Is It Just Me? - #57: Dot Wiggins Returns

Episode Date: March 1, 2021

In this episode:The thing Churi misses most about school (09:17)Dot Wiggins asks... Can you live in a nursing home in your 20's? (15:24)This week's reviews (25:48)More of the OTHER 'Is It Just Me?' podcasts (28:51)Our "secret segment" ADDebrief (50:38)Follow us @coupleofmitchesSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

People do some weird shit. Television legend Kerri-Ann Kennelly fell several metres from a trapeze while performing in the musical Pippet. Some things make more sense than others. Ring Pike's Nurseries. What nursery? Pike's. P-Y-K-E-S. P-Y-A... K as in kill. P-Y-A K as in kill.

P-Y-E K! Brace yourself for the rude shocks of young adulthood. Why is being alive so expensive? I'm not even having a good time. This is Is It Just Me? Hosted by a couple of Mitches. What about me? Don't forget Chin-O.

Who? Now, here's Mitch Chudy and Mitchell Coombs. Yes, that's us. Here we are. Welcome to the show, everyone. Groundskeeper Jenna, our third wheel is here as always. Hi. Hi, Jenna.

From bed again. From home. Yes, I'm really milking this whole surgery sore thing. Back again. Good. You're still looking bloated though, isn't he, Jenna? A bit. That's just my natural fat

At this point I was joking You're beautiful The stomach bloating Has gone down Beautiful Here I am Now Jenna

I believe you've had A much better week Than last week Facebook has unbanned News sites I am ecstatic Round of applause I am so happy

That'll make your job A lot easier Were you still Writing articles In the hope that it Would come up at any point? Yes. Really? Yes.

Well, because the news articles that Jenna writes also come up in Google News, right? Yes. So if you Google a headline, yours will be one that comes up. True. It was just Facebook. But traffic dropped by like 75%. Jesus. So we needed Facebook.

It's back. Sounds like she's in a helicopter. Traffic dropped 27%. Yeah, I know. I'm a Hume Cale pasture road Heavy traffic Drop by 20% Well good for you Jenna

That's great Thank you I was actually running late today Because of traffic I was driving back from Newcastle Yeah You're at Bougainvillea By you guys

I wasn't in Bougainvillea I was in Newcastle I said that Oh I was actually quite clear about that Yeah close that Yeah you actually did say Newcastle Oh

Didn't know where my mind was You guys beat me to my own house I felt I was humiliated Somebody prides myself Yeah, you actually did say Newcastle. I don't know where my moan was. You guys beat me to my own house. I felt I was humiliated. Somebody prides myself on being prompt. I was in Newcastle babysitting, though, you know, my niece and nephew. Yes, shout out. They're very big now. I know they're growing up quick.

Obviously, I wasn't babysitting by myself. The grandparents, my parents were there. Thank God. I couldn't do that by myself. You could have had an internal bleed at any moment. You've got dissolvable stitches in you. Exactly. But God, I'll tell you, love them both to death

but Noah was being a bit of a pain this week, my nephew. The older one. Yeah, the older one. Because his parents were at a wedding. That's why we were babysitting.

And it came time for bedtime. Nana Jane, my mother, Nana Jane was reading a bedtime story and she's reading it to him and he goes, no, that's not how mummy reads it.

That's not the right story. And Jane's like, I'm reading it word for word, bro. What are you talking about? And then mum says, oh, Nicole must paraphrase it so that the story is shorter. And she's like, no, it's too smart. Like he actually calls me out on it. Whereas mum's like, I used to do that to you kids all the time, but you're too fucking stupid to realise. But no, it's too smart.

He realises that's not the same story mummy reads me. So I spoke to my sister on the phone. I said, oi, your son's distraught. Next time you're going to spin your own bullshit in the bedtime story, can you let us know? Yeah. Because it's a disaster on our end now. I hope you're enjoying the wedding, but it's a disaster.

And she goes, no, no, no, no, no. He does that to me too. He's just going through this weird phase where he refuses to believe what I read. She reads it word for word too and he just goes, no, no, that's not it. That's the wrong story. No, I didn't have seven to all, she had four. And I'm like, how have you raised such a little cynic?

He's only three. He's going to grow up to be like an anti-vaxxer or a conspiracy theorist. Yeah, I'm not a QAnon. He just refuses to believe facts. Like, oh, this little piggy went to market. No, he didn't. No, he didn't. How did he get there?

Did he drive? No, I go to sleep. Jack and Jill went up the hill. Bullshit. They did not. You're trying to make me believe to fetch a pail of water. Really? Couldn't go to the shops to get one?

No. Where did you get the accent from? Bah, bah, black sheep, have you any wool? Yes, sir. yes, sir. No, they don't. I've heard otherwise. Bullshit, you're lying. Twinkle, twinkle, little star.

I've never seen them twinkle. Really? Yeah, they're pretty stagnant in the sky. They don't really sparkle. Okay. How I wonder what you are. Well, it's a star, Dickhead. You just said it.

Jesus. It's getting really aggressive. But it's like, how about we save this debate for when you learn the alphabet, you clown? Because I'm actually, I can read unlike you, so I know what the page says. Don't argue with me, bitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. The Incy Wincy Spider. What did the Incy Wincy Spider do?

It went up the water spout. Rubbish. Rubbish. Bullshit. It went down. Show me pictures. I refuse to believe that. Do you hear me?

I refuse. Okay, bro, don't argue with me. He's too smart. Good for him, though. He's just like, where's the evidence? What's the porridge one? One of those two. Goldilocks and the three bears.

Goldilocks. There were four bears. They were foxes, not bears. And she ate all the porridge, the fat bitch. And it just made me realise, because I'm turning 25 this year. That's how old my sister was, I'm pretty sure, when she had kids. And so I'm like, I'm definitely not ready for that. Because if they called me on my bullshit, I'd argue back.

Whereas Nicole just goes, oh, you know, he's just tired. It's fine. I just go with it. And I'm like, I would argue back. I'd be like, shut the fuck up. It's written here in ink, you bitch. You read it or you can't read. Good night.

You're going to have to take my word for it, fucker. Oh, my God. I don't know what you'd be like as a dad. I think you'd be good. I like to think that some switch in my brain would be flicked where I would just become less garbage of a person. Yeah. But right now I'm definitely not equipped to parent.

I don't think I could handle having my kids not like me. I don't know what I'd do. Sometimes I think about that because I'm definitely not equipped to parent. I don't think I could handle having my kids not like me. I don't know what I'd do. Sometimes I think about that because I'm a bit of an asshole to my mother for no good reason. I've had a bad day. I might take it out on her. And she just cops it because she's like, whatever, I'm a mum. That happens.

And I'm like, I would not stand for that. If they were taking their shit out on me, I'd be like, fuck you, get off my property. Yeah. My dad was like that though. Were you guys smacked? I mean, it was a different time, guys. It was the late 90s.

No, not like belted, like, you know, beyond belief. But there was a definitely, it was more the threat. Yeah. Like sometimes my grandmother would just get the wooden spoon off the wall. It hung in the kitchen with pride, like it was a trophy. She'd just take the spoon off. We'd go, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. She's got the spoon.

Your grandma? Yeah. But you know, the funny thing is that my dad said to, to because she he used to get hit with the wooden spoon and punishment when he was a child and he said to my grandmother if you ever hit my children with that wooden spoon i'm gonna hit you with it oh wow so if we ever went home and went dad dad nann's hit us with the spoon he'd go up there and be like right you go to kmart i'm where's section funnily enough we never got hit with the wooden spoon. Really?

I was belted with an actual R.M. Williams belt. I was as well. But the buckle, that's inhumane. I was branded. I had R.M. Williams on my back thigh. I couldn't even walk. Neither could I. Wow.

It was really bad. I had hand marks on my butt. It was so bad. I had that cry that's really guttural that makes you lose your breath when you go, I hate you. You know that one? It really jars you. And then you'd go to your bedroom, slam the door and be like,

Yeah, you'd sit on your bed, then you'd get over it and then you'd forget. And then you'd think, what would happen if I just died? Mate, I didn't get there. No, no, we've all been there. We're all friends here. How would they feel then? Plus being whipped with a belt, that's nothing. Jenna, in one of her past lives, her parents

used to subject her to Chinese water torture if she was bad. Yes. She'd steal a loaf of bread and they'd be like, get under the drip. Yep. Put the towel on your face. You know what this means? Happens at least, at least twice a week. It would, yeah. And it's just sad. All right. Well, hi, everyone. Welcome to the show. This is Is It Just Me? Proudly brought to you by Red Rooster this week. We can say that officially for the first time ever. Doesn't it feel good?

I consider it back pay for all the free promotion we've given Red Rooster over time. But guys, Red Rooster are officially sponsoring the show. Yes! Oh, my God! Cock-a-doodle-doo! Yes! Very, very that. This is a true highlight.

It really is. So, yes yes we are is it just me brought to you by red rooster and later on we'll be doing red rooster reviews of course that's when we read out the reviews and we get sent a prize yeah some red rooster swag maybe some food who knows if you're lucky we'll send it out we're also going to be listening to all the other is it just me podcasts oh my god because as it turns out it's not just us no So there were four other Is It Just Me's when we launched. We became the fifth. Yeah. Since we launched a year and a half or so ago, there has now been more people getting amongst us.

So many other podcasts with the same name. We're going to be seeing what we're up against a bit later on. Now, some of the competition as well have perished. They haven't made it. Really? The podcasts that were there have not stood the test of time. We crushed them. We have crushed. And I'll have The podcasts that were there have not stood the test of time. We crushed them. We have crushed.

And I'll have you know that when we started, remember we were like fourth. You'd search, is it just me? And we'd come up fourth. I can reveal the position that we're at now. We've made an improvement. That's all I'll say. But if it is your first time listening, hi, welcome.

It's is it just me? Every week we bring you two idjams, as we affectionately call them. That's how we kick it off. That's right. Something we've noticed, something we hate or appreciate. I'm ready to go first. This is fresh in my mind. It came to me last night in a fever dream.

I'm ready to go. Are you happy if I start the show? Of course, darling. Be my guest. Here we go. Is it just me or... Do you miss school uniforms? No.

Really? They were so uncomfortable. Oh, no, I? No. Really? They were so uncomfortable. Oh, no, I love it. Why? Oh, I, first of all, I just love having to wear the same thing every day. That at its core, every day I wear a black shirt and jeans and I just revolve jeans. Yeah, that's the argument that comes up every time someone's like, why can't we be like America and have no uniforms?

Because they're equalizers. Correct. But they are're equalizers. Correct. But they are fucking uncomfy. Yeah. So I don't miss them at all. No, but my school uniform was, I mean, I went to a public school. We had, you know, shorts and a t-shirt.

That was it. But one of those like polo shirts with the really thin breezy material. I loved that. I loved that too. But what didn't you like? Did you have to wear a blazer? Well, I used to love that,

but then my parents moved me to a fucking private school, didn't they? Oh, see, that's the difference. And let's not lose sight of the fact that I was a fat kid. And so there's nothing worse than a button-up on a fat kid. I just think about being so uncomfy on a hot day with the frigging button-ups clinging to my gut. Yeah.

And the tie. Yeah, the tie. No, but I'm not talking like that kind of school uniform. It depends on the uniform. Like, even if work had a uniform where it was just like a top and some pants or something. Yeah, I mean overarching uniform. Would you love to just say at ARN, where we all work, the radio station, if they said everyone has to wear a t-shirt, it can be any colour,

and shorts or jeans, any colour, that's it. Every day. Nothing else. I would actually love it. I'd love it. I mean, I've gotten away with wearing like basically what I wear to bed to work in all honesty. People don't dress up in radio. No would actually love it. I'd love it. I mean, I've gotten away with wearing, like, basically what I wear to bed to work, in all honesty. People don't dress up in radio.

No, they don't. On my team, they do. Do they? Yes. I just haven't noticed. No, you're right. Amanda and Jones, you do get quite dressed up. Yes, and they're producers.

Yeah, they do, actually. They're good point. I've noticed that. Very, very. Because we work for rival stations in the same building. Yeah. Over on the kids' side side where we are, Mitchell, we are way more sloppy than WS, aren't we?

Oh, 100%. There was a rumour that we weren't allowed to wear shorts for years. And I couldn't give a shit. I wore shorts every day. Myth busted. I can confirm. I completely agree. I remember when I first started at KISS, I'm like, it's an office job.

I'm an adult now. I have to dress up. Button ups, like black pants, leather shoes. I've got them all here because I got there on my first day and, like, the boss looked like he was in a sports uniform. He had, like, the Adidas trackies and joggers and just a loose tee on. Who was that? Who was that?

I don't want to say his initials. Oh, all right. DB. You had me at initials. You could have just said initials. But I was like, if the boss can dress casually, then I can. It's fine. There's just something about opening a wardrobe and it all being the same.

Because for me, I wake up in the morning and I have my shower, which is a process. I'm not easily accessible in every inch. You've got to sort of bend and get around it. But then I've got to go, what am I going to wear? And it's a process and I just don't enjoy it. So I'd love to have black, black, that's it, that is set. And it was so freeing last night.

In the middle of speeches, I had these little booty shorts on because I didn't even mention that. I went to a party last night. It was year six themed. So you had to go as something you'd wear to a year six disco. So I thought, well, I'll go as what I was in year six, the overachieving extracurricular student that has just come from a dance or a drama rehearsal

and has come to the dance in their dance costume and with their badges on. What sort of extracurricular shit did you do? I think I have a photo. Ready? I'll pass it around. So I went home to Cronulla, got all my badges, which were on a teddy bear.

You know when you graduated G6, you had a white bear and everyone would sign it? Yeah. I had 12 badges. Oh, let me guess. It would have been like tournament of the mind. No. Public speaking.

Theatre sports. Debating pub. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chess? Were you into chess? No, I wasn't into chess. These are the three that I took because mum said, no, no, no, I'm keeping those to give to your kids.

What would my kids want? So they can wear them. With my council of ribbon. Anyway, so these are the three that I wore. School captain, of course, which is on the collar. I wore that on the collar. Oh, the dangly bit. And then these were the other two. Councilor and Library Monitor. What the fuck

do they mean? I don't really remember monitoring the library. I know exactly what that would have meant. Shh! I think this is the library. If you could just keep it down. You think they had me whispering? Hey, girls! I was... This is the library. If you could just keep it down. Shh.

You think they had me whispering? Hey, girls! Hey, girls! Sorry to be that one. It's only quite over here. Have you entered that dragonology or are you just taking it off the shelf? Because, oh, wizardology, it's a great read, girls, but you have to check it out with Coral at the front desk.

I was more of an Egyptology guy myself. I could tell. I had all of them. I had the one with the gem on the front. I think they all had gems on the front. Wizardology? Wizardology was good. Dragonology. What did you have, Jenna? Witchology? I actually... I'm pretty. I had all of them. I had the one with the gem on the front. I think they all had gems on the front. Wizardology. Wizardology was good. Dragonology.

What did you have, Jenna? Witchology. I actually, I'm pretty sure I did. I think there was witchology. I think I had the witch one. Yeah, they had little stones. And it was like a purple colour. Yeah.

That was beautiful. But I was in the library committee and I was responsible for dressing up as the book week like club thing. Characters, yeah. And I made quite a mistake one day. I accidentally took the head off in front of a kindergarten student and pretty much crushed their dream. Oh, dear.

Oh, they take that shit very seriously. No, they really do. Yeah, they really do. They really do. She started crying and saying there's no such thing as the school bear and all that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's hard for a year six student.

Any young people listening right now, cover their ears. Because, spoiler alert yeah. It's hard for a year six student. I feel like any young people listening right now cover their ears because, spoiler alert, the Sunrise Cash Cow is someone in costume. You know that bloody cow that gives away money on TV? The mascot for Seven, yeah. Yes. So do you remember, Mitch, you've done our radio station mascot. Yeah, the Cash. The Kiss Cash Cow.

Cock, yeah. Do you remember when we went and filmed that video at Channel 7? You collabed. The Cash Cock meets Cash Cow. Yes. cash cock yeah remember when we went and filmed that video at channel seven you collabed the cash cock meets cash cow yes and they had all these procedures and measures to make sure that there was never any footage released of the person without the thing on yeah they were like all cameras down like they were so strict about us never getting the cash cow out of costume like they take it real seriously young kids get crushed j, Jenna. Yeah. Yes. Cow is walking! I was like, beg your pardon?

Oh, it's the other cow. I got very offended. But recently, the cash cow was unmasked on TV. Remember, they were so excited to give away 100 grand that they pushed their cow head off, and it was some gay intern. It's ridiculous. Anyway, I wish I had a school uniform. I would love it. Or just any kind of uniform.

I agree. Anyway, got it off my chest. Your turn, Mitch. Is it just me or? Would you love to live in a retirement home? Not now. Not now. No, I mean now.

I'm ready. Thinking about it, they have pretty cool facilities. Oh, you've been through quite a few in your time. I have. I have. I have. Are we talking village or like a home? Yeah. So nursing homes, I'm pretty sure that's where it's basically just a long hallway with a

bunch of bed that's kind of hospital-esque. I don't mean that. I mean like it's almost like a resort where everyone's got their own little unit and the carport. You've still got all the perks of like having the nurses checking in and all that stuff. But I've realised that that's actually where I would thrive. That would actually suit my lifestyle right now perfectly because, you know,

I've been spending the last couple of weeks on sick leave after my appendix removal and as much as I love my independence and I don't I at this point I'm just like I can't imagine having a partner or dating someone having someone around all the time yeah as much as I love my independence I'm like god sometimes I just really want someone to look after me I'm sick of doing everything myself right I just want to kick back and have a nurse wipe my ass like you know what I mean Like I just don't want to do everything. Right. And so I was watching this TV show.

Have you heard of The End? Yes. Oh, I've heard of it. I've never seen it. It's on Foxtel and it's like an Australian one. And it had that cliche storyline of where the grandmother gets so upset. I can't believe you're putting me into a home. Classic.

You know, I'm. I'm fine. Yeah, that sort of thing. And I'm like, you shut your putting me into a home. Classic. I'm fine. Yeah, that sort of thing. And I'm like, you shut your mouth. It looks awesome. They had like craft club. They had like all these activities and things. It reminded me of O-Week when I was joining every student group. Oh, uni.

And I was like, I'm so ready for that because you've still got the independence. It was like your own little villa. But then you've got other people looking after you and there's a sense of community. You've got the clubs and you've got fucking school kids coming to sing your Christmas carols and shit. I'm so down for that.

I'm ready. So you have your own house, essentially. On the show, yes. And I'm sure there's other setups like that. They look pricier. It's reality. This isn't scripted. It's a reality show.

No, it's not a reality show. It's a drama. It's got Noni Hazlehurst in it, by no it's not a reality show it's um it's a drama it's got noni hazelhurst by the way this is another this is another oh she used to be on play school oh yeah i remember her from that which is why it was quite confronting to see her tits like there's four lesbian love making scenes with noni hazelhurst from play school she spends the whole time fucked up like she's blazed like getting stoned all day, just sitting by the pool, making love as an old lady lesbian. And I was just like,

that's who I'm meant to be. Not when I'm old, now. I'm ready. The thing is, I read an expose about the truth in nursing homes, the truth about sex and STI,

the aging population want to remain active. The highest rate of STIs in Australia above teens and youth is in retirement homes. Really? They're all rooting each other silly. Wow. Why would they not? Their life partners have probably deceased or are in a vegetative state.

Yes, in many cases. You can't consent if you're a cabbage. So they're all sleeping with each other, but they all don't care about the ramifications or aren't using protection, so they're all getting STDs. That's wild. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like nursing homes, they're a bit different to retirement villages.

Like I don't want to glorify nursing homes too much because I've heard some, I remember seeing some like 7.30 report about like nursing staff who were like a bit too rough and like old people get bruised. And like CCTV for each other and all that all people get bruised and like ct tv yeah stuff like that and one of my friends worked in a nursing home and she couldn't do it anymore because she was like like they just kept dying i'd get attached and like so i feel like that part wouldn't be fun all me mates around me carking it but the retirement village situation i reckon i'm

ready for that also shout out to aged care workers that's a tough gig especially the dementia ward i mean i've been in there. I have as well. Oh my God, it's hard. So shout out. You do an incredible job. Which actually further emphasises my argument. Why not make your life easier as an aged care worker by opening it up to young people like me? Yeah, and you could entertain them.

You could put on little shows. You could teach them how to TikTok. You'd have to pretend you're straight. But they'd probably think you're a woman, to be honest. They'd love you. Oh my God, I could teach Zumba. Jenna could teach Zumba. I could teach Zumba. And I could do clown pretend you're straight, but they'd probably think you're a woman, to be honest. They'd love you. Oh, my God. I could teach Zumba. Jenna could teach Zumba. I could teach Zumba. And I could do clowning exercises with them.

Should we call one? Yes. I was hoping you would. Do it. Should we call? I could call one as Dot Wiggins. Oh, wait. Even better.

Oh, my God. And see if... Dot Wiggins hasn't actually made an appearance in season three of this podcast. Dot hasn't. Dot, are you able to... No, don't do this. She's here. I hate it when you do this podcast. Dot hasn't. Dot, are you able to? No, don't do this. She's here. I hate it when you do this part.

Dot! The alter ego. I prefer it when you just make the call and become Dot then. She's tripped over. Dot! I'll go get her. I hate it when he pretends she's in the room and they're different people. Just own it. It's you.

Why are you tapping? That was her walking. Come to the microphone. This one? Yes, this one. Oh. This bedroom smells. I to the microphone. This one? Yes, this one. Oh. This bedroom smells. I know, babe.

I know. The bedpan underneath. Hello. Hi, Dot. How are you? Poor boy. His boy is right. He's a boy.

How are you, dear? I'm good. I was just, can you call a retirement village and find out, actually, I think first and foremost, you should find out, actually, I think first and foremost, you should find out do you need to be old to live there? Like, can I apply? Is there an age limit? And then also, like, what facilities do they have?

I want to know what I'm signing up for. Do they have a pool? Do they have a mezzanine? Got it. A bar? Yeah. I've just found a number for one. Oh!

Oh, my God. Jenna, are you showing initiative? I didn't even ask you to Google that. Well, I'm very interested in this and I want to know. I thought you were a statue, dear. I wasn't talking. Maybe if Jenna and I pretend we're an elderly couple, we can move in together.

That could work, yes. It could. With that voice, though, that throws them off, they would understand. Call it, call it, call it. Short Lake Class W, this is Trenitha. Good afternoon, Trinita. My name is Dot Wiggins. How are you?

What's your name, sorry? Dot Wiggins? D-O-T Wiggins. I got it, Dot. Sorry, I just didn't get it first time round. No, no, no issue. I apologise for that. That's a very confusing name.

Sometimes people say Dot, sometimes people say Diana, and I go, I'd love to be Diana. She was beautiful, but I'll be Dot. I'll be Dot. I'll be D-Varie. Dear, I have a few questions in regards to the facility. Sure, how can I help you? Do you have a pool?

We have two pools. Oh, my. See, you know, you should be good friends with Dawn Fraser, bless her soul, the swimmer, and I used to swim with her, and I think, oh, I have never had a pool in my whole life. So that checks off on the list. In regards to – We have an indoor pool and we have an outdoor pool.

You had me at indoor. How exciting. Is there a drinking bar for drink? How could we have a resort without having a drinking bar for drink? Oh, my. This is going very well. Maybe a sports equipment or I've heard of Zumba or a gym facility. Yeah.

So we have a fully equipped gym. We have an aerobics room where they do yoga and I think it's Pilates or like a Pilates kind of slash aerobics. Lovely. We have water aerobics in Aerobics. Lovely. We have water aerobics in the indoor pool. So at the moment, our bar, every Friday

night is happy hour. Yes. Every second Friday night, we have a dinner night or a meal night, however you like to call it. Should be every Friday if you ask me. What the current caterer does is on dinner night, she Should be every Friday if you ask me. I like it every week.

What the current caterer does is on dinner night she does a full menu and then on the non-dinner night she will do a takeaway menu. Oh, my goodness me. A lot of people buy a couple of those takeaway meals and freeze them for the week. Oh, my dear. That sounds absolutely lush. Well, I appreciate all the facts. This is great to know.

And very – sorry. Sorry. My cat has just come in the room. Oh, your cat's attacking you? We have lots and lots and lots of other activities throughout the week. Yes. There's card playing. There's card playing. There's table tennis.

There's craft sessions. They do ballroom dancing lessons. What was your name, my dear? My name's Teresa Dot. Who? Teresa. Teresa. Got it, dear. Thank you. Who? Teresa. Teresa. Got it, dear.

Thank you. I appreciate that. Question, though. What is the age limit for your grounds? Yeah, so you need to be 45 years plus, and you need to have no children living with you. Oh, dear. I'm sort of inquiring.

My gay little grandson, 25 years old, would have loved to give you his business. 45. 45 and over. You? So you need to be 45 or more. Oh, 45 and over. Goodness me. All right.

Well, you know what? You can come and visit. I'll come and check out and I'll meet you at that bar you were talking about. All right. Well, I've got everything I need to know. You've been above and beyond. Oh, thank you, dear. Thank you.

Well, if you'd like to come and have a look at the village, let us know. We'll give you a bit of a guided tour and take it from there. Thank you so much. I appreciate it, my love. You're welcome, Dot. Take care. Bye. Thank you.

Bye. Oh, I'm shattered. I thought that would have been my perfect lifestyle. There was bloody ping pong and craft. She was really selling it. Aerobics? Aerobics. Pilates?

Yeah. Two pools. Indoor and outdoor? Indoor and outdoor. It's fine. I'll just continue to rot in peace in my apartment. Is it just me? Both Mitches are very needy.

So make sure you leave a review on your podcast app. Okay, time for the very first edition of Red Rooster Reviews. This is a career highlight. Officially being sponsored by Red Rooster here on the podcast. Yeah, it really is exciting. I mean, I've been paying Red Rooster's bills for quite some time,

so it's only fair that they pay mine back. I couldn't agree more. They've got the best chips in the world. Yeah, I agree. In the gravy. In the whole world. Which we would have said without a sponsorship. Absolutely.

I like the mousse in the fridge. That's my favourite. I haven't had that. Have you had the new fried chicken that they've released? No, I haven't. I haven't even had it. So next week we're doing our Mardi Gras hangover show. Yeah, the day after.

So maybe I should bring in the Red Rooster. To soak up all the alcohol and regret. Yes, because, I mean, Red Rooster is obviously, has always been my favourite fast food. But the new bloody fried chicken, man, I've got to get you on board. Yeah, okay, I'm obsessed. Like Jenna said, the chicken's great, the rooster rolls. I said the chips.

The chips, sorry. I don't listen to what Jenna says. Let's do a taste test next week. Oh, you had me at taste. I'm there. All right, let's read out some reviews and we will send you out some Red Rooster gear. This is from Jenny.

Fabulous. She says, fantastic. I've had to ban myself from listening to this in public. I've caught myself sitting on the train by myself, not being able to control my laughter because of the podcast. Oh, Jenny. That's so nice. Fabulous, yeah.

Oh, can I just say, the mental image of someone not controlling their laughter on a train is quite hilarious. Just pretend right now that you laughter on a train is quite hilarious. Just pretend right now that you're on a train and you've heard something funny in your headphones and you're not trying to control your laughter. Yeah, okay, hold on. The next station to arrive is Sydenham.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Hee, hee, hee, hee, ha, ha, ha. Oh, oh, that Mitch. Very arrogant. Don't hold back, Jenny Fabulous. If you're feeling the need to laugh, it's a compliment. Let it out, darling. Get it out. We had a user 492171.

So if that's your name, go for it. I was going to name my firstborn. Yes, it's very unique. Nearly had a wee, they said. Mitch's and Jenna. Please stop making me laugh so hard. I will wee myself if this continues. Love your work.

Well, we can't have that. No, we don't want that. Laughing in public, we can take responsibility for that. But public urination, we're not copying that. That's disgusting. You'll have to go to the home as well. We will send you both out some Red Rooster gear. How good?

You have to get in touch. If you hear your review read on the podcast, get in touch with us. Yes, you DM me. I'm the merch man, which much to my disdain because I'm terrible at it. But we're out of mugs, so we're now segwaying into Red Rooster gear. Thank you to Red Rooster. We're on Instagram as well, at couple of Mitches. So flick a DM

if you hear your review. And if you don't have Red Rooster in your area, firstly, my heart goes out to you. You're missing out. But we do have plenty more merch and stuff to send your way. So just hit us up if you hear your review read out. Now, we're moving on to a point in the show, something that we did in our early days,

in the inception of the Is It Just Me podcast. We did this. Is It Just Me? It is your weekly fix where we give, you know, the very silly, stupid stuff in life, the due gravitas we feel it deserves. That's right. And that was one of the Is It Just Me's

that we are cousins with, brothers with. Yes, back in episode four, the very early days of this podcast, we realised that we have a lot of people with the same name. And since we've launched, a lot of other people have also, I like to think, copied us. So today we're going to be listening to the new Is It Just Me podcast. Correct. Before we do though, I have an announcement to make. to the new Is It Just Me podcast. Correct. Before we do, though, I have an announcement to make.

Last time we checked in, there was about six Is It Just Me podcasts and we were fourth on the ranking. So when you search it, the tiles, the images, the cover art of the podcast come up. The most popular and the most listened to is first. We were fourth. I'm pleased to announce that we are now top spot. We're the number one Is It Just Me podcast. The first one that comes up when you search yeah and

sorry to um joe elvin and james williams who follow us on instagram um when we did this last time there is it just me is still number two so good for them good for them sorry we had to kick you off your perch but uh you guys do a great job they're the british ones you just heard in the opener they were our favorites they were our biggest threat i would say they were our biggest threat and then their podcast is still updated to this day. Their last episode was, yeah, not long ago. So they're still kicking. So you've been sussing out our new competition. What are we up against?

Jesus Christ, there's a lot. I've spent a lot of hours listening to podcasts that, quite frankly, don't interest me. Now, we have to preface it with this. We're in no way shit canning the shows. No, it's actually, we're actually trying to like take inspiration from the other is it just me's

remember last time we were trying to be like okay what can we do that they're doing what can we implement in our show we're actually copying the others

exactly and we don't want you to go and give them a one star review in fact give them a five star review but rate them and say

is it just me Mitch and Mitch and Jenna oh yes remember last time we do dare everyone to go leave a review on the other

is it just me's you have to be nice to them leave a review on the other Is It Just Me's. You have to be nice to them, but also plug us at the same time. So it's like, oh, my God, I love this show. This is the second best Is It Just Me trailing behind the one by a couple of Mitches. Yes, correct. And give them a four star. Knock them down a notch. Give them something to work towards.

All right. This is the newest rendition of the Is It Just Me podcast. Oh, my God. And it is one, two, three, four, five, six in the pecking order. Okay. So it's not doing bad. But it's got potential. It's got a lot of potential.

How recent was their most recent episode? Their most recent episode was the 22nd of December 2020. So they're probably still on their Christmas break. Yeah. You know, they could still be resting. This is Is It Just Me with Jess and Luke, the motorsport podcast. Now, I know you're thinking, what? Here's a little taste of how this show starts every week.

Hello and welcome to the Is It Just Me podcast with Jess and Luke. On this show, we take a look at the F1 headlines that have everyone talking, tweeting and debating and throw in some spice with your hot takes on F1's hot topics. I'm Jess, Motorsport Network's resident Twitter addict. And I am Luke, Autosport's Formula One reporter, tracking all of the latest F1 news and gossip straight from the paddock. There you go. So that's how they start every week. Okay, So far, so good. The name doesn't actually. How does it correlate? Is it just me or was that a ripper race? Yeah, but like I feel like most sports shows,

you know what you're getting yourself into. It's like sports tonight, the footy show. Correct. This one's just a little too broad. Yeah. The thing is, it's not really about motorsport. No. So I listened to this episode and this is where they started.

I'm quite looking forward to having a nap. Yeah, I think that sleep is the thing that I'm like most. What is this sleep you speak of? Yeah, I know. I don't know. And I don't know if it's because it's been so crazy, but I've actually been not to make this like a therapy podcast. But I've been like I've been first off struggling to sleep and i don't know if it's just because so much has happened and i feel like i'm on tender hooks every every five

minutes because it seemed like you know 11 p.m let's just drop a massive a massive news bomb get out of bed and write an article luke or make a social post, Jess. So I feel, I think I've been on edge like the entire season. Pretty much, yeah. It's a Pommy Jenner. Oh my God. Always working, writing youth articles around the clock. Yeah, very true. That episode was titled Bring Back V10s,

in which they never once spoke about bringing back V10s. We are beating them at their own game in a way because we are in bed right now. You can lie down in bed and podcast at the same time, Jess and Luke. Very true. Very true. Jess and Luke. Jess and Luke.

We love you, Jess and Luke. Hey, continue fighting the good fight, but maybe talk about motorsport. That might be a good place to start. All right. Up next, this is, okay, I have a very soft spot for this, Is It Just Me? It's by rejected bachelorette contestant. Oh. So she was on the Bachelorette US.

Oh. Rejected. She thought, I'm going to start a podcast. Is It Just Me? The sometimes funny and occasionally serious podcast that discusses news, entertainment, and good old common sense, even if it's not so common sense anymore. So what's her name?

Never once mentioned. Oh, so which one? I'm looking at all the is it just me's myself. Which cover art? She's orange with a woman in the middle of a road. It looks very dangerous. Oh, she's literally, the artist is rejected bachelor of contestants. Yes, yes.

I thought you were describing her. No, no, no. That's brutal. Yes. It's, let me play it for you. The irony is that, I mean, we've just got our sponsor, Red Rooster. We love you guys. She's got one episode and she's got a sponsor. I don't know how she's done it. Let's play it for you. The irony is that, I mean, we've just got our sponsor, Red Rooster. We love you guys. She's got one episode and she's got a sponsor.

I don't know how she's done it. Let's hear it. This is how she starts her episode. Welcome to Is It Just Me? The podcast that asks, if it's too late to drink coffee, is it too early to drink alcohol? Who was it in the description? Sponsored by Anchor.

You can download the app or go to anchor.fm to get started. But before you find yourself engrossed in phenomenal storytelling, please click the subscribe button and maybe check out how you can support this podcast. Many thanks. hello come on in and welcome to is it just me i know recently i've been doing a lot of satirical episodes and I have to say I have enjoyed them um and there will be more and hopefully you enjoy them too but as I put in my bio uh description box however you want to put it sometimes it's going to be funny sometimes it's going to be serious and today a little bit more on the serious um side not so satirical but sadly sadly a very ridiculous pathetic you name it topic today uh in this episode about what i like to refer to as impeachment part Okay, now what just happened? First of all,

is this, she's only got one episode. Well, that's the thing. She mentions the satirical episodes that she did. They've all been deleted. Oh, that's the first episode. She's deleted them all. You see all episodes, they have been deleted. Oh, here I was gagging. I was stinging for some satire from

rejected bachelorette that's what i thought i thought maybe it comes later in the episode so i listened to the whole thing all 11 and a half minutes of it and it got scarily political trump preys on these type of people i mean that is that in itself is the reason i say hell, to having anything to do with this guy. But then there are the other side, the Bible thumpers, you know, the believe in the man and the woman. And, you know, and if and if they truly were, you know, good hearted Bible, Jesus believe in people. Then why we build in walls and call in people on the other side of the wall, scumbags and this and that and the other thing. Yeah, I had to cut it there.

It sort of became a bit preachy. Did her accent just turn? I think it changed. All right, moving on to my next one, which is by far my favourite. It is simply called Is It Just Me by Romina Kulstakayki. Which one am I looking at? Is It Just Me, The Rain. The font is like in its very sort very sort of pop art, 2009,

and the logo is rain. It's just a rain drop. Oh, but look, very emo. Very emo. Now, there's only two episodes. The first one is called Call Loud Popular, which is quite a beautiful commentary. Hey, let's call loud popular.

Nice hook. Yeah, nice hook. Thing is, it's more of a song. Wow. Yeah song What? Yeah Here we go This is Is It Just Me By Romina Kusteletjica

That's not how it's written Romina Take it away Everyone doesn't matter Who they are Is it only me That thinks the best for me? Oh, changing life isn't good Looking forward to be my drum like a drum

So, oh, oh, oh, you, you Oh no, is it me that thinks it's awkward? Oh, is it awkward? Or is it weird? No, is it just me? Me, me, me Is it me? Everyone doesn't matter who they are

Is it only me that thinks the best for me? Oh, changing life isn't good Looking forward to beat my heart like a drum So you all know Is it me that thinks it's awkward? Oh, is it awkward? Or is it me and no? Wait for the finish. It's a strong finish. Very on brand.

No. Is it just me? Is it just me? This is very spooky. Wow. I mean, my question is, why are we bothering? Like, that can't be top. She is the supreme.

Is it just me? I've just had a little browse through her feed, and both episodes are only one minute long. Yeah, the other one was not as good as called that. So is the other one a song as well? The other one is called Is It True? And the description says, expose people in all caps. Oh, wow.

Okay. We don't want to hear that, do we? I'll leave that up to you guys to go and investigate. Yeah, if you're really keen to hear more of that. Romania Kustolecki. Can't say her name. But the Is It Just Me? That's a beautiful little riff.

We could use that as a jingle. Is it just me? I know. I almost want to ask her just for like the clean feet of the vocals. We could put that in our opener. Yeah, we could. Yeah, very true. Fuck Bradley off.

Yeah. Yes. We need Romania Kaszewskia. All right. Moving on to Is It Just Me. This is 11th in the pecking order. It's got no reviews and it's brand new. How new are we talking?

7th of January. Wow. Oh, wow. This is by Lisa Sagai. And Lisa says, just a regular girl getting real with you and I. Being in my 20s, dilemmas make me either fit or feel misplaced among my peers. Is it just me or is it you too? Do you feel that this might have been a New Year's resolution?

I'm going to start a podcast. Yeah. Well, she made a trailer and everything and dropped it. And, you know, she's got one review. So why don't we take a listen? Yeah, at this, is it just me? Take it away. Hi, guys.

Welcome to another episode of the Is It Just Me podcast. I'm your host, Lisa Sege. And today. Today. I have a very, very interesting the one and only brilliant, interesting my friend

you want to introduce yourself? Introduce me. Sorry. My friend I had to cut it off there. They flirted for three minutes. They fumbled. She dropped the microphone. And then you think, this can't get any worse.

It does get worse because mid-deep conversation, one of them decides to cook her you foods in the microwave in the background. It's truly jarring. It's our first time. It's our first date. You have called me. We decided to go. We decided to go We decided to go Yeah, yeah, I invited you

I'll expect you to pee Exactly Don't you think that's toxic? I don't think it's toxic because Even me allowing you to pee I don't want to hurt your ego First of all I want you to feel like you're the man.

Yes. Okay, sorry. I actually, I don't feel that that's either of them cooking. I just think that they're in like the canteen or something. Where do they record, do you think? The staff room? I don't know. But they were trying to talk about toxic masculinity.

And he said, if you ask me to pay on a first date, isn't that toxic? And she said no. And then someone. No, babe, you don't get it. No, literally. I tell you what, though. There's nothing better than a show that as soon as the opener starts, they're already laughing at their own jokes they haven't told yet.

Imagine if we kicked off every episode like that. Oh, my God. Can you bring our opener up? Yeah, okay. Imagine if this is how we started every week. That's your radio opener. Keep that. Oh, my gosh. It would just be, can you bring our opener up? Yeah, okay, hold on. Imagine if this is how we started every week. That's your radio opener. Keep that away from me, bitch.

We're in the bedroom. We're in the bedroom. Fast forward a bit. Hosted by a couple of Mitches. What about me? Don't forget Chenna. Who? Now, here's Mitch Chudy and Mitchell Coombs. Yes, here we are.

Go on, introduce yourself. Welcome to the show. Introduce yourself. This isn't just me with Mitchell Coon. And I'm Mitchell Jory. Our third wheel groundskeeper. It's here. Oh my God.

We're brought to you by... What's the wattage on your microwave? Oh, we laugh. Oh, we laugh. Not laughing at them, because to do a podcast is hard. We're laughing with them. Laughing with them. So that was Is It Just Me?

They couldn't find anywhere to record other than the good part. I did tell her they were in the staff room. There were two teachers and they went, let's make the most of being this chemistry that we've got. Tea room, lunchtime. You can tell that the person microwaving is trying to be quiet. Yeah, 100%. Beep, beep, beep.

And the plate comes out. And they were talking about very deep issues. Anyway, this is the final one. And this is a reappearance. Oh, is it? This is a podcast that we very fondly referred to as one of our favourite Is It Just Me's from the first round. Oh, God, don't tell me.

Yes, it was. Well, I mean, they're all called Is It Just Me. Is it the yelling guy? It's the yelling man. We loved the yelling guy. It's Is It Just Me by J.Brielle Paramount. He literally, from memory, when we did this back in episode four, he literally just started the podcast with, right, I'm fucking pissed off.

No, he started with this, all right, Thursday the 12th of Feb, 4.05 and I'm fucked off. We're like, all right, mate, my dog did a shit, he kicked his dog or something? Yeah, he seems a bit unhinged. Has he gotten better? He's gotten far worse. In fact, I'd like to report this to some sort of authority.

Genuine trigger warning now for potential murder or it gets a bit rough. Jenna. Jenna, yeah, trigger warning of domestic violence. I'm being serious. His latest episode and his last episode was only two episodes after we last spoke to him about the dog. It is literally two episodes after his Pet Hub episode, which we spoke about. So he stopped the podcast. But this one him about the dog. It is literally two episodes after his Pet Hub episode, which we spoke about. So he stopped the podcast. But this one is about murderers

and why some murderers get a really rough truck and they should just be charged for homicide, not murder. So justice for murderers. Justice for murderers, essentially. Anyway, I'll let him put it in his words. Here we go. J. Brielle. I've noticed some weird consistencies or inconsistencies, whatever,

some differentials in how some of these killers are perceived. It's kind of crazy. So I was watching this one the other day, and this guy killed his girlfriend. Who knew? But just real quick, I want to get into detail of what they did versus how people portray them. I know that everybody has a different level of standard for what's crazy, obviously, but shit's bananas to me.

So this guy had this girl. They're playing Monopoly one night. I don't know. They get heated or some shit. He kind of slaps her in the face. She starts bleeding from the nose. She runs to the kitchen. Or whatever, the sink.

Washes it off. He goes to put away some fishing gear. And she just comes back up to him just ready for more. Just like, you know what, you six-armed bitch. Bloody nose and all this other bullshit. And then he's just like, fuck it. Whatever. He just moves his hand.

Strikes. And somehow he slashes her throat somehow he he kills her and then he laughs it off i just don't want to say anything in case he hears this i feel like he'll come after us well he then goes on to justify it it gets it gets much worse he then throws that story away and becomes severely unhinged and starts justifying. Like he wasn't already? Well, I don't know who he's trying to convince, but he's trying to convince us or himself that he's, in fact, not a bad guy.

Let's roll it. I've never had a DUI, but if I did get a DUI, I assume there'd be like four other charges to go with that. They'd be like, oh, DUI, there was a child in a car on the road somewhere. That's gross abuse of misorderly conduct of a child. Like there was other people on the street. There's fucking arson. I know it doesn't make any sense, but neither does a lot of it. Like, come on, dude, charge me for what I did. Not all the repercussions and all this other shit. Come on, man. Not everything's my fault. It's not my fault there's 2,000 people in the square foot in America. What?

What am I saying? I'm fucking stupid. But, um, do-do-do-do. This one's going to be kind of long. Where am I? I'm trying to go back. Okay, to that doctor. Yeah, this dude just abused the fuck out of his power.

He took just viral blood and gave it to this girl. Back to the murder. Oh, my God. Yeah, he's not well in the head. No, no, he sounded quite manic during that. Yeah, and for that point, he's the most low-rated Is It Just Me podcast. Wow. I mean, I've got to say, the one thing that stood out to me

is that a lot of them only have a handful of episodes, like no more than five in majority of cases. They say actually in the podcast world that there's like a 20-episode fade, like that's when you start to get a bit burnt out. And I've got to say, I don't know if you've ever scrolled back and listened to our old episodes, but around the 20s, I'm sounding out of it. Really?

That was around the time I took a psychiatric recess. In the 20s episodes. I'm like, oh, you could really hear the burnout. But here we are in episode 57. Yeah, it's almost 60. We've really gotten through it. So it's just us and Joe Elfin, really. The only two is just me surviving.

Look at us. We're like women and children on the Titanic. Couldn't agree more. Well, look, here's to 100 episodes more, you lot. Yeah, I'm happy to keep going. Me too. There's no burnout in sight, despite the fact that I'm currently reclined in bed and sitting in studio.

Wrapped in a boomerang pillow. I think that we are the best Is It Just Me podcast. We can say that. Do you know what? Blind confidence is key. I didn't know what you were going to say. I choose to believe that I'm the best and no one else even compares. That's how everyone should behave.

Couldn't agree more. And we're the only podcast sponsored by Red Rooster. Yes, thanks to Red Rooster for bringing us the show this week. Please leave us a review. Five stars if you fancy. And if it's read out on the show, we will send you some very rare, very cool Red Rooster merch. And vouchers. And vouchers.

Free food. So if you haven't left a review or if you think, oh, it's not really my thing, I don't know what to do. You just can give us five stars. That's all that we want. Also, you might have noticed that February, we're at the end. It's done and dusted, which means it's March. You know what March means? Russians!

It's Merch March, our merchandise range. It is. So keep your eyes peeled on our socials at couple of inches. Save your pocket money. We're doing it the environmentally conscious way. So we're going to have an online web store that's only available for a certain period yeah for pre-order and then the pre-orders we get that's the exact amount of merch we'll make there's no excess no so we're not like ordering six thousand is it just me mugs and then being like what the fuck do we do with these we only order the amount that gets pre-ordered. So merch march is when you can place your orders.

And then that's it. The store is closed for life. So you've got to get in while you can. We'll let you know soon. More details very soon. And we will see you on that note next week. Goodbye, guys. Our Mardi Gras hangover.

Oh, I know, right? With Red Rooster on the side. Yum. We'll see you then. Bye-bye. Bye. Is it just me? Don't forget to subscribe and leave a review on your podcast app.

Or follow on Spotify. Welcome to ADD Brief. We're only kidding. We don't actually finish the show when we say we're finished. We stick around for a little longer. Talk shit, unscripted. No real point to this, actually. But we hope people don't listen.

It's a secret. So if you've found us, keep it to yourself. Or turn it off. Stop it. That's my friend. Sorry, I was putting something in the mic. That was truly treacherous. Can you believe that it's Mardi Gras week?

I associate Mardi Gras with coronavirus because that was the last time I went out clubbing last year. Oh, right. Because it was March. Yeah. Everything shut down just after Mardi Gras. We just got in there. Yeah.

And so, yes, now that we're back at Mardi Gras again, it's this week in Sydney. It's like, oh, we're about to go into lockdown again. I've got the PTSD. It's bookending COVID. We had it at the start. Now we're having it at the end. I know. If only we were allowed to dance, oh, we're about to go into lockdown again. I've got the PTSD. It's bookending COVID. We had it at the start. Now we're having it at the end. I know.

If only we were allowed to dance, though, in Sydney. The laws still don't allow that. Have you seen all over the internet footage of people in Brisbane, Melbourne at the clubs dancing? Dancing to Gaga. Fuck this. Why aren't Sydney up there yet? We've gone ages without any cases.

But we are. They've changed the rules, right? The laws. But not before Mardi Gras. Oh, it's after Mardi Gras. Yeah, it's going to be a seated Mardi Gras. Oh, it's after Mardi Gras. Yeah, I think it's March. It's going to be a seated Mardi Gras. March 17th, something like that.

Yeah, they're sort of... I'm worried. This kind of feels a bit terror-y. They're putting us in, like, the Sydney Cricket Ground, which is a stadium. Like, they could just blow us all up in one fell swoop. Oh, my God. Why does your head go there?

I've never even thought of that. They're rounding us all up like sheeps, you know? Farm, you know? Yeah, but Oxford Street, where they usually have the parade, that's also flammable. Like, they could blow us up there, you know, farm, you know, metaphor. Yeah, but Oxford Street where they usually have the parade, that's also flammable. Like, they could blow us up there too. Very true. Good point, actually.

I'm feeling the pressure because I'm in the parade. Yeah, for TikTok. I'm going to be on the TikTok float, yes. So I usually in the parade, you know how we start when we've done the kiss float in the past? Like, for the first half a kilometre, everyone bothers with the past. Like for the first half a kilometre, everyone bothers with the choreography. And then you can tell that most people in the crowds are blind and don't really care.

So everyone just gives up. But when you're in the SCG and people are paying for seats, they're going to be paying attention. I can't fuck me moves at all. Yeah, true. Feel the pressure. Is that what's going to happen? Are we just going to parade in a circle?

Is that how it's happening? Sorry, you're in the parade now. No, but I'm there. What are just going to parade in a circle? Is that how it's happening? Do we know? Sorry, are you in the parade now? No, but I'm there. What are you going to be doing then? I'm broadcasting a kiss show. Are you? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know that.

Yeah, I'm doing the live show. My night show is six till ten from Mardi Gras. Do you want to interview me for your radio show? I'd love to. That'd be great. Okay, well, I'll put you in touch with my team. I have a feed attached just so you know. All right, Jenny, you can come with me and produce.

Okay. That'd be very fun. Okay. Now, I have a question. What for the love of God is that? Huh? You brought with you. Oh! I thought you'd never ask.

This is my banjo. And you had the story about your beautiful, you know, godson in the start. So I thought, oh, I won't overtake it with my baby. Being the banjo, I bought a banjo from Facebook Marketplace. Why? Because I wanted to play the banjo i bought a banjo from facebook marketplace why because i wanted to play the banjo how much was it since last year and i it was okay it was 500 really but i got it on facebook marketplace near new for 80 i haggled right down that is very good they mustn't have had many other offers if you went from 500 to 80. He was very, very mad.

He said, he put it straight up and I must have like, you know, the ads of Facebook must know what I want because I've been Googling and watching banjo videos. So it came up in my Facebook marketplace and I was like, oh my God, it's meant to be. He wanted a couple hundred and I was like, I'll give you 80. And he said sold straight away. Oh, so you didn't have to haggle at all.

No, not really. But I did haggle and it worked. And then he said, you need to pick it up by 0900 tomorrow morning or I will sell. We have a lot of offers. Wow. And I was like, Jesus, all right. So I had to go to Loftus, middle of nowhere, to pick it up. Where?

Here it is. Loftus. It's a shire suburb. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you said that you've been looking up banjos for a while. Yes. Where did the banjo curiosity come from?

Okay, well, some of the people, like people, ever since I was a kid, people that I've admired have played banjo. Steve Martin plays banjo. Conan O'Brien plays banjo. Yeah. And I went and saw Steve Martin and Martin Short at the SC, not SCGs because we're talking about that. The IFC.

I double C. Convention Centre. Convention Centre. And they did a comedy show and did comedy with the banjo. And I thought, oh, my God, I want one. I'm going to buy one. That was my New Year's resolution. So I've done it.

Yeah. Can I ask, is it in tune? Because it doesn't sound in tune. I don't know what that means. Okay, we'll give it here because I don't know if I've ever told you this, but I have this weird talent where I can tune guitars without a tuner. Like, I can just tell if it's right or not. Oh, you're like pitch perfect.

Well, not perfect, but I get pretty close. So ukuleles and shit. I don't know what the notes are for because there's four notes can you google groundskeeper jenna you're not off duty just because i made it ebri yeah come on what are the notes that i need to get on here give me the give me the banjo i just want to play you what i can play i'm not very good my fingers hurt This is how I part, ready? Oh look

I just sent you a text to prove that that audio was coming off your phone I dropped it, no no no Alright, here's my banjo Be very careful with it. It's a, just for those at home wondering, it is a fender. So have you found a teacher or what? I need one. So if anyone listening is a banjo teacher, it's very good quality.

It's quite a nice one. Is it a four string or five string? Four, but it's way heavier than, oh, there is five strings, Mitchell, you fucking clown. It's way more heavy than I would have thought. Yeah, it's very heavy. But for me, it's nothing. I mean, you know, compared, you fucking clown. It's way more heavy than I would have thought. Yeah, it's very heavy. For me, it's nothing compared to the body size. It's in tune.

That killed my ears. It has a standard tuning in open G. Ah, so. G. G, D, G, B, D. And then what? Is it lower? D.

Actually, that one's not far off. Wow, this is quite magical. It's a country kid at heart. And then what's the next one? G. Modern Dolly Parton. Same note, different octave. That sounds right.

Okay. And then? B. Never seen him so focused. Okay. I think it's right. Now, how do I do a chord? Can someone hold my mic to my face for God's sake?

Oh, what? Sorry, yeah, Jenna. I can't do everything around here. Jenna's close. What's a chord? Five string banjo. I just want to hang it up in my house. C chord.

People say, can you play it? I go, yeah. So it shows you what frets to put your fingers on. Do you know what that is? Fret when someone's worried? Stop fretting. So a C is... C. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. C Yep

Yep Wow He's so good I'll be your teacher darling Look at your fingers I did guitar lessons for a while It's like Elisa Lam in that hotel Her hands are all convoluted

Look at them In the elevator video The Cecil Hotel Cecil Didn't I ever tell you that I did guitar lessons? No Stay away from the water tank. That was very good.

All right, he's moving on. What's the next chord? C. My mind would say D. No. No. I reckon G. Okay, G.

G chord. Skip D. No. It's because they usually go together. Yeah, C and G. Fucking fret. Here we go. I'm comfortable.

Shut up. Stop fretting. Oh, apparently G chord, you don't have to put any fingers on, so it's just... Oh, that's nice. So that means you know a G chord. Yeah. You don't have to put your fingers down anywhere.

Do C and G. Wow. Now all I need is an F and I'm good. Oh, well, you can say that about the banjo in your life. Oh, fuck, the can say that about the man you owe any life. That's all. Oh, fuck, the F looks so hard. Well, if you've got one of your Viagras, you'd hope so. Oh, stop that.

Poor Jen is holding two microphones. She's got a red rooster hat on. Well, I can't do everything. No, I know. No, it's not a negative. It's truly lovely of her. Wow. really lovely of her wow can i try yeah thanks guys that is inspirational takes me back to want to do a day of lessons and never pick it up again look it was cheap it was 80 bucks was 80 bucks. But like, are you going to actually learn it? Because it'd be fun if you just whipped that out at a party and played Wonderwall.

I know. So what? So bottom, second bottom and then top. If you look at the picture, it's probably easier. Here. Huh? It's like a bingo chart. So that string and that string are both on the second fret.

So that and that. Yeah, but no, you don't actually put it on the line. You put it in the middle. Got it, yep. So there and then there and then first fret for second string. There you go. That's a C chord. Maybe it's not.

No, I don't know about that. Hey, I can do G. Well, now that I've tuned it, you can do a G. How long will it stay tuned for? I don't know. I don't have much banjo experience. Okay, well, hey, if anyone plays the banjo, please DM me because I'd love lessons.

Or tips or tries and tribulations or, you know. It's like half an hour a week, but over time, you'll look back Like I am right now I did guitar lessons For like a term In year six And I'm like Oh I still can kind of

Know the basics So it's like At the time You don't have that Instant gratification of Oh I'm an instant Fucking expert Of this instrument

But it's clearly Stuck with me Yeah Alright guys Well what do we all Have planned for the week Mardi Gras You still have a week

Off work Mitch Yes I'm off my painkillers. Oh, good for you. I finished my course yesterday. Nice. Your TAFE course because you were studying childcare. No, no, no. My course of painkillers.

I'm sorry. Big shout out to everyone that wrote in last week saying that I sounded off my fucking face during the episode. I really appreciated that, but I'm off them now. So yes, now it's just one more week of rest and then back to work. Are you in pain or anything? Oh, way less than I was. Yeah.

Well, you look good. I've still got the fresh crap on. Oh, my God. Oh, wow. He's just pulled his top up, guys. I've got all the padding on where my wounds were. The bloating has gone down. You looked like a Christmas turkey last time we saw you.

Does it hurt when you push the wound? It used to, but it doesn't now, so I think that's a good sign. Jenna, does it hurt when you rip the stitches out with your fingers? Do you want to hear the honest truth? Yeah. It used to hurt when I put any pressure on my stomach muscles, so what I'm saying is it hurt to shit. Yes. I couldn't push.

If I had to give birth, I was screwed. It hurt too much, but I'm good now. I can push. We're all good. When do you reckon you'll be ready to menage a trois? I guess I could get absolutely fucking thrashed right now just quietly. I reckon I'm good. It's our cue to leave, Jenna, I think, yeah. Goodness me.

On that note. Well, we're glad you're better. It's good to have you back in full form, not drugged up. He was off his chops. I didn't think I was that bad, but yeah, I'm still not 100%. Mitchell, you fell asleep. Actually, you passed out in a fever dream towards the end. That's true. I forgot about that.

Jenner and I are doing Tysha with Tinder deals. I've done that before. When we did Shnitty Committee, I passed out. Sorry. I thought you only had that reaction from Shnitty Committee. No, no, no. That's what I do for that one. We did an episode of Shnitty Committee where I fell asleep at the end. Really? Yeah. And the girls did it without me. No wonder

it was cancelled. At least I turn up. What do you mean? I turn up. No, what I'm saying is even if I'm sleep deprived, I'll still show up. You guys have missed episodes. I know what you mean. Very true. You know I've never missed my radio show at night. I just have never done it. I've been sick

as a dog and still done it. I've never missed work. Really? Yeah, I've never missed work. I've never missed work. Really? Yeah, I've never missed work. I've never missed work at KISS, at Coles, all the time. I had that many family emergencies, knock on wood, but so many. When you say family emergencies, you mean, oh, grandma got a new teapot set. We have to christen it. No.

Another family gathering. All the cousins are coming over. That's dumb. But she got a new barina and we all wanted to go for a drive. Yeah, we do that all the time. You know, mate, this is a true story and I was going to bring it up but so much was happening. My grandma Alma, who we did hear from last episode, lives

in a retirement village. She has been kicked out of one. What? She's been kicked out of a retirement village for wearing She burnt the place down. No, no, no, no. For wearing clothes that were too revealing for the other residents. What? I mentioned it. She was Miss New Holland,

and my mum corroborated the story. She's hot. My grandma is hot. Which, again, when you say New Holland, that makes me think of the tractor that my dad bought. No, she's Miss New Holland. It's in the Netherlands. And she's beautiful.

So she exclusively – she's 80 now, but this was probably when she was late 60s when I was a kid. She would shop exclusively at Supra. So she would wear – Oh, my God. She would really wear, like, I'm talking Dolly Parton, boot scooting, denim ripped,

tidy power pants. And she would bend over and, and was really quite flirtatious. She's been single for years. Is she a tall, lean woman? What does she look like? Well,

she's Dutch. So she's quite stumpy, like a babushka doll. Okay. But stunning and quite sturdy. Okay. No, she's beautiful.

And she's, she's actually stunning. She doesn't look 80. She doesn't look a day over. doll. Okay. But stunning and quite sturdy. Okay. No, she's beautiful and she's actually stunning. She doesn't look 80. She doesn't look a day over. I reckon 70. She looks great. I'll get up a photo. Imagine being booted out of a retirement village.

That would just be such like a weird, like I would oddly love to have that story under my belt being like, hey, guess what? And it's a true story.

She's a bit, she's a bit, you know, humpty dumpty. Who says you're not allowed to dress like a whore at a retirement village, by the way? Where does it say that? I completely agree. She dresses well now. This is her now. Bigger now.

She's beautiful in the face. She looks fun. She was the one last week that was saying, I don't need a man. I don't want to date anyone. She doesn't want anyone. Doesn't need a man. Loves a milkshake. Her name's Alma. Her name's Ria. Actually, Susanna maria but she had to change it coming to australia didn't speak a word of english fully dutch came here thrived thrived

she's doing great so that's my dad's a bit too much according to that apparently so so uh yes so she got kicked out now she's at um wongong surf and leisure resort so it's a surf and um holiday home venue that also sell their holiday homes to people in their 60s to 70s. And they live, they've got parking spaces, two bedrooms. Do they have an age limit? I did try to call them that. Is there a pool?

There's a massive pool. It's on the ocean. It's on the beach. You know what? We could go down and visit my Alma. She'd love it. You'd have to sort of pretend, you know, straight and narrow. Sorry, she said last week, oh oh hayden's such a lovely boy does she think you're just good friends true she did she does roommate yes very true does she not know no she

of course she knows oh then why do i have to act straight am i offensively gay my parents called her sobbing that it's happened um The day we've dreamt of for years come true. And then what? Our boys are poor. Happy Mardi Gras as well. What happened after that? With what? Did she have an issue with you being a fudge packer? No. Oh God, what a visceral image.

Oh my God. Oh good. No issue. Oh then why do I have to act straight and narrow? What are you saying? They were. They were before but then when they realised it was me, they're like, oh, he's fine. I want to visit her. We could go visit Alma. She'd love to have you guys. The thing is, it's a suburb built

in the middle of nowhere so no one drives down there unless they live down there. So it's so quiet and the streets are calm and it's right on the water. That's what I'm saying. That's the exact lifestyle I want. I kind of have that lifestyle here. I do have a pool here. And there's no one, it's a very quiet area.

But I don't have any nursing staff looking after me. I just want to be looked after. There's no crafts. There's no. Zero crafts. Can I tell you something? I've actually been thinking about, because I've been getting a little bit over microwave food. because I've been getting a little bit over microwave food.

So I've considered just like, because I live in Warrimba in Sydney, which is a very like wog heavy retiree suburb. Like there are so many old Italian ladies that just would be begging to make meals upon meals for someone. So I'm like, do I put up a poster on the notice board at the local Coles that says, I'll pay you to make me homemade meals. Oh.

That is smart. I'm actually considering that because I feel like that would be way more wholesome and fulfilling than a microwave meal, even though I do froth the microwave meals. You need like a nonna for hire. Yeah. A nonna for hire. Yeah.

Dial a nonna. Dial a nonna, yeah. It would be fulfilling for them as well. Not my nonna. Yes, not my nonna. Yeah. Not my nonna. It's like I pay them, I would pay more than I pay, I don't know,

right now I'm paying like $100 a week or so to get all my microwave meals delivered. I'd pay more than that to have like less meals just because they're homemade. It's extra value to me. Yeah. Have you tried meal delivery services? Like I use every plate.

Great. No, because the thing about every plate is I kind of like HelloFresh, where they send you the ingredients and you make it. You chop it. You cook it all yourself. I can't do that. Why? But there's recipe cards.

It's easy. You get it done in 40 minutes. I know it's easy, but do I have 40 minutes? Do you have 40 minutes? I'm sure you have 40 minutes. I can't see it. Can you see it? No, I can't.

40 minutes? It's not around. 40 minutes? Where are you? I don't fucking have 40 minutes. I need a nonna who is doing nothing all day to make me food. True. And pinches your cheeks and has very wrinkly hands.

I tried the HelloFresh thing and whilst it was more fulfilling than a microwave meal, I still would come home at the end of the day and go, oh, I have to cook. And like I said earlier when I was saying that I want to be in a retirement village, I'm just sick of doing everything for myself. I want someone to look after me. Imagine being in a retirement village and going to the meal room and having the meals all ready for you. There's a fucking bain-marie, all you can eat.

Yeah, but also looking at a painting of a dog and thinking it's real. I don't exactly think you want that life. You don't just inherit dementia when you get there. Your daughter arriving and not knowing who she is. But you've got a lovely... I don't have a daughter. No, yes, you do. He's already slipping into it.

You do, Mitchell. Isabella. Isabella, I'll bring her in. That'd be pet friendly. Yeah. Well, have a great and safe Mardi Gras. We won't talk to you guys until Mardi Gras has been done. Yes, have a great Mardi Gras if you're celebrating Pride in Sydney or wherever you are.

Agreed. Just be a little bit gayer this week. Yeah, you know what? Enjoy your gay in Sydney Mardi Gras or wherever you get. Agreed. Just be a little bit gayer this week. Yeah. You know what? Enjoy your gay in Sydney Mardi Gras or wherever you get your poof. And we will catch you next week for our Mardi Gras hangover episode. Yeah, with Red Rooster Chicken, fried chicken, the new range galore. Is that right? Yeah, I'm probably going to have to be the one to pick that up, aren't I?

Yeah, you will, yeah. Can you get some chips as well? Yeah, of course. But, like, I... We've got vouchers. You don't have to pay for it. No, no, no. I'm not worried about that

but I'm just like the means that I have to get not munted enough on Mardi Gras night that I can still drive the next morning. Well, I'm not going to get munted. Maybe I could pick it up.

Are we going to record here or? No, no, no. We're back in studio to go next week. Oh, okay. Well, I might be able to pick it up. We're going to have to get

to work either way so. Yeah, true. There's one that's down the road Summit Hill from you. Uber eats it in. No, not from work. I meant from down the road. Oh,, from you. Uber Eats It In. No, not from work. I meant from down the road. Oh, from me.

All right, we can discuss this off the pod. Thank you for listening, guys. Much love. And shout out to all the Is It Just Me's. We love you. We're laughing with fun. Romanica Chikenica, thank you for that song. Extraordinary.

Extraordinary. And we will see you guys next week for 58. Happy Mardi Gras. Happy Mardi Gras. Happy Mardi Gras. Happy Mardi Gras! Happy Mardi Gras!