Is It Just Me? - #22: DIY Coffee Scrub with Nat Penfold

Episode Date: April 5, 2020

Radio gal Nat Penfold guest hosts the show 📻   In this episode: Proof that Ellen DeGeneres is a massive bitch behind-the-scenes (06:43) Everything wrong with McDonald’s (13:53) The list of things better than drugs & dick continues (21:17) How the news is being overly dramatic about Coronavirus (23:32) DIY coffee scrub (31:48) Our "secret segment" ADDebrief (45:16)   Follow us @coupleofmitchesSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

People do some weird shit. A surge in young people inhaling the gas from cooking canisters known as veins to get high. Some things make more sense than others. I've done everything for you. I've put my career on hold. I could have been anything if I'd had the talent. Brace yourself for observations you didn't ask for. This is leadership. I think he's one of the greatest leaders we've ever had.

Do you? Yeah. Well, good, I hope. This is Is It Just Me? Hosted by a couple of Mitches. Should one of us be Mitch and the other be Mitchell just to make things easier? You're Mitch. I only call you Mitchell when you're being annoying.

You always call me Mitchell. Oh. Now, here's Mitch Chooley and Mitchell Coombs. Well, well, well. Here we are. We're one man down, though. Oh, now here's Mitch, Julie and Mitchell Coombs. Well, well, well. Here we are. We're one man down, though. We are.

Poor Jenna. Comedia got her. Oh, don't make jokes. She's lost her grandmother, so that's very sad for her. She's not here this week. But fortunately, we'd already lined up a guest host to be on the show this week. So the third wheel has just been replaced with another wheel. And this particular guest, one of your types mitch a radio presenter yes she's on air at the edge 96 one for the drive home and plus yes and kiss her name is nat penfold she's here hello guys very excited to be here and yes

poor jenna um i made a couple of inappropriate jokes with her this morning not knowing what had gone down so i might have to apologize you said she was in the bathroom, right? I was in the bathroom with her and just being inappropriate as I am, I walked in and said, Jenna's doing a shit. And then she's like, no, I'm not. And then after she came out of the cubicle, I went in, of course, as you do and went and checked to make sure. No skitties.

What do you mean, no skitties? Well, I was just like, oh, I bet you did. And she's like, there's nothing in there. And I was like, she's covering up. And yeah, there were no skitties, but she just used the brush. Just tissues. We're thinking of Jenna. We love it a bit.

And little did you know, she was grieving. Yeah. She's in the toilet crying and I'm checking for skitties. You're like, she's done a big one and made her tear up. And she's like, no, I'm mourning. Oh, Jenna, we love you. I feel awful, but yes. You're also a fellow Shire, Shire, Shiren?

Never heard that one before. From the Shire of Sydney. From the Shire. Yes. We kind of knew each other before we started working here. Yes. I think your sister was in the year below me at school. Yeah, she was a bright bitch too.

Didn't she bully you or did you bully her? Look, I probably bullied her. I'm not proud of these moments, but yes, we're both from the Shire. Oh, we went to the same school? I forget that. Yeah, but you're... I don't like admitting... I was trying to avoid this part. You're quite a bit younger than me. yes, we're both from the Shire. Oh, we went to the same school. I forget that. Yeah, but you're... I don't like admitting... I was trying to avoid this part.

You're quite a bit younger than me. Sorry, it's fine. No one knows. We look the same. I've had some injections. That is probably why. That's what I thought. What's your Instagram?

People can go check out what your face looks like. It's just Nat Penfold. Look, I don't think I've gone... At Nat Penfold. At Nat Penfold, yes, of course. I don't think I've gone too far with the injections. You've got a good amount. I'm trying to keep myself youthful.

Yeah, you do look it. You two have worked together for years, right? You worked at The Edge on Mikey and Emma The Breakfast Show. Yes, I've actually brought a little grab with me because back in the day when we worked at The Edge, Nat and I did a little experiment because we realised that we both kind of have gender-neutral voices. So I often get confused for a woman, particularly on the phone,

and same with Nat. She gets confused for a guy over the phone. Well, often get confused for a woman, particularly on the phone. And same with Nat. She gets confused for a guy over the phone. Well, you sound like a masculine woman and you sound like a gay man. Exactly right. Like if he looked at us and switched our voices, it'd make way more sense. Do you reckon? Here I am just, yeah, the bush pig. I was in a car with a friend listening to Kiss.

I always listen to it. And someone's like, who's this guy? And I'm like, what? They're like, that's a gay man. Wait, who was it? Was it you? It was you, Nat. They thought it was just a gay man.

I'm shattered. With a really deep, firm voice. No, I know this happens. And when I was younger, I used to try and make my voice more feminine. And I used to be like, hello, when I'd answer calls from boys and stuff. And then now I've just worked out that having a whiny, high-pitched voice as a girl is probably more annoying. So I'm rolling with it.

But anyway, back in the day, we did these prank calls as an experiment. We both called, I think it was Maya, one of the department stores, and just asked to be put through to the clothing department to see where they put us. They then pick which clothing department we'd need. Oh, genius. We both did one.

Here's how mine went. Oh, genius. We both did one. Here's how mine went. Oh, hi. I came shopping the other day and I just had a question about the particular item of clothing that I purchased. Can you put me through to the clothing department, please?

Cody, any particular brand? Ralph Lauren. Sure. This is for women, right? Yes. Sure. Connecting you now. That's right, Talyn, it is That's gold

I wasn't surprised though, like it happens all the time And even after I've corrected telemarketers and stuff on the phone Or if I'm calling up about my shit internet I'm like, I'm not ma'am, can you stop calling me ma'am? I'm very sorry ma'am I was like, no I'm not ma'am, I don't know how to get that through your head. I've been through McDonald's drive-thru before, and you know how there's a speaker box so they can't see you?

That'll happen soon. They'll put cameras on those things. But at the moment, I'll order, and then is that all, sir? I'm like, you're going to get a rude shot when I drive through. Here's how nuts went. Hi, I bought something the other day, and it doesn't fit me. Could you put me through to the clothing department, please? Oh, what's the brand of clothing?

Ralph Lauren. Thank you. One moment. This is men's way to speak. What are you laughing at? Oh, God. So mine's in particular

if I like, if I don't talk, I'm excited. It's when it gets really mean. Like if you're hungover or you're taking a call in bed. You'd be fucking Thor after a couple of beers. Hungover is game over for me. I'd sound awful. Let's start.

Coming up on the show, Coombs is making his famous DIY coffee scrub. I wouldn't call it famous yet, but it's been requested by listeners, so it's basically viral. People really seem interested about this. My boyfriend Hayden said to me, all I want is Mitch's coffee scrub recipe. And I'm like, why and how do you know about Mitch's coffee scrub recipe? Before the lockdown, people have got time on their hands now. I love that he wants to spend his free time making his skin extra smooth as well.

I know what I want, that coffee scrub. I want to smell like a Macona extra strong. It's embarrassingly easy, people. I'll tell it to you later on, alright? Okay, that's exciting. Plus, Nat, I don't know if you know how the show works. Obviously, you're an avid listener.

But we kick off the show each week with an Is It Just Me? It's the core of the show. It's something we've noticed, something we hate or appreciate. I'm going to go first this week because I just have to get mine off my chest.

What's yours about? Want to give us a little taste? I would say it's it's the moment that i realized just how much of a wuss i really am and that you've got one too yeah mine's food related which is no surprise to anyone that would know me i'm very passionate about my food so something that angers me about food you'll fit right in all right let's start i'm gonna kick us off. Is it just me or? Do you not want to believe that Ellen DeGeneres is an awful person? I know. Have you heard about this?

Yeah. Have you, Mitch? I saw this the other day. I haven't read into it yet, though. Is this all the tweets from her former staff members saying she's a massive pain? So it's a couple weeks old, but the thread is still being added to. So yeah, to this day, there is over 100,000 likes on it. So the thread was started by a Twitter user named Kevin T. Porter, and he has worked for Ellen for years.

Not anymore. He said, right now, we all need a little kindness. You know, like Ellen DeGeneres always talks about. She's also notoriously one of the meanest people alive. Started the thread and said, Oh my God. Like, they get nuts, right? So they start off kind of like lukewarm. Someone says,

A friend of mine with a PA for her on the show and Russell Brand came into the employee break area to chat with the crew and hang out. came into the employee break area to chat with the crew and hang out. Ellen came bursting in, got furious at him, saying he didn't have to interact with these scum. That's why guests have their own backstage area. Wow. I mean, and she was embarrassing herself in front of another celebrity. I saw this thread and the one that was the worst for me was, did you hear about the one with the chick that worked at the restaurant

with her nail polish? Yes. Like, it's just so stupid. Yeah, so Ellen and Portia. I love Portia. Portia just seems like a slave. Doesn't she look on a leash constantly? Is it Portia Aussie? Yeah, Portia De Rossi. Oh, yeah, that's right. She's got an Aussie wife. I forgot about that. What kind of a name is Portia though?

Hold on, I've done this. Remember how we did celebs who don't use their real name? Oh, so it's not Portia? Where the hell is it? Amanda Rogers. Oh, God've done this. Remember how we did celebs who don't use their real name? Oh, so it's not Portia. Where the hell is it? Amanda Rogers. Oh, God, how boring. This is the one you were talking about. I worked at a restaurant in LA, served her and Portia at brunch.

She wrote a letter, handwritten, to the owner. Complained about my chipped nail polish. Wasn't even on her plate, just on her hands. She worked all night till closing the night before. Almost got her fired. Imagine writing a letter to someone about their nail polish. A letter even. She went to all that effort to hand write a letter.

Is it the 1800s? I'm a fan of a complaint email, but a letter. Yeah, that's a lot of information. An old friend worked with her a lot and smiled and said, good afternoon to her one day after working for two years. Ellen became unhinged. Who do you think you are? You don't look at me.

Yada, yada, yada. She said Portia was there and seemed embarrassed and tried to pull her away. Oh, no. Poor Amanda Rogers. Ellen, stop, darling. Please stop. Oh, no.

She's the girlfriend at the party that's getting embarrassed by their partner being too drunk. They're like, oh, please, don't do anything tonight. That's Ellen. But any time she goes in public. Now, there's so many more. Go and read the thread. There's one about her firing an autistic worker because he smiled because that was just sort of like a twitch that he had.

And she fired him the day after he did it. She said, don't smile at me. And he did it again, but he couldn't help it. She fired him the day after he started. See, I love to jump to Ellen's defence and be like, oh, it's a bit embellished, it's taken out of context, but I can't think of a context where that's fine. If this many people have joined the thread as well, See, I love to jump to Ellen's defense and be like, oh, it's a bit embellished. It's taken out of context. But I can't think of a context where that's fine.

If this many people have joined the thread as well, because you could argue people just hate successful people and they're jealous. But if there's been this many tweets, it's just you have to believe it. Where there's smoke, there's fire. There has to be some truth to it. We all work behind the scenes in media, right? There is kind of a general understanding when you're in like a producing type role that you just keep the talent happy. You just give them what they want. Not in like a cruel way, but you just kind of, you understand that's part of the job. It was funny, when I was doing one of my Studio 10 segments, when I was filming, I mentioned, oh God, I'm really thirsty.

I feel like my mouth is dry. The producer I was working with, without missing a beat, just like walked off and went to get a bottle of water for me. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, I can get my own water. Like I'm fucking that one. I just feel like people are kind of trained to do that. But when the demands get that bad, it's like, oh. I think I missed that memo because if I produced a breakfast show, if either of those hosts were like, oh, God, I'm so thirsty,

I'd be like, yeah, it's a bit cold in here. It must be dry now. I'm not running to the kitchen for water. Mikey and Emma are very down to earth, though. I don't think it has any sort of demands from them. Well, that's what I cold in here. It must be dry now. I'm not running to the kitchen for water. Mike and Emma are very down to earth, though. I don't think it has any sort of demands from them. Well, that's what I want to know. We all work in the entertainment industry. We've all had our fair share of interaction with celebs.

Have you met any that have just been real bastards or fuck faces? Like, I can think of one, but it was a really bad scenario. Like, it was at a movie premiere, and I met Hamish Blake, and it was a very rushed interaction, and I was, 11 and i was so excited to meet oh but you did say something to him i've heard this story that's a little bit creepy so i don't know i can understand why he might have been a bit standoffish but were you 11 yeah i was probably 11 or 12 yeah no no and i was like hamish hi he's like hi and i was like oh i've got a dog and i named it hamish after you he said we'll get a cat and name it a dog and I named it Hamish after you.

He said, well, get a cat and name it Andy and walked off. It was funny. That wasn't rude from you. You're 11. It's not like you meant anything by it and you're not calling him a dog. Do you know what I mean? I mean, I'm right about where I am, but that was all I've got. You too? Yeah.

Well, recently Kevin Hart came here. Yeah. I'm a huge fan of Kevin Hart. I was really annoyed by the fact that I wasn't here for here. Yeah. I'm a huge fan of Kevin Hart. Was really annoyed by the fact that I wasn't here for it. Yeah. So I was later told, you're lucky you weren't here because apparently he was just a fucking prick. Kept his sunnies on the whole interview and was texting on his phone while they were asking

him questions. You are kidding. So I was the, they said, never meet your heroes because you'll always be disappointed. So I was like, I'm glad I didn't, because I find him so funny, I wouldn't be able to look at him the same if I knew he was a dickhead. God, lucky we weren't here. What a gay bash to Spurs. I was here.

I remember they were like, oh, can you crop him on his phone out of the interview video? So he was on his phone here as well? Yes, when he was on with Kyle and Jackie O. Thank God he was doing the interview with Tiffany Haddish because she just parroted it. It was so funny. Yeah, that's the same that happened with us.

So obviously he's all energetic and bop, bop, bop and all that stuff. And then when it comes to real life, he's just a big shit. But she's new money. Like she was living in a car for years. Yeah, she's still working for it. She's gracious. Yeah, yeah. What about you, Mitch?

Well, I feel like in our scenario, a lot of celebs just hate doing press. It's just an obligation they have to do to make a bit of extra money. A lot of them don't like doing interviews, so you do catch them in a foul mood, which is why I don't blame Lily Allen for not being on her game the day that I met her, but I was very excited. I was like, I'm going to get a photo with Lily Allen, but she was just a bit, apparently she was feeling a bit anxious and tired, so I was like, I'm not going to get up in her face.

But yeah, she was having an off day, put it that way. And a lot of the times, because they don't like interviews, you often can catch them on an off day. Have I missed the part where anyone cares about Lily Allen? Why were you excited? Sorry, I'm thinking of one song, it's that It's Not Fair song, and does anyone care about it? Fuck you, yeah. Fuck you, fuck you.

Her new album is really good. I went and saw her live and your boyfriend was there, Mitch. Oh, yeah. I'm reading a book as well. When was Lily Allen ever a thing? Has she even had a song that charted? She was here last year. You shut your fucking mouth.

I'm not surprised I didn't hear about this appearance. Go back to the edge, mate. You wouldn't know. You wouldn't know. Well, I got my vent out, my Ellen vent. Who's going to go next, Nat? Do you want to go next? I'll go next.

Is it just me? No, no, no. We've got a sound effect for that, darling. Sorry, I'm new to this. You just sit there. Sorry, I did the pause and I was playing it. It's showbiz. I had to keep going.

You let me press my button, okay? Here we go. Is it just me or... Do McDonald's chips go cold if you don't eat them in 30 seconds? Yeah. You have to, and therefore, you have to eat the chips in the car. So McDonald's, to me, is car food. You can't get it delivered through a delivery service,

and you can't buy it, drive it home, and eat it, because by the time you get there, there's something in it that makes it cold and shit. Yeah, they're like iPhones. They just die after a year. But Macca's dies after five minutes. I agree. So if I get McDonald's, I'll say to my partner,

he'll be like, just wait till we get home, we'll eat it. I'm going to say, no, it's done then. I don't want it then. I'm eating it now in the car while I'm driving if I have to. Oh, that's illegal. We can eat and drive, can't you? No. I do.

Shit, I've been doing it all this time. Well, I think the law is if it affects the ability of your driving. I've had a charcuterie ball while driving. Not a joke. I had Quinn's pace. I was like, trying to get some brie and some boil. I'm not joking. Everyone understands.

They're like, oh, yes, he's just grazing. I kind of disagree, though, because when I worked at Macca's, there was this woman that would always come in and be like, can I have my fries hot and fresh? So whenever I saw her walking in the building, I'd of disagree, though, because when I worked at Macca's, there was this woman that would always come in and be like, can I have my fries hot and fresh? So whenever I saw her walking in the building, I'd be like, oh, she's coming, quick, put a new batch down. But I never understood that because I'm kind of a fan when they're skimming a bit sog, the Macca's chips.

Yeah, I have to agree with you. Not when they're hot and fresh. You like a sog. I like the chips that bend over. You know, the ones that flop at the top? Yeah, but there's a slippery slope between chips that bend over and are enjoyable and you bite them and they become like... Chalky.

Chalky. Chalky. That's a good word for it, actually. Chalky chips. I also worked at McDonald's and I know for a fact that sometimes they just drop the same chips back in the fryer. Do they refry them? Back in that day, they did.

They refried. If you don't have a customer come through for a while. So you're best going during peak time because they're constantly making stuff. Otherwise there's chips sitting there. There's someone on chip duty during the peak times. But during off peak times, it's usually just the person that's getting the food or maybe one of the drink runners or whatever will have to do chips as well. But so when you've got a designated chip person making sure there's a fresh batches, that's

when you're going to get the good shit. You've got to, the secret is to say no salt so they have to make you fresh chips. Oh, but you have to add your salt because you can't have them saltless. Then when they give you the chips go, oh, so sorry, can I get a little salt searcher? Yeah, right. And then you DIY. This avoids the whole

stale chip situation. Yeah, I realise because I finish work at midnight so I often get the soggy chips but I'm fine with that. They don't make wraps. I had a fight with some woman over the box two nights ago over the box over the box i was like hi pulled up and she was like i was like hi can i please get that's so accurate do that again they talk so fast so fast and she's doing with her headset on like she's flying a380 i'm like bitch is 16 you're doing a tiktok while you're taking my order. You just listen to me for a second. I'm going to be so sad about life already at that age.

I'm like, I talk on the radio. You're blessed to be hearing. And I was like, can I get a chicken season at Grant? She said, I don't have them after 12. I'm like, pardon? She said, we don't have them after 12. I was like, you don't have them after 12? No, that's after midnight. No, that's after midnight. And I was like, you're kidding me. And she's like, yes.

And I was like, when? And then me, I'm not backing down. I was like, when did this come into effect? It's been like this for a while. I'm like, no, it hasn't. Because I always get wraps after 12. And then she was like, we can do a McChicken. And I was like, did I ask for a McChicken? Stop trying to tell me what I want now.

It's that or the ice cream machines in Deep Frost. Is it ever not? Or can I get a Coke Zero? It's out of order. You can have grape. I don't want grape. Do you know what? I've just realised it's because, you know how they're trying to make,

they've got all-day breakfast, but it's only the breakfast favourites, whereas during breakfast hours, which is midnight to 10.30am, you have the whole breakfast range plus all-day favourites. And so wraps mustn't be included in the all-day favourites. Because when they go back to lunch menu, 10.30 onwards, you'll the whole breakfast range plus all-day favourites. And so wraps mustn't be included in the all-day favourites. Because when they go back to lunch menu, 10.30 onwards, you'll be able to get the wraps. But they mustn't class that as a favourite. Most people would just want your Big Macs and your McChickens

and you're going through asking for a whole meal grilled Caesar wrap with hollandaise sauce. Are you on a diet, though? What's this about? No, the grilled is so much better because it's so moist. They must just keep it in a hot bath of oil. It's so yum. I do love a half sauce because they put half the amount of mayonnaise

and it might resemble something healthy that way. I used to love a mini snack wrap, but I just don't think they make them anymore. Who asks for half sauce when they go to McDonald's? I'm asking for extra sauce. This figure doesn't just happen naturally. You can't go to McDonald's and get healthy food. It's like getting a whole large Big Mac meal with a Diet Coke. Oh, that's the worst.

Do you know the worst is when you go up, you order, they go, okay, drive through. And then you drive through and they go, sorry. I can't handle this Spankin' Box voice. So what did you order again? I'm like, you fucking kidding me? Yeah. I just yelled at this mechanical mesh and you don't know what I ordered?

It's so frustrating. You know what gets me? What? When they try and double check your order, but they read out the whole thing in one sentence. They're like, Oh, we need the large, big, matte, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark, dark. Also, they read it in their own lingo.

So they're like, grill extra cheese. And I'm like, I don't want to know that you've added a grill slip to my burger. My final annoyance with McDonald's, though, is when you get to pay, they always just now assume you're paying on card. So they've got their hand out the window with the attitude and the F-plus machine. And I'm like, cash, please. No, so much to the point that they have a little F-plus machine

with a built-in Harley Davidson handle. Yeah. They're like, pay on, pay down. And it's on this grip. And I'm like, what is it? It's like a tripod. That and then this is, you know what? I've come to realise a lot of things frustrate me about McDonald's,

despite the fact that I love it. They tell you to drive, wait in the waiting bay when no one else is there. I hate that. Because they want their timers to be under because they obviously have to... Is that what it's for? You know that... They're competing. There's like a timer that goes off and they have to give you your food

within X amount of time. Really? So if they put you in the waiting bay, they clear your thing off and then their timers stay... Does the manager check the times? Did you not put you in the waiting bay, they clear your thing off and then their time is stayed. Does the manager check the times? Yeah. Did you not know that all the Maccas are competing?

Because there's like a drive-through scoreboard and they'd be like, oh shit, Blue Mountains just overtook Forbes and McDonald's. That's where I worked. Are you kidding? Oh, E.V. Planes are in front. You know, it's like, it's a competition. That's what-

Wamba Daradine has the highest count this month. That's why if you go in store, not that you can during Rona season, but if you go in store during peak, you're screwed because drive-through is always going to be a priority. Wow. You're not allowed, though, Mitch. You're not allowed to have gripes about Maccas because you don't come from the perspective that Nat and I do

of being a former Maccas employee. You don't know the struggles. Let me tell you, I've invested so much in that fucking company. I paid for their 2016 rebrand. The amount of money I'm putting into it. You paid for Justin Timberlake singing Unloving It back in 2005. Don't know what the Mitches look like?

Just imagine Lisa Wilkinson and Princess Fiona after sunset. Or see for yourself. Just search at couple of Mitches on socials. You're listening to Is It Just Me? After you've done that, you can search at Nat Penfold. Check out our guest host, what she looks like. What do you think people think you look like based off your voice?

I think they think I'm better looking than I am. You reckon? I think people are going to be very disappointed, yeah. Wow. I felt the same way. I love self-deprecating humour. When I first saw you. No, I've heard.

I've heard. That's nice. People say the same about Mike and Emma-deprecating humor When I first saw No I've heard I've heard Oh yeah That's nice People say the same about Mike People are just so rude as well Like oh And you're like Yeah I know what I am

And I To me my voice matches who I am Because I've always had it So thank you It does match You're just rudeness Hey well Before we get into my

Is it just me Nat I have been working on something On the show And I've been getting our guest hosts To contribute Every time they come in. It's my list of things that are better than

drugs and dick. So it's essentially an opportunity to look for the little things in life. A lot of people are having to go without drugs and dick during isolation for coronavirus. So is there anything that springs to mind? Something that you think's, you know... Cleaning your ears. No. The little pleasures

in life. That's like an obligation to be sanitary. No, it's not. Sometimes I- There'd be many people out there that haven't cleaned their ears in years. In years, yeah. I haven't done, I didn't, I haven't done my ears this month. I've done mine twice a day. It's like an orgasm.

I don't know whether I accept that submission. Can I tell you the sort of other things that are on the list? Well, I like mine, but continue. A cool, a cool breeze. Apples with a good crunch. A good quality fruit cutting knife. I don't see where mine isn't relevant yet. Taking your bra off when you get home.

Climbing into bed with freshly shaved legs and clean sheets. Mitch added a high fibre shit. Yeah, isn't that good? That is. Doesn't leave a mess. Fluffy socks on a cool evening. I've been thinking too. A nice wet cheese. Like a mozzarella. Like't leave a mess. Fluffy socks on a cool evening. I've been thinking too. A nice wet cheese, like a mozzarella.

Like a burrata. Like a burrata. Oh, right. I do love a good burrata. But it has to be a wet cheese because it's such a beautiful consistency. See, I don't know. I think I'm more of a fan of a Palmer's than a hard cheese. Really?

You've got to grade it though. You can't gnaw on that. I don't know. I reckon I could. You can always tell too because there's a three teeth indents. You know when you bite into a block of cheese and it's just like... How often does this occur in your household?

Mitch is at it again, gnawing on the pharmacy. Mitch! Get your teeth off the coon! Alright, Dad. Alright, I'll leave the cleaning ears on my list of things for the duds and dick. Well, yeah, I find it extremely satisfying and you kind of brought it up on the spot, so that's what I've got. Well done, Matt.

Why did you do that? Yeah, just to make her feel good. She's the guest. I didn't know what was happening. She thought it was like an emergency siren going into lockdown. I'm out. The end of the show. Thank you, guys.

Thanks for having me. The high score at the local Macca's drive-thru. That's like the sound effects at Macca's. So dramatic. It's a timer going on, yeah. We've still got my DIY coffee scrub to go, but first my Is It Just Me for the week. Is it just me or...?

Do you find the news a little bit aggressive when they're reporting this coronavirus situation? Obviously, the pandemic is serious. They can't beat around the bush. But I just feel like some of the language that's used in news reports is so unnecessarily dramatic. Channel 9 being the worst offender. The other day I saw someone say,

the retail sector in the country can only be described as a bloodbath. I was like, really? I'm sure you could have thought of some other adjectives there. No, it could only be described as a bloodbath. I was like, really? I'm sure you could have thought of some other adjectives there. No, could only be described as that. And then he threw back to the bloody biddy at the desk and she's like, wow, Charles, life as we know it doesn't look like it's getting any better. Thank you. That's a thought, Davina.

Keep that to yourself. How morbid. It's very negative. It is. So long as I'm relying on them to report information only, I don't want your bloody dramatic twist on the end. No, keep it to yourself. But then they level it out because they run promos like,

we're all in this together. I know. Oh, God, they're cringe, aren't they? They get their local stars. Filming on their iPhone, it's like your dad filming from a low angle. It's like, mate. Yeah, I don't enjoy those at all. Like Matt Preston's hideous beard from a low angle. Hello, it's i don't enjoy those at all like matt preston's

hideous beard from a low angle hello it's matt preston don't worry we're in this together okay but yeah i obviously like i say the the situation is serious they can't beat around the bush but i have found a new service that are being a little bit more delicate about it and i tell you what i nearly burst into tears the first time I discovered this because I realised exactly how fragile I am. I reckon a big reason that my mood lowered during the corona thing was because I was just watching too much news. You know how when there's big things happening.

You're too aware. Yeah. You're more inclined to watch news. Like more people tuning in. Yes. And so I reckon because I was consuming so much of that, it really got me down. But I've been brought back up, baby. You let me tell you.

Because I've discovered on the project's Instagram every night, they've been posting family newsflash, which is essentially the day's news regarding coronavirus. But they've deliberately avoided any language that would make kids panic. And I'll fucking tell you what, it's just the best thing in the world. I'm obsessed. Here's one of the Project Family newsflashes for you. It is time now for the Project Family newsflash.

And the PM, Scott Morrison, has announced some tighter rules around what Australians can and can't do while we work to manage the coronavirus. We can't go to places where there are too many other people around, like public pools or play centres. It also means we can't hang out with a big group of mates, which I know is a bummer. But all in all, his most important message is that if we all stay home

as much as possible, we will be able to save people's lives, people we love dearly like our nan and pops and other vulnerable people in the community. Oh, that is really sweet. Wasn't that just, like, soothing, in a way? Yeah. Wait till you hear Lisa Wilkinson doing one. Well, time now for your Project Family News Flash.

Prime Minister Scott Morrison went on TV today to tell us about a new rule that anyone coming back to Australia from overseas will have to follow. To keep us all safe, anyone who comes into Australia will have to stay by themselves in a hotel room for two weeks just to make sure they don't have coronavirus. Don't you love that?

They have to stay by themselves instead of quarantine. That's how it's done. Shut in for two weeks. I'm like, bloodbath. You know the word they love using at the moment? Draconian. I've never heard the word draconian until now. Me too.

It's like an old school word that means like really bad effects, I think. It's like the new something will be. I don't even know. I've looked it up. It clearly didn't say it. How do I bloody do this? Draconian. I'm on it.

Oh, you are? Yeah, usually we get Jenna to Google stuff for us. Draconian is a law of their application excessively harsh and severe. The Nazis destroyed independence of press by a series of draconian laws. Really intense. That is intense. Yeah, so obviously all these lockdowns and stuff, they describe me as draconian. I just really want to try something for a sec.

Can you give me a really awful topic? I'm going to try and family news it. Oh my God. Like the Zodiac Killer Spree. Something really intense. What about Christchurch, the shooting? Oh, maybe. Did I go too dark? family news it oh my god like the zodiac killer spree something really intense what about christ church the shooting oh maybe did i go too dark maybe on the anniversary what about it's very close oh there's only i can there's only really dark things coming to mind something that's old

maybe i would have loved to have had family news flashes back in like i don't know the bushfires yeah this is the only way i want to consume news now. What about Kobe Bryant dying? I was going to say the Sydney siege, the Martin Place thing. Oh, let's just stick with the- We're going really savage. You know what? Someone give me the fucking Titanic or something that no one cares about anymore. Okay.

Report the Titanic as though it's a Project Family News Flash. Safe for kids. Okay, here we go. Well, time now for your Project Family News Flash. I remember last summer when the fam-fam went on the boaty boat to Lakeshell Harbour. Well, time now for your Project Family News Flash. Remember last summer when the fam-fam went on the boaty boat to Lakeshell Harbour? Think of that, but much bigger. Heaves and heaves of people on the boat hit a little rocky

and the shippy, like your crackers do in the morning, split in half. Water filled in through both sides of the boaty and the boat went sleep-sleeps. Over 1,000 people now resting, just like Aunt Pop and Uncle Greg did last Christmas. That's nice, right? No.

That's way too deceiving. Your auntie is somehow being so... What a crook family. Auntie Pop. Do you want to try one? I can only think of really dark ones. Yeah, family. Aunty Pop. Do you want to try one? I can only think of really dark ones. Yeah, my brain went really dark. Imagine 9-11.

Some naughty pilots. No, I'm going for you. You're going to do The Death of Princess Diana. Here we go. Well, time now for your Project Family News Flash. An old British woman on her way to work and unfortunately she drove into the tunnel and just never came out. She lives in that tunnel now. You wouldn't say that to a kid.

You'd say, now unfortunately the princess has been involved with an accident. Hug your mummy and daddy extra tight. I clearly... Little baby Prince William and Harry won't have a mummy. Okay, Mitch, I reckon you can do it. I reckon you've got this in the bag. What's my story? Bushfires, like I mentioned.

No. George Pell's plea. George Pell could be good. Why don't you do the Hindenburg crashing? I'm not across that. Oh, shit. We're both not across that. What's a terrible event?

Oh, my God. I know. Yeah. What about. Don't tell us. Let's see if we can decode it based on my God, I know. Yeah. What about? Don't tell us. Let's see if we can decode it based on how nicely you put it. Okay. Okay, here we go.

Well, time now for your Project Family News Flash. Well, the man who we rely on to run the country, Mr Tony Abbott, has today felt a little bit hungry and felt the need to snack on an onion now i wouldn't advise you do that i'd be asking mummy and daddy's permission before you go gnawing down on one of those yourself only dickheads do that sorry too much too much vulgarity i have no idea what you're referring to eating the onion what why do you eat an onion that's why he got out of office. No one knows the answer. Because he's naughty.

He's a fucking fool. Because he just ate an onion? Yeah. It doesn't seem like anything really wrong with that. Biting down into an onion like an apple. So he loses his job over it. No, that's not why he lost his job. His approval rating went right down.

After the onion incident. Oh, God, yeah. People weren't fucking impressed. Put it that way. I reckon I could do that. Can they get her an onion? I reckon I could gnaw into an onion and enjoy it. The thing is, anyone couldn't,

but no one wants to see the leader of a free nation chowed out into a white onion. It's bizarre. I doubt there's any onions in our work fridge, because that'd be great. You know what, though? Onions last a long time. I've learnt that since stockpiling.

I've had onions in my cupboard for months. What do you mean stockpiling? Well, in this coronavirus era. Were you one of those panic buyers? No, no, no. But I had things in my cupboard for months. What do you mean stockpiling? Well, in this coronavirus era. Were you one of those panic buyers? No, no, no. But I had things in my pantry that I'm like, won't let go of that just yet because you never know when I might need it. These onions, I'm telling you, they're holding on for dear life in there.

I have used onion from five months ago. Unlike Macca's chips, of course. In 30 seconds, you're done. You're listening to Is It Just Me? A podcast by a couple of midges. All right. Arguably the segment everyone's been waiting for. My DIY coffee scrub.

This will be very interesting. I've used it once now. I don't know if you used it like this, but I thought its entire purpose was a butt scrub. Like solely for your... I thought it was purely made for the butt hole area because that's a hard area. Because sometimes soap isn't enough for it, so maybe you need to really get in there with some grinds.

What the hell? There's facial exfoliant. You can exfoliate your hands. Yeah, but coffee's coarse as anything. Yeah, but... I did it in my butt and it went like up there. And for days I was like shitting out coffee scrub. Not in, you know, sometimes it slips in.

I don't want to think about that. Sorry, Leah. I've never in my life thought, hmm, getting a little bit rough down there. I might have to exfoliate my anus. What do you use it for, Mitch? Well, I, because I used to be a fat kid. When I lost all the weight, I've been left with that stretchy skin.

Yes. And so it means I'm really prone to razor rash. So I need a really hectic exfoliator like coffee scrub in order to prepare my face for a shave. So every time I'm shaving, which isn't often, let's be real, once a week. I think we're all fat kids, by the way.

I'm just a fat person. I don't know what you're talking about. He was actually a skinny kid. I was actually such a skinny kid. I've done it the opposite. I've gained so much weight. I don't know why. I was so skinny all through high school,

out of high school when I lived in America. I think it's good if you don't care, then who cares? I mean, much weight. I don't know why. I was so skinny all through high school, out of high school when I lived in America. I think it's good if you don't care, then who cares? I mean, I care. I don't care. No, I understand. You get money. You can stop buying your own food. Your parents don't hold you back anymore.

His parents still pay for his food. I feel like I gained the most weight when I got my license and could go through, drive through and all that kind of stuff. I do it every night at midnight. Can't get a fucking rap though. Anyway, coffee scrub. I'm going to tell you it's very easy and also a very perfect time for me to be teaching this. Apparently,

fun fact, people are googling DIYs and how-tos now more than ever. Apparently Google's seeing a way higher search rate for how-tos and DIYs than they would during Christmas and Easter holidays. People are fucking bored while they're isolating. Yeah, I watched her how to make soft scrambled eggs this morning.

Had to go for you. Great, I made them. That's good. I'm hoping people action this as well. Did you get the little bits of toast crust and you dip them in? Yeah. The little soldiers or whatever you call them? Yeah, you slice the bread up vertical.

Yeah. I'm going to give you some music, Mitch. Oh, what? Just some cooking music. Okay, well, let me tell you how easy it is. Three ingredients and one measuring cup. So all three ingredients are just half a cup mixed together. I want to stand up so I can see.

Okay. So I'm going to start with half a cup. Oh, God. I don't want to get in the studio. What is that? This is the coconut oil. It looks like kofa. It's going to need to be melted, Mitch.

I hope you're ready for a run. Usually I'd make Jenna do this, but you're going to have to go to the work fridge. I'm like Kofa. It's going to need to be melted, Mitch. I hope you're ready for a run. Usually I'd make Jen do this, but you're going to have to go to the work fridge. I'm going to run.

I'll walk there and talk to three people on my way. Don't. You always do that. I can't microwave it in a metal tin, Mitch.

I'm going to put it in the bowl, Dick Head. God. Who do you think I am? You've done this before, Cooley.

Yeah, exactly. So I'm currently scooping out the coconut oil into the cup. Can you eat coconut oil? No, you can cook with it. I don't know why Can you cook with, can you eat coconut oil? Yeah.

No, you can cook with it. I don't know why you would. Like, you wouldn't just eat it like Milo. No, you don't put, that's like having a spoon of Vegemite. No one does that. Yeah, yeah. There's a lot of coconut oil in there. Yeah, so hopefully no one's panicked about this.

I'm sure it'll be easy to find. How do you get oil from a coconut? Squeeze it? It's usually in the health food section, by the way, coconut oil. Sounds hot. Anyway. Milk that nut. God, I've got some on the table. I've milked many a nut in my day food section, by the way, coconut oil. It sounds hot. Anyway. Milk that nut. I've got some on the table.

You've said that in my day. Oh, nutty! No way! I'm shy, guys. So I've just given you half a cup of coconut oil. Go whack that in the microwave so that it's liquid. If you really want to. Actually, no, don't be putting your finger in there.

Don't touch my half cup. I've got to frigging... I've got to put all the other ingredients in there. Oh, yum. It tastes like a coconut rough. Am I melting it before it should be liquid? Yeah. How long, 50?

Use your brain until it's liquid. Anyway. You can tell he still lives at home. I know. How long? I'm having to wipe. What button do I push? He bloody licked my half cup.

I literally said, one measuring cup is all you need. Half cup for every ingredient. And he knows I had to use it again. Gross pig. Anyway. Let's hope he doesn't have the Rona. I hope so. Although he did nearly call in sick today. It was nearly you and I, Nat. Jenna's not here. Oh, the music's on now. What a shame. Oh, no. It was nearly just you and I. Mitch messaged me this morning and goes, oh, I'm feeling really sick and Jenna's not coming in. I was like, all right, Nat and I'll do it. I think he got jealous at the idea of someone being funnier than him.

So he was like, no, I'll come. Well, doesn't he still have to work tonight anyway? Yeah, exactly. I don't know what he thought was going to happen. Are you a fan of coffee scrub? Do you use it? I don't understand the whole concept of coffee scrub. Like there are a million other things I'd want to smell like before i'd want to smell like moldy coffee and you know what it reminds me of is that gross teacher with the yellow teeth

that would stand over your shoulder in school and tell you like oh you need to and you're just like you had 17 coffees four hours ago i can literally smell what you're talking about the foulest thing ever. Why is it always math when they're saying fractions? And why is every teacher that has coffee bread disgusting to look at as well? What are you pulling that off for? How vigorous is the mixing? I just had to take my hand brace off because I was struggling with the ingredients.

No, of course not. Don't worry, I'm sanitising my hands. There won't be any germs left on them. The oil's there. I'm back on mic. Oh, hello. The music ran out. No need to put any germs left on them. The oil's there. I'm back on, Mark. Oh, hello. The music ran out. No need to put it back on.

I did a wee. In that time? Yeah. It wasn't much. Very yellow, though. We didn't need to know that. Sorry. Okay, so like I said, three ingredients.

It's all a half cup. So first one is coconut oil. Second one is brown sugar. Yeah. If you ate that... I would. Oh, yeah. You would get four stretch marks

every mouthful. Maybe that's why I'm getting them. Well, I only learned this when I started making my own coffee scrub. It's completely edible. It's all food. I'll eat it.

No one has to dare me. Okay, so half a cup of brown sugar, half a cup of coconut oil, and now the final ingredient, half a cup of coffee grounds. You can either get the fresh coffee grounds if you're making it with a coffee machine,

or if you're really, really patient, you can get the stuff out of the pods after you've used them. Yes. And build that up to a half cup. Oh, you could have just gone into our work kitchen and gotten the grounds container and used that. You should get Coffee John to keep it for you. Yeah, I've been meaning to ask him. There's a little machine in there. Yeah, exactly.

I should start doing that. But I've just made it easier for myself. So I've just gotten coffee grounds just in the cube thing. It's just near all the instant coffee in the supermarket. So half a cup of this shit. You're making a right mess over there. I really am. I really am.

Looks like someone's trying to plant MacArthur. I've got a camera above me to make it look like a fancy tutorial online, but it's going to look revolting. Looks like we're in the Bon Appetit test kitchen. Here we go. How good is that page tasty? Oh, I love this. At the end when they go, mmm, yum.

It's very orgasmic. All right, I'm mixing all three ingredients together. Put the mic nice and close for the sound effect. There's not much happening. Oh, it smells good. That's not quite the mouldy teacher's breath coffee smell that I thought it would be. No, and optional extra ingredient is a little bit of vanilla essence. I've never done it, though.

But some of the recipes do say to add a bit. But you add half a cup of self-raising flour. Put that in a mug in the microwave. You've got yourself a mug cake. I know. It does look like that, doesn't it? So just recapping. Half a cup of coconut oil.

Melt it. Half a cup of coffee grounds. Half a cup of brown sugar. And there we go. It's done. I've got a little jar here to make it look a little bit fancy. Are you going to rub it on or what? Put it in.

Can I take this home to Hayden? That'd be very nice. I'm just going to use it for the time. Make sure you tell him it's the 99 cent coffee. He's made the budget version for Hayden. It was on clearance at the IGA. There we go. Look how easy that was.

In the jar. When you say try, are you going to put it on your hand or do you want to actually eat it like you said? I think he wants to eat it. I'll be eating it. I'm not scrubbing. Oh, God. I had a shower just before we recorded.

I don't want to get... Take it over there. I don't want to... That's gross. What are you expecting before you eat it? Because I don't think you're expecting what it will be. My expectations are low every time I eat anything, so I really don't mind what this is. Just remember, I already admitted these coffee grounds

were 99 cents at IGA a long time ago on clearance, so they're probably not the sort of thing you should be consuming. I was raised on Mocona, so I'm an instant boy, so this will be fine. Ready? Smells delicious. You know what? I'm going in for seconds. That's beautiful. What is wrong with you? It would be so coarse.

How much are you putting in your mouth? You'd have the smoothest tongue by the way. Yeah, look at that. I'm not joking. I'm not bullshitting. That's beautiful. Get a big heapful. Put a bit on your hand, Nat.

Tell me if it feels good. It's very warm. Why is it so warm? Because he microwaved it, babe. Fuck. Isn't it beautiful? And how easy was that? Do you often just want, do you lick your lips and go, oh, I've done well?

Oh, you know what? No. It smells nicer than I thought it would. Nat, try some. Come on, do it. You have worse things in your mouth. I'm going to lick this little bit off my hand. The coffee melts.

By the way, just as the person giving the tutorial, I don't recommend eating it. It's not bad, but it also. Oh, you're eating it too? What's wrong with you? No, it kind of just tastes like coconut oil. Yeah. With a little bit of coffee. And sugar.

Have you cleaned the bowl up over there? We've got it down like an armadillo in a snake hole. Do you not lick the bowl after? Not on camera. Not when I've got company. Put that in your bag for later. Yeah, bloody hell. Well done, Mitch.

Where can they get the recipe? Uh-oh. I just told you. Is your memory that bad? It's three things and each the same amount. I'm going to put the video up on our Instagram at some point. So just recapping, half a cup of coconut oil, half a cup of coffee grounds, half a cup of brown sugar. It's so easy.

I'll be honest, it is repeating on me now. Oh, I didn't think it was a good idea to eat it. That text you had down your throat, it's like swallowing sand. I feel like the coffee's blooming in my stomach. I thought originally you'd planned your dinner for later and now you're kind of backing out of that. I'll kiss my boyfriend. He'll be like, what have you been doing? You're gonna have that breath. Your mouth sounds like a...

Moldy breath. If it lingered in your arsehole for so long, I wonder how long it's gonna linger in your mouth. My arsehole's not bad. Very rough at all the orifices. That's enough. My orifices are off the table during Rona. Mine never really gets action. You're right.

What doesn't get action? He said during Rona his orifices are out of action. Oh, okay. They're not really. Well, no, but that is the advice they're giving. They're saying that you shouldn't be. Also, having a male partner, you can just, you know, it's easy. Yeah, but couldn't he just also do that himself?

No, but it's fun with someone. It's a nice intimate. Yeah, but that's what I mean. Wouldn't you want to do something he couldn't just do to himself? No, because it's fun when someone else does it. I thought of you the other day, Mitch, because you've been going between your partner's house or your partner's parents' house and your parents' house. The two of you have been like staying at each other's houses.

They've cracked down in New South Wales. Apparently you can't do that anymore. It's like where you're sleeping is where you're staying. You can't go visit other people, even your partner. That's what's confusing me. We're not there yet. You're going to have to choose your lawyer. No, but we are there.

Are we? That's one of the new rules. We are there. Oh, babe, you're going to get arrested. What are you doing with your boyfriend? I live with him, so he is my one other person. Are you in those Cronulla Towers near the Sharkies? I was, not anymore.

Got it, okay. Shy talk. Shy talk, sorry, boring. Anyway, whose house are you going to choose if it comes to it? Or are you guys going to stay apart for the duration of the isolation? Who's more important, your boyfriend or your family? Well, my family are all working from home, so I'll go crazy living with them, so I'll probably move with Hayden.

So you'd move in with him? He lives closer to work, so it'd be smarter to move in with Hayden. His mum would be lonely if he moved in with you too. You've got enough bloody cherries under that roof. Very true. There's a lot of us. Fair enough. Anyway, well done.

I thought that conversation was going to be, oh my God, I'm so torn. How do I decide? No, we're being logical. No, you just helped me matter my mind. Thank you very much. Good. Well, thanks for hanging out with us this week, Nat. No worries.

It was fun. You did a very good job. Well done. You were one of the, actually, I'm going to say... Was that the same time? Did you see my eyes? You've played that sound effect twice now on both times. I've been very confused.

Just then I was like, all right, we're done. We end very abruptly. You've been the best guest we've had. I think because we're very similar. That's maybe why I like having you on. Shy people. Shy people. You wouldn't know.

Dirty bitches. No, I wouldn't know. And I'm quite happy not to know. We'll be back next week. You came to the Shire once Once Matt we're trying to rap Matt's like Let's talk about Maccas again

Shut up I'm not finished The thing I don't understand About the Shire people Right People from That part of Sydney Is that

They are the first To talk about How awful the Shire is But if anyone else Outside the Shire Criticises They're like Fuck off you dog how awful the Shire is. But if anyone else outside the Shire criticises it, they're like, fuck off, you dog. We love the Shire.

We grew here. You flew here. Fuck off, we're full. My grandfather said that in the Bible. Fuck off, we're full. What's we're full? We're full. Oh, we're full.

No one else. I thought you were saying some woman named Weffle. Fuck off, we're full. Yeah, his neighbour was Weffle. I broke up with you 25 years ago. Fuck off, Waffle. All right, guys, thanks for listening. We'll be back again next week.

It's going to be our first show not using the studio. Yeah, we're going to be in ISO. Producer Jenna, hopefully, will be back, and some Pilates might be on the table. Or floor. Well, we were going to get her to do a Zumba tutorial, but I'm up to date with all the new regulations. Can't do that.

Oh, really? Yeah, I think we're going to have to be in different locations. Okay, well, we'll plan it, and next week's going to be a very different show, but guaranteed you'll enjoy it. Yeah, it's going to be a lot of fun. I'm actually looking forward to it. Stay safe out there, everyone.

It actually is wild, so stay safe. Look after yourself, self-isolate, and we'll be back next week fresh up. Awesome. Catch you next Monday, guys. Bye. See you. Bye.

Is it just me? Don't forget to subscribe and leave a review on your podcast app. Sorry, Mitch is cleaning up. I've never done this before. I normally start the show, Nat, and then Mitch ends the show and introduces AD Debrief. It's our secret segment. Oh, he still does it. That we do after we've wrapped the show. It's basically the segment at the end of the show Nat and then Mitch ends the show and introduces AD Debrief. It's our secret segment. Oh, he still does it. That we do after we've wrapped the show.

It's basically the segment at the end of the show. We try to deter people from listening because we sort of get a bit dirty. We talk about anything. There's no holds barred. Not even necessarily dirty. It's just embarrassing the people we become in this segment. Very true. What kinds of things I need to.

Well, there's nothing planned. So we do whatever we want. The rule is it's rogue completely. We make no plans during this segment. Yeah, also people can call through. So on 186-990-432-9666, people can ring. This is what I mean when I say I'm not proud of this segment. He thinks it's funny to go rogue on the sound effects

and just make shit up. Did you just make a number up or do you guys have a whole line? He makes the new number up every week and thinks it's funny. Did someone fart? No, not me. I think that's my breath from the coffee. How did my coffee stop from any fart breath?

I don't know. Yuck. Sorry, people live tweet, Nat. They don't. I love we have fresh blood in here. People think it's so good. People live tweet as we podcast. Oh, number one. Number one. Guess who it is? Joe Hockey.

What did he say? He says, hi, guys. Love the addition of Nat. Can't wait for the full episode to be out because I only started listening halfway through. Fair enough. Because people just, they tune in and then they can tweet as they go. Okay. Jenna's joining us via Zoom.

Jenna, you enjoyed the show. Did you like Nat? I thought she was a good guest. I agree with you there. There you go. That's nice. I'm thoroughly enjoying this. I told you.

We can actually, this is the first time since Not My Cup of Tea that I've been able to use the Jenna grabs and have them make sense because usually she's here. Oh, let's fucking manipulate the bitch. What can we get her to say? What a fucking bitch. Shut up. She's aggressive today, isn't she?

What do you reckon Mitch brought to the table today, Jay? Yeah, no, nothing good. Oh. How many of these do you have? A lot. This was my idea back in the day, and then I found out, because Mitch has no staff on his radio show at night, he's been pretending to have a producer with my Jenna grabs

that I recorded for my old podcast. I use that every night. People think producer Jenna's real. Jenna's got about 17 jobs in this network if she also produces you guys. She doesn't. She doesn't. What else can we ask Jenna? We're sort of thinning out on the responses, so maybe let's give Jenna a raise.

Oh, is that all we've got in the repertoire? Jenna, you've got to go have a cup of tea, right? I agree with you there. There's so many more. I don't think you've got them all. She can't agree with you on going to have a cup of tea. Yeah. Maybe you've deleted them or. She can't agree with you on going to have a cup of tea. Yeah. No, maybe you've deleted them or they've been overwritten in the system,

but there was so many. There was, I'll Google that now, and there's so many in there. She's such a polite producer as well. I'll Google that now. And then we brought her in real life. Not polite at all. No, she's such a bitch. Mitch, surely.

Stop throwing shit in the bin, you. Yeah, I was going to say, surely you can sit down. No, but there's plenty. It's really annoying. Like, how quickly do you want to get out of here at the end? Quite. He often tries to. Oh, surely... Stop throwing shit in the bin, you. Yeah, I was going to say, surely you can sit down. No, but there's plenty... It's really annoying, like, how quickly do you want to get out of here at the end? Quite. He often tries to... Oh, someone's here. I'm telling you, this secret is my shame. Open the door.

When you cough... Is that a zipper? They're walking in. How croaky is the door? No, we have one that is... I thought it was a witness zipper. We have a record... Is that a door? Yeah, someone just walked in. They're out now. Go again.

Huh? I can't. Someone's got to walk in. Oh, they're coming in. That's not a door. That was an angle grinder. That was an angle grinder. Sorry, it was. The key's in the door.

Unlock it, Jake. There we are. He's coming in. What's it do? A little stiffy from this? Yeah, he does. From the sound effects? A little bit.

Serious question, though. I've noticed when you laugh, you cough? Yeah, he does. From the sound effects? A little bit. Serious question, though. I've noticed when you laugh, you cough. Yeah, he does. Can't fix it. What is that? I don't smoke. I do. Do you laugh when you cough?

I don't find my coughs particularly hilarious. Sorry. You cough when you laugh. No. Really? See, I don't know what it is. Do you have asthma? Severe asthma. Okay, well, that's See, I don't know what it is. Do you have asthma? Severe asthma.

Okay, well, that's it. I was born two months preemie. What's the connection with asthma and premature babies? Well, because my lungs weren't developed. So I was born two months preemie and my left lung didn't exist. It just hadn't been built. So it grew later. When I came out, they were like, he's probably going to die.

And then I spent the first three months of my life in hospital. Wow. My mum's like, what will happen to my and then I spent the first three months of my life in hospital and they're like my mum's like what'll happen to my boy they're like he'll be severely underweight his whole life do you want to know something

doctors were fucking wrong do you want to know something crook as fuck when my parents found out that they were pregnant with me the doctor said I was Down Syndrome no word of a lie

and then you were born and they were like no she's not what the fuck no they're like yeah she is. It didn't exactly happen like the whoops, but no, the first test they do for all that kind of stuff.

Oh, it came up positive. It came up that I had the additional chromosome or whatever the test is that they do. I wonder what went wrong. What's crazy about that, though, is they actually give you the option. That's why they do it because some people aren't mentally fit to be able to look after a child that needs 24-7 care. Yes.

And my parents were like, you know, we'll love her anyway kind of thing. And then they were just kind of like, whoopsie-daisy, she's fine. My whole life I've copped, yeah, they were right. Funny. Oh, that's rude. Classic gag. Yeah. Well, I was very early and, yeah, they had to put me in an incubator

and I basically, it's like when a cake comes out too soon, you put a skewer in it, you're like, that needs more. That was me. So they just chucked me in an oven for three months and cooked me. Stack a kebab stick in you and like, it's perfect now. Yeah, I put an apple in my mouth and an onion in my ass and I was set to go. But I think they overcooked me because I'm fucking huge. But not until you got your license and could drive, right?

That's exactly right. I was skinny all through. I'm going to show you a photo. I would die. Can I show you? Do we all have photos of what used to be? Yeah, Mitch. Get fat, Mitch.

I'll get skinny, Mitch. And you just get skinny. Tragic nap. Awful. It actually makes me. Just awful. Mine's my profile picture. I just have to swipe back maybe four swipes and I'm there.

All right. I've got my fat pic. Oh, hang on. Mine's not readily available. How many people do you show this to if you just bam? It's literally one of the only photos in my favorites for scenarios like this so I can whip it out and be like, see? Look at that. I've come.

I don't know what one you want to see. This is my most anorexic. Well, we have a Facebook group for listeners of this segment only. It's called Endurant Idiots, and the cover photo is Skinny Mitch Turi. Correct. Patting an equestrian horse. Yes. So only people who are aware of this segment are able to enter that group.

I've got it. Okay. I'll go first because I started it. This is Skinny Me. This was what year? Hold on. 2011. So this was nine years ago. Ready?

That's not you. It is. But the face doesn't even look like you. Yeah, wow. That's me. Look at the collarbone on him. Show me. This is me.

Are you wearing dog tags? Yes. This is what I mean when I. Are you wearing dog tags? Yes. This is what I mean when I say I'm not proud of this segment. No one can see the photos. This is no good content. We'll post them up. That's me in my age 10. Oh, look how built I am.

Do you know what? We'll pop them in the Endurant Idiots group. Oh, look at me. I was an ally. How many people are in this Endurant? Oh, what is it? It's nearly 200, right? Yeah, I'm going to check now.

Yeah, it's 190. Here's my fatty pic. Oh, my. Oh, thank you. Mitch, you's 190. Here's my fatty pic. Oh, my. Oh, thank you. Mitch, you're a big... Are you wearing a T-shirt under your button up? Because that's a true sign of being an FC. Did you notice that Mitch was doing that in his skinny pic?

When you pop the button up undone over the T-shirt, that's when you're trying to hide the love handle. Oh, God, yeah. Or also bitch tits. Yeah, I had those. And I always have an undershirt because of sweat. You can see I've got like 14 of those. No, the undershirt is for the, I feel like, covering the bumps.

Yes, it is. No, that didn't work. Because the more layers, the more it smooths things over. But you get hotter, so then you're just a sweaty, fat mess. Do you want to see mine? Go for it. Oh, is that a potato shower? No eyebrows either. Wow my and also i might just add that i'm wearing my mum's old polo shirt hold on come here closer you look like a kid who comes up to

you and says you have games on your phone i do or i just keep kicking you repetitively because i hate my life so I want to annoy you or you know when you're a kid and you kind of have like a crush or you really admire someone older than you

like one of your siblings friends and you just annoy them constantly I used to do that all the time one of those kids now get out of the classroom

why that's what that says do you know what I notice a lot of the time if you were like a foul kid in school yeah chances are you've had a glow up.

But the so-called hot girls are all like kind of ranked now, don't you reckon? They're all guys too. Hot girls are still with all their boyfriends, especially from our school. You'll know this. All the hot girls that have boyfriends that they met in year 10 are still with them.

Come on, hands down. Or I've noticed that they might break up with the boyfriend, but then they get straight back into another relationship. They're just relationship type. That's their way of telling the world I'm successful. And, you know, I remember when you're in school, it's that coffee scrub. It's making me go neurotic.

Yeah, why did you eat it, you fuck? I don't know. How many shots of coffee do you reckon he had in those mouthfuls? I'm fucking buzzing. That's a good point, actually. My shit's going to be like that magic sand that kids play with. Kinetic sand. Kinetic sand.

I'll shit it now and I I'll turn into a tree. Everyone from high school, especially the high school I went to, had such a reputation in high school, especially at our school. Like Bec Turi, my sister, was like badass. Everyone knew who she was. And she's a cop now, right? Was she? She's a cop.

I was going to be a cop too, actually. You'd be a great cop. What happened? Why didn't you be a cop? I wouldn't. I'd be a cunt. No, you wouldn't. You'd pull me over and I'd be like, take what you want.

No, the problem is I'd pull people over and I'd be like, take what you want. No, well, no. The problem is I'd pull people over and then they'd just piss me off. So I'd just, you know what I mean. Shoot them. You'd be like, you've been pulled over for speeding, sir. And then they'd give you a lip and you'd be like... They'd say, I wasn't... You'd be that cop that goes viral on Facebook because you didn't realise there was a dash cam and then they put it up. Look at this dog cop.

Yeah, no, I have zero patience for anyone arguing back with me. I wasn't speeding, you're right. Why were you speeding? My wife was giving birth in the front seat, that's why we were... Oh, you don't have to fucking live through it now, do you, mate? I'm so glad you're not a cop. See, can I just say, I play this every week and no one thinks it's funny.

You opened the lines, didn't get any callers. Oh, well're not a cop. See, can I just say, I play this every week and no one thinks it's funny. You opened the lines, didn't get any callers. Oh, well. What a shame. You get some interesting people calling through to the edge, don't you, that radio station? My favourite is anyone with the name Mohammed. They're hilarious. Who is the edge listener to people who have never tuned in to the edge 96.1? Well, the edge listener, Western Sydney.

Yeah. Yeah. 25. I like to imagine every tradie... Probably works as a mechanic. Yeah, every tradie ute with P plates on it, or like a little Mazda that's going through the Maccas drive-thru with P plates has the edge on.

Well, yeah, but it can't be like a new Hilux ute. It's got to be like an old white ute with a steel tray, red P's on it. Yes. Young Western Sydney people, right? And you answer the phone. So what sort of stuff do you get? Do you get abuse?

I'll be you, ready? And you answer the phone, ready? Yeah, stuff do you get? Do you get abuse? I'll be you, ready? And you answer the phone, ready? Is that your Mikey name or what's your name? John. John, what are you calling about? I just want to tell Mikey he's a fucking dickhead. Okay, thanks, John. We're going to see if we can get you one of the next 10.

Stay there. Get off Bluetooth and speakerphone. Turn your radio off in the background, John. What's your ideal caller? So say you're in the morning, you need a call. What do they say to get on air? What's the best thing? I like the unexpected things. Same, yeah. like if i could tell you what the ideal call would

be it wouldn't be the ideal call because i've thought of it it'd have to be something that really gets me like sometimes when they actually make me laugh like i remember one um one guy calling up and telling us the story about how his date shit her pants like during the date in the movie theater and that i was barely laughing well you told us just before we came in on air on the cloud that you have pooed the bed before. I have pooed the bed, yeah. As a kid? I was a child, yeah.

And what were you dreaming of? I dreamt and I vividly remember dreaming of the toilet. Oh, no. And I was like, ooh, lucky there's a toilet there because I'm turtleneck in. I remember sitting in the toilet, wiping everything, and then I woke up and was like. So, like, in the dream you made the decision.

With squeegees in my pan. In your dream you made the decision to shit, and then your body in real life was like, yep, we're cooperating. It's like it was like Inception. Like, in my dream I was like, hang on, hold the dream. I've got to go upstairs to the toilet and do a poo. And then it wasn't until I woke up that I realised. That's confusing. I've done that.

I've wet the bed recently. When you're drunk? Recently. Yeah, probably 19, 20 years old at least I wet the bed. I have friends who have boyfriends who piss themselves every time they drink. So like that wee on my friend. I've never done that. I don't think I would put up with that.

I'd have to really love someone to be like, no, babe, it's fine. No, I had an ex-boyfriend. I just remembered then an ex-boyfriend weed on me once. It wasn't a habit thing, but he did do it once. We have a boss here at work who said he weed on his girlfriend for fun. Hang on. I want to know. Fun for her or him?

Him, not her. Right. I want to unpack this one. Did she just, your friend who said that that happened, did she just put up with it and accepted, yeah, whenever Damo gets drunk, he pisses her off? Oh, like that's just part of it. Would she ever, your friend who said that that happened, did she just put up with it and accepted, yeah, whenever Damo gets drunk, he pisses off. Oh, like that's just part of, would she ever jump in the spare bed? No, because I was at the house

and he went to sleep and she said something like, oh, I'm not going to sleep in there tonight because he'll probably piss on me. And I was like, what? What? And then she said, yeah, every time he drinks pretty much. And he apparently knows he's doing it as well. He's just too lazy and drunk. Oh, that's no good. I was going to say, she's a very accepting if it's an accident, but if he knows he's doing it, what a pig's just too lazy and drunk. Oh, that's no good.

I was going to say, she's very accepting if it's an accident. But if he knows he's doing it, what a pig. I think some people do it accidentally, but they'll, like, open a wardrobe door and think it's the bathroom. Oh, right. Yeah. He just lays there out of laziness. Do you guys wee in the shower? I do. I do.

Yeah, that's normal. I wee in the bath. No, you don't. No, you can't do that, Nat. I don't wee in the bath. Nat, you can't wee in the bath. I don't wee in the bath. Nat, you can't wee in the bath. The urine is sterile. You.

I'm not asking you to come share my bath water. That's true. If you're not sharing it, what's the problem? Myself. We couldn't fit in a bloody Meriton Homes pool. Or a Gamber Mitch. Or a Gamber Mitch. That's a dam for everyone listening.

Hoover Mitch. Hoover damn. Yeah, I got it. Yeah, thanks. No one laughs, I just thought. Because we don't laugh. He takes it really personally if no one laughs. And it's like, you can't just...

You would have been that weird kid growing up doing performances for your family and they would have been pity laughing. No, that didn't happen. But I did have an alto saxophone from year 9 to 12. And I played it for the family at family dinners. You know what I should do? Would you still play it? Yeah, I picked up an alto saxophone from year 9 to 12 and I played it for the family at family dinners. You know what I should do? Would you still play it? Yeah, I picked up an alto saxophone the other day. It was here at work and I played Eye of the Tiger. Is it still here?

I was about to say, I should get, because my sister she has my violin and she plays the saxophone professionally. She's a saxophone teacher. I'm like, I should get her to come in one day with a sax and a violin and see if we can play a fucking duet. Imagine that. I love that. Can you play the violin? Yeah well I haven't touched one in years. Me too

I can. Oh my god can I sing on this? I can close my eyes and I can picture where my fingers go Let's get her to do Ave Maria while we play on the saxophone and violin. Oh I'd love that that'd be fun Ave Maria Ave Maria You know I can sing

You know what I just thought that's full The Prayer by Anthony Kalia didn't he do a version of Ave Maria at one point? see You know what I just thought That's full The prayer by Anthony Kalea Didn't he do A version of Ave Maria At one point I'm thinking of Shrek Isn't it in Shrek That's Hallelujah

Oh yeah I can actually opera sing Dead set Do you want to hear it As in you've been trained Or you just make it up No I went to theatre school In New York

And part of the training Was operatic singing Wow you've done an opera What a humble brag I've done an opera I say it on If you listen to the show, you know that I've mentioned that before. Ready? I don't think he has.

My diaphragm isn't warmed up. If I say shoulders moving upward. Listen to my rage. I've got it. Well, you can do more than one. Ave Maria. How dare I doubt him. That actually sounded,

not like an impression of someone doing an opera performance, that actually sounded like an opera singer. Do you think that was good? Huh? Do you think that was good? Yes. Would you buy his CD? No, of course not.

Never bought an opera CD. No one listens to opera, it's kind of creepy. No one does. Mark Vincent lives in our area. He does. He was on X Factor? No, something like that I think he won

now he performs at the local pub really took off his career he was performing at Christmas which is the busiest sale time of the year your Christmas oh I think family Christmas

I don't have Christmas in April bring in Mark your present come on in no at Christmas at Westfield you know when everyone's rushing

and you've got to get the card I was like fuck off there's just one level of opera though like you can't have chill no there's not you don't know no i love it when a lady does like a she starts gentle she's like builds it up yeah i could probably do that. Ready? No, I can't do it. Bit breathy, darling. I'm very deep. I'm very deep. Just clear in the throat, you know?

Yeah. That was actually not bad. You know, do you guys know that meme with the weird looking animal? Yes. It's like, take a closer look at that snout. I can do an impression. I'll show you. I'll get it up on the website. Also, this bothers me.

It's something that's a video. It's not a meme. Yes, it is. No, this is going back to the Vine days, I think. Do it for the Vine. It's from Phantom of the Opera and I can do this opera. Just an impression of this meme. Ready?

Take a closer look at that snout. Why was this ever going viral? It's fucking funny. Keep watching. It weirds me out. I don't like it. So yeah, I can do an impression of that. That's the extent of my off-pron.

Go for it. Go, go, go, go, go. Take a closer look at that snout. See? Why do the hands? What do they add? Part of the performance. Yeah, they fisted up part of my apple pencil, please.

I mean, why do you have this? I sketch. Can I throw? I sketch. Can I throw? I sketch on smart. Is there even a smart board in this building? I do sketch. That's me and Hayden. I drew it on the weekend.

Oh, my God. Oh, do you use it for whose eyebrows? Hayden's. I was playing around with pencils. Can I just say, this is a very strange moment for me, because you come in on this show and you repeat the same stories because you forget that you've already told them. In the space of today, you've told me you're an opera singer.

You can fucking sketch very well. I'm looking at that as well. Studied Broadway in New York. Yeah, you studied theatre in New York. I'm like, have you been sitting on all these stories this whole time and yet up until now you just come in and go, I'm on the radio, I have no sound, I'm here till midnight. You never ask.

Yeah, I do. You've never asked. Why didn't you ask him about him? A good co-host probes, you'd know. You've got to. Yeah, I do. You've never asked. Why didn't you ask him about him? A good co-host probes. You'd know. You've got to ask questions. I do. Anyway, I think we should probably wrap.

It's been a very long show. I've needed to wee for the past 97 minutes. Okay, we should get out of here. That's very generous of you. I actually have to say, thank you for being here. It's great to have someone who probes found out that I'm an operatic singer. I don't know if that was her probing. We just got there naturally.

This is why I always encourage against the sound effect thing because the conversation can lead to who knows where. Okay, from next week, no sound effects. Well, there won't be. We're going to be in isolation. Nat, thank you for coming on. It was a pleasure. Once again, plug your socials, Nat Penfold.

Nat Penfold. Brilliant. Are you a Twitter user? No. I have one, but I think my only tweet was years ago when I was trying to get it to pop up at the bottom of the screen on The Voice. Oh, yeah. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. Myva, Altian Child's voice of an angel. I love Delta's dancing tonight. Oh, yeah. Who compliments Delta? And they didn't put that on? They would have been the only person saying that. If I'm a smart person, I would have found that on my own Twitter and deleted it.

Once I tweeted Big Brother when they used to do live and it came up and I made it my cover photo on Facebook. I was so fucking proud of it. Oh, my God. I remember back in the day when Yumi Stimes was on MTV. Yeah. We were like texting the line that made the things come up because she was like a huge TV thing back then. What happened?

What did she host? Yeah, like Channel V or MTV or something. And she was like, cool. Yeah. Oh, damn it. You definitely got rid of your old tweets. Yeah. I also was probably smart in the same period of time deleting my Facebook.

I mean, sorry, my old MySpace. And I also had a Bebo at one point, which you won't know. Oh, I didn't have Bebo, but I had Habbo Hotel. Don't! I loved Habbo Hotel. What's Habbo Hotel?

I was talking about this yesterday. My brother used to get so annoyed at me because back then it was to get on the internet. Same. So you had like a time limit each day and I'd use up all our time on Habbo Hotel going into private rooms and things changed to Bobba real quick. What is it?

Habbo Hotel is like a cross between Club Penguin and Sims, but you're an adult and you're all like Lego figures. It's like a chat room, but you can make your own character and you talk to each other. It's people all around the world. And then you have private rooms. You can earn coins that give you like furniture in your room. You were in like a chat room, but you can make your own character. And you talk to each other. It's people all around the world. And then you have private rooms. You can earn coins that give you furniture in your room. You were in a hotel. People used to try and have sex with you and stuff on there.

But every word you said that was like, fuck or bitch, it would turn into Boba. I'd be like, I want to Boba you. And Boba you, Boba. And stuff like that. I used to sit on there like, you saw what I looked like. Imagine that girl sweating at the computer drinking 17 Diet Cokes and eating muffins.

My sister was groomed by a pedophile on Cod Penguin. And now my sister's a pedophile. She was fine. Nothing ever happened, but he would just constable they. Did you just start saying, now my sister's a pedophile? No, now my sister's a pedophile hunter.

She's a pedophile cop. Is she? Like a specialist pedophile cop? Yeah, she's in that division, yeah, detective. Wow. Yeah, and my little sister was the one who had a weird creep. Every time she'd log on, they'd be there and like, hi, come to my igloo.

And she'd be like, sure. I never played this penguin thing, but I'm assuming same concept as you. Yeah, club penguin, pedophiles. But if you swore, you got kicked off, club penguin. Yeah. Yeah, they weren't bobbin or whatever the fuck it was. I can't have bubble as the Bober. Yeah, Club Penguin, pedophiles. But if you swore, you got kicked off Club Penguin. Yeah. Yeah, they weren't bobbin' or whatever the fuck it was. I can't have bubble tea the same way.

She's like, do you want to have boba in yours? I'm like, what are you fucking saying to me? Do you want to fuck my milk tea? Who wants to play Bober Mary Void? Yeah. Bober you. Hey, that character in Star Wars Dirty, Bober Fett. What's his real first name?

Fuck Fett. Boba the Builder. What a dirty cunt he was. He died this week, actually. Who? The voice of Bob the Builder passed away. Rona? The voice of Bob the Builder.

Yeah, from Corona. He didn't have Rona. Well, the guy from Star Wars did. Did he? Someone from Star Wars died. Did they really didn't have Rona. Well, their guy from Star Wars did. Did he? Woo-woo. Someone from Star Wars died. Did they really? From the Rona.

That's actually awful. Maybe it was Star Trek. Is there a big difference? It's all the same. They're all in fucking space. Mm, bullshit. They're all shit. They're all fighting some war that no one cares about. I haven't seen one episode of Star Wars in my life. I've never seen Star Wars. I don't think they are episodes.

I think they're films. I think they're films. No, they're not. They're called episodes. They are called episodes. All right, we need to get out of here. Nat Penfold on all socials. Mitch and Mitch will be back tomorrow, next week. And then Jenna should hopefully be here.

We'll see if we can social distance and still keep her on the show. Exactly right. Love you guys. Stay safe. Catch you next Monday. Thanks for listening. Bye-bye. Is it just me?

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