Is It Just Me? - #116: Trash Alley's Junk with Alright Hey

Episode Date: August 15, 2022

In this episode: Paying bills luv (02:24) Being shit at flirting (07:42) The worst hangover feast (09:59) Sound of Silence prank call on Brittney Lee Saunders (16:30) Trash Alley’s Junk (23:55) Our “Secret Segment” ADDebrief (42:35)   Follow us @coupleofmitchesSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

People do some weird shit. Would you like to try a vape? Why would you take up something that is going to be addictive and expensive? I think for people. I'll tell you why. Yeah. Because you're young and stupid. Some things make more sense than others.

You mentioned that your goal was to be healthy, and I just don't know how you figure that's going to happen when you're ordering a chocolate mousse. No. You know, I had it in the car on the way home, and I didn't have a spoon, so I was like an armadillo trying to get ants out of a hole. Brace yourself for the rude shocks of young adulthood.

Being fingered is an awful sensation. You haven't been fingered by the right person. Goodness me. This is Is It Just Me? Hosted by a couple of bitches. Hi, it's Jenna. Please don't forget to include my name in the opener this season. I'm sorry.

Ta-da! Now, here's Mitch Chooley and Mitchell Coombs. Yes, hello, hello. Welcome to Is It Just Me? Mitch Chooley is away this week, but it just so happens that I had a spare co-host lying around, which is handy. So, all right, hey, from Trash Alley on Spotify is here. Welcome back, Chur. Oh, it feels good to be here.

Hi, you jits. How are you? You jits. I like that. It's so handy having two co-hosts. They're interchangeable for me. Yeah, and it makes sense because when I was away on Trash Alley, of course, Mitch filled in. You're each other's understudies.

I love it. It's just tit for tat. In fact, speaking of understudies, I did get mistaken for Mitch Turi once. It's when I did a lot of skin care, because you know how Mitch has got quite glowy skin? He does, actually. So if he does need an understudy, I mean, I'm happy to

go on his radio show. Can you imagine that? I just need to let out idiots know that I've come to your house to record, and I get that it takes a while to unpack but fuck me what a pig star I've walked into I don't throw me under the bus no you don't understand so we only moved in not long ago and then I went on tour did my live shows and then I got back from my live shows had COVID and I just haven't had time to kind of unpack and get my office in order

yeah I was just like kicking piles of trash at my feet. Like, oh, okay. Do you mind if I put a chair here to record? But anyway, I'm sure you know how this works. You've been on our podcast before. We start the show the same way every week with something we noticed, something we hate or appreciate. They're our Is It Just Me's.

We've got one each. Do you want to kick things off as the guest of honour? Yeah, sure. All right, cool. Let's get into it. Is it just me or? Did you think when you were younger that water bills were going to be much higher when you were an adult?

Can't relate. I'm a farm boy, mate. Our water came from the sky. Oh, snap. Straight into the gutters, straight into the tank. We didn't have to pay water bills. Oh, okay. Having said that, there are issues that come with that, like, you know, sky. Straight into the gutters, straight into the tank. We didn't have to pay water bills. Having said that, there are issues that come with that, like, you know,

drought. When there's no water coming from the sky, showers. I thought you were going to say drowning. Actually, ironically, you know how people always think, oh, the farmers, how are they coping with the drought? I was on the phone to mum the other day and she said, the farm is fucking flooded. Like, they're getting too much rain. And I was like the phone to mum the other day and she said, the farm is fucking flooded. Like they're getting too much rain. And I was like, Jesus, literally when it rains, it pours out there. They're struggling. But no, we didn't have to have water bills.

Why? Oh, McCain, you've done it again. Well, when I was younger, I just thought that like water bills would be really expensive when you got, like when you lived by yourself. My mum was always like one of those people who was like, get out of the shower, you're wasting the water, hurry up, you know, going on and on. Oh, like it's going to cost a fortune, that water bill. Yeah, couldn't keep the tap running while I was brushing my teeth and things like that.

And, of course, we were – it's not just the whole – because obviously we grew up and we were going through a drought, so obviously you would expect that my mum was like, we need to save water because there's a drought oh my god so when she says think of the farmers she was talking about me my family so true but the problem was my mum and it never did that my mum was like turn the water off because the water bill will be too high and so i was always like expecting that water bills must have been like five hundred dollars a quarter and i've gotten my water bills and like, I've never paid more than $20 a quarter.

A quarter, like as in? Every three months I get a water bill and my water bill will be, I thought that it'd be hundreds of dollars. I think the most I've paid for a water bill is $33 for a quarter. Fuck, that's a bargain when you think about it. I know, right? And it's weird because when it comes to bills, I don't even know what our water is. Jordan takes care of that, the housemate.

He just says, oh, you owe me such and bills, I don't even know what our water is. Jordan takes care of that, the housemate. He just says, oh, you owe me such and such. I don't even pay attention. Yeah, see, I'm that housemate that has to have all the things. Yeah, you're across all the money. You do the books for the house. Yeah, I'm the bookkeeper, yeah. Yeah, right.

Well, when Jordan and I moved into our current place, we were stressing because it has air con. And we thought, oh, my God, our electricity bill is going to be through the fucking roof. Are we ready for this? Can we afford this? I can't actually stress to you how drastically cheaper it is to have air conditioner versus running little sunbeam pedestal fans 24 seven. Like it was so much more expensive to not have air con. It's bizarre. Do you want to know one time when I was living with my best friend, Clayton, who is still my best friend now. We lived together at one point and we just like got to, you know, with every like housemate situation.

Like there's always times where everything the other person does is just getting on your fucking nerves. And you just like hate everything. Every time they breathe too loud and you're like, get out of my house. You know, like it's just too much. So once upon a time he left his air conditioner on during the day and he went to work and he left the air con on and because this is my first time living out of home and we hadn't had a like electricity bill yet um i was like under the impression that this was going to be like a really expensive thing and this could cripple our household

don't get me wrong like electricity bills are definitely like can get very expensive like i understand that like i'm not saying i'm paying two dollars to turn a light on but what i'm saying is he left it on and i was like how dare he use all this energy in this house while he's not even there so i sent like a message to the housemate group chat and was like just a reminder everyone like if you want to just um turn your air guns off before you leave over morning, because like the whole top level was freezing cold. I mean, it is a waste. You're right.

Yeah. And then he actually gave me some figures of how much it costs to run an air con. And it is about like 42 cents every six hour block or something. Are you serious? He gave me this whole Google spreadsheet of like Sydney council rates and like running electricity rates and like how much it costs. And it was only, I think, look, I'm just making this up. Google it if you need to actually have some. Yeah, we don't do facts.

Yeah, no, proof behind it. But I think it was something like 42 cents for each four hour block or something. So it's like 10 cents an hour. And it was only on for two hours. So he was like, I'll just transfer you the 24 cents if that'll make you feel better and then i felt like an idiot you know i wonder what makes electricity so expensive if it's not the aircon draining or what the fuck is it yeah i don't know to be honest by the way you said that you used to live with your best friend and he's still your best friend did you find that you're better friends now that you don't live together um

yeah for sure yeah because when i live with my best friend, Talisha, it nearly ruined us. Yeah. Thank God we don't live together anymore. No offence to her, but yeah, you're right. You just start to get on each other's nerves and it's better to not. Yeah, so I've lived with four best friends now. So there was just issues with everyone.

Like if I could give anyone a piece of advice, it would be probably don't move in with your best friends. I'm still really good friends with all of them but you just get um you just have those moments where you go i think this will ruin us so i know what you mean with you and talisha for sure thank god jordan is the most low maintenance housemate i've had ever so yeah we've had a good run but um anyway should we get into my, is it just me? All right, cool. Let's go, Bradley. Is it just me or? Are you a bit of a shit flirt? Do you remember not too long ago on our podcast, Trash Alley, you said, I can't imagine you flirting. I just can't compute that. And I got a bit offended. I think you're right. And I've only realized that recently because I'm seeing someone at the moment

and I was like, Jesus, I really don't know what I'm doing, do I? Because the other day. I don't even know what he looks like in general. You haven't shown me. Hold on. Here we go. This will be good. Oh, yeah, he's cute.

I'm into it. I don't know if I could deal with you with a boyfriend. What do you mean? Like not to throw you under the bus because I obviously don't think I had a boyfriend the whole time that I knew you either until I met Sky. Yeah. No, I don't remember what you were like without one really. Although there was your whore phase. God, how could I forget? We won't get into that. Well, I don't have a boyfriend, so you don't have to worry.

Oh, you don't want to jinx it. All right. Sorry. What happened was he, we've added each other on Be Real oh yes and he posted his be real that day and i thought fuck he looks gorgeous in that photo firstly like that's not what the app's for and i was like god he looks good and instead of just saying that like oh you look hot what would you have said in that situation you want to tell someone you think they look hot in their be real? To be honest, like I'd probably send a reaction first. I'd probably send a reaction and then maybe take the conversation offline. Yeah.

Like, and, you know, send a text. And say what? I don't know. Something about you looked good in your be real today. Okay. So that's like a normal thing to say. Yeah. Because I'm an idiot. I framed it as like an intervention i sent him a voice message and i said right listen i know you're new to be real

but i don't think you understand the point you're meant to look foul and you look fucking gorgeous you have no right looking as hot as you do in that photo. And like, he took the compliment well, but I did think to myself later, why does my version of flirting translate to like almost abuse? It's like a backhanded compliment. I'm like, you look gorgeous, you idiot. Is it just me? Got something on your mind? Hit up at couple of mitches on Instagram to get yourself on the show.

All right, it's that time in the show where we hand the reins over to you, our idiots. If you want to get an is it just you off your chest and is it just me of your own, you just DM us at coupleofmitches, send us a voice message, or you can come on the show as a caller. Up to you. Either way, you win something from Prize Keeper Jenna's prize cupboard. So today, Hayley, you should be hitting up Jenna on Instagram

to claim your prize, okay? This is what Hayley sent in to us. Is it just me, or is it really disappointing when you get a really bad hash brown from Macca's when you're hungover? Like, you go there on a Sunday morning before 11 o'clock, and you get your Macca'scas, your coffee and your hash brown and you get home and then it's really soggy and it's not nice and it's just really disappointing. Like you just really need a good hash brown on a Sunday morning when you're hungover and

you need to recover and then you get home and it's fucking terrible. Terrible, I say. Oh, perfect timing, Hayley. You've got two former Maccas employees on the podcast today. So true. I am embarrassed that some stores manage to let the hash browns go soggy because, like, pressure's on. If you're on hash brown duty during the breakfast run, like, you're pumping those things out so quickly

and they're so crispy and crunchy normally. I actually don't know how they go soggy. Yeah, because obviously they've sat there too long, but like, I know what you mean, but I don't know why they go soggy because one, there's a huge turnover of them. Two, you should know like how many to put on. And three, if it's been soggy, you either like if it's sat there and it's gone soggy, I would never put that in a customer's bag. Yeah. It would either, first of all, if there was like enough time, it would go into the waste bin and then like cook more.

Yeah. And hopefully you'd be proactive enough to know that more were coming up in 10 seconds anyway. Or if you've really had no time and you really had no patience, throw that bitch back in the fryer for 10 seconds, crisping her up a little bit and make her piping hot and put her back in the bag. But yeah, I'm with you on that one, Hayley. I actually, this sounds a bit weird,

but I don't mind a soggy hash brown if I'm hungover. Like if you're hungover and you're ordering maccas, especially if you're getting it delivered, you fucking know what you're getting. You're getting an absolutely vile, greasy, disgusting, not at all well presented hangover feast like the soggy hash brown kind of adds to it for me but if i'm going out for a beautiful breakfast and they get me a soggy hash brown nah nah oh yeah like as if you go to a cafe

yeah yeah that's the thing or if i'm going to maccas because i've got a big day ahead of me i'll have a maccas breakfast you know like before a long drive or something. Yeah. That's when I'm like, I expect it to be perfect. But if I'm hungover, like, you know what you're going to get, really. It almost adds to the experience, I feel. You've literally just like unlocked a memory for me of like an early morning, crispy, crunchy, fluffy hash brown before a big road trip. Right? Oh, that's just gorgeous.

Or like an excursion when they take you to Macca's breakfast. Yeah, just stunning. But if my hash brown is soggy, I'll just chuck it on the burger anyway, like on the bacon. No, I'm a sausage McMuffin person. Skip the egg. Skip the egg. On the sausage muffin, sometimes I go crazy and add chicken sauce.

Oh, it's beautiful. Really? Yeah, and then so if the hash brown's hot and crispy, I'll have it. If it's not anything but, I'll chuck it on the muffin. You know what's fucking underrated and so fucking gorgeous? If you get hotcakes and they give you that hotcake syrup, which is basically just maple syrup, I don't know why they can't call it that, that on your hash brown.

Yeah. Holy fuck. Dip your hash brown in it or another one if you want to take it even further order um chocolate sundae syrup in a lid in a little cup breakfast and you put the hash brown in the chocolate syrup no don't knock it till you tried it it is just gorgeous but i will admit hash the hot cake syrup someone told me to do that when i worked at mcdonald's and i went oh you are disgusting no no that's not happening i tried that i went this is a it's a spiritual

experience yeah 100 and also you're right i really shouldn't knock it till i've tried it when it comes to your recommendations because i don't know if i've brought this up on this podcast but over on trash alley you were telling me once that the perfect hangover cure is a large Sprite from McDonald's. It has to be from Macca's. It can't be from any other place. It can't be a normal Sprite from the supermarket. And I was like, how can that be? But one time we tried it because we were both hung over on the podcast and fuck me, it works a treat. So, darling Hayley, even if you get a soggy hash brown, just get a large Sprite to go with it and you will be healed all the same. Your hangover will be gone like that. Well, here's the thing with that.

What? Ever since we did that podcast episode, I've been inundated with messages from people who work at McDonald's, people who have gone to McDonald's since and tried to do the Sprite trick to cure their hangover. And McDonald's has actually let them know that they no longer do Sprite on Post Mix. They don't do Sprite at all at McDonald's anymore. Wait, what? The only Sprite they can give you is now Sprite No Sugar. Oh, so when I ordered a large Sprite to cure my hangover recently,

they sent me a Sprite No Sugar. Was it the one when we recorded? No, it was like a week later. Well, did it taste like No Sugar? Did you go, this don recorded? No, it was like a week later. Well, did it taste like no sugar? Did you go, this don't taste right, darling? Do you know what? It didn't work. It didn't cure my hangover. I was thinking, what's going on? I must be extra hungover today. Yeah. Because it just didn't heal me the same way as that time we tried them. So, I don't know whether that's like an everywhere thing, but I've gotten at least 20 people like message me directly and say there's

no longer sprite at mcdonald's there is now only no sugar sprite which i didn't even know no sugar sprite existed you know um so not happy about that because i don't think a no sugar sprite would cure my hangover i think it needs to be full sugar i think sugar is possibly what does it yeah it's refreshing and just gives you a little kick. Oh, that's devastating because like a couple of weeks after we tried them on the podcast, I tried it at home, ordered some Sprite. I think I got two even and they didn't work. And I thought, wow, I must have gone really hard last night if the Sprite's not curing me.

Fuck. Yeah. All right. Well, just forget every piece of advice I just gave you. The Sprite hack doesn't work. That is so devastating. I know. Honestly, it's ruined my life.

What a shame. Anyway, thanks, Hayley. Hit up Jennifer your prize, darling. Okay, you know that whenever we've got a guest here on the podcast, we like to get them to do a little game of ours. And since you're here, all right, Hay, I don't think we got you to do this last time. It's a little game we call Sound of Silence. No, I've never done this.

Okay, well, let's get into it. Hello, darkness, my old friend. So how this works is you call someone on your phone and you have a bit of a chat with them, and then once they ask you a question, you never answer it. And you've got to try and keep that silence and keep them on the line for as long as possible. Okay.

There is a way that you can extend that silence. You're allowed one bridging phrase. For example, you can say something like, yeah, I'm still here. And then see if that'll keep them along. Because if you don't say anything at all, they'll probably hang up and think that it's just a shit reception. But if you just say one little thing to extend the silence, you're allowed one thing and that's all.

At the moment, the record is two minutes 30 and that was Kyla from Bankstown calling her mother. But I feel like in a way calling your mother is, it's a safe bet because your mum's going to be worried sick as if she's going to hang up on you. So do you have any like celeb contacts you could do? Oh, hang on, let me have a look here. In your phone.

But obviously a celeb that you are comfortable burning a bridge with potentially. Some people don't like being fucked with without prior warning on a podcast. It's weird. No, I'm fine with it. I'll let you know anytime you want to fuck with me, go for it. I'm here. I'm a good sport.

No, but you're not meant to give them a heads up. That's the difference. Yeah, but I mean, I can recover from it. Oh, right. You don't have to give me a heads up. You'll bounce back. You know, the person at the top of my contacts, like the first person in my contacts list is Abby Chatfield.

Oh, you know what? Were you going to do her? Yeah. Nah, Jack Vigin already called her. Oh, how'd it go? She had no patience. So don't go for her. Nine seconds.

Nine seconds. Nine seconds. She was like, are you there, babe? Oh, she just did not stick around at all. I literally was going to say like, she's the first one that came to mind anyway, but I think she's too busy. She wouldn't even like, I was going to say she'd only last 10 seconds anyway, but apparently only nine.

Yeah, exactly. So no, don't try her. She will, she will fail. If you're trying to beat the record, who's someone, it doesn't have to be a celeb, but I'm just getting a bit bored with people calling their family. Oh yeah. I could call Brittany. Brittany Lee Saunders.

Brittany Lee Saunders, yeah. Oh, she's kind of a bit like Abby though. Like she's a busy lady. She's running businesses, you know. Lots of time. She'd still be at work at this time. She's running one of her 25,000 companies. See what I mean?

She's busy. For those who don't know who Brittany Lee Saunders is, how would you describe her? Yeah, well, she's a YouTuber turned businesswoman. Yeah. And she's one of like the OG YouTubers from Australia who are still alive and kicking today but not actually doing YouTube. She now owns a fashion label and a coffee shop and she owns a fitness label like Activewear,

all that sort of stuff. So, like she's just absolutely killing it in the business world. Actually, did I tell you? Did I tell you? I was at a birthday thing in Newcastle recently. And you only just met her for the first time, she said. Yeah, I heard someone at the other end of the bar call out Mitchell Coombs and I thought, ah, here we go, an adoring fan.

I'll get my photo face on. They want a selfie. And it was fucking Brittany Lee Saunders. And then I fangirled over her. I was like, oh, hi, darling. We haven't met. I didn't even know that she knew me, to be honest. And she said, oh, I'd love to come on the podcast with you and all that.

Hey, so care for what you wish for, bitch. You're going to get a prank call. Oh, so true. Should we call her? That's what we call manifestation. We love it. Yeah. Okay.

I'll give her a call. Hang on one sec. So, like I said, you chat for a bit. Yeah. And then once she asks you a question, that's when you just zip your lip, never answer the question. Okay. Hello?

Hi, Joel. Oh, my God, long time no speak. I know. What are you doing? Are you there? Hello? Sorry, hang on. Just give me one second.

Okay. okay i've just popped her on mute you can't cope with silence yourself can you i know it's a bit awkward i don't know what to do. Should I, like, cough or something? Yeah, just make some noise to know that you're still there. Okay. Oh, my God. She's fucking with me. What are you doing? She's still asking.

Are you pranking me to see how long I'll stay on the phone? She knows. She knows. She knows. So long I'll stay on the phone? She knows. She knows. She knows. So I can't say anything else? Like, hang on or anything? If you want to bitch it, you can. No.

We'll just leave it. We'll just let it keep going. Because I love a challenge. She must have seen our TikToks. She knows exactly what's going on. She said she loves a challenge, but I didn't hear what she said before that. You've got a minute to go before you beat Carla's record. Oh, I reckon we can do it.

She's using my full name. I'll just cough. Are you right? She's on mute again. Let's just leave her in silence for a bit. I want to see how long we can go without the coughs and shit okay here we go i feel like this is a test to see how long i'll stay on the phone oh she knows she's a smart girl she's a smart girl yeah

just pissing myself at this okay hang on i hope she doesn't hang up. I hope we beat Carla's record. 20 seconds to go. What was Carla's record? Two minutes 30. You're at two minutes 15. 15 seconds. Okay, here we go. 15 seconds.

I might do another. Should I do another cough? Up to you. How long have we got? Three seconds. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. He's done it.

Oh! Congratulations. All right, hey, you've beaten the fucking record. Oh, Brittany, we've just beaten the world record of... Sound of Silence. Of Sound of Silence on the Is It Just Me podcast. I'm filling in for Mitch Turi today. And the challenge was to see how long I could keep you on the phone without you hanging up. And we actually beat the record.

Why did I know? Why did I know that that's what you would be like doing to me? I'm not surprised. I don't know, but I love it. We beat Carla from Bankstown's record. So we're currently in the lead. What kind of prize do I get? I don't know. Just the glory, I guess. Yeah. Just the gloating, you know? I'll update my LinkedIn.

She's such a patient friend, I love it. Yeah. Oh, thank you so much for being a good sport. I'll let you get back to work, doll. Thanks. Bye. Oh, God, lover. She had the time of day for you.

Yeah, I know. What a good sport. Despite her myriad of businesses and shit that she should be doing, all the important calls that she could be taking. We probably just lost her a million dollars, I know. What a good sport. Despite her myriad of businesses and shit that she should be doing, all the important calls that she could be taking. We probably just lost her a million dollars. But anyway, she can invoice me later. I'm good for it. Money bags, Matt, for God's sake.

Is it just me? The rude shocks of young adulthood. All right, as you know, idiots, we have a segment here on Is It Just Me? And it's called Jenna's Junk, which is where she will remind us of all the shit ideas that have come across our mind in the past. And we just thought, no, that's not quite good enough to run on the podcast. Well, because Jenna is not here and because you are here, I thought we'd do something similar. But instead, it's Trash Alley's Junk. So all the pop culture stories that we decided not to run.

So I'm going to play the Jenna's Junk opener. Can you just say Trash Alley's over the top of it for me? Okay. Here we go. Let's take a peek at Trash Alley's Junk, shall we? Okey doke. Let's go through the pop culture stories that were just not good enough for Trash Alley, but it's good enough for here because I backed them,

to be honest. Often Jenna's Junk is actually we read it out and we go, actually, that had legs. You know, we should have backed that harder. Yeah. Where is Jenna, by the way? Oh, God knows. No, she couldn't make today's recording because, I don't know, she had her dad's birthday or something, like a birthday lunch.

And then Mitch was like, oh, I can't make it either. And I was like, well, fuck me. I'm not doing a one woman show. Yeah um okay so i'm jenna and mitch today yeah actually do you want to rifle through the trash we've got a little bin here full of all our bad ideas open her up hang on here we go oh here's one carl stefanovic vaping oh i loved this one because it was carl stefanovic's birthday and his wife yasmin loved this one because it was Carl Stefanovic's birthday and his wife, Yasmin, posted something on Instagram. It was like an old video of them at a party or something.

And I don't know if it was a fog machine or like, I don't know, some sort of mist that was being sprayed on him. He's having a great time celebrating. And she posted it on Instagram being like, happy birthday, Carl. It was just a nice birthday tribute. And in his hand, you can just see his thumb is clutching onto a green vape. And all the comments are like, it's the apple vape for me. But the Daily Mail have dug a little deeper and they've actually found out that it's apparently- A mint lemonade one.

Yeah, that's it. Mint lemonade. I mean, we've both been quite open about our history of vaping. Mint lemonade would not have hit the clip for me just quietly. Yeah, absolutely disgusting. And also, shout out to the Daily Mail for doing the research that really does matter. I mean, thank God the detectives at Daily Mail got on the case and figured out what flavour vape Karl Stefanovic had in his hand at his, what, 40th birthday, did you say?

Something like that, I don't know. But also, is that the first time they've ever done research? Like, they usually just run all sorts of fibs. In fact, that could be a fib because I've never even heard, you know, even though we haven't been full-time vapers in a very long time, you know, mint lemonade, never heard of that flavour before. Well, if I was ever at a tobacconist and I saw that as an option, I'd be like, no thanks.

And even at the club when, you know, you're having a few drinks and you're like, oh, yeah, I'll have a hit of your vape. No one's ever passed me a mint lemonade, you know. I don't know why everyone's so shocked though because they're like, oh, Carl's the latest celeb to take up vaping because there's been pap shots of him in the past smoking actual cigarettes. And I think people would be surprised at the amount of celebrities that do smoke on the sly.

Like we were open about it when we were full-time vapers. I've been open about struggling to quit, et cetera, et cetera. people would be surprised at the amount of celebrities that do smoke on the fly like we were open about it when we were full-time vapors i've been open about struggling to quit etc etc i still have a cheeky vape on the weekend yeah you know we're all friends here i'll admit it um but i've got my nicotine patch on today so we're going strong but um you'd be surprised how many celebs are secret smokers like i remember when i worked at kiss fm um actually i better not say her name. Someone who you would not expect to smoke came in as a guest for Kyle and Jackie O. And a pack of durries fell out of her handbag.

Can you tell me who it is, though? Just beep it out. No, I'm not going to say her name. No, just beep it out. Beep it out. Okay. It was. Oh, my God. Are you actually being serious?

I am. Are you actually being dead set? If anything, she went up in my books knowing that she was a smoker. I was like, you masquerade as such a, you know, goody two-shoes, squeaky clean celebrity. My life has changed forever. Right? I mean, not to say that I think smoking cigarettes is cool and, like, that I think highly of her because she's a smoker. But there was a part of me that thought, oh, you're human too.

It did humanize her a little bit. I was like at you you're not perfect either oh my god that's actually like now that i know that little piece of uh don't you dare tell anyone no i better please don't no all right what else is in trash alleys let's have a look digging through digging through oh there's so much. Oh, Tommy Lee posting a dick pic. Did you see this on Instagram? Yeah, and we were like, oh, there's not much to say about that, is there? Oh, there's a lot to say, darling.

I think if I'm honest, like, I could describe that whole photo. Who is Tommy Lee for the trash bags? For the trash bags? Oh, see. For the listeners, the is-it-just- me idiots that don't know who Tommy Lee is. Yeah. Who is he? Well, you know, Pam and Tommy streaming on Disney+. Pamela Anderson.

He's the Tommy from Pamela Anderson's Pam and Tommy. How old is he? It looks like a young cock. Let me have a look. It looks like a young cock, didn't you see? Tommy Lee. He's 50. Wait a second second he's 59 years old oh my god see what i mean like i mean i'm because i screenshotted it so i'll just go get of course you bloody did so this dick pic that he posted on instagram was up for four hours and naturally a

lot of people have responded to that saying um how come women's nipples get taken down in a matter of seconds like like that any sort of female nudity instagram it's a big no-no for them but tommy lee composed a cock shot and get away with it look at this penis can you not hold it so close to my face you can't here slapping you with it you cannot tell me that is a 59 year old penis. You know what I mean? Because this, I did watch that Disney plus show, Pam and Tommy. That's giving 27 year olds. I know. And I watched that Pam and Tommy show on Disney plus, and that was obviously set many years ago in the past. And he was, you know, in his twenties or thirties. And I thought,

surely he's older now. Cause when I saw that photo, I was like, is that a throwback dick pic? Because he's not young anymore, but it looks like like a young dick which is a weird observation to make and just for clarification not too young like we mean 25 plus I think we just need to put that disclaimer because you saying it looks like a young cock you're so right it's just a little unsettling I never said prepubescent. So we will say, yeah. Look, I've seen a lot of cocks in my life. And I would say that looking at that one, I'd say 27. Yeah.

27 years old on that. A 27-year-old could put that on their grind and be like, here you go, dick. Yeah, for sure. So I'm like, Tommy Lee, you're fucking good on your job. It was up for four hours before Instagram took it down. Oh, so it was Instagram that took it down. Yeah. Well, I mean, it disappeared.

I don't know whether I'm going to assume it was Instagram that took it down. I don't think he would have. I don't know because he kind of pretended it was an accident. Like the caption was whoops, but obviously it wasn't a fucking accident. But Brittany Furlan, who's that? Because she- She used to be big on Vine. Remember her?

She had the top comment on the original photo, which was like, what is going on or something like that. Oh, no, I think she said help. I think it was just help. I think I wrote what is going on. And it got a lot of likes on it too. So it was a hot topic. Actually, hold on.

Sorry to interrupt. I was just fact-checking myself because I was like, wait, is Brittany Furlan the Vine chick that I remember? I've just Googled and I think she's actually dating Tommy Lee. Oh, my God. She's an American internet personality, comedian and actor. She was the most followed female star on Vine. And it looks like she's actually dating Tommy Lee.

Yeah. It's a spouse. I'm on her Instagram now and they're together. Like in a lot of photos. And he's 24 years older than her. So even she's commenting on her. Are they married? I don't know.

I think spouse means like married, right? I love how we're learning as we go. Sorry for the pun, but the plot thickens. Wow. So even she is shocked by her husband posting a cock shot God that's weird that they're together Yeah this is so weird By the way have you seen

Speaking of that Pam and Tommy show All about Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee There's a scene where he's having like a trip I don't know if it's acid or something He's taking some sort of substance And he's tripping out And he starts talking to his penis like he's having a full-on conversation with it as a hallucination and they included that scene

which is based off tommy lee's own autobiography he wrote a memory that he had of talking to his own dick and they were like yeah we better put that in this mini series about his life or do you see full frontal oh yeah and it's talking it's a bit off go on go on disney plus we're sitting at your desk we might as well bring it up okay i want you to see tomm and it's talking. It's a bit off. Go on Disney+. We're sitting at your desk. We might as well bring it up. Okay, hang on. I want you to see Tommy Lee's Talking Dick. What episode? I think it's the second one or maybe the first.

Hold on, let me Google. But, yeah, we'll be able to compare. Is it much like his real dick or the actor's talking dick? Yeah, it's episode two. Okay, here we go. Episode two, scrolling through, scrolling through. Yeah, this looks like the part. Yeah, hold on. Go back. Yeah, that's episode two. Okay, here we go. Episode two. Scrolling through, scrolling through. Yeah, this looks like the part. Yeah, hold on.

Go back. Yeah, that's it. Okay. Play. So for anyone playing along at home, it's around the 21 minute mark of episode two. Pam and Tommy on Disney+. Here we go. I'll put a full screen for us so we get the full experience. You really think so?

That's him talking to his dick. I hate those words. Oh, fuck. How off is that? His dick is talking to him, saying, no, don't settle down and commit to one woman. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

It's like standing up. The penis is motioning. There's full throbbing. The head, you know, little pee hole is looking like a mouth that's talking. Hang on. Okay. So, while we were doing this. You can pause that if you want.

No, I want to have a pause. Yeah, I want to have a pause here. You paused on the dick. I paused on the dick because I want to have a look at the dick because I now have a reference photo. Hang on. Here we go. So, we've got the reference photo here from the show. The real Tommy Lee stick as well.

And I'm going to have the real Tommy Lee stick here. That's actually matching up quite well. And now my question is. No, I would say that the Disney plus depiction of Tommy, they've made him bigger in real life. Not so much. No, I think he's bigger in here. Are we looking at the same shit?

I reckon that is bigger than this. No, you're way off. The one in the show has much more length to it yeah and why are we dwelling on this well i don't know i was just thinking because my question was you know did they did they actually look at tommy's penis to see if they could replicate it oh imagine that conversation well but my thing is what if you made it this big but he had a micro true you know imagine like tommy's management getting that inquiry from the writers of the show hi we just need some sort of ballpark how big is it because we're gonna have a dick scene in the

show we need to know exactly what size we're dealing with and tommy's like make it bigger make it bigger all right i've seen enough cock for one week so what else we got in this bin of ours doll the trash alley junk digging Digging through, having a look. What about this one? Oh, Peter Hellier and Waleed Ali divide viewers with their bathing habits. Oh, that's right. Yeah, they were on the project and they were talking about whether it's better to have a shower in the night or in the morning. Waleed said that nighttime showers are just wrong and only for children.

But then Pete made a good point and said, oh, it's just, you know, it's a respectful thing for your partner to go to bed clean, isn't it? Yeah. Where do you stand on this? Showers in the morning or the night or both? I never thought I'd say this, but I'm team Pete Hellier because I prefer a nighttime shower because it's completely different when you've got long hair. Because like the amount

of time it takes to dry, it's better to do it before you go to bed and let it sort of dry overnight. And then also I agree with the fact that, not that I have a partner, but you'd think that it'd be nice to go to bed not sweaty and yuck. And I can't say I'm surprised that Waleed thinks it's okay to go to bed a sweaty pig after not showering and just expecting your partner who lies beside you to not have an issue with you stinking because he's a straight man there's less um preparation and maintenance involved with the sex yeah you know so yeah but also i'm kind of at a point where i just shower whenever i can fit it in now now that i'm a lady of leisure i don't have to be at the office or whatever sometimes i can can go all day and be like, oh, I'll shower soon.

Yeah. My whole life, I've been a nighttime shower. Because I just think the worst thing is getting into bed dirty. Like, yuck. Exactly. Putting like whatever you've got on your feet from the day. That's the worst part. It's not even about the rest of the body.

It's not even about sweating for me. It's about the shit on your feet have you ever changed your sheets and seen all the grit at the bottom of the bed in case you do in the instance that you do go to bed with dirty feet like there's all these bits of grit and shit at the bottom of the bed i can't say i've ever actually noticed that no oh all right just me no worries but i have become if i'm gonna have a morning shower yeah it's that becomes a two shower day for me. Oh, yeah, because you can't go to bed. So it's either night time or if I do shower in the morning,

I'm still having one at night time anyway. Because I just like feel like I can't, I mean, sometimes there's times that I'm just like I'm too freaking tired. At night. Yeah, at night time. But I love the fact that morning showers are like a once every so often thing for me. Yeah, and like when you do do them, you appreciate them more. And you go, wow, how lovely is that?

I'm in a great mood. And then you go out into the world and you bless everyone because, you know, you're just in a good mood because you've showered and you feel good and you feel great and you have a really great day. But then while it also made the point that if you shower at night, you're then going to go to bed and sweat and wake up not quite clean. Is that ever an issue for you? So here's where it gets tricky. So the reason I'll have a morning shower is if I know that I've got something where like, if I was to smell, it wouldn't be an issue. So for example, like I'll

wake up and go straight to the podcast studio to record Trash Alley and I won't have showered because we're just sitting down and talking. But if I've got like a photo shoot or a red carpet or something like that, obviously the last thing I want to do is smell while I'm on set or while I'm, you know, meeting people and whatnot. So, that sort of thing warrants that. But if I just get up and go and do the groceries,

yeah, I don't really care. No, if I wake up and I've had a particularly sweaty night, I will have to do a quick whore bath. You know, what is it? The pits and clits, whatever. Oh, yeah, yeah. Just a quick, just not to wet my hair, though, because that will be an all-day ordeal if my hair's wet. Yeah. God, you wouldn't understand what it's like to have a long hair.

No. In fact, I love having my hair as short as possible because it dries so quickly. Like, I will dry my head, then the rest of my body and the hair will be dry. I know. I really do miss those days. I do miss those days. Will you ever cut your hair? Um, eventually I will eventually when I get a bit older, I think I'm young enough now to pull it off. Will you just do it or will you make it a big, you know, world's greatest shave moment? I haven't really thought about it. I actually, it'd be a bit selfish just to hack it off. I should make it a world's greatest shave. That i should make it a world's greatest day like these days if you're not doing it for charity

you're just a fucking arsehole well that's me um by the way speaking of morning showers have you ever done this because mitch cherry reckons that he swears by it the best way to wake yourself up in the morning and be more alert before you start the day is like the last 30 seconds of your shower you just turn the tap to stone cold and you have a freezing cold shower i've done it a couple times in my life i've also tried jumping into a cold shower which when i was into like the gym and doing keto and you know bulking season and all the rest of those stupid things I would do. I thought that. How long is bulking season going for? It never stops.

There's four seasons a year, darling. I, when I was like, it was one of those things where it was like, if you get into a cold shower, it like releases all your endorphins and it makes you more energetic and it, and it burns calories faster and all that, all these things that were, you know, that were on the internet that said that a cold shower were, you know, that were on the internet that said that a cold shower did for you. So I felt no difference. So I stopped doing it. But yeah, there were times that I would get up in the middle of winter and get into a freezing cold shower just because I thought that it would like make me lose weight faster and all this

ridiculous thing. Yeah. I didn't realize that it was scientifically backed because it, it just pissed me off. It didn't make me more alert and like, yeah, I'm so ready to tackle the day. It just pissed me off. I was like, oh, that was fucking freezing. Why did I do that to myself? Well, you know, at least you should be blasting your hair with cold water before you get out of the shower. Yeah, really?

Is that a thing? Keep your hair. It closes because when you put the warm water in, it's like your pores on your face. It opens up all the follicles. And then if you do, if you shoot it with cold water for 10 seconds before you get out of the shower, just your hair, it closes the follicles to keep them healthier and you don't get your split ends and you don't get all that sort of stuff.

Just when I thought my hair couldn't get any more gorgeous, you wait, I'm going to start doing the cold showers. You've sold me on the vanity angle. Keep us updated. All right, idiots. Thanks for joining us for another episode of Is It Just Me? All right. Hey, lovely to have you back on this podcast.

Yeah, thanks, Joel. Of course, new episodes of our podcast, Trash Alley, every Wednesday, 7am, only on Spotify. If you want more of this. It's also season two now and we've upped the ante. We've got a second episode as well on Fridays. That's right. We do.

So every Wednesday and Friday, that's where you can catch Matt and I. But of course, we'll be back with another episode of Is It Just Me? This time next week. New episodes every Monday. And we're doing our bonus episodes for the Drag Race fans, Drag Race Debrief. You'll be able to catch that on Monday afternoon. I think Mitch will be back for that. We'll see.

Anyway, we'll catch you next week, idiots. Thanks for coming in. All right, hey? Oh, that's all right, doll. Thanks for having me. Bye, dolls. Oh, and wait, before we go. Yeah. Almost called him Trash Pass. It's easy, isn, hey? Oh, that's alright, doll. Thanks for having me. Bye, dolls. Oh, and wait, before we go.

Yeah. Um, almost called him Trash Pass. It's easy, isn't it? Idiots. Can you come and follow me on Instagram, please? I'm on my road to 100K, so do you have 15K listeners here? If everyone comes and listens. If every single one of you follows at alright, hey, then we're good.

Yeah, I'm at 85K, so if we could get to 100, that'd be great. Thanks. Anyway, bye. Thanks, idiots. We'll catch you soon. Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of mitches. Make sure you've hit follow on your podcast app. Welcome to AD Debrief. This is our secret segment on the end.

We talk shit. It's a secret segment, but I guess this segment is kind of what inspired the second episode of Trash Alley every Friday. We're calling that one kick-ons. It's like the after party, and it's because we wanted a dedicated shit talk zone. So we've got our own AD debrief over on Trash Alley, don't we? Every Friday.

But they have to wait. We keep them waiting. I don't know if our idiots are patient enough if we were to drop AD debrief on a different day. Maybe. Are they responding well to Drag Race debrbrief or whatever you call that? No, it's doing well, actually, the Drag Race Debrief. Obviously not every listener of ours gives a fuck, but the ones that do,

yeah, they're into it. Nice. Yeah. Anyway, this is the bit where we talk shit. Nothing's planned. Look at you staring at the brief. Like, what do I say? Where are my notes?

You know, Mitchell had to make a brief for me today because we have that on Trash Alley. But what, you don't have one on Is It Just Me? It's all up here, baby. Oh, okay. That's why Mitch and I actually changed the podcast genre from comedy to improv because we pretty much make it up every week. That's a long, long.

We just say to each other, right, we'll do this and then we'll do this and then we'll do that. And then it's also helpful because in the improv charts, we're in the top five. But in the comedy charts, we're in the top 100 at least. Also, I'm just looking on Spotify. I don't think improv is a thing. Oh, sorry. I was talking about Apple.

I'm allowed to talk about Apple here. I know that we're Spotify girls, but yeah. You know what's funny, though, is I, like, appreciate that we have a Spotify original podcast because I don't actually use Apple Music and I never have. Like, I have always used Spotify, so it feels really natural for me. Yeah. I used to use Apple Podcasts and Apple Music and it was good because once I became a Spotify podcaster, it's not like I had to lie through my teeth and say, yeah, how good Spotify, because I'm not even kidding about a month or two before we started Trash Alley, I became a Spotifyify convert anyway because get this apple podcasts wouldn't work on my apple carplay go figure oh you're fucking both apple

you'd think they'd get along wouldn't you i need to do i need to get apple carplay and i'm contemplating whether i so if i want it installed in my car, it's $500. You're good for it. I know. Or here's the unrelatable bit of the scenario. For our idiots that don't know, over on Trash Alley, I've started a book of All Right Hayes Unrelatable quotes. Whenever he says something a little bit diva-ish, I jot it down. Anyway, yep, what have we got?

This is one you can put in. said something a little bit diva-ish. I jot it down. Anyway, yep. What do we got? This is one you can put in. So it's $500 to get my Apple CarPlay set up, or I am considering just upgrading the whole car instead and getting a new car that has Apple CarPlay. Is there anything wrong with your current car? Um, no, but it's five years old. Oh yeah, that's okay. But here's the thing. That's not that spoiled.

Logistically, like not just me being like a spoiled brat, but when I bought my car, I still lived on the central coast and I was driving down to Sydney sometimes up to seven days a week. So have you got heaps of Ks on it? So it's at 100,000 Ks. Yeah, you should get rid of it then. That's what I mean. Like it had a lot of freeway

kilometers and now has a hundred kilometers, a hundred thousand kilometers racked up on it in five years. And I think I've lived in Sydney for three of those years. Yeah. And so my whole thing is like, realistically, I've only probably driven 15,000 kilometers since living in Sydney for three years. So it's like, isn't it isn't it weird the difference yeah so it's like the amount of kilometers anyway so i just want to like i just want to start fresh you're better you're better i'm just adding that quote to the to the book oh yeah buying what else is on there oh okay do you want to hear some of the unrelated yeah with no context this is gonna make me sound like an asshole but yeah i just don't check my messages because I get hundreds a day. Not you putting an inflection on it.

My Louis Vuitton bag got a splash in it and it's ruined my life. Well, it has. Like, what's wrong with this? This is my favourite. I had to have a meeting with my financial advisor yesterday and he was blown away. Sorry, I'm hilarious. You can't make this shit up. This is why I need a reality show because imagine, like,

getting all of this on tape. Fucking brilliant, brilliant television. I'm more interesting than Beyonce anyway. When did I say that? We need the context around it as well. I never write down the context. I just write them down when they sound snooty and it's without the context that makes it more beautiful. That is hilarious.

My problem about working at McDonald's was more people would get photos with me because I was a celebrity. This is when we're talking about like celeb encounters. And I said, did anyone famous ever come through Maccas when you worked there and you're like the problem was that i was the famous i mean did i lie did i fucking lie oh my god by the way nikki minaj's new song just came out oh did it i haven't had a listen yet oh should we Can we play music on this podcast? Here's the other perk of not doing a Spotify original podcast. You roll the dice. Because, yes, you are allowed to listen in terms of copyright.

It's a great area. You're allowed to offer criticism and critiques. And if we're doing that, giving it a review. Let's do it. Yeah. Let's do it. Super freaky gal. Oh, my God.

We've already heard snippets of this all over the internet. I'm very excited. You haven't heard this as a trending TikTok sound at the moment? No, I haven't. Yeah. I can lick it, I can, you know? Oh, no, I don't. It's real, like.

Up inside it. Oh, I see. She's sampled. Can't touch this. Yeah. No, it's. I can sing lyric theatre. Is it can't, is it can't touch this? Yeah, isn't it? Can't touch this. Yeah. No, it's... I can sing lyric theatre. Is it Can't Touch This?

Yeah, isn't it? Can't touch this. No, no, no. Can't touch this. Isn't that that? No, it's I'm a super freak. Oh, maybe they're all just sampling each other. Yeah, they probably are.

Ooh. I don't hate this. Yeah, I don't hate this. Yeah, I don't hate this either. I'm quite enjoying it, really. Imagine them playing this in court at the copyright infringement trial, being like, did they really give a thorough review? All we've said is, yeah, I like this. Right, well, we better give it a rating so far. I'm giving it five stars.

I love it. Oh, I thought you meant five out of ten. My clit is pulsing to this. Oh, my God. It's throbbing. The flaps are clapping. Let's go. I want to get on the dance floor.

This makes me want to get freaky. I was thinking this is a good dance floor song. Would I get up for it if I was comfortably sitting at Pooftove? Probably not. No, I would. Yeah. Yeah. It's giving me, like, I just want to shake my tits, you know? Is this going to go in your radioactive playlist? No, I would. Yeah. Yeah. It's giving me,

like, I just want to shake my tits. Is this going to go in your radioactive playlist? Oh yeah. I'll put it in right now. I was listening to your radioactive playlist the other day and I've got to say, some questionable choices in there. Oh,

it does need to be updated. Yeah, I wasn't going to say anything. What was, um, cause I like to keep it to, um, sorry,

excuse me. No, you're right. I like to keep it to 40. So it's like my top No, you're right. I like to keep it to 40. So it's like my top 40. Ah, yeah. It's currently at 76. I love how The Cure has not gone anywhere.

Yeah, but that. And nor will it. No, it won't because that song's special to me. It's like my favourite song ever. Yeah. So, but if you read the description of the playlist. Also, should we stop Nicki Minaj now? Yeah, no, good one, Nicki.

Okay, there we go. So what's our review so we don't get copyrighted? It doesn't really go anywhere. Like, it's just kind of consistent. I think songs are being made for TikTok these days. Yeah, no, they are making them for TikTok. Like, some people, I've heard some interviews where artists have said, God, my label just keeps saying, oh, this is a great album, bae,

but there needs to be a song that sounds TikTokable. Even, like, management are pushing artists to get TikTok songs, which I don't understand. How do you even format a TikTok song though? Like how do you know what's going to go off on TikTok? You just don't. Like I bet you wouldn't have picked fucking, what's that Celine Dion song that blew up recently? It's all coming back to me now. So true. And like running up that hill. Oh, that wasn't really a TikTok thing. That was more stranger things, but yes, it has gone off on TikTok as well. I didn't realise that Kateate bush who um sings running up that hill i didn't realize that's the same bitch that sings is it wuthering heights you know that song i know oh you'd know it if you heard it's

like it's me i'm kathy i didn't realize it's the same bitch because I've got a completely different tone of voice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. How's your sugar-free lemonade? Is this one that you poured me sugar-free as well? Well, thank God I'm not hungover.

It wouldn't do anything. Why is it sugar-free? I reckon I've got to start doing what you've done. Like get these fizzy drinks and, oh, sorry, fizzy drinks and shit to have at home. Because at the moment, if I feel like a refreshing beverage of an evening, it's like, oh, sorry, fizzy drinks and shit to have at home because at the moment if I feel like a refreshing beverage of an evening, it's like, oh, I'll just pour a wine. And now that I'm trying to cut back on the wine, I'm like, there's nothing else in my fridge.

I've got to find an alternate. Yeah. Fizzy drinks do well because, you know what, it's also about the psychology of it. Sometimes I'll have, even not even a fizzy drink, sometimes I'll have a cordial in a wine glass. Really? And just holding the wine glass has me at peace.

Actually, you've just reminded me. There was a period where when I was still working full time, I was like, oh, I need to stop having wines midweek. I'm going to work all dusty. And I would put iced tea in a wine glass and I'd just like trick myself. Yeah. I've got to start doing that again. Yeah.

Yeah. So it's just like holding it is comforting you know which is scary that's why i hate stemless wine glasses it doesn't have the same attitude and oomph as a normal wine glass stemless wine glass from a wedding i went to yeah well it's not even a stemless wine glass it's a cup well that's true there's no point difference is there no in fact you know what a brand sent me a couple weeks ago i'll show you it after we finish recording. It's a stemless. No, go get it. Fuck it. Okay. Hang on. I'll show you. Hang on.

Sorry. We're in no rush over here. Hang on. By the way, Matt, you were talking up how good the view is during golden hour from this apartment. What a shame it's cloudy because it's hideous out there. I know. All right.

I've got it behind my back for you. I've got it behind my back because a brand sent me this the other day. It's a stemless flute. Okay. It's a stemless flute. So it's a champagne glass without the little bit at the bottom. I mean, that doesn't look like a normal cup, so that is less infuriating to me than a stemless wine glass,

but it's still rather the flute. And the thing with stemless wine glasses is the whole point of a stem is so that that's what you hold so that your wine doesn't get worn from your fingers or your hands. So a stemless wine glass defeats the purpose of having the wine. I actually had a bit in my comedy shows. I've cut it since where I was talking about stemless wine glasses. And one of my friends bought stemless wine glasses, especially for whenever I was visiting.

And she's like, yeah, I got these for you so that you don't break my good glasses. And I was like, babe, I'm pretty sure I could break a stemless wine glass just to demonstrate. I had someone backstage throw wine glasses on. And I was like, see, they're breakable. And I just don't understand the point. I was like, a wine glass without the stem is just a cup in the same way that a monitorless computer is just a keyboard. A prongless fork is just a spoon.

You can't say stemless wine glass because it's literally just a cup. Fuck them. But hang on. I need to go back to you smashing glasses on stage. Yeah, that was hard to get over the line because we've got the same promoter. Imagine me having to explain, so I want broken glass on stage. He was like, really? You sure about that?

Yeah. But it happened. And did it work? Well, you've cut it. So did it not work? Or was it just too hard? Too many logistics? Well, it just started to add up, buying all these fucking wine glasses.

I did them for the first show and then I was like, I don't want to take wine glasses to Melbourne, buy more and then smash them. And then I was coming back for Sydney Comedy Festival. Speaking of which, we should both just be whores and plug our shows. I'm coming to Brisbane in September. So if you're down there, buy me tickets. And none of mine are on sale yet. So just go to Mitchell's.

Yeah. We're not allowed to announce it yet, but we'll both give a clue. We're both coming to a city that begins with A and ends with delayed. So if you can figure it out, then that's on you. Yeah. Can we talk about Celeste Barber, right, for a second? Sure. So here's some tea for you, idiots.

It's so funny hearing it from you. Idiots. Idiots. So my friend said to me, she's a big Celeste Barber fan, and I was like, she said to me, because I had just done my tour, she was like, oh, Celeste Barber's doing apparently like this big American tour tour two month tour 40 cities or 40 dates across america uh and my friend said to me like why is she doing this like why is she working two months non-stop and i was like um i'll tell you why she's

um working two months non-stop because people don't realize like how easy it is to make money from a live show because. Oh, like if you're selling heaps of tickets and you're not even having to, you know, come up with new content every show. Yeah. Then it is easy. Yeah.

I just think that people think like, oh, my ticket costs 20 bucks, but like they don't think about there's a hundred people in the room. And 99 of them don't believe in you, but all it takes is that one person. Sorry, Gaga quote. But you know, it like all adds up. So anyway, I did the math on Celeste Barber's tour.

Did you? Yeah. So like, let's take it from the top. First of all. I love how I thought when you said I've got some tea on Celeste Barber that I was going to get some dirt, but you're just, the tea is how successful she is. How much money she's making from this tour. Because my friend's question was like like you're someone who does shows why would

someone put themselves through this for two months and i said well i'll tell you dallas i went on her tickets are at the lowest i could find were 90 dollars right oh fuck now let's just say that just doing our research and then also the fact that like she probably has like a tour bus she has more people to employ she has like a tour bar she has more people to employ she has like a few other behind the scenes kind of people let's say like she probably from the 90 dollars let's sorry that lemonade is repeating on me dog let's just be generous and say she gets how much of a percentage of that ticket like her cut yeah maybe. Maybe what? 60, 70? Well, I was thinking probably 60, 70, but I think for the purpose we'll go 60. We'll go lower.

So I'll say like 60% of $90 is $54. Because all that other money has to pay for everything. Like the sound guy, the two of us, whatever. Yeah. And so per ticket, she's getting $54. Now, the interesting thing for Celeste Barber, because like I know she's a big deal, but I didn't know she was, like, this big of a deal because a lot of the shows were sold out. I didn't even know she did stand-up. Well, yeah, it's kind of stand-up, but she does have a special, I think, on Amazon Prime that you can watch.

Oh, okay. I don't know whether I'd call it, like, stand-up, but it's similar to us where we just kind of, like, tell stories during a show. So, she's charging $54 per ticket. Now, some of these theatres, they range between 2,500 seats and 3,500 seats. I know. Let's go 2,500. Let's go 2,500. So, we're doing the lowest possible. Yeah.

So, the $54 times 2,500 seats, it adds up real fucking quick. That's $135,000. $135,000 in her pocket. And then times that by 40. Times that by 40, that's $5.4 million. Fuck me, dude. So I said to my friend, that's why she's working for two months, doll, because that's $5.4 million before tax.

Holy shit. Oh, yeah, what would it be after tax? Well, I mean, if she's doing her- Like minus 30% of that. It's tricky because she's in Oh, yeah. What would it be after tax? Well, I mean, if she's doing her. Like minus 30% of that. It's tricky because she's in America, though. Well, let's go like 30, the maximum. Okay. So, let's do 30% to tax.

That's still $3.78 million. There you go. So, and of course, I feel like. Which is like. That's all just an estimate. Just under $2 million per month basically so her monthly salary so shit that's why she's doing so much work and cramming it into two months so let's pop is a weird one for me because i didn't realize that she did anything more than

just those instagram posts where she ripped off you know celebrity photos well i think she copied the pose and just look really daggy in it. Like I didn't realize that she was more than that. I thought she just made videos and then I was like, oh fuck, she's a big deal. Yeah. I think she, I think she just did that for a while. Then did then realized I'm missing out on a lot of money.

And so then she decided to be like, well, what can I do? I can do TV shows. I can start doing like more of appearances to start doing live shows and stuff like that. So I think she decided to kind of make some coin, which I love. I know that it's easy to say this, but I had that idea years ago where you copy celeb poses and just make it look really daggy and relatable. Like you'd be standing there copying the same pose that a model's doing in a bikini, but you've got your gunt drooping over and you're wearing the hideous granny undies.

I was like, oh, that could be funny. I just never got around to it. I'm pretty sure it's in a phone note somewhere from years ago being like, oh, it is. I just never did it. And then when Celeste started doing it, I was like, fuck me. Doll, you could have been making $5.4 million before tax every two months if you were smart about it. That's the thing.

I find that a lot of the time as well. There's so many things I could be doing if I was smart. You know what I do? You know what happens these days though? See, back in the day, like on YouTube, if someone else did an idea that I had written down in my notes, because I was the same thing. I'd write it down in my notes and I'd sit there and sit there and sit there

and then, oh, fucking Joel McAlef's done it, you know. And now I'm like, well, now I can't do it because it looks like I'm copying him. Well, these days with the world of TikTok and it being so oversaturated, if I see someone else do it, I just do it better. You know, like I may as well just do it because there's so many people are creating, like even though I've seen someone else do it, 10 people would have done it before them and 100 people are going to do it after them.

And you can just like pretend, oh, it's a TikTok challenge. This is my version of it. Yeah. And I've never just like blatantly copied somebody else's TikTok or ID. And it's pretty easy to chuck a little credit in the comments. Like, oh, thanks, blah, blah, blah for the info. But I mean like one that I've like actually written down and thought about beforehand. I've gone, oh, fuck, better do my own. Yeah yeah do you know what i had written down in my um phone notes it

was something to do with an impression of jb hi-fi workers and then i found out i've never even seen one but i found out that millie graham or at millie on tiktok has done a few of those and i didn't realize i've never seen one but i remember someone mentioning oh you know millie's hilarious jb hi-fi videos and i was like, oh, fuck me. I wrote that down recently thinking it was so original and I'm like, for God's sake, everything's been done. Nothing's new. No, that's why I just do it.

Yeah. My JB Hi-Fi video coming soon in that case. Yeah, you may as well. Like, why not? You could do it better, to be honest. No, I'm not much of an actress, so I don't know if I would do it better, to be honest. No, I'm not much of an actress. So, I don't know if I would do it better. Yeah.

Yeah. Neither she. She's pretty good, though. Like, she's pretty eerie. She's not an actress, though. She's not Nicole fucking Kidman. She's got no training, has she? Yeah, true. Like, if she's gone into NIDA and she's got the thing that says, you know, I'm an actress,

then fair enough. But she does TikTok. She's not an actress. Although there was that one stint she did in Bump. Oh, you know, I'm an actress, then fair enough. But she does TikTok. She's not an actress. Although there was that one stint she did in Bump. Oh, yeah. We'll give her that. We'll give her that. The two lines.

Does that make you an actress, though? I don't know. Maybe she's got an IMDB now. We don't know. I'm going to check. Maybe not an actress. But, yeah, she's good at impressions and, like, characters and stuff. Whereas I am not so much.

Millie Ford IMDB. You're joking. and like characters and stuff whereas i am not so not so much millie ford imdb millie oh sorry i stand corrected millie ford is an actress known for bump and rebound hang on she's been in something else i don't know what rebound is i can't say anything about this but millie ford apparently played Tiffany in Rebound. Let me see if I can get a movie. Yeah, I've never even heard of that. I think they said 2014. Well, I don't know.

Oh, this was before Bump. No, that's not it. Oh, here we go. No, that's. Well, hang on. Let me say Rebound Millie Ford. Okay, I'm on the case here, bitches. Nothing comes up.

Nothing have been very successful. Well, the LAMDB page has nothing on it. Like, there's just the Rebound has, like, no info. Anyway. We're at that point in the episode. It's funny that we're here because it happens when Mitch is here too. We're at that point in the episode where we both get a bit delirious and he

just starts Googling shit. And he's not actually listening to me. I told you I'm such a fill in. Like we're twins. See, that's why we, I'm glad we didn't date because it wouldn't have gone well because we're the same person,

you know, a little bit of a throwback for the long time. Yeah. I actually like pronouncing it that way. Cause it sounds like it. Yeah. That's what I thought it was. No, we just flat out call themits. Yeah, idgits. I actually like pronouncing it that way because it sounds like idjim. Yeah, that's what I thought it was, idgits. No, we just flat out call them idiots. Oh, okay.

I'm going to start calling them idgits. Idgits, yeah. Hello, idgits. Thanks for listening. Should we get out of here? Oh, are you saying we're done? No, should we? Or have you got more Googling to do?

I don't mind. I've got nowhere to be. I could Google more, but I'd also, you know, it's 5.30. I better put the chook in the oven. Oh, God, your mum and idgits. I better put the chook in the oven Oh god, your mum energy It's so tough I better put the chook in the oven Oh well in that case We better let you go

Yeah, you better let you go, Jo Alright, thanks Itchits We hope this podcast made you feel at least 2% better today That's all I forgot to tell you, you've got a line there What? Every time I say that catchphrase We hope this podcast made you feel at least 2% better.

That's all. Jenna and Mitch's response is to say in unison, so we do. So we do. Much like they're at church. Yeah, it's a bit culty. Oh, okay. Yeah, it doesn't matter. Anyway, we hope it made you feel 2% better, itchits.

So we do. Gorgeous. All right, well, you can catch us on Trash Alley or we'll be back with is it just me next week hopefully mitch is back on board and if not you'll have me again probably and hopefully i'll clean my office by then yeah and we can film the episode because we didn't film today's one sorry i said no joel the mess that you should see him is a wreck it's just fucked up there's two versions of all right hey the public persona and Caravan Park Matthew. So I've got Caravan Park Matthew today.

Trailer trash. Anyway, okay, gotta let you go. Bye. Kisses. Actually, you should do one of those. I better let you go. I've got a... And then a throwback to something in the episode.

That's how we end Trash Alley. I better let you go. Gotta go post a dick pic on Instagram. All right, thanks for listening, idgits. We'll catch you soon. Bye. Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of mitches.

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