Is It Just Me? - #62: Getting F**ked By Food

Episode Date: April 5, 2021

We'll be back in a couple of weeks after a li'l Easter break!In this episode:What's the superior Easter chocolate, Cadbury or Red Tulip? (02:57)The mouse plague (08:32)Are threesomes for you? (13:51)Churi gets fired (23:30)Red Rooster reviews (29:50)TV Tingz - Newsreader suffers a migraine on air (32:31)Our "Secret Segment" ADDebrief (48:00)Follow us @coupleofmitchesSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

People do some weird shit. Television legend Kerri-Ann Kennelly fell several metres from a trapeze while performing in the musical Pippet. Some things make more sense than others. Ring Pikes Nurseries. What nursery? Pikes. P-Y-K-E-S. P-Y-A. K as in kill.

P-Y-A. K as in kill. P-Y-E. K! Brace yourself for the rude shocks of young adulthood. Why is being alive so expensive? I'm not even having a good time. This is Is It Just Me? Hosted by a couple of Mitches. What about me?

Don't forget Chin-On. Who? Now, here's Mitch Chudy and Mitchel Koo. For episode 62, here we are, Mitch. G'day, happy Easter, everyone. Happy Easter, Jenna. Groundskeeper is here. Happy Easter.

If you're listening the day this episode drops, it is literally Easter Sunday. Jesus has risen. I even got some Easter music for us. What is Easter music? I don't think that exists. I even got some Easter music for us. What is Easter music? I don't think that exists. I had to Google it.

This is technically a hymn. This is beautiful. Reminds me of my childhood. I looked everywhere for hers but couldn't find them. Oh, no, we can't do this. Oh, please. We can. Jesus has risen.

No, of course. But I feel like some people in this building, actually, this very radio studio, have come unstuck by him making some religious jokes. So let's maybe see a clearer of that. I've got to back out. Oh, that's cute. No, this isn't a hymn. This reminds me of the Easter Bunny. Yeah, this is royalty-free Easter music because it took me so long to find out.

Easter music? Whatfree Easter music because it took me so long to find out. Easter music? What is Easter music? I don't understand what makes it Easter music, but whatever. I'm vibing. They also got rabbit noises if you wanted to. We could play them in the background. I haven't played them yet. That's just Jenna.

It reminds me of a dog squeaky toy. Yeah. Oh, my. They're rabbits. I don't like that. Get rid of that. No, they're Yeah. Oh, my. They're rabbits. I don't like that. Get rid of that. No, they're gone. Just the music. Happy Easter, guys.

If you celebrate it or not, we're here. We're having fun. And I hope you're having a great time with your families, wherever you are. Yes, of course. I'll be back in Bougainvillea by the time this episode comes out. Oh, and I'll be, I don't know, maybe one Kinder Surprise chocolate down. Probably a couple. Is that your favourite?

Oh, every Easter I say to Mum. Mum, I want the Easter surprise big one. Are they technically Easter chocolate? Aren't they just generic egg-shaped chocolate? Yes, but they make them in big form and they're like the size of a football. Oh, right. Oh, so much fun. And the toy is always so shit.

Yeah, right. Like what? Oh, it's always a Bionicle or a little car. I'm like, I don't want that. Like, no, that's what I think. One year we got a little Furby. Like, I think they did a collab. Oh, that's cute.

And I loved it. But every year since, I'm like, oh, it's got to be good. I have to one-up the Furby. No, it's always terrible. What's your go-to chocolates? My, oh, I'm a very big fan of the red tulip. I always look forward to it at this time of year. I love a red tulip.

They are so underrated. Country kid, that's all they could get to Bougainvillea, Jenna. Well, I love red tulip. Oh, well, sorry. There you go. It's like, that's the chocolate that you get exclusively at Aldi or Bilo. It's the same brand. It's off-brand. No, no, no. It's not like

the super crap chocolate that the grandparents buy from Reject Shop but it is like a step below your normal Cadbury chocolate. It's the kind of chocolate that if you peeled the foil off the little bunny, you had a nibble, then left it for a day, you'd come back and it would be all white and chalky. No, bullshit. You'd have to chuck it out.

Yes, it would. No, I don't know what it is about the red chulip, but they hit different for me. Really? But then I found out recently that they're actually made by Cadbury. So it's technically the same shit, different rapper. That doesn't make any sense. I hate it.

When they fool me like that, when companies do that, I'm like, shit. I couldn't do it. I'm obsessed with Cadbury. I'm a Cadbury man through and through. It's the same shit, but better, weirdly. It's not. It can't be. It is.

I don't know why. I just love it. It's like the iHeartRadio brand, and then you've got different podcasts. Yes, they all have the parent company, but they're all very different. That's a very good analogy, actually. Thank you, Al. I'm telling you, it's the same stuff. I've actually brought in, as you can see, I've brought in two Easter bunnies.

He has. One is the Cadbury. One is my favourite, the Red Tulip. Yeah. And so I'm going to blindfold you. Oh, all right. And see if you can taste theip. Yeah. And so I'm going to blindfold you. Oh, all right. And see if you can taste the difference. Okay.

And also which one you think is better as well. Because in theory they should taste the same. It will be Cadbury. I'm pretty sure. We'll see. It'll be Cadbury. It has to be. Now, Jenna, I feel that out of all of us, you're the most evil.

Would you mind bashing these bunnies' faces in for me? Oh, Jenna. Let's bash them up so that Mitch can eat them. Here you go. Let's go for me? Oh, Jenna. Bash them up so that Mitch can eat them. Here you go. Let's go. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Okay, that was not the method I thought you were going to do. Put it on the plate and then bash it with your fist. Oh! Like she was glassing someone. She had the bunny in her hand and cracked it on the end of the table. Okay, that'll do. Thanks, Jenna. No, don't make that.

Poor bunnies. I'm telling you, that is a rabbit in distress. Don't play that. Let me see this. No, no, don't. Oh, of course, I can't see the brains. You'll be blindfolded. You're going to have two plates.

True. While Jenna bashes the bunny, which is not a euphemism, how do you celebrate your Easter? What do you do? Always back home with the family? Sorry, I'm just watching her. She makes the easiest tasks look really difficult. Where did she get a mallet?

It's taking her so long. Does she just wear a construction belt at all times? Do you have leather chaps with a mallet in them? I'm gathering a bit of red shawl at my wicket. Turn the bunny music off. Now, Jenny, you were there at the first death of Jesus.

Do you believe he died for your sins? I do. I do personally believe that he did die for my sins. You actually helped push the concrete stone over the cavern that he slept in for three days. That's exactly what I did. And it was the hardest three days. You told me before he went in, he winked at you. He did.

Just to say, hey, Jen, I'm getting out of here. It was just a specific wink. Like, it was a wink like no other. Yeah, can only imagine. All right, here we go. So there is a plate on your left and a plate on your right. One is Cadbury, one is Red Schulip. Got them both.

So try them one at a time and tell me which one you think is Red Schulip. Straight off the bat, I can tell you that this is a piece of chocolate. Okay. You just tried the plate on the right. Okay. Yes. Okay. I feel confident. I already know what that is. But I will taste plate two for fairness.

I've seen the Queen's Gambit. But I will taste plate two for fairness. All right. I've seen the Queen's Gambit. All right. Trying the plate on the left. That's Cadbury. This is Red Tulip. Done. Are you locking in that answer?

I'm locking it in with my hand on my heavily beating heart. So the plate you're holding in on your right. Correct. You think that's Red Tulip. You think that's disgusting. You can't stand it. The one that I tasted first definitely tasted like a poor family would have bought it. Remove your blindfold.

Fuck. That's the cat breed! Red tulip was nice. Look! Look! There you go! Told you! Let's start the show. Fuck! Well, from red tulip to red rooster, this episode is brought to you by Red Rooster, of course. Isn't it ever? Thank you to Red Rooster. Goodness me. If it is your Fuck! Something we've noticed, something we hate or appreciate. Mine, guys, is very confronting, very sexual, and it's left my relationship potentially in limbo. What?

God, that sounds intense. And it's something that I need your advice on. Okay. Well, before we get into that, just a quick FYI. Also coming up later, TV tings. It's a spin-off of talkback tings because there's been some whack shit happening in the TV world. Oh, I love that.

We'll see how that goes. I can't believe I got that wrong. I'm livid. I know. I was this close to getting a Cadbury sponsorship too. Could have been the face of Fred O'Frog. Isn't Red Tulip beautiful? I'm sorry to bang on about it.

You know what? It was. It was a richness about that. Cadbury's very sweet. Yes. And I think Red Tulip has a more adult flavour. So we were right in saying that, yes, owned by the same parent company, but the chocolate is different.

It'd have to be. Anyway, who's going first? You go first. I need time to process mine. Okay, let's jump in. Is it just me or...? Have you ever lived through a plague of sorts? Yes.

Not the Black Plague? No. No, Jenna, we're not talking about your past lives, this life. Yep, yep. Sorry. Plague. I've been to several plagues in my tenure in New York City when I lived there, but no plagues.

Oh, great. Well, lucky you, city boy, because country boy over here. I've lived through a mouth plague. I've lived through a locust plague. That was interesting I don't believe it My brother and I used to treat it like You know we'd ride

There'd be locusts everywhere What's the fuck is a locust? They're kind of like grasshoppers Oh the bugs Yeah And they'd be everywhere And we'd ride our bikes through them And it was like those romantic scenes

Where like the autumn leaves blow up either side of you Oh beautiful Almost like confetti We'd just like ride through the locust plague and they just flutter around us. It was beautiful. Mice plagues. Ugh. Wait, wait, wait.

When you say plague, you mean there's a lot of them or are they dead? Yeah, there's a shitload of them. Oh my God. They're alive. So the irony is that you know how all the farmers were going through like horrific droughts over the last few years? And they've had a good couple of years recently. The irony is that all the extra rain and all the extra produce has actually created a perfect breeding environment for mice,

which are now eating all the grain that they stripped during the good years. Oh, no. So mum calls me the other day and says, hi, darling, are you coming home for resale? And I said, of course. I wouldn't miss it for the world. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She goes, great. So just remember that mouse plague when you were little?

Yeah, another one. I was like, what? Are you? Really? I Googled it. I feel really slack. It's been going on for months. You're joking.

Most of New South Wales and like lower Queensland, fucking mice everywhere. Jenna, have you got that video we found earlier? Yes, yes, I have it here. I was just going to say, I'll Google it. Okay, just Google it. That's fine. What am I Googling?

Mouse plague. Yep, that's all you need to Google. And so they like to hang in haystacks and like grain silos and stuff like that, and they're just everywhere. I've read something like one mice couple, like two heterosexual mice. Oh, my God. Sorry, I've seen the footage.

Hold on. Yeah. Oh, my God. There's thousands of them. I've read that two heady mice, like a couple of heterosexual mice, can make up to 500. Really? Yes.

There are thousands on a haystack. Yeah, everywhere. So, I mean, when you say you've lived through a plague, I mean, it doesn't really affect you, does it? Oh, Jen, the flashback's in his eyes. How would you feel about having a fuckload of mice around you? And also, this is, you know, I'm not exactly having my income affected like the farmers are, but on a very petty level,

Mum says, so, the house is mostly fine although there is a smell coming from your room only that i haven't dealt with yet but promise i will before you come home for easter oh no what could that be what dead dead multiple dead mice in my ceiling i i've actually i don't think you fathom no a mouse plague is you're downplaying it like it's not like you know the the Spanish flu or whatever. Yeah. It's still pretty fucked to have excessive amounts of mice in your life. I had mice growing up.

I had Curious the mouse and then I had James the mouse. We grew up with mice as pets. So I think they'd be quite lovely. Oh, you are so dumb. That's definitely the city kid. I've never had a plague in my life. Well, I've got that to look forward to over the Easter holidays. Yeah, that'd be great.

She'll come back with bite marks in his little toes. People have gone to hospital. Because of bite marks? Yes. Oh. This is what this plague. I'm serious. It's not just a thing to make jokes about how cute a mice.

They carry disease. And I'm sorry. It's not just a thing to make jokes about how cute a mice. They carry disease. And I'm sorry. They do. But there's all these people being like, you have to dispose of them, you know, ethically and all this stuff. And it's like, babes, it's a plague. It's beyond that point. God knows what disease they're carting around.

I would stomp on every one of them individually if it meant the plague ended. Wait, so what an image. in his little sparkly converse. My Ugg boots. Yeah, in his Ugg boots that he was sent from the PR company. Wait, wait, wait. So people want you to collect them in a little shoebox and cart them off to sea. I don't know.

I don't know. Re-home them, call the RSPCA. I have a rogue mouse. I don't know what they want, but basically there's no nice way about it. I'll see if I can get a video for our Instagram while I'm at home over Easter. See if I can find a spot where you just kind of, it's like you look behind a cabinet and they're all just hiding. They don't like to be seen, but they're fucking there.

And are they the kind of things that when you're in bed at night sleeping, you hear like, you hear them running? Jane said it's like that corn ad for McCain's. Marge! Marge! The reins are here! No, just vermin. We have to do a show from Bougainvillea.

We will one day. It's just timings and whatnot. But, oh, my God, I'd adore that. I'd have so much fun. I'd be sweating and the microphone would break from the salty liquid coming out of my brain. Have you got time off over Easter? Come visit and you can see all the cute little mice

that you think are no trouble at all. That one looks just like Curious. And so does that one. And that one. And that one. And that one. And so many. Fucking idiot.

Country boy. All right. Ready for my agent? Yes. Is it just me or? Have you guys never had a threesome? No, I never have. What?

Jenna's like, don't make me admit it. Have you guys never had a threesome? No, I never have. What? Jenna's like, don't make me admit it. Have you? Oh, in this life or past life? This current life. No. Okay, good. I was going to say Jenna. What?

She's full of surprises. I'm up to it. It wouldn't surprise me. Because I haven't, and I have this week been proposed to by two influencers, two media figures, people that are quite well known. What? Via Instagram. I have been asked, propositioned to have a threesome.

One with my beautiful partner Hayden and one without. No. That was my next question because when you said two, I was like, you're the third. Well, no. See you, babe. Have a nice night. Don't watch RuPaul without me.

And you just go, fuck some other guy. Oh, it was so bizarre. I just finished the radio show. This was the first one. This is act one. And I got a message from someone being like, just heard you in the car. You sound great, babe.

I'm like, thank you. You know, they work at a very well-known media publication in Australia and internationally. And I went, interesting. Hi, this is out of the blue. Talk, talk, thank you. They work at a very well-known media publication in Australia, internationally. And I went, interesting. Hi, this is out of the blue. Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. Conversation went nowhere. It was dead. You were like, I'm happy to fish for more compliments.

Yes, 100%. I'm not that talented, no. Will you fuck me? I asked. And he was like, an hour later when I got home, in bed, fully zhowed in my pyjamas, he went, hey, are you and Hayden open? And he was like, an hour later when I got home, in bed, fully showered in my pyjamas, he went, hey, are you and Hayden open? And I was like, we don't have a cafe. What does he think? What is he talking about?

I'm like, oh, he means sexually. I'm like, hey, no, we are not. And he goes, oh. We're exclusive, which we've discussed. It's what we want to do. I'm very protective. So it just wouldn't work for us. You know?

Goodness me. I don't know him as well as I know you, but fuck, it wouldn't work for you. No way. No. I couldn't do it. Maybe in the future I want to be in a different headspace, but right now, goodness me now, I can barely look at myself in the mirror, let alone someone else do it.

Fuckin' hell. And he went, oh, I'm open with my boyfriend, and I would really like to fuck you. And I was like, oh. Oh. And he's like, yeah, me and my boyfriend and I would really like to fuck you. And I was like, oh. Oh. And he's like, yeah, me and my boyfriend are open. It works for us. I think you're beautiful.

You're a hunk. And then was like going for it. I've always thought you were beautiful. I'm like, oh, my God. All right. Trying to push him away because I felt like he was drunk. He messaged me the next morning. He's like, hey, sorry about last night.

I was high. But the offer still stands. I'm like, oh, he didn't even take it back. Oh, my God. Wow. So you're not even tempted to do it. None of the slightest. No.

Well, none of us are going to try and persuade you otherwise. Jenna and I are frigid ass. No. It's very tricky, though, as a single gay, because there's this, I think, in this day and age, most people believe that monogamy is a myth. And I don't think people realise how common it is for people to be in open relationships. Oh my God, yeah. Do you know how many Tinder profiles I come across that are like shared?

It's a couple. What? They're like, oh, two husbands looking for a third for the night, no strings attached, blah, blah, blah. And yeah, it's actually really common to believe that monogamy is old school and that open relationships are more healthy because then you don't risk cheating on each other. But I'm not interested. Although I've got friends that are in open relationships and I just think it's like the

dream. Like it's the ideal to be able to be so in love with one person but sleep around on the side. Like that's never going to happen. Ever. So I'm not good for it. Then I did get a second one ironically this week on Snapchat. Someone from another radio station was like, you, me, Hayden, threesome.

They had a penis photo. Oh, so it wasn't just a joke. No, it was legit. Wow, okay. And so did you even bother to run it by Hayden or are you just vetoing it? No, I told Hayden about both the instances. I'm vetoing it, but I would like to know a bit more. So I thought to myself on the way in the car, who is the sloppiest whore of a person that I know?

The most disgusting, downright rotten, swamp dwelling, sex positive gay man that I know. But unfortunately, I have a butt choice. It's busy. So we have her. Jordan, Mitch's beautiful housemate. A what? Yes. Jordan's the biggest slut you know, Vic.

No, no, no, no, no, no. He's just sex positive and he's so open about it. Should I ask for advice or should I ask what to do or? I'll ask it all. Yeah. This is your engine, mate. Yeah, true. Good evening.

Jordan! Hi, Mitch, Mitch. Yeah, true. Good evening. Jordan! Hi, Mitch, Mitch and Jenna. Hi! We're all here. Just so you know, Mitch described you as the biggest slutty nose. No. Yes, you did. No, I called him a whore. Whores get...

Oh, wait, hold on. He's being fingered. Jordan, it's great to have you on. I have many questions. I don't know if you've been filled in on it. Well, I'm sure you have. But I've been proposed by two different people this week to have a threesome. Okay.

I'm wondering, A, should I do it? It depends. Either Hayden or you, the jealous type. Yes, extremely. Hello. Yeah. Have you heard the show? Yeah.

Well, yeah. Then I would definitely say no, don't do it. Okay. Describe to us the perks of a threesome. Yeah. Why do you enjoy them? Because no doubt you've done them. Many, many times.

So the perks of a threesome, many holes, many poles, of course. Goodness me. Jesus Christ, Tony. Look, you can meet new people in the most interesting of ways. Yeah. It also provides a lot of variety in the bedroom. True. So it introduces new positions.

You can introduce, you know, you've got two hands. You can use them both. introduced, you know, you've got two hands, you can use them both. There's a different type, it's a different type of sensuality, a different type of sex, really. Right, but my main question is, I don't understand what happens. Even when it's just one-on-one with Hayden and I, I'm like, there's kind of not much I'm doing here.

It's sort of A to B. It's very straightforward. What does the third person do while the other two are doing things? They kind of, well, it depends. Some people just like to sit back and watch and then sort of get involved a little bit. Oh, I could, yeah. I could do that. Oh, really? They get involved a little bit.

Can they eat? Are they allowed to eat while they sit there? Funny story. I have involved food once in a threesome. Oh, what the fuck is that? Basically, a few years ago,

one guy who I'd been with a few times, he messaged me and he was like, Hey, I've got a new kink. And he's like, um, my new kink is to be fucked with food. And I'm like,

what? Oh, Mitch's eyes have lit up. I can incorporate food. And I'm like, what? Oh, Mitch's eyes have lit up. I can incorporate food. He said, Jordan, you weren't supposed to tell them about that call I made to you. No, so I'm like, okay, continue. And he's like, oh yeah, I like, you know, grocery items

and food and stuff. I'm like, oh, what? Okay, like, he's like, can you, do you want to come over? And I'm like, I mean, sure. He's like, cool, can you go to Coles beforehand? What sort of grocery items? Like deodorant cans? What are we talking? Yeah, did he want an aubergine, cucumber?

Aubergine, yes. Cucumber, yes. So aubergine being eggplant. Yes, yes. Eggplant, cucumber. Capsicum was a really weird one. Sorry, that's the weird one. We're talking eggplants here. They're quite big. Yeah, but capsicum was a really weird one. Sorry, that's the weird one. We're talking eggplants here.

They're quite big. Yeah, but capsicum's a boxy. Capsicum's a boxy, yeah. Very wide. And then there was a bitter melon as well. Oh. And those are like, bitter melon's like a zucchini. It's ribbed for pleasure, basically.

Okay. And the final one was a Kent pumpkin. Oh, right. And that's huge. Did you go ahead with the fruit root? Yes, I did go ahead with the fruit root. And it was a threesome as well. So we were basically making a salad inside his arsehole.

Right. Okay. Please tell me you didn't put those things back in the fridge. I swear to God. No, no, no. Most of them actually got peeled and I cooked them into a soup for him. Are you serious? I am dead serious. Jordan!

He made a soup out of his rectal food. I didn't eat the soup. How would you know when you boil something for a while, it kills all the bacteria? I understand that if you boil them, you kill all the bacteria, but it's not about science. It's about common sense. That's fucked.

I couldn't agree more. All right, Jordan, thank you for coming on the show. We appreciate it. That's all right. That's all right, Charles. Enjoy the rest of your night. Thank you. Thank you.

Bye. Mitch, I've just been on domain. I've sent you a couple links. You are moving out of that house tomorrow. Funnily enough, it doesn't affect the life of me nor my cat, so I don't give a fuck what he gets up to. So I don't mind, you know. Your pussy's fine, but I don't know about his pussy!

Well, anyway, you're still not keen on a threesome, are you? No, definitely not. But the food thing, you're off to Harris Farm, aren't you, darling? I'm sold! Is it just me? Both Mitches are very needy, so make sure you leave a review on your podcast app. Yeah, let's do some Red Rooster reviews.

Don't forget, if you leave a review on the podcast app and you read it out on the show, we'll hook you up with a new crunchy fried chicken. It's available at Red Rooster now. We'll send you out some merch, maybe some vouchers. Who knows? Whatever you need. Yeah, I need to have a word to you about that, Mitchell.

Why's that? Answer me honestly. Yeah. Are you finding your prizing duties overwhelming? Oh, I've told you. Yes, I find it overwhelming. No, you haven't actually told me that. Every time I've checked in, you've been like, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine.

But I just need to tell you that I've been getting messages sent to me personally, not the podcast page, me personally, saying, hey, Mitchell, it's been weeks. I still haven't gotten my prize from Tury. Because this whole prizing thing, right, that was your idea. You're like, what if we read out reviews, send them a prize? And I said, sounds great. I want nothing to do with it. You make it your baby. I don't want another thing to think about.

Did he say that? I did. And now here we are. I think he did. And I'm getting people saying, hi, Mitch left me on read. I sent my address. Nothing's arrived. I did, About three people.

All our listeners are being let down. I need to just be like, darling, what's the go? Are you finding it stressful? No, I'm fine. Don't even talk about it on here. It's fine. I'm fine. I can get it done.

And now that I've had a bottom up my, what's the boot up my ass? It'll be great. Well, you have had two warnings off the cloud. He has had very stern words to me. I don't think you're up to it anymore. It's not your call, sadly. Well, I do have something else to tell you, actually. I had a meeting with my accountant this week,

and we were talking about the arrangement we have when it comes to payment for the podcast, because you know how we've got, you know, the merch. Yeah, the millions, yeah. You know, the iHeartRadio stuff, the Red Rooster sponsorship, all that stuff. When it came to sorting that out, you and I were like, oh, let's just like put it in your bank account. We'll split it later. As easy as possible.

And I was like, yeah, okay, whatever. Fine, no worries. I didn't think anything of it. And my accountant told me this week that technically in the eyes of the tax office, that makes you my subcontractor, which makes me your employer. No, it doesn't. Thereby, I'm the boss here, bitch. Did you know about this, Jenna? No comment.

No, this is ridiculous. You're not the boss. There's no boss. I am. I mean, you and I both know that we're equal partners, but when push comes to shove, which is what's happening now, I have to step in and be the boss. So it pains me to say, Mitchell, but unfortunately,

I've been practising this, you're fired. No, I'm not. You're fired. No, I'm not. You're fired. You can't fire me. I can and I am and it's never an easy conversation to have as an employer. This is the thing that we all dread the most, having to fire our staff.

On Easter? I'm being fired on Easter and I'm such a devout Christian. You're not performing. You're prizing duties up to scratch, which is why I've had to appoint a new Deputy Chief of Commerce. If there's someone fucking hiding in the wings of this station for the last couple of hours. No, no, no, no, no. Please put your hands together for Prizekeeper Jenna.

Thank you, everybody. Because she's just received a promotion. Thank you. No longer is she just Groundskeeper Jenna. She's Prizekeeper Jenna. I am the Prizekeeper. I am half owner in the show, so I'm fired. And hey, Mitch, how are you? Good. How are you? Good. You're hired. Thanks.

I just rehired myself because I can. No, you can't. But it's fine. The good news is I am willing to rehire you but in a much, much more junior role. Very good at this. You should work in HR. I'm not buying any of it but if I was a junior at Krispy

Kreme, I'd be terrified. You're on probation so I wouldn't get lippy with me. I'm not buying any of it, but if I was a junior at Krispy Kreme, I'd be terrified. You're on probation, so I wouldn't get lippy with me. I wouldn't get lippy. Oh, my God. Yes. No. So your new junior role, this is what it looks like. You can only speak 30% less than me.

I get more words than you. It's no longer 50-50. I get 70% of the words. Right. That's easy. I'm happy to sit back and make jokes. On the show now. You're still required on Instagram Live.

Oh, that's the worst. Yep, you are. You're taking quite the pay cut. Because I can't expect Jenna to work like a dog keeping our prizing department afloat without a cut of your money. This is coming out of your pages, so you know. I was getting paid to do nothing. Yes, exactly.

So I'm just going to get my purse. Thank you. Thank you. What have I got in here? This is coming out of your pages, so you know. I was getting paid to do nothing. Yes, exactly. Get my purse. Thank you. Thank you. What have I got in here? This is ridiculous. I'd like to be informed if you knew, Jenna, you could have texted me and said they're going to spring this up. No comment.

No comment. He actually has. Where did you get $100 bills from? I don't think they made them anymore. Yep. I got it out of our KIDIO, which I manage. Oh, yeah. Thank you.

Do I still have access to our kiddio or no? No. You never did. It's all in my bank account, which is why I'm your employer. I didn't realise because you're my subcontractor. Thank you. You paid for the red shirt in the kiddio? Thank you very much.

Hold that up. I'm not showing you my money. She's got a whole lot of cash. Which could have been yours if you'd done the painstaking task of walking some envelopes downstairs. Is this real? I will see you in court. Why am I being sued?

No, Jenna, there's no legal. There's no court, Jenna. And just so you're all across it, the business restructure does technically put Jenna in a more senior position than you. Oh, so Jenna's above me. Yes, she is. Yes, I am. Yes.

And she's not on probation. No, so in terms of the business structure, it goes Mitchell. Yep. And then I'm a co-founder, but I have no legal or managerial roles. None. Don't even mention yourself. You're not there. So then that puts Prize Pig, what was it?

It's Prize Keeper. Prize Keeper Jenna in 2IC. Yes, that's right. 2IC, like she's second in charge of the coal supervisor desk. Yes. And then I am a junior. Yes, on probation. On probation.

So I could be cut at any moment. Exactly. So watch your mouth is all I'm saying. I wouldn't be talking if I was you. All right. Well, let's see. Well done. Thank you, everybody. So I've been fired. I will get Well, let's see. Well done. Thank you, everybody.

So, I've been fired. I will get your prizes out ASAP. Does that mean Jenna reads out the reviews or am I? No, she can do it. I will be. And guess what? I'm prepared. Oh, well, I have them here.

Bad luck. I found new ones. I printed them out. Anyway, Prize Keeper Jenna, what have we got? Okay. Let's get going. First of all, this is from Melly Bean Mel. She goes, is it just me or is this podcast amazing? This podcast is the perfect way to treat your ears. Every episode is like catching up with

good friends. I have often been feeling a bit low when I listen to an episode and find myself laughing out loud. You can't listen and not feel better from it. Jenna, that's her name. Yes, we love her. She makes the show. Actually says that. Thank you for the laughs, the community and the entertainment. I always look forward to my weekly check-ins with my family of idgum idiots. Thank you, Melly Bean. Mel, your prize will be coming to you shortly. Thank you. Next one. Can I get some sound effects? Sure, sorry.

That'll do. Okay. Now we've got laughing manically while grocery shop and then it stopped because it was too long. Mitch, Mitch and Jenna, what can I say? I feel like I've been on a journey with

you all. A mere six weeks ago, I discovered this podcast and have since listened to every episode. I've literally just finished the most recent episode. I've loved every second and have laughed loudly in public one too many times. Haven't we all? Most notably in Aldi around a week ago where I had to stop pushing the trolley to gather myself, much to the disgust of some old bat who looked like she could have been Dot Wiggins' great aunt. Anyway, love you guys.

And sorry, Tunnel. Oh, Kayabakayana. Incredible. Thank you. You will also be getting your prize pack soon. Thank you. Thank you. That was

brought to you by Red Rooster. You have to explain the mechanic where you have to hit us up at a couple of Mitch's to claim your prize if you're here or if you're read out. They don't just get it. Also, who do they DM? I'm very confused. They DM a couple of Mitch's on Instagram and we will sort it out from there. Do you have the logins? Because you need them.

Yes, I do. That's how I've been sending them out. Your ones Do you have the logins? Because you need them. Oh, yes, I do. That's how I've been sending them out. Your ones that you were supposed to send out. What's the tagline for Red Rooster? Because you haven't said it yet. Well, you've got a piece of paper in front of you to read it. I have no rolls. Jenna, give me that cash.

Oh, I already sent a few. Mitch, if I give you a little more of a cut, can you start reading them again? Yeah. I actually don't even want to cut. That was just painful. Thanks. Oh, there's a couple of 50s there.

I appreciate it and I appreciate you, my boss. Thank you so much. We'll send those out, guys. Both the prizes will be sent. Number one and number two, you'll get them ASAP. Thank you for listening to the show. All thanks to Red Rooster. The new Crunchy Fried Chicken is available right now.

Speaking of, we're launching a brand new segment. A fan favourite segment of ours is Talkback Tings, right? Chicken is available right now. Speaking of, we're launching a brand new segment. A fan favourite segment of ours is Talkback Tings, right? Where we listen to the whack shit that goes down on Talkback Radio. Often it's their stuff-ups. People submit Talkback Radio moments. Like, I heard this. I heard this.

Put it on the show. But oddly enough, things seem to have been running smoothly in the Talkback Radio world. I have not heard any stuff ups to bring you. Really? In the TV world, however, haven't they had a fucking shocker of a fortnight? Oh, dear. Bloody Channel 9, basically, in layman's terms, all their tech is fucked because they had a cyber attack.

But they were hacked by the Russians in North Korea, I was told. Allegedly. Oh, we can't really say that. No. Oh, oh, oh. They were hacked by external sources, I was told. was told. Allegedly. Oh, we can't really say that. No. Oh, oh, oh. They were hacked by external sources, I was told. Like, let them in and I don't know. Koshi, dialed in from home.

Anyway, the Today Show couldn't go to air that particular day. None of their live shows could, so they were fucked for a bit. They seem to be back on track, but they said it's going to take a while to get everything back running smoothly. Imagine the engineers in this radio station trying to repair everything from the ground up. One night my show didn't air in Melbourne for three weeks and no one told me about it.

Not even joking. You didn't think there'd be this desperate plea across Melbourne? Where's Mitch? One person messaged me and was like, have you been fired? I said, why? He said, you haven't been on for weeks. I'm like, what? Found out, went back and listened. I was like, oh yeah, that? I said, why? He said, you haven't been on for weeks. I'm like, what? I found out, went back and listened. I was like, oh, yeah, that's silence. And the engineers just went, I don't know.

No, they legitimately said, we're in Sydney. Fucking hell. Anyway, just as things seem to be getting back to normal. After the hacks, yeah. One of their newsreaders based in Melbourne, Peter Hitchner. Oh, he's a beloved Aussie legend. Yeah, he has been in the industry for 400 years. He is.

He has a talent. He's quite loved. He is. And he's also quite ancient. Yeah. And so you would understand the audience's concern when he basically started dying before their eyes on air. You're kidding. No, I never kid.

Is this recent? Yeah, it was the other day. Okay. Turns out it was just a migraine, but everyone fully thought he was stroking on air, right? Yeah. So let's start off this first bit of audio. This is the start of the bulletin.

It wasn't too bad. It was just a little bit slurry and a little bit downcast, but he was managing to get most of his words right. But I just noticed they kept using the word headache, which is terribly ironic. In the story? They did. Okay. This is Nine News with Peter Hitchener.

Good evening. A snap lockdown in Queensland has triggered a fresh round of headaches for travellers, with Victoria declaring Greater Brisbane a red zone. Laura Turner's at Melbourne Airport. Now, Laura, they'll now need a permit to enter and they'll also have to self-quarantine. Correct, Peter. Frustration out here at the airport again tonight.

As of right now, 6pm, if you're Victorian and trying to come home from Greater Brisbane, you need to seek permission to come home. Peter, more headaches ahead of Easter. Sounds like it. Thank you, Laura. You're telling me, dog. Watch your like, you're telling me, dog. Yeah. Watch your mouth, you slut.

Stop reminding me. I run this show around here. I am the king. Is my microphone on? I apologise. So, yeah, his eyes were just a little bit squinted and you could just tell that it looked like there was throbbing happening. So he was in the thick of a migraine, but he was carrying on.

And then at this point, this is where he started to stumble over his words a bit. People thought because of the whole hacking situation maybe the order queue was failing, but no, no, he was just struggling in general. Donald Trump has newly weds in surprise after he hijacked

a reception at Mar-a-Lago. Donald Trump developed a reputation for crashing weddings at the resort during his presidency. For the first time in the Standing 50 metres above the Maribyrnong and covering all the road. What do we have? I don't know. The Mariminole piece. It's not ready. Play it!

And at this point, their Facebook page started to get flooded with people who fully thought he was dying. And they were like, what's wrong with him? Send him home. Call an ambulance. Like hundreds of comments, right? This is the nightly 6pm news. Massive eyes on the show.

Isn't it the number one rating TV show of the year? Everyone thinks that Max is number one rating. No, the news still tops everything, really. And he's huge in Victoria. Yeah, he's a massive icon. Don't make fun of his weight, Jenna, you little rat. I'm not. He's on Weight Watchers. Anyway. He's slim. So people are concerned at this point.

But he's kind of like, I'm on air. I can't just stop. So he kept pushing on and he did last like half an hour out of the one hour bulletin. But around the halfway mark, that's when they decided to replace him with a younger and much more handsome newsreader, just quietly. But listen to the weather bitch trying to step in. It's like she's been waiting in the wings going, die, you old bastard. I'm ready. As soon as he started stumbling,

you can hear her in the background just going... And coming up, she just started reading his lines for him with her mic not on. Idiot. OK, here it is. Well, Lavinia's here now. It's been rather cool today, Lavinia. It has, Pete, and there were even a few showers this morning. But it's clear skies as we head into the Easter break

and Melbourne has a 30 degree day to look forward to so the Easter bunny is going to bring home more than just the chocolates this year Pete. Well that's good to hear thank you very much Lavinia. Ahead in 9 News Welcome back to Nine News. Peter Hitchener just feeling a little unwell, but we do press on. Hello, handsome. How are you? Hello, Clint. Where'd you come from?

You may recognise me from my OnlyFans. You could definitely hear the papers. She was rustling, ready to read. Yeah. Imagine being the people in the control room that had to make the call just fucking go to the break he's dying he's literally wouldn't you just let your heart would sink we have to say he's not dying he had a migraine so you know he's alive and well and he's back at work he's doing well wouldn't you figure out quite early on that you have a migraine because it seemed to be there from the start

yeah as a migraine suffer myself i had a migraine stuff uh what's be there from the start. Yeah, as a migraine sufferer myself, I had a migraine sufferer. What's happening? Oh, no. I had, I, I. Faded out. Welcome back to Itchim. Mitch feeling unwell. He's just taking a bit of a rest.

I had a migraine a couple of weeks ago. You know what's funny? I don't talk about this much. I actually do have a brain illness. It's technically a chronic illness. It's called Chiari. Actually, what is it, Mitchell? Chiari malformation.

Why do you always have to ask me to remind you? Is it because of the Chiari? Well, because you remember it. I think that's very nice. Hayden's like, what is it again? The chortle, nickel, nickel on my Chiari malformation. Which means what? Life partner.

It means, so essentially, my brain, everyone has their brain, and then at the back we have like the spinal cord and the canal and the spinal fluid and you've got the nervous system in there. My brain at the back, the cerebellum, is falling out of the skull and is essentially plugging up my spinal column like a bath plug. So like, you know, I'm a bigger guy. I've had this my whole life. When I exercise, which is very rarely, or if I have a bad sleep or if I'm really stressed at work and the blood pressure goes up and everything gets a bit tighter, my spinal cord will literally be crushed and my brain will be squashed.

So I actually, and that fucks with the central nervous system because the central nervous system is right in there. So my speech can be thrown off. My vision can be thrown off. My temperature can be thrown off. my breathing, my heart rate. It's ridiculous. Actually, you wouldn't show up to work and try broadcast in that sort of thing. No, you wouldn't. If you knew you had a migraine coming on, you wouldn't.

But a lot of people push through because migraines are hard. It's one of those illnesses that people can't see. So you're like, oh, I've got a shocking migraine. Everyone's first thoughts are, oh, yeah, all right. And they think it's just a headache, oh, yeah, all right. And they think it's just a headache. Well, what differentiates it? And this is not me being a cynic.

I'm actually asking, what differentiates it from a headache? Because I've never had a migraine personally. You know what's funny? My brain doctor, my neurosurgeon, he explained it to me. He was like, you know, you have never had a headache in your life. And he's like, all you have is migraines. Your Chiari produces migraines. He's like,, all you have is migraines. That's all your Chiari produces, migraines. He's like, you've only ever had migraines. Make no mistake, you are a headache, but you've never had one.

Yes, that's what he said. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he charged me $800. I've never had a headache. I feel like I've had maybe one or two, and they are like, oh, my God, a breeze. I wish I could have daily headaches. Like, when I get a headache i'm like oh i know exactly where that is give me a pentadol and i'm fine but when i get my migraines it'll start at like 8 a.m

when i wake up and when i'm making my coffee i feel it in the base of my spine when i move my eyes you know when you're about to like get a flow and you move your eyes and it feels like your eyes are on like a right you can feel the band it's like oh my, my God. You get auroras. I don't get these, but a lot of people do, where you see little strings of light randomly throughout the day. Yeah, I get that. Yeah, and it's like, oh, there's a little piece of light. It's coming.

And once it hits, oh, my God, you're out. I can't think. Like, I can't think straight. I don't speak. What's the adjective? Is it like a swelling, a throbbing? Yeah. Like, what is it?

For me, it's a throbbing. It's with my heartbeat. So every time my heart beats beats i can literally feel like a stab in the back where just everywhere no for me it's the back of my skull right where my chiari malformation is uh my chortle dicky dicky and uh it can last for hours like my body is immune to panadol and i just pump codeine it's horrific so my migraines are awful. What do you do? Just like lie down? I have two panadine fort, two norepinephrine, a whole litre of water, and I sleep for five hours. That's quite nice, actually.

Yeah, and I'm constipated for a month. Those painkillers, fuck you up. Yeah, the panadine fort. Panadine fort's the worst. Sometimes I've had a bit of Maccas for a couple of days. I'm like, hey, babe, where's the panadine fort? And I'll have it instead of having stool hardness. In case anyone's asked.

Someone asked. Someone over there asked. Yeah, gotcha. Okay. Anyway, Google Chiari malformation. Educate. Okay. So if you ever call in sick saying I've got a migraine, I just have to be like, oh, fuck.

You have to go. Must be bad. I don't think you ever have though. Not from work. No, I haven't. Conveniently, you only get them on weekends. On Sunday night at 6pm. But I...

Mitchell Turi is fine and well. The weather coming up in 12. So dumb. Peter Hidgen is fine, as am I. Yeah, he's back at work. You haven't missed a day. No, I haven't. Let me know if you ever need to.

Thank you. I appreciate it. It's funny, though, because as your boss, you don't have to call in sick to me, just by the way. Well, as we've learnt, you can't even try and broadcast while suffering a migraine. You sound like... We can't mock him. That's so rude.

Thank you. Everyone thought he was joking. Well, he was 75. Was. He's not dead. He is. He was 75 40 years ago. He is very old.

And you know what's even worse? He was doing a segment for our Kiss 101 in Melbourne breakfast show the day before. Really? He was exerting physical energy. He was playing handball or something. Oh, handball, yeah. Oh, well, imagine if they caused it. Imagine being the show that killed Peter Hitchener.

Imagine if Kerri-Ann fell off that trapeze the day after our Studio 10 interview. They would have said it was us, and it clearly wasn't. You know that Peter Hitchener's gay, apparently. Is he? Yeah. Did you not know that? No. Yes, he was caught in a, quote, unquote,

compromising position with a man in the back of a car by police. What? This is shocking to me. In breaking news. Google it. Can someone get me this article? There's many 75-year-old men of that ilk in the Australian media that are allegedly gay.

So there was um, there was rumours for a long time after he was busted in the compromising position but it wasn't until 2018, he was doing a newspaper interview about his ten years as chief news presenter with Channel 9 and it was during that

for the first time he acknowledged, yeah gay. Aww good for him! I mean he gives off those vibes, he acknowledged. Yeah. Gay. Oh, good for him. There you go. I mean, he gives off those vibes. He's jovial, sweet, chubby. He'll be you in 60 years. Oh, my God.

That'll be you having a migraine. It will. Oh, my God. TV's where I want to end up. Melbourne's a beautiful town. Oh, you can't be in newsreader. You have to report facts. You'll make shit up all the time.

You're a flight risk. It'll just say earthquake in China and I'll go 13 dead in China after it. That means you can't embezzle the facts. Embellish? Embezzle? Embellish. Good on you, Hitchy, for being gay. His family knew all along we were encouraged to be good to one another

and be good to other people. Who you are is who you are. I'm trying to find the bit where he talks about having a partner. I swear I didn't make that up. I actually found it. Did you know he was harassed for months by a stalker? You're kidding. Jenna, we know it was you. Yeah. You lived in Melbourne.

You just, oh, you did, Jenna. I'm a big fan. He's a great guy. Goodness me. I'm a big fan. He's a great guy. Goodness me. I actually have the audio of his coming out to his family. It's very gut-wrenching and he really struggles to get through it. Donald Trump has nearly weds in surprise after he hijacked a reception at Mar-a-Lago. That's his family cheering because in the end they were accepting. However, he struggled to get through it.

I can't find anything about the partner. I really want to know. You know that Ian Ross, Channel 7 newsreader, also gay, had a partner? Had? What happened to him? Well, Ian Ross is dead. Oh, gee. But he had a partner for many years. Really?

Yep. Ian Ross journalist. This is not entertaining for anyone other than Australian humans. Can you find the Idjim top five opener? I'm going to do the top five gay venues. Top five newsreaders you didn't know were poofs. I got told the other day about one that came out. I wish I could tell you, but I can't because it's like I learnt from one of his colleagues

that works in TV with him. And he's got a wife and kids and shit. And I'm like, oh, juicy, juicy, juicy. We're all poops in media, aren't we? Can you tell us off the cloud? No. I wouldn't dare. Oh, there's a photo of Peter Hitchin in his underpants.

What, Jenna? How did you find this? That's through his bedroom window when he showed you the stalker. Jenna! It was the wrong photo. Shut up. We're back next week. No, we're not actually, Mitchell. You have the announcement to make. It's not an photo. Shut up. It's 2017. We're back next week. No, we're not, actually.

Mitchell, you have the announcement to make. It's not an announcement. We're taking some time off. Yeah, we're just going to have a couple of weeks off for a bit of an Easter break, if you will. But we won't be going long. It's fine. I'm celebrating the Lent.

Fucking get over it. And we will be back soon. All thanks to Red Rooster. Don't forget, the new Crunchy Fried Chicken is available now. Merch is over. Merch March is done. It's quite clearly April. It'll be with you soon, guys.

Hang in there. Thank you for ordering if you did Thank you to everyone And we will see you all in a couple weeks See ya, bye bye Is it just me? Don't forget to subscribe And leave a review on your podcast app

Or follow on Spotify Hey. Hi, everyone. Hi. Welcome to AD Debrief. This is a secret segment on the end. We call it AD Debrief because it's a couple of people with ADD or suspected ADD. Undiagnosed.

Having a debrief. Just talking shit unscripted. That's really all it is. Don't have your expectations high for fuck's sake. You'll be disappointed. Keep them down low, everyone. Please do. Like, keep them down low.

Yeah. Now, we need to get to the bottom of something. What? Why the fuck was I fired? Because you weren't sending people their prizes. I need to stress to you guys that Mitch is too polite to say no when he's feeling stressed. Yes.

And so he took this on and I said, would it make it easier if I put all the prizing into envelopes? So all you have to do is write the address on them and put them in the mailbox. It was very nice. It was very nice. So all you have to do is write the address on them and put them in the mailbox. It was very nice. It was very nice. Don't even have to get stamps. Everything was done except the actual writing of the address.

It was postage paid. Yeah. And then I kept getting all these messages and I kept saying, darling, do you need someone else to take it off you? And he just kept saying, no, no, I'll do it. I'll do it. I'll do it. And so as the boss of this business,

I had to make the executive decision that you're just too fucking lazy to get it done. It's true. I need to see the paperwork. I don't believe you're my boss. Hey? I need to see the paperwork. Oh, you can speak to our accountant.

Mitch was like, I don't have a good accountant. I'm like, he's mine. Boom, brilliant. That has nothing to do with this. And now he's stabbed me in the back. I didn't stab you in the back. I was off professional advice the accountant not you you've done nothing he was just he was just telling me what the situation was you don't have the power i think you'll find i do i think you'll find us even caught can you imagine if i actually because

like conveniently like it'd be a bit of a bitch to change the at couple of mitch's handle but conveniently the name of the podcast isn't just me. That could be hosted by any old bastard. I could have Tiffany in here. I don't know. I could easily fire you and replace you, but I'd have to change the handle. No, you wouldn't because I have 50% stake.

We have equal partnership in the show. Not in your new junior role. Tiffany is very good. No, you don't. Tiffany Haddish is great. I love Mitch and Haddish. She's very good. Tiff and the little Tim Cagbell.

Don't know, guys. I'm the price keeper. Yeah, good for you. Take that role. It's very boring. Can I just say, it was very big of me to hire Jenna because she's backstabbed me before. Why?

Have I told you this story? I think maybe. So, life news, I have new management. Yay! I've signed with Amplify, who weirdly were the same company that gave me my first editing job in like 2016, so five years ago. That's where you met Jenna. Yes.

Correct. Full circle moment. She also worked there. Yes. And then I left, and now I'm back under a very different capacity. But the reason I left. Yes. The reason I left all those years ago is because Jenna narked on me and got me fired.

Oh, I heard. That is not true. I heard this story way back when. But this is the Jenna and Mitch origin story. But that is not true, actually. So they were changing tact. They were getting rid of editors and becoming a talent management business. So I got the flick, right?

And then we were working on this interview series. It was sponsored and I had to do 10 interviews. I'd done eight of them. You were interviewing someone else. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so when they fired me, I said, look, I'm very close to finishing this series. Why don't you just keep me on as a freelancer? I'll finish those interviews and then we'll be done.

And they're like, actually, that makes a lot of sense. That's probably a lot easier. So I was working on the final interviews. Very big of you, by the way, to say, yep, I've been fired, but I'll finish my role. Yes, I'll finish the job I started. And Jenna had organized the most sinfully shit guest ever can't even remember her name do you remember oh carissa eden or something it was some emo fucking skateboardy dog of a thing i don't know her name was like clarice or like vanda i don't know a pr company sent it to me and i said

i don't care who it is our company pitched me julie goodwin today jenna you don't say yes to everything i was at amplified i was i was pitched the best rooster at the easter show as well and I don't care who it is. The PR company pitched me Julie Goodwin today, Jenny. You don't say yes to everything. I was at Amplify all the time. I was pitched the best rooster at the Easter show as well. Hang on, hang on. There's an obvious synergy there. Where's the fucking rooster? Ring them in.

Yeah, next time, next time. All right. Anyway, so she organised this really boring guest and I just did not want to do it. And I said to my friend who I was hanging out with at the time, I've got to do this Skype interview. I really don't want to do it. And she goes, I'll do it. Because they were written interviews.

I wasn't actually in them. I just had to get the quotes. And you wouldn't know who actually interviewed them. Yeah, I get you. And so just for the lol, my friend was like, I'll do it. And I was like, fucking go for gold. And because we were mates, I took a photo of my friend doing the interview instead of me and sent it to Jenna. I've been like, lol, look.

Yeah. Jenna was horrified. I was not. She took it to the boss and said, Mitchell's not taking this job seriously. And so I did not finish this series. That is not true. They cut me loose. I thought it was.

And I was unemployed for a month. Jenna. That is not true. And then I got a job here and I got her a job here because I'm a bigger person. You're a good, and that's where you met me. That is not true. I showed it to them because I thought it was funny. Bullshit.

You don't do that. What do you mean? In what context? And also, who knocked on me? What? Well, telling you that I showed them. Oh, yeah. Who told you that that's what happened?

I can't recall, actually. Exactly. It would have been someone. Or maybe I'm just not stupid that I sent you a photo and then suddenly I get a phone call, you're fired. Oh, yeah, he sent it to one person and then all of a sudden everyone knows. I was like, there's only one reason they would do that.

It's because they think I'm not taking it seriously, which I wasn't. This guest was fucked. I can't remember a thing of it. Can you find out who it was? Oh, it was somebody. I can't even. I actually have her on the phone.

Carice Phoenix-Zapphire is here. That's her. I thought it was funny. Okay, I'll find out who the guest was, Jenna. Thank you. Oh, here we go. So, Jenna, what were you doing? You were showing your boss to say here's a little bit of funniness. Dala Bow. Who?

Really good question, actually. Who? Dala Bow. My auntie's dog name is Dala. Oh, here we go. Dala Bow. She was actually lovely. I just, you know those interviews, you know what it's like when you're like, I don't know who this person is. I don't have anything to ask you. I just don't care about anything you have to say.

Happens to me. I did get you some pretty good interviews, though. Name one. Emma Kenny from Shameless. That was a good one, actually. Yeah, it was. Who was it? You know the girl from Shameless? No. Look her up. Okay. Yeah, it was. Who was it? You know the girl from Shameless?

No. Oh, look her up. Okay. She's pretty big. I've been told. Yeah. Jesus, you wouldn't want to be a junior in this company, would you? No.

Here I am just trying to climb the corporate ladder. So, yes, I'm back at Amplify. They found a Polaroid of Jenna and I the other day, a five-year-old Polaroid. Oh, really? I'm like, you fucking hoarders. Why is that still in the office? Oh, I want to see that.

You have to get it sent to us. We'll put it up on the Idrum socials. That's my new thing to say. I'm going to put it up on the Idrum socials and never put it up. I know, it fucks me off because then you always forget. I do. I will forget. I literally have forgotten what we did this episode.

Yeah, fair enough. Are we doing Hitch now next week? We're not doing that. No. We're not here next week. Happy Easter, everyone. Let me tell you. You're going back to Bougainvillea.

Yeah. I'm in the Shire. Your family live in Mossman in a castle. Oh, no. Oh, Jesus. When did fucking contraceptive diaphragm Sam get here? He's been here the whole time. I thought that was someone cosplaying as Jesus as it was Easter.

That scared the shit out of me. Oh, my God. Hold on. Interceptive diaphragm Sam is here, ladies and gentlemen. I have literally been here the entire time, guys. You have not. You fucking have not. Didn't you guys say...

You told me you weren't coming in. Yeah. Yeah, about that. So I decided that I'd have a quick nap just to, you know, that so i decided that i'd have a quick nap just uh you know just to get rid of the bad juju i was carrying on before i do my massive edit and then when i finally woke up at 8 p.m i realized i forgot all my shit yeah i dragged myself in here after a quick nap that turned into a fucking like i was dead so i'm feeling you but yeah that gave me quite a fright just then i just saw this figure in my peripherals on the other side of the glass what the fuck have you

been you know the people have started mentioning you our new producer who has had four weeks off yeah and that wasn't mentioning you in our reviews being like i love my weekly dose of mitch mitch jenner and pretty sam and i'm like, well, he's not fucking here. And it's been rebranded. Wait, so what? Oh, yeah, he hasn't heard his new name. What? Sam. What have you done?

Well, I would get confused due to my brain illness between Beautiful Sam and Pretty Sam and Mitch said you have to get it right. He said commit to an adjective. And then Mitch went, it actually doesn't really suit him. It wasn't natural. It didn't come up naturally. So then about three episodes ago, we decided.

Was it that long ago? Have you been gone that long? Maybe even four. We said to ourselves, the best way to come up with a nickname is organically. You can't fake a nickname. That's what got us in Pretty Sam because you're ugly. No, I'm joking. Sam is so beautiful.

It was actually originally Sexy Sam because people were saying that he had a sexy voice. Oh, yeah. Because you were talking about your dad's vinyl saying that he had a sexy voice the first time he was on. Oh, yeah, because you were talking about your dad's vinyl. And he had the accent. Why didn't that stick? I think beautiful. See, he's very beautiful. That's what I said to him.

I was like, you keep fucking the adjective. It was sexy Sam all along. Anyway, we started Googling words that rhyme with Sam. Yeah. None of them had any ring to it. And then Jenna got two. Until. Contraceptive diaphragm.

And I went, that's got to be it. Sam. Welcome back, contraceptive diaphragm Sam. Here he is. Can we do a fake opener where we welcome him that way? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Skip through it. I don't want to hear the whole fucking thing.

Contraceptive diaphragm Sam. All right. People. Pike. Thank you. Kane. So expensive. Host of the you. Kane. So expensive. Host of the Black.

Mitch Chudy and Mitchell Coombs. Yes, hi, everyone. G'day, guys. Welcome back to the show. Our third wheel groundskeeper, Jenna, here as always. Hello. Hi, Jenna. And of course, our producer, Contraceptive Diaphragm.

Sam, welcome back. Oh, hi, guys. Hello, Contraceptive Diaphragm Sam. How are you? Oh, dear God. Jenna, say hi to Contraceptive Diaphragm Sam. Hi, Contraceptive Diaphragm Sam. How are you? Oh, dear God. Jenna, say hi to Contraceptive Diaphragm Sam. Hi, Contraceptive Diaphragm Sam. How have you been?

Uh, I can't deal with this. It's too much. Contraceptive Diaphragm Sam is so funny. You know, the day I met Contraceptive Diaphragm Sam, I remember thinking, Contraceptive Diaphragm Sam is so beautiful. And then someone said to me, who's that? And I said, it's a contraceptive diaphragm. You know what?

It really does stick. It works. It does. It does, it does. It just rolls off the tongue. You got Jenna's nudie name wrong. She's the prizekeeper, Jenna. Oh, yeah.

Sorry, how long have you been lurking? When did you get here? About, well, it's an hour 20 into record right now. So I came in at 40. Oh, so were you here as I was firing Mitch? Yes. Oh, well, that's the important update. That's all you need to know.

Yeah, no, no, that's very fair, by the way. Yeah. Now, for those who are confused, just like I am, I've got my good friend Ella from ABC to tell us what exactly a diaphragm is. I'm Edwina from ABC Live. It's Edwina, sorry. What did you say? I think I said Abigail.

We went to uni together. Anyway, take it away, Bridget. I've been researching contraceptives that are not just the pill. And the diaphragm, like this. Oh, it's Sam! Actually has a really interesting history. Everyone knows about the pill. But what about the other options?

We talk contraceptives that are not just the pill. Get to the point. So when it comes to measuring efficacy of contraceptives... I thought she was going to show me how to do it. What is a diaphragm? A diaphragm is a barrier method of contraception for women. It's a shallow dome of

silicone with a firm and flexible rim. Oh. Speak for yourself. Yeah. A diaphragm is placed in your vagina like a tampon so that it covers the cervix. So it's like putting a plug in, really. That's foul.

God. Is it like a Dixie cup? You know how you can... They don't look easy. I assume so. I remember when I did sex ed in high school, which, mind you, I finally thought about it the other week. There was no same-sex education.

No. It wasn't even an option. Like, I hope they're educating, like, on that now, because that definitely is happening. Anyway, different story. I still haven't actually educated myself. I just had to figure out on my own how to not get pregnant, and I've succeeded so far.

I've succeeded for you. They were like, yes, women can use vaginal dams. That's what Mrs. Gowan said to us all. Vaginal dams. Picture that. Oh, dear. Like a concrete Hoover Dam down there. Hey, contraceptive diaphragm, Sam, have you ever entered a woman and been like, oh, there's a contraceptive diaphragm?

No, and I'm staring at one right now. Not just on the table. Contraceptive diaphragm, Sam, have you ever entered a woman and been like, oh, there's a contraceptive diaphragm? No, and I'm staring at one right now. Not just on the table. Why is Jenna out there all of a sudden? But it's terrifying. Yeah, they're not cute. No. This YouTube video with Bridget still playing, it's awful.

Zero comments. I actually learned nothing from her. Contraceptive diaphragm, Sam. Yeah. I feel so honored, guys. Contraceptive diaphragm Sam, huh? Yeah. I feel so honoured, guys. Thanks so much. You're welcome. Everyone has their rightly place on the show and rightly so. What do you do for Easter, Contraceptive Diaphragm Sam?

Because you're a stout Muslim. Yes, absolutely. And I often like to just close myself away from the festivities. I get angry at Easter eggs. It's a whole thing. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah. Oh, I was going to offer you some red tulip, but never mind.

No, get Sam in and see if he can taste the difference. Oh, yeah, you missed the start. Come on. Come in. Get in here. You're on mic three. I've eaten all the Cadbury's. Are there any more over there?

Yeah. Oh, of course. I was going to say, because I've eaten this, the whole plate. All right. Come here. Where's the diagram? Not the've eaten this. The whole plate. All right. Come here. Where's the diagram? Not the diagram. There he is.

Mitch believes that red tulip is... Can you talk into the mic? I meant you. Oh, sorry. Sam's like, I am. Mitch believes that red tulip is superior to Cadbury, and I said, no, Cadbury is. So he put me to the test, and I got it wrong.

I can't even think of what red tulip is. It's just milk chocolate. And also, it's made by Cadbury, which is he put me to the test and I got it wrong. I can't even think of what red tulip is. It's just milk chocolate. And also, it's made by Cadbury, which is weird because they taste... Oh, yeah, that's shit. It's like the scummy version. Don't call it. But I think it's way better. Why would you...

At any time. Why would you go red tulip over anything else? Really? Because I value my life. Okay. Now, Jenna had a mallet, but I'm not ridiculous, so it is now crashed. Yeah, okay. So, um.

I dread to think where this bandana has been, by the way, guys. Make sure you can't see it. Uh, it's been on Jonesy's head. Oh, God. Apologies. Oh, disgusting. Okay, so there's going to be a plate on your left, a plate on your right. Take a bite from each and say which chocolate you think is better.

You're allowed to guess which is which. I'm guessing you think Cadbury's better. Yeah, of course. Because you're a fucking snob. No, because he's British. How very damn British. All right, so that's your right, that's your left. Okay.

He knows that. Oh, really? Oh, thank you for that. I appreciate it. Contraceptive diaphragm, Sam, take your due time. All right, so I'm going with the left first. Left to right, it's a whole thing. Think about it. I'm going to have some too.

That's very good. See, that's just iconically Easter chocolate. That's wonderful. Looks like we're in Bird Box. Alright. That's my penis! There you go. Oh, the plate had a whole satisfying change of tone

Yes that's Vera Wang China and this is Kmart Essentials Okay great I've got to wash down the rest of it It's very Do you want some palate cleanser? Mouthy, nah it's fine So you liked the first one?

Yeah the first one's great, very Easter chocolate Very good Okay Be honest, contraceptive diaphragm Sam It's great. Very Easter chocolate. Very good. Okay. To be honest, contraceptive diaphragm, Sam. What? You guys are not talking into the mics around here.

Okay. I can't see anything. No, you're fine. You're actually nailing it. Jenna was nowhere near it. I wasn't even talking. Sorry. It's been a long time

as a broadcaster, guys. It's just a thing. I've got to have more of it, because it's like... Don't get them confused now. No, okay, first one's Cadbury, 100%. So you're locking in the one on the left? Yeah. Is Cadbury.

Which you think is better? Yes, absolutely. That that tastes more authentically Easter to me. Okay, you think it tastes better? Yeah, more authentically Easter. Okay. I'll say that. So you're locking in this one on the left is Cadbury.

Yeah. Contraceptive diaphragm, Sam. You're incorrect. Oh, you're kidding. Wrong. That's the red tulip you enjoyed. What do you mean? And do you know what?

Exactly. I actually think that's a beautiful description. There's something distinctly Easter-y about red tulip, which is why I froth it. Cadbury, you can get that crap any old day. That happened to me. I picked that too as cabaret and same he he hit me with the same attitude when i came in saying i love red tulip he's like yeah that's the cheap crap that your grandparents buy cadbury's the best no wrong that's a good me that's actually very good red tulip fucking slaps right yeah that's very good i won't Exactly Slaps right That's very good I won't align myself

With any brands That don't start with red That was delicious Well done Sam Contraceptive diaphragm Contraceptive diaphragm Yeah full name At all times

Thank you guys Should we for the next Merch draw Because we've already Been talking about it The rash shirts Yeah Well the rash shirts

Aren't off the chopping block yet We should get Contraceptive diaphragms. Oh, please. That would be delightful. We don't personally endorse them because we're all just sitting around going, ugh, terrifying. I feel like it would stretch you out.

Yeah. Me being a woman would feel as though it would stretch me out. Yes, we can't comment on this because we are all, well, sorry, three of us in here are men. Jenna, looking at this, do you look at this and go, that just seems painful? A contraceptive diaphragm? Yeah.

Like, just imagine that in your mouth. For those who... It's not very appealing. Oh, goodness me. What a visceral image. For those who are struggling to picture it, Google it. Take yourself back.

No, take yourself back. People are driving and sleeping. Take yourself back and grocery shopping. Can it read Rooster? Take yourself back to the lolly shop. You go to the corner store. You're six years old. Rural Australia.

You go, mum, mum. Can I get a pack of Twizzies? Mum, mum. Can I get a Mars bar? You go to the checkout of the local corner store. And what's on the counter? Lollies. Little toy stores. Little toy stores.

Little toy things. Train doors, mate. You know what's in on the counter for two bucks? One little piece of rubber. It looks like a little cup. You take it, you bend it inside out, you put it on the floor. I was going to make that comparison, but I couldn't remember what they were called. Neither can I, but that's the story.

And then they flip up into the sky, they often hit you in the eye. Yeah, well, your fucking elongated story did not make it any clearer what it is. I want to know the name of them. Jenna, Google it. What are those things that pop? What are those things that pop? Bomb. Anyway, I really think we brushed over the fact that Jenna knocked on me and got me fired.

Yeah, I tend to agree, Jenna. That's off. Are you serious? Yeah. I didn't. You did. No, I didn to agree, Janet. That's off. Are you serious? Yeah. I didn't. You did. No, I didn't. I didn't. Have you ever been knocked on a fire contraceptive diaphragm, Sam? There's a whole story

legally I can't talk about it. Anyway, it's fine. I've been knocked on at Coles because when you waste something, either someone bought a pun of strawberries, gone through your checkout, and they dropped them, and then one of the strawberries had fallen out,

and you'd waste the whole thing. I'd eat it at my checkout. Oh, it'd be a waste not to. I agree. So hang on, you're just there. There's some poor lady struggling with her bags, and you're like, I'll be right there in a moment.

No, I go, help yourself up. You know, scan yourself. And then I would eat the strawberries. And then Faith dobbed me in. And then I lost my supervisor code for a month. Faith lost 30 kilos too. She got her stomach done. She looked great.

That's good. Pop a ball. What? I feel that that's not what it's called. Don't call us that. What is this? So close to Mardi Gras. Don't pop a ball.

Show us. I feel like there's got to be a word for it. Guys, don't pop a ball merch. If you know, you know. If you know, you know. If you know, you know. Hey, guys, welcome to Apparel April. We're selling dome popples. Merch March.

It has a great ring to it, doesn't it? I know. What can we do? Merch May will happen if the demand is there. May, June. Just for summer, June. And it can be singlets. Jock June.

Jock June. Jock July if we don't get it in time. Slippery rubber thing September. For the rubber things. The don'ts. Yeah, pop it. Nil-no December. Fascinator February. Oh, I love a fascinator. The don'ts Yeah, pop it Nildo December Fascinator February

Oh, I love a fascinator We could all go to the races Do a show from the birdcage No, we don't support horse racing No, we don't It's disgusting It's disgusting It's going on an off day

No one there Oh, true, the day after Yeah I actually am very off horse racing My family do the sweeps And I'm like, I'm out of it They're like, oh, you're so left wing Oh Bullshit I'm like, I'm out of it. They're like, oh, you're so left-wing. Oh.

Bullshit. I'm horny. You know, you've played this five weeks in a row, and you're just now singing it. Five weeks in a row? What have you been doing while I've been away? Sam, the show's been an absolute mess. There's no surprise in there.

Every single time we've recorded, it's been some elaborate excuse from contraceptive diaphragm, Sam. I'm flying to Melbourne. Also, the night that you were at Hamilton, I thought you meant Hamilton Island. He's like, sorry, I can't come to the record tomorrow. I've got Hamilton. I was like, no worries, babe.

Enjoy your leave. No, he was going to the musical. I literally thought you were going to Hamilton Island. Sam and I saw Hamilton. Yeah, we did. We did see Hamilton. Oh, my God, I loved it. It's amazing. It was brilliant. With the thing and the long

yeah. You guys really would love it. Well, Janet, considering you were there when the Declaration of Independence was signed. Yeah, I was there. I thought we were talking about the Island. Oh! We have, oh my god, we've been to the Island together and Hamilton together. Isn't that funny? That's so funny.

Scarf September. Fridge February. To idjim fridges. Mini fridges for makeup and serums. And makeup. There's nothing that begins with O for October.

Guys, the most awkward thing happened to me this week. What? Thanks, Jenna. We were waiting. I'm talking to a fucking casket. Is this a threesome? Almost am, technically.

No! Guys, do you want to see the photo the guy sent me of his penis for the threesome? Not really. Someone wanted a threesome with you. Two people. Oh. So one person. Overalls October.

Oh! Now that I can get around. Yeah. Look, sent me his penis. Oh. Oh. That one person... Overalls October. Oh! Now that I can get around. Yeah. Look, send me his penis. Oh. Oh. That's not... You can't just shove this in my face without my consent.

But it's not even good, though. No, it's quite average. Can I tell you a story? No. The most awkward thing happened to me this week. I FaceTimed a friend who works here, Chris. He's Asian-Australian, half Asian, half Australian. He does all my audio for my show.

He's very sweet. And he once made me, I had Jojo on the show. He was in, leave, get out of me right now. And he made me an opener to play before the chat that was a Jojo Siwa opener. He's so young that he thought Jojo was Jojo Siwa famed lesbian child. This happened a few months ago Because you told us Yeah you told us

Sorry before The Jojo Oh anyway That's context So Chris Has a lot of family in China And one of the audio things Was broken for my show

So I called him But we have You know I like to think of myself As a nice boss So then I FaceTimed him And I was standing Over the camera

Punching my fist like this Oh that's very threatening. I wouldn't do that to my staff. Yeah, but look at me. I look like a pink Teletubby and I'm like sort of jiggling and my throat and my giblet are moving and my hair is quaffing. It's very funny. Anyway, much to my absolute horror, his grandmother in mainland China answers the FaceTime and screams in her villa in the Shanghai province.

And I go, you're not Chris. And she freaks. And I go, is Chris there? Is Chris there? I thought maybe the grandma lived with him. Completely inaudible. Had no idea what I was talking about. She hung up.

And then Chris called me and was like, what the fuck? You just called my grandmother in mainland china my iCloud is tethered to hers because she doesn't have a phone so she can call my mom in china she has an ipad so when i i must have just clicked facetime and it must have gone through iCloud or something anyway um i facetimed chris's chinese grandmother and i have the screenshot because i screenshot it and I put it up in Enduring Idiots, our secret Facebook group. Have I not shown you guys? No. It was really awful.

Feel for the kid, to be honest. Anyway. Anytime now. Can I see the photo? Mitch, are you still around? Yeah. Here we go. Yep, the photo. That's it.

Oh, my God. Oh, she looks lovely. She's adorable. She's very sweet. That's me in the top left corner. She's terrified. I feel like that woman would make you the most amazing food you've ever had in your entire life. Oh, my God, yeah.

The best hugs. Definitely. I'd love it. Anyway, thank you so much, Oh, my God, yeah. The best hugs. Great story. Definitely. I love it. Anyway, thank you so much, Chris and your grandmother, for participating in the show. Thank you all for listening. Thank you for those who partook. Partaked?

Partook. Partook. Partook. Partook. Isn't that when you jump around the buildings? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the one. Partook.

Yeah, partook. Mitch, you've zoned out. I've got no idea what you're all talking about. Parkour. Parkour. Park Parkour Thank you for listening everyone We love you to bits And we will see you all next week Mitchell what's caught your attention? No we won't

Well Jenna as the producer you really should have No I think you were fine Contraceptive diaphragm It was now available incidentally For the next couple of weeks So yeah thanks guys While we're away

Classic No real good Have a great Easter break We'll catch, for the next couple of weeks. So, yeah, thanks, guys. While we're away. No, we're all good. Have a great Easter break. We'll catch you back in a couple of weeks, guys. Yeah. We won't be going long. All right, we'll see you guys next week. I want to be the one.

No, we won't. We'll see you in a couple of weeks. Stay safe. Have fun. Goodbye, Mitchell. Bye-bye. Goodbye, Jen. Bye.

I miss you. Goodbye, Conj Goodbye Bye Bye Bye Bye Bye Bye I'm gay