Is It Just Me? - #165: Straight Dick Heads

Episode Date: October 15, 2023

In this episode: Coombs’ first squishmallow (02:37) First days on the job (11:44) Straight fuck heads at Wharf Bar (24:07) Our “Secret Segment” ADDebrief (36:32)   Hit us up: @coupleofmitches Send us a text: 0422 948 202 Join our Facebook group 'Endurant Idiots' facebook.com/groups/477062186470271See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is Is It Just Me? Hosted by a couple of Mitches. Hello, you. Hello, you. Go! Brace yourself for the rude shocks of young adulthood. Oh, please, you're in bed with a cup of bloody Horlicks by 8. Horlicks?

It puts you to sleep. It's like a malt drink. Sounds like a slur. Oh, I've heard that. Horlicks. Ha-ha-ha! Now, here's Mitch Chury and Mitchell Coombs. Hello, you. Hello, you. Hello.

This is very cosy. Yeah, why don't you tell the people where we're broadcasting from today? I've been seduced into Mitchell Chury's bedroom. Hello. What a diva. You're the second twink in my bed this week. You're not. You're not.

You did actually say to me, and this was interesting given the last few weeks you've been alluding to the fact that you wanted to pork me when we first met. You did say to me, why don't we just lay on the bed? And I was like, you can lay down. Is there a chair I can sit on? That feels a little bit too intimate. You made it really weird. We're old friends.

I know. That's true. Are we close enough that if I got really blind drunk, I could just crash in your bed? Absolutely. I'm not going to fiddle with you. I know that you wouldn't fiddle with me, but I'm like, I would feel like that. I remember once I crashed on your couch and I felt like I was intruding. No, because you know what?

I remember that. You crashed on the couch in the early days of my old relationship and it was new for me to live with another person. But then you were in there, so we were all kind of like, how do we operate this? It was because I'd driven to your house. We were having a couple of drinks, and then we got a bit carried away. It was a fun night.

Yeah, it was fun. But I was like, can I just crash on the couch for a couple of hours until I can drive again? So I got up at midnight or something, and I was like, oh, I'm sober now. I can go home. Yeah, because you woke up and you were gone. Yeah.

I wasn't intending to stay the night and be like, make me breakfast, please. But yeah, it felt weird intruding. And so I'm like, do we have that sort of friendship where I can just crash in your bed? I feel like if I met someone on a night out and we were just friends, I'd be like, come and crash in my bed. It doesn't bother me. Okay. That's interesting. I've got a king size bed. The way I'm sitting now, I'm in my bedroom in my childhood home, my family house, and I'm on the left hand side of my king bed. And find the way I'm sitting now, I'm in my bedroom in my childhood home, my family house, and I'm on the left-hand side of my king bed. And then Mitch has pulled

a chair and he's sitting at the end of the bed. I've got me feet up. Don't worry. You do. We're very comfortable. I'm comfy. Look, this is my squishmallow. Oh, she's gorgeous. You've never felt one, have you? I haven't actually.

Okay. Well, don't feel mine because I've got a gift for you. Really? Yeah. I'm going to have to crawl across the bed. Oh, this is so awkward. Excuse me, where is the emotional support penis plush toy I got you? The dog took it and the dog has been humping it. Hamish, my family dog. Oh, it's a dog toy now.

That was a birthday present. Close your eyes. Okay. Open. Oh, my God. I got you a Squishmallow. Oh, wow. I'm just feeling it for the first time. Squishmallows are quite lovely. Oh, my God. I got you a Squishmallow. Oh, wow. I'm just feeling it for the first time.

Squishmallows are quite lovely. Oh, they're so lush. Wow. Now, describe what you think it is. It looks like a rat holding a donut. What is it? Yeah, as soon as I saw the rat, I thought of you. I wanted to get you the most Australiana animal possible because I thought, you know, you're a country boy.

Yeah. You're as Aussie as it gets. I wanted to get like a possum. So to me, that's a possum. What's the occasion? Why am I getting a Squishmallow? It's not my birthday or anything. Because we said we'd get you one and then you said, I said you'd have to pick it yourself,

but I knew you wouldn't do it. Yeah, I wouldn't do it. You know, I did go to one of those like arcade game things the other day. You know how you play those games, you hit the hammer, you score a certain amount of tickets and then you go to the store afterwards and depending how many tickets you won in all the games, you can choose a prize. Yeah.

I only had like 100 points. I needed 2,000 to win a Squishmallow. I was so determined. I was like, I'm going to win my first Squishmallow. I wasn't even close. What did you get, a slappy hand, one of those sticky hands? No, I got like a pig stress ball. Oh, you would have loved that.

Yeah, no, I was happy with my pig, but I'm also happy with this Squishmallow. How gorgeous. hand one of those sticky hands no i got like a pig stress ball oh you would have loved that yeah no i was happy with my pig but i'm also happy with this squishmallow how gorgeous isn't it like so lush and and squishy it's not what i was expecting it's very different to a normal stuffed toy yeah it feels like it's full of jelly a squishmallow's pat in you because their sales are gone through the roof i saw in our facebook group so many people being like i got my first one after Cheery mentioned them. I know. And they've all got names on them.

What's your name? I think it's on the tag. But you can name it whatever you want. Or maybe it came off. So it's a possum, is it? I think so. Where's the name? I'm not sure, actually.

Maybe I'm lying. Oh. I think I'm going to have to Google the possum donut because I want to know its name. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I think it might be a mouse if you want to get the actual. Oh, so I was right when I said rat. I got it from Kmart, yeah.

It's quite cute. I went to Kmart and they've got like the collaborations now. Fuck, you'd think Squishmallow are paying me. We should send them to them. They've got like Star Wars ones and Lion King Squishmallows. Oh, yeah, the bloody Spider-Man crap. Yes, but I love mine. I've got a little yellow one.

Like I said, I miss Chipley and Harris, my old two, but what can you do? Oh, I think it's called Camillo. Yours? Yeah. Oh. It's called Camillo with Donut. Oh. See?

Yeah, look at him. Hi, Camillo. How are you? Camillo Parker Bowles. By the way, while we're in your bedroom, can I just ask a question? Because ever since your birthday party here at this house, I've been waiting for some sort of reaction. But did you even notice that I fucked with your bedroom?

Oh, my God. Was that you? Yes. That was you. Yes. I swapped all your drawers around to confuse you. I'm surprised you didn't touch the sex toy drawer. No, I didn't touch that one, no.

That's right near you, so be very careful. Your whole TV cabinet, your undies and socks drawer, your bloody makeup stand over there, whatever you call it. I just swapped the drawers to confuse you. You piece of shit. The top drawer was now the bottom drawer. I know. I was waiting for some sort of reaction.

No, I haven't been home. I've been touring. But you noticed. I've noticed and it fucked me off because my sunglasses are now on the left. They used to be on the right. My bags are now on the left. It's so annoying. I will say, they're not actually easy.

I thought I broke your cabinet. It was really hard swapping the drawers. I had to get a second pair of hands in here. Yeah, I can imagine. I haven't changed them back for that reason because I tried. Also, my shorts and it's so confusing. I got to get my jeans, but they're where my shorts are. Fuck you. Also, did you turn my Nintendo switch upside down in my candle? Yes. You're a menace. I don't know why I find it so funny just like turning shit upside down in people's houses.

It was such a pain. I didn't know who it was. It was me. Thanks a lot. Thanks. I've done it before to other friends where I've just put their bed the other way. Like the pillows are now at the foot of the bed. Yeah.

I think you've done it to my old house. Did I? Yeah. It's an old trick of yours. You should have known it was me. Well, thanks a lot for that. Thank you for coming clean. You're welcome.

The reason we're in my bedroom today is because I'm on the brink of some sort of breakdown. I'm in the middle of a national tour. It is so fucking insane. Like, oh my God, I'm exhausted. Well, it's like I said last week on paper. It's not like we're going down a mine or whatever, but it just is. It takes it out of you being on flights here, there and everywhere. And you're balancing your full time job in amongst flying to fucking Perth and all this

shit. You've done Perth, right? Yeah. So I just did, I did Perth and Adelaide this week. And by the time this episode is out, I'll have done the Sydney show and the State Theatre. Isn't that cool? That's wild. I know.

I saw an evening with Nigella Lawson there recently. At the State Theatre? Wow. It was gorgeous. It was the most wholesome evening of my life. Do you think they'll add the credits of Nigella Lawson and Mitch Turi to their alumni on the website? You can go

on the State Theatre and see who's performed. The stable of stars. Yeah, the barn of stars. No, it was actually, it was the weirdest evening ever. It was just her being interviewed by Matt Preston on stage, but I was just eating it all up. No pun intended. I was like like i could listen to nigella just talk about meals all day does she do that thing where she uses what is it is it not alliteration imagery or whatever

it's called it wasn't that there wasn't a lot of sexual innuendos in the live show it was very wholesome she's just so well spoken yeah she was saying things like i think that even if you're preparing a meal for one that's no excuse to just make some piece of shit that's just fuel like you should treat yourself and make this meal presented beautifully for yourself you know i'm not jealous some of us are depressed babe some of us can't be fucked some of us absolutely can't be fucked although sometimes when i boil my eggs i have two boiled eggs every morning i cut them in half and i do salt and pepper and salt and flaky salt yeah and like I'll do a bit of toast and I will go, oh, I feel better. And like when I perfectly runny my eggs, like when they're cooked seven minutes, bang on,

and they're runny, I go, God, my day starts better because it's aesthetic and it's perfect. I know. It's the worst when I get a little bit distracted and then I go, oh, fuck, I've overcooked the egg. There's going to be no runniness. I go, hey, Siri, start a seven minute timer. Oh, now she's going to do that. Start it. Fuck, I've overcooked the egg. There's going to be no runniness. I go, hey, Siri, start a seven-minute timer. Oh, now she's going to do that. It's going to start at fuck.

I've got nine series in my room. What about before? What happened? My Siri just started playing. Oh, there's like a little smart speaker in your room, and I accidentally knocked it off the cabinet. I picked it back up, didn't realise. I pressed a button when I was putting it back on the cabinet,

and then it just announces, now playing every song. It did. It didn't even say all songs insinuating my library. Like every song. Siri went, now playing every song. Like starting with the national anthem? What are we talking about? What did it start with?

It was like Gangnam Style or something ridiculous. Something bizarre. Something so awful. Anyway, the show today is from my bedroom. Prizekeeper Jenna is not here. No. The most ridiculous excuse to date. Oh, I wasn't across that.

You must have messaged privately. Yeah, I did. Well, I told her, okay, to make it easier on Mitch because he's on the brink of burnout and I know where he's coming from. I get it. We're going to head to his house on Saturday, which is very unusual for you to sacrifice your weekend. Yes. And she goes, I can it. We're going to head to his house on Saturday, which is very unusual for you to sacrifice your weekend. Yes.

And she goes, I can't. I'm going to be in hair and makeup all day. Oh. I was like, who do you think you are? Well, the reason she's in hair and makeup is because today, the day of recording, it is the Australian Commercial Radio Awards. Yeah, the Radio Logies, if you like. Correct.

And Jen is obviously getting dolled up, but all day? Also, I'm getting dolled up. I'm a fucking presenter. Yeah. And I'll get ready within an hour to spare. Yeah, because you're a man. Yeah, well, that's, well. I feel like I have empathy when it comes to women getting ready

because it takes me just as long with this long hair. It would, true. Would you have to shampoo that every time? Oh, God, no. No. I only wash it once a week. Once a week? Yeah. Interesting. I'm twice a week. Yeah, I've got hair masks and shit that I use time? Oh, God, no. No. I only wash it once a week. Once a week? Yeah.

Interesting. I'm twice a week. Yeah. I've got hair masks and shit that I use in the meantime. Yeah, yeah, right, right. This is riveting stuff. But yes, Jen is in here and makeup all day. Can you believe that?

We should call her actually at some point and be like, where are you at? Getting your nails done? Should we quickly call her now? Yeah, if you want. May as well. I'm connected to the desk. Which phone is she on? I think I've already put it on and up.

Oh, okay. The Bluetooth. Yeah. Is this a she on? I think I've already put it on and up. Oh, okay. The Bluetooth. Yep. Is this at FaceTime? Yeah. I wonder if she'll answer. She'll be busy in hair and makeup all day. She won't answer.

Oh! Wow. She wasn't playing. She will be in hair and makeup all day. Hide on her. She didn't pick up She will be in here and make a ball back. Hide on her. She didn't pick up. Wow. I'm very curious to see how she turns out in that case. I can't wait to see the fit.

Yeah, neither can I. All right. Well, let's start the show. Shall we, Mitchell? If it is your first time listening, we start every show with an Is It Just Me? So it's something we've noticed, something we hate or appreciate. We have one each. Mitch doesn't know mine.

I don't know Mitch's. We're going in blind. Do you want to kick things off for us today? Yeah, mine's tour related. I'm on tour and I've got things top of mind. I'm in airports three times a week. So mine's tour related. It's not very intense. You're so relatable. Yeah. Well, people can travel. People fly. Yeah, no, I can. Yeah, I think so. Do you all go first? Do you want me to start? Yeah, no, let's get into it. What's yours? What's yours? There was an incident at a pub recently. Oh, no. I've just got to stop going out, don't I?

I was going to say, I was just looking at your face to make sure your glasses were on your head. Yeah, I've got the new glasses. Don't worry. But yeah, first I had the drink spiking and then there's been another incident. I'm just going to become a Herman, I reckon. Fuck, I don't know about this one either. Yeah, well, I'll let you know. Okay, cool.

All right, let's start. Is it just me or? Do you find it weird that if your pilot flying the plane was a learner, you'd just never know about it? What? Well, how do we know it's not their first day? That's true. That's not something they'd ever disclose, is it?

No, like how do we know it's not their first time flying a literal plane? Because every pilot would have to have a first day flying. That's true. They always talk about the pilots as if you should know who they are. Like, you know, the flight attendant will say, oh, we've got Captain Greg What's-His-Face flying today. As if some frequent flyer is going to go, oh, I don't like Greg's flying. Yes. It annoys me because surely they could put like a giant fuck off L plate on the tail, you know,

covering the Qantas logo, just an L plate. What if we had to sign their logbook? Like as a passenger, you had to just go up and sign it for them. Well, they'd have more than one pilot there, isn't there usually two? There's a co-pilot, so he'd have a supervisor. I know, but sometimes I think like, God, that was such a bumpy fucking landing. Well, they'd have more than one pilot there, isn't there usually two? There's a co-pilot, so he'd have a supervisor. I know, but sometimes I think like, God, that was such a bumpy fucking landing. It would not surprise me if this was his first ever day or a really rough takeoff.

And you go, you know what? It was probably his first flight ever or her. I don't reckon they'd tell you at the start. By the way, this is my first flight. They might tell you at the end because at the start that had put you off. Oh, 100%. It would frighten me to no extent. Because I remember when I was on my Contiki tour with Jenna. Yeah, of course.

Back in 2017, our tour guide, Brit, who, by the way, she kept encouraging us to use her hashtag. Any photos you put up, hashtag ContikiBrit. Oh, really? That hashtag is still used to this day. No way. I want to check it. Go and have a look at hashtag Contiki Brit.

On Instagram. Yeah. Contiki Brit. But yeah, she was a fabulous tour guide. We loved her. Although she didn't handle the bullying incident very well, I will say. Oh, did you? That's another story.

Contiki Brit. Wow. A hundred plus posts. Yes. A thousand plus posts. And so at the end of the tour, like our last night on Contiki together, she said, by the way, I have a confession. She's Kiwi.

Kiwi, yeah. I have a confession. This is actually my first ever Contiki tour. And everyone just stood up and applauded because we were like, holy fuck, this is the first time she's led a group. And we thought that she was phenomenal. And she started crying because she was that overwhelmed at like how we were validating her.

Being like, you nailed it, bitch. Well done. First day on the job. Oh, that's very sweet. And by the looks, the hashtag is still active. So yeah, she's still in the job. She's still working. Well, I guess it's the same as like any first job.

But like I went and bought a pair of pants in the data store and it was clearly his first day. And he said to me, I'm sorry, this will be a bit slow. It's my first day. See, I don't mind that. Because then I'm more likely to be patient with them. Totally. But I guess there's some jobs where you can't.

A pilot. A pilot or a fucking heart surgeon. Like, yeah, I'm going to do your triple bypass just FYI. It's my first ever surgery. I worked at Baker's Delight last Thursday. I feel like I've had some sort of procedure done and they've mentioned, by the way, this student doctor is going to be shadowing me and watching over. Oh, that's okay.

As long as they keep their fucking hands off me during this colonoscopy, I don't mind. Well, it's fair though because you have to have a first. It's not going to be good. My first ever on-air shift was terrible, but people wouldn't have known listening. They're not going to go, this sounds like this idiot's first day. What was the first on-air shift. It was terrible. But people wouldn't have known listening. They're not going to go, this sounds like this idiot's first day. What was the first on-air shift? Oh my god, my first on-air shift was Christmas Eve

2016. Christmas Eve. Isn't that crazy? At what time of day? Nighttime. It was from 7 till 10. Okay, so it's a bit off-Broadway. Yeah, it is off-Broadway. And it was like classic music. I was just announcing songs. It was nothing special. No one would have noticed it was your first day. No one noticed. But you know what? I don't think I've ever told this story. I took the radio

station off air on my first ever shit. First ever shift? I'd believe it. What did you do? No, I did nothing. The radio station was struck by lightning. What? The satellite was struck by lightning. Oh my god. And it turned the station off air for 30 seconds. And my boss called me freaking

out. Fuck, What are the odds? They would have been like, oh, we're giving this new kid a go. And then that happens. And they gaslit me. They were like, it was you. And I said, no, I don't know what happened. There's a massive storm. I feel it has something to do with that.

And they're like, no, mate, you're new. Like you fucked up. Is there proof it was struck by lightning? Yes. The technicians were in the building and I got them to investigate. And they sent an email going, the receiver site was struck by lightning in Western Sydney. There you go.

That's good. Yeah, very validating. I think it was Santa and the reindeer hit the satellite. Do you want to hear about Contiki Brit fucking up the bullying incident, by the way? Yeah, so who was the bullying? Well, I wish Jenna was here because she could back up my story. But it's funny that I'm talking about this now when I'm in your childhood home,

but there were these pigs from the Shire on our Contiki bus. I stand by that, yeah. And it was the closest that I've felt to being on a school excursion since a school excursion because the social hierarchies that aren't a thing when you leave school were back. There was the cool kids and they very much treated us like the losers. And how old were you? You would have been, what, 21?

Yes, 21. Yeah. And one of them decided to set off a fire extinguisher in my bedroom on one of the nights. They just came in, set the fire extinguisher off while I was sleeping and then left it there. Oh. And it was like, I don't know, 2 or 3 a.m. or something. And I had to call Britt and be like, Britt, I'm so sorry to wake you, but my room is covered in white shit. They set off a fire extinguisher in my room.

She goes, okay, well, I can discipline them, reprimand them in the morning. I was like, no, no, I don't think you understand. I need somewhere to sleep. Like I think you need to see it with your own eyes. Was it on your bed? Yeah, it was through the whole room. Oh, my God.

Have you ever set off a fire extinguisher in a tiny cabin? No, I never have. Everything is covered in grey. Right. And it covered in grey. Right. And it stinks as well. And so she was like, all right, I'll come have a look. And then she came up to my cabin and she saw it and she goes, oh, my God. And she goes, the front admin desk, like the security desk, everything is shut.

I don't know what to do about getting another room. So she made me sleep. No way. In the fucking fire extinguisher room. She's like, breathe in the fumes and you'll fall straight asleep. It was horrible. That's not very good from Contiki, Brit. And then the next day I saw her reprimanding the bully from the Shire.

Oh, yeah, good. And he had a word with me being like, oh, mate, you know, it's just a bit of fun between us. We don't need to, you know, we don't need to dob on each other, do we? It's a bit of fun. And I was like, might have been fun for you, dog, but I didn't enjoy it. No, of course not. And I could tell that Brit was like getting really worked up. She called her supervisor and was like, might have been fun for you, dog, but I didn't enjoy it. No, of course not. And I could tell that Britt was like getting really worked up.

She called her supervisor. I mean, like, how do I handle this situation? And she started like getting teary. And now that I know that it was her first fucking day on the job. That makes sense. I get it. But she's like, I can't kick this guy off the tour and just leave him in a different country. I can't remember where we were at this point, but she literally would be leaving him in the middle of nowhere in Europe. That happens though. They've got the power

to get rid of people on the tour. Yeah, they do. And she was crying at the thought of having to do it. So I was like, babe, you don't have to kick him off, but just like, I'm letting you know that it was, it was fucked and this is what he's capable of. And what Jenna was just being railed in the next room. Well, she was in the girl's cabin. So that's the other thing they wouldn't let, because there was three of us, Jenna, Amy and I went as friends. They wouldn't let the three of us sleep in the same room because they couldn't have men sleeping in the girls' cabins. That's the other thing. They wouldn't let, because there was three of us, Jenna, Amy and I, went as friends. They wouldn't let the three of us sleep in the same room because they couldn't have men sleeping in the same room as women. What?

I promise you I won't fuck either of them. I promise you I won't. It won't come to that. Isn't it funny that Jenna's room also was covered in a white substance but it was very different. Yuck. Very different. She had no complaining.

Is it just me? You should follow these idiots online. Search couple of Mitches. Now, coming up in our Wednesday episode, episode 166, Cherry's had a bit of an awkward moment on tour that you're going to tell us about. Yeah, actually, I feel really bad about it, and it's kind of an ethical conundrum. I ruined the holiday of these two Aussie punters. What?

This couple were travelling to Adelaide and they were having the time of their life. They even had an I Love Adelaide shirt on. Is this going to be more airport chatter? Yeah, more airport chatter. But this is off the plane at the airport. I genuinely ruined their holiday. I seriously did. And Britt and Laura, who I'm currently on tour for,

think that I'm in the wrong. And they said, we're disappointed in you, in your actions. Holy shit. Yeah. Okay, well, I'll see if it's three out of three co-hosts disappointed in you. I'll wait till we hear about that on Wednesday. I had my own Contiki Britt moment. It was awful.

It was awful. And also coming up in that episode, we've taken some feedback on board. We get a lot of feedback from you, our idiots. Some of it's good. Some of it's bad. But in our next episode, we're implementing a big change, you could say. Yes, of course. Lots of changes on the podcast recently.

And can I just say, don't bite the hand that feeds you. All very good. We're giving you an extra episode a week. We do kind of ask for feedback, though. Like the survey monkey, that's a whole other kettle of fish. Oh, fucking hell, that. We should go through that survey we did recently. Mitchell, I don't think I could.

Mitch and I sat in the recording studio a couple weeks ago, went through the results, and some of the bullshit, because it was anonymous, some of the bullshit that you guys wrote about us was awful. It wasn't even anonymous. They put their name to it half the time, but they were scathing. It's fine. We asked for feedback.

That's so bad. We'll get to that another time. Okay. All right. Also, while I've got you, can I just take this opportunity to do a bit of self-promo? Absolutely not. How dare you? It's not your show.

Yes. My comedy show tickets are now on sale. Yeah. We've got the Bogan Gate show, if you fancy a fucking Central West Road trip. So exciting, by the way. It's so bizarre. Good for Jessica Rowe to put Bogan Gate on, if you fancy a fucking Central West Road trip. So exciting, by the way. It's so bizarre. It'd be good for Jessica Rowe to put Bogan Gate on the map. How weird was that?

Yeah, did you see that? Aussie TV presenter Jessica Rowe and TikToker was at Bogan Gate. And she was on the way to some conference in Condobolin. So weird. We're getting her on the podcast soon, aren't we? We are. I literally saw her at an event the other day and she went, When am I coming on with you two beautiful,

smart, funny men? I think enough people must have commented on her photo of her in Bogengate saying, oh my God, that's Mitra Coombs' hometown because she randomly followed me. And so anyway, yes, the Bogengate tickets are now on sale. I can't wait to talk to Jess Thoreau about her thoughts on Bogougainvillea. Great. But also my tickets to Adelaide are on sale. Great. So far, the Bougainvillea tickets are selling a lot more than Adelaide, which is weird.

And then I realise it's because I've barely promoted Adelaide. So, hey, if you're an Adelaidean idiot, I'm coming your way late November or mid-November. Yeah. And also they're not on sale yet, but Perth, I'll have some news for you very soon. Oh, my God. Also, can I just say, look at us, two touring comedians being hilarious in Perth and Adelaide.

Life on the road. It's tough. Look at us. It's actually very fun. Like, I can see why you do it. Yeah, it's gorgeous. Do you get to meet people afterwards? Yes, we do.

Yeah, that's my favourite part. Yeah, it's really cute. People are so sweet. People made merch and get photos and it's really cute people are so sweet people made merch and gonna get photos and it's very nice i also get told nice stories like oh you and mitch have gotten me through the toughest times yeah when i feel lonely blah blah blah and i'm like oh that's so sweet i'll make sure to tell chiri you said that i never do no you've never once told me you've never once told me i think i'm telling you now thank you i think they think more they feel more comfortable telling you i go full drew barrymore on them I fucking hold their hands and listen to them.

Get on your hands and knees. We've got the lisp as well. That is very Drew Barrymore. I'm so sorry that happened to you. Sorry, I've never once made fun of your lisp. I shouldn't. It's not funny. I am Drew Barrymore.

That's what I'm hearing. She's cancelled at the moment, so you don't want that. Is she? Oh, yeah. She's in trouble. What's she done now? Well, she continued doing a talk show during the writer's strikes. I thought she stopped.

She did, but then now the writer's strikes are over and her writers refuse to write for her. Oh, for fuck's sake. I know. I mean, thank God our writers are nice. What writers? We can barely spell ourselves. Especially today. Guys, my brain is fucking cooked.

Mitch and I are leaning on a fucking Squishmallow. Who are you leaning on? Romanoff or something. What's yours, mate? I can't even remember. Hang on. Camillo Parker Bowles. We've still got the tab open. Yeah, Camillo is fucking cooked. Mitch and I are leaning on a fucking Squishmallow. Who are you leaning on? Romanoff or something. What's yours, mate? I can't even remember. Hang on. Camilla Parker Bowles. I've still got the tab open.

Yeah, Camillo. Camillo. It's like Camilla Cabello mushed into one. Camillo. Camillo. Camillo the pillow. I'm telling you, it's comfortable, isn't it? It is.

It really is. Just wait until Sean uses it to prop your ass up. Oh, my God. It's a good idea. It didn't work perfectly. I'm not joking. I know you're not. I'm not joking.

I haven't used it. I haven't used the new one, but the old one, Christ, what a bike. That's why we had two. They get flat quick. All right. Shall we jump into your agenda? Yeah, you ready for my agenda? Let's go, yeah.

Is it just me? Is it just me? Or? Do you sometimes forget that straight fuckheads exist? Oh, no, because I know you're going to tell a story here and I don't want it to be distressing, but yes, I do. Sometimes you just think we live in a nice time and you think those people are around. We're in our own little queer safe bubble

and sometimes I forget that straight idiots exist. Sorry, not idiots as in our listeners. Well, they do exist. Yes. No, they do exist. And I'm not casting a net saying all straight people, but specifically straight dickheads. And I don't come across them often.

Our paths rarely cross, but sometimes I happen upon them in their own natural habitat and I'm like, that's right, people like you exist. Honestly, the last straight fuckhead I encountered before the one I'm about to mention was probably the guy on Contiki. Yeah, right. I forget that people like that exist. Yeah.

And so. What happened? This is true. I don't know this story. You haven't told me. Well, Sean and I went to dinner in Manly, but we were staying at my place. So we caught the ferry over to Manly and then we were catching the ferry back to Circular Quay.

Got it. Nice. And the ferry wasn't coming for 15 minutes or so and I needed to do a little wee. Yeah, fair. And so I said, I'm just going to pop into that bar right there, right next to the ferry stop in Manly. They've got Wharf Bar.

Yeah, nice. And I was curious to see Wharf Bar because they're in the same category as the Bogengate pub. They're both nominated for the same hotel award. Oh, wow. Yeah. And I was like, oh, Wolf Bar is also up for people's choice. I'm going to go suss out the competition because obviously I'm rooting for the

Bogengate pub. Yeah. And I said, I'm going to go do a piss in there, Sean. And he goes, oh, careful. That place is just full of fuckboys and dickheads. Okay. I said, I'm sure I'll be fine. Because this is his area.

Yeah. Yeah. He's a Northern Beaches boy. And I said, I'm sure it'll be fine. I'm not going in there to have a good time. I'm just going to use the bathroom. I won't be long. Oh my God. You couldn't write what happened. Like it proved Sean's point. What went wrong? What happened? So I went into the bathroom and I went into the cubicle, locked the door behind me. I wasn't doing a shit, just doing a wave. I just prefer the cubicles. I prefer to sit down.

I do too, yeah. You do? All the time, to piss. I don't sit, but I stand, yeah. I just prefer to sit because even standing in a cubicle, how did it become the normal thing for men to just stand and piss? I find it a bit barbaric. No, I absolutely love it.

Sometimes I'll piss in a sink if I can. A sink? Yeah, I'm real barbaric. What do you mean? Like a sink. Like if there's no urinal, sometimes I'll just use a sink. What? Like a sink.

As in the ones you wash your hands with? Yeah, like a basin. What? Sorry, I really don't know. There's a real risk of being caught there. Yeah. No, not like at a public venue, but it depends. Well, maybe sometimes. What sinks have you pissed in? Because this is making no sense so far. of being caught there. Yeah. No, not like at a public venue, but it depends. Well, maybe sometimes.

What sinks have you pissed in? Because this is making no sense so far. Sometimes I'll piss in if there's no urinal and it's just a cubicle. I would never use a urinal. That's the most barbaric thing ever. Oh, I love a urinal. Pissing in a communal trough. What the fuck? I kind of like the thrill of it.

A sink's clean. It's basically a toilet bowl at hip height. It's great. Do you do it while other people are around? No, God, no. So not in a public place? Yes, it is in a public place. But say, for example, it's one of the bathrooms that's got one door and you go in.

Oh, like you've got the sink and the toilet. Yeah, in one go. Yeah. Like picture a disabled toilet. I wouldn't go in a disabled toilet, but picture an all-encompassing bathroom. Yeah. No, I'm not waiting there for someone to walk in. God, no.

I thought you just meant that instead of using a trough, you're pissing the sink. I'm like, with so many people around. No, if I walk in and there's a toilet and I just need to wee, I might use the sink. I shouldn't have admitted that. You really shouldn't have. That's so fucked up. I shouldn't have. It's really, I never, please move on. I'm so sorry. Wow. You told me that you always use the cubicles, but if in doubt, I'll just use a sink. Sometimes I do.

What the fuck, that's worse than a trough. Okay, move on, move on. Anyway, so I went into the cubicle and locked the door behind me. Yeah. And then I'm starting to pull my pants down to sit down on the toot. And before I sat down, I just hear someone bashing on my cubicle door. And I was like, oh, here we go. So I pulled my pants back up, opened the door,

and I just sort of looked at them like, yes? And he goes, mate, I think you're in the wrong bathroom. I said, what do you mean? The women's bathroom's down there, mate. And I said, no, no, I'm in the right one. And he said, are you sure about that? Then I said something that I probably shouldn't have. I said, yeah, I'm sure. Do you want me to get my dick out to prove it oh my god which i shouldn't have said because that's not very woke of me because you don't need a penis if you identify as a male but don't have a penis yes you can still use the male bathroom and so i said why do you want me to get my dick out to prove it and then shut the door again

and then that really set him off yeah that's when when the banging on the door got more fucking aggressive. It was like. Oh, my God. I'm going to use some potentially offensive language, but I'm going to use it so that you realise exactly what I was up against. I'm not going to sugarcoat it. He was there going, these fucking trannies. What the fuck?

It's fucked. These fucking trannies. It's going off, right? Oh, my God. And then he stops banging on the door and then sort of starts huddling around the sink with a couple of his other gross friends. And I can hear him going, these fucking trannies. It's fucked.

I don't know how the fuck this happens. As long as she doesn't try and touch my fucking dick, I don't care. Oh, my God. And so while I can hear him muttering away in the bathrooms, I just very calmly took my glasses off, put them back in the case. Because in my mind, I thought, once I get out there, I'm going to belt the fuck out of this bastard. Did you actually think that? Oh yeah. Cause I've always thought, I always say this, right? I'm good at confrontation, but I don't start it. If someone starts it with me, I can

handle myself just fine. You know what you can. And so I thought he's potentially going to lash out, but I'm going to flog him. Fucking hell. Which is so deluded. He probably could have beaten me. But in my mind, I was like, I'm going to take my specs off just in case push comes to shove. Because I've always thought if I were ever to get into a fight,

I would never start it. But if it ever happened, a switch would flick in my brain and I'd just destroy them. That's what I think. It probably wouldn't actually happen. No, I have no doubt you would go fully insane. I'd hate to physically fight you. You'd be insane.

And then disappointingly, when I opened the door, all geared up for a flogging, he was gone. Fucking hell. And so that was probably for the best because I think it's a bit deluded to think that I could have fought this man. And so I left the bath and went back to Sean and went, you weren't wrong. Yeah.

That place is full of fuckheads. And Sean was more rattled than I was, to be honest, because I held my own. Did he want to go in and bash them as well? No, he wanted to make a police report and stuff. And I was like, technically that didn't do anything. But Sean said to me, what did they look like? And I was like, honestly, the most generic person ever.

It was a straight white man in a white linen shirt with blondish, brownish fair hair. It could be anyone in this venue. Every person in the suburb. Literally everyone in the Northern Beaches. Oh, my God, Mitch. I'm very sorry that happened to you. That is horrific.

No, no, no. It wasn't traumatic or anything but it was just a weird reminder. I was like, fuck, there's people like that out there. Yeah. 100%. Also, the tirade didn't really make any sense. I was like, is this guy actually being woke? Because he must've thought that I was a transgender woman. Was he actually being courteous, telling me the women's room is down there and you're more than welcome with a dick, despite the fact that you identify as a woman? Well, that's what I was thinking. I'm going.

I couldn't make sense of the abuse. Yeah. He was actually doing you a favor going, you're going to get hurt. Get out of here. You should be in the woman. Is that what he was getting at? Or was he thinking that I was a transgender man as in born a woman? Yes, correct.

Who's transgender. And I had no place in that bathroom because I'm not a real man, which is just awful. Horrific. And like he said, the only issue he had is if you were to try to touch his dick, which is always sexual. It's always the sexual connotations with those fuckheads. And quite frankly, there was no risk of me touching his dick because he looked like he needed a shower, honestly.

I'm sure. What a gross pig of a man. Fuck, Mitchell. I'm very sorry. That's very scary. And I will say this, not that I'm trying to besmirch Worf Bar because they are up against Bougainvillea, but Sean did end up drafting an email to the management just to, you know,

so it could go on their record. Yeah. And they never got back to me. No. They ignored the incident. Did they really? Well, they could have gotten the CCTV footage and they could have found the guy's face if you told them the time you were in there.

I did. I told them the exact time. Yeah, there you go. And yeah, no reply. Wow. So yes, I'll be steering clear of Wharf Bar. It's interesting that I was warned about the fact that it's not overly queer friendly. And I just didn't take the warning seriously because I was like, it's 2023, whatever.

No one cares. But this guy was so severely bothered just by me existing. It was very odd. It's weird to just be reminded that there are people like that out there still scary isn't it and i you hear more and more of it happening more recently anyway we were out on oxford street the other day i missed it i was at the front of the pack but we were with our gay friends and what were the slurs that were thrown our way was it fags remember the other day just the usual because they've got this putrid straight venue, two doors down from Stonewall.

Stupid. In the heart of Oxford Street, Sydney's iconic gay strip. They've got this dreadful venue called Noir, which attracts some real low-life straight people. Yeah, there's been multiple violent attacks. And our friends, you know, people were calling out gay slurs on Oxford Street, which is just so. Ridiculous.

The nerve of you. And so my friends alerted the security and they weren't overly phased either. They couldn't care less. No. Just, it's so scary because you think you're right. You kind of get in the, you live in your little bubble. Yeah. Like 99% of the time, I don't think about that.

I feel safe everywhere I go. But then when things like that cockhead at Wharf Bar, when things like that happen, I'm like, oh, that's right. What a shame people like you exist. Yeah. People like him and the fuckstick from Contiki. I'm just like, oh, that's right. They're around.

Yeah. Oh, my God, was it the same guy? No, he was from the Shire. Oh, my God, imagine. Imagine if you made a reference about a fire extinguisher. You've only had a fire extinguisher again on me again. God. Fucking disco.

I'm glad you're all right, Mitchell. No, I'm fine. If Push had come to Shire and we had gotten into a fight, oh, he would have been worse off than me. Well, that's what I thought you were going to say. I've already lost these glasses once. I'm not going to risk losing them again. Did you notice that that was the first thing I did when I thought

this could lead to an altercation? I'm putting the glasses away safely. Glasses off. Rightly so. Yeah, so fuck Worf Bar is the motto. Can we vote for Bougainvillea? I mean, I already have. Voting's already closed. Oh, shit. Okay, so fuck Wharf Bar is the motto. Can we vote for Bougainvillea? I mean, I already have. Voting's already closed. Oh shit, okay, damn it.

A few people have asked me if Bougainvillea Pub have won that award. Hasn't been announced yet. That's not till the end of the month, but I'll keep you up to date. Yeah, right. Well, fantastic. That'll be a rainbow at the end of a stormy, stormy day. If Wharf Bar beats Bougainvillea, I will fucking protest. I will riot. You watch. No, with your power,

Bougainvillea will win. You watch. No, with your power, Bogengate will win. Who else? What other star influencer comedians can promote a pub? No one at Wharf Bar. No one I follow anyway. No, that's exactly right. Well, I'm glad you made it out alive, Mitchell. Oh, of course I made it out alive.

It was fine. I know. Also, what's the advice? We can't, people have to be safe. We can't say fight back because if you fight back, that's how you get hurt, right? Yeah. Yeah.

No, I shouldn't have said that thing that I said about, oh, do you want to see my dick? Because, A, not very inclusive of me to say that, but also it did aggravate him a bit. Yeah, I'm sure. Did his mates pull him into line? No, no, no. They were all just, because it was so echoey, I couldn't decipher much, but they were just being like,

oh, yeah, he's fucking me. Oh, it's fucked. You know, they were all on the same team as him. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. Awful. No, no, no.

It's fine. All right. Well, listen, should we get out of here? Sure. Let's get out of here. There is a second episode coming in your feed very soon. Yeah, we're getting out of here, but we won't be going long. No, of course not.

We'll see you in a couple of days. Hope you're liking the two episodes a week, everyone. Yeah. I saw a couple of people say, oh, I was a bit iffy about the two-episode format, but they're liking it. Yeah, good, good. Well, it continues. Leave us five stars if you haven't on Spotify,

Apple Podcasts, give us a review. In fact, now's probably a good time to give you a little hack because we've got the new episodes on a Wednesday. You might bloody forget. You're in the habit of Monday. Wherever you're listening, Apple, Spotify, just tap the notification bell

so you get a little alert every time we put out a new episode. Yeah, exactly. That way you won't miss it. And we'll see you guys in a couple of days for our second episode. Catch you soon, idiots. Bye. See ya. Is it just me?

A podcast by a couple of Mitches. Make sure you've hit follow on your podcaster. Welcome to AD Debrief. This is our secret segment on the end. We pretend the show's done, but we keep talking shit. We just wrap it on. It's what we do. I got an update, actually.

I got so many messages last week after I asked about the conspiracy theory. I was concerned about the disappearance of the year 10 and the year 12 formal. Oh, yeah, that's right. You said that you've not seen or heard anything about a formal in ages. And I just said it's because it's not in our – oh, God, I can't think of the word. I've got to have a swig of my smoothie. I've barely eaten today. I'm starting to fade.

Oh, my God. Mitch entered my house today. What was the word I'm looking for? It's not in our wheelhouse. No, it's not in our. It's not in our. I can't think of it either. Oh, that's going to annoy me. That's really going to piss me off.

It's not in our fucking stratosphere. It's not on our radar. Radar works. Yeah, there you go. What business do we have associating with school for? With children. I completely agree. None.

However, I was just concerned because I felt like I would have seen them. I mean, the age of TikTok, I feel like kids would be posting or they'd be doing tiktoks at their formal and what's going on true because it was a very big instagram opportunity in our day totally it was like 14 valencia filters on 100 well we posted our photos people love them so many fucking filters i want all the photos that people commented of their formals i love that we all just had the same experience it was was awful. We have not had a unique life. Everyone has lived the same life. The majority of messages I got were two.

One of the main response was that it is still happening. It is happening. However, it's not cool to go to it anymore. Oh, really? Yeah. It's embarrassing to be excited about a year 10 or a year 12 formal. Oh, I don't think it's embarrassing. It's like a rite of

passage. Everyone's got to go through the school formal. It's exciting at the time and a little bit cringe in hindsight. I agree. But now it's not a cool thing to be pumped up for and to go to and get an outfit. Really? Yes. And then I had someone else message me. Who said that? A teacher, someone who's a teacher. Really? Yeah. He was like, hey, I'm a teacher. I teach year 12. It's not it. Kids don't like it. I saw a comment or something. Someone might have messaged us, or maybe it was the group, saying that year 12 formals, still a thing. Year 10, not so much. Oh, really?

Obviously, they stopped doing school formals during COVID. Yeah. And then maybe there wasn't a real rush or demand to bring them back. And so I think year 10 ones aren't quite as common. Well, Gerard said, hey, listening to the pod, you're right with your region. We had a year 10 dance at school and it was pretty dead. Kids have more choice to go on not now rather than it being compulsory. And it is more cool not to go.

I don't think it was ever compulsory, was it? At some schools, I think. Well, my school, it was organized by the students. The teachers had no influence at all. Which is weird. Very weird. But I don't think it's ever compulsory because Jenna never went. No, Jenna didn't go.

That would be weird to make them compulsory. What does Jenna fucking go to? Well, the acrits. She's in hair and makeup all day. Of course she is. So, yeah, then the other. And what did he say? It's not cool.

It's not cool. Yeah, it's more cool not to go. But then I had a couple of other messages saying they don't happen anymore. So, I think it just depends, really. Yeah, okay. You know? By the way, side note, this smoothie that I'm currently swigging in the background. But then I had a couple of other messages saying they don't happen anymore. So it just depends really. Yeah. Okay. You know, by the way,

side note, this smoothie that I'm currently speaking in the background because I'm, I haven't eaten much today and I've realized that's why I can't find the words. Do you reckon smoothies? Because it's a fuckload of food blended together to form a liquid. Does it come out when you pee or does it come out as poo? Oh my God.

I've, that's a big discussion. It's like soup, isn't it? Yeah. I think soup would be shit. poo? Oh, my God. That's a big discussion. It's like soup, isn't it? Yeah. I think soup would be shit, surely. No, smoothie's shit. Yeah. Because it's fibre.

That's true. There's a fuckload of fibre in that. Do you put your Metamucil scoop in as well? Sometimes. Yeah, do I? If Sean's coming over. Oh, my goodness. I don't even fucking bother, but I'm putting Metamucil in everything.

You've got the best bowel movements ever. Yeah, no, I agree. It's a nice feeling. Oh, it's so satisfying. Sometimes I put too much and it takes me two days to get one out. Oh, does it cause constipation? Well, it just makes it so solid. Yeah, right, okay.

Interesting. You had your smoothie era and you were so annoying with your when you are one of those annoying smoothie people that walk you entered my house today smoothie first. Yeah, I had everything in bags except for the smoothie. I was causing such a scene. Like, yes, that's right.

I drink green smoothies and that makes me better than you all. Yeah, and you've got such a gigantic, like a Nutribullet smoothie holder. Do you know what's funny? I went through a mad smoothie era in like 2016, 2017. And I got the smoothie recipe book released by Sally Obermeter, who is now a real housewife of Sydney. And I don't know what happened. I just lost interest. It was a very solid phase. And then I sort of, I still made them in 2018, 2019 during COVID when a lot of health and wellness just went out the window for me. I stopped making them, but I'm back with a vengeance. I've started making my nutritionist. I'm using her recipes, the Sara DiLorenzo smoothies. They're so good.

Oh my God. My go-to, this is so boring, but I have to have, because I'm at the gym now and in like calorie deficit, I have a lot of protein. Like I drink a lot of protein shakes. I hate protein shakes. No, if you get the good stuff. I just put protein powder in the smoothie as well. That's what I do. So my daily is two scoops of protein powder, vanilla, French vanilla, yum, like a cup or half a cup of blueberries, coconut water and ice. Oh, my God.

Oh, yeah. Sometimes a bit of yogurt if I want some more calories for some energy. Mine's fucking dense. What's yours? That's thick. This one has – I'm going to have to check the recipe because I can't remember. Plug Sarah DeLorenzo. Mitch is a nutritionist as seen on Channel 7's The Morning Show.

So this one is the wellness and vitality smoothie. Explain. It's got a bit of ginger, half an apple, raw honey, kiwi fruit, a whole kiwi fruit that is, a teaspoon of nut butter, two tablespoons of yogurt and protein powder, a whole cup of baby spinach and a quarter of an avocado. Mitchell, that's too much. But I hate fruit and vegetables, so it means I don't have to worry about fruit or vegetables all day.

Just get it in one hit. Oh, true. That's fucking excessive, though, to be perfectly honest with you. Don't you think? That's a lot. Well, yeah, but like I said, I hadn't eaten much today, so now that I've just sculled that smoothie, I'm going to be full. Wait, so is that going to be your lunch?

Not necessarily. Yeah, right. But it is lunchtime. Actually, it's well past lunchtime at the moment, so it's probably going to have to be. God, we literally have the radio awards today. When you say we, I'm not bloody going. You're not going, no.

And rightly so. I'm exhausted. You know what this year is for me? Because I won the big gong last year. Thank you so much. Yes, congratulations. Thank you. Well, it's Yes, congratulations. Thank you. Well, it's a year after.

Thank you. But I almost feel like, you know, at the Oscars, when the winner of the Best Actress and Best Actor come back to present. Yeah. Oh, is that what you're doing? No, I'm not presenting, but I am coming back. Obviously, I'm returning. But I kind of feel like it's my year to just come back and, you know,

I don't have to get as dressed up because this is my victory lap. Yeah, there's less on the line. Less on the line. It's like, yeah, I won this last year. There's no pressure. I don't need another one. So you're not going to get all dolled up? You're not going to go all out like you did for the Lokis?

No, I'm not. Okay. I'm absolutely not. No. It's just a simple suit. Yeah, fair enough. It's quite boring. I can't believe you got attacked in a bathroom.

I wish I was there. Why? I don't know. What would you have done? I don't know. What would you have done? I don't know. It makes me also feel bad that it happens to you. You know that Oscar said to me the next day, oh, I wish I was there with you.

And I said, I'm fucking glad you weren't. It would have escalated so quickly if you were there. It would have been worse. Yeah. I hate confrontation, but I just wish I was there to, you know, get you a Betty's burger or something after at the wharf. Oh, it's fine. Although I did say to Sean when we got to Circular Quay, once we got off the ferry, I was there to, you know, get you a Betty's burger or something after at the Wharf. Oh, it's fine. Although I did say to Sean when we got to Circular Quay, once we got off the ferry, I was like, let's grab a drink actually after that.

I want one more. Did you? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Went to the same bar that we went to our first date on in the rocks. Oh, that's very cute. And there was this fat fucking rat in the bushes behind us.

Oh my God. I went on a date at the rocks the other day and rats everywhere. They're not just rats. They're like miniature ponies. And there were several of them just galloping along a circular key near the harbour. I was like, bleh. I know. They trot by the fucking modern art museum.

Yeah. Wait, what's your first date bar? It's called Doss House. Oh, my God. When did you go to Doss House? On our first date. No, shut up. This recently.

As in like the night of the attack? Yes. Yeah, that was like last Saturday. Get out. Were you there? Yes. Did you go on a date at Doss House? Yes.

What a good omen. That's where Sean and I went on our first date. I went on Saturday night, you idiot. What time did you leave? I don't know. What time were you there? Are you fucking kidding me? I never kid.

I reckon I probably got there maybe 11 or 10.30. No, no. We were there earlier. Okay. I went to the German restaurant in the rocks. I'm going to the rocks again tonight. I need recommendations. Oh, my God.

Doss House is brilliant. It's good for drinks and cocktails, but it doesn't really do food, does it? No, but it's good for a cocktail bar. Yeah, it's gorgeous. We were there at the same night. That is ridiculous. What the fuck? Sorry, that's good. Do we not. Yeah, it's gorgeous. We were there at the same night. That is ridiculous. What the fuck? Sorry, that's good.

Do we not talk? Are we not friends? Well, we clearly weren't talking that day. Jesus. I haven't told you about this date. Something went really wrong. Oh. Didn't go wrong.

But this is the 21- Not at my good Doss house. No, no, no. It's a 21-year-old that I'm dating. Right, yep. And I'm 28. And then he was like, oh, there's an age gap. Like, the whole joke is that there's a seven-year age gap. Yeah, no, no. It's a 21 year old that I'm dating. Right. Yep. And I'm 28. And then he was like, oh, there's an age gap. Like the whole joke is that there's a seven year age gap. Yeah. And I see I'm on his side where if you're the young one in the age gap, it's your God given

right to make fun of the other person for being older. Yes. You know how often I rip into Sean for being 30? Yeah. It's funny. He's nearly 31 actually. Oh, is he? Yeah. He's cradle snatcher. I know. You're right. It is so much fun to pay cradle snatcher i know you're right it is so much fun to pay out an old person if you're dating them but you're on the receiving end i don't like it anyway so he was actually very funny he would then we were in the bar and um he would say to a couple next to us he goes and i love this you know me i love to talk to random people yeah so on a date someone doing this i'm like god marry me he was like excuse me can i ask you a question and the couple like yeah he's like who who looks older between the two of us?

Oh. And without batting an eyelid, they went this one. The wildebeest. And I was like, fuck you. Anyway, then I call out this other group. I go, excuse me, guys, can I ask you a question? Out of the two of us, who is without even finishing? You.

They point straight at me. I'm like, this is fucked. So then when we left. Were you the one initiating this game? Well, he started the game. So then I was like, he kept winning. He kept getting people saying me. Well, because he's younger.

He looks younger. You've seen photos of him. I actually haven't seen photos of him. Have you not? Well, I didn't, I wasn't sure how attached I should get to the 21 year old. I wasn't sure if it was a brief fling or if it's someone I need to get to know. It's a fling. We've been on like 10 dates.

Okay. So it's like, what do you do at this point? Yeah. but i guess that's the beauty of a situationship i guess he was on this bed not long ago oh fuck don't tell me that that's all right i knew it smelled damp in here i um i feel like a situationship where there's no strings attached he's obviously more mature than i was at age 21 because if i was going on 10 dates with someone at age 21, I would have been like, this is my husband. We're going to get married. I would have just any little sign I would have read into and been like,

oh, yeah, this is the one. Oh, totally. No, he's very mature. It is what it is. Yeah. Oh, it is what, yeah, exactly. But also, I'm not sure. We haven't had that discussion.

Oh, we have, but it's just. Well, let's have it now. What, just call him? Yeah. We only talk on Snapchat. It's ridiculous. Oh, that's embarrassing. I know, I'm mortified.

You still have Snapchat. No, I don't. I had to download it. What? And to create an account to talk to him. He wouldn't message you in any other way? He would text, but he doesn't use Messenger. And he says text is just for emergency.

He prefers Snapchat so he can send photos. Oh, the disappearing photos. Yeah, I see. But it's not that. No, like, you know, I don't know. I'm not going into this with you. Okay. We don't have to.

Not on the record. No. Anyway, that's where I'm at. How weird that you were at Doss House the same night. I love that. That's so weird. What cocktail did you have? Did you have the strawberry one?

Oh, I just got Rose. That's all I was in the mood for. Yeah, right. Yeah, no, I had cocktail. After the assault. Yeah, of course. So you went to Doss House after the assault? Yes. Oh my god. Because we were in Circular Key anyway and I was like, oh, let's just pop over for a drink after that. Yeah, of course. That is so funny, Mitchell. Yeah. Actually, I can find out what time it was. It was probably later than I said.

You tell me. It was quite late. Because I took a video of the rat and put it on my Instagram. That giant rat. I saw that and I did not put two and two together. Hang on, I've just looked in that video of the rat and put it on my Instagram, that giant rat. I saw that and I did not put two and two together. Hang on, I've just looked and that video of the rat sitting right behind us at Doss House was 11.43, so we got there a bit late. Ah, I was there at 10.14. Wow, like ships in the night, like ferries in the night.

And then I was also at the German restaurant drinking Bavarian beer. Oh, beer? Yeah. I can't stomach beer. Really? Why? Yeah. I can't stomach beer. Really? Why? I don't know what it is. The bloating effects of beer just are so severe on me.

I look like I'm fucking pregnant after one beer. There's the 21-year-old. Isn't he cute? Show us. No. I'm getting old. I can't see with my glasses from a distance. No, I'm not showing you.

Well, then why did you just hold the phone to me and go, here he is? I'm not showing you. I don't want you to analyse. I'll show you off the show. Analyze what? Just different things. I just wanted to see what his face looked like. That's all.

I want you to send it to yourself. Now I've lost it. Why would I send it to myself? You're a weirdo. I'm happily ensconced. I don't need a photo of this infant on my phone. Don't say that. Ensconced.

I am. I'll text it to you. Oh, now it is on my phone. Don't say that. Ensconced. I am. I'll text it to you. Oh, now it is on my phone. That's what you were worried about. No, you can have it. I just don't want you to scroll across. I don't want it. I don't need a fucking copy.

You're going to burn it onto a disc for me, are you? Oh, did he steal the start? Yeah. Wow. In his pants. It was very funny. The way to my heart, kleptomaniac and audience engagement at a date? Jesus Christ.

That's like my dream guy. Very funny. Anyway. We should probably go, shouldn't we? Oh, it's up to you. Are we done? Any sign of life from Jenna? Absolutely not.

I text her and have called her twice now. Fair enough. All right, well. Bitch. We hope this podcast made you feel at least 1.5% better today, that's all. So we do. So we do. So we do. Thanks for listening.

We love you guys. We'll catch you back on Wednesday, idiots. See you soon. Love ya. Couple days. Bye. See ya. A podcast by a couple of mitches. Make sure you've hit follow on your podcast app.