Is It Just Me? - #121: Royal Dirty Talk

Episode Date: September 19, 2022

In this episode:Why isn’t Willy Wonka fat? (05:19)Our playlist of HAPPY ballads (11:00)Daggy tourist photos (16:32)The one thing your therapist shouldn’t say to you (22:13)Talkback Tingz - Announcing the Queen’s death (28:27)Reenacting Charles & Camilla’s dirty phone call (40:27)Our “Secret Segment” ADDebrief (47:25)Download & add to our 'Yeh' playlist on Spotify: CLICK HEREGet yourself a Season 4 mug: SHOP HEREHit us up @coupleofmitchesSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

People do some weird shit. Would you like to try a vape? Why would you take up something that is going to be addictive and expensive? I think for people. I'll tell you why. Yeah. Because you're young and stupid. Some things make more sense than others.

You mentioned that your goal was to be healthy, and I just don't know how you figure that's going to happen when you're ordering a chocolate mousse. No. You know, I had it in the car on the way home, and I didn't have a spoon. So I was like an armadillo trying to get ants out of a hole. Brace yourself for the rude shocks of young adulthood.

Being fingered is an awful sensation. You haven't been fingered by the right person. Goodness me. This is Is It Just Me? Hosted by a couple of bitches. Hi, it's Jenna. Please don't forget to include my name in the opener this season. I'm sorry.

Ta-da! Now, here's Mitch Julie and Mitchell Coombs. Hello, everyone. Welcome back, Mitchell Coombs. G'day, g'day. What's happening? You know what? You look good.

You've got a high pony on. You look like Miss Congeniality. Oh, thank you. I did love that film. Miss Congeniality 2, rubbish. I haven't seen it. This is the one where she's a cop, but she's actually going on a beauty pageant. Undercover.

It's so good. Sandra Bullock. Oh, amazing. I get that confused with the one that Reese Witherspoon's in. Miss Congeniality. Legally Blonde, because it's like legal. I haven't seen that. Neither have I.

Haven't you? No, I've never seen that. But Hayden always goes, whenever we can't find a movie to watch, he goes, let's watch Legally Blonde. I couldn't be bothered. I don't know the premise, I don't know the plot, but the artwork annoys me. I watched Charlie's Angels for the first time the other day. A classic. Not the old one, like

the Cameron Diaz through Barrymore one. I mean, the only one, in my opinion. Yeah. What a fucking ridiculous film. Absolutely ridiculous. Yeah, it is dumb when you think about it, isn't it? I was that annoying person watching it going, that wouldn't happen. That makes no sense. That's not realistic. Also, as if you'd work for someone that you've never met, especially in 2022.

Like, okay, Charlie. No, especially in 2022, you would. Like, you know, remote working. Oh, true, actually. Yeah, it was ahead of its time. I actually said that they were ahead of the pandemic, Charlie's Angels. Charlie was just always dialing in remotely. He was working from home the whole time.

And never met the bastard. And there was a little cameo at the end. I like that. And you know that movie is so horny and sexy. Like there's just such a sex about it. Didn't do much for me. Really? Oh, no.

I love the outfits and the skimpy dresses. Is it possible that you're bisexual? Potentially. Turn me on. Maybe there's a little bit there. You've dabbled with both. I have dabbled with both. And I can appreciate, you know, the other form.

And that's why Jenna's here for eye candy for me. Hi. For the straight listeners. Hi, Pricekeeper Jenna. Hello. Hello, I'm back. Finally, I'm back. I can appreciate Jenna's glorious buzzies.

Make no mistake. Oh, they're gorgeous. Thank you. Thank you. I worked hard for them. Yeah, you paid for them too. Jenna, I can't believe that you ditched me in the last two weeks when really I needed you more than ever.

I lost my fucking voice and had to do more talking to pick up your slack. No, I apologise, but I am back. Thank God. Where were you? Like, she actually gave us no reasoning at all. So, last week, recording day, was the Queen's death. Hold on, are you saying that the day the Queen died, Jenna was MIA? No.

Jenna? Yeah, where were you at 3.30am? Our time. Yeah. Where was I? Balmoral. How do you know? I knew it.

Classic. Speaking of which, we've got to talk back things coming up, because remember when Prince Philip died, we did a comparison of how all the different radio stations broke the news. We're doing the same for the Queen, Seth, this time. Yeah. You know what's funny? Here at the radio station, because obviously we have a podcast, I work at KISS, we had plans in place because she was pretty ill for a couple of months.

A couple of years. A couple of years, yeah. And we had plans in place. And the theory was that it would happen during my show because the time zones. So I got prepped up quite heavily to, you know, this is where we had audio packages ready to go. This is what you play. This is what happens. This is a protocol. Here's a black tie to put on. I'm like, it's radio. They're like, just still wear it. And I went home at 11 o'clock at night and

then the notification went out at 11.30. The family are rushing to the Queen. I'm like, shit, I almost could have been the voice that broke the Queen's death. I reckon one less thing to stress about is good though. I wouldn't want to be that person breaking that news. Imagine me breaking that news. Coming up in 10, Lady Gaga right now. The Queen.

It still feels too soon to joke. No, I know. I'm not joking about her death. I got the call at 3.40. You were staunch. Monica's too. Were you upset? I was devastated. Beside yourself? Yep. Well, you were at her coronation. Yes, I was there. So it checks out that you'd be upset. Yes, yes. I was there at her birth with the Queen's mother. Really? In were at her coronation. Yes, I was there. So it checks out that you'd be upset.

Yes, yes. I was there at her birth with the Queen's mother. Really? In the coronation? Interesting time. 96 years ago. I don't know how the timeline works out there, but okay. All right, so we're going to listen to some of the moments that the world broke the news. Correct.

That's coming up a bit later on. Also, if it's your first time listening, welcome to Is It Just Me? Every week, Mitch and I bring in an IJM, an I-I-J-M, because I'm still getting I-T-G-E-M. Mm-hmm, same. What the fuck is an ITGEM? Sounds like a new fucking pandemic. I've got ITGEM. It's an acronym.

Yeah, acronym. Is it acronym? Yeah. Yeah, acronym, yeah. Is It Just Me? Yeah. Something we've noticed, something we hate or appreciate. And mine is I was watching a movie, Mitch, and it's something that I noticed.

And you know what? I'll say it. It's something that I hate. It's a jewel. I don't know what mine is I was watching a movie, Mitch, and it's something that I noticed. And you know what? I'll say it. It's something that I hate. It's a jewel. I don't know what mine is. I think it's noticed. It falls under noticed, but I do hate it as well. Okay.

I'll go first because mine is really short and sweet, and that's a pun. Once I say it, you'll understand. Okay. Let's not keep us waiting. Let's go. Is it just me or? Should Willy Wonka really be fat?

That's a good point. The man runs a chocolate factory, for God's sake. Yeah, and he'd have to try the stuff he's selling. A lot of sampling. And think about it, you don't go into business into something that you don't like. The man likes candy, quite clearly, so he'd be tasting it all the time. Yeah, but over the years, running a chocolate factory, he would have developed quite the willpower.

Potentially. He can say no to the temptation. Potentially maybe he was diabetic and he slimmed right down. I know if I was running a chocolate factory, I'd be fucking monstrous. I would be. I'm monstrous and I don't own a chocolate factory. You're currently clutching a mandarin. And just before you were throwing it up and down and I was like,

does he really want me to point out that he's eating fruit? Like he wants everyone to know. He's like, look what I've got, Mitchell. Look what I've got. He would make me so obvious. You know when people eat vegetables and it gets caught in their teeth? Sometimes I just put vegetables in my teeth. See, I eat vegetables.

Yeah, I eat vegetables all the time. No, but he should be fat. Like what Hollywood producer went, you know what, let's just make him slender with a slick bob, as wide as can be, tall, skinny. It doesn't make sense. Because he's super skinny. Super skinny. He's very skinny.

And making a remake, I was looking into this because I was watching the original with Gene Wilder. I was going to say, you said the slick bob. You're talking about the Johnny Depp one, aren't you? Yeah, because we're going to have three. And have you seen the original? That's what I was watching. Which Willy Wonka do you prefer?

Oh, the original. I would say so too. I found Johnny Depp's one That's what I was watching. Which Willy Wonka do you prefer? Oh, the original. I would say so too. I found Johnny Depp's one really weird. It was creepy and the CGI on his face. Why did he look like a porcelain doll? Oh my God, that's my point. He really should be fat and B, he should have terrible teeth. That's what I, yes, the teeth.

Doesn't make sense, guys. I remember in the original, because I've got a golden ticket. And I will say for a short period of time, you could get Wonka bars in Coles and Woolies. Yes. It was exactly like the movie. It was exactly. You won a ticket, you'd go to a factory and you'd be with, you know, Flotatious Bloop.

Flotatious Bloop. Who are you talking about? Violet Beauregard? Violet Beauregard. And then who else was there? There was that bitch. Brutus Salt. Oh!

And Mike TV. Who's Mike TV? The one who was in the TV. With all the rats? Yeah, he was obsessed with video games and shit. Oh, you're so right. Oh, he was a spoiled little brat, wasn't he? He was a little brat.

I didn't like the way that the Oompa Loompas treated Mike TV, being like, why don't you try reading a book? And I was like, there is an ADHD kid. Like, I fucking hate reading. There's nothing wrong with that. Yeah, amen. Technology is emerging, idiots. Can I also just address the fact that Augustus seemingly just died

in a chocolate river? No, there was no, like, welfare check afterwards. He just got sucked in a tube. Yeah, he passed away. And then did his dad follow on the tour? No, his mum. They took her away. Oh, they did.

I found it a bit unnerving how fucking runny the chocolate river was. Like you shouldn't be able to swim in, it just looked like sewage water. You shouldn't be able to swim in chocolate like that. Yeah. Have you ever had liquid chocolate? That's probably the sign of a true fatty. No. Like a hot chocolate.

No. At buffets. I love a buffet. I'm going for my birthday. With marshmallows. Yeah. They have like fancy buffets. They've got multipleets. I love a buffet. I'm going for my birthday. With marshmallows? Yeah. They have like fancy buffets. They've got multiple buffets I've been to.

They have a fountain of chocolate. Oh, the chocolate fountain. Yes. But still, you couldn't swim in it. That's my point. You put a glass under it and then it's liquid. And by the time you drink it, it almost sets in your throat. Like it cools down.

It's like that melting magic shit. Yeah. Ice magic. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, I just think if, guys, remaking the movie, they've cast Timothee Chalamet, the skinniest white boy you've ever seen. And he already looks like a porcelain doll.

Yeah. Even without the CGI. Yeah. God, I do love me a bit of Timothee Chalamet. Don't worry about that. Oh, my God, he's gorgeous. He's gorgeous. I feel like he's too young.

Yeah. To play Willy. For someone to own a chocolate factory, yeah. I thought maybe it was like a prequel, like a Wonka origin story. Or is he just straight out Willy Wonka as an infant? He looks 12. Child Wonka. New Willy.

New Willy. Goodness me, not on the work computer. It's called Wonka in 2023. Yeah, so is it a prequel? The story will focus on a young Willy Wonka. There we called Wonka in 2023. Yeah, so is it a prequel? The story will focus on a young Willy Wonka. There we go. See, that makes sense, doesn't it? Timothee Chalamet playing Willy Wonka before he became an old creep

inviting kids into his fucking factory. Will says how he met the Oompa Loompas on one of his earliest adventures. Oh, at a gay sauna in Berlin. I added that last line. Do you know what? I can hand on heart say that I've never ever fucking wondered how they met. I added that last line. Do you know what? I can hand on heart say that I've never, ever fucking wondered how they met. I don't really care.

Imagine a group of Hollywood directors going, no, what people want to know is how Willy met the Oompas. Oh, God. They're just doing remakes of everything. They're like, oh, nostalgia, the new Willy Wonka. Did you see the other day that they announced some new Lion King film? It's just called Mufasa coming in 2024.

I felt very on the pulse because I saw that tweet from Disney two minutes after they tweeted it. Oh, so you were the first one out. Because I'm never on Twitter, but the time I was on there, I was like, oh, my God, breaking news. But what the fuck's Mufasa? Also, can I be honest? The only time we really liked Mufasa was when he was in the clouds.

So I want him to be dead the whole time. Simba. Yeah. Well, I've got this croaky throat. I can do that. Go. Simba, you deliberately disobeyed me. And what's worse, you put Nala in danger.

That's good. That's good. Wow. I'm impressed. What can I do? The hyena. Jenna, you have to do Rafiki. I don't know.

Rafiki does the. Give up. Jenna, we really nailed it. You did. Anyway. No, Jenna, truly, it's fine. All About Wonka is coming next year, so I truly can't wait to see that film. All right, should we get into mine?

Yeah, yeah. I'm glad you're in the mood for singing, Jenna, because mine's musical related. Oh, yeah. Oh, let's do it. Hey. Is it just me or? Are there not enough happy songs that you can belt? Oh.

Because you know me, I love a belter. You've introduced me to a couple of belters, yeah. Yeah, of course. It's my area of expertise. Like my favourite songs are always the emotional ballads that you can just absolutely passionately scream at karaoke. I'm talking like Total Eclipse of the Heart, Winner Takes It All, those sorts of things.

But they're all quite depressing by nature. They're all about like death, grieving, heartbreak. And it occurred to me only the other day. I was like, gee, it really can't be good for one's psyche to constantly be consuming that shit. Yes. And I thought, okay, are there any uplifting, happy themed songs that are belters?

And no. If you Google, oh, the best happy songs, it's fucking Pharrell Williams, because I'm happy. And I'm like, I can't stand that shit. I want a happy song, like a good uplifting meaning behind it, but it's like a belter. So far, I'm trying to make a playlist and I can only think of one song. Oh, I can answer.

So I'm going to need your help, all right? What's your song, first of all? Oh, I've got it over there for you on your sound effects thingamajig. Oh. Am I wrong? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ready? Five, six, seven, eight. I'd be singing along if it weren't for my crook throat,

but this song slaps. See? Yeah. So this is the rubric. Yes, okay. Uplifting songs that you can belt. I can't think of any others. I'm going to put the playlist in our Facebook group,

Enduring Idiots, so that anyone else can contribute. The playlist is called Yeah. And I've got another playlist called Nah, which is when I'm like, that's the sad songs, but this one's Yeah. Yeah. That works. I've got one, Mitch, that you actually introduced me to. Yeah.

It's very uplifting. It's Shania Twain. Yes. Oh, my God. You remember, Mitch, we went on a road trip years ago, and this is when I was first introduced to Shania Twain, Today Is Your Day. This one is very uplifting. You're right.

You got what it takes, you can win. It starts off, you've got what it takes. You can win. You got what it takes, you can win. Today is your day to begin. Don't give up here. Don't you quit. I'm so uplifted

It takes a lot to uplift me You need a fucking crane You just gotta make up your mind Sing it Shania That today is your day And nothing can stand in your way Today is your day Yep, no, that's going in the yay playlist.

Whenever I need to be uplifted or I've got a big thing on that I'm not feeling confident for, I play this song. Yes, I forgot this existed. I'm so glad you reminded me. Jenna, what do you have? What about Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield? Oh, is that a happy song? Yes.

Yeah, is it? Yep. The future is unwritten. Oh, yeah, yeah. Feel the is it? Yep. The future is unwritten. Oh, yeah, yeah. Feel the rain on your skin. No one else can feel it for you. That's good. Not bad, Jenna.

Not bad. Do you have any other additions, Mitch? Surely you're sitting on a few. Let me see what's already in the yay playlist. Yeah. Hang on. Oh. Yeah.

This is fabulous. Happy Together by the Turtles, which is a quite simply dreadful band name. But you know this song. It's by 1967. Yes. You know it. Yeah. Oh, yes.

I'm going to be a new. Imagine me and you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Imagine me and you. I do. I think about you day and night. But it's also a bit about, it's not about general happiness. It's about simping for someone.

So I don't know if it counts. No, that's a little. Happy together. I can't see me loving nobody but you for all my life. Oh, this is good. Yeah. Can that say in the Yay playlist? Yeah, add it in, yeah.

I've got one. I've got another one. Oh, do you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. By the way, if anyone's going to add anything to this playlist in our Facebook group, make it something I'm likely to know. I don't want your Triple J shit. Oh, God, yeah. I'm adding Samper the Great.

They had a great set at Falls Festival. Fuck off. Am I going to know this one? Now, this, yeah. I'm adding Samper the Great. They had a great set at Falls Festival. Fuck off. Am I going to know this one? Now, this is gorgeous. This is one of my favourite songs, and I'm not even joking. It goes for 7 minutes 42. Do you want the whole thing? No.

What is it? It's the epilogue from La La Land. Is it even that happy? Please listen. It's a bit evanescent. No, it lulls you into, wow, I'm really depressed. I don't need to be lulled. Wait for the drop.

It's truly sensational. Can you do that thing that I love on YouTube where you scroll across the little timeline and see where the biggest hump is, like where people watch the video most? Oh, no, no. I know where the hump is. Just you wait. It's coming. Go to the hump.

Now. I can't. You need to let it be old. Mitchell, I'm desperate for a hump. I love a hump. Ready, ready? Oh, yeah. There's no lyrics.

Oh, there's no lyrics in the whole thing. What? There's not one lyric. Are you joking? Yes. Ready, ready? Oh! Again.

No. Belter. How can I sing this at karaoke? No. I think I've missed the memo. No. Iter. How can I sing this at karaoke? No. I think I've missed the memo. No. I thought I'd nailed it. All right.

Is it just me? Got something on your mind? Hit up at coupleofmitches on Instagram to get yourself on the show. All right, get in touch with us. Harry has done it this week. He'll be featured on the show. What a legend get in touch with us. Harry has done it this week. He'll be featured on the show. What a legend Harry is. He'll be winning himself a prize.

He needs to DM Prizekeeper Jenna. Yes, I hope you're listening, Harry, because if you hear yourself on the show, whether it be as a caller, in which case you know you're on, or if you hear your voice message being played, you've got to hit up Prizekeeper Jenna and she'll send you a little prize. And you'll win big, and this is your chance

because you hear us do something we've noticed, something we hate or appreciate, and it really is your chance because you hear us do something we've noticed, something we hate or appreciate. And it really is your chance to have your say, something you've noticed, something you hate or something you appreciate. Yeah. And the prize could be anything. I've got a couple of spare Hyundai's downstairs.

I'm sure Jenna can give away. Well, that's actually, we could reveal that's where Jenna's been. We sent her to Hyundai to really nail the deal. And you've got some Ioniq 5s. Yeah, I do. Good on you, Jenna. I have a total of 15 downstairs but i can get more she had a meeting to get these cards but she chickened out so she just burgled

the joint out of it i was is that what happened jenna yeah well at least i got you had the whip right and then you went to the whip and then they had the work in progress yeah and i had a literal whip a medieval wheel yes all right let's go to har. This is what Harry sent this in. It's his Is It Just You. Is it just me or do you find it so random when tourists take photos

with the most random ass shit? Like, for example, I went to the 9-11 memorial in New York the other day and there was people taking photos

with, like, basically the buildings up in flames, smoke coming out of them. There was, like, a picture of that on the wall and a family like put their kids in front of it, took a picture.

Like what? Why are you taking photos in front of two buildings that are burning and up in smoke in like a terrorist attack? I just don't understand what they're doing with that picture. Where is that picture going? If you post it on Instagram, like what are people going to comment on that? Like are they going to like it?

Just random stuff like that. I feel like people just need to check what they're taking photos of before they go ahead and do it. It just is a bit odd. Yeah, it's weird because if I've been somewhere and I leave, I often beat myself up going, oh, I forgot to take photos. There's no proof I was ever there. And yet my camera roll is still always chockers. So, yeah, I wouldn't take photos of random shit.

I wouldn't take pictures of landscapes either. I used to love doing that, but I never do now. You know what? That's why I love TikTok so much because I saw a video of, this sounds very grim, but Auschwitz, the concentration camp. No. I've been there. Did we go there on Contiki?

We went to a Contiki. That's right. Yeah, and I took a few photos. Oh, you're laughing at me. You went there on a Contiki? Well, I've been there. Did we go there on Contiki? We went to a – That's right. Yeah, and I took a few photos. Oh, you're laughing at me. You went there on a Contiki? Well, I didn't know. I was asleep on the bus and I woke up and I was like, what the fuck? This wasn't on the itinerary.

Yeah, I was the same. Do you remember that annoying bitch that was on our tour that was getting photos in the concentration camp, like of her? Oh, I was disgusted by that. That like disgusted me. She got a photo of her at the exit of the concentration camp and then uploaded it on Instagram and captioned it, I'm lucky enough to be the ones that said they walked out of here alive.

My heart goes out to everyone. I was like, oh my God, that is so tone deaf. It was disgusting. That is so bad. Horrific. That's the point. Well, that's what I mean. I see TikToks of people walking through with sombre music and I go, that's how you do it.

You don't stand in front of the Berlin Wall. But I think Harry means people just taking photos with them not in it, just of random shit. I remember once we were on holidays, my family and I, we were down on the coast somewhere and mum and dad went into the supermarket to get a few things. My sister and I waited in the car and there was this tourist bitch going around just taking pictures of everyone's number plates.

Oh, why? And she was fascinated because you know how there's a little slogan underneath a lot of number plates? They're all different state by state. She was going around going, oh, New South Wales, the first state. Like she was just fascinated by all of them. And I'm like, what are you going to do with these pictures? Because this is back in the day when she would have had to have gone

to the chemist to get the photos developed. I'm like, what are you going to do with these photos? Imagine being the poor fucks in her family being like, oh, God, going through a photo album, looking at all these number plates. No, but you know what's funny? Normally when you've got someone like that in the family, you start looking out. Like you'd look out for number plates.

You'd go, oh, damn, I found one. Victoria. The pop state, you know? Yeah, I tend to agree with that. I like take photos everywhere. I'm one of those. I like, oh, my God, I've got such a bad memory. So I genuinely take photos of everything and anything.

So I go back to try to find an actual photo on a trip and I can't because it's filled with photos of everything I ate, signs that I found funny, the sunset. It's stupid. Yeah, I used to love taking landscapes and shit. Do you know another wonderful thing about me though? What are you laughing at? No, no. Just the way that you said that.

Let me add it to the list. I always- Short list. Hey, fuck you.? No, no. Just the way that you said that. Let me add it to the list. I always. Short list. Hey. Joking. Fuck you. Joking, joking. About as short as the list of vegetables you've eaten in your lifetime.

Hey, hey, hey. I've got a mandarin in my hand. I've needed it after the show, I think. No, I make a point of whenever I'm hanging out with friends and I see a nice moment, I'm like, guys, smile. I'm always taking nice photos of people. Yeah, yeah. I'm always the photographer, never the model.

There's never any cute photos of me every time I leave something. Mitchell, stop. Sit up a bit. You look great right now. Sit up a bit. Why? What do I look like? Just because, you know, you never want to be hunched.

Smile. Portrait mode, please. Okay. Already, I'll be talking to Jenna. Ready? Laughing. Three, two, one. Oh, my God.

That's so funny. You actually do look good. You've got the Miss Congeniality hair. I'm serious. Oh, that hair really makes me look like a bitch, doesn't it? You do. You look like. Fuck, I look like a fucking prefect in the library.

You look like sports captain. I'm going to post this on Enduring Idiots, our secret Facebook page. Oh, Jenny, you look lovely. Well, those photos will be in the Facebook group along with the playlist. Yes. Yes, of course. It's the place to be, Enduring Idiots, if you're not already there. And if you want to get in touch and be featured on the show,

hit us up, couple of Mitch's on Instagram. We'll have you on next week. Win a prize. Now, Jenna, I'm glad you're here because I was telling a story a couple of weeks ago on the podcast and Mitch just did not give one fuck about it. He literally said to me, I've got nothing to say to that. He could not relate.

And I realised the reason he couldn't is because unlike us, he's never been to a therapist. Oh, I see. And someone who heard that and did feel my pain is Rose, and she's on the show now. Rose, welcome to the show. Hi. Wait, are you going to pitch me a therapist?

No, no, no, no, because she had the exact situation that I was talking about happen to her. I was talking about whenever I arrive at therapy, Patrick comes out to the waiting room to get me and he's like, Mitchell, how are you? And I was like, fuck, that is a very loaded question to ask someone in front of other people when I'm literally here for therapy. I'm clearly not well. And this happened to you, didn't it, Rose? It did. Not that long ago, actually.

I was feeling particularly sensitive this day. Oh, God. So what actually happened when she came and found you and said, oh, hi, Rose, how are you? I burst into tears. But then she still went, not a great day then. Oh. It's so awkward having to make small talk.

Yeah, that's like a doctor going, oh, Mitchell, how are you feeling today? Come on in. That's why I'm here. It's so funny because I thought it was just my therapist who did that, who comes out and says, Jenna, so how are you today? Sorry, guys, but what do you want them to say? How are you is a common welcome phrase. Well, that's what I'd like to figure out.

If there's therapists listening, what the fuck can you say in small talk? Because I don't like the question, how are you, in general, because I don't think anyone actually cares about your answer. No, of course. What other small talk phrases are there, though? Everyone just goes, oh, hi, how are you? But my psychiatrist, on the other hand, is very good. She'll just compliment something that I'm wearing and then say,

oh, come on through. Oh, my God, that's genius. And then the speaking happens as I'm walking to the room and then I break down. But I've got a good theory. Tell me if this tactic works and it's similar to what Rose does because I interview a lot of people for my radio show and saying, hey, how are you, is a waste of 30 seconds because you only get five minutes

with these celebrities. So I always jump in with a compliment. So I go, oh, my God, Miley Cyrus, so good to see you. You look gorgeous. And I feel like at a therapist's office, like Rose said, they probably need a bit of a pick-me-up. Oh, you look lovely today. Yeah.

What else is there that you could say instead of how are you? You could say anything, anything. But then so the receptionist was there and obviously witnessed the whole ordeal. And now, whenever I go in there, she doesn't want to ask how I am. That would be it. She's like, don't poke this bear. Fuck me.

Yeah. What if you just say, what if they're a bit of a joke about it? What if they go, Jenna, get in here, you sick head. You sick of the head. Come on, get in here, you fucked brain. Come on, get in here. Get in here. You look like you need to be here today.

Yeah. Come on, Jenna. Oh, shit. Glad you're back. Get in here, you fucked brain. Come on, get in here. Get in here. You look like you need to be here today. Yeah, come on, Jenna. Oh, shit. Glad you're back. Get in here, you bitch. Is it just me? The rude shocks of young adulthood. All right, before we move on with the show, we have a Talk Back Tings coming up,

which I will say I'm excited about because we haven't done one in months, I think. Yeah, it has been a while. It's been a long time. So that's on the way. And that was voted in our Facebook group. We did a poll. Apparently that's everyone's favourite segment.

But this one's not so funny. It's a bit grim. It's about the Queen's death. So it might not be that laughable. But yeah, we'll see. You know it is laughable. I haven't told you that I was going to do this. But the fact that Jenna, our beloved Jenna, has in fact met your new boy, Mitch, before

I have. Yep, it's true. new boy, Mitch, before I have. Yep, it's true. It was an accident, to be fair. What, you meeting the boy or Jenna meeting the boy? Well, both, anyway. Well, hold on. No, you don't speak. Jenna, what was he like?

Tell me everything. Because Mitch will spin it. Tell me what tall, dark- Just don't say his name. We're not there yet. No, he's lovely. He's so nice, and I'm not just saying that. And handsome, too, right? Yes, lovely. He's so nice and I'm not just saying that. And handsome too, right?

Yes, very. He's genuinely such a nice guy. What was your first impression? Just so lovely. He was a bit gushy about meeting Jenna. He was like, oh my God, is that the Jenna? Oh my God, Jenna. And in my mind, I was like, oh my gosh, is this the guy?

Yeah. And I was with him the other day and he was equally chuffed when he saw a notification come through, Jenna Benson followed you on Instagram. He's so lovely. But your mum also met him and your mum's a great judge of character because she lives in that mansion so she'd deal with people all day for contractors. Did she like him?

She loved him. She kept going on and on about him all night. So it's not that I chose to introduce Jenna to him first. It's just that we were both at Six The Musical. Yeah. And so, yeah. I think you're hiding him from me. No.

No. Why are you jealous? He's so nice. He's such a nice guy. I'm not jealous at all. Just think, you know, you introduce him to your business partner and, you know, work wife technically. He has met all right, hey, twice.

Oh, really? Yeah. Now you're jealous. Has he actually? Yeah. Is that true? Yeah Are you afraid that I'll

This is how I'll talk to him Last week we spoke about me When I first met him This is me Hello How are you? Good to finally meet you Oh my god

No I'm not afraid To introduce him to you It just hasn't happened Naturally Because like It was a miracle He met Jenna She never goes out

She never goes to social events Good point, actually. So there's no context in which he's been able to meet you because you don't do things. I think him meeting me will be the final. And I know for you, meeting me is really important. It's meeting me and then the family shortly thereafter. Should we go for a dinner? Should I be nice to him?

Do you want me to play the bitch card? No, I don't want you to do anything. What are your intentions with Maya Mitchell? Just leave it. What are your intentions with my Mitchell? Just leave it. What are your intentions? I can play nice. I can play hard. Just don't play anything.

It's fine. Just let it be. Let it happen. So great to meet you. Beep. Redacted. You know what we should do? We should be using our sensor beep right now.

Oh, yeah. Okay. Instead of a beep, what's ours again? It's this. The party popper. That's how we beep things out now on this show. Oh, well, I, for one, can't wait to meet... Jenna?

He's a lovely person. Yeah. I'm going to make it really long so Mitch has to elongate the buzz. We didn't equate for a long buzzer either. Fuck. Are we ready for Talk Back to England? Yeah, let's go. Let's go.

Well, as we know, Queen Elizabeth passed away last week. What? It was very big news. What? It was all over TV. They really didn't have much to say. They just kept repeating everything. Remember?

It was live action of the coffin driving through every suburb. Did you find that a bit off? The helicopters following the coffin? Yeah, they're like, she's now driving through Lancaster, where she last visited in 1971 for the sheep shirt. God, would she want this? I saw a meme on Twitter. Someone replied, come to Brazil.

That's good. The Queen on tour. That's awful. Do you know that that coffin is lined with lead so people don't smell her? Yeah. Jenna can confirm. She was consulted upon. They said, you've had the most experience with corpses out of anyone on earth.

And I've been in a coffin myself. Oh, my God. True, Jenna. What would the Queen be experiencing right now as someone who's lived it? It's quite comfortable. Stop it. That's a bit weird. No, it is very comfortable.

We don't actually picture her in the coffin, do we? I have been. I have. No, let's for comfortable. We don't actually picture her in the coffin, do we? I have been. I have. No, let's for a second. It wasn't a tragedy that she passed away. We're celebrating her life. Yes. God rest the Queen.

Yes. So what we wanted to do was compare how different radio stations broke the news. We did this name when Prince Philip passed away. Yes. And first up, you might have seen there was this viral TikTok floating around showing how BBC Radio 1 Dance covered it. Yes, I saw this. up you might have seen there was this viral tiktok floating around showing how bbc radio one dance covered it yes i saw they were basically implying that they briefly interrupted and then went straight back into the doof doof music straight away so this is the tiktok

this is bbc news we're interrupting our schedules for the following announcement buckingham palace has announced the death of her majesty queen elizabeth ii BBC News. We're interrupting our schedules for the following announcement. Buckingham Palace has announced the death of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. No! Okay, so I can confirm that's bullshit. Okay, good, because that is not... That TikTok blew up. And the same thing happened

when Prince Philip died. Someone edited it to make it sound really abrupt and insensitive. That didn't actually happen. What most stations did was just simulcast the BBC. A lot of stations in Australia did that. I don't know, BBC was just the go-to. I actually heard, is it a rule or protocol or something that BBC has to be the one that breaks it first and then all the other media pick it up from there?

Yeah, I think because it's owned by the government. Yeah. But, yes, all eyes and ears are on BBC because they were the one to break the news first. Yeah. So 2GB, that's what they did. They were in the middle of some interview, 2GB being the big talkback station in Sydney. They were in the middle of some interview and they

just had to cut away to BBC. This is how it played out. And served in Britain for quite a long period of the war. He did come back and he served on the Australia and the Pacific. We interrupt this interview with Jim Haynes for some very important news. We're now going to cross to the BBC.

We understand news is broken on the health of the Queen. Sorry, Jim. This is BBC News from London. Buckingham Palace has announced the death of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. In a statement, the palace said the Queen died peacefully at Balmoral this afternoon. The King and the Queen Consort will remain at Balmoral this evening and will return to London tomorrow. BBC Television is broadcasting this special program

reporting the death of Her Majesty the Queen. And then in comes the song, the national anthem, the God Save the Queen. Which has now changed to God Save the King. I know. So they've, yeah, they just let BBC do all the talking. They're just like, yeah, he can break the news. Over on 3OW, which is the big talkback station in Melbourne.

Yes. It was a little bit less smooth sailing for them because they had the guy that does their overnight shift, Tony McClare. He was on air and he was just absolutely winging it. He was just reading out emails and then spotted up on his TV screen that she had died, but that's all he had to go off, just the three words that was written on TV. You've got to be careful. But, yes, this is what happened on 3AW in Melbourne.

Hi, Tony. All the listeners on 3AW, have a nice weekend. That's from Nathan. Now, the Sky News is reporting that the Queen has died. Jesus. It says up on the screen, the Queen dies. So that is the moment. Her Majesty the Queen has died.

It has been released. So Sky News has gone to a shot of a smiling queen, and just those simple three words, the queen dies. So clearly it has been released. It has been confirmed. I'm just going by what Sky news has got here there are no images i imagine this is covered by protocol as well so uh there will be music played and we now i guess have to await the statement from the prime minister fucking hell yeah he was really flailing

but also there's no photos, what, of her dying. Yeah. There's a smiling queen. Literally, that's all he had to go off. I don't know how many producers were on staff at 3.30am that morning, but he was just looking at the TV screen going, fuck, this is all the information I have. And I reckon that was the point that we heard earlier

where they were just playing the national anthem and he's like, oh, God, I've got nothing to go off. He should have just cut to the BBC like every other station. That is rough. I do feel for him because that's hard when you're live, live. Also, that guy, bloody Tony, he doesn't really have the most delicate way with words, does he? Yeah, it's just been released that the Queen has died.

Yeah. He's got to be so careful. She's dead. She's dead. Just those three simple words. Queen carked it. That's the words on the screen, those three simple words. Queen fell over.

Read it and weep, Australia. Dead. I also don't think you should be trusting Sky News for facts. Yeah, I know. Well, Sky News have reported it. They've called it factual. God, imagine how much shit you could get into if you just repeated everything Sky News reported. Oh, my God.

There's breaking news. Scott Morrison is the king. That is fantastic. So you know that guy that broke the news on BBC, Hugh Edwards? Apparently there were a few people online saying that because he did such a marvellous job in breaking the news that he should be knighted. Oh, come on. And I was like, okay, let's just listen again and be the judge.

It wasn't exactly like he did a bad job, but it's not like exceptional. He just read the news. Maybe he was just emotional and shaken, but he sounded unprepared. Okay, here it is. BBC. First news. The BBC is interrupting its normal programs to bring you an important announcement. Now, is this night worthy?

You tell me. This is BBC News from London. Is this night worthy? You tell me. This is BBC News from London. Buckingham Palace has announced the death of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. No, he's doing a good job. In a statement, the palace said the Queen died peacefully at Balmoral this afternoon.

Yeah, night the bastard. The King and the Queen Consort will remain at Balmoral this evening. Trust me, this audio will play in museums forever. BBC television. No, give him the night. I'm all for it. I'm all for it. I'm against it. They've given awards out for less.

Have they? For less than reading the news. Yeah, maybe it's because I feel like he in the UK is quite popular. So there'd be a lot of people over there that just feel like, oh, he's our Tracy Grimshaw. We're loyal. Like if someone said, let's make Tracy Grimshaw a knight, is there a female equivalent? A dame. A dame. If someone said, let's make Tracy Grimshaw a dame, I wouldn't even ask why. I'd just say, fucking do it. So maybe they're just really loyal over there and they're just like, yeah, make him a knight. But I'm like, really?

Well, did you hear, because the code word and the sort of programming for when the Queen dies was code worded, London Bridge has fallen. And if you were told that, then you go into the protocol. There is, because you know how she was announced ill at like, well, I was still awake at 11 o'clock at night. And then about four hours later, she died. The theory is she died at that point. She was already dead, but they had to wait for the family to arrive. And none of the family got to see her, apparently.

Yeah. So we were told, well, it came out on BBC at 3.30am that she'd died, but Dominic Perrottet said he got a phone call at 10 minutes to three. So it wasn't like she died and everyone instantly knew. There was a little bit of leeway there. Yeah. Because the protocol is certain people need to be informed, certain people in fucking high offices.

Well, I've heard a TikTok, I've seen a TikTok where they're in the middle of BBC programming the news, they're talking about the weather, and you hear in the background in the earpiece of the journalist, London Bridge has fallen. Really? Really? Yeah. I don't believe everything you see on TikTok.

We just played that bloody doof-doof BBC Beats radio, whatever it was. And it was at one o'clock. So the theory is she died well before. No, no, she definitely would have. Here we go. So this is it. News reporter whispers in the earpiece, London Bridge has fallen.

Ready? She's also head of the Commonwealth. All of these areas are served by one or more of the 42 churches. Did I talk over it? Go again. Are served by one or more of the 42 churches. Are served by one or more of the. So it wasn't even an earpiece.

The dumb bitch literally walks up to him and goes. He's mic'd up, lady. At one o'clock. And then after that, he got in black. So they knew. Oh. It was after that. All the comments going that he got in black after.

Oh, so really Hugh should not be knighted because he was withholding information. He's there being like, we don't yet know the condition of the Queen for like two hours almost before he finally broke the news. Now, fuck his knighthood. Fuck it. He knew the whole time. Yep.

He doesn't deserve it. You know what? I think, Mitch, our coverage last week deserves a knighthood. Let's send that to the BBC Royal Press and get us a knighthood. I think Hugh should get one before we do. You know what? It really does not affect my life one bit whether he gets knighthood or not.

So bloody do it. I don't even know what being knighted means. All right. Hot take. Do we think we should all become a republic now before we do. You know what? It really does not affect my life one bit whether he gets knighted or not. So bloody do it. I don't even know what being knighted means. All right, hot take. Do we think we should all become a republic now before we end the show, before we go into, you know, a new king? You don't think we should? No. Okay.

I haven't really looked into it. I don't know the pros and cons of either. But we'd have to change currency. There's just all different things we'd have to change. We'd have a prime minister. No, we'd have a president instead of a prime minister. It just feels like the logistics involved just seem like, oh, I've got a headache and I don't even have to do anything.

No, my initial response is, yeah, sure, why not? But I have looked into it and apparently all former monarchies that became a republic have fallen. Yes, I read that too. What do you mean? None of them have worked. No country that was led by the monarchy then became a republic has worked. Greece.

Like who? I don't know. I didn't really. What's not working about Greece? Well, Greece's economy is in the fucking stinker. Oh, is it? They're horrific. But that was their royal family.

They weren't under the monarchs, the British royal family. Yeah, I feel like as Australia, we'd fuck it. We'd fuck it up if we were on our own. Yeah. And also, can I just say, I will say this. I know they did some awful things in their time, actually, and they have a lot to answer for, the royals. However, I like having the drama of it all in the world.

Like, come on, imagine, the royal family is so theatrical. I did love seeing people analysing the body language when Harry and Meghan and Will and Kate were spotted together, being like, oh, Will and Kate don't do PDAs. And I'm like, when have they ever? They were saying that Harry and Meghan looked more in love because Will and Kate weren't all touchy-feely. But, like, do you remember Will and Kate's fucking first wedding kiss when they were out on that balcony?

Oh, God. I've had more romantic kisses with my mother. I swear to God. It was the most un-fucking- There was not one spark between Will and Kate. There never has been. Well, have you heard the rumours that he is a bit fruity? Likes being pegged.

Yes, yes. So, I mean, that would put a strain on any relationship, especially if she's not also fucking around. No, well, apparently the rumour was that she didn't want to do the pegging herself, but she's quite happy for him to be pegged outside the relationship and to have that need fulfilled elsewhere because she just doesn't want to do that. She's too much of a lady to, you know,

use a strap on and stab one up her husband. Have you heard, so we're meant to end the show, have you heard the controversial or the leaked audio of Charles and Camilla's phone call? Oh, of course. Oh! I want to be your Tampax. Yeah. Yuck!

Insider! Harder and harder. Oh, darling. Oh, darling. I want to be with you. I yearn for you. So there was no audio of the phone call leaked. It was just a transcript. Yeah. Oh, I didn Oh, darling. You're so naughty. I want to be with you. I yearn for you. So there was no audio of the phone call leaked. It was just a transcript.

Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. You know how things often don't translate in writing? Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty fucking filthy when you read their over-the-phone sexting. Should Jenna and I do a dramatic reenactment of it? Mm-hmm.

Okay, Jenna. I'd like to see you do a better job. Kyle and Jackie O did this once, and it was the funniest fucking thing, them reenacting the royal dirty phone call. Okay. Camillagate transcript. I love that. Yeah. All right.

The Camillagate transcript. I can't believe you cast Jenna. Oh. No, I just went male, female. Sorry. Why don't you be Camilla and I'll be Charles? No, go on, Jenna. I'd like to hear this.

Okay. Are you sure? I'm trying to be filthy. Because Jenna's got the whimpers down pat. I don't think Camilla's whimpery. She's quite butch, really. Look at her. I'm going to get some royal music for this.

Okay. Camillagate transcript PDF download. Can you just text me what you've got, Jenna? Then we can go off the same one. Yep. This is not the direction I saw the show taking. I thought we were going to do a very tasteful reflection on how the Queen Seth was reported, but here we are reenacting the new King's fucking sexy phone calls.

Imagine doing this on a landline. Ew. Yuck. All right, I've got some royal music. I'll do Charles, of course. Ring, ring, ring, ring. No, this is hanging up. You've been talking for a while.

Okay, yes. Because you're apart. Charles is off on business, I think. Yes, got it. You know, that's the sort of thing one has to be aware of. And sort of feel one's way along with it, if you know what I mean. Hmm. You're awfully good feeling your way along. Oh, stop.

I want to feel my way along you, all over you, and up and down you, and in and out. Oh, Charles. Particularly in and out. Oh, that's just what I need at the moment. Is it? I know it would revive me. I can't bear a Sunday night without you. Oh, God.

It's like that program start of the week. I can't start the week without you. I'll fill up your tank. Yes, you do. Then you can cope. Then I'm all right. What about me? The trouble is I need you several times a week.

Mitch, you just sound like Mitch Terry with a British accent. That's me. What about me? All right, all right. What about me? The trouble is I need you several times a week. So do I. I need you all the week, all the time.

Oh, God. I'll just leave inside your trousers or something. It would be much easier. What are you going to turn into? A pair of knickers? Oh, you're going to come back as a pair of knickers. Oh, God forbid, a tampax. Just my luck.

You complete idiot. What a wonderful idea. My luck to be chucked down the lavatory and go on and on forever, swirling round to the top, never going down. Oh, darling. Until the next one comes through. Oh, perhaps you should come back as a box. What sort of box? A box of turnpacks, so you could just keep going.

That's true. Repeating yourself. Oh, darling, I just want you now. Do you? So do I. Desperately, desperately, desperately. Oh, I thought of you so much at Yarrabee. Did you?

Simply mean we couldn't be there together. Oh, darling. I do love you. I love you, darling knight. I love you. I love you, darling knight. I love you. I love you too. I don't want to say goodbye. Well done for doing that. You're a clever old thing. An awfully good brain lurking there, isn't there? Oh, darling, I think you ought to give the brain a rest now, knight knight. Knights, darling. God bless you. I do love you, and I'm so proud of you. Oh, I'm so proud of you.

Don't be silly. I've never achieved anything. Yes, you have. No, I haven't. The greatest achievement is love, to me. Darling, easier than falling off a chair. You suffer all the indignities and tortures. Cal Muniz! Oh, darling, don't be so silly.

I'd suffer anything for you. That's love. It's the strength of love. Night, night. Night. Love you. Oh, I don't want to say goodbye. Neither do I, but you must get some sleep.

Bye, darling. Love you. Bye. Hopefully talk to you in the morning. Please! Bye, I do love you. Night! Night.

Night. Love you forever. Night. Goodbye! Bye, I do love you. Night! Night. Night. Love you forever. Night. Goodbye. Bye, my darling. Night. Night. Night. Night. Bye-bye. Going. Gone. Going! Gone! Night! Why? Press the button. Going to press the tit.

Oh, my God. God, I wish you were pressing mine. Oh, God, I wish I was harder and harder. Oh, darling, I wish I was harder and harder. Oh, darling. Night. Night. Night.

Love you. Love you. Press the tit. Adore you. Night. Night. Night. Read that out verbatim, Jenna.

What does it say? Flows a kiss or farted. Charles hangs up the phone and scene. Oh, can I use the fart? That's disgusting. I love how they wrote and scene. Oh, can I eat with a fart? That's disgusting. I love how they wrote or fart. It would have just been air. Well, we're not really sure.

Cut the royal music. It was glorious. I'm so glad we did that. Now, Jenna, as a woman, is having your tit pressed something that is actually enjoyable? Because it's like, oh, I want to press the tit. She's like, yeah, harder and harder. I'm like, is that achieving anything?

No, thank you. Can I just press your tit? I'm just kidding. All right. Let's go. I'm getting old. On that note. Yeah, on that point, let's get the fuck out of here.

Thank you for listening, everyone. Please give us a five-star review if you love the show. Write something, too. Please write us a lovely, kind message. By the way, apparently Diana heard about that because she was alive at the time and heard about this filthy phone call and she was disgusted. Wait, was this while they were cheating? Yes, because this is 1989.

They were together for ages. I've never seen The Crown, but I think I might dabble. Oh, just start from season four. The Diana years. You don't need to watch the other shit. Yeah, I think so. Alright, thank you for listening, guys. We love, love, love you. We'll be back in a week and yeah, plenty of episodes there to catch up on. And our final episode of Drag Race Debrief,

our little bonus episodes of Monday afternoon because RuPaul's Drag Race Down Under Season 2 is done and dusted, darling. For now, for now. But hope you've enjoyed that, guys, little bonus episode for the week. Otherwise, we'll see you all next week. Thanks for listening. Catch you then, idiots. Bye-bye.

See ya. Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of mitches. Make sure you've hit follow on your podcast app. Welcome to ADD Brief. This is our secret segment on the end.

We pretend that we've wrapped the show and then just keep talking shit. There's nothing planned in here. This is the bit where we're meant to go rogue, but I would possibly describe that part as rogue, reading out the royal phone call, the sexy phone call. That was really an ADD Brief sort of thing. Why did we do it in the main show? You know, you're living to learn. It's part of history.

You just go where the mind wanders, I feel. Yeah, I agree. I agree. There's no one here saying, wrap it up. Hey, the new iPhone update came out this week. iOS 16? Yeah, it's a bit confusing. Ready?

Get your phone up. Make sure you do not disturb. Isn't on. Okay, hang on. Oh, isn't on? Yeah. And do you want it off silent too? Yeah.

Oh, no, no. It doesn't have to be on silent. It can be on silent. I don't mind. Did you get the text I just sent you? Yep. What does it say? Fuck you. Oh, no, no, it doesn't have to be unsung. It can be unsung, I don't mind. Did you get the text I just sent you? Yep. What does it say? Fuck you.

Oh, try to read it now. Oh, but it says Mitch Cherry unsent a message. Still, you don't know that I was sending you fucks. Well, I do because I caught it. Yes, but that was purely for demonstrative purposes. You can unsend messages. How good. Within a time frame?

Yeah, you've got 15 minutes. Oh, that's good. You can unsend messages. How good. Within a time frame? Yeah, you've got 15 minutes. Oh, that's good. You can also edit. So if I sent you that message and said, hi, I can edit it and go, hi, fucker. And then you can then see the edit history if you click it. Oh, yeah. It shows you the history I see. Yeah, the edit history.

You can also add the battery percentage. See my battery in the top left? You can add the number now. Oh, I swear it always was. I remember someone showing me that hack when I was in year fucking 10. Yeah, but they removed that. I did that. I didn't even notice.

It's been gone for a few years. I just edited a message that I sent you. Oh, let me have a look. What is it? What is it? Well, the message is, have you lost weight? Which is yes. And the edit that they originally sent was,

you must have been thrilled that everyone wore black when the queen died, a fat person's dream. Yep. Yeah, I'm glad you edited that. I would never say that normally. No, you wouldn't, no. Well, what's the point of editing it if you can see the history? I don't understand what that achieves.

I guess if the message isn't juicy, if it's like, hi, what time for lunch? Like, I'm not going to check the edit notes. It's not going to be, I fucking hate you and your children. Surely they just said munch or something, you know? Yeah, but I will always check. If I see that it's been edited, I'll check out of curiosity. But that really undoes one of my favourite things. You know how it's like MSN culture.

I still do it. Asterix? Yes. You hear the little stars just to correct what you said? It's the death of the asterix. They're trying to murder the asterix. Well, in America, they've no more SIM cards in iPhones. SIM cards are gone.

Really? But not in Australia. That just made me disassociate. I was like, how? That is so confusing. Well, I don't have a SIM card. I've got an eSIM. How?

What? I'm confused. It's just you just scan a QR code when you get your phone. It downloads the SIM into your phone. But then what if you want to put your SIM in another phone? You just go to settings and you go to get your QR code back out and you're there. But then how do you scan a QR code when you're on your phone. But then what if you want to put your SIM in another phone? You just go to settings and you go to get your QR code back out and you're there. But then how do you scan a QR code when you're on your phone?

Yeah. Because then where do you put the QR code? What do you mean? Well, this has always bugged me. Whenever people put on an Instagram post like a QR code to something, like, oh, tickets to my comedy show, scan this code. And I'm like, but if I'm on my phone, I'd have to print off this fucking photo to be able to scan it or have a second phone. Oh, yeah. How would you do that? I don't know. Go to the Telstra store. I'm not, but if I'm on my phone, I'd have to print off this fucking photo to be able to scan it or have a second phone.

Oh, yeah. How would you do that? I don't know. Go to the Telstra store. I'm not Optus. Yeah. Speaking of which, you know what I thought we should do? Yeah.

Because I've got two phones. I kept my old one just so, and it's been so handy just having a second camera. Yeah. And I thought about getting a SIM card for my old phone and making it the Idjim phone so people can like text in there, is it just you? Oh, cute. That's quite fun.

Or like call, leave a voicemail, something like that. We should buy a voicemail. We'd have the IJM hotline. That's really quite fun. Yes. But then I just obviously put it on silent at all times. I don't want idiots. I say that lovingly.

Our listeners are the idiots. I don't want idiots calling me at all hours. I was going to say, you'd probably have to turn it off and then only turn it on when you need to solicit for calls. Yeah. Yeah, do it. Yeah, do you reckon? Yeah, I'd back it.

That'd be cute. We'll put it on the kiddio. We could also get texts and whatnot. Yeah. I figured that people can iMessage their fucking, if they just use, if they don't have Instagram. You've got a real good point there, don't you? No, I only have good points. Yeah.

That's a good point. When was the last time I made a bad one? I've tried many times to put a foot wrong. I just don't seem to be able to. Well, yeah. Good point. Great point. Your voice is still going strong. It's back enough that I can use it, but it's only 90%. It sounds fine to me. Hopefully it's

back for my Brisbane gigs, which are sold out. Oh yeah, tell us about the Brisbane gigs. Congratulations. I haven't done them yet, so there's not much to say, other than I'm doing them on the 23rd, 24th of September and they're sold out, bitch. So too late if you haven't got a ticket. Well, no point promoting them because people won't be able to go. Yeah.

No, it's actually a very weird feeling sailing out this far in advance because I'm too much of an empath. People are messaging me being like, oh, my God, I missed out. And I'm like, oh, I'm sorry, honey. I wish I could do something. Can you do extra tickets added or? No. No, I can't. I've asked. They literally said, no, we don sorry, honey. I wish I could do something. Can you do extra tickets added or? No. No, I can't.

I've asked. They literally said, no, we don't have extras. Well, someone posted on Endure an Idiot saying, I've got a spare two tickets. So maybe if you don't have them yet. The fuck? Yeah, I know. Why? Oh, they're listening to Trash Alley and they said, oh, we don't have them.

Oh, we've lost interest in Mitchell's career, quite frankly. But yeah, they might still be there. So go to our secret Facebook group. Also, if you're a new listener. I don't know why you call it a secret Facebook group, by the way. We've never made it a secret. We never used to talk about it. No, I think initially.

We've got the secret segment. Yeah, you're right. But the Facebook group, it's not a secret, but you have to listen to AD Debrief to get in because the entry question is, what's the name of the secret segment? Oh, yeah, it's AD Debrief. And people write like, oh, Jenna's junk. No.

No. Wrong. Incorrect. Don't be stupid. You're not allowed like, oh, Jenna's junk. No. No. Wrong. Incorrect. Don't be stupid. You're not allowed in, bitch, unless you know AD Debrief. Oh, my God. I was at the Billie Eilish concert last night and I bought merch on the way out. Did you?

And I went, oh, how big's your 2XL? Will it fit me? She went, yeah, it'll fit you, Mitch. And I went, oh. She went, oh, I listen to your podcast and radio show. Oh, that's so, because it was so bizarre. Because she called me by my name. I'm like, do I have a name tag on?

I know I'm close friends with Billie Eilish, but I don't have a name tag. And she went, oh, I love it. I listen to your radio show every night. Not tonight, though, because I'm here. And I love the podcast. Oh, thanks. Oh, God love her. Do you remember her name or did you not ask?

God, no, I didn't pay either. Took it on her own. Well, hello, lady, if you're listening. Hello. Hi, lady, we love you. Yeah, that was very cute. Yeah, hello, lady, if you're listening. Hello. Hi, lady. We love you. Yeah, that was very cute. That's nice. Yeah, it was sweet.

Anyway, have you broken the news of anyone's death to anyone? Like, did you break the news of the Queen's death to people? I told my mum before she turned the radio on. Also for Olivia Newton-John as well. Yes, yes. What about you, Mitch? I don't think I've ever had to, no. No, I remember where I was when I was told that Steve Irwin died.

I remember. I was on the school bus, yeah. Yeah, I was at school. Yeah, I was getting my bag from the bag room in Mrs Massey's year two class and someone told me. We used to have this grumpy bitch bus driver at Bougainvillea Public, Mrs Hitchick, and she loved ABC News on the hour, MMA in the half hour, and it was always,

quiet down, I'm trying to listen to the news. And she'd like crank it and this time it was like she actually said to us, wait, wait, listen, listen. And, yeah, we heard on ABC News, you know, this bloody bus driving down a dirt road in the middle of nowhere, yeah, the crocodile hunter, Steve Irwin, has passed away. And we're like, fuck. You're joking.

Backtrack a bit. You said you were in year two. Backtrack a bit. In 2006. Yeah, right? Yeah, year two. Maybe year four or three. That would make more sense.

Because I was in 2002 was when I started kindergarten. But you are a year older than me, so you would have been. I started in 2001. I graduated school in 2013, and there's 12 years of schooling. So 2001 is kindergarten, so 2002 is year two. Yeah, but it was in 2006. Yeah, so you would have been older than year two. How old would I have been?

You were 10. Yeah, well, I'm glad we got to the bottom of that. Thank you for calling me out, Jenna. Yeah, I'm really glad, Jenna, that you're 12. No, no, she's right, because if I'm fibbing, you know. It's a good point. It's a great point. Yeah. You know, Mrs. Massey was'm really glad, Jenna, that you're well done. No, no, she's right, because if I'm fibbing, you know. It's a good point. It's a great point. Yeah. You know, Mrs. Massey was my school

teacher, who knows what year, and her husband was the groundskeeper. So there was Mr. and Mrs. Massey and whenever there was like an assembly, they'd stand next to each other and then they got divorced. And there was like tension. She was Ms. Massey. Mr. Massey and Ms. Massey, yeah. Do you remember your teachers? I had, get this,

I had Mrs. Cortez's, then I had Mr. Nobbs.. Massey, yeah. Do you remember your teachers? I had, get this, I had Mrs. Cortez's. Then I had Mr. Knob's. Then I had Mrs. Massey. Then I had Mrs. Moon. Oh, I was scared of Mrs. Moon. And then have I said Cortez's yet? Yes. Yeah.

I'm not really listening because I don't care. Can't you remember your teachers? That's my point. I had Ms. Beth. But you could say any name and I won't know if it's true or not. I'm not going to say, no, you didn't have her. Yeah, but they're always fun names. Jenna, who did you have?

I had Miss Beth, Mrs Smith. Was she an au pair? See, this is only fun if you throw in a quick tidbit about the person, not just saying their names. It's so boring. You may as well read out a phone book. Miss Beth was American and she was a bit controversial because she was a really young teacher.

She was a slut, yeah. Yeah. That's a good tidbit. All right, more tidbits like that. Mrs Smith was pregnant. Oh, good tidbit. And she threw up. Out of wedlock.

She threw up in the bathroom. Don't answer my question. That's fine. I hate this conversation. It was in wedlock, actually. Keep going, Jenna. This is fantastic. I get that it was Mrs Humphrey.

She got cancer. Oh, Jenna, that's not a tidbit. All the rest were a tidbit. I mean, she'll give us some teachers and some tidbits because you gave us Mrs McFly on the bus and her tidbit. It wasn't Mrs McFly, it was Mrs Hitchick. Hitchick, good name. All right, more.

These are good tidbits. There was Mrs Noakes. I'd be truly surprised if she was still with us because she was already on borrowed time when she taught me in kindergarten. I distinctly remember her fucking teaching us how to blow our nose correctly because she hated sniffles. She hated sniffles. She'd be like, right, students, we're going to learn how to blow our nose.

She was so old and withered and she'd be like, right, now block your left nostril and blow. Wait. And I use her advice to this day. Really? I think of her every time. All right, who else? These are good.

Who else did I have? There was Mrs Turner. She was a fat thing and she was hanging up paintings on the wall and thought she could stand on one of those tiny little fiberglass chairs they have in classrooms. Obviously she snapped the bastard and fell through and broke her Achilles tendon. So old Mrs Fat Turner was put on leave for two terms

and we got this new fresh out of uni Miss Bunting. I loved her. She was so much fun. And then when Mrs. Turner was back to full health, I was devastated. I loved Miss Bunting. That's sad. Yeah. I remember we had Miss McDonald who would check all of our under desks.

Remember under desks? Yeah. God. And she'd come in to check we didn't have food in them and she'd take it, confiscate it and eat it. And she was a big girl too. And this is true. She had to go on psychiatric leave because we were all waiting at roll call one morning and she didn't come to pick us up. So we all sat there going, we can't find Miss McDonald. So Mr. Dennis Burke took us to the room and she was in the room eating, I remember it vividly, I can

smell it. She was eating Donut King donuts, a 12-pack, and sobbing. Sobbing? He went, all right, kids, stay outside. And he went in to talk Miss McDonald off a ledge. And, yeah, she was, you know, eating her feelings. But also, duty of care, you can't just leave the kids unattended. No, of course not. But she was also the public speaking teacher.

Not sure how that adds to the story. We had this hideous sub teacher who I swear, it was like she was so old, Mrs. Davis, and her breath constantly reeked of ciggies. And I swear she must have had the early onsets because sometimes she'd just wander off and start teaching a different class and we'd be there because she'd be a sub teacher. She never really knew which class was hers.

She'd just walk in and go, have I got you? Like, no, Mrs. Davis. She'd find us eventually. And, you know, speaking of the undertrades, you know how some people would make letterboxes? Yeah. Like they'd have an envelope and stick it to their desk. I didn't have that.

And people could like put little notes in your thing. Oh, no. One time she went through someone's letterbox and found like a bullying one and she read it out to the class without censoring any of the words. She's like, now, who would write this? Michaela has just handed me this and someone's put a note in her letterbox that says, fuck you, bitch mutt. Who wrote fuck you, bitch mutt in Michaela's letterbox?

Who would say fuck you, bitch mutt to Michaela? She should have said. Fuck you, bitch mutt. It's not appropriate. We're like, oh, my God, hearing Mrs Davis and her sticky breath saying, fuck you, bitch, just made our day. Have I told you what happened to me during Interrelate? Oh, Interrelate, yes, I remember that.

Interrelate was an external company and they'd have people in different regions come to class. I think it was year four, maybe year five. I think year five. It was Sex Ed, essentially. Year five and then year six. Yeah, but it was Interrelate. Yes, they called it that instead of Sex Ed.

Yeah, it was Interrelate. Yeah, it was Interrelate. Yes. They called it that instead of sex ed. Yeah, it was interrelate. It was interrelate. I think that was like maybe. Do we come back to my place and interrelate? I think maybe that was the company or something. Yeah, so it was the schools didn't have to have it in their rubric. So they'd hire a company. They outsourced.

Correct. Like the life education van. We don't want to tell kids not to do drugs. We'll get a fucking giraffe to do it. Get someone with a hand up a felt giraffe to do it instead. Anyway, we had the interrelate local lady come. And come? No.

She didn't come. Attend. Attend, yeah. Visit. Well, she definitely came. Anyway, you had to come with, you have to go with a parent, right? You couldn't go alone. So I went with my dad on the first night.

And the lady came up and dad got really awkward. And I was like, what's going on? Oh, my God, did he fuck the interrelate lady? She gets up and she goes, you know, interrelate. You know, in school you've got lots of relationships. Relationships you'll have when you're young until you get old. And, you know, I can see Mark Turi here. And I had some of these relationships with Mark Turi when I was at OLMC. She fucked my dad.

Oh, my God. But why was your dad at the sex ed class? You had to have a parent because it was. Oh, that's icky. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, I love her. So mum got up there with Judy. I'm happy to help you, Mark's old slam piece. Truly. And, yeah, it was just funny. Mum had to hold up vagina cards in front of Judy. It was very confusing for me. Now I understand. It was a fucked situation.

We didn't have anything like that. We just had normal sex ed. And one time we had a local cop come and address the assembly about cyber safety, specifically sending nudes. And she really made a point of saying, now I think there's nothing wrong with a penis. I think a penis is a beautiful thing. I'm quite fond of a penis. But you shouldn't be taking photo of your penis and sending it to other people.

You never know where that photo of your penis is going to end up. Who was she? Just the local female cop. And she's just going on about how much she loves cock. And we're all just like giggling because this lady in uniform is up there going, oh, I love a penis. I think penis is beautiful. And this teacher's going, hee-hee, hee-hee.

At a Marist school, a Catholic school. Oh, my God. She's going, now how good's penis, boys and girls? Don't take a photo of it. I've got photos of penis. And I never have. I'm going to put them in leather boxes, in all your leather boxes. Did you have sex ed, Jenna?

Yeah, we had interrelate and it traumatised me. So the lady came in and she's like. I've abstained ever since. She said. Not uncontagious. We're going to watch this video. Oh, God. And it's a woman giving birth.

I remember them doing that, but I found it fascinating. No. I was like, wow, the body can do that? And I was a little bit jealous that I could never get pregnant. I was like, wow, that looks like not fun. But, like, you know, I just found it fascinating. It was magical. This woman giving birth was quite disgusting.

Oh, Lois. Jenna. No, she was. She was pretty foul. Oh. Yeah. A rancid bitch giving birth. Jenna.

No, she was. Really? And, like, actually thinking about it, I wonder where that child is now. I imagine knowing that everyone's seen you escape your mum's moor. Yeah. That's quite horrific. Disturbing. I have a friend that we all know, not really a friend, an ex-coworker,

who had a water birth, which is great. I love that. And I think that's awesome. There's benefits to it. But put up photos of her in the bloody water with the baby in her arms. Maybe that's why a lot of childbirth photos are black and white. You can't see them all. Of course.

I don't know. I mean, I love sharing it, but it was confronting and good for them. I don't know why. I just always found it, even in movies and stuff, I was like, wow, that is so cool that they can do that. And there was a period where, because I found it so fascinating, that I was like, I want to be a, what do you call it? Midwife?

No, the doctor. Obstetrician? Yeah, Nina Proulx. I was like, I want that to be my job. And then I found out that I have to be good at science and maths. And I was like, fuck that. The doctor that – no, the doctor, like the – is it – Obstetrician. Yeah, Nina Proulx. Yeah. I was like, I want that to be my job, and then I found out that I have to be good at science and maths, and I was like, fuck that. Yeah. No way.

All right, shall we go, everyone? It's been a big episode. It's been long. Yeah, it has. Really long. We hope this podcast made you feel at least 2% better today. That's all. That's all we can ask.

As we do. No. So we do. So we do. There we go. For God's sake You know Mitch nailed it When you weren't here

I did The last two weeks I really roasted the occasion How'd you get it wrong? As we do I haven't had my fruit for the day So I'm going to go And my men are in

And I'll be perky Imagine if we changed the tense So we did So we does So we will So we will God save them Alright everybody

We'll see you next week Leave us a review We love you See you in a Chat to you soon idiots. Catch them in the Facebook group.

Bye bye. See ya. Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of mitches. Make sure you've hit follow on your podcast app.