Is It Just Me? - #19: Miley Cyrus Cancels On Churi

Episode Date: March 15, 2020

In this episode: The moment Mitch found out the Miley Cyrus concert he had tickets to was cancelled (01:08) The body part people forget to wash (06:31) We drag Sam Vallins on the show to talk about the secrets our parents kept from before they had kids (09:30)  A quiz to find out of Jenna is a serial killer (19:14)  The perks of being stuck in traffic (26:59)  Our "secret segment" ADDebrief (37:51)   Follow us @coupleofmitches!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

People do some weird shit. A surge in young people inhaling the gas from cooking canisters known as names to get high. Some things make more sense than others. So I've done everything for you. I've put my career on hold. I could have been anything if I'd had the talent. Brace yourself for observations you didn't ask for. This is leadership. I think she's one of the greatest leaders we've ever had.

Do you? Yeah. Well, good, I hope. This is Is It Just Me? Hosted by a couple of Mitches. Should one of us be Mitch and the other be Mitchell just to make things easier? You're Mitch. I only call you Mitchell when you're being annoying.

You always call me Mitchell. Oh. Now, here's Mitch Chooley and Mitchell Coombs. Oh, my God. Good toooley and Mitchell Coombs. Oh my God, good to be back. Howdy, we're back again. Before we start, very quickly. Yeah.

Aquium, everyone. Oh, we're sanitising our hands, are we? Hmm, God. You're the dirtiest of us all at that Zumba session of yours. Oh, excuse me. Oh, the amount of sweat. Oh, sweat, says you. I'm also sanitising.

I'm all about it. Good to you. Hey, speaking of coronavirus, Mitch, you only just got here. You only just walked in the building. I'm not sure if you missed the breaking news that happened about five minutes before you rocked up. It does affect you. What is it? Well, I've got it here in front of me. I've printed it out for you.

Is everything alright? It's a post from Miley Cyrus. Yeah. Australia to reduce potential health risks in response to the current global health crisis. We are no longer travelling to Australia for the show. No. I'm so disappointed not

to be there. No, don't do this. But I have to protect the band and crew. We'll still be donating to the bushfires. I'm sorry Australia, I'll check back soon. Pass me that. Here. Where'd you put this? Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, everywhere. You've doctored it. I have not. You've faked it. There's stories about it.

Get it up on your phone, Jenna, now. So, you and I... We've had to move the day that we record our podcast, usually, because you were going to Melbourne with your partner as a surprise of his birthday to go see Miley Cyrus. And I thought, oh, no. This is on WS?

You actually didn't know? You hadn't heard? No, I swear to you I haven't heard. I'm so sorry to be the one to break it to you. I have spent weeks organising this goddamn present. Are you still going to go to Melbourne, do you think? I've booked the Crown. I paid so much money for a

Kingview city room! I paid for parking today because I got a Hertz hire car, and I'm under 25, so I had to pay an extra $20! Well, that's alright then. If it's all organised, you can still have a nice weekend. Due to the recommendations of local states... Shut up, Miley!

To reduce potential health... She fucking twerks on every man she can. But God forbid she gets a sniffle. The global health crisis... We... What, Lil Nas X can't talk for himself because he likes dick? Like, fuck off. Fucking Miley.

But I have to do what is right to protect the health and safety of my band and crew. Very dramatic, isn't it? But I will be back soon. Holy shit, this is absolutely devastating to me. I also don't believe her when she says she'll be back soon. Last time she was in Australia was for the Gypsy Heart Tour in like 2000 and God knows what when she still had pure long brown hair. Also, she hasn't been back in ages.

This was big. I think so. I could be wrong. Hold on. Oh my God. Well, happy birthday to Hayden, no less. Happy birthday, babe. The weekend will have been by the time this podcast is out.

I hope you guys had a great time. What else are we going to do in Melbourne on a Friday night? Oh, I'm sure there's an AFL game on. They've got good ramen. What's that? Noodle. Noodle. Oh, right.

Jenna, you lived in Melbourne for ages. I forgot about that. Yes. I'm sure you've got some recommendations. There's a tram. What did you like doing, Jenna? Was there a painting class? No, I loved the leisure centre near me.

I did Zumba and everything there. When she lived in Melbourne, her Instagram story, every time I checked it, Jenna was always at the most bizarre event. It was like, oh, here I am at the Mickey Mouse 40th anniversary parade. It's like, I had no idea that existed. Oh, there was this awesome place called Sovereign Hill. Yeah. And it was all gold rush stuff.

So it was like people from the 1800s all dressed up and acting out these things. It was amazing. You really are a spirit that died in the 20s, aren't you? She reincarnated in 2020. Speaking of which, on the way, I found something online that I think will help us get to know Jenna a little better. We'll be doing that later on, all right? I think I know what that is.

I really think I need to just take a break. Do you know how much those tickets cost me? More than the airfares. Can you tell me? Yeah. How much? $1.90 each. Oh, that's not that bad.

I paid like $700 Australian for a Gaga ticket. Did you? If it's Gaga, this is Miley, who cancels her show at a fucking coughs notice. I'm sorry to be the one to break it to you. I will still be making a donation to help the victims of the bushfire crisis. What about the victims of your cancelled concert? Oh, Mitchell.

She can buy me ramen. Yes. I honestly don't know what we're going to do in Melbourne on a Friday. He doesn't know as well. This is before his birthday. Should we call him and ruin the surprise? No, no, no, because his birthday's not until tomorrow and I haven't given him. You know what this means now?

His present. You know what I've done? What? I've got a golden box from Hot Dollar. It has glitter on it. And I wrapped up the plane tickets. Put them in. I wrapped up the accommodation.

Put it in. And I wrapped up the two tickets, which are now like fucking Germany in World War I. Nothing. Worth nothing. Okay, well, without the Miley tickets, what is still in the box is pretty good. My mum got me a tea towel for my birthday, and I thought that was great. He's still got flights and

accommodation. You'll be fine. Okay. Shit. I still really want to call him and tell him. No, you know what? We can do it. We could, I guess. Yes. No, no, no. him and tell him. No, you know what? We can do it. We could, I guess. Yes. No, no, no. Let me tell him face to face.

Okay, FaceTime him. It's fine. I'll keep nagging all show. See if I can convince you, all right? Okay, well, you're not going to get me there. Let's start the show. If it's your first time listening, it's episode 19. Or is it 20?

Oh, fucking who knows? I don't know. I think it's 19. Thank you for joining. We start the show the same way every week with an idjim. And is it just me? It is something that we've noticed, something we hate or appreciate. I think I'll go first because mine is fresh in my mind. Okay.

Because I only conceived it like an hour ago when I was in the shower. Okay, then. And I looked down and I thought, that's my idjim. It's a big idjim. Let me take it out. I've got a really gross mental image in my brain. Can you please get rid of it by just telling me what it actually is? Okay, and you're going to go second?

Yes, I will. All right, let's start the show. Is it just me or do you never clean your legs? Oh, that's a good point, actually. I was in the shower this morning and I was cleaning my whole body and I thought, done. And then I looked down and I thought, hold on a second, I haven't even touched my legs and I never do.

I just hope to God the soap trickles down there. That's what I think. I kind of hope sometimes I put the heel of my foot in the drain hole so then it sort of fills up past my ankle and I sort of just wade in the water like it's a jungle and it sort of splashes up against my thighs and sort of like a baby in a little baby pool. You know what I mean?

A big old baby. So the soles of your feet are beautiful. Yeah, oh, the soles of my feet. The shins up. Yeah, shins up brown. Sometimes I get that coffee scrub and I do that on my legs and thighs and then I feel awesome afterwards and I think, I wonder how long that dead skin has been lingering.

I've done one of those coffee scrubs before, right? But then it leaves like a sheen of oil all over your body. You can't put your pyjamas on. It sticks to you. What the fuck brand are you using? What? Frank Body Scrub. I make my own.

Do you? Yeah. Well, you're like a bloody doomsday prepper. No. You make your own. It's so easy to make. Coffee scrub. It's the easiest thing in the world.

Coffee and oil. Well, I did some research, right? And this was a study was like released a couple of years ago. Apparently, I wrote it down. I think it's 11% of people do not clean the lower half of their body other than genitals. 11% of people. See, that doesn't sound like much. No.

Because I thought that it was like everyone in this room. You too, Jenna? Yep. Oh, we're in the minority once again. Yeah. Look at us go. Put a Facebook status up. But I clean the bits and then the important stuff.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I just hope that my legs are clean. But they're never dirty. They're never doing anything to get dirty. I do bath a lot, though. So I kind of... Yeah, you do. They're submerged in water. I had. I do bath a lot, though, so I kind of... Yeah, you do. They're submerged in water.

I had a bath the other night, and I completely forgot about the rule of displacement, and I filled it up. I went, that'll be enough. Sat in it, overflowed. Everywhere. And I had my MacBook Pro on the ground, because I was going to watch The Mandalorian.

It wet my MacBook. Now my MacBook speaker is broken. Oh, no. So I go, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, cut. There's water stuck in it. Why did you fill it all the way to the top anyway? Who does that? It was an awful bath.

It was so hot because it was on Sunday night. It was raining and it got so hot my heart started to palpitate. I was like, oh, God. I really, I know. It was very hot. So I had to get out and abort it. Do you have a nice, beautiful spa bath in your Melbourne hotel room? Yeah, I do.

I actually made sure we had a bath that could fit two people. Friday night sorted. There you go. Screw Miley. You're all do. I actually made sure we had a bath that could fit two people. Friday night sorted. There you go. Screw Miley. You're all good. Wash your legs for the first time in weeks. That's true. If you don't clean your legs, or if you do, if you make a point to clean your legs, you know why,

send us a DM. A couple of mitches. I want to know. Because if 11% I'm logging off for the week, I don't need those messages. Thank you very much. Okay. There you go. I don't want to hear. Thank you very much. Okay. There you go. I don't want to hear about your filthy legs. Oh, God. Let's jump.

Are you ready to do your origin? Yeah, sure. Why not? Here we go. Second edition of the day. Is it just me or? Do you ever wonder what your parents got up to before you were born? Yeah, all the time.

All the time. I never used to, but the older I get, I think, okay, you were around 30 when you had me. I get up to some shit. You must have lived. Well, they would have lived a whole other life before I blessed them and improved it greatly. Right. But there was a guy now, Sam, you know Sam obviously. Yeah, yeah.

He was telling me the most interesting thing the other day. I was like, I wish my parents had that backstory. Jenna, can you go get him? Who? Jenna doesn't know anyone that isn't Jonesy, Amanda, and you and I. Is that the British one? You've got the long hair. Oh, yes.

Okay. Kind of looks like he belongs in a band. Okay, I'll get him. He does, doesn't he, actually? He's got to be kicked out for heroin. Yes. My parents, my dad was a famous, like not a famous, but almost famous football star, football player.

Really? Yeah. And he like got around with the ladies and he tells me all the time, back when I was still in the closet, it's like, you got to sow your wild oats, mate. You got to get your seed out there. Oh, that sounds gross. Hello, Sam. Hi.

Hi. You do look like a band player too. Get on that mic. Sorry. I was just telling Mitch about the thing you were telling me about your dad the other day. So this package arrived in the office. Is your dad the Zodiac Killer or something? No. Thankfully not,

as far as I'm aware. That would not be great. He got a package that arrived in the office the other day and I was like, oh, what's that? And he told me and I was like, oh my god, that is incredible. You can probably tell the story better than me. Okay, so it was my dad's 70th birthday in January.

God, he has a good voice. I'm so sorry, but it's just... Isn't it phenomenal? Thank you. You sound like Orson Welles broadcasting War of the Worlds. Sorry. So it was my dad's 70th birthday, and he brought back all of his mates that he knew from when he was 16,

and when he was younger, he used to be in a whole bunch of bands. And all those guys were together. And his mate was like 14 whiskeys deep. And he was telling me a story all about back in the day. So apparently, they spent maybe two years in Paris together. Not in that way. Your dad's gay. Your eyes are widened.

Oh, my God. Good on your dad's guy your eyes are widened my god good on your dad uh no instead uh just spent the whole time drinking a whole bunch of various types of liquors and writing songs one in particular ended up becoming an ep and was one of the most successful singles to be released in France in the year of 1978. Oh, my God. What? And apparently it was really big. So I went home, I Googled it, and yeah, turns out it was in the top three or so of the year of 1978, but just in France.

Your kid was on Un Deux Trois. It was number three. Yeah. Un Deux Trois. Could you imagine three. Yeah. Un Deux Trois. Could you imagine just finding out just low key your parent used to be a fucking like pop star in Paris? Yeah, my dad can barely write me a birthday card, let alone a song. I was like, I could not imagine finding that out and having gone so long not having that

information. So your dad had never told you this? Well, no, no. If he had, it was one of those things that he told me years ago that i was you know whatever yeah but i've like what felt compelled i had to go and find whether i could find it somewhere it was on spotify no nowhere eventually some random website of people like people who collect vinyl yes uh they had like 14 of them. 14? You can have one for free. No one wants these.

It was like four euro. So I got it shipped over from Paris. I've restored the whole thing. I'm going to give it to him for Father's Day or something. I'm not sure what. Does he know that you've done all this? No. No, no, no.

Oh, that's amazing. Sam, oh my God. But what if the lyrics are about, like, what if he was a Nazi or something? He's like, and he's been undercover, right? And he's in witness protection. He's like, and he's been undercover, right? And he's in witness protection. He's like, don't play songs, Sam. Well, thankfully, it's called I Wrote Me a Song. Oh, okay.

And it's got a half-naked girl on the cover. Oh. And it's just about being, like, in love with a girl. Very French. So unless it was some far line who was, you know, from the Nazi camp in 1940 something. Which I'm pretty sure it's not. It's pretty just French and nice.

So do you have the song? I haven't actually heard it yet. I said to Sam when we were down in reception and it arrived here at the office. Yeah. Oh my God, I really want to hear that. I've dragged him in here to play it on our podcast because I really want to hear it. Is this the restored version? This is the restored version.

Is it in English or is it in French? That's in English. Wow. So you've had or is it in French? That's in English. Wow. So you've had to record it in off a record player and everything. It's been quite a process. It's been a whole thing. Jesus Christ. All my mum has is an ex-husband.

It's not that interesting. All my dad has is an ex-wife. Oh, really? Oh, no. I found out when I was 21. Shit, Jenna. What? Yep.

How did you find that out? My auntie let it slip and my dad got very angry. You're kidding. Was it like, don't talk about Beatrice? Was it like that? I don't even know her name. I've mentioned my mum's first husband, but did I tell you how I found out? No.

One of my cousins was compiling our family history book and she needed photos. She goes, hey, do you have any photos of your mum's wedding to your dad? Because I only have photos from her first wedding. I was like, what? Excuse me? And then she's like, oh, shit, you mustn't know. Oh, don't tell mum. She was visiting for Christmas.

She goes, if you're going to tell Jane that you know this, let me pack my bags first. And then I was like, don't worry, don't worry. I'll be really tactful. Jane, have you been married before, dad? And she just laughed because she's like, I don't worry, don't worry. I'll be really tactful. Jane, have you been married before dad? And she just laughed because she's like, I don't really give a fuck. I knew you were going to find out eventually.

But she didn't have kids, right? No, no. She was 18 when she married him and not divorced when she started dating dad at 21. Remember we spoke about that on the podcast once before. All my mum and dad have said is that we broke up when dad wanted to go and see the world and then we got back together briefly thereafter.

And as a kid, I'm like, dad travelled, he still called mum, they were sending postcards. No, he just went and was getting with whoever he could to get out of his system because he was a football player, right? So, you know, he'd fuck a fucking Belgian donut if he could. But like, back in the day, not now. But yeah, they broke up for a year or two and then got back together. See, this is what I mean. It's weird finding out your parents have lived a whole fucking life before you came along.

Yeah, very true. So have we got the song over here? Yeah, we've got it. It is kind of weird because I'm going to be honest, it's kind of like my dad's memoir of when he was off in France banging a whole bunch of French chicks and just drinking everything. Is it rock? Like, sweet like a croissant. of when he was off in France banging a whole bunch of French chicks. Yeah. And just drinking everything. Is it rock? Like, sweet like a croissant.

Pussy like a pastry. I think you should probably just play it and it will give you the general vibe. All right. What's the song called? I Wrote Me a Song. By who? John Valance. John Valance. John Valance.

Here it is. I'm just setting up the vinyl. Sorry. That's a sleeping bag. One second. Okay. Here we go. I'm just setting up the vinyl. Sorry. It's good. That's a sleeping bag. One second. Okay, here we go. Let's play it. John Ballant, here at Smooth.

He wrote me a song, a word to roll on. He kind of sounds like you. Yeah, he does. He does. That's the thing that freaked me out. How old was he when he recorded this again? 28. And you're how old? 26. That's the thing that freaked me out. How old was he when he recorded this again? 28. And you're how old? 26.

That's why they sound similar. Hold on, hold on. I want to keep this in. He's definitely a grower. It's a part of the melody. But without your love, it can't be the song for you. It can't be the song for you Just grab a cup of tea, sit by the fireside That is definitely French top ten material I've ever heard of.

It really is, yeah. Absolutely. The most 1970s thing that's ever existed. Yeah, wow. With the mandolins and the whole vibe. Yeah, it's very like vintage porno. Oh, yeah, no, it's like the white linen curtains coming in and just a whole lot of bush.

Around the bed. Turn it up. Let me picture the 70s porno. I didn't need any of that. You've ruined it. It's not very sexual. I'm seeing it. I'm seeing it.

Yeah, it is. It can be. It can be sexual. I'm seeing it. I'm seeing it. Yeah, it is. It can be. It can be sexual. I'm seeing it. I'm picturing a round bed with like a faux fur throne. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's got a mandolin solo now, which is exactly when you're getting really just close-ups of someone's leg.

Oh, yeah. You know, just like the slow pan. Yeah. Cross. Nothing like penetration to a mandolin. Oh, that finger movement, Mr. Valentine. Imagine telling someone, oh, he put the man in mandolin. I've said that to someone else, but I said, you put the man in mandarin.

It was very different because he was Asian. Didn't happen. It's a lot of citrus. Yeah. Hold on. Oh, that mandolin's still going. I wonder how long it's been since your dad has heard that music. I think it's got to be maybe 30 years.

That's such a cool story. I know. You're going to be the best Father's Day gift ever Yeah, imagine our kids listening back to this show In 20 years and here we are Oh, fuck the Mandarin! Love the podcast but want more in-between episodes? Then join a group sport, you lazy turd

Or go borrow a library book Meanwhile, you can follow the show online at coupleofmitches. Now, Jenna. Oh, no. You are the Sharon to mine and Mitch's Kath and Kim, right? Your name's not in the show, but you're probably everyone's favourite character. You're the star. Everyone makes a point of mentioning you in our show reviews.

So I thought everyone should get to know Jenna a little bit better. I was browsing online. of mentioning you in our show reviews. So I thought everyone should get to know Jenna a little bit better. I was browsing online. I found a quiz that I thought would really help us explain you. The quiz is, will I become a serial killer? I think this is important. Ten questions. This is important groundwork.

I think that this is going to... Because Jenna's a bit odd. Is anyone going to deny that? No. Sorry, Sam, you can stay for the rest of the show. I can. Yeah, do you want to? I was feeling a bit awkward because it's like, I'm still here and I'm just going to laugh in the background. Don, Sam, you can stay for the rest of the show. Okay. Yeah, do you want to? I was feeling a bit awkward because it's like, I'm still here. I'm just going to laugh in the background.

Don't mind me, guys. It's fine. No, you can stay. You can stay. But also, you're welcome to leave. Don't let him keep you hostage. No. Well, if anyone's keeping you hostage, it's going to be the serial killer in the corner.

That's true. So, Jenna, the first question is, have you been diagnosed with schizophrenia or anything paranoia related or psychopathy or sociopathy? So no? No. Okay, great. So. Good.

Question two. Hold on. I just want to set the scene a little bit just so we have something. Is there any like murder music? Oh, for goodness sake. This is nice. I like this. In school, were you the weird kid,

popular kid, loner kid, nerd or jock? Maybe nerd. Okay, nerd. Good, good. Nerd. I bet you did your homework. I don't think I was any of those. Maybe loner kid. You would have been horse boy.

What makes you think that? I don't know. You just scream horse. Maybe loner kid. You would have been horse boy. What makes you think that? I don't know. You just scream horse boy. I hated our horse, Silver. Fat bitch. Anyway. Question three. Jenna, a lot of the time you feel happy, paranoid and disturbed, irritated or angry and aggressive?

Probably B. Paranoid and disturbed? Yeah. Okay, great. I haven't been giving A, B or C. Sorry. Yeah, I was going to say, don't set the rules here. Just say which one.

That's something that someone likes to control, would say. Control over someone's life, maybe their death. Let's get on with it. Now, this one's a little bit revealing. How would you like to kill someone? In the most gruesome way possible, I'd never kill anyone. Secretly and quickly dispose of the body or I feel guilty, but what's done is done. Maybe the last one.

Okay. Yeah. I'm surprised you'd even feel guilt. Yeah. Jesus. Interesting. I kind of get, what's that guy, the character out of that show, You, on Netflix.

Oh, Joe Goldberg. Yeah. It's a shame that he's a creep because he can do whatever he wants to me. Really? He's gorgeous. Really? Yeah. All he wants is for you to love him back, so you'd be a great match for him.

Exactly. Yeah. Anyway, Jenna, question five. Why would you kill someone? Yeah, good answer. Anger. I didn't mean to lash out. I just did it out of a fit of rage.

That's not you. Although, look at that unwavering smile on her face. I liked that one. Oh, I wish you could zoom in on Jenna's face. It's like when Hannibal Lecter does the... Or there's revenge. I planned it out carefully. I don't want to lead you down a certain path,

but that sounds like you to me. Or there's power. I love the thrill of having control. Nah. I think the revenge. Revenge. Yeah, that makes sense. Because I've always thought that Jenna is very nice and polite but fully capable of murder. Oh god, yeah. Which do you experience most?

Hallucinations, depression, a lack of empathy, or none of these? Depression. Okay. You and me both. I was going to say, it's all the above and above. I would have said hallucinations for you, Mitchell. I don't hallucinate. Oh, my God, I'm a radio star.

That's a good one. Which of these genres do you like the most? Murder, mysteries, horror, comedy, psychological, thrillers or drama, romance? Murder, mysteries. Really? Yeah. I would have thought romance, drama, romance. I thrillers, or drama, romance? Murder mysteries. Really? Yeah. I would have thought romance, drama, romance. I do love me a drama romance.

Same. But see, we'd never kill a human, would we? You don't know that. True. True. Yep. I used to have, as a child, if applicable, pick the closest almost frequent, or I used to do, kill animals.

No. Oh. Night terrors, or other? Other. I'd to do. Kill animals. No. Night terrors. Or other. Other. I'd say other. What was the other, Jenna? Scheming.

I reckon that's what the other is. Plotting. Your social life, Jenna. Is it lonely? Non-existent? Just fine? I'm scared of people. Or perfect.

My social life's amazing. A and B. I'm scared of people. Okay. Aren't we all?'m scared of people. Okay. Aren't we all? Yeah. That gives you reason. That's a motive right there, isn't it?

Yeah. To lash out, to kill, to slice. I am, pick the closest. Paranoid, anxious, nervous and hallucinating. That's all, just one answer. Jesus Christ. It's a light quiz. Narcissistic, aggressive and paranoid.

Joyful and full of life. The first one. Depressed and moody with a tendency to lash out. That's not you. No, it's more you. Irritated but normal as far as life goes. That's more me. The first one.

So paranoid, anxious, nervous and hallucinating. Yeah, we'll go with that one. You don't hallucinate though, do you, Janet? I know, but out of the other options. You know her name, not her story. Very true. I'd be more worried about the joyful people, to be honest. Yeah, true'll go with that one. You don't hallucinate, though, do you, Janet? I know, but out of the other options. You know her name, not her story. Very true. I'd be more worried about the joyful people, to be honest. Yeah, true.

Accurate. Okay, for once I'm requesting a sound effect. Where's the drum roll? Oh, I can get that. Hold on. Oh, my God. I'm scared. 40% likely to become a serial killer.

That's not too threatening, but it says here, if easily threatened, you could very easily lash out. Be careful around this person. likely to become a serial killer. That's not too threatening, but it says here, if easily threatened, you could very easily lash out. Be careful around this person. Really? It's the advice we've been given. If threatened. Fear makes her feel threatened and she may lash out.

Really? Oh, yeah, that's true. Okay. What are your biggest fears, Jenna? Jonesy getting a cold. Amanda tripping over. Like, if we brought a cockroach in here, would you, like, stab us? No.

Okay. Really? Because what if I said, because the same place I got Sylvia also have reptiles, and they sell different animals to feed your reptiles. Oh, no. Like what? Like live crickets. Yeah, but I'd feel bad you bringing them in.

Really? You wouldn't be scared if... That was dumb. She's fine. I didn't have crickets for those at home. But also the cold, unwavering stare was the thing that bothered me. She didn't flinch. There was no flinch. It was just cold.

Yep. Yeah, Jenna always just has a gentle smile and I don't think I've ever seen her blink. And the other thing that I've always found intriguing about Jenna is that it's not clear at a glance what her age is. She could be 16 or she could be 40. Yeah, it's true. Very

true. Like I said, she's both at the same time. She's a teenager and a 40-year-old woman. Don't you think Jenna is a woman that was killed during Prohibition in the 30s and then has never left this earth? And every time a new baby is born with mouse brown hair, it just engulfs the body and it lives through Jenna. See, our sons are going to do a podcast with Jenna.

Yeah! It'll be like The Descendants, but it won't be. You're listening to Is It Just Me? Don't forget to subscribe and leave a review on your podcast app. Can't think of anything nice to say? Just hit five stars and tell them why you'd rather be buried or cremated. It's very appropriate, isn't it? It is very appropriate.

All right, it's time for Is It Just You? That's where people call in and they give their idjims. Why the fuck would you let us do all the talking? That would get very boring after a while. And as if people aren't already begging to come on the show, we have Red Rooster vouchers as an incentive. So if you have one, just go to the Instagram, couple of mitches, send us a DM,

or to our personal accounts, or the Twitter, or Facebook, wherever you want, and we'll try and get you on the show. Did you get the DM for this one? Who have we got this week? I did. So this one, we actually had an influx because we did Witch Mitch last week, which just tanked. It was, Sam, I don't know. I'm not going to flatter myself and assume you've heard our podcast, but last week Witch

Mitch is the worst thing we've ever done. But hopefully our call has got something a bit better for us today, right? Yes, they do. So they sent me a DM and that Idjim was actually something that I had thought of in the past and I thought, hey, if you know similar to me, it's going to be gold. We'll get them on the road. So right now we're joined by the amazing,

her handle is TayTay2604. Are you there, Tay? Hi, guys. How are you going? Oh, we're so good. So you heard that we had Red Rooster vouchers to bribe people into coming on air and here you are. I have a story to tell you.

Yeah. I actually got, I don't know, oh, sorry, Mitch Timms. Yeah, yeah, the favourite one. I got it, I got it. What is it? I actually used to go to the gym with you, at the gym. Huh? Really?

Which one? Poth Fitness. Oh. I still go to that gym. This must sound so stupid, but I literally thought you were too famous to talk to. You're correct. That sounds really stupid.

Well, thank you for the ego boost. Yeah. All right, Taylor, are you ready to hit us with your e-gym? I'm ready. Okay, here we go. Let's do this. Is it just me or? Is it actually enjoyable to sit in traffic?

Oh. Oh, and I can tell that's what you're currently doing, right? Yeah. Either that or parasailing. Jesus Christ. I agree with you. I love sitting in traffic. Yeah, definitely not just you.

What are you doing right now? So I'm actually on the way to work, which is in like Bondi area. And I'm coming from the way to work, which is in like Bondi area, and I'm coming from Richmond. Oh, okay. That's a good, that's like a good, what, 30, 40, 30 kilometre journey? That's far. Yeah, right. That's like 60. Is it?

Shivers. Yeah. Obviously people like Jenna who cannot drive won't be able to relate to this, but I'll tell you, sometimes extra time in the car, extra me time, it's just what I need. As a uni student, if I've forgotten to do something, you know, that night, the night before, I will

sit in traffic and I'll be happy to do it sitting in traffic. Yeah, I agree with you. Traffic for Jenna is an old person in front of it, and Jenna's too polite to say anything. Like, because you walk to work. No, he picks me up. Yeah, I give her a lift. Oh, you couple! Anyway, Taylor, what do you find so enjoyable about it? What do you Like, because you walk to work. No, he picks me up. Yeah, I give her a lift. Oh, you can't pull! I don't remember!

Anyway, Taylor, what do you find so enjoyable about it? What do you do to make it better? So, obviously, I listen to your podcast every single Monday morning when you have it on. That's what we like to do. That's the thing I do. Yes, especially. Just, I know this is probably very illegal,

but on my phone, watching movies... What? We don't endorse this, Taylor. No, I know, I know, I know this is probably very illegal, but on my phone, watching movies... We don't endorse this, Taylor. No, I know, I know, I know. I'm sorry, but, like, I will watch a whole season of Golden Girls on my phone. Yeah. Sorry, hang on. How?

How on earth do you sit there? Like, do you have, like, a thing that you put your phone on? Yeah. Yeah, like, I've got a cradle in my car. Pop it in, put on the Golden Girls and just sit there and just watch the Golden Girls. I'm pretty sure those new mobile cameras they've got all over Sydney are going to sting you for that. No, well, it doesn't sting you if the phone's in the cradle. Oh.

It doesn't sting you for Golden Girls. If they're rotated horizontally and you've got a film on, I'm sure they will have an issue with that. I don't think that registers as a burrito, Taylor. I think it still registers as a phone. But you know what? Speaking of being in traffic, you know how I've been really wanky this year getting into the yoga and the mindfulness and all that shit? Yeah, we know. They actually say that one of the big tests of mindfulness is being stuck in traffic and

how you choose to respond to that. So if you're trying to explain mindfulness for dummies, it's like option one is you get really angry and go, why am I in this situation? Option two, you try and problem solve. What alternate routes can I take? How can I overcome this? Or option three, the mindful approach,

which is just kind of accept the situation you're in, accept the present, maybe put some music on and think, gee, this is a nice opportunity to spend some time with myself, you know? But what's your option? Well, what I'm saying is in order to try and be a mindful cunt, which I'm trying to be this year, you do the third one, which is, okay, I accept the present rather than being like, fuck! You know me, my routine is timed to the minute.

So traffic, if that fucks up my day, usually I'd be mad. But now I'm trying to be like, ooh, less time to make dinner means I can go to KFC drive-thru. You know what I'm saying? The couple of times I've been in the car with you, we've had one road trip together up to your sister's house for a wedding. And it was fine. We had to listen to a lot of Kesha to get there. Oh, no, that was when I was showing you, I was giving you a mood booster playlist. Oh, yes.

This is what I listen to when I'm in a shit mood. And you still listen to that song. I still listen to it to that day. A lot of bastards by Kesha. What a good friend I am. Do you know what I had to deal with this whole road trip, though, guys? What? Mitch's boyfriend was in London at the time.

Yeah. And they were so adamant for this three-hour fucking drive that they needed to be FaceTiming. Oh, no. That's not, no, no, no, no, no. Don't hate me you're breaking up sorry no i'll call back come on sorry just come out of 4g no no it's not working happened no that's not true uh it's kind of true very we hadn't spoken for like three days and he'd just woken up and i just wanted to say hi i'm in the car and we couldn't do that and And so the error kept happening.

And it just went for longer than it should have. Yeah, and I did not take the mindful approach. I was like, fuck this. You were mad. I tend to agree, Taylor. You know what I do? I get so comfortable in the car and in traffic. I have the same routine.

I'm Cronulla to North Ride every day, twice a day. But it's at like 1 a.m. and midday. So I just zone out. And then I like wake up in macquarie park like i just forget that i've been driving you get no traffic at that time what are you complaining about no but i'm not complaining no it's still it's still driving yeah i like you remember in breaking bad when walt like got naked and was walking through the store and he's like i was in a fugue state that's how i drive every night i get home and it's like, I was in a fugue state. That's how I drive every night. I get home, and it's 1 a.m., and I've finished a Zinger burger,

and I'm like, where did I get this from, and how am I home? Yeah. Do you ever do that? I have noticed that when I'm listening to movies, when I'm listening to movies, I won't say watching, because that's illegal. You already have. Yeah.

I realize, oh, did I go through that tunnel? Which way did I go? Yes, yeah, I've done that. Yeah, it's so weird, but it's so rewarding. It really is. So rewarding. What, because you're caught up on Golden Girls? I've watched that series about eight times repeatedly.

And so when there's a smooth run of traffic, she's like, bugger me, I'm only going to get a quarter of the episode. Yeah. Far out. I know, it's really sad, actually. I think'm only going to get a quarter of the episode. Far out. I think we all agree on this. Sam, you haven't really given us your opinion. What do you do? I feel like you're all having blackout

states in the middle of the traffic and I'm very worried about us driving home. No wonder there is traffic. People are watching Golden Girls and fucking crashing. Very true. Alright, well, Taylor, thank you for submitting. Thanks, Taylor. Drive safe. I will. Thanks. Bye, Taylor. Drive safe. I will, thanks. See ya.

Bye, Taylor. She's lovely, isn't she? Okay, we better go, guys. Thanks so much for listening again. Mitch, thank you so much for mentioning Zingerburgers in that Red Rooster sponsored segment. What did I? Oh, yeah.

That wasn't that bad, though. You have a real problem with always mentioning the wrong client during sponsored segments. Remember you thanked Eddie Haddon instead of Emirates? Yeah, then they heard it. Remember when you got your gym membership with Fitness First cancelled because you mentioned Plus Fitness? I was very proud to have their sponsorship

and I was very proud that they believed in me. I feel like you're taking a point of time to just make up for all of your sins. Oh God, yeah. I've made many mistakes. Just in the closing music. I've made many corporate mistakes. Would you like to thank them all right now?

Yeah, I'd like to thank Vision Personal Training. Cha-ching. You're very stupid. Eddie Han. I'm actually not. You try to host a radio show without a team of producers. And you know what? Oh, I'd love to see that, Jenna. And now I'm going to sneeze

on the air. That'd be great listening. This is how I apply my moisturiser over night time. It's thick moisturiser. Sorboline cream. That's not a very good Jenna impression. That was way more Ida. You do a good Jenna. Do your Jenna. How would Jenna's radio show sound?

Coming up the new song from Haim. It's true. And we're going to be doing a quiz. Which Brie Larson film is it that I'm talking about? I want to listen to this. Coming up next, we... Oh, sorry.

There's a fly in the studio. Coming up next, we interview my greyhound. I'm Jenna FM. So stupid. Sounds amazing. Do you want a tune-out? I was about to say something, but I can't remember for the life of me. Oh, well, that's all right.

We'd better go anyway, like I said. That was so important. Thanks so much for listening, guys. We're back next Monday. Thanks for hanging out, Sam. Appreciate it. Oh, but that's what I was going to say, and I'm going to make that point. Sam has sat in on my night show,

because I was making the point that no one ever does anything on my show. It's all me. That's why I forget to do the credit lines. My show gets very busy, doesn't it? On Tuesday nights, what segment do I do? Ten Cent Tuesday. Thank you very much. How much money do I give away? You mention this every week.

Just answer the questions like Q&A. It's 10 Cent Tuesday. There you go. And how many calls did we get last week? Over 200. There you go. Over 200 calls. That's crazy that people love the novelty that much.

But even if you had like a big prize, you probably wouldn't get that many calls. People call to take the piss out of the prize. I love it. Yeah, very true. Sometimes people call and they win and they hang up after they've won. I'm like, hold the line. you've won the 10 cents, Marty. And then I'll finish the break, go back to them, and they've hung up. I just wanted the thrill.

That's weird. Like a serial killer. Maybe they just wanted to talk to you. Yeah, maybe. I'm a Alan Jones of FM. How is it, though, that all you have to give away is 10 cents, but even I've managed to get a bloody red roof surprising? Oh, look, we don't know.

The marketing works in weird ways. Yeah, it does. They spelled the title of your night show grammatically incorrect. Oh, look, we don't know. The marketing works in weird ways. Yeah, it does. They spelled the title of your night show dramatically incorrect. Oh, we're not going into that. That's not on me, though. How long until dinner? Mitch, two midnights.

Till. Till. All right, we'll see you next week. Episode 20, officially. Thanks for listening. Bye-bye. In the 20s. See you then.

Bye. Is it just me? Don't forget to subscribe and leave a review on your podcast app. Welcome to AD Debrief. Hi. The secret segment that we try and trick people out of listening to because it's not, let's be real, it's not good content. No.

I'm not proud of it. I hope people don't hear it. But yeah, what can you do? Well, Sam, Sam was just about to get up and go. Well, there's a secret segment. What a fool, Sam! There is a secret segment, and I'll have you know that it's award-winning, and it's

exclusive in podcasting and radio and audio formats. Right. You can call through to the show at any point. Oh. Want to know the number? I would love to. 184-966-809-3020409. So easy to remember. It's different again. 606-833-402-9010.

Oh, it's a different one again. Give us a call at any time. And Sam, I know you're a social media guy, right? At the hell, yeah. So you know how all social medias work. Everyone.

Then you can back me up and tell me that live tweeting on a podcast is a possibility. It is a possibility. There you go. Thank you. I finally have confirmation!

Please don't encourage him. Who's this? Miley Cyrus? Yes, the concert is cancelled. So it's real. I broke it to Mitch earlier in the show that his grand plans of surprising his boyfriend by taking him to Melbourne to watch Miley Cyrus live will not be going ahead because she cancelled.

It's his birthday and I bought tickets, two of them, flights, accommodation. Oh no. Got him to take a day off work. Oh, no. And they were like, you've only been at this company early, but just this once. I'm doing it for nothing. I mean, it's Melbourne.

You can do... That's what I'm... Ramen. They've got good ramen. Jenny, you've said that six times. Well, they've got to go with something. Coffee? Ramen.

Go and have a coffee. Guys, if you're listening and you have a good recommendation. I'm pretty sure. Oh, sorry, someone just... Did you hang up on Taylor? That's ramen. Oh, shit, no, she's still there. Oh, no.

Hi, Taylor. Hi. I literally can't hang up because I'm driving, so... Oh, no, did you hear all that? Sorry, you can watch the Golden Girls, but you can't... Please leave my Golden Girls alone, okay? Oh, no. Did you hear all that? Sorry. You can watch the Golden Girls, but you can't watch the show. Please leave my Golden Girls alone again. Oh, please.

Anyway, we'll talk to you soon. This will be on Monday's episode. Amazing. Cool. You're incredible. Drive safe. Thank you. I will.

Thanks, guys. See you, Taylor. See you. Bye. Anyway, where were we? I don't know. Ramen. Your unfortunate luck. Anyway, I don't want to talk about it again because it really brings me just flashbacks.

I said that I wanted him because I've got that content brain, mate. I said, we've got to call your boy and get his reaction to finding out that he could have been seeing Miley Cyrus. Get that screen to the whole thing. You can make a promo at the end. It'll be amazing. I would, but it's his birthday tomorrow, so I haven't given him the gift yet. Oh. Yeah. Yeah, but it's a pre-record, babe. would, but I hate his birthday tomorrow, so I haven't given him the gift yet. Oh. Yeah.

Yeah, but it's a pre-record, babe. He can just pretend that his birthday's already been. No, but I'm going to ruin the present for him before his actual birthday. Who cares? Time's an illusion, darling. Jesus Christ. Just do it.

No wonder you're all fucking single. You have a romantic bone in your body. I don't think Sam is single. No. That's complicated. Yeah, sorry. Sam and I are quite close. We've been to Hamilton Island together.

Sam, how many pina coladas have we shared together? At least seven. Mm-hmm. Mitch doesn't drink. I don't fucking believe that. I do. You had more, didn't you, Sam? I have a problem.

No, I do drink, but it just goes straight through me. I'm like a freaking brick wall. Which makes no sense, because you'd think that it would take more to refuel that tank. Yeah, no. It just goes. I wee it straight out. We had a beautiful Thai dinner, didn't we? Yeah, we did.

It was very romantic, actually. It was very intimate. We had a candle Thai dinner, didn't we? Yeah, we did. It was very romantic, actually. It was very intimate. We had a candle. It was a candle. It was very low lighting. At the beach. Would you want Jenna and I to leave you two alone? No, no, no.

We can do anything. Is this why it's complicated? Because you've got Mitchell Cherry just rubbing your knee at Thai? I don't rub his knee. You're uncomfortable? Well, how am I comfortable sitting next to you, Jenna, knowing that you may have killed a body? Okay, well, let it be that way. What was the percentage? Oh, 40%. uncomfortable sitting next to you, Jenna, knowing that you may have killed a body. Okay. Well, let it be that way.

What was the percentage? Oh, 40%. Do you want to do yours very quickly? Why don't you just do it on the side? Don't read the questions out and tell us your percentage at the end because people have already heard the questions. I'll do that while you call your boyfriend. I'm not ringing him.

That's a great idea. Damn it. I could ring and try to get a refund. Just call Live Nation. Sure. Yeah. All proceeds go to the bushfire victims. Are you kidding me?

Is that what's going to happen? Because I've already donated. I went down to Barry and bought... Actually, I could have just made that up. I thought... No, no, it is. It is. Is it?

Yeah. Oh, well, you're a petty piece of shit. Just go on. I will donate to help the... Do your test. I will donate to help the victims of the bushfire crisis. I'm going to check Lil Nas X because he may still be coming. Wow.

Did everything just go to silence while I'm not here? Am I the only one that talked? Well, I'm on Twitter. So far, we've just got two people. Jenna, it's us. We're carrying the whole thing. Okay. Please do.

Couple of midges. Fuck them. Lil Nas X tweeted, no joking. Does anybody know what I can do to help with the coronavirus situation? No. No. No. Pop some hand sanitizer on and get on the fucking flight.

I agree. Is it really that bad? Let's be honest. I mean, you'll know you're British. Okay. Just for any reason. It's just like, I mean, I know. Your dad's a Paris chart topper.

You know that. I think I'm an international. It's fine. Your dad's a Paris chart topper. You know that. I'm an international. It's fine. I mean, personally, I think that we should probably do a concert.

Maybe do something to lift people's spirits. Go to Wuhan. Do the podcast from Wuhan. Spin the dice. Live from Wuhan. Cheap flights. Very cheap flights. It's a good time to fly right now. Also, if you're over 60, you can die.

If you're under 10, you'll die. But if you're in the middle, you just shed a whole lot of weight. Really what happens, right, is that you just get a bit sick and you could die. Yeah. Or not. Right. Jeez, I'll roll that dice. Yeah, yeah.

To shed 50 pounds. That's pretty much it. That's better than going to the gym. Yeah. Oh, here we go. Hold on. Who's this? Tony Abbott. Love the show. Oh, that's sweet of him. That's better than going to the gym. Here we go. Hold on. Tony Abbott, love the show.

Oh, that's sweet of him. He's a good fan and a good guy. He's a good guy. He's a good PM. He really served us well. Hey, Jenna. What? Are you upset about that percentage?

No. Be real. No, I'm not. Because you live alone. You very well could have a tub or a glass chamber in the spare bedroom. How many bedrooms in your apartment? Just one. Interesting. Do you sleep in that apartment? Just one. Interesting.

Do you sleep in that bedroom? Where else would I sleep? I don't know. Maybe on the lounge because the room was being held up by a glass cage. Well, you didn't ask about the living room. Yeah. What's in the living room? Just the TV.

Now, I have a question for you. I haven't seen any images, footage, sound bites of Sylvia. Sylvia? I've got some photos. I'd like to see one right now. Sylvia, Sam, is the show Pet. So I bought Jenna for Christmas a pet fish.

Oh, the goldfish. And didn't tell her about it yet. What is it, Jenna? Fighting fish. Oh, the not a goldfish. Just like Gemma. Gemma. Can't even get her name right. Okay, I've done my test. But now I'm confused because it says

for 40% you are you will definitely not become Okay, I've done my test. Oh, yep, yep, yep. How do we go? But now I'm confused because it says, for 40% you are, you will definitely not become a serial killer. Keep on living your happy life. Lucky you. We should all be as happy as you always seem to be. Adrenalizing. But it still said 40%. So maybe I got it wrong when I read that you're 40% likely. I should have paid more attention to the description,

which was still kind of, it was basically just says stay where I can see you, buddy. Very alarming. Can I do it too? I'll do it while you guys chat. Jenna's got one. You can send me the link. Would you like to do that? I really don't think you're capable of being a serial killer, to be honest. Because you want everyone to like you.

You'd be like, oh, the whole family, you know, they'll talk shit about me at the funeral. But maybe one person that doesn't like me. I've tried years and years to impress them. I want them to be my friend. They don't laugh at any of my jokes. So one day I snap. Who's that person?

No, everyone loves me. Yeah. I think keyword here is serial killer as well. It has to be at least more than one. You know what serial killer means by definition? Because I listen to a lot of podcasts, you have to have a break in between, which means that you've gone off and you've

forgotten about it and then you've got nothing to do it again. If you kill three people in a day, technically not a serial killer. No, mass murderer. Yes, serial killer is like premeditated, thought out, I've tried to push it back but it's built into my DNA, I've got to come back. Good, it's kind of like a candy addiction.

Yes, very much so. Except with a lot more blood. A lot more death in your heart, shed and family trauma. Sure. Here's Sylvia. That was aggressive. Show me, you're playing well. It was, wasn't it?

Little petite Jenna over there who's never usually louder. Here's Sylvia, she holds up a dead fish. She pulls it out of her pocket. In a Ziploc bag it out of her pocket In a Ziploc bag Out of her pocket Well, I got some sad news Show me What's the sad news? Jenna, that looks like the corner of a Jeans West store

It's not, it's Sylvia Anyway, I went in to get a new filter for her Why? Because you have to replace the filter Well, that's on you. I'm not covering that cost. Anyway, I was in Pet Barn. Yeah.

And I was told, and I don't believe the guy who works there, but he said that fighting fish are all males. Oh. It's not devastating, Jenna. Are you serious? Sylvia is a female. Oh, female name. Well, that is a pickle. People were

actually commenting on the video when we put it up at Couple of Mitches, our Facebook page. Thank you very much. When we gave you when Mitch forced the fish on you, people were saying, what if it's a boy? It could be a boy. It's not a boy. It's a girl. Okay. You keep telling yourself that. Okay, I will.

I remember when we first got Sylvia. And it's not even like we can do like a boy version of the name Sylvia. It's very, you know how you can be like, oh, you know, oh, Mitchell becomes Michelle. I just don't believe the guy. I think he's lying. What would it be? Silver.

Yeah. Silver. No, that was that dog horse that I didn't like. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Now tell me about Silver because have I told my horse story on the show? I don't know. Well, I made a horse lame.

Actually, I think you did. Didn't you get on a pony and it buckled under my weight? And then it developed spinal cancer and died. What? I don't think you can take credit for that. It's true at the Curve Owl boarding stables. No, no, I'm not saying that it's not true. I'm saying I don't think that's entirely your fault.

Well, as a kid, the way that they worded it, Karen at the stables said that Tobin's no longer rideable. Did you go to Pony Club? So at my high school, I didn't go to Pony Club. At my high school, we had school sport options that were exotic. And I did bowling, ten-pin bowling at Strike. Sure. That is exotic.

We had to walk there. I did walking and beach volleyballpin bowling at Strike. Sure. We had to walk there. That is exotic. We had to walk there. I did walking and beach volleyball. It was all very fun. And one of the other options was horse riding at the local stable. What? Okay. And I said, you know what I want to do? It was an extra $300 per term.

Wow. To hire the saddle and the leather boots and all the kink stuff. Yeah, yeah, gotcha. And the hay and the apples. So my mum and dad were like, yeah, but why do you want to do horse riding? I'm like, just I want to do it. So I did horse riding and I got to the stables. I was the only boy that had ever done it.

Really? Yep. I get to the stables and they go, we don't think we have a horse strong enough to carry you. So they had to import a horse in named Tobin. And it was a big black stallion. And I got on Tobin and Tobin whinnied the whole ride. And Tobin's back would arch like this. And you know how when a baby zebra is born and its legs are like sort of really wiggly?

That's how it would walk. Anyway, then they're like, maybe we should give Tobin a rest. The next day, the next week on Friday, they were like, no more horse riding for you, Mitch. Tobin is ill. Spinal cancer. And he was dead in a month. Wow. Wow.

How old were you when this happened? 11. Is that what was happening? spinal cancer and he was dead in a month. Wow. Wow. That's um. How old were you when this happened? Oh, 11. Is that what was happening? Because in our Facebook group for ADD briefers only, it's called Endurant Idiots. The cover photo is you with a horse. That is not Tobin. You're not even that large in that photo.

Do you know why? This is after because the inciting incident for the weight loss was the death of Tobin. I was just so torn apart from killing a horse due to my fatness. You lost weight because of the guilt. I lost all my weight. And every time I'd go to the gym. Oh, maybe I should kill someone. The kilos are going to fall off. That was after.

I was so skinny then. You know, someone on the page commented, God, he was so attractive. I'm a different league now. I'm a Jonah Hill fat, you know. It's fine. Someone I was dating told me, oh, you look'm a different league now. I'm a Jonah Hill fat, you know? It's fine. Someone I was dating told me, oh, you look really cute in this photo. You should cut all your hair off again.

No. No. Did you end it? Not because of that, but we're not together anymore, obviously. It was a contributing factor. Jenna, you already said that to them. You slit their throat or something, right? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I remember Jenna calling me and she said, I will never do a shallow grave again. I'm like, Jenna! Dump in the ocean. She's like, shallow graves never work. I'm like, I know.

It's true. Yep, got to be a deep one. I never get that when they're like, the body was found in a shallow grave. If you're going to kill someone, just dig a couple metres. Why dig a shallow grave? Yeah, well, sometimes it's hard, okay? I don't know if you've ever dug before, but it's pretty full on, especially in this drought.

No, but if you are going to dispose of a body and your innocence hinges on this ditch, then fucking put an hour's work into it. Sometimes the soil can be hard as concrete, though. I don't know this because I've dug graves but just like no country boy we just used to dig things yeah um so yeah it's not easy to dig you'd be surprised you know once we had once this actually happened um we had budgies that might when i grew up um and they were all yellow budgies and we still live on the water right and we had a cage you know the old budgie cages that had a hook and it would be suspended from the roof oh yeah it's like black wire it was classic from pet barn you'd everyone have one and um no joke that budgie was struck by lightning

it was killed and it was yellow when i got home and i ran through the door i threw off my school bag went ma i want to see lucky the budgie ran outside the cage was on the ground was struck by lightning and the little budgie was charred black rigor mortis had in, and it was on the bottom of the cage on the ground, struck by lightning, dead. So he buried it in the backyard, in the soft soil. It's like a teacher's pet. In the soft soil. And then we covered it over, right?

And we thought, that'll do. About six months later, because we were on the water, King Tide came in, flooded the water, and we're all sitting there. And there was Lucky decomposed, floating in the backyard. Oh, no. Beside myself. God. Yep, and I killed that horse.

But wait, so you discovered the charred bird when you came home from school, right? Yes. And your mum didn't think to tidy that up. She didn't know. No, she picked us up. Oh, right. You know what happened during the 3 p.m. She didn't know? No, she picked us up. Oh, right. You know what happened during the 3pm pick up?

Yeah. I see, I see. Yeah, Monty Diamond shrieked and the cage fell. I thought that she just left it there. It was like, oh, tough love. I've got to learn how the world works. No, God, no. But we had a guinea pig that was taken by a sea eagle as well.

Yes, yeah, we've been over that. We're not going to go into that again. I don't think I told the story of how one of our family dogs died. It was very traumatic and very undignified. Very traumatic story. Tell me. Because it was like the most loyal, like, incredible sheepdog we'd ever had. Like, one time Dad finished moving sheep and he goes,

John, stay, and then forgot to tell him to not stay anymore. Was this a brother or a dog? John. Dog's name was John. And then this is just an example of what a good dog he was. A few hours later, we were like, where the fuck's John? We went out to the paddock and he was still staying in the spot that he was told to. And so we've never had a dog that good.

They're all assholes now. Crossbreed. Mum buys them bloody jackets and shit. They're all so soft. Oh, they're poof to dogs. Yeah, exactly. They are. Anyway, so John went a little bit senile. All those years of loyalty. Full can all so soft. Oh, they're poof to dogs. Yeah, exactly. They are. Anyway, so John went a little bit

like senile. All those years of loyalty. Full canine Alzheimer's. Oh no. PTSD. My dad was cleaning the sewerage tanks around the side of the house. You know how they're like at ground level and there's this kind of a dome coming

No, we're from the city. We have a plan. But like you would have seen them like at soccer fields and shit. No. It's like the top of a tank, like a little dome. I've never seen that. Talking about a whole other civilized thing. It's like all different parks and stuff. Yeah, thank you, Jenna.

Oh, sorry. Yeah, because you use it as body disposal. Okay, I'm Googling septic tanks so you have the visual. Okay. It's just like a little opening at the top and then all the number ones and number twos go to the bottom. So, like, you've got the little tank at the top, right? You've surely seen the top of the septic tank.

Oh, yeah, right, sure. You probably played on them at school without realising. That's full of shit. Yes. Shit, my name should be septic tank. Anyway, Dad took the lid off our septic tank anyway dad took the lid off our septic tank because there was some problem with the pump and in the time it took him to go to take the pump out take it to the work shed start working on it left the lid open

old senile jonathan just fell in and because he was so old and arthritic he couldn't swim to like tread water. So a few hours later, Dad just came back and went, oh, God, a dog literally drowned in our shit. This notable dog that has served us better than any other for years is floating in our excrement. Oh, that's so grim. Oh, that's absolutely horrendous. Animal deaths are fucked, I'm telling you. I don't think you've told that story before.

No. I'm just going to've told that story before. No. I'm just going to sanitise for no reason at all. Yeah, it suddenly smells like shit. Oh my God, that's awful. I know. Bloody hell. Well, I did my murder test, speaking of awful. Oh, good.

Test results. Here we go. Like we're at the clinic. Okay, will I become a serial killer? For 80% you are. Oh. Hold on, hold on, hold on. For 80% you are ready for your result.

You will definitely not become a serial killer. Keep on living your happy life. Lucky you. We should all be as happy as you seem to be. I've got 20%. 80%. Maybe it's 80% not a serial killer. I don't get it.

Okay, so you're not going to be a serial killer either. Good to know. That's so boring. I'm going to share my result on Twitter. Look at Jenna. Jenna's just over there squeezing my stress balls. That's mine, right? Or do we have matching stress balls? No, it's yours. It's the realisation there's no accomplices

in the room. Oh God. Sorry, my boss is just ringing. Answer it. No, for goodness sake. Don't take it heard it. Oh, God. Sorry, my boss is just ringing. Answer it. No, for goodness me. Don't take it in here. Go out there. Should I take it? Okay.

Yeah, just go out there. It's fine. We'll carry on. I better take it. Okay. Runs my life. Anyway, guys, one thing you should understand about me is that I'm a cunt, so I'm calling Mitch's boyfriend.

Okay, good. Good, good, good, good. Because he wouldn't do it. That phone call with our boss, DB, boyfriend. Okay, good. Good, good, good, good. Because he wouldn't do it. That phone call with our boss DB could take forever too. Where is the speaker on these things? It's way harder. Oh, way down there.

I think it's stronger on the top. Yeah, there we go. Hey, this is Hayden Hickson. I'm sorry I can't get to the phone right now, but please leave your name, number, and a quick message, and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Cheers. I don't reckon he even needs to tell him about the Miley tickets.

The gift as a standalone is fine. I mean, what are you going to do? What are you going to do in that time? How long is he going for? Like the weekend? I think he got the Friday off work. Right. So this so-called surprise, he's had to put in fucking annual leave. So as if he doesn't know.

Let's Google this. What can you do in Melbourne? I feel like it can't be that hard to find something to do in Melbourne. Jenna used to live there. What is there to do in Melbourne? Oh, there's heaps of things. You know, you can have ramen. I love ramen. We've gone through the ramen. There's a whole lot of ramen. Is is there to do in Melbourne? Oh, there's heaps of things. You know, you can have ramen. I love ramen.

We've gone through the ramen. There's a whole lot of ramen. Is that all you did in Melbourne? Yeah. Caught some trams. Went to Sovereign Hill. That was fun. What's that?

The Gold Rush place. Right, right, right. Of course. Is that where they all dress up and they pretend that they've, you know. And you go down in a mine. It's pretty cool. This probably says a lot about my personality, but I would actually hate if someone I was dating

got me a surprise weekend away. I need to plan that shit in advance. I would be so thrown and feel unorganised and unprepared and not mentally prepared for such a disturbance to my daily routine. I would be a little bit annoyed by that if I wasn't consulted. I agree. I completely agree.

Round the room, ideal birthday gift. It doesn't have to be something super elaborate. Right. I just like when people demonstrate that they put a little bit of thought into something. One time, Mitch came into the office on my birthday and it was like 11am and he just goes, oh, happy birthday, darling. I got you a sandwich for lunch. I was like, oh, I was like 11 a.m and he just goes oh happy birthday darling i got i got you a sandwich for lunch i was like oh i was like that's so sweet he just handed and he goes i know you

love chicken schnitzel it was a fucking schnitzel sandwich and i was like oh that's so sweet like it's it's yeah it's when people show that they've thought about you it doesn't need to be a bloody weekend away one of my exes actually got me a weekend away in Melbourne to see the Lion King musical. But I was already well and truly not keen on them anymore. And I said to my friends, I was like, I can't go on this weekend away with someone that I was already starting to brainstorm the breaker. So they're like, yeah, you've got to break up before then. So I did. And he hated musicals.

He was really just doing it to be nice to me. And so I think he still went though. Okay, hang on. Would you not just go with it? No. No, no, no, no. Can't we just like have one big last moment together? Well, it was made extra weird by the fact

that we'd only been together like two months. Oh, that's weird. And I'm not one of those outwardly romantic types, like grand gestures like Mitch and Hayden are, because after a month they'd basically moved in. But, yeah, I was like, that seems really quick to be buying me a weekend away when I wouldn't cross the road for you. I thought it was just casual and new, like, you know.

What would we say, six months, Jenna? Before you start doing that? I think maybe even nine months. Nine months? Yeah. Or just test the waters and see what they're like as a person because i was like i don't need to be lavish even if it's like three months it's a bit too soon yeah it's not that's not what you want after my first date with this

guy he put me on as a registered driver on his car insurance in case i ever needed to drive and crash what oh yeah this is this is the level of insane i'm talking I was like I can't talk on a weekend away Okay no Because I feel like that's kind of And oh look My parents are here Yeah Yeah It is a little bit

But anyway All's well that ends well I hope you enjoyed The Lion King Hello Jared if you listened Anyway Where were we Were we talking Ideal birthday presents

Yeah Oh yeah No I agree Something more heartfelt I mean even if it's just a card With Yeah Yeah Or like I prefer that Just something handwritten Oh, yeah. No, I agree. Something more heartfelt. I mean, even if it's just a card with... Yeah.

Yeah. I prefer that. Just something handwritten. Or like making sure you had a birthday cake in the office or something. Yeah. That's thoughtful, you know? Sorry, I'm back. Have you been given ten minutes to pack up your desk?

I've just been made redundant. Oh, okay. That's good. Got a good severance package. About time. While you were gone, I tried to call Hayden, but he did not answer, so that's annoying. You weren't going to tell him. Of course not.

No. No, what I was going to ask him was, hello, Hayden, you little rascal. Happy birthday, you. Would you be mad if the surprise was brought forward a day early? Would it ruin your birthday to be given the surprise early? That's all I was going to ask. Got it. And if he said yes, then end of conversation.

If he said no, then I was going to make you tell him. You know him, though. He would have said no, just to be polite. Oh, he's calling me back. Oh, okay, okay, okay. Yes. Hello, birthday boy-to-be. We're actually on the podcast at the moment, so don't say anything stupid.

Oh, my God. Okay, thank you for the heads up. So Mitch was just, like, talking about your birthday. It's tomorrow, right? Yes, yes, it God. Okay, thank you for the heads up. So Mitch was just, like, talking about your birthday. It's tomorrow, right? Yes, yes, it is. Okay, and I wanted him to, you know, maybe let slip what your present is, but he's like, I don't want to ruin any surprises that I may or may not have planned. So I was going to ask you whether you'd be comfortable with the surprise being ruined

or you'd rather experience it in the flesh, in the privacy of your relationship. Oh, I would say for the sake of content, you could talk about it, but it's literally been bugging me for the past two weeks, and he just has been so good with not telling me what it is. So I wouldn't like to know. Yes! It's a keeper! I'm sorry.

It's just Mitch has been so, so up my arse about not telling me. He always, you know, releases a bit early. Come on, you can release this surprise. That secret is like your dead dog in the poo pit staying there. You don't want to know? Yeah, I'm sorry. I don't. Oh, you're going to hang up on him?

You're both as boring as each other. That's awful. Thanks for listening, guys. That's all we've got time for. What a terrible ending to the show. Such a crap. I'm not going to ruin my... You and Hayden wouldn't know a strong out if it bit you on your fat ass.

I am not going to ruin my birthday for your enjoyment. Your birthday? His birthday. Can we point out, though, he was willing to do it for the sake of content. He was. That's a keeper for you. That's exactly right. There we go.

But he didn't do it for the sake of content. He said he would have though but he knows how. Would have. If this was Valentine's Day or something, shit yeah, go for it.

But I've spent a lot of time on planning this and liaising and rather do it I could go on fucking What If right now and book a Melbourne weekend away. Yeah,

but no, you don't get it. You don't get it. You don't get it. You wouldn't. You wouldn't. No, I wouldn't.

None of you would. Sam would. He's in a dedicated relationship. Sure. With you. Well, I'm not supposed to of you would. Sam would. He's in a dedicated relationship. Sure. With you. Well, not on the edge. I'm not supposed to bring it up. I think we should go, guys.

It's been a great show. Thank you for having me. Thanks for being here, Sam. I enjoyed sitting here. That's all right. Yeah, sorry for dragging you away from work. No, no, no. The air con's here.

I'm here for it. Yeah, it's beautiful. Hey, next week, I believe, is it out of taste to do a coughing fit chicken in the current corona climate? Nah. Oh, you're grumpy about the whole Hayden thing, aren't you? I just don't think it can happen. I don't want to ruin it.

And I think the fans, the listeners, the Idjamites would want to. The Idjamites? Sounds like something you'd bloody treat your dog for. Oh, he's got Idjamites around his left ear. After a night in a poop pit, he would. Anyway. Remember in the first episode when people the mayor of

the mayor of Boking kept getting assassinated? Do you remember that? Yeah. I can't believe that was the thing that happened on the show. Live, because people were live tweeting it. Are we done yet? Yeah, we're done. Thanks. Cool. Okay. You want to go? Yes. We can get out of here. It's a pleasure having you, Sam. When he gets yet? Yeah, we're done. Thanks. Cool. Okay. You want to go? Yes. We can get out of here.

It's a pleasure having you, Sam. When he gets grumpy, he gets grumpy. Yeah, I've noticed. Run up into mindfulness and zen and calm. This isn't grumpy, Mitchell. I'm not saying anything. If I was grumpy, you'd know about it. Oh, he was grumpy last week after the record.

We stayed late. He went, do you want to get grilled? I said, yeah. And they forgot the sauce on our chips. Oh, it's weird. Mad. That's a fake story get grilled? I said, yeah. And they forgot the sauce on our chips. That's a fake story. You weren't here, John. He just went full radio guy and just embellished something out of nothing. That didn't happen.

He's the one that went, they didn't bring out a Prego sauce and then went to the kitchen and got some salty barbecue sauce. It was you with the problem, not me. Sorry to fact check. Good story, though. Fact check.

Fact check. Sorry to fact check. All you need to do is look. It was just sauce. Come on. I hope you have a terrible weekend. It'll be a lovely weekend. I hope you drown in that bath for two.

One and a half, let's be real. All right, guys. We'll see you next week. Thanks for a half, let's be real. Alright guys, we'll see you next week. Thanks for coming on Jenna. Don't kill anyone between now and next week. I think we'll have a special guest next week

but stand by for that announcement. Who? Who have you got in store? I won't tell you. Okay. Maybe it's Miley. Oh, it wouldn't be.

I think it is. Alright, we'll see you next week. Bye guys. Thanks for listening. See ya. Is it just me? Don't forget to subscribe and leave a review on your podcast app.