Is It Just Me? - #245: Knife Fight

Episode Date: November 3, 2024

The title will make sense by the end... 🤪🔪   In this episode: Crohn's chat (05:32) Are QR code menus done? (11:20) The best life skill you can have (18:58) The umbrella fiasco (23:44) Reverse parking VS. nose-in (28:46) Our “Secret Segment” ADDebrief (36:24)   Merch still available! coupleofmitches.com.au 🛍️   Join our Facebook group 'Endurant Idiots' facebook.com/groups/477062186470271 Hit us up: @coupleofmitches Send us a text: 0422 948 202See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is Is It Just Me? Hosted by a couple of Mitches. Hello you! Hello you! Go! Brace yourself for the rude shocks of young adulthood. Oh please, you're in bed with a cup of bloody Horlicks by 8. Horlicks?

It puts you to sleep. It's like a malt drink. Sounds like a slur. Oh, I've heard that Horlicks. Now here's Mitch Chudy and Mitchell Coombs. Hello, you. Hello, you. How are you, Mitchell? Oh, I've been better.

Yeah, you sent us a text saying, I'm going to be late. I'll explain on the show. And then you walk in looking like a disheveled mess. I'm so sorry to say. And you wanted to explain what's happened. Well, that's actually what my is it just me is going to be, explaining the drama. That's not why I look like a dishevellled mess. I'm so sorry to say. And you wanted to explain what's happened. Well, that's actually what my Is It Just Me is going to be. Explaining the drama. That's not why I look like a dishevelled mess.

Right. I've just been crook all week and I'm over it. I'm joking, by the way. I'm over it. You look lovely. Yeah, I feel every November I get sick. I think it's just exhaustion from the year. Could be.

You can see the light at the end of the tunnel, so your body just gives in on itself. It's literally at the point where I've gotten a few DMs from very kind-hearted people saying, why aren't you posting anything on social media? And I'm like, because I can pull it together for the podcast, but the last week I've just been moping. I feel awful. Yeah. Wait, so people notice that you don't post?

Oh, no one does. No one cares for me. No one ever asked me why I don't post. It's not about you. No, it's not about you. You're right. So what, you get people saying, where are you why I don't post. It's not about you. No, it's not about you. You're right. So what, you get people saying, where are you? I have this week, yeah.

Oh, Mitchell. And it's not a good thing to Dr. Google, some of the symptoms, because according to Dr. Google, I either have pneumonia or a collapsed lung. Uh-huh. So I may not make it through the episode. Who knows? When you walked in here, I did think, oh, he looks, his left side looks a bit collapsed. I think it could be it.

Dr. Google is the worst. I made the mistake of even worse, and I do not recommend this to anyone. Dr. AI, so bad. What, like chat GPT symptoms? Yeah. No, I sent them a screenshot of my blood test results, which are like numbers and glubins and hypos and mypos and all these things I don't understand. So I sent a screenshot and I'm like, can you please interpret this for me?

And they did. And they're like, well, this in consideration with this is the beginning of many forms of cancer. Oh my God. So I freaked myself out. So do not do that. It's scary. But you know what fucked me off about the doctor Googling I did?

Because I've got like this really persistent chesty cough. I'm going to call a spade a spade. Phlegm. Lots of phlegm going on in my fucking world at the moment. And it basically just said, yeah, go see your GP. Is it just me on the fly? Why is that impossible? Yeah, it's so hard.

I tried to book my usual Dr. Madeline. The next available appointment is in two Saturdays time. Yeah. I could be dead by then. You could. Yeah, given the collapsed lung. Exactly. Wait, do you have a local, like your GP that you go to all the time?

Yeah, she's my go-to. But even outside of that, I checked that same clinic. None of them had any appointments anytime soon. All the ones around. And I'm like, it's at a point where it won't go away, whatever this thing is that I've got. And I want to go to a GP. But none of them are available.

I'm going to have to go to one of those bloody walk-in clinics and just schlep it there for fucking four hours, hoping to get treated. A medical centre. Nothing more frightening than the wails of a medical centre. People just moaning and groaning in the halls, and I just wanted to go there to get Panadine Fort, and everyone is screaming and crying.

Yeah, you go to my GP. I can give you my GP. He's very good. Is he booked out? No, I can get in with like a week's notice. A week? Yeah. I'm sick now.

Mitchell, you never – Gone are the days of the 90s where you could just walk up to your doctor's office and get an appointment the next day. I know. Everyone's sick. We're all sick. Producer, what is your name? Oh my God.

Pricekeeper. You know what? I just forget who... What your title is. No, I know who you are. It's our third wheel, Pricekeeper Jenna. It's been that way for approximately four years, but it doesn't matter. I have...

You know, I've got so many different characters. You know, the other day on the show, I called Producer Grace, this is on my radio show, Pricekeeper Jenna. Live on radio. All women look the same to you, I get it. It's not that. I've got Producer Grace, Pricekeeper Jenna, Producer Isabel. It's too many Ps.

Just call them by their name. No, but I can't just call Jenna, Jenna. You know, we've established this long-running bit. Yeah. Oh, I think we do call her Jenna. We do, but why? Actually, let's try that for the rest of this episode. It can't just be Jenna.

It's always her full title. Yeah. Prizekeeper Jenna. All right, Prizekeeper Jenna. Like Her Majesty. Quite, yeah. A little bit different. Yeah.

A tiny bit different. But why are you stressed? Oh, that's your regime. You're going to tell me later. Oh, there was a drama. That's why I was running late today. Are you going to tell us now? Well, let's just say my, is it just me? If I had to do me later. Oh, there was a drama. That's why I was running late today. Are you going to tell us now? Well, let's just say, is it just me?

If I had to do a hook, it would be that I feel you're going to be very proud of me. Maybe not you, but someone out there listening will be proud of me. Oh, well, you made direct eye contact with me and said you, so I'm assuming I thought it was me. But then I thought about it and I was like, maybe not you, actually. You might not give a fuck. I care. I care about your life.

Okay, well, we'll see. Why don't you kick things off? Okay, I've got an idiom. We both do, actually. That's how we start every episode. We have something we notice, something we hate or appreciate. Mitch doesn't know mine, and I don't know Mitch's. And then Prizekeeper Jenna is just there.

I'm just here. Nice. You used the full title. Well done. Thank you for that. Well, then why don't you call me Mitchell? That's my full name. No, no, because Mitchell Coombs is Mitchell.

You're Mitch. I can't call you. Sorry, Prizekeeper Jenna is pretty good at saying Cheery and Coombs so that there's no confusion to the listener. Yes. You are very good at that too. I am very good at that. Our guests are famously terrible.

They both just. Oh, fuck, sorry. Oh, there's that collapsed little hug. Yeah. The other one just collapsed. Oh, no. I got my blood taken today. And look, can you see?

Oh. Oh, my God. I hate getting my blood taken. Why? Because it just stings. I have a fear of it. Yeah, so do I. It stings.

Stings and hurts. There was a point in time when I had really bad Crohn's disease in the thick of the worst of it where I was getting daily blood tests. So I'm fine. Oh my God. I'm fine now. You just jab me and I don't even flinch. How did you get it?

How long were you in that, like, hellscape for? I can't remember, which is weird because generally I have a good memory. I wonder if on some level I've blocked it out. But it was a while. Like months? Oh, yeah. I had, like, two terms off school. It was fantastic.

Really? And what, you were tired, lethargic, liquid stools? Yeah, that was it, liquid stools. And my parents thought that I just had, like, an eating disorder because I just lost my appetite all of a sudden. And, that was it. Liquid stools. And my parents thought that I just had like an eating disorder because I just lost my appetite all of a sudden. And I was a pig. So like this is out of character. And if I did eat something, it would just go right through me.

Instant diarrhea. And so one time they were like at the kitchen table. They're like, right, Mitchell, we've noticed you're not eating. So you're going to sit here and finish that spaghetti bolognese. Finish it before our eyes. And you're not leaving until it's completely done. And I was crook as a dog. And they were like, shit, we shouldn't have done that.

We've got to look into this. And then there was months where there was no diagnosis. Oh, and you would have been in Bogengate and trying to get it like a gastroenterologist, I'm sure. Or who would endocrinologist? Yeah, I had to go to bloody Orange for that. Oh, no, the big city. But you know what's weird? I can't remember what I was doing recently, but I tried to fill out.

I think one of my doctors told me, oh, because you've got Crohn's disease, you're entitled to a discount on a certain medication. I can't remember which one it was, but they wouldn't believe me when I said I had Crohn's. They were like, prove it. I was like, you're right. I never just got a certificate that says I haven't. Oh, yeah. You also could get rebates and you could even probably get a disability parking permit. I wouldn't push it that far.

You could. I've been in remission for like eight or nine years, so I don't know if I'd push that. They call it remission. Well, yeah, I've been fine for ages. Remission. Yeah, but it could come back. You never know. You need that parking spot.

You never know. You know, in America, the disabled toilets, a lot of them have locks on them, and you get given a key or a pass in America. If you have Crohn's or if you need to use a disabled bathroom, it's a universal key. But in Australia, anyone can walk in. Well, they gave me the Crohn's Colitis Foundation.

They gave me a poo pass. It literally was just a card that said, can't wait. And then there's a little fine print that says, I have Crohn's disease. I'm paraphrasing, but it said, I might shit my guts right here, right now. I don't think I would have said exactly that. And basically, if you're in a pinch and you need a toot, surely any business would have a heart and be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, go out the back, use a staff toot.

Never had to use it, thankfully. Do you have it on you? No, actually, I probably do in my old wallet at home. Can't wait. This is the can't wait card. You're going to ship my dacks. Yeah. It's like you'd have to be really fucking desperate.

And also, what a dog of a person would say, no. 100%. It's not legally binding, this card. Yeah. Yeah, but I feel like some people would say, no. 100%. It's not legally binding, this card. Yeah. Yeah, but I feel like some people would be like, I'll have to ask the manager. Oh, yeah. Some young child would. Yeah, exactly.

You know what happened to me the other day? This is mortifying. I'm undergoing a lot of tests at the moment. I think I've got some sort of autoimmune disease. Who knows? I don't know where I'm at with my health. No, he's trying to take the thunder off my fucking collapsed lung. No, I'm not.

I'm not. But, you know, I've been going through. Start taking bets. Who's going to die first? Don't take bets. That's awful. I've already said that I might not last the episode. Okay, well, I'll last the episode.

That's for sure. He's got collapsed lungs. I was born with a collapsed lung. Yeah, but he has it now. See, he's always talking about me. I already have one. He's always talking a fucking one at me. No, and my GP.

He's like, I had diarrhea once. I have no pity for your Crohn's. I spoke about your Crohn's and asked leading questions because I was very interested. And I was heartbroken to hear about remission. Remission's a good thing. No, I know. I know. But to think that you're in remission means it could just appear at any time.

One liquid shit could lead to months of pain. I'm doing okay. Good. It's all good. Good. I want you to know that it's genuine. It just so happens that a Crohn's friendly diet, like a diet that would be intended not to set off any relapse,

is also quite bottom friendly. So, yeah. Oh, that goes hand in hand. Yeah, it works. So mine, my doctor was like, we need you, Mitch, to do a 24-hour urine test. Huh? And I was like, what?

And she goes, here. You just piss the whole time. No, no, constantly piss the stuff. In a catheter. He has pissed the whole time. No, no, constantly pissed. 20 minutes. In a catheter. He has to go to work. No, no, they gave you like a big M, like a two litre big M or like a chalky, an oak milk. And they give it to you with a funnel. So she says every wee from when you wake up one morning to when you wake up the next morning

has to be collected. Every drop. Don't tell me you have to bring the piss carton to work. Well, I'm like, I don't want to bring it into the office. So, I waited for the weekend. Anyway, Stephen's like, do you want to go shopping? Like, get out. I'm like, cool. He's like, oh, you're going to have to bring the piss jug. To Westfield?

Oh, no. Paddington. Like, fancy shops. And we were walking and I'm... It's not actually a cardboard carton that I'm picturing, right? No, it's like a big milk jug. Like a big orange juice jug. I was picturing you said big M and I'm thinking the cardboard thing. I'm like, that could leak. No, it's like a big milk jug. Okay, good. Like a big orange juice jug. No, it's picturing. You said big M and I'm thinking the cardboard thing. I'm like, that could leak. No, it's not cardboard.

Yuck. No, it's not. But it is just like an orange juice jug. Yeah. Anywho, I'm looking to buy a house. So I'm like, oh, we were walking down the back streets of Paddington. So I'm like, well, let's go through the suburban streets. So we're walking and then it really hit me.

I needed to wee. And I was like, oh, shit. Oh, my God. I've got to go. And the wee jug was in the boot of a car, like five kilometers away. And he's like, well, I've got this water bottle. Oh, and then you decant it into the jug. Yeah.

Yeah. And you do a transfer. I hope he's not planning to use that bottle again. So he goes, well, we need to find somewhere to go. Please tell me he's not using the bottle again. It was a Mount Franklin. Okay, good. So I finished it.

And then I was looking for the bushes. But then like this rich Paddington family had walked by with their two burritos. So I had to turn away. Then another family walked by. I'm like, shit. But wait, how would the doctors have known if you'd missed one piss in the day? Well, they wouldn't, but I guess this piss could hold the key to why I'm feeling like shit, so I need this pee to be collected.

So anyway, I pissed in the bottle in the street. Not the photo. He took the photo. He took the photo. I'm going to have a look at the photo, Jenna. It's a bit yellow, isn't it? Yeah, it's a bit yellow. Yeah, that's too many vitamins, mate.

Yeah, I take a lot of vitamins. And frothy, which I think is not a good sign. Oh, it is frothy. Okay, I feel ill. Can you get back to your origin, please? How do you think I feel? Yeah, we have an Idjimich. Shall I do mine?

Shall I jump in? Yeah, yeah, yeah, you go. Bradley, count me in. Is it just me or... Do QR code menus need to go? No. Oh. Never.

Okay, let me tell you why I think they're disgusting. Disgusting, that's a big word. They are useless. There is no magic in a QR code menu. I want to sit there and guess what? I want to sit like this. Legs crossed. Yeah, I want to sit like that. And I want to have a and guess I want to sit like this. Legs crossed. I want to sit like that. And I want to have a little glass of water right here.

And I want to hold the menu like this in my lap like I'm a Parisian actress sitting in the streets reading my menu going, oh, the hors d'oeuvres. Oh, turn the page. Oh, and the dessert menu. Oh, they've got a... So you want to be a hoity-toity fancy diner. I get it. No, but if I want to go to

a porthole, do a QR code. Cool. I'm getting chicken strips and that's it. And Prego sauce extra. I'm just thinking like a beer garden, a pub. You don't want to wander all the fucking way back in to order a drink. So you can just get one to the table. Now, if we're talking convenience, you know you've got me.

If I've got to walk far, yeah, I'll do a QR code. But I'm talking restaurants, not pubs. Yeah, see, I don't really frequent fancy restaurants. Oh, not even fancy. I would assume that there'd be waitstaff involved. You just like to be served, do you? That's not true. You like to have some sort of help.

When I was in Melbourne, right, I went to a Japanese restaurant and they had waiters around and they came to me and was like, you can order and view the menu, the QR code. Well, what the fuck are you doing here, mate? Oh, they were doubling up. Yeah, there were like 10 of them just standing around to tell everyone to use the QR code. I think the QR codes are perfect in a place where you have to get up to order anyway. But if you're at a place where there's a waiter involved and they come and take the order,

I'm happy with that too. I'm not like, ew, I want to avoid talking to people. Let's use the QR code. That's fine. It can be fun striking up'm happy with that too. I'm not like, ew, I want to avoid talking to people. Let's use the QR code. That's fine. It can be fun striking up a chat with the waiter. But if it's a place where they don't offer that, I'm happy to say set. Yeah, but there's also an element of, I'm on my phone a lot. I'm on my phone at home.

If I order a burrito, I'm on my phone and then I'm waiting for it to come. I sit on my phone. So I'm at a restaurant. I like to put it down and I don't want to pick it up. I don't want to be tempted. So that you can scroll on your watch instead. I get it. Oh, I've got a new addition, by the way.

What? I've got a smart ring. What? Fuck yourself in the face. Why? How is it smart? It's a smart ring. It's the Aura Ring.

I just got the Aura Ring. Well, that's the name of the brand and it tells you when you wake up how well your score out of 100 is going to be for the day. So mine today is 93 and and I got a little crown. How does a ring know that? It does your blood pressure, blood oxygen, your blood sugar. I don't even know what it does. Exactly.

So do you have to charge it or what? It has an eight-day battery life. I'm not getting paid. And then how do you change the battery on it? You don't. It just charges wirelessly. It's a little wireless timer. Yeah, so I had really good sleep.

Two hours of 27 of REM, one hour 44 of deep sleep. But doesn't your watch do the exact same thing? Everything. Yeah, why the fuck do you need a ring for that? I don't get it. I don't. Yeah, you really don't. And I'm currently fighting with them because they sent me two.

Who's they? Accidentally. Aura. Oh, and they want the other one back. Yeah, and they said, we'll send you a PayPal link so you can process the sale. And I've ignored them, so they've called me. They want their ring. Burning bridges here, there, and everywhere. First out therapist, now the Aura So they've called me. They want their ring. Burning bridges here, there and everywhere.

First our therapist, now the aura ring. She told me. All these outstanding payments. She told me I was depressed and I don't go to a therapist to be told I'm depressed. What are you going for? To be told that I'm handsome and successful. All I ever wanted from therapy was, Mitch, you don't need to be here. There's nothing I can do for you.

Our time together is done. Totally. I need your help. That's how I picture therapy going, but strangely enough, it's not how it works. I don't think I've ever gotten to that point where the therapist, where they're like, no, no, you don't need me anymore. They've never gotten to that point. They're all money hungry like you.

I'm not money hungry. Bitch. Wow. Did you just call me a bitch? No. I didn't. Now I'm being gaslit. I'm not gaslighting you. You know the feeling, don't you? Her eyes keep a jitter. Yeah, I do.

I do. It's been a while since we've gaslit her. No, let's not do it. Maybe we'll be doing it all along. Imagine if we're not ending the podcast and that was an ultimate gaslighting jitter. What about if you just weren't publishing any podcast? Oh my God. Because I bet you don't listen.

So you've never checked that the episodes are out there? Yeah, I've checked, but I don't actually actively listen. Wait, you think that we do this every week? She's figured it out. For five years, it's a Truman Show, Jenna. We've been paid. This is actually like her make a wish. She's terminal and her dying wish is to host the podcast.

So we do it every week. And you've hired people, actors, crisis actors. Every enduring idiot is paid. Her dying wish is to host a podcast, yet we're the hosts. Yeah. Her name's not even in it. Well, we're her carers. Of course.

For legal purposes, we have to put you on. Yeah. This is all a set, Jenny. Your mum is behind all of it. Oh, damn it. Come on down. You're listening to Is It Just Me? The rude shocks of young adulthood.

Now, I don't mean to brag, but fuck I'm killing it. Yeah, I'll support you in that. Sure, you're doing very well. Because you know how we've got the itch and bucket list? Yeah, of course. For Wednesday's episode, number 246, I'm ticking three things at once. On Wednesday? Yeah.

Oh, my God. That's right. Not only, I think someone asked for another talkback, Tings. Easy. Yeah, that's fine. We Wednesday? Yeah. Oh, my God. That's right. Not only. I think someone asked for another Talk Back, Tings. Easy. Yep, that's fine. We're doing that. We've got them. I've got some more classic Talk Back radio bullshit from John Laws.

Who else? Speaking of John Laws, one of the challenges that someone put on our bucket list was get a farewell message from John Laws. Ask and ye shall receive. Wait. I've got it. What? Really?

You got a message from John. Oh, I did. Did you know about this? I'm saving it for Wednesday, but I have a farewell message from John Laws, the talkback king, him fucking self. He resigned? Do you mean his farewell message to his audience? No, like a message for us. Does he even know who we are? Well, yeah,

we've met him, remember? We have, we have met him. I've met him. Yeah, we've met him, yeah. He liked you, Jenna. Yeah, he did. So that's two things, tick, tick. And then also, on Wednesday, I will be doing a violin recital. Oh, my God. It's happening. After all this time. It's finally happening.

Have you been rehearsing? No, I have not actually. Well, that doesn't instill much hope. You should. No, literally, the guy that I picked it up from, shout out to A.R. Irwin Violins in Edgecliff. He lent me one. And his name's Alan. And he goes, now, because I told him picked it up from, shout out to A.R. Irwin Violins in Edgecliff. He lent me one. And his name's Alan.

And he goes, now, because I told him what it was all about. He goes, now, don't you even think about opening this? Open it for the first time on the podcast. No cheating. It needs to be authentic. Not like a reality show these days. No. I was like, okay, sure.

Does he sell other instruments? No, just violins. And he does repairs and shit. But yeah, he was happy to lend me one. So there's a surprise in the bag. He said, do not practice. Yeah. So I'll be doing my recital on Wednesday. I think I know that shot. And he does repairs and shit. But yeah, he was happy to lend me one. So there's a surprise in the bag. So he said, do not practice. Yeah. So I'll be doing my recital on Wednesday.

I think I know that shot. I wonder what's in there. Oh my God. Imagine if it just wasn't a fire lens. It's a banjo or some shit. Imagine if he's deeply homophobic and it was just gunpowder. Just exploded. All right.

Well, that's exciting. Bucket list. Yes, it's happening. Three picks. How good. That's huge. We're going to burn through that bitch before we even get to the end of the year. We're going to have to do some revisions.

I will say the countdown's on. This is 2.45 this episode. The last one's 2.55. Ten to go, dogs. Oh my God, guys, the final ten. The final ten. That's exciting. Come on.

The final countdown. Oh, that's what we should think about. What's going to be the last song that we play? Like the song we play to end the episode. Do we play a song? Or do we need to? Well, I think it's a special occasion. I think our voices started it.

Our voices need to finish it. No, but I don't want it to be the normal theme song that we have. Like an emotional song that'll see us out. Okay, why don't the idiots send in some recommendations for songs? You guys get thinking too. Yeah, okay. What song should we end the show with? We've got fucking ages until we have to deal with this.

You know I can't think and speak. Don't make me think. You've not been able to demonstrate your ability to do that ever. No. I know. I know. All right. Do you have any, Jim?

Oh, my word, I do. All right. I'm ready for this. Bradley. Is it just me or? Is being able to change your own tyre the best life skill you could possibly have? Oh, is that the stress? That's what it was.

You had to change a tyre? I did. This isn't the first time, is it? No, it's not. Maybe I should stop clipping gutters. Anyway, I messaged you guys and I said, there's been an incident. I'm running late. I'll save it for the pod.

So when I went down to my car in the garage of my apartment, I was like, fuck me. That back tire is flat as all fuck. So first stop was the servo. Only in the last month I've learned how to put air in that thing, right? Yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah, it's fun. That's quite handy actually as well. And so I put the little nozzle thing on the tire and it was going.

Oh, no. It was coming out of the hole. And the tyre just was not getting any higher. It wasn't pumping up at all. And I was like, oh, for God's sake. And I'll admit, I was having a bad day at this point. Like I said, I'm crook. I couldn't be fucked with any of this.

I allowed myself 10 seconds of, oh, fuck my life. Yeah. Fuck this. But then country kid kicked in. I was like, right, you don't get jobs done by looking at them. Let's get this tyre changed. I'll pop the spare on. Yeah.

Nice. You haven't filled many things in your life either. Like, you're not really the filler. What does that mean? Well, would Sean not normally be the one to get it out and fill it? Don't make me laugh. Are you kidding? I thought Sean was the man

in the relationship. I've had to change his tyre before. I believe that. Because he just freaks out. Really? Yes. I didn't know that. That's why I'm saying this is the best skill ever. I remember my dad trying to teach me how to change a tyre because he was all like Mitch, pay attention. You'll

need this skill one day. And I was like off with the fairies not paying attention of course and so one time I had to change my tire and it was like some shit out of a movie because it was raining so I'm out there in the rain watching YouTube tutorials because I wasn't listening to dad yeah and it was like the fucking notebook I'm there like why didn't you write me try to change my fucking tire and so now that I've done it once, I can do it again. I've changed Sean's and I didn't get stressed. Good.

Nice. I didn't freak out. I just got the job done. The spare is on the back. Here I am. Yeah. It did fuck my nail polish a little bit, which is upsetting, but it's fine. I'm here.

And that nail polish is ready for the wicked premiere, by the looks of it. This was a trial run. I'm getting rid of this. I've got a different shade of polish because someone said to me the other day, I like your yellow nails. They're meant to be green. It is a little poo yellow. Yeah, it's a bit of baby poo. It's giving a bit baby shit, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So no, I've got a deeper green. Anyway, I digress. I'm

very proud of myself. Yeah, well done. I was having a shit day and for some reason the smugness and pride I felt after just conquering that task, I was like, shit, yeah, I feel way better now. Yeah, oh, good on you. I'm glad. I had grease all over my hands when I first came in. Yeah, yeah. But I just got it done, didn't I?

It's a bit of a mindset thing, isn't it, those things? Yeah, it's just like, fuck me, let's not piss about, let's just get it done. Because I was thinking, do I drive it home from the servo while it's flat and just grab Sean's keys, seal his car? But I was like, no, no, don't delay it, just get the fucking job done. Look at me, I filmed it. Show me. Oh, my God. Oh, look at you go. god oh you're jumping on the jack you're so petite these days wow oh look at you go i'm just sick of being so capable yeah it's exhausting it makes everyone else look horrible

doesn't it you know when i first met steven um i'd drive my car around and then he'd be in the passenger seat and there was a flood or there was horrific rain. And I drove through a puddle that had a rock in it. And I didn't realize. And it scraped like there must have been like one sheet of metal under my car belly to keep all the guts in. And that was hanging down. And it was just like when you get an aluminium can, you kind of tear it. It was just flapping off. And it would scrape all the time on the road.

Go over speed bumps. And Stephen's like, you've got to fix that. I'm like, I don't know how to get under the car. It's just not possible. But also, that sounds easier said than done. Like changing a tyre, putting the spare on is pretty straightforward. But if there's dangling metal involved, I feel like that's where you engage a profesh. Yes, I was going to.

No, Stephen takes his top off. This is in the very early days of knowing each other. Gets on like a skateboard in my garage. Rolls underneath the car. He's tiny, so he slips right under the crack. And he had a little sore and cut it off and has fixed the car. Where did he get the sore? In my garage.

I've got all these tools. Right. And I remember thinking, what a man. What a man. Well, that just goes to show, here you were thinking that Sean was going to be my knight in shining armour because you and him are the men in your relationships. Bullshit!

Bottoms are here to save the world. You'd be screwed without us. Justin, Justin, Justin. Justin the bottom. Justice for bottoms. Pardon the pun, but we get shit done. Nice. That's enough of these two.

Now let's hear, and is it just you? Yeah, you can be one of our very final callers on the show. With your is it just you? How many totally tote bags do you have left, Pricekeeper Jenna? I don't know. I haven't checked. Maybe like six, five. Okay, that'll cover.

That will cover us. That's enough. Has Jenna told you about, are we allowed to even? Sorry, who? As Pricekeeper Jenna, apologies, told you about, I don't even know if we're allowed to talk about it. What? The umbrellas. What do you mean, has she told me?

I fucking ordered them. No, but has she told you the issue? What? What's the issue? They're huge. Oh, shit. I can't send them. Because we had Emmy on the podcast a while ago talking about umbrellas and we were joking,

we'll make you a custom Idjim umbrella. And I was like, fuck it, we'll do it. Yeah. And so we got like five. No, we got a lot more than that. And they came in the biggest boxes I've ever seen. Mitchell, they're like a meter tall. Can you go and find me one?

Yeah. Jenna's going to go find one. We'll chat to a listener in the meantime. They're huge. This is because of the Caller Emmy. And so Prize Keeper Jenna gives a prize to anyone that comes on the podcast with this. It's either a totally tote bag. I thought it would be umbrellas as well.

But can she literally not send them? No, they're too big. But how the fuck do they get sent to us? The other day, I'm prepping for my radio show. I'm about to go on air. I hear, Mitch, what am I to do with this? And holds an umbrella out. And it's about a metre.

And everyone in the office kind of got involved. She can just buy one of those. Well, we can buy it on the Kitty O. Like one of those poster things. Yes, correct. Yeah, correct. And she can just ship it. It doesn't matter.

Why are we so good at problem solving compared to her? That's what I said to her. It's her department. She goes, where do I even get those? Oh, for fuck's sake. And I said, we'll give you the card details. Just order a bunch. Okay.

I'm busy. That's what she said. What? Yeah. So anyway, that is Jenna's issue. I'm busy, bub. I know. God.

So she's gone down to get the umbrellas. Should we get our caller up? I just don't want her to interrupt the caller. No, you're right. You're right. I agree. Who aren't we calling, by the way? It's Claudia.

Claudia. And guess where she's calling from? Probably Brisbane. Tarn Eat in Victoria. Tarn Eat? I've never... What? Hey, Tarn.

Eat. It's like me when I had fucking crones. I'd say, I Tarn Eat that. If your name was Tarn, your mum would say, Tarn Eat It's like me when I had fucking crones I'd say Oh Tarn eat that If your name was Tarn Yeah Your mum would say Tarn Eat

Oh here we fucking go She's emerging Hi There's ten of them Ten Get to the microphone They're big Mitchell Okay it's not like a beach umbrella

It's not that bloody big It's probably a metre and a half long That's not a metre and a half Isn't it I reckon that's That's about Probably over a metre Yeah But it's definitely not a whole half Yeah a metre and a half. Isn't it? I reckon that's probably over a metre, but it's definitely not a whole

half. Yeah, a metre and a quarter. Oh, so this is sturdy. I've actually seen it. This is perfect. Let me have a look. There's ten under my desk and I can't sit at my desk anymore because it's full of umbrellas. Oh my god. Mitchell, this is good quality. It is, right? So it's a blue and

white IJM limited edition umbrella. And it's in our final 10 episodes. Jenna, don't they have those fucking cylinder things you can then post it in? Yeah, but they're not this big. Oh, surely there'd be some that big, wouldn't there? I can Google it. No, because I looked and they only come to there.

It's very quarters of it. All right. I'll find the specs of the umbrellas from where I ordered, and then I'll find a fucking tube that'll fit. I'll sort it. Okay, thank you. You know what? Can the handle come off? I love no argument.

Okay, thank you. Thank you. I'm calling Claudia. Okay. Please do. I feel like it's an easy problem to solve, Jenna. No, it's too... It's been causing me stress.

Hello? Claudia, it's Mitch, Mitch and Jenna. Hi, guys. How are you? Good. How are you? Hi. Are you underwater or something?

No, sorry. Hold on just a second. If you're on speakerphone, can you turn it off? I'm on the phone. I took my AirPods off. Oh, better. AirPods suck. That'll be it.

Yeah, that's better. Phone to your head. Oh, this is so exciting. How long have you listened to us, Claudia? Probably a year after you started, I finally caught on, and then I went back and listened to everything I missed. You didn't miss much, hey, in the early days? Oh, it's amazing.

Honestly, once you guys are gone, I'm just going to have to start from the start again. Oh, really? People keep saying that. I could never do that with a podcast I listen to. No, that's like a massive compliment, because I would have to really fucking love a podcast to do that. To go back and listen, yeah.

I do. Like, I do. Oh, thanks, darling. I've said it in the comments on your Facebook page. Like, I look so forward to it every week. Even when you take, like, your last break you took. I told my husband, like, how much I missed you guys. I'm like, I don't even know him in real life.

I know. I hate fucking people's routines. If they're so used to every Monday, Wednesday, being like, oh, well, bloody hell, now what? I'm so sorry. Yeah, I feel bad. Oh, no. You guys did it for, like, five years for free. Like, what more can we ask for?

We did make a lot of millions in that five years. That's just, that's kind of gone to us. Cordia, you are in where? You're in Victoria, regional Victoria. Tarnate. Yes, near Werribee. Oh, cool. We're going to love a fuck at both of those places.

Isn't there like a wildlife animal thing there? Yes. Yes. The Werribee Zoo, the safari, there's like a safari tour thing. That's cool. I believe you've got an idgum. Bradley's going to count you in, then you hit us with your thoughts, okay? Okay.

Thank you. Is it just me or? Does it infuriate you when you're in a car park and the person in front of you starts reverse parking? Oh, right. As opposed to what? Like going nose in first. Oh, right. Oh, right.

I have never thought that to be easier. Nose in? And that's the thing. No, it I have never thought that to be easier. Nose in? No, it's in reversing in. I think it's easier like, oh, fuck, I've done a cheery Claudia. There we go. It's cheesy. I remember it now. Like Claudia says, prefer to nose in and then reverse out like a normal person.

No, reverse in because then you just drive out. It's easier. But then I find the reversing into the spot harder. Exactly. Like people say they're saving time when they have to leave but you're using that time to reverse in anyway so what's like it's the same thing except you're going along and then suddenly you're stuck there for five minutes while they're slowly back into the spot and one minute rush because when you reverse out you've got all

this space either side of you right but when you reverse in you've got all this space either side of you. Right. But when you reverse in, you've got to be real precise because you might clip some bastard. Well, you know what annoys me when I do a grocery shop, which is very rare these days, and I reverse into a parking spot and it's up against a brick wall, and then you try to put your groceries in and you can't open your fucking boot, or you can't put the trolley around. So nosing it in sometimes is the best way to go. Always the best way to go. What about parallel parking, Claudia?

Does that kind of paralyze you, freeze you? I mean, no, because like that's necessary. But when you're like in a busy parking lot, just know that in like what time are you saving? But I spoke to my friend and fellow EDF. I got it onto the podcast, my friend Lyndall, and she insisted that, no, it's safer, it's safer. And I get it, but it still pisses me off. I agree. How is it safer?

She says that when she reverses into the spot, when she goes out nose first, she can see everything. So she says, I'm not going to knock someone over. What, does she just have blackened out rear windows? You can see where you're going if you reverse out. You can just get more precise aim if you're nosing in because you can see where you're bloody going. You know, when I did my driving test, I remember I was terrified because I had the dragon lady and she said, on the test, you'll either be asked to do a three-point turn or a reverse parallel park.

Are you scared of the reverse parallel? No. No, I love a reverse parallel. I've got it down pat. I'm quite excellent at them, I have to say. You line up your mirror and then from there, it's easy as piss. Did you see RuPaul posted on TikTok now? He's teaching kids how to reverse parallel park.

What? He's like, I've got all these twinks following me. I'm going to teach them some good. So he's teaching people how to like sew holes in their jackets, how to reverse parallel park, how to change a tyre. There you go. I agree. It's something necessary that everyone should know.

You and RuPaul, I've always thought of you. Two of the great bottoms. Claudia, can you change a tyre, darling? A tyre? A tyre, yes. Yeah, my dad kind of forced us to learn all those things. It was annoying at the time, but I'm glad. It's such a dad thing. Beneficial. Very beneficial.

I never even asked. Do you know how to, Cherry? No. Fuck. I don't know how to change a tyre. Wow. But I pay for NRMA. I didn't have time for that. They do take a while, don't they? Yeah. Anyway, Claudia, I am on your side. 100%.

Thank you. Everyone I say it to, like, try really hard to explain to me why it's necessary, but I don't think it is. I've been driving for over 20 years and I've never, like, knocked someone over backing out of a parking spot. Yeah, exactly. I've done it a few times, but it's part and parcel, you know? No, no.

If you keep driving, you never know the result. Thank you, Claudia. Message Pricekeeper Jenna and you'll get something. Yes. Well, thank you so much for all these wonderful episodes and all the best for the future. Amazing podcast. Seriously, guys, I don't think you know how much it means to so many of us.

So thank you so much. Thanks. Thank you so much, Claudia. We adore you. Thank you so much for calling. Yeah, that means a lot. Thank you. It does.

I really love talking to you. I think it's the highlight of my whole year, to be honest. much, Claudia. Thank you so much for calling. Yeah, that means a lot. Thank you. It does. I really love talking to you. I think it's the highlight of my whole year, to be honest. Claudia. Send her two prizes. You know what? I'll buy her a car. No, I won't. I won't.

Sorry, I'm being too generous. That's okay. That's okay. Thank you so much. Love you, Claude. Love you guys. Thank you so much for calling. Thank you.

Thank you, Claudia. Oh, I loved her. Oh, I love Claudia. Oh, my God. I love. Thank you, Claudia. Oh, I loved her. Oh, I love Claudia. My God, I love hearing from them too. Damn it. Is it going to be a sob story every week? Well, I don't know. We're not dying. We're going to be around.

I know. We are all sick. In many other ways, we are all sick. We are all sick, but we're not dying. Is my headphones broken or is my microphone broken? No, we can hear you. Oh, good. All of a sudden, couldn't hear a thing. Imagine if you weren't on this whole show. I'm like, that doesn't matter.

That would fuck me right on. I'm aware. That's why I tell you. Remember when you didn't record my mic that time? No, I don't. I don't either. Yeah, that didn't happen. Oh, yes.

I do remember that. That didn't happen. Yes, it did happen. I don't know how it happened. Is it possible in that studio? Because it's one, it's not possible. It was actually quite miraculous. It wasn't your error.

It was a studio fault, but Jenna's mic just wasn't recording the whole time. And so we had to record a message at the start of the episode, didn't we? Being like, Jenna was there. You'll hear her in the background, but I've had to cut every time she spoke. You can hear the echo of her laughing. I don't remember that. And it only shaved about 30 seconds off the episode. Yeah, yeah.

I was in the room. Now, before we end, Lifeline have asked us for you to make a statement regarding the Nat Penfold episode. Sorry, fuck, I forgot to say Prizekeeper Jenna. Prizekeeper Jenna, fuck. Now, clear the air because people are very mad at Nat Penfold. She's getting death threats and she's a very busy woman. She wakes up at 3am.

Our idiots love you, Prizekeeper Jenna, so much that they have tried to tackle Nat down in the street. Can you please address the press? You know what? It's fine. Nat and I are good. You know this. This is the problem. There's no bad blood.

They commit to the bit too much. Just like you and Oscar. Everyone thinks it's real. I don't hate Oscar. Finally, I'll admit it. We've had sex. That's why there's tension. Okay, well, finally admit it. Nat and I. Oh hate Oscar. Finally, I'll admit it. We've had sex. That's why there's tension. Okay, well, I'll finally admit it.

No, no, no. Anyway, that was the midday lay. The morning sex she was talking about. Sun on the dot hole. It was Jenna's price keeping hole. There you go. There's no beef. They were both laughing at each other's dads the whole time. It's all in good fun. See, there's no beef. They were both, like, laughing at each other's jabs the whole time.

Yes. It's all in good fun. It's all in good fun. But thank you for sticking up for our Jenna. It's very sweet. Yes, I appreciate it. Anyway, before we go, don't forget, if you, like Claudia, would like to come on the podcast with an Is It Just Me of Your Own,

you can DM us at couple of Mitches or whatever pops to your mind, text it to us on this number. 042-9-2-2-9-4-8-2-0-2 0-4-2-2-9-4-8-2-0-2 Send us a text, please. Oh, I had Oscar singing like that when we did it. Oh, my God. He sounded just like that in the bedroom.

He sure did. 2 Oh, my God. He sounded just like that in the bedroom. He sure did. Two zero two. I said, how many more times do you have in you? How many more rounds? He went, two zero two. So we did it 202 times. That's crazy. That's wild.

That you did it 202 times. Two times, yeah. Should we go? Yeah, let's do it. Thanks for listening did it 202 times. Two times, yeah. Should we go? Yeah, let's do it. Thanks for listening, idiots. Five-star review, may as well. If you've never done one in these five years of listening to us, we fucking deserve it.

You may as well. Yeah. And we'll see you in a couple of days. Yep, talk to you soon. Bye-bye. Bye. Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of mitches.

Make sure you hit follow on your podcast app. Welcome to ADD Brief, our secret segment on the end. We pretend the show's done, but then we keep talking shit. Nothing's planned. It's people with ADD having a debrief. That's how it works. Now, I didn't want to bring up your nail polish earlier, but I did assume it's for the Wicked premiere.

Yes, like I said, it was a test run because the theme is pink goes good with green. So I've got mostly green nails and then a couple of pink ones thrown in there. Is that the theme? Yeah. I thought the theme was cocktail. Yeah, but I think it said somewhere on the invite, pink goes good with green.

Is it at the State Theatre? Is that where you're going? Yeah. It's the Wicked movie premiere, we should clarify. Yeah, sorry. Alphabet and... Alphabet. Alphabet.

Glendock. But yeah, I got a different one. I was actually in fucking Chemist's Warehouse and I saw OPI doing a wicked collab. So I was like, well, there's the shade of green I need. Because this is sewing, as you said. What was it? Baby shit poo. Yes.

Not ideal. Baby shit green. No, it's not nice. No. Can I show you the dumbest fucking thing I saw the other day? Yeah. So I follow Maggie's Rescue. That's like the shelter I i adopted isabella from yeah i

follow them on instagram and every so often they'll put up i guess an ad for any cats or dogs that they've got up for grabs and they put up a gorgeous little kitten yeah but i don't know what kind of cruel fuck decides to name a cat this and then abandon it, it's not a very appealing name. Ready? Go. I'm going to show you the Instagram post. That's where my cat went. Knife fight. Adopt knife fight.

I want knife fight. What the fuck? I didn't even think you could hyphenate names like that. But surely the shelter would be like, fucking, it's a black cat facade. We struggle with superstition. They told me that. They struggled to get rid of Isabella because people are superstitious about black cats, let alone one called Knife Fight.

What the fuck? Come on, Knifey. Knifey. That's what they referred to it. It says, meet our handsome boy, Knife Fight, or Knifey, as we like to call him. That's what they've referred to it. It says, meet our handsome boy, knife fight or knifey, as we like to call him. That's not much better, is it? No, but why don't they just go with knifey?

It doesn't have a birth certificate with knife fight on it. He misses his gorgeous sister, Molotov Cocktail, who was adopted earlier in the week. I might rename Isabella Unprovoked Terror Attack. That's fantastic. Terry for short, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could rename Connie Chemical Warfare. That's fantastic. Terry for short, of course. You could rename Connie Chemical Warfare.

That's quite cute. And Kemi. Kemi for short. Call me Kemi. That's cute. This one's not much better either. You scroll down the Instagram. Clog. Keep scrolling.

Like I was doing in the bathrooms when I had crimes. Yes, of course. Many times a day after that spag bol. Why are they keeping these names? Pretzel. That's cute. That's cute. Cindy. Parsley.

These are all relatively normal compared to fucking knife fight. Yeah. Trix. Trix is cute. Cleo. Oh, I like that name, Cleo. Yeah, these are all normal names. I prefer knife fight, personally.

I don't know if I would. Would Connie welcome a second cat into the home, Prizekeeper Jenna? I don't care. I'm getting Knife Fight. Well, I feel they might struggle to find a home for Knife Fight. They should just rename it. Yeah, right. Even Knife is better than Knife Fight.

But I don't understand. Like, did someone surrender the cat and say, its name's knife fight and I'd prefer you to honour that? Or did the fucking shelter call it knife fight? That's a good question. Because usually the shelter names... Knife fight. Because Connie...

Isabella came with Isabella. Yeah, and Connie came with Connie and her children were named Bonnie, Ronnie and Donnie. Oh, for God's sake. Jesus Christ, Jenna. Were they inbred? I've seen that cat, Ronnie and Donnie. Oh, for God's sake. Jesus Christ, Jenna. Were they inbred? I've seen that cat. The way it behaves, you'd think it is.

What does the caption say? Is it like, oh, known for his sharp claws and, you know, brutal attack? Don't let his tough name fool you. Though he might have been named for his intense play style, Knifey is actually super gentle at heart. Righto. Knifey. So he mauled his siblings to death.

Is that what I'm hearing? He absolutely loves human companionship and is always up for one-on-one play time, blah, blah, blah. Especially when there's a dangling string toy involved. Yeah. Or a knife. Knife. What's this fucking thing capable of?

Fuck. All right. Now, Mitchell, you know how I love technology. You weren't listening. You just went, fuck. Anyway. No, I did. I did. I did. I feel Mitchell, you know how I love technology. You weren't listening. You just went, fuck. Anyway. I did. I did.

I did. I feel like we've expressed knife fight. There's a new update on the iPhone that you will love. We're like us. It's actually sad that it's happening now because we're at the end of this podcast. Not yet, but yeah. We're not, but we're close. This feature would have really-

What is it? Saved your ass many times. Really? Ready? So, call me. Okay. Mitchell Chury. Yeah. I'm familiar. Yeah. In case you're Ready? So call me. Okay. Mitchell Turi. Yeah, I'm familiar.

Yeah, in case you're wondering. Here we go. Okay, calling. Look at this. A new icon appears at the top left. Yes. I answer it. Put your phone on speakerphone.

I'm going to press this button. Press this button. And look what happens. This call will be recorded. Oh. The whole thing is now recorded. This whole phone call be recorded. Oh. The whole thing is now recorded. This whole phone call is recorded. And where does it go after that?

See you, Mitchell. Bye. Bye. We hang up. It gets saved to notes and AI automatically gives you a transcript like it's subtitles on a play. Oh, so it doesn't record the. Oh, it does.

Oh. The whole thing is now recorded. No way. This whole thing is now recorded. No way. The whole call is recorded. And where does it go after that? You say, see you, Mitchell. Why?

That's cool. Well, in case you've got an important meeting with a boss and you're the kind of person that gets flustered. It'd be much better if it didn't lag. Your call is being recorded now. No, I know. That's not how you get receipts. Imagine if they told you on every app, your messages have been screenshotted and sent to the Gaoli's group chat.

I know, but I think because of, I think legally, you can't record someone's voice without consent. Ah, legally schmegly. No, I know. I just think it's very handy. I'm sure it might come in handy one day, but I've been fine without that feature my whole life. It's probably fine.

It's more so if you want to record a phone call with me or if we wanted to do a podcast episode that was purely a phone call conversation. Technically, we could have a full one hour chat on the phone and then record it and post it. Yeah, right. Is that not insane? At that time, as like an experiment, we were saying that we should do a whole podcast episode that's just voice messages back and forth. Yeah. And then we screen record us playing each voice message.

I'm glad we never did that. And that's not going on the bloody bucket list. Don't put it on the bucket list. Please don't. I don't think it would be enjoyable because the pausing and... That happened. We had a good gossip yesterday. It means we can't be interrupted.

True. Which we all know who the culprit is there. Price Keeper Jenna. Price Keeper Jenna. Price Keeper Jenna. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah, mother of knife attack. Yes, yes. Do you remember Art Attack?

It's knife fight. Knife fight, sorry. Knife attack is so much worse. Because that's just one-sided. Only one person has a knife, but a knife fight. A knife fight. Yeah, they've both got skin in the game. What is a knife fight?

You know, like we're fighting knights and whatnot. But that's a sword fight. A knife fight is like what the British boys do. Like some shit that happened in prison. Oh, like a shanking situation. I hate knives. I hate the idea of being stabbed. I think it's awful.

Yeah, it's not pretty. Would you rather be stabbed or shot? Oh, well, I think stab's easier to heal. I think a shot kind of explodes in you. Depends where you're stabbed or shot. I think I'd rather be stabbed, I think stab's easier to heal. I think a shot kind of explodes in you. Depends where you're stabbed or shot. I think I'd rather be stabbed, I think. Yeah, because the adrenaline as well. You wouldn't feel it.

Is that true? Yeah. But if you've been stabbed, it depends. Are they leaving the knife in? No, just like a gash. Oh, Jenna. You're meant to leave it in. Hey?

You're meant to leave it in. If it goes in. That's what I mean. But imagine trying to maneuver yourself in an ambulance with a fucking knife in your back. Imagine. In your back. I think if you're going to kill someone, you don't go for the back.

It's a lot of sinew and gristle in there. You go for the throat. Yeah, but maybe you're just trying to teach them a lesson. You're not trying to kill them. Isn't it, Jenna? You'd go for the throat. You'd go for the throat, idiot. Of course.

Everyone knows that. By the way, Price Keeper Jenna, you forgot. Sorry, Price Keeper Jenna. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, you'd go for the neck. Yeah. Creep., it's Price Keeper Jenna. You forgot. Sorry, Price Keeper Jenna. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, you'd go for the neck. Yeah. Creep.

The jugular. That's horrific. We hope this podcast made you feel at least 2% better today. That's all. Just 2%. So we do. So we do. We'll catch you back on Wednesday for my violin recitation.

Oh, I can't wait. Final 10 have begun. The podcast is almost over. Almost. Not yet. Not yet. All right. See you soon. Talk to you in a couple of days. Bye, bye, bye can't wait. Final 10 have begun. The podcast is almost over. Almost. Not yet, not yet. All right, see you soon. Talk to you in a couple of days. Bye, bye, bye.

See ya. Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of mitches. Make sure you've hit follow on your podcast app.