Is It Just Me? - #125: We Sound COOKED

Episode Date: October 17, 2022

In this episode:House hunting is a BITCH (08:42)Those buzzers you get at the pub (16:58)Why are tea & coffee free? (21:39)Dot Wiggins calls the TV Shopping channel (29:00)We sound COOKED at half speed (42:23)Our “Secret Segment” ADDebrief (50:03) Get yourself a Season 4 mug: SHOP HEREHit us up @coupleofmitchesSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

All right, we ready? Yeah, let's go. Hurry up! Do some weird shit. Would you like to try a vape? Why would you take up something that is going to be addictive and expensive? I think for people... I'll tell you why.

Yeah. Because you're young and stupid. Some things make more sense than others. You mentioned that your goal was to be healthy, and I just don't know how you figure that's going to happen when you're ordering a chocolate mousse. No. You know, I had it in the car on the way home and I didn't have a spoon.

So I was like an armadillo trying to get ants out of a hole. Brace yourself for the rude shocks of young adulthood. Being fingered is an awful sensation. You haven't been fingered by the right person. Goodness me. This is Is It Just Me? Hosted by a couple of Mitches. Hi, it's Jenna.

Please don't forget to include my name in the opener this season. I'm sorry. Ta-da! Now, here's Mitch Chooley and Mitchell Coons. Oh, hello, Mitchell Coons. Welcome back, Chook. And how are you feeling? It's good to be back feeling 23.

I'm aging. 23? Yes, it's good to be back. Feeling 23. I'm ageing. 23? Yes, it's good to be 23. Don't bloody lie. Last time I was here, I was young and 22, but I'm here and I'm 23. Now, listen, I did tell everyone last week that you were on a psychiatric recess. Not true. Which is my code for stress leave.

Yes. But where were you actually? I was actually quite ill. I was bedridden, bed rest. I was having a bit of a heady week. I've got a brain condition, as I've spoken about on this show. Chiari malformation. Correct, and you're the only friend that remembers it.

Yeah, I know. Truly. Even Hayden's like, oh, you're a Kentari chicken katsu. I'm like, babe, thanks for trying. Even my GP's like, what do you have again? I'm like, fuck you all. The problem is that I know what it's called, but I don't know how to explain it. I'm like, oh, something about the brain stabbing the spinal cord.

Yeah, close. Yeah, the brain is literally putting one up my spinal cord. My brain is falling out of the back of my skull and it's blocking the spinal cord. And that's where the central nervous system is, so it puts pressure on the whole body. So I get numbness and my speech falters and my memory, obviously, as we know, is terrible. I get sweaty when I'm cold and cold when I'm hot. My penis gets massive. And the doctor said, it can't get any bigger.

I went, let me show you. Anyway, that's beside the point. I feel good. I'm back. I'm better. It's something that I'll live with for my whole life. But it was a flare up. I was overworked, but I'm back.

I was a bit worried because I know you have bad brain days, as you call them, and I know how to deal with those. But you've never had a bad brain week. Yes. And I was like, shit, this is bad. He cancelled his birthday party the day of. I know. I was like, this must be legit. And that was a mess because it was a Facebook event and I cancelled it and it was like,

do you want to send out a message to all the participants? And I'm like, that'd be fantastic because at least that way, you know, everyone knows and I don't want to have someone turning up at midnight. Anyway, I didn't realise it would send individual messages. Yeah, we all got a DM saying, hi all. Hi all. I know. Dear staff.

Our third wheel price keeper Jen is here. Did you get that message? I didn't actually. Well, you probably didn't RSVP as usual. I did RSVP. Did you not get one? No. Really?

Well, she wasn't coming anyway, so it wouldn't have been a problem. I had my suit already. I know. The theme was suits, not the god awful Meghan Markle show. No. Yeah. I love wearing a suit, so you had to wear a blazer of sorts't have been a problem. I had my suit all ready. I know. The theme was suits, not the god-awful Meghan Markle show. No. Yeah. Like, I love wearing a suit, so you had to wear a blazer of sorts. It was a relief.

I didn't have to dress up. Oh, I had my suit pressed and ready. It was very sad that I had to cancel. Do you know how I knew that this bad brain week was like, oh, shit, it must be bad? Yeah. Because I remember on the Sunday, I told you, spoiler alert, I was going to give it to you at the party, but it was cancelled. Spoiler alert, I got you a $100 massage voucher.

Yeah. And you were like, oh, that's so sweet. Fast forward to Wednesday. And I was like, hi, just checking in. How are you feeling? Are you better? And you said, yeah, a bit better. I'm going to get a massage today. And I was like, hang on, I haven't sent you the voucher yet. And you said, oh no, you don't have to do that. And I was like, I've already got you one. And you were like, oh, all right, I'll cancel it. Give me the voucher. I did cancel my massage. He was so confused. He was like, no, no, you don't have to buy me one. I was like, I have? Then you know.

Oh my god, it was so stressful. I was in an emergency on my birthday and it was like such a mess. And I told the nurse, I'm like, you know, it's my birthday. Oh, it's so many people's death day too. What actually occurred? Because on Instagram you were at the family dinner as per bloody usual.

When did it go south? It was really nice. I was feeling awful the whole week before because I had a week of leave, right? Which is weird because normally I'm relaxed. It was the opposite. I don't know what happened. You think that would ameliorate all your issues? Oh, well done.

That's a nice one. Wasn't that the bitch that crashed her plane? Amelia Earhart. Ameliorate is just like mend. Oh, that's what All the guys say When Amelia Like had a really good outfit Oh Amelia ate Oh did you see Amelia

She fucking ate And so your leave Made you feel worse Yes it made me feel terrible And then the day of my birthday I woke up And I'm like Oh yeah this is bad

Dizzy I couldn't feel The left side of my body My eyesight was in and out I couldn't form words My mind was racing It was insane I've never had

All those symptoms at once before. So I'm okay. You're definitely feeling better. Yes, definitely feeling better. Okay, well, take it easy. Thank you, Jenna. Wait, oh, God. But look, I don't want to talk about me because I'm over it.

I actually want to discuss something with Jenna. Yeah. I'm disgusted by you. Why? More than usual. Why? How dare you fill in for me? This is a big role to fill, quite literally and figuratively.

And the fact that you booked yourself a podiatry appointment on the day that you record our podcast and waltz out of here as if this is nothing. Yeah, I dragged Sam and Jenna into the studio to fill the void of Mitchell Cherry because it does take two. Two, yes. And then they just fucked off because they both had appointments. Yes, I know, but I couldn't cancel it because it had been longer than 48 hours

and I didn't want to pay. Have you heard what happened? No, I haven't brought myself to listen to the episode, no. Oh, thanks for the support, Ravi. That's all right. But no, people in the Facebook group were saying they felt sorry for me. Oh, because this is how the episode ended, right? Yes.

It was a bit sombre. Here we go. If you missed it. Anyway, I have to go. So goodbye. Oh, well. Okay. That was so aggressive.

Goodbye. Where are you off to? I'm getting my eyebrows done. Oh, okay. That's nice. I guess that's important. Yes, it is. It's very important.

That's good. Fair enough. Thank you so much, everybody. No, you're right. Thanks for having me. No, thanks for doing it. Yeah. Okay. Bye. Yes, it is. It's very important. That's good. Fair enough. Thank you so much, everybody. No, you're right. Thanks for having me. No, thanks for doing it. Yeah. Okay.

Bye. Bye, Jenna. Bye. Bye. Anyway. So I'm getting my hair done today. Oh, you're getting a perm done. Well, yeah.

My appointment is in 20 minutes. Are you ditching me too? Yeah. Well, I don't want to, but we've kind of just been sitting here having a yarn. All right. Well, toodles. All right. I feel bad.

I'm just kind of living here. No, it's fine. Bye. Bye. Bye. Oh, I can't believe this. Mitch has left me. Jenna's left me.

Now Sam. For the first time in history, it is just me. We hope this podcast made you feel at least 3% better today, I suppose. Hate to cut it short, but yeah, I don't know how I'm going to have a conversation with myself. Wow. That was beautiful. It got worse. I started singing.

Oh. What song? I was like, all by myself. God, I miss it, to be honest. That was dreadful and depressing. And the fact that you did that to your Mitchell Coon show. Excuse me. I left Sam with him. I'm going to blame Sam.

We have advertisers. And I've spoken to Aqueduct, and they've left the show. Not Aqueduct. Aqueduct to blame Sam. We have advertisers. And I've spoken to Aqueduct and they've left the show. Not Aqueduct. Aqueduct left. No. They loved you. I'm in damage control with Palmolive. Oh, don't even get me started on Unilever.

No. And they own so many brands. It's a mess. And God, I've just got the sorest shoulders from carrying the weight of this podcast. It's fine. It was important. Put a leg up. I'm back. I'm returning. My brain is fine. Well, as fine. It was important. Put a leg up. I'm back.

I'm returning. My brain is fine. Well, as fine as it can be, to be perfectly honest. I'm getting an EEG next week. They're putting probes on my head, so we'll fully know. We should do that live on the show. They're like Doctor Inner World first. It's empty.

There is no brain. Imagine that if that was the problem all along. There's definitely something in there. All right. Welcome to the show. If it is your first time listening, it's Is It Just Me? We start the show the same every week to idjim, something we've noticed, something we hate or appreciate. Mine this week is something that I've definitely noticed and I hate it and there's no appreciation whatsoever. And

I think I can find a common ally in you, Mitchell Coombs, this week. I hope so too. We might agree on this. I feel like because we missed an engine from you last week, people are craving it. So let's dive into yours first. I was going to say, would you want me to do two? I thought that's where you were getting at. Oh, if you want. Do you have anything else? Is it just me or is Jenna a bitch?

Not just you. Not just you. It's everybody. All right. Should I jump in? Yep. Go for it, darling. Is it just me or?

Is there nothing worse on this earth than house hunting? Oh, suck my ass. Oh, it's torture. Isn't it? You think it'd be fun. It's one of those things that you go, this is cool. Weekend activities, domain, realestate.com.au. It is.

It's hellfire. It's fun at first when you're just happy browsing. Yes. But when you're actually eager to move and you're going to inspections and all of the shit, it just becomes frustrating. Do you want to know how long I've been house hunting for? Oh, because I'm new to the house hunting scene. I have to move.

What about you? How long? How long? Strap yourself in for a ride because I've been house hunting since May. What? Fuck. Yeah. How long?

It started with looking for places with Jordan. Yeah. But then there's just nothing that suits us both that isn't $4,000 a day. Yeah. And so now we're looking separately and that's proving equally difficult. It's so hard. I can't imagine. I couldn't afford to.

I mean, I could, but it would be a terrible, it'd be a shack. I wouldn't be able to live in a nice house if I didn't have Hayden to pay half the rent. Yeah, I know. It's more expensive on my own, but it's fine. I'm rich. Fuck, it's so hard. I mean, same, same. It's so hard because on Domain there's not a mansion drop-down. It's just house, apartment

and then townhouse. And I go, where's palatial mansion? I will say this. I do prefer realestate.com.au over Domain because on real estate, there's a little settings button and you can say, hide this house from all search results because you know how it keeps serving you the same pig stars and you're like, I've seen it. I hate it. Stop showing me.

Oh, I'm a domain boy. I like domain. I don't know. I think that's where I first started on. So now I'm used to the layout of the app and the UI or whatever. But fucking hell, where do we start? The photos. Like they're all,

they must get mice to take photos of these places because they get so deep in the corner of a room that it makes it look huge. No, they get fish to take photos. Fish eye lens. Yeah, they go, do you have a cockroach that works in the industry? And they give them a little tripod camera and you walk in and you go, this has the house shrunk. Hasn't been put in the dryer.

Some photos, there's a random cat just walking past and it's a photo of a cat. Yes. And then like of a plant. Oh, don't get me started on Brezic Whitney, which is a Sydney thing. That's like a fancy. That's it. You've got the Ray Whites and then you've got the Century 41 or whatever the fuck it is. And they've got a model standing there.

Oh, yeah. Brezic Whitney is like an independent fancy pants real estate agency. I've never heard of it. Oh, my God. There was one. I had to call my brain doctor and go, I think I'm going psychotic. I thought there was a poltergeist in one of the images, but it was a woman that they've taken a photo of with a slow shutter speed.

So she was half moving. Oh, yeah. When they make it look like they're on the run. In the en suite. Where does she have diarrhea? I need to know the backstory. It's just becoming so frustrating for me, though, because I'll find a place that looks perfect.

Yes. And then I'll go there and it stinks. Or like there was this one that I went to and you could tell the real estate agent was so pissed off because have you ever been to an inspection where they're still living there? Like it's not empty and cleaned up. That's happening to our house at the moment. They're selling it. Yes.

So I went to this inspection and the place looked perfect. Two bedrooms so I could have a separate office space, air con, bath, ticked every box. Yes. Went in there and you could tell that the real estate agent was so apologetic. We got to the door. He just had this look in his eyes that was like, I'm so sorry for what's about to happen. Oh, no. And he goes, Kira, I'm bringing another group through.

And she's like, yeah, that's fine. We walk in. Oh, my God. What? She's in the house. Kira is an absolute toad of a woman with a cat that we couldn't see anywhere, but God, we could smell it. We could smell it, yeah.

And there was just little bloody whiskers, biscuits scattered all throughout the house. No actual spot for the cat to eat. It just ate everywhere. Trash everywhere. And I'm like, I want to go into the bedroom and check out the en suite, but it feels like I'm invading Keira's privacy. Keira the hoarder. It was putrid.

And I was like, I can't move into this place. Like there's no amount of cleaning that can tidy this place up. She's fucked up that Meryton spectacularly. So, yeah, I was like, bye, Keira. I can't get over the lack of windows. There must have been a period in time when houses weren't – I can understand why Jeffrey Dahmer did what he did now because every fucking house built in the 80s looks like his room.

There's one tiny slit of a window and it's frosted. Yes. What? Jeffrey Dahmer did what he did now because every fucking house built in the 80s looks like his room. I know. There's one tiny slit of a window and it's frosted. Yes. What? There's these places that I go to and I'm like, oh, it looked perfect on the website, but it's so dark in here. And if I move in here, I'm basically saying, actually, no, I want to stay depressed. Yes.

I just want to remain depressed. That would suit me perfectly. Oh, what about the mould? The mould! You walk in and you can feel it and you feel damp. You know when you get out of a shower in summer and you're never quite dry? You walk into one of these rooms and you go, oh, I can feel the black mould. I've lived in a mouldy house before and some of my jackets will never smell the same.

Yeah, yeah. It gets in the skin. That's my tactic, though. When Hayden and I go to a house that we really like and we want it and there's a lot of people there, nothing worse than a big group at an open house, I go, oh, babe, you see the mould, like really loudly in front of them. I go, oh, the stairwell's nice but the mould underneath, the mould in the kitchen, just to throw a mould off. Well, why?

Because you don't want it either. Just let them have the mould. No, one that I want. Oh, right. Yeah, the really good ones. See. So smell that. Yeah, yeah.

Yuck. I go, oh, someone died here. I just Googled it. Well, I haven't even found one that I want, so I can't even play those tricks yet. Oh, wait till you get to that point because that is the most frustrating. You finally get one that you want and then you apply and either they ghost you or they go, no, sorry, we had a higher offer.

It's so competitive that people are paying above the asking price. Sydney rental market is a nightmare. I need to say it, and I'm not making a blanket statement for everyone in this profession, but in my experience just in the last few months, real estate agents are fucking assholes. They're so rude and unpersonable. I'm like, do you want me to move here or not? Let's just make both of our lives easier. Don't be a dog about it.

Anyone can wear a shit suit that doesn't fit from Taracash. They're always in a terrible jacket, always sassy. Oh, I hate it. Yeah, we're going through this pain at the moment. I'd love to hear other people's house hunting nightmares. If you've got one, at couple of minutes on Instagram, please. There's so much to discuss, really. Yeah, true.

I met one of Hayden's friends at a wedding on the weekend, and he went, oh, I'm house hunting. I went, oh, how's it going? He went, fantastic. I live in Canberra. It took me a week. Imagine that, living regionally, and you're just able to do it. You know what you've got to do?

You've just got to keep all of your search filters the same, everything you want the same price, and change the location to Brisbane or Melbourne. Oh, I can't. We would be absolutely bowling if we lived there. What we're prepared to pay in Sydney for a little shitty, mould-ridden, disgusting, dark apartment, we could be living on the fucking water in a mansion in those cities.

Like kings. But then, of course, there is the flooding if you move to Brisbane. Yes, that's a good point. We have to factor in. We have to just spend half the year on the roof being like, oh, it's flooded again. It does help to kind of form a relationship with the real estate agent though because there was one apartment that I loved.

I've given up on the idea of getting two rooms because it's just too expensive or gross. And so I'm like, right, I'll get a one- one bedroom and then I'll just make a little study nook. I'll get a room divider or something so that I can separate my workspace. And there was this one that I was like, it's absolutely fucking perfect. It's just that tiny, tiny bit too small. And so I made friends with the real estate agent. Let's call her, give me a name beginning with T.

Oh, Tony. Tony. I said, Tony, you let me know as soon as one pops up in this exact complex. It's a slight bit bigger. And she's like, will do. She called me. I went to the inspection yesterday and it was fucking smaller. I was like, don't lie to my face, Tony, you bitch.

You had one job too, Tony. How dare you? And also this one, they were like, they're going to sell in six months. So it's only a six month lease. I was like, Tony, you've wasted both of our times, Matt. Quite literally. I just want to leave my current place. It's so bad.

Isn't that funny? You want to leave. I don't want to leave. We're stuck. We love our house, but they're selling it. There'll be a rental in Summerhill available very soon if you want that. Too better. It stinks of cat.

That's the problem. It doesn't. I'm very responsible with the cat smell. You know how I feel about that. Good point. Anyway, if you're thinking of moving just for the fun of it, don't fucking do it unless you need to because it's hell. It's hell.

I was shattered when you told me that you were now house hunting because I'm like, that's one more competitor. I'm waiting for the day that we run into each other on an inspection. I know. And we both love marble flooring. So, you know, we're looking for the same thing. I'm actually meant to be at an inspection right now, but this was the only time we could record this week.

So sacrifices needed to be made. Thank you. Now, I have a feeling it would have been terrible. It was actually gorgeous. Oh, really? Yeah. Surrey Hills. Oh.

I'm looking there too. It's so nice. Don't bother. We both drive cars. It's not going to work. I know. All right. You ready for your region?

Go for it, darling. Is it just me? How good is that thrill you get when your buzzer goes off at the pub when your food's ready? Oh, the vibration too. Oh, I love it so much. On the wooden pub tables that are covered in sticky beer residue. And if you're with a group of people and yours goes off first,

and I'm just like, ha-ha, my schnitzel's ready before yours. They're making salad. I just got chips and I'm ready first. You proudly walk up and you're like, oh. Nothing better than when it shocks you when you order the lamb shanks and you go, I want them. It'll take a while. Then you sit down.

Oh, that couldn't possibly be my shank. There's two sounds occurring at once. You do the vibration. I'll do the beep. Ready? Three, two, one. So good. That's it.

I went to the pub the other night and they were just kind of like, schnitty 104. And we had to go collect it and there was just no fanfare whatsoever. And I know I shouldn't complain about table service, but also at a pub when I'm getting a schnitty, I don't want them to bring it to me. I want the theatrics of the buzzer. It's so much more exciting.

It's half the fun. I love giving it back and you're watching them put it on that pancake stack of buzzers. And then you've got a spring in your step going to get it with your buzzer It's so much more exciting It's half the fun I love giving it back And you're watching them Put it on that pancake stack Of buzzers And then you've got a spring In your step going to get it With your buzzer You're like here you go

Oh I love it I've been there once At a Westfield And it was like a dumpling hut And you order the dumplings They give you a buzzer One of those vertical buzzers You know how they're normally

Yes I prefer the discus Same I much prefer a discus You're right Anyway I had the You know The bookmark.

Yes. And I was walking through Westfield, and I clearly was looking for a table too far out of the boundary. It was like 30 minutes later, it didn't go off. So I must have been out of the receiver. You were out of range. Yeah, I was out of range. I was like, where is my Z-Long bow?

So I went up, and they were like, it's been ready for 20 minutes. I was like, fuck, I went out of range. If you don't have the buzzers in your establishment, in your work in hospitality, please get them because it works for everyone. It's exciting and you don't have to do the table service. Where else? What other industry could benefit from a buzzer that aren't currently using the buzzers? The doctor's surgery.

You're in the waiting room. That's smart. And you just get up instead of that awkward moment when they come out and mispronounce your name. Yes. Yeah, that happens all the time. No, but also it works for the doctor. They don't have to move. Oh, they just press a button? That's smart. And you just get up instead of that awkward moment when they come out and mispronounce your name. Yes. Michelle. Yes. Yeah, that happens all the time. No, but also it works for the doctor.

They don't have to move. Oh, they just press a button at their desk. Jenna, that's good. What about at, you could do it, I don't know. Centrelink. Yeah, Centrelink could work. The RMS, nothing worse, which is like the road authority in New South Wales. When you're just staring, looking at that screen, being like, where's my number?

Oh, and the numbers make no sense. Bong R27. Bong P12. What? Why are we on P now? There's no consistency. Have I told the story about Hayden and I went to get deep dish pizza, so we Googled where to find it.

This was the only place. What is deep dish pizza? It's pizza, but the crust is like two inches tall. It's deep. So it's basically a cake. Yeah. Yeah. It's a pie. it's basically a cake. Yeah. Yeah. It's a pie.

Anyway, so we Googled. We went to this place in the Shire, and we go up. It's like in an industrial area. And we go, hi, we're going to order. This is what we want. And she went, awesome. We're only new. So what's going to happen is the seating area is around near the car park.

So when your food's ready, we're going to pull the volume down on the song, and then we'll pull it back up. That's how you know the food's ready. What? Really? The fuck? Sorry. So the song will be playing, and then she goes, yeah, we'll pull the volume down on the song and then we'll pull it back up. That's how you know the food's ready. What? Really? The fuck? Sorry. So the song will be playing and then she goes, yeah, we'll pull the volume down for two seconds

and then you'll know. Do an example. Find a song. Yeah, okay. Let me get one. That is a random mode of communication. That's so weird. You're a buzzer, bitch.

Oh, yeah. And the problem is the music was playing at 4% volume. So the whole time we were trying to enjoy our night but listen for the song. This is what she said. So we'd be sitting there talking. It's a nice song. Yeah, it's hot, isn't it? I thought it would be cold.

Fuck, I'm ravenous. Where's our pizza? I'm starving for the... Oh, I think that's... It's ready. And all the other diners are like, what happened? Yeah, truly. But then, like, songs have natural pauses,

so they'd be like... How disruptive. I know! There's a bass drop. We're, like, waiting for the bass to go off. It was a terrible pizza, anyway. It wasn't worth our time. You know what's up there with the buzzer in terms of the best inventions ever?

The QR codes on the table. Oh. Yeah. Nothing better. But then you can't have both, can you? No. Because if you order with the QR code, then you don't get a buzzer. Yeah.

Shit. Yeah, I know. Don't make me choose. There's only two kinds of people in this world, QR peoples or buzzer people. What if they invented a way where you can order with the QR code on your phone and then your phone vibrates when it's ready? Or you get a text. Quick, get in touch with me and you, the app. Yeah.

That's the menu that you usually order through with the QR code. Yeah. We've got to let them know. Just the phone starts going. I'd love it. That's smart. Yeah. I'll invest.

I'll put 10K in. Exactly. Now we've got to make our own app. Fuck me and you. It's our idea. Do you know how to make apps? No. I don't know why'll put 10K in. Exactly. Now, we've got to make our own app. Fuck me and you. It's our idea. Do you know how to make apps? No. I don't know why I thought about it too.

Do I? You're like, maybe I have. It's been a bad brain week. Maybe I do know how to make apps. Do I? No. No. Dig through the brain.

Nothing. Yeah, no. Nothing. As Helen Keller once said, this podcast is fucking dope. You're listening to Is It Just Me? All right, we've done ours. Time for you to get in touch. If you want to be featured on the show and win a prize,

send us a DM, couple of mitches, slide on in, and if you hear yourself on the show, message PrizeKeeper Jenna, we'll get you something fun. Yeah, is it just me of your own, It isn't just you, if you like. Who have we got today? Emma has sent this in. Hey, guys. Emma here.

Love the podcast. Is it just me or does nobody else understand why tea and coffee are free everywhere? No matter where you go, you pay for a soft drink. You probably pay for a bottle of water. But for some reason, tea, coffee, always free. Like who decided that tea and coffee are just free? Like, as a staple. I'm not understanding.

She's not understanding. Yeah, that's true. And also, Arnett's family favourites don't grow on trees. They're always free too. Oh, yeah, good point. The family box. Yeah. Who decided that, though?

Is there a governing body? Was there like a Commonwealth referendum back when we were not alive that made this happen? I think they're happy to make it available for free because it's the worst coffee known to man. Yeah. International roast. Oh, Macona instant.

No, that's horrible shit. But tea, it's pretty much the same really. And it's quite cheap and affordable too. Yeah, that's why I find it weird when people go out and buy, they spend like five bucks on a tea. Yeah. And I'm like, you don't realise how much you're being ripped off. Like going to a cafe and ordering a peppermint tea or something.

What are you doing? You're paying for boiling water. Whereas ordering coffee at a cafe, there's a drastic difference between that and the instant shit. Yeah. Drastic difference. I will never drink that vile liquid ever. I don't know. Maybe it's because I work nights, but there's something about at like five o'clock having

an instant coffee. Like heaps of like- Instant? Yeah. There's something about it. Because it like taps straight into your blood. Like it goes straight to your tummy and then it's in your bloodstream. Oh no.

It's yuck. No, I don't mind the taste of it. I grew up on it. My mum, to this day, only exclusively drinks instant Macona coffee. She adores it. She loves it. Oh, gosh. You know what my mum would do growing up?

She'd have a Macona coffee in the morning. Decaf, by the way, does jack shit. What the fuck? And then she'd dip her Vegemite toast in it, in her coffee. Oh, what the fuck? It just gets worse. And then she'd eat it. No.

I don't mind it. I've tasted it. Really? It's a salty sweet thing. Ew. No, God. I vociferously disagree with it. I've tasted it. Really? It's a salty sweet thing. Ew. No, God. I vociferously disagree with that. That is putrid.

Well said. Did you get a thesaurus this week or something? What? Did you get a thesaurus this week? What do you mean? Your vocabulary is all of a sudden through the roof. Am I sounding a bit loquacious, am I? I loved her on Drag Race.

Loquacious means wordy. Oh, really? Normally I'm the one that has good words, but I'm impressed with you. But no, I vociferously disagree with you saying that instant coffee's good. You deserve better than that, my friend. You do. Well, I vehemently stand by it. I ligamently agree.

Look, it's a totalitarian discussion, and I think we're better off ending it. Have you not heard vociferous? Is that from Game of Thrones, House of the Dragon? Isn't that Vesiphorus? Vesiris. Vesiris. All right, well, I'll just dumb it down. Sorry.

No, not for me. I'm just thinking of the audience. Oh, no, you guys understand. Who are you talking to? Who? Them listening right now. Oh. That was weird.

I just pictured a woman in a car with a blonde bob. If that's you right now, message me, because I just had a vision. Send us a selfie if you're a woman in a car with a blonde bob. If that's you right now, message me because I just had a vision. Send us a selfie if you're a woman in a car with a blonde bob hearing this. Imagine if she, oh, it's me. I'm getting Karen. I don't know. Just send me a message. But, you know, it's weird that it's free, but it's because it's not expensive.

So it does check out. Whereas, you know, a can of Sunkist, that'll set them back. They're at a loss. They're not going to give you that for free. Good point. I went to get my car fixed the other day at a mechanic, and I'm glad I clarified because it could have been at a candy shop. And they had a Nescafe pod system, and I didn't have a Nescafe.

I don't have a pod machine, but I wanted to take the pods. I'm like, that's why companies can't do the good stuff. Wait, wait, wait. You don't have a pod machine? No. Oh, Mitchell. Oh, I've got a barista machine. You know I've got the good coffee machine.

Oh, that's too hard. I've made you one. I've come over and I've frothed it. That's too laborious. Stop it or I'll lobotomize you. Okay.

I just know that because my doctor suggested it for me. What is that? A lobotomy is when they literally get an ice pick and put it in the cavity of your eye

and they get a hammer and they hammer it into your frontal lobe. For what purpose? Because, well, if you're a slut, they used to do it to women. Wait, so it's the cavity of your eye and they get a hammer and they hammer it into your frontal lobe. For what purpose? Because, well, if you're a slut. They used to do it to women in the... Wait, so it's a form of torture? Yes.

No, no. It's a medical treatment. It's a post-mental health. Then why'd they do it to sluts? It doesn't work. No, in like psychiatric facilities and things. So why do you need... Oh, I was just joking because I've got a brain condition.

Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a brain thing. The lines get so blurry. I can't tell when you're joking. They did it to Jackie Kennedy's sister? No, JFK's sister. Yes, yeah. It's a brand thing. The lines get so blurry. I can't tell when you're joking. They did it to Jackie Kennedy's sister? No, JFK's sister. Yes, yes.

They lobotomized her all because she was like a bit fun. Yeah. It just sounds like nothing, what I imagine it to be when you say lobotomized. Yeah, that kind of sounds like it. It sounds like a colonoscopy. I've been lobotomized a few times in that case. I was going to say, that's why you're in a good mood. All right, if you want to get in touch, send us a message,

a couple of Mitches, a voice message too, or if you want to get on the show live, we'll do that too. We know Mitchell gets Mitchell, I'm trying to think of a word that I could use that really What are you trying to say? You tell me. Okay, good point. Mitchell really enjoys it. He loves a live call.

What's a good word? Yeah, enchanted by a live call. What's a good word? Enchanted by a live call. I think that live calls are just debaucherous. I absolutely love them. Is debaucherous negative? No, it sounds it, but it means lots of pleasure. I think it actually applies to sexual pleasure,

but it works because I fucking love a good call on the show. You do, you do. Emma, that turned me off, that voice message. Yeah, to be honest, Emma, lift your game. Get in touch. Send Pricekeeper a Jenna. Emma, it's a message.

Oh, God, I'm stroking. Oh, no, I told you it's too soon. You need another week off. No, I'm fine. I'm actually feeling good. My brain's on no medication. My brain is good. It's firing on all cylinders.

Did you hear my doctor said to me, I was going to ask for a mental health plan. I was talking to Hayden and he's like, ask for a mental health plan. Why didn't you? Well, that's what I said. I called Hayden. I went, how'd the doctor go? Because they're in the Shire.

And I went, good. I didn't ask about a mental health plan. He went, oh, why? I feel like your second husband right now. Why? So he said, why? I went, oh, because the doctor actually suggested one. Oh, I love it.

I'll give you Patrick's number, darling. Yeah, he suggested some old wench. And I went, no, no, no. I'll pick my own. Old wench. No, trust me. I've seen many an old wench. I thought I'd prefer seeing a female shrink.

That's what I think. No. They fuck about a bit. Really? I wanted a female one as well. They're good at first, but then somewhere along the line, you can tell that they're just wanting your money and they're just going around in circles.

I'm like, all women shrinks? I'm like, no, the tenderness and nurturing effect that you have is worn off. I want to fix this shit. Oh, you want sternness. Well, let me go through that journey on my own. I will start with a woman. You know what? All right.

Don't heed my warning then. I'm just going to say my psychological journey will mirror that of my coming out. I'll dabble with women for a couple of times, convince myself that I'm in love with it, and then get a male psychologist and be happy forever. Okay, well, I won't give you Patrick's number. Forget about it. No, no, give me Patrick's number. All right, good.

Just being silly. Let's move on. Now, the best thing about you being away last week, Mitchell. Don't be too excited. No, it's because you weren't here to veto any ideas that we came up with. Yes, I love a veto. I really do. So it's logged for this episode and you weren't here to approve it or not.

So it's happening, whether you like it or not. We were talking about infomercials that you see on TV. Oh, I love an infomercial. Not just the ones that you see, you know, on the morning show or whatever, but the 24-7 shopping channels. Oh, like TVSN. Yes, TVSN. There's a couple of others, I think, like ITV or something.

Yes, yeah, there is. And it's literally just Dano's direct takeover all day, mattresses, exercise equipment, makeup, all sorts of shit 24-7. And so we're thinking, what kind of bitch sits at home watching 24-7 shopping channels and actually makes a call? And we decided the sort of bitch that would do that is your alter ego, Dot Wiggins, of course. Oh, Dot would.

She would. She would sit home absolutely enthralled by the television she's seeing. She would fall for it hook, line and sinker, our Dot. Oh, yeah. And she could get a commission because she'd be telling all her friends about it, too. She'd be right. Not one of those people that would go to the website to look at it. She'd have a pen and paper right next to the television. Sitting on her Lazy Boy.

Yes, on the Lazy Boy that she bought on TVSN. And she'd be writing the notes of the products. Can you bring up TVSN now and see just whatever they're advertising now? And I reckon we get Dot to make a call and maybe make an order. It's up to you. It depends how expensive it is. We could actually order this thing. I was going to say we could put it on the kiddie.

It's a TVS and live streaming video player. Otherwise I can try and change the TV. We often get beautiful emails from our Lily. And I had no idea. From our Lily? I like this brand very much. I am very picky myself. What are they selling?

The Jojoba Company Ultimate Day Cream. Every morning. No, by face cream. 49 bucks. We can afford that Company Ultimate Day Cream. I'm sober. 49 bucks. We can afford that on the kiddie hour. Thank you for such a good brand from Lily. Aw, thanks, Lily. That's lovely.

This is light. Yeah. I would use that, to be honest. This could actually be useful. Seriously. Fuck Don, I'll take this. All right, so it's $49.95 plus delivery. I bet they try to upsell you on the phone.

You think? Okay, so when you call as Dot in character as the 90-year-old woman, I think you need to sort of try and waste as much of their time as you can and tell your life story about why you're so wrinkly. Yeah, life story, why she needs the Jojo bar. Tell them that you are such a loyal viewer and you love them. Yeah, she went to Bali once and actually. Ask them if they need a hand and you can come work for them. Good point.

She knows the product inside out. I actually think Josh should. Just lie and say you've got all this TV experience. Yes. And be like, I used to be a presenter in my heyday. Oh, my God. Can we get up the resume of an actual TV presenter? Kerri-Ann.

Janet, can you get up Kerri-Ann? Actually, I can Google it. Kerri-Ann's Wikipedia. can you get up Kerri- Actually, I can Google it. Kerri-Ann's Wikipedia. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Claim that all of that was you. Yes, no, in 1950, I worked for Good Morning Australia. Oh, Kerri-Ann's got a very short Wikipedia.

Oh my God, they've got TV and radio working in dot point form. This is perfect. Perfect. Also, I think I should suggest that Dot should be getting a casual wage. She should be making commission because she would be telling all her friends about these products.

Oh, yeah. She'd be down at the library saying, you'll never believe what sort of robot vac I got. Oh, yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, the dragon vacuum and the wet mop, dry mop. All right.

Should I call? What about that weird dragon blood product? Have you heard them advertising that? Dragon egg, is it called? No, it's some dragon blood thing. Oh, God. Now, she's very religious, so that sounds a bit demonic to her. Alright, so let me see if there's a

number. And you've got a 4.5 millimetre difference in this person after 20 days. What are you saying? Because I can't see the TV. Oh, sorry. It's someone's jaw. That's actually within your... It's skin sagging. Alright, I'm... And they reckon this Jojo-ba- jaw. So that's actually within your 13 years. It's skin sagging. All right. And they reckon this Jojoba shit.

How do you actually pronounce that? Jojoba. Jojoba. I want some Jojoba. Jojoba. Jojoba. Jojoba. Jojoba. Jojoba.

Yes, it is. And look, you know, increasing elasticity in the skin, of course, is going to have a knock-on effect. I'm going to have to Google how you pronounce Jojoba. No, it's Jojoba. Are you sure? The number's up. Oh, no, it just went to the website.

Hang on. I've just Googled the pronunciation. Jojoba. Jojoba. Jojoba. I look like I've actually been and just had a manicure. When you say Jojoba, can you just mumble Biden at the end? Jojoba.

Or Jojooba. Okay. All right. So Jojo Biden. Yeah, okay. One, three, two, three, ten. Get in here, Dot. Come on in, Dot. Come on.

Oh, you look well. Hi, Dot. Hello. Hi. You can do with a new moisturizer, though. Hello. It's me. Remember me? Yes.

How are you, Dot? Oh. Pretty good, Dot. What about you? You're in your period. Very grumpy in the eyes. Grumpy in the eyes? Yes. How are you? Pretty good, Dot. What about you? You're in your period. Very grumpy in the eyes. Grumpy in the eyes? Hello.

Oh, Julie. Hello, sweetheart. How are you? I'm good. Oh, no. Dot, get on the chair. She fell off the chair. Dot, at your age, you can't be having a fall.

That could be life or death. Yes. I'm not tall, no. He said fall, Dot. I'm going to call TVSN. for you, okay Oh, I know the number, 13101024 She calls them all the time Alright, we're going to call

They're still advertising the Jojo but ultimate day cream Jojoban Just go off mic, like Jojoban Jojoban Alright, that's cool. Dot, I'm going to give you the mic Oh, you better turn mine off because I'm going to laugh. Yeah, me too.

You're off. So, yeah. Welcome to TVSN. Please wait while we transfer you to our customer care. I wonder how much

of a wait there is. I don't think many. Dot, jump on. Yeah. Oh, very loud. You know, I was married to this song.

This is better quality, though, than at my wedding. It's high definition. Welcome to TVSN. You're speaking with Callie. How may I help you? Who? Callie. Callie. Hello, Callie. My name's Dot Wiggins. How are you? Oh, not too bad. And yourself? How are you going? Fantastic. Listen, I'm just watching

the television. I can see Paul applying the Jojo liquid to his wrist. I'd like to make a purchase, I believe. I'd really like this Jojo seawater oil. Oh, okay. Sure thing. So you, first of all, are you a customer with TVSN or is this the first time you've called us? No, no. I have not a while and I haven't moved homes, you see.

I'm now in a village, but the address would be different. Yes. Sure. Not a problem. Do you remember what your customer number is? Oh, I don't even remember my grandson's name, sweetheart. But let it out. But my customer.

Okay. What state are you calling from? Kimberley. I'm very wrinkly. And I don't, the jowls in my neck is the issue for me um you see my first husband paul was a truck driver and he we couldn't afford windows so the sun beamed onto my neck for decades so i am i'm like a crocodile bag it. It's not a good look. So the Jojo Beedle would be fantastic for me. Yeah.

Okay, yeah. This drink sounds unforgiving for sure. And so what state are you calling from? I'm allergic to sunscreen as well. I put it on and I rash. I'm allergic to prawns. And when I peel the prawns, underneath the cuticle of my nail gets thick, darling, thick. So it's similar to that with the sunscreen.

SPF 15, not the worst, but 30, oh, my, can't go near SPF 30 at all. Oh, that's not good. So whereabouts are you located? What state? I'm in Victoria. Oh, okay, so it's 0-3. Thank you. Hang on, I'm just going to look your details up.

Okay, not showing your contact number. Let's look you up. That's fine. My last purchase was Thin Lizzy, but Thin Lizzy doesn't work on fat dots, you see. Oh, no, that's not us. That's TV Shop. You've called TVSN.

It's a different company, so you might not be a customer with TVSN Oh, I'm so sorry, darling My error It's okay, no I'm so sorry Well, I mean, that's not a problem I can set you up as a customer

So, which jojoba item are you after? What did you call me? No, it's called jojoba That's what you're after for now Oh, Kathy I thought it was jojoba No, it's jojoba That's okay you're asking for now. I thought it was Joe Jobin. No, it's Jojoba.

That's okay, though. I apologize. Sorry. Jojoba. No problem. Yeah. Jojoba. Did you get a nice, did you write down, if you're watching it now,

and they show the product. What blouse is she wearing? The yellow. This is very nice. The yellow sort of silk that Beth is wearing. I don't know because she's not a presenter.

Oh, it's casual. Yeah, so it's probably her own. Oh, yes. Yeah.

You know what? I don't want to overstep the line, but I have TV presenting experience myself, and I watch a lot of TV.

You know, in 1981, I was in The Restless Years, the program The Restless Years. Were you really? Oh, my gosh. What character did you play?

I played Margaret. And it was an extra role, but I enjoyed that. Then I was a 2UE fit-in announcer as well in 1992. On 2UE, I did Spot of Radio, Breakfast. And then I was the CEO of 2CH for a very short period of time. Spots on Studio 10. You would have seen me, yes, with Doody Daniel. Wow.

Excellent. Very impressive. Indeed. All righty. So let's – hang on. I'll just get your details because you're not – Can I send you my resume? I could put that forward.

Where can I put – do you have an email address or a PO box I could get my resume to to send it out? We're in New South Wales, sir. I can travel. We're in a different state. I can travel. Oh, dear. Yeah. You know, I could email it.

I mean, I've got a wedding in November. I could pop up and... Yeah. Yeah. But as far as you can, so yeah, we... Oh, good. Hope you can drink the Jojo. So, do you remember which product that you're after?

Because there's quite a few. You can get the Jojo Duo. That's in the yellow bottles. There's the Jojo Bee Cleanser. That's another item. There's the jojoba duo that's in the yellow bottles. There's a jojoba bead cleanser. There's another item. There's a pigmentation oil. It was what Paul was putting on his wrist, on his hand. Unfortunately, I didn't see what...

It was a cream, white. It was white cream. Lee. Because Lee's the presenter, isn't he? Oh, sorry. I'm thinking of Paul. Yes, Lee, the white cream. All right. Well, I'll get the hand cream and the serum.

So the hand cream, is it? Okay, hand cream. Did you? Where's the hand cream? Is that in a duo? Yes, yes, I'll take a duo. I am sadly no longer a betrothed to anybody, but I I'd use both. Okay.

I can't find a hand cream, though. Did you write down the item number for it? Let me get my pad. Hold on. Yeah. Look, what I would suggest, why don't you continue to watch the show, and as soon as one of the products comes up, write down the

item number. And give us a call back. watch a show, and as soon as one of the products comes up, write down the item number. The item number. And give us a call back. That way then we'll know exactly what you're after. It's probably better that way, just to make sure that we get the right item ordered. How long have you been working here? Oh, I was eight years.

Oh, I haven't spoken to you before. Do you like it? I don't think you've called TVS then, by the sounds of it. I was eight years. I haven't spoken to you before. Do you like it? I don't think you've called TVS then, by the sounds of it. I get very confused. Yeah, you haven't called us before, remember? I think we established that. It was TV Shop, the items that you've purchased previously. Who?

Oh, they're back on. They're back on. Paul and Ricky. Hi. Ricky 48042. No, I don't want the tennis bracelet. I haven't played tennis since. Yeah. Watch the show. I used to play with John Howard's wife.

All right. I will. I'll buzz you back, Terry, when I get the answer. And we will make a booking. All right, sweetheart. Sounds like a great idea. You take care. Thank you so much. All right, sweetheart. Sounds like a great idea. You take care. Thank you so much.

All right. Bye. Tata. Get her water. Get her water, please. Oh, God. Wow. She was just like, get this bitch off the line.

To be honest, she had the patience of a saint, I think. No, she was doing a hard rap at the end there. Oh, yeah. Gotcha. As I've said to you before, you've never called us. I think we established that. Yeah, I know. Oh, yeah. Gotcha. As I've said to you before, you've never called us. I think we established that. Yeah, I know. The sass.

I know. She wasn't impressed with Kerri-Ann's career at all. No. Well, half of Kerri-Ann's shows have a fucking name in the title, so I skipped about ten different jobs. You should just change it to Mornings with Dolph. The Tonight Show with Dolph. Also, what an idiot.

She was the 2CH breakfast shift and CEO. I didn't know that about Kerri-Ann. Maybe we should interview her. Oh, I don't know. Nah, fuck it.

That's a thought for another time. Anyway, thank you. Dot's left, by the way. She's long gone. Bye, Dot. Look at her

waddling to the lift. Thanks, Dot. We'll see you soon, children. See you, Dot. Is it just me? The rude shocks of young adulthood.

Now, you know how we always say hit us up anytime at Couple of Mitches or you can chat in our Facebook group, Enduring Idiots. There'll be other people from our community in the group chatting away as well. It's a big family over there, yeah. Yeah, and my favourite thing about our community is when they send us things like this.

So this message we got from Anna on Instagram at Couple of Mitches. And she pointed out to us that if you go to episode 122 of the podcast and you go to the 55 minute, 43 second mark. Okay. All right. Do yourself a favor and listen to the podcast at half speed. You three sound off your face. What? Like drunk or? No, You three sound off your face. What?

Like drunk or? No, like cooked, like stoned. Oh, really? Oh, my God. Yeah, it's mercilessly baked. Okay, well, hold on. I got us some stone music, so let's pop that in here. Some stone music.

Ooh. I wouldn't get stoned to this, but this does work for the sake of the segment. Oh, it's definitely, yeah, comical. So I went to the point that she was talking about, and I've got to say, it doesn't help that this particular week we weren't in the studio. We were in your house. So you can also mentally picture us just passing a bong around. The echo.

We were very chill. Puff, puff, puff, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But this particular point, we do sound really, really corked. I hate this because it makes it sound dumb, and I'm like, oh, even at full speed, it's not an intelligent conversation. Oh, what are we discussing?

Is it politics? Yeah, so just for context, we're talking about your home studio, and the brand of equipment you use is Rode. Yes. So we start by talking about the Rode equipment, and then from there we just go into talking about sex stuff, basically. So this is us at half speed back in episode 122.

Thanks for this, Anna. Yeah. How good's this home set up been? Thanks, Road. Yeah. What's that Looney Tunes character, Doc? What's up, Doc? Yeah, who says that?

I don't know. Bugs Bunny. I just know the quote. Bugs Bunny. Bugs Bunny. I just know the quote. Bugs Bunny. Bugs Bunny. What's up, Doug? Yeah. I was a roadrunner guy.

That nasty roadrunner would always run for me. And thanks to Road for sending us the runner. Yeah. The road runner. That's really funny. They need to be. They do a range of treadmills. I was going to say they need treadmills.

Or just a pair of shoes, runners. These are the road runners. Oh, that's fucking gross. That's the road runners. Oh, that's fucking gross. That's good. Anyway. Are you going to get the monkey pox jab? I've been thinking about

it, yes. Apparently you have to fill in the amount of sexual partners you have or have had in the last four months so that they can prioritise the more slutty

gay. Oh, then I'm not getting it then. I'm on me second dose. I'm kidding. That's good. You're just drinking it straight from the vial. That's good. You're just drinking it straight from the vial. That's fine. I found a dildo on my bathroom drawer the other day,

and I'm so confused because it's not mine. It's getting worse. I was like, I recognize this thing. Did you express by yourself one and forget about it? No. Now I'd remember. Was it your kind? Was it like one that the older version of Mitchell would have purchased?

No. I don't have like a huge collection and I'd lose track. There's no logical explanation. It just turned up. Isabella, is she a wanderer? Maybe she went to someone else's apartment, picked it up, and then brought it back. Thinking it was like a dead bird.

Yeah. And put it in your drawer. She was a budgie smuggler. Oh, my. Okay, who do you think sounded the most stoned out of all of us? You started there, but by the end I was on one heartbeat a minute. Yeah, and Jenna just fully greened out. Oh, my. Okay, who do you think sounded the most stoned out of all of us? You started there, but by the end I was on one heartbeat a minute. Yeah, and Jenna just fully greened out. Oh, yeah.

This is weird because after listening to that I feel like we sound stoned now, but this is full speed. This is normal speed. I'm going to have to really enunciate everything now because I sounded the most slurry. Spoiler alert, I wasn't stoned. I just sounded like that regularly. Oh, fuck. Oh, God, we need to go home. I just sounded like that regular. Regular.

Oh, fuck. Oh, God. We need to go home. Regularly. Shit. Oh, no. Let's leave. But that is, I think, the most fucked we've ever sounded, which is good because it was half speed.

You know, it's not. Why the hell does that function exist? In what world would anyone ever need to listen to a podcast at half speed? Oh, you're right. I listen to 1.15 sometimes. Why? Because these podcasts I listen to, these American gay men are so slow. They draw every word.

Yeah, I get that. And then you listen to it in 1.15. It's not one and a half. It's one and a little bit more, and it's perfect. Perfect. Really? Yeah. Sometimes I feel like we talk a bit too quickly.

So you're best heard at the correct rate, the normal rate. Yeah, we have catered this show for your ears. Don't fucking touch it. No, don't touch it. Don't fucking. Oh, my God. Okay, for one second, though, put it in half speed. If you don't know how to do it, it's on Apple Podcasts at the bottom left, I think.

Yeah, same with Spotify. There's a little one times. You just tap that and put it to 0.5. Okay, do it now and let's talk slowly and see if it's really fucked. Just for the wrap up of the show. All right. Anyway, thanks for joining us again, guys, for another episode of Is It Just Me? Thank you.

A great episode. And if you want to buy a mug. Yeah. Ah. Ah. Ah. I just remembered. What are you laughing at?

I accidentally wrote Michael Churi on one of them. You did not. Ha, ha, ha. Oh, God, it is a bad brain week if you can't even remember your own name. Oh, my God. We need to get out of here. Yeah, we better. See you, everybody, next time.

We love you, idiots. Bye-bye. See you. Bye. Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of mitches Make sure you've hit follow on your podcast app

That's the bomb Welcome to ADD Brief. This is our secret segment on the end. Okay, very quickly, let's do the opposite. Let's talk really quickly, and then they have to put it on half speed and see if it works. Oh, no. I struggle to enunciate at the best of times. Oh, shit, that's really hard. Jenna, maybe you can try it, I think. I don't know. It's too hard. It is pretty hard. It's a great episode today.

What are we talking? Rewind. Oh, you're good. You do a good rewind. Mine's gibberish. No, you've got to go low inflection and then up, because people usually start at upward inflection and then they go down. So if you're doing reverse. You sound like you're speaking Simlish. Yeah, Simlish.

I can do that. It's been a while since I've heard your Sims impression. It's very bang on. Can you give us a bit of Simlish? Ruga! Bangana Roo! No, do bit of Simlish? Ruga! Bangana Ru! No, do find that Simlish version of the Katy Perry song and do it like a radio announcer.

I know that we've done this already and it's not new, but I just want to hear it again. It's fun. All right, so I'm going to announce it as a radio announcer. Yes. Pretend you're on air. All right. Hembo! Mangatusi! Agaboo!

Ha ha! Gnorm! 42! Magamol! Manaminus! All right. Hem-bo-re-man-ga-toosie-ah-ga-boo. Ha-ha! G'norb! Four-be-two-ma-ga-mo-ma-da-me-noo. Zerp-ka-stam-bee-in-ba-bwab. Zerp-ka-paw-ee-in-ba-hab. Gif-ler-ah-da-ree-ba-roo. Flink-ka-me-zo-in-ba-boop. Oh, my God.

They've got another one. Let me try this. I can't believe she had to learn Simlish for this. Well, that was a Kiss Simlish station. Let's do, like, a rock triple M style station. Ooh, okay. Okay, ready? Rang-a-paw-ro-moo-nee-noosh. Gondana, Haha, Hero, Bogadoo, Manaho, Renoba, and Omega.

Badoosh, Mana, Kukin. That didn't sound correct. That sounded like a... That sounded quite a rarney-us. That was... Very rarney-us. Oh, it's from the That sounded like a... That sounded quite erroneous. That was... Very erroneous. Oh, it's from the German version, so... Fuck, there must be...

I feel like there was a Lily Allen song as well. Yeah, she did Smile. Oh, yeah, let's try. Alright, should I... Oh, no, I've already done a pop station. No, just do it for fun. Do it again. Yeah, okay.

Fucking hell. And you know the lead time on this intro, too. Do I? How does this go? What's Smile? You'll recognise it. Oh, trust me. We'll just come off Simlish content.

Ready? Yeah. Ha, ha, ha, Bedouin! Megatwani, Umaga, Purnipasubu! Rah-ha-hoo! Malani and Ekator Bedouin! Well, this is better. They really committed and got these artists to actually sing in Simlish.

They would have had to have been paid a bomb, I reckon. It's on her actual Vivo account as well. Why wouldn't it be? I'd be pretty proud if I had to talk gibberish and learn my own song in a different language. Listen. I wonder if clearly it was scripted for them, right? Yeah, it had to be.

There'd be a sim dialect coach there, though. They take it so seriously. Did you ever play Grand Theft Auto and just drive around listening to the Grand Theft Auto radio stations? Yes, all the time. I still do it. I don't know how to play. I just did that. Yeah.

I saw a tweet once when I worked here at Kids FM, and it came through and it said, Congrats to Kyle and Jackie O for being the only radio show that sounds like a Grand Theft Auto station. And I was like, it's so true because the Grand Theft Auto stations were the best. They sounded so good. They did. Everything on Kiss sounds so clean and polished. Can you look up Grand Theft Auto radio stations? I reckon we could actually find that on YouTube.

Did you make the new one? Oh, no. Go Grand Theft Auto. San Andreas? Yeah, San Andreas. that on YouTube. Do you mean the new one or? Oh, no. Go Grand Theft Auto. San Andreas? Yeah, San Andreas. I was going to say Vice City, but San Andreas was better. Oh, I loved Vice City though. It's like a combination of letters, KBXL or some shit.

Yeah. Okay. There's DST, Radio X, K-Rose, WCTR. Maybe it's either that or K-Rose. I think it started with K. Yeah. Go K-Rose. Okay, K-Rose rose if this is what cowboys

listen to no no thanks let's try west coast opinions are free which is why we're here it's news and talk that our sponsors agree on wctr oh maybe this is nah up next it's area 53 and mar Marvin Trill broadcasting live from his trailer in the desert. There's something to be said for the nerds that create these games because imagine how much time and effort went into that. They made fake radio stations and then they just have a little toggle in the corner on the screen where you can switch them and they're always going.

Like, that is fucked. Contemporary Soul Radio from San Andreas CSR. 103.9. What's the pop station on bloody... Maybe go... Maybe I'm thinking of Grand Theft Auto Vice City. I think it's Vice City. Maybe it's K-Chat on Vice City.

It definitely started with K. Yeah, go K-Chat. And it played Billie Jean by Michael Jackson. That's it. That's it. I was thinking it was a Michael Jackson song. Okay, here we go. Hi, I'm Amy.

So right, we're back. I'm here with like, oh my God, this is so exciting. This is actually an insult to Carl and Jackie O, saying it sounds like them. I'm a rock god all the way from Scotland, England. So, Jazz, I'm sorry. As you can tell. Imagine being an out-of-work acting student. We got you a gig.

You have to pretend to be a radio host for a video game. Let me skip. I only give away parts of myself to people who have bought all our records. That's rubbish. Flash FM, apparently. I swore it began with... I saw Flash before. Yeah, maybe go Flash FM.

If nobody understands you, we do. Flash FM. Music for the me generation. Yeah, it's the same. Yep. The Madness! It's literally W kids. Yep. The Madness. It's literally just you as a fan.

Oh, my God. Can you do the thing on YouTube where there's the hump where people listen most? Yeah. All right, this is the biggest hump halfway through. Yep. Oh, my God, the flashbacks. Oh, my God. I feel like I'm in my rumpus room.

Yeah. I want to hear a jingle. Here we go. Yeah, I want to hear the radio station IDs and the hosts. Crazy people love to flash. Flash FM. Wow. Wow, that is flash. Flash FM. Wow. Wow, that is dedication.

I know. Did you ever play the new one, Grand Theft Auto 5? Nah. They had 20 radio stations. 20. Yeah, and you could pick it and choose it. I still have not evolved beyond the PlayStation 2. I was doing this dumb thing with a friend the other day.

You know how we were making fun of the way that Taylor Swift introduces all her songs? Because they're such long, drawn-out stories that only very, very vaguely relate to the song title. Oh, really? And she always starts with, give me a city. She always starts with the city she's in. St. Louis. You know, I've been thinking St. Louis. You know, I was thinking about when I was a child.

And I used to daydream all the time I was such a daydreamer my mom my teachers are always saying stop daydreaming and I remember this one time I was daydreaming and a ladybug appeared and it was so vivid I remember I could talk to the ladybug and the ladybug said to me

I ain't no lady I am the man hit it oh long drawn out story that barely relates to the song title. It's so true. It's so fun. You've got to pick a song title and then just think of the most dumb, elaborate way to introduce it.

Okay. And it starts with, you know, and then a random city. You know, Alice Springs, I've been thinking. I was thinking the other day about one of my gay best friends, Michael. And he was so upset because he tried to donate blood. And they said, we don't want your blood. You've got bad blood. You know, Port Augusta.

I was thinking the other day, not enough people care about their nail health. Growing up, I had really hard nails, but now they're a little bit more delicate. Hit it. So dumb. No tie-in. I don't want to see her live. I have no interest. Oh, it was pretty epic.

Reputation? Yeah. You know what, Kool and Gatter? I've been thinking. That's terrible. Oh, I thought you were going to launch into one. No, I don't have one. I don't have one.

I'm going to look up Taylor Swift songs. You know what? I've been thinking Kuna Barabran. It's a travesty that gay men can't donate blood. Because there is nothing bad about your blood. Hit it. You just stole that from me. Did you say it?

You literally just said it. Call Dr. Saad. You need another week off. Call Dr. Saad. I actually forgot. Call Dr. Wondersoap. That was the exact same story. Did you do a blood donation story?

Yes. You did not. What did you say? I said my gay best friend, Michael, was so distraught. Did you do a blood donation story? Yes. You did not. What did you say? I said my gay best friend Michael was so distraught because he went to give blood and they said, we don't want your blood. You've got bad blood. Hit it. I didn't even hear that.

You know what we should do next week? We should play back our show at half speed. That'd be very funny. That's a good idea. Yeah. That's a good idea. Thank God we've got you. Cut this from the show.

Can you remind me? I want to do an e-gym next week, Jenna, about real estate. That's a good idea. My God, we've got you. Cut this from the show. Can you remind me? I want to do an Egypt next week dinner about real estate. Okay. Cool. Anyway. I'm trying to think of another one. You know, Talamore, I've been thinking sometimes when you're grown up, it's not as easy to make friends.

You know, when you're young, it's not as easy to make friends you know when you're young you just release your inhibitions and the love and friendship is so pure but when you're an adult it's so much harder to make friends and so I've been doing a lot of things to make friends recently you know and like not the kind of fake friendships we don't need am I right Talamore yeah

real friendships is what we're looking for I've been going to the library and just deliberately reading the same book as some girl I spot in the library so we have something in common. It's hard to make friends.

But I made this beautiful friend recently at the car wash. I was a penny short and he lent me a penny. Wow. He told me he was coming over with his boyfriend. He told me all about

his boyfriend. Wow. They came to my house. They walked in the over with his boyfriend. He told me all about his boyfriend. Wow. They came to my house. They walked in the door and his boyfriend says, hi, I'm trouble. And I said, baby, I knew you were trouble when you walked in. Hit it. Yeah. I love the pauses.

Yeah. It just makes it. You know what? I've been thinking Mount Caringai. I love a pauses. Yeah. It just makes it. You know what? I've been thinking Mount Caringai. I love a good night out. Mount Caringai, I know you do too. Nothing better than a night out with your mates. I've learned your lingo.

But nothing better than a night out with someone you love. Nothing better than sobering up with a cheeseburger and ordering some food and waiting for your ticket to be called and they say order number five six six and you're a bit tipsy you don't hear it order five six six catches your attention and you go you know what that's for me Hit it Terrible I did not know where that was going Same to be perfectly honest I thought you were going to say

No that's not my order I'm order number 22 Hit it Oh that would be good too That's a terrible song Oh don't play this in half speed It's not going to do us any favours. No, no, no. Please. Oh, that's really funny. Alright,

we have to go, everybody. What a pleasure it's been. A real pleasure. A real pleasure. It's been a great fun. Great to be back. Thank you for holding down the fort last week for me, guys. I miss you. Thank you to everyone that messaged me as well. Very sweet messages. That was very kind. I appreciate it. Shout out to Callum, Endurian Idiot

Callum. He sent me cupcakes for my birthday. Oh, gorgeous. I love the Endurin Idiot, so I don't know who else chipped in, but for everyone, names weren't on the card, so I'd query that with Callum. But I appreciate it. That was very, very sweet. Thank you, guys. We hope this podcast made you feel at least 2% better today, that's all.

But we hope this podcast made you feel at least 3% better today, that's all. So we do. Oh, you nailed at least 3% better today. That's all. So we do. Oh, you nailed it. Yeah, people said they missed it last week. We're back, baby. We're back.

We'll see you in a week's time. We love you. Thank you for listening. Love you, idiots. Catch you soon. Bye. Bye. Is it just me?

A podcast by a couple of Mitches. Make sure you've hit follow on your podcast app.