Is It Just Me? - #89: Lot of Death Chat

Episode Date: November 8, 2021

In this episode:Remembering Bert Newton's AWKWARD final TV appearance (07:01)Adele is a LIAR (17:37)An 'Is It Just YOU' from a listener (21:33)Jenna's Junk (30:00)Our "Secret Segment" ADDebrief (50:01)Follow us @coupleofmitchesSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

People do some weird shit. Television legend Kerri-Ann Kennelly fell several metres from a trapeze while performing in the musical Pippet. I slipped. Some things make more sense than others. Ring Pikes Nurseries. What nursery? Pikes. P-Y-K-E-S. P-Y-A.

K as in kill. P-Y-A. K as in kill. P-Y-E. K! Brace yourself for the rude shocks of young adulthood. Why is being alive so expensive? I'm not even having a good time. This is Is It Just Me?

Hosted by a couple of Mitches. What about me? Don't forget Chin-O. Who? Now, here's Mitch Chooley and Mitchell Cooper. 89, someone give me a line. Oh, don't mind if I do, darling. No, it's not Trash Alley.

Just so you know, the way you looked at me, I thought you thought this was Trash Alley for that one split second. No, I can tell my two podcasts apart. I'm not stupid. Oh, I just, you went, hello, Mitchell. No. I thought you stumbled over Matthew or Mitchell. No, I can tell my two podcasts apart. I'm not stupid. Oh, I just, you went, hello, Mitchell. No. I thought you stumbled over Matthew or Mitchell. No, I did not. I don't get names wrong like you.

Do you know that we had one of our listeners write in who sent in an is it just you? And Mitch called her Denise. And she wrote in her name's Sarah and she says, I don't know how Mitch got my name so wrong. How do you get Sarah and Denise mixed up? I have a reason. Listen here, Denise. I was worried that it was the same girl that I did the first week because I thought to myself, oh, shit, I've maybe got two from her.

So I gave her a fake name in case it was the same. Wouldn't you just double check? No, because the podcast was live and once we're live, you can't stop. This is podcasting on the cloud. We actually can. No, this is live. You can't stop. This is podcasting on the cloud. We actually can. No, this is live. You can't stop a podcast. It's famous.

Everyone knows that. Our third wheel, prize keeper Janae is here. Thank you, Janae. Guys, at the moment you're hearing this, I'm officially in my brand new house. Thank you. A round of applause. Why do you need applause for that? Because I'm moving as fuck.

No, it is. It can be. Oh, my God. And this is a message to future Mitch because I haven't yet done it at the time of recording. You'll get through it. Yeah, you will. And we've had a very stressful time. It'll be worth it.

Hayden and I moved into our new house on Friday and it's a house. It's not an apartment. We have a full little terrace. It's very gay. It's very cute. Got a little chimney, skylights. Oh, that's cute. Nothing gayer than a terrace.

No, there really isn't. And a skylight. Oh, skylight. Disgusting. Anyway, we go to the open house and we go, yeah, we'll take it. And then we go, can we have one more inspection before we move in just to make sure everything's good? They go, no worries, Mitch, come through. After you'd already signed off.

No, we hadn't signed yet. Right, okay. So as we're walking through, we notice the house has just been renovated. Really key parts of it have not been finished. Oh, no. We're in the bathroom. We go, this is beautiful. This is great.

Oh, wait, there's no toilet roll holder. Oh, no. Like we're in the bathroom. We go, this is beautiful. This is great. Oh, wait. There's no toilet roll holder. Oh. Oh, no. You need a toilet roll holder. Especially me in my house. With his low fibre diet. Jesus.

Yeah, I know, right? They also don't have a towel rack. Oh. A towel rack. So it's mid-renovation. No, it's been finished. It's done. They would put it on the market.

Oh, so they were like, ta-da, it's done with all these things missing. Yes, some guy has flipped it. So he's clearly trying to get a cash grab. So he's flipped the house. It's very well done. What do you mean flip it? Like he buys an old house, renovates it, and then flips it for a profit or rents it for an investment.

Anyway, the microwave in the cupboard, the microwave, is too small to fit an actual microwave. Oh, God. So is it too late to pull out or are you definitely doing it? to fit an actual microwave. Oh, God. So is it too late to pull out or are you definitely doing it? We moved in on Friday. Oh, no. At the time of recording, you could change your mind. I've got three days.

This place sounds like a shithole. No, it's a beautiful place, but it's just those little things. Not if you need to shit or cook food. As I said, very important for me. Exactly. The microwave is very important. The back door doesn't have a door handle on the outside. So you shut the door on yourself and you're trapped.

Wow. This place is riddled with issues. Sounds like a cheap renovation. Did you not notice any of this, the first inspection? Correct, none. Because, yeah, I was going to say that's happened to me. Like when you do the first inspection, you've got rose-coloured glasses on. And then with my new place, which I love, I moved in and I was like,

oh, yeah, there's a couple of things I didn't notice. A couple of bits of shit on the carpet, a couple of things. That office is smaller than I thought it was. Because yeah, when you first go, you're like so excited, but then you start to notice the floor. Yeah, you're blinded by the excitement. But yeah, no, your place sounds like a shit nest compared to mine, to be honest. Like I did not have that many issues. I've got a backyard. Beautiful. Oh, I, the best thing I ever did was move out of this rental I had with a backyard.

It's too much stress. Are you going to be out there mowing and shit? No, it's all brick. Thank fuck. Oh, I've got a courtyard like that and it's a lot. Is it? I never go out there. It's just too much to deal with.

There's a gum tree overhead and I'm already thinking about ways to poison it. What do you mean it's too much to deal with? You just said you've got a concrete courtyard with no maintenance required. What's overwhelming about that? It's got leaves and stuff. Yeah, I've seen leaves. Bird poo. Now I'll do it.

It's suburban. It's a good way. It's a good training ground before Hayden and I become an old gay married couple. That's beautiful. Anyway. Well, if you pick up some leaves out of the fucking gutter, I can raise a child. It prepares you for fatherhood. Anyway, I had to send a horrific email to Jancy from the

real estate company. Jancy. Jancy, you know, of the overflow. What a weird name Jancy is. Anyway, I went, hi Jancy, just confirming the below will be secured by Friday. Like it was demoralising to ask for this. Well, you know what you do if they don't do it, when you move in, if all that shit is on the condition

report, you fix it yourself and then when you move out, just to be petty, take it all with you. That's what we did. Oh, that's smart. The last place my housemate and I lived, there were like certain light bulbs missing. So we just fucking took them with us when we moved. That's really smart. Like, well, the condition report says that there were lights missing.

So we're going to leave it with lights missing. So you take your door handle. You take your toilet roll holders, all of it with you. All right. Welcome to the show, everyone. This is Is It Just Me? Not the other one. Mitchell, because I know he's thinking of slipping up.

No, I'm not, actually. Every week we bring you two Is It Just Me's, two idjams. Something we've noticed, something we hate or appreciate. Mitch doesn't know mine. I don't know Mitch's. They're the core of the show. And then later on today, we're delving into Jenna's junk. Yeah, all the shit bits.

If there's any Is It Just me talking points that we think, that's not interesting at all, that's crap. Yeah, well, they end up coming back to bite us. We fish them out of Jenna's Junk. There's a lot in there. When you walked in, I thought, has someone got two pieces of sandpaper together? No, it was just Jenna's Junk.

Yep. Overflowing. Yep. Always overflowing. That's disgusting. No, it's too far now. I feel that Jenna's Junk deserves more attention than it gets. Yeah.

Don't you? I agree. Well, it's overflowing all the time. You said that. Come up with some new gear, mate. She's like, it's spilling over. It's the same thing. I feel like we do need to give it more attention.

It's full of brim. Yep, that means the same thing. It's at capacity. The dam is full. Jenna, all these things mean the same thing. I's at capacity. The dam is full. Jenna, all these things mean the same thing. I can't fit any more in. Anyway, that's good, actually. I can't fit any more in.

Good, well done. Okay, so, yeah, we'll delve into Jenna's junk later, all the shit bits. Lovely. All right, should we go? Why don't I go first? My idiom is very topical. Yep, sure. What have you got?

Is it just me or do you remember being in the room at Burt Newton's final ever TV week Logies performance? More of an appearance than a performance, really. Yeah, you're again, Mitchell Cheery. So relatable. So relatable. Well, we were in the room, Mitchell. Was this the one that I was at with you as well?

Yes, that was my first Logies. What year was it? 2018. And that was Bert Newton's last Logies appearance. Logies appearance, last live TV appearance. Oh, my God, I didn't realise. And now he's dead. Yeah, well, Bert sadly passed away last Saturday night at the tender age of 83.

Yes, 83. Lost a leg in the last 12 months. It was really, you know, it was a tough trot for he and Paddy. But he's an Australian TV icon. For those in the States or international, he's like a golden oldie. He's like a Johnny Carson television icon of the Australian media landscape. And he's dead. And everyone is revering him and talking about stories and saying,

oh, I'm at a cafe and he paid for my croissant. I'm like, no, no, I can do better than that. I was at his final ever telenovela performance and so were you. That's really weird that for once your memory is better than mine because now that you remind me, I'm like, oh, yeah, he did get up on stage and talk but it didn't click that I was there for the last ever Burt Newton Logie. Yeah, not only was it his last ever TV appearance

but we don't want to talk ill of the recently dead. It didn't go that well. The performance was dragged through the mud and the media had a field day. I remember this. If you Google Burt, let me do it now. Burt Newton, 2018 Logies. Yeah, Burt Newton, dead at 83, remembering his controversial 2018 Logie speech. Paddy Newton, this is a quote.

This is not how he would want to be remembered. Is that the headline? Yes. Beautiful quote. Oh, I don't remember the speech. What happened? I must have had a few wines that night. Yeah.

But it's starting to come back in bits and bobs in my memory. Okay, yeah. It's a bit foggy, but like what was so controversial again? Okay, so he was there to announce the Graham Kennedy Best New Talent Award, which is up and coming new talent, right? And he made some off jokes. So I've got some audio from his speech. It went for 18 minutes.

Graham Kennedy also dead? Graham Kennedy long gone, yeah. Died in 2004. That's right. But they were like Mitchell and Mitchell. They had their own TV show together. They were beloved. He opened the show and it was strong.

A good bit of gear from Bert. Don't forget he's only 79 years old. So this is how the show opened. That's absolutely wonderful. And good night. Funny. Good joke. He walked off the stage, everyone was laughing.

Do you know what? I'm going to ruin this for everyone. But you know what I just remembered was also controversial about that Logies night? What? Everyone online was writing complaints about the fact that you could hear the cutlery in the crowd. Can you hear it? You can hear the knives and forks and the plates all cluttering around the whole time. So I'm not going to ruin Bert's speech, but but now you won't be able to unhear it.

There were so many complaints coming from people watching this on live TV. You and I included. Mitch and I were right at the back with the Studio 10 crew. It was probably our cutlery. We were pigging out. Anyway, this is his first real joke, and the vibe was set, and people were enjoying it. So what's the problem?

I'll get there. Don't you worry. I don't want to talk ill of him, so I'm giving you some of his good gear before we get to the shit stuff. This is a good joke. One of the crews said, you know, you're the oldest presenter on the stage tonight, which is a good start. But I think really, I think I might be the warm up for the memoriams. Funny. That's good news.

memoriams. That's good news. And this is where it took a turn for the worst and really showed the gap since he's been on television last. It had been a long time since he'd been back on TV and this was the joke that caused most of the negative headlines. Have a look.

Of course, I'm here for the Graham Kennedy Award for most popular new talent. As I look out on the audience, I've got to be honest, there are many faces that I know from the screen but don't know them personally. And you might feel the same way. You know, where's this old poof come from?

Oh, my God, I do remember that. Bert. And you would just come out of the closet, I think at this point in time when we were at the Logies, you'd come out to me and a couple of other close friends, but not everyone. And so when he said the P word, we're allowed to say it. Yeah, we can say poof. We just look at each other like, hmm.

Are we supposed to be offended by this? Yeah, about three weeks before I wouldn't have been offended, but that night I was like, I'm so offended. I'm a queer man. I think that Burt Newton can use gay slurs. I give him permission. He's a legend. Yeah, Burt can say poof.

He's very flamboyant, isn't he? That's true. He's very camp, the way he delivers his lines. Not really. He's got a very animated voice. Yeah, he does. Yeah, you're right. Does it get worse than that? Well, people were offside. The audience got a very animated voice. Yeah, he does. Yeah, you're right. Does it get worse than that?

Well, people were offside. The audience was a bit awkward. He was funny one last time before the final kicker. So I'll give you the last bit of comedy gold from Burt that night. Let me tell you something about the time with Graham. I think actually we've got a couple of shots of the two of us in our very early years to show you. But they were very exciting times

and to have a look at those shots and see at work a master, a man who just, you know, brought to Australian television the greatest talent. I also thought Graham was very cool. Classic switcheroo. So the audience was back on side and they loved him. He redeemed himself.

Yes, he did. No, it's all coming back to me now. I do remember being in the audience that night and he'd made a couple of jokes that were a little bit inappropriate. Yes. And so the rest of the speech was just really awkward because we couldn't tell if he was being sincere or if he was setting himself up for another inappropriate joke. So it was kind of like gritting teeth the whole time.

Like, oh God, what's he going to say? Am I supposed to, is this supposed to be genuine and sincere or is this going to be another joke? Like it was very awkward. I remember that. It was tense. It was like we were walking on eggshells. Like what is he going to do next? Yeah. I was, I was kind of thinking, fuck me, get him off stage.

Yeah, and there was a point where. Before he said something else. I know. He kind of like did some audience interaction with his beloved wife, Patti, and they cut to Patti and her face was like, honey. She's like, babe, that's enough from you. You've had a brandy. You know what you get like.

Exactly that. So I think I now remember what the joke about Graham Kennedy was. It's come back to me. Don't forget 2018, the height of the Me Too movement. Everyone, sexual assault and jokes around that weren't that funny. That's why this joke got a lot of media attention. Have a listen. Graham Kennedy was always the sort of man who nurtured young talent.

He enjoyed giving young people a chance on television. He was a great mentor. He mentored a lot of young people. You knew that if you went to his dressing room and it was locked, he'd be inside doing some mentoring. Don Lane was a mentor too. He did a hell of a lot of measuring. They were wonderful years.

Yeah, see, everyone was like, do we laugh? Yeah. And they were cutting to very well-known, famous Australian media. Hamish and Andy were sitting there and they cut to them and they were like, oh, I guess we'll laugh at Burt Newton. It was just, it didn't sit right. And it's a shame that that was his final TV appearance. Was that really the final TV appearance?

Yeah. Far out. Yeah. Final Logies too. He hosted the Logies like 10 times. Won what, six gold Logies? I think, yeah, four, I think. To be honest though, in Burt's defence, Graham Kennedy and Burt, right, they were a duo.

Yes. They were iconic in their time. And if I was ever in a position where I had to give some sort of tribute to you because you obviously will die before me, I would roast the fuck out of you too. I'd make inappropriate jokes at your expense. What would you say? I wouldn't insinuate that you groom young people, that's for sure,

but I definitely, I don't know, I haven't actually thought about what my post-death speech for you will be. What would you say? There'd be gentle nudges, like there'd be a sprinkle of sincerity and then I'd just occasionally call you fat or something. Yeah. You know, I get it because they're friends, but then to everyone else it was like, fuck me, man, Bert, you can't say that.

But also that is funny if we were to die, you know, and then you'd make the speech that week. But he'd been dead for 25 years. Like the jokes had not aged. No, they hadn't aged well. They would have done well in the 50s and 60s, but now it didn't sit right. Maybe he should have spent less time on TV and actually watching TV.

If he'd seen the news, he would have known that that shit's not okay. We're all too woke for those jokes now, Bert. Bert, tone deaf. Yeah. All right. God love him. I support it. I think it was funny.

And Bert can say poof. Yeah, absolutely. Bert Newton can say poof. Yeah. All right. God love him. I support it. I think it was funny. And Bert can say poof. Yeah, absolutely. Bert Newton can say poof. Yeah. Anyway, did you see he did give one of his gold logies to a poof? We can say that. Oh, yes, yes. The eights.

Yes. He told this story to Peter Ford, entertainment reporter. And Peter Ford said, now that Bert Newton's dead, I can tell you the story that I swore I'd never tell until he died. So apparently Bert Newton gave one of his six or four gold Logies to a gay man in Sydney who was dying in hospital. He was a friend of Peter Ford's. And Peter Ford wrote to Burt and said, I'd love if you could come and see my friend. And he's a big fan of yours.

It was originally just sign this card. Sign this card. He's a giant fan of yours. He's dying of AIDS. He doesn't have long left. And this was in the 90s when nobody wanted to talk about AIDS, let alone be in the same room as someone with AIDS, you know. Right. Awful.

Heavily stigmatised. And Peter never heard back. He's like, oh, what a shame. Anyway, then he gets a call from his friend and goes, come to the hospital. Gets to the hospital and sitting on the table is Bert's Gold Logie. What the fuck? And he'd just left.

He stayed in the hospital with this man for hours. Wow. And every single other patient as well. Spoke to all the other AIDS, HIV positive men and gave him the gold logi and then he died a couple days later, but he got the logi. Isn't that crazy? Yeah, wow.

He was a good man, Bert. He can definitely say the P word and the F word. Yeah, he can. Brian's a bag. We give him permission. You got permission posthumously. Is that what it's called? Posthumously?

What's that? Where after someone dies. Posthumously. Yeah, you should know, Jenna. You got this podcast posthumously. Yeah, true. All right, I'm done. You ready, Mitchell?

Yep, go for it. Here we go. Is it just me or? Is Adele a fucking liar? Oh. Oh. Why do you say that? Lies.

Why? Because you know how her new album's coming out? I think it's next Friday. Is that the 19th? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did either of you actually check or are you just saying yeah? No, I'm doing math in my head.

Yeah, I'm doing it. Wait. Yeah, it is. The 19th. Next Friday. So new album's coming out. And you know how all of her albums in the past have been named after her age. So there was 19, 21, and then 25.

Yeah. So she said that she was not going to name this new album after her age. She said she was going to stop doing that. She went on record in an interview. You know how we were talking about Carpal Karaoke last week? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She told James Corden why she wouldn't be calling it after her age anymore.

One of the reasons I name my albums after my age as well is there's sort of just Polaroids almost of my life at that time. I mean, where do you think you'll stop? Oh, this is the last album after my age. No. I believe in trilogies. No. Yeah.

No, because I want one to be like 77. I'll still do that.. No. The next one's just going to be Adele. No, because I want to be like 77. I'll still do that. It's just me and my cats. Bag lady, aren't I? And that made me so much more intrigued about any new music that would come out. What's she going to call the album? If it's not going to be her age, what's it going to be? And I was so excited.

And then if she announces this new album that's coming out, what's it called? 30. Lying bitch. She just went back to the old age format. Yeah, she did. Is it 30? Has it been announced as 30? I fucking hope so.

Otherwise all this anger is unjustified. No, because remember they put all the promo up with big 30s all around the world. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then on the Instagram post that she did when she announced the album and the date it was coming out, it just said 30-November19. So I'm assuming that's the name. New date it was coming out, it just said 30-November19. So I'm assuming that's the name. New album, 30.

Yeah, there you go. So she's just named it after her fucking age. By the way, that's not even her age at the moment. It was the age when she wrote the music. Is that how it works, the age when she wrote the music? Well, apparently that's how it works. Oh, no, Adele, you've got to explain that because I thought she was turning 30. You know what I was hoping?

She's 33. Yeah, she is 33. So you know what I was hoping that she was going to call the album? Yeah. She did like an Instagram live recently and she was talking about it and someone said, what's the new album about? I just wanted her to call it this. What's my next album going to be based on? Divorce, babe. Divorce.

If she called it Divorce, babe. Divorce. Oh, I would froth that so much. But no, 30. With hits such as, I'm keeping the Range Rover, hun. I'd love a bit of divorce. No, that's my Saturday. Yeah. No, you got the kids Monday through Friday.

I've got them for soccer. The interlude. I'd listen. Exactly. But no, it's just 30. I'm like, you lied to me. Yeah, she did lie. She said she was a fan of trilogies.

She did. She did say she was a fan of trilogies and I don't stand for fibs. Yeah, bullshit. What, is she a big Star Wars fan? What other trilogies? Lord of the Rings? Yeah. Who says I'm a fan of trilogies?

No, she said I believe in trilogies. I believe in. Well, yeah, well, they're not fake, girl. Well, she obviously made up her mind and had thought about it thoroughly. You know, she'd, this album was going to be so well thought out, but then she just got to it and went, fuck it, Faye. Yeah. Leave it at that.

She said it as one syllable, Faye. Well, I'm excited for the new album. Yeah, me too. Me too. I just, I was more intrigued about what the new name could be. You know what? I'm going to get her on. Really?

Yeah. Yep. You're telling me you can get Adele but you can't get Dido? They're basically the same person. Mark my words. I will get us Adele. Don't bother marking them, Jenna. Put your pen down.

Okay. And you can look down the barrel of the Zoom camera. I just made it so clear that I don't do well with fibs, so you need to quit while you're ahead because this isn't going to happen. I was never going to get a Sadella anyway, so it's not going to happen. Is it just me? As Helen Keller once said, this podcast is fucking dope. You're listening to Is It Just Me?

All right, now it's your turn for an Is It Just You of your own. This is called the Is It Just Yous, where we give you a chance to, I mean, you're not really a host. You're not getting paid the exorbitant amount of money that we do. No, God, no. Every week after week, you wouldn't know what to do with that number. You'd go, is that a number? Does that amount of money exist?

And we'd go, yes. But if anything ever pops into your mind, is it just me of your own, make sure you DM it to us, send a voice message to at couple of Mitch's and sure he'll get you on. Who have you got today? That's right, today, and this is her real name. Good. Not faked.

It is Jessica. Jessica. Amy Owen. She's got three first names. Good. Jessica Amy Owen has an is it just you? Let's roll it. Is it just me or is being cremated like really selfish?

Oh, is that it? Yeah, like, really selfish? What? Yeah, that's all. Does she not elaborate on that? I feel like I don't get where she's coming from. She does. I got her to elaborate a bit further because, yeah, there wasn't much there. That's what she said.

Like, what are you supposed to do with the ashes long term? Do they get handed down the generations? What if grandma's urn doesn't match your decor anymore? What the fuck? I agree. Good point. Okay, the decor thing. I'm sure you can just get a new urn and pour them in.

It's not like they're stuck in that one urn forever, is it? No, but the problem is, and I had never thought of it until Jessica brought it up, is that I won't have an attachment to my great, great, great, great grandfather. So in maybe, I don't know, 400 years when really long after I've gone, I'll be cremated somewhere. No one's going to give a shit about my urn. Yeah, see, this part I'd never thought about.

Like once your ashes goes to, you know, next of kin or whoever's special to you that wants to keep the ashes, when they cark it, where does it go? Exactly. With my aunt, for example, when she was cremated, we buried the ashes. Oh. So they were buried.

How unconventional. Yeah. So they were buried on top of her. Do you want to get buried or cremated? Both. Yeah. How selfish. So they were buried on top of her mum.

Oh, that's sweet. Okay. That's nice. I like that. See, that I like because in 500 years, everyone's going to end up having an urn room in their house. It'll become fashion to have an urn room with all your great, great relatives.

Yeah. See, I'd never thought about this. So now I want to know if there's anyone out there who has somehow inherited the ashes of someone who you could not give a flying fuck about. Yeah. That's who I want to hear from at Couple of Mitches. Do you have a real, real niche family member in and earn in your house? And you don't have the heart to get rid of it because you're like,

fuck, it meant something to someone, but now it's mine just because of my bloodline. Also, the initial question. Now, getting cremated is not selfish, Jessica. You are dead. It's your last final right. Some people don't even get to choose. I don't think there's a box you tick like on Medicare.

I think that's something that you would do in your will. But I think being buried is more selfish. Look at all that land mass that you're taking up. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I was thinking. Yeah. The reason I like the idea of getting cremated is because I wouldn't want to,

when I'm doing my will, I wouldn't want to have to choose between being buried in Sydney or Bogangate. So you can just like sprinkle bits of me anywhere you want. And then I have to decide who gets to keep the bastard. Yeah. My nan, when my grandfather died, my nan got a little piece of his own scooped up into her necklace and she used to wear him around. That's cute.

But then it was also like thinking you've kind of just maybe got like an ankle and a hand in there. Like it's weird to think that you've got a little bit. Like I find that a bit creepy. Well, they burned the coffin as well. So you've probably got mostly, like, timber. And, like, flowers and stuff. They burned flowers too?

Yeah, the whole coffin, as you see it exit the church, if you're getting buried or cremated, it just gets chucked in either the ground or an incinerator or whatever. That's actually, you're very right. So you'd be getting lots of floral notes and stuff. Yeah, you would. Not just grandma's toes. No.

When my grandfather died, I put a key to Alcatraz, because when I went to Alcatraz, I bought it for him. It's a key to a prison in America. Can you explain why that would be something he'd want? Because he had always wanted to go to Alcatraz and he could never make it. So when I went, I went, look what I got you, the key to Alcatraz. He thought it was the coolest thing. He hung it up in his living room, just a random key. So when he died, I'm like, I want this to be buried with him.

So I put it on his coffin. Ah, boy! Some grounds fucking gravekeeper went, nah, nah, nah, this won't melt. Like, what a graphic image to give to a 15-year-old boy. Oh, yeah. You can't, this won't melt. You've got to take that off. And I went, what do you mean?

And mum went, just take the key, Mitch, take the key, Mitch. And it didn't really click until, you know, I got a bit old of it. They just didn't want that to be, that couldn't be melted with his body. Yeah, imagine if they scoop up the ashes and then the urn becomes like a kinder surprise. You shake it, there's a little – inside. Like, no, just keep the key as a memento for yourself. Yes, and I still have it.

I still have it. Imagine if I was like, oh, you know what would mean a lot to my father? A bottle of kerosene. I'm going to put that on the coffin as they burn it. The whole crematorium, gone. That's what I want. I want that. My dad really loved butane gas tanks.

Pop it on the coffin. My dad was a real TNT kind of guy. Okay, so this is what you're going to do. To get back at that aggressive groundsman, you're just going to have to, the next person in your life that gets cremated, you've got to somehow put something highly flammable in there. You have to.

Okay, I will. What's that, the fire starters, the little white bricks you put on fires? The redheads. Yeah, the redheads. Just a box of redheads. I'm the cost of a loved one. They meant so much to them, so I have to. They, the redheads. Just a box of redheads. What the cast could have loved more. They meant so much to them.

They couldn't argue it. It's my wishes. It is. Yeah, if you put that in the wheel, they have to. Yeah, true. Blow up the crematorium on my way out. Now I'm really curious. We're stuck down a rabbit hole now.

But, Jenna, can you look up, is there some sort of live footage of a crematorium? I'm assuming they wouldn't actually have footage of a body being buried but just like as a as a demonstration you know for educational purposes because i want to know how long it burns for or is it such high intensity that it's kind of like now it's ashes oh yeah there'd be a documentary for sure when my aunt was cremated i spent a few hours watching cremation videos so oh we grieve in different ways, Jenna, yeah. Quite the experience of this. I thought you meant there was like a peephole in the crematorium and you just sat there watching.

I got a front row seat. It was very informative. But this video posted nine years ago, six minutes, the process of a cremation and a crematorium. I can just get it up on here. Yes. Kenya, I've heard otherwise. Yeah, Jenna, forget about it. Mitch is bringing

it up so we'll all be able to hear it. Okay. Oh, we're getting a warning. This is a... G'day, Tubes. How's it going? Well, as you guys all know, I work at the cemetery and stuff here and you don't really see much of like... Enough out of you, clown. Get to the burning. Here we go.

Oh, okay. So it's in this little oven thing. It's closing down. The door is slowly closing. Now it's kind of captured in this concrete oven. Ah! Oh! Oh, okay.

That answers my question. It takes a while for every last bit to burn. And he's like you would do at a backyard bonfire. He's prodding the fire. Yeah, look, he's got a fucking marshmallow on the end. What the fuck, mate? Oh, that's a skull. Shit.

Oh, he's cracking it open. Oh, my God. I don't think I want that. Yeah, turn it off. That's a lot. Oh, look, now, Mitchell, when it's done and once it cools, they get a dustpan and they sweep you into a pile of rubble. Jesus, I feel like I should shout these guys a new broom.

They were using a really shit broom. It looked like a prop from Harry Potter Quidditch games. That was the shittest broom ever. They're the bones and I think they must grind them up into mortar. Oh, yeah, of course they do. Oh, yeah, it's quite a process. God, imagine the smell. Oh, my goodness.

But then again, what's the flip side? You're going to rot in the ground with maggots crawling in and out of your body? That's what I mean. I'd rather just light me up. Burn the bitch. We're going to hell anyway. Yeah. Thank you, Jessica, for your insightful idjim.

What a grim is it just you. Yeah, that was grim, wasn't it? But it was interesting. Listen, it's going to happen to all of us, and you may as well be equipped with what's going to happen down the track. Yeah, death is the only certainty in life, everyone. That's right. Life, death and taxes.

Had an uncle that always used to say that, then he died. Also was fined for tax evasion, so kind of wrong in the end. All right, should we do Jenna's Junk? Yep, more shit bits of the show. Here we go. Let's take a peek at Jenna's junk, shall we? We all know that Jenna's junk is stinging for attention most days. Yes, it is.

It often goes neglected, Jenna's junk. Yep. But right now she's going to stick her fist right up there. Oh, Jenna. Here we go. And fish out the goods. Don't say fish because it's really visceral and you can smell it. Hang on, hang on.

She dived in there. I have to explain the fucking actual concept, not sexual innuendo. Sorry, sorry. It's all our shit ideas and then she gets them out of the chunk. Yeah, we bring two issues every week. It's just me. These are the shit ones that don't make the cut. Often the best ones.

Can I go in now? This is pathetic. Why are you so critical? It's dumb. Is it just me or did everyone else's mum flush soggy cereal down the toilet? I'll claim it. Yeah, that's your junk. What?

She flushed soggy cereal down the toilet. Yeah, because when you eat a bowl of Crispix, right, and they go soggy and you have like the last, I don't know, ten or so pieces or a dozen pieces. You can't pour it down the sink because it clogs the sink, so you just pour it into the toilet and you flush it all in one go and it goes. So sometimes I'd go to the toilet to take a gigantic shit and there would be a half-eaten bowl

of swollen Cocoa Pop sitting in the toilet. She didn't even flush them. No, because they'd float to the top and they were so buoyant. Oh, that's so wrong. No, my mum did not do that. Jenna, did yours? I've never heard of that.

Oh, I still do it to this day and I had to explain it to Hayden. I'm like, it's what everyone does, babe. No, it's not. Ignore the Weetabix in the toilet. If anything, it's smart. Pour it in the toilet and you don't have to, you know, pour it in the sink, then pour it in the bin. It's genius.

Well, you could say that about literally anything in life. Like you could just put your vegetable scraps, your potato peels, everything in the toilet. Like where does it end? It's true actually. But I think it's a great life hack. It's harmless.

It's terrible. It's harmless and I think it'll be on BuzzFeed in a week. Well, yeah, whatever. Sure. This radio announcer's life hack will save you hours in the kitchen. All right. I'm bored. Can you email this to Daily Mail?

I want to see if they pick up on this stupid hack. I'll write about it. Is it just me or are stemless wine glasses the dumbest thing ever? Yeah, that's one of mine. Without a stem, it's literally just a cup, is it not? Stemless wine glass. It's a fucking cup. Yeah, I agree.

And they're so easy to knock over. Yeah. They roll. Well, no, that's the risk that you have with the stem. They're like, oh, I don't And they're so easy to knock over. Yeah. They roll. Well, no, that's the risk that you have with the stem. They're like, oh, I don't want to break all my good stem glasses. If you drop it, it's going to break with or without a stem. You also have to hold it like this. So in the bottom, like you're a fucking idiot.

You've got to hold it like you're cradling an ass. Like you're cupping someone's ballsack. What's the point of having the wine glass without a stem? That's like saying, oh, I've got a screenless TV. No, that's a fucking radio. That's good. Yeah. You have to have the screen.

Yeah. I've got tinted glasses. They're sunglasses. That's a completely different thing. I've got a handleless saucepan. No, that's a cauldron. It's a pot. I've got an engineless car.

You're riding a scooter, you idiot. That's a scooter. Okay, here we go. Let me get worse. Is it just me or do you not remember the last time you were dizzy? When was the last time you were dizzy? Answer me that.

I know. It was on Saturday morning because my cat scratched my hand. Oh, get rid of it. And blood was everywhere. I rushed to the bathroom. I came back and I was so dizzy and I fainted. You fainted?

With blood everywhere. Okay. There's a difference between being dizzy and lightheaded. I'm talking about when you spin heaps. Like when you roll down a hill or something. Did you ever just, like, get dizzy on purpose just for fun? Yeah, yeah.

Like sometimes I'd just stand in a room and, like, twirl around heaps and you look up at the roof and go, ooh, and then you're like, oh, I'm dizzy. I'm like, I can't recall the last time I was dizzy. Yeah, that's the original, like, free hit, like getting dizzies. Yeah. Before Nangs, we had spinning yeah yeah before poppers we look up to the sky and spin yeah well when was the last time you did that

is there a hill nearby let's go roll down the fucking hill why don't hold on you get up mitchell i'm in a spinning chair and you spin me i'm gonna need to that's a two-person job jenna just spin me yeah why don't we spin you then? You're lighter. I don't know if I'm ready for this. No, you're all right. Now I get what my mum meant when she said, oh, no, I can't go on show rides anymore. Like, you know, I'm old now.

What's a show ride? Like the Easter show, like roller coasters and shit. Oh, yeah. I wish there was spinning music. This is not spinning music. You use this music for everything. Oh. It's my favourite music. This is my tap dance music.

All right. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, this is my tap dance music. All right. Oh, yeah. Oh, God. Okay, Mitch, it's now spinning. Really? It feels quickly, but just so you know, you're not spinning quickly at all. Move the birthday wheel. Oh, my God.

I've got a real movement now. This has got WH&S written all over it Okay, I'm going to get up, countdown to three You've got a brain illness, are you sure you should be doing this? Oh god Oh my god You just ran like head first into the studio camera Oh my god

Sit down again, sit down Are you banging this on? Are you genuinely fucking? Yeah, see why I didn't want to do it? That was wild. Walking a straight line like we're doing a drunk test. Yeah. I don't think that was a good idea.

I think that was not good. I'm going to be found dead in the studio tonight. Yeah, see, with your brain condition, you're going to go full Patrick from Offspring on us. Oh, no. Like, you look fine now, but imagine the cause of death here when he had a spin on his office chair. Spin! Oh, she's jumping in.

Coming back in. What a ride. Is it just me, or do you really enjoy 60 Minutes? Oh, that's me. They're a bit hit and miss you really enjoy 60 Minutes? Oh, that's me. They're a bit hit and miss, good old 60 Minutes. If there's a good one, I'll find it on YouTube. Yes, I agree. Sometimes I'll stumble upon like the Maddie McCann 60 Minutes

and go, I know this will slap. I can't tell you how many times I've watched the Belle Gibson 60 Minutes. Oh, that's good. Tara Brown literally tears her a new arsehole in the most elegant way possible. It's amazing. What happens if she lied about new arsehole in the most elegant way possible. It's amazing. What happens if she lied about having a multitude of illnesses to profit, right? Yeah, she wrote some cookbook claiming that she cured her own brain cancer by eating fruit and shit and organic nuts or something.

And then someone investigated and it was all BS. She never had cancer. And then she did a 60 Minutes interview trying to defend it, being like, but I was told, I believed I had cancer. And she goes, who Minutes interview trying to defend it, being like, but I was told, I believed I had cancer. And she goes, who told you that, Belle? My doctor. And she goes, well, that doctor doesn't exist. It's amazing.

They just pick her to bits. And she never breaks. She's so adamant that she did nothing wrong. That's brilliant. Rolling her eyes. 60 Minutes. Everything. 60 Minutes.

It's really good. And Mitch is right. It's hit and miss. But it doesn't hold a flame to Sunday night. Remember Sunday night? Yeah, I do. With Mel Doyle and that was a big thing from Sunrise and mum was like, we're going to try Sunday night for a couple of weeks

and then we went back to 60 minutes. Yeah, well, Sunday night's no longer with us so clearly. Oh, I got axed. I'm back in. Okay. I'm back in. Shut up. Sorry. Okay I'm backy Shut up Sorry

Is it just me Or are people who say Beep beep Or knock knock Out loud Really fucked That'd be me What do you mean

You know those people that They'll show up at your front door And rather than physically knocking They'll go Knock knock Yep Just knock dickhead Everybody in Dubbo

They all do that. Oh, really? And then it happened the other day. Someone was driving and someone was crossing the road and they were in this car's way. So they wound down the window and went, beep, beep. No, they did not. Use your horn, halfwit. That's what it's there for.

Yeah, I don't like that. No. What is the word for knock, knock and beep, beep? They're both, is it onomatopoeia yeah yeah yeah like why why are they saying the onomatopoeia is out loud oh yeah imagine if i'm at a broadway musical and i go clap clap clap clap clap you know walk past a construction worker who was electrocuted at work. You went, oh, zapped. Zapped. Zip zap.

Zappy. What if you're an Olympic diver and you're standing there by the pool, you're up on the podium, then you just go, splash. No, no, no. Physically make the splash. That's why you're there. Yeah. I would have saved Alec Baldwin a lot of headaches if he just went bang.

Bang. I feel like it's too soon to make Alec Baldwin shooting go. No, him, not the poor woman. Yeah, that's actually a really good point. They should have just edited a bang in later. Oh, hang on, sorry. Sneeze! Back in.

Yeah, I'm back in. Jump, jump. Is it just me or is it weird that we call Martha Kadakaka Martha from maths? Oh, that is me. Well, the fact that Jenna couldn't say Martha Kadakaka is his name. No. It's probably why we just say Martha from maths. Although I didn't watch maths and I know who she is, so I don't see her as Martha from maths.

Same. I've never watched maths, so it's Martha Kalafatatadas how many times did you have to practice that 17 i heard willem woody our drive show at kiss go coming up today mother of maths and i went that was martha's first ever show she's done so much since she almost won celebrity apprentice call her martha from celebrity apprentice it's so funny um one morning when I was still working for Kyle and Jackie, Jackie called in sick quite last minute. And so they didn't have time to organise like a fill-in other than someone who lived quite close to the studio.

And I think Martha Koflakis was one of the only people that probably answered her phone at that hour of the morning at 5 a.m. or whatever. And so she came and filled in for Jackie that morning and Kyle never once got her name right. So he was like, Martha Kofllakis and she's like, it's... Kyle Fatakis, yeah. Yep.

And then it was Martha from Maths and then he must have had the same thought that you did. Oh, that's disrespectful. So at one point he was just saying, oh, it's the Kyle and Jackie O show. Martha from the TV is filling in for Jackie today. Oh. And by the end it was Martha Kay and I'm like, that's badass. Martha Kay.

Martha Kay is good. Oh, I really like that. Considering she's also going for the Kardashian vibe, she could, Martha K, yeah, yeah, yeah. She looks like Kim. She's gorgeous. But Martha from Maths is ridiculous. Okay.

Okay. Is it just me or is this really funny and you've put in a link? Is it a TikTok? That's awfully impressive that you managed to put a link in an aluminium bin. Jenna's junk, which is up here on the table. Yeah, it's written. HTTP. Do you want me to read it out?

Wait, is this it? Oh, she's found it. Potato. Strangled. Dead. Wait, stop. Stop. I forgot what the actual is it just me question was.

Is it just me or is this funny? This is a podcast recording of a woman who's doing a true crime podcast on Gabby Petito and this is how she started. The missing girl who was found strangled by her boyfriend and then he was later found killed. Oh. Yes. Very big case.

Captivated the nation. And she decided to do a podcast on it and this is how it started. Gabby Petito. strangled, dead. Big thank you to our partner making today's program possible, it's Wild Alaskan Company. All you home chefs know, the only thing... Right, so she had to sponsor a credit line to get away right at that moment. That's tough.

She had to thank Wild Alaskan Company. But did she have to do it after that cliffhanger? Yeah. Strangled. Tone deaf. Dead. We of course must thank Tassel Salmon.

The freshest salmon in all the coast. Could have been worse. Imagine if it was some sort of like rope company. Oh. Strangled.

Dead. Home timber and hardware Have a rope sale this weekend Two for one if you quote Potato 2 That's enough This is stupid Oh, Jenna We are overly nice whenever she brings in

Is it just me on the show? Mitch hypes them up like Oh, Jenna's are amazing. I don't feel that any of ours were drastically worse than hers. Yeah. And she goes, oh, it's stupid. Awful again. Wait till you hear this one. Is it just me or do you not understand what goody two shoes means? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, like you know how they say, oh, my God, you're such a goody two shoes. You're so uptight, whatever it may be. As though to imply that having one shoe makes you down to earth and cool. Like, oh, you've got two matching shoes on. She's clearly stuck up her own ass. But look at me, one bare foot. I'm just like everyone else. Rebel without a cause.

I'm so cool and chilled. Look at me. Know what I mean? Goody two-shoes. I wonder what it means. Maybe it means that you just, you're put together. You're well kept. You're a bit hoity-toity.

You point your nose up at the others. Yeah, but when you think about it, the phrase is just like you've got basic fucking hygiene and necessities. Two shoes. Yeah. So apparently. Goody washed hair. That's just basic.

Goody clean linen. Apparently. Goody brushed teeth. linen apparently goody brush teeth it comes from a children's story from 1765 called the history of little goody two shoes oh okay and that's where it comes from the fable tells of goody two shoes the nickname of a poor orphan girl named marjorie meanwell who goes through life with only one shoe when a rich gentleman gives her a complete pair she is so happy that she tells everyone that she has two shoes. Later, Marjorie becomes a teacher and marries a rich widower. This earning of wealth serves as proof that her virtue has been rewarded.

Because she put on a second shoe. Don't you? So two shoes is actually a sign of you're doing well, but I've always thought that that phrase, oh, you're a goody two shoes, is like a way to, you know. That's what I thought too. Knock people down a notch. Yeah.

I remember in year seven, I was offered a vodka cruiser and I said, no, thank you. And they went, classic Mitch, always a goody two-shoes. Yeah. There you go. Interesting. You have always been quite a fucking shelf, Mitch, Mr. Goody Two AirPods. Yeah. That's me.

Unnecessary. So are you, Mitch You goody two kidneys thinking you're better than everyone else Well, if you think that's bad Oh my god, Mitch is a fucking goody four ties from way back That's good That's a good one You know that Incy Wincy spider

Yes He's a goody fucking eight legs Yeah, maybe that's enough, let's go Yeah, should we end the show? You know that Incy Wincy spider. Yes. He's a goody fucking eight leaves. Yeah, maybe that's enough. Let's go. Yeah, should we end the show? They're getting worse. They are.

Let's go, everyone. Thank you for listening to the program. What a day. Oh, God, she's off now. How do you feel about your junk now? Much lighter. It's much lighter. Do you feel refreshed?

I really do. You do look like a weight's been lifted. Yeah, it has. I had a friend tell me yesterday, the other day we were talking, that she, do you guys know what FemFresh is? Doesn't it help with your stinky mutt? It's a pH balance thing, right, Jenna, I think? Yeah. It cleanses the female area.

Listen, Mr. Goody Two Ears, in layman's terms, it helps your stinky mutt. Yes, it helps your stinky mutt. We don't care about the pH balance. I was trying to be polite, politically correct. Call me Bert Newton. And she said she put her daughter to bed, right, and the daughter stunk of FemFresh.

And she went, oh, that's odd. She must have kids play with everything in the shower. Yeah. She must have played with it. And she puts the kid to bed, breathes her straight, goes to actual bed and goes to snuggle up to her husband and realised that he too smells of FemFresh. Oh, no.

They thought it was just normal soap, did they? The husband thought it was just Rexona body wash and had washed the entire kids and his body and his hair with Femfresh. Why did he wash his hair with it? Does he use body gel to wash his hair? I don't know. Straight men are weird. They get that all in one.

Conditioner, washing, also toothpaste. Like, they just think one... Goody two hair products. Yeah, very true. I suppose, yeah, maybe I'm hoity-toity because I've got conditioner and bonding mask. Oh, I shampoo twice. Do you shampoo twice? One for the dirt, one for the clean.

Yep. I haven't shampooed in like years. Oh, yeah, I forgot about this. Are you serious? Yeah, I don't use shampoo. What do you mean your hair's so glossy? Yeah. I know, because the shampoo strips it of its natural oil.

So if you go long enough without shampooing it and you push through the greasiness, eventually it just becomes luscious and beautiful. Oh my God. So all I do is conditioner and argan oil. Shit. Yeah. You goody. You goody fucking two hair care products.

Shampoo and conditioner. Grow up. All right, everyone. If you haven't yet, please leave us a review. It keeps us going on the cloud. Five stars if you do so, please. Also, we are still selling mugs in our bio on Instagram. You can buy a mug.

And the summer merch is coming. Mitch and I had a very important meeting. Yeah, if you've been putting off buying a mug, you better fucking get a wriggle on, darling, because they won't be there much longer. We're going to be pushing the new merch line. Yep, and the new merch line, oh oh it's good. The rash shirts. Nah well we had a problem with our

Lycra distributor in Taiwan. Oh not again. Not Billabong. They had a fire yeah. Don't defame Billabong. Yeah it was Roxy actually. They brought up all the Lycra. No. Alright we'll see you next week everyone for episode 90. Can you believe? Oh shit. What?

Are we supposed to do something special for the 90th? I feel like that's more significant than the 80th. Jenna, what do you normally do for a 90th celebration? Can you quickly Google? We've had a few. Quickly. Do you know that I realised the other day that we completely miss our second birthday of the show. Yeah.

We didn't acknowledge it at all. When was it? October 4th. Oh, well. Yeah. So we're two years old, guys. That's the goodie. Two years. Look at us go. Jenna, what have you got? Okay, 90

year. 90th year wedding anniversary. It is. Get it out. What is it? Cut the music. It's stone. So it's stone. Yes. Stone.

You're telling me I have to stay married to Hayden for 90 years for him to get me a pebble? Yes, that is correct. Here you go, babe. Someone's ringing me. Do you want to take it? It's my grandmother. Kidding!

Who was it? Doesn't matter. What are we going to do? Should we do anything for the 90th? Should we all get each other a stone? Why don't we all get stoned for the final episode? All right, lock it in, guys. We've just had a quick brainstorm.

Next week in the studio we're going to hotbox this bitch for our 90th. Yay! Yep. Yep. No, we couldn't do that here. We'd have to work from home. Whose house are we hotboxing? I have a new home studio.

I've got a room built for it with ventilation. Fabulous. All right. Jenna, do you still remember how to pack a cone with those cat nails of yours? I sure do. Jenna, you could pack a lot under those nails. You know what I mean? Imagine if we just got fucking munted for our 90th.

Look at that. Thank you for listening. And you're sticking with us. Sticking with us. 90 episodes is an achievement, but that's for next week. We're not going to talk about it now. Get excited for next week. Send in your messages of love and support. And congratulations.

That's right. Or don't. I dizzied. I looked up and spun. I'm fucking, my brain is dislodged. Or it could have cured me. I don't feel a migraine coming on. I've been working a while. I looked up and spun. I'm fucking, my brain is dislodged. Or it could have cured me. I don't feel a migraine coming on. I've been working a while.

So maybe you fix me. Spin therapy. All right. We'll see you next week for episode 90. Love you all. Leave us a review and we'll talk to you then. Catch you then. Love you idiots.

Bye. Bye. Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of Mitches. Make sure you've hit follow on your podcast app. All right, we're going to do this. I've got to be on air soon. Are you going to introduce it? Mitchell?

What? ADD brief. Yeah. Have we not done that yet? No. No? Oh, my God, that whole Jenna's Junk just felt like one big ADD brief. No.

The main show just ended. Welcome to ADD brief. This is our secret segment on the end. We pretend we're gone. Apparently, I really commit to that act. I thought we were genuinely done. And then we keep talking. He was packing up.

His laptop was in its fucking sleeve. You have to shut it down. His smiggle pencil case zipped up quicker. Smiggle pencil case. And lightning. That really, really felt like that was actually the end of it. And we'd already done the fake ending and then already come back and been like, kidding, we're still here. No, then already come back and been like, kidding,

we're still here. No, we're here, guys. Oh, well, I've got nothing else to say. Forget about it. What should we do for our fucking 90th? We only just realised as it came out of my mouth. Get a 90-year-old on. Who? I don't know.

My grandma. But she's, no, I couldn't get poor Kissy on. Yeah, but then what do we say to them other than being 90? Like, oh, good on you. You made it so do we. The same number of years that we've done episodes of podcasts. Not really the same, is it? Yeah, we could say on episode 37 we did this.

What did you do when you were 37? 90 is fucked, isn't it? Yeah, it is. The fact that we've done that many episodes. It's definitely well past the point where I can remember what we did on each. Oh, my God. It's when we got into the 20s that I stopped being able to remember. Because in the early days, I could have told you exactly what we did on episode 1, 2, 3, 4, all the way through to 20-something.

No. I don't even remember what we did fucking three weeks ago. I think up to 11 I can remember. Then I cap out. I'm done. You can still remember the early ones, but not the more recent ones? Yeah. We're making actual money now.

Hundreds of thousands. No, like an absurd amount. You wouldn't even recognise the figures. It's truly shocking. You idiot. Mitch called me and said, we're going to have to buy a podcast house to offset some of the cash. True.

Like a hype house in LA. In and out. 90 is very good. What did we do three weeks ago? I'm trying to test if I can remember. All right. So this is 89, 88, 87, 86. I'll go to the feet.

I have no idea what we did in episode 86. Okay. Episode 86. Car crash interview. Oh. Yes. What was that three weeks ago yeah do you remember why we did a pig week in episode 68 yes because i was about to go i was about to start personal training with james and he was going to be tracking my dietary intake and so i was like this is it this is my last pig

out before someone starts monitoring what i eat yeah Yeah. I no longer see fucking James anymore. He moved during the pandemic. Where did he go to? Back to Newcastle. I texted him like the week before lockdown lifted and all the gins are about to reopen and said, so shall we pick up where we left off? And he goes, nah, don't live in Sydney anymore. So I was like, well, all right, guess I'll just be a pig.

I could find another trainer. Yeah, there's not exactly a shortage. Jenna, sorry as well. I was meant to save you some of that popcorn chicken, but I ate it all. It was Red Rooster. Sorry, buttermilk pops. Butterpop milk, yeah. Mitchell was in a shit mood.

I was in a foul mood. He called me earlier, and I was on the way to the studio, and I saw Red Rooster, and I was like, I know what will pep that fucking asshole right up. And then all of a sudden he's spinning on his chair. So I think it worked. I think the fast food, the greasy chicken really won him over. I even dropped a couple of buttermilk pops and then went down to get my charger before

and found them and ate them. Where'd you drop them? On the floor. You're disgusting. It's carpet. I don't blame you. Carpet, thank you, Jenna. Now, should I have a housewarming and should we invite listeners?

No. We could do a giveaway. See, my problem with having a housewarming is that I don't know who to not invite because there's still a limit on how many people can be in your house in Sydney. And so I don't even have spare spots for listeners because I'm so popular. Are you actually that, you know? Devoid of friends. No, devoid of friends. Are you struggling that, you know. Devoid of friends. No, devoid of friends.

Are you struggling for guests that much? No, I'm just being an idiot. I wouldn't invite you swine listening. You know, imagine how insufferable our listeners would be. I had to go to a Kiss listener event the other day. Yeah. I'm not tooting my own horn. Actually, our listeners would be cool as.

Yes. Kiss maybe not. Kiss listeners, and I know you guys know this, I'm not tooting my own horn horn but they think of me and all the radio announcers kiss they think we are big time celebs they do they think we are like just burnt fucking newton and i turn up and someone goes let's get a photo doing shots doing shots and they were buying me so many shots i thought i can't do this so i don't think yeah you can't do this. So I don't think I'd be able to. Yeah, you can't do multiple shots, you little goody two standard drinks. Goody two standard drinks.

Someone said to me the other day, I was at a Halloween party, and one of the people that was there was like, oh, my God, you're Meek Mitch. I miss you on Carl and Jackie O. And I was like, what are you talking about? That's like the least remarkable thing I've ever been, Meek Mitch. My whole role was to be quiet. I never spoke. I never said anything funny.

I was just awkward the whole time. It's like someone going up to you going, oh, my God, you are the supercar driver from Studio 10. Oh, yeah. Remember that one crush you did in the back of a supercar? Yeah, and if you go on my management's website, that's what they've chosen. That's the photo, I know.

If you go to thisisamplify.com and you go to the talent, there's this screenshot of me reporting at a fucking rally car track. If you go to RGM, my management site, they're like, Mitch Turi, 23? And I'm like, I'm fucking 26, guys. Like, yes, that was fine when you signed me at 23, but I've aged because people do every year. Not 23.

You know what I find really funny? If you go on the website I I just said my management's website. Yeah. All Right Hey and I are both on there. Yeah. And there's a little section that says audience. Oh. And mine says young adults.

His says LGBTQ plus and women. So they've made a point of saying that straight men will not like him. You have to be gay or a girl. But for me, I'm just young adults. So they've made a point of saying that straight men will not like him. You have to be gay or a girl. But for me, I'm just young adults. The straight blokes froth me, bub. Oh, they love you. Yeah.

I speak their language because I'm from Bogengate. Yeah, you do. It would confuse them, though, because they go, I want to like this, buddy. Yeah, who was it that said, someone here at KISS, when I still worked here, said, they took a photo of us wearing our new merch back in Merch March, and they were like, I'm so confused because, like, you look like a really hot girl, but I know you're not.

It's like, well, Dallin, you just go wherever your mind wanders. I won't mind. I won't mind. You have my consent, gorgeous. I'll be a girl if you need me to. Yeah, exactly. Maybe we should wrap this up. I can never do this award-winning program when Mitch is over there clicking.

We've already won all the awards, though. Must we win more? I know. Like, where do you go from a Nobel Peace Prize? We've got that. Amen. A Logies is nothing. I use that to scrape shit off my shoe, if I got that.

Mitch, should we go back to the Logies? I wonder how we get another invite. Well, I was there working, and I don't work for KISS anymore, so I don't see why I would be there. Yeah, but we were on a table. We were guests. We weren't just staff. I'll ask to be Amanda's guest.

Amanda Keller. Yes. I wonder how that'll help us. Also, she gets very grumpy because she doesn't win the gold. Do we all just pick one person and ask to be their plus one? Because I'm mates with Sarah Harris. She's divorced now, so I'll be her plus one. Are they divorced?

Yes. When did that happen? A few months ago. Yeah, it's old news. Really? It's recent-ish. Who are you going to ask? Bert.

Or Patty. You kind of look like Bert. Maybe she can whip up some young, fresh piece of Bert look-alike. She needs a fat, politically incorrect piece of arm candy. I'm right there waiting. She needs another poof-dum right around the corner. I can say that. Okay, so you hit up Paddy Newton.

Yeah. Jenna, you're going to hit up Amanda. I'll hit up Sarah. Great, we're going to the ladies. We're going. Oh, my God. Let's make it happen. Imagine if, wouldn't it be funny if Jenna married Miguel?

Wouldn't it be funny if every year Jenna went to the Logies because she marries Miguel? Like if our podcast were to end and in five years everyone would do a reunion and Jenna is married to Miguel and every year she goes to the Logies. That's the only reason I'm marrying him. Because she's Spanish. Jenna likes her.

But he's married with two children. No. Yeah. Yeah, they're your stepchildren. Yeah. Jenna will meet them and say, you can call me mum. Yeah, Jenna. Don't you be the evil stepmother.

You be the sweet one. Okay. Imagine getting Jenna as a stepmother. You'd think, babe, stop trying so hard to be nice. And she's like, no, that's just what I'm like. I'd actually love it. I think Jenna would be a good stepmother. Thank you.

Thank you. No, I think she'd be too socially awkward and, like, worried about how to behave around them and then she'd end up offending them in some way. Yeah, you're right. I'd just avoid them, to be honest. Because when Jenna gets really awkward, she just laughs. Like, one of them would be like, oh, my God, I've got a bullet at school today.

She'd go. The middle of the night. Why are you laughing in my face, stepmum? The middle of the night, 3 a.m. Knock, knock. Jenna, knock, knock. I had a bad dream. I wet myself.

See? Just let her laugh solo for a bit. Imagine your new step-mum behaving like that. We don't even have to do anything. Imagine that. I got suspended from school today because I came out as a lesbian. Someone threw a mandarin peel at my face and it got me in the eyes. I'm crying.

Mum, someone tied my shoelaces together and then I tripped over and scraped my entire forehead on the asphalt. What are you laughing at, bitch? Mum, I accidentally coward punched someone in King's Cross. Oh, my God. I need help hiding the body. No, that's when she'd whip into action and be like, right, you came to the right step, Mum. Were there any witnesses?

No. Let's do this. All the step kids would have Miguel's accent too. Mum. Mum. Mum. Are you getting here to someone? Beg your pardon?

Mum, why are you crying? You would be an interesting step-mum. And I would be the worst step-dad. I'd be so overbearing. I just want them to love me. I'd buy them. I'd buy their love. You want the new PS4?

You've got a PS4. There it is. Go through work. Go through connections. There it is. I's at the front. There it is. Got it through work. Got it through connections. There it is. I just emailed Sony PR. There it is. I would try and win them over but if I didn't, that would be where it ends. I wouldn't be like, oh, how do I win them over?

If we don't get along at the first meeting, I'd just be like, babe, I'm coming over when they're not here. Yeah, but that's a problem because kids take a while to warm up to you. So if they don't do it in your time, then they'll be dead to you. No wonder their mother left them. Oh, and that story did the mum leave.

Well, yeah, because obviously my boyfriend realised that he was quite partial to pain. Yeah. If you – okay, say we came back together in five years, right, after not doing the podcast. Jen would be married to Miguel. Who would I be married to? If Hayden would, it can bust.

Paddy. I was going to say Hayden. No, not Hayden. Imagine if he's fucking started hooking up with the junkie Matthew Newton. Is it Matthew? Yeah, me. Bert and Patty's problematic child. Me or Hayden?

You. I'm not going to fuck Bert Newton's bastard son. It's his not bastard son. I think you'll find that Matthew was conceived in wedlock. There's no bastardry going on. He's got Paddy's bitchiness. Paddy's attitude. Paddy and Jenna are actually quite similar in that way.

They're sweet on the surface, but Paddy's fully capable of murder. I feel like Paddy is a real Kris-Jenner vibe. I think she pushed Bert to his limits. Or maybe. He was always on TV week. What if it was actually really noble and he was like, I think she pushed Bert to his limits. Or maybe. He was always on TV week. He was. What if it was actually really noble and he was like, I don't want to live without my legs.

Mother me with a pillow. No, she wasn't there. Didn't you read the article? No. 12 minutes. Yeah, she missed him by 12 minutes. She was there. The quote was, maybe he didn't want me to be there for his final breaths.

Patty's emotional plea. What does she mean, miss him by 12 minutes? So he was in a private care facility because he had his leg amputated and I think he had, I don't know what else he had. And then she went home to get something, maybe see the grandkids. And she said she pulled into the driveway and she got a call from the manager and he died. So, yeah, that's very close.

And she's like, well, that's my morning ruined. Yeah. Can we get Paddy on the show? I might have a number. Yeah, guest booker Mitch. that's my morning ruined. Yeah. Can we get Paddy on the show? I might have a number. Yeah, guest booker Mitch. It's been a while. It's been a while. It's been one week since we've had a guest.

No, I brought all right hay in here. Still a guest. We can't have guest after guest, regardless of who gets them. Yeah, but Paddy. Paddy can. I don't have Paddy Newton. Do you have the son? Matthew Newton.

Yeah, they text. I'm telling you, there's a chemistry bubbling away. No, there's not. What talent was Bert Nine? Yes. I think he did a bit of everything. Yeah. You know, my mum had a guest spot on Bert's show, on the morning show.

What? Yeah, because she was head of marketing for CoverGirl, and she had to go on Bert Newton the show to talk about the new full range coverage of CoverGirl and got there, got in hair and makeup, got to the side of stage and freaked out and didn't do it. And then Burt was really mad at her. Well, so you would be. Yeah, because you had to fill a segment.

If your guests pulled out on you last minute, Kate Langbrook. The reason that this week's show is so shit is because we went to have Kate Langbrook on and then she bailed last minute. This show is great. It was shocking. It wasn't.

I loved the show. But I liked it for that reason. All right. So on that note, we should go. Hopefully Kate Langbrook soon. If she doesn't, cat's on us again. Yeah. She was meant to come on to promo her new book, Ciao Bella.

Bless Kate Langbrook. She's not dead. Speaking of Ciao Bella. Ciao Bella. Yeah, see ya. We're going to go. Bye, Bella. Ciao Bella. Yeah, see ya. We're going to go. Bye Bella. What a great...

Growing up, my family had a cat named Bella. And one day we did have to say bye Bella. God. When Bella passed. A lot of death chat today. Yeah. Jenna's loving it. Yeah.

It's really entertaining. Is it a wheelhouse? Yeah, it is. Let's leave people on a positive note. Are we still doing that whole 2% better thing? I don't know why you're asking me, because you're the one that told me not to do it anymore. I like it. I think you should do it, especially after today's deep episode.

Yeah, but we can't. I just don't want to be tied to that fucking moron. Yeah, I agree. I'll change it to three, because that's my favourite number. We hope this podcast made you feel 3% better today. That's all. Just three. That's all we want. That's it.

That's the aim. We love you. Like we say, please leave us a review. Five stars. We will be back next week for episode 90. Surely some surprises will be ensued. In the meantime, we'll just chat to you in our Facebook group, Enduring Idiots.

Don't forget to go join that one if you haven't already. Join the group, secret Facebook group, behind the scenes footage and a whole lot of fun. If you haven't, is it just you, you want on the show, DM us on Instagram. We might feature it and we will talk to you guys next week. Stay safe. Catch you then.

Love you when it gets big. Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of Mitches. Make sure you've hit follow on your podcast app. Bye.