Is It Just Me? - #177: Fatty From Apple Miranda

Episode Date: December 3, 2023

In this episode: Iconic drunk purchases (08:59) Spotify Wrapped (20:15) Apple in salads (23:45) Our “Secret Segment” ADDebrief (34:05)   Join our Facebook group 'Endurant Idiots' facebook.com/groups/477062186470271 Hit us up: @coupleofmitchesSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is Is It Just Me? Hosted by a couple of Mitches. Hello you. Hello you. Go! Brace yourself for the rude shocks of young adulthood. Would you rather sit on a cake and eat a dick or sit on a dick and eat a cake? Sit on a dick and eat a cake, absolutely.

If you sit on a cake, you ruin it. Do you think I'd ever waste a cake by a sit-mummy? Now here's Mitch Chudy and Mitchell Coombs. Hello you. Hello you. Hello. You look lovely in a floral print. Your hair's all blown out.

Oh, thank you. I didn't really go to much effort. It's just having a good hair day. I love it when those days happen. I'm just like, oh, let it flow, darling. You can never pick it, can you? No, there's no rhyme or reason. I've got more Dyson attachments than I know what to do with, and I don't know what any of them do. Really? Oh, I it flow, darling. You can never pick it, can you? No, there's no rhyme or reason. I've got more Dyson attachments than I know what to do with,

and I don't know what any of them do. Really? Oh, I really should learn. There's one that looks like a UFO with sharp things in it, and there's one that looks like a tidal wave. There's one that looks like I could put it inside me. Yeah, well, a lot of those things, a lot of those attachments wouldn't work for you.

You're very limited with that length hair. Yeah, I know. I've got the real lesbian cut, don't I? I wonder what you would look like with long hair. Oh, God. I'd look like a prisoner of Azkaban. You reckon? Yeah, like an extra.

You know in Harry Potter when they're like, well, we just need someone to look like Warlocky, and they put like a chubby guy with a round face and like a really oily, slick head of hair, like walk in the background and moan. That would be what I'd look like. Well, you never know, because when I told people I was growing my hair long,

they were like, I don't know about that. You sure you want to do that? And now look at me. I've known you with long hair more than I've known you with your twink hair. Oh, you barely knew me with the twink hair. I already started growing it at that point. I was wearing the hats to cover it up. Interesting that I tried to stop fucking you as the hair grew out, though. Yeah, I noticed. There's a real trend there. Jenna, don't ever shave your head because I'll be trying to rail you. Pricekeeper Jenna, welcome on that note. Hello.

Returning after silent for a couple of weeks. Yes, yes. Had the live show, the Jones and Amanda live show. So we've all been on tour this month. Yes. Wow. We have. She went to what, Rudy Hill?

Where'd you go? I went to Rudy Hill. No, they performed at the Coliseum. The Sydney Coliseum. No, yeah, not Rome. No. Coliseum, Rudy Hill. The old Rudy Hill RSL.

How was your live show? It was really good, actually. It wasn't hers. It was Jane's Inner Man, obviously. Well, she's part of the family. Yeah, I was on stage at the end. What for? For the final curtain call?

Yeah, so I went in the front. How did you bow? Show us. I got up. Oh, she's getting up. So I went in the front. How did you bow? Show us. I got up. Oh, she's getting up. And I went. Oh, my God. That's a curtsy.

I pretended like in a theatre production. Yeah. And then I. Do you know how they reach for the lighters? Yes. Oh, yes. They gesture towards the stage guys, the lighting guys, the bloody orchestra pit. That happened at Wicked when I went to Wicked.

What happened? They aborted down. I went, is there like air? Yeah, there's a pit. Yeah, I didn't realise. I'm like, are they aborting the costume makers because the shoes were hard to make? Because I went, looking down. I'm like, what?

I was like looking up out of my chair. I'm like, who's down there? Is there an ant down there? It's like you've never been to a musical. No, I know, but I forgot that there was a pit down there. I forgot. Now that you're here, Jenna, important fucking discussion we need to have

between the three of us. Can we be bothered with Christmas presents this year? Or should we do like a secret Santa? Which is not that eventful when there's three of us. I don't know how that'll work. Or the Savage Santa.

Where we steal. Yeah, there's three presents in total. We all buy one each and then we're allowed to steal one from someone if we prefer their present. Oh yeah, that seems very us. We love to argue. Let's do Savage Santa. What's the budget? I don't know. Fifty? Yeah, that's

fair. Okay, let's do it. Let's do Savage Santa on the final show of the year. We'll do it. Okay. Have you seen that our idiots in our Facebook group, Enduring Idiots, are doing a Squish Mellow Secret Santa? Yes. I saw that. Fuck me.

That's what I was probably going to get for our Savage Santa. Oh, damn it. Imagine if we all just rocked up and were three Squish Mellows. I was actually, that was what I was thinking. Oh, fuck. I knew it. Fuck. I don't want another one.

I've got two now. I've got two, but I'm open to getting more. No, I don it. Fuck. I don't want another one. I've got two now. I've got two, but I'm open to getting more. No, I don't want more. Well, I want Erica, the bar instructor. Of course, yeah. You need to hunt down Erica. Yeah. I'm still stuck with my fucking Lemon Wedge, whatever the dumb name is.

And we're not talking about Squishmallows. It has to be something other than Squishmallows for Christmas. Did I tell you that I'm doing Sean's family Christmas this weekend because they're all going to be scattered on actual Christmas Day. You're doing it this weekend? Yeah, that was the only time the whole family, aunts and uncles, et cetera, were free, so it's happening this weekend. And Sean said to me, oh, the person who got you for Secret Santa,

I gave them an idea, I hope you like it. And I was like, what do you mean Secret Santa? And he goes, yeah, you got my stepmum Kathy. Did I not tell you? I was like, yeah, you got my step mum, Kathy. Did I not tell you? I was like, no, you fucking didn't, Sean. So I had no time to think of something for Kathy. Oh, no. So what did you get her?

You can reveal it because it's all coming out. I suppose I can. Well, she just likes gin. So they're doing these things at the Bottle-O. They do like a gift pack. They'll be like a bottle of Bailey's with a coffee mug. I got like a gin bottle with a branded glass, yeah. They'll be like a bottle of Baileys with a coffee mug. I got like a gin bottle with. Yeah, they're nice.

A branded glass as well. So not huge imagination, but again, it went over the $20 limit, so Kathy won't be complaining. Wait, so who got you? Do you know? No idea. No idea. They're always really stressful.

Yeah. God, I remember when I did my ex's Filipino family Christmas. I'm like, oh, I'll get them something nice. And I got like a soap pack, but I got the 16-year-old nephew and she was so fucked off. And then I opened my gift and I got a drone. A drone? Yeah. Wow.

You got a drone? I'm like, I went to L'Occitane and got her like almond oil and, you know, a bar of soap. And she's like, thanks. I'm fucking drinking on the weekends and I was on MDMA last night. Thanks for the soap. And then I get his uncle who's like, here's a drone. We love having you as part of the family. I'm like, oh, this is so embarrassing.

How expensive would the drone have been? It was one of those JB Hi-Fi specials. It wasn't a branded one. Yeah, but they're still cool. One of those ones that would fly, be really noisy, and everyone would watch around to play with it on Christmas Day. You know when every cousin gets a flagship toy on Christmas? I was like, show me it. Mine was VR every cousin gets a flagship toy on Christmas? Yeah.

I was like, show me it. Mine was VR last year and I made all my family watch porn. What? Yeah. What? I got a VR headset. I made all my family members watch VR porn. What?

Your family? Yeah, we're an open family. Clearly. God. Except the problem is porn hadn't advanced far enough to be gay porn on VR yet. The porn studios had only done straight porn. Fine for the family, but I was repulsed. That's bizarre that they haven't done that.

Have you ever tried it? VR? Porn. Have I tried porn? No, put those two words together. VR porn. VR porn. Yeah.

No, I have not. I've not done VR in general. Oh, my God. I'm bringing it in. I didn't even know it existed. Yeah, neither. This is the first time you've ever mentioned it. Oh, sorry.

The problem is with it is the scale's all wrong. So you look like, it looks like Godzilla and Mothra fighting in the city, except they're just a dick and a vagina. You're like sitting on the couch and then there's just like these two big people just in your world fucking. It's very intense. So you have to like look up at them. They're standing above you.

Yeah, they're giant people. Or you can scale it down and zoom it out and it looks like you're in the room in the corner watching. And as you walk up, you can get closer to them. It's really quite exciting. Should I bring it? I mean, I'm kind of curious to look, but I don't think, even if they did gay porn, I don't think that's for me.

Do you want me to check quickly? That'd be so. I'll check if they've updated it. Yeah. Well, you can do that when you bring it in. Fantastic. That's next week's audit. Okay, cool.

Yeah, wow, that's the show next week. Yeah. Coming up next week, come. Yeah. Gay porn. And we're all good? We're all ready to start the show? Yeah.

Yeah, let's do it. All right. Well, if it's your first time listening, welcome to Is It Just Me? We start every show with an Is It Just Me? Something we've noticed, something we hate or appreciate. Mitch doesn't know mine. I don't know Mitchell's. And that's the rule.

Why don't you tease us with the tip? What's yours about? The tip of mine? Yeah. I don't think I want to tease you with the tip of mine. Please? I haven't really landed on one. I've got a couple that I'm mulling around.

Oh, so I'm going first, I take it, and you were going to mull instead of listening to what I'm saying. What'd you say? Hmm. Classic. That's the show in a nutshell. End of the year, clearly. Oh, we've all clocked out.

Jenna's naked. We haven't. Have you not? Well, I've clocked back on for the sake of the podcast, but otherwise, yes, I've well and truly clocked out. This is just me on the fly. Have you ever actually clocked in or out in real life? Yeah. Have you?

Yeah, using my fingerprint when I worked at Macca's. What? Fingerprint? So I couldn't, if I was running late for work, it used to be a PIN number, but people started sending a cheeky text, can you clock me in? So they'd still get paid for the same, even if it's a difference of 13 minutes, which would equate to 90 cents at Macca's. Wow.

And then they changed it to fingerprint so that only you can clock yourself on and off. That's spooky. That's Black Mirror stuff. Yeah. And Jenny, you of course would have punched spooky. That's Black Mirror stuff. Yeah. And, Jenny, you, of course, would have punched him with a paper card. Yeah, yeah. And a steam whistle.

It would go off. Working in the mines. Yeah. Rio Tinto. Yeah. You opened Rio Tinto. I did. You dated Rio. I did.

All right, do you want to go first, Mitchell? Sure, let's go. For no other reason. All right, let's jump in. Is it just me or? Are you sometimes prone to a bit of a drunk purchase? Oh, my God. I made a drunk purchase the other night.

Did you? Yes. I did. Why, did you? There's been many in my time. Yeah. Yes. What was yours?

Oh, well, I need a big winter coat for Europe because it's going to be like minus 10 degrees in Scotland. And I bought a vintage Versace fur coat. What? A bid on it. How much would that have been? Like $500. And then you won. Yeah, but I didn't think I'd win.

It was on eBay. Yeah, it was like $1,000 on this vintage. No, it's not even eBay. It's a vintage designer website that I didn't even know about. I just found it when I was drunk at home. And then I went, I need a fur coat. And I liked Versace. And it was like $1,000. I bid $500. And then I woke up going, I was drunk at home. And then I went, I need a fur coat. And I like Versace. And it was like a thousand bucks.

I bid 500. And then I woke up going, congratulations, you've won. Please pay 900 Polish vex or whatever the fuck it is. Because it's coming from Poland. Oh my God. Do you regret it though? No, it's gorgeous. Let me show you.

It's very nice. And so you said that you were drunk at home. Had you been somewhere and then just gotten home? Yes. I went out drinking, had a bunch of cocktails. And then you know when you can't sleep, your heart's racing? Yes, I was about to say, I think that is when I'm most prone to drunk purchases. That wind down period where you can't go to sleep straight away because you've just been

out. That's when the drunk purchases happen, right before I black out. It's me. I get horny or I get click frenzy. Like it's one of the two. Like either I'm going to like jerk off or call someone or buy a fur coat from Poland. The amount of self-restraint that I showed during Black Friday, which is no longer just a Friday. the two like either i'm gonna like jerk off or call someone or buy a fur coat from poland the amount of self-restraint that i showed during black friday which is no longer just a friday

it's a fortnight oh can i see it yes you're exactly right i fucking hate cyber monday oh oh my god the emails especially from skims okay skims yes have you bought from them before well i did for black fr. Right, okay. So you're on the mailing list. Yes, I am now and I know it because it was like next day, 24 hours left. That's all of bi-annual sale. Yeah, it's too much. But I got it for five days.

Yeah, and then they always have like a countdown at the top of the website being like 14 minutes left until this isn't on special anymore. Refresh it a few hours later, the bitch is still on special. Yeah, and can I just say, I get texts from companies I didn't even know existed still. I got a text from Crazy John. Who's that? I thought he died.

Mike Friday deal. Now, now. Is that the name of the crazy frog? No, no. Crazy John's the old telco company. Oh, right. That's a joke. He didn't actually text me.

But it's like, BMS protein shakers on sale. Reply stop to opt out. I got Barney beds. Barney dog beds. That's so stupid. There's my fur coat, by the way. Isn't it nice? Oh, wow.

Fur? Yeah. That looks leather. No, it's leather with the fur around the neck. Oh, I see. And it's not real fur, right? Multiple animals. No, no, faux fur.

I remember asking you. No, firstly, faux fur. Oh, fuck. Finally, faux fur. I tend to find that my drunk purchases more often than not are like merch. What did you buy? Tell me. Yeah.

Oh, I've bought over the years Lady Gaga merch. Yeah. I've bought Miley Cyrus merch. Wait, what type of merch? Just like a shirt or something. And the thing with buying from overseas is that often they take ages to send it. And so by the time it rocks up, I'm like, oh, there's a package for me at the door. Someone might say, what is it?

I'll go, who knows? That could be anything. I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I always check the mail room at my place because I'm like, I don't think I've ordered anything, but fuck knows. You know what I'm like, I could have. Who knows?

And so I forget if it's on its way and then there'll just be a Miley Cyrus shirt. I'm like, oh, all right then. Good. Yeah, because I purchased, so when I got home one night, Connie was being irritable. And I thought, you know what? One of these mouse toys that run around itself would be a really good purchase. Oh, totally.

And you just thought of it and you're like, I'm getting it now. Yes. And on Wish. I mean, it's cheap. Oh, my God, guys. I've been hooked on Timu. Oh, I've tried Timu. It's like, it's, how would you describe it, Jenna? It's similar to Wish. I mean, it's cheap. Oh, my God, guys. I've been hooked on Timu. Oh, I've tried Timu.

It's like, it's, how would you describe it, Jenna? It's similar to Wish. It's similar to Wish, but the products are actually real. But Wish doesn't have a good reputation. No. Literally, the whole anecdote about, oh, it's the Wish version of XYZ. Well, the mouse that I got broke two days later, after it arrived seven months later. I ordered something off team. It was one of those ear watches.

Like it had a camera in the tip. It looks like E.T.'s finger. I get so many of those ads. I want to see that. It's a mini HD. You know I love tech. It's a mini HD camera. An ear watch?

No, an ear. Like camera. Yeah, it's a camera. It looks like a pen. He said an ear watch. Oh, did I? Yeah, you did. Did I ear watch?

Well, an ear watcher. It's got an eye on it. Ear watcher. Yeah, an ear watch. What time is it in your ear? You put it in. It looks like a pen. He said an ear watch. Oh, did I? Yeah, you did. Did I ear watch? Well, an ear watcher. It's got an eye on it. Ear watcher. Yeah, an ear watch. What time is it in your ear? You put it in, it shows your ear wax, but it smelt so heavily of burn that I couldn't use it. Like, it stunk of burnt plastic.

What do you call that product? Like, ear camera? In-ear camera. Wax finder. Why on earth would you want that? Because I get itchy ears and all. There's something in there. I've seen the videos.

They're very satisfying. I've seen videos of people pulling out a family of bogon moths from their ear. I have too. Isn't that terrifying? That reminds me of another drunk purchase of mine. Oh, what is it? I got on Amazon some blackhead remover. It can't be good for your skin.

What is it? How does it work? Is it a tool or is it a cream? It's a tool. And picture a pair of tongs and it vibrates and you just run it along your nose. It works if you do it like gently and only like one swipe because one time I got carried away and I just like took

all this fucking skin off my nose. You shaved your nose skin? It wasn't a shave. It was just like, you know how you squeeze your nose and the white shit comes out? Yeah. It was that basically, but it how you squeeze your nose and the white shit comes out? Yeah. It was that, basically. But it was a scraper and it goes...

That's the perfect example of a purchase that sounds great drunk and terrifying sober. No, because I was looking at it going, this absolutely just cannot be good for my skin. 100%. There's just no way in fucking hell this is a good idea. I reckon if I was... They still do it occasionally. If I was drunk, I'd look at like an electric chair and be like, I need one of those.

Yeah. I nearly, during Black Friday, ordered a fucking reclining chair. But then I was like, no, don't. You mentioned that on the show. I did, didn't I? And I was like, maybe it's time. That'd be the end of your productivity, Mitch. Well, it actually helps because if you sit there with your laptop,

you're too lazy to get up because you're comfy. So you're just kind of stuck there with your laptop on you and you can't do anything but work. Yeah, that's very true. Yeah. Very true. I'll see if I can find this stupid nose scrapey thing. I'll show you. I want to know what people have bought drunk.

Let us know. Send us a DM. Well, I would also like to give a shout out to a few of our listeners who I suspect may have drunk ordered our teal era mugs. Oh, what do you mean? Why do you suspect? Because it gives you the time that they ordered. Yeah.

So I'm going to rattle this off. I won't give their last name. Okay. I'm going to rattle off this and you tell me were they drunk or not. Okay. So Thomas, 12.56am. Maybe not. Maybe he did night shift.

Yeah, that's true. But Thomas sounds like a boozy. No, I feel like he's just scrolling at night before bed. And he went, shit, I had to buy one of these. I forgot. Yeah. Jaden, 1.48am. Oh, that's drunk for sure.

Yeah, I'd say drunk. That's almost two in the morning. Yeah, I'd say drunk. Why are you thinking of us at two in the morning, you creep? Well, we've also got Lee, 3am. Drunk. Hold on. Is this 3am our time?

Are they in different time zones? No, it's our time. Okay, they're drunk, 3am. Drunk. Hold on. Is this 3am our time? Are they in different time zones? No, it's our time. Okay, they're drunk. I checked. Drunk. And then Karen was the record holder, 3.24am. Yeah. Shout out to you lot.

Karen, that's absolutely incredible. It means the world. Because you know what I imagined their thought process was? What? When they were sober, they were like, oh, I'd love one of these mugs, but do I need it? Yeah. Do I need it? Yeah. And then when they were drunk, they were like, oh, I'd love one of these mugs, but do I need it? Do I need it? And then when they were drunk, they were like, oh, fuck it.

I'm going to treat myself. They were still thinking about it. It was still lurking in their brain and they were like, bugger it. I'm going to do it. And I love that. That's how often my drunk purchases are things that I've been thinking about getting, but my sober self would be like, don't be silly. You don't need it.

100%. You know what? That's why I can't go out and be drinking because I will just keep buying drinks and I get real generous. I'm like, who wants a lemon lime and bitters need it. 100%. You know what? That's why I can't go out and be drinking because I will just keep buying drinks. And I get real generous. I'm like, who wants a lemon lime and bitters? Who wants a no tap, tap, tap, tap? I've got a hat.

Just don't check your bank balance the next day. Oh, my God. I had to turn notifications off because my Westpac app would give me a summary. I'm like, I don't want a summary. Here we go. This is the blackhead thing. I finally found it. Look at it.

Oh, my God. How would you describe that? It's a mini vacuum. It's a handheld vacuum. Oh, no. It's not a vacuum. That's a piecehead thing. I finally found it. Look at it. Oh, my God. How would you describe that? It's a mini vacuum. It's a handheld vacuum. Oh, no, it's not a vacuum. That's a piece of metal that you use to, like, scrape. That can't be good. Oh, it's not.

Oh, no. No. Oh, that's painful. She looks really happy, though, the model in that. How much was it? $39. Pretty cool. Yeah, it was nothing.

And like I said, it kind of works if you just kind of go, one quick swipe and you're gentle with it. But, yeah, if you get too carried away like I did, I was like, I'm going to get every single pour. Ooh, it was not good. Too much. Yeah. All right.

Well, thanks to the idiots that drunk bought our products. Yeah. Yeah, cheers to that. Have a Barocca, darling. Yeah. In the mug? Perfect. Yeah, go for it.

But, no, I do kind of want to hear other people's most embarrassing drunk purchase, you know, like, oh, I accidentally bought 14 Xboxes or something. Yeah. Something stupid like that. And maybe you regretted it. Maybe you didn't. I'll pop something in the Facebook group. I want to hear it.

I want the stakes to be higher. Did you log on to World Vision and sponsor a child? Yes. Bought a goat. Did you buy a goat in Czechoslovakia? Yes. Maybe you adopted a dog and then turned out. I drunk adopted Isabella during lockdown.

There you go. That's my most elaborate fucking purchase. Point proved. And do I regret dog and then turned up. I drunk adopted Isabella during lockdown. There you go. There you go. Point proved. And do I regret it? Sometimes. Yeah. Is it just me? You should follow these idiots online.

Search couple of Mitches. Now, still to come in our Wednesday episode, episode 178, Jenna's Junk returns. Yeah. We are sort of approaching the end of the year, so we need to do a purge of all of our shit-idgums. Yeah, like a clean out. These are all the is's that just means that we do not run because we're like, eh.

We don't have heaps to say about it. It's just like a one-sentence headline sort of idgum. My junk is overflowing. People have been commenting in the office about your stature. Yeah, I know. You need to get empty about it. I can't handle it. You've been busy. She needs to release. She needs to release. It needs to be released. People have been commenting in the office about your stature. Yeah, I know. You need to get emptied out. I can't handle it. You've been busy.

She needs to release. She needs to release. It needs to be released. You've been stressed. Yes. You need to get it out. Exactly. If anyone is going to release your junk, it's two gay men.

Of course. It feels natural and fair. It is natural. So, yeah, we'll do that on Wednesday's episode. And also, we're going to be checking in on our eBay auction. Yes. I still don't know because Chewy put them on eBay. Our pots we were selling from our pottery class.

I still don't know which one beat the other. Who made more money? I want to know. I am fully aware and the auction has a clear winner. That's all I'm going to say. Wow. Not even a close tie, like a clear winner. Nope, a clear winner. We're talking many dollars in between

the wins. Oh, wow. And, of course, the winning bidder gets to choose a charity that their money goes towards. Correct, yeah. It would be very cute, very wholesome, unless their charity, of course, is something that we don't support. Then maybe. I guess we have to.

What if they did say that? They're like, we want to support the Hells Angels. Our money's going towards the Comancheros. Yeah, are we allowed to veto something like that? I think if we all agree. I'm not well read enough on Hell's Angels. They could be doing great work. Mitch, Mitch and Jenna, thanks.

I'm putting my money to the John Ibrahim Foundation. I don't think that's a good choice. Or they just put it towards Trump supporter groups or something. Imagine! Oh, we're not standing for that. Surely we're allowed to veto that. Hi, I'm putting my money to Arsonists United. Arsonists don't get enough support. Absolutely. We're putting your money. Well, you're the chairwoman for that. Surely we're allowed to veto that. No. I'm putting my money to Arsonists United. Arsonists don't get enough support.

Absolutely. We're putting your money. Well, you're the chairwoman of that. Yes. She is. That goes straight to your pocket. Yeah. So stupid.

All right, should I do my agent? Are you ready? Yeah, I'm born ready. Let's spit it out for God's sake. Okay, sorry. Is it just me or? Does Spotify rap season really piss you off yes yes because people post their spotify wrapped and they're like can't believe lady gaga was my top song it's like i actually

can believe it because it's actual data babes it's it's it's data i can't believe i streamed enough times to wrap around the Earth seven orbits. Yeah, you can because you're a gay man from Surrey Hills. Everyone is so shocked. But, hey, if one good thing comes from the Spotify wrapped thing, I know you love a bit of fucking validation, your dopamine hit from strangers adoring you. Yeah, I do.

How many people got asked as their most listened to podcast of the year on Spotify? So many. A lot. There you go. A lot. And we love you all. Even Trash Alley was in a lot of people's top five. Really?

That hasn't been on all year. I do have to question the Spotify rap thing because a lot of my results seem to be based on like early in the year. They don't factor in the rest of the year for me. Every time I'm like, I swear I only listened to that in March. Why is it my number one? Well, here we go. So I'm going to read out what I got.

I don't use Spotify. I'm an Apple Music boy. Me too. Yeah, but it does the same thing. It's called Apple Music Replay. It's the same. It doesn't have the same ring to it, does it? No, but also.

I don't think I've ever in my fucking life seen someone post an Apple replay screenshot on Instagram. Oh, I did today. Did you? Yeah. It's also because Apple people, we don't care. We're cool. Apple people are cool.

We believe in aesthetic. This is for us. Right, okay. Yeah. We don't have to conform. No, we don't. Yeah, we're Apple. We're Apple users.

Yeah. Because that's so indie. No one uses Apple products. No, no, no. Wow, you're so fucking edgy. You wouldn't get it. You don't understand. You're an Android user. No, no, no. Wow, you're so fucking edgy. You wouldn't get it. You don't understand. You're an Android user.

Yeah. Not in practice, but visually you are. I don't have anything against Apple Music. It's just that my dad started a family plan on Spotify and I was like, fuck you, I'll leech off you. You're leeching off your poor farmer father. But I'm the only sibling that makes the point of transferring them $3 a month. Oh, that's really sweet.

I pay for my bit, my access. Yeah. Do you know what's fucked though? Sorry to railroad you, Ridgham. That's fine. Spotify have started doing 15 hours worth of free audio books for every premium customer. That's great. Except if you're on a family plan, only the host gets the 15 hours of books.

And I'm like, surely Egan's not fucking. He's not reading books. He's not taking advantage of that. I might have to kick him off. You should be able to pass it down. Yeah. No, you can't. I'd have to cancel the plan, the family plan. I'd have to restart it.

But obviously I'd put his credit card details in. I'm not fucking shouting at everyone. No, of course. But I would want the free audio books. I'm glad Spotify do that. Apple, I've signed up to Apple, Apple One, which is every subscription for 40 bucks a month. Anyway, they throw in free Apple arcade. What does that mean?

I get like Angry Birds Plus or something. Yeah, it's really weird. I got a notification about that the other day. I get it all the time. Yeah. It's like your game zone has lost 12 points. Collect your tickets. I'm like, what?

I'm an adult. I have no idea what any of that shit is. I'm like signing contracts and doing emails on my phone. It's like your penguin harvest need to be collected. I'm like, what? I'm an adult. Yeah, I have no idea what any of that shit is. I'm like signing contracts and doing emails on my phone. It's like, your penguin harvest need to be collected. I'm like, what the fuck? Some game I downloaded on a flight. It's like Games Hub. Bricks and Balls has updated.

12 new balls in your basket. I'm like, what? How embarrassing. I'm an adult. So what did you get for your apple wrapped or whatever the fuck they call it? I've been hungry now. I'd love an apple wrap. A bit of turkey and cranberry sauce.

My auntie makes a killer apple wrap this time of year. Okay. This is me on the fly. Yes. Any salads that have bits of apple in it, fucking in the bin. I hate it. I hate apple in a salad. I don't fuck with fruit in salad.

Oh, my God. Fruit in salad, pear in salad, and dried fruit in a salad has the weight of my heart. No, I disagree. There was one the other day that had fucking watermelon and feta and lettuce and shit. I was like, watermelon? No. You can't combine that. That's a fruit.

Well, yeah. Therein lies my argument. Fruit in salads? No. No, but apple's not a fruit. It famously is. No, it is. But I mean, you can put apple on a sandwich.

No. Yes, you can. Absolutely not. Yes, you can. Absolutely not. Yes, you can. I'm saying apple has ascended past being just a fruit. It's like when you say band-aid. I'm just having an apple sandwich. We wouldn't do bread after bread.

You'd do bread, chicken, mayonnaise, sliced apple. Oh, listen, you guys wouldn't get it. Yes, I've done it before. That's foul. That's worse than a salad. All right, next week on the show, gay Yes, I've done it before. That's foul. That's worse than a salad. All right, next week on the show, gay porn, VR, and apple sandwiches. Fuck you all. I can't wait.

Do I get to do my ear jam? Yeah, no, go on, spit out your top songs. Jesus. My top songs? That's a different playlist. Oh, my God. All right, here we go. My top songs.

Number one, sleep fruit music. One hour loop of sleep sounds. Oh, my God. 10,694 minutes Fuck me, we have the same problem What do you have? My Spotify wrapped, look Deep sleep, 528, what's 8Z mean? 8, oh 8 hertz

Hertz, 528 hertz Number two, healing, 528 hertz number two healing 528 hertz quiet movement all of these sleep tracks because my alexa is automatically set to start playing sleep music at 10 30 so when i go to bed it's already there it's lovely all of my every day all of my sleep music is from youtube oh no mine's from apple music i played on my home pod number two i had not once factored in that that was going to hijack my spotify rap i should have done YouTube because I pay for premium as well. Exactly. Number two, ambient fruit music.

Number three, Ava Max. Number four, fruit sounds. Number five, Kim Petras. I'm so depressed. What is wrong with me? I think that mine might have taken into account that sleep music is its own category because it still gave me my top artists, but my top songs were all sleep fucking songs.

Oh, really? And so my top artists were Miley Cyrus, Taylor Swift, Coldplay, and then Gaga and Kylie. And again, I was like, I swear I was feeling nostalgic for one week and listened to a bit of Coldplay. How the fuck are they my number three? Totally. I don't know how it works.

I don't know where the algorithm comes from. But the problem with this is Apple makes you a playlist. It's like you should reminisce on 2023. But the playlist is just a bunch of rain and thunderclap noises. I've got the same problem. My playlist is all sleep. It's like a sensory thing you'd put on for a baby To swaddle them into a sleep Let's compare who does the elite sleep music

Apple Music or Spotify Can I bring out YouTube? Good call Is there a way I can plug my phone in So you hear it properly? Not on the fly, no Well how long would it take not on the fly? Because playing it on here is not going to do it justice.

Do you have a cord? There we go. Jenna's plugged it in. Okay. Well, you better go first then if you've already plugged it in. Yeah, go for it. So this is your sleep. We're comparing all three of our sleep systems.

Apple versus YouTube versus Spotify. Wow, the big three. So this is my YouTube. Close your eyes. Boring. No. Boring No Do you sleep like covered in Vaseline With your arms across your chest

Like you're going down a slippery slide Yeah, now I need to pierce this I feel like I'm Tootin' Carmen And being laid to rest in a room full of gold It's beautiful No it's not Yes it is No wonder your cat has sensory issues

She sits on the bed and listens to it too Beautiful. No, it's not. Yes, it is. No wonder your cat has sensory issues. She sits on the bed and listens to it too. Can you fast forward to the hook? Okay, most replayed. Just as I expected. Oh, that's a good bit. That's a really good bit. How many will replay that?

Wait, is that a sample? I don't like the rain. I don't fuck with rain noises. Oh, I do? Give me the cord. One time I was trying to put on rain noises. There's a bit of white noise, but I also had my air purifier going, so it was just like a white noise overload. I felt like I was stuck in a

fucking static TV. That's a bit much. Oh, no, I got the new phone. It's not going to work. What do you mean? I've got a new adapter. Do you? I've got the 15, yeah, sorry. Wait. USB-C.

I am such a hoarder of cords. I reckon I have it. I'll need aux to USB-C. Yeah, I got that. I got one of every adapter, mate. Wow. Really? For times like this.

Oh, shit, hang on. Oh, no. Oh, no. I was excited. Hang on. Come on. Hang on. Oh, no. No. I was excited. Hang on. Come on. Hanging. Oh.

I counted my chickens before they hatched. Shit. Oh, no. Well, listen, the new- Where the fuck would it be? The new iPhone 15 has very loud speakers, so I'm sure it'll be okay. Well, if it's a competition, you will lose because the quality is going to be terrible. This is my most played number one on my replay.

It's called Southwest Rain and Thunder by Rain Fruit Sounds. That's too much. How far away is your HomePod from you when you listen? Three and four metres. Yeah, that's too much. No, that's a lot of rain. What do you use, Mitchell? That's a lot of rain.

Mine doesn't have any rain involved because I don't fuck with that. I love the rain. The rain's the best part. I already have to get up multiple times a night to piss. I don't need that encouraging. True, you can pull the whole thing, Jenna, if you want to. I don't get up at all during the night to piss. Oh, no, Mitchell, sorry.

Okay. Prepare to feast your ears on to piss. Oh. Oh, no. Sorry. Okay. Prepare to feast your ears on this shit. Close your eyes, Jenna. Crank it up, please. That is good, actually. It's like impregnating your brain. That is good. No. Shut up. You're just jealous. I feel like impregnating your brain. That is good. No.

Shut up, you're just jealous. I feel like I'm in an Aesop. No, but mine is like a combination of both of yours. What brings you in today? We have new fragrances. Quill. Foof. No, this is like a beautician.

Welcome to my daughter's bar. While we're on the topic, Mitch, if you're running out of ideas for our secret Santa, I do need some more Aesop. Did you enjoy it last time? Yes. If I'm getting you guys fucking Aesop, the last thing I want is a cheap used Squishmallow from Jenna. Used?

Used. Okay, this one's a bit boring. Can I find another one? No, you only have one option each. That's exactly the same. It's completely different, actually. There is a lot of different hurts. The only hurt I'm feeling is exactly the same. It's completely different, actually. There is a lot of different hurts. The only hurt I'm feeling is actual heart pain.

There's usually a gentle piano situation. What about this? Oh, gentle piano. This one has chords. It's not just the one noise. Come on. When's the drop? Sounds like a Bjork song.

There was a chord change. Now, cut it off. This is stupid. Well, I think it's clear that mine wins. No, I think it's very subjective. Mine's the winner. Mine's real. Mine's based in reality.

There's nowhere on earth you can hear those actual sounds unless you drop a coin in the Janolin Caves. What, the sleep music? No, your dumb harps. Mine is natural thunder sounds. Yours are fake. But they're not natural. That's actually why I don't fuck with them because I'm like,

I know deep down that I can't be fooled. I know it's not actually rain, therefore I will not relax in response to it. Perhaps I'm just an idiot and I – Somebody's in a sound studio. Well, I've always thought that. Yeah, of course. I'm glad we finally landed on a group consensus. All right, let's go. Let's get out of here.

Alright, sure. I hope no one died behind the wheel of a car listening to sleep music. No, God no. Wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy. Although they should be asleep. So you're not a fan of Spotify Wrapped in a nutshell? Nutshell? A Spotify Wrapped terrible

fruit on sandwiches? Delicious. That's what I wanted to get across to the world. You've even got fruit in your sleep music, for God's sake. I do. What are they called again? I've got fruit in my sex life, fruit in my music. And rain fruit sounds. That's it.

Yeah, don't like it. Best new artist at the Grammys. Mine's just a playlist called Binaural Beats Deeper Sleep. If anyone's interested in mine, it's calming music plus soft rain sounds. Sleep music, relaxing music. Do you pay for premium or is it like racing to the good guys halfway through a sleep music song? No, my team has it, so I latch onto their account. Now, I use Apple Music.

We know. Sorry, I wasn't thinking straight. I was asking her if she pays for YouTube premium or does she get ads during her sleep music. And I just said, I use Apple Music. I'm Mitchell. I told you we had to go. Sometimes I fade. And when I say let's go, that's the last ounce of lucidity that I've got left.

Do you know what that was giving? Okay, I'm a Gemini. Yeah. Where's that from? The Abby Chatfield Bachelor edit. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't ever watch it. Huh? I never? The Abby Chatfield Bachelor edit. Yeah. Yeah. Did you never watch it?

Huh? I never watched it. I didn't either. I host a radio show with two girls that got to the end of The Bachelor and I've never seen an episode. Oh, even I've seen an episode. But you know, it was the thing that went viral. It doesn't matter.

No. I'm not on the internet. We spoke about it with her on our podcast. I was looking at her breasts. I was straight at that point. You were not. I thought I was. You were like three years with straight at that point. You were not. You were like three years with Hayden. Don't say the name.

Sorry. Now you need to play your eight hertz again. I'm stressed. I use Spotify. See you, everybody. Thanks for listening to the show. The update from our auction happening Wednesday's episode. Get ready.

Catch you soon, idiots. See you. Bye-bye. Bye. Is it just me? A See ya. Bye-bye. Bye. Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of Mitches. Make sure you've hit follow on your podcast app. Welcome to ADD Brief.

This is our secret segment on the end. We just talk shit here. There was a poll in our group about whether people actually stick around to the end of ADD Brief. I did see that discourse. Most people do. So fair to say that most people have found the secret. But that doesn't mean it's not a secret. You can't go telling everyone else about it. No.

Well, I posted in it a photo of me and my date that I went on because we wanted visual aid for the Tin Fish date night. And I spoke last week about the date that we got locked in the national park on. And did you see what someone said? Someone was like, oh, like Mitch getting it from a gorgeous twink. He looks gorgeous. And then I'm like, what do you think he looks like based on context clues?

Yeah. And then someone like Googled, like they must have Googled stock image twink. And then have you seen who they think I'm dating? No. Let me get it out. By the way, the worst part of my job on this podcast is you just flippantly saying, yeah, we'll post the photo on the socials. And then me, the asshole, has to chase him up because I'm like, I know he won't.

So every day before the release of the podcast, I'm like, can you send me a photo of you dressed as Santa? You mentioned that you were going to post it on the socials and I know you won't. But Mitch, you've always had that problem. Remember when I worked with you on Slope HQ? Yeah, of course. That hit night show we worked on. Wow. Seems like forever ago.

And you said, we'll pop it up on our socials. And she's like, fuck me. And I'm like, what? You know what? It's a tactic. I do it on the pickup too. And I make a really funny joke. I go, all, well, pop it up on our socials. And she's like, fuck me. And I'm like, what? You know what? It's a tactic. I do it on the pickup too. When I make a really funny joke, I go, all right, we'll get that on the socials. So then they have to make it.

Smart. It does work. Otherwise, just Laura talking about her kids or, you know, Britt's Scottish boyfriend going up and going, well, I want a joke. Sorry, that was personal issues. This is the comment. Ready? I want to know what he looks like.

And I said, what do you think he looks like? He said something like this, but with a pointy nose. Show us. Just. It's Jacob Elordi. No, he's too old. He's not. That looks nothing like him.

That is not too old. No, as in like to be the guy you're dating. Your guy looks younger than that. Yeah, you don't. He's got braces. No. Sorry, but he was going to a costume party, so he was dressed as Huey. That's why he was wearing those braces.

Does he actually have braces? No, he doesn't have braces. Okay, because you look so offended, and I was like, oh, have I hit a nerve? Does he actually? I was just making a joke. No, I'm not. Oh, fuck! What have you done?

My Apple camera bump fell off! Camera bump? What? What is that? I bought it on Amazon! What's a camera bump? Is it like a screen protector for the camera? Yes!

Oh, what compelled you to buy that? Did you break them? Fatty at Apple Miranda said I should. Who? Fatty at Apple Miranda. Oh, I thought you meant like Miranda. I thought that was someone's YouTube handle. Yeah.

I thought it was Fatty at Miranda. Fatty at Apple Miranda. Reviews. No, Fatty at the Apple Store in Miranda. Right. I'll give you a little story because I can. I went to Apple and I wanted an iPhone. When?

Last Saturday. Wait, did I ask? Yeah. And I used to get Apple discount from the girl that I lost my virginity to. Remember I told you this story? I've told this story before. I don't think you've mentioned that part. I've heard about the girl.

Oh, yeah. I had terrible sex with her and to thank me for the last 10 years, she's given me 15% off. To bribe you to never do it again. She started giving you Apple dip tips. No, I think it wasn't that. I think I taught her what she didn't like. And she was grateful to learn that from my horrific straight sex.

Anyway, she was lovely. She left Apple because I messaged her and said, can I get the discount? She went, never message me again. I don't work there. So I went to Apple like a pleb and had to buy a full-priced iPhone because I dropped mine. Anyway, I was very upset. So I see Fatty.

I go, hi. Hi. How are you? He was gay. And I went, I'm just going to try the old school Chewy charm. So I amped it up. Amped what up? The Chewy charm.

Okay. How? Fatty. Went to lunch Okay. How? Fatty! Went to lunch break. You be Fatty. Ask me a simple question about an iPhone. What's your Apple ID? I'll just get you in the queue for the genius bar.

What's your Apple ID and password? I don't want to be in a queue. I want to be here with you, Fatty. You were turning it up that much? I was turning it up to enough for me to get him to go and apply his 15% off Christmas discount. And he did it? He did it. Wow.

He did it. And now you are calling him fatty. His name is fatty. Oh, I thought you were being insulting. No, he's Arabic. Oh. F-A-D-I. I thought you, I said, oh, why did you buy that?

And you were like, some fat fuck at Apple Miranda. I seriously thought you were just calling them a fatty. As if I would ever do that. Well, I was thinking, Jesus. I initially thought, and then I realised a fatty. As if I would ever do that. Well, I was thinking, Jesus. I initially thought, and then I realised, oh, wait, maybe that's. No, I wouldn't say that. That's what I thought the whole time. Not in 2023, almost 2024.

Anyway, so you were fucking flirting with Porky, and then what? Correct. So I was flirting? No. I was flirting with him, and he gave me the 15% staff discount. And then me and my friend Kristen were there, and she's like, I think he's horny for you. And I was like, I don't know. So we were flirting, flirting.

Anyway, he goes, hey, we're going to back your phone up to the new phone, transfer it over the cloud. It's going to take a while. You're going to have to go shop. I went, okay, that's all right. He went, thing is, I want you to know when it's ready so you don't have to keep popping in to check. He's like, give me a personal number and I'll text you off my personal phone.

Smooth. And he gave me his personal number. Then he texts me. Hi, Mitch. Fatty here from Apple Miranda. Your phone is ready with a little smiley face. Smiley face. I wouldn't be riding home about that.

He was on the clock. And then I came in and got it and we sort of hugged. You hugged? Yeah, because he gave me a discount. And I said, Fatty, can I get you any sort of lunch? Can I get you a lunch? Salad? Can I get you a salad? With apple? He went, no, I don't want a salad. He would have a discount. And I said, Fatty, can I get you any sort of lunch? Can I get you a lunch? Salad? Can I get you a salad?

With apple. He went, no, I don't want a salad. He would have loved that. Just a gift card in there. And then he went, no, no, I'm on protein. I'm bulking. And then I left. Anyway, I got 15%.

I've got the new iPhone. And he said, on the way out, make sure you get a camera bump protector. Those cameras are really fragile. So I did. And it just fell off when Jenna was. The fact that even Apple staff are telling you, oh, they're piss weak. You need a protector for it. Like, really? Just make better cameras. really fragile. So I did and it just fell off when Jenna was... The fact that even Apple staff are telling you, oh, they're piss weak, you need a protector for it. Like, really? Just make better cameras. I agree, but it's

really... Look how big the camera is now with it on there. It's like huge. It truly doesn't look that different to the old model iPhone. No, it doesn't. Doesn't Apple sell them? No. No. They sell screen protectors that Fatty put on. Every time you say it, it just strikes me. Let's give Fatty a call. I've got his number.

Should I call it? Yes. How am I going to find it? Because I didn't save it. In recent messages. Yeah, that's pretty straightforward, isn't it? It was two weeks ago. I've talked to a lot.

Okay, I'll find it. Hi, Mitch. Your phone's done. All right, there was no emoji. I've embellished completely. Surely. And I actually wrote coming with a, I sent the emoji with the star eyes because I was starry for him.

Oh, I've just read his text. He hates you. Oh, my God. That is so cold. I wouldn't speak like that to my worst enemy. He hates you. That is cold. Not even a fucking full stop.

Should I text him and go, hi, fatty, thinking of you? Yes. And then send a photo of Fatty Morton. Do a voice message. Hi, fatty, thinking of you. All right. Hold on. No, because that's my local. And I go there all you? All right. Hold on. No, because that's my local.

And I go there all the time. Oh, come on. You go there all the time. Why do you go there all the time? I'm a fanboy. I wouldn't do that to fatty. Yeah, but what's something less creepy you can say? Hey, fatty, just want to thank you again for the stellar service.

Two weeks later. Hey, fatty. Can't keep saying it. See what I mean? F-A-D-I. Because I got a prompt on Google saying, on Gmail saying, hey, how do you rate fatty? Oh, okay. And I went, that's how you spell it.

And I was wondering. Are you sure that's how it's pronounced though? Yeah, because he said, hey, I'm fatty. Oh, I see. Even if he said that to me hi i'm fatty i would have been like what well at first i said same i'm like you look great anyway do you want to hear something fucking wild that happened to me this week i'd love to i reckon you're going to get a kick out of this you're either going to be highly jealous or just happy for me i don't know we'll

see he's happy for you we'll see um i so happened, the irony was that I just so happened to be at our therapist and I just finished bitching about like, oh God. Not me, I hope. No, no, no. It's a weird elephant in the room. I've never mentioned your name because I don't know if that's unethical that I'm talking about one of her clients to her. Not that I have the need, but I just haven't mentioned your name ever.

So what did she say? We're talking about the gay heffalump again today? Well, no, we've not actually needed to discuss you. Oh, good. Yet. Good. Yet. Good.

Oh, God. She has like sort of pride and I just like, I don't go there because I'm like, oh, it's weird. I don't know if she knows. Well, I just refer to you as the wicked witch of the West. Wow. Wow. I'm joking.

I don't. That's a compliment. This is not the point of the story, but do you want to hear something else that she said to me? Yeah. She said that I can tell that you're bottling up too much resentment. You need to learn to let out anger more often. And I was like, bitch, that's not safe. No.

You don't understand what you're asking for. That's like a prison guard going to Ivan Milat in Silverwater State Prison. I'm going to let the gates open. I think you need the door to be open from this cell. And you need a backpacker in here with a butcher's knife. Yeah, just to get a cool breeze in here. We trust you. Totally.

No worries, Ivan. Yeah. Have fun. Oh, Zodiac Killer, here are four women in a lake. Anyway, so I'm giving you the context. Yeah. I was leaving the therapy appointment and had just finished talking about, oh, my God, I'm so burnt out.

I haven't had a day off since before the Adelaide and Perth shows. Like every day I've been like, today's the day I'm going to have a day off. And then fucking something pops up. I've just been in work mode for too long. I'm so exhausted. I don't need anything else on my plate. Ironically, as soon as I leave the therapy appointment, I've got all these fucking missed calls from my comedy manager.

And I called him back and said, what? And he goes oh just let a publisher reach out to ask if you want to do a book oh I was like not right now now's the worst time to pitch a book to me are you serious I'm so just pitching about too much work and now a book right is it a good No, it's not a good book. Oh. Well, it can be anything I want it to be, I suppose. It's just a book deal. What would you write about?

I don't know. That's the later problem. Would I be featured in the glossy pictures in the middle? I find that's your second question. Oh, I'd love to. Well, the third is well done. That's not a question. It's a statement.

I am happy for you. That's exciting. Yeah, can you do it? I don't know. It's a statement. I am happy for you. That's exciting. Yeah, can you do it? I don't know. Like, it's early days. I haven't even. Yeah, but still. I'm trying to think of the title.

Mitchell Coombs Bayer. Coombs Bayer? First option's never the best. But also, often you circle back to it as the final choice. So, write that one down. Oh, I shan't. Flick my hair. Because your hair is like sort of.

Because it's long. No, that's not good. I picture the title being one of those like, you know how kids' books can put felt on the front cover? So like it's you with your hair, but the hair's made of felt. The felt. The felt comes out of the book. I've got no idea what I would do. That's a good idea.

Like a Harry McCleary book. Yeah. Oh, Harry McCleary. That's a good idea. Like a Harry McCleary book. Yeah. That's exciting. What would you write? Because you're too young to do like a My Story Up to Now. That's the thing. I'm like, really? Let me live a bit more trauma first.

Yeah, a kid's book. A kid's book. Fuck no. What would I know about kids' books? Nothing, but you've got to learn. I've never read them to a kid. I don't think I read them myself either. No, I didn't read books either.

You know what Nick said to me, our mate? He goes, you're going to be the first ever author to write more books than you've read. I was like, fuck you. That's very true. Audio books count. Have you ever finished a book? Yes. If there's one thing I know, it's memoirs.

Don't give a fuck about Harry Potter, but I read heaps of memoirs over my time. Scandalands. Cack, My Journey. I didn't read Kerri-Ann's. No. I did get a copy of it, though, and we just defaced it. Oh, God, that's so savage. It was called, like, Kerri-Ann, A Bold Life,

and my friend just crossed out bold and wrote skanks. Just as Kerri-Ann Kennelly, A Skanks Life. Hey, it checks out. Wait, that's very exciting, Mitchell. Yeah, well, we'll see. So what do you have to do from here? I don't know. We haven't gotten to even the initial meeting yet. So exciting. That's. Yeah, well, we'll see. So what do you have to do from here? I don't know. We haven't gotten to even the initial meeting yet.

So exciting. That's so exciting. Yeah, we'll see. Well, we'll give some away on the show. Yeah. Also, a book takes like four years to happen, doesn't it? Could we get some free copies? Yeah.

For fuck's sake, Jenna. We'd give some away for sure. You're asking for a freebie. I paid for my dumb bitch walk merch from Cherry. Hot girl walk merch. Thank you for that. Took forever. It sure did. We've got issues there. If you haven't received your hot girl walk merch, please DM me. And another reminder, if your mug's smashed,

please let us know. We'll replace it. So far, only one. Only one smashed. That's really fucking good. Well, one that we know of. Supply a photo. Yeah, we'll need evidence. You can't just say my mug's smashed. Well, that's exciting, Mitch. Updates on the book, please. Just don't hold your breath. I won't have any updates anytime soon.

I'm excited for you. I'm so excited. Yeah, but please don't make it an autobiography. You could do fiction. Why not? Because it's not yet. It's too early. I can't write a fiction book.

Would you do like a hard copy or a soft copy? You'd start with hard. What are you talking about? Like the book. The book. What about it? Like? Like the book. The book. You know how like a hard copy, it's hard around? Oh, is that what that means? Yes.

I don't know if I have much say over that. Can you make it hard coffee because it's nicer? No, it's not. I hate a hard copy. No, you can't. You can't like. Sit at the beach. Well, no, not even that.

But you know how you pick up a book and just sort of flick through it to get the book smell? You can't do that with a hardcover. No, but I'd like to read the soft cover but have the hardcover sitting in a nice spot. Right. Yes. I see.

All right, Mitch, call your promoter and make sure that Jenna's worries are passed on. Yeah, can we do a print run of one hardcopy? Yes. Just the one for Jenna. No worries. Could you sign it? Yeah. Okay, cool. That's nice. I'd love that. I'll sign for Jenna. No worries. Could you sign it? Yeah.

Okay, cool. That's nice. I'd love that. I'll sign it too. All right, let's get out of here. I don't think so. No, it's not a joint venture. Anyway, going back to your suggestion, as if I could write a fucking fiction.

Wait, is that the not true one? Yeah, fake. The bullshit. You could do fantasy. As if. Don't be ridiculous. Like make a new superhero like Twink Boy. What would I know about that?

Not anymore. No, true. Twunk Boy. What do you mean not anymore? Well, your twink death is upon you, isn't it? Yeah. What is the cutoff? Oh, 29.

I'm not there yet. True. I'd say 28. You are a twink for sure. I don't know if I am anymore. You're also brunette. I feel like blonde twinks get longer, but brunette twinks. Twinks are also like naturally bags of bones.

Yes. And also typically hairless. Let me tell you something for nothing. I'm not hairless. Have you seen these fucking legs? Do you shave everything for Sean? No, not like everything. Are you talking about my junk?

I'm talking like junk and like in between the cheeks. Not everything because that would look like I haven't got the pumity yet if there's nothing. Of course, of course. But yeah, obviously I've got to keep it intact, yeah. The whole shave thing, it's like have some decorum. Who? Like people who shave themselves completely. It's like question the guys that you're dating if they want you to be a shaved, a full bald twink.

Yeah. That'sink. Yeah. That's worrying. Yeah. To me. That's a red flag. Major red flag. Have you come across that in your travels? Have you?

Pulled down someone's pants and been like, fuck me. Have you even grown pretty? Well, I saw my reflection in the oiled up sheen of skin. There was no hair there. What is going on? There's something in between my teeth. I got it out. No, but I just find it a bit off-putting.

Like, I want to sleep with a man. I want there to be hair. No, I'm with you. I'm with you. Jenna? Yeah, I agree. Yeah, thanks for that. Yeah.

Thanks for coming to my defense. Yeah, of course. Also, who am I to judge? I'm covered in hair. I'm so hairy. That's what I think makes me not technically a twink because they have, like, naturally not much hair. Is it natural?

I feel like they do. They just choose to shave it because they feel like that's what society wants of them. And I think free the twink. Let them do what they want. Free the twink. Free the twink. Twink death is a real thing, though. Does it worry you?

No. I don't think I've been a twink for years, technically. I don't know what category I fit into because there's twinks, bears, whatever. I think I've recently changed. For the international listeners and the straight listeners, we're talking about the gay tribes. I think international people are aware of that. But, yeah, I think twinks are just like young Troye Sivan looking dudes. Twinks, young, slender, often hairless, youthful looking gay men.

Very youthful. And just like a typical cheery quiff. That's their hairstyle. Yeah. Really? I think it's changing with Gen Z. Who knows? They've got the middle part. Prince Charming. And so their hairstyle. Yeah. Really? I think it's changing with Gen Z. Who knows? They've got the middle part.

Prince Charming. And so what am I? What tribe am I? You'd be a twunk or an otter. A twunk. A drunk twink. No, I think a twink is like a twunk. I feel so representative.

It's a drunk twink. Jenna, can you Google what is a twunk, please? Thanks. Jenna's like Siri, but slower. No, I'm logging into it. Logging into what porn hub? What is? Logging into what?

Yeah, that's what I want to know. Oh, that was embarrassing. I now, my computer never locks now because I had to turn the settings off. Yeah. I had my, there was like a projector behind me in my Adelaide show. Yes. And I was like, oh, I may as well chuck my Mitchell Coombs Live logo up there. Yes.

As I walked down on stage, my laptop locked. So there's this, on the backdrop behind me, just my MacBook screen asking me to enter the password. That's embarrassing. It was. And so the following night I turned it off. It never sleeps now. My Mac is always on.

Yeah, that's awful. Yeah, that's awful. You're not even fucking listening. I am. Who are you texting? No, I'm not. I'm trying to find VR gay porn. I found it. So I'm actually got porn on my phone. Do you want to know what the twat is? That's a. Yeah, that's awful. You're not even fucking listening. I am. Who are you texting? No, I'm not. I'm trying to find VR gay porn. I found it.

So I'm actually got porn on my phone. Do you want to know what a twunk is? That's a next week problem. A twunk. Are you still on that? Yes. A term used amongst the LGBTQ community to describe males with the face of a twink, but the body of a hunk.

Oh, no, sorry. How dare you? I mean, what's a hunk then? As soon as they got to the topic of body, you go, oh, actually, no, he's not a hunk. Oh, no, sorry. How dare you? What's a hunk then? As soon as they got to the topic of body, you go, oh, actually, no, he's not a hunk. No, a hunk is like a bodybuilder. Tom Daley. Tom Daley is an example of a twunk.

Yeah, you know what? I'll give you twunk. I'd give you twunk. Reluctantly. No, not reluctantly. I've given it thought. Like, this is, look, this Glee star's gone from twink to twunk. Oh, is that the one? Is that? I have to push it to see.

Oh, God. No, I don't care that much. I do. Like, Tyler Oakley's probably a good example. Lea Michele Zab's look great there. Tyler Oakley's a great example, yes. Yeah. He just gets stoned on Twitch now.

I know, I've seen it. Like, what a life. I'm kind of jealous. What do you think I would be? Oh, Kevin McHale. Oh, yeah, the wheelchair. Yeah. I was a bear, but I don't think I'm a bear anymore.

Well, what qualifies a bear? Big, hairy. Right. Full stop. I don't think you're a bear. So what are you now? That's what I know. That's what I'm saying.

I just don't know. I don't have a tribe. I wander the halls looking for somewhere to fit in. Why do you have to fit in? That's what I'm saying. I just don't know. I don't have a tribe. I wander the halls looking for somewhere to fit in. Why do you have to fit in? That's so true. And yet we just had to squeeze me into the twank category. Well, what am I? No one said that to me.

Why do you need a label, Mitchell? You don't need to conform. Actually, Mitchell, you do. Cheery doesn't need to conform. We've got to put you in some sort of fucking box. Well, you don't need your conform. We've got to put you in some sort of fucking box. Well, you don't need your box. You've got Sean. I'm wandering the halls looking for love.

I don't know why I've said halls twice. Mentally, I'm trapped in some sort of high school. Wandering the halls looking for love. I just think you're in American high school. Me too. Oh, I'm with Dylan Sprouse. We're in the set of Riverdale. Hello.

You mean Cole. Laugh. Buffhead. What's his the set of Riverdale. Hello. You mean Cole. Buffhead. Buffhead. What's his name? Buffhead. Jughead. Jughead Jones. KJ Kappa.

Love me. We hope this podcast made you feel at least 2% better today. That's all. So we do. From the twunk and the who knows what. Okay. And the wench. Yeah. We send our love. And the wench. Yeah.

We send our love. Yes, we do. Merry Christmas. Well, it's Christmas season. This episode officially comes out on December. Yeah. It is. It is.

Why are you arguing? I said yes. I'm going to start confiscating his phone. It's in a weird mood when he's distracted. No, it's because my camera bump fell off and I'm furious. Do you want me to superglue it on? No. Okay.

I got a Snapchat from my twink and I got distracted. Do you want to snap him back? From your twink? From my twink. How disrespectful. I think that's a term of endearment. Your twink. Yeah.

Yeah. Twink for all. He's yours too. If you want him to be. I don't think he's yours to offer. Yeah. He's yours too. If you want him to be. I don't think he's yours to offer. He's not mine, no. We haven't had that conversation. But just generally. Oh, even if we had had the conversation,

not mine to offer up? You can't just be like, my twink. I think that's hot. Do you not get turned on when Sean goes, this is my butt? He's never said that. You're kidding! I'd kick him in the teeth if he did. Oh, I love that. Really? Yeah, like it's a nice like, this is kidding. I'd kick him in the teeth if he did. Oh, I love that. Really? Yeah, like it's a nice like, this is mine.

No one else can touch it. I'd be like, listen here, it's not yours, dickhead. You're more than welcome to visit, but it's still mine. Yes, I agree. When your butt's being spoken about in the bedroom, I agree. When she has her rigorous spankings. Yeah, when you've been ravished. Yeah.

Well, Merry Christmas to you and yours. Are we going? I'm really content. This is nice. Oh, finally we found the elite sleep music. Oh, my God. Just try. This is peaceful.

What about this? That's my music. Nah, that pan flute. Doesn't do much for me. It's too wooden. It's like a sad Shakira song. Shakira, Shakira. Shakira, Shakira.

You know, she always says her name. She just cries it. Shakira, Shakira. My hips do lie. Nah, this would make my heart race. I'd be going, I want to go to... Not Pry Deluge. Where are we going?

Where are we going? Vista Del Mar? I don't know. I actually don't know where your train of thought has gotten you to at this point. I can't keep up. What about this? What about it? To sleep.

I'm trying to find alternative sleep songs. Nah. No. This is like, ready? I'm about to fall asleep. Hold on. Did I leave the oven on? Is my Aunt Julie still alive?

I'm going to solve a murder. Totally. That's what I think. It's only murders in the building. Yeah. This is how I go to sleep, to be honest. I bet you do. VR helmet on.

Pants off. Fully immersed. Now that I know that, I don't think I want to use your VR goggles. No, no, no, no, no, no. I've never finished with it on. What? What's the point? Well, I've done it around family. I've never actually done it for pleasure. I've never finished with an arm. Oh. What? What's the point? Well, I've done it around family.

I've never actually done it for pleasure. I've done it for a joke. Okay. I don't need VR porn. Thank you very much. Wow. Okay. He's very defensive today, isn't he?

Yeah, yeah. Well, I took our therapist's advice and I'm not beating around any bush. Well, you're beating around some bushes, aren't you? Well, no. Famously, there's none. All right. Is that right? Let's go.

No, there's a little bit. Thanks for listening. We hope this party is... Bye. See you. Love you all. Catch you Wednesday. Bye.

Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of mitches. Make sure you hit follow on your podcast app.