Is It Just Me? - #148: Life Update x

Episode Date: June 12, 2023

It’s been an ✨interesting✨ few weeks for Churi and now he’s ready to fill you in.   In this episode: Airport lounges are overhyped (06:28) Swearing in front of kids (16:57) Have we been saying “Vale” wrong? (20:42) Reuben Kaye joins us! (25:33) Churi’s life update (45:20) Our “Secret Segment” ADDebrief (1:02:02)   Hit us up: @coupleofmitches Send us a text: 0422 948 202See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is Is It Just Me? Hosted by a couple of Mitches. Hello, you. Hello, you. Go! Brace yourself for the rude shocks of young adulthood. Oh, please, you're in bed with a cup of bloody Horlicks by 8. What's Horlicks?

It puts you to sleep. It's like a malt drink. Sounds like a slur. Oh, I've heard that Horlicks. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Now, here's Mitch Chudy and Mitchell Coombs. Sounds like a slur. Oh, I've heard that whore licks. Now here's Mitch Chudy and Mitchell Coombs. Hello, you. Hello, you. Hello.

I'm fucking knackered this week, I've got to tell you. Oh, my God, I am. My life is in disarray. I feel so out of it. Why are you? What's wrong with you? Oh, just if I never get on a flight for the rest of the year, I'll be quite happy. Yeah, you're a jet setter. You've been to the Red Centre.

Oh, yeah, I just got back from Darwin and Uluru, which, don't get me wrong, was absolutely wonderful. Huge bucket list thing. I fucking adored it. But, yeah, the week before was the Melbourne Comedy Festival, and so there's just been a lot of getting up early, getting on flights, and it really, really knocks me round. Yeah, but there's a period coming up where it's a bit chill, right? Yes. You're telling me that it calms down in a couple of weeks. Although, heading back home to Bougainvillea this weekend, that's a long drive. Oh, my.

How long is the drive? And then my sister's 30th the following weekend. Oh, God. Yeah. Is she not even fucking 30 yet? I know, right? She's got three children. Yes.

And she's only just turning 30. That's my point. She's Jenna's age. Oh, my God. She is Jenna's age. Of course, Pricekeeper Jenna, not here on the show. She's my point. She's Jenna's age. Oh my god, she is Jenna's age. Of course, Price Keeper Jenna, not here on the show. She's on strike. Yeah, I think she might be a bit shitty with us. Yeah, and rightly so.

Because you might remember last year, remember how I made a big dramatic song and dance about the fact that you and Jenna forgot my birthday? I've just forgotten it. I've worked for months with my therapist to not remember that incident. But yes, I do. Yeah. And I was like so dramatic and took it so personally. We fucking forgot to acknowledge Jenna's 30th birthday on last week's episode. I know.

And now she's not here. No, we didn't forget her birthday. We celebrated her on the day. We got her gifts. We spoke to her. But we didn't do it on the episode that dropped a couple days before. I know. I got it wrong because I actually

did think to myself, maybe two episodes ago, oh shit, Jenna's birthday's coming up. She's mid-June, I think. Yeah, I've got plenty of time to organise something. And then it just crept up on us. She was 4th of June, which is not mid-June. I was close. Early June. I was close. So we just accidentally missed it.

And then I was going to make up for it this week. I brought chocolates for her. Oh. But no, she's taken it personally. She's not here. Jenna's on strike. Can you believe that? I mean, I know how she feels.

No, don't bring that up. If any, okay, come my birthday this September 30, just forget mine. And we're even. And then we're all even. We would never do such a thing. We would never forget your birthday. Rachel, you said that. You go, we would never forget your birthday or Jenna's.

And then we fucking did it. Yeah, I'm sensing a pattern. You were involved in both forgetting incidents. No, don't make it my fault, please. Well, yours is in a month, so fuck. We need to. July 25. You've got a bit of time.

Yeah, but still. I mean, it'll creep up on us. Well, happy birthday to Prizekeeper Jenna, guys. Send her a message. She's 30. Can you believe that? I actually can't. She looks so good for her age. Oh, God, yeah. We're not just groveling because we forgot her birthday. She also didn't do anything for her 30. Neither did Sean. Do people just get weird about turning 30? They don't want to draw attention to it. Oh, my God. I've already got the theme down for my birthday. Really? Yes. I'm not even joking. I'm not going to say it because it's so good.

No, wait. I feel like I don't want to celebrate my birthday at the moment because it's like 27, whatever. And even last year I was like 26, who cares? But 30, surely. That's like a milestone in a way. That's a big one. Well, I'm there soon. I actually have started thinking about it.

I'm 27 now, but I'm 28 in September. Fuck, we're old. We were young and successful. Now we're just middle-aged, boring people. September. Fuck, we're old. We were young and successful. Now we're just middle-aged boring people. I know. And like the whole bio for our podcast used to be surviving your 20s. Now we're going to be fucking too old for our own format. Oh my God. I know. Are we going to have to change the tagline when we hit 30? We're going to have to. No, you know what? Fuck that thinking. 30 is young. 30 is so young. It is.

Nothing changes from 29 to 30. So in my eyes, up until 35 we can still be young podcasters. Yeah, I think so. I think. Anyway, that's all ahead of us. Are you good otherwise? Yeah, no, I'm actually gorgeous. Good, good, good. It's going to be an interesting episode today. Jenna hates us. There's tension there. You've got some big news later, which is hardly fun. So I'm just doing fine by comparison, actually.

Listen, I got an announcement to make on the show today. And then just to lighten things up, Ruben K's coming on. What a mix, yeah. I know. It's going to be quite a rollercoaster today. Ruben K, hilarious. Would you call them, they're a cabaret sensation. It's not really drag.

Ruben doesn't do drag. I think he does, actually, technically. There was a viral video ages ago of children meeting a drag queen, and Ruben doesn't do drag. I think he does, actually, technically. Like, there was a viral video ages ago of, like, children meeting a drag queen, and Ruben was involved in that. But I've heard Ruben make the same joke where he is what you become when your parents tell you you can be anything, because he's a comedian, cabaret performer, like, just tick, tick, tick, all these different job titles you could put to his name. But he's fucking hilarious.

I think of him as a comedian, first and foremost. Well, if you don't know who Ruben Kaye is, they were in the news because of all the controversy around the joke they made on the project, the news show in Australia. Which I didn't think the joke was that bad. We'll address that with him later on. The joke was hilarious, but it upset a religious group. And they were, oh my God, they were vilified in the media for weeks. The project had to do an official apology.

It was such a rigmarole. I just realised that you're using they, them pronouns. Am I misgendering, Ruben? No, I just do it sometimes just to be safe. If in doubt? If in doubt, they, them, it out. I like that. But I've got their press release here.

Oh, I just checked Instagram. He, him. Okay, good, good, good. All right. Well, hey, I'm going to really double down now. That's a good rule of thumb. Even when I'm interviewing people, I say they because I don't want to get in trouble. Well, it made me shit myself and go, fuck, fuck, am I misgendering him?

No, I'm not. It's just easier to say they. All right, let's start the show. I'm nervous for my news. Oh, you'll be right. You got your pal Mitchell. Will you guide me through? Say yes.

Sounded a bit sexual. Oh. I'll guide you in. Can you put it in? Ew. I want to think about that. All right, let's go. Yeah, let's get into it. Say yes Sounded a bit sexual Oh I'll guide you in Can you put it in? Ew I want to think about that Alright let's go Yeah let's get into it

Let's start the show If it is your first time listening It's Is It Just Me A podcast What do I say again? Oh we start the show The same way every week Two Is It Just Me

One each We don't tell each other What it's going to be Correct Something we notice Something we hate or appreciate Correct You go first.

I've gone first the last couple of weeks. Sure. Okay. Here we go. Is it just me or? Are airport lounges bullshit? Oh, wait. No, I love airport lounges.

I thought you were going to go the other way. We've clearly been to different airport lounges. Are you talking about when you've got points and you can go into the fancy lounge? Or you just mean the gate? I don't have enough points to go into the fancy lounge. Oh, dear. But I've been catching a lot of flights recently, like I just said. Yeah.

And when I was flying back from Melbourne a couple of weeks ago, I had to get there quite early. And my comedy promoter, the guy that organizises all the bullshit for me, my comedy boss, if you like, he was with me and he was flying back to Adelaide, different flight, different lounge altogether. And I was like, oh, my God, I'm so tired. I could go have a nap in the airport. He goes, mate, why don't you just go into the lounge? And I was like, I don't think I'm allowed in there.

Don't you need heaps of points? I'm not quite there yet. And he goes, no, no, you can buy like a day pass. Yes, you can. He goes, it's probably around 30 bucks, which is what you'd pay for a meal and a coffee anyway in an airport. And so I was like, yeah, you know what? I bloody will.

That'd be nice. Oh, oh my God. False advertising. What do you mean? What do you mean? It was $64 to get in. And once I was in there, I was not happy. I was not fucking impressed with Melbourne's virgin domestic airport lounge.

Oh, it was virgin, was it? Wait, I've been to that one. That's beautiful. It's got the purple. It's got seats. In Melbourne? Yeah. No, it sucked.

Really? Maybe I'm thinking of the Sydney one. I went in there and I was like, 60 bucks. Okay, I'm going to have to fucking milk this buffet. Yeah. The buffet had a couple of measly bits of bacon left. Yeah. Nutri-grain.

They had a plate that said muffins that was empty. No muffins. Remove the sign at least. They had white bread that you put in that ridiculous conveyor belt toaster thing. Oh, it always needs three rounds. It always needs three. Always. And they didn't have three rounds. It always needs three. And they didn't have any other bread options, just white.

And then those stupid little Vegemite packet things. Oh, I need. And that's it. Yeah, I burn through those. And instant coffee. Oh, that is. That's it. That's really bad. When I think $64 buffet, I think fucking eggs that are scrambled, fried and poached.

Yeah. Several different types of toast. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was just pathetic. And also it was mostly tables and chairs. I couldn't lie down and have a nap. That's the whole reason I went in there. Yeah.

God, I feel I'm sad because I'm such an advocate for the lounges and I'm really sorry that you had that experience. It was shocking. Really? They did have a barista that I could access and I was trying to get my money's worth. I'm going to have to get quite a few coffees here. Yeah.

$64 worth. But I'd already had two before I got to the lounge. So I was getting real jittery. Yeah. But I was like, I've spent $64 to get in this fuckhole. That's 30 coffees. I'm going to have to make it worth my while. I don't care about the jitters and the heart palpitations.

But don't you think that it was nicer than sitting in the general lounge or the gate? No. No, really not worth it. If I went to, you know how they've got the gorgeous little beer gardens or like the little pubs almost within the airport normal lounge? That would have been a better breakfast than the fucking muck that I was served. Really? It was pathetic.

Oh, I feel sorry for you. So was that just a bad experience? Because like surely not all airport lounges are that povo. Well, I feel sorry for you. So was that just a bad experience? Because surely not all airport loungers are that povo. Well, here's a little hack. This is my wallet on my iPhone, ready? I have got, my dad is a silver member of Virgin. How much do you have to fly? Because in my mind, I thought, I've caught a lot of flights over the years.

Surely I'm getting up there. I've got fuck all points. Nowhere near. They regenerate every 12 months. It's called status credit. So you can get as many points as you want, but status is when you fly regularly. So if you don't fly every month, you're going to lose all your points. This whole time I thought, oh, I've been collecting them since 2016.

Surely I've got heaps of points. That makes sense. So I've got my dad's because he flies for work every week. So I buzz it and they go, Mr. Cheery, welcome. And I go into the Silver Lounge. I've got Qantas. I've got heaps of points. That makes sense. So I've got my dad's because he flies for work every week. So I buzz it and they go, Mr. Cheery, welcome. And I go into the Silver Lounge. I've got Qantas. I've got Virgin. Is Silver Lounge different to the one I went into?

No, but you get more benefits. You don't have to pay. And then I think you can get more alcohol. I don't know. Was there alcohol? There would have been free grog. It was 8 a.m., Mitchell. I wasn't looking for alcohol.

Sorry, true. I was looking for a fucking buffet breakfast and some coffee. Well, are you across the whole world of airline points? It's a whole industry in and of itself. You can get credit cards. All my friends do it. Now I'm heading into 30. Everyone's doing it. You get a high return credit card with Qantas frequent flyer points. I'm a virgin girl. Sorry. Well, yeah, but Qantas do international, you know, are you a virgin girl? That's interesting. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's my preference normally.

Really? Because Qantas have just been having so many PR nightmares recently. Like, I actually went on a date with someone who works in fucking PR at Qantas, and oh my God, I've never seen someone so stressed. Like, they're just constantly, I feel like more things go wrong. There's more cancellations, their customer service. I hear more horror stories from Qantas. They've had like a couple of mechanical issues too recently.

Yes, yes. There was one plane that got bogged in Rockhampton. How do you bog a plane? It's in the sky. How do you accidentally drive it off the runway into mud? We're stuck in sky mud. I was really sorry about this. Yeah, the whole new world of Qantas points.

If you've got Qantas tips actually, post them in the Facebook group because I'm kind of getting into it. You get a high point credit card and then every time you spend a dollar, you get two frequent flyer points. If you've got Qantas tips, actually, post them in the Facebook group because I'm kind of getting into it. You get a high point credit card and then every time you spend a dollar, you get two frequent flyer points. So if you're spending every day on your groceries, you're just earning points. So it's a whole thing. And then people end up after a year getting, that's how people fly first class. Who can afford that? They use points over five years and then do one big international trip first class with points. Shit. What if they do the same thing for Virgin.

Who knows? But you can't even get a fucking muffin, let alone a free first class flight. So I don't think that's for you. I did have to cheat on my girl Virgin and fly Qantas when I went to Northern Territory because the only flight they had from Darwin to Alice Springs, because I flew from Darwin to Alice Springs and then drove to Uluru, the only flight they had was a Qantas link, which by the way, y'all slept on Qantas link.uru. The only flight they had was a Qantas link, which, by the way, y'all slept on Qantas link. They're fucking so much better than a normal Qantas.

No, they're tiny. They're small planes with propellers. But only two seats in the row, so there's no middle seat. Sean and I got to sit next to each other, and I feel that it was, despite being a smaller plane, I think it was more spacious than a normal flight. I don't fit on those planes. I'm too tall.

I have to crouch down. I flew to Hamilton Island on one, and I did not fit in the plane. Really? Because I actually loved it. I was like, I want to get more tiny planes. No, I feel like I'm about to die. You can see the propeller out the window. There's nothing comforting about a spinning blade 4,000 feet in the air.

Sean's catching a Rex flight. Oh, no. To Bougainvillea. When I go home over the long weekend. It was nice knowing him. Because he can't come with me. And apparently Rex flights are like a lawnmower with wings. Apparently they're terrifying.

Rex is. Rex. I don't even think. Regional Express is what it stands for. Yeah, but I thought Rex only did cargo. I didn't think it had actual bodies on it. I thought it did like. No, that's how you fly to random places.

When we got my dog from Casino, far north Queensland. Why'd you have to go to Casino for a dog? That's where the bre north Queensland. Why'd you have to go to a casino for a dog? That's where the breeder was. Why'd you have to go to that breeder? I wanted that dog. And they flew him in a Rex down to Sydney. We picked him up at the airport. Oh, you didn't fly and pick him up?

No, he flew down. That's why he's got high-functioning dog anxiety, because he was on a fucking Rex plane at a puppy's age. That is just mind-blowing to me because, firstly, I'm very pro adopt, don't shop. You could have fucking adopted something from the pound in Sydney that didn't have horrific anxiety. It was 13 years ago. Times were different.

I would adopt now. I think there were still dogs for adoption 13 years ago. I was 10. I was a kid. Were there really no breeders in Sydney? I've got so many questions about this. You know what? I'll go into it if you want to.

Hamish, my family dog, was like the OG Cavoodle. Everyone's got Cavoodles now. All our gay friends have Cavoodles. Everyone has Cavoodles. They're all three, four, five years old. Hamish is 13 years old. And why did the Chiris have their hearts set on a Cavoodle? They didn't.

I did. Because I'm a nutso kid and I wanted a dog my whole life. So I researched for years. And this new breed, the cockapoo from America, and one of the only places to get it was in casino at the time. It's so random. I'm not even joking. Hamish gets stopped on the street by my mum, this is true,

and people ask if they can breed with him because he's such a pure Cavoodle. Is he defected? Cavoodles now are rats. Yeah, he's nuts, cut off. But there's been so many disgusting breeds of Cavoodles that they're skinny and runty. Hamish is gorgeous. He's got the long, long poodle legs, the cute cavalier face.

He's the perfect Cavoodle. I don't think I want to know how much that cost to import him from Casino. You want to know how much he was? Hand on heart, he was $1,000. I've heard of people paying way more than that, so that's okay. He had a hernia, so we got him 50% off. He was $500. And then the hernia dissolved.

We didn't even have to get surgery. Oh, my God. I know. Isn't that the best? I didn't know you were such a dog nerd. I'm not, but I just know all this information because I really wanted a dog when I was a kid. But in the process of Googling, where do I get a rare Cavoodle? When you realize there's only one in Casino, wouldn't you or your parents go,

no, we can't be fucked going ahead with this. But you were so determined to get that particular breed. Have I not shown you the photos, Mitchell? I don't know. I was neurotic about getting the perfect dog because I didn't have a brother and all I wanted was a brother. And my parents were like, we're not fucking having a kid. And I go, I want a dog.

So the agreement was I'd get a dog. How is a dog adjacent to a brother? It was a boy. And I was 10 years old. I thought a boy will, you know, a boy will make me feel like I've to a brother It was a boy And I was 10 years old I thought a boy will You know A boy will make me feel Like I've got a brother Anyway This breeder

I wanted the cutest dog In the world And I was such an Awful person to this breeder What? Waylist and breeder How old were you? Well it was 13 years ago

So I would have been What's that? I don't know That's why I asked I should remember On 27 minus 13 You were 14 I was 14

Oh that's a painful age. So I said to the breeder, hi, considering we are importing this cavoodle, I'd like photos for you to prove the size and weight of this dog. So she, I've got the photos. It's a Facebook album I made when I was a kid. Show us. This is him on his farm in Casino. Oh, I got a dog that looked just like that from RSPCA and Dubbo, mate.

You wasted your fucking money. You did not. Look at this. I said, I think he looks too big. Put him next to something that I have reference for for scale. So she took a photo next to him with a can of food. Oh, that's so cute. Sent him next to a little can of chum or something.

A little can of chum. She was terrified of me. She's like, yes, Mitchell, any other photos you'd like? Anyway, Hamish is still kicking everybody. He's cute. He's a little bit more grey now. He's a grey 13-year-old Covertle, the oldest Covertle in town. All right.

Well, long story short. Yeah, no, I wasn't impressed with the airport lounge. That's all I've got to say. Okay, all right. They're overhyped. Give another crack. Yeah. All right, you ready for my agent?

Yep, hit me. Is it just me or? Is it okay to swear? Yes. In front of young children? Oh, God. I mean, I personally don't care, but one of these days a parent's going to take issue. Yeah. Even on the flight, I think it was the QantasLink flight I just mentioned, the flight from Darwin to Alice Springs, I said something about like, oh, suck my ass.

I love this flight. And then Sean was like, keep your voice down. Oh, right. Yeah. Because there was a child perilously close to us. And he's polite, of course. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He would not like that.

Well, the reason I bring this up is because, and I'm not going to endorse running around in front of children swearing your ass off. G'day, slut. Yeah. Hello, cunt face. Is that a rustic? You're chewing on your little poof? I would never say that.

On the podcast, yes, but never to a child. My friend called me. You know this person, Gordie. He works at Chris FM. He called me the other day just to have a chat. And he's driving and we're talking for a good five minutes. And then I say something like, oh, that's fucking awful. And I don't have a potty mouth, but I'm not afraid to swear.

I swear in conversation. You've definitely gotten worse in the time we've been friends. You've influenced me, I think. I was going to say, I'll cop that blame. I reckon that's my fault. I never used to swear, but I do a lot now. And Gordy goes, oh, bub's in the car, man. And I go, oh, sorry.

Sorry, all good. So we keep talking. A couple of minutes pass. And then towards the end of the chat, we're wrapping up, and I'm doing other things. And I go, all right, mate, see, you know, that's a fucking awful story. But you know what? You made it through all the shit. And then he the end of the chat, we're wrapping up, but I'm doing other things. And I go, all right, mate, see, that's a fucking awful story, but you know what? You made it through all the shit.

And then he pauses and he goes, yeah, no worries, Gordon Ramsay. Didn't realize you were that vulgar. Thanks a lot, mate. And sort of ends it on a grumpy note. And I go, wait, I didn't think it was that bad. I felt really bad. So I sent an apology message. Also, who the fuck is Gordy pretending he is? He swears

as much as anyone in his office. I know, but to be his credit and his defence, he's got a kid. He's a dad now. He's got different priorities. I suppose. And, oh yeah, it's been a few years. The kid would be old enough to actually recognise those sorts of words and start repeating them. Swear words, yeah.

Beautiful girl's about three. Yeah, okay, no. She'd start repeating what she hears. I love that sweet spot when a child is a newborn and you can still swear around them. Yeah. I was holding my sister's kids being like, G'day, fuckface, how are you? Totally.

It's so fun. Oh, my God, my God, sons. The catchphrase of my mum, my mum just turned 60 and her catchphrase is shit Michelle. She's got her own catchphrase because my dad says it in every situation. Oh, shit Michelle. The car breaks down, shit Michelle. Or he got her own catchphrase. Because my dad says it in every situation. Oh shit Michelle. The car breaks down. Shit Michelle.

Or he doesn't have cash when we want to go to a burger restaurant. Shit Michelle. It's never even mum's fault. The fucking $14,000 Cavoodle has a hernia. Oh shit Michelle. And my god sons Harrison and Fletcher who are 10 and 6, 7 will start saying shit Michelle. And it's

hilarious. And their mum, my cousin and their dad, they don't care. It's hilarious. They're not going to grow up to be serial killers because they know the word shit. I think it's fine if kids swear as long as your parent teaches them, okay, these are at home words, but these are not for at school words or out in public words. Because like if a kid starts getting lippy at school, they're going to be like, okay, that's not good. The kid might get in trouble off the school or whatever it may be. But as long as, you know, they are taught that these words are okay

to use around the family but not around other people, then surely that's okay. That's hilarious. Yeah. Like I want a funny kid. I don't want a boring conservative kid. It does take me at least a few hours. When I first start hanging out with my nieces and nephews,

it takes me a little while to remember. It takes the first few fucks before I go, oh, God, it sinks in. I can't say that one. Now, I'm all for – no, sorry. I was going to say I'm all for fucking in front of children. That's not what I meant. That's not what I meant. I would have thought not.

No, move on. Is it just me? That's enough of these two. Now let's hear an is it just you? All right, time for an is it just you. Something you've noticed, you hate or appreciate. We do too. We've just done them.

Now it's your turn, bitch. Yeah, you can hit us up on the DMs. Couple of Mitches. Slide in. Or make sure they can text us at... 0412 712 092. Now that phone I will say we have an IJM phone like a hotline

like a bat phone and they go straight to it. It's not another phone not a private phone. You can text as much as you want don't be afraid. Even if you want to say hi or you have thoughts on the show or questions about the show Yeah it doesn't just have to be if you've got an is it just you. You can just fucking send your thoughts. Yeah. Anything you think of during the show.

And also, if you want to do an Is It Just You, send a voice message. If you're too shy to come on the phone, that's fine. Oh, that's a good point. We have done a lot of phone calls recently. I'm loving it. I love it so much. You love a good phone call, as we know. But we'll do voice notes as well if you don't want to come on and have a chat.

So, fine. That number once again, Mitch, what was it? 0412 712 092. Shit, you've got a good memory. I can't even remember my own number. It's because I've said it a few times and then had to listen to the edit back. I've just heard myself say it enough. It's been drilled in.

Okay. Well, Denny is coming to us from New South Wales. She's in Newcastle. Hello, Denny. Hi, honey. Hello. Hello, boys. How the hell are you?

How long have you been listening to the show? What's the goss? Oh, boys. How the hell are you? How long have you been listening to the show? What's the goss? Oh, gosh. I think I started listening during what a couple of other favourite podcasters of mine called The Great Quar. That's when I really got into podcasts then. The Great Car? The Great Quar, as in quarantine. Oh, I like that. The Great Quar, yes. You found us during quarantine. A lot of people found us during quarantine. Oh. I like that. Yes, a great qua.

Yes. You found us during quarantine. A lot of people found us during quarantine on TikTok. I like it. Yeah, that's very fun. Well, all right. Well, Bradley, we'll count you in. Hit us with your Is It Just Me?

Okay? Okay. Is it just me? Oh. Was it not until listening to this podcast two weeks ago that you realised valet was pronounced valet and you've been saying veil all this time? As in when someone's dead and they put like veil, shame on.

It's like condolences, yeah. Yes, and I swear to God I have said it at like... Wakes? ...general and stuff. Yeah, wakes, wakes. Who said it on this show? I think I have said it at like funerals and stuff. Yeah, wakes, wakes. Who said it on this show? I think I've said it quite a few times. Callum said it.

I think a couple of weeks ago, yeah, when Callum was on. Yeah, I can't remember when. So it's actually like an in-joke with some friends of mine. We just go, oh, valet, obviously. Because you don't really say the word valet out loud. It's just written on the news and shit, the funeral programs, stuff like that. You don't hear it said out loud often.

But my friends and I always go, valet, obviously. And then obviously that's crept its way into my vocabulary. Yeah. And then I must have dropped it a couple of times on the show because when I heard Callum, when he was in the studio, say valet, obviously, I was like, fuck me, it's spreading. It's spread. You must have said it.

But I think it's one of those words that the Aussie accent just doesn't do justice for. Valet. Valet. Yeah, now valet. But if we're French, valet. Valet. Do you know what, though? I remember Googling it once, and you know how rosé has the E with a flick on it?

Yeah. Valet doesn't, so I could be wrong. It could be veil. It could be. Maybe I'm saying it wrong. Jenny, do you know the right pronunciation? What have you been saying? You've been saying Vale.

Vale. Vale, yeah. The way you say it too is so impressive. Oh, no. I've got such a Bogan accent and I have a lot of friends and family that call me like Kimberley Neal Craig's teenage love child. Oh, I love that. You're epony.

Yes, yes. I'm a little epony. Right. But, yeah, I think I just confuse a lot of people with things that I say, so they've probably heard it and they've just gone, what? Okay. Nah, it'll make you feel better because I don't think anyone knows the correct pronunciation, so I would never call anyone out.

If someone said to me, no, veil, I wouldn't go, it's valet. Apparently it means farewell in Latin, so maybe it doesn't need the little flick on the E to be valet. Hold on. There's a YouTube that does pronunciations. I'm going to get it up. Valet in Spanish. In Spain, this is valet.

Spanish? We're talking about Latin. I'm turning him off. I don't understand that. I don't understand. Shut up! Alright, Danny, thanks for your region. We got nowhere and we have helped you and we've wasted your time.

I'm glad I taught you something. Thank you, Beau. Don't forget to hit up Prizekeeper Jenna for your prize. Even though she's on strike today, she will be resuming her prizekeeping duties. Alright, will do. Thanks, Danny. And if you want to get in touch, Mitchell, that number once again is? 0412 712 092.

Send us a text. We'll get you on the show. Okay, Mitchell, I'm so excited for our guest today. Truly, truly one of the greats and someone that we were meant to have on the show. Yeah. Quite a while ago. It's been a long time coming. A long time coming.

The one and only Ruben Kay is here. Hello, Ruben. Hello, gorgeous. Oh, it feels so good to be finally here. Oh, they tried to silence you. We were meant to have you on this podcast the same week that you were on the project. Yeah, no, some people might have missed that, but yeah, a little something happened after your project appearance, didn't it?

What happened? Did you and Willie Darley not get along or something? I just think you're not doing something right. You're not doing anything right if you're not pissing someone off. And it was lovely for me to be back in the muzzle for once. I can imagine. So hold on. Are you happy to tell the joke you told on the project

or do we not go back to that stuff? I've been telling that joke for about eight years. Because I love Jesus. I love any man who can get nailed for three days straight And come back for more And all the hosts on the project laughed along Didn't have an issue Yeah, yeah, yeah Well, of course, because it's a funny joke

It's a funny joke But if you take it out of context What you see is someone queer sort of poking a bear And what I set up in the joke prior was that this is actually about me receiving hate from Christian people who use Jesus's name as a way to, as you know, gets done, use Jesus's name as a way to rile up abuse or hatred of queer people. So I told a joke, but it's also a joke that has existed in many forms before, and I am not the first comedian to, you know,

go after or poke fun at Christianity, but I do happen to be a visibly queer one. Yeah. So I feel like sometimes it's a case of they don't care what the joke is, they just might care a bit about who's telling it. Yeah. Yeah. You're an easy target for them.

It's just like I've just learnt myself. You just don't go there when it comes to religious jokes. I worked here at KISS FM at the same time that Kyle Sanderlands made a joke about Virgin Mary. There were protesters out the front of the station holding signs. Mitch was getting calls to his time slot at night with bomb threats and stuff. So it's just like even if you think of a real zinger, if you think it's harmless, just don't go there when it comes

to religion, I find. I also think there's an element of people want to live in a free and open society of tolerance, but only if views that they find distasteful are not tolerated. You know, personally, to have a tolerant society means that the one thing you can't be tolerant of is intolerance. Wow. It's an interesting time.

I mean, we've gone very heavy in. I know, I love it. Yeah, we're all funny people, I swear to God. We will get there, but let's talk about Ukraine, Ruben. Okay, let's go. I've got some thoughts. I'm the only man less likely to pull out than Putin. Let's go.

Can I just say, by the way, I was there at the Sydney Comedy Festival showcase, which you emceed that night. And some of the jokes you made that night, I was like, that makes the Jesus joke on the project seem very fucking tame. Child's play. Yeah. This is the thing that I'm amazed at. Of all the horrible, awful, terrible, disgusting things that come out of my mouth and sometimes go into it. This is the thing? This is the thing that got me in trouble?

It doesn't even have a swear word in it. It's technically a pun. At best, it's a dad joke. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It worked. Can you talk me through quickly how a PR crisis like that unfolds? Do you know instantly? Do you know in an hour?

When does it? Yeah, how does it, do the producers go, Ruben, thanks for having you on, we'll get you back on another time, and then does it unfold the following days? Can you refresh your Instagram and go, oh, fuck. Yeah, yeah. I think we came off, everything was la-di-da, shook hands, all the producers, everyone said, that was fantastic, that was brilliant, we loved it.

And then as we left, I'm a social media whore so i'm like looking and looking and it's gaining traction and it's got like positive positive and and some negative and like that's okay as a visibly queer person that's what you get comes to the territory just as a person or even as a person in the media and then i think i went to bed and then I was meant to be on ABC, ABC mornings the next morning. And I got a call at 5 a.m. as I was beginning to paint, being like, I think we might just, we might not. Yeah, put the brushes down, babe.

Oh, okay. I'll just go back to bed. And then I woke up again and I was like, oh. So then it sort of became, yeah, then it was just very interesting. In fact, like baby's first scandal as well. So it became equal parts sort of horrifying and fascinating to see how it all unfolded. But the best part was the Sydney Comedy Festival

and my management, who were all copping a whole bunch of flack, absolutely stood up with me, defended it, defended me, and all looked after my mental health. And even, you know, Sam Taunton from the project reached out and said, hey, are you okay? How are you doing in all this? Which is nice. Yeah, that's nice.

He gets it. As a comic, it's rough. And also now you're doing an encore show in Sydney, so I feel like in many ways, sure, a fuckload of people of people were offended but then now fuckload more people want to buy tickets sales baby you know light and shade look what do you say people are wanting to buy the tickets and we're selling amazingly yeah i can't wait to get on stage at the end more and it's going to be a show of a life oh my god well there's two, there's two shows. You're doing live and intimidating. If you're in Canberra, Hobart, the Gold Coast, or Brizzy,

you can get live and intimidating. Then The Butchers Back, the Endmore Theatre, 1st of July. What are the two shows? You're just doing, you're like, I've got so much material. Let me do two. That's exactly it. I'm not only a pariah, I'm a genius. You must be a genius because the idea of doing two shows at once stresses me out.

I'd be like, which one am I? Like halfway through, I'd forget the order. I've been on a national tour doing three different shows. Oh, my God. A brain bomb. So I've got a late night show called The K-Hole, which is a line-up show. Right, so that's my grinder. Yeah.

Take it, take it. I am currently. He's under the desk. Oh, nice. That's why I had soup for breakfast. It'll be fine. So The Butcher's Back is a huge show. It's a six-piece band, full horn section, costume changes,

the whole thing. It charts my journey from childhood to the current day. And the music in it is just next level. I don't know if you know this, Mitch, but Ruben's got quite some fucking pipes on him. Oh, no, I'm well aware. Yeah, that voice comes right deep from the K-hole. I can only imagine where that voice rumiates. And so how long have you been doing The Butch's Back for yeah because i can imagine it'll be quite different to like opening night now

yeah the butchers back has existed in one form or the other it got it it was born out of the first lockdown in melbourne we created it in 2020 and we've been touring it uh all of 2021 we were jumping between states going fuck they're closing the borders in perth run run get to the airport jump on get on the plane to at one point we were in darwin uh to isolate for two weeks so we could get into perth so we realized we traveled 10 000 kilometers to get to perth just to do the gigs yeah Yeah, that is so illogical, going from Darwin to Perth. Oh, my God. It was really cowboy for a whole year and I loved it.

But the show has sort of been going in one form or another and evolving since then. But we've never done Sydney and it's my biggest show, so I want to bring the big guns to the big smoke. Oh, I love that so much. I literally leave. You've been to my house, Mitch. I'm like a street away from the Enmore Theatre. I can see the lights and the banner from my bedroom window.

So I will be there. I'll be watching. I can't wait. Mitch, we should go. Yeah, we definitely should. You're both going to be there. Yeah, 100%. Reubenkay.com for anyone else who wants to come along.

Yeah, get tickets. I've got gift bags with ketamine in it just for you two under your seats. Oh, can't wait. Oh, lovely. I truly am excited to go. Mitch pretending to know what that is. I know what ketamine is, but I'm the kind of gay, Ruben, that if I even go near it, I will have a heart attack.

It's either anaphylaxis or I'm not built for the party drugs. Not for me. Yeah, but also, as Hannah Gadsby said, there's a certain gay whose favourite sound is a teacup hitting a saucer. Oh, well said. Like, where's that pride parade for the quiet gays? Yes, yes. Peters of Kensington in Moscow.

That's where that is. That's where they are, at the checkout. And then Live and Intimidating is the show that we're taking, we've been taking through this year. It's the new show. It was really forged in the fires of sort of the project. Oh, okay. And it's a smaller show.

It's me, three musos. It's a total vibe. I welcome everyone as they come in with a hug and I say, welcome home because a lot of people have only just discovered me and I want them to kind of see all of the different facets of me. I want them to know that, yeah, I'm loud, I'm dirty, I'm a good time, but there's also something quite accessible, sensitive, real about me.

I also feel ironically that you're not that intimidating because if you're doing crowd work, you're actually, you don't punch down. You're quite lovely to the audience. So they don't have any reason to be nervous or intimidated coming to the show, right? No, absolutely not. And in fact, the crowd are really safe in it,

but also they're holding me as much as I'm holding them. It's a really lovely, like, intimate show. But we called it originally Live and Intimate. And then I don't know if you know Ali McGregor. Oh, yeah. She's a, yeah, amazing opera singer, cabaret diva, married to Adam Hills, showbiz icon. She just texted me and said, shouldn't it be live and intimidating?

It's a laugh emoji. And I was like, stolen. Name change. Absolutely. Lock it in. That's the push that I need. You get no writer's credit. You do not get a percentage.

What are you like after you've finished a show? Because I've found that I'm obviously much newer to stand up than you, but I find that there's one of two Mitchells that I get after I come off stage. There's one where I'm like, I'm going to keep the high going. I'm obviously much newer to stand-up than you, but I find that there's one of two Mitchells that I get after I come off stage. There's one where I'm like, I'm going to keep the high going, I'm going out, I'm going drinking, or there's like a little bit of post-show depression, everyone leave me alone. I never know which one it's going to be after a show.

So I often get the second one because I'm giving a lot and I'm very physical, uh it the adrenaline drop because you're being pumped with a huge amount of adrenaline and a huge amount of serotonin and you've got 300 people or at the end more 1700 people like applauding and screaming a human body is sort of not used to receiving that uh and then all that adrenaline and serotonin, once it's in you, it kind of dissipates and you're left with a, you have to find a way to manage the crash. Yeah, I can come down.

How do you manage the crash? I'm asking because I want to know because I have to tell everyone around me, no, no, I'm not sad. It's not like the show went poorly. I'm not bummed. I just fucking feel flat as fuck after a show sometimes. Two things. You can either, I think if you can time a drink and being around people

at the right time, you can keep the hype going, right? And then, like, you might have a party or you might just be, the transition is smoother. But I tend to just sort of be alone, taken off the make-up after, and it's hard to keep the buzz going when you're on your own. Yeah, gotcha. So I used to get very depressed. And then my therapist, poor guy, can you imagine his job?

Your therapist. Yeah, he's got a therapist. He should do his job. And also a vet. Yes. He said, you need to realise the difference between sort of walking into the river with your pocket full of stones and what is a chemical drop. So rate it.

Rate where you're at out of 10 so you can get a sense of what the perspective is and think to yourself, am I about to drop the toaster in the bath or do I just need to eat something? Yes. And go to bed. You know, I think we all drop into huge existential crises about our lives and then we go, oh, actually, I think I just needed some Vegemite on toast.

Yes. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like as queer entertainers we all put ourselves so much pressure on ourselves. It's like chill the fuck out. Yeah. We're just making people laugh. We just want to have a bit of anal and we just want to have, like,

seven hours of sleep, right? Am I just speaking for myself? At least seven. Preferably all at the same time. Yes, yes. Stick it in me and let me fall asleep, you know? Oh, my God. And other poems by Maya Angelou.

Yes. Look, I think also there's a reputation or there's a canon of amazing queer performers with really high standards who have really changed the face of entertainment. So for any queer performer who's trying to break through, they're looking at the greats for inspiration, but also there's a little bit of pressure to follow through.

If they get 70% of the way there, they go, burn it down, I'm terrible. Yeah, so you're one of those people that I look at who I've started doing stand-up shows for the last two years, I think, and sometimes I see performers like you where I'm like, fuck, should I be putting more attention into my costumes, my hair, my makeup? I just chuck my hair in a ponytail. I get out there, I'm all sweaty. I'm wearing no shoes half the time because I don't want to overheat

on the stage. I run a bit hot, Ruben, you see. I suggested prosthetics, Ruben. My costume shit really needs some work, especially when I look at people like you. Yeah, but the other part of it is you've got to find, everyone has to find the thing that works for them. You know, for me it's eight pounds of lead-based cosmetics,

high heels and, you know, teeth that were taken from a horse in Turkey. But for you, it might be a top knot, you know, bare feet and a trickle of sweat and that might be exactly what it is you need. I think trust your body and what you feel makes you feel the best. Yeah, okay, that's true. Good advice. Because, like, I look at the outfits and things you wear and I think, fuck, you're fabulous, but if I put that on, I'd be so uncomfortable.

It looks amazing, but I would fucking be – I'd be put off the whole show. I couldn't perform in that. These huge heels and shit. I find it really difficult now to sing or be on when I'm not in a heel. Really? I'm so used to it now. I'm so used to it now. But also, no doubt you would look gorgeous in all these things,

but stay away from my fucking gear. Yeah, of course. A lovely note to end on, a threat. I do like that we're seeing a more stripped back Reuben today. Yeah, it's nice. You haven't even seen below the waist yet. No. I'd love to.

Have you always been like quite polished in all the things that you do on stage with your costumes and your makeup, or do you ever look back at old photos and think, fuck me, I've come a long way since then? I'm going to email you a picture of the first time I ever, or can I just show it on the screen? Show it, yeah, show us. I can show you on the screen.

Everyone here knows me as the beautiful and the gorgeous Ruben K, but what they don't realise is that the first time I ever put on makeup, I look like that. Oh. That's not makeup. That's face paint. My God. Yeah, that's Bunnings on a Saturday afternoon. And I just want you to know, I felt like I was serving high glam.

Just for anyone who obviously can't see this, it's a podcast, just think Edward Scissorhands. Yeah, very Edward Scissorhands. It screams regional tour of cats. It does. Is what it does. Oh, you've come a long way, wow. You have come a very, very long way.

If you want to go and see Ruben, rubenk.com, The Butcher's Back in Sydney at the Endmore, live and intimidating. I'll go rewatch that project clip if you want to laugh. Ruben, so good to have you on. Thank you, finally. Before we let you go, don't forget Mitchell. Oh, our question. Shit.

Yeah, go. There's one question that we ask every guest. I'm certainly not going to let you off the hook. I'm probably more intrigued about your answer than any other guest, to be honest. So every guest, we ask them to tell us a little thing in life they appreciate, just like the crunch of an autumn leaf or a crunch of a good apple, something like that. Freshly washed sheets.

And then we add it to our list of things better than drugs and dick because we've got a lot of young adult listeners who might be in a stage of life where they're obsessed with drugs and dick, partying, boys, what have you. So we like to remind them that there's more to life. So what would you say is better than drugs and dick? Resistance. Oh. What? I think resistance. So we like to remind them that there's more to life. So what would you say is better than drugs and dick? Resistance.

Oh. I think resistance. If someone gives you pushback on an idea or says, oh, I don't know if we're going to be able to do that or we can't do that because no one's ever done it before, that's the moment where I know I'm onto something and that's the moment I know, okay, I've got to keep pushing on this or there's something here. Sorry, I thought we were still in the gay sex realm. I thought you meant push back on

a cock. And I thought that's a great tip. I know you did. Great tip. Because you feel. Sorry, I'm sorry. But resistance, it's got more of a message there. I love how you've switched from, no, I'm a quiet gay. I'm a quiet girl to stay home. I couldn't touch a drug. That's disgusting.

And now we find out that you're a funnel cake. I'm a quiet girl to stay home I couldn't touch a drug And now we find out that you're a funnel cake No but ketamine And beautiful making love Making love is very different Okay there's a difference between Making love and pushing back on a dick

Like where is There's no line Don't change the goalposts on me now No I love that so obviously that's something that you Have faced and still face Ruben I guess Is resistance yeah every time i've gone on tv and they've said you have to submit a script and i submit a script there's always someone somewhere going um okay okay we just want to we want to do this i'm like great give me the parameters that i can wiggle give me give me what i can work in and how I can push my message into this within your

parameters, or can I expand these parameters? So, it's like the opposite of needing validation. If someone tells you something is not a good idea, you're like, it must be great then. A little bit, yes. I just think it's, I think validation and support are necessary and fantastic and I need it a lot. I wouldn't be in this career if I didn't. But at the same time, when someone gives, if there's a little bit of friction, I know I'm on the right path. That's an interesting contribution.

Write it in. That's the first time anyone has kind of added a concept to the list. The last thing was Tim Abbott saying, Choc-coated sultanas are better than drugs and dick, but resistance works. Some guests are on different wavelengths to others. I'll say this right now. I'll add on to this. How about this then? When you haven't started your Choc Top until the movie starts. Now that's good. I'm putting both on there, of course. I'll add them both.

Add resistance. Resistance is the best we've had, but that's good. I'm putting both on there, of course. Oh, add them both. Yeah, add resistance. Now, resistance is the best we've had, but that's so true. That requires so much willpower. Yeah, wow. But then you've got to do the awkward rustling of the plastic. It's so awkward. Joe, a lady unwrapped a suite in one of my shows in Melbourne for three solid minutes. And I know because she did it throughout one song

and the song was a three minute song and was the quietest slowest most tender ballad this is a few years ago and she spent it just slowly trying to like as if no one would notice yeah you've got to rip the band-aid babes if you do it slower just yeah or cough cough when you do the first hair that's what i do yeah i'd rather think you have emphysema than be the sweet of my shows. Alright, well if you want to go rubenk.com, great to finally have you on the podcast. Yeah, finally.

It has been an absolute thrill. Thank you for having me. Pleasure. Anytime. Pleasure, treasure. So much fun. Is it just me? You can follow the show online. Just search couple of Mitches. If you don't, you're a dickhead. All right.

Now, I don't quite have a roadmap of how I want to talk about this or really know how to bring it in, and it's not often that I'm lost for words. I'm not lost for words. I'm just emotional. You probably have noticed on this show or even online or socials I haven't been posting about my relationship much. I haven't been speaking about it at all.

People have said, oh, I haven't heard Hayden's name mentioned in a while. Yeah, I've got a few messages and they've been increasing in volume over the last few days and weeks. So I thought I'll talk about it. I will just say that Hayden and I have split up. We're no longer together. We've broken up. We've valeted our relationship.

And I am gutted. I'm really, really sad. Yeah. I mean, there's been ups and downs for you. Would you agree? Oh, yeah. Because this is not news to us, obviously. No, it's been about a month.

It's been about four or five weeks. That's why I feel I have to talk about it because it's my life at the moment and it's happened and it's real and it's reality. And even though it's been going on in private for a few weeks, it doesn't make it any less sad now that you're a little bit further along the line at a point where you're ready to talk about it on the podcast. Yeah, I wouldn't even say that I'm ready, but I just have to. I mean, it's my life and I'm getting asked questions and it's the reality and I just think it's so tough

when my job is to come out and be funny and be the entertainer and I do two daily radio shows. It's fucked. And to put on this mask and perform has been one of the hardest things I've ever done. I also want to preface this by saying, I often hate talking about myself and my personal life in this regard, because I hate any ounce of arrogance or any ounce of, look at me, listen to my life.

It's so important. I mean, that's what we've got this podcast for. So that complex must be very challenging. It's tough at times. You hate talking about yourself, but we do it for at least an hour a week. No, I just feel it's a bit like, oh, shut up. Who cares? But it's a bit like, oh, shut up. Who cares? But it's my life.

I think people want to know because we spoke a lot about the relationship when that was your situation that you were in, moving out of your parents' place for the first time, moving in with a partner, et cetera, et cetera. These are all things we've covered. This is just the next thing. It's just so, it's just, that's why I think it's so hard because we were together for five years in October. And I will say it was my choice to end the relationship.

Just, I'm not going to go into the details. So I don't need to throw a drink in anyone's face? Listen, I don't feel it's necessary. Okay. You know, I mean, I'm hurting, but I ultimately made the decision in the end. And it's just, it's being in a relationship that you came out for like i was talking to you about this trying to work out how i was going to articulate it and sorry if i'm a bit scattered and all over the place but this is just a true live recounting of where i'm at um and i've

never been through a breakup before so there's no i don't have any sort of stick in the sand to go that's what i how i should be reacting um But I have been thinking, okay, well, who was I before I was in this relationship? Because everyone's like, you'll be fine. You're Mitch Cheery. You'll be great. You got a blue tick. You said that. Was that the arrogance that you mentioned before? Correct. There it is. And then I think, well, the person that I was before I was in this relationship was a 22-year-old closeted kid who lived with his parents. Yeah. No, you can't go back to that.

You can't go back. It's scary. That's not how it works in any breakup situation, I think. You don't just go back to the person you were before. I know, but you sort of think, okay, well, life was fine without them, but then you go back to where life was without them, and I was a different person. I mean, it's five years.

It's going to take a while to find the new normal. And five formative years. Yeah. Oh, God, yeah. I mean, even though it's a sad situation, love Hayden, love you, it's not a good situation for anyone involved. I've already told you this. There's a very big part of me that's quite excited.

I know you're excited. I'm not there yet. Because you've never lived life as an openly gay single man. No, I haven't. Well, may you have a lot more relationship experience than me, but I've got a lot more experience being single than you. So now I've got wisdom to impart. I love it.

If you told me this time last year that you would be the single Mitch and I wouldn't be, I wouldn't have fucking believed you. But now that we're here, I'm like, great. The next chapter for you. You're still fragile at the moment, but eventually you'll be able to run all the segments I have in mind. Cheery's blind date.

No. Cheery's speed dating. Setting up Cheery's hinge. Cheery's one night stand. Are we good to go next week with any of these ideas? No, please. I need time. I don't want to look at another person for 10 years. I mean, I will get there I need time. I don't want to look at another person for 10 years. I mean, I will get there.

Of course I'll get there. But at the moment, the light at the end of the tunnel is hazy. It's so much better than it was four or five weeks ago. That was chaotic. A few weeks ago, you were crying to me on the phone. And then the week after that, you were saying, let's go to Oxford Street. I want to go gay clubbing. I haven't been in five years. And I was like, fucking too easy.

I'll make it happen. And we did. And then the following week, you were sad again. And then so it's like, it'll be like that for a bit. street i want to go gay clubbing i haven't been in five years and i was like fucking too easy i'll make it happen and we did and then the following week you were sad again and then so it's like it'll be like that for a bit i do imagine ups and downs some days you were seeing the pros more than the cons oh definitely and it's sort of you need to be out of a relationship and have the benefit of hindsight to really look at the way you want to be treated and the way that you need to be treated in a relationship. And I think that has helped me come to realize that it's the right decision. Exactly. I mean, five years experience, you'll know going into the next relationship, not that that's going to happen anytime soon.

I don't want another relationship. Don't think about that yet. Fucking God. When it happens, you'll be well better equipped for this relationship. You know what you will put up with and won't put up with. Yes. I mean, very different situation, but there are things that I put up with in the past that I would not put up with now with Sean.

Not that he's ever shown any of those red flags, but you just become more aware of them. Yeah. With experience. Exactly. But anyone out there, and oh my God, can I just say, I have struggled so much to find content on queer breakups and queer relationships what do you mean there's nothing there's nothing out there it is actually barren every podcast you search and you look for it is if the man cheats he goes to football with his mates and he he works it out with his boys and the girls need a spa day and men are hardwired

they're cavemen and they have red blood. It's like, shut the fuck up. But I more mean real life stories. So that's why I want to talk about it. For little queer kids listening to this or queer adults, like, fuck, I'm 27. I'm going through this for my first time. It's tough.

And I just want to say to anyone that maybe you're not going through it, but people listen to this podcast at many different times. They'll be listening in years to come. There is no right way to do it. And it's like a fucking – it's like a death. Like I've had to grieve the relationship. Well, it's like I said before, it is the seven stages. Yes, totally. I can't remember all seven off the top of my head but Anger was a fun week.

Oh, Anger. I feel like I'm in that at the moment. Well, here I am offering to throw drinks but that week I was like, oh, fuck, man, I'm going to have to come around there and hold you back oh ask me next week i mean hayden spice girl stuff is still at home so if you want to burn that to the ground oh yeah right you're in the dividing up the assets phase aren't you my god who gets to keep the tea towels i gave you for that house warming they're fucking mine disgusting he can take them um i i it's really hard guys it's actually really i'm making fun of, but it's just these things

are happening and I have really high highs, really low lows. I know I've made the right decision and onwards and upwards, but I will say, if you want to send me a nice message, I will love it. I love them. So please, because the nights are cold and they are lonely.

Yeah, I know it's easier for me to see the positives of you now being single, but hear me out. You fucking dove in the deep end as soon as you came out of the closet. You were already in a relationship when you came out to your parents. You were like, yeah, I've got two things to tell you. I'm gay and I have a boyfriend. Like, you skipped several milestones,

and so now's a great time to catch up on the milestones. Living by yourself for the first time, being going on dates etc etc these are all things that are formative and have been formative for me and now you get to experience them too yeah i'm not excited about it at the moment eventually eventually you'll look back and be like okay yep yeah right now i'm living in our giant three-bedroom home and hayden's living with his mom and i'm trying to find a fucking property after you know the head fuck that i've just'm trying to find a fucking property after, you know, the head fuck that I've just gone through to find a property. Mm-hmm.

Under stair storage, all that fucking shit. And now I've got to turn around and do it all fucking again while doing two radio shows, this fucking podcast. Just like stay put in the current place for a bit. That's a later problem, the house hunting. I don't know. One thing at a time. But if I'm a bit flat or sad in the

next few weeks i'm i'm pushing through and i love doing this show and you've been a great friend to me over this time so thank you for that of course oh no off the cloud you have been great um and i've got a great support network and i'm fine but i'm sad and i'm flat so i want to talk about it because i want to be able to lean into that it's real human emotions we've done this show for so fucking long. You guys listening, you idiots, I adore you, and I want you to just get the real me, and this show is to reflect where we're at in our life.

And it's funny. I mean, you haven't had a breakup of this magnitude. You haven't been in a relationship this long. You're in your first relationship. This show has never had to go through this kind of – I mean, we're fucking entertainers. We're funny people. We talk about funny stuff. So, I don't know, uncharted waters for us,

but I guess we might be getting real, and I'm happy to get real if you are. Yeah, I mean, there's no rule that says we have to be funny every week. No. I mean, you said last week, I'm sorry that I've been flat recently, and I did say, and I did mean, it hasn't come across. Yeah, I know. So now I guess you'll just have the fucking breakup card up your sleeve

next time Jenna and I are being a little bit too mean. We're teasing you too much. You're like, oh, I'm going to break up. I haven't pulled it, but I'm going to pull that now. You can now. It's out there. God, I hope there's no horny idiots listening that are going to start sliding into your DMs.

Yeah. I mean, if there's any, I mean, you know, they've wanted to ravish you for years. Now the tables have turned. I haven't actually gotten a lot of that. I did fuck one listener. They didn't tell me they were listening until after. Am I going to fuck a listener? I don't know.

I should keep it even. That's up to you. Hey, if you want to be my first fuck, hey, Siri, download Grindr. Oh, God. I don't think, if you're anything like me, which I feel that you are, you won't enjoy Grindr. Siri's getting it. No, delete Siri. I don't want that.

I don't think you'd enjoy Grindr. I could be wrong, but I just feel like if I know you as well as I think I do, you probably wouldn't enjoy Grindr. Get amongst Hinge, baby. I've been doing ads for it on this very show. I'm not going on the apps. Also, I know, Hayden, if you're listening to this, because I know he will listen.

Oh, for once. He never listens. Stop it. Yes, he didn't listen to the podcast. And who wouldn't? Do you reckon he will be listening this week? Maybe. I don't know.

I'd listen if he had a podcast to talk about. Well, I won't throw a drink in your face, I promise. I did a load of washing and there were skid marks in all your undies. I had to use extra bleach, so he transferred me for half of the bleach. By the way, that might explain to our listeners why you're all of a sudden doing your own laundry. Yeah. What was my excuse? What was the word I used?

I can't remember. No, I said, for circumstances outside my control. Yeah, we just started talking about the fact that you're now having to do your own laundry. And Jenna and I are looking at each other like, oh, fuck, we can't accidentally slip up and say because you're single now. I know. It's been so hard to hide.

But, you know, I tried to work on it. And I said, let's put the work in. And then things happened. And it's just we're here and we're not together anymore. And I love the five years we spent together. And that's true. I did. I don't regret a year.

It was the most incredible five years. I'm going to get sad now. Most incredible five years I've had. Listen, that five years were also incredible for me and I wasn't in a relationship. So everyone does everything in different orders, you know. Like we were just saying before, my sister's 30, has three kids. Jenna's 30, has no kids. Yeah.

Everyone moves at their own pace. So this is just where you're at now. I know. I'm just such a fucking sap. I hate it. I didn't want to cry. Oh, sweetie. Give us a cuddle.

Oh, you don't have to hug me. I'm all right. I'll be fine. What's wrong? Oh, tissues hug me. I'm all right. I'll be fine. What's wrong? Oh, tissues, thanks. I'm all good. I just thought Ruben K was a cunt. That's why I'm crying.

By the way, has anyone ever told you that you don't have an ugly crying face at all? Really? You were just crying in front of me. You wiped the tissue over your eye. Gone. Really? If I've been crying, I look disgusting for hours. What a compliment.

I'll take that in my stride. I was just looking at you going, what? He was just crying. How did he look normal again? Completely back to normal. That's sweet. I think that's the benefits of having a chubby face. No, it's all in the eyes.

Is it? If I've been crying, it looks like I'm stoned for the next few hours. I can't go anywhere after crying. Everyone will know. So do I look good now? You literally, I'm not kidding, you wipe the tissue and then back to normal. You know what my tactic is? I don't know where I learned this from, but I dab. I can't go anywhere after crying. Everyone will know. So do I look good now? You literally I'm not kidding. You wipe the tissue and then back to normal. You know what my tactic is? I don't know where I learnt this from but I dab. I don't wipe.

It's nice because wiping sort of makes it all red. I don't fucking know. But also my eyes go red like the lids go red. Everything. You can tell when I've been crying. Oh it's lovely. Nice crying face. I wonder if I've got a good cum face too. I'll film that and send it to you so you can compare. You're single now, mate.

I'll come and find out myself. Oh, no. Ew. All right. Shall we end here and we can come back in a week? Do we have any other segments? No, no. We can get out of here.

Okay. That's what I mean. Let's go and we can check back in this week. Give me seven days and I'll be all right. And he's very needy. He's made no secret of that. Send the lovely messages. I am. I'm a Libra. Words of affirmation and acts of

service are my love language, so if anyone wants to cook me a roast dinner and send me a lovely message, I'll take it. Never been through this. You know, I did think of that. I was like, maybe I should cook him something. But then I was like, God, you get home so late at night. I'd have to be sitting there on your doorstep with a fucking oven tray. I'll be honest, I get home get home so late at night. I'd have to be sitting there on your doorstep with a fucking oven tray.

I'll be honest. I get home like 9.30 these days. I can manage that. Not that bad. I can do that. My mum is my – oh, my God. I will just shout out. I've got a brilliant support network.

My family, who are also heartbroken because, you know, he was like a son to my parents. Oh, I'm going to cry again. That's okay. You can. I don't want to, though. And, oh, my God, I just pulled a tissue out of my wrist. Fuck, you are getting old.

Look at me. I've got a tissue in my wrist, in my sleeve. My family have been amazing. My mum has been dropping me meals every week, and I've been seeing them. Oh, has she? And my sisters have been great. And, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all good.

It's all good. I'll be right. Yeah, no, like you said, you've got a great support network around you. So even though it's still shit, imagine going through something like that alone. And I am brandishing it from here on out, ladies and gentlemen. You're brandishing it? The divorce. It is not a breakup.

It's a divorce. I mean, legally, you were de facto for years. So technically. The volume of shit that we have to deal with and the move out and the owning of assets and it feels like a fucking divorce. Where are you at today? Like, what do you have to do with today? We're currently dividing our assets, which we kind of have done.

We have an Excel spreadsheet. It's so horny and rousing too. Oh, God. I didn't realize there was so much admin involved in a breakup. That Excel leafy green color, it gets me fucking hard. And then we have to, I'm trying to find a place to live alone. Anyway, leave it with me. I've already, you know I don't like being earnest, and this was a lot.

Who's earnest? Shut up. You couldn't have talked about this in some joking way. Is it just me, or are you single now? And I'd go, just you. And that's it. Oh my God, imagine if we did that. Imagine if Is It Just You was just me asking for breakup advice with a different voice on.

Hey boys. Like a Dot Wiggins situation. I had to come in and out. Oh, fuck. Oh, I haven't told Dot yet. Maybe we tell Dot next week. We did get a post in Endure an Idiot saying, I miss Dot. Bring her back.

Did you? Yeah, we did. I didn't see that. We did. So maybe Dot, we can break the news. Maybe that'll kill Dot. If Hayden gets any fucking ideas about claiming that Dot Wiggins portrait I got for your birthday, he can forget it.

That's your asset. You know where that is proudly hung? That's in my guest bathroom. So when anyone does a shit or a piss in my guest house, in the guest bathroom, they have to look at Dot Wiggins square in the eye. It's so off-putting. They have to stare at you looking like Mrs. Doubtfire. Sometimes I get constipated in the morning just looking at the fucking painting.

All right, let's go. We'll see you in a week. Thank you, Mitchell. You've been a great friend. Yep. And I will continue to be. Thank you. Yeah, it stops now.

Now it's out there. Five stars, please. We love you, and we'll see you in a week, guys. Thanks to Ruben K. What a legend. Get tickets, rubenk.com. Catch you soon, idiots. Love you, bye.

See ya. Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of mitches. Make sure you've hit follow on your podcast app. Welcome to AD Debrief. This is our secret segment on the end. Has this podcast made you feel 3% better today? You know what?

Yes. I'm good that I've got it off my chest and I've spoken about it. I need to heal and go forward. Pretty rotten now. I know, but I just can't help but be a little bit excited. Tell me why you're excited. Also, all my insecurities come back being a bigger boy not being want like wanted in the community and i've not been active in the

community as a single person i just feel so anxious for 18 again what does being a bigger boy have to do with it oh who wants to ride a fucking bigger boy who wants to go on the ride of the fucking shrek i get worried about. That's my insecurities coming out. Okay, well, to those insecurities, I would say Shrek has been written for five years consecutively. That's not nothing. And also, I would say, think about all the chubby gays listening right now. Yeah, I know. You can't talk about yourself like that.

Talk about yourself like you're talking to them. Would you ever say something like that to me, for example? No, I would never. There you go. And I'm not saying that to the chubby gays listening. I'm saying it to myself. Yeah. But also, I'm in that self-loathing pity stage.

Yeah. Well, I mean, I also have frequented the chubby section on Pornhub. So there's people out there that want to ride chubby people. Is there a section? Yeah. I need to frequent. Have you not. Is there a section? Yeah. I need to frequent. Have you not ever looked at that section? No.

You're not even supporting your own kind. I'm not. People like me are lifting you up as hard as it may be. I was going to say. More than you are. It's a struggle. Well, I haven't had to. I've been fine.

No, I don't really mean that. I'm just in my feelings. No, no, no. It's your insecurity, but that's all it is because it's completely not true. Yeah, how would you know what people's tastes are? That's right. I don't know. Because you haven't been out and about.

That's why I'm excited. That's why I'm excited. Well, that's the thing. I've had DMs that I've had to shoo off over the years and go, I'm in a loving, happy relationship. That's what I'm telling you. You've gotten more listeners of ours sliding to your DMs despite the fact they know you're not single than I ever have.

Yeah, how does that work? Even when I was fucking single. How does that work? So I don't know what you're worried about, really. Yeah. Oh, it's just all the emotions. And if you've gone through a breakup and you're listening to this, if you've done it recently, like, I fucking empathise with you.

It's tough. It's so hard. It's a bizarre feeling of emotions because happy one second, jealous, angry, paranoid, worried, sad. It's just elated. It's bizarre how your body can go through all these different stages in a week. Oh, I can imagine. Like you think about all the happy times, wouldn't you?

Oh my God. And you're like, yes, I was happy then, but I'm not happy enough now to stay. Yeah, exactly. And you don like, yes, I was happy then, but I'm not happy enough now to stay. Yeah, exactly. And you don't have to forget the happy times. The brain eliminates the issues at the end and things that happened that caused it. Yeah. And there have been people that I've dated for a couple of months, so it's not quite the same,

but I've broken up with and I've been devastated and then gone through those motions of like, oh, I'm never going to date anyone ever again. They were my person. And then we've rekindled and I've gotten back together with them and I've gone, oh, no, that's right. You're a fuckhead. Yeah. Like you do only remember the good times.

Oh, and that's all my brain does. My brain just wants to remember how amazing certain aspects of the relationship were. And I'm looking at photos and scrolling through Instagram. And I mean, we had a public, we had a very public relationship. I mean, we were fucking understair stories. Those videos went crazy. People loved it.

We posted together. We went on, we did travel trips together and we made content. So you go, once that's all gone, it's such a, like I said, it feels like a death because you've just lost that aspect of not only you, but your whole life. And it feels like a part of your identity has been yoinked out. And it's also probably not what you would imagine your future to be anymore. The future is a bit more of a mystery, which again, I find exciting. I know you don't yet. I literally had like proposal plans.

I knew what I wanted to do. And then shit came up yeah isn't that fucked it is fucked I'm actually quite curious to hear about other people's experiences because I wish I had more of my own to draw on yeah

because like a five-year relationship breaking up is a bit different to the douchebag I dated for two months in uni it is it is doesn't negate from that breakup it's just a different it's a different set of emotions but also it wasn't like five years us together. It was five years fully integrated into each other's lives. I miss his mum. I'm going to get so upset because I seriously miss her. I miss his family. They're all so great and amazing. And then my family are gutted. My family are so hurt and sad. They're so sad.

Oh, because they're the sort of family that welcome anyone with open arms. Anyone. Absolutely anyone. They're the first people that I went to and they've been great. But we just came back from a trip to Hawaii together, all seven of us. And my sister's partner and Hayden and then my little sister Rach is single, but we're all there together and it was so great. Well, now your big sister gets to be in the minority. There was a period there where over Christmas, my sister was the only one with a plus one.

Yeah. And so me and my brother, we were the majority. And then my brother bought a plus one. And I was like, oh, fuck, now I'm the minority, the only single one. Yeah. And then Sean came along. That's why it's weird. You go to family events and you're the single one now.

Everyone else is coupled. It's just, it's odd. It's to family events and you're the single one. Now everyone else is coupled. It's just, it's not, not enjoyable being the single one. Yeah. But I think I love being in a relationship. I love, I mean,

so do I, but I also loved not being in one. Yeah. No, not there yet. I just love having someone coming home to someone laughing with someone connecting. Also,

I think cause my job is so forward facing and you'd know this, it's like, you've got to put so much of your own personal life on a platter and like out to the world and then you have that one person who doesn't really matter to and you can just be a pure 100% version of yourself you can be off you can be flat

so it's so nice to have a relationship with someone that you don't with other people but you can be off and flat in front of the close circle like your family and friends so that's another thing I'm excited about someone that you don't with other people. But you can be off and flat in front of the close circle. Of course I can. Like your family and friends and stuff. No, of course. So that's another thing I'm excited about.

You finally fucking rocking up to invitations. Oh, my God. And you, hand on your heart, how social have I been in these last four weeks? I've been great. It's been very unfortunate that I've had so many fucking weekends away. I know. Because I'm like, oh, my God, Cheery's finally available. Oh, my God, I went clubbing.

I went to the markets. We did go clubbing. That was good. I'm going to an event this Saturday night. I'm going to an event this Saturday night. I'm going to an event this Sunday morning. I'm just seeing so many friends. And I'll be honest, the way I work, and I'm just saying everything here. I probably should keep some things, you know, to private, but who the fuck cares?

Like I, in this relationship, I've realised I've isolated so many of my friendships because I threw myself into a relationship. Which I kind of hope that the next relationship, whenever that fucking may be. Long time. Yeah, long time. But whenever that may be, I'm hoping that that's something that you learn from because it was nice that you were so, for want of a better word,

codependent. You basically just spent time with each other. Well, not all the time. Which is nice, which is nice. But I think it's good to go to things together and be social together and also have things separate, like separate hobbies, separate time, things like that. Oh, we definitely did. I don't think my schedule lends itself to that anyway.

But I agree and I'm aware of it and I'm ready. I'm excited to be more social and, you know. Because obviously, sometimes if we invited you to things, you would say no because you're like, I'd just rather stay at home with the partner, which I totally understand. I get that. There's days where I feel that way too. Yeah.

But now you'll be like, actually, I live alone. Haven't had a conversation with someone in a while. I'm fucking coming out. Seriously. So it's going to be great. That's what has happened. So I'm good in that regard. And you know what?

Overall, I am good. I really am good. I am ready. Going through the motions. I'm going through the motions, but all in all, I'm good in that regard. And you know what? Overall, I am good. I really am good. I am ready. Going through the motions. I'm going through the motions, but all in all, I'm really good. I can't believe Jenna wasn't here today. I know. You needed her most.

She's such a sympathetic listener. Can you imagine? That's that whole segment we just did announcing your breakup. She just put it in the background the whole time going, Oh, Mitch. That's what it would have been. What about when you first told her that you were single now and I was in the room, we were here and she goes, no, no, you're recording, aren't you?

You're gaslighting me. This is a gaslighting, Jenna. And we're like, actually, no, that's a great idea. We should have done that. I felt so bad because she thought it was a prank. I know. Yeah. So that's enough about me.

I actually am fine. Also, you've caught me. I'm annoyed because we needed to talk about it. I wanted to talk about it. Yeah. And you've caught me in a sad day. So if you had done this yesterday, oh boy, I would have said very different things. What would you have said yesterday?

Oh, I don't want to say it, but I don't know. I just, I don't want to, I haven't gone into any details of what caused the issues and what caused the break because I don't want to. I have too much respect for Hayden after what we've been through and I still have so much love for him. So much. So much. That's why this is so hard.

And also, that's not how I roll. It's not my vibe. No, of course. I'm not going to go into those details. But anyway, here we are and we move on. Yeah. Bogengate will be fun. What's that for?

Just a long weekend. Haven't been home in quite a while. That'll be nice. Yeah, it will be. Oh, my God. What about- I feel weird moving on. No, no, no.

Well, I'm going to tie in. When I was at your live shows, your whole family came. And your mum- Oh, my God. Your mum asked, where's Hayden? And she was a few drinks in, I need you to know. She was a few drinks in.

I'm sober at the moment, stone cold. And also there were idiots there listening and I didn't want to say, it was kind of something like, oh, Jane, come here, give me a hug. And I just sort of told her exactly what happened. My mother was like, where's Hayden? Why didn't he come? And you're like, we broke up. And my mum was like, no one breaks up with my Mitch and gets away with it. And I was like, aren't I your Mitch?

All of a sudden you're her Mitch? I know. Are you fucking kidding? And she wouldn't let it go. Everyone was celebrating you getting photos, signing fucking posters, and she's in the corner going, we'll get through this. What do you want me to do? It was so funny.

She was so good. So, yeah, tell her that I'm doing great. Okay, I'm fine. You do you want me to do? It's so funny. She's so good. Yeah. Tell her that I'm doing great. A-okay. I'm fine. You're welcome to come to Bogengate if you like. Oh, dear. No, I'm too social.

I've organized fucking a social event every day, every night, every morning. Jesus Christ. Too much. This is going to be you saying yes to everything and I still can't get a new calendar. One of my friends invited me to the Cook fucking Islands in three weeks and I said yes. Oh, that's nice. I'm like, I don't have to ask anyone. I live alone.

Sure. How good. Yeah. So I'm still getting used to it, but it's a new era. Oh my God, my new era. What do you think of living alone? I love it. Because you know me, I love-

I love it and hate it at the same time. Yes. I love nice things. I love fancy furniture and I want to get a great coffee machine and I want to get a beautiful rug and I want to get a lovely lounge and a nice TV and hang it on the wall. Did he get the lounge? I'm so proud of my space. He got the lounge.

It's a divorce, yeah. I get the TV. Okay. He gets the blender. I get the toasty machine, Breville, of course. Good brand. God, it's so complex. I didn't realise.

The washing machine. Did you literally go halves in most shit? Yeah, by value. Oh my God. Yeah. It was like a sadistic version of The Price is Right. Fuck. But also, I bought him tickets to Madonna for his birthday, and I was going to do the

whole trip in January. Oh, my God. And I've still got them. I bought them both. In LA? Yeah, we were going to go to LA in January. We had a trip planned. Well, if it's all too much trouble and there's a ticket going begging, I will selflessly

offer to come. No, I'm making him buy it back. Oh. Inflation. Your ticket as well. Your ticket as well. No, no, no. It was a gift, and I'm not a cunt. Oh, you're just giving it to come. No, I'm making him buy it back. Oh. Inflation. Your ticket as well. No, no, no. It was a gift and I'm not a cunt.

Oh, you're just giving it to him. No, I'm giving him the ticket I gave him for his birthday. Right. But I've got a ticket, so give me the fucking toaster. Right. I thought you meant buy your ticket off you so we can go with someone else. Yes, he can. You're doing that?

He will and he can. Or we're dividing assets so I just get a couple of extra things in the house to the value of the ticket. That's what I mean. It's like the price is right. That's really nice. That's a good gamble. So we just bought a brand new Samsung TV, because I was talking to you about buying a new TV, and we bought like a four grand TV.

It's amazing. And then I'm like, well, you can have the Madonna ticket, and I want the TV. Nice. And he kind of can't. Isn't it fucking so unfair that now you're not going to have to be a designated driver for anyone, and yet you don't drink. I know. So you're not going to get the joy of going out and getting literally shit-faced and catching

an Uber home. Also, can I just say, I love that you say we were codependent. I mean, I was very dependent. I wasn't leaning on anybody. You were very dependent. No, I wasn't. Oh. I was dependent on.

That's all I'll say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shit, his Uber bills are going to go up. No, weren't they ever. I was dependent on. That's all I'll say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shit, his Uber bills are going to go up. Fuck now. Weren't they ever? When we broke up, like when we were sitting there having the conversation at the dining room table, there's no word of a lie.

We're sitting there. We're both sobbing, crying. And I'm going, we're done. I'm done. I'm going. And he's crying. I'm crying. We're looking at each other.

And then my neighbor, who I've spoken about on the podcast. Is that the one that's learning clarinet? Clarinet Fuck That afternoon, she just decided Now's the perfect time to practice the theme of The Simpsons So I'm going You know, I just can't

It's just not what I want Oh god, that's so bad It's not even a clarinet song. Terrible! Lisa plays the fucking saxophone! Then, a week later, because you're right, it's a fucking heterosexual divorce. That's what it feels like. We're sitting there dividing up our assets and he's going, well, I want the Smeg kettle

and toaster. And I'll go, well, please, can I keep the Breville toasty machine? Like, it's terrible. And we're sitting there dividing everything up. And then we hear, and I'm crying still. I'm such an emotional little wimp. I just cried. It wasn't the clarinet bitch knocking on the door, was it?

No. Hello, boys. John and Sam here from the Red Cross. Can we have a moment of your time to talk about child sex trafficking? And they had little buckets, white buckets and red hats on. Oh, they were fundraising. And Hayden and I go, oh, mate, sorry. Not now.

Now's not the time. And he goes, well, I will challenge you to that. When is a good time to talk about child sex trafficking? And I went, well, he's got me there. That is a real. That's a very good point. We're not negating the importance of the issue. Just get the fuck off my property.

That's what I said. I go, not Matt. I'm telling you, big live chat's happening. Could you come back? He went, yo, we'll give you 10 minutes. We'll come back, boys. I'm like, get the fuck out of my property. I went full Republican. I went and looked for the shotgun to shoot him.

I wonder if people, you know how people often go back and listen to our old episodes? It's going to be weird listening back to old episodes. Remember he was a fucking guest on our show? Yeah, and I don't regret it. No, of course not. It's just going to be funny for the listeners being like, oh, I know what's coming. Yes, that's very true. But it's the same way when you watch Friends and you know that Rachel and Ross end up together or they break up and it's just going to be like that. It's a whole new chapter to the show. And I do not regret it. He's funny and I still love him.

Of course. I'm not saying it was a mistake. No, of course. It's just going to be funny for the listeners. It will be funny. It will be funny and it will be odd. And who knows as well. Fuck, the world works in very weird ways.

Who knows where we'll be in five years, what the go is. Who knows? I mean, look what the last five years has fucking done. Totally. Again, the Mitch switch has been very confronting. Hasn't it ever? I liked being the token single on the show. Well, it's nice.

Look what you've done. We couldn't both be in relationships. The universe went, nah, this will be terrible for ratings. There was actually a part of me that when I got with Sean thought, fuck, is this podcast going to become boring? Because we're both just like, oh, look how we're all settled down and happy in relationships. So it's a blessing in a way.

Yeah, good content. Is this breakup a tax write-off? Let me get my fucking accountant on the line. Hey, can I claim the heartbreak? Yeah, no worries. We'll put it through. It's 10 grand. Yeah. Anyway. All right. Well, let's leave it on the line. Hey, can I claim the heartbreak? Yeah, no worries. We'll put it through. It's 10 grand. Yeah.

Anyway. All right. Well, let's leave it on that note. Well, we hope this podcast made you feel at least 3% better today. That's all. Just 3%. Can we bump it to four today? I feel like we all need it.

Whatever you like. Thank you. Do four. We hope this podcast made you feel at least 4% better today. That's all. Just 4%. So we do. So we do. So we do.

Yeah. Back next week, guys. Yeah. Onwards and upwards. We'll see which Mitch we get next week. That's right. It's been quite fun for me. Keep in mind, the last four weeks I think I've been good.

Yeah, you have. So I can turn it on. But I just have had this motion today and I've had this looming over my head and it's done. I'm not going to be like this every week. But it's just been funny for me. I'm like, I wonder which Mitch I'm going to get today. The cranky Mitch, the vengeful Mitch, the miserable Mitch. What was I today? Melancholy Mitch. Well, you weren't that melancholy before we recorded, but definitely after this, but that's to be expected. Yeah. Yeah. All right, let's go. See you in a week, guys.

Yeah, we'll catch you then. Bye, bub. Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of mitches. Make sure you've hit follow on your podcast app.