Is It Just Me? - #15: Better Than Drugs & Dick

Episode Date: February 16, 2020

How the Oscars speeches should have gone (09:27)Things better than drugs and dick (17:57)Talkback Tingz - prank calling talkback radio with song lyrics (27:45)Follow us @coupleofmitchesSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello guys, before we get into the show, a little FYI. Yeah, that's because a lot of people have been asking about what goes on when we actually upload the show every week. So just to explain to you. It confuses me, to be honest. Do you even listen? I do listen to the show. Not the little bits, because God forbid they're confusing.

Well, speaking of, obviously you're listening to the full show podcast right now, but you probably noticed, like you said, every week we also upload a handful of the best bits from each show. We put them up as like separate, much smaller podcast, every week we also upload a handful of the best bits from each show. We put them up as like separate, much smaller podcasts because the full show is a lot to commit to, isn't it? It's a whole hour. If anyone understands what it's like to have a short attention span, it's us. Exactly. And as grateful as we are to people that actually do listen to the full show.

Oh, yeah. Like people are busy. I don't have time for a one hour podcast every week. We understand that you have other things to do. Yeah. I usually save my long podcast for like flights and road trips and stuff like that. So we thought we'd give people the option to listen to little bits at a time. Yeah.

So, for example, right, say you have got lunch with Aunty Julie. And on the way, she calls you and goes, listen, darling, I need you to get a tea cake from Baker's Delight. And you think, shit, I'm right around the corner from Aunty Julie's house. But I'll go and I'll go to the local Baker's Delight and I will get the bread. And it's a 10-minute journey there and back. Yeah. You can listen to two of our little snack-sized bits on the way and on the way back. I don't know about two.

We do ramble on a lot. Yeah, we're a lot. We're like a piece of licorice. You don't need one. Absolutely. Point being, you've got the little bits that you can listen to when you've got a little bit of spare time if you don't have time for the full show. And who would have time for the full show?

Let's be real. Oh, exactly. Plus, if you listen to the full show and you want to go back and listen to a certain bit that you liked, save your scrolling through the whole frigging thing trying to find it. All the best bits are right there for you. Look, we're thinking of you 24-7.

Anyway, look, enough of us. Let's get on with the show. I love how you say enough of us and then we're about to go into a lot more of us. It's an hour worth of us. People's get on with the show. I love how he's like, enough of us, and then we're about to go into a lot more of us. It's an hour worth of us. People do some weird shit. A surge in young people inhaling the gas from cooking canisters known as names to get high.

Some things make more sense than others. I've done everything for you. I've put my career on hold. I could have been anything if I'd had the talent. Brace yourself for observations you didn't ask for. This is leadership. I think he's one of the greatest leaders we've ever had. Do you?

Yeah. Well, good old. This is Is It Just Me? Hosted by a couple of Mitches. Should one of us be Mitch and the other be Mitchell just to make things easier? You're Mitch. I only call you Mitchell when you're being annoying. You always call me Mitchell.

Oh. Now, here's Mitch Chooley and Mitchell Coombs. It's good to be back. Yes, we're back again. I love the new opener for 2020. It's just, it's very fresh. It sounds good. It does, doesn't it?

There's a bit that doesn't sound fresh, though. I think I know what you mean. That little bit with the really old music in it. Yeah, it sounds like the music that they were playing two minutes before the Titanic sunk. I picture that section of the opener in black and white. Yeah, in stop motion, frame by frame. Yeah, and we're wearing top hats. Very Charlie Chaplin-esque.

I don't know how that happened. It sounds good. It's a fresh opener. I had someone ask if we're going to do that at the start of every new season, like when we come back. And I thought that's a nice idea. Let's do it. Yeah, well, that's why we did it, I guess. I just thought, new year, new opener, why not? Freshen it up? Yeah.

Well, Jenna's back. Speaking of freshening it up, how are you? I'm very well. She's not fresh. She's sour and old and withered. It's true. Jenna, you often, often have a gym class to go to. Yes, I do. Tonight, she said, we have to keep it really short, guys. I've got to get to what one?

Body pump. I don't know. Body pump tonight, yes. Something like that. She just likes to make it known that she's got elsewhere to be every time we do this show. She's like, I've got a funeral to go to. I've got Zumba.

She's just never fully committed. And then last week, she said, I've got to go out of the blue and stayed for two hours later. Yes, I know. Didn't go anywhere. It's all a rort with you. Yes. It's all an act.

How's your week been, Mitch? It's been good, you know. It's been really good. I went to my brain doctor and I had my memory assessed and he's given me games to practice to make sure my memory stays the best it can. And he's given me an app. It's very good.

It's called Grindr.. It's very good. It's called... Grindr. No, it's not. Remember the people that you... Jenna liked that one. Jenna's like, slutty you. I've never made a joke like that and Jenna thinks it's the best ever. It's called

Elevate and it helps you train your brain. Actually, I think I played that briefly. Elevate? Yeah. Don't say play. It's very boring and mundane. They're memory games, really.

Yeah, they are memory games. It's like, this is a cat. Now the cat has hat. Where's the hat, Blue? And I'm like, oh, I think he was wearing a scarf. Yes, I remember that. Is it working? Well, that's what I want.

Why don't you tell me something obscure now, and then we'll do the whole show, and right at the end, let's see if I can remember it. Well, is it meant to make your memory better going forward, or is it meant to resurface old memories that you had forgotten? God, no. I don't want to resurface old memories. Right, okay. God, yeah.

All that stuff, it's gone. It's gone. It's in the past. What's something obscure, Jenna? Why don't you just give me four numbers? Okay. What about, we have 102 podcast reviews on Apple Podcasts, which is 6.8% of the number of people that perished on the Titanic.

Yes, that's true. We did that math quite a few days ago. You had to Google how to get the percentage. I'm going to ask you the number at the end because I did the Googling, so it's fresher in my brain. The number of podcast reviews? No, the percentage of people that perished on the Titanic. Oh, shit.

Okay. He's forgotten already. I know. No, no. I have faith in you. You've been away at your app. You've been having fun with that. I actually have been putting in the time, unlike the gym, which we all know is in my strong suit.

I've been trying to, you know, strengthen my memory because you have to. It's so important. I've been having a lot of fun on another app. I'll tell you what. Grinder? No, not Grinder. She laughed again another app, I'll tell you what. Grindr? No, not Grindr. She laughed again. Really?

Yes. What do you want? The good news is that I'm now TikTok famous. Oh, I saw that! Yes, yes. Yes. Another feather to my, is it feather to your hat? Feather to your hat, yeah.

Yes, another one. Another platform that I'm dominating. It's almost boring now, isn't it? Oh, yeah. I can't even dominate one app, let alone all of them. Actually, I do not understand TikTok at all. For people who don't know it, it's like this new app that predominantly children use. It's for the kids. Yeah, like teenagers and stuff.

And I don't know, I've been wanting to get around to starting an account. I'm like, yeah, I should probably get around this. I've not made anything for TikTok. I just posted some old shit of mine that went well on Facebook and Instagram. And then you tell me you woke up, refreshed it, and how many views did it have? It had, well, last time I checked, it had two million. Oh, come on. But it hasn't taken, like, I feel like people are really slutty with the follow button on TikTok.

They hand it out like it's nothing. Oh, do they really? They just follow? button on TikTok, they hand it out like it's nothing. Oh, do they really? They just follow? Yeah. Day one, I had more followers on TikTok than we have on the Instagram account for this podcast.

No need to rub it in. On day one. And then on day two, I overtook the amount of Instagram followers I have. And now I'm double that. Holy shit. I'm at 20,000 followers and I didn't even try. I was like, TikTok's weird. I don't understand that world at all.

All it is is kids dancing and then collaborations. But I wasn't dancing. I was talking shit, which is why I thought I wasn't going to fit in on I was like, TikTok's weird. I don't understand that world at all. All it is is kids dancing and then collaborations. But I wasn't dancing. I was talking shit, which is why I thought I wasn't going to fit in on TikTok. Yeah, that's interesting. Maybe we could do a TikTok at some point. Yeah, we should. See, I don't know how to think of TikTok ideas. I thought, yeah, TikTok's very unique and weird and my brain doesn't work that way.

Yeah, it's a new type of content that I don't know how to create yet. Well, that's what I thought. But then I just posted shit from Instagram and it did well. It's really weird. And isn't it funny? You have a very famous, like a Picasso, that one painting. You've got that very famous video where you don't even impersonate

Lisa Wilkinson. You've got a blow dry and you say you look like Lisa Wilkinson. Lisa Wilkinson. I left the hairdresser with really like this bouncy bob. I looked like a newsreader and I said that I was ranting and I said that I looked like Lisa Wilkinson. And then after post, that was months old. Yeah, she never even saw it.

And then after I posted it on TikTok, apparently one of her kids showed it and then she reposted it on her Instagram. Jesus. Yes, head to at Lisa Wilkinson and there I am. And he messaged you, Kerry Ann Kennelly or someone? No, Asha Keddy. Asha Keddie!

This all came from TikTok, which I still don't know how to use. I want to get on TikTok. I want to do it. You can help me make one. I want to be TikTok famous. Well, I don't know how. I don't know what. I do.

Don't laugh at that, Jenna. You want to be TikTok famous. I'd love to be TikTok famous. Let's do that later on today. We'll do that in the show. Plus, if it's your first time listening, hi, welcome to the club. Welcome. It's more a therapy listening, hi, welcome to the club. Welcome.

It's more of therapy than a club, really. It's a good time to join because we're doing, apparently, a fan favourite segment. Remember how we did a poll in our Facebook group asking what everyone's favourite segment was? Talk Back Tings came out at number one. And it was a renowning number one. They loved it. Correct by far. So Talk Back Tings is back tonight.

And let me tell you, I found some more gold. Yeah, I'm excited for that. In Talkback Radio. Plus, if it is your first time listening, the name of the show is sort of a star. It's an Is It Just Me? We start the show the same way every week. And we kick it off with an Is It Just Me? It's an observation. It's something we've noticed, something we hate or appreciate. We've got one each.

We do. What's yours? Give me a little tease with what yours is. Put it this way. Actually, I don't know. That sounds bad. I was going to say it involves a little bit of low-key slut shaming for my friends, but... That's okay. We're going to strip to that level every now and again.

Yeah. That's not a good way of explaining it. Well, I'm hooked in. Don't make me sound like a bit of an arsehole. No, I'm hooked in. I'm hooked in regardless. Mine's a lot cleaner. Why don't I go first?

Let's let you think about yours. Yes, please. Go ahead. Let's kick it off. The first IJM of the week. Is it just me or? Does it seem really easy to make an Oscars acceptance speech? Yes.

Yeah? Is that the award ceremony that was like a week or so ago? Yeah, it was last week. Academy Awards. It was the 92nd or something. Are the Oscars and Academy Awards a week or so ago? Academy Awards. Academy Awards. It was the 92nd or something. Are the Oscars and Academy Awards separate things or the same? Same thing. Same thing.

Oh, shit. I didn't know that. Do you know, I was researching for this segment because I research now that I have memory games. Jenna's middle name is Bertrude. It's not. I was researching the Oscars. Why do you think they're called the Oscars?

I've got no idea. It's named after a guy. It's named after a guy who has no connection to the industry at all. The very first Oscar was given to some actress, and she accepted it and dedicated it. She said, I'm going to call this Oscar, because her grandfather who supported her's name was Oscar, and then that's why they got the name Oscars.

It's got nothing to do with the industry. And the first ever Oscars was at the Roosevelt Hotel in Hollywood. Was it really? And it only went for like 20 minutes. And it first ever Oscars was at the Roosevelt Hotel in Hollywood. Was it really? And it only went for like 20 minutes. Oh, God. And it wasn't televised. That's my point. I really wish the ceremony was so much bloody shorter.

So I watched it, right? And the thing that caught my attention were the speeches. So people get up. There's only maybe like, I reckon, 20 awards. Not that many. And the awards are given out and they get up on stage and you know the classic, if you speak for too long, you get the music.

Yes. Right? And the music cuts you off. And I think I counted maybe nine or ten people. Got the goddamn music. Get up there, thank your God and thank your parents and look at the trophy and mention the crew, the one who holds the microphone.

They all do that like they're special. And you can't forget the crew, the one who holds the microphone. They all do that like they're special. And you can't forget the crew. No one does. No one does. Everyone knows. They always seem to kick off with, like, heavy breathing. They get to the microphone with their trophy. It's like, whoa, man.

Yeah, they do do that, actually. Or they always go, oh, my God, I didn't expect this. You were nominated. You had a one in five chance. And you've already won the Golden Globe and the SAG Award. You should have expected this. It pisses me off. Though I did research, the speech, the longest speech this year

was Joaquin Phoenix, right? And he spoke for four minutes and 12 seconds and didn't get the music. Four minutes and 12 seconds and no't get the music four minutes and 12 seconds and no music no music and then parasite got the best took a long time though best picture and guess what they got cut off and people were saying it's racist you know they got cut off how long did they go for i didn't i can't remember the time um and and um that's what i wanted to know i reckon we could do the speeches in time. You've got 90 seconds to make your speech. So I've got

a stopwatch and I've also got the Oscars music and I can play you one. So Jenna can go first. What's she winning for? An equestrian competition. I don't know why that's so funny. A sick dressage.

That's what she's winning for. Best dressage in the Shetland category. So, Mitch, you can announce it. And the Shetty goes to the Shetty. And the nominees are. Wait, no, hold on. Jenna has to. You have to thank the horses.

Your trainers, Jenna. You have to thank your family. Don't tell her what to do with her speech. It's her 90 seconds. She could get up and go, thank you. I appreciate it. That's part of the challenge, Jenna. You have to thank your family. Don't tell her what to do with her speech. It's her 90 seconds. She could get up and go, thank you. I appreciate it. That's part of the challenge, Mitch. That's part of the challenge.

All right, fair enough. Okay. Do you like to do the nominations? Yeah, I'm just opening the envelope. I'll give you another bit of music. Ready? Are you ready? Okay, so we've just come back from the package where we looked at all the nominees and then it's silent. And the Shetty goes to...

Jenna Benson! Up she gets. I'm walking up. Star Age galloping up. Wow, what an achievement. I've waited my whole life for this amazing award. Where do I start? I'd like to thank my first pony Pippi she could like

even to this day she's an inspiration and she's the reason why I'm standing up here I'd also like to thank my four other horses that I've had over the years. Kiki, Koala, Caramel. They start with the same, sorry. And Kelly. I heard a KKK there. So did I, actually. I didn't name them, just letting you know. Anyway.

In speech. Yes, because I heard some of you in the front row. Yeah, I know you're jealous. I'm timing you, by the way. Okay, here we go. And I'd like to thank God for blessing me with all these horses and this amazing award. Thank you very much.

Well done, Jenna. You just made it in time. Thank you, Jenna. Next up, Mitchell Coombs is nominated for his award in Best Hair for a male that looks like a woman. Next at the Sheddies. Brought to you by ABC. Before we get into that, can I tell you,

when I was nominated for an ACRA, so that's the radio award. I've been nominated too. Best Off-Air Newcomer. The thing I was looking forward to most about the potential of winning, didn't by the way, was the fact that they don't have speeches at the ACRAs. You can tell that that shit is run by radio people. It is so tight and bright.

Australian Commercial Radio Awards, I tell you what. By the time the person has walked up on stage to get their trophy, the person that's coming on with the next award is already there, ready to go. It is so tight and bright. Like, they get through that shit in like half an hour. It's very impressive. Who beat you again? Who beat you?

Oh, some clown in Perth. I don't know. Really? Doesn't matter. Who was it? Name your shame. I don't know. Really? Doesn't matter. Who was it? Name your shame. I don't know. I didn't memorize their name.

Bess Newcomb. What do they do? I don't know, actually. Well, they live in Perth. Actually, no. Actually, I think they worked at Triple M in Sydney. They're one of the producers for Moon Man. Oh, yeah.

Everyone loves that show, Sucking Up to Moon Man. Do they? Yeah. It's a new show. I genuinely haven't listened. I don't know. I don't have an opinion. No, it's a good show.

But obviously, Kyle and Jackie over in the morning is where you should be. That's right. Or Jonesy and Amanda. Anyway, what's me bloody prize? Okay, so your prize is, I don't like best hair, Jenna. We need to rework it. Something where he needs to thank a big team. Oh, you know what?

This is the annual potties. So, the podcast awards. Yes. And don't forget, your podcast, not the fucking itty bitty schnitty titty. That's terrible. I've listened. Let me tell you. The schnitty committee? Oh, God. Have you actually listened? Yes. I don't forget your podcast. Not the fucking itty-bitty schnitty-titty. That's terrible. I've listened. Let me tell you. The Schnitty Committee?

Have you actually listened? Yes. I don't think you have. I'd rather listen to the Chicago Wailing Horn for a month than listen to Talisha chomp down on a half-soggy piece of chicken. Lovely girl. Leave my podcast alone. You're so jealous anyway.

I'm not jealous. I just think when you have a kid and it's a newborn, you don't have to have a kid. I wish I had the Oscars music right now to shut his fat mouth. All right. And the potty goes to Mitchell Coombs. Wow. I mean, this is unbelievable.

I really thought Teacher's Pet had this one in the bag. I didn't think I stood a chance. That's incredible. Wow. What can I say about – what can you say when you win a potty? Honestly. I'd like to thank my – fuck it now. My afters teachers for my audio skills.

Fucking hell. My afters teachers for my audio skills. I'd like to thank my parents for somehow creating a horrific voice that people put up with. I'd like to thank the listeners. Even though there's not as many people that listen to podcasts as perhaps, you know, watch TV or, you know, watch YouTube videos, it's a really intimate medium where you're in people's ears, you know. You form a real strong bond and I'm very grateful for that.

So this is for you. Thank you so much. What about your fucking co-hosts? Hey, they don't matter. It's my award. You could have thanked your co-host. Who's to say that this was the show that won? I thought that was just

assumed knowledge. I looked at the envelope and it wasn't this show. Oh, it was just Mitchell Coombs? Yes. It could have been my 12-part series, Diary of a Selfish Bitch. It's a solo podcast. I'm working on it. You're good. Yeah, I'm fine.

You're choking on that banana, Brent? I'm going for another piece too. What a self-sabotage. It's delicious. Oh, don't eat into the microphone on purpose. That was feral. We're about to do yours, so I thought I'd just take a break. Yeah, please. I'll take this away, all right?

It's time for my Is It Just Me. Enough out of you. Is it just me? Is there more to life than drugs and also dick? Oh, beg your pardon. You heard, all right? Oh, I don't know if there's a simple yes or no. I think there is, yes.

Yes, there is. Let's just say I've got some friends who are around our age and they seem to be stuck in that phase where they're just obsessed with partying, going out, boys, you know. And I just feel like my, I don't know about you, but my uni days are behind me. Oh, God, yeah. Those two things, drugs and dick, are the last things on my mind. I'm a very busy woman these days.

But you're getting your equal share of both, just weaned over, sprinkled over a few weeks or months. I don't know. I've just got some slutty mates. And I just thought by way of encouraging them to think outside of their box, I would devise a list of things that are better than drugs and dick. Oh, okay. Quickly, do I know these people? Probably.

There's more than one. They know who they are if they're listening. Yes. So things that are better than drugs and dick. I want to know whether you guys agree or not. A cool breeze. All right. I live in a house with no air con.

I've become very dependent on a breeze. I concur 100%. Nothing better than when a cool breeze hits you in the face. And when you're already a bit sweaty and you can feel it. Especially when it's really hot inside and you go outside and there's that breeze. A nice hot meal. You're with me.

I'm with you. A beautiful pizza. I don't mean Domino's or Pizza Hut. A beautiful pizza. Yeah, stone baked. Okay. Definitely. Better than drugs and dick by far.

Agreed. 100%. Apples with a good crunch. Not those ones that like. Flowery. 100%. Apples with a good crunch. Oh! Not those ones that like... Flowery. Yeah, yeah. I hate those ones. Do an impression of a flowery apple.

Okay, well, this is a crunchy apple. No, it's more like you dig your teeth in, then snap. Oh, you're right, it is, yeah. That's a good impersonation. Yeah, and a flowery apple is... Oh, yeah! Yeah, it's flower apple is... Oh, no. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's what the Dementor says to Harry when he whispers in his ear.

Oh. Anyway, a nice stroll. Better than drugs and dick, I would say. Especially when there's a breeze involved as well. Oh, yes. You're not trying to work out and, like, build up a sweat. You're just going for a nice stroll. Oh, yeah. I can back that, yeah.

A good book smell. There's a difference between a good and bad book smell. Lots of PR books get sent to this office. Some of them are ranked. Some of them are delightful. Yeah. Turia Pitts has a beautiful smell to it. Just love going to the library and having a good sniff, you know what I mean?

What's a bad book smell? Oh, you know a bad book smell. It smells like a history textbook. Oh, yeah, and they've got the plasticky sheets. Yeah, I know what you mean. No good at all. A really, okay, this is a good one. A really good quality fruit cutting knife.

You know when you're trying to cut a lemon or something and you're really having to work to get that basket and it's just like getting all stringy and yuck. A good fruit cutting knife just makes it so easy. Like a paring knife. Yes, something like that. Oh, it's just heaven. I'm getting a bit hot and heavy just thinking about it.

Clothes fresh out of the dryer. An afternoon nap. Sorting buttons. That wasn't mine. I've started to get submissions from people. Who submitted that? Jenna's grandmother? Aislinn from the Schneider Committee podcast.

I'm not familiar with it. Wiping down a dusty surface. Movie popcorn. Oh, yes. Yes. I agree with that. What else have we got? Wiping down a dusty surface Movie popcorn Oh yes Yes I agree with that What else have we got? A good sit I'm very passionate about a good sit

You're talking my language I love a good sit Lovely curtains Oh yeah And stepping on a crunchy leaf These are all things I believe Are better than drugs and dick If you have anything to add

I'd love to hear it Okay Because there are some people out there who genuinely seem to believe that there is nothing better than those two things, and I'm here to tell you stop being a little whore and appreciate the little things in life. A good teeth clean, like a good toothbrush session. It's so clean that you're almost inclined not to eat anything.

You're like, do I need that coffee? Because my mouth feels awesome and fresh. You just want to leave it. As soon as you've come out of the dentist,'re like, do I need that coffee? Because my mouth feels awesome and fresh. Yeah, you just want to leave it. As soon as you've come out of the dentist, right? Yeah, and I like that. No, I can do the dentist clean feeling by myself. I don't need some other bastard to do it. I hate dentists. Yeah, but you might hate it, but afterwards it feels so good.

It's like this list started as a joke, but now that I'm trying to get in amongst all the bloody yoga and the mindfulness nonsense, it actually quite helps like you know appreciate the little things in life you were a very simple person to please and that's a compliment you're very easy to please like i will you'll go mitch can you load this audio onto the system and i'll do it and you'll thank me like a labrador you're a good boy thank you mitch that's very good but if you don't do something you double cross you oh jenna he doesn't like it no that that's one thing that i'm very big on i don't know where i inherited that trait from but i just i'm you know i'm one of those people it's like if you agree to do something you do it or have a conversation about how i don't have time

whatever like that i just hate it when people just don't do shit and they expect you and this isn't about you although you do it a lot i do but yeah i just hate it when people say they'll do something and then don't do it and they expect me to just forget about it. I agree. And they just don't bring it up. It's like, if you can't do it, just let me know or whatever. I do want to know, though, when was the last time you had one of the other two options

of the drugs with Hick? That really goes against the message I'm trying to send. But I just want to know. We don't need to discuss that. I want to know. Because there's more to life than that. Yeah, but. You haven't asked me when the last time I cut fruit,

what we've eaten was. When was the last time you cut an orange? I haven't had an orange for a while, but yes. I've got a very good fruit cutting knife. Do you? Yeah. What about a nice stroll? Yeah.

I put that on there. Yeah, but when was the last time you had one? You're asking me when I had, oh, 12 p.m. yesterday. Went for a lap around the block. Really? I call it my sanity walk when I'm feeling cooped up in the office. Oh, definitely. Anyway, do either of you have anything to add or are you drug and dick obsessed?

I'm not either obsessed. I like a good tooth clean. I like a good nose blow when you get everything out. A good nose blow. In a nice – I don't know. Hey. That's something that you have to do.

That's like saying wiping your ass. No, you just have to do it. I was going to say a good poo. Like a good one. Like a good one and it just comes out and you can just sort of maybe one or two wipes and you're out. And you feel lighter. Come on.

Don't pretend it's not good. I just feel like the word good is weird. What about a solid turd? Yeah. A healthy poo. Nice. A high fibre dump. A metamucil filled stool.

I'm actually writing that. I'm writing that. A high fibre dump. That's perfect. Anything else? Jenna, what about you? I think the feeling after you've done Zumba. No one can relate.

Yes, they can. The whole Zumba community can relate. No, but we're talking about the little things in life. A one hour class. That's not little. That's a commitment. Yeah, true. Very true.

Okay. Well, after any, even if it's a small workout, how it feels afterwards? I suppose the endorphins. I've got one. When you go to Macca's Drive-Thru, right, and all the new modern ones have two entry points and there's two cars in one and you pull next to one and the car instantly goes so you beat the one next to you.

When you pick the right Macca's Drive-Thru lane. When you pick the right Macca's Drive-Thru lane. What you pick the right Macca's drive-thru lane. What was that little brow for? It's just funny that that's where your head goes. It happened to me today on the way to work. I bet it did. It did. It's been dusty.

As Helen Keller once said, this podcast is fucking dope. You're listening to Is It Just Me? A podcast by a couple of midges. Do you remember in high school, like talking about drugs now, it's so open and it's a different thing. But in high school, I couldn't even say the words drugs. I was so scared of it. It was really weird in high school. I used to think, oh, well, actually more so after high school, in order to be cool, you have to like try drugs and stuff. But I wouldn't even know who to ask.

I'm not cool enough. I don't have any friends that have them now i don't know where i've ended up in life but i feel like they're just thrown at me like people offer them to me all the time they're like bro you want a cap like oh like yeah you know what it's been one night at pufdorf and the amount of offers i get it's like it's so easy to obtain them and i'm like how did i get here no thank you that sounds awful so i met someone the other night and they were like have you been to poof doof have you been to poof doof have you been to poof doof i'm like no they're like poof doof isn't just a club for me it's my home and i thought for fuck's sake maybe bump up your rant and get a new place because that's disgusting that you think

that a gay club is your home no i'm not gonna lie poof doof in sydney for those who don't know ivy in syd Sydney is like the straightest of straight nightclubs and it has been for like decades. Everyone's wearing Lynx Africa. Yeah. They started to like decline popularity. So they've made Saturday night Pooftorf night, which is hilarious because it's like, I can't believe Ivy is now Pooftorf.

Yeah. Yeah. The place you wouldn't go a year ago because you'd be bashed is now the place you do go. Yeah, exactly. Very odd. And it actually is quite good. I went to the opening night and I've been back a few times since then. And it's like, it's a lot less cramped than the clubs on Oxford Street.

Like, and I see a lot more people I know there. And it's like all the different floors, all the different spots. There's places to chill out. It's got a nice sense of community and also way cheaper. But then I feel bad for little old Oxford Street. Think of the different spots. There's places to chill out. It's got a nice sense of community and also way cheaper. But then I feel bad for little old Oxford Street. Think of the history attached. I have only ever been gay clubbing like three times. And each time it's been with you, you've been there every time.

I don't feel it. You have. When? I don't remember this at all. I don't remember. You're asking me. Because you always, every time we go gay clubbing or there's the offer there or the invite there, you always bail just because you're like, no, I don't want to.

I'm basically married. I have no interest. I just want to sit at home and put face masks on and watch Love It or List It. And you know what? That's all right. Because say it with me. There's more to life than drugs and dick. All right.

That's the new show mantra. All right. Let's get into Talk Back Tings, shall we? Yes, Talkback Tings is where I bring the little bits of gold that I find when listening to Talkback. Because you work in FM radio, you very much suck in your own little bubble. I am, and I have to say, for those of you who are listening,

we have a lot of overseas listeners, which I just discovered. FM and AM radio, the two waves, the two wave bands we have. FM is where you have the pop music and the shows, and AM is talkback. Very little music, very right-wing, right-leaning. Typically, a lot older people listen to talkback, but there's plenty of people that are just interested in news and current affairs that are young that listen.

But predominantly, I think that's, like, do you say 40-plus is who they have in mind? Oh, for sure. Even older. Yeah, 50, 60 plus. But the thing is, there's so many more shows and stations on AM that there's just more room for crazy. They have to talk all the time.

Yeah, I have to feel a talk break about Louis Tomlinson for a minute and I freak out. They talk for an hour on coal seam gas exactly and then and a lot of them have a live stream camera streaming them do they yes on their sites i'm pretty sure 2gb does oh bless me they wouldn't even know what that means oh i didn't even know that it's constantly on there's a there is seemingly a red blinking dot in the room what is that i didn't? I didn't approve. I didn't approve. Today we're not listening to John Laws. We're listening to the guy that does the night show on the same station, 2SM. So I'm competing with him.

Well, yeah, he's technically your rival at night time. So his name's Graham Gilbert, and as Wikipedia very generously phrases it, it says, in 2002, Gilbert's night time show on 2SM scored a rating of 0.1 in Sydney, the lowest rating ever recorded for a commercial program in Metro Market in Australia. 2SM subsequently withdrew from the Sydney radio ratings. So now

they don't really have any way of knowing how many people do or don't listen. But he does get callers. He does get a lot of calls. I'll tell you that. But unfortunately, most of those callers, calling you to Graham Gilbert, are prank callers. I don't know why. He's just become a target for prank callers. I've done it before. I'm not going to lie.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's just so easy. He's such an easy target. He's had a lot of them over the years. Most famously, I would say, would be the India prank call. This is so funny. I can't explain.

You've heard it? Yeah, I've heard this. Have you, Jenna? No. Okay, so I've got a quick example for you just to hear that. So basically people call in and troll him by answering every question he asks in his quiz with the answer India. Here it is.

Question one. Which Australian gymnast won Commonwealth Games gold in 1990 and again in 1994 for his performance on the pommel horse? Step in the dark, India. No, I didn't think you were that dumb. I didn't think you were that dumb, Lincoln, but clearly I was wrong. Hello, Thomas. G'day, Graeme.

Yeah, mate. Got these bloody idiots calling up again. But you'll have the answer. What do you think it might be Graeme. Yeah, mate. Got these bloody idiots calling up again. But you'll have the answer. What do you think it might be? India. Yeah. Thomas, it's bedtime now. Off you go.

Okay? Off you go. 131269, hello there, Marcus. Yes, good evening. Yes, mate. Have you got an answer for us? India. Yeah, Marcus.

Grow up. Yeah, grow up. Good on you. Oh, boy, is it. Yeah, grow up. Good on you. Oh, boy, is it going to be one of those nights? Robert, good evening. Hello, Graeme, how are you? Not too bad, mate. Sorry, after all that nonsense, could you repeat the question, please?

Yeah, the question is, mate, which Australian gymnast won Commonwealth Games gold in 1990 and again in 1994 for his performance on the pommel horse. Oh, just get my megaphone. There we are. I wasn't even clever, mate. Not even clever. Hello, Eve.

Hi, Graham. Yes, who do you think it was? Oh, India. Eve, don't fall for their silly games, okay? You're much too nice to fall for their silly games. Oh, my God. I love how he says, oh, another one of those nights. This must happen a lot.

Also, what the fuck is a pommel horse? I have no idea. I don't think anyone actually knew the answer. Poor Eve just, like, couldn't do it either. I know. But who are these people? I've done so much research. I cannot find out how the India call started.

I don't know if they're still happening, but they've happened plenty of times. It's all over YouTube. But obviously he's aware of those prank callers. Often he just plays music because he gives up trying to do talk back. But some prank calls do slip through the cracks and he doesn't realise that they're a prank caller. I think I know what you mean. So this one that I'm about to play, someone called through and rather than talking to him, they just recited the lyrics

to the Family Guy theme song. I've given you the theme song over there. Why don't you play it? It seems today that all you see is violence in movies. You know it. Classic. But where are those good old-fashioned values? And so someone called through with those lyrics to see You know it. Classic. And so someone called through with those lyrics to see if he would notice.

Here's how it went. Talk Tonight on 131269. Hello, Brian. Good evening, Graeme. How are you? Yes, good, thanks. Mate, it seems today that all you see is violence in movies and sex on TV. Right. Where are the good old-fashioned values on which we used to rely? Well, that's a good point, isn't it?

And it's interesting. They've done a couple of surveys of late, and people are not going to movies as much as they used to, and the reason they give is because of the unnecessary language, the unnecessary sexual scenes. And you're right, people are simply wanting to go back to movies where the whole family can go and it can be wholesome. Well, lucky there's the family guy.

Yeah. You know? OK. Thank you very much. OK, good on you, mate. I thought he had more to say. 13, 12, 69. Talk tonight.

The best part of you is an old-fashioned values on which we used to align. Couldn't agree more. The movies, the boobies, and the vaginas. It's awful. I know, right? You bought a ride into it. And he took the bait. He had no idea.

And so the challenge is, because Graham Gilbert is so hyper-aware of prank callers, is to try and slip through the cracks. So what you just heard, Mitch, I bet you're wondering why I asked to push back the recording time this week to a bit later at night. My actual night show starts very soon. Yes, I know. And Jenna, you've missed Oomba for this. I know. Pump class. He's on seven till midnight.

So there's like a two hour window and we are currently in that window. So I was thinking. Oh, do you want us to call him? I want you to call and like that person did, recite some lyrics that sound like a conversation and see if he notices. So 13 12 69 is the number. Get it ready.

Oh, I don't think I can. You knew this was coming though. Like you act so like, oh, you're going to make me do this. But every time we do talkback things, I always tend to make you do something. I'm like, what have you learned from me, Mitchell? You do something off the back of it. Okay, if you give me the lyrics, I'll do it. Well, a couple of the ones that I thought of were Party in the USA by Miley Cyrus.

Here's the lyrics. Okay, thank you. There you go. Oh, yeah. So just say hello. Ready? G'day, mate. Oh, Graham, I hopped off the plane at LAX with a dream and my cardigan.

Welcome to the land of fame excess. Oh, am I gonna fit in? No, see, the rhyming is too obvious, isn't it? It's hard. Yeah, you can't do that. So then I jumped in a cab, Graham. Here I am for the first time. No, you're right. I can't do that. So then I jumped in a cab, Graham. Here I am for the first time. No, you're right. I can't do that.

The other one, another one I came up with was All Star by Smash Mouth. Oh, yeah. Do you want to try? So, you know that song from Shrek, Jenna? Yes. Yeah. So talk tonight, Graham Gilbert. Good evening.

Oh, Graham. Yeah, somebody once told me the world is going to roll me. Hey, Graham, I'm the first to admit I ate the sharpest tool in the shed She was looking kinda damn right With her finger in her thumb I reckon that one's better than Party in the USA It's the rhymes though, the rhymes Throw us off

Do you reckon Jenna, let's go with that one? Can you think of any others? No, that one's the best It's better than Party in the USA anyway No, I've got one I don't want to tell you what it is, but I've got one What is it? I don't want to tell you what it is, but I've got one. What is it? I don't want to tell you what it is.

But I like the author. I don't want you to know. Oh, God. Is he going to put me on hold? We're like 3,000 staff over a long period of time. Talk tonight. Your name, please. Vern.

You're on air, Vern. What did you want to say, mate? I just wanted to talk about Ancestry.com and genealogy. Yeah, very quickly. Graeme, you wouldn't believe it, but I just took a DNA test, and it turns out I'm 100% that bitch. Yeah, that sounds right, Vern. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

He didn't take the bait at all. He hated it. What a Vern. I don't take the bait at all. He hated it. What a band. I don't know where it came from. So that was, what was, wait, which song was that again? I can't remember what it's called. Oh, let me get it up. Lizzo, Truth Hurts.

Yeah, that's right. It's a Lizzo lyric, classic. Your friend that you caught up with last week. Yeah, my BFF, Miss Lizzo. You can only play five seconds. That's around five seconds. Go on. Three. Okay. around five seconds. Go on. One man great, so they gotta be great. Give that.

Okay. Here you go. I just took a DNA test. Turns out I'm 100%. There you go. Oh, my God. I like the tie-in with the Ancestry.com. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, mate, I've just been on Ancestry. That's how one of these old fart callers would start. Oh, you wouldn't believe it. I found the internet. No, I love how I said, Ancestry.com. Yeah, keep it quick. He didn't have time for Burns bullshit. Jenna, do you have flashback on there?

Yep. Yep. Okay. Can you go and find 2SM and then just, like, scroll to what just happened and send it to me? I want to know what he said after, because reckon he would have like slagged you off a bit more. Gone on a rant. Because what did he say just then?

He said, oh my God, what did he say? Yeah. And I don't remember. I just, you're asking the wrong person again. Can we just talk about the fact that that was way too easy to get on air? He didn't even vet me. Like normally when someone rings my show, I go, hi, it's Kiss Nights. What do you want to talk about?

What's your name? Get their name. And if they're shit, I get rid of them. Or if they want to talk about something stupid, I don't put them on. But I never go straight to air with someone. No. And like if you call a talkback station, which is different to Kiss, they still go through the basic what's your name and what do you want to talk about.

Off speakerphone, everything. They usually get your suburb too. Like, oh, James from Croydon. That was weird that he put me straight on. He just put you on air and says what's your name. He's just asking for it. I was going to say, he's asking to be baseless. Oh, my God.

I can't believe that just happened. We were in and out so quick. It's over before it even started. It's like getting a needle. Have you got it, Jenna? Yeah, just sent it. I can get it in the system. Wait there.

Hold on. Did you say call it 2SM Flashback? Yeah. I've got it up. Did you get it? Yeah, I've get it in the system. Wait there. Hold on. Did you say call it 2SM Flashback? Yeah. Yeah, I've got it up. Did you get it? I've got it. What else would 2SM Flashback be in the system? I don't know.

It could be an old one. What else would that be? So this is after he hung up on me. We obviously didn't hear what Hay said on air, but this is him carrying on after the prank call. Here we go. Talk tonight. Your name, please.

Vern. You're on air, Vern. What did you want to say, mate? I just wanted to talk about Ancestry.com and genealogy. Yeah, very quickly. Graeme, you wouldn't believe it, but I just took a DNA test. And it turns out I'm 100% that bitch. Yeah, that sounds right, Vern.

So you hung on for that, did you? Yeah, I think you've described yourself 100%, Vern, okay? Yep, we've got your number so we won't put you back on talk tonight on 13 12 69. Okay, that wasn't too bad actually. It's actually better hearing it from the other point of view. Yeah, it's very

smug. Well, we'll be about to put you back on. I reckon we could easily get back on. That was not hard at all. Such a piece of shit. Anyway, well done. Thank you. That was a successful prank. I think that was

the least nervous you've been when I've given you like a talk back to you and a little challenge to do. Well, I had the song in my head and I thought, I'm just going to do it because I've got to be on air

very soon, so we didn't have much time. Yeah, I know. And give me the number. What was the thing I had to do? See, I've remembered the game. At the start of the show, you gave me a number.

Oh, that's right. Okay, well, I'm going to have to look it up myself. What was it? So this was to test whether your memory games are working or not. Oh, how many reviews did you get? No, I said we've had 102 views, which what

percentage of the people that died on the Titanic is 102? The percentage was 6.8. Oh, look at you go. Was that right? No, I didn't Google it. I'm going to look at your jotting. I haven't written down anywhere.

Unlock your phone. No, there haven't been. Oh, okay. No, the most recent thing you had open wasn't the Instagram. Okay, you didn't even cheat. Look at you go. Your games are working. Thank you.

Your memory games are working. Don't be stupid. Well, anyway. It's a pleasure being here this week. Can I tell you that I have a couple more talkback tings ready to go? Well, I do too, actually. Do you? Yeah, because I finish at midnight every night,

so I hear the late night talkback. And if you think primetime talkback is drivel, holy shit. Yeah. An old man at 1am in the morning, he's different to a normal man. There's something going on in his brain. So you've started listening to Talkback? I've been listening and I've been calling. Really?

Yes. I've had so much fun. I've called so many stations. Oh my God. Well, firstly, I can't believe I'm such an influencer. I've cottoned you onto Talkback. We've only done this segment a few times and here you are. What the fuck do you call about?

All the time. What station? Oh no, I won't tell you. We'll get into it another episode not next week because christ we can't do the same thing two weeks in a row but okay well you can go next time i guess but i've got i've got something that i heard again i think it was at like it was actually right before midnight it's like 11 50 something oh really it's always the late late night where it gets loose oh late night's weird man but they still isn't it weird that talkback stations still get call as well into the night?

Like, people are fucking awake and still engaging with them. Oh, with talkback, yeah. Live. You know, I get so many calls at night. Are the phone lines open? Right now? No, they're closed. Can you open them?

And we are not... We're about to wrap the show. Get rid of the music. Okay. We are not wrapping the show until someone calls. I want to answer the next call. I don't think anyone's going to call because right now we're in. You just said, I get so many callers.

Very true. Do we really have to wait for someone to call? I mean, not all my fucking ideas are good. We don't have to, but I'm happy. You want to do it? Uh-uh. How are you? I'm good.

Yeah, I'm good. How are you? Really good, actually, yeah. Should I open? Oh, don't worry. Open what? No, nothing. No, what? No, nothing'm good. How are you? Really good, actually, yeah. Should I open? Oh, don't worry. Open what? No, nothing. No, what?

No, nothing, Jenna. When I say nothing, Jenna, I mean nothing. You're fired. You're the rat. He's not a rat. He's more a ferret. Me? Yes.

I'm not a ferret. Ferrets have long, slender bodies. But ferrets are cute. Oh, what am I thinking of if I'm thinking of you're a ferret? Maybe a skunk. Raccoon? Have you ever noticed that if you add a climate before an animal, it makes it sound so much more insulting?

Like instead of just saying, oh, you're a pig, you go, oh, you desert pig. Yeah, very true. Yeah. Oh, you Appalachian grub. Couldn't think of it. While we wait, let's play a little game I created. Today's game is Let the Beat Rock. Okay, so it's pretty simple, guys.

I've got the beats of very famous songs. And you have to tell me the name of the song. No lyrics, no words, no instruments, just the pure beat. Does this count as copyright for the podcast copyright laws thing? No, this is fine. Okay, so they're only five seconds? Yeah, they're instrumentals. I don't know the law there, but fuck it.

That's fine. Who cares? Do you want to hear the rules or should I set them up enough? You just have to guess what the beat is, right? Like what the song is. Yeah, very true. All right, are we ready for the first one? Sure.

Here we go, ladies and gents. Your name is your buzzer. And I... Jenna. Jenna got in first. Diamonds. Oh, sorry. I didn't hear the name of your buzzer. Well done, Jenna.

I just started singing along because I knew it. No, that's okay. That's more than a beat. There's some background, like, synth effects and shit. We've got to give it away somehow, otherwise it would just be literal bass. Bush pig. Next one.

Oh, Mitchell. Uh-oh. No, we're not a brand. I got stamina. There we go. Well done. Okay. What made you think of this game?

Yes. Well done. Okay, here we go. You should know this more than anyone. Jenna. What? Pok than anyone. Jenna. What? Poker face. Yes.

She's done it. Play it again. Play it again. I don't recognise that at all. Just wait. Oh, there we go. Let's try and sing it. Oh, there we go.

We're done. All right, last one. Winner takes all. Mitchell. Jenna. Do you ever feel like a... Shut up, Jenna. This is my moment. Well done.

You've done it. Just a bit of feedback. But can I say something? I thought the game was you answer with your name and then the name of the song. He said Mitchell and he said Firework. He sang. Yeah, but I clearly identified the song.

He identified the song. You said no singing. Jenna, don't be daft. It doesn't suit you. I asked you to play the rules too and no one wanted to hear it. Bit of feedback. Yeah. You played the beat from the verse and then when you played the answer,

you played the chorus. They're different beats. You should play the same section of the song from the verse And then when you played the answer You played the chorus They're different beats You should play the same section of the song in the reveal When you're playing When you're on radio You want the listeners to know You want them to hear the thing they most recognise Well then play the beat they most recognise, clown

Bushclown Stop Bushclown You tropical clown Oh dear Well we're still waiting for Let's play another game I created Bush Clown. You tropical clown. Oh, dear. Well, we're still waiting for... Let's play another game I created. You ready for this?

Yeah. Time to break it down now. Break it down now. Someone's ringing. Shut up. Okay. Hello? It's me.

I'm over it. I want to go home. Are we done? Yeah, it's late, darling. Yeah, this wasn't my best idea. Let's go. Okay, me. I'm over it. I want to go home. Are we done? Yeah, it's late, though. Yeah, this wasn't my best idea. Let's go. Okay, we'll see you next week. All right.

Thanks for listening, guys. We'll catch you again next week. Don't forget to leave us a review. No, we want to get to 110 by next week, ladies and gents. Let's just keep setting benchmarks. Written ones are better. Don't just pop five stars and move on with your life. Thank you.

For God's sake. Go to a bit of effort. Take some pride in your work. Amen. Next week we're on with a very special guest. That's right. That's all we're going to say, but if you have a child, they're going to love it.

Not Emma Wiggle. It's not Emma Wiggle, and it's not the one that our friend had fun with. What? High five, kid. Oh, yeah, no. One of my friends banged the supporting cast member for the Wiggles. Whoa! Not one of the main Wiggles. Can you fuck off with the sound effects?

No. Wasn't one of the main Wiggles, but just like one of the supporting cast. It's up there with the wag, the dog with the world. It was the puppet, the one that looked like a mop. He fucked, what's its name? I don't want to say. Apparently they're married. Yeah.

But this friend that did the banging, he's one of the people who the drugs and dick list was aimed at. Interesting. All right, we'll see you next week. All right. Thanks to all our callers. Bye-bye. Is it just me?

Don't forget to subscribe and leave a review on your podcast app. Why do I always have to talk first in A to D Brief? Because I always talk first at the top of the show and you always talk first at the bottom. It's our roles. Don't forget, you can call us. This is the secret segment. And lines are open. We've already established that no one calls these lines.

Well, people can call. Listen, this is AD Debrief if you're new here. It's our secret segment. We pretend the show's over, hoping to trick people out of listening, because this is the loose part, you know. We don't really stay on track. There is no track to stay on, in fact. That's why it's AD Debrief.

No focusing required. It's like a ghost train. It's on its way to nowhere. Oh, we got one before I could even announce it. That's how popular it is. We've won three bloggies for these. You can actually live tweet us during the show. Who's that?

That's the ShamWow guy. He says, love the show, guys. It's very nice. Now, Mitchell. Yeah. This gag. Sorry, that's my youth voice. Jenna, you can give me your opinion on this too.

Of course. I feel that this gag where he plays a really obnoxious amount of sound effects and pretends that we have live tweets and shit and just plays random sound effects for no fucking reason. Yeah. I think that should live only in ADD brief. That started to bleed into the show just then. It did, but that's because we had to wait for your stupid call.

Yeah. This is stupider. It's not. Stupider. Is that a word? I don't think it is. Probably not, though. Google it, producer Jenna.

Someone's here. Someone's here. Let them in. Hello. Next time, could you pretty please use the doorbells right there? Someone's here. Let them in. Hello? Next time, could you pretty please use the doorbells? Right there, just test it. Christ almighty. They're out of here, they're gone.

See, I did get new sound effects. You often say to me, Mitchell! And when you say, Mitchell, my full name, my heart starts racing. Get terrified. I'm in trouble. I've been naughty. He's going to kill me. And then he goes, get new sound effects.

And what do I do? I get them. And I say, Mitch, I got sound effects. So I call him and I call Mitch and all I hear is. Anyway. You actually did get new sound effects. Those memory games are working a treat. They are, actually.

Because I used to say to you, not even off-air, just like when we were doing the show, I'd be like, mate, the only reason I put up with this segment is on the false, the only reason I put up with this gag is on the false promise that you will get new sound effects so I'm not hearing the same shit every week, and you never do. But here we are, a fresh batch. Yep, 100%.

Fucking hell. Yep. I just like to, you know, be prepared here we are, a fresh batch. Yep, 100%. Fucking hell. Yep, I just like to, you know, be prepared for you guys, you know what I mean? I don't know. I don't have everything ready. Do you think people listen this far in the show? Yeah. I was talking to someone and they said,

I didn't realise that ADD Brief was a thing, I just stopped the episode. Yes. And I said, but there's clearly at least a quarter of the audio left. When you look at the little thing that you drag. Yeah, that's what I mean. ADD brief is meant to be like a 10-minute bit on the end. It's usually at the halfway mark.

Yeah, it goes all along. But tonight we don't have much time. But yeah, I've had a couple of people say the same thing. They're like, I only the other day heard ADD brief for the first time. I didn't realise that was a thing. And I was like, oh, it works. Yeah. I'm not proud of this section of the show. No, nor am I. Jenna, are you? It's. Yeah. This is where we, this is, I'm just not, I'm not proud of this section of the show.

No, nor am I. Jenna, are you? It's not good. Jenna, don't speak porpoise on the show. I can't help it. Sorry. It's fine. It just happens sometimes.

Idiot. It's the sliding door. No, you can't come in through the doors, okay? Close them. Thank you. Thank you very much. So what I didn't tell you guys when I first, oops, sorry. I've also installed Facebook Messenger live. Oh, no.

Live Facebook Messenger. Oh, another one. That's not even the Facebook Messenger sound anymore. Yes, it is. No, there's a new one. Is there? Oh, hi. Who's that?

You know the one that's like, no. Is it? On a laptop is what I'm talking about. Phone Messenger is different. You just message me now. Okay. Sure thing. I'm talking about. Phone messenger is different. You just message me now. Okay. Sure thing. I'm going to open my laptop.

What was that? I just opened my laptop. Sounded like one of those salmon tubes. You know that video that went viral? Yes. Where they put the salmon in a giant pipe. You know at Coles and Woolies, I don't know if they still use them, but when I worked there, they had vacuums right next to the register

and when you had to send too much cash, you'd suck it up. Really? You'd go, code green, register four, code green, register four. Just kidding. And it would go above all the customers' heads. And then in head office, Gail, who would sit in the finance area, would be sitting there eating KFC. Then the shoot above her head would just drop into her lap, and she'd eat it, but it was money.

Are you going to message me or not? I'm doing it now. Ready? He forgot. See? I was nailing it. It's not that old. I haven't heard that.

Can you play that message again? Yeah. Well, someone has to message us. I'm not playing anything. You're lucky someone did that. I haven't heard that in ages. This was this. Is this even MSN maybe?

Yeah, it's MSN. I think it is MSN. Oh, that's right. It's not even Facebook Messenger. They used to have a very similar one. Really? Yeah. Now, you guys talk amongst yourselves.

I'm just going to cook my dinner. What are you cooking? Do you cook? So I love to cook. Really? Yeah, I love to cook. I actually do love to cook. I really do.

You've got all that. This is what I miss about when I used to work night hours. It's that time in the morning. You've got like, I didn't start work till two. You don't start till fucking six. Yeah, six p.m. So like, yeah, you could wake up at like 11 and then just pissed around all day. Imagine the meals you can make in that time.

I do piss around, but I don't do much. Yeah, I believe you. I watched an entire series of American Horror Story in two days. How many episodes are in it? 13. Oh. That's not that impressive. 13, but they're like hour-long episodes.

Oh, okay. And it's very convoluted. They're like, the witch was also the clown that's your dad and the principal the whole time. It's like, fuck. Oh, got one. Oh. Sorry. That is in it. Someone just nudged us. That's exciting. I didn't realise that's something we could do. That. Oh, got one. Sorry, someone just nudged us.

That's exciting. I didn't realise that's something we could do. That's not a nudge. We could do. On a nudge is. No, nudge is. Oh, yeah, it was. Oh, shit.

No, that's. I'm not playing it. I'm not playing it, Jenna. Jenna, have you given birth again? That's why she wants to go to a body pump class so she can get impregnated again. Can you stop now? Jenna, is – hold on.

Hey, Siri, is Jenna pregnant? Yes. There you go. Interesting. I've enabled Siri on the show too. Jenna, can I tell you, the other day we were – I was in the office until late, had this bloody project I had to work on. And so my work hours crossover with Mitch's, which never happens anymore.

He doesn't get in until he was meant to get in at six. That doesn't often happen on the dot, does it? No. Very rare. But he was in the office at the same time as me. And he was sitting out in the pit there where the producers sit. And his boyfriend FaceTimed him. About half an hour later in the

studio i come in just to be like oh so on the show tomorrow yeah they're facetiming again and i was like hayden what could possibly have happened in your life that needs updating 30 minutes yes and then i pissed off again for an hour i came back and they're talking again and i was like what the fuck is that what's what's new now and he goes i'll marry at first sight finish and i was like oh how like it's nice that they're in love quite clearly and they like each other's company Mark, what's new now? And he goes, oh, married at first sight, finished. And I was like, oh, how? Like, it's nice that they're in love quite clearly and they like each other's company and they want to talk all the time. But it's been a year.

Just relax. Do you reckon you're going to get out of that phase or is that the constant thing? But there's no phase. Like, we just enjoy talking to each other. But, like, FaceTime's one thing. But think about it. We don't talk to each other. I won't see him because I start at 6 and finish at midnight and he starts at 8am and finishes at 5.

We'd never see each other until weekends. So that's when we talk. Yeah, just do it in the one FaceTime. Oh, please. You wouldn't understand. God. No, I wouldn't, to be honest. Whose first tweet?

Sorry about that. What were you even talking to him about, though? Because every time I came in, I was like, what is going on? We hadn't caught up about the day. Oh, right. And that was a three-part series, was it? The day? Let me tell you.

Times are different. Back when you were dating, people would just do it. Now, I mean, Scotty Cam, why don't you tell him what's happened? Can you stop with the sound effects? I'm trying to have a fucking conversation. Times have changed. Get rid of it. Times have changed.

Times have changed. It's 2020. Did you hear what he said? All right, we're going to go, guys. We're back next week. We have a special guest. No, no, no. We can genuinely talk about it.

We talk a lot on the phone. Not really. Just one more time for old time's sake. Talk tonight, your name please. Hold on, stop for a sec. Can you go back to that tick sound effect? I made that. Did you?

I remember making that. That's the Not My Cup of Tea tick. That's our cross as well. I like it. I use it for my show at nights. What? I like every show having its own, like, that's why we use all the same beds here and, like, all the same backing tracks and the same whooshes and shit.

I like every show to have its own, like, identity, you know? I've been using that for a while. And so I made my own ticks and cross sound effects, like, correct and incorrect. And you've been using them on Kiss. For quite a while. They have, the Kiss have their own. Yeah, but I prefer these. The Kiss ones are too intense. Do you want to. The Kiss have their own. Yeah, but I prefer these. The Kiss ones are too intense.

Do you want to hear the Kiss ones? Yeah. It's very prison-like. God. We really need to get out of here because my show's on in like 15 minutes and I haven't even prepared. I've got Conan Gray on the show. That's very you.

It is very me. You know what? Why don't we do it for old time's sake? We'll close the show as if we were at the Oscars and we had a great show. That's not old time's sake. And all of a sudden, we're getting played off, guys. We have to go.

It's been a great week. We're back next week. Who's on, Mitch? I don't want to say. If you got this far. What do you mean? Should we tell them? No.

Okay, well, the music's getting gradually louder. Also, all this omitting who it actually is is almost like overhype. Yeah, very true. Help me, John! Like, it's going to be fun, and we really like the person, but it's not fucking... It's Cathy Freeman. It is. She's bringing her medals

and a labradoodle. How did that spring to mind for you? Guys, the music isn't getting quieter. We're at the Oscars. Who's the most unexciting guest to co-host that we could possibly bring in? Libby Trickett is on the show. We're bringing Julie Goodwin out of retirement. She's bringing a croquet bush.

All right, we'll see you next week. We've bailed out Paulini. God forbid she didn't drive. All right, we'll see you next week, guys. Can you turn it down? I can't, we're at the Oscars. I'm the conductor. I'm just going to stop the band.

There we go. That worked. That did work. Ah! Sorry, I'm just stretching. Well, rest assured on the way home, I'll be listening to Graeme Gilbert, not you. That's fine. Me too, to be honest. I wonder if he knew it was me.

No! Do you think he listens to Kiss? Kiss? He's literally working when you're working. Very true. We're done. I'll see you next week. Yeah, all right.

Let's go. Bye. Bye, guys. Thanks for listening. Have a good show. Thank you so much, all right. Let's go. Bye. Bye, guys. Thanks for listening. Have a good show. Thank you so much. All right. See you soon.

Yeah. Bye. Is it just me? Don't forget to subscribe and leave a review on your podcast app.