Is It Just Me? - #246: The Final Talkback Tingz

Episode Date: November 5, 2024

In this episode: Microwave popcorn always goes WRONG (04:57) Dumb TikTok language (08:57) A li'l musical surprise from Roving Reporter Oscar (15:07) The final John Laws Talkback Tingz 💔 (15:53) Our message from John Laws (27:35) Can Coombs still play violin? (29:25) Our “Secret Segment” ADDebrief (40:40)   Merch still available! coupleofmitches.com.au 🛍️   Join our Facebook group 'Endurant Idiots' facebook.com/groups/477062186470271 Hit us up: @coupleofmitches Send us a text: 0422 948 202See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is Is It Just Me? Hosted by a couple of Mitches. Hello you! Hello you! Brace yourself for the rude shocks of young adulthood. Would you rather sit on a cake and eat a dick or sit on a dick and eat a cake? Sit on a dick and eat a cake, absolutely. If you sit on a cake, you ruin it.

Do you think I'd ever waste a cake by sitting on it? Now here's Mitch Chudi and Mitchell Coombs. Hello you. Hello you. Oh, Mitchell, good to be back. I'm ready for my recital. Oh yeah, ladies and gentlemen, I may I welcome... To wave the day.

Yeah, Mitchell Coombs is bringing back his child instrument. I've not touched a violin in 10 years, I think. Well, no, I've brought you a violin. Well, I couldn't play that. That's the whole point of this. I'm going to be seeing if I remember how to play a violin from when I was in school. Yeah, and that's part of our... I've got it here with me.

Hang on. That's part of our bucket list because the podcast is ending. We're in our final 10 episodes, and this is part of that. I've got it here. Wow. Look at this. Oh, it's bigger than I thought. Pricekeeper Jenna is here as well. Hi. Hi, Jenna. That is a big violin if ever I've got it here. Wow. Look at this. Oh, it's bigger than I thought. Pricekeeper Jenna is here as well.

Hi. Hi, Jenna. That is a big violin if ever I've seen one. Yeah, and it's a full-size one. Yeah. Yeah. See, well, don't shame me. I don't know the difference between violins.

And shout out to A.R. Irwin Violins. Yep. Who provided this for me. They're in Edgecliff. Okay. Alan seems like quite a genius, actually. If you need a violin and you're in Edgecliff.

Oh, good to know. I think that's the sort of shop people would go out of their way for, aren't you? Yeah, completely agree you need a violin and you're in Edgecliff. Oh, good to know. I think that's the sort of shop people would go out of their way for, aren't you? Yeah, completely agree. You don't have to be in Edgecliff. No, it's a specialist shop. I went out of my way. Here we go. Look at this thing.

This is the first time I've opened it. Oh, here we go. Because now he said to you, remember, you haven't opened this since you left the store. He said, don't open it until you're on the show. Yeah. He was like, no, no, no, don't cheat. Just see if you've got that muscle memory. Oh, it's arsenic.

Confirming it is a violin. Wow. Oh, that's a beautiful violin. Look at that. That is gorgeous. I won't play it now. I'll save that for later in the episode. But just confirming it's here.

Hang on. Is it in tune? Bit off. I'll tune it later. That's beautiful. And look, see Mitch, the bow has horse hair on it. That's what was missing when you got me a violin to play. Can I see it?

Because I'm still not convinced that's... It's like a horse tail. You know, I do hear it. It's horse hair. Hear it. Smell it. Is it actually horse hair or is it... No, it's like a horse's tail, I believe.

Wow. Yeah. This is incredible. Fine craftsmanship, too. Let's see if I remember how to bloody use it. That's coming up in the show. Yep. Look, Jenna, horse hair.

You could donate some of your ponytail, I'd say, to be violin strings. It's very if I remember how to bloody use it. That's coming up in the show. Yep. Jenna Horsehair. You could donate some of your ponytail I'd say to be violating things. It's very fun. Oh Mitchell, are you nervous or do you feel like flooding back? It's not going to be good. It's not going to be good. Well we've done this before for me. I claimed that I could still play the saxophone. And you couldn't. No I couldn't.

No. I knew the first three notes to Eye of the Tiger. It's the... and then it collapsed. I actually do have three notes to Eye of the Tiger. It's the, and then it collapsed. I actually do have a little recap of your saxophone playing. We'll get to this whole thing later. God, you're good. We'll get to it all later. Also, talk back to me on the way. Yeah, and I believe, Mitchell, you've got a message from Australian Radio Royalty.

John Laws, who we have sat down and spoken with, and he's done a farewell message for us. Fuck, do you remember going to that studio and doing that interview? We were nervous. The old vintage carpet, which has the 2SM branding on it. Yeah. And we waited for him. The walls that have carpet on it as well. Yeah, the carpeted walls.

The carpeted walls. And we kind of just sat there and he didn't really know what he was doing. Didn't quite understand that we were kind of funny people. He didn't know if he was being interviewed by journalists. He liked us by the end. He did. Yeah. He did.

You offered him some of your vape. That's so fuck. I forgot about that. What? What was it? Anyway, I've got some cranky John Laws moments. Yay. Because he's now retiring as well.

He is, yeah. He announced his retirement the same as us. Yeah, same week as us. It was a couple of days after us. Yeah. So we must have been the inspiration. I'm sure he keeps abreast of our career. Of course, he would have heard and said, well, if they're gone, there's no point broadcasting.

My nemesis has left. Yeah, he's like, well, there's no competition now. So will you tell us how you got it as well? Yeah, I'll get to all that later. Don't stress. Okay. All right. Well, welcome to the show, everyone.

If it's your first time listening, it's Is It Just Me? Every week we start the same with two idjams, something we've noticed, something we hate or appreciate. Mitch does not know mine and I do not know Mitch's and Prize Keeper Jenna does not know much. No, I don't. She's just there. No, I just sit here and...

Yeah. What's yours going to be about today? Mine is about something that I've noticed on the internet, on TikTok especially. Right. Yeah. We've got very different TikTok feeds. If we've learned anything on this podcast. Oh yeah. Mine is all health

anxiety. I'm going to put money on the fact that I probably haven't seen what the fuck you're going to talk about. No you would have. I know you would have. You reckon? Yeah because this is not a certain trend or a creator. This is the language used by the entirety of new aged influencers in the internet that is annoying me.

We don't do it on this show. I don't know why people treat language differently on TikTok and on Instagram. Okay. Well, we'll get to that. Should I kick things off? What's yours? Well, I can just fucking tell you now if you want. Are you sure?

Yeah. All right. Go for it. All right, Bradley, let's go. Is it just me or? Is microwave popcorn a disaster waiting to fucking happen? Oh, microwave popcorn I gave up on. It never works.

I've had far too many burnt bottom moments and it's just not enjoyable ever. The first four handfuls, delicious. And then it starts to go to burn town and it's shocking. Firstly, I feel, I don't want to sound like a boomer on Facebook, but I feel there's less in the bag than there used to be. Yeah, I feel, I don't want to sound like a boomer on Facebook, but I feel there's less

in the bag than there used to be. Okay. Yeah. I'd agree with you. Because I'm not kidding. I am using the same fucking bowl that I always have for popcorn and it's less full in recent months. But also it's just, you can't win when you're microwaving popcorn either.

It's more kernels than anything. Yeah. And if you try and do that thing that Sean and I love to do where you put the Maltesers in the popcorn and they sort of melt and it's more kernels than anything yeah and if you try and do that thing that shawn and i love to do where you put the maltesers in the popcorn and they sort of melt and it's a beautiful combination i've never done that oh mate you're missing out no but the problem is if you do it at home and there's all this unpopped corn in the bottom it sticks to the fucking maltesers and that's disgusting putting those kernels in your mouth yeah you. It's not a nice and easy way to do it, but popping actual corn kernels in butter on the hot plate is so much better.

You get such a good pop. Yeah, I've heard that and I've watched people do it, but I fucked it up doing it that way as well. Oh, right. So what do you do? Just buy the pre-bagged stuff. It's perfect. Yeah, it's not the same.

It's great. So like I'm saying, either it doesn't cook enough, there's all these unpopped fucking kernels in there, or you set the house on fire. Yeah. And half of it's burnt. And then there's still unpopped ones. I don't understand how to win with that shit. Yeah.

And it's chemical warfare. The fucking smell of burnt popcorn is disgusting. It's horrific. It lingered for ages because Sean basically set the whole fucking bag of popcorn on fire recently. because Sean basically set the whole fucking bag of popcorn on fire recently. And we basically threw it down the incinerator with the water on because it was on fire. And Sean goes, oh, thank God there's no smoke detector in our kitchen.

I was like, what? There isn't? Where the fuck's that smoke detector? In my office, apparently. Oh. You need one in your kitchen. That's what I would have thought. Especially the office is where I chain smoke cigarettes all day.

Yeah, of course. You're burning through work. That would have lasted waiting to happen. That content creation's on fire. Yeah, from all the bombs that I drop in my studio. I am a popcorn lover. You know, at the movies, that smell when you walk into the lobby and you smell the popcorn. I was scrolling through Uber Eats the other night, and in my area, we've got a Hoyts really close to my house,

and you can order Uber Eats, Choc Tops, and movie popcorn from Hoyts, and I thought house and you can Uber Eats chop tops and movie popcorn from Hoyts and I thought, I fucking want to do it. That's fantastic. I really want to do it. Just because it's the best taste in the world. It is. Although Uber Eats-ing or getting popcorn delivered it wouldn't be quite the same by the time it got to you, would it? No, something about that hot popcorn straight in that box is so good. Yeah, exactly.

I'm with you. Why are you eating so much microwave popcorn too? You've got movies at the moment, do you? No, it's not that I'm eating so much, but every so often we will. If we're both staying in on a Saturday night, we're like, right, it's going to be one of those nights. Kick it back on the couch. Maltese is in the popcorn. Beautiful.

I don't feel like it used to be this hard. And I'm using the same microwave. I'm using the same brand of bloody popcorn. It just keeps going wrong all of a sudden. You know what? Different microwaves have different wattage and different power. So you actually might need to change your settings to make sure it's perfect. But like I said, it's the same microwave I've always used.

I'm blaming the company. What's the brand that makes that bloody microwave popcorn? I can see the package. I can see the package too. Pops? What is it? Poppin'. Poppin'.

Butter microwave popcorn. And it's blue. Yeah, blue and it's is it? Poppin'. Poppin'. Butter microwave popcorn. Poppin'. And it's blue. Yeah, blue and it's got the yellow and white. Poppin'. Sort your shit out, please. Poppin'. Because not enough of it's poppin', frankly.

That's actually the issue. You're not poppin' off. No. Yes. Yeah. All right. Well, I'm sure they'll hear this, no doubt. Yes.

They're big fans of our work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And why wouldn't they be? First name Mary. Yeah. Thank you. Mary Poppin'. No, I got it. I did get it. All right. Shall we do my age, Jim? I've got Mary. Yeah. Thank you. Mary Poppin. No, I got it.

I did get it. All right. Shall we do my age, Jim? I've got one. Sure. All right. What's this language beef you've got? All right.

Here we go. What's Poppin? Bradley Go. No, no. Is it just me or? Has censorship on TikTok and Instagram gone way too far? Like language censorship. More so on TikTok, I will say.

On TikTok. I was watching a video and I had no idea what this man was saying, talking about a true crime story where a woman unalived herself. Yeah. And I was like, why is he saying unalive? Just say she died. I feel like that's not even that subtle

of a cover-up word. Well, that's my point. I saw another content creator, a sex worker, talking about their meat stick. Meat stick. Meat stick? And they have segs. Yeah, going into a schmol. And they're a segs worker.

And I'm like- S-E-G-G-S. They always write that in their subtitles. Yes, segs. And I get it. I get why they do it because they're trying to get around the algorithm, you know, banning them or blocking their video so they don't get seen. So it's a way for them to talk about it and still get views.

However, we now just have a new vocabulary that is TikTok words. Eventually, you would think TikTok would cotton on to this. 100%. It annoys me, but we're also adults. We know what these words mean. Why? You go on YouTube, we can watch any movie, we can watch any TV show, and we talk about these themes.

You go on TikTok and Instagram, and it's Schmecks or Seggs or my meat pole. And I hate it. It makes me feel like I'm a kid. I get a lot more things, a lot more videos taken off TikTok than I do on Instagram. Things can slide on Instagram and Facebook and what have you. But TikTok are very strict. I posted a video recently. You know those fucking scam messages you get?

It's clearly a scam. It's some lady being like, click this link and enter my chat room i've got my tits out i need to fuck tonight i get so many yeah the wrong tree and so i took a bunch of screenshots and i was just kind of being like babes you're barking up the wrong tree like i was responding to all these messages in a video yeah i blurred the puss out i blurred all the words out in it. And I didn't say anything too revolting myself. Instagram, fine. TikTok got taken down for explicit compliment.

I was like, am I supposed to do two versions where I say segs instead of sex? Well, that's what I mean. With my breakfast show that I work on. What is that? Oh, yeah. It's Amanda Keller's show. Anyway. Oh, that's thin ice, Jenna. I uploaded a across. It's Amanda Keller's show. Anyway. Oh, that's been ice, Jenna.

That's close. I did a video of this guy talking about his mental health battle, and it was really, really good. And he didn't mention anything suicidal or anything. It was just alluding to past attempts and stuff, but nothing explicit. It was taken down in seconds for explicit material. I understand trigger warnings, and yeah, people can be triggered and sometimes I'm triggered by things I see. I get it.

But also, there was something recently that came out that said a lot of teenagers, young adults these days, use TikTok as like an education source when it comes to mental health. So why are you censoring it? How am I to educate people if you're using words like segs and whatever? Yes.

Also, think about it. When I was in high school, we had to get the fucking Atlas out and the world history book and we were learning about all the horrific things that have happened time and time again. And we were looking at the Vietnam War and the burning of these people. And look at these photos of these nude kids. They've been napalmed. And I was this 12 year old. Yeah. And I'm like, this is brutal.

And then now we're like, segs, meat pole. I just think it's gone too far. Meat pole. I'm sorry. That like, segs, meat pole. I just think it's gone too far. Meat pole. I'm sorry. That's worse. Oh, meat pole. Yeah. Meat pole is.

That's worse than saying penis. Is feral. Yeah. And you know what? That's why Mitch and I are getting out of podcasting. Sorry. It's just the world is too woke. We're next.

Oh my God. Imagine. Mitch, I can see a meat pole. Oh, yeah. Do you remember when I had my award winning stand up comedy show called Water Off A Duck's Clit? Yes, I do. Iconic. People would censor the word clit, which by the way, made it look worse. See, asterisk, asterisk.

Water Off A Duck's clit. That's not better. But I'm like, that's a body part. Yeah. It shouldn't be censored. That's not a swear word and so it's penis now out of bounds on TikTok. But meat pulp. Yeah. But meat pulp. Yeah.

It's fine. You know what? Idjim on the fly. Do we cater too much of society around the kids? Yeah. Around kids that don't swear in public because what if the kids hear it? Go to school like I had to. Yeah.

Go get a job. I literally learnt to swear at a Catholic primary school. Right. I never sworn in my life when I was at Bougainville Public. As soon as I went to the Catholic school, which you would think would be more uptight, upstanding citizens, whatever. Yep, yep. You'd think that's what I would be walking into.

But no, they were putrid. Absolutely putrid. Oh, I went to a public school, you know, three kilometres from the beach. It was brutal. Yeah, there's nothing they haven't heard or said, I feel. Totally. There were shmegs in the school bathrooms. Yeah.

I'm not joking. Shloppies. Shloppies. Oh my God, shloppies. There were shmegs in the school bathrooms. Yeah. I'm not joking. Shlubbies. Shlubbies. Oh, my God. Shlubbies. I went to school with a boy named Aaron Gobby. Oh, no. You're kidding.

Aaron Gobby. That's his Christian name. Poor bastard. And he was gay. Really? Yeah. Aaron Gobby. Gay.

Well, what's his fucking OnlyFans name going to be then? Gobby. You can't use the name on his birth certificate on his OnlyFans. A Gobby. He had a YouTube video called Gobby's Globe. It just sounded like a porn conglomerate. Imagine if he got censored. He would.

Oh, my God. Did I tell you this one time? Because I subscribed to, I can't remember what podcast it was. It might have been like a Mamma Mia one or something. Right, yes. And they interviewed Sarah Arvo from the Today Show. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Her last name is spelled A-B-O. Oh, no. And the podcast app just automatically censored it. So it's like A-asterix-O because they thought it was an indigenous slur. Again, it's like the clip thing. That makes it look worse. That's just her name. That's really bad.

That's terrible. Isn't that terrible? Isn't that the title of the episode? Yeah. Oh, I thought. And it would have been an automatic thing. They didn't write it that way. No, of course.

I get it. It's the same spelling as a slur. So, you know, the algorithm's doing the right thing. But still. Yeah. And who knew the algorithm was so woke? Yeah. And we've never been censored in our titles. What if I just made an episode title, See You Next Tuesday? Oh my God, should we try? Oh, yeah.

Why don't you just write three swear words as the show title today and see if it's just three hours ago. Should we pick our favourites? Yeah, okay. I want to put prick. That's barely a swear word. Okay. Slut! Yeah, okay. Yeah. I want to put prick. That's barely a swear word. Okay. Slut. Oh, good.

Good. No, I don't want to do that. Yeah, we don't want to lose the listen. No. Yeah. How confronting for someone who might be new here. I don't think so. You don't make new friends when you're terminal.

What's the point? You can't bond. That's terrible. Is it just me? Now all we're asking, Chalkins. Please, please, please rate us five stars. Yeah. What was that?

That was amazing. Was that Oscar? I didn't warn you guys that was coming, yeah. Oscar and I were bored. We made some jingles. You'll hear them over the next few weeks. You guys have too much time on your hands. That was amazing. Was that Oscar? I didn't warn you guys that was coming, yeah. Oscar and I were bored. We made some jingles. You'll hear them over the next few weeks. You guys have too much time on your hands. That was good.

It surprisingly didn't take long. Wow. Hey, Oscar's got a gorgeous voice. That was beautiful. That was really beautiful. Well, I'm also going to be blowing your minds of my talent today. Should we do the violin recital now? Well, no.

We just had the musical treats of Oscar Kirk, so perhaps we get our John Laws message. I see. You're saving the best till last. That's it. You could? Well, no. We just had the musical treats of Oscar Kirk, so perhaps we get our John Laws message. I see. You're saving the best till last. That's it. You could say that, yeah. So you want to do talkback things first? Yes, yeah.

Yay. Rightio. We can do that. Let's go. Whenever we hear cooked shit on talkback radio, we bring it your way, idiots. Because nobody in our sort of age bracket really listens to talkback radio that much.

You don't need to. No. We'll keep you in the loop if anything good happens. Yeah, and we're going to trim the fat. These are just the good cooked bits that you really want to listen to. You don't want to listen to the rambling about coal seam gas and Trump. Not boring. Yeah, don't go there.

You'll just end up angry. And brain dead. Pretty much, yeah. And today we are paying tribute again to John Laws because this Friday will be his last day on air ever. Wow. He announced that he's retiring from radio after 70 fucking years. Wow.

The same week that we announced we're ending the podcast. Yeah. So it's a huge blow to the broadcast industry. Yeah. It is. A lot of legends are bowing out, aren't they? Wait, so he's been on air for 70 years? Mm-hmm.

Mitchell, that's insane. I don't know if that's in total, though, because he did retire once before, but then was like, oh, fuck it. I miss it. I'm coming back. He came back, yeah. Yeah. So I guess that's a cumulative of the 70 years. I don't know. Yeah, I think it is. Okay. So do you want to hear the announcement that he's retiring? I haven't heard it. Okay. Well, here you are. We'll start with this and then I've got a few cooked moments from him. It's time for a rest is what I think. And, you know, I've done it for a very very very very long time and I think that

I'll just call it a day and call it a day pretty soon probably beginning of November beginning of November I think is probably the time but I've done it for 70 years that's a long time

long time wow long time fantastic years fantastic years I had a really really good time and loved you know most of it

loved almost every minute of it I'll travel I'll sit about I'll read more than I read now which is a hell of a lot but I'll

I'll read more and when I call it a day, it'll be a day. I'm not going to go away and then come back again and say, oh, it was all a mistake. It may well be a mistake, but there'll be no return. No return. That's it. There you go.

I thought it was a mass shooting at you there. So, yep, he's bowing out this Friday, November 8th. And we sat down with him a couple of years ago. We've had him on this podcast. And so on Friday, we're going to repost that interview as like a little bonus thing. So keep an eye out for that in your feed. We're massive radio nerds, right? That's where you and I met.

So it was very full circle for us to interview him. Yeah, it was fucking intimidating, if you need reminding. You'll hear it on Friday. He was a tough nut to crack, put it that way. But as we all know, because our idiots love hearing talkback ting segments, as we know, he's at his best when he's arguing with callers. Yeah. He doesn't really respond well to criticism, Al John.

No, he doesn't. Not at all. No. And you know what? You've been broadcasting for 70 years. Who is anyone else to criticize him? I think he fucking loves it, though. Oh, you think secretly he wants it?

I think he really enjoys. Yeah. Like, he would never say to a producer, oh, don't put them through. They're just going to rile me up. He's like, oh, fucking bring it on. Yeah, right, right. He knows good radio.

Yes. So the weird thing, I've got two examples. The weird thing about the first one is that it's never fucking clear what they're even arguing about. The caller has an issue with John but never actually specifies what it is. They just lock horns from the instant that he's let on. Let's go. 1-300-564.

I'm sorry, I nearly burped. I didn't. You did. Kerry, are you there? Yeah. Okay, Kerry, what do you want to talk about? Well, for starters, I believe you're a total hypocrite. Oh, dear.

Oh, dear, bless me. And you're chopping change on me. Okay, but hang on. Hold the phone. Would you explain to me why? Hang on. Just be quiet. You be quiet.

Okay. Why don't you wake up yourself, Laws? Don't talk to me like that, you old goat. What a vile human being you are. I don't want you to listen to the program. You're a vile... You can't even pronounce words correctly. Oh, here we go.

What word can't I pronounce correctly? Oh, listen to yourself. You scumble over words. God, you're a fool. But anyway... You're a horrible man. You're a nasty... You're a horrible,

creepy kind of man. You wouldn't give me... Yes, you are. You're creepy. And you're saying I'm a hypocrite? You are a hypocrite. Okay, but you haven't told me why I'm a hypocrite. Be quiet. What. Be quiet.

What? Be quiet. That's what you tell people. That's right, I do. That's what people are telling you. I do. I'm doing the program, and I wish you'd be quiet. Who listens to you? Who listens to you?

Well, you do to start with you, halfwit. You're an idiot. Why do you listen? Why am I creepy, Laws? Because you're listening to something that you obviously hate. And don't call me Laws, Kerry. Your arguments now are all the same. You just talk rubbish.

Why do you listen? Why do you listen, you goat? That's my business. It's my business. It's me you're listening to. That's none of your bloody business. How much have you got in the bank? Tell me. Well, that's none of my business. Oh, it's my business. It's me you're listening to. That's none of your bloody business. How much you got in the bank? Tell me.

Well, that's none of your business. Yeah, you're full of crap. Oh, God, you're nasty. You really are an evil, nasty man. I tell you what, I'd like to be able to grab you by the lapels. You're a real jerk. You are a real jerk. I'm going to walk you in your studio face to face.

Yeah, OK. The door's real jerk. I'm going to walk you in your studio face to face. Yeah, okay. The door's open now. Fly me up. I tell you what, I'd love you to come in here. You really are an unpleasant man. You're the kind of, you know, my pugilistic days are long behind me, but I'd make an exception. You make me violent.

I'd like to smack you in the face. And fly me up. Into ads. You make me violent. I also just love the little, oh, I almost burped. No, there was a definite. That was a definite. Hold on.

1-300-564. I'm sorry, I nearly burped. I didn't. No, you didn't. I think that was skewing a bit vom. I didn't. That was skewing a heartburn. I could hear it.

You could hear it coming up the esophagus. Is that what it's called? I think so. That really escalated. He wanted to hurt that man by the lapels. What does that even mean, the lapels? Well, like the lapel, like the little part of a collar. The chesticles.

Yeah. Yeah, right, okay. I kind of felt bad for John. I did too. He never really explained why he didn't like him. No, he never got around to explaining why he's a hypocrite. And John makes a good point that he's listening to the show. That's the thing.

And that he's a goat. Oh, the goat was great. I love that he called him a goat. What an insult. I fucking love his insults. Remember the early days we did a whole montage of his best insults? We've got even more to add to the fucking list now. Another example, this lady called in because apparently John had been speaking to a guy

on air that was like talking about being an alcoholic. And John's not the most fucking sensitive creature. He just kind of tough love approach about like, you should get off that stuff or something. And then this lady caught up being like, oh, you should have handled that better. And again, how does John respond to criticism? Oh, no. Not great. How do you say your name?

Marnier, is that your name? Oh, actually, context I need to give as well before I play that. He does this thing every year where he gives out Christmas puddings to certain callers. And so that is the context you need going into this. Hang on. How do you say your name? Marnier, is that your name?

That's perfect. Yeah, okay. All right, Marnier. Why did you call me? I just, we go to the car, because we're road tripping, my daughter and I, and we just kind of heard the ending of the conversation with the man that had the drinking problem.

Yep. And, yeah, I just felt really sorry for him. If you're giving out the pudding to everyone that calls, can I give him mine? Oh, no, that's too complicated, but I'm happy to give you a pudding if you'd like one. I can't. Oh, just send it to him. No, I'm not going to do it because once we start it, we'll have everybody wanting to send it on to somebody else.

No. So you either accept it or you don't accept it, Marnere. I don't accept it then. Okay. Why won't you accept it? I just felt sorry for him. Yeah, well I felt sorry for him too. Well when you get off the booze, maybe I'll give you a pudding. But if it was that easy, don't you think he would be off it already? It's very easy for someone like you to say, just get off it. He's got trauma in his

life, that's not helpful whatsoever. And he was actually really lovely to you. Yes, he was. He loved you, and I thought that you treated him really unkindly. How do you think he is feeling right now after the conversation with you? Listen, Marnier, or whatever your name is, we know that man. He's called before. I've dealt with him before, and he likes me, even if you don't, my dear.

That doesn't mean you know him. Listen to me, you stupid bloody woman. Do you think that I don't know how difficult it is to get off the booze? I've spoken to a lot of alcoholic people in my life. Would you do something for me? No. That was my daughter. She said no.

That was your daughter? That was my daughter who actually is a really empathetic girl. We got in the car, we turned on the radio and she was really disgusted by what she heard. And I just think you need to... And how old is that precocious brat? Before you start talking to people like that.

You ought to mind your own damn business. Well, don't have the radio show if you don't want people listening. I've done it for 70 years. I must be doing something right. Oh, I want to start doing that on my radio show. Just calling people bitches and then going to the ad break. You dumb slut. God, that was intense.

I would never speak to a caller like that. God, that was intense. I would never speak to a caller like that. I love the way that she absolutely had a point. She did. It's like, nah. Yeah, she did. She did. And also all over a pudding.

Like, so do you want a pudding? She was pretty bold. And you know what? She was quite sweet with him. She told him why he upset her. She didn't lash out one bit. She was so reasonable. He's got such a short temper. I know.

You know what? He also, like, he's John Laws. He knows that there's a character. Half of this is he goes, this is why people listen to me. So he'd do this because, you know, he sees this opportunity, he takes it. Often he'll have, like, a real punish of a caller, and he'll be patient with them and not lash out. But then people will then call and be like,

why the fuck didn't you rip them to shreds? Oh, really? And they just have to. People are wanting him to lash out. He's national, is he? I don't know. It's like regional New South Wales, some stations in Queensland. I don't know.

Got it right. Bit of everywhere. God, that's gold. Wow. And so because we are winding down the podcast and we're big fans of John and we've met John, I believe he was fond of us. He was.

Emily, one of our idiots, suggested for our bucket list the things we want to do before we wrap up the podcast for good. She said, John Law's sending you guys off one final time. And beautifully said, yes. We put it on the bucket list. Yeah. We know one of his producers who is one of our kind. Yes, he is.

Oh, just queer he is. His name's Zen. We love Zen. I said, do you reckon you could get a message from John saying farewell to us and our podcast? Good luck with everything, whatever. And he's like, yeah, leave it with me. And I said, even if he says no to hell with

that, I don't want to be doing that. Just record that. That'd be perfect. No, no, he did more than that. He actually recorded a message for us, but I just think he didn't realise who he was talking to. Okay. And you'll soon understand why I suspect that.

This is it, the message from John. You ready? Yeah, we've not heard this. Jenna hasn't heard it either. No, no. Let's go. Here we go. Okay, well, fellas, I hope you're happy in your retirements.

I tried it once. I didn't like it very much, so I came back to work. But I hope you enjoy your retirement. You know, you'll find you will get bored, but, you know, find a good woman or a good book, preferably the former, and just enjoy yourselves. But if you need any help, if you need any advice, not about the women, no, that's your problem, but if you need any advice, not about the women, no, that's your problem,

but if you need any advice about a good book to read, there's a very good book called A Fortunate Life. I can't remember his name, the bloke who wrote it. A.B. Facing? Yeah, A.B. Facing. Good book, A Fortunate Life. Read that. And then when you're through that, read a bit of Ernest Hemingway and then go to sleep.

Good night. That's it. Go to sleep. Good night. Thanks, John. Thank you, Mr Lawson. Thanks, the world. We'll do our best to find a good woman.

And a good book. But then he continued to give us book recommendations. Fortunate Life. He didn't remember us. His producer said to me, I don't know where he got the retirement thing from. I never mentioned that you guys were retiring. I said, you're ending your podcast. We're 28, 29.

We're not retiring, for God's sake. We're gay men. We both have good men. Oh, we found a good woman in you, Jenna. Yeah, yeah. That's true. What is this? Fortunate Life by A.B.

Facey. Never heard of it. I feel I have. I feel like it's been around. A fortunate life. No. I don't know if I really want to.B. Facey? Never heard of it. I feel I have. I feel like it's been around. A fortunate life. No. I don't know if I really want to. Yeah.

Can't be bothered with that. Mitchell, thank you for getting that. That's very sweet. That was very good. It could have been for anyone. It didn't feel specific. No, no. But that's okay.

That's okay. We got it tick off the bucket list. Tick. Congratulations, team. We got a message from John Laws. Is it just me? We got a message from John Laws. Is it just me?

Bom, bom, bom. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. The performance of Mitchell Coombs' Concerto will begin shortly. Please take your seats. Boom, boom, boom. Switch off your mobile phones. Mobile phones switched off. To the woman in a white corduroy, we can see your cleavage.

Please have some decency for the theatre. It is vile. So this is it. We're finding out if I remember how to play violin. We tried to do this ages ago on the podcast, in case you forgot. I got you a gorgeous saxophone to play. You did, Alto. And then you were going to get me a violin to play.

You got me one where there was no horse hair on the bow. So I quite literally couldn't play it. Not my fault. And then we kind of never got around to it. This is back in like episode, I think it was 83 or something. Right. Fucking ages ago. Jack was the one that suggested this for the bucket list. Can we finally get Coombs to play a violin?

Well, today's the day. Jack, you ask, you shall receive. It's happening. Big thanks to AR Irwin Violins and Edgecliff for lending me this gorgeous fiddle. For those that can't remember because it was so fucking long ago, do you want a little reminder of how Jerry went with playing the saxophone? Yeah, let's do it. So this was you trying to play Eye of the Tiger,

which you boldly claimed. If given a saxophone. I could play Eye of the Tiger. I could play it from memory, yeah. Exactly. I hear it. Very repetitive. You know what? Not as bad as my memory is telling me. It's worse than I remembered.

I actually agree with Jenna. I don't remember it being quite that bad. How can a saxophone testy pop like that? That was bizarre. Bizarre. It was like you thought it was a kazoo and if you just hummed the notes and blew, it would just sound fine. You were just blowing in time. The notes weren't correct.

Yes, yes. I'm not good at saxophone. So after all these years, I've got me fiddle. Let's see if I can remember how I played. Oh, I'm so excited. Oh, this is great. And I literally, I don't reckon I've touched a violin in nearly 10 years. Really?

So this will be interesting. And you promise you didn't practice at home? No. Okay, good. Oh, I said no, I didn't. Not that I don't promise. I promise I haven't touched. Yes, you promise you didn't practice at home? No. Okay, good. Oh, as in no, I didn't. Not that I don't promise. I promise I haven't. Yes, you promise.

Good. Okay. I was thinking something simple like twinkle, twinkle, little star. Yeah, I think I'd start there. Oh, my God. This is a beautiful little fiddle. Putting the chin rest on. Chin rest.

We're getting legit, are we? Oh, it's the shoulder rest. Sorry. Oh, that's fine. Well, it's been a while between turns. Oh, wow. There you go. Right.

Let's see if the fucking bow works. That was the biggest issue last time. Now, can you quickly refresh our memory? When did you play and for how long? I think I started getting lessons in year four, so when I was 10. And then I gave up lessons in like year 11 or 12. And you used to play at the Anzac Day. Yes.

And the Christmas carols in Bodengate Yes Alright Here's the bow moment Oh my god I'm going to have to tune it obviously Yeah, yeah This isn't the performance

You're not tuning it No, no Yeah, that's in tune That A's a bit off Is it? It's like the start of a musical when they're rehearsing. When they're rehearsing. Do you know how I remember what notes to tune it to?

What? Because they're G, D, A, E. Good A. Oh. That A is still a bit off. I wonder why it's not A, B, C, D. That'll do. Yeah, that sounds good.

Very well in tune. Alan did a good job. Yeah, all right. So, trick or treat a little sorrow is quite easy because there's not many fingers involved. It's just the open note. Oh, okay. Well, that's cheating. Oh, fuck.

I've never played a violin with long nails before. Oh, fuck. I've never played a violin with long nails before. Oh, my God. Wow. Bit rusty. Bit fucking rusty. Mitchell, that still sounds like twinkle, twinkle. Wow. Bravo, bravo. What are you doing?

Are you tightening the horse? Yeah, I was tightening the bow a bit. That's better. Gorgeous. Anyway. And will you be also performing Eye of the Tiger? Really? No, I want Eye of the Tiger.

Eye of the Tiger. That was not right. Can you do Bittersweet Symphony? What's that? You know... No, probably not. Phantom of the Opera? Because that's all the way up here.

No. I'm actually blown away. Wow. Can I try? I think I could do it, though. Don't fucking break it. I think it... Oh, I'll talk to A.E.

Do you know what? I want to do Twinkle Twinkle Little Star again, because I used to play it in the school orchestra, but I played the harmony bit. So here, you have a go, but I'm going to see if I can find on YouTube someone else playing the lead. Okay. Jenna, keep past that. Yeah.

Thank you. How does that work? You put the shoulder rest on your shoulder and your chin on the chin rest. It's quite self-explanatory. I would have thought it was such a protruding jawline. Like that? Yeah. Also, see how your wrist is like leaning on the violin?

Your wrist isn't meant to touch it at all. Like that? Yeah. And you go up or? Well, the bow can go both ways. I reckon I'm going to nail this. Bit more pressure. Okay.

Why are you only going one way? You go up, down, up, down with the bow. Oh, sorry. Hang on. How do you get the third note? Yeah, that's where you put a finger on. Did you not notice that I was putting my fingers down? No, I didn't.

I was looking at the other hand. Shit. All right. Well, what about like a Halloween version? Hang on. Let me see if I can do that. I know what you mean. You know what I mean?

Like Psycho? Yeah. So that would be all the way up here. That sort of thing. That's horrific. That is scary. Wow. Wow.

Violin's a fun instrument. I want to see if I can do this twinkle twinkle little. Yeah, what do you need? Do you want to Google something? Sorry, I'm trying to think of what key it's in. Don't apologize. I'm taking a photo of this so I can post it to the socials. That's G.

Hang on. Twinkle. Twinkle little star. How I wonder. In the key of G. What on earth you are. Oh, look, some lady's put it on YouTube. Sue Garber has put it on YouTube.

It's got 200 views. Thanks, Sue. Thank you, Sue. Let's see if I can play along with it. Okay, YouTube. Sue Garber has put it on YouTube. It's got 200 views. Thanks, Sue. Thank you, Sue. Let's see if I can play along with it. Okay, go. Okay. I have to remember my part. I've got no sheet music.

I'm just fucking guessing. Here is Twinkle in G major in third position that I would like you to practice. Okay. Oh. I'll see if I can join in. Oh. and join in. Oh! Oh! Wow.

Above the world so high Like a diamond in the sky. Ready? All together. Twinkle, twinkle, little star. Shut up. I'm out of time. How can I not love you?

You are. Oh, Sue and I nailed that. Ladies and gentlemen, Mitch and Sue. Sue and I nailed that. Ladies and gentlemen, Mitchell and Sue. Sue and I killed it. On the violin. That was impressive. Mitchell, that was good. I'm impressed.

Wow. Maybe I should play it for our final episode. Yes. Like those guys. Like the Titanic. Because we're doomed. What was that called again? It was like a hymn.

Yeah. What did they perform? Maybe that's our final. What are they playing? It was like a hymn. Yeah. What did they perform? Maybe that's our final. About their playing as the boat goes down. Yeah. Yeah. What was the song they performed? What's it called?

It's a hymn song. Yeah. It's like, hold on. Google song. Oh, that's shit. Oh. Oh, yeah, I'll play this as the podcast goes down. If you rehearse, I'm happy for that to end our show for good. That's actually really sad.

It's not there yet. No, it's not. That makes me upset. You could even play it at home with Sean, practice, and then record it and we could play it. I probably won't because I've got to give this back. Yeah, true. I'm sure they'll like the plug. JD Halpern and practice, and then record it. We could play it. I probably won't because I've got to give this back. Yeah, true. I'm sure they'll like the plug.

JD Halton and co, whatever it's called. No, it's A.R. Irwin Violin. Ah, got it. Well, thank you to Irwin and his A and R for the violin. Mitchell, great performance. That was amazing. He said to me, have you got good muscle memory? I was like, that's pretty much all I've got going for me.

I don't know what the fuck notes I just played. No. I just remember where to put the fingers. Well done. That hasn't, that hasn't, you never failed me. Definitely don't know what the fuck notes I just played. No. I just remember where to put the fingers. Well done. That hasn't, that hasn't, you never failed me. Definitely a bit rusty though. Yeah, that's all right. Wow.

Wow, that's brilliant. Mitchell, great performance. I feel like I'm ready for fucking Carol's in the Domain now. I agree. Disney on ice, everyone. Yeah. I agree. Wow.

That was beautiful. That really was. Okay, don't go too far. It wasn't that beautiful. That was that with John Laws. I've got no musical ability. So for me, that is like do a leap of performing. Madison Square Garden. I'm't that beautiful. That with John Laws, I've got no musical ability. So for me, that is like Dua Lipa performing, Madison Square Garden.

I'm just blown away. What did John Laws have to do with it? Well, that coupled with the John Laws note, it just is a bit, I feel elated. Three things off the bucket list. Tick, tick, tick. Nice. Fantastic.

Oh, Jenna got rid of her UTI. Yay. That's good. Thank you. No worries. All right, let's go. Thanks for listening, everyone. Yes, we better get out of here.

How are we going with the following? I'm looking at the bucket list. Oh, of course. Oh, another Nat Penpoint episode. We did that. Lana says, life uncut, girls, on the podcast. Oh, I can message. I thought we already established that.

No, well, do you want me to message right now? If you want. I'll do it right now. Oh, Olivia, some more funny John Laws moments. Done, yeah. Kate Langbrook won last time. That's locked in, Aiden. That's do it right now. Oh, Olivia, some more funny John Laws moments. Done, yeah. Kate Langbrook won last time. That's locked in, Aiden. It's not a tick yet, but she is coming on. Kate is going to happen.

I've asked Britt. Sweet. What about the other one? I'll ask Laura as well. Okay, great. Britt's more responsive. Laura's very busy. This is all off the cloud chat that we can probably deal with later. We'll leave you to it, idiots. We'll talk to you again next week. Yes, so we do.

No, no. Oh, sorry. I don't know what that means to you. Where did that come from? No idea. Thanks for listening. Five-star review if you don't mind, and we'll see you all soon. Talk to you soon.

Bye-bye. Bye. Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of mitches. Make sure you've hit follow on your podcast app. Welcome to ADD Brief, our secret segment on the end. We pretend that the show's done, but it is not. Jenna, would you like to try the violin? Yeah, I do. the end. We pretend that the show's done, but it is not. Jenna, would you like to try the violin? Yeah, I do.

Yeah. I just want to say that the show's not done. Hey. For those wondering, the show's not done. No. No. Did you know, Jenna, that... Can I have the...

Yeah, of course. The bow. That's quite important. Nay. Don't horse around. Did you notice a lot of our idiots were saying, why the fuck didn't Jenna try the labor simulator? Everyone was asking.

The childbirth thing that we were doing to prove that women have a stronger threshold. But I don't think you're the greatest example because I reckon you would have freaked out as well with that thing. Overpowerful woman. I had it on the whole time and I was fine. Jenna has it on every month. Don't you, Jenna? That's truena true yeah that's true i'm team women you know what's fucking weird though yeah with that tens machine thing i got up to number 30 and it killed you got up to number 24 yeah and they were like nah that's enough sean was like for

some reason trying to prove a point he got up to 50 really i was like what are you doing and he's sitting there so calmly like no it's fine. To be fair. Jenna's having a go. Ow! Okay, it's an audio medium, so people think I just punched you. Also, you're playing it like a piano. The hand scoops underneath. Oh, like that? Yeah, it's like a guitar.

Cradle it like you're holding the nape of a baby. Okay. And also the bow, you hold it like this. I didn't even realise that I was doing that by accident. What? Holding it wrong? No, I just knew how to hold the bow. Oh. Th like this. I didn't even realise that I was doing that by accident. What? Holding it wrong? No, I just knew how to hold the bow. Oh.

Thumb goes under there. Yeah. Three fingers over and then the pinky like that because sometimes you need to use the pinky to flick it up. Oh. Oh, what does that do? Adds a bit of vibrato. I can't remember. Hang on, finger, thumb through the middle and then the pinky just goes on top.

You don't actually, yeah. Thumb through the middle, and then the pinky just goes on top. You don't actually... Yeah. And you want to strike the bow between the fretboard and the bridge. Why don't we put Samantha Jones on, or whatever that YouTube girl was. What was her name? Susan. Susan Taylor.

Bit more pressure with the bow. Nah, hang on. I'll come here. This is hard to watch and listen to. This amount of pressure. Yeah, that's better. There you go. And then you need to pull one finger down for the next note.

On that one? Yes. It's getting worse. One string at a time is ideal. Wait, wait, wait. Wait, oh. Jeez. Okay, my...

No, you stay on the one. Can I just say, we don't want the quality of the show to drop in the final episodes. And then you need three fingers on the G string. G string. Which is what Jenna's got underneath her pants. That was fun. Thank you. I'll have it back.

So you know how I was doing one stroke per note? Yeah. So like... Yeah. If you do like one stroke and then you do multiple notes, it sounds gorgeous. Like... Like that sort of thing. I've obviously not practised my scale.

Out of practice, yeah. Oh, Mitchell. It's like the beginning of a musical. Can I try something? You know what I was never able to do? The vibrato. You know how they're like... Oh, yeah, the moving.

Because I would always instinctively shake my other hand with the bow. So it would just be like... Yeah, let me try. Wow. I don't need the horse strings. I'd like to play it like a little banjo. I just want to see if it's possible. I mean, I guess it is.

Ready? Mum had a kitty, Dad had a kale, then I went and ate a pale. I mean, there's some songs that require you to pizzicato it. You know, you pluck with a finger. It's in my jaw. Yep. Okay, between the fretboard and the bridge. Don't have the bow on the black bit.

Ah. Oh, my God. Well, that was a noise. Yeah. What are you doing? Oh, I'm sorry. I can't listen to any more of that. Stop noise. What are you doing? I'm sorry. I can't listen to any more of that.

Stop it. Give it back. I tried, man. Sorry about that. I'm not musical. I've got every other talent in the world. I can't have music as well. How fun.

Yeah, that was fun. That was so much fun. That was very fun. There you go, Ian and Jane. It wasn't a fucking waste of money, all those lessons. I still vaguely know what I'm doing. Yeah. Cute. Oh, that was fun.

I think you should pick it up. Oh, that's fun. That's what I'm trying to do. I can't remember those. Nah, I can't do it in the hallway. Forget it. Forget it. I should have just gone out on a high.

Yeah, I wouldn't say it's a high. You know, I... I should have just gone out on a high. Yeah. I wouldn't say it's a high. I was better than this. Oh, for fuck's sake. You can cut it now. It sounds like a goose is choking on like a quiche Lorraine. It's trying to get it up. Another fucked up Sibylle from you. What?

A goose choking on a quiche Lorraine. All's trying to get it up. Another fucked up Sibylle from you. What? A goose choking on a quiche Lorraine. All right, we should go. We really should go. Thanks for listening, everyone. We hope this podcast made you feel at least 2% better today. That's all just 2%. Oh, I wonder with the violin if you could use my hair. I've already said that.

Yeah. No, but instead of that. I'd have to be pulling it real fucking tight in order to have that bow. Although it's quite thin. Yeah, you could. Ow! Sorry. You guys also left me hanging.

Sorry. How? We hope this podcast. Oh, sorry. Made you feel at least 2% better today. That's all. Just 2%. Ready?

So we do. Nice. We do, Mitchell. Catch you back on Monday. We love you. Thanks for listening. See you then. Bye, Beth.

Bye. Is it just me? A then. Bye, Beth. Bye. Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of Mitches. Make sure you hit follow on your podcast app.