Is It Just Me? - #107: Pig Week 2.0

Episode Date: May 29, 2022

It's our 2nd annual PIG WEEK!In this episode:What even is dry cleaning (10:50)That PIG NOISE Churi accidentally made last week (14:11)Crop tops are fucked (17:24)Why can’t adults eat baby food (25:15)Top 5 Chocolates (28:12)Our “Secret Segment” ADDebrief (45:47)Follow us @coupleofmitchesSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

People do some weird shit. Would you like to try a vape? Why would you take up something that is going to be addictive and expensive? I think for people. I'll tell you why. Yeah. Because you're young and stupid. Some things make more sense than others.

You mentioned that your goal was to be healthy, and I just don't know how you figure that's going to happen when you're ordering a chocolate mousse. No. You know, I had it in the car on the way home, and I didn't have a spoon. So I was like an armadillo trying to get ants out of a hole. Brace yourself for the rude shocks of young adulthood.

Being fingered is an awful sensation. You haven't been fingered by the right person? Goodness me. This is Is It Just Me? Hosted by a couple of bitches. Hi, it's Jenna. Please don't forget to include my name in the opener this season. I'm sorry.

Ta-da! Now, here's Mitch Chooley and Mitchell Coombs. Oh, hello, everybody. Happy Pig Week. Happy second annual Pig Week. Yeah. Oink, oink, piggies. I hope you're feeling hungry.

Oh, I am. My little coil-like tail is twitching with anticipation. If you're new here and you don't know what Pig Week is, it's a holiday we invented ourselves. Yep. It's basically we give you permission to have a guilt-free pig out. You know, calories don't count during Pig Week. No, no, no, they do not count.

And what we want is we want you to sit at home and pig out as you listen to the show. If you're driving and you can see the golden arches, go drive through Macca's now and get some food. The reason it came about was this time last year, do you remember I started a new diet? Yeah, and you were doing PT, I think, right? Yeah, and he was going to be monitoring everything I ate.

So I was like, right, one last hurrah, I can eat what I want. And then I think maybe two months or not even after that, we went into lockdown. So that diet didn't work. No, it didn't. And I have not weighed myself since we came out of lockdown. So that diet didn't work. No, it didn't. And I have not weighed myself since we came out of lockdown. But I did it this week. I did it this week.

Oh, you did it. And so I now officially know the damage, which is fine because I think we all put on weight during lockdown. There's no guilt attached to it, but seven kilos. So there must be something in the air at this time of year because now I'm motivated. I'm going on another diet. Real? Oh, don't say that during pig week. Well, that's why this pig week has come at a perfect time.

True, actually, true. What is it about this time of year that just makes me go, yeah, yeah, I'm feeling motivated. Our pricekeeper, Jenna, is here. Hi, Jenna. Happy pig week. Hi, Jenna. Happy pig week. May the pig be with you.

Mitchell has got so much energy. He's standing up. I know. You never do the podcast standing. Yeah, no, I'm feeling a little bit flat and I was like, maybe I should try standing up instead of sitting down. It's weird. I've come alive. I've come alive.

I've come alive. I can't. I know. It's very- It makes such a difference. I'll stand up. I'll try. My legs haven't extended that high in decades.

This is weird. Think of it this way. If we're standing up doing the podcast, we're basically burning calories. We're earning the pig out. I haven't had this much blood in my head since birth. Now, don't forget, because it's Pig week, we all agreed we'd bring a plate. Yes. We're bringing something each.

Oh, are we getting it now? Yep. What did you bring, Cherry? What's your contribution? I brought a barbecue chook. Oh, my God. Don't slap a whole supermarket chicken on the table. Jenna, there's stuffing on your iPad.

Just get that off. I went to Coles and I thought, I'm going to get a bachelor's handbag. I know. Oh, God. Is there anything to eat it with or is it just the chook? God gave you two hands for a reason. Do you have napkins? No, none.

Use your fingers. You really should have thought about this. I'm puffed. I need to sit down. Oh, really? Yeah, I don't like that. No, I'm loving this standing presentation. No, I feel like I'm trying to intimidate poor Jenna. Yeah, I know. I did throw a barbecue chook at you. Anyway, that's what I brought. What did you bring, really? Yeah, I don't like that. No, I'm loving this standing presentation. No, I feel like I'm trying to intimidate poor Jenna.

Yeah, I know. I feel pretty lonely. I did throw a barbecue chook at you. Anyway, that's what I brought. What did you bring, Jenna? Yes, so I brought... She's rummaging through her backpack. Some yummy grapes.

Jenna. No, these are really, really good, actually. I don't think you understood the assignment of pigwig. Who pigs out on grapes? A lot of people pig out on grapes. You can easily pig out on these. I already had a few. The people that pig out on grapes don't listen to Is It Just Me?

And they also have gross shit afterwards. Oh, yuck. Full of seeds. Show me. They're purple grapes, too. Yeah, purple grapes. Are they cotton candy grapes? I love how we're meant to be having a guilt-free, indulgent pig out,

and she brings grapes. Grapes. That's her bring a plate. No, it's candy hearts. So they didn't have cotton candy left. I have not tried the candy hearts. Are these the weird ones, the grapes that actually taste like fairy floss? Yes.

Give me one. Oh, try some. I think they've been like, what's the word I'm looking for? Genetically modified GMOs. Modified GMOs. Oh, they're glistening. Oh, they smell sweet. I was going to say they've been castrated, but that's definitely not the word.'m looking for. Genetically modified GMOs. Oh, they're glistening. Oh, they smell sweet. I was going to say they've been castrated, but that's definitely not the word.

No, no, no. Goodness me, no. Okay, I'm trying the grape for the first time. The candy heart flavoured grape. Oh, that's delicious. I told you. It does taste like candy. I told you.

So I actually can get, I can fuck with these candy grapes. Okay, check it. This won't feel so guilty, having some fruit. I told you. Mitchell, they taste like red frogs. They're that sweet. Don't they? Oh, that's weird.

Yeah. I told you. Oh, that's weird. They've got the texture of a grape, but they taste like red frogs. That is bizarre. Yum. All right, good contribution, Jenna. Thank you.

And Mitchell, what did you bring for Pig Week? What's your plate? Oh, well, I really can't take credit. This is thanks to our sponsor this week, Daryl Lee. Here it is. They've got the new Cookies and Cream white chocolate bar. Oh, my God. I know you haven't tried it yet, but I can confirm it's better than drugs and dick.

I like it. It is so good. Do you guys like white chocolate? Yes. Because I know that it's a bit hit and miss, but I adore it. And so I'm going to open it. Ready? And does it have marshmallows?

Yeah, it's got fluffy marshmallows. I love marshmallows. And chocolate cookie pieces. And it's got the classic Darrelly. You know how their white chocolate is? Some white chocolate is a bit dusty, but the Darrelly white chocolate is smooth, silky. Yes, I adore it. And I love anything cookies and cream.

It's my favourite flavour for ice cream or whatever. McFlurry. Best McFlurry. Yes, exactly. It's cookies and cream McFlurry. And so this is just a godsend. I can't believe Darrelly haven't done this before. Are you ready? Look at the marshmallows on the back. They protrude, bitch. McFlurry. Best McFlurry. Yes, exactly. And so this is just a godsend. I can't believe Daryl Lee hasn't done this before. You ready?

Look at the marshmallows on the back. They protrude, bitch. Look at this. Ready? Oh! They're not tiny marshmallows. Oh my God! Right?

They're not tiny marshmallow chunks. Like, they fully stick out. Give me that block. I'm standing back up for the block, the Daryl Lee. All right. Give me the block. You're going to try it for the first time? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Pump that pig music up, yeah! Here we go. This is the first ever taste of the going to try it for the first time? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pump that pig music up. Yeah. Here we go. This is the first ever taste of the Darily Cookies and Cream White Chocolate with Chunky Fluffy Marshmallows. Yep. Do I put the whole block in? I don't want to. No, just part of a row, you fucking pig.

Okay, sorry. Don't be disrespectful and put the whole thing in your mouth. Oh, look at the marshies. Okay. Do you have to chew into the microphone like that? Oh, that's heaven. Oh, it's dangerous, isn't it? Like, oh, I could eat the whole thing.

Oh, this is so naughty. Oh, yeah. I fuck with this. Jenna, stop passing the blunt around. Hey, Jenna, have some cookies and cream. Contraceptive diaphragm, Sam, I would offer you some, but you have to wait for your tasting because we're doing a top five later. Oh, well, shit.

The top five chocolates. Obviously, this is going to be my pick. I'm going to be nominating this one. And, Sam, you can taste test it then because you're going to top five later. Oh, well, shit. The top five chocolates. Obviously, this is going to be my pick. I'm going to be nominating this one. And Sam, you can taste test it then because you're going to be doing the ranking. Okay. Jenna, what do you think? Oh, my God.

Right? You know what it does? It melts in your mouth. Aren't the marshmallows a good touch? This is so good. I'm really getting a whole FOMO vibe over here. You taste it. You wait your turn.

Your palate needs to be neutral, Sam. So you drink that chicken broth that we put out for you and the coffee beans we've got you to sniff, and you'll enjoy it. Oh, dear. Okay, top five coming up for pig week. Everything is pig week related, everyone. By the way, I've got plenty of these chocolates over here, so feel free to pig out.

Thanks, Daralee. Guys, do yourself a favour this weekend or whenever you're listening to this, go get the new Daryl-y cookies and cream. It's amazing. The marshmallows. Don't talk with your mouth full of your grot. I'm going to have some more. Well, finish your food and then talk, okay? Sorry. Let me just say,

I'm going to tell you what it is. The chocolates that I'm adding to the top five, I've got in my hot little hand. And it's controversial. I love how you said, I'm not going to tell you what it is. And then you held it up in our eyesight. No, Sam. Fuck with.

They can see it. Talking about the idiots. Yeah, right. Okay. Imagine if I choked on chicken. That's how I died. Mitch was a lovely man. He went out the way that he wanted to go in this world.

He died doing what he loved. Choking on a hot chook. Without any cutlery. While his best friend stood and watched. Covered in grease. Oh, God. Happy Pig Week, everyone. Happy Pig Week!

If it's your first time listening, oink, oink, piggies. This is Pig Week, but we start the show the same way every week, regardless of the theme of the week. And Mitch has an Is It Just Me? I've got one. They're commonly referred to as idjems. Mitch doesn't know mine. I don't know his. This week we have an Is It Just Me? I've got one. They're commonly referred to as Ijjums. Mitch doesn't know mine. I don't know his.

This week, we have an Is It Just You from a listener. And Mitch will be very happy. They're on the phone. Good, good. They'll be calling in live. Should we begin? Should we start the show? Sure.

I'm ready. I'd go first. Oh, my God. Yeah. And I really want to. Are you noticing it too, Jenna? Yeah, I am. The whole, I'll go first, the lack of discussion.

Well, I told you I'm in my yes era. I just say what I want and I push for it. Your yes era? Yeah, I say yes to things and I'm going to social events. But we didn't ask. Well, maybe I'm in my taking what I want era. Have you had a social week? Because I know that you're in your social era.

What's your week been like? Exhausted. I've got dinner tonight, dinner tomorrow. I'm going to brunch. That's no different to usual, though. No, but not with, I go with Hayden or myself. Never with people. Oh, God.

Okay. I'm FaceTiming friends. Did I tell you that, you know how you said recently on the podcast, oh, I'm in my yes man era. Yeah. And I'm going to say yes to every invitation I get. Call me Jim Carrey. Yes.

And Jenna and I were like, let's fuck with him and come up with some really shitty invitations. So you have to say yes. It'll be fun. My friend Nick helped me brainstorm. Ready? Wait, what do you mean? Mitchell, would you like to come watch the sunrise from Penrith? Yes.

Yes, yes. You have to say yes. Also, I'm hoping that you can pick someone up from the airport during peak hour. Is that okay? I mean, yeah, I guess I could, yeah. Great. And then after that, can you help my friend move house? Yes.

Yeah. They live locally, I'm sure. Close. Close to me. So that's a yes? Yep. Excellent. Also, how would you feel about doing a Scientology stress test?

We should do it. Oh, no, it'd be fun for a chance. Yeah, why not? Yeah, I'll do one of them. Yeah. Great. Also, while I've got you. I'm here.

Could you be a designated driver for a wedding, but just please wait outside? The whole wedding? Yeah. Could I go to the minibar and get maybe a drink? Wait outside. Keep the air con on. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I can. Yeah. This is fun. He's going to say yes to anything. No!

We're going to burn out his social battery so quick. This is going to be so fun. Please don't. But yes. Yes to all. Any requests, Jenna? Maybe I'm going to put on Connie's birthday. She had a birthday last week, so I might put on a party.

The cat. Jenna's cat. Yes, my cat, yes. So would you like to host the event? No. That's where I draw the line. You have to draw the line somewhere. Jenna's pussy.

You've got to agree with me there, Mitch. I have to draw the line. All right. Well, you go've got to agree with me there, Mitch. I have to draw the line. All right, well, you go first then, you greedy pig. Yes, thank you. I will. I think I will. Let's go. Is it just me or...

Do you have no actual idea how dry cleaning works? Yeah, no, I have no clue. No idea what it is. I think we all have different ideas of how it works because what I picture, the one I went to growing up, it had like a conveyor belt and they would be on coat hangers in the plastic body bags. And they'd be like, ticket 4B, you press the button. And they'd go, there it is.

And I just thought they would hang it up and then it would go and it would be steamed and washed and cleaned all on the coat hanger. And then it would come back around and it would be done. But surely they wouldn't charge as much as they do just for that. Like, there's got to be some skill involved. They've got to be hands-on with them to justify that. Yeah, how dare they charge a lot of money for dry cleaning? Well, and it's usually worth it because when I get the clothes back,

I'm like, shit, man, I didn't know they could be that clean. Well, that's why I'm so confused by it because why can't we do this at home? Also, is it dry? Can you Google this, Jenna or Sam? Yeah. Jenna, where's your laptop? You've been doing so well. I know, but I got distracted with pig week. Can you Google this, Jenna or Sam? Yeah. Jenna, where's your laptop? You've been doing so well. I know, but I got distracted with pig week.

Can you go get it? Oh, I've got my phone. Because we're going to be asking you to Google things throughout the whole show. Go on. I'm going to get the definition of pig later in the show. I'm going to need that. Okay, I'll get my laptop. Go on.

Don't eat without me. Oh, I won't. I'll be back. Okay. I'm so sorry, but can you just imagine if I came and didn't bring a microphone? It's essential for the job. You're the Google bitch. You have to bring your laptop.

Sorry, Sam, you were saying? Sam's got it. Yeah, so it's kind of like, it just says it's like washing, but without detergent or water. But how does it wash? That's a good question. They go into this whole thing. It's basically like a powder that they put over it. You know what it's like?

It's like dry shampoo where you just spray the powder over it. That's a good mental image. Dry cleaning is the dry shampoo for the clothes. Yeah. But then how do they get rid of the powder? Yeah, because you've got to wash the dry shampoo out eventually. Yeah. Thank God Jenna's back with it.

Can we put a YouTube video up or something? Yeah, I'm going to get it. No, I've got one. I've Googled how does dry cleaning work. No, but on the screen so I can see it. Yeah, I'm going to get it up. I'm going to get it and i've got one i've googled how does dry cleaning work no but on the screen so i can say i'm gonna get it up i'm gonna get it up that's what he said sam i've got a video actually i found it's got nine million tiktok views uh by jeeves underscore ny if you want to watch it at home but this is explains dry cleaning i got it i'll just check it up on the screen he's got up on the screens all right here we go what is dry cleaning dry

cleaning is the process of cleaning clothes with a solvent instead of water now what is a solvent i'm going to show you a little demo to explain this is dry cleaning solvent it looks just like water but it smells and feels like either alcohol or gasoline depending on which one you're using usually it's petroleum alcohol or silicone based solvent has very different properties than water and as you can see here you do not mix or get a long break oh so it's like a special chemical. Because of solvent's very oily properties, it's really good at removing oil-based stains like makeup, grease, and paint. I hope this gives you some insight as to what dry cleaning is,

but long story short, it's basically a washer-dryer combo machine that uses a liquid that isn't water to clean clothes. So they're not washing it with water! I wanted a demonstration, Jeeves. He goes, so I hope that clears things up. No! Not really, Jeeves. Show me! Stop talking about it! Look at the top comment. Wow, I thought they used steam. Well, if you're a dry cleaner and you're a listener of the show,

don't get in touch, because now we know. We don't need you to reach out. Let us know if we got it right. I feel like dry cleaners should be like magicians. Just keep it your secret. Don't ruin the magic. Because I'm watching these videos and it still makes no sense to me, but I also don't care that much. Just keep doing you, boo. Yeah.

We love you local dry cleaners. Thanks for your help. All right. I'm going to have some barbecue. You do your ritual. All right. Is it just me? What the hell was that sound that came out of Mitch Turi's mouth last week?

Oh, you're still rabbiting on about this. What the hell was that? What do you mean? I can't get over it. It was when Carla from Bankstown was here. Yeah. And she was doing a prank call. We were trying to be quiet in the background, obviously trying not to laugh.

It was the sound of silence. Yeah. Yeah. And then somehow, miraculously, you made, I've put the grab over there, I've isolated just your microphone. This is the noise that somehow you managed to make. I've isolated just your microphone. This is the noise that somehow you managed to make.

It's perfectly apt for pig week, isn't it? It literally sounds like you're just herding pigs through the pen. Go on, get up. That sounds like when you're riding a... What was that? That's when you're riding a razor scooter as a kid, you go too fast, so you use the little back wheel brake. And it burns your foot. What the fuck?

Could you actually do that noise on cue? Like, could you possibly? It's like the secret sound at Kiss. Let me listen to it one more time. I'm starting coughing now. You started me. Imagine if we did run this as a secret sound, like play it. All right, Jenna is in the asylum.

Jenna, what is the idjim secret bit? Is that a pig squealing? Did someone tread on a hamster, Mitch? No, that's not it. No, they didn't. Sorry. One more time. Did you actually see in our Facebook group, Endurant Idiots,

some of the people in there were saying what they think it sounds like. Oh, they were theorising. Steph said, you sound like an emphysemic bird. Yeah, I can hear that. Harry says a dolphin at SeaWorld. Jess also says, is he part dolphin? Yeah, that is very. There's a sardine in front of its snout.

That dolphin's not having a good time. No, it's not. It's got its bottlenose and a grip. Callum says that you sound like one of those. Do you remember those Nerf Vortex howler things? Of course. Like you'd throw those foam darts and they had the little whistles on the side. You'd throw it.

Yeah, but I need to add some fade to that because it starts loud. It goes. That's what happens as it goes across the park. Mel says, you sound like one of those old motors they have on display at a country show that chugs and wheezes. Yeah, this old beauty. Like Mater in Cars. Oh, it's awful. Stephen says, a baby dinosaur that just hatched.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I can hear that. Yeah, I can see it. Yeah, Candice said the same thing. Jurassic. She said pre-terradactyl. Thanks, bitch.

I just thought, how did that happen? That is my body. I'm either gravely ill or very talented. It's a credit to Carla, isn't it? She made you laugh that much. Yeah. It's hideous. How do you do that?

That's the noise that poor barbecue chick made before it got barbecued. Always animals. Sorry, animals shouldn't have gone there too far. Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of mitches. That's enough of these two. Now let's hear, and is it just you? Yes, it is the second annual Pig Week, everybody.

All thanks to Daryl Lee. You have to get their white chocolate cookies and cream block. It's in supermarkets now. I'm going to have to open another block because I finished that one. It's so good. I've got the grapes. We should all rotate the plate. Yeah.

Rotate plates. Yes. For like a lazy plate. Yeah. Rotate plates. Yes. We're like a lazy Susan. Catch. Do not throw that chook at me, Jenna. I don't want it. Mish, that didn't hurt because the fluffy marshmallows softened the floor.

It actually felt really quite nice on my head. All right, Jenna, you're getting the candy heart grapes. Oh, don't. I know I bagged you out, Jenna, but those grapes were a good call. They're quite refreshing. They really are. They're so good. All right, everyone, coming up, I need your top five, but right Jenna, but those grapes were a good call. They're quite refreshing. They really are. They're so good. All right, everyone, coming up in Idgham Top 5,

but right now let's do an Is It Just You, something you've noticed you hate or appreciate. You can hit us up, couple of matches on Instagram. We'll get you on the show live like Katie has done. Hi, Katie. Hi, darling. Hi, happy pig week. Oh, same to you, gorgeous.

I'm so glad that you had the guts to actually come on the show as a caller instead of being a coward sending a voice message. I love being able to chat. Why the bloody hell not? I mean, I'm off at home, so I might as well just waste some time. Katie, waste some time? What do you mean? Waste time from doing housework, that's what.

Fair enough. Oh, she saved herself. Katie, now what do you have in your little gob of yours? Because we've got the daryl, the chook. What are you eating for pig week? I have some swirly heart lollipops. Oh, hang on. Let me Google them. Google a swirly heart lollipop. I'm picturing like a Katy Perry music video. Is that what

you're getting? Yeah, she wore them on her tits once for sure. Jenna did that at a Christmas party. She hasn't been allowed back since. Yes, I know what you mean. Yeah, they're nice. They're like a candy cane, but in lollipop form. Yum, Katie. All right, let's jump into your idjim, okay? Bradley, we know what you mean. Yeah, they're nice. They're like a candy cane, but in lollipop form. Yeah, I'm Katie. All right, let's jump into your idjim, okay? Bradley will count you in, then you're good to go.

Easy. Let's go. Is it just me or... A crop top's fucked. Yes! I'm a fat girl. Like, I want to cover my gunt. Yes!

Nobody needs to see that. Yeah, no, it's an issue. Whenever I'm shopping on ASOS or something, sometimes, you know how you can select gender? It's like man, woman, or unisex. Sometimes I leave the women's in there just in case. Yeah. Just in case I see a cute blouse that I want to use. I'm pretty sure the shirt I'm wearing now is from the women's section.

But there's so many fucking crop tops in the women's section. Yes. Why do they assume that everyone wants to flash their belly button? I completely agree. And sometimes I order a shirt not knowing it's a crop top, put it on, and then I'll go, when are you going to fucking poo at a public event? I've done that before as well.

I see a really, really nice top and then see that it doesn't even cover my nut. Do you have kids, Katie? By the sounds of it, you've got kids who are a very annoying partner. Yes, I have a three-year-old and she's in the bath screaming at me for a band-aid. Oh, God. I mean, feel free to go and mend your daughter if you want. Also, I love that she just swore in front of her kid. A crop top?

Fuck! Mum, I've split my chin open. Is it just me? Where do you live, Katie? I'm in Canberra. Canberra, I love it. Oh, the nation's capital. For international listeners, Canberra is

the capital of Australia. There's a bit of a hole. No, it's got the blowhole and Katie. And the dick owl. And what? The dick owl. The what? Beg your pardon? The dick owl. Oh, the big owl. No, the dick, like

penis. Oh, you mean Scott Morrison? Yeah, that too. Sorry, yeah. Oh, you mean Scott Morrison? Yeah, that too. Sorry, can you spell out what you're saying? The dick what? I'm going to Google it on the screens. Hold on. The dick owl. Search Belconnen owl.

The pork? Oh, so it does have an, oh, it does look like a cock, the Belconnen owl. What am I Googling? Belconnen owl. Yeah. Holy shit, that thing is spooky. It looks like someone dressed up as a ghost for Halloween. Holy shit, Jenna, look at that.

What is that? And that's on public for children to look into? No. Yep, and if you drive behind it, it looks like a penis. Yeah, wow. It looks like a wonky penis too. Yeah, no, he hasn't got a heart on at all. No, and it's in Viagra.

Can I just say, Katie, if you've been to Questacon recently, because it's gotten so shit. It used to be great on school excursions when I was a kid. Don't tell me that. Oh, they've gotten rid of everything good at Questacon. When did you go recently? I probably went in like 2016. Oh, wow. Do they have that big slide thing? Yeah, that's like the only good thing. But isn't it shit, Katie? It's so shit

now. Fucking awful. Yeah. Katie's kid is bleeding out and she's swearing and talking about dick-shaped owls. I'm a fun mum, what can I say? I can tell that you're a fun mum, I can just tell. But the earthquake house, gone. No, no. That's the best part.

That fake rollercoaster thing, gone. Do kids still go on excursions there? That's what I want to know. Yeah, we're often for the tourists too. Okay. Where do you work at Canberra? Anywhere fun? Anywhere like you'd go on a school excursion?

No, I work in construction. I'm boring. Well, then take a fucking bulldozer and go to the Belcon and Owl and fix it for us, please. Straighten up that cock. Well, then nobody will talk about Canberra if we get rid of the cock. What are you going to do if that loud-ass daughter of yours grows up and wants to wear crop tops? Are you going to say, nah, I forbid it because they're fucked? I mean, she can do what she wants.

I'm not going to stop her, but crop tops are not for me. See, she is a cool mum. She's cool. Maybe that's why she wanted a band-aid to cover her mid-drift area. Who knows? All right, Katie, thanks for the Is It Just You. We appreciate it. Thanks for listening.

Thanks, guys. Happy Pee-Gwee. Love you, Katie. Love you. Oh, what a You. We appreciate it. Thanks for listening. Thanks, guys. Happy Pee-wee. Love you, Katie. Love you. Love you, Katie. Love you. Oh, what a sweetheart. The kids stopped, so either it slid into the bath or she did get the Band-Aid.

No, I don't reckon that would be enough to stop it, to stop her from crying, because even if they get what they want, they keep going, kids. Don't they ever. They're brats. They really are brats. The other day, my uncle had his 70th. Uncle Ross, who has given his thoughts on this podcast. Oh, yeah, he doesn't like me.

No, what did he say? He thinks I need to be with a woman that appreciates my wit. That's what he said. Yeah, he said that, oh, that co-host, you need to replace him with someone who finds you funny. And I'm like, I do. I wouldn't work with you if I didn't find you funny. I know. That's how the friendship started.

Yeah. No, he wants a passive woman. He's 70, for God's sake. Oh, that's what Janet's... Anyway, we did a speech. He wanted to have a great debate for his 70th, and it was quite fun. So there were three affirmative speakers. Hang on.

Three negative speakers. That was his party, a debate. Yeah. No, awesome. Yeah, and the topic was, is Ross Kilpatrick real or unreal? No. And I was the adjudicator slash MC, of course. Did this story get better?

Yes. My point is that I go, all right, you know, the speakers are done. And then a kid, Harrison, my godson, who's six, gets up and goes, I'd like to speak. And I go, where do kids get the hide to think that we want to hear from them? And then he gets up, grabs the microphone, and gives a speech at her 70th birthday about nothing. The waffle's on.

It's a cute, very cute. It must just run in your family, waffling on about nothing. I was so proud of him. I had a little tear in my eye. I went, look at him talking when no one asked. Remember that time? Is this the same kid that completely hijacked our Sunday night Instagram live and was talking about the Titanic

for an hour. For an hour. Yes. And would not let me interject and ask questions. And if I did, he'd just ignore it and keep going. And he was factually correct, mind you. No, there were a couple of things he got wrong. I had to correct him.

Like what dates, I think. He said that it sunk on April 14, 1912. It hit the iceberg on April 14, but it clocked over past midnight. It actually sunk on April 15. Well, crucify him. And I did. Yeah. I said, read your fucking history books, Harrison.

Can I tell you what happened after that? After you, he's inspiration. He got a microphone and now he Twitch streams. Does he? Yep. That doesn't feel legal. You inspired him. But he's like six.

He watches. It's in the kid space. It's like kids pics or something. Like kid Twitch. I don't know what it is. Kid Twitch. Kid Twitch. It's in the kid space. It's like kids pics or something. Like kid twitch. I don't know what it is. Kid twitch. Kid twitch. Anyway.

Harrison, we love you. Happy Pig Week. Don't put words in my mouth. I bet he's having a rusk to celebrate. Is it just me on the fly? Never done this. Just me. Oh.

Do kids get all the good snacks? No. They do. They get little pouch yogurts. snacks? No. They do. They get little pouch yogurts, vanilla bean, blueberry. We get those. Yeah, but they're not little and simple. Ours are like, Jibani, YoPro, ProTip. Yeah, they're in the pouch.

I just suck it off for breakfast every morning. Oh, well, coming over. Lucky Jordan. They get all the good food. Rusks. I'd love to just suck on a stick of carbohydrate for a day. Yeah, but no one's stopping you. You can.

Culture. Society doesn't let me do it. Oh, my God. Think of some other kids' food. Sam, I'm sure you've got British ones you can throw in. Yeah, but, okay, but side note, have you tried a yogo or something like that as an adult? Yes, yes. It is the most disgusting thing you'll put in your mouth.

No. Well. You haven't seen hate now before a shower. Oh, my God. Katarina Goussis, who I went to high school with. God rest her soul. She's not dead, but she's still in the Shire. Well, she went on the baby food diet and lost 10 kilos,

and all she did was eat those jars. You know when they pop when you open the lid? Yeah, it's like a really gross, mushed up apple. Yes, and she had the baby spoons too. I thought, Kat, you can use a normal spoon. I don't know why I need a baby spoon. You want to sugar hire something? Yeah, what's wrong?

Because you're just talking a lot. Some random in your life that went on a baby food diet? Kat, it ties into the story. Yeah, and we're saying go for it and you're saying, no, I can't. And I'm like, well, I don't know how to fucking help you. Well, I could say yes, but then that'd be done. Well, isn't this your Yes Man era? If I bring in baby food next week will you try them? Yes. Good. Okay. I want sweet ones. I don't want the savoury like mushy peas. You get what you're given.

Any idiots that are parents much like Katie please hit us up at couple of mitches. Let me know which baby food I should buy. I'll put it on the kiddio. It's all good. Do it. Okay, baby food next week. I'm in. And yeah, send the flavours in. I'll do a round table too. Give me three or so. I can ask my sister, what food do your kids eat?

Yeah, that's a good idea. Although she's one of those healthy mums. She said she wants to teach them healthy eating habits, lest they be pigs. What? She's trying to make a survivor mini set in her home? Well, she knows what her and I were raised like. Which was what?

Pigs. So she's undoing that. Got it, got it. Yeah, I was raised as a pig too. I had a bloody roll up for lunch and that was it. Yeah. Oh my God. And then you'd wonder why your mind just wasn't switched on for class after lunch.

I know. Because you just licked sugar off a bit of fucking plastic. Yeah, we had hash brown rolls. I think I've spoken about this before. It was one hash brown on a white roll with chicken salt and butter. And it was a hit. That actually sounds dope. It was fantastic.

I wouldn't want the bread ratio to take up too much, though. I'd want the bun to be a little bit modest. Yeah, no, it was a thin, thin bun. Fuck yeah. And the chicken salt actually did a lot. It really lifted the game. And the hot butter, perfect. Anyway.

What the fuck are we doing? I don't know. Oh, Katie's still there. Hey, Katie. No, she's gone. Are we ready for the top five? Yeah, I think we are. We are ready.

Okay. Let's jump on. Here's your top five. So we're ranking the top five chocolates today. We are going to nominate them. And Sam, get your ass in here. Yes. You're going to have to be the decider that ranks them one to five.

There's no other way. Yeah. So I've brought two. You've brought two, haven't you? Yeah, I've brought two, Chucky. And Jenny, you're going to have to be the decider that ranks them one to five there's no other way yeah so i've brought two you've brought two haven't you i've brought two chucky and jenny you're gonna have to round it out you're gonna have to be the fifth got one so who wants to go first we're going to nominate our favorite chocolate um i'll start because i actually don't think it belongs any higher than fifth so i think it's fair why did you bring it forward if you don't think it's a strong contender no because it's a big enough to be in the top five but no higher and i'm i'm humble enough to admit that about this chocolate.

I'm representing this chocolate. So mine is a fan favourite by Dads. Here is chocolate entry number five. It is the infamous. You can't rank it yourself. That's up to Sam to rank them one to five. Oh, yeah, true. It could be number one for him.

It's the crunchy. Oh, I do love a crunchy. I don't. It's the golden crunchy. Possibly my least favourite. Yeah, me too. Well, no, I like it a crunchy. I don't. It's the golden crunchy. Possibly my least favourite. Yeah, me too. Well, no, I like it because it's so simple. It's not layers of nuts and nougat, you know.

It's just, it is what it is. I don't like the honeycomb. Well, you know what I don't like about crunchies is you get really soft, nice honeycomb, but then there's random hard patches. Yes. Yeah. Oh, I can't stand that. Inconsistent.

All right. Am I eating this now? Yeah, have a little. You may as well. I mean, I'm sure you've had a crunchy in your life, but just to refresh. And I want you to take into account texture. Okay. Mouth feel.

And don't tell us the ranking until after. Yeah. That's a good crunch, though. Mmm. It's very crunchy. Yeah. Well, you know, it went viral on Twitter a couple of days ago, a couple of weeks ago, maybe.

The ripple in the top of chocolate bars that make it look like veins in a penis. The dick vein. That is a really crucial. Mitchell, curse. Sorry, I'm sick at the moment. It's because you're standing up. Your lungs are working too hard. He's still up, everyone.

Sit down. I'm loving this. I think I'm going to stand up every week. You're actually glowing in the eyes. Thank you. It's woken me up. Now, I want that to be a criteria. How are the dick veins?

Does it have any? No. Well, no dick veins, but it does have a nice ripple across the top. All right. What's your next one? Yep. My next chocolate is my Well, no dick veins, but it does have a nice ripple across the top. All right. What's your next one? Yep. My next chocolate is my favorite, my personal favorite, and I've got you the twin pack, and I don't want that to be left to miss when you go into judging.

Okay. It is the Fry's Turkish Delight. Oh. Oh. Really? Wait, wait, wait. Fry's? Yeah.

That's the brand name. Fry's Turkish Delight in the purple and gold packet. I always thought it was Cadbury. Yeah, same. No, it's Fry's. Why is it in a box of Cadbury favourites? Yes, exactly. Yeah.

Who's Fry? Who the fuck is Fry? Jenna, can you get on that, please? I need to find out who's Fry. Fry from Futurama, maybe? He's the only Fry I know. That's what I was picturing. Okay.

Now, I do feel like the Turkish Delight cop's a bad rap. Like, it's often the last one left in a box of favourites. And for good reason. People are like, ugh. The texture is gorgeous. I love a gelatinous texture. Ties into the whole baby food thing. All right, here we go.

Oh, the smell's off. Hang on. You don't like Turkish delight? Oh, oh. Oh. Oh, God, that one is really making you work for it. I think the aircon has chilled it. Oh, no.

Hang on. I've got to spit that out. No, you don't. That's what I'm saying. We know what I'm saying. We know what number one is. And Sam always swallows. And look what you've done to him.

He does. Oh, God, that's no good. Really? You don't like that? That's foul. Can you pass me your tissue? Yes. I know that I can't. Mitch, I obviously can't tell you what to put forward,

but crunchy and Turkish delight is an odd combination. They're not the strongest chocolates in my mind. Okay. I like them. No good. but Crunchy and Turkish Delight is an odd combination. Like, they're not the strongest chocolates in my mind. Oh, okay. I like them. No good. So apparently Fry's Turkish Delight is under Cadbury. Uh-huh.

Okay. But there's no Cadbury label on it. So that if people don't like it, they're like, it's not us, it's Fry. That's smart marketing. They can blame Fry. That's smart marketing. We should take a couple of mitches off this fucking show. Yeah. All right.

Karen. Is it just me? No, it wasn't us. It was Karen. It was Karen, guys. Alright, Jenna, do you want to put your chocolate forward? What are you nominating? Yes, I would love to. This is my all-time favourite chocolate. It originates in the UK,

much like contraceptive diaphragm Sam over here. Oh, I see what you're doing. No, no, no. This is genuinely my favourite. And enjoy this, Sam. It's a Cadbury double-decker. Oh, I haven't had a double-decker in years! I've never had one in my life.

I've never heard of these chocolates. What the fuck's a double-decker? It's kind of like a cocoa-y sort of crunchy thing. That was not descriptive at all. Can you hold it up? I want to see it. So purple and orange in colour. It's a descriptive at all. Can you hold it up? Hold it up. I want to see it. So purple and orange in colour. It's a Cadbury again. Good chocky. Good chocky. Hold on. I'm going to have to Google

this. What the fuck is it? Hold on. It's got an international label on it, Jenna. So did you have to go to one of those US candy stores? No. It's at the supermarket. At Coles? In the international section. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, right. It's near the Dr. Peppers. And so when did you last have one of these, Sam? Back in the UK? Yeah, 15 years ago. Shit. I've you last have one of these, Sam? I don't know.

Back in the UK? Yeah, 15 years ago. Shit, I've never even heard of it. Now I want to try some too. I've got some spares. Of course you do. So it looks like, I've just Googled it, it looks like there's nougat in there.

It's like the top layer is Mars bar and the bottom layer is an LCM bar. I'm getting dick veins. I don't know about you guys, but I'm barring up over here. Look at that. Jenna, of course you picked the most fucking obscure chocolate ever. A double-decker from the international section. It's my favourite.

Alright, here we go. Oh, I got some in my eye. He's got flaky bits everywhere when that nougat snapped off. You just double-deckered me in the retina. Oh, it's so good. Give us a fucking taste of this double-decker. It's so good. Give us a fucking taste of this double dagger. It's so good. It looks like a Mars bar without the caramel.

It's amazing. Yeah, and it's got LCMs in there instead. Yeah. Or spider eggs, one or the other. Or caviar. It's so sticky. It's so good. It melted everywhere.

It's so good. Check it over here. You know what it kind of looks like? Two things. Fish roe, like eggs, or the old Milo bar. Up to the roof of my mouth! And he's standing

up, give him the highlight! Oh no, he's dying! Oh god. That's a good way to go. Yes. Oh, come on, it's great! No, it's alright. It's so sticky! Yeah, it stays in your mouth for a while. Yes, it does. It's like it's battling with my tonsils. It's like. No, it's all right. It's so sticky. Yeah, it stays in your mouth for a while. Yes, it does.

It's like it's battling with my tonsils. It's like, no, you will not swallow me. You will not swallow me. I'm going to stay in your mouth. Can I also just say, the textures don't complement each other. The crunchy, concrete-like balls with the spiderweb-like nougat. Don't change your opinion, Sam. No, it's lingering. It's overstaying its welcome. Compare the spider web like new. Don't change your opinion, Sam. No, it's lingering.

It's overstaying its welcome. Compare it to that thing there. Oh, righto, Pauline Hanson. Look how you flip-flopped. All right, what else have you got? That was a journey. Yep. I'm still chewing on it.

Normally I inhale things. Okay, don't rush off and get double-deckers, idiots. They're no good. They are amazing. I need a classic. Can you pass me that Turkish Delight? I'm actually having to drink water to wash it down. It's like sticking to my throat.

It's delicious. All right, Mitch, you'll put yours forward. Oh, sorry. This has been a whole ordeal. Yeah, sorry. My turn. Obviously, I'm sticking with my girls, Daryl Lee. Okay, they're sponsoring us today,

and I'm obviously working with them to promote the new white chocolate cookies and cream bar, which I'll have you know is stunning. Look at these fat fucking marshmallows protruding from them, Sam. Oh, wow, that does look good. It's not like they've integrated them in the chocolate. They've just kind of put them on top like they're decorations on a cake. They look like baubles on a tree. Please try the new Daralee white chocolate cookies and cream.

I know you're very excited about this, but you're not getting any favouritisms, just so you know that. Oh, yeah, just so you know, even though I'm working with them, you're under no obligation to rank them first. Yeah. Bloody hell. All right. Oh, it's very marshmallow-y, isn't it?

Yep. Oof. That's what I love about it. All right. Here we go. What do you think? Oh, wow. Right?

Does that hit the clit or what? Holy shit. It is very good. It's good, isn't it? Oh, it's very good. And you under no obligation to say that. No. Sam's not getting a cut of the $50 million.

No. I'm sorry, the what? And that's after tax. Yeah. Okay. All right. Is there anything else? Yes, I've got one more.

And I've stuck with Daryl Lee by the way Because And it was hard to pick a flavour Because they do a few Different versions of these You know the The chocolate balls they have Oh yeah

And the Jaffas Yes not unlike a Jaffa And there's different flavours I've got like the raspberry And there's white chocolate one as well Heaven But I got these When I was at the theatre last week And oh my god They're bloody gorgeous Oh my god. I've got the raspberry and there's a white chocolate one as well. Heaven. But I got these when I was at the theatre last week. Oh my God, they're bloody gorgeous.

Oh my God. So I've chosen the minty crunchy chocolate ball. They're really good. I haven't had these. They're so good. Here, open your mouth. I'll see if I can get one in there. Don't chip a tooth.

Pretend like you're giving a gobby hide your teeth. I'm guarding. I just innately covered my teeth. He's done that before. With my lips like a donkey. Yeah. Ready? Oh, that was close.

Here you go, Sam. Okay. Grab my ball, Sam. There we go. Oh. Chews so ferociously into the mic. That mouth feel is good. Oh.

I do love a minty chocolate. It's not for everyone, but I do love a mint. I feel like this one isn't like a mint. It's not like a peppermint Freddo where it's oozing mint. It's just like a nice hard coating of mint. It's good. Mitchell, what do you think? Oh, I am actually sold.

I love mint. When I get a choc top at the movies, I go for the mint one. It tastes just like that. It's not unlike a choc top. No, it's not. No, very good. You've had them, Jenna? They're so good.

And the mint ones are my favourite. Yes, for sure. All right, Sam's tasted. No, very good. You've had them, Jenna? They're so good. And the mint ones are my favourite. Yeah, for sure. All right, Sam's tasted. All right. We now need a verdict. So you've got Crunchy Turkish Delight, Jenna's Bullshit, and the Daryl-y Mint Balls and the Daryl-y White Chocolate Cookies and Cream. One to five, bitch.

That's a succinct. All right, starting at number five. I very sadly, jury, have to put the obvious choice at the very bottom of the list. Nobody's favourite Turkish delight. For the first time ever, I'm not... Number five. Who was that? Jesus, okay.

I thought Jenna just something came over her. Imagine if Jenna's VO voice sounded like this. Number five. Number five is Turkish delight. Number four. Yeah. Number five. Number five is Turkish Delight.

Number four. Yeah. As much as it was a very warm, embrace, nostalgic connection for me, it overstayed its welcome. Double decker. Shit. Double decker dog shit.

I'll accept that because it's not fifth, so it's not last. Why do you play the number after? Shouldn't you play it first? And coming in at number three. Yeah, sorry. I've just got different ones. Okay, let's do the I don't know. Why do you play the number after? Shouldn't you play it first? Like, and coming in at number three. Yeah, sorry. I've just got different ones. Okay, let's do the next one.

Number three. Okay. I am surprised at where I'm going to put number three. Because I would have thought that this has got to be one of my favourite chocolates I'll have overall. It's a go-to out of a favourites box, but it's not reaching the top. This is a crunchy. I would have put it lower, so yes. I'm offended. It certainly doesn't deserve to be higher. Nah, it's the chocolate, the honeycomb. It's a

good time overall. Well, I'm out. There's my horses. Shut my head. Okay, yeah. You know what a horse... I don't know why I always come out. Move on. Number two. Can you make them a little bit less fucking invasive? You're not able to crawl to your gang? I don't know why I always come out. Move on. Number two. Wow, he's very... Can you make them a little bit less fucking invasive?

Well, I've got male and female ones, so I've done a mix. Don't assume gender in this house. Sorry, do you really... Okay, true. I mean, do you really think... Number two. Yeah, you know what? Yeah.

Could be. What a fucking butch woman, though. Thank you. Come on. What's her name? Number two Deb Deb No I reckon her name's Joanne

But she prefers Joe Okay Sorry keep going Alright Number two Number two We are down to the final two

Both Daryl Lee products That 50 million's going a long way Yeah Both Mitchell's products And you're not choosing it Because. Both Daryl Lee products. That $50 million is going a long way. Both Mitchell's products. And you're not choosing it because it's Daryl Lee. No. You're choosing it based on the taste.

To be honest, I'm quite surprised at myself here. No, I'll be honest. They're my top two. Yeah. Really? Yeah, because think about Daryl Lee. Daryl Lee is not the, God, I've got to fill up my car with E10.

I'm going to get a Crunchy for the drive home. You never pick Daryl Lee. Daryl Lee is, I've got friends coming over. Let's get some Daryl Lee. You want something nice. I used to get a crunchy for the drive home. You never pick Darily. Darily is I've got friends coming over. Let's get some Darily. You want something nice. I used to get imposter syndrome. I was like, I'm not adult enough for Darily. Now I feel like I've grown up now that I can eat that.

You were gaslit by the big chocolate corporations. No, but don't you feel like it's a little bit more elegant than the others? I agree. Darily used to have a store. Remember the Darily store? My mum used to go, let's pop into the Darilyl E store and get some Jaffas on the way out. We didn't have one in Bougainvillea. There was one in Dubbo.

What? Wasn't there really, Jack? Sorry, number two. Yeah, sorry. So, it is down to Mitchell's Balls or the Cookies and Cream white chocolate. Yes. Now, I should mention, I'm not a white chocolate person. Aren't you?

But I am a mint person. Okay. Fuck. However, can I get a drum roll, please? I can, yeah, I'm not a white chocolate person. Aren't you? But I am a mint person. Fuck. However, can I get a drumroll, please? I can, yeah, I can, yeah. It's a question of whether he will. Yeah, I've got one. Can we get number two?

Number two. Oh, shut up, Joe. Is Mitchell's minty balls the team's number one? Cookies and cream white chocolates without question. Hang on. You're not just saying that, are you? No, I'm not. Oh, good.

I actually agree. Another top five. Yeah. You know, I'm genuinely obsessed with the new white one, and I'm like, how have they not done that before? One other thing to note is Dara Lee is fully palm oil free. So you don't have to worry about the orangutans. Palm oil is, when you harvest palm oil, you're taking the natural environment away from the orangutans and many other animals.

I'm sure the cassowaries. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah. And chocolate and a lot of dairy and cheap Coles food has got palm oil in it. And Dara Lee don't use it. There you go. I didn't know that. Very good. Great top five. Thank you, Sam. Well, congratulations, D, right. Got palm oil in it. And Daryl Lee don't use it. There you go. I didn't know that. Very good.

Great top five. Thank you, Sam. Well, congratulations, Daryl Lee. This thing's a winner. It's come in at number one. Bing, bing, bing. Look how many I've got of them. What are you going to do with all that?

You could make a house out of those. You could. All right, let's get out of here, guys. Happy Pig Week again. Happy Pig Week. Happy Pig Week. Make sure you take a photo and tag us on your Instagram stories. If you're pigging out while listening, please do. All right.

As you listen to this episode, eat something disgusting. Take a selfie. Send it to us. We'll put a bunch up. We'd love that. And also film your reaction if you do end up trying this Starry League cookies and cream white chocolate bar because it is just, yeah. Yeah.

I went to get the barbecue trip before we did the show today and they were on the shelf and I think they were on sale. So go get it. They're in Coles or Woolies. Yeah. Coles and Woolies is where you can get them. They're delicious. I'm sure they'd be at some independent supermarkets, but fuck, who knows?

It's a bit hit and miss with those, isn't it? I agree. Those IJs. So expensive too at the IJs. And they make you put a fucking coin in the trolley. Don't start him on the trolleys. Listen to how much my energy is lowered now that I'm sitting back down. I've got to stand up.

I'll stand up to end the show. This is the key to my success. Oh, Jenny, you stand up too. You can position that mic. It'll work. Come on. There you show. This is the key to my success. Oh, Jenny, you stand up too. You can position that mic. It'll work. Come on. There you go. This feels like an intervention now.

It also kind of feels like we're at an Illuminati meeting and we're all just ready to sacrifice a lamb. Should we all just hold hands? Yeah. We've got to say great before we... We should have said great. Hold hands, Mitchell. No.

Come on. No, go on, do it. No, this is dumb. I watched them. No, it's not. You have to close the circle. What are we doing? We'll go down to the underground with the demogorgons.

I don't like this. Why are we doing this? Just hold hands. This feels really dumb. Why are we doing this? No, no. I know what to do. And on three, everyone, we're going to oink.

It's pig week. It's pig week. All right. One, two, three. No, you've got to play your noise from last week. That's the best oink you'll ever do. Oh, yeah. Everyone hold hands again.

Hold hands again. Okay, all right. We're going to Get together and... You weren't here for that, Sam. That was him trying not to laugh during Carla from Bankstown's prank call. That slipped out of one of my offices. That was him laughing without opening his mouth. Go again.

What's happening to you? That came out of my mouth. It's all this yes. Maybe Carla had a Bible and I was being exercised and I didn't realise. Yeah, probably. The devil was trying to escape from within. Alright, we want to thank our sponsors, Darylene, of course, Jo. Number two.

We love Jo. Lesbian listener. I reckon Jo listens from her little hut. It's a small house. She doesn't need much because she works in the mines. She's, you know, fly in, fly out. Yeah. Hey, Jo! Dinner's ready! Where are you? What are you doing?

Oh, you're doing a... Got it! Kids, don't make me count to three! One! Three! Oh my god. Oh, we love Joe. I reckon if Joe

was in a same sex relationship And was a parent Yeah Instead of like that thread of Do you want me to tell dad It'd be Do you want me to tell Jo Yeah

But no Jo would be stern Jo would be very cross When she gets home Jo would pick you up If you were sick Vomiting Or you had a bad pill Jo would come and get you

She'd be furious But she loves you Oh yeah So she'd come and get you Oh yeah She's a tough love type That Jo Yeah

Jo would be a good auntie But a hard. Oh, yeah. So she'd come and get you. Oh, yeah. She's a tough love type, that Jo. Yeah. Jo would be a good auntie, but a hard mum. Oh, God, yeah. A hard mum. I reckon she'd have a hairy mole on her face. I reckon Jo does, because she's fly in, fly out, six months on, six months off. In the six months off, she does payroll for Coles. Because payroll don't sit in, they sit out the back.

And they get their own office. I think we're done with this, though. Can we go? It's been a lot of rambling. I think the sugar's gone to our heads. Yeah, I agree. We're all standing up to it. It's so weird.

We actually are standing up, everyone. This is a very weird experience. Is it working for you, though? It's working for me. Yeah, it's working for me. Yeah, gotcha. Oh, Sam, you have to taste the grape. Let's go.

No, it's candy hearts. Let's go. You do. Turn their mics off. Jenna, I think we can end the show without Sam trying the candy hearts on's go. No, it's candy hearts. Let's go. You do. Turn their mics off. Jenna, I think we can end the show without Sam trying the candy hearts on the cloud. Okay, maybe later. See you next week, everyone. Thanks for listening. We love you.

Happy annual pig week. Happy pig week, idiots. Love ya. Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of Mitches. Make sure you've hit follow on your podcast app. Welcome to AD Debrief. This is our secret segment on the end.

Couple of people with ADD having a debrief. That's all it is, you know. We pretend we're gone and then we just talk shit. There's nothing planned in this bit. Although there's been a lot of shit talk this episode. Yeah. Yeah. It's basically more of the same shit.

I've got to try one of these grapes. Yes, you do. You know what? Talk shit get hit. Yeah, I'll knock you out, bro. As Carla would say. It's good, Sam. No, why?

No. Okay, so why are they like gross and just kind of like squeezy and squishy in the middle? Because they've been out for a while. I don't like your attitude today, Sam. Leave the grapes alone. The genetically modified grapes alone. They've been through enough. And by enough, I mean an injection. They're actually quite good.

They're good. I told you. Damn it. Oh, I'm going to go get knife and fork for that barbecue chook. I'll be back. Thank God. Did you get anything? A catheter?

Maybe a plate. A plate would be good. Because I would like some of that chook. That's been in here for over an hour and a half. Yeah, but it's a barbecue chook, Barb. It'll be right. That smells foul. Don't you like a cold chicken roll or something when you're on a picnic?

Yeah, but I mean, you have it refrigerated, right? Huh? You refrigerate it though, right? It's basically fridge temperature in this room. I think you'll find. You've just climatised. That's quite sad. It's actually warm in an igloo.

It's so cold in here. Yeah. Oh. You're back. I'm back. Well, who wants to go at it? No. You should have shit the skin on top.

I know you like it. Can you just not ruin the chicken? Just put some on a plate for me. Yeah. God, this pig week has been a mess. Also, I was shamed because I'm eating a supermarket sandwich, you know, just in the section at the front near the water bottles and that. They've got the pre-made

sandwiches, kind of like the 7-Eleven ones. I asked Mitch to get me one because I hadn't eaten breakfast today and I got shamed in this office for eating it. They're like, oh, they're gross. Yeah, they are gross though. You got the bacon and egg one. You don't want an egg anything from a server. It's breakfast. No, is it though? And it's not from a servo.

It's from the supermarket. I think because it's from Coles, it's not as bad. But the 7-Eleven ones are good. Really? Yes. We live in a first world country, guys. It's fine. It's just got a bit of preservative in it.

It says me eating a genetically modified chicken breast. Where's mine? Candy heart grapes. Yours is the left side. Mine's the right. Oh, I don't want to eat it off the chalk. I said make me a serving. Can you just put some on a plate for me?

But I don't have another plate. I asked you to get me a plate. Yeah, I've got to give you a plate. Do you want it on a tissue? No. Since when have you become a germaphobe? You didn't want to hold hands. Now we won't share a plate with me.

What's happened to you? Are you a COVID worrier? No, I'm not worried about COVID. I just wanted to have a plate to eat some chicken off. That's not too much to ask, is it? You're the one that's sick. You'll be fine. Yeah, no, that's the thing.

I'm ill. I wouldn't want to spread my germs. Okay. Oh, my God. The other day I realised how much of a thing of the past COVID has become to me because I've got a bit of a cough at the moment. I'm sitting there in the Uber without a mask on, and I just go, and I was like, oh, my God, Mitchell,

that is so selfish. The driver just looked at me in the rear view like, are you all right? He's wearing a mask, and I'm like, oh, fuck. Whoops. Anyway, what can you do? What have you got? You just got a cold

Yeah Yeah You haven't got the other one That's uh It's like laryng something I thought it was laryngitis Playing up again Remember I lost my voice

That time Yeah Now there's some other disease That's just gone through All of the CBD Did you see that Oh it probably is that To be honest

It's like pneumonia thing Yeah I don't know You'll be dead in a couple of days. You'll be fine. Especially after being in this freezing-ass studio. If I've got pneumonia, I'm fucked. Got your plate?

They're self-diagnosing me. They reckon I've got some sort of larynx disease or whatever. Here we go. Legionnaire's disease. Oh, that's in Sydney at the moment. Yeah. Shit. As am I.

So it's possible. What is it? It's a type of pneumonia. Oh, great. Love the symptoms uh symptoms include let's see they include a cough shortness of breath not really fever no muscle aches and headaches i'm probably fine it's literally just the cough all All that sounds very COVID-y. Yes, but the cough might bring up some mucus and blood. Hot. Yeah.

Good. I gave you some skin. Thank you. I've got me chicken. I'm happy now. Anyone else want a plate of chicken? Nah. Nah, I'll pass.

I'm just going to eat off the carcass if you don't mind. Okay. Okay. So I feel like we need to take turns eating because one of us has to be talking. Now, you two chat amongst yourselves. Yeah, Mitch and I will eat. We've done enough talking. Actually, remember on our 100th episode,

someone wrote in saying, oh, does anyone else think that Sam and Janet should get together? Oh, yeah. And we said, well, Sam's in a relationship. Ha, not anymore. Oh, yeah. Poor Sam. Why don't we let these two have a blind date?

We'll leave the room. Oh, yeah. No, okay. But't we let these two have a blind date? We'll leave the room. Oh, yeah. No, okay. But I'm eating the Daryl Lee chocolate. So what? People eat on dates. Yeah, that's fine. So what do you do for fun?

Wait till we're gone. Wait till we're gone. I would love to hear Jenna flirting. We've got some romantic jazz or soft music. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, perfect. Yeah, good. Oh, God.

That's very porn vibes. We'll leave you two at you two. All right. Yeah, cool. I'm getting 30 now. All right. Wow. Bye.

I think it was the smooth jazz and everything, talking over and talking. Thank God they're gone. Yeah, no, right. Yeah. Mm-hmm. So, no, right. Yeah. Mm-hmm. So, yeah, when was the last time you were on a date?

About a year ago. Yeah, how'd it go? Uh, not that great. Mm. What are you looking for in a partner, Jenna? I don't have... I'm not looking for anything in particular. Do you need, like, a cat lover in particular?

Well, that would be great. Yeah. Like... Because it applies to you and also your family. Yes. And your son? Daughter. Daughter.

Great. Connie. Yes. Good friend, clearly. Yes, yes, yes. Very good friend. Paying attention. Yep.

What about you? Me? Have you been on a date since the breakup? No. Nah. You know, I've just been sad and alone. Yes. That's just been the thing.

Yeah. Yes. So, yeah, tell me more. Tell me more about what you're looking for. Well, that's the thing. I don't like it when people ask me whether I have a type because I don't really have a type. Right. You know?

Yeah. But, yeah, it would be great if they liked cats. Yeah. The actual cat. But, yeah, what about you? Me? I just really want someone to go for long walks on the beach with. I just want to spend my time.

I want to connect. Yeah. You know what I mean? I don't really like going to the beach. No, really? No. There's a lot of sand there. A lot of people don't like the sand.

Yeah, true. But a lot of people do. Yeah. Yes. Every once in a while I remember there's been times that I've made sweet love on the beach and there's just a lot of sand getting in orifices and it's really a bad vibe.

Yeah. It's just really grating. Yeah. And like sea lice as well. Yeah. It's just not good. The whole time I just thought I had crabs. That might make sense. Yeah. It would be sea lice. Or it could be crabs. So do you have any STIs? It's probably important that we get this up.

At the moment, no, I don't. At the moment, would you like some? You know, I'll pass on that. Okay. But give me 24 hours to think on it. I might change my mind. It's good to have options. Yes, exactly, exactly.

So I'll let you know. Okay. But yeah, I'd say sea lice over crabs. Right. But maybe get that checked. Yeah, maybe. That's time. Okay, yeah.

All right, how did we go? What do we think? Well, so far, I think I have sea lice. Sorry, what? He's got sea lice from Jenna. Yeah. Why were you talking about that? That's not hot.

Yeah, you know when you're fucking the beach and it just, like, it gets really grating? No, I actually don't know anything about that. Okay, yeah. I would never fuck on a beach. Sand everywhere. It's a whole thing. I've not had beach sex ever. No, it's not a thing.

I'm happy to go to my grave never having had beach sex. It's disgusting. Imagine how much, like, because I don't know if you're across this, Sam, but people of our persuasion require a lot of lube. Sand will stick. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How easy would it be to just do it without any preparation?

I know. All right. No thought. Dan, even in the straight world, like, unless you're, you know, unless the goal you're with is just having the best possible time, it's often not a vibe, you know? Yeah. Yeah. But we have to do a lot of stretching. It's a whole thing.

Stretching? Stretching. Getting ready. You know, you can't just go straight we have to do a lot of stretching. It's a whole thing. Stretching? Stretching. Getting it ready. You know, you can't just go straight in and do a pound town from day one. You've got to give a courtesy finger. Yes. Yeah. I thought you meant like yoga stretching before. That's what I thought you meant. Like, I'm going to have sex tonight. Downward dog. Oh, well.

I do, but that's not the general mass. Can you guys touch your toes when you're standing up? Oh, no. Because I didn't realise this wasn't a common thing. I heard someone talking about it the other day, and they were like, oh, there's a hack. I think it was on TikTok, a hack on how to touch your toes. And I'm like, can everyone not do that? I can just fucking...

I can put my palms flat on the floor. Is he doing it? Oh. So you can. Yeah. Like, it's not hard. I didn't realise no one could do that. No, I can't.

I won't even try. Nah. It's all about Pilates. How, I can't. I won't even try. Nah. It's all about Pilates. How close can you get to your toes? Probably halfway. Yeah, I reckon about the same. Go on. No, I'm not giving you that.

Oh, he's sat down now. He's comfy. I'm down. Now, also, if I bend my head too far down, I will die. Oh. The brain thing, because the brain's falling out. I won't die. Oh, bullshit.

You can't just use that excuse when it's convenient. My brain illness. I think I can. Yeah, you're right. I can. Yeah, I think you could. I use that excuse when it's convenient. My brain illness. I think I can. Yeah, you're right. I can. Yeah, I think you could. I use Crohn's when it's convenient. When's it convenient?

If I don't want to eat something. Like, sorry, I'll flare up. I'll flare up. My bowel will hate me tomorrow. How bullshit is this, by the way? What, Crohn's? No, well, yeah. But Crohn's has always been my thing yeah you know and then the other day

on mother's day of all days mum calls me and goes your brother's been rushed to hospital i think i was telling you this on instagram yeah um he's having emergency emergency surgery to have part of his bowel removed they think he's got crone's disease too so not only has he swooped on my territory and come for my Crohn's disease, which is my thing, but he's gotten it far worse than me because I never had to have my bowel removed or part of it. And he got it, apparently it flared up from a football injury. What an attention seeker.

I got it from a prawn vindaloo. That's not masculine. And he repaved your mum and dad's bathroom, so he was a favourite. Yeah. He swoops in on my Crohn's disease and does it better than me. Bitch. I had someone message me. He's got my brain condition.

He went, hi, heard you on the radio. You're an inspiration to all of us. PS, I'm bedridden. Oh, dear. Oh, God. All right. Very nice of you, though. If you're out there with Chiari malformation, hit me up.

I'm becoming their leader. Yeah, I love that Mitch was trying not to. He had the minty balls in his mouth, so he put them in his cheeks while he was talking. He looked like a fucking chipmunk with acorns. We decided, the ranking of us three, if we were the Alvin and the chipmunks, you'd be Alvin. Oh, yeah. Someone said this in the Facebook group. Why?

I don't know. Slender. And you're the male. I'm chubby. I'm the male. So who does that make you? Theodore. The cutest one. Theodore's so male. So who does that make you? Theodore. The cutest one.

Theodore's so cute, he's very insecure. Oh, wow, yeah, that is you. Perfect fit. Stop it. And Jenna, what is it? Simon. What? It's a girl.

I thought she was just saying a completely random show. I'm Tinkerbell. No, you don't get it. It's Simon. I'm Tinkerbell. No, you don't get it. It's Simon. I'm Jimmy Neutron. I'm Kim Possible. No, Jenna, that's not it. I'm Ren from Red and Stimpy.

Can I just say, I'm walking away from this year's Pig Week feeling a lot less revolting. We've had a balanced Pig Week. It is Simon. I've had some grapes. I've had some chicken. I've had some choccy. That's a good balance, actually. How was your chicken?

I gave you the good breast meat. Yeah, I'm still going on it. You know what I like? Wasn't a sentence. The brown meat underneath the legs. I love, because it's moist. It's not dry. Sometimes the breast meat is just, like, eating chalk.

Yeah. It's a bit sort of, like, I don't know, weird and crunchy and gooey, though. Yeah, the Lilydale chickens are better, like, in the green bag at Coles. But if you get the Coles chickens, they're a bit sort of like, I don't know, weird and crunchy and gooey though. Yeah, the Lillydale chickens are better, like in the green bag at Coles. But if you get the Coles chickens, they're a bit... Isn't that what you got? Yeah, they didn't have any Lillydale. They had pork knuckles. Yeah, right.

And Coles chicken breasts. And then Mitch's egg and bacon takeaway sandwich. Yeah, which I'm enjoying. Thank you. That's fine. My pleasure. All right, let's go, guys. If you want to get in touch.

Also, we have an ask. Leave a review, please. That'd be really nice. Yeah, you can leave a five-star rating on Spotify as of now, or you can actually write some kind words if you're using Apple Podcasts. We just gave you over an hour of free bullshit, so please go. That's literally it. It'll take 30 seconds to write something nice, and it boosts us in the algorithm.

Then we might be in the Daily Paper. Who knows? What would you describe our condition on Facebook Marketplace? Used. Hardly. I think hardly. Some scuffs, but not that noticeable. BNIB.

What's that? Brand new inbox. I know all the lingo. Oh. Oh, I know. What's that? I thought it was. Or nearest offer.

Yeah, I thought it was. Oh, no. Smeg frother. Oh, no. What happened to it? God. Or nearest offer. Why are you so obsessed with Facebook Marketplace? Because I love a deal. Smeg Frother Oh no What happened to it God Or near a stuff far Why are you so obsessed

With the Facebook marketplace Because I love a deal And I love to haggle Yeah why Man Because I'm so non-confrontational In real life So on Facebook I can do it

They're like $14 for this framed photo I'm like it's worth $4 You've gotten better At being assertive though I have I'm getting there I'm getting there

When your net worth H two million, it changes. It changes. It changes. It changes. So it's changed. Well and truly changed. I thought it was more than two million. Well and truly changed.

That's what I mean. About ten years ago it changed. Anyway. We're playing Secret Sound, Sam. What do you think this is? Oh, is it? Oh, no, I know what that is. It's one of the llamas from the Easter show getting slaughtered.

Oh, my God. No, it's Mitch Cherry trying to be discreet. Imagine if you made that noise in the bedroom. It's not far off. Oh, God. Imagine if that's what you made whenever you climax. God. Hayden would just make sure he never got you there.

That's sad. What? Just that mental image. Yeah. Of you making that noise whenever you spoof. I think I'm silent. Oh, no, not sometimes. Oh, that's no fun.

You can't be totally silent. No, sometimes I'm not. What do you think my sex noise would be? I think it'd just be criticism. Like what? I don't know. No. Softer. Like what? I don't know. No. Softer.

Softer? Harder. No, I don't want to imitate your sex noise. All right, you don't have to. I thought you were a yes man, but that's fine. I'm not an ad to debrief. This is a safe space. Okay.

What do you two think I would sound like? Yeah, that'd be it Yeah You'd finish, you'd go, yeah I thought you weren't playing I just thought of one It'd be a bit more breathy Yeah

Yeah, because you're done yet Yeah No, I don't mean like when I'm done It's like during, you know Oh, during Oh, I thought you were thinking about Climax exclusively Number two Oh, I thought you were talking about Climax exclusively. Number two.

You would not want to hear that in the bedroom. No. That's what got you. You're having all that trouble. That's all the sand. A chamber needs to be empty. I know, Jenna. Let's get Jenna in the mood. What would Jenna sound like?

Jenna, what would you sound like? Contiki, that's all. What happens when Contiki says it? Oh, you know. Papers and walls in our accommodation. I don't know what she sounds like. Yeah, you're in Japan with those rice paper walls. You can see the outlines of it all too.

I love how we explicitly always call it the European trip. I'm trying to get people to believe it was Japan. Yeah, they were in Tokyo and rice paper walls. Tokyo, famously, not Europe. All right, let's go, everyone. Let's all take a little baggie of Chucky. Yeah, your gift bags. Happy Pig Week, everyone.

Happy Pig Week. And the diet starts tomorrow. All Alright, take us out with our prayer. Should we hold hands again? No. We hope this podcast made you feel at least 2% better today. That's all, just 2%. So we do. See you, piggies. See you, piglets. Oink, oink. Take it out on the Pig Week music,

everyone. Oh, cool. Meh, meh. Meh, meh. Such good music. Alright, see you next week guys we love you is it just me a podcast by a couple of meaches make sure you've hit follow on your podcast app