Is It Just Me? - #109: Caffeine In Apples

Episode Date: June 13, 2022

In this episode:Mitchell’s mortifying encounter with the Stranger Things cast (05:09)Friends cancelling plans (10:43)The worst thing about the Macca’s drive-thru (14:28)Churi’s history lesson (22:48)Jenna’s Junk (35:11)Our “Secret Segment” ADDebrief (47:02)Follow us @coupleofmitchesSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

People do some weird shit. Would you like to try a vape? Why would you take up something that is going to be addictive and expensive? I think for people... I'll tell you why. Yeah. Because you're young and stupid. Some things make more sense than others.

You mentioned that your goal was to be healthy and I just don't know how you figure that's going to happen when you're ordering a chocolate mousse. No. You know, I had it in the car on the way home and I didn't have a spoon. So I was like an armadillo trying to get ants out of a hole. Brace yourself for the rude shocks of young adulthood. Being fingered is an awful sensation.

You haven't been fingered by the right person. Goodness me. This is Is It Just Me? Hosted by a couple of bitches. Hi, it's Jenna. Please don't forget to include my name in the opener this season. I'm sorry. Ta-da!

Now, here's Mitch Chooley and Mitchell Coombs. Oh, hello, Mitchell. Welcome back. Hello, hello. Welcome back, everyone. I've got to say, I've noticed that sometimes you say hello to me. Like, you say, hi, Mitchell Coombs. And I wonder, do people think that that's actually the first time we acknowledge each other?

We walk in the room in total utter silence and then we hit record and then we go, oh, hello, Mitchell. We don't greet each other. We don't talk. Mitch and I are at the coffee shop next to each other and I pretended I didn't know him. We just stood there without acknowledging each other. He's like, oh, good morning. I'm like, save it for the pod. Oh, my God.

You know what we should do, Mitch? We should do a role play show one week. You know how marriages, like really long marriages, try to keep their relationship fresh? They're like, let's role play. You pretend you're my boss and I'm a naughty employee. And, you know, that will keep the romance alive. Let's do a podcast as if, like, it was our first show or we'd never met or the network were putting us together. iHeartRadio were doing a chemistry test.

Oh, like we pretend that we're total acquaintances. Yeah, yeah. It's the first time we're meeting. Role play pod. We'd have to be really, really, really polite. Do you think we'd flirt? Yuck! I couldn't possibly bring myself to do such a thing.

I don't know. You're a bit flirty in general. You're charismatic. I am flirty. I started flirting today with one of the tradies because his concrete truck blocked my driveway. And I was like, how long do you think you'll be? And he was like, oh, about five minutes. Is that all right? I'm like, only if you let me write my initials in that wet concrete.

And he went, oh, yeah, I bet you'll put your balls in it. I went, I think I will, yeah. And I think you'll find mine are bigger than yours. And we laughed and I got in the car and I thought, what the fuck just happened? You're like, that concrete might take a while to dry, but I'm pretty sure I'd be able to get you hard real quick. Oh! You know the only thing wetter than that concrete? My anus hole right now. Okay, sorry, I don't know.

Sorry, what would cause the anus to be wet? Oh, yeah. Poor Jenna, our prize keeper, is he gagging at the microphone? Our third wheel, darling. She's used to our bullshit by now. I am. But you don't want a dry butthole because then it gets fissures and stuff and cuts. No, but aren't they dry by default?

Yeah. Mine's not dry. Like, it's not like, you know, 6 a.m. grass. That's what my butthole's like. Dewy. Dewy. Yeah. I don't know if that's a good thing.

I don't think that's a good thing. Anyway, Jenna, how's your butthole? It's dry. Is it? Yeah. What did you do for your birthday, Jenna? I went to see Moulin Rouge. Is it good?

It was very good. I had so many friends go. I really want to go, Mitch. I'd love to see that. Yeah. Oh, my God. Should we go? Let's do it because I really wanted to go.

They had their opening night the other night, but I couldn't go because I'd already said yes to a Str things event which by the way that's what my idiom is about that stranger things event oh my god i'm still mortified by something that happened oh really because i am currently i just finished the finale last night no spoilers i'm so hooked and i was invited to moulin rouge to strange moulin rouge moulin rouge and the stranger things and i didn't go to either of them. So I want to know about it. So it wasn't good or it was? Oh, just one particular thing has scarred me from that event.

But also, can we just talk about the fact that your Yes Man era is officially over? I knew it wouldn't last. You said no to two event invites. Oh, Hayden had another anaphylactic attack. Poor thing. He's allergic to COVID. Out of the blue, he just had another one on the end of last week. So we had a wholesome boyfriend weekend and we went

to cafes and we went to the zoo just to make sure he was feeling okay. You know what I've noticed about you? You love a matinee. Like you'll do things during the day, but at night, nah, he'll hibernate. Yes! Oh my god, I'm a matinee boy! Okay, we're going to see a matinee of Moulin Rouge!

The musical. It's happening. I'd love to go. Mitch, I'd love toinee of Moulin Rouge! the musical. It's happening. I'd love to go. Mitch, I'd love to go to Moulin Rouge! with you and we'll put it on the kiddio. Jenna, you can come, of course, but you'll have to pay your own way. I've been to a few musicals recently and I just love, like, it's always the same people in the crowd. It's always a mix of predominantly old women and maybe their begrudging husbands that they've

dragged along and then just a bunch of gays. Gay men. And Jenna, apparently. Yeah, and meays. Gay men. And Jenna, apparently. Yeah, and me. And me too. And Jenna. Yep. Yep.

And the cat mums. Yeah. All the cat mums of the world. The cat mums. All right, now, if it is your first time listening, let's jump in. We start with two Is It Just Me? Something we've noticed, something we hate or appreciate. We call them our idjams.

We have guest idjams coming up. We have a listener idjam later on in the show. But I think, Mitch, do you want to start? Let's get that Stranger Things thing off your chest. Oh, yeah, sure. I'm happy to dive right in. Let's go.

Is it just me or? A meet and greets. Just a terrible concept. I've never done one, but they always look so awkward to me, especially in the COVID era when everyone's like three metres from each other.

And some of them, they have a wall between them like a perspex wall plexiglass yeah sometimes they're just so like forced and controlled and like really rigid and it's difficult to walk away from any meet and greet scenario without thinking jesus that was awkward but oh my god oh the worst thing happened to me at the Stranger Things event on the weekend. So what was the event? Because it was at Luna Park and it was for fans as well. I don't really know what it was. What was the vibe?

Yeah. So it was like a Netflix event. There was a bunch of the cast in town. They were doing like a Q&A on stage, that sort of vibe. There was a bunch of, you know, pop-up bits from the set, photo opportunities, all that jazz. It was fun. It was fun. But my darling manager, David, said to me before,

babe, I've got you meet and greet VIP access backstage. And I was like, oh, cool. Are you sure? Like, I feel like a bit of an imposter because I enjoy the show, but there's so many diehard fans here that I feel like, I don't know, it would just mean the world to them to meet these cast members because the fucking Stranger Things fan base, by the way, oh my God, they are crazy passionate. Like they were so into it.

I didn't know that, to be honest. I didn't either. But are they all kids? Because the last thing you'd want is a group of adults being like, I love you, Gaten. Yeah, I know. It's like that 12-year-old boy. Sadie, marry me. Yeah, that's not allowed.

I know. No, look, to be honest, I probably was one of the oldest people there. So there were a lot of younger people there. And so anyway, I said to David, look, are you sure? I can give up my spot in the meet and greet for someone who is more deserving because I'm a little bit like, I'm not fast because it just feels like it'll be awkward. And you just started the show. You just started season one a couple of weeks ago. Yeah, exactly. And some of the cast members that were there, there was Gayden Matarazzo. Is that how you say it? He plays Dustin.

Dustin. Yep. Yep. Yep. And then there's Sadiearazzo, is that how you say it? He plays Dustin. Dustin, yep, yep. Yep, and then there's Sadie Sink who plays Max and Priya Ferguson who plays Erica. Good cast, good line-up. That's good. Very good. Yeah, and so anyway, I ended up doing this meet and greet thing and it was so bad.

It was so bad. What do you mean? What happened? Well, I was in line. It was then my turn to go backstage and meet the three cast. I walk backstage and I walk up to them and I say, hi, trying to be really, you know, charismatic and bubbly. And all three of them in unison just go, and like step back from me. Like they looked frightened and I was like, what did I do?

What did I do? Like they looked frightened and I was like, what did I do? What did I do? And then without saying a word, they just pointed to this little sticky tape dot on the ground. And I was like, oh, is that where I stand? Is it? They were like, yeah. And that sticky tape dot was so far away from them.

Which by the way, a heads up would have been nice. One of the backstage people taking me back there should have told me that was the rule. I felt so stupid. So those three were huddled together. But because I was obviously some sort of germ ridden risk to them, they were like, no, everyone, you stand over there. And then they were like rushing me as well. Oh, no. So you had your little spot marked out. And I'm standing a really awkward distance away from them.

And then the person taking the photo was like, okay, ready? Three, two, one. And I'm thinking, okay, how do I stand by myself in a way that doesn't look awkward? And I just walked away. They gave me a Polaroid copy of the photo. And I said to my friends who I met up with afterwards, I was like, I've got the photo and I have not looked at it yet. I don't know if I can.

I'll show you guys. Can you tell me if it's as bad as I think it will be? And they had a look and they all just cracked up laughing in my face. Yeah, because I didn't see Mitch. You posted stuff at the event in a lovely red blazer, mind you. Thank you. But I didn't see a photo of you with a car, so it must be that bad. Yeah, there's no way that photo will ever see the light of day.

So can you show us? I want to see this photo. Yeah, I really want to see it. All right, I'll show you guys. You ready? Yeah. Oh. Oh.

Oh, no. Oh. Oh. Hi, Mitchell. Mitchell, your toe is over the dot. I know. I know. What?

And the thing is, the pose I was trying to do was like a thumbs up, just being like, yeah, hey. But they got the photo. They took the photo like a split second pose I was trying to do was like a thumbs up, just being like, yeah, hey. But they got the photo. They took the photo like a split second before I was in position and so my thumb isn't even there. Look at my eyes. It looks like I'm rolling my eyes. Oh, shit.

You look possessed. I do. You look like the dinner gorgon. And I was like, I don't know how I got in this situation. I tried to get out of it and it just went worse than I could have imagined. Mitchell, that's horrific. You can't post that. That's not good.

I will never. I will never. Should I put it in our Facebook group so that people listening can at least have some context as to what we're talking about? Oh, God, yeah. The idiots will get a kick out of that. Absolutely. You know, in the new season, it's episode one, but when they get contorted and they

get possessed by Vecna, it looks like Mitch has heard a grandfather clock and he's seconds away from splitting his ankles backwards. That's horrific, Mitch. But you know what? The best part was after they took the photo and I thought, I'm going to get the fuck out of here. Like, that was just mortifying. I'm going to get out of here quick as I can.

Sadie, the chick who plays Max, she says to me, I like your boots. And I was like, oh, thanks, babe. So that's the only interaction we had. That's so sweet. That's cute, though. But what you didn't hear is she actually said, I like your boots when they're behind the fucking dot.

You couldn't hear it because of the music. Because of the music. Yeah. All right. Great, Edgy. Should I do mine? I'm ready to go. I'm impassioned about mine.

I want to forget about everything that happened at that event. So move on. Okay. Hit it, Bradley. Is it just me, or... Do we need more people in the world who will happily let you cancel plans? Oh, here we go. Oh, I am so over the guilt.

I am so over the high horse. Sorry I couldn't come to your stupid boyfriend's luncheon. The third one, mind you. He's only 27. Get a grip. The third one, mind you. He's only 27. Get a grip. The hate messages. The ignore. The left on scene.

The you're no longer invited to events. Get a grip. What's happened to spark this outrage? Because, like, I know for a fact that I don't bother getting mad at you anymore. I'm just like, whatever. That's him. He's unreliable. So what's happened?

You used to. But there's nothing nice. Actually, a nice thing happened to me. A friend invited me to go get dinner and I wasn't feeling it, the whole Hayden thing. I said, sorry, I'm not coming. They went so fine. Because it wasn't a matinee. No, it's true. It was a dinner. It was at night. The sun had set.

So I said, I can't go. And then she said, that is so fine. I want to watch the new Star Wars. I'm all good. Love you. Hope Hayden's okay. Oh, and just the relief that I felt, the lack of judgment, the no pressure. That is what a true friend. And that is how you weed out the shit friends from the good friends. The ones that don't, if any of you ever cancelled, Jenna, I don't think you've ever come to a party that I've thrown.

Have I ever guilted you? Never. No, and Jenna and I are the best of friends. No need to guilt her because I am sound and happy within my own personal body. Yeah, I think it's fine if friends cancel on each other from time to time. What becomes the problem is if you're a repeat offender. So I think that's why perhaps someone like you might at some stage get struck from the invite list altogether because it's like, oh, well, he clearly doesn't want to spend time with us. Why bother reaching out? Because some people don't deal well with rejection.

Yes. So if you get rejected too many times, you're just going to stop reaching out to the person. It's like, okay, I try. Well, I think it just, it says more about the other person, about their insecurities because I couldn't care less. If someone cancelled on 19 out of 20 dinners with me or events, I still wouldn't care. It doesn't bother me. It really doesn't.

Sorry. And I just. Sorry. That is so not true. It Sorry. That is so not true. It is true. That is so not true. It is true. How?

If someone else cancelled on you, you'd be ranting to me, it's the fucking fifth time they've cancelled. Like, you're only human as well. You're as insecure as they come. I reckon if someone kept cancelling on you repeatedly, you would get a little bit miffed after a while. Oh, God, yeah. To you and to my other friends behind their back,

but to their face, no worries. Oh, I hope the cold sore clears up. Oh, God, yeah. To you and to my other friends behind their back, but to their face, no worries. Oh, I hope the cold sore clears up. Oh, enjoy Obi-Wan. Darth Vader returns. It's meant to be great. That's because you're a people pleaser. Yes. You don't want anyone to know that you're unhappy. Oh, God, yes. No, you're very right. Oh, yeah, Jenna, when you say no to coming to the dinners, oh, the bitching

that happens behind the scenes. No, I expect it. Yeah, yes. And then you know that I would never say it to your face. Of course, but I know you're saying it. That's the basis of a good friendship. No, I expect it. Yeah, yes. And then you know that I would never say it to your face. Of course, but I know you're saying it. That's the basis of a good friendship. Oi, Jenna, you know how Mitch had that thing at his place recently? What was the reason you couldn't come again? You went to something.

Oh, the Belvoir play. Oh, that's right. Wayside Bride. You're like, I'm sorry, I can't make it. I'm at Belvoir. Mitch says to us, has she flown to fucking Paris? What does that mean? What about the other one, Mitch?

You had something and she went, oh, I can't. I've contracted an illness from sushi train. Remember when she had an illness from sushi? Oh, no, no. That was very bad. Oh, was it? Don't bring that up. But like I said, Jenna, I don't judge you for it.

I don't mind. And you know what? The more elaborate the story, the more entertained I am. So bring them on. Keep them coming. I'm going to say it. I don't judge people who say no. But, yeah, like I said, eventually you just stop feeling like you need to reach out.

Because also in this particular scenario, Jenna doesn't come to anything I invite her to. But also she never tries to make plans with me either. And I'm like, okay, that's cool. She just doesn't want to see me outside of work. That's fine. That's all she wants this to be. I don't make plans with anybody. work. That's fine. That's all she wants this to be.

I don't make plans with anybody. Got something on your mind? Hit up at coupleofmitches on Instagram to get yourself on the show. Yes, time for an Is It Just You? Something you've noticed, something you hate, or something you appreciate. Send us a voice note like Luke Star.

By the way, does anyone ever come through with something they appreciate? I don't think they do. Yeah, and very rarely do we appreciate things on this show. Maybe we should make a pact. Next week we'll do things we appreciate. We'll stop being bloody negative ranting bitches. That's cute. That's beautiful, Mitch.

I could do that. I could definitely take some time to think about something I appreciate, but I'm sure I could do it. All right, this is Luke. Luke sent this in on a couple of Mitch's on Insta. It's his. Is it just you? Hey, guys.

Is it just me or do you get really pissed off when you're going through a Macca's drive-thru and someone tells you to push forward into the abandoned parking lot? Like, I don't care if you're sprinting out my fucking hash brown. I'm not going to wait. Okay. Yep. That wasn't something he appreciated once again. No. No.

He didn't get the note. I agree with him, but I will wait. I'm a rule follower. If they tell me to wait, I'm pulling into that parking bay and I'm waiting for my hashy B. Yeah. What does he mean when he says abandoned parking lot? It's usually chockers for starters, the parking lot, but isn't there like waiting bays designated?

Yeah. The one that I'm near, because I'm like in the city, in Sydney, the waiting bay in my local Maccas is real tight because it's like in the middle of the CBD. So there's like a one little corner spot. So sometimes they go park in the waiting bay, but there's already a Hilux there. And you go, well, I can't go anywhere. So you kind of like park, then you've got a traffic jam. The whole waiting bay scenario, is it just me or do we need to rethink the waiting bay?

Yeah, I just feel like the whole waiting bay thing is fine. I don't usually mind, but sometimes it drags on too long that I think they've genuinely forgotten about my order. And sometimes I do have to actually get out of the car and be like, hey, where are we at with this? And because they actually, the reason they put you in the waiting bay is so that they can tick off the order is done so that it doesn't affect their drive-through times. Because you know how all the Maccas are competing with each other. They're like, oh, EMU planes is ahead of Penrith. Yeah, you taught me that. I didn't know that.

Yeah, it's a competition. Let me tell you, the pressure is on in drive-thru. So what happens in there? Give us a point of view. There's a little screen that says grey Hyundai is not at the front or has been here X amount of time. Yeah, that's exactly what it is, the order. There's a little timer next to it and it'll be in the green, which means, yeah, no, that's a X amount of time. Yeah, that's exactly what it is. The order, there's a little timer next to it and it'll be in the green,

which means, yeah, no, that's a good amount of time. And then it'll go orange and that means quick six, they've been in the drive-through too long. And then it'll go red, which is like, this is affecting your score so poorly. Get them out. And so it's usually when someone like you comes through and orders like a wrap and they're like, oh, shit, we haven't made a wrap in months.

We have to figure out how to do this again. And then they have to figure it out. So they're like, oh, let's just park him. And in months. We have to figure out how to do this again. And then they have to figure it out. So they're like, oh, let's just park him. And so they tick off the order as done so that it doesn't affect their time. And then sometimes if it's rush hour or whatever, they will literally forget because they'll tick it off out of sight, out of mind. They'll forget. And you go in there and be like, oi, where's me food?

And they're like, oh shit. Yeah. I went through Macca's because I'm so used to either doing it at the end of my shift, which is like 10, 11 o'clock or in the morning when I'm doing breakfast. So there's never any queues. And I went the other day at like 6 p.m. and there was a major line. I'm like, this is fucked. Oh, it's dinner.

People are actually trying to get a meal. So it checks out. Yeah, that's rush hour. But nothing worse at the parking bay when you're there and there's a car behind you and they pulled in after you. But they come and bring the food out and you're looking at the size of the bag and the weight to be like, is that my double cheeseburger and McRab? And they give it to the car behind you first. Oh. Pisses me off.

I always think, but what if that's mine? What if I got it wrong? I always worried when they introduced, you know how there's more than one drive-thru lane now? There's two. Yeah. I'm like, what if someone pulls in front of me and the cars are out of order and I get the wrong shit?

And that's why they would read your entire order to you when you got to the window to pay. They'd be like, just confirming you, the Big Mac, double, quarter pounder, large fries, blah, blah, blah. And they would just recite it like a town crier. Yeah. And I'd be like, no, not me. That's the guy in front of me.

He fucking pushed in. But I've noticed they've streamlined it now. If you pull up to the window, they just go, just confirming your order is the one on the screen. Oh. Easier, easier. Yeah, that avoids confusion. They're always trying to think about how to make it quicker,

which makes it very impersonal. It's like me and my meet and greets. They're like, quick, move on, Nick. I'm trying to forge a connection with my local staff member. I actually did get in trouble for that when I worked at Macca's. I'd always be a little bit too chatty, which doesn't sound like me, does it? No, that's shocking. I'd be like, how's your day?

And then I'd ask follow-up questions and the manager's in my ear like, shut up, move on. Oh, my God. Can I hear your conversations through that fucking old gaming controller headset? Not all of them, but you can also have the internal intercom so I can buzz through to them and that doesn't go through the speaker. Wow. But they can't hear everything, thank God.

I take that bloody headset to go piss sometimes. Oh, my God. I talk about it like I still work there. Yeah, I know. And you remember it so vividly. One time I actually did take a drive-through order from the toilet because I wasn't done and someone pulled up and I was like, hi, what can I get for you today?

They said medium Big Mac meal. I said, yep, Coke for the drink. And they said yes. And because I'd done that exact order so many times, I remembered it. I was like, 8.45, please drive through. Oh, that's impressive. I just did it from the toilet.

My God. Yeah. Anyway, all right, thank you for sending that in. If you like, 8.45, please drive through. Oh, that's impressive. I just did it from the toy. My God. Yeah. Anyway, all right. Thank you for sending that in. If you want to get in touch, hit us up on a couple of minutes. Just send us a voice message. But thank you, Luke. I got really sidetracked.

What actually was Luke's point? Oh, it just pisses him off. Yeah, he's annoyed. He doesn't want to go to the waiting bay. He wants to wait at the window. Fair enough. I think we all feel that way, Luke. But just don't be a Karen and refuse to park.

Have you seen those videos where they're like, nope, I'm not parking? Oh, how depressing. Oh, my God. All the people that get out of the window when there's an item not in stock. It's like, these people are 17. They're trying to pay off their TAFE degree. Give them a fucking break. I had someone throw a whole bag of McChickens at me and a whole tray of four large Cokes.

Oh, my God. whole bag of McChickens at me and a whole tray of four large Cokes. Oh, my God. The only memory I have from Coles is the returns that people would try to get away with. At Christmas time, I vividly remember a woman bringing a full leg of ham and she'd carved it and it was just the bone. And she said, yeah, hi, mate. Too salty. Oh, it was awful.

Oh, my God. You can't return a Christmas ham. Yeah. And it was like Boxing Day. And I go, you've eaten it. She went, yeah, but it was too salty. Like I said God. You can't return a Christmas ham. Yeah. And it was like Boxing Day. And I go, you've eaten it. She went, yeah, but it was too salty. Like I said, did you hear me? How much of it was missing?

The whole ham. The whole ham. There was knuckle and fucking fibula. There was nothing else. And I said, oh, okay, well. And because it was a Coles ham, you're smart. If you're not 100% satisfied, you do get a refund. And the thing that gets me, it pisses me off.

I go to the manager and I'm like 17, trying to be, you know, a really good worker. I go, we're not giving you the refund. She's clearly eaten it. And they go, just give it to her. It's the guarantee. It's not worth fighting. So they end up getting their refund. And these people wrought the system.

Oh, she knew. And a ham's 40 bucks. Anyway. Is it really worth the kerfuffle for 40 bucks? I'd say yes. I'd say. But also it's the win like you know i'm very vindictive i want to i want her to i want to say to her no you can't because you've eaten it you

fat bitch you're not gonna go take your leg and walk away and i'm gonna deduct the flyby points you know that's what i want to do but can you do that deduct flyby points if someone returns something we actually should be removing the flyby points because people could just then get free flyby points because they're just returning everything. But you can redact. You also, if you forget your flybys card, you've got like 14 days to bring your receipt back. So people would go through bills and be like, oh, I haven't claimed these flybys points

and then add them all on. Seriously? Yeah. Some people take flybys so seriously, don't they? I actually don't really know what it is. Is it just me on the fly? What are they? What can I do with the points? I've probably got so many points. I just don't

know what they actually can be used for. Okay. I've currently got on my flybys card. Ready? Let's have a look. It's loading. $49 in actual real world money that I can just use in my grocery shop. That doesn't seem like a lot. How long have you been building up those points? Probably a year. Oh, what a waste of fucking time. $49. It's not too bad. No, but for a free scan that you just do at every checkout and you get $50. Oh, I've only got $10. That's bullshit.

I feel like I've been accumulating these points for years and never used them. Do they expire? No, I don't think so, no. Oh. Although when people would ask me questions I didn't know the answer to at the checkout, I'd just make it up. Oh, my God. The worst thing was when I was new to my supermarket job and people would come me questions I didn't know the answer to at the checkout, I'd just make it up. Oh, my God. The worst thing was when I was new to my supermarket job and people would come up to me and say,

hi, mate, what aisle do I find the baby wipes in? And I'm like, fucked if I know. I would walk with them and help them find it because I'm like, I don't know. I couldn't memorize it. Where can I find the pods? Discontinued, mate. Sorry. Some kid choked on one in the cinema and they're not making them anymore.

Really? You bought them yesterday? Yeah, he choked on one in the cinema and they're not making them anymore. Really? You bought them yesterday? Yeah, he choked last night. It's been an immediate recall. What are we bloody doing on the podcast now, by the way? Because I've got no idea. I said to you yesterday, babes, I'm really fluey. I've got the aches and pains.

I'm feeling sick. I'm going to work from home. So can you plan something? Can you figure something out? So I don't even know what we're doing right now on the podcast. Oh, gotcha. Yeah, well, I brought some history music. So let me play that.

I like it. know what we're doing right now on the podcast. Oh, gotcha. Yeah, well, I brought some history music, so let me play that. I like it. Who's ready to learn? Welcome. After the success, Mitchell, last week of the history, the meaning behind words and common items, i.e. the Jacuzzi Brothers who invented the Jacuzzi or Theodore Omelette who, of course, invented the omelette. My DMs were flooded. We want more.

We need more. Scholastic reached out and said, we want to do a textbook with you. I said, give me time, give me time, give me time. So I thought we'd bring it back. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. So it's another history lesson. It's another history lesson. It's a cheery history lesson.

Get out the chalk. Jenna, can you dust off the chalkboard for me, please? Oh, okay. And get the students some milk. No, we've upgraded to a smartboard, I think you'll find. Yay, smartboard! Remember when everyone got smartboards? They were the best. And no one could be fucked using

them because they were riddled with issues. Anyway, that's a real niche reference. Alright, today we're learning, students, quiet! The history behind popular and commonly used phrases. I.e., let's do an example. Cat got your tongue, Mitch. You've said that many a times.

I don't think I have, but God, I wish I could remember because I'm not joking. I literally did this segment on Not My Cup of Tea once, my old podcast, back in the day, and it was a great segment, so hopefully you executed as well as I did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I will. Jenna's very excited.

She's just quivering in thought. Cat got your tongue. Fuck, if I wasn't ill and didn't have a headache, I will. Jenna's very excited. She's just quivering at the thought. Cat got your tongue. Fuck, if I wasn't ill and I didn't have a headache, I'd be able to think about it. But no, I can't remember. Well, cat got your tongue is obviously said to someone who remains silent.

When someone asks you a question, they don't say anything. It's, oh, cat got your tongue. Well, there are two stories on how this saying came into being. I'll tell both. The first one says that it could have come from a whip called cat-a-nine-tailstails Which was used by the English Navy They used to flog victims speechless So they go, well the cat has your tongue

Because the cat-o'-nine-tails had your tongue Now the second one That's terrible I know, very aggressive Second one is from ancient Egypt Where liars' tongues were cut out as punishment and fed to the cats What? That's the one I remember

Cat got your tongue And Jenna, if you don't smarten up What's your cat's name? Tabitha? Connie. Connie. Rebo. Your cat is going to have tongue soup.

Okay, what about bury the hatchet? I know what it means. Bury the hatchet is when you've got beef with someone and then you resolve it. And then let's just agree to bury the hatchet, put it in the past and move on. Well, the history behind that, pump the the history music is during negotiations between puritans and the native americans men would bury all of their weapons making them inaccessible it's like a truce it's like a peace sign is that what a hatchet is a weapon yeah a hatchet's an axe oh all right what about our blood is thicker than water we've all said that we've said that around

here you know we're all friends but hey blood is thicker than water we're family whenever we have a guest on and we go you know what we like them carla from bankstown but blood yep engine blood yep thicker than water no no i don't think that's what it means what does it mean doesn't it mean that family should come first because if you're related by blood then that should be more important is that what it means yes yes but i was insinuating that we're family you actually exercise the blood thicker than water notion every day of your bloody life because you're always at some sort of family function.

You put them first, whereas I barely see mine. Well, I will just say that the origin on this website says, although many people think that it means we should put family ahead of friends, it actually means the complete opposite. The phrase was actually, the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb and referred to warriors who shed the blood they shed in battles together.

These blood brothers were said to have stronger bonds than biological brothers. So maybe I am right. Oh. Interesting. Well, that's nice. I quite like that, actually. Although Jessica Nicole, this is a live website and there's public comments and Jessica Nicole says on Facebook, this is actually wrong.

So it's really, I'm glad she butted in three years ago. It got 15 upvotes. So, you know. All right, barking up the wrong tree. Does that mean that you're wasting your time because you're not going to get any communication here? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not going to achieve anything opening your fat mouth at this tree.

Yes. Pursuing a mistaken or misguided line of thought, apparently. The phrase refers to hunting dogs who chase their prey up a tree. Once it climbed the tree, the dogs would just bark at them. Sometimes the dogs would continue barking, even if the prey was no longer there. They're barking up the wrong tree. I'm loving this. This is really interesting.

Is anyone else writing these down? Because these are good. History was my least favourite subject in school, and so this has given me flashbacks because I'm already sick and I'm like, I'm struggling to focus. Have you got any really good ones? Yeah, yeah. Oh, God, yeah, yeah.

Well, I started with some weak ones, of course. What about honeymoon? Oh, we've all... Seriously, what the fuck is a honeymoon? Actually, no, I'm intrigued. What the fuck does that even mean? I've never questioned it. Thank you.

A honeymoon is when a couple, the holiday after they get married. Now, according to tradition, a newlywed couple would have to drink a beverage with honey for an entire month for fertility and good luck under a full moon oh well we don't have to worry about skull and honey because like fertility is just never going to happen no not for us no there's no fertileness happening um and i was what about oh, break a leg. Oh, okay. So I heard the other day that the meaning behind break a leg, obviously that's what you say is like a good luck before, you know, someone's going to an audition or something.

And I heard, I don't know if this is true, but I heard that break a leg means you want them to get cast. And when you've got a broken leg, you put the leg in a cast. And so if you're saying to someone in an acting context, break a leg, it means you want them to get cast. And when you've got a broken leg, you put the leg in a cast. And so if you're saying to someone in an acting context, break a leg, it means you want them to get cast. Is that true? Well, no. Apparently popular folklore in Germany means they encouraged people

to wish others bad luck since it was believed that wishing someone good luck would tempt evil spirits. So, yeah, they started saying break a leg is a bit of irony. I prefer yours, Mitch. I like the cast version. It makes sense. What about riding shotgun? We've all said it. I'm going to ride shotgun in the front of irony. I prefer yours, Mitch. I like the past version. It makes sense. What about riding shotgun? We've all said it.

I'm going to ride shotgun in the front of the seat, shotgun in the front, you know. Well, presumably if you're organising a drive-by shooting, the driver can't actually do the shooting of the shotgun himself. He can't handle the weapon and the vehicle. So if you're riding shotgun, it means that you're in charge of the actual shooting. Am I correct?

What do you think, Jenna? The exact same. You're responsible for the shooting of the actual shooting. Am I correct? What do you think, Jenna? The exact same. You're responsible for the shooting of the gun and the murder. No. The expression refers to the passenger of an old-fashioned stagecoach who sat next to the driver with a shotgun. Oh. Yeah.

You're actually right. Yeah. To protect attackers and robbers along the way. Oh, you're right. Yeah. I used to do it all the time back in the day. So you could hold the gun and you could shoot people. Yeah.

So they weren't just random shootings. It was protection purposes. That's right. Now, I've got, like I said, 67. So if I've got son of a gun, I've got best man, born with a silver spoon in your mouth, get one's goat, kill his heel. What's get one's goat? Get one's goat.

Have you not heard that? No, but they butcher it on Kath and Kim. They say, God, he's really getting up my goat. Yeah, no. Get one's goat means you're really annoying someone. During horse racing day, some horses would get so anxious. So owners would place goats in the stalls with them to calm them down. Wouldn't that make them worse?

Yeah, wouldn't that? I'd be pissed off if- So what are you saying? That like a horse trainer just notices that Bessie is a little bit stressed, so he goes, get my goat to calm her down? I might give Hayden a goat next to anaphylaxis attack. Just go, hey, babe, sit on this goat. No, I think it's an emotional support goat.

You don't sit on it. You just kind of let it, you know, you pat it and have it around you and shit. It says rival horse owners would sometimes steal these goats, therefore upsetting the horse and making it more likely to lose. But hold on, it doesn't explain why goats are calming to horses. I don't feel like goats would be calming. Just some little hairy bastard being like... And they're in a little stall as well.

Like a goat with a horse in a tiny stall. Yeah, look at this top comment from Ashley Fernandez. She says a lot of farmers still use goats while transporting animals long distance. They'll just chuck a goat in the horse trailer to keep them calm, like an emotional support animal for an animal. Oh, that's cute. Jenna, can you Google how the fuck are goats supposed to be calming? Because I don't find them calming at all.

That is the weirdest thing I've ever heard. Okay, it's here. Oh, my God, it's the top answer. It goes, it's not necessarily a goat, but the horse's friend. Horses are herd animals and need to have buddies around. But why goats? That's what I want to know. Well, I guess if you put another horse with it, they'd fuck each other.

Or they'd either fight each other. It could be any animal. You can be like, calm down, far lap. I've got a ladybug. But apparently both horses and goats are pretty intelligent animals. And the horses often bond with goats. I don't think. I hate that one, to be honest.

That is the one that I've been most interested in this whole time. Oh, shit. Okay. I'll read you a whole more, and you tell me. I'm getting bored here. Yeah. No. Hey, history isn't always entertaining.

And don't we know it. Pump that history music again. Thank you. Nice and loud. We are. Pump that history music again. Thank you. Nice and loud. We are going into the meaning behind famous cities in Europe. Are you dragging this out because you don't have anything else planned? No, no. Brussels, meaning broke, meaning marsh and zele, meaning settlement.

Cool. Amsterdam, originally named because it was built around a dam In the river of Amstel So Amstel Dam It's quite literal Jenna what's funny about that Are you just laughing because you're feeling what I'm feeling It's turned to shit this segment No no Rome

This is so dumb There we go Alright well here I try To bring some enlightenment to this show. Fuck the lot of you. No, I appreciate it. I appreciate it because I'm unwell. I've just tried to help Mitch.

So I tried to bring some stuff to the table to go, Mitch, you know what? You have a baraka. You have a lie down and I'll educate the people. I'm just not interested. I was, but I lost interest. I really hope that you're better prepared for next week's episode because you do realise we've finally come to episode 110. And do you remember what you promised for episode 110?

Yeah. It's the telephone. Yes. Talk back toings live. Yes. What's happening? Maybe. Can we just push it back a week maybe?

Because I'm going to the Logies next week and I don't want to be stressed. The last thing I want is when I finally come face-to-face with Paddy Newton for me to be absolutely beside myself because I'm trying to plan a telethon. So I promise the telethon, episode 111. Okay, so are we still calling it Talk Back Tings Live? I don't know. If anyone listening right now has no idea what we're talking about, I can't even remember.

We agreed to this ages ago where we were going to do the episode as if it's a talkback radio show. We were going to do it on Facebook Live so you can listen live and call in live. We're going to give out the studio number so people can ring in at any point during the hour. Yeah, it's a special. We're going to have idjams, but it's not going to be a bulk. There's not going to be content. There's not going to be any history unless you guys beg me for it, in which case I will do it. of there's not going to be content, there's not going to be any history unless you guys beg me for it, in which case I will do it.

Yeah, I'm actually hoping that people listen live on Facebook Live and then they ring in, like, during one of our idjams and go, no, I disagree with you there. Yes, well, that's the point. The point is in the opener to get calls. And if you call at any time, we can take live calls. But you have to be watching us. We're going to be live on Facebook in Enduring Idiots

and on Couple of Mitches, right? I don't know. You're planning this baby. True. I was just thinking out loud, to be honest. So are you still thinking we do it on a couple of Mitches, right? I don't know. You're planning this baby. What do you think? I'm just thinking out loud, to be honest. So are you still thinking we do it on a Saturday? Yeah. I say we do it like a Saturday, like a 5 p.m. start.

So would that be the 25th? Go for an hour and a half. Yeah. Yes. Saturday the 25th is Talk Back Tings Live, the IJM annual telephone. Annual. Fuck off. Okay.

So pop that in your diaries, idiot. Saturday 25th, Saturday afternoon, we'll be on Facebook Live and you can call into the show and interact. It'll be fun. Oh, my God. Wouldn't that be fun? That's exciting. Yeah.

If it actually happens. If it's anything like you being in charge of this week's episode, I hate to think. Call through with historical facts. I'll be there and I will be listening. Anyway, fucking hell. Well, that's all I brought. So, I mean, I've got nothing else.

Oh, that's all right. Jenna, did you bring anything to the table? No. Well, can I tell you where I feel that this history segment belongs? Where? Jenna's junk. Well said. Shit.

Maybe we should do a quick one of those just to end on. Great idea. Okay, roll. This is where all our worst ideas come back to bite us. Should we get into it? Yes, let's go. Let's do it. Let's take a peek at Jenna's Junk, shall we?

These are the itchings that don't make the cut. You know, we start the show with something we've noticed, something we hate or appreciate, and sometimes if we don't like one or we think, you know what, probably not good for the main show, it goes into Jenna's junk. So she's going to now dive in with those claw cat-like claws of yours and bring them out. And sometimes we listen back to our so-called terrible ideas when they come up in Jenna's junk and we think, actually, we should have backed that.

That was quite decent. Let's see if we get any decent ones today or if they're all shit. All right, dive in, Jenna. Oh, God, she's going in. Christ. I'm going. Sitting next to her. I normally sit very rude. Oh, God, she's going in. Christ. I'm going. Sitting next to her. I normally sit opposite you, Jenna, but I can see you in there.

Shut up. Is it just me or are DJs too loud? That was me. That was me. Oh, no, they're doing their job. I know, but I'm talking about, once again, going back to corporate events, when they're just meant to be kind of background music and the idea of the event is that you're able to mingle and talk.

If I have to scream at the top of my lungs, it gets really tedious. And having to say, what? What? For the third time just gets so much. And sometimes I've actually said, and this is so wanky, I've actually used it as an excuse to leave early. I'm like, sorry, I'm a podcaster, so I can't strain my vocals. I'm going to have to go. I can't raise my voice like this. No. I've got a very, ever since I had that

laryngitis, I've got a very temperamental throat, so I can't be yelling. Yeah. You know what? I agree. I think there's a time and a place for a DJ. Like, I love a DJ at a club or at a 21st or like a good 40th, like a big event birthday. But if I'm going to, like, a client thing, Mitch, and, you know, Donut King are doing the celebration of their new cinnamon donut range and they've got a fucking DJ playing the hits from – Shut up! Yeah, like, if you're there on the dance floor, right, DJ, crank that bitch up, I don't mind.

But if it's an event where there's, you know, Arancini balls going around on a plate and, like, you're trying to mingle and shit, nah, it needs to be a little bit more quiet. Anyway, I think – Okay, I'm bored. Diving back in. I'm bored. I'm in.

You don't need to profess that you're bored. You can just – Whatever. Okay, shut up. Is it just me or are you concerned for the welfare of all the sponsor children from the 2000s? That's me. Of course 2000s. That's me. Of course it is.

That's a me thing. Where did they all go? Where are they now? I feel like I don't want to touch this. No, no, no, no. I am fully for it. I feel like it was such a fad. You'd walk through Westfield and instead of getting a jizz shot of

moisturiser on your palm, you'd get a – what was the – it was orange. What was the company called? Like World Vision. World Vision would go, hey, here's Belinda in Uganda. Sponsor her. And they'd try to get you to sponsor these kids. Yeah, and the thing is they would have all the photos and you would choose which one you wanted.

It was so unethical, like a pet shop. You go, well, he's got a cleft palate. I don't want Bob. And you go, I want the's got a cleft palate. I don't want Bob. And you go, I want the girl with the beautiful braided hair. It was so, I can't believe we got away with doing that. It's so unethical. And where are they now?

So you're saying it wouldn't kill them to do a follow-up. It wouldn't kill them to do season two. You know? I want to know what's going on. And I'll be honest. And this is not a joke. I'm not making fun of the situation. I think it's fucked that we did it in the first place our sponsor child at wooloware high school when i was growing up

was the whole school had a shared sponsor child yes we had philemon starvin that was his name hand on heart philemon starvin that's real jenna please dive back into the junk Please Philemon Starvin I'm not I'm being fully serious No one heard from Philemon Starvin

We haven't got an update on Philemon And I'm invested I still remember the poor guy's name Where is he? Is he working in the US? Is he in London? I want to know what Philemon Starvin's doing Actually, I'm going to quickly search him on Facebook

Yeah Why haven't you done this yet? I'm not joking. Oh, God. All right. Jump back into the junk, Jenna. I'll get for a photo of him. Okay, go, go, go.

Is it just me or do you wish you could say thank you, ma'am? Oh, yeah, no, that's mine because my dad was in town recently and he's always been able to do it. But the other day we were, I don't know, ordering food somewhere and he just really confidently pulls off, thank you, ma'am. And I'm like, if I said that, I feel like it would sound condescending or try hard, but dad pulls it off beautifully. He's like, oh, thank you, ma'am.

And it sounds so sincere and endearing. And I'm like, maybe it's an age thing. Maybe I'll get to a certain age where I can pull that off. I can't say sir either. Like, oh, thank you, sir. Yeah, that it's an age thing. Maybe I'll get to a certain age where I can pull that off. I can't say sir either. Like, oh, thank you, sir. Yeah, that's patronising. Yeah.

Sorry, I just found the Wuglerware High School newsletter in PDF form. I wasn't really listening. I could tell. I'm not stupid. Sorry, sorry. So I've got it here. Jenna, fill them on. Oh, my God.

It's real. That's his name right there. I'm not making it up. We're not questioning the fill them on part. He graduated. Oh, my God. It's real. That's his name right there. I'm not making it up. We're not questioning the Philomon part. He graduated. Oh, my God. Holy shit, he graduated. Hold on. This is on the Wooloo Air High School Facebook page.

Today we would like to celebrate. Oh, my God. When was this? I'm clicking learn more. Can you do this in your own time? Holy shit. That's him, Jenna. Oh, there's Philemon Starvin.

Mitchell, there's Philemon Starvin. I'm not in the room. I'll send you the link. All right, I'm happy. Sorry, that was full circle. Philemon graduated. That's very, very cool. Very good to know.

All right, yeah, next one, ma'am. Okay, I'm going in. Is it just me or where the fuck is my birth certificate? Yeah, me again. Yeah, I'm with you on that. I had to bloody submit it the other day with a rental application, which was weird. You know how you have to put a certain amount of points of ID? Yes.

I gave them my Medicare. I gave them my driver's license, but apparently that wasn't enough. And they needed a birth certificate. And I was like, I could not even begin to imagine where the fuck that's ended up. Where on earth is my birth certificate? Does anyone know where they keep it? No, mine was in a silver scroll. I remember mine used to be on a mantelpiece and it was in a metal silver scroll. No, but I don't think that's it. That's not the official one. Some parents order like a decorative one to put on the wall,

but the actual official legally binding document is what they need as proof. Like the decorative one on the wall doesn't count. Oh, shit. I don't know where mine is. I have no idea. I was born premature. Do they backdate those things? How does that work?

Do you have a spot where you keep all your important documents? Because I thought maybe the birth certificate's in there, but all I found was like old certificates that I won in high school and an old prescription for Viagra. I was like, wow, I really thought that was an important document. Yeah. I've got one of those drawers. It's got a screwdriver, some batteries, and a good pair of tongs and a torch.

A pair of tongs in your important documents drawer. Yeah, it's really convoluted. It's not clean. All right. I'm going back in. She's diving in. I love how she can get two fists in there these days. She's been practicing. I know. Good for you, Jenna.

Pretty impressive. Is it just me or do tea companies need to be more explicit with their caffeine levels? What? We've done that. Have we? That was in the junk last time, Jenna. Have you not taken the bin out? Jenna, you need to clean out your junk.

You put it in twice. You're meant to shred them. Oh, yeah. You put it in twice. All right. Well, I'll move on from this. I bought a Smeg milk frother on Facebook Marketplace. Such a bargain.

I only had a bit of baked on milk. I had to, you know, baking soda it out. But I got a great price. Yeah, I remember that was your ashtray of the week on Trash Alley. It was. It was. I had so much fun on that show. Spotify went, we want it back every week.

I said, you can't do that to Matt. I bought it and I love it, but now I'm into my hot chocolate era. So I went from my saying yes era, socialite era, to my hot chocolate era. Do you know what I reckon has happened? This is what's happened. You decided that you would be in your social yes man era when it was a bit warmer and then the months have gotten a bit cooler and you're like, fuck this.

I'm staying at home with a hot choccy. I know exactly what's happened. Yeah. I bought a fucking expensive hot chocolate maker and I didn't realise they're full of caffeine. So I made my first hot chocolate. Yes. It keeps you up.

I didn't sleep till 3am the night of my first hot chocolate. Really? Yes. Are you sure it's caffeine or is it just like the sugar? Maybe it's the sugar and the cocoa. I think there's some caffeine. There is some caffeine. But like not enough to affect you.

Because I googled it. Ready, Mitch? Did you know this? An apple has the same amount of caffeine as a full one shot coffee. Bullshit. Are you serious? Yeah. I'm going to google it now because there's caffeine in chocolate too.

Yep. In a normal serving of 100 grams of chocolate, Mitchell, there is 43 grams of caffeine. Caffeine in an apple is a lot. Shit. That's a lot. That's a lot. Oh, my God.

What is it? That's a lot. That is pretty nuts. It is. Oh, my God. What is it? That's a lot. That is pretty nuts. It is. Oh, shit. That's a lot. Maybe we should go. Any more in your junk, Jenna?

There's too much to go through. Okay. Let's get out of here. What is going on on your end? That's a lot of caffeine. That's so much caffeine. All right, I have to admit. No, it is.

Sorry, I googled how much caffeine is there in an apple, and then in a bowl it says there is of caffeine. So much caffeine. All right, I have to admit. No, it is. Sorry, I Googled how much caffeine is there in an apple, and then in bold it says there is zero caffeine in an apple. And then as you were talking, I Googled it again, and then it said there never has been, like it was doubling down. I knew that that couldn't be right. I knew that couldn't be right. Here I was thinking, fuck me, I've got to buy some apples. It's in bold.

It says there is no caffeine in apples. You idiot. And Jenna and I were trying to get all. Also, that was misinformation. If we never owned up to it, all these people think there's caffeine in apples. Yeah, you really should own up to it next time because I knew something was going on. I'm not in the same room as you, but I can see you on the computer and Jenna's going, yeah, that's so much.

That's so much caffeine. That's so much. And I'm like, okay, they're fucking, they're trying to be sly here. What's going on really? I love that you and I didn't have to say anything. We both just went, yep, that's heaps. That's a lot of caffeine. All right, let's get out of here.

I feel like I've just had an apple or two. I'm so buzzed. We will see you guys next week. And then for the Talk Back Things Live the following week, the telethon will be happening. Details to come. I can't wait for that. Should we get a guest on next week?

I'll book a guest. I'll put some feelers out. The sponsor child. What is it? Philimon Starver. You know, I told you, I don't want people to get mad at me. I'm not joking. I want to know where they are because we donated money

and I feel like it was such a scam at the time. I'm worried that that money even go to the kids. Don't the kids write letters and stuff? I feel like everyone knows individually what's happened to their sponsor child. Oh, maybe they're all getting weekly newsletters or something. It's actually, when you really think about it, what happens to all those sponsored children is technically none of your fucking business.

They're entitled to their private life. True, actually. Yeah, you're right. No, you're right. Sorry, it was just a thought I had. Just something I noticed. World Vision don't have to expose their employment and all that. Yeah, true, true.

Anyway. All right, thank you for listening, everyone. We love you. Please leave us a five-star review if you haven't yet. It bumps us up in the algorithm. It keeps us going. We love you. And a five-star rating on Spotify, of yet. It bumps us up in the algorithm. It keeps us going. We love you. And a five-star rating on Spotify, of course.

Yes, please. Yes, please. Otherwise, we will see you guys next week for episode 110. We'll see you then. Catch you then. Bye-bye. Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of mitches.

Make sure you've hit follow on your podcast app. I'll stop. Welcome to ADD Brief. This is our secret segment on the end. We just keep talking shit on the end once the show's done. Nothing's planned here. It's ad lib. Yeah. It's improv.

It's improv. Oh, my God. I had a dream the other night that I was doing improv, and it just took me back to the terror of my first ever live show in LA. It was. I was so out of my depth. I was 19. I'm like, I'm hilarious. And then you go to like

actual improvisers who are it's like their craft and they like build these amazing scenes from nothing like in a improv show you get up on stage and there's like four performers sitting on chairs at the back of the theater and the monologue oh god monologicist someone who does the monologue gets up tells a story about their life any story story. I could have told the Philemon Starvin story. And then you walk to the back of the stage and then the four improvisers for an hour do a live show based on that story. Really? Yeah. And you were in one of those shows?

I was in heaps of those shows. Yeah, we did them every Friday night. Oh, God. You know what you'd be good at? Yeah. I reckon you would be great if you were employed as a waiter at Karen's Diner. I reckon you would be great if you were employed as a waiter at Karen's Diner because I went there during the week and they'd come up to us with insults that they'd clearly thought of. And then I'd throw it back at them.

Like I was, I wouldn't just, you know, laugh. I would actually throw something back and they would be completely thrown. Like they didn't ever come back. They were like, oh, like they did not know how to keep it going, keep the banter flowing. And a couple of times the waiter, the waitress or waiter would leave and then they would just come back at random and just say an insult and then walk away. I'm like, did they have to go away and think about an insult? And then they just came up and said it and walked away.

Like they weren't there for any other reason. Oh my God. No, they're just Googling insult generator. They did not like the back and forth when I tried to engage. Well, I're just Googling insult generator. They did not like the back and forth when I tried to engage. Well, I've just Googled insult generator. Ready? And you just click generate and it says, here we go. Here's an insult.

Call them a white trash cock bot. I'll click it again. Oh, call them a stupid shit socket. I've got a physical version of an insult generator. Do you want me to find it? Yeah, go for it. I've got a physical version of an insult generator. Do you want me to find it? Yeah, go for it. I've got another one. You pompous cock dragon.

Or you, idiotic shart captain. Wow, they really doubled down with the captain, two in a row. You go, Jenna. Oh, shut up, you duck nose duck pirate. Wow, double duck. Fuck off, slimy duck knob. Wow, they repeat. We had two ducks in a row.

Damn you, creepy butt pirate. The next one will be spooky ghost pirate. Oh, no. No, sorry. I stand corrected. It's slimy crotch goblin. Job title generator. I didn't know all these generators existed.

Me too. All right. What do you do for work? I'm a collaborative consulting master. It sounds real. Jenna, what do you do for work? I'm a collaborative consulting master. It sounds real. Jenna, what do you do for work? I'm an e-commerce development gem. What's a gem?

Oh, I'm a hypertext application implementer. Oh, really? You just got the new job as? An esoteric technical scientist. Wow. But that was after you were the global systems genius, right? Yes, yes, yes. And then you became the interactive solution snob.

I did. That wasn't the official title. Look at this. Romantic Pet Name Generator. Oh, you're a magical chocolate chip. Happy anniversary, luscious lava otter. Okay, I found the book. Okay, sorry.

Jenna and I were on a real rampage. Oh, Creative Cursing. Creative Cursing. So you open the book and there's two sides to it. There's like a page on the left and a page on the book. Okay, sorry. Jenna and I were on a real rampage. Oh, creative cursing. Creative cursing. So you open the book and there's two sides to it. There's like a page on the left and a page on the right and you just open it and mix and match. So I'll open a page on the left and you've got... Got it.

And I'll open a page on the right and now I've got... Oh, that's not nice. I'm not reading that. Oh. Oh, wow. Here we go. Was it that bad? Prick jammer.

Oh, how gorgeous. All right, just shuffle it. I'll open a page on the left. Oh, this. Here we go. Was it that bad? Prick Jammer. Oh, how gorgeous. All right, just shuffle it. It'll open a page on the left. Oh, this isn't good. I have a feeling I've done this on the podcast before, but oh well. We're here now. Scum Fucker. That's a good one.

That's good. Jenny, you had that on your year 12 jersey. I did. Okay, well, that was interesting. That was fun. Mitch Jenner and I got to the romantic pet name generator. Yes. Can I just say, what's going on with you at the moment?

There's a lot of you on the computer Googling and reading shit out. I've just discovered the internet. I haven't read it. It's like you have. It's like you've just discovered the internet. We spent a whole 15 minutes last week of you Googling the names of shit, and then you've brought it back, done another history lesson, which is this you reading of Google.

Well, that was the Major Mitchell. Yeah. True. That was organic. And now at the moment you're like, well, I've just Googled an insult generator. I'm like, what? Can you stop Googling? It does sound like I've just discovered.

It's like Google's paying you to be like, how good's Google? No, no, no, no, no. But the Chromebook, the newest Chromebook. Oh, my God. It is so easy for $12.99. Okay, Google. No, I'm a Hey Siri kind of guy. Siri's a bitch.

I've got Hey Siri's all through my... Siri's so stupid. Oh, she's talking. Oh, sorry, Siri. She just doesn't... She's not intuitive. You really need to spell it out for Siri. She's pretty dumb.

I feel like Google can piece together a mishmash sentence, but not Siri. Yeah, no. Siri, I never know what precise commands to use because you have to use the same words every time. But I feel like Google, they figure it out. Like you can say, oi, can you add this to my notes? And it'll figure it out. Whereas Siri, you have to use a particular phrase.

Like if I'm driving and I think it's something that I want to write in my phone notes, I'll have to be like, add new phone note. And it'll be like, creating contact called phone note. I'm like, no. Like I can't remember the phrase you have to use, but it's more trouble than it's worth trying to get a phone note out of Siri. I agree. Have you seen the new update though for iOS?

iOS 16 or something? Oh, I heard about it. Oh, my God, Mitch. So the new Apple software is coming out at the end of the year, and they've added the ability to edit and unsend text messages in iMessage. Edit? Edit. So if I send you a message and go, duck you, but really I wanted to say,

fuck you, you can hit it, and the message is being sent. It's in the blue text bubble. You can edit it and write, fuck you, you can hit it. And the message is being sent. It's in the blue text bubble. You can edit it and write, fuck you. But it will say underneath it, edited. And you have to do it within 15 minutes. Yeah. And you can also unsend a message. And it goes, Mitch, unsend a message, which is the same as Facebook Messenger, really.

Do you know what I found really weird the other day? Yeah. Kerri-Ann Kennelly sent me a message and then unsent it. Kerri-Ann Kennelly sent me a message and then unsent it. Because you know how on Instagram it tells you, oh, a user has unsent a message, but it'll never knock and tell you who it actually was. So I got a notification. It was when we were making that Daryl Lee Domino's, you know, knocking all the chocolates over.

Yeah. And I got a notification saying, Kerri-Ann Kennelly replied to your story. And she says, I hope this becomes a reel, whatever the result. Like, Kerri-Ann was invested in the Dower Lee Dominoes. And how does she know what a reel is? Yeah. I know. Like, she even put a capital R on reel.

Like, she's up with the technology. Daniel Doody must have gotten it. So, yeah, Kerri-Ann replied to me. And as I'm reading the message preview, it vanishes and I get someone unsent a message. And I went into mine and Kerry's chat history, nothing. Why did she get cold feet? I thought we were mates now. Maybe it was a gay PA who wants to fuck you.

And he was accidentally logged into Kerry's account. He went, shit, Kerry can't say that. Oh my God, imagine. But then he never switched to his real account and followed up. Interesting. Isn't that interesting? Maybe I should just message Kerry back and say, ha-ha, thanks, Kerry, the Reel's up now.

And then she'll be like, how did he know? I thought I unsent it. Middle-aged celebrities are weird. Merrick Watts' message followed me and messaged me the other day, and he just wrote ha-ha to one of my stories. I'm like, that's not how you start a conversation, Merrick Watts. Yeah, it is. That's how you break the ice.

Yeah. I'm going back to bed. I feel sick. Sorry. Poor Midge. Are you feeling okay? Are you all right? It's just I've got like the flu or whatever's going around.

I've got like a bit of a head cold. It hasn't affected my throat, which is a miracle. Good. But yeah, I've got a bit of a head cold and I've just got that really gross muscle achy feeling. It's not COVID before you ask. Yeah. You know what I had last night? Severe muscle achy feeling. It's not COVID before you ask. Yeah. You know what I had last night? Severe diarrhea out of nowhere.

And I felt fine. And then it was solid this morning. So sometimes they just hit you out of the blue, you know? Okay. Why did you share that? Because you're sharing your illness and I thought I'm going to be brave, inspired by my friend and comrade, and I'm going to tell my story too. No.

Okay. It's awful. Jenna, tell us about something that's happened to you recently. Nothing's happened really recently. Medically? No. Oh, I am getting a gum graft. Sorry?

Yeah, they're taking like gum from the roof of my mouth and putting it onto my tooth. Which tooth? Show me. This one or something. What's happening to it? Why? Is there not enough gum there? No, apparently it's protruding or something.

I don't know. Retreating? I don't know. Show me. Probably because there's not enough gum. I can't even tell. I know. I couldn't either until I went to the periodontist.

What the hell is a periodontist? Well, it's a place that my dentist. It's a dinosaur in the ground. Dentist sent me to. Periodontist? I've never heard of a periodontist. Neither have I. So think of me on July 4th at 10 a.m.

Okay. Thank you. I'm getting an MRI on Friday this week of my brain and spine just to check up on my aurora borealis, my Chiari malformation, because I've been having bad migraines. And I call because I'm, you know, a heavier boy. I call and I go, just checking your weight limits. You know, you can do people, you know, 130 and up. And she went, let me check. Put me on hold.

Yeah, hon, I'm a machine. We do horses here, so you'll be right. I went, oh, wow, that really puts my mind at rest, knowing that they can MRI horses. And you're like, how well fed are the horses, though? If it's a skinny horse, if it's a little Shetland pony, I need to know. Yeah. I'm talking Jersey cows.

Like, what kind of farm animals? I need a pic of this mare, please, MRI. Anyway, so Mitch is getting his nasal cavity rinsed out. Jenna's getting a gum grafted. I'm getting an MRI. We're all in the walls. I never said anything about my nasal cavity. What are you talking about?

Time to go. We should get out of here, everyone. I just assume, isn't that what people do when they're sick? They wash out their nasal cavities? Oh, right. I know what you're saying. The nose douche. I should get some more of those.

They're great. I do love a nose douche. I've never done it. No, me either. Oh, it's quite satisfying. You get that weird feeling like when you accidentally inhale at the beach or something, like water up your nose, but it works. It works. It kind

of burns? Nah, not really. Because it's not salt water like a beach. Yeah, okay. Alright, well, I'll have to give it a try. Alright guys, we love you. Thank you for listening to the show. We'll see you next week. Hope you're all feeling better, Mitch. We hope this podcast made you feel at least 2% better today. That's all.

So we do. Why hope this podcast made you feel at least 2% better today. That's all. So we do. Why do you guys struggle with that every week? We don't. It's the timing of it. It's like you both wait for the other person to start. Mitch, I'm saying from now on, you take charge of the so we do. Jenna can follow your pace. Can we do it again?

Do it again. Do it again. God. We hope this podcast made you feel at least 2% better today. That's all, just 2%. So we do. That's it. That was great.

Same with some confidence. You both look at each other with panic in your eyes. So we do, baby. So we do. So we do. All right, we'll see you next week, everyone. We love you. See you.

See you, Mitch. See you, Jenna. Thanks for listening. Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of Mitches. Make sure you've hit follow on your podcast app.