Is It Just Me? - #199: BB Boys
Episode Date: April 14, 2024In this episode: Drinking TOO MUCH water?! (13:18) We’re being scammed! (25:21) Becoming a BB Boy (27:05) “My House, My Rules” (31:42) Dating your ex’s sibling (36:29) Our “Secret Segment”... ADDebrief (41:37) Join our Facebook group 'Endurant Idiots' facebook.com/groups/477062186470271 Hit us up: @coupleofmitchesSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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This is Is It Just Me?
Hosted by a couple of Mitches.
Hello you.
Hello you.
Go!
Brace yourself for the rude shocks of young adulthood.
In high school, I thought compulsory meant you had a choice,
so my year advisor, Mrs Moyman, went,
oh no, Mitch Math is compulsory.
I went, fantastic!
I'll do two courses of drama.
Now here's Mitch Chooley and Mitchell Coombs.
Hello, you.
Hello, you.
Oh, my God.
Does it sound different?
Can you hear?
Just after we announced the new studios, we're back to Mitchell's living room.
We're so bratty, aren't we?
They grant us these beautiful state-of-the-art studios and we're like, nah.
I know.
Let's just hang out on the couch.
We make such a scene.
We do photo shoots in it.
We all get beautiful pics.
And then we're back to Mitch's house.
Isabella right now, she's just done her midday shit.
I don't know what's with that cat at the moment.
She's in her fucking Bear Grylls era.
She never wants to go outside,
but she's currently scratching at the balcony door because she
wants to go out on the balcony.
Since when do you give a shit about what goes on out there?
No, Mitchell, when I first met Isabella, when she was a wee little pussy, she used to sit
in your old apartment in Five Dock on the balcony.
She used to sit on that.
It was such a thin ledge because she had such thick overhang.
I know.
I actually think about that more often than I should.
I feel sad for my gorgeous little cat because originally the first time I brought her home
to, the balcony was bricks.
It's like the fence or whatever on the balcony was flat bricks.
So she could jump up and we were on the lowest floor.
So she'd be fine if she fell, not that she would.
But now that I'm living here, it's like a railing.
So it's round.
If she gets up on there, she'll lose the balance and I'm up quite high.
Are you sure there's like cat technology that exists that you can wrap some sort of ledge around?
Like a balcony adapter.
Oh, my God, a cat – you know what you could get?
I've seen them on Facebook.
Will it flat.
We can't keep just doing will it.
We can't just do will it.
Is that our legacy?
I like it.
Will it what?
Well, we've done Block and Blend.
Oh, by the way.
Yeah, we have.
Side note.
Yep.
We did Willit Blend last week where we just blended meals.
And then one of my friends pointed out to me that there's actually quite a famous YouTube channel and it's actually called Willit Blend.
Is there?
But they blend like iPhones and shit.
Oh, my God.
I remember this.
Yeah.
Like it goes viral, those videos.
And here we are thinking we're absolute geniuses thinking of that idea for the very first time.
But no, it's been done.
I remember that.
And he used to put iPhone and it was a weird voiceover.
And he'd go, will it blend?
iPhone.
Oh, my God.
I'm just searching it now.
Well, that's one of those things.
You know how they always accuse comedians of stealing jokes, but they're not actively stealing it.
It's like you've heard something funny and then five years later you say the joke
because you've forgotten that you've heard it.
That happens a lot, you know.
I hear anecdotes that people say as if it happened to them,
but I'm like, I don't know if it did or if somewhere in your subconscious
you think it did.
Like the amount of times I've heard people say the story,
oh, my mum thought that LOL stood for lots of love.
Oh, my God. And so she texted me and said, the dog died, LOL.
LOL, yeah.
I've heard so many people claim that as their own experience.
And I'm like, who was the original?
Who was behind that joke?
You know what the original is?
It's the other day.
What do you mean?
When you go, oh, the other day, it was fucking April last year.
You know when someone goes, oh, the other day.
I love the other day.
So do I.
I rock her the other day so often because at the end of the day,
who gives a fuck?
Totally.
It's not relevant to the story half the time.
Last Tuesday at 10 a.m., who gives a fuck?
No, but okay, there is an expiration date.
You can't go, the other day, two planes flew into the World Trade Center.
But you can't say that.
No, you're right, you can't.
The other day, Captain James Cook discovered Australia.
Totally, yeah.
Was it him, Captain James Cook?
Yeah, it was Captain James Cook.
I don't think we like him.
We definitely don't like him.
No, we don't.
I'm not a fan of Captain James.
Nor am I.
And I live in Cook.
Where I live is where he landed.
Is it?
Yeah, I live off James Cook Drive.
It's not my street, but I live near it.
I went to Woollooware High.
The crest is James Cook's boat.
Everything is very Cook-related.
My electorate is Cook.
He literally arrived in Cronulla.
Yeah, he arrived in Botany Bay.
I always imagined that he would have pulled into the Sydney Harbour and been like, oh,
this is gorgeous.
How good's the bridge?
This is nice.
Do you ever wonder how they decided on Sydney Harbour?
Like if he landed in Botany Bay, why did they not make that the hub?
Like why is it now?
Yeah, there's a lot of peninsulas they could have chosen from.
There are, there are.
You know, I read this Aussie history, which is boring as batshit, but there's a lot of peninsulas they could have chosen from. There are. There are.
You know, I read this Aussie history, which is boring as batshit,
but it's actually kind of cool.
Do you know why Canberra is the capital of Australia?
Because weren't Melbourne and Sydney bickering about who's going to be the capital city?
And they were like, well, fuck, fair's fair.
Totally.
We'll make something halfway through.
Mum and Dad, the King of England, was like, hey, hey,
stop fighting down there.
We'll put it in the fucking smack bang in the middle.
That's why it's in the middle of nowhere.
I feel like I was told that on an excursion or something.
It's a cool story.
I love it.
I think they did that the same in America.
Like, Washington, D.C. is also in the middle of nowhere, too.
I think they did the same.
I wonder if Perth even got a look in.
They were like, I mean, if it's all too much trouble, we'll be the capital.
Sure, put it on Uluru.
Put Parliament House on Uluru.
I would love that, actually. No. put it on Uluru. Put Parliament House on Uluru. I would love that, actually.
No.
Parliament House in Uluru?
Yeah, like Uluru is so underrated.
I know.
I've been there.
It's beautiful.
Have you?
Yes, I have.
As a kid, as a baby.
Very different.
But I've got memories, all that red dirt.
We did one of those classic tourist destination events where you have dinner with a white
tablecloth, you know, and the cutlery, the shiny cutlery on the red sand.
It likes the stark contrast.
It was beautiful.
See, I would love to do that.
I would go back in a heartbeat, but I'm waiting for something kind of fucked up to happen
in my life.
Oh.
Because they say that Uluru has healing qualities.
Yeah.
I remember Angela Bishop, you know, from Channel 10, our mate, friend of the podcast.
Yeah, friend of the pod.
She said that when her husband passed away, her and her went to ularoo and it was very healing during the grief
process and so i'm waiting for something fucked to happen in my life and then i'm jumping on jet
star off to the rock yeah i would love to do that i remember encouraging you to do it during the
breakup i was like this is gonna sound ridiculous but have you thought about going to all over
totally it could be the answer to all your problems. I was stuck in fucking Marrickville under a flight path.
Like it was hell on earth.
That could be you.
That could have been me.
Yeah, who knows?
Hey, listen, it's episode 199.
Which means we're nearly at the big 200.
What is that?
Speaking of colonizers, is it the bicentenary?
Yeah, bicentenary.
Is it?
Yeah, because the centenary is 100.
Yeah, you're right.
We had the bicentenary in Australia and everyone got coins, remember?
No.
In the 70s or something.
I wasn't here.
No, neither was I, but I hear it was fun.
Well, it's our bicentenary.
I'm just going to believe you.
I don't know.
I'm not going to fact check it.
I'll Google it because I have to Google it because.
Oh, yeah, Price Keeper Jenner has left us on our own little lonesome.
Yep.
The flaky behavior is back.
Oh, bicentenary.
The 200th anniversary of a significant event.
Perfect. I can't believe I ever doubted you. You shouldn't have. We'll save. Oh, bicentenary. The 200th anniversary of a significant event. Perfect.
I can't believe I ever doubted you.
You shouldn't have.
We'll shave each other for the 200th episode.
Will it shave?
Oh, I wouldn't.
Fuck, it's thick.
It's very thick.
Whereabouts?
Everywhere.
I'm very hairy.
Oh, good.
Thanks.
I'm hairier now than ever.
Interesting.
Maybe my hormones are just actually circulating around my body.
That could be true.
I've got to tell you, I'm quite glad that you're ensconced again now that you're dating someone. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because I didn't want to say so at the time because you were growing and experimenting.
But God, the horny era.
Yeah.
I really struggled with that.
Why did you struggle?
What's the look at me knowing I was having sex?
No, no, no, no.
It was the way you spoke to me about your behaviour
and your gay wrongdoings on the weekend.
I was like, the whole time we've been friends,
we've never had this relationship where you're like,
yeah, I'm proud of this friend.
Okay.
And I was like, oh, my God.
It made me feel like such a prude, but I was like, wow.
He does that?
Yeah.
I've checked myself and that was was my JoJo Siwa era.
What do you mean?
Well, you know JoJo's currently being cancelled online.
I'm actually not across what's happened there.
Are you not on JoJo Talk?
No.
Oh, my God.
JoJo Siwa.
I know there's something happening because I've seen others talking about it, but I've
got no idea what's going on.
Mitchell, she's creating a new genre of music.
Right.
Gay pop.
Okay.
She's the saviour we all needed.
She's saving gay music.
Are these her words?
Yes.
She wants to make gay pop.
And everyone's like, babe, gay pop's been around a long time.
She's like, no one's doing it.
Yeah, I don't think you, like, call it gay pop.
The gays decide what pop is theirs.
Thank you.
Ours.
Yeah.
Ours.
Ours.
We all meet up every couple of weeks and we decide.
So, yeah.
Like, I would personally not describe Dua Lipa as gay pop,
but there's other people that would disagree with me.
That would.
And majority rule.
So, I guess she's a gay icon.
She is a gay icon.
Her energy is also very gay.
Like, she gives the energy, Dua Lipa, of a, you know, gay man.
Anyway, Jojo Siwa, that was my Jojo Siwa era.
I had never had those experiences.
I know.
That's why I didn't say anything.
But I was like, oh, I've never seen this side to you.
But listen, I am built for monogamy.
The sexual aggression easing from your paws.
I'd never had it.
I'd never had it.
And I was getting attention left, right and centre.
Which I can understand how unfamiliar that is to you, attention, as a national radio broadcaster.
No, no, no.
I know.
I mean, sexual attention.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No one listens to Mitch Turi on The Night Show or The Pickup and goes,
God, I want him to rail me.
What is your cat doing, Mitchell?
Oh, God.
Sorry, the cat just jumped up on the TV cabinet,
but there's a million cords and shit that she could have gotten tangled in.
She's fine.
She's fine.
I know everyone's worried about Isabella.
I'm worried about Isabella.
Yeah, it was just a new experience for me, but I've pulled it back.
And listen, I want to apologize to anyone that found it unsavory.
I don't think it was anyone.
It was just me.
No, I've had some messages.
Really?
Yeah.
About what?
Oh, people were like, we get it.
You have sex.
Oh, look, Isabella's iron off that candle that Stephen got me.
Oh my God, Stephen got you a little koala candle.
Oh my God, I didn't even realize you put it there.
Yeah.
It fits your decor perfectly.
Doesn't it just?
Yeah. Stephen moved to Orange and was like, I want to get Mitchell something that reminds
me of his country roots. So we got you a yellow koala candle made out of beeswax.
Yeah. It was quite random. He gave it to me at Mardi Gras and I was like, oh, that's so
sweet. Thank you. And then it wasn't until later that I thought about it and I was like,
wait, what the fuck did he get me this for? What was the occasion? It wasn't my birthday.
It was nothing.
It was just so random.
But I was like, oh, that's lovely.
No, he was very touched that you invited him to come to the Mardi Gras parade and march
in the parade.
Oh, well, there's no use in me admitting this, but I didn't invite him.
You did.
No, but you-
I obviously didn't say, no, he's not allowed, but we'll just roll with that version.
No.
That I was so sweet and inclusive and I invited him.
The opportunity arose because you invited me and I invited him.
So he was thanking you in part.
Oh, okay.
That's cute.
Well, you're welcome, darling.
Yeah, he's very sweet.
It's a nice little candle.
Does he even listen?
No, but his parents do.
Oh, that's right.
Shout out to Stephen's parents.
Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Stephen.
Oh, they're lovely.
They're so nice.
His father, I won't name him, obviously, for, you know, WH&S reasons,
but he bought me wine from Pennsylvania.
He's like, this is Dracula-themed wine.
We shared Dracula wine together.
What was it like?
It was awful.
It was rancid.
It was very bad.
And he's going to hear this.
He's going to know that it was awful and so bad.
I told him to his face that it wasn't good wine.
And then his mother and I shared a cheesecake.
Cool.
Real bonding.
Yeah, nice.
Anyway, love you guys.
Thank you.
Love you.
Sorry, it's a bit heavy, isn't it?
Really like you guys.
I feel that Mercury retrograde is toying with your emotions.
This has been a rollercoaster of an introduction.
I woke up this morning and I was in such a foul mood.
But wait, aren't you immune to Mercury retrograde and the side effects that come with it?
Yeah.
Weren't you told that because of your fucking moon sign or some bloody grey area that means
that Mercury retrograde doesn't affect you?
Yeah, I'm immune to Mercury in retrograde, says the IJM astrologist, Astro Tash.
Oh, yes.
I don't know why.
She also thinks we're astrological soulmates.
Yeah, that's right.
She told us we were soulmates.
Soulmates destined in the stars, but platonic love is what she said.
Yeah, you didn't have to remind me of that.
Soulmate.
Soulmate's destined in the stars, but platonic love is what she said.
Yeah.
You didn't have to remind me of that.
Yeah, you just told me you were so repulsed by the thought of my penis.
That's not what I said.
It's fairly nice.
It's probably very aesthetically.
Oh, no, I'm going back to the old days.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
Too vulgar.
You know, I got pulled up at Kiss FM for being a bit vulgar.
What did you say?
They just said you need to pull back on the sexual- The smut.
On the innuendo.
I thought, wow.
I feel like you can't be too smutty on air, which is why that side of you fucking comes
out with a vengeance here.
Oh, do you think that's what it is?
Because you can't be too gross on the radio.
No.
There's mums in the car, for God's sake.
Oh my God, mums in cars.
That's what we always say.
Mums in cars.
What did you say that you got in trouble for?
Oh, I told the same story about the bedhead with Stephen and being moved.
And I was told, pull back, pull back.
And I went, no, well, that's what that means.
That's too much.
Yeah.
That was nothing.
You said way worse.
I have.
I should not listen to this show.
Anyway, look, if it's your first time listening,
welcome to Is It Just Me?
Welcome.
Every show starts the same with an Is It Just Me?
Something we've noticed, something we hate or appreciate.
Mitch doesn't know mine.
I don't know Mitch's.
Speaking of Mercury and retrograde, I'm just in the mood to vent.
Yeah.
Because I'm a bit fucked off.
My emotions are all over the shop because of Miss Mercury.
And so I'm channeling that into my e-gym today.
Oh, all right.
Would you like to go first?
Get it off your chest.
Sure.
What's yours going to be about that?
Mine's very straightforward.
Very generic.
It's one of the-
Well, stick around for that.
What a hook.
Well, the truth is I have a couple in my head that I'm deciding on.
Oh, okay.
I always decide as Bradley is, the orchestra is playing and Bradley is screaming.
You go first, then mine's next.
Bradley, count me in, please.
Thank you.
Is it just me or?
Is it just too fucking hard to do anything right?
Oh, this sounds loaded.
It's just so hard to be in a health kick era when there's so much conflicting advice about
what to do, what not to do.
You're doing too much of this.
Not enough of that.
Yeah.
I went to the doctor the other day, right?
Went back to Dr. Madeline.
Oh, this is the doctor that you've lost and then found again.
Yes.
We've been reunited.
Thank God.
Good.
So, I went to her and I had like a bit of a hit list, a few things to get through in
one appointment.
I was like, right, I need a referral letter.
I need this, that and the other.
And I brought up with her that I haven't been sleeping well.
You know, I've been bitching about that.
Yeah, you have been, yeah.
And another thing that I brought up with her, I wasn't going to bring it up.
It was actually Sean's suggestion.
Yeah.
He kind of said to me in jest when we were driving seven hours back to
Bougainvillea a couple of weeks ago.
He goes, I really think it might be worth mentioning to your doctor,
just asking about why you need to piss all the time.
Because during this road trip, it was like every second town.
I was like, pull over.
I'm going to go again.
I've never noticed that you need to piss a lot though.
Half the time, I don't even need to. It's just out of boredom. Like when I'm sitting in a
car, I just get a bit fidgety and like, you know, claustrophobic. I'm like, I just need to stretch
my legs, go do a piss. It'll be fine. And so he said, it might be worth bringing it up. And I was
like, yeah, okay, I'll bring it up. So I said, Madeline, while I'm here, my boyfriend's getting
annoyed at the fact that I piss all the time. And she goes, okay, well, how much water are you drinking? And I said, plenty. My nutritionist
says that I should be drinking plenty of water, up the water intake. And she goes, well, what
about at nighttime? I said, I don't know. Once my glass of water is empty, I'll go get another one.
I'm just kind of sipping on it all night. She goes, oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Oh, no, no, no.
That's why you're having trouble sleeping too.
You're drinking far too much water.
What?
I was like, too much water.
Too much water.
Now I've heard everything.
Totally, from a doctor.
How is that possible?
The messaging is always drink plenty of water.
You're not drinking enough water. They have those fucking hideous Stanley cups with the 9am, 10am, 1pm.
Drink that water, girlfriend.
And everyone's always saying my New Year's resolution is to drink more water.
All of a sudden I'm overdosing on water.
How is that possible?
The one thing that we all thought we could just drink in excess is actually hurting you.
Apparently it's affecting my sleep and it's compromising my bladder's immunity or some shit.
I don't know.
How is this true?
I don't know if it is, to be honest.
I can't do anything right.
No, it's not you, Mitchell.
Apparently, it is.
Have you pulled back on the water intake?
When was this?
Well, that was last week, but it's hard to pull back on the water intake because here's the other fucking thing.
Right.
My ADHD medication, the Dexys, one of the side effects is having a dry mouth.
So, I'm often sipping on water because it just feels gross.
That dry mouth feeling.
The dry lips.
I'm just always sipping on water to lube it up.
Wait.
You know you can get mouth hydration tablets.
Oh, fuck.
Another medication.
No, no.
Yeah, I know.
No, you have them in your mouth and they hydrate just your mouth. So, if you're more upset. Yeah, I had a boss once. Oh, fuck. Another medication. No, no. Yeah, I know. No, you have them in your
mouth and they hydrate just your mouth. So if you're more upset. Yeah, I had a boss once,
you know, I'm not going to name him. He had dry mouth and he would take these like fizzy tablets.
Yeah. And then his mouth would all of a sudden be wet. Okay. I'm going to look into that.
I wonder if you could put it in your- That's another problem I need to solve.
No. What was on the other list of issues? Anything I can help with, what else was on the GP list?
Are you able to renew my mental health care plan?
Are you able to write a letter to our therapist to say,
yep, give him another six sessions, reimburse?
I'm not.
I think I'm half the reason you're in therapy.
So maybe I think I'm actually causing that one.
Did I tell you the other day I brought your name up in therapy
because it's the elephant in the room that we both see the same therapist.
And I feel like confidentiality, I've never mentioned you because I actually haven't needed to.
And I wasn't bringing you up as an issue that I need to confide in my therapist about.
I just brought it up in passing.
I said, Mitch Thierry, who you're familiar with, she just did not react at all.
Did not blink.
Did not nod. Just did not react at all. Did not blink. Did not nod.
Really?
Did not show any signs of any confidentiality.
She would not acknowledge that she knew you.
She's good.
Right?
I'd hate to play poker with her.
She'd have the best poker face.
Maybe I should go in there and just bitch relentlessly about you.
And she'll be like, maybe she wants the tea.
No, because she really just got me through my breakup.
I didn't touch the sides on anything else.
You know how they say therapists normally then,
like you give them their issue and they always lead it back
to your childhood?
She's like, no, this is pretty much fucked up,
so we'll just stick with this.
You didn't need to go deep.
She's a bit like that with me too.
She's like, okay, I understand that you're struggling
with burnout and motivation, but did your dad ever hit you?
I'm like, no, no.
Also, my dad smacked me, but I actually think it helped.
I'm not joking.
I think it actually really taught me right from wrong.
But anyway, the reason I went to the GP was mostly about struggling
to sleep, constantly waking up during the night.
You've heard me whinge about this before.
I have.
She's given me melatonin, which won't kick in for another two weeks.
I have to take it the same time every night.
You build a tolerance. Yeah, it's supposed to take it same time every night. What, you build a tolerance?
Yeah, it's supposed to sort of get your, what is it, cicada rhythm back into whack, I don't
know.
Yes.
Yeah.
So we'll see how that goes, but apparently I have to wean off water.
Of all the addictions I could have, of all the things I could overdose on.
I know, water.
Your skin is glowy too, you drink a lot of water.
Well, what's going to happen to my skin?
I know, you're going to shrivel up.
If I stop drinking water?
Well, do you want to sleep or do you want to look hot, Mitchell?
You can't have everything.
I shouldn't have to choose. I know. You know what?
Have you ever had a sleep study?
I'm very intrigued about getting one.
Oh my God. I think we've spoken about this
before. Yeah, you said you'd put me under some doctor
in Randwick. Never did. You don't give a fuck
about me. It's my memory.
I will send it to you. But my sleep apnea,
I've cured it. Not cured it, but I treat it.
I sleep amazingly.
Maybe you've got sleep apnea and you don't know.
I could do.
The problem is I keep waking up.
Isn't sleep apnea that you basically die when you sleep through it?
No, you wake up constantly throughout the night with sleep apnea.
Because it wakes you up because you're choking.
Does Sean ever complain of snoring?
No, he would be a hypocrite if he were ever to do that.
Oh, does he snore?
Oh, yeah.
That's kind of cute. Only on nights that he's been like drinking or he's like super, super tired.
Yes. It's not all the time. It's a deep sleep thing. Yeah. And it's the mouth open snore.
It's like a- Oh, yeah. That sort of snore. That's what sleep apnea is. Why mouth tape every night?
Have you tried mouth taping? I just don't need more things. I don't need more things to do.
It's a simple bit of tape over the lips every night because mouth breathing,
I don't actually know the science and I don't want to preach it,
but breathing through your nose is far superior than breathing
through your mouth.
You get a richer oxygen.
It oxygenates your brain, something like that.
And it's probably not going to leave your mouth as dry,
which is another issue.
Yes.
Also, she said something about because I usually drink sparkling water.
You do.
She said that that makes you need to piss more often, essentially, like carbonated drinks.
Really?
So, I have to stick to still water of an evening.
Oh.
I'm like, for God's sake, water on its own is quite boring.
I sparkle it so that I want to drink it.
Yeah.
I actually got sent – can you get up over on my table there?
I got sent the most bizarre PR package the other day.
Oh.
Is it what I think it is?
That box?
The box is there.
See how it says liquid death?
Yeah.
It looks like a seltzer or a beer or something exciting.
It's in a can.
Right?
Bring that over.
So if you look at that packaging, what do you think that is?
What does it look like?
Like a seltzer.
Some sort of alcoholic drink.
That's what I'm saying.
Or a vodka mixer ready to drink.
Here's the card that went with it.
Yeah.
It says, don't be scared.
It's just water. It's the card that went with it. Yeah. It says, don't be scared. It's just water.
It's just water.
Yes.
Then why is it so frightening?
I know.
They've made it look like it's some can of mother or something.
By the way, they've not sponsored me or anything.
They just sent it to me in the hopes that they might get publicity out of it.
I'm not sure if this is the fucking publicity they wanted,
the people at Liquid Death, because I'm confused.
What are we getting at?
What are they trying to do here?
This is what happens when we let straight men create businesses.
Liquid, yeah, bro, Liquid Death.
They'll love it.
The chicks will love it.
You look at it.
Can I open it?
Yeah, no, go for it.
I haven't touched it yet.
We should try one, actually.
We'll see if Liquid Death is any different to other water.
Liquid Death trying to open that fucking thing.
What are they trying to achieve here?
They're trying to make fucking water look more manly?
Were they in a meeting room and they were like, guys, here's the problem.
All the other water's on the market.
That's for pussies.
Nah, they try and make it look really refreshing and restorative and lovely
with the clear bottles and the nature and the ocean and whatever.
Let's make it look really fucking hectic and call it liquid death.
Liquid death.
It's in an old Roman font.
What market are they trying to win over?
It's literally just water.
This is flavoured sparkling water.
Oh, that one's flavoured.
What is it?
The other one is plain sparkling.
This is mango chainsaw.
Ooh.
See, even the chainsaw.
Why?
Why?
What's a mango chainsaw?
It doesn't exist.
Are they literally just trying to make it sound more mask?
Totally.
They're going to open a florist and be like, skull fuck flowers.
Deep throat dairy.
That's my morning.
Two in the pink, one in the strepsils.
I don't know.
Is that the aim here?
It's like when they put out the man-sized tissues.
Totally.
Or they have, you know, those diet shakes.
They've got the man shake and then the lady shake, but it's the same product.
It would be the exact same shit.
It is.
I'm trying liquid death for the first time.
The can is like the size of a big mother can.
It does look like an energy drink.
It's gold, yeah.
If I saw that in 7-Eleven, I'd be very confused that it's just water.
It's just sparkling water.
Give us a try.
It's yummy.
Is it?
Yeah.
Okay, I'll give it a try.
And it's low calorie, which is really nice.
Of course it is.
It's fucking water.
I know.
Okay, I'm going to try it. Liquid Death, it makes it sound like it's poison. Okay, here'll give it a try. And it's low calorie, which is really nice. Of course it is. It's fucking water. I know. Okay, I'm going to try it.
Liquid Death, it makes it sound like it's poison.
Okay, here we go.
What do you think?
Oh, that is quite gorgeous, actually.
It's yummy.
I'm team Liquid Death.
Again, they're not paying me, but I'm not mad about that at all.
I thought it was going to be a bit metallic being in a can.
It's yum.
No, it's really good.
Yeah, no, that's not bad.
Fuck, but now I need to piss.
Is it just me?
You can follow the show online.
Just search Couple of Mitches.
If you don't, you're a dickhead.
Now, like we said, this Wednesday, episode 200 is coming out.
It's a big milestone.
Yeah.
We're going to have a bit of a celebration.
Here's a peek behind the scenes for you.
We're doing a double recording today. And so we think Jenna's on her way.
Yeah. So that means that we're recording both episodes in one city.
Yeah. And typically the episodes recorded at my place are a bit more loose.
So throw in the delirium of doing back-to-back episodes, plus we might pop a bottle of champagne.
It could be a bit lit.
Well, famously, our most listened to episodes are the episodes where we're celebrating a milestone.
That's true.
Our 100th episode and my breakup episode.
It's true, actually.
That's so depressing.
Yeah, bye.
I don't reckon we're going to go all out like we did for the 100th, for the 200th, because we've got the five-year anniversary this year.
That's a big one.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
We'll pull out all the stops for that.
Totally.
Also, you know, I think you don't want to stop down and celebrate too much.
You know what I mean?
Do you know what I did today?
I thought, oh, we're recording the 200th episode.
Maybe I should make a farce.
And so, when I was at the convenience store, I grabbed some balloons.
Right.
And I was just going to, like, blow them up, tape them behind us.
Yeah.
Like, pop it on that Ijeom Neon sign. Yeah, Ijeom neon sign or like pop it on the lamp behind me.
But then I was like, that actually could look really depressing.
Yeah.
Like you either go hard or just don't bother.
Because a couple of shit fucking balloons sticky taped to the wall would look worse
than if I'd done nothing.
Sometimes less is less.
Really is.
It's very true.
Have you heard from Jenna, by the way?
Oh, let me check.
My phone's up there filming us. I'm on D&D.? Oh, let me check. My phone's up there filming us.
I'm on D&D.
Hold on, let me check.
Oh, yeah, she's checked the group chat.
OMW, just heaps of traffic.
Doesn't she catch the train?
Yeah, she might be shouting herself an Uber on the kiddie-o, I reckon.
She does that, really, doesn't she?
Sometimes I'll get a charge.
I try, I usually suggest it because it'll be a nightmare trying to get public transport.
Well, technically-
It'll be like 14 bus swaps.
Can you say pimp in these times?
Pimp is pimp.
Am I allowed to say pimp?
Am I going to get in trouble for saying pimp?
I don't know the answer to that.
I've just said it seven times, so let's fucking hope not.
Pimp.
I'm just saying we're basically Jenna's pimps.
Yeah.
Charge it to the business, babe.
No worries.
Put on a fur coat and shake your tits.
Can I share something else that happened behind the scenes?
Yeah, of course.
Because Jenna's not here.
It's a good time to talk about it.
There were some strange payments happening on the Kideo.
Are we going to talk about it?
Yeah, but I don't know what's happened because my accountant actually flagged it.
She goes, there's more activity than usual on that account because we basically don't
use the Kideo.
We never use it.
The Kideo is where all the money we make from the podcast, it goes into a fund and we just
don't touch it.
Yeah.
And so she goes, there's more transactions happening recently.
And I went and looked at them.
Most of them, I knew what they were.
It was like, you went to Woolies for Will It Block.
You know, there was us buying drinks at Mardi Gras, blah, blah, blah.
I was like, yeah, I can.
There's explanations for most of these.
But it's also being used to tap on and off public transport.
Yeah.
We don't catch public transport.
I'm too bougie and you have a car.
And it's also being used to pay someone's monthly Amazon Prime membership.
But Mitch and I had a-
And I said to Jenna, if you've accidentally used the wrong card, that's so fine.
I'd actually rather it be you because otherwise we might have a scammer on our hands.
I'm going to have to report it.
And she goes, no, it wasn't me.
Yeah, I know.
And I'm like, well, fuck now.
What are the next steps?
Because if it's not you, me or Jenna using it to pay for fucking Amazon every month,
where is this coming from?
And public transport.
I'm not using public transport.
The only thing is the only people with access to the cards are you and me.
Oh, us three.
Now what do we do?
No, totally.
But I also am very concerned that we're going to be hemorrhaging money.
Yeah.
Do we have to go to ComBank now and sit in front of a fucking teller?
I don't know.
I can't be bothered.
And we're going to call them.
It's going to sit on hold for an hour and a half.
Anyway, not the point of the fucking episode.
As we were saying, our bicentenary is on Wednesday.
It's going to be a bit of fun, a gorgeous little celebration.
But should we get into your Is It This Man?
Yes, let's go.
Let's jump in.
Go, Bradley.
Is it just me?
Do you want to be a BB boy?
A what?
A BB boy.
I actually think you already are a BB boy.
What is that?
Well, a BB boy is a boy that wears BB cream.
Oh, I'm very much a fucking BB boy.
Oh, good, Mitchell.
I want to be a BB boy, but I don't know how to be a BB boy.
I've never bought BB cream.
I don't even know what BB cream is, but somehow I'm on BB talk,
and it's apparently the one to make up if you don't want to look
like the guy that wears makeup.
Maybe this is my fragile masculinity going, don't wear makeup, but I'm ready to do it
and I know you'll be the perfect person to show me.
I love that you've admitted to fragile masculinity because I remember being really shocked that
you just being repulsed at the thought of wearing glitter at Mardi Gras.
I was like, what?
No, that had nothing to do with that really.
Maybe it did.
Who knows?
Maybe it did. So knows? Maybe it did.
So, BB cream, it stands for blemish balm.
I think we've talked about this on the podcast before.
That's how I know what it stands for.
Yes.
I basically just put it on, not every day, but if I'm leaving the house, I don't leave
the house every day.
But I basically just pop it on.
Just on your face, but make sure you pop it on your neck and sort of behind the ears and
stuff as well.
Just the residual.
Otherwise, you get that hideous line that all the girls in fucking year eight used to
get, the foundation line where they didn't blend.
Yeah.
And it basically just evens your skin tone a bit.
Like maybe you've got a bit of a red nose or something.
It just sort of evens everything out a bit.
And it's also SPF 50.
So, it's sunscreen.
So, basically, if I'm going for a bike ride, I'll put it on and then actual sunscreen.
Yeah. And it's also, it's got skincare in it, right?
You can get one through like hyaluronic acid.
I don't really know much about that shit.
I use it purely for fucking aesthetic reasons.
Oh, my God.
That's what I want.
I think that when I'm not wearing it, I look at myself in the mirror
and I go, God, you're disgusting.
Like I've gotten so used to wearing it all the time
that I don't recognise myself without it.
Well, the thing is I have like a little make-up.
When I was doing the live tour with the Life Uncut Girls, who I do the pick up with, and
I was on stage under lights, I did the first show and we got all the professional picks
back.
I'm like, oh my God, my skin.
You'd have the same during your stand up.
I was like, I need to get skincare done.
But you've always been obsessed with skincare.
I don't understand.
I have.
I've loved skincare for like five years and I have like the whole LED face mask and I'm
all very obsessed.
But makeup, I've never delved into.
I've never started that sort of.
I feel like BB cream barely counts as makeup.
That's like entry level shit.
I'm going to get some,
hang on.
There's some in my Mutt pack.
I take it with me.
I knew you,
the BB boy,
you're the BB king actually.
I'll be back.
Okay.
Can you give me one of those liquid deaths actually while you're up?
I actually would really like them.
Do you like them?
I love them.
Well,
I just,
I'm a massive water boy.
I think this is very nice.
You don't piss all night?
No, no, I don't. I think I'm so dehydrated., I think. This is very nice. Oh, wait, so you don't piss all night? No, I don't.
I think I'm so dehydrated my body absorbs it.
Here you go.
Oh, my God, this is what I wanted, BB.
Do you wear the same skin tone?
I think I'm a little darker than you, I think, unfortunately.
Well, that one actually is only the slightest bit dark because when I wear it,
it does make it look like I've got a bit of a faked tan.
All right, let me put some on.
Like I'm always struck by how pasty I look when I'm not wearing it, which is why you've
got to blend that shit.
That was my point that I did the live shows and I got makeup, but I had the most compliments
about my skin when I was wearing a bit of concealer.
So I'm thinking now I want to just become a BB boy.
So, oh wow.
And you just put it on with your finger?
Yeah, just like put it on like you would a moisturizer.
Just think of it like fucking sunscreen.
The whole thing.
What do you mean the whole thing?
Oh God, he's putting dots all over his face.
We have very different approaches to this. I literally go like this. Watch.
Oh, show me. That's how you put your BB cream on?
Yeah, it's nothing fancy. It's just fucking BB cream.
Oh, it smells like moisturizer.
It has a bit of a sunscreen-y smell to it.
Sorry, that's what I meant to say.
Yeah.
Oh my God. I don't think it's my right tone, but it's definitely not standing.
I remember one time when I was like 18 or something, I had my peas.
My brother didn't.
I was driving him somewhere.
Yeah.
He was going to like a party or something.
Yeah.
And I said to him, oh, if you're getting all dolled up for a party, put some of this on.
I handed him BB cream.
He puts it on, looks at himself in that sun visor mirror thing.
And this burly fucking tradie brother of mine goes, oh, imagine how hot I'd be if I actually fucking tried.
He loves it.
Bless him.
I love this.
So what do you think?
You've just put some on?
I'm going to be a BB boy.
I'm officially going to be a BB boy.
The problem I have with BB cream is that I'm already a shiny girl.
Oh, and it makes you.
And it makes me extra shiny, especially on stage in those harsh lights.
So I have to powder the living fuck out of my five head when I'm on stage because the
fucking BB cream doesn't help with the shine.
No, I can imagine.
It also, you can get different blotting pads, right?
That's well beyond my recognition.
It becomes too complicated for me if I have to get new tools and shit.
Well, if there's any like makeup experts that listen to the pod that are idiots, message
us both.
Oh my God, this whole engine has been you fishing for freebies, hasn't it?
Oh, please, Mr. Liquid Death.
You're the king of water.
I want to be the king of makeup.
You're listening to Is It Just Me?
Got something on your mind?
Hit up at coupleofmitches on Instagram to get yourself on the show.
Okie doke.
Being an Is It Just Me Monday.
It's an itch and bonanza. We've done ours. So now let's get someone on the phone. Okie doke. Being an Is It Just Me Monday. It's an Idj and Bonanza.
We've done ours.
So now let's get someone on the phone.
Cherry, who are we calling today?
Correct.
Today we're going to go to Port Macquarie,
which I've never actually been to Port Macquarie.
I always get it confused with Coffs Harbour.
I think I have been to Port Macquarie.
I can't remember.
I get Port Macquarie confused with like anywhere up on the coast.
Basically anything after Newcastle.
I'm like, it's all the same.
Totally.
Anything further north.
Brisbane, Cairns, it's all just north Newcastle.
Too many.
But let's go to see Sarah, the gorgeous idiot who's in Port Macquarie.
Hello.
Hello, Sarah.
Hi, Sarah.
How are you?
Hello.
I'm fabulous.
How are you?
Oh, not too bad.
I'm so glad to be back.
I'm so glad to be back.
I'm so glad to be back.
I'm so glad to be back.
I'm so glad to be back.
I'm so glad to be back.
I'm so glad to be back.
I'm so glad to be back.
I'm so glad to be back.
I'm so glad to be back.
I'm so glad to be back.
I'm so glad to be back.
I'm so glad to be back.
I'm so glad to be back.
I'm so glad to be back.
I'm so glad to be back.
I'm so glad to be back.
I'm so glad to be back.
I'm so glad to be back.
I'm so glad to be back.
I'm so glad to be back.
I'm so glad to be back.
I'm so glad to be back.
I'm so glad to be back.
I'm so glad to be back.
I'm so glad to be back.
I'm so glad to be back.
I'm so glad to be back.
I'm so glad to be back.
I'm so glad to be back. I'm so excited to be finally talking to both of you.
I am an OG listener, so this is like a bucket list kickoff for me.
Oh, my.
That's nice.
And you're on our 199th episode.
Can you believe?
Oh, I can believe you're still going, actually.
Come on, it's you two.
Oh, God love you.
Oh, let's take a trip down memory lane.
I joined the listening from when Cherie couldn't say Belions. Oh, let's take a trip down memory lane. I joined the listening from the When Cherie Couldn't Say Blyans.
Oh, wow.
Oh, that was very early on.
That was in our first maybe 10 episodes.
I can't remember.
Yeah, Sarah, wow.
Yeah, so it was actually your TikTok video that I found you guys off.
Love it.
I love how you say when.
I still say Blyans.
Yeah.
It's just how I say it, Blyans.
He's one of a kind.
No,
not again.
Not again.
Um,
all right,
Sarah,
well,
you've got an idiom.
So you've heard us do hundreds and hundreds and hundreds.
I have.
Yeah.
Okay.
Well,
Bradley's going to count you in.
Um,
so after we hear from Bradley and our brass band,
go for it.
Okay.
Alrighty.
Is it just me?
Is it just me or?
Do you love being able to pull the My House, My Rules card on your parents when they come to visit you?
This is a good one.
My parents don't visit me, so I've never had that thrill.
And I live with my parents, so no, I don't really get to pull it,
but I have pulled it when I did live out of home.
Do you love doing it, Sarah?
I'm really enjoying it.
Like my mum was up visiting recently and I noticed that a lot of things
that I used to do when I was a kid and she used to be able to tell me off
for I was doing it.
And I would tell her and say, my house, my rules.
Can you give us an example of some sort of, oh, my God,
my cat's just jumped up on Cheery's shoulder.
Jesus Christ, sorry.
That's the nicest she's ever been to you.
That cat has always hated you.
She just jumped up.
Hi, Isabella.
Wow.
Don't scare her off.
He did.
He did because of the way he reacted.
He was so shocked.
It freaked me out.
She extended an olive branch to you and you just fucking spat in her face.
Is it?
Oh my God.
She's fat phobic.
She hasn't seen me since I've lost weight.
Now she likes me because I'm thinner.
Oh, you reckon that's what it is?
Yeah, she was terrified of me.
Look at her looking.
Hi, Isabella.
Sorry, Sarah, to throw you off there.
No, no.
Anyway, what were one of the things that your mum did that you had to tell her off for?
Well, she would have a go at me when I would leave a light on in a room and then walk out.
Oh, God.
My parents do that too.
Yeah, I would get the whole, turn the light off, you're wasting electricity.
I'm like, you're not paying the bills, kid.
Like, this is my house.
I'm going back in there in a few minutes.
If I want to leave a fucking light on, I will.
Yeah.
Exactly.
Or sitting up on the kitchen bench while I'm eating breakfast and she just walked past
and slapped me on the leg.
Oh.
I'm like, if it's my kitchen bench, I'll sit where I want.
Oh, she didn't like that you were sitting on the bench.
Sitting on the bench.
That is an interesting choice.
I know it annoys her, so that's why I started doing things on purpose
because she couldn't rouse on me because it's my house.
Because it's your house, your rules.
Yeah.
I feel like you're very much a your house, your rules kind of guy.
Not really.
Really?
I'm not fussy.
When people come to visit me, I'm just like, whatever, make yourself comfy.
You are.
That's very true.
Mitchie's a very welcoming guest.
I don't think I have rules.
I take that back.
You're the opposite.
I actually think I'm very my house, my rules.
I can be very annoying.
Everyone leave everything as you found it.
Are you one of those like, it's a shoes off household?
No, no, not a shoes off household.
Yeah, I don't really care if you have your shoes on or off.
It's up to you.
Whatever makes you comfy.
And it depends if you've got carpet or floorboards and if you're rich enough to have a Roomba.
I never had a Roomba.
I get so much joy out of vacuuming. Why would I outsource?
Oh my God, that's so true. You love a vacuum. Sarah, do you have a Roomba in your house?
No, I don't. I do have a stick vacuum though. And I will admit, vacuuming is quite therapeutic.
I'm on your side, Mitchell.
It is. It's like meditation. You're not focusing on anything else.
Oh my God, Isabella is now on.
She's about to jump up and see.
See, you can't perceive her.
Now she's run away again.
What is going on?
She doesn't like being perceived.
Mitchell, something.
Don't say her name.
Don't look at her.
Is she about to pass on?
No.
Cats do that before they pass on.
They get really friendly.
Shit.
Oh, my God.
Because she's been more friendly in the last couple of months.
Oh, we're back to the animal death bar we knew.
We're back to animal cruelty again, Sarah.
Animal cruelty again?
Hey, Sarah, quick question for you.
I'm not criticising you, Ridgem.
I love and adore you, obviously,
but last week I did ask for the most fucked up stories that people have to tell,
like their dinner party story.
Oh, yeah.
You haven't delivered that.
What's the most fucked up thing that's happened to you while I've got you?
At a dinner party? No, a dinner party. Never mind.
No, no, a story that you tell at a dinner party. Like if we're all having dinner.
Like something wild that's happened to you. Yeah, that you tell when you go to dinner parties.
I've got a really bad dating story. It's probably the wildest thing that's happened to me. I don't live a very
exciting life. I got set up on a blind date by a friend of mine
and when I turned up at the venue,
it was my ex's sister. Oh, fuck your ex-sister-in-law.
It was my ex-girlfriend's sister. How did your sister react?
We kind of just looked at each other and just had that silent acknowledgement of,
fuck this. And I just turned around and left. You didn't even talk or laugh about it?
No.
We were both mortified.
Oh, fuck.
Because her sister and I, we didn't exactly break up on amicable terms.
Oh, so she would have taken the sister's side, I imagine.
So she would have been like, this rat?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, as to be exact, which is fine.
Is it possible that you dated the wrong sister?
You should have given it a crack.
Oh, my God, maybe.
Be honest.
Is the sister hotter than the ex?
Oh, I don't know if I'd say hotter.
She's very easy on the eyes, though.
Got it.
Okay.
Anyway, the one that got away.
What a great story.
Now, that's what we want from the is it just you's.
Yeah, it doesn't have to actually be an idjim.
It can just be a story.
You just need to make it work within the idjim parameters. Is it just me or have you ever dated your ex's sister and then
go into that story? You know what I mean? That's great stuff, Sarah.
It doesn't have to be that specific. I'm just like, give us your best yarn.
Not that yours was boring today, Sarah, at all. I'm not being rude.
No, not at all.
No, not at all. I don't live a very exciting life, I know that.
Neither do I, sweetie.
To be honest, we struggle filling this podcast sometimes.
We go, fuck, what are we going to talk about?
The last few weeks I've been detailing my GP appointments.
Thrilling.
Very true.
Thanks, Sarah.
DM Pricekeeper Jenna and we'll get you something nice, okay?
All right.
Thank you, guys.
Love you, darling.
Thanks for listening.
Bye, mate.
So you can DM us at coupleofmitches on Instagram,
or you can, of course, text the IJM hotline on this number.
Yeah, if you want to come on with an is-it-just-me-of-your-own, that's the number to text.
But you don't have to tell us what the is it just me is.
If you just say, guys, I've got a fucking ripper yarn for you, we'll believe you.
Totally.
That's very fair.
That's a good point.
You don't have to tell us.
Just give us your mobile number.
Just say, I volunteer as tribute.
I will come on and tell a fucked story.
Wouldn't it be fun if neither of us knew, Mitchell?
You or me?
Yeah.
But then we run the risk of it being shit. It it being terrible. Yeah, but some of them are.
Like sometimes I know them and they're shit. You run them anyway. I do.
Alright. We better get out of here. Yeah, let's go home. I'm already home.
You are home. I wonder if there's a different energy when I'm at home based off the studio, especially the new studio where I don't even have a chair.
Yeah. Now I'm fully reclined, legs up.
I wonder if it makes a difference.
There's a chair in there now.
We've got chairs.
We made change.
There are chairs in the podcast studio.
Well, that's the bare minimum.
I don't feel like I ask much.
Just give me a mic and a chair.
I think there is a different energy change, definitely.
I sometimes find, even then, when I heard, like her energy was way higher than ours,
which made me think like, shit, am I low energy?
But no, I would just relax.
Don't overthink it, Bob.
We're just chilling.
It's all good.
I've worked so hard to destroy the commercial radio presenter side
of my brain when I'm on this podcast.
And then sometimes I'm like, fuck, I've got to pep back up
and back announce this.
Oh, because you used to be really high energy,
but now you've gone too far the other way.
Well, no, not too far.
But sometimes I definitely have two different sides to my brain.
Like, in terms of like podcasts.
Which side is coming through today?
Oh, podcast, for sure.
Which is?
Which is more relaxed.
Oh, okay.
More intimate.
Fair enough.
I'm not really pre-thinking my thoughts.
But when you're on live radio.
No, but when you're on live radio, you know, you have to like think three steps ahead.
You do, especially because you can't say fuck.
Yes.
You have to, the actual brain power it would take to not say fuck when that would just
slip out normally.
Yeah, yeah.
That would be the most draining part.
You can say shit and bitch and stuff like that.
Can you?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
With mums and kids?
Well, no, after seven o'clock at night.
Yeah, you can, but pre-seven, no, it's all very PG.
Well, anyway, we will be back for our 200th episode.
It's going to be a fun celebration.
Our bicentenary.
Our bicentenary.
Bicentenary.
Bicentenary.
Bicentenary.
See you.
We'll see you all in a couple of days.
Goodbye.
Catch you then.
Bye-bye.
Is it just me?
A podcast by a couple of Mitches.
Make sure you've hit follow on your podcast app.
Welcome to A to Debrief, our secret segment on the end.
We pretend the show's done, but then we just keep talking shit.
Nothing's planned here.
Imagine if we both just died because the liquid death actually had like a toxin that took
about, I don't know, 34 minutes to kick in.
I've still got one here down on the floor.
Hang on.
I'm going to keep sipping on it.
Do you know what?
I was roasting them and giving them shit because I don't understand the fucking direction of
this marketing trying to make water more mask, but it's quite nice.
It tastes nice.
I don't fuck with the mission statement on the back.
This ruthless tall boy of flavor has a twisted plan to use natural agave and exploding bubbles to murder your thirst.
Murder your thirst.
Recycle your soul.
That kind of sounds like some of the dirty talk I'm into.
I kind of get really creative.
I feel like if you were a non-drinker or let's say you were going to a friend's house for drinks and you just wanted to blend in.
You didn't want people to ask questions about why aren't you drinking or whatever.
Yeah.
Not that people should.
But this is like a disguise.
It looks like you're drinking a beer or something.
Totally.
A lot of it is placebo.
I remember when I went to a wedding recently and I had three drinks the whole night.
Yeah.
But I was with Stephen and he got a little tipsy.
I felt tipsy.
Well, he's young.
The tolerance levels at that age.
You can also drink a lot more and not get hungover. Oh my God, yeah. Oh, to be 21 again.
I know, wouldn't it be nice? The headaches I didn't have. Seriously. Yeah. I'm old
and brittle now. We're really speeding towards 30, you and I.
I know. I have to be so calculated about when I drink and how much because I have to think about
the next day. I know. I didn't have to do that once upon a time. Yeah.
Have I mentioned, I said I was off alcohol, but I'm weaning back on.
I'm having like a couple of wines with an ice meal.
Yeah.
Like you're not going heavy, but.
No, no.
You were in a non-drinking air for a bit.
For ages, for ages.
But I'm happy now in the air.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Why the fuck are there Q-tips in the middle of your living room?
Because I've got like a two-tiered coffee table.
The one on top has all the remotes and shit.
That's what people can see.
Underneath, I've got all my vitamins and my, you know, the pluxes or whatever they're called,
where you floss your teeth.
Yeah.
I've got all that shit on the bottom shelf, including the ear thing,
because I just might be like, oh, yeah, I'll do that while I watch telly.
Oh, my God, that's so smart.
Yeah.
You're very smart.
I do that when I drive.
Sometimes I'll put something in like a pocket and when I'm driving, I'll do it.
You're talking about the toothpick thing?
Yeah.
I wouldn't do that if it's been in a pocket for some reason.
I'd be like, that's going in my mouth.
God knows what foreign fibers are lurking on that thing.
Oh, my God.
There's been some vile stuff in my mouth.
I'm not worried about a piece of plastic.
Sorry, I'm back to being vulgar.
So, guess where I did a comedy gig last night?
Oh, my God.
I know.
At the time of record.
Yeah.
I performed at Palms.
Yeah.
Which is ridiculous.
It's one of my favourite gay clubs.
Yeah, famous.
I didn't even know they did comedy nights.
Apparently, they do it once a month on a Wednesday.
Yeah, it's a very, very famous gay bar on Oxford Street.
Yeah.
It's very old, too.
It's been around forever.
I walked out on stage and the first thing I said was,
oh, this is such a special gig for me.
I'll tell you why.
I think this deserves a round of applause, actually.
This is the first time I've ever performed at a venue
that I've also been kicked out of.
Isn't that beautiful?
Everyone clapped.
Everyone went crazy.
And I was like, yeah.
I said to the security guard as I was being escorted out,
if you need help remembering who's not allowed in,
just check the fucking poster on the wall.
That's my face.
Oh, that's so funny.
For the comedy lineup.
Wouldn't it be funny if it was on the wall next time you went in and he tried to ID you?
You're like, look on the wall, bub.
Have a look on the wall.
It's me.
It was so funny that I was performing at Palms.
It was the weirdest thing ever because it was like eight o'clock at night.
That's way too early to go to Palms.
Of course.
Everyone knows you go there from like 10.30 onwards.
Where did you perform?
Is it on the – where everyone dances on the dance floor?
Yeah, they've got like a stage thing that they can put out.
Wow.
Yeah.
It was bizarre, but I loved it.
I love Palms.
The bathrooms at Palms are terrifying.
I hate the bathrooms at Palms.
Why?
It just kind of feels like you're in like the back of a kitchen.
Like it has the same energy as like the back of a cafe kitchen.
Or probably blind when you're back there.
Well, I was actually in the bathroom when I got kicked out.
I don't even know if I told you this story, but it was only like a month or so ago.
What happened?
I went to Palms with a few friends and one of them was my girlfriend's and we had to
go through the whole rigmarole of swapping shoes because she had open-toed shoes.
Oh, this has happened.
Mitchell, this has happened so many times.
It's happened to everyone at least once, I swear.
Like most of the Sydney gays that try to take their girlfriends to palms,
they're like, oh, fuck, open-toed shoes, you're not allowed in.
Or the Sydney gays that, you know, want to wear their fucking sandals.
They think they're her gays.
Yeah, but we know better.
We know that they're not going to let you in.
No.
And so we got in there.
My friend was feeling a bit sick.
She'd had a little bit too much to drink.
She goes, oh, I think I'm going to be sick.
And I was like, oh, okay, I'll come with you.
And so I was just sort of playing bodyguard i was guarding the door for her and then they thought that we
were doing drugs and so they kicked us out they either thought we were doing drugs or fucking or
something but they the security just opened the door randomly because it's not like a bathroom
that has multiple cubicles no there was like one where you go and you've got one sink one toilet
that sort of thing i was in there with her.
She was in the cubicle.
And then they burst the door open.
And I was standing with my back against the door at first.
So, they struggled a little bit.
They were like, I was like, ow, fuck.
And then they burst it through after I moved.
And they were like, nah, this isn't on.
You two are out.
And I realized later, they must have thought that I was guarding the door because I didn't
want to get sprung, snorting lines up the toilet seat.
I was just looking after my friend who was having a chunder.
Yeah.
And they kicked me out.
Oh, Mitchell.
But I was ready to shut it down already.
So, I was like, all right, we'll go.
Sometimes you need a moment like that to wrap the night up.
Yeah.
I was kind of like, perfect.
Yeah.
Let's leave.
They did this thing last night at Palms at the gig.
Yeah.
Can you go on the Instagram account for Funny buggers comedy i think it is they did this competition for a free drink right um where
you finish the punch line they put on instagram why did the drag queen cross the road and you
would comment a punch line an ending to the joke and the funniest one would win a drink but it
wasn't just a drink it was a body shot what's a body a nude. Oh, wow. Like you literally drink it out of their belly button.
Wow, that's kind of hot.
And Andrew, our friend, was there and he was like, I've got so many comebacks, but I don't
want to use my account to comment them because I don't want that prize.
And so he used other people's accounts to comment.
Go on the comments now.
Read some of the responses.
Okay.
So the question is, why did the drag queen cross the road?
Someone says for attention.
Yeah, maybe you can be the judge.
Which one do you believe is funniest?
Someone says attention.
No.
Someone says to slay the boots down, house mama.
No.
Someone says because the dom top was on the other side, potentially.
I don't remember being on Oxford Street.
Look at the ones of our friends because Andrew stole everyone else's phones to comment funny
comebacks.
Here we go.
Our friend Asha commented because the bloody asbestos mulch contamination.
That's good. Clay commented because she felt like being hate-crimed outside noir.
Have you seen Oscars? Oscars is the top comment. Oscars is, why did the drag queen cross the road?
She crossed the road because she was wearing open-toed shoes and wasn't allowed into palms. Gold. And that comment won. And so, Oscar did a body shot out of a fucking stripper's belly button.
Oh, he would have loved that.
Is it just me on the fly?
Do male strippers do absolutely nothing for you?
Absolutely nothing.
Like I watched Drag Race.
Because this guy did a strip show at the very end of the comedy night.
It was the last act.
Like full cock, everything was out.
He was gyrating, getting people up from the audience.
Yeah.
At one point, he apparently tapped Sean on the shoulder and said,
is it okay if I ask your partner to get on stage?
Oh, wow.
And Sean goes, I'll have to check with him first.
He asked me and I said, absolutely fucking not.
I can't think of anything more mortifying.
Oscar obviously got amongst it, but I was just looking at him
and I can admire the prowess.
He's obviously very fit.
Yes.
The gyrating and whatever.
It was very smooth, but it just did nothing for me.
I couldn't have been less turned on.
I'm watching it now.
It's not my scene.
That doesn't get me going.
I don't understand.
Like, you know how hen's parties might get a male stripper?
I'm like, is that exciting or is it kind of just funny?
Totally.
Is that why they get it?
I think it's the novelty, right?
Yeah.
Isn't that what it is?
The novelty?
Yeah.
Like, even I was going to say when I watch Drag Race and they bring out the pit crew
and everyone goes, oh.
Yeah.
It does nothing for me.
It does nothing.
Oh, I'm watching Oscar do the body shot.
Oh, and he licks this man.
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
He got really amongst it.
Wow, go Oscar.
I was like, a fucking course Oscar ended up coming to my gig and sealing the show by doing
a fucking body shot off a stripper's belly button.
How were the other comedians?
Was it fun?
Oh, it was brilliant.
Yeah.
I loved it.
Yeah, good.
All right, well, shall we go and make way for our 200th episode in a couple of days?
Yeah, we better.
Yeah, very exciting.
I'm excited for this.
It's a big moment.
It is.
It's a big milestone, and we're just going to let the mystery remain until Wednesday.
Will Jenna get here in time?
Apparently, she's on her way.
All right, well, let's go, and then we will see Jenna and you all in a very couple few
days.
We hope this podcast, a couple few days.
I said a couple of mitches.
You said a couple few days. Well, that's of mitches. You said a couple few days.
Well, that's three, isn't it?
No.
I'm an idiot.
I remember one time getting in trouble from my teacher in primary school, by the way.
Because for some reason, I believed that, you know how you say, oh, a couple of mitches,
that's two.
Yes.
I thought a few matter-of-factly meant three.
Right.
And so, I can't remember what the question was in maths, but I said a few more oranges
than three is six.
So like if you've got three oranges and then you add a few more, that's six.
And she goes, what?
I got in so much trouble from Mrs. Jones, the bitch.
I don't think a few is three though, Mitchell.
I'm with Mrs. Jones.
But I believed that.
And then I explained it to her and she was kind of like, bless you, you dumb fuck.
I get the math.
I get, I get.
I was right, wasn't I?
If it was true.
If it was true, the equation makes sense.
But I don't think it is true.
I actually didn't think a couple meant a couple.
I thought a couple could have been three or four or five.
Who knows what a couple means these days?
It's very modern.
I know, isn't it?
Goodness me, especially at that Oxford Street bar.
Yes, exactly.
Anyway, we hope this podcast made you feel at least 2% better today.
That's all.
So we do.
So we do.
Oh, my God.
Before we go, did you read this review we got on our podcast?
Oh, yeah.
Hit me.
It's a fucking Bible of a thing.
It's Machine Gun Mama, who the review's from.
Hi, podcast gods.
It's me.
It's been six days now.
The pain and anger has transitioned into a ball of despondency,
discomfortably nestled in my stomach. I feel remembered about the Monday. It came back to me. We weren't taking Lent off, darling.
I know.
I was given the expectation of making my day better by 2% or sometimes 3%.
I long for the days I enjoyed listening to the frivolously.
It goes on and on and on.
So she was just confused that we took a week off for Easter.
Correct.
News flashed, sweetheart.
What was her name?
Lisa.
Lisa.
Oh, I think I know Lisa.
I do adore her.
But a week means Monday to Sunday, which does include Monday and Wednesday's episode.
We had a week off.
But we're back now.
We're here.
We're here.
Don't worry.
You've got a big episode in a couple of days.
All right, everyone.
Shall we go, Mitchell?
Love you, darling.
Thanks for listening.
Oh, so we do.
See you.
So we do.
Is it just me?
A podcast by a couple of Mitches.
Make sure you've hit follow on your podcast app.