Is It Just Me? - #18: Short Stack Fan Girling

Episode Date: March 8, 2020

In this episode: News flash - the news isn't fictional (09:01) Churi is preparing for death (11:06)  The shittest surprise giveaway ever (16:38)  'Which Mitch?' goes awry (21:08)  Jenna's Junk (27:08) Our "secret segment" ADDebrief (37:47)    Follow us @coupleofmitches!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

People do some weird shit. A surge in young people inhaling the gas from cooking canisters known as mains to get high. Some things make more sense than others. I've done everything for you. I've put my career on hold. I could have been anything if I'd had the talent. Brace yourself for observations you didn't ask for. This is leadership. I think he's one of the greatest leaders we've ever had. Do you?

Yeah. Well, good hope. This is Is It Just Me? Hosted by a couple of Mitches. Should one of us be Mitch and the other be Mitchell just to make things easier? You're Mitch. I only call you Mitchell when you're being annoying. You always call me Mitchell.

Oh. Now, here's Mitch Choo Julie and Mitchell Coombs. Happy 18th birthday. Oh, we can now drink. I was looking for a bottle of vodka or something out there. We should have done a shot. You're not a big drinker, though, are you? No, not my heart will stop at any moment if I have a drink of alcohol.

Is that right? Yeah. My liver's in pain on a daily basis and I don't drink, so I can't imagine how it would feel if I didn't drink. What do you mean your liver's in pain? It's got a filter. It's like one of those pool filters on a really dirty holiday inn. Like, my liver would just filter so much shit out of my body.

Oh, where would you even start with trying to clean that shit? I think I've got kidney stones. I don't even know it. I'm just used to the pain. I think it's part of life. Is that the one you have to piss out? No, that's not. The kidney stones?

Isn't it? I think so. Jenna, is it? Oh, look it up. Oh, no, that's Goldblatter. Could you Google that for us, Producer Jenna? Yeah, give us a Google, Groundskeeper Jay. Welcome back.

Episode 18, we've made it. Why do you keep saying we make it? I don't know. It's just something nice to say. I've noticed this because the girls from Shindy Committee as well, they keep saying, oh, I'm so surprised we're back for another episode. I didn't think we'd get another one. And it's like, I didn't realise the people I work with had such doubt.

I feel the same about that show, let's be real. Surprised it even made it past everyone. Well, it did. We're going to eat food. Yeah, original. Nah, it's a great show. I've listened. I really enjoy it.

Schneedy Committee, everyone. Schneedy Committee is a good show. Better than not my cup of fucking Madura tea. You do pee them. You pee the stones out. Yes. Thanks, Jen. That's terrible.

She didn't even Google it. That's from personal history. We're back again. Episode 18. How's your week been? Good? You know what? It's been good. I have. Humble brag. Name a celebrity and I'll tell you if I've interviewed them this week. Brie Larson. No, I haven't interviewed Brie Larson.

It has been a big week, celeb-wise. I haven't interviewed anyone, but God, Steph's dropped new music. Katie's pregnant. Who's Steph? Lady Gaga. Oh, you talk as if she's your third cousin. Yeah. Steph.

Steph. Steph. She thought, hmm, what's my best song? It's Bad Romance. I'm going to Google synonyms for each, and now I've got Stupid Love. Oh, yeah. So she's come out with a new song, Stupid Love. That's not very creative.

Very smart. That's like someone watching a podcast derival us being like, I thought of this. You know? What would that be? Is it just me or um do you reckon anyone else feel this you know nah who would bother doing that that's my cup of water would be the competition to that ratty thing that you used to work with your ex of a podcast can i tell you something else that happened to me this week fangirl wise i um Do you guys remember Short Stack? The band, yeah. Yes. I was rather obsessed with them when I was, I want to say, 13?

That sounds about right. They were like the biggest boy band in 2008, 2009. They were everything. They were like pre-My Chemical Romance, right? But like on a much smaller scale. They were Australian. Oh, really? They were like what Five Sauce is now, but even then, I don't even know.

Right. But I went and saw them live at the Orange X Services Club, if you don't hardly mind. Anyway, I was reading some Facebook article about how they're making a comeback. And you know how you get really curious and you start going down like a deep dive? You start Insta-stalking? Oh, yeah. I was like, God, what do the members of Short Sack look like now? I found Sean, their lead singer on Instagram,

and instead of saying follow, it said follow back. Oh my god! If 14-year-old Mitchell knew that Sean from Short Sack would be following him on Instagram, I needed to lie down. It was a whole thing. So they followed you, and in the horde of people that just follow you after that

Lisa Wilkinson's debacle, you haven't realised that a member of Shortstack slipped through the cracks. I don't know when he followed me or how long it's been happening, but he bloody follows me. Can I see a photo of that? Yes. He's got a child now. Oh, wife and kids. Does he still have the bleach tips and the gel in his hair?

That was never him. Oh. No, that was Andy. He's also got a child. Isn't one of them a real estate agent now? I don't know, actually. I'm pretty sure. Really?

But they're making a comeback. That's the important thing. Here you go. Here's his gender reveal. Sean Diveny from Short Stack. Oh, be still my beating heart. Hold on. Let's have a look what baby it is.

Sean Diveny. Sean Diveny, is that it? The real estate agent? Yes. Yeah, Sean Diveny. From Coleman Estate Agents. Oh, yeah. Really? That was a nice gender reveal.

Sorry, I'll just pass you that back. No, what are you doing? Oh, FaceTime. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You can't hang up now. You don't hang up on Sean Diveny. Oh, I've locked it. I've locked it.

Shit, shit, shit. It's calling. It's still ringing. Oh, my God. Why did you do that? I don't know. I'm freaking out. Oh, my God.

Did he pick up? No. Ring him again. You just... out. Oh, my God. Did he pick up? No. Ring him again. You just... He's looking after his baby. I didn't even know that you could Instagram video chat for starters. I've never done that. Why did you do that?

Well, a bit of fun. That's so awkward. It's probably at an open house. Who's around? I've got to take this speech. I'm a big fan. He's going to have a missed call from me. That's so embarrassing.

Does it say seen or anything? It just says you started a video chat. Video chat ended. But it went for 40 seconds. How long did you hold it? Oh, I was holding it for a good, like, the whole time I was pretending to watch the gender reveal. I was FaceTiming Sean Diveny. He definitely.

He will see that. He definitely, like, let that ring out. Leave it on the desk. And if he calls back during the show, we'll take it. No, I don't. I'll just, I'll leave him a message explaining because I can't. Let's do it now. Ready? Just go. I'll just go, hi, my co-host. No, you are not talking. Oh, okay.

You are not talking. Okay. This is mine and Sean's moment. Alright. Can I talk? No. Did you like short stack back of the day? Yeah, I did. Alright, you can say hello. Okay. Turn this shit off. Sorry, okay. Hi, Sean. You don't know me.

My name's Mitchell. Sorry about the missed call there. That was my pig of a co-host. We're just recording our podcast together right now and I was talking about how excited I was when I realised that you followed me on Instagram because short sex still has a place in my heart.

You were my favourite and I realised you were following me on Instagram recently. It was a very exciting time. So he just thought it would be appropriate to call you. Totally not appropriate. I'm so sorry about that. Anyway, I'll leave you to it. Oh, that's Jenna. She's a fan.

Sorry. I'm a fan. Hi. Anyway, I'll leave you to it, Sean. Thank's Jenna. She's a fan. Sorry. I'm a fan. Hi. Anyway, I'll leave you to it, Sean. Thank you so much. Love you. Bye. Bye.

Wow, that was very civil of you. You're fucked. You are so fucked. Oh, please. You'll end up sleeping together in a month's time. What? Why? Could you say some dumb shit?

Now I've got the rag on and it's so early in the show. Oh, no. We've pissed him off, Jenna. Oh, I've pissed him off. I don't know how you're involved in this. Oh, no. What's coming up? Okay, coming up on the show, if it's so early in the show. Oh no, we've pissed him off, Jenna. I don't know how you're involved in this. What's coming up? Okay, coming up on the show, if it's your first time listening, of course we start with two Is It Just Me's.

The Ijjums, as I like to coin them, hashtag Ijjum, get it trending. One each. We don't tell each other what it's going to be. We are yet to clash. I think we're very different people, so it's unlikely to happen. Yeah, I actually am surprised that we have never brought something very similar to the table. What have you got for me this week? Well, mine is something that's topical.

It's been in the news. It's actually probably on the news on every news channel in every country around the world. Very topical. Because I'm concerned about myself. It's health related. Oh, God, don't tell me it's coronavirus related. Yeah, I'm doing, yeah. Oh, this is the week.

This is the week. Mine is too. Are you coronaring too? Well, sort of, in a roundabout way. It's vaguely related. is too. Are you coronering too? Well, sort of. In a roundabout way. It's vaguely related. And should we stop and I should change? No.

No, you know what? This will be a fun experiment in seeing how we can have the same topic, but where we take it. Okay, well, mine is only loosely related to coronavirus. Okay, then you start and then I end. So yeah, I'll kick it off. Okay, plus later in the show, this is, I think, one of my favourite segments. Remind me, did we do this on the very first episode? What is it again?

Which Mitch? Second show. We did this on the second show. We went around the office because we both work at the same place and we went around to our office and asked co-workers. Well, Jenna did. I went around. Sorry, Jenna did it back when she actually produced. Now all she does is trim the hedges in the office. No, she does. We got anonymous compliments and we had to decide which

Mitch they belonged to. Yeah. It was a test of how big your head is because you thought they all belonged to you. And to my surprise, the majority were for you. I was very shocked. Obviously. And we've asked you guys on our Instagram, on Facebook to write in. And Jenny, you've collated the best.

We haven't seen them yet. I did see you up on our Instagram begging for compliments. I thought, God, is he all right? No. I see you had a rough week. I did notice that. And then I changed it to also criticisms. And trust me. Oh, no. we didn't do that last time.

Hey, listen to me. I haven't read any of them. Jenna's got them all. They are very cool. I'll be hearing that later on. What's the theme, Jenna? Oh, you'll see. Okay, great.

Witch Mitch later on. All right, let's just kick off with my Is It Just Me, all right? Hit it. Here we go. Is it just me, or? Do you sometimes forget that the news isn't fictional? The news... Hold on, I've got to think this through.

Absolutely. The news isn't fictional. Fictional is, like, not true. Oh, no. It's like, do you sometimes forget that the news is actually real and, like, things that affect you? Oh. I work in media.

I'm surrounded by news cycle i know what's happening i watch it i read it yeah and yet to this day i forget that it still affects me you know how during the whole coronavirus thing that was huge last week especially the toilet paper panic buying and there was no toilet paper in the shops yeah i was seeing these stories being like god that's madness people pulling knives on each other trying to get toilet paper in the shops. Yeah. I was seeing these stories being like, God, that's madness. People pulling knives on each other trying to get toilet paper because there was such a shortage. People being tased. Yeah, people being tased.

It was absolute madness. And I thought, gee, how about that, huh? Went to the shops and I was like, oh, shit, there's actually no toilet paper. Yeah. Oh, this affects me as well. I feel like I'm watching like a reality TV and I'm like, oh, this has been dramatised. And I'm like, oh, no, this actually affects me as well. I feel like I'm watching, like, a reality TV and I'm like, oh, this has been dramatised.

And I'm like, oh, no, this actually affects me. I thought you meant, like, tsunami in Sydney's Lower East. You're like, the poor bastards. And all of a sudden your window gets taken out. Well, no, I think that's actually where it might come from because I was a country kid and the so-called national news was mostly just Sydney stuff. It was like, oh, you know, traffic jam on the m4 and i'm like

sucks to be them yeah i think i just got so used to the news not affecting me like oh katie perry's touring too far to drive i can't go to that that's irrelevant in the country did they just give you the city feed yeah we used to get the sydney news they used to have a half hour local news bulletin but because they weren't very resourced and not much happens, let's be honest, it was all like generic evergreen stuff. Like, oh, don't forget to fence your pool. Like, that's not exactly specific to my local town. Yeah, in the middle of winter.

A lot of agriculture news. A lot of agriculture news. Rain prices, dam levels. Again, doesn't affect me. Right. But to this day, I forget that the news actually affects me. I was like, oh, shit, there's no toilet paper. I could actually i could actually get coronavirus yeah you know what i think this is just coming from a place of privilege we're very privileged so we just you know when something's happening in iran we go poor

iran and then we go and drink our smoothie you know what i mean that's different though like this is shit happening in my own backyard that's what i mean apparently burwood was where a lot of the riots are happening that's my local came up yeah well that's my point i'm sandwiched between coronavirus in mcquarry park someone just died my local Kmart. Yeah, well, that's my point. I'm sandwiched between coronavirus. In Macquarie Park, someone just died. That's where you work. God rest her soul. That's where we work. And then I live in Cronulla, and a 50-year-old man has it in Cronulla.

That's right. You're in two hotspots. I'm in two Corona hotspots. Yep. Wow. How are you feeling? Actually, this ties me into my age. Well, let's not piss around.

Go for it. What a perfect flow on. This has never happened before. Is it just me or? Is it bad that I think I actually have coronavirus? What? Hear me out. Hear me out.

Hear me out. Not good. Hear me out. Now, but I didn't want to scare you. From zero to 100. No, that is great. Fuck off, Jenna. I have power sanitiser, so I am going to quickly...

What is that? I'm sanitising my hands. This is power sanitiser from the engineering. You can all sanitise. Give it. Oh. Advanced technology cleaning spray duster. It's just air.

It gets rid of bacteria, they said they said oh like in microphones and shit if you put it on your skin it won't do shit really you may as well stand in front of a leaf blower that's that's why i've got you know like keyboards and like crevices where you get dust and stuff that you can't really clean with a cloth that's where you'd bring what that's for canned air like you wouldn't do it to yourself hold on jenna open your legs for a second oh then you're meant to spray it that would have been very that was very inappropriate no i think that it's very disgusting to imply that jenna's crack is never clean well do you guys care about how i am no no what makes you think you have it okay i've got a lot of the symptoms like what and i'm like we said, I'm in both of the hot spots.

Coronavirus is fine if you're young and healthy. It can't affect you. You will have it. I could have it right now and pass it on to the two of you, and then in a week our immune system would have killed it and we'd be none the wiser. I like to think I've got a pretty kick-ass immune system. Bring it on, I say.

Yeah, you actually do. You drink all those green smoothies. I do. And Jenna exercises a lot. Mrs. Bring it on, I say. Yeah, you actually do. You drink all those green smoothies. I do. And Jenna exercises a lot. Mrs. Dunbar again, I see. You've just cancelled permanently. So what did you say the symptoms were? So I've got a real cough, which I've had for a while, as we know.

Yeah, I was going to say. That's nothing new. I'm sweating profusely, which again is nothing new. And I'm just in between the hot spots. And I woke up this morning had a really runny nose and googled it and that was a massive symptom a sniffly snuffy runny nose i woke up this morning and i had a really scratchy throat and every time i coughed in the office someone would go corona and do you know what i did booked into a gp and i went in the gp just goes

you cannot test for coronavirus gargle salt water and I left after like 30 seconds so you want to hope I don't have it go for a swim open mouth I was like I think you can test for it though he just goes you cannot test really you have to be able to test all these people getting tested exactly that's what I thought yeah no I don't want to google it I make one joke about your legs why are you here dinner to test. How do people know? Exactly, that's what I thought. The whole fucking preschool is tested. No, I don't want to Google it. I make one joke about your legs. Why are you here, Jenna? I don't even know.

Well, you know what, I'm actually not being silly. I do think I might have it, also because my partner Hayden has had a cough horrendously for maybe two weeks. His mum now has it, and his mum is wearing, I woke up like at 11 because I work till midnight, so I woke up at 11, I stayed at his house and it was just his mum there in the kitchen cooking with a face mask on. Okay.

And I go, what are you doing? She goes, you have to put one on. So I had breakfast with a mask on. So I was like, what did you put in these? I'm not going to move it to the side. That's very weird. The face mask, that's what she wanted me to do. I'd abide by it.

So essentially, you and all your loved ones, you're preparing for death. Yeah. Who are you going to leave your stuff to? It's imminent. Should you pass? I don't have a next of kin. Neither. I never know who to put on the form when they ask.

I could put you. Why would you put me? I don't know. I feel like you'd respect my wishes. Just put me. What are your wishes? You haven't, you haven't spoke, we haven't spoken about this. I've got an iPad.

I'm happy to be your next of kin. I'll jot them down now. Mitchell's. You can take, you take my dog, look after my dog. Wishes. I've got, I've got some happy to be in it because I can. I'll jot them down now. Mitchell. You can take, you take my dog, look after my dog. Wishes. I've got some money in my bank account.

You can have all that too. I bet you do. I know about that. What do you mean? You're in Sydney rent free. You're loaded. I'm not rent free. You are.

Yes, you are. Yeah, I am actually. I'm the definition of rent free. Okay, well. What else do I get? What are your wishes? What are my wishes? Okay, look after Hayden.

Make sure he's well looked after. Would you like to be buried or do i burn the bitch no burn me oh god you'll need a big urn um you just get one of those tubs from chemist warehouse on the top shelf just dump me in it like one of those semi-trailers that has the petrol like that transports it yeah and then i want you to mix my ashes into a soft serve machine and then just serve it to everyone at my wake. Okay, I can do. At your wake, you won't be burnt yet. Oh, true. Open casket.

And I want you to put me in a KISS shirt, represent the brand. What for? And then I want you to play all my celeb interviews on loop at the wake so people can hear what friends I was with all these stars. None of them will turn up except for Lizzo because we both connected. Are you really going to be that obsessed with your workplace beyond the grave? Am I spelling next of kin K-I-I-N? It is. You can follow the show online

just search Couple of Mitches. If you don't, you're a dickhead. Speaking of Kiss, Mitch, you've mentioned a couple of times here on this show that the prizes you give away at night time are a little bit ordinary. Sometimes you have a game where the prize is 10 cents and you maybe don't get the glamorous prizes

that other big shows might get. 10 Cent Tuesday, we do it every Tuesday night. And last night I played Toilet Rollet. Nice. All the drama on the toilet rolls, I gave away toilet rolls. So you definitely don't have the resources to pull off those big surprise give backs that, you know ellen does where she makes someone's dream come true oh you're going to disneyland oh you know you get these ten thousand dollars you can't

be doing those sorts of surprise givebacks for people in need yeah no definitely no budget and zero team members it's just me yeah so even if i wanted to organize it i could get a red balloon gift card maybe but that's that's all you're getting okay Okay, well, you know, that's nothing to sneeze at. Like, you do give away good shit, but nothing, like, life-changing for someone who's doing it tough. And I think it's important to be self-aware about your capacity when it comes to prizes. Unlike this news crew that's going viral for their very rubbish prize

that they gave to someone whose house had been flooded or something. I've got the audio here. Take a listen. The fire broke out at Mary's home on Mill Road in Clover Monday night and destroyed almost everything she held dear. Her daughter reached out to ABC 13 about her extraordinary loss. And today, Chief Meteorologist George Flickinger set out to brighten up her day. We have an umbrella, and I've never actually signed one of these before. You have your own ABC 13 umbrella to you, bringing you sunshine on a rainy

day. Oh no. Can you imagine if you've lost your house, you reach out to like a TV or radio station and they get back to you and say, yes, we'll come to your house. Can you be here this time? In your mind, you're thinking, oh, my God. They've organised, you know, Scotty Cam. They're going to do Venos for free. Like they've organised a big prize. They show up with merchandise.

A bloody signed umbrella. They took roof over your head, literally. Just like put this over her head. She'll be fine. So has she got a house? No. They took roof over your head literally. They're just like, put this over her head, she'll be fine. So has she got a house? No, do you know? No, but she has an umbrella. Very true. Count your blessings in that scenario.

Oh, God, at least she's got something. All right, let's move on. I'm very excited for this segment. Because it's all about boosting your ego. I bet you're excited. It's not my ego. It's the two of us. Actually, we did ask for criticisms too, not just compliments.

True. So this is Witch Mitch. We're going to be doing, we get anonymous compliments. I bet you're excited It's not my ego It's the two of us Actually we did ask For criticisms too Not just compliments True So this is Witch Mitch We're going to be doing We get anonymous compliments This time it's come from Our followers At couple of Mitches Correct

We have to guess Is it a compliment For that Mitch Yep Or a compliment For this Mitch Yeah Jenna has curated it So she's got the DMs

She's got the best of the bunch Sorry guys What Sean from Short Sack Replied to me You're kidding Oh my god What did he say

No way I can't open it Is he ringing Jenna open it No he's not ringing It just says Hey man Oh he thinks you're straight

Hey bro That's the preview I just Open it Why am I freaking out It's been years Open it How many years

Has it been since 2000 He's also a real estate agent Like who gives a shit If Ray White DM'd me I'd fucking burn my phone You don't get it What did he say Oh my god

Tell me Jenna Read it Shit, if Ray White DM'd me, I'd fucking burn my phone. You don't get it. What did he say? Don't tell me. Read it. Thanks, man. I'm a fan of your stuff. I think you're hilarious. Call me anytime. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Why don't we ring him? No, no, no. Play it cool. That's very sweet of him. We're bros. Let's play it cool. Just two guys hanging out. Are you going to reply to him?

All right. What do I say? Just say, oh, my God, from you. You have no idea how much that means. Thank you so much. If you're ever in Sydney, let me know for beers or something. I don't know. That's a joke.

Just two bros. You work it out off the air. An open inspection. If you have any babysitter. Yeah. Be like, hey, any tips on the current real estate climate? Where should I invest? Narrow Orrabene or Coonty Carrick?

I do not need your advice on what to say. I'll get to that later. All right. Let's do Witch Mitch. Are you okay? Do you need a break? No, carry on. Anyway, what were we saying?

We were going to take compliments to boost your ego. Yes, it's Witch Mitch. So last time we did this, it was employees at our company. We've already done the setup. Jenna, why don't you start us with the first DM? Okay, if I have to. So only you know, right, who it's about? Yes.

Neither of us have read these. Are they going to be obvious? Oh, you'll have to wait and see, to be honest. Well, we're here now. Is that what we're doing? I'm not fucking waiting. Just say when you want it. Okay, let's go.

Let's go. We've got the first one and I've got our buzzers standing by. We have to both choose. All right. Okay, go, Jenny. Give us the first one. Freaking hilarious and relatable. I think that has to be you.

Well, it depends who it comes from because if it's someone who- If it's a housewife, it's you. Yeah. If it's someone who works hard, is an independent bitch, it's me. What's their handle, Gemma? But if it's someone who is exceedingly rich and privileged and lives at home with their parents, then it's you. Then it'd be me.

Well, their handle is M underscore K underscore O'Brien. Oh, it's for Coombs then. She's a housewife. Yeah, go me. Correct. Well done. Don't hide me. I agree.

I concur. You are very relatable and you're very funny. Yeah, see there, you get a point for the fact that you got it right. Yeah. But then, so we're both tied. We're both tied. Even though I won with the compliment. All right, keep going.

Oh, this one's good. Yeah. I love how he has the same vocabulary and terminology as a 40-year-old soccer mum in the best way possible. Oh, clearly you. That's obvious, yeah. I've never said nissen kia i don't know the same vocabulary as i was like what are they going to compare me to yeah i'm gonna say that's me too what would what would mine be though what would my vocab be like what if it was me what would it be same vocabab as a... A PG-rated clown? That's a good one.

It's Mitch Coombs, isn't it? Jenna? Next one. Who is it? Well, you just guessed that. That's right. Yeah, but you have to confirm whether it's correct or not. I'm not going to say it's Chewry.

It's Coombs. It is Coombs. God, you still have to tell us if we're correct. Okay, whatever. Imagine Andrew O'Keefe being like, open the briefcase, have you won $50,000? That is deal or no deal, good night. Yeah, well.

She doesn't even get to go, oh my God, I won. He's in rehab at the moment. Is he? Is he? Is he actually? What for? Well, I'm guessing. I remember hearing it was this exhaustion or something.

Why don't you just go to substance abuse? I think it's more than that because this is his third or fourth time in and the chase has been postponed. Oh, really? This is his third or fourth case. Speaking of which, a little bit of a rewind to our coronavirus chat.

How good does 14 days in isolation sound? Oh, I'd be blessed. Oh, I'd be blessed with isolation for 14 days. I agree the same. And you know what? Apparently,

they just provide food and water and all they have is Netflix on loop. Well, that's all you need. That's all I do on my weekends anyway. Absolutely. If you've got coronavirus, come and cough into my mouth, please. I'm happily being infected.

Can you deep throat me, please? Ew. Jenna, next. Next one. I want one, by the way. It has to be me. Odds are it's me. Mitch, why are you so petty?

Oh, clearly you again. Yeah. Correct. So far I've gotten two compliments and a drag. And also we've all gotten the guesses correct. So we're at three all. So basically our listeners are shit at this game. Yeah.

Make it something that could be both. Like, oh, you've got great hair. Yeah, something ambiguous, Jenna. Oh, we'll hear this one. Okay. Oh. I really want to hear from Mitch how he gets his hair so lush and shiny. I need to know what products he uses and whether there's a particular technique to get it how

the way it is. Please, in capitals. Lush and shiny. Mine's not. Mine definitely doesn't have a shine to it because I don't use shampoo. But nor does mine, does it? Or products. I use both of those things.

Yeah. So yeah, I just use conditioner and argan oil. But your selling point, well, your point that people think at when they look at you is your hair. You've got long, luscious hair, like a woman. What do you think they think when they look at you? Oh, just tan and fit, healthy, well-coiffed. It has to be you. Well, they can't all be for me.

I mean, I personally think that my hair's the best in the room. Yeah, and also, Jenna, you could have mixed these up a bit. This is terrible mixing. Okay, well, you're guessing Coombs? Yeah, lock him in. Yeah. Yeah, right. Wrong!

It's me? Yes. Oh, shit! I'll take that. We're both on three all still. Yeah, neither of us got that correct. And I feel like such an egomaniac just listening to compliments of ourselves. It's coming across very, you know, self-indulgent.

I agree. Chuck a negative one in there, JJ. I love both of your receding hairlines. This person's a joke. We don't have fucking receding hairlines, beg your pardon. I very much do, and I'm glad they like it. Do you have a receding hairline? Look at me.

Don't be stupid. Look at it. No, I just thought that was your hairline, like the letter M. Oh, well, I don't know if it's receding. I just think that's just how it is. It goes quite far back. Yeah, you have always had that hairline. It hasn't gone back.

Oh, does receding mean that it's gradually? Yes. And mine isn't either. Mine's been the same for years. Well, then it's for me. All right. I reckon Mitch Coombs. Who is it? She didn't specify. Well, then it's for me. All right. I reckon Mitch Coombs. Who is it?

She didn't specify. Well, then why did you put it in there? Oh, this is a dog's breakfast. No. Okay. Can we put this segment in Jenna's Junk? Oh, yeah. Why not?

That was terrible. I'm not saying it's your fault, but yeah. Technically, it's Jenna's fault. It did go awry. Well, I don't want to be here, so I think it is your fault. Can you bring up the Jenna's Junk opener, please? I think that belongs in Jenna's Junk. We haven't rummaged with your

junk in a while. No, we haven't, so we're going to dump Witchmitch into Jenna's Junk. Exactly. New listeners, Jenna's Junk is the bin where we throw all our shit segment ideas. Apparently we throw ones we've already done in there now. And then Jenna, of course, because she's an absolute rat, she rummages through the junk and then brings them back to us

like a little dog playing fetch. I like to think of myself more as a cockatiel. Jenna, you're a... What do cockatiels have to do with gathering rubbish? Yeah, now is that at all a compliment to yourself? Because they go and gather things. I'll stop it. Officially.

Fair enough. Well, anyway, we're putting it in Jenna's junk. Open it up. There they go and gather things. Oh, stop it. Officially. Fair enough. Well, anyway, we're putting it in Jenna's Junk. Open it up. There we go. And it's in. Open it up. What else is in there? We haven't done Jenna's Junk in a while.

There's a lot of junk in here. You know what? I think that we should... Have you got the opener, actually? Jenna's Junk, yeah. We should just do a quick Jenna's Junk so that this show doesn't end on that miserable note. Oh, yes.

Genuinely, this is one of my favourite segments we do. All right, here we go. Jenna's Junk so that this show doesn't end on that miserable note. Oh, yes. Genuinely, this is one of my favourite segments we do. All right, here we go. Jenna's Junk. Let's take a peek at Jenna's Junk, shall we? All right, Jenna, what trash have you got for us this week? Our worst ideas. Oh, it's disgusting. Sometimes they're our best.

Oh, never. I disagree. It's not that they're bad ideas. It's more just when we think about it, we put them in Jenna's junk if we think that's not really going to go anywhere. I don't have much to say about that. True. The rant would last 30 seconds or less.

What do you have? Oh, these are tragic. Is it just me or do you wait till the public bathroom is empty until you... You don't even know how to spell. That's not mine. You till you leave after doing a poo. Wait, what? Just replace that with until.

Is it just me or do you wait until the public bathroom is empty until you leave after doing a poo? Wait, what? It doesn't make sense. Oh, my God. So this is mine, quite clearly. You're in a public cubicle. There's someone next to you and someone who you've clearly heard them walk in.

You're doing a poo. And I don't want to walk out while they're there so they can go, Oh, I've seen who smells at Delta. I want to just leave. It's like a standoff. Yeah. I want to walk out and no one know that that was me. Because if someone walked in and saw me washing my hands, I'd go,

That stinks, but I have no evidence on this man. You know what I mean? I like to actually do that when I'm getting, if i'm in one of the bathroom cubicles at work getting changed to go to the gym it takes me a while it's i don't know why i just procrastinate so much on i'm getting changed but i often hear people go in there to do a turd oh and i said i obviously smell it and they i can tell that they're just pissing around waiting for me to leave first. But I'm like, I've only changed my shirt, mate. You're going to be here a while. And eventually they give up.

And they make the procedure at the base so quick. They wash their hands. They dry them out. They don't want me to spot the one who made the rank stench in the men's room. People are very out and proud with their noises. I was in the bathroom the other day and it sounded like it was on a soundboard. The sounds that were coming out of this man's arse were woeful. I don't like it when people talk openly about their bowel movements.

Yeah, I agree. If people come into the bathroom and they see me come out of a cubicle, I've just done a dump. I don't care. But people who are in the office go, right, I need to poop. Oh, I hate that. I don't want to know what you're doing. I agree.

If I find out by being in the room, whatever. But don't tell everyone. See, this was a great idjim. It started an awesome conversation. So that should have been out of the jar. So boring. Dive in again. Go down to the bin, Jenna.

Okay, here we go. Clearly, not lasting long doesn't faze you. Good one. Have you never curtsied? When are you meant to? Oh, this is you. Yeah, that's one of mine. I think I might have been watching.

Oh, this was a while ago. I put this in of mine. I think I might have been watching, oh, this was a while ago. I put this in the junk. I think it might have been Princess Diaries. Oh. And I saw someone curtsy and I was like, I've never done that. And I'm like, when is it appropriate other than greeting royalty to like curtsy? Men don't curtsy. I know, but you know what I mean.

Yeah. Same deal as like doing a small little Japanese bow or whatever you call it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But same goes for women. When are you meant to curtsy, Jenna? You know, that's a good question. Like full on, like pulling the side of your dress out. Yeah. And like, you know, bending your knees a little bit and being like,

your majesty sort of shit. Well, I'm sure June Daly, when she was alive, of course, would have taught you, Jenna, how to curtsy. Okay. Well, during our course, when we had to receive our certificates, we curtsied in front of her. Oh, there you go. Gross.

So in front of someone with power and someone who's alive, quite clearly. All right, back to the bin, Jenna. Fail. Fail, June Daly. What is this? What is it? Is it just me or have you never seen a snake? Okay, that's me. Have you never seen a snake? I don't get that. That's me.

Have you never seen a snake? I've never seen one. City boys, I tell you. I've never seen a snake in my life. I've put one off with a shovel. Beheaded it and then it kept slithering. I was like, what the fuck? How do they function without a head?

You took one to your year 10 farewell. Wore it as jewellery afterwards. Made a belt out of it. Gave it a course sergeant and ate it. I've never seen a snake in my life. At a zoo, sure, but never in the wild. They don't exist to me. You would absolutely lose your shit if you saw one then.

I would. I'd fucking kick it so hard. Oh, you would kick it? I would not want to do it. No, apparently you're meant to. Apparently they're scared too. You're meant to like. Oh, are they?

Avoid. I know this because of the Bindi Irwin song You're meant to stamp your feet So it can hear you If it knows you're there It won't come near you Can you sing it? How does it go?

Just bring it up on YouTube I'm sure Bindi Irwin isn't copyrighted Bindi Irwin has a song? Yeah Yeah of course she does It's about Of course she does Look up Bindi Irwin's Snake in the Grass

It's like Dun dun dun Stamp your feet so Dun dun dun He can hear you Dun dun If he knows you're there How did it go in the charts? He's like, dun, dun, dun, stamp your feet so, dun, dun, dun, he can hear you, dun, dun, if he knows you're there. How did it go in the charts?

He won't come near you. I don't know. Have you found it? Oh, she's an infant. Yeah, like she's super small. Go to the chorus. Oh, I remember this. She's doing the dance moves.

Go to the chorus. We don't need all this shit. She was so fun before she was Christian. Slowly and silently. Stamp to the chorus. We don't need all this shit. She was so fine before she was Christian. And silently stamp your feet so he can feel you. Feel you.

I get it. Oh, Steve's in this. Yeah. Aww. Yeah, so basically, apparently if you see a snake just like make noise because it'll piss off. I don't know. Never tried though. This is from Bindi Erwin Vivo, 400 subscribers. We've got more than Bindi Erwin's Vivo. Oh, she's diving back in nice and quick.

Oh, can I get any worse? Is travelling with smokers the worst? That was me. I agree though. I don't know if I have the same pent up rage that I had at the time when I put it in Janice Young, but I was going back home, a seven hourhour drive, and somehow it turned into like a nine-hour drive because one of my friends hits a smoker every 20 minutes.

It was, can I have a fag, dear? I was like, oh, mate. But then in hindsight, I'm actually not that mad about it because I wrote it down at the time being like, I'm going to talk about you on my podcast. I'm fucking furious. But no, it was very inconvenient, but oh well. Also, it doesn't matter he smokes in

that car anymore it's a holden it's a depreciating asset he should get how pissed off am i that my parents are like it's an investment mate you put to uh you put a monthly payment on that shit that will absolutely suck your bank account dry for five years but once once you own it oh you'll be able to sell it you know you'll be you'll be asset rich that holden won't be worth fucking i can't believe you have a holden and they just crashed i feel sorry for you that's awful as a country boy to a holden such a symbol of freedom and hope in the city and now it's just worth probably better off buying a pizza really yeah okay i'm bored sorry dive back in sorry that's Don't act so exhausted. Have secret shoppers made you paranoid?

That's me again. God, the wife. Why have I contributed so much junk? You must think highly of your talking. Well, I had a secret shopper come through the drive-thru at McDonald's when I worked there back in the day. And I'm still furious about it because, you know, you've got the little headpiece. Yeah, yeah.

You can talk internally as well as through the speaker. I was buzzing my manager, Andrea, for like an hour. Andrea, I'm out of receipt paper. She did not bring me any receipt paper because it's in the manager's safe or whatever in the office. I couldn't get to the fucking receipt paper. A secret shopper came through. Did you know? No. No, because it's a secret. How am I meant to know? But they weren't get to the fucking receipt paper. A secret shopper came through. Did you know?

No. No, because it's a secret. How am I meant to know? But they weren't acting weird. No, no. And I, as you'd expect, did a fucking awesome job. Yeah. Like I nailed everything.

And then he goes, can I have a receipt, mate? And I'm like, sorry, we're out of receipt paper. And he goes, okay, thank you. Drives through. And then there's a Notice board in the crew room I came back for the next shift There's my secret shopper review And fucking Andrea

Has put a sad face sticker Next to the fact There was no receipt paper Little Meek Mitch Who did not have even A slight backbone back then Went to the office and said Fuck you Andrea

I nailed that secret shopper I've been telling you all day anyway. I'm just mad. You don't work at Maccas anymore. I'm still not over it. And you guys had nothing else to add, so clearly it belonged in the junk. There's not much to say about that. Although, I guess, I used to work at Coles and you cannot-

Sorry. What? Are you all right? I didn't mean to bruise it. Maybe you should go back to Coles. Radio's not for you, mate. Okay, we should end the show. I can do this, bro.

I can play this, though. There we go. Can I press the buttons next week on the show? Do you want to? And we'll see if I make a stuff up. And I'm not overly confident being like, I bet I won't. I'd actually be curious to know. I haven't touched a panel in so long.

Do you want to? Yeah, let's do it. Okay, why not? You can panel the next show. Because I make fun of you for making stuff up. But for all I know, it could be exceedingly difficult. I've never used that panel. Oh, so I'm not live, so I'm not putting in half the amount of focus on you.

Oh, it's just up to me to edit later, isn't it? Pre-recorded on the cloud. Anyway, thanks for listening once again, guys. I'm so sorry for this show. Our worst. Head to our socials. By far. At couple of Mitch's, and you can follow us.

That's all. Please do. Videos will be making a comeback now that my hand has began healing. Yeah, you've been really lacking in that department. Yeah, but I'm injured. What do you want to do? Yeah, but what else? You can still use your hand.

You know, there's another video editor in the room. Has she stepped up and offered to edit? No. True, Jenna. No. All you're doing is, oh, Jonesy and Amanda launching their world famous this and that. Jonesy's going to sing an old song. Great.

All she does is come on our podcast to tell us how terrible our podcast is. Exactly, Jenna. Yep, that's what I do. Flaws in your work. Yep. We'll be back next week. Then we make her read out compliments. We're the biggest narcissists I've ever met. That, again, not my idea. No, not mine either, Jenna. That's yours. That's on you

to be honest. Witch Mitch will never return. I thought we were doing coughing fit chicken. Could have made a coronavirus-themed show. You call a GP and say, hello, I think I have a... Oh, that's good. We can do that next week. Nah, I've already given away the idea now.

Yeah, true. All right. We'll do a Coughing Fit Chicken. Send us suggestions that couple of Mitches. Yeah, and here to start with, what do you want? I reckon next week we should do

an Is It Just You? We haven't done one in a while. True. It's where we get a guest on the show, and it's a guest-idgum, something that's on your mind, and we will get you on the air. We had Georgia last time. Hers was great. Georgie.

Georgie. The video's up on the Instagram if you want to go watch it now. But send us a DM with your Is It Just You, and we'll get you on the show. Can't wait to hear what's got other people fed up. Or that they're loving. Oh, the bed ran out. See? What would you have done in that scenario?

I just replayed it. I would have looked at how much I had left, faded it down while we were talking, and then brought it back up. Yeah, is it just, oh, the bed ran out, see? What would you have done in that scenario? I just replayed it. I would have looked at how much I had left, faded it down while we were talking and then brought it back up. Yeah, good point. And also not spoken about it, but that's all right. Doesn't matter. Thanks for listening, guys.

We'll catch you again next week. See you next week. Bye-bye. Is it just me? Don't forget to subscribe and leave a review on your podcast app. All right. Welcome to ADD Brief. Brilliant.

This is our secret segment. We call it ADD Brief because we go off track. You know what ADD people are like. They can't focus. I've been diagnosed. I'm just highly suspicious of you. Of me? Yeah. You think I'm on the spectrum?

That's completely different. What do you mean then? What were you insinuating? Well, you weren't paying attention, so exhibit A. It's just I'm on the spectrum? That's completely different. What do you mean then? What were you insinuating? Well, you weren't paying attention, so exhibit A. It's just I'm trying to focus. You'll have this problem next week when you're trying to do anything. What are you trying to focus on? I'm trying to find nothing.

I can't tell you. Oh, no. Please just don't. We haven't got much left. Don't have some. We haven't got long left of this show. I'm especially considering I've got corona. Anyway, can you just let me finish?

Yeah, of course. AD debrief is a secret segment on the end. We trick people out of listening because this tends to be where we get a little bit OTT. And I'm hoping that people who aren't good with technology, like family members or my next door neighbour, Joanne, who still thinks I'm pure. They're coming in the tweets. Sorry, I had to interrupt. We hope to trick them out of listening and then we go rogue. It's also where we activate live tweets.

I haven't turned them on, but I think they've been on our show, which is odd. But yeah, they're on. You can tweet us at 13... No, I don't know why I said that. Just tweet us at couple of Mitches and we'll play it. It's that easy. We'll give you a show. Why are you standing up?

You're making me very anxious. I'm off. Where are you going? Home. You done? I just fucking can't this week. Why? I can't.'t this week. Why? I can't.

The tweets are real. With your broken wrist. I'm exhausted. Can you not go? You know what I have to do this weekend? Oh, what? I have to rest up. Actually, sorry, I'll sit back down.

Yeah, please do. I need your advice. Yeah. I'm going back to the school that I studied at, the radio school. They've asked me to come back and teach a social media class. What the fuck am I going to wear as a teacher? Do I want to be that cool, relaxed teacher wearing my flannel and jeans and my converses?

Or do I have a button up, put my glasses on? No, you want to be relatable because you want them to see themselves in you. True, they'll see right through me if I'm trying to look fresh. Yeah, and you know what? I hate to sound wanky, but some of them will follow you. We were at Mardi Gras on the weekend. We probably should discuss this.

We were at Mardi Gras. Last weekend. Last probably should discuss this. We were at Mardi Gras. Last weekend. Last weekend, yes, sorry. And I saw someone come up to you walking in the parade, absolutely braless, tits out, tassels on her nips, and she went, I love you so much, baby. I love you. I love you.

And she's like, no worries, doll. Pulls out a cigarette, just burns it, lights it, smokes it. Like, you have fans everywhere. I did not. You did. So someone in this school probably most likely follows you so don't pretend to be someone you're not i hope they don't because i'll get up there talking about like oh here's the do's and don'ts of social media even though i'm a fucking grot

oh no okay so let's role play ready uh please welcome mitchell coombs the guest literature the person's gonna be introducing me is my old teacher, Jess Campanaro, who has the most pleasant newthreader voice you've ever heard. I want her to narrate my life. Okay. Always. So Jenna, we'll ask Mitch questions and see how he responds. Hi, I'm Jess Campanaro.

Please welcome guest lecturer for the day, Mitchell Coombs. In that case, I would just nod at the crowd the crowd of like 10 people and then i'd hope that she keeps talking okay anyway mitchell um mitch studied here way back when um 2017 i think it was oh wow yeah yeah incredible and you have you've done so much in that time you had a terrible podcast which i didn't enjoy. Not my cup of, I think it was water or something. It was an awful show that I did not enjoy. You had a guest on there once, a boy, but he was phenomenal. But other than that, the show was woeful.

You've worked at many stations. Joy FM, the gay station. You've worked at Kiss. You've worked at WSFM. No, I haven't. Pardon me? I've not worked at WSFM. Oh, I'm sorry

Not in front of the student Please The Edge 96.1 The Edge 96.1 And now he's coming back And blessing us I'm sure you've seen his videos Online

On TikTok He has impersonated Lisa Wilkinson Wilkinson And he is a true giggle and a half So I'm now We're blessed to have you here Mitchell I'm now going to open up to the floor uh for some questions before we begin the social seminar uh yes jenna jenna

hi what advice would you give to aspiring uh social media specialists oh mate mate you're gonna have a lot of people telling you how quick it is to make videos. Mate, can you just make a quick video? It should be quick, even though it could be upwards of an hour and a half. People who don't edit videos think they're really easy to make. Just get used to that, darling. There's going to be a lot of that. See this RSI hand of mine that's shaking?

Okay, Mitchell, you need to pull the knife down. Thank you, Mitch. Thank you. All right, next question. That's good. You actually did very well. You will be funny, and I actually Thank you, Mitch. Thank you. All right, next question. That's good. You actually did very well. You will be funny, and I actually think you'd be a great teacher. You'll get frustrated with the poor fucks.

I reckon if one of them screws up, you'll be like, no, you fucking dickhead. You'd be rude to them. I don't think I would be. What makes you think that? Well, you're rude to Jenna and I. Yeah, but I don't respect you. We're your closest friends.

Very true. Well, good luck. Are they paying you? Oh, my're rude to Jenna and I. Yeah, but I don't respect you. We're your closest friends. Very true. Well, good luck. Are they paying you? Oh, my word, they're paying me. How much? Oh, I can't tell you. Come on. I'm not going to go into detail.

Really? No. Anyway, like I say, I've got a PowerPoint to finish off. Sorry. And I just can't be bothered with the sound effects. I'll leave you to it. That was Jess Campanaro. What'd she say?

She just tweeted. What'd she say? She said, I'm paying him $100 a day. She said, that's award rate. You'd be lucky to get that. They've already booked a second lecture. I hope I don't fuck the first one. And they haven't even had the...

Can you sit down? You're not going anywhere. Oh, I am. Where are you going? Fine. Why? It's too much. Fair enough.

That's fine. Jenna and I are going to play. It's time for Toilet Roll-It. All right. Toilet Rolls. I wish I could go home. In high demand. Jenna, give that wheel a spin.

Thanks, Jenna. Well done. Okay. We've got Lucy on the line. Lucy has landed on number 61. Six rolls. Congratulations. Congratulations of Purell's finest three-ply.

We'll send that out. You don't have to use the beach towel that you've been using for the last month from Cotton On. This is so dumb. It's funny how, like, he makes jokes about me being the mental one because I am so open about seeing a therapist and, you know, having issues. You're literally talking to yourself. Look in the mirror, fatso. You're insane. Are you actually going?

Yeah. That's the meanest thing you've ever said to me. What, that you're insane? Fatso. Fellow insane person. Very true. At least I've got you. Yeah.

Oh, Jenna, you're not getting out of this scot-free. You're the weirdest one of us all. Lives alone with a Siamese fighting fish. Yes. That sounds like heaven. Seven nights a week. Yep. Yep.

God, we're... What do you want me to say about that? The three of us are so fucked up. I only hang with other people who are fucked up. Very true. Yes, of course. Shit, okay. I don't hang out with any neurotypical, do I?

Neurotypical? I watched that beautiful series on Netflix called Atypical about the boy with autism. I cried so hard. Yeah, what did you cry at? Just his life. Why? He's happy. Tough for him.

Tough. That's a beautiful story. Shouldn't be tough for him, but that's the moral of the story. People make it tough for him. It's tough. That's a beautiful story. It shouldn't be tough for him. That's the moral of the story. People make it tough for him. He seems quite fine in his own little world, actually. Yeah. Couldn't agree more.

Jess Campanari. Can't wait to have you, Mitch. Jess Campanaro. Who? You know, she actually emailed me, Jess, and she said, could you put me in touch with someone at Kiss if you wanted me to introduce them? No, not you put me in touch with someone at KISS if you wanted me to introduce them? No, not you.

So I did. And I wrote in the email, Jess Campanaro, my former AFTRS teacher and current fairy godmother, was hoping to get in touch with you. They both replied and did not acknowledge that I introduced her as my fairy godmother. I was like, am I that weird that people just come to accept that I say stupid shit like that? Yeah, I did that the other day too. I called her my fairy godmother.

Yeah, that's a weird reference to make. I did that the other day. Someone, a record label person, I was trying to book a celeb and I emailed them and they just followed me on Instagram and I was like, hi, you know, Instagram pal, thank you for helping me with this artist. And then she replied back being like, huh? Question mark, question mark, question mark.

And I was like, we both follow each other on Instagram. She went, oh, yes, I forgot. It was just the worst banter ever. Can you not zip into the microphone, please? It's very awkward. No, I was getting everything ready so I can make a quick exit. Do you realise how many, speaking of which, do you realise how many of your work emails I get?

You get some confidential ones too. Yeah, I do. I got you in big trouble, didn't I? When? One of the promotions girls here at Kiss was like, Mitchitch did you give away those movie tickets that i allocated for this show yeah yeah but she sent the email to me and i remember seeing it it was like hi mitch i've got these movie tickets for event cinemas to give away on your show and i thought that's weird just deleted it and then i'm like in hindsight i probably should have let her know because i got a

call and she's like i listened to three hours of your shit show last night and i couldn't find the ticket i'm like you haven't told me bitch and she sent it to you and i didn't even bother to correct her or forward it to you i just i just went oh that's weird that's these days i just know i get an email you just forward it straight through you don't even give me any clarification you just film straight through and what do you get weekend social plan yeah video requests i once got a weird one from you uh way back in the day that was meant to be like a bit of a scold but um it was for you it wasn't for me what was it oh it was just like this needs to be re-edited and fixed i don't do any of that stuff people do that for me so it clearly wasn't for me You don't have the skill set. No. I could edit a video. How hard is that?

Oh. Just a bit of snipping and cutting. We all have iMovie. Sorry. You know what Jenna did? What? She came for a job interview at this startup social media company that we worked for.

That's where we first met. And she lied in the interview and said that she could edit videos and then just watched YouTube tutorials all weekend so that by Monday, she got the job. Really? By Monday, she'd know how to do it. And I remember saying to Talisha, my Schnee Committee co-host, who also worked at this business, I remember saying to her,

this girl can't fucking edit for shit. Why have they hired her? Because I wanted to be an editor as well. I had a different job within the company at the time and i wanted to start working as an editor i was like why did they hire this fuckhead and then i found out that she was self-taught in 48 hours and i was like oh my god she's extraordinary jenna that's and now she's really she's a fucking whiz like better than me god i remember the other night i interviewed sam smith and the audio was given to me on like it was set for television so it was a weird file and I was like I spent me an hour and a half oh god he called me he goes have you what's an

mpreg file I was like that's porn mpreg like fanfics in Harry Potter where Malfoy gives birth very weird that's not what I have that's not what I said it was an mxc file and you were like no help darling I'm over with a friend we're doing yoga so I'm great so I called Jenna she's like no worries. Impossible. Literally sends it back. Done. In 30 seconds. Superstar.

Oh, Jenna saved the day. Not really. She tried to, but didn't actually. Jenna's looking at me like this is untrue. No, can I tell the truth? Yeah. I asked you to send it over and I got no reply. Classic.

And you know what? I had to axe the interview because I couldn't get it to air, but all I should have done was send it to Jenna. Did you get it to her eventually? Yeah, the next night. Classic. And you know what? I had to axe the interview because I couldn't get it to Em, but all I should have done was send it to Jenna. Did you get it to her eventually? Yeah, the next night. Okay. Yeah, Sam and I. Good chat with him.

It's up on the iHeartRadio podcast. Him? Them. You said good chat with him. No, I didn't. I said them. That was really disrespectful. I said them. Okay, that's not true.

You won't edit anything but that, so you don't sound like a right fool. Oh, RSI, baby. I can't edit. So sorry. This will be, what's her name? Lim Cabanossi, the teacher at AFTRS. anything but that so you don't sound like a rightful oh rsi baby i can't edit so sorry if this will be what's her name lynn cabanossi the teacher at afters lynn now when you approach jess campanaro jess campanari when you approach mitchell do not shake his hand or give him a high five no my right hand's all good to go that's the one you

shake but corona season you meant to pat on the back now are you meant to pat on the back yeah that you know they recommend you don't handshake. Really? Especially grossly unclean people like you. So good to meet you. Slap me on the back. Bro. Bro. You know who always tries to do the bloody back slap? Who? Bo Ryan.

Oh, he does. He comes up to me and goes, how are ya? And like, holds his hand out and then you do the whole man shake thing where you grab each hand and then it's like, oh, fucking. Can we quickly try and do a man shake? No, there's people here.

It's fine. So we're going to go up and we're going to try and man shake. Jenna, tell people what you think. Okay. Okay. Walk up to each other. Ready?

Let's see. Broad shoulders. Yeah, broad shoulders. Pussy juice. Pussy juice. Oh, God. Walk up. Hey, bro. How you going? Walk way too fast. Straight men don't walk that fast.

Okay sorry. Hey bro. No. Pathetic. How are ya? I don't, I have no idea what just happened. I was just so uncomfortable. Try again. This is horrendous. How are ya?

Yeah. Try again. This is horrendous. Layer. Yeah. Oh, God. Oh, see, I just screwed it up because after it, sometimes you go for the grab and then the slide. Yeah, and then the fist bump, right? Man shakes are too much. Yeah, it's a lot.

Apparently if you stare at each other's elbows, you never miss. Gay people just hug and it's so much easier. Oh, my God. This is how I greeted every, I'm doing it to Jenna, not you, you sweaty pig. Ready? This is how I greeted every single person. A slight acquaintance. Couldn't, you sweaty pig. Ready? This is how I greeted every single person. A slight acquaintance.

Couldn't even remember their name. I was like, I've had a conversation with you in the Smokers. Elliot Ark. I'd just be like, oh my God, happy Mardi Gras. You look amazing. You too? Yeah. Same. God.

Same. Our Mardi Gras is very different. The parade ended at 9.40. I was in bed with a double cheeseburger. Earlier than expected. Earlier than expected. I was in bed by 10.15. So you didn't go to the dandy? No, I didn't go to the dandy. Told ya. We didn't make it. You were right.

Went home, cheeseburger, fell straight asleep and I am still sore. Really? Oh my god. I had to go get a remedial massage the next day. I've got a hot stone. Hey, do you know how to find out on the iPhone how many steps you've taken on a day? Yeah. I'd love to know how many steps I took on Mardi Gras because fuck, what fuck what a hike oh do you want me to look for you yeah

all the way down oxford street all the way back up to george street where poof doof is on foot oh and after the parade doing the choreography my bunged wrist was literally throbbing i've never it's throughout the whole ordeal with my wrist injury it's never been in that much pain i shouldn't have gone to Mardi Gras. But it was like pulsing. I was like, oh, fuck. And then I'm walking back to Pufdorf and then a couple of drinks in, couldn't feel it anymore.

It's all good. It's all good. Did you bother with Mardi Gras, Jenna? I watched it on TV at the parade. With your rosary beads in hand. Yes, indeed. Think of the children. I was waiting to see your float.

Nothing. Nothing, but I did see that one over there. It was the 29th, wasn't it? Yes. Yeah, 29th. Okay, so the day before, just for, you know, so we can average it out. The 28th, you did 7,965. Yep.

The day after, you did 11,737. Mardi Gras, you did 20,101 steps. Fucking hell. Let me see how many I did. What? I would have done more than you. Oh, whoa. I'm looking at this graph of how many steps I've taken.

Mardi Gras is so high. Yeah. Holy shit. That looks like my blood sugar count. Okay, let's go to health. Here we go. Weak. Oh, oh, oh.

Oh. Hold on. This is hilarious. So my graph looks exactly the same asak. Oh, oh, oh. Oh. Hold on. This is hilarious. So my graph looks exactly the same as yours. Massive bump, right? Except my bump obviously is average different. I did 11,000 steps. But it's still ginormous.

That's a normal day for me. The day before I did 3,000 steps. Wow. I don't do much, actually. Don't you? One day I did 1,000 steps. I never would have guessed. You're not funny, the lot of you. I'll't do much, actually. Don't you? One day I did 1,000 steps. I never would have guessed. You're not funny, the lot of you.

I'll tell Amanda Keller. We're with the same management company and she will not be happy. Are you really? Yep. Both represented by the same people. Clearly they're throwing a few more good gigs her way. Okay, we've got an opening for a Dancing with the Stars host. Do we give it to Mitch Turidan?

I actually went for a meeting, I can't say too much, with a production company the other day. They we're reviving biggest loser that was my joke oh sorry you know what's funny though i never used to make fat jokes at your expense until we started this podcast and they just started flowing i don't even think they're funny they're just so easy i think it's because you own it That I feel like I should do it If it was It would be straight up bullying

If I just targeted you When you didn't like it Oh my goodness me Anyway You're welcome to bully me Go on find a floor Go No I don't want to find one

No go on You actually don't have many Go on You can find one You pointed out the receding hairline Yeah Now I notice it That's the problem

Isn't it I feel awful. I don't like that. Why? I'm okay. I just admitted it myself. No, take it back. Find another floor.

No, I don't like doing this at all. Your wrist is bad. That's not a flaw. That's a fact. You've got some growth on your neck, some hair. You need to shave. Coming from you, bro. Look at that.

This just looks good. Look at that sparse mess of a thing. This looks good. I feel like it shouldn't be this hard. i just want to know like what you should target me for a floor because i make fat jokes you just you pull out you um i don't know i don't know i don't like it my voice is very annoying no it's not i like your voice thank you selling point people on tiktok have been writing you have such a soothing voice and i was like really i've always been i've always thought it's quite i. I downloaded a meditate app to meditate before I

sleep because I finish work at 1am and my brain's always going because I finish the show. And the guy has the most soothing voice. He's like, alright, breathe in. Now. Do you reckon I'd be any good at that? That's what I was just going to say. I would slit my throat if you were my meditate coach. Find some meditation music. Dallin, take a deep breath in.

No, too fucking quick. Now breathe out. Do you mind if I light up? Well, yeah, no worries. Why have you decided this show that I'm a smoker? It fits in. This last time we used this is when we went inside your brain. Oh, yeah, that's right.

All right, so this is, okay, turn it off. This is you getting into bed, set the scene, and you turn me on. I'm the ogre, the meditation app. Welcome to Budify. No, I'm the ogre, the meditation app. Welcome to Buddha-fi. No, I won't do the accent. Start again. Welcome to... Do you want me to be... Oh, God, I've got a bit of a throat.

I've got a corona throat this week. Hold on. Hold on. So I'm on my phone. So I'm just... I'm leaving work, making a few phone calls. Fuck. I'm on the phone, walking home.

I'm walking home from work. I live in a sketch phone calls. Fuck. I'm on the phone. Walking home. I'm walking home from work. I live in a sketchy neighbourhood. 1am. I'm listening to iTunes. Illegal. And then all of a sudden I get into bed. It starts. Meditator.

Thanks for choosing this meditation app. It can often be hard trying to switch our brains off when it still feels like it's running at a million miles an hour. All the thoughts from the day that's gone still circulating in your mind. And that's okay. You're going to acknowledge that your mind has drifted and then bring it back to the present moment.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Notice the breath as it enters your nostrils and exits your mouth. Notice your stomach rising. Notice the KFC grease dripping from your brow. That's not fair. Relaxing or what? Sorry about that.

Yeah. That was good. So soothing or what? Just don't ask me to use the letter S. That's where I come unstuck. That was good. So soothing or what? Just don't ask me to use the letter S. That's where I come on. Stuck. Oh, yeah. Stop stressing.

Fabulous. Can you do it? Ida Buttrose doing ASMR. Oh, my God. Try it. Ida Buttrose meditation. Meditation. Hello.

Thank you for choosing this meditation app to coax you into your gentle slumber. I'm Aita Batro from Alpine with Australia. And the ABC chairwoman. A-E-O-C-E-O-B-D. First, we're going to begin by strengthening your mind. I'm going to do this through the power of listening to your breath.

Escaping your mouth. I mean your nose. In this month's edition of Ida Magazine, we're doing a super special six-page thread. Silence of silly thoughts. Siphon of sadness. And now, as we begin to descend

to the land of Nod, close your eyes. Imagine a lake trickling through your mind. Place your worries upon the leaves trickling down the stream, fearfully floating by. Place your worry on top of it and watch it float away.

For example, I'm imagining Joe Hildebrand lying on a leaf as I watch him fail down. My arthritis floating away. My ex-husband, Basil Stephens,

sitting upon a set gum leaf floating down the Great Australian Bight. Kerry Packer. On a leaf. It'd need to be quite a big leaf. From a bark tree. Maybe an oak. Eucalyptus. Running out of red lipstick.

That's one of my primary concerns. Put that on a leaf and let it float away as I drift off to sleep. A Botox outage. That would really ruin... ...my life. The bottle blonde no longer sticking to my grey hair. That's a concern. Will I have to age grace sticking to my grey hair That's a concern Will I have to age gracefully and get grey hair

Or will I embrace the mauve coloured hair That so many women my age have I'm Ida Batros from Alzheimer's Australia You are now asleep because I said so Oh, well done Did you fucking see her, by the way? She was at Mardi Gras I said that to you.

This literally, hold on. So this is what was happening. Ready? Let me set the scene. So you and I were on the float and then, hold on. What can I get? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We were on the float and then all of a sudden, literally.

So we were walking. You can't play too much of that. Get rid of it. Okay. Well, just imagine that's still playing. And then it's so loud. Like it's just deafening. Oh, my ears are still a bit muted.

Same. Yeah, what is with that? We were right because the float had its own set of speakers on it. Let's see one for workers' comp. Bloody Keith's playing the music so loud. You'd know how. And then you and I are sort of like 10 metres apart. I look to the VIP stand.

I see the CEO of Qantas because he's a gay man too. Alan Joyce. He's there hugging up toantas, because he's a gay man too, Alan Joyce. He's there hugging up to some, you know, Filipino twink. And I went, nice. And then all of a sudden I turned to my right. Ida Buttrose is just standing there. You know in the movies when you have. Front row.

Front row. She's not cheering. She's not shouting. No. She's just examining with a gentle smile on her old face. It was almost like I had tunnel vision where everyone else disappeared and all I saw was Ida Buttrose. It was like there was a spotlight on her, but there wasn't.

I was like, it's fucking Ida Buttrose. I was like, Mitch, Mitch. She's like, yes. I'm like, it's Ida Buttrose. She went, what? I'm like, there's Ida Buttrose. And I was like, oh, she can 100% hear us, can't she? Ida.

Girl, we tried. Do you like Stupid Love? Quickly, thoughts on the song, because I know you're a Gaga fan. Love it. Yes, I love it. Can't wait for... I've been listening...

I shouldn't say this, but I've been listening to the leaked version for weeks. So I was very keen. I was one of the Gaga fans. One of my friends is a massive Gaga fan. They sent me the Dropbox link to the leaked version. Just popped it on my Apple Music. Like, months, actually. But how long was it?

Like, how long of the song did you have? Snippet. No it was exactly the same as the one that she released. The whole song? Nothing's different. But you had the whole song was leaked?

I'm not even kidding. The whole fucking song. It's exactly the same. I even did my little editing thing put them both on top of each other on different tracks

in an editing sequence they're exactly the same. Shit me dead. Wow. And so I've known the song for ages and I was really keen to see the reaction of the GP, as we call them on Twitter, the general public. I've not actually heard one bad word about it. I think it's their best lead single that she's had in a long time.

I agree. A lot of flack for that music video though. Why? I haven't heard any flack. I've just seen a lot of people being like, it's shit. I mean, I did think more would happen, but very impressive. It was shot on iPhone. Oh, I know. She'd be making so much money from that. Go, go, go. Imagine if it was shot on a, it's shit. I mean, I did think more would happen, but very impressive if it was shot on iPhone.

Oh, I know. You should be making so much money from that. Go, go, go. Imagine if it was shot on a Motorola or some shit. Yeah. A Galaxy F2. Shot on a Samsung. I was just about to say the exact same phone.

I'm just too good. That's the thing. You're one step ahead of me. It's because I take my ADD medication, which makes my brain a bit faster than yours. My brain is really slow. I haven't been doing my mind games. Have you not been doing your memory games? No, and this is so funny.

The receptionist who works at the brain clinic loves the podcast. What? She listens. What's her name? Kate Wilkins or Hawkins? Kate Hawkins. She wouldn't make it this far. She is lovely. She's trash.

She would have tuned out at the bloody Ida Buttrose impression. Oh, God, yeah. She would have given up. She loved it. She went, when I walked in, she went, Stoodley, I'll be with you in have given up. She loved it. She went... When I walked in, she went... Stoodle-y with you in five. St. Blyant's. And I was like, not happening.

Very funny. It was very cute. Anyway, we should get out of here. We should get out of here. Thanks for listening to ADD Reef again, or putting up with, I should say. Do we play this at the end? Of the very end? We've done 18 shows, mate.

I forget. Do we do it? Can't believe it. No, we don't. Yes, we do. Oh, sorry. Are you suggesting we do a cold finish? We can do that. Get't believe it. No, we don't. Yes, we do. Oh, sorry. Are you suggesting we do a cold finish? We can do that.

No, I want to do a cold finish. Get rid of it. If it sounds shit. Then why did you ask? It's off. I always think that's a sleeving bag. Anyway, bring the music back if you want. It's up to you.

You make the decisions. You're pushing the buttons this week. I've got another. I've got you two options for a record scratch. This is option two. That's more classic. We should go, guys. Thanks so much for listening.

You know what that sounds like? Ready? An angry death person who comes to the house and someone's died, right? And they can't solve the crime. And they've put the corpse in the body bag and they've gone, shit, I don't think we'll ever solve this one. Just rip up the zipper on the body bag. Yeah, you know what that sounds like?

What? The end of the show. It sounds you know what that sounds like? What? The end of the show. It sounds like a scene off SVU, right? You see this concerned single mother who's been through shit and the detectives keep pushing her to talk about her trauma. Yep. There's a shot of her opening the medicine cabinet. Yeah.

And then there's a shot of Olivia Benson getting a phone call and going, Benson, how long? And then it just a shot of Olivia Benson getting a phone call and going, Benson! How long? And then it just jump cuts to that. Her being put in a body bag. Oh, I like that. I see that. Yeah.

Yeah, well done. All right, back next week. Anyway, if you're listening on iHeartRadio or Spotify, don't forget to hit the follow button so you don't miss a second of this bullshit. Oh, we got a review. It was so sweet. It was, I love this show. Oh, we got a review. It was so sweet. It was, I love this show. I find the boys so funny.

It's so engaging. It's so much fun. I listen to it every night before I sleep. I'm 11. Oh, no. Oh, the poor kid. She's just not how she should be being educated. She's just, we must really deter her from getting to her 20s. I know, right?

She's thinking, is that what the fuck it is? We've hit rock bottom. Anyway, guys, we'll see you next week. You've hit rock bottom. We both have. All right. Thanks for listening, guys. Leave a review it is? We've hit rock bottom. Anyway, guys, we'll see you next week. You've hit rock bottom. We both have. All right. Thanks for listening, guys. Leave a review if you're listening on Apple Podcasts.

See you, guys. Bye-bye. Bye. No joke. It just ended. See, what would you do? You would have done that thing. I'd have to play it again.

Oh, God. How often does it end? It just ends. It only goes for a minute. No, but how often does this happen? Not often because I'm normally looping it. I'm normally doing what you said. Oh.

Yeah, but not today. It's an Not often because I'm normally looping it. I'm normally doing what you said. Yeah, but not today. It's an off day. I'm having a relax. If I were you, I would have actually extended it and made it longer so that it doesn't happen again. I can't edit that. That's your thing in the back end. What do you mean you can't edit it? I can't add on.

You just copy and paste the content. I don't know how it works. See you next week, guys. Bye. All right. Thanks, guys, for listening. Bye-bye. Is it just me?

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