're not mine. He's just fucking chugging it down. That was my, I miss that. Lord Alan Sugar's like, you're hired. I love that. I love it. So good. Where's the pen actually? Hold on.

What's his catchphrase? You're hired. The only thing that it doesn't say on that pen is you're fired. Oh, really? That's the catchphrase. I think because it's trademarked by Donald Trump. Oh, yeah. I didn't understand a word of that.

I just heard sunshine. Very wordy, Lord Alan Sugar. Sounds like a wartime radio. I can't bloody believe it. I can't bloody believe it. Yeah. The British Army has been- I've been buried in it.

That's what it sounds like. Oh, see? Here we go. Oh, see? Oh, see? You know what we should do? You know how, Carla, you've obviously been Gladys Berejiklian's secretary. Yes.

And then what other politicians? The new guy, Dominic? Oh, Dominic Peretids? Peretids. Peretids. They're the New South Wales premiers for the international listeners. You should do a role play where you are calling the new prime minister. You're going to have to do two versions because we don't know who that is yet.

Oh, no, it's not Skoma. Better fucking not be. Okay, you be Scott Morrison. You be Carla, Scott Morrison's secretary, calling him with the bad news that, bro, you didn't win. Okay. Yes. Okay, so you're my secretary.

I don't know what's ScoMo. G'day. Yeah. That's not my job. That's not my job. Yeah, not my job, yeah. Not my job, not my problem. Okay, so I'm just calling you. Okay. Ring, not my job, yeah. Not my job, not my problem. Okay, so I'm just calling you.

Okay. Yeah. Ring, ring, ring, ring. Jenny. Jenny, where's the phone? Ring, ring. That's the Bible. Ring, ring.

That's the Bible. Ring, ring. No, don't. Put it down softly. Sorry. Ring, ring. Hey, Rup. Hello.

Oh, Carla. How are you, darling? Yes, Gomo. What's going on, Bart? I'm good, thank you. Carla? Listen, Bart, I've got some bad news I'm holding the phone

I don't know why you're I'm holding the phone Yeah, sorry, sorry Listen, Bart, I've got some Jenny, how's the curry? Stir it Can you listen to me, bro? At the car

Gomo, you never listen to me Sorry, Carla It's election night We're just watching the results I know I've got the best news in the whole wide world To share with you Oh my god, you stopped the boats again

Jesus Christ, bro No Who do you think you are? No, boats again. Jesus Christ, bro. No. Who do you think you are? No, the best news. Jesus Christ is here. No! Jenny! It's happened! Finally! So, I just wanted to let you know that you did not

win the election. So, hold on. Sorry. That can't be possible. I'm being dead set serious, bro. No, no. We had the Christian vote. No. Sorry. That can't be possible. I'm being dead set serious, bro. No, no. We had the Christian vote. No. Sorry.

We stopped the votes. I've told you this so many times. We stopped the votes. Nobody likes you. We stopped the gays. You didn't. We got protesting. No. I completely fumbled the Vax rollout.

Exactly. I'm making young people dip into their super, which will completely inflate the market. Exactly. And have them no money to retire on when they hit 60s. How could I possibly have lost the election? It's because you didn't let your wife peg you. I think that's why. But she did.

That's what you did. We did it based on your recommendation. Well, I'm so sorry. Oh, shit. I'm sorry. You're going to have to find another job, bro. No, no worries. I've got a good in at Hillsong.

I think I'll be fine. Say hi to Jenny for me. Political. You should be like, oh, I've been looking into some openings, like some recruitment. Oh, Jenny, we lost. Yeah. If you are looking for a job, I do have some openings. Great.

Let me write this down. I'm just checking. Just got my pen. Oh, okay. Cool. Is that Lord Sugar? It's Lord Elder. Oh, wow.

I thought it was Jesus Christ. I thought I bought that. Yeah. So they're looking for a trolley person at Coles at Warringah Mall. That's beneath me. It's not really. They're looking for a bathroom attendant at the Four Seasons Hotel in the city. Colin, no, I can't possibly.

I stopped the boats. I won't be. Listen, with your expertise in fucking shit up, that's the best you're going to get. Sorry. Actually, I do have one more here. Something that's like very you're going to get. Sorry. Actually, I do have one more here. Something that's like very, very up your alley. Yes. Oh, great.

It's perfect. Religion. The McDonald's at Engadine needs a cleaner for the bathroom. I told you that didn't happen. It did, bro. It did. It didn't happen. Don't lie.

I've got the CCTV footage, bro. I dropped a dirty chai and it got on my pleats and everyone thought that I pooed myself, but I didn't. Bro, chai wasn't invented back then. What are you lying for? You got me, Carl! End scene. Wow. Love it.

I went very political. Sorry, I hate ScoMo. I didn't realise you knew things. Yeah, I'm very well-versed. If we don't win a Logie for that, I'll be really upset. Honest to God, I hate ScoMo. Gold at that. If you're a late voter, I don't know, you're hearing this and polling booth is still open,

don't vote for Scott Morrison, everyone. How embarrassing if by the time this episode is out, the election's already concluded and he's back in. My disdain. He's not going to listen to this. Imagine if Jenny, he wins on Celebration Night. Jenny, put on that Poofters podcast. I want to hear his take on my win.

What about Albo? If he was told, you didn't get it, bro. Oh, Albo. You know what? I actually don't even know enough about Albo. Well, that's okay. Back on my decks. Freaking for...

He's a DJ. Oh, that's right. That is so cool. I'm going to vote for him. Yeah, fuck him. Vote for ScoMo. He's fantastic. You just said ScoMo.

Albo. Oh, you just said ScoMo. No! No! You just said ScoMo. Albo. You just said ScoMo. You might be hired or you might be fired.

Honestly, guys, Scott Morrison is an awful, he's actually an awful person. Policy aside, that man is, for someone who claims to be such a religious nut, he doesn't claim to be a nut, but he just, I hate him. I hate him so much. I've noticed. We hate him so much. I didn't notice. We've never discussed politics. What I've noticed, he always has this fucking smirk on his face. It's always like, yeah, I'm better than you. No, you're not.

You suck. The moment the nation should have turned on that man is when we had the horrific bushfires. Worst we've ever had. He went down the South Coast and he forced people into a handshake with him. RMS firefighters, he grabbed their wrists, they were in soot and shook and made it for a press photo. That's nuts. I thought that everyone did turn on him at that

point, which is why I was so surprised because around this election time, I thought it would be more obvious that, yeah, no, there's no way he's getting in. But I'm like, oh, it actually seems kind of 50-50. I really thought more people would have turned against him. Well, I was reading a great article that apparently in times of like global stress and we've got the war in ukraine and then covert and it's and and inflation it's a really awkward shopping trolleys with coins disgusting kids drawings on the wall

we talk about the big issues here yeah I can't send a nude anymore. The general public vote towards safety, someone they know. So they would vote towards Skoma because they don't want change. It's already another thing to add on to the stress. Exactly. But no, he's fumbled the last four years. Did you see Tracee Grimshaw roast him last night? No.

Oh, he was great. She posted, there was a video on Instagram I saw of her literally listing. She's like, so you said that you are of the people and you've helped everybody, but you did this. And she literally listed for like a good two minutes. She had the receipt facts. She had the receipts. And then his response was, well, that's a very long list of allegations, isn't it? Yeah, he does like to say that.

He goes, that's a very serious allegation without saying whether it's true or not. He just says that's serious. Literally, you went to fucking Hawaii, bro. Yeah. You went to go see Moana while the country was fucking burning down, bro. Also, I'm sorry, but if you are queer and you vote for Scott Morrison, screw your fucking head in. That man abstained from a same-sex marriage.

Put it aside. There were only three people in Australia who abstained. It was him, it was Tony Abbott, it was Bob Gatter. Maybe one idiot. I know. Pauline Hanson. Pauline Hanson, yeah. And he's our Prime Minister.

And how can we feel safe? Like, look what's happening in America. They're repealing Roe v. Wade, which is abortion rights. Same-sex marriage will be next. And then in five years, we just copy the trends of America. It'll happen here if we have a conservative government, i.e. Skymer. Better bloody not.

Better bloody not. Better bloody not. Carla, you're getting easy. Oh, mate. I feel like I've had so many people say, Carla, you should run for prime minister. They said that on Grounded the other day. I fucking know shit about politics. I fucking hate politics. That's why I just make shit up.

That's why mum always goes, you should have been a politician. Because, you know, they're ScoMo voters. ScoMo is from my electorate. So that is also where the deep-seated hate comes from. I debated him when I was in high school. Face-to-face, I was school captain and he was a local member. What's the member for the boats? He claimed he stopped the boats.

Transport or immigration? Immigration, yeah. And he came to my school and we debated it. And he just shut me down. He, like, negged me and went, oh, well, no, I think that's wrong. Just completely smug the whole time. Gaslighting. Gaslighting, which is something that I would never do to anyone.

We have a segment called Gaslighting Jenna. We're going to fuck with her a bit. So I have a personal vendetta against him. But all my parents vote for ScoMo. Have you told your parents not to vote for him? I have told them. I have begged them not to vote for me. I'd rather you not vote than vote for ScoMo.

And mum goes, well, you should be a politician, Mitchell. That's always her out. You should be in politics. She just shuts it down. Anyway, sorry, that's my rant done for the day. Nah, you're all right. She's heated. You probably should have spoken.

I wonder how well this rant is going to age because this episode will come out after the election and right now we don't know what the result is yet. Well, they're facts. I mean, it's all facts. It's not an opinion. So I'm just talking facts. It'll still be all true. If he does get voted out, people will be listening thinking, shut yet. Well, they're facts. I mean, it's all facts. It's not an opinion. So I'm just talking facts. It'll still be yours. If he does get voted out, people will be listening thinking, shut up, Mitch, he's gone.

It doesn't matter now. Yeah, true. No, it's a nice finale goodbye, you know. See you. See you fucking later. Wouldn't want to be. Imagine being that man. He's two daughters.

Don't let the door hit you on the fucking way out. Amen. Bye. Don't let the door hit your clit on the way out. Hopefully not. Is that why you keep dropping throughout the show, your clit? Where are my clit keys?

I've got a detachable clit. VR clits, right? It vibrates. I've got to charge it. That's why I'm trying to... It just Velcros you. I'm trying to Velcro dots on my clit. Avatar movie where they map it with the dots. It is quite impressive how well we pivoted from politics to that. You know that Avatar movie where they map it with the dots?

It is quite impressive how well we pivoted from politics to that. And that's the podcast. That's our talent. All right, we should probably go. We should wrap it up. I'm having fun, Carla. But, yeah, we better let you. Actually, you're Ben now.

I forgot. Yeah, you're Ben now. I'm Carla slash Ben. It's been great having you, darling. I've loved it. And you gave us a gift. Yes. We're going to give you a gift.

What is it? Jenna's drawing is yours. Oh, I'm going to put this straight on my garbage bin. And you know what? I'm fine with that. That's fine. Thank you. Oh, good.

I'm glad. I'm fine with it. It takes a real artist to be self-aware. Exactly. Like Banksy. Yeah. More like Spanksy. That's you. You're Spanksy, Carla.

I'm your Spanksy. I'm you. You're Spanksy, Carlo. I'm a Spanksy. I'm a Picasso. Yeah. Abstract. Andy Horhol. Vincent Van Ho. Oh, my goodness. I'm trying to think of other ones.

What other artists are there? I don't fucking know. Who did the blue poles? Edvard Muff instead of Munch. I studied art in school so I know. Oh, that's why. I did too, but I don't remember any of that shit. That was the only subject I paid attention in. Art and

photography and food tech. No maths. I can make a great roux, thanks to food tech. A great roux. What's a roux? Flour, butter, milk. It's just Yep. A great roux. What's a roux? What's a roux? Like flour, butter, milk. It's just a base of all good sauces.

Yeah. Oh, right. When you make like a cheese sauce. Sounds pretty hard to fuck it up, actually. No, because you burn the flour. It's an awful sauce. It's quite hard. It could get lumpy. Lumpy.

Oh, you're joking. You don't want a lumpy sauce, bro. Well, I'm very grateful that I learned to julienne carrots when I was in hospitality class, because it comes in handy to this day. Fucking dinnerly love to send carrots with every fucking recipe. Doesn't matter what it is, there's a bloody carrot in there, you can guarantee. Really?

Julienne the shit out of that bastard. Really? Julienne the carrot. Yeah, yeah. And I brunoise the onion. You fucking have no idea. Wow. Who?

What? Wow. It's spelt like brunoise, but it's brunoise. Brunoise. Brunoise. What does that mean? I'm quite good with a blade, you know, nice. I've taught her a thing or two.

Very much so. How do you broomstick a... I don't fucking know what you said, but I don't fucking know. It's too hard to explain, honestly. We'll do another show. Carla, we love you. Thanks for coming on. Thank you.

I love you guys too. We will see you next week. Right, Mitchell, we'll be back. Yes, and we'll be watching Celeb Apprentice. Yes. Yes, guys. We'll watch it. We'll watch back Yes and we'll be watching Celeb Apprentice Yes Yes guys We'll watch it We'll watch it

I might be sobbing If ScoMo wins But I will watch Regardless through the tears Good Thank you Alright thanks for listening We'll catch you for

Pig Week next week We will As we say every week Mitchell of course Carla just follow My lead and Jenna Oh yes I forgot We hope that this podcast

Made you feel at least 2% better today. That's all. Just two. So we do. Don't fucking lie, Jenna. Jenna's like, so it should. How patronising. We do this every week. I forgot it. So we do.

Can we do it again? Please. We hope that this podcast made you feel at least 2% better today. That's all. Just 2%. So we do. So we do. Yeah, that was beautiful. Thank you. Thanks for listening. See you next week, idiots. Bye-bye.

Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of mitches. Make sure you've hit follow on your podcast app. I'll see you next time.