Is It Just Me? - #182: Savage Santa

Episode Date: December 19, 2023

In this episode: Who does the best Santa “Ho, ho, ho!” (07:33) Men with shit beards (13:28) Trying Churi’s Apple sandwich (17:44) Our SAVAGE SANTA gift exchange! (26:05) Our “Secret Segment” ADDebrief, including a gawjus Christmas singalong (48:14)   Join our Facebook group 'Endurant Idiots' facebook.com/groups/477062186470271 Hit us up: @coupleofmitchesSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is Is It Just Me? Hosted by a couple of Mitches. Hello you. Hello you. Brace yourself for the rude shocks of young adulthood. Oh, is it just me on the fly or has Santa lost his impact? What do you mean? Well, it's because you're not a child.

You're not as excited about the thought of an intruder. I'd love a man to climb into my house in the middle of the night. You're like, hey, I'll squeeze through your chimney too. Totally. I'm like, I'll load your sack on me. Now, here's Mitch Turi and Mitchell Coombs. Hello, you. Merry Christmas, you.

Ho, ho, hello, you. Idiots, Merry Christmas. Go on, give us your best Santa ho, ho, ho. Oh, easily. Of course I can do that. Yeah, you were born for it. Ho, ho, ho, ho. Oh, easily. Of course I can do that. Yeah. You were born for it. Ho, ho, ho. Merry Christmas.

Ho, ho, ho. You sound a bit puffed over there. You all right? Ho, ho, ho. That helps. Merry Christmas. Will, the blood's rushing to my head. Yeah, that looked like it hurt a bit.

I don't know how Santa does it. That really does. Someone called Gertrude up. Get me a water. But you were so good at it. I'm telling you, if this media career doesn't work out for you, you're set. You can just be a Westfield Santa. I could also sing.

I don't know what you do the rest of the year, though, career-wise. Yeah, I'd be broke and destitute. This podcast. Perfect. Yeah, I do this podcast, and then the month of December I take it off, and I go to exclusively Westfields, and then I just hibernate for the rest of the year. I'd be really good.

Yeah, you would. I'm telling you. You could be my elf. How dare you. As I said that, I'd be really good. Yeah, you would. I'm telling you. You could be my elf. How dare you? As I said that, I realised that's insulting. Well, with height proportion, I am a lot shorter than you, so I would look like an elf to your Santa. Correct, yeah.

To scale, you'd look petite. I don't consider myself to be a short person. I just happen to be surrounded by a lot of tall people, so I look fucking short. Our friend circle, tall men. Yeah. Very tall men. Very. Sean's tall, tall men. Yeah. Very tall men. Very. Sean's tall, I'm tall.

You could even get the little prosthetic wax ear tips that they put on the elves. I'd love to see you in that. Really? Yeah, of course I would with a little green hat. They just can't be flattering, can they? Oh, absolutely not. I wonder if they'd elongate the face.

You know what I mean? It'd be nothing but cool. It can't do you any favours having these big fuck-off ears. And also elves, how do they have those shoes with the bells on them? Everyone can hear them coming, the bells on the toes. Like a cat collar. Like a little cat collar, yeah. Speaking of cat collar, Pricekeeper Jenna is here for the final episode of the year.

Our third wheel rocked up. I'm here. Jenna, I know what you might be thinking, by the way. Have we banished our yearly tradition of putting you in something? Oh, yeah. You know, in the past, we've put her in a coffin. Correct. We've put her in a bin.

Correct. We've put her in a straitjacket. Correct. Usually the last episode of the year, we put her in something. It's not too late. What can we do? Well, by the end, let's hope she's in a catatonic strait. Oh, no.

For Christmas this year, Jenna, we're putting you in debt. There you go. Yeah. Surprise. Surprise. Well, we are doing our IJM first annual Christmas gift exchange. Annual, really? We're doing Bad Santa and we all had a $50.

Savage Santa. Savage Santa, sorry. Bad Santa. Isn't that what it's called? Shut up. Savage Santa. The savage element is because everyone gives one gift, receives one gift, but you also are entitled to one steal.

So if you prefer someone else's gift, you're like, give it here, mine. Well, listen, it is the final show of the year as well as the Christmas episode. So I thought, I've got a bit of bubbles, guys. See, we weren't going to drink because we drank last week and I thought two weeks in a row is a bit, that looks a bit bad, but it feels correct that we're popping champers for the last episode. We always do. Oh!

Cheers. Cheers, big ears. God, I could have been killed. You got the glasses? Yeah, I've got glasses over here. Here we go. We've had a very, very profitable, sorry, good year. Not me, I'm in debt.

Jenna is actually destitute. How would you actually get someone else in debt? If we wanted to go about that, how do you get, because you can get yourself in debt easily, but how do you get someone else in debt? Like a Ponzi scheme. So we like sell Jenna on a timeshare. We sell Jenna on a timeshare.

We scam her, you know. I don't know what any of that means. There you go, Mitch. There's your bubbles. Excuse me. What? Oh, sorry. All right.

The tide's out. What the fuck? It was one third of a glass. Are you joking? I don't know. I'll have one. Thank you. Here you go.

Jenna, do you want one? Yeah, okay. Yeah, why not? Here, pass both, Mitch. Cheers. Thank you so much. Jenna's a bit of a lightweight, so one will be more than you. Here you go. Jenna, do you want one? Yeah, okay. Yeah, why not? You passed both, Mitch. Thank you so much. Jenna's a bit of a lightweight, so one will be more than enough. Yeah.

I'm so excited for the Christmas gift exchange. The gifts are in front of us, and we have all gone for very different sized boxes. Very. But just because it's small doesn't mean it's the worst one, although there's just something ingrained in us as humans. Like, I'm thinking, oh, I want the big one. Yeah, the big one looks good. The big one does look good.

Mitch, you've got a big box too. Yeah, I do. If I had a dollar. At the risk of sounding like a lesbian at a nightclub, I'd be eyeing off your box all night. It looks phenomenal. Also, you wouldn't really see a lesbian at a nightclub. Oh, yeah, very true.

No one knows what they sound like, really. One of my best friends from childhood just came out as gay. Wow. At 28. Late bloomer. Late bloomer. And I'm so excited to go gay clubbing with her. I don't have any close lesbian friends.

It's so exciting. Neither do I. And I've been thinking I've got to befriend some lesbians on purpose because someone has to ask me to father their child. 100%. Yeah, of course. Would you come out to Birdcage, a gay club in Sydney for the internationals? It's not even a gay club. It's a gay night.

A Wednesday. Yeah, true. Isn't that pitiful? At what venue? We have so many gay clubs, but then for the lesbians, they just get a Wednesday evening. But what venue is it? It's at the Bank Hotel in Newtown. That's Birdcage.

Wow. I had no idea. Only on a Wednesday, I believe. Birds of Feather, huh? Yeah. Dance together. Well, my gay friend who I won out, great Christmas gift, she came out to me and was like, are you shocked?

I went, absolutely not. Were you the first? Third, and I was so fucking offended. That's pretty high up the pecking order. That is good, though. Mitch, I think you were like second person I ever came out to. Really? Who was first?

I was the first. Well, Jenna knew. Jenna kept saying poof under her breath for years as I worked here. And I thought she was just referring to the purple couches here at the radio station, but no, it was a slur. Yeah, Mitch, you were like the second or the... I don't remember the first. I think it was you.

It could have been me. Because it was via Facebook Messenger. And I wanted it to sound like it was cool and I had told 100 people. Yeah, you did. You gaslit me for not having already known. You were like, I can't believe you didn't know. You know I'm gay. And I was like, well, no, I don't. Yeah, I was not well. I think you did that to me as well. You were like, I can't believe you didn't know. You know I'm gay. And I was like, well, no, I don't.

Yeah, I was not well. I think you did that to me as well. Now I know that I was the first. That's so gaslighting to be like, how did you not know? Everyone knows. Anyway, Merry Christmas. Cheers. We haven't cheered.

Oh, yeah, cheers. Cheers to season five of Idjim. Thank you to everyone that's been listening from the beginning. Thank you to everyone that's joined us along the way. Cheers. Yay. We should have done like an IJM Wrapped, like how Spotify do it. Actually, we get one.

Fun fact for people that might not know, but because we create the podcast, we get a special creator for Spotify Wrapped, and it tells you new listeners, countries of listeners, demographic, everything. A lot of numbers were being thrown around. It's confusing. But yeah, they basically just said a very high percentage of people that listened to the podcast this year, it was their first time listening.

So we've got a bunch of new idiots. Isn't that fun? Hi, idiots. Welcome one and all. Thank you for listening. And tell a friend. Like a lot of times when I meet someone out or like we go gay clubbing, like I love your show.

A gay friend was listening and they told me to listen. So that's your Christmas gift to us this year is love your show a friend like a gay friend was listening and they told me to listen so that's how your Christmas gift to us this year is to just tell a friend about the podcast word of mouth mate yeah totally it works

it really works also a lot of UK and US listeners which is so cool I can't remember who was in front out of those two UK or US

I think it was the UK potentially yeah probably I don't know anyway I'll be heading into you UK idiots and I'll be coming

to the country ha wow don't be foul wow my I'll be heading into you, UK idiots. And I'll be coming to the country. Ha! Weo! Don't be foul. Wow, my weo is similar to my Santa. Weo! Ho, ho, ho!

It's in the same point of my throat. I don't reckon I could pull off either of those things, the ho-ho or the weo. Try both now. Also, I need to know, when do you use a weo? What's appropriate? Can I say something? Yeah. Nah.

You guys doing that weoo whatever thing over here is so annoying. Oh, can you hear it from your end of the office? I hear it every single time. So for context, our show, we use the iHeart Studios which is also the Kiss FM Studios. And right next door down the hallway is WSFM, the old people's station where Jenna works. Yes. Correct. So I started the way-o.

That's my catch call. Well, everyone does it and it's the most irritating thing. Well, we do it, Mitch, when there's a big success, when a child falls over, when something funny happens. You go, wayo, wayo. See, I sort of interpret it as the equivalent of a brum-ch. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wayo.

Is that it? Yeah, that definitely is it. That wasn't bad for me. Do it again. Wayo. That is good. Yeah, that's something that I'd hear from you. Try ho-ho-ho.

Oh, fuck. Okay, hang on. It's, that's something that I'd hear from you. Try ho, ho, ho. Oh, fuck. Okay, hang on. It's got to come from the diaphragm, I feel. Ho, ho, ho. That was actually, no, that was good. That was amazing. Go again. I was good at that.

Let me close my eyes. Go. Ho, ho, ho. Merry Christmas. That's actually not bad. That was actually good. I put my whole fucking core strength into that. That hurt.

That was impressive. That was good. That was good. See, put my whole fucking core strength into that. That hurt. That was impressive. That was good. That was good. See, I think I'd be a great Christmas song cover singer, you know? Like if I were just to perform. Oh, not again. Here we go. I could do this.

What's this? You do Santa Baby. This is Santa Baby. I think I know the word. It's great for you to be Santa Baby and I'll be this boo-boo. Ready? Boo-boo. Boo-boo.

Santa Baby. I don't know the words. Santa Baby. Thank you, Jenna. Oh, it's actually very Jenna.boom. Boo-boom. Santa Baby. I don't know the words. Santa Baby. Thank you, Jenna. Oh, it's actually very Jenna. Just slip a sable under the tree. I'm a bit insulted that you said this sounds like so me. It's perfect for me.

Listen to it. Been an awful good girl, Santa Baby. So hurry down the chimney tonight. Also, this version is not cool. The Kylie Minogue one's better. Oh, absolutely not. That's not what we want. Yes, it is. All right. Well, it's is not good. The Kylie Minogue one's better. Oh, absolutely not. That's not what we want. Yes, it is.

All right, well, it's our final show of the year. Can't wait for the gift exchange coming up. And, of course, a real Christmas snack. I have been in the kitchen all night. I will be presenting, at last, the apple sandwich. Oh, my God. Yeah. And I can tell you, it's a chicken, mayonnaise, fennel,

an apple sandwich made from scratch by me. I poached the chicken and it's won the right bread. And the reason we're doing this is because I'm just anti-fruit in places it ought not be, i.e. salads and sandwiches. I've seen what you've done with a banana in your time. Don't lie. Excuse me. You put fruit in places that God never intended it.

In what scenario would you have seen me do that? God, you talk some shit. Such a lie that could never be true as well. Well, Sean's a fruit and I know what you two get up to. Nice. Not your best. I'm a fruit. Not my best, no.

Wayo. Like a little wayo. Yeah, a little mini wayo. A little mini wayo. You just say it as one syllable. Wayo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're in my wayo. You just say it as one syllable. Wayo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wayo.

Remember wayo. The chicken sandwich full of mayo. Full of mayo, mayo. You know my favourite streaming service? Kale. Not this. Anyway, thank you for organising this champagne for us, Mitchell. I'll transfer.

You shouldn't have to. Kale. Yeah, good. Oh, please don't. Actually, after the apple sandwich later in the show today, I've actually brought another treat. Crackers. What was it, brand?

Oh, um. Sal! Oh, God. Okay, well, any brand new listeners that have discovered us over summer and this episode is at the top of the feed. Welcome. This is the sort of bullshit we get up to. We're on break at the time of listening. When we come back, we promise there'll be better content. We can't promise anything, actually.

We're brain fried. What we can promise is that every week we start the show with an Is It Just Me, something we've noticed, hate or appreciate. Every Monday, Mitch and I bring an Is It Just Me each, but being a Wednesday, we're handing it over to you with an Is It Just You. Today, the last Is It Just Me each, but being a Wednesday, we're handing it over to you with an Is It Just You. Today, the last Is It Just You of the year, we're going to Tamworth where we've got Al.

Hello. Hi, Al. Hi. How are you? Merry Christmas, darling. I like what you did there with the hello you. Hello you. How's Tamworth this time of year?

Very hot. Very, very hot. I can imagine. Yeah, Tamworth is like a big country town, right? But it also gets freezing as fuck there in winter, doesn't it? Yeah, it does. Yeah, it's the big city. Have you been to Sydney?

I mean, compared to the country town I grew up in, Tamworth would be considered a city. That's true. They've got a good guys. Oh, shit, that is city life. That's big. What time do your coals and woolies close of the night? Nine. Oh, fuck that.

I know. Come on. Is there anything 24 hours there, like a servo, Uber Eats, anything like that? Waffle. Maccas. Oh, fuck yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah, you're shorted. From Tamworth. I got the shock of my life when I was at a house party at a friend's place in Forbes, and it was like 10.30, and I was like, God, I'm starving.

Can we get some food? She goes, there's nothing open in Forbes after 10pm. I was like, oh my God, I've become so spoiled and used to Sydney. Yeah, you had to make something in the kitchen, God forbid. You had to cook. I starved to death, which made me drunker. Of course, well, you and all the farm life. Well, you got the golden guitar, right, Al? Yes.

Yes, I do. You sounded like Miley Cyrus. Yes, queen, yes. Oh my God do. You sounded like Miley Cyrus. Yes, queen. Yes. Oh, my God, dude. I love Miley Cyrus. Oh, me too, darling. I haven't named tattooed on my arm.

No way. You struck gold with that one, didn't you? Just the words Miley Cyrus. Yes. Wow. Oh, wow. God, I thought I was a fangirl with all the merch that I've drunk purchased. But tattoo from Miley.

Whereabouts on your arm? On my forearm where everyone can see it, of course. Yeah. Wow. That's dedication. Do you like the new one? The new song? Yeah, of course.

I love all her songs. Yeah. Well, you would have to if your name was... Imagine if you hated it. That'd be embarrassing. You'd have to wear a long-sleeved neckerchief for years. All right, let's get you to do the last Is It Just You of the Year. Are you ready, Al?

No pressure, Al. All right, Bradley's going to to do the last Is It Just You of the Year. Are you ready, Al? No pressure, Al. All right, Bradley's going to count you in. Good luck. Is it just me or? Does every man on a dating app have a filthy, feral beard? Yes, a filthy, feral beard. FFB. I hate an FFB.

I'm with you. Every man has a filthy beard. And thanks to our sponsor, Hinge, by the way. Oh, yeah. FFB. I hate an FFB. I'm with you. Every man has a FFB. And thanks to our sponsor, Hinge, by the way. Oh, yeah. Fuck's sake. Well done. Well, Mitch, you found your beloved Sean. I did.

On Hinge. Tell us about that. No. You'll hear about that in the ad back. Don't worry. I have Hinge. You will. I have Hinge and I love Hinge.

But yes, every man, and I'm dating men exclusively, have shitty ratty beards. Have you noticed that, Al? Yes, it's disgusting. I'm like, shave it off, get rid of it. What do you look like? Yeah, I feel like it's coming into fashion, isn't it, the beard? But I notice a lot of people with sparse facial hair that can't really grow a proper beard are just jumping the gun a bit.

It's not a beard, it just looks like you need a shave. Yeah. Rangers are the worst. Rangers? I don't think you say that. Well, there's the need a shave. Yeah. Rangers are the worst. Rangers? I don't think you say that. Well, there's the inner Tamworth coming out. Rangers are the worst. Rangers are the worst.

Not even talking about the eardrum. Just full stop. They should be eradicated. You know what's funny? Whenever Sean's facial hair grows to a certain length, it's red. He's got red facial hair. Really? Really?

Yep, so does my brother-in-law. It's just a redhead beard. I don't know if you've gotten close enough to me, but I've got a full-blown moustache at the moment. My inner ethnic is really showing. How's it going on the dating apps in Tamworth, just generally speaking, though? Because I know that country town people, the pool is a bit smaller.

You run out of potential matches a lot quicker. Yes, it's awful. You'd match up with a sheep if you kept swiping. You'd get a rose from a goat. Hey, want to get a Billy T tonight? Remember Billy T in Damper? No. You never Billy T in Damper?

No. You lived on the land. The Great Aussie Bush Camp, they said. We had a kitchen. See, then we need to reinvent school camp, because I went to the Great Aussie Bush Camp, which don't start me on that being burnt down, because I'll be upset again.

Oh, is that the fake Uluru? Correct. That deserved to be burnt down. I agree. That again. Oh, is that the fake Uluru? Correct. That deserved to be burnt down. Oh, you creed. That was some evil juju that they were playing into. But they'd be like, this is how people in Forbes live. They have bush tucker for dinner and they have damper with golden syrup and butter. You've never been to my hometown, Bogengate, but I should take you out there and try and

time it around the Trundle Bush Tucker Festival. Oh, I'd love that. Or Bush Tucker Day, maybe. Oh, I'd love that. I actually would now that I'm close with your parents. Your mum DMs me. Oh, you'd love it. Of course, I'd love to come.

Just finding the time. All right, well, Al, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year. How long have you been listening? Pretty much forever. Oh, that's so nice. You're a day one-er. We'll make sure you hit up. We're holding out for Mitch's Newcastle shows.

Wait, that's still going to be a bit of a trek for you, Tamworth to Newcastle. How far is that? Yes, it is. It's four hours, but it's the closest. So we're holding out. That's so sweet. That's really quite you.

Thank you. I love your dedication. Oh, that's nice. Well, you're featured on the show now, so... Yeah, make sure you hit up Jenna on her Instagram at couple of Mitch's and you can claim your prize. It might take some time because I'm going on a cruise. Yeah, you won't get that until mid-March.

It's coming to Tamworth. You'll get it in fucking September. Happy New Year. Thanks, Alan. If you want to get in touch, DM us like we said. Or you can, of course, send us a text on this number. 948202 042 to 948202 Send us a text. That's our beautiful roving reporter, Oscar, singing there.

And he will be joining us in a bit for our Savage Santa gift exchange. We thought there's no fun in three people playing Savage Santa. Well, there's that. But also the whole family should be together. Yeah, I agree. It's Christmas. I agree. We should give contraceptive diaphragm Sam a call later. Have you seen his close friend's story?

That poor bastard's flat out like a lizard drinking. Yeah, there's absolutely no guarantee he'll answer. He's so stressed. He's very good at what he does, but very stressed and somehow thinner than before. I didn't think it was possible. He seems to be loving the new gig. If anyone's worried about our former team member, Sam,

no, he's killing it. And he's clearly got more cash. I mean, I saw him the other day and he was in a full suit. A full suit before he just had half. Like a newsreader that has board shorts under the desk, but fancy up top. That was Sam all the time. Of course, Sam Ballen, very that.

Is it just me? The rude shocks of young adulthood. Okay, the moment you've all been waiting for, everybody. You throw around, oh, it's what you've been waiting for, but really? I'm not waiting. You are the one who requested that I bring this segment to the show after. That's not true, actually. I'll remind you all that a few weeks on the show we had this discussion.

Yes. Any salads that have bits of apple in it, fucking in the bin. I hate it. I hate fruit in salads. Oh, my God. But apple's not a fruit. It famously is. No, it is.

But, I mean, you can put apple on a sandwich. No. Oh, that cut us off early because you said, all right, I'm bringing one in next week. I didn't demand. But you're trying to change my mind. I'll try and be a little bit more open-minded than I was in that audio you just heard. Correct.

I just feel, and I'm going to be serious here, a bit of cranberry, a bit of sweet, natural, fresh fruit in a salad or a sandwich can change the world. A Waldorf salad famously has pear in it. Oh, no. That's my least favourite. Okay, what about a nut? Do you like a macadamia or a pine nut?

Nope, not a salad. What are you, a fucking rabbit? Like, grow up. Salads aren't just lettuce. It's not Weight Watchers Days 1990 anymore. I don't even like lettuce in a salad. What do you want in a salad? Spinach, baby.

Oh, you're a bore. What about rice? Do you like rice, grains of rice? I don't dislike it, but it's not my go-to. I'm not like, thank God there's rice in this salad. No, no, no. See, if a salad has something sweet in it, I am sold. A bit of crunchy apple.

I wouldn't describe apple as sweet. No, but it adds sweetness to a salad, and it also adds sweetness to a sandwich. No, it doesn't. It's sour. It's not that I don't like apples. I like a standalone Granny Smith. I like them in a smoothie. But on a sandwich, well, we were split. Yeah, the texture, I'm not sure. Listen, a standalone Granny Smith. I like them in a smoothie, but on a sandwich. Well, we were split.

Listen, the comments were split. Colours of Honey says, oh my god, pear in a salad is lit. One of my fave salads. Feta, avocado, mixed lettuce, walnuts, pears. There you go. AJ says, apple on a sandwich, no, but peanut butter and jelly, yes. What? Watermelon, feta and mint. That is so irrelevant.

In a salad. Lisa says, apple on a sandwich is a punishable offence. Well, you've just been blocked, yes. What? Watermelon, feta and mint. That is so irrelevant. In a salad. Lisa says apple on a sandwich is a punishable offence. Well, you've just been blocked, bitch. So you've prepared an apple sandwich for me, have you? I have spent hours in the kitchen slaving away. And let me tell you, it's not easy to put apple in a sandwich. How could it take hours of slaving for an apple sandwich? Mitchell, I found a recipe.

Oh. This is not like your go-to. No, this is not my go-to. This is the most effort he's ever put into anything, Jenna. I took photos to prove it to you. I poached chicken breast in salt and pepper. Oh, I'm looking forward to that. The apple's just going to ruin it.

No, I add Kewpie mayonnaise, salt, pepper, celery salt, and onion powder, white bread. Ladies and gentlemen, I bring to you, Mitchell and Jenna, something that I prepared earlier, the apple sandwich. Wow. So I have one half of the sandwich for you each. I'm not. I don't. I'm not.

You are getting it. No. Why don't you want to try it? Because I don't eat mayonnaise and also I don't like white bread. You don't eat mayonnaise. No. What's wrong with you? Oh, mayonnaise makes me sick.

Well, Jenna, I've made you a non-mayonnaise side. No, you haven't. Yes, I have. You haven't. Mitchell, this is for you. Thank you. So where do the apples come into it? Let me just lift the bread.

I'm not having them. Jenna, just take it and investigate. Oh, I hate mayonnaise. The rest of it looks so divine, but the apples in a sandwich. Are you serious? So describe what you two are seeing, please. Oh, the apples have all mayonnaise on them. You've done it very well.

It looks like this is not an insult. It looks like a servo sandwich. Thank you. Oh, I'll take that. Yeah, I'll take that. It'd be fucking beautiful. Yeah, like a chicken sandwich. Yeah.

Well, the apple is, you'll notice it's very thinly sliced. I noticed that, yeah. It took me a while to slice it. I had to get a couple of wrong slices to get it right. Because you don't want it to be like, oh, I'm chewing into apple. You just want a little crunch and a burst of freshness. And Jenna, you have to have a bite. I'll have a bite.

There's a trash can here if you need it. But for God's sake, live a little. It's Christmas. It's the last show of the year. Have some apple sandwich. I can't help but notice that you're not having any apple sandwich. Is it because you know it's revolting and you're just trying to fuck with it? Are you sabotaging us?

No, I'll tell you, as I made it, I had a full sandwich myself last night. I prepared it last night. I better not get sick before my cruise. You'll be fine, Jenna. You're going to get sick on that fucking cruise. All right. Oh my God. Jenna does seem like someone who's prone to seasickness. No, actually I'm not. I don't get seasick. Hold on. Let's go. They're about to both.

Okay, I'm going to take me bite. Apple sandwich, here we go. Jenna, get some meat. Jenna just had a nibble and spat it out. Jenna. So? It's just wrong. The chicken and everything else is beautiful, but the apple ruins it.

No, get a bigger bite. No, I can't. Go to the middle, Mitch. You've gone to the corner. Are you getting apple? Yes. Okay. All right.

I'll do one more bite. Good. Open mind, Mitchell. Open mind. Here we go. Just the crunch of that as well. Give me yours, Jenna. I'll have a bite. I'll have a bite.

Open my eyes. To be fair, to be fair, let me finish chewing. It feels wrong talking with a mouthful. Let me try my own sandwich. Just that sound to the apple. Yeah, the apple sounds like it's gone real powdery.

That's amazing. Really? I'm going for seconds. My official review is that I can't even taste the apple. Thank fuck, just quietly. But the texture of it is just so unnecessary. The sandwich is stunning without the apple. No, I beg to differ. There's no point

in including an apple. Freshness! You know what this is? I was born in Sydney. You were born in the country. I was actually born in Sydney. You were born in fucking Stratford-upon-Avon in a bell tower somewhere. You were used to milk for dinner

and then you had lamb stew. I have a refined palate. You've really pissed me off. You've never struck me as a fussy eater. Cheers to that. I'll wear that. I just think we should spend a bit more time recognising the rest of the sandwich.

It's fucking gorgeous. It is yummy. Without the apple, I'm very impressed. Okay, you know what I think this is? This is just a simple case of we have different palates. Clearly. I just don't really trust you when it comes to apple and

misinformation. Your track record is not good. Not only did you boldly claim that apple's not a fruit, but you've also said in the past, apple has the same amount of caffeine as one shot of coffee, which turned out to be complete nut of bullshit. So I just think when it comes to apples, you don't really know what you're talking about.

In the midst of a horrific breakup, so thanks for bringing that up. Zero caffeine. What does the breakup have to do with it? It was at the same time that I made that faux pas. Which one? The apple caffeine. No, that was ages ago.

No, it was before. Now I'm being ghastly. That was ages ago. Now I know what my mother feels like. I have slaved over the kitchen all night for you bastards, and you slapped me in the face with my breakup. You brought it up. And we're the one gaslighting him.

I actually think I'm gaslighting myself. I said that your sandwich is stunning. Thank you. Just wish it didn't have the bullshit apple on it. And honestly, I can't even. You've cut them so thinly that I can barely taste it. It's just the texture. That's the point.

Well, if you can't taste it, why pop it on there? It's called like, it's when they add micro herbs to plates. What's wrong with your voice? I think apple. I'm having some sort of allergic reaction. Here, now, I'm going to peel my bits of apple off the sandwich. Do you want to add them to yours? No, I don't.

I don't want it that much. Oh, you don't even like apple on sandwiches. Not that much, no, because I can admit that too much. There is such thing, all right, in this age of apple. Don't tell Tim Cook. There's such thing as too much apple. Right. So, yeah.

Okay. What am I going to do with these apple bits? I'm not leaving them on my stunning sandwich. Put them in the bin. What a waste. Oh, that's wasting the apple. Now you're going to get me cancelled. First it was that missing bitch, now it's the apple.

Mitch laughs at kids. What missing bitch? Who? Yeah. You know. Damn it, I tried to trip him up. Enjoy the sandwich, guys. I'll save the apple bits for the birds out the front.

Yeah. That's nice. Oh, the receptionists have names. Prezzy time next. Is it just me? You can follow the show online. Just search couple of Mitches. If you don't, you're a little bitch.

Well, who's feeling savage? Me. I'm in a savage mood. Are you? A little bit, yeah. I feel like I could. I could go either way. I could be really kind and warm.

Although, knowing me, I'll get pissed off. Yeah. Like if I get a shit gift. I'm sensing a bit of I get a shit gift. I'm sensing a bit of crankiness from you today. We're about to do Savage Santa. This could tip you over the edge. It really could.

I'm excited. So rather than giving gifts to each other like we would normally, we've decided to do Savage Santa this year. Everyone brings one gift. Everyone receives one gift. But we also have the opportunity to steal a gift from someone if we'd prefer it. Correct. I think we should all be here for this.

Our fourth wheel, Roving Reporter, Oscar. Come on in. We're ready for you. Come on. Come on, Chookin. Chookin! Hello. Chuck your present on the pile. Yep, there we go.

What a tight little box. A tight little box. It is. Pretty box. Welcome back. Great to have you. Thank you. Merry Christmas, Chookin.

Merry Christmas. Family's all in. We're all here. Yeah, this is gorgeous. By the way, Oscar, you can blame Jenna for our Christmas party being ruined. Because we were going to do the ham raffle for our Christmas party at the bolo. I cleared my schedule. I'm going on a cruise tomorrow.

Oh, fuck you. Fuck you. A geriatric cruise. Oh, okay, That's true. Maybe we'll have to swap the wheels. Yeah. Don't you dare. Oscar III, Jennifer.

Don't sabotage my cruise. We might only need two wheels. No, I mean like swapping our third wheel and fourth wheel. Don't you dare. Might get a promotion for front wheel. I will cancel my cruise. I'm not. No, don't do that.

It's all right. It's all right. Actually, sorry, we're all hoeing into champagne. Oscar, would you like some bubbles? We've got one for you. Here you go. Oscar, could I treat you with an apple sandwich? Yes.

Oh, can I tempt you? Try it. I've got some left. Yeah, try the apple sandwich. Why not? Make sure you open up and see where the apple is. You need to experience the apple. I just love that it's half eaten.

Yeah, well, Mitch has chatted. He only made one. Oh, okay. Yeah. I paid for the ingredients. All right. I'm not half eaten. Yeah, well, Mitch has chatted. He only made one. Oh, okay. Yeah. I paid for the ingredients. All right. I'm not making a deal. Hang on, I'll have a munch.

Here we go. I hope you all like this. I'll lick the apple. What are your thoughts? That's not bad. Thank you. I actually really like that. We needed some positivity.

But can you admit, you can barely even taste the apple, so what's the point? No, I think I might finish it. Yeah, please do. Yeah, all right. Thank you, Oscar. Thank you, someone with a clear mind. I really like that. Oscar's your favourite now,

but he could fuck you over in Savage Santa. Yeah, and I hope he does. Well, can I just say, let's have a moment to pitch ourselves. I think the gift that I got is everyone will love, great for adults or children, and I'll be honest, I hate to toot my own horn, but I actually blew budget. Did you? I did, sure.

Yeah, just a little bit over, but I blew budget, yes. Okay, well, this is how it's going to work. Right in front of me, I've got Mitchell Cheery's Canadian Took. Thanks to our listener, Tricia, for sending this. I'm going to draw our names out of a hat, and this decides the order in which we all get to open a present. So if you're picked out first, unfortunately, you don't have the opportunity to steal someone else's present.

Unless your gift is stolen, of course. Well, yeah, someone can steal yours. Absolutely. Now, are we limiting how many steals? Do we get one steal each or we can do... Yes, that's how it works. So once you steal, you can't steal again. Yeah, no, it has to be one theft.

And so the person who's drawn out of the hat last, that's actually the best spot to be in because you've got the pick of all four gifts. You can steal any of them. And we can steal our own gift. Yeah, well, we don't know. I suppose there's no reason you can't. And we also don't have to admit that it's ours or not.

All right, Mitch has got the toque in his hand. Okay, I'm drawing the names out of the hat. Ready? Jesus. I'm nervous. I'm scared. The person opening the present first. Oscar.

Oh, that's only right. You're the back fourth wheel. Should I have Oscar? Yeah. All right. So does that mean Oscar's going? Oh, should we do it now? Yeah, we'll get the order.

Let's get the order. I'll get the full order. Hand back in. Righto. Okay. Next. Jenna. Oh. Next. Jenna. Oh, wow.

Your second. This is in order of the wheels. How did this go in order of my hierarchy? Now let's see. Yeah, now let's see who's... Oh, Mitchell Coombs, I'm next. So you're going to be last. You've got the pick of all the presents.

Nothing ever happens in my favour. This is fantastic. Oh, I'm that pleased for you two. I've got the power. Okay, so Oscar, you can pick a present now. Just based off the vibe. Which one looks the most appealing? Head on over, Oscar.

Walk on over. All right. You can pick any gift. Okay, he's rifing through. Wow. Seeing what they're all like. Do you know what? I'm going to go.

I've decided I'm going to go the big fuck off one. Wow. Wait, Mitchell Cheery's big one, not my gift. Well, that is my box, I can confirm. Yours looks like it's a big clock or something. Yeah, it's very big. It's probably the size of three steering wheels. Sorry, I couldn't think of something.

All right. Here we go. What is it? What is it? You know what it is. You have to talk on a podcast, sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm just, I'm pulling. So we've got the soft archery set Oh my god From Unko Kema It's an archery set It is an archery set And I can see why Jenna would want to steal this It would bring her back to one of her previous lives You know how Jenna feels about weapons

Yeah, of course Also, I just googled it No, you didn't blow budge it at all I did It says 44 bucks, but that's okay. Oh, you went under budget? No, no. With wrapping paper and this tinsel hat, I blew budget.

It's all involved. Okay. What are your thoughts on that? Do you want to keep it? Well, he doesn't have the choice. I don't have the choice. But if I did have the choice, yes, I would keep it. This is spectacular.

Okay, Jenna, you're next. Okay. You get to pick any of the presents. Okay. What are you thinking? I'm going to go with Oscar's box. Okay. Wow.

Yes. I'm flattered. Okay. Here we go. She's quivering. Oh. It's a vape. What flavour?

It is banana pomegranate cherry ice. Wow, they're really chucking every fruit in there, aren't they? A vape. A vape. And then what's that other thing in there? It's a little unicorn money box here. A unicorn money box? Yes.

Where on earth did you find that? The $2 shop. Yeah, of course. Also, Jenna, don't forget, you could have stolen the archery set. Oh, no, she's allowed to decide now that she's open whether she wants to keep the vape and the money box or steal the archery set. Jenna, do you famously A, vape, or B, save any money?

No. I collect shrapnel, no. And we did say, Mitch, we'd put her in financial ruin this episode. Yes, we did. In debt. Yeah. So, your choice. I'd like to steal.

So, Oscar's ended up with his own gift. Well, we don't know. You might want it when you... That's true. Here you go, darling. Thank you so much. Honestly, I do think the soft archery set is deserved for Jenna. It feels right up your alley.

I do think the soft archery set is deserved for Jenna. It feels right up your alley. If you don't take this on the geriatric cruise, I'm going to have the shits. Wow. All right, now it's my turn. And the only two presents left are mine and Jenna's. I can't take my own.

No, no. It's Jenna's. Can you tuck it over here? Yes, of course. Here we go. And you said, Mitch, you observed that this is from a particular shop. I know exactly where that's from. And they wrapped it. It is beautiful wrapping paper.

Does it stay on? Where's it from? Oh, I don't want to ruin it. No, don't ruin it. All right, okay. All right, I'm opening it up. Okay. It's beautiful.

Here we go. Mecca Cosmetica Bright Eyes Eye Mask and Cream Duo. Oh, you've done well. You've done well. It's a really good one. That makes that porcelain unicorn look like fucking two dollars. I seem to recall, Mitch, you said, and I'm actually getting a nice present. I'm not getting a joke present.

You got a bow and arrow. I changed my mind. I blew the budget on an apple sandwich. I went, fuck the people. Mitchell, are you sure you don't want to swap? Oh, my God. Wait, so, Mitchell, you're keeping it for the time being anyway. I actually did just buy a new eye cream.

So maybe I don't need it because this would just go in my spare pile, my spare creams. Have you ever considered hunting? Or saving money? I've not considered hunting with suction plugs, no. You wait until we take you to Bougainvillea. We'll show you how the real hunting's done. We'll take you pigging.

Oh, my goodness me. Oh, not pigging. Pigging. Yeah, we'll take you pigging, Chalkin. Oh, I'm really torn. What should I do? Fargo, I'm going to steal Oscars. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Nice. I think I need this more than you do. You know what's going to happen? I'm going to give you the vape, but then I'm entitled to a puff any time I like. Absolutely. Wow.

Oscar. Yay. Okay, I've done my steal. So, Churi, you're last. It's my turn. All right, I'm getting up. Which means you've only got my present to unwrap and then you've got your pick of anyone else's if you want to steal it.

Here we go. I just want to have a look at the archery set. Oh, come on, mate. Can you open it up, Jenna, while I search the others? I just want to have a sample of it. Yeah, the bloody studio glass would be perfect. Yeah, Jenna, just take it out of the cardboard for me because I want to test it

and I'm going to have a look at the Mecca Bright Eyes. Yeah, of course, of course. Just because I know that I do have the power to steal. Do you not want the vape? I've never vaped. That is the biggest one! Hydrogel eye mask. Lovely.

Fucking go open your present, cockhead. I'm just putting it on my desk now. Oh, it's actually a big one. This is the big box. I would suggest that it's heavier than your archery set, so mine's the big one. I agree. I'm surprised more people weren't drawn to it. And it's really nicely wrapped. Mitchell, this is so well wrapped. You've put time and care and

love into this. Well, let's open. This is the last gift. And I didn't do a joke present. It was actually really thoughtful. This is so well wrapped. Oh my god. You've well wrapped. Oh, my God. You've even wrapped the flaps, Mitchell. You know me. Safety first.

Hold on a second. What? What is this? Oh, no. What's going on? Oh, my God. What is it? Oh, it God. What is it?

It's a 12 months of Mitchell 2024 calendar. Oh! That's amazing. Forget the 12th date of Christmas. You've got a photo of me every fucking month of the year. January's a meat raffle. Yeah! That's my meat trade that I won. February's you with our ukulele.

We auctioned off for charity. March is you. Hey, no. Excuse me, no. No, I'm beeping that out. I'm saving that story for the book. Yes, of course. April is you drinking in wine country.

We don't have to go through every month. Okay, all right. But it's a calendar with just photos of me. Oh, that's beautiful. And that's not all, folks. There is also... There's more? What is this?

Incest. Incest. Oh, that's the beautiful incest. Yeah, we've got some gorgeous incest. Oh, I love incest. And there's nothing underneath that. I just... This is actually my dinnerly box.

I was being deceptive. I wanted everyone to think that mine's the big present, so I put it in a huge fucking box. Look what he's done, guys. Oh, my God. That's the most Mitchell Coombs ever. Are you sure there's nothing under it? There's an empty wine bottle because I wanted it to also be heavier.

I was just trying to fuck you all over. Oh, that's amazing. Mitchell has made this beautiful. Look, if you pull down the bottom, I've hidden a wine bottle to make it heavier to trick you all, thinking mine's the big, heavy present. Oh, my God. I'm making it down.

Oh, my God. That is so clever. That is so well thought out. That is so smart. Is it, though? Because I thought more people would go for my present being like, oh, it's that big one. Wow. It's the last one in the pack.

I really like it. Oh, God. Really? I thought you were going to call me out and be like, for fuck's sake, Mitchell. Absolutely not. The 12 months of Mitchell. Who wouldn't want that? I bet you're both spewing that you don't get to steal it. I'm disgusted with myself.

I actually am. This is gorgeous. If you want to steal it, I've got a gorgeous eye mask here. I've got an art trick here. There's a photo in my birthday month of July. There's a photo of me at your ex's birthday. Oh, that's it. Yeah. Oh, yes.

That party. Yeah, sorry I couldn't make it. No, that's all right. Didn't miss much. All right. Okay, big decision here. Are you going to keep the Mitchell Coombs calendar or are you going to steal someone else's gift?

Let me just have a look because I just feel, I just want to feel things. Hold on. Okay, the archery set, you bought it, so you know what's going on there. I don't want the archery set. Jenna, I'll be honest. I thought of you when I found this. Jenna, whatever happened to you getting it out of the fucking box?

It's still in the box. I'm not getting it out of the box. Why? Because I'm putting it under the Christmas tree at my apartment for the poor children. What do you mean? There's a bluey kit and everything there. Wait, there's a Christmas tree in the foyer, is there? Yeah. That you mean? There's a bluey kit and everything there. Wait, there's a Christmas tree in the foyer, is there? Yeah.

You donate? Yeah. That is the most Jenna sentence I've ever heard in my life. You are so wealthy that you have to create a Christmas tree in your reception for the poor, dishevelled children. You should see, it's full of gifts. In your Merriton apartment. I don't live at Merriton anymore.

You're about to go on... She lives at the Park Heart. Oh, fuck me. And you're about to go on your geriatric, all expenses paid for bullshit cruise and you're worried about the children. My God. Excuse me.

He's now helping himself to the cream. You haven't stolen that. It's not yours. No, that's unacceptable. This is the closest we've ever... Hello. I'm just putting some eye cream on. Are you sampling every present before you decide?

How does it look? You can't sample the vape on the podcast. I'm sorry. You look gorgeous. Let me just putting some eye cream on. Are you sampling every present before you decide? How does it look? You can't sample the vape on the podcast. I'm sorry. You look gorgeous. Let me just hold the vape box. Hold on. Of course. I better not say the name of it.

I don't want to get in trouble. You can flip it. And then the unicorn's lovely. It's a really pretty unicorn. I bet it's got a rubber bottom. Yeah, but that's for the coins. Porcelain thing. Are you kidding me? What the fuck did you just say? bottom. Yeah, but that's for the coins. Porcelain thing. Oh!

Are you kidding me? What the fuck did you just do? Are you kidding me? He just broke the unicorn. No! I'm so sorry. Why would you do that? What happens if I drop the unicorn? It's everywhere! Mitch! I spent a good $16 on that. I'm

really sorry. Well, there's no way you're going to steal on that. I'm really sorry. Well, there's no way you're going to steal it now. I don't know what to say. Would you like a Mitchell Coombs 2024 calendar, perhaps? Look, I've just got the head. Oh, that's so sad. You're so stupid. Jesus Christ. Well, I've decided I don't want this.

Oh, thanks. I'd already picked out a spot for that unicorn in my home. Apologies, everyone. Oh, it was so cute. I'm going to keep the calendar in the incense. I've decided I'm keeping it. Are you? I want it.

Yes, I love this. That's so cute. I'm going to get a new house in the new year. I'm going to live on my own. So this is perfect to hang in the bathroom. You're so selfish. The bathroom. Why the bathroom?

Because the bathroom's the most visited place for guests. So they'll all see it. I love it. I'm sold. I love incest as well. I've just gotten into it. We're all just so happy. Well done, everybody.

Yeah, I'm fucking thrilled. Do you know what? Do you know what? Mitchell, Yeah, I'm fucking thrilled. Do you know what? Do you know what? Mitchell, Mitchell, I'm breaking Savage's. I feel really bad that your beautiful, gorgeous unicorn broke. So I think you should have my present. I'll swap with you. No, I'll handle the cards have been dealt.

It's all good. No, no, no. I apologize. I want the vape. All right, then. Wow. There you go. Wow.

They have it. They have it. Yeah. That beautiful $16 porcelain unicorn. Rest in peace. R.I.P. There you go. Wow. Have it, have it, yeah. That beautiful $16 porcelain unicorn. Rest in peace. R.I.P. R.I.P. Uni.

I love that you also didn't clean up the shards. They're currently at my feet. Any step I take, you're just going to hear a crunch. Can I just say, from my angle, the golden horn is just staring at me. It's been dehorned. I didn't even notice been dehorned. I didn't even notice. Oh, my God.

Well, on that note, on the dehorning and the beheading of the unicorn, we should wrap up the show for the year. Yeah, okay. This is some bullshit. You got a Mecca skincare. You're fine. Look what I was left with. I have a banana cherry pomade. How am I supposed to put this on the bus?

Jenna, do you want the skincare? I'll give that to my nephew. Yes. Oh. Really? Yeah. The poor children will have to say that. I know that we've already used both of our steels,

but is this, you know, breaking the rule? I mean, Jenna, do you want to give the children the vape? I say start them early. I agree. I say start their nicotine addiction early. I've always said that. Yeah, famously. What do you want to do, Jenna?

Oscar's request was good. Mitchell, do you want to swap? Yeah, Noah will love that. Oh, gorgeous. There you go. And I literally just, as in two days ago, my new eye cream arrived. So I'm like. You don't need it, Noah.

So wait, so wait. Merry Christmas, Noah. Thank you. Years ago, my new eye cream arrived, so I'm like... You don't need it, no. So wait, so wait. Merry Christmas, Noah. Thank you. So wait, just to say, Jenna and I have ended up with the presents we bought. While Mitchell's got a broken... Oh, sorry, if you want the vape, you may as well have the shattered unicorn too. I was going to say, so Mitchell's ended up with the shattered unicorn, and Truri got the best one of all, some beautiful incest, and a Mitchell Coombs calendar.

And a gorgeous calendar. Do you really think mine was the best one of them all? Oh, God, Yes. And a Mitchell Coombs calendar. And a gorgeous calendar. Do you really think mine was the best one of them all? Oh, God, yeah. That was a great gift, yes. Fucking yeah. I want the calendar. Do you? And the incest.

Can I put a request in for my own calendar? I bought a few. I was going to give those joke gifts to others. Oh, I want one. I didn't realise there was a demand for the 12 months of Mitchell calendar. Yeah. No, I'm down. As soon as I saw it, I thought I wanted that.

And then the incest. Yeah, the incest is absolutely impossible. How can you ever say no to incest? You can't. No, you can't. It's impossible. No. No.

I'm going to actually maybe re-gift this to my auntie. Re-gift? Excuse me. I thought you liked incest. No, no. But she taught me about incest. Does she like incest? She showed it to me.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Everything you know about incest you learnt from your aunt. Of course. On that note, we really should go. Thank you for listening. Merry Christmas, idiots.

Merry Christmas! Thank you for listening for all of 2023. To all the new fans and all the oldies, we love you. Idiots all the same. Also a shout out to our beautiful idiots who amongst themselves organised a Kris Kringle Squishmallow exchange. That was so cute. We played no part in that.

That was all unsanctioned, quite frankly. And so they've all just been gifting Squishmallows to each other. It's so adorable. I love it so much. And there's nothing savage about that. That's just beautiful. That's lovely. No, it's really nice.

I almost got, they did mystery Squishmallow. So it's a Squishmallow in a box and you don't know what you're going to get. But I just thought the amount of free airtime we've given that business, I'm not saying it again. No. We're keeping them afloat. It's too adorable not to give them a shout out. I love that our listeners have organised that.

I do love a good marshmallow. Listen, stay safe in the break, truly. We'll be back in the new year. We will. Will you stay safe, you solo traveller? Look at how tempting you are. Someone could attack you. I know they could.

I'm going on a cruise. Are you? Oh, really? I didn't realise. Fuck's sake. I know they could. I'm going on a cruise. Are you? Yeah. Oh, really? I didn't realise. For fuck's sake. End of the show. All right.

We love you guys. And Mitchell, thank you to you. And Jenna, thank you to you. It's been so much fun doing this. Oh, pleasure. Thank you. Right back at you, darling. Thank you.

And look, thanks, guys, for having me on as fourth wheel, as roving reporter. On probation. On probation still. You know what? For the end of the year, thanks for having me on as fourth wheel, as roving reporter. On probation. On probation still. You know what? For the end of the year, thanks for having me. Oh, thank you, Jukin. Of course. Oscar got recognised at a gay bar.

They said, we loved you on Is It Just Me? Oh, really? That's joyous. Yeah, they didn't recognise me for my sucking skills this time. No, no. Okay. We tried to bring it up to a nice point there. And I love how we almost donated a prize to sick kids at Jenna's reception.

Then we went, you know what? Fuck them. Give it to Noah. Oh, don't play that card. What if I give them the broken unicorn? Put that under your tree. No, I'm putting the vape under the Chrissy tree. Hi, little baby Oscar.

We've learned that your life is in tatters. So this unicorn that is also in tatters will remind you of your shocking... Baby Oscar. Baby Oscar. Baby Oscar. Goo Goo Gaga. Oh, now I feel bad. Maybe you should take this. No, it's for Noah.

Oh, no, we've gone back and forth. No, keep it. You suck your vape. You wash your eyes. And also, I've got other stuff for the children. Oh, of course you do. I found some books downstairs. Oh, my.

You didn't spend a cent on the kids. The radio station's doing an end-of-year prize room clean-out and Jenna took Elton John greatest hits, seven CDs, because kids love nothing more than a CD and Goodbye Yellow Brick Row, the platinum album. A lot of kids these days wouldn't know what a CD is. Or Elton John. No, but also some books, like good books.

Yeah, because these children haven't had an education. They can't read, but they'll use it as Tinder to burn in their fire pits on the streets. I'm sure these kids want nothing more than a bedtime story in the form of Anthony Kalea's autobiography. No, no, sweetheart. Merry Christmas, young Bailey. Here's Phil Burton's My Story. It's actually the Marvelous Mrs. Mabel, you know that show? No.

It's the the Marvelous Mrs. Mabel, you know that show? No. It's the costume design book. Well, you never know. Young Theodore might be an aspiring fashion designer. It's a hard cover. They always come from poverty. Well, yeah. Of course. Look at Alex Perry.

Anyway, Merry Christmas, everyone. Thank you for listening. We love you all dearly. We love you. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Chat to you in 2024. I had to think about that. Yeah, it's confusing. Thank you for listening. We love you all dearly. We love you. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Chat to you in 2024. I had to think about that.

Yeah, it's confusing. We'll be back. See you soon. Love you all. Bye. Bye. Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of mitches.

Make sure you've hit follow on your podcast app. Welcome to ADD Brief. This is our secret segment on the end. We pretend the show is over, but it's not. We just keep talking shit for a bit. A couple of people with ADHD having a debrief. Should we actually try and call Sam so that everyone in the family, new and old. I think so.

I think that would be really appropriate. Just call him and be like, hi, Sam. The whole team's here. We just wanted to say Merry Christmas and then just hang up. Before he gets a word in? Let him have a little bit of a word, but definitely cut him off. Calling Sam. Oh.

Is it? Hey, it's Sam. Sorry I missed your call. If you send me a text on this number, it will be way more likely that I see it and get back to you. Otherwise, leave a voicemail now. Nah. Goodbye, Sam. That's the most Sam voicemail.

I'll try Facebook. Fuck, I love Sam. I think he's on Do Not Disturb. G'day. Hi, Sam. We're on the podcast. Hi, Sam. All four of us, Mitch, Mitch, Jenna and Oscar.

We just thought we'd loop you in for our end of year celebration as a former team member. Oh, that's very, very nice. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, darling. We love you, Sam. How are you going to be spending Christmas? Oh, well, I'm going home to the family. That was good.

Nice to catch up, isn't it? That was nice. God, he waffles on, though. Nice just to hear his voice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you know what's weird? We insisted on giving Sam a cooked nickname, contraceptive diaphragm Sam. Yes.

She's Prizekeeper Jenna. Oscar's just Oscar. No, roving reporter Oscar. That's his title. Chookin'. Chookin', yes. Oh, yeah, you need a nickname. I need a nickname.

Oblivious Oscar. Yeah, but you're not oblivious. You're very worldly. You are very. You've had experiences. Your favourite vape is not the stock standard, vanilla. It's true. It's true. You know, that's the. Although I must say, fuck me, I would love a vanilla vape is not the stock standard, vanilla. It's true.

Although I must say, fuck me, I would love a vanilla vape. Can someone get on that? It doesn't exist. I've got a business idea. Savory vapes. That actually does exist, but they're foul. Oh, are they? What are the flavours? Someone gave me a chicken tender vape. That's putrid. In my defence,

I was blasted. Here you go, obliterated Oscar. Ob's putrid. In my defence, I was blasted. Here you go, obliterated Oscar. Obliterated Oscar. Because I get hammered. You've all seen it. Blackout drunk. You're not like me where if I have two wines, I get a bit tipsy.

There's no tipsy. You just go from normal, normal, normal, fucked up. It's zero to 100. And it takes a while to get there, but, normal, fucked up. Like, it's zero to 100. There's no middle ground. And it takes a while to get there, but my word, you get there. Oh, yeah. I'll tell you what, though. Fuck, I'm fun.

You are. That's true. I'm so fun. That is very true. Outrageous Oscar. Ostentatious Oscar. No, that's a bit rude. No, that's a bit rude.

Olympian Oscar. Oh, now, let's not lie. Oscar de la Rentes? No. No. No, he's an awful person. Is he? Oh, sorry. He's vile. Oh, good. I mean, I'm not far off Oscar De Laurentiis? No. No. No, he's an awful person. Is he? Oh, sorry.

He's vile. Oh, good. I mean, I'm not far off, but he's vile. No, I like obliterated Oscar. I'm always drunk. I mean, I'm sitting here hungover for Christ's sake. Oscar, what was the name of that girl that went missing in Pride Deluge? The little girl that went missing.

You're not talking about Maddie McCann again. Oscar. Oscar, but also you mentioned where it happened. That counts. Yeah, that counts. No, it doesn't. We didn't say that. No, we're not talking about Maddie McCann again, are you? Oscar. But also, you mentioned where it happened. That counts. Yeah, that counts. No, it doesn't. We didn't say that. No, we're not allowed.

We've implemented a ban on any jokes about a particular missing child. And if you mention their name, you have to add to the swear jar of sorts. Jury already owes fucking three bucks. That was four. Can I just say, I was lured into that. That is true. I was led into that. I feel like Mitch has to- I think Mitch lured into that. That is true. I was led into that. I feel like Mitch has to-

I think Mitch should pay for that. That's still the rule. He broke the fucking unicorn. Yeah, you technically brought her up. Yeah, exactly. Oh, grow up! Do you want us to make a profit or not? I'm trying to make us make money.

Obliterated Oscar. Oscar, Oscar. You know when you make a big transfer? Well, he's currently out of pocket Because you fucked his unicorn Yeah How much did that cost Let's be real Not even joking

$15 That was overpriced for what that is It was beautiful How dare I was quite looking forward to it I already picked a spot for it I think it's overpriced I just tripped

It was an accident We could claim that on insurance If you really want to That's fine There were like 10 of them I don't think you need to claim it on insurance I'm quite surprised that you enjoy the calendar. I thought you were going to be like, oh,

Mitchell. No, I love a dumb price. I can't tell you how fucking jealous I am. I want that calendar. I did well. My life doesn't happen. I don't get things like that. My life doesn't happen. Imagine if that's how doctors told you you had cancer. No, that also feels wrong. A cancer joke.

Being given a terminal diagnosis. That's not funny. No, of course feels wrong. A cancer joke. Being given a terminal diagnosis. That's not funny. Merry Christmas everyone. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe you should get Oscar to sing that song you tried to get me to sing. Oh yeah. Santa Baby. Do you know the lyrics to Santa Baby, Oscar?

Can you do Kylie Minogue version? I can find it. No. Make it karaoke so he can just sing. No, give me Eartha Kitt. Give me Eartha Kitt. I love Kylie, don't get me wrong, but nothing. Eartha Kitt's just incredible.

I agree with you. Legend. Icon. More like Eartha shit. No, I'm not putting up with that. Not my good Eartha. You know who Eartha Kitt is? She voiced Yzma in Emperor's New Groove.

Yeah. And she was Catwoman. I think it was 1999. So this is karaoke. Yes. Hang on, can I just get... Oh, are there going to be lyrics on the screen? Yeah.

The one time I don't bring my glasses. And Shira, you can do your barbershop quartet bullshit. All right, ready? Fuck, I hope I still have a voice. All right, ready? Fuck, I hope I still have a voice. All right. Ba-boom, ba-boom, ba-boom, ba-boom, ba-boom, ba-boom, ba-boom, ba-boom, ba-boom, ba-boom. Santa baby, just slip a sable under the tree for me. Been an awful good girl, a Santa baby. So hurry down the chimney tonight.

Gorgeous. Wow, that's really good. And I am so hungover. I'm going to get one for you, Jenna. I'll get one for you. I think she could fuck up a parumpapumpum, don't you? Oh, yeah. What's that called?

Little drummer boy. Little drummer boy. Just your type. Oh, yeah. Sorry, Trish. I forgot to give you the name of that twink sauna. No comment. See, the silence doesn't help, actually.

What are you talking about? Your penchant for infants. That's not funny. I'm dating a 21-year-old. So we can make jokes about the little girl that fucking got kidnapped and dead, but we can't talk about your fucking twink boyfriend. Who are you talking about? I'm not saying her name.

No, his name. Its name. Its name. Their name. 21, and he's 22 in a couple months. 12. I'm 21 and a half. Fuck with.

You met him and you liked him. Of course. I'm just teasing, guys. He's lovely. I don't have a bad word to say about him at all, but I'm going to reiterate a point of mine. When you date someone younger, it does give your friends license to mock you. I agree.

Also, did you realise that when we started this podcast, he was still in school? Oh, my God. It comes with the territory. Did you realise that when we started this podcast, he was still in school? Oh, my gosh. Jenna, sing your drummer boy, please. He sounds like Aladdin. I'm not impressed. Jesus.

Okay, Jenna, this is you. Okay. Come, they told me. Pa rum pum pum pum. Jesus. Our newborn king to see. Pa rum pum pum pum. Finest gifts we bring.

Pa rum pum pum pum. I can only think of the Delta Goodrum version. There's a Delta Goodrum version. What is rum pum pum pum even mean? It's the drum. Oh, this is ridiculous. It's like on par with pa-dum. Oh, yeah, true. Padam.

It's a fucking, what do you call it? An onomatopoeia. Yeah. I'm going to do my favourite. This is my one. Then you think of one for yourself. Okay. Here's mine.

I don't know these lyrics, but... Oh, this is the karaoke intro. Okay. Is this really your favourite? Yeah. You're kidding. Yeah. Fuck. This is so me.

And honestly, it really is. It's also not the first time he's performed this song on the podcast. This is the third time this calendar year and I'm not going to do it. Feliz Navidad. Feliz Navidad. Bless you.

Feliz Navidad. Prospero año. Felicidad. Feliz Navidad. Prospero año. Feliz idad. Feliz Navidad. Feliz Navidad. Everybody. Feliz Navidad. Prospero año.

Feliz idad. Everyone, I want to wish you a Merry Christmas. I want to wish you a Merry Christmas. I want to wish you a Merry Christmas. Feliz Navidad. Brilliant, guys. Brilliant. I can't. Sorry. I work retail during the day.

Oh, God. You'd hear this shit all day, every day. I'm not joking. I love Celine Dion with my whole bus. But her version of Feliz Navidad, I heard in one day. I've never heard it. 32. But I can just picture it.

Feliz Navidad. I love her so much. That is the worst song she's ever done. Can you look it up? There's this particular part where she goes like, from the bottom of my heart and does a fucking Mariah run. But it sounds like she stepped like she stubbed her toe. Can you imagine?

I'm not joking. I kept count and I worked a full 11 hour day and it was 32 times. I love her. I hate her version of this. We need the Feliz Navidades. Hold on. She's not even singing. No, it's not her.

She's with a gospel choir. They're doing heavy lifting. No. Mitchell, what's your song? You've all sung one. What do you have I think it's gotta be Oh shit I don't even know

What it's called It's the one that's like Merry Christmas War is over Oh War is over Yeah Actually fun fact

I sang that with Shannon Knoll At Carols in the Domain You're kidding What I was in Sydney Children's Choir And they booked us To sing

Carols in the Domain So last minute And we were doing it With Shannon Knoll And Shannon Knoll was like It was him It was like Shannon Knoll choir and they booked us to sing carols in the domain so last minute and we were doing it with shannon noel and shannon noel was like he was it was him it was like shannon noel featuring sydney children's choir and when i tell you he was shocking i was gonna say for some reason you're unlocking a memory i think i remember seeing that and being like that's shocking shannon yeah he so we did our proper because we were required so we're doing our proper warm-ups

and he comes on stage he's not a ballad kind of guy no he go okay although the biggest loser theme song oh no lift ironic that they all struggled to do that it was so funny because he came on and was like i'm just gonna do some warm-ups and his warm-ups were yeah yeah yeah yeah that's good and i remember standing there at like fucking 11 years old being like what what the fuck? He didn't do his red lolly, yellow lolly. No, no, it's not. He's not a performer. Uh-uh.

All right, John Lennon, happy Christmas war is over karaoke version for Mitchell Kern. I think you should sing it with me, everyone. I'll do a bit of the verse. Once we get to the chorus. Yes, chorus. Oh, hurry up. Oh, I missed me kiss.

That's all right. I got this. And what have you done? Another year over. Oh, this is perfect. A new one just begun. Everybody. And so this is Christmas. A new one just begun. Everybody.

And so this is Christmas. I hope you have fun. The near and the dear one. The old and the young. Okay, change. A very, very Christmas. And a happy new year. Let's hope it's a good one.

Without any fear. Someone's got to do the backing bit. So this is Christmas. No, we can't fall strong. The rich and the poor. How Mitch can't be the lead. The road is so long. Mitchell, this is you. And so happy Christmas.

Oh, it's not merry. What the fuck? The black and blue world. Yellow and red. Let's just all have fun. I can't even hear myself over you, though. I can't even hear myself over you. We hope this podcast made you feel at least 2% better today and this year.

That's all. So we do. Love you, idiots. Love you, idiots. Thank you for listening. We'll catch you in the new year. Merry Christmas. See you in 2024 for season six. Merry Christmas.

And what have we done? Another year. And you are just gone. Not yet. So happy Christmas. Come on, it's a bit. We hope you have fun. The near and the dear ones.

The old and cheery young. No, okay, don't end it on that note. A merry Christmas. And a happy new year. Let's hope it's a good one. Fuck, it's getting repetitive, isn't it? Without any fear. It goes for another two and a half minutes.

Okay, that's enough. See you next year, everyone. Love you all. Love you. See ya. half minutes. Okay, that's enough. See you next year, everyone. Love you all. Love you. See ya. Merry Christmas. Bye, Beth. Is it just me?

A podcast by a couple of meaches. Make sure you hit follow on your podcast app. you