Is It Just Me? - #117: BEEEEEP

Episode Date: August 22, 2022

Churi’s back and we’re feeling chaotic as ever!In this episode:Sounds to help you focus (07:01)Voicemails - yay or nay? (12:14)The most passive-aggressive reply ever (15:14)Censor beep fail (19:45)Jenna’s newsreader audition (25:30)Our “Secret Segment” ADDebrief (42:30)Get in touch @coupleofmitchesSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

People do some weird shit. Would you like to try a vape? Why would you take up something that is going to be addictive and expensive? I think for people... I'll tell you why. Yeah. Because you're young and stupid. Some things make more sense than others.

You mentioned that your goal was to be healthier and I just don't know how you figure that's going to happen when you're ordering a chocolate mousse. No. You know I had it in the car on the way home and I didn't have a spoon. So I was like an armadillo trying to get ants out of a hole. Brace yourself for the rude shocks of young adulthood. Being fingered is an awful sensation. You haven't been fingered by the right person. Goodness me.

This is Is It Just Me? Hosted by a couple of bitches. Hi, it's Jenna. Please don't forget to include my name in the opener this season. I'm sorry. Ta-da! Now, here's Mitch Chooley and Mitchell Coons. Here we go.

Both here this time. Mitchell Coons. Welcome back, darling. It's so good to be here. Thank you, everyone. Oh, for the love and the adoration. I'm here. Okay, show me one message.

I got a few. Actually, it probably says a lot about me adoration. I'm here. Okay, show me one message. I got a few. Actually, it probably says a lot about me that people thought I was ill. So many people are like, get better. I know, because there were two factors. The fact that you weren't on the episode last week and we didn't do an Instagram live. People were like, there must be something seriously wrong. What did you say? What was your excuse for me?

I just said Mitch is away this week. And that's brave. Very brave. What do you mean? It's just a nice thing. Do you want me to tell them why you're away? No. No, thank you. I just said Mitch is away this week. And that's brave. Very brave. What do you mean? It's just a nice thing. Do you want me to tell them why you're away? No. No, thank you. I'd appreciate it if not. But I am back. It's good to be here.

Price Keeper Jenna, our third wheel, is of course on board as usual. Hi, Jenna. I'm back. Great to have you here too, Jenna. Can I tell you, Jenna, I'll save it for later, but I had a dream about you last night. Oh. Yeah. You didn't do anything embarrassing. Don't worry. Okay. You come off quite good in the dream. Was it one of your wet dreams?

We know you have them every second week. No, I don't. Yes, you do. You slip and slide through that bed of yours. Can you not? Jenna, imagine if it was. This is how rumours start. Oh, my God.

I'm sorry, but you have, I've never had one and you have a dozen of them a year. No, I don't have a dozen a year, but actually, I think the one I spoke about on the podcast would have been the most recent. I haven't had one since. Was that this year? Yeah, I don't have a dozen a year. But actually, I think the one I spoke about on the podcast would have been the most recent. I haven't had one since. Was that this year? Yeah, this year. Probably. But the reason I brought it up is because it was a dry dream. It's like I had a dream that I had a wet dream and I woke up going, oh, there's going to be a mess and there wasn't. And I was like, thank God.

Isn't that sad? You have wet dreams and I just have dreams that I've pissed myself. I have them all the time. My wet dreams are just me winging. I wonder if this is something I should bring up with Patrick, the therapist. But I often have recurring dreams about just tripping and smacking all my teeth out. Oh, I know why this is. Really?

On my radio show, I do dream decoding with Georgina Walker, who I think would be a good guest for this show. We should get Gigi on. Maybe I should give her a ring. Do you want to ring Gigi? What now? Well, she gets very put off. She likes to be paid. She doesn't do free pro bono work.

Fair enough. Okay, we'll forget about it. We can set it up. I'm going to a 70 this weekend. You can just tell me now. You were about to tell me what the meeting was. Anything to do with losing teeth, we've done dream decoding on my show for a year, is anxiety. It's rooted in anxiety.

Yeah. Yeah. But like losing teeth in any way, shape or form? Yeah. Because mine is specifically tripping and just smacking them on different places that knock them all out. Like the corner of the bench or a rock or maybe like the bathroom sink. It happens not all the time, but at least a couple of times a month.

That's an awful dream to have. You kind of jolt in that dream, don't you? I've had dreams like that. You feel the pain. No, I don't feel the pain, but I just, oh, can you imagine it? Like logistically, what do you do from there? I've got no teeth now. Who do you ring?

Even a dentist would be like, I'm fucked. I don't know what to do. Even the dentist would be like, okay, I can fit you in in a month. And then what do you do in the meantime? Yeah, nothing. It's more just the admin that I'm scared of. Oh, God, that'd be tough. You'd have to get an orthodontist.

Yeah, what's the difference? They do wires and things, braces and moldings of the mouth. Oh, you'd have to go to a periodontist that I went to. Oh, Jenna, don't make words up. They do dental implants. Oh, well, we can talk to Georgina off the air, but yeah. No, I know all I need to know now. It's anxiety related, is it?

Yeah, apparently. Weird, I haven't been feeling anxious recently. Interesting. Yeah. Depressed as all fuck, but not anxious. Right. Well, it's great to be back. The show is back and we've got an announcement.

Obviously, you know, if you follow us on Instagram, couple of Mitches, that there's some new merch around, but we'll talk about that later. Yes, link in bio. Yeah. The new merch.

And I will just say this straight off the bat, we're running the show this time. So if you bought something from our most recent summer merch drop and you were one of the people that was complaining to us,

why is this taking forever? Don't worry. We've sacked those dogs. We're just running the show ourselves now. You should have seen Mitchell fire them, Jenna. It was miraculous. I wish I was there. It was actually kind of a turn on.

They cried. The words that he brought up. Well, it was supposed to be fucking summer merch and they didn't even send it out until it was bloody stone cold out there. I know. They're like, it'll be nine to 12 weeks. I'm like, there's three seasons in nine to 12 weeks? Anyway, so with the new merch.

I don't know, Matt. But a new merch which we're handling ourselves, so you'll get it. And details on that to come. All right, if it's your first time listening, it's Is It Just Me. Every week, Mitch and I bring an Is It Just Me, an idjim, as we like to call them. Something we've noticed, something we hate or appreciate. Mine is something that I think is going to make a comeback. And I'm hoping makes a comeback.

It's a piece of tech that I really want to come back into fashion. The Nintendo DS? Picto Chat? Oh, Picto Chat. Can I just say, Picto Chat was great for a sleepover, but you had to be within three metres of the person for the message to send. I know.

It really was pointless, and it took forever to type. Oh, my – oh, the words were so small. Yeah. And I would chew the tip of my DS stylus. Why? So it would, I think I'd pick my teeth with it. Oh, my God. And it wouldn't type on it.

And my screen was all scratched. I've become addicted to picking my teeth, by the way. Is it just me on the fly? Oh, my God. I do it too. Have you got those little Christmas tree things? Oh, I love them. But what size are you?

I don't know. The Pixsters? Is that what they're called? Yeah, Pixsters. Picklers or some crap. Picklers. Yeah, you love them. But what size are you? I don't know. The Pixtas? Is that what they're called? Yeah, Pixtas. Picklers or some crap. Picklers. Yeah, you've got to pick your size, like 0-1, 0-2, 0-2. I went up to 1 because there wasn't much of a gap between my teeth for a while, but I've

gone up to a 1 from a 0. Oh, my God. I remember I got the one that was too big for ages because I'm an idiot and I don't read. And I was like jamming it in. There was blood on my... Oh, no. God, my dentist will be proud of me.

No, I just was shoving a fucking square prong in a round hole um Ijeoma on the fly for me a lot of tooth talk guess what I went to my dentist guys I don't know if you've noticed but I am developing a midlife tooth gap show us where in between the two

front teeth oh I can breathe through it that's weird I can also spray water through it. Should I spray you? No, you... Listen to you flip. No, don't. I thought you were going to do it at me. I'll do it to Generating. Just don't get it on the radio panel. That's not a good idea. I've got my MacBook.

Yeah. Pop Jackie Nort's jacket over it. Yeah. There you go. Wait. Isn't that powerful? Wow. It's everywhere. That stream was quite ferocious. That's like Mitchell right before he does his off to sleep.

Mitchell. I didn't expect it to be that powerful. Oh, sorry, everyone. Yeah. Beg your pardon. Beg my pardon. Got a gap downstairs too. Am I going first?

Is it just me? Yeah, you can go first. All right, cool. Let's go, Bradley. Thank you, darling. Here we go. Is it just me or? Does focus music piss you off? Oh, Bradley. Thank you, darling. Here we go. Is it just me or? Does focus music piss you off?

Oh, wait, the app focus or in general music that's meant to make you focus? Oh, just anything. Like, you know how you look up on YouTube, focus music, or I looked it up on Spotify today because I was trying to get quite a few things done before I came to the studio. And I was like, right, focus, Mitchell. And I put it on and I was like, this is just annoying. This isn't helping me focus one bit.

Well, it depends because sometimes people need different types of music. Like, do you need pump up? Do you need zen? What kind of music? I don't know. I just clicked the first thing that came up when I searched Focus Music and it was this. Support it with me. Does this not fucking irk you?

It's a bit grim, isn't it? Oh, I used to listen to this when I was in year 12. You know this track? Yep. No, this to me is Betty Davis was killed. Who killed her? We still don't know. In this 12-part investigative series.

It's a crime. You know what? My imagination started to wander. It wasn't helping with the focus. I was literally in my head picturing like they've spent the whole episode looking for this missing girl. And then this is the music they play when someone walks in and goes detectives we found a body yeah and then it like cuts to them at the park they lift up the top that's sienna that's her and then go to an outbreak that's what this music is

and i was like i'm supposed to be focusing and that's what's going through my head maybe that's an adhd thing i don't know if that's what everyone does. I just find that music, it makes me feel things. So I need something that I'm just not thinking at all. Have you heard of brown noise? Beg your pardon? Brown noise. No, what's brown noise? I really don't know.

I saw something on TikTok. Apparently it's good for ADHD. Oh, should I get some out? Yeah. Actually, yeah. Just go on YouTube and look up brown noise. I'm sure it's there. Yeah, I saw something on TikTok about that as well.

Music is haunting. All right, brown noise. Right? It it's there. Yeah, I saw something on TikTok about that as well. Music is haunting. All right, brown noise. Right? It's not fucking relaxing or focusing at all. No, no. All right, let me have a look. Brown noise. So brown noise, from what I can gather, white noise is like it chills you out.

That's good for going to sleep. But then brown noise is kind of meant to make you switch on. Oh, is that true? I think. I don't know. I'll Google it. Okay, here we go. So this is brown noise.

Turn it up. Ooh. Ta-da. Oh. It's like a plane. Yeah. Oh, now you've said that, I won't be able to unhear it. Oh, it sounds like we're just in a wind tunnel. Hang on, this is interesting. I just tried to Google the difference between white noise and brown noise.

Yeah. And the top search is white noise versus pink noise. What the fuck's pink noise? Yeah, because, hold on, can we just all agree brown noise isn't doing it for me? Maybe it is an ADHD thing, because it helped me. Let me try pink noise. Yeah, look up pink noise. I've never heard of that shit.

I know white noise is what my sister uses to put in the background when she's putting the kids to sleep. Brown noise is what I use to focus. Well, isn't this weird? I've just Googled pink noise, so this is it. Sorry. Just joking. Although, I'm focused.

I'm not. Oh. See, this just makes me, like, because I'm an empath, I just think of the times I've been scorned by my non-existent ex. Yeah, yeah, fuck them. Here we go, here we go. Ten yeah. Fuck them. Here we go. Ten hours of pink noise. Here we go.

Oh, I don't like that. Oh, no. TV static. That's like the studio's malfunctioning. Hold on. We'll give it a second. No, I feel like a seashell. No, I don't like that at all.

Yeah, if you put the shell up to here, you can hear the ocean. I used to believe that, by the way. I used to go, oh, I can. No, I was onto it even as a child. I was like, fuck up. That sounds nothing like the ocean. You would be too practical for that shit. You'd be like, no.

It didn't sound anything like the ocean. Give me a random colour, Mitch. I'm just going to see if it exists. Cerulean. Cerulean noise. No, it doesn't exist. Damn it. Damn it.

What about? Magenta. Magenta noise. No, it doesn't exist. Damn it. Damn it. What about... Magenta. Magenta noise. Magenta. Oh, it exists! Wow. Oh, this is the caption. Is magenta noise the new pink noise?

Wow. All right, let's go. This is magenta. No, that's worse. It's just a louder beach. Just further into the sea. The tide's coming. Yeah.

You know what Hayden and I listen to to get to sleep? This every night. Every single night. Does that help? Puts me to bed like a baby. I'm out like a light. Really? Yeah.

I don't mind having my air purifier on. That puts me to sleep. Just a bit of white noise, funnily enough. Yeah, white noise. Interesting. What about, to sleep. Just a bit of white noise, funnily enough. Yeah, white noise. Interesting. What about, can you look up spiced nutmeg noise? That's a nice colour.

Yeah. Hogs bristle half noise. No, no, it doesn't come up. It doesn't exist. Damn it. Anyway, focus music's bullshit. Get around the brown noise. Yeah.

I'm into it. Could we create our own noise? Like, what if I, can you loop this, Mitchell? Just me exhaling, and this could be idjim noise. Yeah. I'm into it. Could we create our own noise? Like, what if I, can you loop this, Mitchell? Just me exhaling and this could be Ijem noise. Wow. That could be relaxing to some. Okay. That sounded like those little cherubs that they pull out of the bush in Harry Potter.

The mandrakes. The mandrakes. Anyway. Are you going to do your, is it just me or what? Oh, yeah. Sorry. I'm ready. Here we go. Bradley, come in, bitch.

Is it just me? Is it time for the voicemail to make its comeback? No. No. No. No. Why? As in leaving them. Oh, no, no. Why? As in leaving them?

Leaving, receiving, sending, listening, keeping, cherishing, recording. Well, all of mine are in there. All of mine get kept now. I think it depends on what type of iPhone you use. But instead of calling the number and they read the voicemail to you, you know how it's like received at 2.15. They just kind of send them like voice memos now. Yes, that's my point.

Why can't I get those? That's why I got Goss. Don't worry, I'm bringing it. I got the info. Oh, you do? Yes. So I, for years, was with Optus. Jenna, who are you with?

Telstra. Telstra. Okay. Optus do not allow the voice message style voicemail system on your iPhone. I think they do allow because I'm on Optus. What? Look. Shit.

Read it and wait, bitch. But you only just got that, like you said, right? Yeah, it was only the most recent update, like when I got this phone. Yes. Okay, so here's the thing. Because mine is just like this. Call voicemail. Oh, generally in the dark ages.

Yeah, you have to call me, read it to you. Because here's the thing. That I've got no time for 131. Fuck her right off. But what I have time for is voice messages. Because we send voice messages 24-7. Yeah, I love sending voice messages to people in the chat, but I don't want them to

leave me a fucking voicemail. I don't think I even have a greeting on there. Can I just say, there's nothing better than screening a call and getting a voicemail and knowing instantly who it is. Because there's nothing worse than getting a call and they don't leave a voicemail and you go, oh, who is it? Oh, I'll never know. The mystery.

Because I don't want to call them back. Yeah. I just Googled the number. Yeah. And that never really works. I've been on whocalledme.com. Is that a thing? Yeah.

What happens if you put your own number into whocalledme.com? Have they got you registered? Oh my God, I'm going to try that. Because I don't think they'd have many people registered, would they? No, no way. Well, you know what else is a little phone tip? If you type their mobile number into Facebook, if their mobile number is linked to their profile,

their profile comes up and you get the name. Oh, okay. A little hack, everyone. Here we go. Reverse phone lookup. Oh, no, there is no info on this number. Yeah, see, I don't reckon those websites really work because I do the same thing as Jenna.

I Google it being like, who the fuck was that? Here we go. I'm just Googling it. It takes me a lot to actually work up the motivation to make a phone call. Yeah. I always put it aside. That's why I prefer voice messaging. You can just do it on the go.

That's what I mean. It's time for voicemails to make their triumphant comeback. No, not voicemail. Voice messages. Oh, shit. Okay. Voice messages because then they can reply in their time. And also the thing I love about it is no one interrupts me in my voice messages.

Oh, true. I can finish. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, there's nothing worse than a phone call that you don't want to be in. Oh. Oh, isn't that hell on earth? Do you have any friends that they say, anyway, I better go and then keep talking?

Yeah. I think it's you. Oh, it's me. No, I hate those people. Surely I'm not. I think it's you. Oh, it's me. No, I hope it's people. Surely I'm not. I think it's you. Oh, no. I didn't want to say it. Gotta go. Is it just me? That's enough of these two.

Now let's hear and is it just you? Alright, it's time to hear from one of you guys. Don't forget, hit up Jenna, if you mentioned on the show, Pricekeeper Jenna, and you'll be sent a prize for being a part of the show. We're bribing you to be an Is It Just You caller or a voice message if you're a little pussy. That's okay.

I prefer callers. Like the Lavity on Instagram, Lockie, little pussy bitch, just sent a voice message. So here's Lockie's Is It Just Me. Is it just me or is the like emoji the most condescending emoji ever created? Like when someone leaves a like react, it's like, I just feel like they're looking down on me and it's not a great feeling. Oh, God, that is so bang on.

Wait, I don't get it. What's the like emoji, the thumbs up? Yeah, the thumbs up. Oh, yeah, that is so bang on. Wait, I don't get it. What's the like emoji? The thumbs up? Yeah, the thumbs up. Oh, yeah, that's cunty. Or if you react with just a thumbs up on iMessage, I think, oh, my God, what have I done? They're furious at me. And it is something that you would do, fully aware of how it's coming across if you're like fighting with someone and you want to end the conversation.

I was going to say, it depends on the vibe of the friendship and the previous conversation. If you thumb up someone in the middle of a fight, that is a massive fuck you. The most traumatic part is when you accidentally push it because it's on the right. It's always there. They're scathing. I'm quite a rational person. I like to think most of the time, but when I get a thumbs up, oh my God, I'm so offended. If you ever sent me a thumbs up, I would be so pissed off.

I wouldn't do that to you because it would just frighten the daylights out of you. Oh, I wouldn't talk to you. Honestly, I wouldn't know what to do to Mitch. I'd freak out. You'd then avoid any further messages I send for fear that I'm following up on the thumbs up. Imagine that work, Jarkin. Hi, just following up on my previous thumbs up. Just circling back to the thumbs up.

You really need to seize the thumbs up. Where I was coming from when I said that. You know what? I don't know if you know this, but here's another Mitch tip. On Instagram, right? Let's go. We were messaging the person that just sent these. It's just you.

You know how if you hold down and you can just send a little tap response? It's like an emoji. You can add your own and you can pick. Did you know that? Oh. No, I didn't know that. Yeah. So if like we want our Idrim reply to be the crown because all our listeners are royalty.

You can add that. Nice. And now every time. Actually actually that's a lie, you have to go back and add every time. Oh, you have to look through for the crown every time. That's annoying. But it's in recent, but you can react with any emoji, which is cool. It's cute. Yeah, because someone reacted, I was gossiping on Instagram and someone reacted with a T emoji.

I'm like, how the fuck do they do it? I'd watch a 10 hour YouTube tutorial. It wouldn't be that hard to figure out. I didn't know you could do it. You know when you watch a tutorial for one thing and then they start with like, hey, like, subscribe before we get into today's video. Oh, yeah, that's so true because the thumbs up used to be something that they'd beg for. You'd want a thumbs up, but they haven't aged well.

No. You know what else I noticed on YouTube? They don't have verification ticks. Do they? No, I was looking at an account. I remember thinking, oh, I don't believe you because there was no blue tic. I haven't. I just got a little black tic next to their name.

Do they? Yeah. You can get verified on YouTube. A little black thing. Oh, sorry. YouTube. Of course, VidCon. VidCon 2003.

No, I haven't been there. You were there with Anne Frank. No. Anne Frank? I don't know the original. She was the original vlogger. Let's be real. It was a blog.

It's a journal. Very different to blogging. Has anyone read that book? Of course. We had to read it at real. That was a blog? It's a journal. Very different to blogging. Has anyone read that book? Of course. We had to read it at school. Oh, did you? And also I was there, so I helped her. You sharpened her pencil for it, didn't you?

I was talking to someone the other day who told me that for year 12 English, instead of having to read fucking Shakespeare or any of that rubbish, they got to watch Titanic. What? I was like, oh, my God, I would have slayed that unit. I mean, I did top English in my year level. Oh, I haven't met him. I can't believe they got to watch Titanic.

You know how they always do the major focus of belonging or discovery. I had belonging. Yeah, same. And theirs was like disaster or some shit. I can't remember. Well, you know, I think that is, though. I think that must have been a lower level of English. Because did you have, like, different classes? We had about four classes. Oh, standard, advanced, extension one, I think that is, though. I think that must have been a lower level of English. Because did you have, like, different classes?

We had about four classes. Oh, standard, advanced, extension one, extension two. Did you have to bring that up? I prefer to just say I topped English. I topped standard English. No, no, I'm not talking about you. No, no, no. Topping English in any regard is impressive and takes preparation, I can imagine.

I did basic English and I did Romulus, my father. Standard English was the most basic, wasn't it? Yeah. Well, then English is the second languageulus, my father. I thought standard English was the most basic, wasn't it? Yeah. Or then English is a second language. Really? Yeah. I didn't have that. I'm going to school in the Shire.

They were shocked that there was a second language. They wouldn't have had that at all, would they? What is a second language? Screaming at a Sharky's match? Anyway, don't forget to hit up Prize Keeper Jennifer, your prize darling, okay? And if you want to get an is it just you on the show, you can hit us up at couple of midges. So do you remember how not too long ago on the podcast we were talking about alpha male podcasts?

Oh, fuck yeah, I do remember that. I forgot. Like the straight men with their problematic views on podcasts. I spotted something on Instagram and it wasn't problematic what they were saying, but I did want to bring it to your attention. Have you heard of Podcast But Outside? The name of the podcast, Podcast But Outside? Yeah.

It's a bunch of American guys. I quite like them actually. They just host a podcast and they take all their equipment outdoors and every episode's in a random spot. Oh, that's quite funny. Yeah. It's quite funny actually. The videos are very good, but I spotted this one and it was giving Alpha Podcast energy,

even though I don't think these guys are problematic. But I'm very keen to hear your thoughts on the subject matter. Take a listen. Okay. This is the Alpha Podcast. Oh, that's not the name of it. That's not the name of it. What's it called?

That's the breed of podcast. Sorry. Let me say that again. It's like talking about Downton Abbey. This is the drama. No. I meant. Okay.

Harry Potter. The wizard shit. That fish movie. That Nemo. All right. Here we go. This meant. Okay. Harry Potter. The wizard shit. That fish movie. That Nemo. All right, here we go. This is the show. I was a bouncer at a gay bar for a minute, and one of my main jobs was to literally stop people

from sucking each other's dicks in the bathroom. I'd be like, hey, y'all, I'm 100% supportive. Suck each other's dicks whenever, wherever you want, with one fucking exception, not in my fucking stall, homie, because I want to keep my job. And so like, you know, they'd be like, can we pop off in the alley? I'm like, I don't give a fuck. I'd be like, hey, do what you need to do in the bathroom with the pissing and shitting

and shit, but like none of number three. I think they missed the point of the bleep. Yes! I was hoping you'd notice what I noticed. Oh, I didn't even care about the slurs. It was the missing of them. I didn't listen to what they were saying. Oh, really?

Just the bleep. We're just playing the beep underneath the word fuck. Do you have a beep on your system over there? Can you find a beep? Yeah, let me get one. That's like having the alfoil that surrounds a Panadol instead of a Panadol. I'm fucking stupid. Imagine it. Have you got the beep? Yeah, of a pentadol instead of a pentadol. I'm fucking stupid. Imagine it.

Have you got the beach? Yeah, of course. Okay, let's try and time this. Oh, Jenny, you dumb slut. What's the point? Misses the point, you cunt. You try, Jen. It's very fun.

Go fuck yourself. Oh, Jenna. It's very fun. Go fuck yourself. Oh, Janet. Oh, fuck me. Oh, get fucked. Oh, God. Why are we drilling on this so much? It's so stupid. I don't give a fuck.

I'm really quiet to be fucking frank. You're a cunt, both of you bitches. Oh. And, yeah, whatever they were talking about. I mean, gays love to suck dick. Sorry, suck dick. Why did they beep that word? Yeah, and I think he bleeped suck at one point. Yeah, he did.

Didn't want to be offensive, you know. Yeah, you wouldn't want to offend the faggots. You were just slightly off the mark for me. Yeah, yeah, I was. Sorry. That's all right. I f***ed up. That's fun, that bleep.

Imagine if you just got the beep so off the mark, you f***wit. We've gotten delirious early on. We really have. It usually happens at the end of the episode that we go a bit fucked like this. I just realised that Jenna doesn't really swear. We should have milked this. I did do it before when I told Mitch to go fuck himself. No, you're meant to do it when she says it.

It's very hard to. Jenna, yeah, you're going to have to conduct. Okay. Mitch. Yeah. Okay. Mitch. Yeah. You whore. She pointed after, like, she's got such low iron levels. Go fuck yourself.

I pressed the wrong button. This is nice. Wouldn't that be nicer? You know what? Idum on the fly. Why haven't we reinvented the bleep? What do you mean? You seriously could.

You fucking. That's nicer. It's like ad music. What about instead mean? You seriously could. You fucking. That's nicer. It's like ad music. What about instead of a beep to sense the words out? It was just someone screaming. What do you mean? Oh, my God. Get.

See, that's what I mean. I agree. That'd be better. Jenna, what else would you. What do you think, Jenna? I agree. What would you like to replace it with? What are you doing?

Nothing. He'sking you a question. Answer it. Yeah. You're very distracted. He's padding out because he's looking for one that he's already thought of. Yeah, thank you, Jenna. And now you've ruined the gag that I was going to f*** in do.

A foghorn. Or you could have a party while you motherf*** in bitch. Actually, a whistle. You want a whistle? Yes. Okay, sure.

Like a comical whistle? Yeah, yeah. Okay, so go for it. What are you going to say? All of you dumb sluts. That's actually good. You cunt! Yeah, now, don't say sluts. That's actually good. You can't. Yeah, now, don't say sluts over the top.

Actually, just let the whistle have its moment. I hate all of you. Nah. For f*** sake. That's good. I really quite like that. I think that's my favourite. You mother f***ing. I like that. I think we like that. I think that's my favourite. You motherfucking.

I like that. I think we found it. I like that. Oh, we have a show bleep, everyone. Yeah. That's it. What a pathetic fucking noise, though. That party popper sounds so depressed.

All right, from now on. It's like a really shitty steam train, like a model train. Like, who could be fucking bothered? Is it just me? Listening on Spotify, don't forget to leave a five-star rating. You're listening to Is It Just Me? All right, I believe it's not really an intervention now, Mitchell, is it? No, it's nothing like that.

Oh, okay. Well, there's a team, something you need to admit to the team. Yeah, I know that people find it boring hearing other people talk about their dreams, but this one related to you, Pricekeeper Jenna, and it was such an oddly specific dream that I had last night. So I had a dream that you replaced Brooklyn Ross as the newsreader for Kyle and Jackie O. Come on! A famed Brooklyn Ross.

He was on one of the very early podcasts of ours. One of our first guests. It was like episode eight or something. I think he was our first guest. Yeah. Fuck, what a throwback. Anyway, yeah, you replaced him as the newsreader and it was not unlike the way you are here because he's their third wheel, you know.

His name's not in the show, but he chimes in just as often as they do. And so you would do that. And you read the news bulletin so beautifully. It was like, good morning, Jenna Benson with the stories you need to know now. But then as soon as you weren't news reading anymore and you were just chatting with Kyle and Jackie O, you went back to the Jenna Weiner, which was a quivering mess. And I thought, wow, I didn't know she had it in her.

But they loved you for what it's worth. It wasn't a bad dream. The dream doesn't make you look bad at all. But I just thought maybe we should see if she's actually got it in her to be a good newsreader. I wonder, I really would like to psychoanalyse that dream and work out why you had it. Maybe you need to be more authoritative and stand up for yourself

in Mitch's mind. Maybe, who knows? I really think that that's one of those dreams where there's no rhyme or reason. And do not get Georgina Walker the dream decoder on, please. I'm not interested in decoding that. All right. Well, I can get you a copy of the news and everything from KISS. It's all on the system.

Yeah. So what I wanted to do was get her to read a news bulletin. But I want to get Brooklyn, her predecessor in the dream, her predecessor on the line. Oh, I can get, yeah, let's get Brooklyn. What, for advice? Advice and also I want him to hear the bulletin and give feedback. Like, is she good enough to replace him one day? Because, I don't know, maybe he won't want to work for Kyle and Jackie O forever.

He's been doing it for years now. And he's been doing TV more and more recently. Maybe he wants to leave radio. Maybe Brooklyn's looking for other options and Jenna, now you should throw your hat in the ring. Is that what you do? Throw a hat in the ring? Yeah. Yeah, of course.

And journalists love hats. All right, I'm calling Brooklyn Ross. Okay. Here we go. Journalist, superstar, newsreader on the Kyle and Jackie O Show. He might be having his nap. Hello? Hi, Chook.

It's us. Hello. Hi. Hi. Hey, this is very funny. Did I just interrupt his nap. Hello. Hi, Chook. It's us. Hello. Hi. Hi. Hey, this is very fun. Did I just interrupt your nap? No, I was fully awake. Oh, gorgeous.

You don't sound it. No, sorry. Sorry. I'll get back in the zone. He's just going over the bikey wars and the crime gangs of Sydney. Yeah, he's prepping for tomorrow morning. Random question. How long have you been doing your job with Kyle and Jackie O for now?

I think it's eight years. Eight years. Okay. So are you thinking maybe like you'll reach the 10-year mark and then start looking for other options? Have you thought about leaving ever? No, not really. Oh, okay.

Well, I just want to let you know that you do have the option because I reckon Jenna, I had a dream last night, right, where our third wheel Jenna, for some reason, was doing your job. She was the newsreader and she was chatting with Kyle and Jackie O during their segments as well and they loved it. She actually killed it. She was good at it. Well, we don't

know in real life if she's going to be good at it. So if you've got any tips, I'm going to get her to audition and show you and you can judge. So what are your tips for Jenna's first dive into it? You've got to be really quick. Like if you think you're talking fast enough, basically double the speed because that's what they want. So really quick and still it has to make perfect clear sense.

I've heard some newsreaders on Kiss that do not talk quickly, let me just say. You should give that tip to some other people in the fucking newsroom. Quite a few of them, yeah. And also, Jenna, well, how do you sort of, do you steer clear from putting your own personal opinions in Brooklyn? Because Jenna is a communist. Should she include that? I support that.

I don't know if Kyle would like that. Basically, in your script, you have to keep that even and fair. But then if you just start talking off script, then yeah, say whatever you want. Got it. Well, we've just borrowed one of the scripts from someone in the newsroom. So pressure's not on you there, Jenna. And that is the hard bit, I will tell you.

So you're doing well there, Jenna. Writing it, finding the news. Oh, yeah, trying to put like less words, less words. She wants to be talent. Walt's yeah, trying to put, like, less words, less words. Yeah, exactly. She wants to be talent. Waltz in, have it written for her, have an orange juice freshly squeezed on the table. All right, so I've got the news, everything.

I've got the bed. You've got the scripts. I just emailed them to you. Yes, but I'm kind of confused. I don't understand this script, but I'll go with it. You've got Brooklyn. Any questions? Off to a good start.

We'll wing it. Okay, okay. All right. Brooklyn, we need advice after this, but this is Jenna's. How do I start? I'm listening closely. Oh, yeah. Jenna works for WS.

So how do you start the news bulletins? You would say, hey, I'm Jenna with what you need to know now. Okay. She's typing that as if she doesn't know her own name. What was that J word? How did you spell it? Okay. So just, hi, it's Jenna Benson with

the stories you need to know now. And also right at the end, I have the final news bulletin before my show starts and they go, it's now The Night Show with Mitch Turing. Yeah, you can say, and now it's back to a couple of Mitch's. Perfect. Great, and then we'll continue. Oh yeah, I like that. Well done. Jenna, make it quick. Okay, ready? I know what you're

like. Okay, yeah, yeah, I know what I'm like. Mitch, can you time this perhaps so we have the exact timer? Oh, yeah, because don't they have to be like 60 seconds or so, Brooklyn? There's no strict time, but any more than that, I would be, yeah, I'd be questioning how good you are. Good. I've got the self-watch. You ready?

Let's go. It's a 12 o'clock bulletin here at KISS. KISS News. Sydney KISS. Right now. Hi, it's Jenna with the stories you need to know now. Scott Morrison says he's sorry but reckons he wasn't doing anything dodgy when he secretly made himself Minister of five portfolios.

Some of his colleagues are calling for him to resign. The ex-PM telling Kyle and Jackie O the move was necessary during the pandemic. That's it. Okay, this bit's shit. What was that? It's supposed to play a grab. Oh, well, ignore that. Yeah, power through the grab.

We don't have it. Keep going, keep going. Anthony Albanese says the whole thing has undetermined our democracy. Why do you keep doing that? Because I'm waiting because it's supposed to do a sting or something. No, it's not. Just plough through. Warnings about screening warnings about screening

What? This doesn't make sense. Okay. A teaching colleague sounding the alarm over Oh God. Did this happen in your dream, Mitch? Absolutely not. She sounded like Chris Bath in my dream. A teaching college sounding the alarm over literacy and numeracy tests

saying not all brilliant teachers need to be brilliant mathematicians. Your sports tech in a sec. The NRL says it won't make a call on which stadium will host the grand final until later in the week. There's been speculation the event will stay in Sydney after the ARRL threatened to exit over the stadium funding. But the NRL insists talks are continuing with the Queensland government about a possible shift.

The Kiss cast is next. When cold and flu strikes, D-D-Demizan Cold and Flu Relief gets it done. Always follow the directions for use. And now it's time for Is It Just Me? What? The weather. There's no weather in here. You just said the kiss cast is next.

Look out the window, Jenna. Say something. The weather is currently sunny. Look up. It's literally on the TV screen in the studio. It's 19 degrees and partly cloudy. It is. The weather.

It is. Whatever. You fucked it. Brooklyn, what is. Oh, my God. Whatever. You fucked it. Brooklyn, what do you think? Brooklyn, where do we start? I think I'm very safe in my job, which is a relief. I have a feeling you are. Yeah, I mean, I like the friendliness in your voice.

I thought that was nice. Thank you. But do you want that when she's talking about devastating shit? Yeah. Yeah, there's a time and a place for the friendliness. So just keep that in shit. Yeah. Yeah, there's a time and a place for the friendliness, so just keep that in mind. Absolutely. Imagine if she was like,

five-year-old girl has been kidnapped and stabbed. All right, Brooklyn, go have your nap. Thank you, Brooklyn. See you. What a legend. What a legend. So you really are Anchorman. You just read whatever's in front of you.

Wouldn't you have processed, oh, actually, AFL's not correct. I'll just correct it in my head. No, because I thought maybe it was because it's capital, maybe it's Australian Rugby League or something. You know what's just hitting me, though, Mitch? Jenna is. Oh, actually, AFL is not correct. I'll just correct it in my head. No, because I thought maybe it was because it's capital. Maybe it's Australian Rugby League or something. You know what's just hitting me though, Mitch? Jenna is. Oh, yeah. No, that's National Rugby League, NRL.

Jenna is a WSFM staff member. Maybe she'd feel more at home if I gave her the WSFM intro. Oh, yeah. Maybe if there's no pressure for her to talk so quickly. Yes. Do you have a WSFM script? Yeah, which Kate sent the WS as well. I do.

Oh. So maybe we could do that, Jenna, if you're comfortable to do that. Yes. Do you have a WSFM script? Yeah, which Kate sent the WS as well. I do. Oh. So maybe we could do that, Jenna, if you're comfortable to do that. Okay. Because I feel like that's more you anyway. By the way, that 60-second news hit was two minutes and 18 seconds. Oh, damn. Jenna. There was no weather.

Truly, that's not strong. No, no. All right, you ready? I'm ready. Let's try and do WS. Okay. You read the news. Take your time with this.

No rush. And everyone in the car will be dead in three to six years. Okay. Here we go. Your city, your news. Sydney's 101.7 WSFR. With your three o'clock update. Good afternoon.

I'm Jenna Benson. Flawed from the start is how the Premier is describing the recruitment process that saw former Deputy John Barillaro awarded a cushy, taxpayer-funded trade role in New York. Dominic Perrottet handing down the report into the recruitment process and promising to implement 12 of the 13 recommendations. Fuck me. WSFM News is a traffic hazard.

This will put me asleep behind the wheel. Including rules about how long ministers have to wait before accepting public sector jobs post-politics. Oh, good job. Great. That's done. Well done. I couldn't sit through their whole three-minute bulletin.

Well, you know it's natural after that. WSFM time-saver traffic. Partly cloudy skies with a slight chance of a shower along the coast. That was the traffic. Oh, they're so traffic. WSFM don't have traffic. They're like, no need to rush. You're retired.

All of our listeners have lost their license from the age of 80. They can no longer drive. Oh, Jenna. That's tough. News reading's a tough gig. It is. For your first go, though, I think you did well. Thank you.

I used to be a newsreader in the 2SER newsroom back in the day. Get out. Live or how did it work? Yeah, live. It was fucked. Really? Yeah. There was a brief period when I first moved to Sydney that I thought I wanted to be a

journalist, but then I realised I don't give a fuck about the news. Really? And that's kind of a credential of being a newsreader. Yeah. Do you want me to... I can get you a news one if you want. No, we don't need to keep playing around. I've already proved my worth in my 2SER days.

I'll be honest. If there's any news you could deliver, I think it's this. Gay news. Gay news. Gay news. Oh, my. Gay news? Gay news.

Is that what that was? Lady Gaga's currently on her Chromatica board tour, and she's slaying the Boots Down house. Oh, God. I hate gay news. I'm an advocate for gay people, but you watch E! News. What are you referring to when you say gay news? Like E-news, when they're talking about like, oh, this one's for the girls and the gays, and it's just some Gaga story or some American horror story spin-off.

I mean, they're not far off the mark. But imagine the sort of people that actually watch E-news. Like a stay-at-home mum in the suburbs, and then she hears, and now it's time for gay news. And she's like, Sebastian! Get downstairs! News is on! Also, entertainment news. I mean, I now it's time for gay news. And she's like, Sebastian! Get downstairs! News is on! Also, entertainment news. I do it on my radio show.

It's just like, everything is, nothing is real. We make it all up. How dare you? We do thorough fact-checking on Trash Alley. Oh, yes. For our podcast. It's true. No, not that show.

I'm talking about the fake ones. Not like your show. No, my show's very, my tie up is very factual. Tie up? With Nat Penfold. Yeah, I do the tie up. It's like my Celebrity Goss segment every night. Okay, cool.

Every hour. Nat Penfold does this tie up with me. Oh, okay, cool. Very fun. Every night. No, when did I ask? Excuse you. I stole that joke from Jackie.

I saw her say that once. It was absolutely killed. It really cuts you deep, doesn't it? It does. I'm like, why are you fucking telling me about that? It gets you in the guts. All right, should we go, everyone? Yeah, we better.

Yeah, we probably should, to be honest. We really should. Don't give up your day job, Jenna. No, I won't be. I won't be. Rip up your resignation. Will be. You need the gig, yeah.

Absolutely. How long have you been doing your current job for Johnson & Mander? It would be two and a half years. Is that all? Yeah. But before that, I was still in the company. Surely that's not correct. Oh, yeah, right, right, right.

Okay. How long have you been in the walls? Four and a half years. Interesting. Oh, that's longer than I was in the walls. So, yeah, you'd be thinking of leaving soon, wouldn't you? Well, I was like three years and 11 months, so I just ran up to four years. Oh, yeah, fair.

Yeah. I'm at seven and nine months. I just say eight. Holy fuck. I know. Eight years is a long time. Wow. Anyway.

When did I ask? No, you really need to set it up, don't you? Shit. No, when? Oh, when? Oh, you know, when I was working here a few years ago. No, when? Like, when I was working here.

No, when? And then you go, when did I ask? Don't you go, when what? You need to say, when what? No, you decide answering the question. It doesn't matter. No, when? Like when I was working. No, when? And then you go, when do they ask? Don't you go, when what? You need to say when what? No, you decide answering the question. It doesn't matter. There's no guarantee of how the person's going to fucking respond when you use this against them.

It's like this great interview with RuPaul and Graham Norton where he goes, he has all these little, he has like five or six catchphrases that he has, just like if he doesn't know what to say, he just says these things. So there's one that he said that when you're in a room with someone or at a dinner party with friends and someone leaves and they come back in, when they walk in, you go, okay, go on, tell her to her face. It's really funny. It just stirs up shit.

That's good. I just love because I've been watching Drag Race. I keep making these dumb jokes. Like earlier when you said that you're with Telstra, not Optus, I had to stop myself from saying, Telstra, I hardly know her. It's so dumb, but I love it. Drag race everywhere. Or they go, how's your head?

And the girls always go, haven't got any complaints. So they do it every year. Ridiculous. Almost as ridiculous as that outfit. Wow, sassy. The outfit jokes kill every time as well. Yeah, they do. Are you watching Drag Race, Jenna?

I am. This season? Yep. Get out. Yep, I am. Are you listening to Race, Jenna? I am. This season? Yep. Get out. Yep, I am. Are you listening to Drag Race Debrief? Sure am. Thank you.

Bullshit. She asked me earlier, how's it going? Yeah, sorry, I haven't. Isn't that funny? I don't listen when there's a guest host on. Jenna doesn't listen when she's not on. I did listen to All Right Hey, though. Oh, good girl.

Thank you. I appreciate the support. Oh, I didn't think you... Oh, because she crashed her car. She crashed live. You have to fat check. Fat check. That's not nice. I didn't think you... Oh, because she crashed her car. She can't drive. You have to fat check. Fat check, that's not nice. I didn't say fat check.

It was very nice of him to come on. Oh, God. Anyway, are we leaving or what? Yeah, yeah, we are. Now, don't forget to head to the link in our Instagram buy so you can buy yourself one of our brand new Season 4 Is It Just Me mugs. Oh, and they're glorious. They're blue.

They're blue. And I'm also looking at the yellow ones because you know how I feel about the gender neutral yellow colour. Of course. And yellow's my favourite colour.

I absolutely adore it. But yeah, the blue's gorgeous. It looks like it would've matured compared to last year's mugs with that baby pink thing. So yeah, all the mugs are available. And if you missed out

on one of our pop sockets when we did that horrific summer merch drop, don't worry. They're for sale again. It's all up on our merch website. Get it all. Link in bio on Instagram.

The pop socket, I use it every day, day in, day out. This has not. Sometimes I have pop sockets break. Look, I just noticed. Remember how we had the competition? Who could sell more? You were selling blue. I was selling yellow.

What's on your phone? Yellow's my favourite colour. I don't give a shit about the blue. I love yellow. Oh, look at that. I did say all along that the yellow one was cute, but we've also got pink ones. Pink ones. They were never ever for sale.

No. So it's the first time you're able to buy a pink pop socket. So yeah, but it's all there on the website. Also. And we'll get them to you ASAP because we're doing it ourselves. Because if you want something done right, do it yourself. I will say that there's one limited edition mug. Has it sold, Mitch?

Yeah. Oh, it's sold. Oh, then we won't even talk about it. Within minutes. Wow. I have found this old mug from last year, Jenna, one of the season three ones. And I didn't sell it because Mitch graffitied on it. Like he gave me a monobrow.

You do freckles on your face. And I was like, if I ordered that, I'd be pretty pissed off. But then I realised, oh, I don't really want to keep it. So we put it on clearance for like, we chose a really chaotic price. It was like $17.32 or something. Of course. And it sold out within minutes. Wow.

So, yep, someone's got that putrid graffitied mug. Wow. The power of my art. All right, we're going to go, everyone. We'll see you in a week. Follow us. Give us a five-star review as well. That's very nice.

Yeah, it's a five-star rating on Spotify or Apple Podcasts. Doesn't matter where you're listening. Five stars, baby. Otherwise, we'll see you next week, everyone. Love you. I'll see you then. Thanks for listening. Catch you soon.

Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of mitches. Make sure you've hit follow on your podcast app. Welcome to ADD Brief. This is our secret segment on the end. We talk shit, nothing's planned. No, don't. You swore, also. Did I?

Talk shit. Oh, right. Sorry. I love how you got so hung up on the beat part. I was going to talk about the actual subject matter, but yeah. No. I couldn't even concentrate. I couldn't not look away.

It was so stupid. Fair enough. It's like going fishing with the rod and holding onto the hook. Yeah. You know what I mean? Jump in, fish. Oh, good fight. Oh, dear.

Great episode. Great to be back. The three of us reunited yet again. I should say that, you know how I said that we're doing the mugs ourselves? Yes. And if you want something done properly, you should do it yourself. Technically, we're not doing it ourselves. What?

But I didn't know how to, because I've hired someone. Yes. Emily. Obviously, you guys know this. Yeah. No, I love Emily. Yeah, we know. But I don't know how to say it without Sounding like a wanker

Yeah Like You don't want to say The word I guess in a way She's a producer Slash Personal assistant

But I hate Saying personal assistant It makes me sound like a wanker Yeah you just say assistant Personal assistant's gross You could just say assistant I know but I liked the alliteration Of producer slash personal assistant

Oh PPA yeah Yeah But she's my She's my assistant Isn't as derogatory as she's my personal assistant. No, I think that's either way, just saying she's my assistant. I hate that. Why don't you just say, I've got a friend, Victoria Devine, who I do a radio show with.

She always talks about her staff and I always think, ooh, that sounds hot. But they're all just PAs and she's got an EA now. She's like, my EA will email you. What if I embellished and I said, yeah, my team? Well, I say that about my radio show. I need to book guests. They've got a tiny team, but I'm like, yeah, the team will get back to you

and it's just me with a fake email. That's like me with the digital team for WS. It's just me. It's just you, yeah, and a webcam. I think producer's good because we have spoken about this off the cloud and I think producer's nice. Well, because, yeah, she does do producing content for me and helps me with that stuff, but then she also does the books.

Yes. She does all my banking, because I'm really bad at that. Like, she puts aside the money for tax and all that shit that I never do. Yeah, yeah. Everything I get paid, she has to deduct 30% and put it in a different account. I can't be fucked. So, yeah, she's, oh my God, should I call her Bookkeeper Emily? Yes.

Oh, yeah, Bookkeeper Emily. I've got Prize Keeper, I've got Bookkeeper. I've got my team. Yep, all the keepers. Oh my God, not produce. Yeah, she needs to be Bookkeeper Emily. What would you be? Yours? Just Keeper.

Because I need to be around forever because you adore me. Oh yeah, my Keeper. Oh, that's a queen. Queen? What am I then? Creeper. Whoa. Hey, dog.

Now you are my co-host. You're my business partner. That sounds hot. I said something the other day. I'm like, yeah, he's my business partner. And they were like, really? I'm like, yeah. Because it's true.

Well, if you want to be equal business partners, then you can pay half of Emily's wage. Oh. Well, then do I get, then I want to be personal assistant because I don't care about the wank of it all. Fuck bookkeeper. I mean, if you're looking for someone, she's very good. And I don't really have a lot of hours for her because I don't do much. Oh, my God.

Imagine if we had an open, a polyamorous work relationship. We shared the same bookkeeper. This is how lazy I am. She goes, so what do I do? Do I just invoice you for the hours I've worked? And I'm like, you're doing the books, invoice yourself and pay yourself.

I don't give a fuck. Oh my God. That's really funny. So I don't even know how much I'm paying her really. I haven't even seen the invoices. I'm just trusting her. Jenna, Mitch and I went for lunch the other day,

work lunch. And we were like, like, oh, I'll pay, I'll get it for you. And then we're both like, oh wait,

no, let's just put it on the business, on the podcast. So we put it on the podcast, on Apple Pay. And then Mitch goes, oh, I was about to bloody call you the other day're both like, oh, wait, no, let's just put it on the business, on the podcast. So we put it on the podcast, on Apple Pay. And then Mitch goes, oh, I was about to bloody call you the other day and absolutely ring you dry. Because Emily found a whole bunch of Uber Eats charges on the kiddio. Yeah.

Fucking cheery. But then I looked at the prices and my Uber receipts and the dates as well. And I was like, oh, they were all me. I just didn't realize I had the wrong account on the they were all salad so he knew at that point tell you that on the bank segment but um yeah I was about to accuse Cheery but then I realized oh fuck it's me how dare you I barely use it although it is fun because an apple pay it comes up and it says um ANZ business or whoever we're with and it's like oh I've got a business card yeah Commonwealth business I think you'll find.

Yeah. Commonwealth. Thank you, CommBank. Yeah. All right. I like Bookkeeper Emily. I think that's nice. That's nice.

That's officially, that is officially confirmed. Yeah. As part of the team. Yeah. Yes. Our staff. Well, she's mine, just so you know. Yeah.

She's, yeah, true. Yeah. Part of my team. But she can liaise with you guys. Can you imagine if I ever got to a point where I was like, can you guys go via Emily to organise recordings? Because she manages my schedule now. And you had to message her and be like,

when's Mitch free to record this week? I'm telling you, the podcast wouldn't last a week if that happened. Or if you hire her as well to do stuff for you, she can just tell us when we're both free. What are her rates? Is it an hourly rate? Yeah. Okay.

We can talk off the cloud, but I'd need someone. When we were at Contraceptive Diaphragm Sam's birthday the other day, I said, Emily, I will pay you an hour's wage to get up and tell them to turn the music down. It's too loud. She wouldn't do it. Oh, what? Right. Fuck, I'd do that.

It should have thrown me the money. I would have done that. Yeah, we were at all at Conteptive diaphragm Sam's birthday, all three of us and my dad. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. Remember that? Yeah.

He loved you. And then you said, let's get a photo of Coombs, of me with your dad to send to Michelle, your mother. And he, like, he did this. He just, like, sat back in his chair and went, like, gestured to sit on his lap. And I was like, all right. So I straddled your father and put my arms around him and then I, like, gestured to sit on his lap. And I was like, all right.

So I straddled your father and put my arms around him. And then I, like, licked his bald head. And then I was like, what is it with me and getting intimate with your family? Yeah, it's a thing. I have no memory of kissing your sister, but allegedly it happened. You have kissed my sister. You've now rode my father. Ridden. Ridden, sorry.

Someone didn't top English. No. His name is Jacob, though. Jenna, that wasn't even good. You're giving that more of a laugh than it deserves. Because it was so dumb. Yeah. Jenna thinks I'm hilarious.

What did you say before when we were trying to record but I was running late? You were like, where's Mitchell? And Jenna said he had an audience, which is the best description of me ever. Yeah. It's true. Because I was waiting downstairs to be let up. And you said in the group chat, oh, I'm in a chat and I thought you meant in a chat as in you had an interview,

you were pre-recording with someone. And then I came up, the studio was empty and I was like, where the fuck, who's he chatting to? She goes, I don't know, but he had an audience so he couldn't leave. And I was like, oh, that is so you, class clown. I know, I love it. I just stand up on a soapbox and go, no one really listens. Oh, they were listening. You know, I once had a boss tell me in like a soapbox and go, no one really listens. Oh, they were listening.

You know, I once had a boss tell me in like a, what do you call it when you sit down with your boss and they give a review? Yeah. Yeah. I guess. Something like that. An appraisal? Isn't there a word?

Yeah, an appraisal maybe. Oh, there's something. Yeah, there's a word, but I can't remember what it is. There is a word. We're just, none of us have it. A touch base. Do, do, do. Anyway, he goes to me you know what for as talkative as you are and and for as disruptive as you can be you're good for morale and and that's one of the big reasons we've kept you around

imagine being good for morale like we're in the trenches in vietnam yeah i know like i'm the joker to keep everyone entertained while everyone's being killed. Your level of talent and actual skill set, different story. But yeah, you're just a vibe. Truly. That's why I keep you around. Truly. You know, when I first started in radio, I would not stop talking. And they continuously said to me in air checks, like Brooklyn just did to Jenna, stop talking.

You need to use less words. Stop talking. Stop talking. Well, that was, you know, I said I was a newsreader back in the day. That's where I learned the train doors trick that I've told you about. I love the train doors trick. I think of that all the day. That's where I learnt the train doors trick that I've told you about. I love the train doors trick. I think of that all the time. That's how you make a long story short.

Just imagine someone's on the train, you're on the platform, the doors are closing, and that's the amount of time you've got to tell it. That's right. I still think of that. I like that analogy. Anyway. Do you? Yeah, I do. I think about it all the time.

Oh, okay. I actually do. Train doors. Let me finish. The doors obviously got broken. Yeah. And couldn't fully close, and then there was a three-minute gap between them actually closing. This is a Sydney train.

A homeless man fell in between them. Oh, no. An old woman. We don't assume gender in this house. It was a homeless man. And they would record my audio and then they'd go in with an audio software and cut out words. So they'd send me back audio and go, this is what we need to do. And it was literally, this is kiss Saturday.

Hi, you have one kiss. It's hilarious. I'm like, that sounds awful. I want to talk more. Train jaws have closed. Yeah. Next stop. Next stop.

Warunga. I don't know. What? The next train to arrive on platform two goes to Hornsby via Chatswood. Oh, no, I was all stations to Cronulla. Oh, of course you were. God, that'll take forever. Oh, my God, that train line.

It was an hour to get from the city to Cronulla. But it was one way, no trains, no changing. It was really good, the Illawarra line. T5, T4? T4, I think. T4, you're right. Is it just me or is the Illawarra line underrated? Is it just me or is T4 T4 I think T4 Is it just me Or is the Illawarra line Underrated

Is it just me Or is T4 Truly a godsend I was in T2 this week Were you Got a peppermint For my tummy What's wrong with your

Tum tum darling I've had tummy aches Like I'm a child Maybe it's the Phantom pregnancy Is there anyone in your life That you might be going out In sympathy for

Immaculate conception That doesn't answer my question No I'm just out in sympathy for? Immaculate conception. That doesn't answer my question. No, I'm just saying maybe I've been immaculately conceived. Oh. You mean you have immaculately conceived? No, no, no. The Lord has. You've been immaculately knocked up.

Yes, correct. The Lord has just put one in me. Stabbed it right up there. Stabbed it right up there. Without consent. That was a mess. You're sounding like Hugh up there. Without consent. That was a mess. He sounded like Hugh's event. Without consent.

Oh, sorry about that. Are you watching The Masked Singer, guys? Yes. I watched it a little bit. Do you like it? I just watched the first episode because I was like, oh yeah, I'm home on a Sunday. I'll pop it on in the background. I just don't like Hugh's jokes and guesses.

It's gotten to the point where it feels like a kids show. Like when Dora pauses for the child to babble into the screen. He's like Who is it? Also, can I just say, what was I going to say? I had something really good. Don't start that sentence unless you can remember.

I think it might be Dexy O'Clock. Oh no. Oh no, I'm fading. Dexy O'Clock everybody. What was I going to say? Can'm fading. Dexy O'Clock, everybody. What was I going to say? Can you backtrack? You were talking about... It's becoming ridiculous. It's like a kid's show, like Dora, when children... No, rewind further.

Hugh's is a joke. Hugh's is a joke. Hugh's is a joke. Are you guys watching The Masked Singer? Ooh. All stops to... Too far? Yeah.

Shit! Pass the water to me. Home was them. Nah, it's gone, whatever it was. I can't rewind any further. I'm out of bandwidth. Nah, you're right. It's gone, sorry.

Is it? I wanted to hear it. You probably didn't, Jenna. The things he says behind your back. Oh, God. I reckon you could work on your rewind sound effect, though. Oh, really? Yeah, mine is too.

It's not good. Give me a sound. I'll do a sound effect for it. What? Give me a noise, a common sound, a phrase. Something. I can't think of anything off the top of my clit. Anything.

Anything. Jenna? That was me giving you the top of my clit. Anything. Anything. Jenna? That was me giving you one. Be a clit. No, I can't think of anything off the top of my clit. That's the phrase. What are you asking for a phrase for? I know, I don't want a phrase.

I want something that I can make a sound of. I will imitate the sound. Like the rewind sound. A bell. Maybe we should go. A bell? Yeah.. Maybe we should go. A bell? Yeah. Yeah, let's go.

What about a pepper mill cracking? No. No, that sounds like someone choking to death. Wow, maybe we should go. I love that in the last minute we've all suggested we go. We better, and we just not. And it's a general. Yeah.

In what other profession does someone suggest we go and we push through? We finished this surgery. It was a success. Nana, come on. Let's just cut open the appendix. It's like, oh, okay. Congratulations, Miss Wiggins. You've been discharged from hospital, but no stay.

I insist. No rush at all. Oh, have I told you about my GP, who's my family doctor, who it's now become so uncomfortable to have a chat with him. Yeah, weren't you saying that you and Hayden want a gay-friendly GP? Yes, yes. But my new thought is I can't possibly stand by this man anymore, Dr Saad, great practitioner, but he knows all my-

You could have some respect and use his full name, Dr. Saad Wondersoap. Professor Saad Wondersoap. His whites are very white. He knows all my family's problems. So he goes, Mitchell, what's your problem? Is it worse than your grandmother's diarrhea? She's just that. I go, no, Nan's good.

He goes, good, good. And your mother's blood pressure is back to normal. He knows everything about my family. It's such an invasion of privacy. Well, I'll be taking Sado to court because that's breaching patient confidentiality. True. What if you didn't know about your grandmother's diarrhea? True.

And now everyone knows. True. Don't get me started on my dentist. What about him? Well, Professor Napisan. God. What do you mean? I want to go now.

Professor Colgate. God. What do you mean? I want to go now. Professor Colgate. Psychologists are exclusively makeup and beauty. Dr. Maybelline. Yeah.

Yeah. Professor Mario Badescu. I'm loving my new therapist, Dr. Rimmel London. Actually, it works because makeup brands are just people's dumb names. It just sounds normal. Rimmel London. Actually, it works because makeup brands are just people's dumb names. It just sounds normal. Rimmel London. Dr. Thin Lizzy. The next one has to just be weight loss plans.

Dr. Jenny Craig. Am I Dr. Slimfast? Dr. Lady Shake. Dr. Lady Shake? Oh! Dr. Ab Circle Pro. No, this is an all-time low. Dr. Peloton. We're making no sense. Sounds like a Bond villain.

I am Dr. Peloton. Dr. Lipo. Give me his number. Fuck. Let's go. Don't forget you can get a mug You can buy one Or multiple Limited time only dogs

That's right And if you get a mug You get a discounted pop socket If you haven't seen the rates Go have a look everybody Can you? Yeah If you get a mug

Your pop socket then gets like 60% off Oh Yeah I think it drops down to under 5 bucks Yeah bookkeeper Emily's smart She's a genius. I didn't even know that that was happening, but I'm all for it. I was in that Zoom. Fuck off.

No one else was. But I logged into WordPress and I just fixed that up. Or you just looked at the website like I did. Yeah, I bought some. Mitch is like, you want one? You buy it. That's my Mitch impression. All right, everybody, back to usual programming.

Adore you all. Leave a review. Five stars, please. And if you haven't left one yet and you're listening, go fucking do it. I don't want to have to ask you again. We hope this podcast made you feel at least 2% better today. That's all. So we do.

Gorgeous. All right, well, we're going to get the fuck out of here See you bitches Toodles Bye sluts We'll catch you next week idiots See you everyone Thanks for listening

Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of mitches Make sure you've hit follow On your podcast app.