Is It Just Me? - #139: MEGHAAAN!

Episode Date: March 20, 2023

In this episode: Katy Perry breaks down on American Idol (04:12) Annoying screaming kids (07:11) Churi whinging about maccas AGAIN (12:29) The hiccup hack (16:04) Jenna was ROBBED (22:54) The phrase Churi ALWAYS says (31:32) Our “Secret Segment” ADDebrief (38:29)   Hit us up: @coupleofmitches Send us a text: 0422 948 202See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is Is It Just Me? Hosted by a couple of Mitches. Hello you! Hello you! Go! Brace yourself for the rude shocks of young adulthood. Oh please, you're in bed with a cup of bloody Horlicks by 8. Horlicks?

It puts you to sleep. It's like a malt drink. Sounds like a slur. Oh, I've heard that Horlicks. Now here's Mitch Turi and Mitchell Coombs. Hello, you. Hello, you. How are we? Oh, fantastic.

I got a spring in me step today for no good reason, really. You look phenomenal in that corduroy yellow number, V-neck. You've got your necklace on. You look like Princess Di. I don't know if she would have been caught dead in this outfit, but I'll take the compliment. I wouldn't have said caught dead. Oh, shit.

Read the room. Read the tunnel. She should have read the sign. In that opener, there's a little part in it that reminds me of Pokemon. Like right at the start, that idiot that yells, go! Oh, it is a bit Pokemon-esque, isn't it? It's very Ash with a Pokeball. Can I quickly play the opener again?

Have a listen. You'll know what I'm talking about. This is Is It Just Me? Hosted by a couple of bitches. Hello, you. Hello, you. It is a bit. It's so Pokemon.

Skewing a bit Digimon as well. Do you remember Digimon? I have actually hot take. Digimon was better than Pokemon in the end. I thought so too. I thought it slapped. They were cuter. It was kind of like the Pepsi alternative to Pokemon.

Yeah. And some people prefer Pepsi. I remember the Digimon movie. I cried hard in the Digimon movie. I don't remember crying during it. I was an emotional child. How are you? You do look good.

Where have you been? What's going on with you? Oh, well, I actually just came from therapy, if you must know. But usually I leave therapy in a really flat mood. I don't know what it was about today. It was a good sesh. Well, everything's going right in your life. You've got your tickets on sale for the comedy shows.

Sorry, Sean is beautiful. You make a good point, though. I really should be plugging the comedy shows. I forget to mention it on my own podcast. I do it for you. See, I'm a good friend. I know I can plug for you. Melbourne Comedy Festival and now Sydney Comedy Festival.

Tickets on sale for both if you head to the link in my Instagram bio. But also I'll be making my way to other cities later in the year too. Yeah, I read the comments on one of your posts, I think it was on Facebook, and there were a lot of, when are you coming to Adelaide? Adelaide, big Adelaide. I've literally just been to Adelaide. I was there in November. Yeah, grow up Adelaide.

They don't get much. They didn't get Ed Sheeran, you know. Didn't they? No. Yeah, but I feel like Sydney doesn't even get good concerts anymore. Yeah, we know, like Sydney doesn't even get good concerts anymore. Yeah, we know. We got Ed. We got Harry. Yeah, but like you see the Beyonce world tour. Yes.

No Australia. Gaga will never be caught dead at Kudos Bank Arena. Never. Good fucking point, actually. Hayden just had his birthday. He turned 27, my boyfriend Hayden. And he's like, all I want is to go see Madonna. I'm like, that's easy.

I can get your tickets to Madonna. I thought she'd be performing at, you know, Parramatta Redland Theatre or, you know, the Rooney Hill Coliseum. No, she's only fucking performing in the UK or Europe. Is that what he wants for his birthday? Yeah. And I bought him tickets. Oh, you're actually going to Europe just to see Madonna?

We're going to LA to see Madonna. Wow. I bought tickets, yeah. God. We're flying to LA. It's been a while since you've been in and out of LA too. Truly. I'm excited.

It's not until next year. That's a very extravagant present. No, they're not. I mean, you know. Is he going to do that for you? Yeah, we have a limit. We have like what we spend on each other. Ten grand, yeah.

That's the limit. That's not the limit. It can't be cheap flying to LA for a concert. No, the tickets are like, you know, 400 bucks. It's alright. American? Yeah, American. Yeah, there you go, 400 bucks. It's all right. American? Yeah, American. Yeah, there you go.

Even more expensive Australian. I know. In this economy. That's my favourite thing to say. In this economy. Not in this economy. In this current climate. Not in this climate.

Yeah, we've got fucking climate change. We've got the economic. You know what? Are you across all that drag band stuff in the US? Yes, yes. How sad. It doesn't feel real. No.

I'm like, what the fuck? What a step backwards. What is wrong with America? I know. It actually is very scary. I know. I felt really a little bit uneasy the whole time I was in the US, which isn't weird. As kids, we always thought life must be so much better in America.

I can't wait to go to America. And now I just have no desire. Gun violence, crime. Yes. Now they're banning drag or drag performers to kids. So ridiculous. Focus on the guns, guys. I've got a hunch that it's probably the guns that's killing the kids,

not the man in a wig. Have you seen Katy Perry's big emotional breakdown about the gun laws? I hated that. You hated that? Come on, that was so forced. I didn't think it was forced. Really? Yeah, bring it up.

Okay. So she was on American Idol and one of the contestants came in and said that he was dedicating his performance to some of his classmates that he lost in a school shooting. That was beautiful. And she had a very emotional reaction to it. And people are kind of giving her shit for the reaction. But I'm like, that was just raw and real. And it's kind of bang on what she said.

Yeah, but it just felt like, it felt rehearsed to me. You can't rehearse something like that. She was actually blubbering. She's no actress, trust me. Here we go. Katy Perry breaks down in outrage after school shooting story. So here we go. Why are you doing Idol? In May 2018 a gunman walked into my school. I was in art room one. He shot up art room two before he made his way to art room one.

Lost a lot of friends. Eight students were killed. Two teachers were killed. Wow. Katie's putting her head in the hands. What you doing, Katie? Our country has f***ing failed us. Facts.

This is not okay. You should be singing here because you love music. It's true. You didn't have to lose eight friends. I hope that you remind people that we have to change. Because you know what? I'm scared too. Now, having watched it and it's fresh in your mind,

what do you think now? Yeah, I take back all my standards. There you go. That wasn't rehearsed. That was real. No, no, no. I, to be honest, I'd seen the TikTok edit and American Idol had really edited it down.

Oh, okay. He was like, this is to my classmates. Then she screams. Yeah, no, it wasn't like that. I hadn't seen that. And I was never negating his story. That's horrific. The poor thing.

Yeah, what a cheery note to start the episode on. Sorry about that. Did he get three no's? I don't know. I didn't watch till the end. Imagine that. I've only seen the clips as well. Awful anyway.

It's a no from us. I'm assuming he got through. You'd hope so. Can you fast forward to that? Yes. Okay, now he goes through. You'd hope so. Can you fast forward to that? Yes. I figured as much. That would be the most horrible thing that they could do. Milk the sob story

and then be like, nah. You can stay here. Well, yeah, what a lovely note to start the show on. But you're so right. You're so right. America's fucked. And hello to our American listeners, of course. Yes, we love you. Sucks to be you. We're always here for you. Yeah, move down under, bub. Escapism love you. Sucks to be you. We're always here. We're always here for you.

Yeah, move down under, bub. It's a bit of escapism. Yeah. Yeah, just don't go to Adelaide. You won't be able to see Mitch live. I'll come there later in the year. If it is your first time listening, it's Is It Just Me? Every week, Mitch and I both bring an idjim, something we've noticed, something we hate or appreciate.

Mitch has no idea what mine is. I have no idea what Mitch's is. Yeah, we're going in blind here. We're going completely blind. And we just, you know, see where we land. Why don't I kick things off? You want to go first? Sure, let's go.

Yeah, let's do it. Is it just me or? Does screaming children ruin everything? Oh, it doesn't bother me. It doesn't. It doesn't really. Oh, don't act like you're some saint. If you're in a pleasant scenario, be it, I don't know,

name a pleasant scenario in your mind. At the park on a sunny day. There you go. At a cafe, whatever it may be. You're just in a total state of bliss. The quickest thing to ruin it is a screaming child, especially if they have a really, really high-pitched voice. You're right.

They often do. They often do. They often do. Wait till what you're about to hear. Yeah, what is it? Because last weekend I went to the taping of Australian Idol. I was in the audience for it. Yep.

And right behind me was this fucking punish of a girl who was screaming at the top of her lungs the whole time trying to get Meghan Trainor's attention. Oh, because Meghan's one of the judges. Yeah, she's down there on the floor. It was quite a distance between us and the judging panel. But this kid was fucking determined and they were screaming in my fucking ear the whole time.

Did you record it? I did. I ran a voice memo because I wanted you to experience just how painful it was. And then you might change your tune. Okay, so this is the idol baby. Okay, it's Heroes and Tribute Weekend. Megan! Megan! The Motown is selling in regional

Victoria. Oh, shut up, kid. Thank you. No, I'm with you. You know what? That went on for four hours. Megan! Megan! Did Megan ever turn? No, of course not.

I was getting so angry at this kid that I was going to start shouting to get Megan's attention. Just like, could you fucking look so she shuts up? I made you look. Yeah, exactly. Do what your song says and have a fucking look over here, please. But also I was tempted if Megan did turn around out of spite just to stand up and block the view.

You know, Megan would have heard that and just not wanted to turn around because she sounds like a fucking psychopath. Oh, it was just so grating. Like, I don't know if that voice memo does it justice, but it was right in my ear, top of her lungs, high pitch the whole time. Is this hot on? Yeah, I've isolated it for you. Just imagine that on repeat for four hours. You should have just slapped her right across the head. I know, but apparently it's frowned upon to slap children you don't know.

I have heard that. Yeah, I've heard that. Can I say, and I hate to make this about me, but Meghan Trainor's my new best friend. Oh. She is. We're chatting. Okay, the only thing more annoying than screaming children is when someone changes a subject to make it about them

and to try and flex. More annoying than this? Go on, tell me your story. No, I just interviewed her for Australian Idol and then we hit it off and then she wants to hang out. Good for you. Yeah, that's it. We're just pals.

All right. But I don't know if it's that just. Well, can you pass on that message to her, please? Oh, should I? Yeah. Just. Yeah. She'll probably cringe and be like, oh, God, I do remember that voice.

And I chose to ignore it. Because she's a mum. She's got a new baby. Oh, maybe she's just conditioned to drown that shit out. Oh, good call. Not that, you know, her kids would scream her first name. Megan. Stop it.

It's so awful. Did you enjoy the show? I did actually. Because one of my friends is a producer there. He suggested we come along and I was like, I have to. Because when I was six or whatever watching Australian Idol, I'd see the people in the audience and be like, God, I wish that was me. But I live too far away from the city.

So I was like, I've got to bloody do it. I'm going to bloody go. There was one really, really, really awkward moment where, you know how you can't tell if someone's waving at you or not? Yes. So they were in a bit of a break, just kind of standing around on stage, waiting for the cameras to be ready or whatever. And Ricky Lee and Scott Tweedy, the host, they start waving and it looks like from a

distance they're waving at me, but I'm like, surely not. But then I thought, I mean, maybe, but they both follow me on Instagram, so maybe they're waving at me. Yeah. And I turn around to see if there's anyone behind me they're waving at. And then when I turn back to the stage, they're going, no, no, you, hi, like pointing and going, no, you. So I waved back and then Sean goes, Mitchell, they're not waving at you.

And I was like, well, I don't know. I can't tell. And you know that feeling when you just get so embarrassed that your brow starts to sweat to a point where it's a little bit itchy. Yes. Like that's how embarrassed I was. I was like, I hated everything about that interaction. To this day, I don't know if they're waving at me or not.

I somehow doubt it. They'd know because I do my radio show there from the live show on Monday and Ricky Lee came backstage. It was very warm to me. And I only met her when I met her with you. I've never met her outside of the interview with you. Yeah, and that's what I thought. I'm like, I know we've had her on the podcast,

but I don't think she would remember me. No, she would. She probably was waving to you. Now she thinks you're a cunt for not waving back. I know. It was a rock and a hard place. I couldn't win. I was like, either they're going to think I'm rude

or everyone around me is going to think I'm a fuckwit. Yeah. Like, dream on as if they're waving at you, mate. You know what you should have done? Mm-hmm. You should have gone, Ricky! Tweety! Rick Tweety!

Ricky! Shut up, you little brat. Oh, God. Oh. You know what I should have done? What? I should have screamed out, Megan! And then she turns around, just been like, no, I meant Markle, not you.

Yeah, cool. All right. Shall I do Markle, not you. Yeah, cool. All right, shall I do my agent? Sure, go for it. Is it just me or has the culture at McDonald's drive-thru changed? Why do we bring up McDonald's almost every week on this show? Go on. We spoke about it last week. But I think it's changed, and it's a big thing that we need to address as a nation.

It is no longer a positive experience going through Macca's drive-thru. I don't think it was ever. I used to strive to make it a positive experience for my customers when I was in the drive-thru. That's why I bring it up with you, because I know you will agree with me that the quality has slipped. Maybe you won't. I don't know. But as a kid or when I was younger, going through Macca's drive-thru was a euphoric experience.

The looking at the menu and ordering it and asking for the girls or the boys toy. You'd drive up to the window, you'd pay, you'd drive to the next window and you'd wait for your food and you'd get your food and you'd go. Problem is now, they cannot have any ounce of rush to get to that teleprompter, to that little microphone to talk to you. I've sat there waiting for five minutes, waiting for them to speak. So much so that I go, hello? Is anybody there? That's the problem with this having two drive-through lanes.

Because often they don't have two people taking orders. It's one person covering both. And then even though they've made you wait ages, once they get to you, they're in a rush. There's something really erratic about that. How would I go for you? Is that it? Is that it? Is that it?

Is that it? Go for the drink? Yeah. Please drive through. And then sometimes you get to the window. They don't even say hello. No. They just fucking hold the F-plus thing in your face, like tap and go, asshole.

I know. I'm not interested in a conversation. I know. Nowadays, you used to pay with cash. You need to get the change. You need to get the receipt. Nowadays, they've strapped the F-plus machine to a fucking selfie stick, and you've got to just pay wave your card, and then you drive through to the next window.

Some of them aren't even on a selfie stick. They don't hold it out for you. It's literally positioned outside the window. Oh, you could call your new ones. They won't even open the window for you. They're just like, tap, dog. Yeah, and they go, check your order on that iPad. Then the big part is you go to the next screen, and you're sitting there waiting, or the next

window, and always, can you go to the waiting bay? Into the waiting bay? Waiting bay, please. The waiting bay for me growing up was like a wonderland. Like maybe if I've ordered too much, I'll go to the waiting bay. Yeah. I was going to say, what are you ordering? Because I don't remember the last time I was put in the waiting bay.

I am always in the waiting bay without doubt. Always. Really? Yeah. Like a chicken nugget meal some chips and nothing special always in the waiting bay and i just think the experience is lacking i want to i want a nicer drive-through experience please australia actually what time of day you're going typically oh good call it's all often after the show at night i'll get a

little snack so like 10 30 at night or on the way to work at around 3pm. I was going to say maybe you're getting like the teenagers after school, but it doesn't sound like it because I love the daytime Maccas staff. Why? What is the difference? Well, they're usually like 40-year-old women and shit and they're down for a yarn. Oh, good call. I love the people that work during the day, the grown-ass adults that work at Maccas.

They're beautiful. Yes, and then at night time you get the 14-year-old pimply fucks. Yes, who are so stressed about their assignment and having to get the drive-through time as quick as possible. They just don't seem at ease. They don't want to yarn. They've got a speech on water restrictions at 9am the next morning. They don't

care about my steamed bun or my cheeseburger. The steamed bun. That's where you're going wrong. That's why you have to fucking park. That's why. I'm the problem? Yes. They don't have the steamed buns just sitting around waiting for people to order. They have to do them especially. Oh, that's it.

I always get a steamed bun. Yeah, you're the problem. Sorry to victim blame. Oh, my God. I'm the problem. You are the problem. And here I was at the Macca's drive-thru like. Here's my burger.

You're listening to Is It Just Me? Got something on your mind? Hit up at coupleofmitches on Instagram to get yourself on the show. Okay, let's hear from one of our idiots, a very dedicated idiot at that. They want to come on the show and they've got an idjim of their own. If you want to get on the show with an idjim of your own, at coupleofmitches on Instagram or shoot us a text 0412 712 092. Correct.

How's that text line going, by the way? Are we getting a lot of texts? We are, but someone must have signed us up to some scam registry because we keep getting shit like, Oz Post, sorry we missed you earlier today. Click this link and give us your bank details and we'll rearrange a re-delivery. Oh, no.

And I'm like, we haven't ordered shit with this number. Someone signed us up to a scam outlet or something. Imagine if we were buying sex toys not using the work account. That's what was coming through. No, I swear that wasn't me. That wasn't me either. All right, Courtney is in Newcastle in New South Wales. She's on.

Hi, Court. Welcome to the show. Hi. Thanks for having me, guys. Oh, pleasure. How's your day, darling? You sound chirpy, yeah. I am. I'm just wrapping up the work week.

The work week? I know. I'm taking a couple of days off. Oh, you lucky duck. Yeah, it's my birthday tomorrow, actually. Happy birthday, Court. How old are you turning? Thank you. 36. 36. Is life better in your 30s? We were talking about this the other day.

Um, sometimes. 36. 36. Is life better in your 30s? We were talking about this the other day. Sometimes. That doesn't sound that promising. And you hesitated too. Not really, no. Let me get back to you. Doesn't she sound fun? Yeah, you sound very fun. I am fun.

Thanks. What's the vibe? You're just chilling at home. Yeah, I work from home. So wrapping up and then I'm off to breezy tomorrow for a couple of days i haven't been there since i was a kid so i'm really looking forward to it oh wow how fun all right well listen let's get you a birthday is it just you um bradley will count you in then hit us okay okay is it just me or are hiccups the most infuriating thing a person can have when they're in the presence of others?

Oh, in general, even alone, I'm embarrassed. Oh, I thought, are you saying it's infuriating when other people around you have hiccups or when you personally have them? When I have them, I get rid of them real quick. I've got no issues. It's not always that easy. I was going to say, yeah, you make it sound like you've got a button you can just press. I can't do that.

Look, I actually do. I have perfected the hiccups. You get a hiccup, you find a beverage, you drink it upside down, and you go. Upside down? You're kidding. Yeah. You know when you lean over the glass and drink from the other side? It works.

I'm struggling to picture that. Lean over the glass and drink it from the other side. I've got my water bottle here. I can do it. What do you do? I'm struggling to picture that. Lean over the glass and drink it from the other side. I've got my water bottle here. I can do it.

What do you do? So lean over sort of like in front of you and drink the water upside down. That's not possible, Courtney. That's not how gravity works, bub. Look, it does work. It definitely works. He's kind of got his back and neck parallel to the floor now. Yeah, and he's trying to suck it up.

Oh, don't get water all over the panel. Shit. You're trying to kill me! I love that you didn't have hiccups, so we can't prove if it works or not. Yeah, I didn't think that through. I've got to clean myself up. I don't mind when other people have hiccups caught, but I find it infuriating when I have it.

When I was quitting vapes, the nicotine supplements give it to you, like this mouth spray that you put under your tongue. The nicotine spray. I'll do it now. I'll prove my point. They give you the hiccups so fucking bad. Don't induce the hiccups. I do want to to you. Like this mouth spray that you put under your tongue. The nicotine spray. I'll do it now. I'll prove my point. They give you the hiccups so fucking bad. Don't induce the hiccups.

We're doing a show here. I think when other people get them, it becomes the centre of the conversation, don't you think? You're so right. Actually, that is embarrassing to be the person with hiccups.

Oh, here they go. Oh, he started. Look. Oh, he's got the hiccups, Courtney. Okay, now do the underwater upside down. Oh, God. All right, Courtney, guide him through. What does he do? Oh, these's got the hiccups, Courtney. Okay, now do the underwater upside down trick. Oh, God. All right, Courtney, guide him through.

What does he do? Oh, these ones are violent. But he doesn't want a cigarette, so. No, you're right. There were many times where I'm like, it's easy. It's easier just to vape. Oh, look, Courtney, how does he do it? Do the trick, man.

So lean forward and get your water bottle, if that's what you've got, and just sort of like lean your head right over and let the water go into your mouth or your head's upside down. He's standing up. So should he be sitting, Court? No, he needs to be standing. Because you said to lean my head over the bottle. Do you mean I face my feet?

Yep, face your feet. Like as your head goes down towards your feet, the water bottle goes into your mouth, like your head's sort of like upside down. Courtney, I don't think you know what upside down means. No, it's not upside down. I'm just facing the ground. Courtney, I think you're in the wrong here. I'm absolutely not.

I don't think she is because they're gone. Oh, it worked. I mean, the word upside down is completely misleading, but I'm not hiccuping. You're kidding. I never kid. When do I kid? All right. Well, thank you, Courtney, for that insightful attempt at medicine.

Yeah, fun hack. I still don't understand the drinking upside down thing. You're way off. Thanks, guys. Anyway, happy birthday, Court. I'll make sure Prize Keeper Jenna sends you an extra special prize for your birthday. Thanks, Legends. Have a great day.

Thanks for listening to the show, Court. We love you. She's fun. I like Courtney. I've just Googled drinking water while maintaining uncomfortable body positions, such as bending over a sink or turning your head upside down. Okay, that makes sense. It distracts your brain from it.

That's what it says here. Oh, got it. Okay. Oh, I get it now. What? You bend over with your back parallel to the floor and then kind of let your neck relax. So it is upside down like this. Look.

Oh. So I'm not really facing my feet. I'm more facing my junk. Well, Courtney didn't do a good job of describing. Well, they're gone. Oh, true. So she did. Yeah.

Good call. Yeah. And I don't feel like a vape. Win-win. You're cured. All right. If you want to get on the show with us, 13. Oh, God.

Wow. That's not right. Oh, you just nearly autopiloted. Sorry. Sorry. I did. 13-1065. Imagine someone actually calling KISS FM and saying, oh, I'd like to go on with the Mitches. And they're like,oted. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I did. 13-1065. Imagine someone actually calling Kiss FM and saying,

oh, I'd like to go on with the Mitches. And they're like, what? Well, let's see. I'll just answer a random call here at Kiss. We've got the 13-1065 patched through to the desk. Hello. What can I do for you? Hello.

Hi. What can I do for you? Oh, no. I was just calling in hoping to get the Easter show ticket. Oh, you don't have an is it just you? Do you have an is it just you? you? Do you have an Easter just you? Pardon? Do you have an Easter just you?

Do I have a water? Is it just me? Yes. It's for me and my family. Hey, hey! I can't hear them Sorry Tunnel She's gone Just confused the fuck out of her

That poor woman She's never going to call again Oh well Fuck it DM us Couple of Mitches on Instagram You can text us Into our hotline Mitchell

Quickly What is it again? 0412712092 There you go Hit us up DM us, a couple of Mitch's on Instagram. You can text us into our hotline, Mitchell, quickly. What is it again? 0412712092. There you go. Hit us up. We'll get you on the show and you'll win yourself a nice little prize. Now, speak of the devil, you might be wondering where our third wheel price keeper Jenna is this week.

Yeah, well, she was missing last week, noticeably, and this week again, she hasn't featured once. And if you're a regular listener of ours, you'd know that every time Jenna does make an excuse for not being able to come to something, it's always the most dramatic thing in the world. Always, and always nothing we know of. She hasn't looped us in. It's always, sorry, but my mum had emergency surgery on her shins. Or like, she's got severe food poisoning. Yes, yes. Or like, I've been hit by a bus and I've lost two legs, but I'll be fine by tomorrow. Did you hear the front page story about the girl struck by lightning?

Well, that was me. But this week, I reckon this tops it. Really? Because I don't know the reason. Oh, well, this is the text I got just before we started recording. Sorry, can't make it this week. I'm just with the police. My place got broken into.

I'm like, okay. The palatial mansion, the service Mariton suite. Really? You don't have 24-7 security? Hold on. She's in a high rise. Yeah, I know. I did think.

Why would they choose your apartment of all apartments? I wonder if her cat's okay. Christian Louboutin. Oh, shit. No, Connie. Connie. Connie the cat. Connie the cat. Connie the cat.

That's a good call. But I think we're going to try and trip her up and see if it's a lie or not. Give her a ring. Because you know how you can tell if someone's lying if they put in too much detail. 100%. Or if they stutter or stumble on their excuse. Jenna is a shocking liar as well. Exactly. Don't you think?

She thinks she's one of those people that thinks she's really good. Yeah. And I've known Jenna longer than you. I reckon I'll be able to tell if she's taking the piss or not, or if she's absolutely telling the truth. All right. Let's call Jenna Benson, Prize Keeper Jenna, and see where she is. Hello?

Jenna? Yes. Hi. I've just been explaining to Mitch the reason that you're not here today. Oh, yes. Yes. Very, very traumatic. How are you doing?

I'm coping fine. It was full on and I've just received pictures of the man in question. So wait, how did you find out that you'd be broken into? Talk me through like the time of day. We're going full investigator mode. The time of day, how did you find out? What's Talk me through the time of day. We're going full investigator mode. Yeah. The time of day. How did you find out? What's the state of the house?

Okay. I got a call at 12.01pm today. From who? From the Glade Mill Police Station. Interesting. Is it a man or a woman? It was a man. And I pick it up and it was a no-caller ID.

So at first I thought it was you guys pranking me. We're in bed, Jenna. We're not that interested. At midday. Yeah. So, yeah, I thought it was you. So I was just playing along until he asked me whether I live at the particular address that I do live. The exact number.

The Meriton Service Suite, yeah. No. And he explained that my place had been broken into by a man on the run. Oh! So they secured the whole apartment block and police surrounded it all. And he jumped over the fence into my courtyard and somehow managed to open the door sliding door and then lock it and use my place as his hiding spot oh my wait so connie was

in there alone with this masked assailant yes connie was here alone um probably would have been sleeping do you have the footage on your cat cam? No, I don't because it's not working at the moment. Of course. How convenient. That's interesting. I know, I know. So Connie was here alone with the man. When I came back into the apartment after I got the call from the police

and rushed home, my little laundry cupboard door was open, insinuating that he was hiding in there. How did he break into your place in the first place? Don't you have 24-7 security given your wealth? Well, I was under the impression that I was secure here, 24-7 security. Did he have to break the lock? Yes, he broke the lock. He's hanging out in here.

Police are surrounding him. And he thinks, you know, I'm going to make a run for it. I've done it. So he runs out my front door. While you're there? No, I'm at work at this time. Oh, okay. Right.

We're going back in time. Okay. Yes. So I got the call at 12.01 and apparently it happens half an hour before that. How did they get your number, though? I assume it was the building manager. Right. Anyway, they rush out of my door, the criminal, and get arrested.

So he thought, I'm going to make a run for it. They've all gone, but they hadn't gone anywhere. No, they hadn't gone anywhere. He thought he'd hide in here for a bit and then casually make his way out. Nope. They were there waiting for him. So they took him into custody and apparently he'd stolen

things from other, from the actual service department. Okay, so he wasn't actually robbing you. He was just using your place as a hideout. Do you know what he was on the run for? Just stealing shit. Yes. So he stole a car as well that he left out the front.

But he is now claiming that he owns my apartment, which is why he was in here. Right, okay. Oh no, and he wants you to be a cover for him and you're so impressionable Jenna. Knowing you, you'd go yes, that's my uncle he's happy to help. Happy to help him. He was in the laundry

because he's helping with cleaning. It's interesting. Nothing comes up when I search latest news. Nothing on New South Wales Police Media Alert. Yeah, and I've Google searched local meek and mild girl house broken into and nothing has come up. I've looked everywhere and there's nothing. And let me quickly send you a photo of this guy. Not how I expected him to look. All right.

Let's see. I don't know if I want to see it. It's going to be quite frightening, I'd imagine. He is frightening. Okay, sending this through. This is the guy on CCTV. Oh. Oh, sending this through. This is the guy on CCTV. Oh! Oh my god! Yeah, he looks like a seedy bugger, doesn't he?

Is that in your apartment, Jenna? No, that's outside my apartment. I was gonna say it looks like there's a vibrator in a box at the front waiting for you to come home to. Yeah, that's all the parcels and shit in the main foyer. Do you know what? I think I do believe her actually. Yeah, Jenna, officially you have been cleared from your absence two weeks in a row. Congratulations. Thank you know what? I think I do believe her actually. Yeah, Jenna, officially you have been cleared from your absence

two weeks in a row. Congratulations. Thank you so much. I had full intentions of being on until I got this call from the lovely sergeant at Gladesville Police Station who I didn't get the name of. Alright, well, all's well that ends well. We're glad you're safe. We're glad Connie's

safe. Thanks, Jenna. Thank you. See ya. Hopefully we'll see you next week. We're glad Connie's safe. Thanks, Jenna. Thank you. See ya. Hopefully we'll see you next week. No worries. You will. All right. Ta-ta. See ya.

Ta-ta. Imagine if we just played the gaslighter sting and said that we were gaslighting her and we had a paid actor. Oh my God. And we were in on the whole thing. My sister, who's a police officer, came. It was all a ploy just to fuck with her. Can you believe that her first assumption was that we were fucking with her?

I know. Isn't that funny? Yeah. Like, why would we do that? That's just cruel. Good she's okay, though. I've never been broken into, have you? No, I really thought it'd be a bigger issue because my parents were broken into like four

times when they lived in Sydney. Every single time that mum got new curtains, they'd break in and steal them and they had to buy all these replacement TVs. And so the way they described living in Sydney to me, I was like, this is going to be a constant problem in my life. Yeah. Not once. Interesting.

I feel like I'm inviting it in now. Don't invite it in. You know, my mum, literally speaking of invite it in. Yeah. Invited robbers into our house. Oh, God. You know, my mum loves a drink and she loves a chat. This is true.

I absolutely believe it too. Mum was at Cronulla Sharks Leagues Club. We live about a kilometre away. Well, my family home, not anymore. And mum went, come back to our house and have a drink. Oh, no, I do remember this now. Yeah, and mum invited two random strangers that she didn't even meet in the club. They were on the street.

And then didn't you have to intervene and be like, get the fuck out? Mum came to the door, didn't have a house key, so I opened up. She went, hi, this is my friend Paul and John. And Paul and John are the shadiest two men you've ever met in your life. They're going to come for a drink. And they were scoping shit out, and I'm like, get the fuck out of my house. Later that night, we were broken into by two men. So, you know.

God, that says so much about Michelle. She just assumes the best in people. I know. She invited them in. She goes, oh, they're fun. I ran into them on the way home from the game. Yeah. She met Ivan Milat in the 80s, thought he was lovely.

She thought, Hitler seems nice. He's just a bit troubled. Is it just me? The rude shocks of young adulthood. All right, and just a reminder, our new text line, 0412 712 092. Yes. Every time you play that sound effect. It's not me.

It's automated. I've set up Siri to recognise. Of course. And I'm so glad we set up this text line because we got a real doozy. Really? During the week. So this isn't an is it just you. This is just something they've noticed.

Yeah. Like you don't have to flick us a text just if you've got an is it just you or if you want to come on the show. Any thoughts you have while listening, shoot them through. Just like, oh, my God, her name's Megan. I'm not even kidding. Oh, God, what are the odds of that? Yeah, so this was based off last week.

Remember how we were talking about rattles and, like, things that you commonly fall back on, phrases that you often say just as filler. Like a crutch. Like, your brain sort of relies on it as autofill. Like your autopilot default response to things. We all have one. So Megan says, hi Mitch's. Speaking of rattles, I think Cheery has a new one. I've noticed recently that he always says, good call.

Sometimes it's because someone's actually made a good call. Other times you can tell it's because he just wasn't listening. Oh no. Oh, I hate this. And so when she pointed it out, I was like, oh, I'm going to see if she's onto something. This was just from last week's episode. Last week's episode only. Okay. If you cut, you know what I mean, off the end of the sentence, it still makes perfect sense. I don't need it there. You know what I mean? Yeah, good call. Nah, it makes it sound like you have no faith in the person you're talking to. Yeah, good call. The problem with it is it is sea level, and whenever there's severe floods.

Well, sea level at what point? Because the tides change. Oh, yeah, good call. What the fuck is good about hustle and bustle? Also, Sydney hardly has it. Yeah, good call. Oh, come on. Come on.

That was just last week. That's bad. And I took a listen back further. There's more from over time. I fucking love Adelaide. I was converted. I was like, I could live here easily. Good call, yeah.

We've got one from Sinead. Notice they're all from women. Oh. Good call. No men wanted to fess up. You better actually pay because then there'll be a strike against your name. Good call. Prime Possum is primes and so Channel 7 bought them out.

Oh, good call. If they don't give us a clear answer, it's a short flight to Canberra. Good call, yeah. But they were at the servo together. If he wanted to get himself a Mars bar, why didn't he get one? Good call. Oh my god. Good call. Where does that come from? I don't even know.

It's not even a phrase that I think I say. Is it because I make constant good calls or is it just a reflex? Far from it. It's a reflex. I wonder if I say good call on other programs that I do or is it just you that I'm thinking makes good calls? Well, your producer's out there. Why don't you ask her? Producer Flipper, can you come to the microphone very quickly?

Sorry. Why the hell do you call her Producer Flipper? Oh, her name's Toni Kipper, and Kipper's a kind of fish. Mitch has identified a crutch of mine that I often say. A phrase he always says, want to see if you've noticed, or if he just says it on this podcast. And you work with me across all my other shows, so we thought we'd ask you in case you've noticed it too.

Why don't you play the example? So this is just from last week's podcast episode. One hour show. If you cut, you know what I mean, off the't you play the example? So this is just from last week's podcast episode. One hour show. If you cut, you know what I mean, off the end of the sentence, it still makes perfect sense. I don't need it there. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Good call. Nah. It makes it sound like you have no idea. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.

Stop. Stop. Stop. What? Yes, you do it all of the time. Like multiple times a day. Good call. Absolutely.

Good call. And it's the face. You also squint when you do it. Yes, it does. Well, fuck off a lot of you. I reckon it's because sometimes you're not actually listening and you're just used to me making constant good calls. You're like, yeah, good call.

Yeah, good call. Oh, fuck off. You're fired. Good call. Yeah. Oh, and he's here, actually, for the first time in months, contraceptive diaphragm Sam, and he's shaking his head like he's noticed it as well. Through this entire show, I've been listening, by the way.

Hi. Hi. You've maybe said this five, six, seven times, and also at one point four times in about three minutes. Yeah, and I've started smirking to myself today because I knew what was coming up. I was like, is that it again? Really? Guys, I'm very, I'm just too, too much talking.

Yeah. I seriously do. I fucking agree. Don't you worry. Fuck off. It's out of the reviewers. It's a problem. Clearly my brain is just making good calls.

It's not a bad thing. It's just something we've noticed. Just a crutch. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck. And I thought I was so smooth. I'm like, no one, no one can tell that I'm zoning out.

Where have you been, Sam, by the way? You know, around. Fair enough. You say fair enough as well. Do I? Yes. And we put that to the room. Do I say fair enough a lot?

Does Mitch have one, Sam? I don't. No, I don't think so. You say yeah. I probably do. I don't think so. You say yeah. I probably do. I just haven't noticed. You say yeah, but that's a catchphrase more so than a rattle. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to think. Why start now? Fuck off. I'm going to go back in the little backlog of the show and I'm going to find it. I'm going to find one.

I'm going to bring it to you. Oh, one of mine? One of your crutches, yeah. It has to be even playing fields, you know? I agree. No, you're right. It should be even playing fields. So 0412712092.

What's my rattle? All right, let's go. Great show. Hope Jen is okay. Thoughts and prayers with her. I know. She just attracts drama, doesn't she? She actually does.

Yeah, she really does. Which is weird because she's not someone who on the surface appears like she would cope with drama. And yet it's just constantly in her life. So this podcast is in for the same time every week and she didn't message us to say, hi, I'm not going to be there. My house has been burgled. We had to message and ask.

No, no, no. She sent me a text. Oh, did she text? Oh. Clearly who wears the pants. All right, let's go. We'll see you in a week, guys. Thank you so much text. Oh, did she text? Oh. Clearly who wears the pants. All right, let's go. We'll see you in a week, guys. Thank you so much for listening.

Five-star review if you can. Spotify as well. Apple Podcasts, wherever you get your podcasts. I did notice on Spotify, when you look at our overall rating, it went from 4.9 stars overall to five stars. So obviously people are finger bashing that five-star button. I didn't realise. And this is not the time to stop.

Keep it up. Five star rating on Spotify, please. How do you find it? I've never actually looked on Spotify. Oh, if you just go to our podcast, it's at the top. See? Jesus Christ. Look at us go.

Not bad, considering 80% of people listen on Apple. Yeah. Wow. I love that. All right, guys. Thank you for listening. We'll see you next week. Catch you then.

Bye, bub. Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of Mitchitches make sure you've hit follow on your podcast app Welcome to ADD Brief. This is our secret segment on the end. Couple of people with ADD having a debrief talking shit. Good girl. Oh, God.

I have just gone to Apple and Mitchell, it's been updated. We applied for that fancy full screen podcast page and it's been approved. We've got it. Did you notice that they mangled our logo? How? Look at it closely. Oh, you're right. You look hideous.

No, our logo. What do you mean? Is it just me? Yeah, they've cropped out the podcast. The podcast. You're right. So yeah. They just took it upon themselves to completely bastardize our logo.

I was like, keep your grubby mitts off it, please, Apple. If you listen on Apple Podcasts and you click our show and go to the homepage, our artwork is now full page, full screen. It's animated. If you move the screen, we move. It's kind of like a Facebook cover photo. Yeah, it is. And it's only like the really big legit shows can get it and do it.

It's true. I mean, it is true. I suppose, yeah. But ours is, so Apple photoshopped the word the podcast out. Yeah. Wow. I'm like the nerve of you. That shocks me to my core. You can't just fuck with people's logos

without telling them. We also need to update our heads to match the blue. We both have blue ones. Well, they're both yellow. Get this conversation off here. I thought this was going to become a business meeting. Oh, look, the most recent review on Apple. Yeah. This pod is a laugh and a half.

Cheery made me spit in my coffee the other day. Feels like a warm hug and hanging out with friends. There you go. All the positivity coming through. We're back. To Dwayne at all your, well, not all your shit reviews. There was only one. Shut up.

They weren't even shit. I'm not making this up. You're the one that brought it to my attention. Yeah, true. You're right. You sent me a screenshot of them. I was upset. Oh, no, you didn't read along.

Cheery made me spit out my coffee the other day due to his homophobic slurs. I didn't. I'm joking. Oh, deary me. I wish that you could write a review on Spotify like you can on Apple because it's so egotistical. It's nice to read praise. Oh, my God. It's so nice.

Yeah. Especially on, like, work. Do you actually read Google reviews? Sometimes I will make a decision. If I Google, I don't know, massages near me, I'll make a decision based on the Google reviews. 100%. Yeah. I won't leave a Google review because you're not allowed to leave anonymous ones, and I

just don't want them being linked to me because I'm scathing. I don't want to be labeled a Karen. What have you been scathing about? Heaps. Optus the other day really fucked me. I don't want to be labeled a Karen. What have you been scathing about? Heaps. Optus the other day really fucked me off and I wanted to leave an angry review. I don't think you can leave a review for Optus. No, just an example of a company that pissed me off. But if I had bad service, and I'm not bad service, I get it.

But if I was really mad, I would leave a bad Google review. I know, but sometimes it becomes too much to think about because i'm like i'll write the email to make a complaint and then i'm like okay i'm gonna reread it reread it again to make it less mean but also not completely walk all over me too polite and then i end up obsessing over it and i'm like no i just can't bother i'll let it slide you know what happened to me when i i'm such like a fucking. I read an article about a homophobic cafe in Sydney in Darlinghurst that like we're ripping down pride flags or, or posted on there. They posted on their Facebook page.

Like it may be pride, but you know, we're selling exclusively to the straight customers, you know, like it was homophobic. So then everyone was flooding their Google reviews with, um, one star reviews.

So I joined in and my name came up. So then they found me on Instagram and wrote, like wrote mestar reviews. So I joined in. Oh, God. And my name came up. So then they found me on Instagram and wrote me this horrific message. Like, fuck you, fuck you. Can you bring it up? Oh, no, this wasn't this year. This was a couple years ago. I was going to say, I don't remember hearing about this awful cafe. And the reason I remember it is because the other day I saw it pop up in my Facebook feed

because I followed the page. Why did you follow the page? That's rewarding them. I know. I know. I'm going to have to Google it. It's because the other day I saw it pop up in my Facebook feed because I followed the page. Why did you follow the page? That's rewarding them. I know. I know. I'm going to have to Google it. Hold on. Yes, here it is.

3rd of November 2022. Sorry, 2020. Oh, so this is ages ago. Sydney restaurateur, oh, here it was, declares Trump safe zone and serves homophobic slurs. Oh, now I do remember that. A vegan restaurant owner in Sydney has courted backlash after declaring his restaurant was a Donald Trump safe zone, inviting patrons for pancakes with a side of racism

and using homophobic slurs on social media. Removed pride flags, yes. Calling people awful, awful, awful, awful. Anyway, people were just – oh, Halen Harty was his name. Halen Harty, Darlinghurst, if you want to get across it. Oh God, don't add fuel to the fire now. Don't reignite it. Yeah, no, he's probably changed his ways and we're going to be like, you fucker. I just feel like, why would you bother putting that out there? How on earth is it going to

be received other than that? You're going to get flooded with bad reviews. I've just Googled it. Halen Harty, read that red out loud. What does it say in red? Permanently closed. Fuck yes! Do you know what else is permanently closed? And this is absolutely old news, but I only just found out and I'm shattered. Yeah. You know that Harbour Bridge walk during Sydney Pride? Oh, where you walk over the Harbour Bridge? Yeah.

The Pride march thing. We got to the other end near the domain and Sean and I were like, let's go to the Lindt Cafe in Martin Place. That is the best hot chocolate. Yeah. It's been closed since 2021 or maybe even 2020. Shit. I didn't know that. Yeah. Apparently COVID meant that there wasn't any foot traffic in Martin Place.

So they just called it a day. Isn't that funny? It's not funny. No, no, no. I mean. I was shattered. No, the Lint Cafe. If you don't know about Sydney's Lint Cafe, it had the siege.

Oh, yes. Of course. People might not know, but I was so scared to go back in. No, it was a bit eerie the first time I went in, but I'm like, they shouldn't be punished for what happened inside the cafe. They shouldn't. Fucking hell, it was the best hot chocolate ever. Lindt hot chocolates are fucking good.

I love the Santuro hot chocolates. You get the Mexican one. It's literally a block of Cadbury chocolate melted into a cup. What did you say it was called? Sanchuro. Oh, I've never even heard of them. Sanchuro? Yeah.

It's a better version of Max Brenner. Really? Yeah, maybe Sanchuro shut down. I haven't had one in years, actually. Is Sanchuro shut? I don't know. You're telling the story. Oh, God.

I'm going to Google it. Now, this weekend, Mitchell, I'm throwing a party. Yeah, thanks so much for changing the date. Now I've got no time to think of a costume. Are you against changing the date? Shut up. Yeah, good call. Oh, my God, this is so funny.

There's only a San Churro in Miranda, which is where I grew up. There's only a San Churro in Glebe, which is where I've just moved from. There you go, everyone. There's my suburb. And then there's another one in Macquarie Park. That's where I work, live, and where I used to live. No wonder I think it's big. There's no other locations.

So in your specific bubble, it's business as usual, but I've never heard of this place. I don't even recognize the logo. No. San Churro is the best. Look at it, Mitch. Cookie, but they'd have good protein balls too You'll love this place Delicious drinks

They do churros That makes sense I'm going to get you up the menu because there's a hot chocolate I hope there's photos And it's just melted chocolate I can just take your word for it Hot chocolates look Normal hot chocolates

Thick Spanish. I said Mexican. And it is literally just hot chocolate. Sounds like something you could easily DIY. Yeah. Just melt a bit of chocolate. $7.50. Fuck.

Not in this economy. Not in this climate. Not in this climate, no. No. Anyway, for my fellow Sanchuro lovers. Vale, obviously. Sanchuro. No, it's around.

Just my hub. So I'm having a party this weekend. It's like a housewarming ex Hayden's birthday. And the theme is Barbie. If it's a housewarming, does that mean I have to bring something like a gift? What do you need? No, I did get you a housewarming gift. You did too.

Yeah. Yeah. Some candles. What do you need? And you said it was your favourite. Oh, yeah. It's one of those ones that I don't like to burn often because I want to savour it. It's gorgeous. We still have the tea towel you gave us last time, so we don't need one until that burns down. I could have sworn you told me that you did burn the tea towel that I got you. Oh no, it's got burn marks on it. I was just sort of

meaning until it dies. Okay. You couldn't do with another tea towel? Oh maybe. I'm not going to't do with another tea towel? Oh, maybe. I mean, I'm not going to say no to another tea towel. Well, what do you actually need? Like, housewarming's the weird ones where if you get something, there's a risk they've already got it. Like, you don't want two toasters. I love a Dyson vacuum.

Are you joking? For someone who got me a phone call with Tim Dormer for my birthday, I'm not buying your fucking $500 Dyson vacuum. Is that what I did? Yes. And you said, I know you're a huge fan, so I've got you a surprise. And I'm like, I've met this man multiple times. Oh, you think it's funny, do you? I think it's actually very funny. I forget that I did that.

What did he even say? What did we even talk to him about? Yeah, you're good at forgetting. I really am. What did we even talk to him about? Yeah, you're good at forgetting. I really am. What did we even talk to him about? Not much. Not much. Because your stupid stunt came unstuck when I pointed out that I have met this man before

and it's not a birthday surprise. I went to the bathroom and you and Jenna panicked because you'd forgotten the birthday and you went into your contacts and just found the first person that you knew would pick up and it was Tim Dormer. And then you tried to gaslight me and say, I know you're a huge fan. I was like, when have I ever said that? Oh, that's really funny. Yeah.

Fuck, I forget I did that. Well, get to make good this year. When's my birthday again? June. No. July. Yep. And then Jenna played me a song on the recorder, which I bought for her.

I'm not laughing at that day. It was hilarious how you thought that I was just going to go along with it and be like, oh, wow, this is my surprise. Like, in what world was that going to work? You want to know? Where I go, you're right, I am a big fan of Tim Dorma, even though I've never, ever uttered those words. For the first time ever.

Bad call. Yeah, why am I always so agree? I agree with everything. I should go bad call. Yeah, pushback. Bad call. Horrible call. In fact, one of the worst calls.

Yeah. I didn't realise how big Selena Gomez was. All this Hayley Baldwin beef. Everyone's like Team Selena. Yeah. Are you across that? I feel like you're a Selena fan. Yeah, I can't help but be

across it because it's all over everywhere. But I just don't give a shit. I don't give a shit about Bieber and Selena. Just let it die. That relationship. It's not 2016. I know. Also, the poor girl's very unwell. Don't add more stress to her life.

I just saw she posted on Instagram. Oh, what did she do? Is that with her boobs out? No. She's like, she was meant to be taking a break from social media and she just was at the top of my feed before. Yeah, one day ago. Oh, you already liked it.

Yeah, you've seen it. Her boobs are out, right? Hardly. She's just got cleavage. Isn't that funny that you said you've already seen it? You always come up on my feed because your little profile icon is so distinct. Do I come up too on yours? Like when it says Mitch Turi and

14 others have liked this post. Yeah. Your head is always there. I saw a thing the other day. It was like if you press and hold, you know the little paper plane icon on Instagram if you want to forward a post to someone? Yeah. If you press and hold on that, the four people that pop up are the four most important people

in your life. You're kidding. Do you want to see who I got? Oh, yeah. I got Sean, Oscar, Andrew, and you. Oh. I was like, it's not far off. Okay.

So you go to Instagram. The little paper plane, like you're about to forward it. Instead of just hitting it, you press and hold. Okay. I better be one of yours. I swear to fuck. Hay little paper plane like you're about to forward it. Instead of just hitting it, you press and hold. Okay. I better be one of yours. I swear to fuck. Hayden. Producer Flipper, who we just met.

Yep. Because I send her stuff for the shows. Mitchell Coombs. And my mother, Michelle. Well, you can't argue with that, can you? Do you follow my mother, Michelle? I don't think so. Oh, I just sent her that post, which was the doll Megan.

I just sent my mum the post. Oh, she'll freak out. Oh, God. It's Megan, the creepy killer that post, which was the doll Megan. I just sent my mum the post. Oh, she'll freak out. Oh, God. It's Megan, the creepy killer doll. So who is it? Megan. Now who? Yeah, it's...

Did you see that movie, Megan, with the creepy doll? No. That doesn't interest me. It was ridiculous. It was so funny. It was meant to be a horror movie, but it was so ridiculous that we were just laughing in the cinema. Hayden saw it and said he loved it, thought it was great.

Yeah, it was like one of those horror movies that you can't take seriously at all, which is my favourite. Is that noise you hear? Yeah, it's like a buzzing. It's like a didgeridoo. Not really. I've never heard that. Where is that coming from? Let me put my mic down there so we can hear it. Sounds like a fan of sorts.

Yeah, what is that? It sounds like there's a bee trapped under the desk. Oh my God. In my new place, I have a herb garden. Are we just going to carry on with the bee swarm? Just ignore it? I don't think it's a bee. Imagine if the studio just exploded. Be a nice way to go. We died doing what we loved. Look at my herb garden. Oh, my God.

What? When did you turn 50? I swear to God. What do you mean? You don't like it? It's not that I don't like it. I didn't think I'd be having this conversation with you when we're still in our 20s. Look at my herb garden.

If you had a garden, you'd have herbs. I don't know. Would I? Maybe. Are they easy to maintain or can you easily kill them? You can easily kill them. If they're high maintenance, I'm out. No, you can kill them.

Sean got me a plant for Christmas. I think it was an orchid. Oh, yeah. And he prefaced with, these ones are impossible to kill. And yet I managed. You killed it? Yes. Did you not water it? Is that the problem? Well, you're only meant to water it once a week, maybe twice and not give it too much sun, but still give it some sun. And so the leaves that are usually green have gone white because I gave it too much sun. So how can that be? It was inside with no direct exposure to sunlight.

I'm trying to keep myself alive. I don't have the time to worry about a plant. It's a blessing in disguise that because I have a cat, most of my plants are fake because it means that I don't have to actually water them. Like, I went to Bunnings trying to get new house plates. Every single one I liked, I googled, is it toxic to cats? And the answer was yes. Really?

I've had to opt for fake plants so as not to murder my daughter. Yeah. We have an air purifier in our house and it's so funny. We only just got it when I had COVID for the second time. And it goes- Oh, the bees have stopped. Oh, thank God. Yeah, they have.

Oh. Good for them. Yeah. And it's got a LED ring on it and blue means pure air. Clean, no problem. It's quiet. Orange means like, oh yeah, there's some pollutants in on it, and blue means pure air. Clean, no problem, and it's quiet. Orange means like, oh, yeah, there's some pollutants in there. This air's a bit fucked. Red means like you have fucking shat your pants,

and we need to filter out the poo. I've got an air purifier, but it does not tell me that. I almost don't want to know. Oh, no, you don't want to know. It's embarrassing. It's embarrassing. The other day, Hayden and I were building a dining room table, and I farted.

And I had a laugh because I was getting up and down, and then all we hear is. Oh, my God. The air purifies. We can't purify this. Went bright red. What the fuck kind of rancid air are you carting around? That's alarming.

It was death air. I really do not want to get to the point in my relationship where I am comfortable farting in front of him. I don't want to get there. And I don't want him to fart in front of me. It's going to happen. No. It will. We're too crisp for that. I'm't want to get there. Mitchell, it's going to happen. No. It will.

We're too crisp for that. I'm telling you it will. How long did it take you? A day? I think it happened on the first day. Oh my God. We had pizza. We had to walk up a hill. Fart in front of them. That's... You do. Why? It just happens. It's natural. There's a level of comfort that comes

with, you know, four years. Yeah, okay. I can understand the level of comfort thing. But what about the level of respect? Yes, we're lacking. That comes with not farting in front of each other. We are lacking in that department. You actually can control the fart in a way.

Yes, you can. You can't suck it, but it's got to go out at some point. Although there has been times in my life where you really need to fart. You kind of push it back up and then it goes and you never fart again. I'm like, where is that air? Did you ever wonder that? Maybe that's why it comes out so rancid, according to Purifier. Yeah, these are 1995 farts.

Hayden and I have started this really cute thing. We're in our new kitchen. We have like a glass splash back. They're a nightmare. Why? Because the nightmare are constantly cleaned. Oh, yes, they are. You're right.

You splash a bit of Dalmio on there every fucking day. Why bother cleaning it? I know. It's going to get dirty again. It is and it's white. You're right. You splash a bit of Dalmio on there every fucking day. Why bother cleaning it? I know. It's going to get dirty again. It's white. It's a pain in the fucking ass. But anyway, I got for Hayden's birthday whiteboard markers just to write a nice birthday message on the splashback, like, happy birthday, love you.

That is cute. It's cute. And anyway, every morning since then, he wrote one the next day to me. And then the next day, I, so every morning we're both writing each other a message. They're really cute. Like he had a word. Wait, wait, wait. Do you leave the house before or after him?

He wakes up every morning and then I will come down two hours later because I work at night and he leaves at 8am. So there is a crossover where you're not both home at the same time. So you rub his message out and then write your own so when he gets home. Yes. And then there's a little gag that we both don't know who wrote them. We're like, oh, who wrote it? It's so stupid.

We're like the fairies. One of these days you should just confuse him and write, pack your shit and get out. Break up with him on the glass. A pair of whiteboard. Or just be like, it's a murderer. Mitch is dead in the house somewhere behind you. It might really fuck him. Anyway, we've been doing it for like two weeks now and it's gotten to the point where it's

like, there's not much happening in the house. So all I did was write house level unpacked 87% to like remind him that we still need to unpack. Oh. Wasn't even a beautiful message. Well, how rude. Imagine him just walking into the kitchen going, I can't wait to have my heart warmed by some beautiful message.

And it was that. On Oscars Day, he wrote, congratulations to everything, everywhere, all at once for seven Oscar noms. Oh, God. It's just a fucking bulletin board now. Next week, our neighbors will be putting their free grand pianos on there. You should write like for a TBH on there. And then ideally he'll come home and just write like.

That's really funny. All right, I'm going to do that. Yeah, you better. See what he says. Yeah. Or on the party, you can write something. Am I entitled to get in on this? Of course you can.

Is that kind of like third wheel territory? This is a cute couple thing. No, you're in my top four airplane people. You, Mum. Who else? Tony and Hayden. Will Tony and Mum be at this party? Tony will be at the party.

Great. I'll be fighting her for the fucking whiteboard marker thing. Take it. All right, shall we head? Beg yours. We gotta go. Yeah, that's fine. Oh, don't! I want to kick that little bitch. Yeah, that's fine. Oh, don't!

I want to kick that little bitch. Sorry, that was very aggressive. No, but you understand where I'm coming from now, because every single person sitting next to me wanted to kick this little bitch, which is not a normal way to feel around a child. That just shows how fucking annoying she was. They were also giving out Meghan Trainor CDs at the concert, and I was so tempted to put my hand up, grab that CD

and just snap it in front of the child because she, again, wanted the CD and, God, didn't we hear about it? Did she get it? No. Who took it? Suck shit. Who took it? Oh, no, they only had like five CDs.

They were throwing them at everyone. And this bitch was screaming that she wanted one. Oh, really? Me! I want one! How! I want one! How old was this girl? Nine, probably. Too old for that behaviour.

Well, that's what I thought. My mother would never have let me get away with that shit. No. I went to the taping of Australia's Funny Time videos for my 10th birthday and I wasn't yelling out for Tony Perrin the whole fucking night. Tony! Tony! I want one!

Stop it! Alright, let's go home. Did I already do the 3% thing? No. Should we call Jenna just to get her to say, so we do? That was quick. Don't say hello. She was already on.

Hello? Anyway, we hope this podcast made you feel at least 3% better today. That's all. So we do. Just hang up. Yeah, she's gone. All right right we'll see you next week see you guys is it just me a podcast by a couple of mitches make sure you hit follow on your podcast app