Is It Just Me? - #94: Talkback King, John Laws

Episode Date: December 13, 2021

John Laws is our VERY special guest for our final Podcast of the year!In this episode:The most vile food combination ever (06:11)We have very different family Christmas lunches (11:11)Is It Just You - people ghosting your messages (14:04)Our interview with talkback king, JOHN LAWS! (19:29)Jenna’s Junk… From a bin (50:16)Our “Secret Segment” ADDebrief (1:10:31)Follow us @coupleofmitchesSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

People do some weird shit. Television legend Kerri-Ann Kennelly fell several metres from a trapeze while performing in the musical Pippet. Oh, fucking Grinch. Some things make more sense than others. Ring Pike's Nurseries. What nursery? Pike's P-Y-K-E-S. P-Y-A.

K as in kill. P-Y-A. K as in kill. P-Y-E. K! Brace yourself for the rude shocks of young adulthood. Why is being alive so expensive? I'm not even having a good time. This is Is It Just Me? Hosted by a couple of Mitches.

What about me? Don't forget Kenner. Who? Now, here's Mitch Chooley and Mitchell Coombs. But in 94, none of us in this room are poor. Oh, we're fucking breaking it in. Merry Christmas, everyone. Oh, Merry Christmas, Mitchell Coombs.

Where are the bloody cups? I've been eyeing this sparkling razor since we got here. Hello, Jenna. Hello. Pro scooper Jenna's here. I'm here. Happy Christmas, guys. It's our final podcast for the year. Yep, Jenna. Hello. Pro scuba Jenna's here. I'm here. Happy Christmas, guys.

It's our final podcast for the year. Yep. This is it. Suck it up. I didn't even see the Prosecco. Yeah. I thought I'd do a little surprise because I've not yet gone Christmas shopping for either of you.

I'm sorry. Yeah, I haven't got... I've still got Mitch's housewarming present wrapped in my... Do you? Yeah. Hayden goes, when are we going to open this? I go, that's four cooms. I didn't even know you got me a housewarming present.

You should have just disguised that as a Christmas present. Shit. Are we not doing Christmas gifts? No. No, Jenna. It's not that we're not doing them. We just can't be asked to bring it on the podcast. No one is.

It's our business. I got you something. Jenna, we discussed this. Did you do it? We said after Mitchell's big birthday bash when I got him 27 guests under the sun that we'd never do gifts anymore. We said we wouldn's big birthday bash when I got him 27 guests under the sun that we'd never do GIFs anymore. We said we wouldn't go overboard anymore. Yes.

Like we wouldn't dedicate a whole episode to someone's birthday. Like today's pretty much just a normal podcast. It's with a little Christmas sprinkled in it. Well, have you got us a yacht or something? Because that's overboard. Well, no. Okay. I've got you a GIF.

Oh, she's going under the table. Yeah, now I feel like a real dog. They're very good gifts, actually. Oh, thanks. Well, your track record has just been giving us joke gifts that end up gathering dust. And one time you literally gave us dust. Dust, yeah. Good point.

I still have mine. Ironically, Mitch, my dusk is collecting dust. I don't know how it's possible. A vial of Dubbo dust. Yeah. Okay, so. Some rosé, Jenna. Yes, please.

Thanks, guys. I've been up since three in the morning. Close your eyes. This will hit the spot. Close our eyes? Yeah. Mitch first or me as well? Both of you. Well, guys. I've been up since three in the morning. Close your eyes. This will hit the spot. Close our eyes? Mitch first or me as well? Both of you. I've got to press.

Now, while Jenna takes her sweet-ass time, don't forget, big show coming up, Talkback Tings and Jenna's Junk are two favourites. Oh, my God. Oh, I'm feeling it. Open your eyes. Oh, hey, Jenna. Oh. It's a giant pencil each. Like, literally, the pencil the size of a tennis Jenna. Oh. It's a giant pencil H.

Like, literally, the pencil the size of a tennis racket. Yeah. Oh. Sweet. Let me open it. This is huge, Jenna. Yeah. How am I supposed to sharpen this bastard?

I've never seen one like that, so I had to get it. A butcher's knife? Yeah, look how big this pencil is. Right, okay. Smell that, Mitchell. I opened mine. It smells like I'm about to sit my HSC eagle over again. Oh, yeah, that's triggering.

Well, I apologise, Deanna. I didn't get a present. But we do have a surprise of sorts coming up later. And also today, it's going to be a big day, isn't it, Mitchell? Oh, it is. This is a long-awaited day. Technically, you've already heard a taste of it at the start of the show. We are bringing you the one, the only.

We all know who this theme music at four. Hello, world. I'm John Laws. Yep. John Laws. Oh, my God. We're going to be on the show. We're going to bring you the interview that we did.

I wouldn't call it an interview. It was a car crash. I bloody loved it. Oh, I hated it. I lived for that shit. Jenna, he was like, he's got the same sense of humour as me. He was making everyone feel awkward on purpose. And I frothed it.

I picked it up and ran with it. But Mitch was like, oh, I'm so used to everyone finding me charming and adorable and laughing at my jokes. But John was just so stern and earnest. And I loved it. I'm so excited. For those who don't know who John Laws is, Australian broadcast icon. He has been in the game.

He told us, Mitch, was it 60 years he's been in the biz? 68, I think. 68 years. Yeah, we've spoken about him many times, but we actually sat down face-to-face with him, and it was certainly a pinch-myself moment, I'd say. It felt like this obscure fictional being that I've just heard about all my life since I was literally a child,

and we got to catch up with him. He is, yeah. It was memorable. Intimidating. Actually, no, intimidating is a good word, I'd say. Yeah, I was intimidated. And Jenna, we'll paint the scene when we talk about it later and we play the chat. But the studios was like walking into a museum.

It was like a radio station from the 70s, Mitch. Yeah, it was real weird. They had not renovated since the 70s. Really? The carpet on the floor ran up the walls. Yeah, the walls were, Mitch. Yeah, it was real weird. They had not renovated since the 70s. Really? The carpet on the floor ran up the walls. Yeah, the walls were carpeted. Yeah. No! And their studio isn't even a studio. It was just someone's office that

they put a studio in the middle of. No way! Yeah. But yeah, we'll get into that later. We'll tell you that later. Yeah, Jong Laws is coming up. Plus, like Mitch said, a round of Janice Junk to wrap the year. This is our final show for 2021. If it is your first time listening, yeah, a shocking episode to start on. But you've got a good back catalogue before we go on break.

Plenty. We start the show the same way every week too, Is It Just Me? Something we've noticed, something we hate or appreciate. We also throw it back to you, let you do an Is It Just You later on in the show. Last one for the year, we got a good one. But yeah, Mitch, I think why don't you, classic kickoff, with the first idiom of the final episode of the year. Sure, can do.

Samuel, would you like a wine? I'm so sorry. Oh, yeah. Yeah, go on, why don't you, classic kickoff, with the first idiom of the final episode of the year. Sure, can do. Samuel, would you like a wine? I'm so sorry. Oh, yeah. Yeah, go on. Come grab one. Did you get Sam a 30-centimetre pencil? I've got to get him a pencil. That's fine.

He is a pencil himself. He'd be intimidated by it. I didn't know he was a pencil. He'd be thrown off. He'd be looking in a mirror for him. Is that cup not being used? Yeah, no. Did you guys see on the...

Tilt it. Cheers, Sam. Hang on. I haven't poured it yet. Sorry, sorry. Tilt the glass. I don't want to get it all't poured it yet. Sorry, sorry. Tilt the glass. I don't want to get it all bubbly. Guys.

Beautiful. Cucks in the air. Before we kick off. To a great 2022. Celebrating and looking back on an even better 2021. Love yous all. Merry Christmas. Cheers, darling.

Lovely. Lovely. I won't lie. I've been sipping on it this whole fucking time. I should have waited. That's delicious stuff. All right, shall we jump into the show? Yeah, I'm ready.

Let's begin second last item of the year. Is it just me or... Does this sound like the most vile food combination ever? Now, wait for it. Bit of context. I was on the phone to mum the other day ever. Now, wait for it. Bit of context. I was on the phone to mum the other day because I'm going home for Christmas. She goes, brace yourself. Your father is on his version of a health kick. Oh.

And I said, right, what does that mean? And she goes, well, he sacrificed his twisties that he has every night on the couch. I know he loves his twisties. And replaced it with canned tuna. However, he has not sacrificed his beverage of choice, which is red wine from a goon bag. Oh, no. So every night, there's Ian, my bloody father,

with tuna and red wine goon. No, no, no, no, no. And I said to my mum, and you're supposed to kiss his lips goodnight, are you? Yes. You poor woman. Red wine and tuna. So would he what?

Have a little mouthful of tuna Then a sip of the Shiraz I'm yet to witness it But I just thought I'd see Maybe he's onto something I brought both of these ingredients Oh no no no Here's the red wine goon bag Oh my god

She's got a goon sack For those who don't know Goon is like a cask wine It's in a silver sack In Australia You drink it Then you blow it up And use it as a pillow

As you pass out If you've never heard of goon Then you're way too hoity-toity to be listening to this podcast. We're all goon drinkers here. Not really. I respect myself too much to drink goon now. The cheapest, crappiest wine ever. My auntie Monda freezes goon in her fridge and has them on rotation because she doesn't like going to the shops.

And pulls one out and goes, this has to thaw. And it will sit out on the countertop for maybe two or three nights. How long does this last? They're like four litres. She lives in the country. She needs a stockpile. How quickly does she go through them? She pumps through them, God bless her.

Oh, I'm trying to get this. Now, what if we have, let me have a look. I'm allergic to tuna. You know that, right? I can't eat it. Oh. Yeah, I can only have salmon. Merry Christmas, Jenna.

I got you a beautiful food combination. I'm not eating tuna. Merry Christmas. Oh, that stent. Christmas, Jenna. I got you a beautiful food combination. No, no, I'm not. I'm not eating tuna. Merry Christmas. Oh, that stents. Oh, Jenna. Do it for the sake of Christmas.

No, I'm allergic. All right, here we go. Tuna is open. There's your goon bag. No, I'm not having the tuna. Why not? I don't want the tuna. Sam, do you want to try the tuna and wine combo?

Absolutely not. Not, yeah. Well, we introduced Sam to KFC. This is another Australian tradition. Go with it. Go with it. Tuna and red wine goon, mate. You're not Australian until you've tried it. It's never going to happen.

I can smell it. What am I supposed to do with these things? You try it, Mitchell. You're going to have to try it. It's your father. You will enjoy it. You are so much like Ian. While he paused, Jen, I don't know where your brain went, but when Mitch said his mum's being creative for Christmas on the farm,

I thought it was going to be one of the sheep. That'll be happening. You eat the sheep? Yeah. Oh, my. Oh, sorry. I realised that was normal. You said that so calmly.

No, we do that all the time. We get a butcher to come out on site to the farm, and we pick our favourite fat fucking juicy lambs, we put them aside and then the butcher comes and he just like slaughters them before our eyes without even breaking conversation. He's like, yeah, anyway, how you been Coombsy? Thank God I decided not to come to the Coombses for Christmas. I shove an apple in my mouth. It was my job to discard of all the internal organs.

The giblets. All the kidneys and shit. We'd throw into a trailer and then I'd have to drive it up the paddock to a spot where it's not going to waft that stench of dead organs. And you dump it. Yeah. The birds, birds would take it, right? They'd love it.

They'd love it, yeah. Circle of life, ladies and gents, anyway. Jenna's licking her lips. All right, the goon and the tuna is ready. So this is Mitch's dad's current, is it a diet trend, Mitch, or is it just a snack? What do we think it is? I don't know.

He's just made, he's making healthy choices. You know, don't stop it, swap it. And he's doing it before New Year's. Instead of twisties, fucking tuna. Oh, God, anyway. Here we go. This is tuna and red wine. The first time Mitchell Coombs has done it.

Oh, he dropped it. A little bit of tuna dripped on my good blouse. All right, here we go. Tuna. Shit, I haven't had tuna for years. Anyway, hold on. Kind of works. Oh my god. It kind of works!

Really? I think Ian's onto something! Oh my god! Oh my god! He's a genius! You can take a boy out of the country, but you can't take the country out of a boy. I can't believe you're all going to leave me hanging. Yeah, well, I will go into anaphylaxis. It's for the show.

I'll have some red wine, then why don't I kiss you and get the tuna flavour? You'll still have a reaction, wouldn't you? Nah, a bit mild. Just from the kiss. Oh, the tuna aftertaste is the worst bit, actually. Oh, I can smell it too. Yeah, I'm going to get rid of that., actually. Oh, I can smell it too. Yeah, I'm going to get rid of that.

Hold on. Jenna, he's leaving the studio. Oh, gosh. That was sickening. And rightly so. I can still smell it. Oh, it's so gross. I think it's in the mesh of the chair.

Yeah. Jackie O's microphone stinks of cigarette smokes because that's all she does and talks into it. So Mitch's mic will forever speak and taste like tuna. Oh, he's back. Here he is. Just tucked it in the kitchen. Oh, you're fine. That's for the afternoon show. Ready for my agent?

Let's go last one for the year. Is it just me or are you hanging out for the family gossip at Christmas this year? Oh, God, I don't think there even is any. It's been a huge year. Last year you couldn't get together for Christmas. This is like two years' worth of family gold. Yeah, I mean, my family are just, they don't really give you much gossip. It's just going to be the same conversation I've had on repeat for 10 years.

How have you been? Yeah, good. What about you? Yeah. You're still doing your, this is what one of my aunties says to me. She has no idea what I do. She goes, you're still doing your graphics. I'm like, yeah, still doing the graphics.

Like you're sitting on fucking word art all day. Yeah. Kid pics. Kid pics. What do your parents know? Did your family talk to you generally? Do they know what you do? They say, how's the journalism?

And first of all, I don't do journalism. And you said, well, some asshole tried to make me eat tuna and goon, so it's going great. Text debt is going to good use. None of them give a shit about my career. They care about the periphery, the people around me. Dad's like, how's Coombsy, mate? He's killing it.

He's got shows. How do we get tickets to Coombsy's show? Did you tell him? Yeah, Mum and Dad are coming. They booked tickets. Oh, tickets oh my god that's hilarious i did not know that do you know what to tell you no oh mom and dad book tickets well mom to my life show mom bless that sent me a screenshot on instagram dms of your post about your live shows and she said i'd love to book tickets how do i do it so i walked her through it on facetime her and dad or maybe her and um her and my sister will go right they will definitely be there but

yeah fabulous i reckon that yeah just based off knowing you i think we just have very different christmas lunches because your family seem to love each other no my family do we do but we're not much of chatters you know yeah it's not much to talk about really and so by the time we get to the big family lunch with all the aunts and uncles and cousins, it's usually like checking the watch, like, fuck, when can we go? And it's the best because now that my sister has kids, we use that as an excuse.

Oh, I've got to put Anna down for a nap. We've got to go early. And I'm like, I'll drive. So, yeah, it's actually not that I don't love them dearly, not that I wouldn't go to war for them, but I'm just like, it's just a bit awkward. Yeah, but I think your family show their love through actions where mine is words.

My family would never bail me out of prison if they needed to, but they'd answer the phone call and they'd pass it on and they'd add Uncle Adrian in and they'd, oh, we've got to tell Karen. They just love the gossip. What's the goss? What do you reckon is going to happen in the jury house? Well, we've had two divorces and a death. What?

Yeah, there's a lot happening. There's only so much gossip you can do about a death. Oh, no. It'll just be the drama. How was it? The outcry, the sad, and what happened in the last final days, and the funeral and how we couldn't all go, COVID restrictions. Oh, so when you say gossip, you mean grieving. Can't wait. Sorry, got them confused.

Yeah. Can't wait. Sorry, got them confused. You're listening to Is It Just Me? Love the podcast, but want more in-between episodes? You can follow the show online at coupleofmitches. All right, get in touch at coupleofmitches on Instagram. We will be checking over the break, Mitch. I believe we'll be checking the Instagrams. Yeah, you've got to bank them up, don't you? Yeah, that's right.

Is It Just You's, these are Is It Just Me's of your own. So you just heard Mitch, I believe we'll be checking the Instagrams. Yeah, you've got to bank them up, don't you? Yeah, that's right. Is it just you's? Is it just me's of your own? So you just heard Mitch and I do one. If you've got one, send it in the form of a voice message to a couple of Mitch's, and we might play it on the air. Before we do that, sorry, Sam, we didn't even ask you. What are you doing for Christmas? What's your pommy goss at the Christmas table?

This is the problem, right? I've got all this extended family I haven't seen for 20 years. What do you mean? All that we ever talk about is this other family that I don't know. Everyone, oh, back in the UK, Aunty Donna, have you heard from her recently? I don't care. Raise your hand if you have an Aunty Donna. No.

No. Two for four. Really, Jenna, that surprises me. Donna from Dubbo, what a fucking opportunity. I know. No, Donna from Dubbo would have a haberdashery store on the main street of Dubbo. What's haberdashery? Donna's.

It's like bed sheets and trinkets, isn't it? It's, yeah, trinkets and stuff. Trinkets, yeah. Skincare trays and cuticle rollers. That's shit. So did you get this fuck-off pencil from the haberdashery section? Is that a trinket or no? Do you reckon I can snap it in half?

Don't you dare! No! No, he can't. Don't. No. Don't. No. You look like you're going to burst a vein in your forehead.

I could hear the fibres in my wrist snapping. Oh, yeah. No, don't try that again. I don't think I can press the touch screen to hear. Henry? I don't give a shit. Is the name correct? Harrogate.

We need to give them a really special, enthusiastic shout-out to make up for the fact that you've been fucking up everyone's names every week. Haberdashery's name. No, what is it? Harry! Is it actually Harry? Yeah, Harry Lodge. Why did you say Henry?!

It's Harry Lodge at the Harry Lodge if you want to stalk him. Hello, Harry. Thank you for listening. He's quite cute, Harry Lodge. All right, Harry Lodge has this. The final Is It Just You for the year. Is it just me or is there nothing more distressing and more worrying than when somebody doesn't reply to your text messages or Snapchats

or anything within, like, five, ten minutes? Like, I'm not talking about Joe Blow from, like, Next Door Neighbour. I mean, like, your best buds. Like, I know if my best mate doesn't reply to me within, like, ten, 15 minutes, I begin to panic. Like, do if my best mate doesn't reply to me within like 10, 15 minutes I begin to panic. Like do I need to call emergency services? Do I need to get the SES to do like a

missing person search? Do we need a search party out there? I mean it definitely is things more traumatising. Do you know how many fines I would have gotten for like incorrect use of emergency services if I called triple zero every time you ghosted me? Fucking hell! Couldn't pay your bills. Because you ignore me for like incorrect use of emergency services if I called triple zero every time you ghosted me. Fucking hell.

Couldn't pay your bills. Because you ignore me all the time. But I know what it's like because I do the same. You do. We don't do it intentionally. We're busy people. Yeah, it's like if there's a window of opportunity where we're both not busy. Yes.

We will text every 15 seconds, but then we can go fucking days without saying anything. We go gangbusters and then just never again, like a married couple and sex. Like, go, go, go, while you have the time. Then we stop. No, you go do your thing. I don't give a shit.

Literally. Literally. There you go, Harry. But no, I don't freak out. I think that's a, and this isn't negative, but I think that's a young person thing. It is, isn't it? I used to think, what the fuck are they doing? But people have groceries to buy and children to look after and

exercise to do and work to do and they're stressed like i do not think the tiktok i sent them as is as important as making sure their grandma gets a wonder white yeah i think it is it i used to be like that when i was young i'd be like they were online 15 minutes ago when i sent my message 30 minutes ago how dare they yeah and now i, okay, maybe they were online 15 minutes ago because their sister's having a crisis and she called. You literally, yeah. And I'm not a priority right now. Or they just want to sit and stare at a wall.

Who are we to judge? True. I discovered a feature on Instagram the other day. Sound like I'm a pioneer, like Captain Cook. I discovered a continent! I discovered a feature, and you can wave your oversized pencil at me. I'm pointing the rubber at you, back end. I found a feature where you can disable the green button on your Instagram.

So, you know, when you message someone. Oh, to show that you're online. Yeah. So now if someone sends me a message and I can see it, because you know you can also unsee a message. So someone will send me a message, I'll view it and then quickly unview it. And before they get the rag on saying you left me on read, you can be like kidding.

Yeah, and plus they can't see the green line, so they just don't know. So you can turn that off in settings. Good tip. Wow, you really just learnt to cover your tracks as a flaky person, haven't you? I've also learnt that if you kill a body, use lime in the ditch. Yeah, use lime. I told you that.

Yeah, you did, Jenna. And if you're going to slit someone's throat, don't wear white. Amen. Don't. Amen. And with the body, don't burn it. Remove the teeth. Yes.

Remove the teeth. Jesus. Because then you can't be tracked. Exactly. Right. Wise words. Harry, hope that helps. Have a great Christmas with the family, mate.

Yeah, keep the DMs coming. We'll have plenty for next year, won't we? Yeah, of course. And Jenna, are you planning on, because Mitch and I are fully removed from the Jenna side show. Hang on, whoa, what? We're both of us. I said I'm fully removed.

I was hoping there'd be someone with common sense. No, I'm partially producing. I'm simply setting up the studio and I'm fucking off. Oh God, what a disaster. Yeah. It's not a disaster. Time will tell. All right, are we ready for one of our favourite segments?

We thought we have to. We simply have to end the show with a final Talk Back Tings for the year. This is a very special edition of Talk Back Tings. Usually we bring you the bits of gold that we hear on Talk Back Radio, just for your enjoyment. But now we've sat down with one of the people who we've spoken about many times behind their back. Yeah. Mr John Laws, the king of we've spoken about many times behind their back. Yeah.

Mr John Laws, the king of talkback in Australia. You would know him from our podcast OpenAids. This guy. Ring Pike's Nurseries. What nursery? Pike's. P-Y-K-E-S. P-Y-A.

K as in kill. P-Y-E. K! God, he's good, isn't he? That's classic John Laws. And so we got to sit down with him, and how that came about was, remember we tried to prank call him

during one of our Talk Back Ting segments? We got Dot, my alter ego, to do it. Yes, you tried to get through as an old lady in disguise, and this is what happened. John Law's Morning Show. Can I get your name? Good morning. Dot?

Can you spell that out for me? D-O-T. Dot, and how old are you, Dot? I'm 83. Wait a second. Hey, Dot, is this Mitch? Oh, God. What do you mean by Mitch?

Mitch. I think they're on to us, darling. Oh, no, I don't know. I think I got you, Dot. Put me through to John, please. I can't put you through to John. He doesn't like you. Hey, darling, if we can't get through as Dot,

can you tee up an interview with John Laws on our podcast? We'd love to have him. I can give it a red hot shot if you like. Thanks, darling. All right, darling. No worries. See you guys. You don't ask, you don't get.

That's exactly right. And any normal person would just let that slide. But because I am Mitchell Coombs, the pesky bitch, I held the producer to that. And originally all I wanted was a surprise phone call for you on your birthday. But apparently what I'm told is John listened to our podcast. I suspect someone would have played it to him because hello he's not going to be able to put on a podcast no and he heard that pike's nursery grab that we play in the opener and apparently we passed the vibe check just because

of that he just heard that we were using his old audio and just went so funny yep bring them in i don't want to talk to them on the phone bring them in so we have to wait until after lockdown and so it finally happened oh i just want to talk to them on the phone. Bring them in. So we had to wait until after lockdown. And so it finally happened. Oh, I just want to preface this by saying I hate awkwardness. And I normally have full control in an interview because I do interviews for my job. So I just go in there. I know what I'm doing. But being on the other side, having John Laws sitting there staring at you with very, very measured breaths and eye blinks,

like he's in full manual mode. It was really intimidating. It was. Meanwhile, I love awkwardness full manual mode. It was really intimidating. It was. Meanwhile, I love awkwardness. However, I hate shit audio quality, which is why I was so caught off guard when we visited the King of Talkback and they said to us, we've only got one guest, Mark, you'll just have to share it.

You'll have to both lean into the mic. No. Yeah. So that's why we sound all echoey and shit. I feel that that might actually be a tactic from John. He just wants everyone to sound a little bit more inferior to him. Mitch and I were sharing a microphone like this. Look, it was fun.

But it was still an absolute honour. Make no mistake. We end up going through his back catalogues of music. Yeah, he pulled out his CDs. His stuff. He has bloody music. Did you guys know that? John Laws, yeah.

Did he legitimately have a stack of CDs? Yeah. With all his music? Apparently he has many albums, like more than 10. We almost, I think we said at some point, oh, can we grab one to play in the podcast? And they were, no, you can't take these. These are the only copies. Yeah.

You'll hear it in the interview. Yeah, we do talk. I had to get his assistant, who is called the Mother Superior. She had to bloody burn the CD and send it to me later. He didn't play it to us. I will say that Jenna and Sam, much to my stress, Mitch did ask the question that we ask every guest. No.

How old is John Laws? 86. Mitchell asked an 86-year-old to add to our list of things better than drugs and dick. I did. No. Why would I break the rules for him? I ask every guest.

I also offered him a vape. Like, I wasn't there to fuck around. Yeah, Mitch offered him a vape. Like, I wasn't there to fuck around. Yeah, Mitch offered him a vape. John and I were just vibing. Mitch tried to kill John Laws. Mitch went, you want lychee ice, Jay? Yeah, like, you know how I felt like a fly on the wall during that Ty Verdes interview because he couldn't stand me?

Opposite. John and I were vibing. Mitch thought that he hated him. Mitch vibes with white, misogynistic men, and I vibe with young, talentless, ghastly men. Ghastly men. We also spoke about that award he won recently. You know, what was it again? Oh, the Kennedy Award Lifetime Achievement, yeah.

It was quite sad. He gave a speech about how he lost his wife, Caroline, on stage. And a good friend, a good media friend that was in the industry for years. Look, it was a really long chat. It was an enjoyable chat. Towards the end, like maybe the last three minutes is when he was trying to make it awkward on purpose. And I loved it because I love that shit.

But you were just like panicking. Oh, I hated it. I didn't know what was going on. There were some times when I thought I'd really offended him. But Mitch assured me that that's his sarcasm and his sense of humor, which for anyone else, any sprightly 30 year old, there'd be a beat and they'd go, nah, just pull on your leg. But there were many beats. You clearly aren't as much of a diehard Lawsonator as I am.

Lawsonator! Yeah. No, I'm not. We've got t-shirts. I'm more of a Johnson. That's Alan Jones team. Right. Anyway, without further ado, here it is.

Our sit down with John Laws. Hello, world. with John Laws. Hello world, I'm John Laws. John Laws. Yeah. How are you? Welcome to the show. I beg your pardon? Welcome to the show.

It's great to have you here. It's my show. Is it our show? You're on our show, we're on yours. I mean, you're welcome to put this way. No, no, no. That's one of the show. It's great to have you here. It's my show. Is it our show? You're on our show. We're on yours. I mean, you're welcome to put this to me. No, no, that's one of the rules. This always remains the John Law Show. Okay.

You're a visitor and you're very welcome. Thank you. But it's the John Law Show. If you could keep that in mind, I'd be extremely grateful. Got it, on it. Well, we're actually here in the fortress. So this is your territory. What was your useless piece of information for today?

How could I remember? It was three hours ago. Oh, really? You just scrunch it up, get rid of it? Well, you've got to listen if you want to hear the useless information. Yeah, that's good. Hook us in. Now, what are you charming people doing here in my studio?

Well, we're big fans, John. We've been in the industry for six years, five years. So a little dot compared to yours. Yeah. We're diehard fans. We work inside KISS, so alongside Kyle Sanderlands, who, you know, really takes a lot of his inspiration from you. Oh, he does, doesn't he?

He's taken everything from me. Everything, the mic, the headphones? The gold microphone, the headphones, the Rolls-Royce car, the lot, the lot. He hasn't got a single genuine original thought in his rather lovely head. Are you a fan of Kyle? Have you heard the show? I like him. I like Kyle.

Don't underestimate Kyle. He's pretty bright. He's good at what he does. They've been chatting a lot on Kyle and Jackie O's show recently about the fact that a lot of people suspect that Kyle could be secretly gay. What do you mean secretly? They were telling him that you do come across that way. At a glance, some people might suspect that you're gay.

What do you think of that? I don't think so, and it wouldn't matter if he was. 100% it wouldn't. I like Kyle. I get on very well with Kyle. He and I are friends. Yeah? Yeah.

You know, you've got to be careful. That probably was a sweeping statement, but, yes, we're kind are friends. Yeah? Yeah. You know, you've got to be careful. That probably was a sweeping statement, but yes, we're kind of friends. Am I having lunch with Kyle or something, sir? We'd better organise that. I like having lunch with him. I find him amusing and I find him also a very genuine bloke. I think if you were in trouble, you could turn to Kyle and he'd do his best. It mightn't be very good, but he'd do his best.

I think so too, yeah. Have you had a long lunch with Kyle recently?'d do his best. It mightn't be very good, but he'd do his best. I think so too, yeah. Have you had a long lunch with Kyle recently? I've had a few. How long are the long lunches, by the way? Nine or ten hours. God. Jeez. That's a lie.

Probably 13. Do you drink at these long lunches? Are you drinking these days? Am I what? Drinking. Like do you have a wine or? Jesus. Is the Pope praying?

Of course I'm drinking. Do you know one thing that Kyle claims as his big claim to fame is that his first radio gig was panelling your show in Townsville or something? That's also my claim. 2PK in Parks. When I was doing work experience, I had to make sure the ads for John Laws were playing in time, all of that.

So that was my first. At 2PK with Betty Muzichuk. Who? Don't you remember Betty? The Spicer family owned 2PK. Oh, okay. And the daughter or stepdaughter or daughter-in-law or somebody, her name was Betty Muzichuk.

Really? And she ran the station when I was there. I was only there one night. I hated it. You worked at 2PK? Yeah, I did, one night. For one night. What happened?

They wouldn't let me smoke. In the studio? Yeah. How long ago was that? 1954, probably. Okay. Do you still smoke or have you quit? Oh, no, I quit ages ago.

Oh, okay. Would you like to try a vape? That's bloody stupid. Bitch is hooked on the vapes. No, I'm quitting. Is it difficult to quit? Why would you take up something that is difficult to quit? Well, I think for people.

I'll tell you why. Yeah. Because you're young and stupid. No, I can't argue with that, actually. That's completely fair. But, yeah, I always tell people don't start them because they're way easier to get hooked on than cigarettes. There's no this tastes gross to overcome. They're just pleasant from the get go. So don't go there.

It's always my advice. Yeah, well, you're giving very good advice. Yeah, do as I say, not as I do. You're maturing at an early age. You're giving very good advice. Don't do it if it's going to be addictive and expensive. Good advice. That includes marriage, unless you're very careful. John, I was listening to your speech on the way here, and I saw it live at the Kennedy Awards the other night, the Lifetime Achievement Award, which congratulations, by the way.

That was very exciting. Thank you. I've just come out of my life. I haven't had the best year this year, as I've not been a particularly good one. I've lost my dear friend Brian Hiddleston, but I also lost my adorable Caroline, who I've been in love since I was 15 years old. Now she's gone out of my life, and that makes me sad.

But a case like this kind of makes me sad. But in case of blindness, it kind of made a difference. Thank you all very, very much. You said that you didn't intend to get into broadcasting, so I guess I want to know, how did you fall into it? Well, I was a jackaroo in Wellington in central New South Wales and I love being a jackaroo. I would love to be a jackaroo again but I can't afford it. But I used to go to the Legacy Ball and the Bachelor's Ball

and the Spinster's Ball and they used to get me to do a commentary, you know, to introduce people as they came in the door. And there was a man there from AWA, which at that time was a huge conglomerate of radio stations all over Australia. And he heard me and he asked me, did I want to get into radio? And I wasn't sure, but the man I was working for, a wonderful Welshman by the name of Llewellyn Powell,

he thought it would be a pretty good idea if I were to do that, get me off his property and get me somewhere else. So I just fell into it that way and loved it. Fell in love with it, clearly. Yeah. How long have you been doing it now? Because I thought I could Google how many years. 68 years.

68. Far out. I think it's 68. 68, yeah. Are you taking notes there? No, I'm just a crossword. It shows you how involved. That's the Mother Superior.

I'm doing a very important interview with two very important young men and she's doing a bloody crossword. Jesus. It's so nice to put a face to the name of the Mother Superior. I hear her referred to all the time on the show. Well, are you impressed? I am, absolutely. She's pretty much what I envisioned, actually. Yeah. Is she really? Yeah. Well, she gave us a talking to before we came in. She said, you're up to no good. You're going to be good. And we said, yeah, we'll be right. We're on our best behavior. Yeah. Well, that's the way to

be. Yeah, that's right. All right, so what else do you want to talk about? Well, I should have given you a heads up before we started that on the podcast, I don't know if you're much of a swearer, but you're allowed to swear here. Do you swear much? Don't be fucking stupid. But that word has become almost acceptable now, except around here she hates it.

The Mother Superior hates it. Doesn't like me swearing at all. Would the Mother Superior appreciate being described as a boss bitch? Because that's what I would think the Mother Superior is. A what? A boss bitch. What's that mean? It's a wonderful term, don't worry.

Powerful woman. Yeah. But is the word bitch there? It's a term of endearment. It's all about context, you know. Taking it back and empowering. No, don't use that word. My apologies.

I take it back, Mother Superior. Yeah, take it back. Now, don't use that word. My apologies. I take it back, Mother Superior. Yeah, take it back. Now, 68 years, you said. What's your advice for someone like Mitch to last that long in radio? It's been seven so far. My advice to Mitch, give it away. Really? Yeah.

Get out. Get a job as a salesman at Bunnings. Yeah. No, no. I'll give you very good advice. Enjoy it. If you enjoy it, do it. If you don't enjoy it, don't do it.

And be natural. Don't bullshit. No change of voice. No change of attitude. Just got to be you. Authentic. Yeah. Well, I don't know how authentic you are.

But, yeah, just be yourself, in other words. Now, what happened in the middle? Because you left for a bit. You had a big retirement. You were out, and then you came back. Yeah. You missed it too much. I did miss it.

I missed it greatly, and I got very bored with my own company, even though up until that time, I'd been pretty good with my own company. I love reading. I love sitting by myself. I love thinking, but I did get bored. I did get bored and I thought, you know, it would be fun to go and do it again. And it's more fun the second time around than it was the first time around. Really? Yeah. Fell back in love with it? Yeah. Oh, no, better now. Yeah. We like to play on our podcast some bits of gold that happen on Talkback

Radio because we figure that our younger listeners might not be listening as often as we are. So we're like, if anything good happens, we'll tell you. And you've come up many times, including the infamous Pikes Nursery incident, that caller. I really want to hear from your point of view. What were you thinking? What were you feeling when that call? I just could not understand what you were saying. Well, I thought this was going to go on forever, but then I thought this could be very good radio. So I decided to stay with it and she started to understand the humour as we got towards the end of the conversation. You reckon that she was in on it too after a while?

No, no, not in on it, but I think she started to understand the humour of it. Okay. No, she wasn't going along with it deliberately. She was laughing at herself. Yeah. It was a good call. It was a fun call. Yeah, definitely. And it lives on in our podcast as well. At the start of every show, we play the audio. That's how we start our show every week. You didn't even ask. It's on YouTube. Did you know that? I don't go to that thing. I can't work computers. Oh, well, you're paddling your show right now, aren't you? You've got some sort of understanding. That's just a board that's got stuff on it, like Tom T. Hall, a bit of music here. There you are. That's how simple it is. Well, who says you can't work at a computer?

There you go. I don't suppose you're ever going, who says you can't work at a computer? There you go. You're a pro. Yeah. I don't suppose you're ever going to get to that stage where, like a lot of other radio studios, like at Kiss, you'll have cameras in the room filming everything. No, never. You don't want stuff on Facebook or all that? Of course I don't. Of course I don't.

Fair. I do a radio program and I'm a radio broadcaster and that is the limit of my talent. Yeah. Who else do you listen to, John? Do you have any other shows that you listen to or do you just? Do you know what I listen to? No, what is it?

As soon as I leave here, yeah, at midday or whenever I leave here, ABC Classic. Really? I love classical music and they play a lot of light classical music. They play a lot of ballet music and I love ballet music. I love the ballet. So there you are. That surprised you, hasn't it? Have you ever podcasted? Do you know how to listen to podcasts? Are you into them? No, I don't know how to do that.

You'd make a killing. Don't you think a podcast by John Laws would be huge? Does he know that his show is podcasted every day? You actually can listen to it as a podcast. You've got one. Yeah, I don't know what it is even. You know how Netflix is TV shows on demand, podcasts are radio shows on demand. That's pretty much the basic way of explaining it. And that's what we are. Like you can't tune in at a certain time to us. We're just there whenever you like. Not live. No, well, it can't be live. No. Are you bored now? No, not at all. I'm not bored. No, we're not bored. No, not at all. I'm loving this. You know, another old job that John

used to have, Mitch? Am I right in saying you used to be what we call a rouseabout in a shearing shed? That's exactly what I was. What's a rouseabout in a shearing shed? You pick up the dregs and the shed off the tails of the lambs. Oh, the dags. Yeah.

And you also, if you're lucky, you get to use the wool press a bit. And pressing the wool, that's tough work, you get to use the wool press a bit. And pressing the wool lets tough work, but it's great fun. How long did you do that job for? 18 months. I wouldn't last a day. I was a farm boy, raised on a farm. Mum and Dad used to always try and get me to help out with that stuff,

but I was like, not for me. I was a bit too precious for that. Would that surprise you? I can tell you're a bit precious. I've detected that. But I was smart enough to realise if I do that job really badly, they'll stop asking for help. So I just kept stuffing up. It was fantastic.

Yeah, but if you did it well, they'd keep asking you to do it and they would have. But it would have been very good for you. All that wool press stuff was good. All that wool shed stuff was good. And the blokes, the shearers and the mates you'd make and the shearers cook. They could cook. They used to cook great stuff, shepherd's pie, cottage pie.

They would bring food to serve because I ended up, when I was no good at the rouse about duties, I ended up serving morning tea. Like I was the one giving the food, so they would bring food. No, no, they'd cook it there, but, yes, they'd bring the food with them. Oh, up serving morning tea. Like I was the one giving the food. So they would bring food. No, no, they'd cook it there. But yes, they'd bring the food with them. Oh, they were good too. The shearing cooks. Yeah, great. Yeah, you had a way better shearing shed experience than me. It was hell on earth for me. Could you tell me she's a country boy by looking at him? Born and raised, where is it? Parks? Yeah, well, depends which part of the country. Yeah.

Have you heard of Bogan Gate? It's just near Parks. That's where I'm from. You're from where? Bougain Gate. I've heard of Bougain Gate. I've been to Bougain Gate, haven't I? Have you? You've been to Bougain Gate?

Is there a station in Bougain Gate, Mitch, a radio station? Well, Parks is our local. No, no, no, no. But when I went around Australia, I wasn't doing radio. I was just going around Australia. Yeah, blink and you'll miss it. That's what. It's a very good idea. Yeah, blink and you'll miss it. That's... It's a very good idea.

You know, people... I remember my sister, as soon as she turned 15 or something, all she talked about was going to England. She just wanted... Everybody wanted to go to England. Nobody bothered to have a look at Australia. Greatest country in the world. I've always thought that.

Like, everyone's excited now that, you know, international flights are a thing again after lockdown. But I would rather just travel Australia, like Uluru and stuff like that. It's a good thing to do. It's a great country. Do you have a favourite city or are you a Sydney boy? You've always been a Sydney boy. I'd like to go.

If you settle into a place long enough, it becomes your favourite. Oh, yeah. Did you ever live overseas? Never lived overseas, no. I believe you were working in the US, though, weren't you, when JFK was assassinated. You reported on that, am I right? Yes, that is quite right.

Bear in mind, this is a long, long time ago. This is a sad day in the history of the United States. The President of the United States of America, John Fitzgerald Kennedy, has been assassinated, killed by a rifle bullet. I'm in Hollywood in California, and in a matter of hours, I've seen probably one of the most colorful cities in the world become a city in mass mourning. And this is just one city of an entire nation in mourning. Grown men and women are crying openly, almost proudly, in the streets of

Hollywood. All the entertainment has ceased in Hollywood, the hub of the world's entertainment. Shops and offices and factories closed within a matter of minutes of the announcement of the president's death. That's all I have for you now. So from the midst of this national tragedy that has left America lifeless and in sorrow, I return you to your studios in Australia. Yeah, I remember the day like it was yesterday. I've got to say that was a good report I did. Good ad lib, eh?

Yeah. I went there to open the coaxial cable that came from the United States to Canada, actually, to Australia. The Queen opened it, and I was the support actor after the Queen. Right. Yeah, how about that? Tough actor following, yeah. Yeah.

Have you ever in your career had a co-host or has it always been the John Laws show? The John Laws show. Co-host not for you? You wouldn't think that would work? Listen, if you're getting any ideas, forget it. No. God, no. He's got his resume in the bag.

It's always been just me. For a while I did half an hour with, I can't even remember her name now, wonderful woman broadcaster. Jeez, I can't remember her name. John Pearce used to work with her. Anyway, I can't think of it and it doesn't matter because she's thoroughly dead. But for a while I did that and i loved it have they ever paired you up with anyone because in radio especially commercial radio they love to throw a co-host just experiment yeah have i ever what they had a co-host thrown at you or do they ever try to squeeze someone in and say

john we think you'd be good with this person uh yeah they probably have but i would have told him piss off yeah get, get out. We get all the reality stars in commercial radio. They'll say to me, oh, this person won Love Island Australia. They won Big Brother. Get them on the show. Yeah, what for? That's exactly what I say.

They don't last. No. Do you watch any of those free-to-air shows these days, Married at First Sight, Love Island, those sorts of shows? You're kidding. Yeah, neither. Not for me. That's not for us.

What about music? Are there any new artists that are out at the moment that you actually enjoy? I just love all music. Fair enough. As I said, I listen to it as soon as I finish here. I turn the radio on in the car to ABC Classic. I love classical music.

I love Bruce Springsteen at the moment. I'm playing a lot of his stuff. I love my friend Roger Miller. I love Christofferson. I love classical music. I love Bruce Springsteen at the moment. I'm playing a lot of his stuff. I love my friend Roger Miller. I love Christofferson. I love music. I love music. Tom T. Hall. All those storytellers are great.

Have you ever been a singer yourself? Yes, I've released 17 albums. Really? Yeah, where have you been? I don't suppose that you would be able to answer this question, but I do wonder if they're on Spotify. Like, I'd love to be able to stream them, these old albums. What?

Where would someone have to go to listen to these albums? Oh, I don't know, here. Oh, there we go. Oh, we've been handed them. Look at this, a couple of CDs. Oh, my God. Look at you here with a denim jacket on. This is The Mind and the Music. Yeah, it was called The Mind and the Music

because it was an album of poetry and I wrote all the music and I wrote called the mind of the music was because it was an album of poetry and i wrote all the music and i wrote all the words so it was called the mind and the music look at this all the women in the shorts you've never been trucked like this before that's good i like that yeah i knew you'd like that you filthy bastard and i loved singing i loved singing we had a lot of releases and did pretty well now put them down can we Can we keep these? Are these for us? No, I can't. You'll have to get them on Spotify because there's a whole

generation that have missed out on the musical talents of John Laws. Get it on what? Streaming. Spotify. An iPhone. Get it on your phone. I don't want it. I've got it there. Yeah, true.

He doesn't care about everyone else listening. He can listen himself. It's all good. Did they get many radio spins? Did you ever play your own music on the radio? Yeah, because nobody else would play it. Yeah, why the hell not, I reckon. There you go.

Write that down, Mitch. Start putting out singles and just play them yourself. He's a genius. We actually got Mitch. Do you know how I said that we play things we hear on Talkback and then we kind of take inspiration from them? We got Mitch to improvise a poem because we heard one of your poems go to air. It was about country people, actually, in small towns.

A little town is where everybody knows what everybody else is doing. But they read the weekly newspaper just to see who got caught doing it. Oh, that's a good story. Yeah. And so I heard that and I played it on our podcast and said, Mitch, I think you should start doing poetry like this. And he improvised the whole thing about Britney Spears, the whole Free Britney thing.

Like I'd sing to music like this. It'd be like, we knew you from a girl. Young, tight and cute. But now look at you like an old haggard boot. Free Britney. Let her out of that cage. Poor, poor Britney. It makes me filled with rage.

Are you across the Britney Spears drama? I don't care. What a drama. Yeah. Why don't they just leave her alone? I agree. Well, they are now, so that's good. Yeah, she's free.

Britney's free now, which is what they wanted. I'm sure John really appreciates that update. What am I doing talking about Britney Spears? I know, I agree. Well, they are now, so that's good. Yeah, she's free. Britney's free now, which is what they wanted. I'm sure John really appreciates that update. What am I doing talking about Britney Spears? I know, I know. Well, this was a pleasure. I really enjoyed this, Mitch. Anything you want to get off your chest with John? Well, I'm wondering if we should ask him the question we ask every guest.

I think you can do that. Okay. So every guest that we have on the podcast, we like to ask them a small thing in life that they appreciate. Like Angela Bishop said her waterbed. Jessica Malboy said... Sitting in the sun. ..being barefoot in a garden.

That was one of her small life pleasures. The reason I'm reluctant to ask it is because we call it our list of things better than drugs and dick, which is basically a PSA to young people that there's more to life than boys and partying. No, there's not. No-one's ever said that. I'll put that on the list.

Is that it? I don't know. Yeah, if you want. Yeah, we're good. Huh? Yeah. I mean, I'm happy to sit here a bit longer if you want to talk about anything else. No, we're done.

I'm good. Thank you for being here. It was a pleasure. Are you bored now? No. We could stay here all day. Like hell. Thank you very much for coming to visit me.

It was very nice of you to do that. Thank you for having us. It was a pleasure. You're a legend. It was great to be in your presence and in the studio. Yeah, it's a good studio. It's a big studio. A giant studio.

Have you seen the KISS FM Broom Closet studio? Like, this is next level. Has Kyle been in here? Because if he were to see this, renovations would start at Kiss tomorrow. Kyle's studio is a quarter the size of this. Well, so it should be. Yeah. A quarter the talent.

Yeah, yeah. Is that it? You finished now? You're bored now? No, I'm not bored at all. We're loving it. You've got a long lunch to get to, haven't you? Have I?

With a lot of people? A few. What have you got tattooed on your arm? Oh, it says Art Pop. Are you familiar with Art Pop? No. It's a Lady Gaga album. No, I like Lady Gaga.

Do you? Yeah. Do you know why I like Lady Gaga? Well, I would suspect that you'd be a fan of some of the classical stuff she puts out. She's got jazz albums as well as the pop stuff. That's right. But you know why I like Lady Gaga? Well, I would suspect that you'd be a fan of some of the classical stuff she puts out. She's got jazz albums as well as the pop stuff. That's right. But also I like her because one of my favourite people

in the world likes her, Tony Bennett. Yeah. And Tony Bennett likes Lady Gaga and Tony Bennett is a gentleman beyond belief and sings like nobody else. And that new album they put out recently is up for like a gazillion Grammys. Oh, yeah. So when they team up, magic happens. Super talent.

Do you know something? Mm-hmm. We're starting to get boring. People listening aren't going to give us stuff about Tony Bennett and Lady Gaga. I'm going now. All right, then. It was a pleasure to have you on. Great to meet you.

You didn't have me on. I had you. Oh, yeah, sure. I did that again. It was a pleasure to have you on. Great to meet you. You didn't have me on. I had you. Oh, yeah, sure. I did that again, yeah. A pleasure to be here. Well, it's been a pleasure to have you here, and any time you feel like dropping by again, you're quite welcome.

The door will always be open. Oh, thank you, John. That's a pleasure. You're all right, you blokes. Thanks. That's a glowing review if ever I heard one. Thank you, John. Thanks, John.

Ta-da. Appreciate it. God! I've got to say, I'm going to go to my grave That's a glowing review if ever I heard one Thank you John Thanks John Tata God I've got to say I'm going to go to my grave Saying that one of the best things that's ever happened to me Was being called young and stupid By John Laws Yep And he said yes you're a bit precious

I detected that I'm like yes That was wild But what a treat I think he's the only guest I've ever had in the history of ever To end his own interview. We're done now. He ended it himself.

But then when we're like, yeah, no, let's go, he goes, what's that on your arm? I feel that he was enjoying it. I tend to agree. I also love how he kept saying, you bored. You bored. Yeah, he's definitely insecure about that. But like I said, that's just him stirring up.

Exactly. And that mother superior, his personal assistant, came up to us afterwards and said, that went really well. John doesn't usually respond that well. Yeah, the producers said the same. So I'm like, Mitch, if you thought that was bad, imagine how many shocking interviews he's done before this, if that was good.

Mitch, we won't name who was there before us, but we were told from the team that they had an interview with a very well-known publication before us. Oh, a two-to-advocate. Yeah, and he said he couldn't stand them. Well, they're satirical. We're not satirical at all. No. We don't do jokes.

No, not us. On this show. It's a serious podcast. On my good Christian show. Well, there you go, you fucking idiots. What a Christmas gift that was. I feel that Mitchell's rosé's kicked in. It has, and I woke up at 3am today and it's almost 3pm.

It's 12 hours on the clock. My brain is cooked. Yeah. Well, and it's almost 3 p.m. It's 12 hours on the clock. My brain is cooked. Yeah. Yeah. We still have more to do. Let's reflect on that, though. John Law says that there's nothing better than drugs and dick. That is, to me, a win.

If we can take anything from this podcast, we can end the podcast now, never return, and that could be our, what's the word I'm thinking of? Legacy. Legacy. I think he's legacy. All right. I also love that he told you to stop being a fake bitch. That was his advice.

He goes, yeah, no bullshit. Be authentic. Yeah. And be a salesman at Bunnings. Yeah, maybe be a salesman at Bunnings. Anyway, thank you, John Laws. We may or may not abuse that invitation. The door's always open, he says.

He'll take that right back. I'm going to start. Every day being like, hello. Hi, John. You said the door's always open, he says. He'll take that right back. I'm going to start. Every day being like, hello? Hi John, you said the door's always open. We noticed it wasn't, so just opening it. Alright, final sign this year. Are we ready for Jenna's Junk? Yes! Yes, let's do it. Let's take a peek at

Jenna's Junk, shall we? So whenever we have a terrible idea to bring up on this podcast, we put it in Jenna's Junk and we thought it's our last episode of the year. So much like we put terrible ideas in the junk, let's put our terrible staff in the junk. That's right. So, yeah, Jenna, this is the big surprise for you.

What? You know how last year we put you in a coffin? Do you want me to go get it? Yeah. The coffin again? No, no, no, not a coffin. We just thought that because you're not impartial to being put in shit, that we would make Jenna's junk extra literal.

So it's no longer a little bin on the desk. Look at this. We've got you your own fucking bin to get in. Oh, for goodness sake, what? Mitch, did you get all the maggots out from the bottom? Yeah. Mitch, you left the chicken carcass in there. Yeah, we just found that in the cage downstairs.

The tuna's not in there, is it? Groundskeeper Lou hosed it out. It's fine. There was this and there was a paper bin that was really clean, but too small. Right. Okay. In you get. Okay.

Do I get in it? Yeah. Okay. Here we go. I've thought ahead. Opening the lid. There's your mic. Do a testing for me.

Testing? Yep. Oh, all that Zumba paid off. You're quite flexible. Jen is in the bin. Opening the lid. Here's your mic. Do a testing for me. Testing? Yep. Oh, all that Zumba paid off. You're quite flexible. Jenna's in the bin. There we go. Now, Sam, shut the lid, please. This isn't a fucking vacation.

Oh, my God. She fits in the whole thing. There we go. Can you hear me? We can hear you. We can hear you, Jenna. Okay, I'm in the bin. Oh, she's got the microphone down the bottom.

Jenna, pull the microphone away from the bottom of the bin. Don't open your mouth. The bin has better acoustics than John Lawson's studio. It does, actually. Now, I've got us some rubbish music. Rubbish bin bed. That's Jenna's rubbish bin. Should we get into this, Jenna, if you're going to fish through all of our shit ideas

that we thought were too terrible to bring up on the show and yet here we are? Yep, they're all in here. Is it just me or do you also lie and say you've been watching a show for years even though you've just started? I'll claim it, yeah. No, because I actually do this thing where I don't lie. No, it's not lying. It's blending in with society.

What? Someone will go, oh, my God, do you watch Succession? And I'm fully caught up and I've seen it, but I don't want to just say that I've watched it all in three nights. So I go, yes, oh, I love it. God, I've been watching that show. Remember when it first came out, I was blown away. It's just easier.

Oh, right. Well, you don't have to say, you don't have to specify the amount of time it took you to watch. You just say, yeah, I'm up to season three, episode whatever. Yeah, but it just, mate, it's just depressing to think that someone watched three seasons in two nights. Like, that's tragic. Did it really take you that short amount of time?

Yeah, it took me a couple more, maybe five nights all up. Yeah, I binged it. It's 10 episodes. That's very standard binging. That's normal to get through 10 episodes in a week. But I like to feel like, because they clearly watched it all when it came out, I want to be known as the person that also did that. Like, I've got my shit together.

But who even asks when did you start it? Breathe through your nose, please. People don't ask, but I always just put it out there. If they do ask, I always lie. I'm going to go out on a whim and say that it is possible that you think too much about what other people think of you because I'll tell them like it's a badge of honour if I've watched 10 episodes in a day.

I'll be like, fuck yeah. I just spent the whole day. I committed. No. I don't think people are going to think less of you. I don't think anyone cares that much about the fellow man. People only care about themselves. But it makes me feel good.

It makes me think that they think I'm normal. But you've got a whole fucking podcast littered with evidence. To the contrary. You're not normal, love. You're not. Well, that's why it's in the bin. That's why it's in the junk. Yeah,ed with evidence. To the contrary. You're not normal, love. You're not. Well, that's why it's in the bin. That's why it's in the junk because it... Yeah, I hated that.

That was shit. I'm getting another one. I found another one. Wait. Okay, yep. The bin juices are leaking. What? Don't.

That's my tuna. Oh. Yuck, it's in here. Is that the bin you... Is it just me or do you not like other people buying socks and undies for you? That's mine. I put that in the junk. It's very personal.

Well, it's just a thing that my mother does every year. And I am yet to break it to her that I don't want her to buy me socks and undies for Christmas and birthdays. Oh, for Christmas, yeah. Like, I'm about to go home for Christmas and you bet your ass she'll be buying me bonds with some obscure pattern that you can see through my very thin material shorts. Yeah, ASOS don't like a thin material. They like a real papery thin one. Yeah, but I sometimes buy stuff on purpose that's super thin

and I don't want them to be able to see the strikes and the graffitied walls that are on my little bonds jocks that my mum got me and especially socks. Like I love buying socks. Yeah. I go into bloody underworks and I do a big order. Really? Yep, I love it.

See, there's nothing worse than seeing an adult in what looks to be children's undies, like with the weird patterns on them. It just doesn't fit. Wear black or go bareback. Why do you think I haven't been gaming enough to fuck anyone all year? I don't want them to see my undies. Yeah. You got them from Country Target.

Yeah. Yeah. All right, that's a good one. No, it's called K-Hub now. The mini K-Hub. Oh, they're rebranded now undies. Yeah. You got them from Country Target. Yeah. Yeah. Alright, that's a good one. No, it's called K-Hub now. The mini K-Hub. Oh, they're rebranded, yeah. Okay, yep. Is it just me or do you

enjoy the newspaper catalogues more than the actual paper? That's me again. The newspaper catalogues? Yeah, because you know how I accidentally subscribe to the bloody

newspaper deliveries every weekend? Inadvertently, yes. And every time I've called them to cancel because you can't do it online. No. You can only do it by a phone call.

Sam's been through this. They don't let you off easy, do they? No, it's true. It's a whole thing. Yeah. If you ever try calling to cancel your bloody paper subscription, they guilt trip the shit out of you. They're like, does credible news not matter to you, sir?

Is that what they said? Yeah. Is that real? It's real. And I never read the papers, but sometimes I like to know what's happening at the good guys. Yeah. I love the JB Hi-Fi catalog. Yeah. Just for the colours. Yeah, exactly.

And also, you know, yeah, shut up big girl. I've heard that apparently JB Hi-Fi, they try and make their marketing look cheap as a tactic to like win people over. Like, oh we're so discounted. We're not a high-end Meyer or bloody David Jones trying to look high-end. We're so cheap and relatable.

Look at our shitty yellow marketing. That's what we've done. Yeah, yeah. We're like this podcast is scabby ads. But then they get here and go, oh, wow, they're so professional. They're professional. Look at their microphones and one of their co-hosts in a green skip bin. Oh, Jenna's opening it for air.

How are you doing, Jenna? I'll fan you. Fanner. Oh, shit. She's for air. How you doing, Jenna? I'll fan you. Fanner. Oh, shit. She's hyperventilating. Here you go. Do you need assistance? Come on, Jenna.

There you go. She's out of the bin. Are you okay? Oh, Jenna, you've got spaghetti bolognese on your crotch. I thought there was an ant. Well, you've got a piece of junk in your hand, I can see. I know. I do, actually.

Like I was saying, Scabby Yellow Marketing, title fucking professionals. Okay. She's got it, yeah. I've got one. Is it just me or as an adult do you finally appreciate the cool function on blow dryers? The what? The cool function. I couldn't understand it through Jen's quick breath.

The cool function. Oh, yeah. Yeah through Jenna's quick breath. The cool function. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I never. I'm going back in now. Okay. You can set your legs a bit longer, darling. It's fine. Let the record note that we didn't ask for it.

I don't want you going off to bitch to HR about this. You can stand up, Jenna, if you want. The cool function on the hairdryer. Yes, because when I get out of the shower, I've got a sweaty forehead for at least an hour. Same. So I can't be blowing fucking scorching air into my gorgeous locks. But you know what it's good for?

You two are helping each other into a bin. Sam's so romantic. Here, darling, hold my hand while I scorch you back into the trash. I blow you into my skip. I blow dry my hair with heat, right, to get the quiff and the curl. And then I use the cool function and it cools it right down. Back to normal. You're back at level. It is such a genius function.

Also, pits, groin, back, it cools you right down out of that shower. The cool function is incredible. What about a towel? Yeah, you're not damp. You're fully dried. Well, then what are you doing it for? I've got hot spots. Just body temperature?

Yeah, purely for core body temperature. Oh. I've never tried that. Oh, try it. Get in your bits. Oh, Jenna's junked my ass. This is Jenna's facts. I've learnt something today.

If you want to shave your pubes, here's a little hotline. Oh, no, no, no. No, I'm just going to be honest. Jenna, you're sitting on worse things than my pubes. You blow dry them with cold air because it dries them like a bone. And what benefit? And then you shave them and it just falls right out. What benefit does that have?

Because normally when you're a bit damp down there, you get out of the shower and you've got to be really dry, otherwise the blades stick and the hair sticks. But if you cold blow dry your bits before you shave them, it falls right out. I've never had a problem. It's not a problem, but it just gets a bit damp and sticky. Doesn't that aid the gliding of the blades? Not me. No, I get caught.

Jenna's closing the lid on herself. Oh, okay. No. She'll bitch about that later. They made me say the lid closed. I'm closing the lid on herself. She'll bitch about that later. They made me say the lid closed. You can leave it open if you want, let that go on record. What are you talking about? I'm so fucking cute. Lid closed on the conversation.

I don't even really know. Is it just me? Is it just me or what does house sitting actually involve? I put that in there. I've had so many people say, I'm house sitting my friend's place in Bondi this weekend.

Do you want to come over? And I'm like, what's the house? What's it struggling with while you're not there? It's not like babysitting. No, I agree. I've house sat before, but only because a friend of mine had two dogs and they needed to be cared for and fed.

Put them in a kennel, you rat. Yeah, or you could save money and get a friend over. It also helps when I was living with my parents so I didn't have to pay rent so I wasn't at any losses. So it's good to find someone who doesn't have any outgoing so can just slot on in and live your life. Do they pay you rent? No, no.

Did you have to pay rent? No, but I wasn't like paying rent for a house that I wasn't living in because I was house sitting for a fucking friend. Oh, that makes sense because I was thinking to myself like your house would have to be drastically better than mine for me to live there for a week. I wasn't living in because I was house-sitting for a fucking friend. Oh, that makes sense. Because I was thinking to myself, like, your house would have to be drastically better than mine for me to live there for a week. Yes, I completely agree. Like, if it was a mansion, sure, I'll house-sit and just pay rent on my little flat. But even then, I'm like, how much house-sitting does it need?

Like, your plants might be a little yellow when you get home. Get over it. No, I agree completely. Like, how much maintenance does the place need? None at all. Unless there's a pet there. But when you go on holiday, where will Isabella go? Hasn't been an issue so far because I have a housemate.

Jordan just looks after her. Yeah. But if you and Jordan decide to go on a trip together. Me. Auntie Jenna. There you go. Fucking problem solved. That was easy.

Oh, this is a dumb one. Says the bitch in a bin. So stupid. Yeah, we're just bringing her back down to earth today, aren't we? Yep. Grounded. Is it just me or should movie tickets be cooler? Oh, yeah.

What? I've got a story on this. Oh, okay. It's 2021. Put a fucking picture on it. Put a graphic on it. Make it blue. Do you collect them?

No, but I could if they were cool. Oh, because I thought that might have been your reasoning. Like, oh, I want to keep all my tickets and I can actually have the artwork on it. No, you go to a movie and it's a poor man's receipt. It's just like a piece of paper. Yeah, you're right, actually. It depends on the cinema. Sometimes I actually definitely have seen the movie logo on it,

albeit in terrible black and white. And it's probably run out of ink. Yes. But PG-13, front and center. Put that in the top left corner, mate. I don't give a shit. Put Marvel. Put a photo of Captain America in the middle.

Some people really try and scam you with fancy tickets. I had the option when I was going to see Lady Gaga in Vegas to pay for a normal ticket or for an extra $100, I got a 3D ticket. Remember those Tarzos where you'd move it? Oh, holographic. You'd tilt the card side to side and it would move. It was literally just Gaga and it was 3D and it still counted as a ticket.

And I'm like, why the fuck would I do that? If I wanted to prove to someone that I'd been to see her live, I'd show them a photo on my phone. I don't need a bloody 3D holographic ticket. Yeah. Hayden and I went to Hamilton in New York and we got scammed into getting Hamilton custom cups, like plastic cups with Hamilton on them for our wine. Oh, I love those.

Yeah, but you put them in the dishwasher. I love those. I use my Mary Poppins sippy cup every night. Oh, you do actually. I've seen that. Yeah, but we put it in the dishwasher and now it's just Ilton. We've lost the Hamel. All right, let's do a couple more.

Oh, God. Is it just me or does Gunkle need to be ended? I stand by it. Sorry, side note, isn't her scathing remark so much less powerful when she's coming from a bin? Yeah, when you can't see her. She sits here and slags off our thoughts. They deserve to be worse.

Yeah, anyway, Gunkle. Stupid. All you can do is smell her and her bin juices seeping into her converse. Yeah, I hate Gunkle. I've got two godsons and my cousin, of whom's the mother, insisted at the start that we were referred to as Gunkle, Hayden and I. But you're not even uncles. No, we're not.

But Gunkle, I would never. I'd rather be dead than be called Gunkle. Oh, gay uncle. Yeah. Yeah, that's where we're not. But Gunkle, I would never. I'd rather be dead than be called Gunkle. Oh, gay uncle. Yeah. Yeah, that's where we're at. I've never been called that, nor would I call myself that, but a lot of people, like typically basic people, put Instagram captions on that when they're babysitting their niece

and nephew, but I would never be like, Gunkle, Judy. I'm going to be sick. Like if I liked the colour blue, you wouldn't call me Bumple. Just because I'm gay doesn't mean you need to change the word. It still works, though. Mitch has a hunchback. Uncle! The kids need you!

I go back home this Christmas and they're like, God, he's put on weight. Funkle's here! You fat uncle! If you've got horrific body odour. Stunkle. Yeah. Your stinky uncle.

Yep. He's arrived. Yeah. I'd love to be runkle, the rich uncle. Oh, yeah, munkle, money uncle. Don't even know that didn't make any sense. Sophie munkle. Sophie munkle.

All right, well, you know, Jenna's junkle. It's one of her favourite segments, so, you know, what can you do? Thank you, Jenna. Jenna, you can get out of the bin unless you're comfy. Well done, Jenna. Jenna? Jenna? Jenna!

Conkunkle. She's concussed. Jenna, are you okay? Oh, the show must go on. Yeah, it's a shame. Jenna! Mitchell, can you check on her? I'm worried.

I don't want to. I'm just not ready for the trauma of finding a dead friend in a bin. I'm not checking on her. You're going to have to do it. She was just cacking herself! No! Stupid! Anyway, what's coming up next?

Well, that's us done for the year. He's eating a banana. He just threw a banana peel in the bin. Not any bin. Jenna's bin. What are you laughing at? It's all smeared. Can I remind you you're hosting a podcast?

Get on mic and describe what you're seeing. It's all smeared. Can I remind you you're hosting a podcast? Get on mic and describe what you're seeing. It's all smeared into a crutch. But did you not finish the banana before putting it out? No. I grew up in a drought. You don't waste food. Give me a hand, Jenna. I'm stuck.

Oh, God, the banana. I thought it was a bin. I forgot you were in there. Well, it is a bin. Come on. It is not used to there being strange girls in there. Hop up. Oh, she's going to.

Oh, she really does have fucking banana all over her black hand. My God. I'll hold the bin to you. What an asshole. Yeah, that was not funny, Jenna. The audience are dying with laughter. Yeah, they're all dead. Swap back to your old mic.

What did you just say, Jenna? Banana everywhere. Nana. Banana. Nana. Sorry did you just say, Jenna? Nana. Everywhere. Nana. Banana. Sorry, you said it like an infant. I was confused. Sorry. Mum!

Can I have a nana? You did say it like a nana. I've been in a bin for an hour. Welcome back, Jenna. Great to have you. An hour? Okay. Bullshit.

I thought Mitch was the embellisher in the room. 20 minutes. Best hour of my life. 15. And best show, guys. We're done for the year. Oh, look at us go. We're off like Santa in his sleigh.

Two gungles. We're podcasting uncles. Pungles. We are pungles. Oh, my God. Maybe I could be funcle. That's your famous uncle. No, that'd be me.

All right. Let's go, everyone. What about suncle? That's your sinner uncle. Funcle. Faggot uncle. Faggot uncle. That's what they'd say behind our back.

We can say it, but you two can't. Yeah. Suncle. My sinning uncle. I just said that. Did you say sinning? Yeah. You literally just said that.

I didn't hear you. What about funcle? Famous uncle. Now, that's a joke because I did hear that one. I didn't hear you. What about Funkle? Famous Uncle. Now, that's a joke because I did hear that one. I did hear that one. Why do I bother? Why did you hear that one? Why do I bother?

All right, everyone. Thank you for listening throughout the year. My God, we've only taken one break this year. We've given you a lot of episodes this year. Yeah, we thought that we could, during Sydney lockdown, mid-year when we'd usually take a break, we thought let's just power through. What's the worst that could happen? And then we realised that the worst that can happen is that we could, during Sydney lockdown, mid-year, when we'd usually take a break, we thought, let's just power through. What's the worst that could happen?

And then we realised that the worst that can happen is that we get intensely burnt out. And now here we are bidding you farewell. Burnt out. We are corked. Engulfed in flames. Crispy. Scalded.

I'm fucking burnt out. Sam's burnt out. I look like Sophie Delisio. Oh, yeah. Oh, well, I might edit burned out. Sam's burnt out. I look like Sophie Delizio. Oh, yeah. Oh, well, I might edit that out. No one laughed. Hell, she's a poor girl.

Let's all laugh at a burns victim. Now, fuck it. That's staying in. We should say thank you to everyone for listening. Thank you to our new listeners as well, those who've come from TikTok and beyond, and Jonesy and Amanda's audience. Yeah.

We appreciate the one listener we got from that. Yeah, whether you stick by us week by week or you pop in from time to time, we appreciate it. And thank you for letting us keep you company. Yep. You can keep in touch with us. We're only going to be gone for a couple of weeks. You can get me on Instagram, Mitch on Instagram, on TikTok, we're on everything. Yeah, but Mitch has turned off his bloody green light and his red receipt, so he won't fucking talk to you on Instagram. Ready for eggnog on an early night.

I'm over it. We love you. Jenna will be taking over. This is our last show for the year, but the Jenna Side Show will kick off next week. I can't wait for the Jenna Side Show. I just feel like we need to reiterate that we weren't kidding. I feel like she thought this was a running joke the whole time

and that she doesn't actually have a commitment. No, it's happening. Well, how's EP1 going? Well, I have a week to do it. Right. You signed a contract, Jenna. On the air, we have visual and audio evidence. And don't think we won't take you to court.

Okay, take me to court because I'm doing it. Well, no, we wouldn't need to take you to court. Exactly. We can go over the contract later. It'd be a waste of money for you. Anyway, Mitchell, what are your plans for the holidays? Anything happening? I haven't really got anything planned, to be honest.

Going back home, that'll be nice. Yeah, yeah. I haven't been able to do that for ages. Don't know. Just kind of looking forward to chilling. Because the thing is, I do like my life, but I just want to enjoy that life without having to do things. I just want to chill in my own environment.

Basking the money we've made this year, which you would not believe it. No, no, no, I don't bask. I bath. I've got a bath in my en suite full of our cash. Oh, yeah, yeah. Jenner, it's ludicrous. We don't put it in the banks. We just put it in Mitch's bath.

Of course, of course. That many zeros, I'm shocked that they exist, to be honest. But that's 2021 for us. You know, like the emergency services number? Quadruple it. That's us. It's a lot. So many zeros.

Makes sense, though. No ambulance. It's just a Rolls Royce that arrives Jenny you've got a tea bag On your knee from that bit Oh no Yeah Yeah it's pretty shocking Alright we will see you guys next year

Thank you for listening Throughout the year Yeah we love you all We appreciate it I should have asked What you guys are doing over Christmas Sorry you asked me I had a very boring answer

We're both working Until Christmas Eve Yeah Then I get a couple days off And I'm back working, hosting the New Year's Eve show. And then I actually have time off. What are you doing with that time off? I don't know. I don't know.

We were going to go away. Oh, so you're not going overseas? Not to LA. We can't. I'm a crook. Oh, so you can come to Bogan Gate. No, the closing music's getting louder by the second. Everyone, we love you.

Enjoy your Christmas. Enjoy your time with your family. Stay safe please And we'll see you next year for season four Love you idiots Bye bye Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of Mitches

Make sure you've hit follow On your podcast app Welcome to ADD Brief. This is our secret segment on the end. Last ADD Brief of the year. We pretend that we're gone and then we keep talking shit. Hopefully no one hears this because it's embarrassing. We've got ADHD. We can't stay on track.

Our thoughts go all sorts of weird places. Yeah, that's sometimes the best part. Last week, though, voted by fans the worst ADD brief in history, and that is I've had multiple DMs to corroborate. It was my favourite purely. Oh, come in, Sam. Oh, Sam's coming in. Oh, Sam.

Oh, hi, hi, hi. You haven't come for a wine top-up, have you? Because Mummy's had a week. It's gone. Oh, well, for God's sake. I can confirm, by the way, last week, horrendous. Yeah, I told you. But in many ways, the way, last week, horrendous. Yeah, I told you. But in many ways, for me, last week was my favourite ADD brief

because Mitchell finally conceded that having sound effects blared at you aimlessly. It's fucking annoying. He goes, actually, I get where you're coming from. Get out. Guess who that is. Who? Guess.

Margot Robbie. Got a new film coming out. Nothing to do with us But it just came through the same tree God, I thought I was bad at reading the room No one cares No one cares I thought they were good

Enjoy your Christmas everyone Where are you going, Jenna? What are you doing? Spending time in your castle? No, I'm working on the podcast Oh, Jenna The Jenna Sideshow How long will the episodes go for?

It's a secret I think 15 minutes. No. The executive producer, no more than 15. No, they're going to be longer than 15. And as CEO, my suggestion would be maybe only three Genocide Shows because that would take you through to Christmas and the week of New Year's, like the 3rd, and then everyone can just suffer through January.

So you'll have one week commencing the 20th, Jenna. Yes. You'll have a Christmas special. I think we're trying to get Delta. I think week one will be the Christmas special. Yeah. Oh, yeah, because it's the week commencing the 20th. Yeah, so you can talk Christmas stuff there.

With Delta? Is she coming? She's TBC. She's doing a background check on you. Oh, okay. The 27th, yeah, we'll do a New Year's one. We'll do content TBC. And then why don't you do another one? Okay. May as well. Yeah, we'll do a New Year's one. We'll do a content TBC. And then why don't you do another one?

Okay. May as well. Yeah, may as well. We can start with three and see how we go from there. But I say we can do four. If we have momentum. Yeah, of course. Which we will.

I'm already feeling that momentum go. Oh, no. Why don't we just air one? It's declining quicker than Lisa Wilkinson's popularity. Oh, no. It really is bad at the moment, isn't it? Yeah. What has she done?

Don't know. She's just off. She is off. You can tell that she's- Maybe she'll be our new Carrie Anne in 2022. She's checked out, hasn't she? We just decide to hate her for no reason. Oh, my God.

The one thing I'm excited about about ending season three is fucking off Carrie Anne from our opener. Thank God she's gone. Yeah, she's a cow. Did you see that she started up very old beef with Yumi Steins? I did see that, yeah. I only saw that just before Jenna showed me. That's very recent.

That was in our season two, like 2020 opener, and I was like, babe, why are you still dwelling on it? Yeah, who asked who had a red carpet, Jenna? What's the story there? Maybe you should bring up Jenna's own news, babe. Yeah. You know what? That's a really good point.

That's a segment that we could even potentially do. Jane News. Jenna's side. All thanks to Bega Cheese. Here's Jenna's Jane News. Thanks, Mitch. Kerri-Ann Kennelly reignites her feud with Yumi Steins on the red carpet at a Sydney event as she goes on a rant about the radio star who called her racist two years ago

before the pair are seen having a very intense conversation. Wow. What else? We're on radio. She's about to play a song. That's interesting, Janet. More J News coming up in a bit? Yep. Here's Kesha.

I am not strange to the dark. Why do you do that? The story wasn't done. The story was done. There was nothing else to that, was there? There were quotes from Kerri-Ann. Would you like the quotes? Yeah, go for it. Kerri-Ann says, I haven't seen her since that day.

She didn't turn up for work the next day. She was booked to do three days and that night she texted our executive producer and said I think I'm having a day off and never turned up. When asked if she was planning on speaking to Steins at Wednesday's event, Kennelly said, well yeah, I'm not anti. I'm not

embarrassed about what happened, what I said and how I reacted. I have no issue. She's powerful with what she said but I will not say that it wasn't hurtful to be called a racist. Oh, I hate you, Kerri-Ann. Yeah, shut the fuck up. For someone who is as ancient as she is, she's so immature. Couldn't agree more.

Precisely. Loves a glittered moment too. Every red carpet, she's always sequined. Loves a caftan. Loves a caftan. Could you wear a caftan? when you ever wear a Camilla? Why did that thought pop into your head? Because I feel like that's something you'd be interested in wearing.

No. Although they look so comfy, so I do get the appeal. They do look comfortable. A lot of easy access. Just lift them up and go for it. Yeah. To the bathroom, that is. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Anyway. Yeah. What a season it's been. Have any highlights, anyone? Can we circle back to you talking about shaving your pubes? Yeah. I don't get the issue.

Why do you need to cool it down? It's not cooling down. It's just temperature. Like, I'm not hot and going, fuck, I feel hot. It's just when you get out of the shower, you're steamy, your pores are open. I prefer to do it on a completely dry surface. And cooling it with cold air just gets it primed and ready to shave. But on a completely dry surface, isn't that a dry shave,

which everyone advises against? Like dry shave is when you get fucking warts and shit. No, but you've just been moisturised. You've been in the shower. You've just cleaned yourself. Now, are you doing a complete shave or just a trim? Oh, God, no, not a complete shave. Oh, well, that's it.

I'm not in year six. I thought you were doing a full-on close shave. You really should have specified that because I was like, why would you dry them off before running a razor on your skin? Who completely bald shaves their pubes in 2021? Not me. Are you bald, Jenna?

People aren't bald in the pube, are they? God, no. Are you, Sam? No. Oh. There's a twinkle in your eye like I'm like a baby down there. No, no, no. I'm going to pull that off. Yeah. No, you couldn't. No.

It takes a very specific type of person to pull. Yeah. It takes a very specific adult to pull off. No hair down there. Yeah. In fact. Especially for guys. Especially for guys.

He's got the stubble rash, the whole thing. No good. You can understand my confusion. Yeah, but as if you thought I was bare down there. No, I thought you meant not the actual, like, you know. Clipper. The bit. No, I didn't think you meant the bit, like the pelvis bit.

I thought you meant all the shitty flyaways down there. I was like, you want that wet if you're taking care of that area. God, yeah. I use bio-oil on that shit. Thank God. I really thought you were a maniac. No. No, because you didn't. No. I'm glad care of that area. God, yeah. I use bio-oil on that shit. Thank God. I really thought you were a maniac. No, because you know. No.

I'm glad we cleared that up. I'm glad we circled back to that. Anyway. Anyone have any New Year's resolutions? Yeah. Workless. Yeah. That'd be nice.

Yeah. I ticked that off last year. Yeah, he did. Jenna, did you have anything? No. I'll think about it. Yeah. Yeah, he did. Jenna, did you have anything? No. I'll think about it for my genocide show. Oh, genocide show. Sorry, you'll think about it and you will reveal it exclusively on the genocide.

So you're hooking and teasing. Is that what you're currently doing? Yeah, that's it. Wow. So just wait. Jenna will reveal her New Year's resolution in the New Year's show. That's great marketing, Jenna. Well done on your behalf.

I can't wait for that. Stick around. That'll be exciting. Don't go away. No, that's great marketing, Jenna. Well done on your behalf. I can't wait for that. Stick around. That'll be exciting. Don't go away. No, it's pretty big. I feel that you should finally take us up on our generous offer to teach you to drive, but whatever. I can't make your resolutions for you.

Stay on your rails. Maybe we could start the season four with that. It's an idea. You know, I quite like that. I'm up for it. Can we make it happen? I thought you were hooking and teasing, but sure. She just blew her load now.

No, I'll have another resolution. All right. Do you still have your cat? Of course I do. I swear you go through cats. No, I don't. Every time I see a photo with it. Tomorrow she's getting her picture with Santa.

Oh, Jenna, what are you doing? Are you doing that? No! I know my daughter well. She would not want a photo with Santa. Isabella hates people. It takes about three hours of belly rubs with hands in the air to show that you are innocent for her to even like you,

and Santa does not have that time. It's true. Well, no, I think specifically it's people like you and Santa. She can't stand. Loud, large. Joyous, beloved by the general population. What a terrible person to be. But also mildly creepy.

Excuse you. It was a joke. Do you get it? Not creepy. And Isabella loves me now. I thought we had this understanding that sometimes we tell jokes. No, no. Not in ADD brief.

This is serious, the current affairs. Tonight. Tonight on the show. Guys, no. Not in ADD brief. This is serious, the current affairs. Tonight. Serious. Tonight on the show. Guys, I have no brain power left. I'm actually, my brain is mush. Mm. Mm-hmm.

Don't know how you guys do breakfast wake-ups. What time was your alarm when you did breakfast, Mitch? Ah, 3.30? Yeah. I think. No, 3.15. Hellish. Yeah.

Hellish. Because I had to do a huge detour to pick up Jenna every morning. Oh, yeah. It wasn't huge. But that's what I do. I give and I give. Give. What did you do now that he's resigned, Jenna?

She risks being brutally attacked on the dark streets of Macquarie Park every morning. That's what she does. Worth it. Is it? Yeah, for your employment. Yeah. So what are you doing next year, Jenna? Just another year with Johnson and Amanda? Yep. for your employment. Yeah. So what are you doing next year, Jenna? Just another year with Johnson and Amanda?

Yep. Right. Yeah. Yeah. It's going to be good. That'll be great. I'll reveal more on the podcast. In the Jenna Sideshow.

Mm. Aha. You'll reveal what the job that you have done for years will be. You don't know that. It could be changing. We'll have to wait and see. Well, I'll accept your resignation gladly, if that's what you're thinking.

No! There's no resignation going on. Well, true. But Jenna, there is something we have to do. Let us celebrate your multiple achievements. In the last few weeks, Jenna is an ACRA Australian Commercial Radio Award winner. I know. Although she never

displays these skills and capabilities here, she has impressed the judges for her radio award. Correct. Jenna, congratulations. Sound the horns. Thank you. Best of air newcomer. Yes.

Bitch, can I just say, best of air newcomer is like giving an Oscar for best newcomer to fucking Dame Helen Mirren. How long have you been in radio? Almost four years. How the fuck did you spin that? It's because there were so many years of COVID where the radio awards were cancelled, so they were kind of taking the whole period into account, like a three-year period. Bearing in mind the last radio awards, prior to COVID, I was also up for best off-air newcomer.

But, I don't know, there was some gripe between the judges and KISS that year because not one KISS staff member won. It couldn't be because I wasn't the best. Yeah. Because some fucking dog from Triple M won it. Who won it? Some digital person. Do you remember who it was, Sam? A guy named Will.

Yeah, some clown working for Mooman Rip. Yeah. Yeah, he got it over me, which just doesn't make any sense to me. Yeah, some clown working for Mooman Rip Yeah Yeah, he got it over me Which just doesn't make any sense to me Yeah, I lost my Acra My first Acra to two up-and-comers Hamish and Andy And to this day I don't know what they've done with themselves

No I think they're going on to big things, Hamish and Andy Yeah, yeah, yeah I'll tell you what I find funny Oh, I can't wait to hear Yourself Out of the four of us here mission, Andy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll tell you what I find funny. Oh, I can't wait to hear you. Yourself. Out of the four of us here, Baccarin is a Sam and I. Yeah, it's true.

Is that right? Yeah. Yeah, well, it's much harder to win for a presenting category than it is for, you know, stapling a piece of paper. Oh, okay. That's what I've been told, Mitch. Well, I feel that another reason I didn't win is because

I didn't write complete lies on my application. You know what Jenna wrote on her application for Best Off End Newcomer? What? In addition to my WSFM duties, I am a producer for Is It Just Me, the podcast. I did not write that. Hold on. So you were skating on our success. That was my 30 under 31.

Yes. Again, another lie. Under 30. Yeah, another bullshit. Yes, I admit to that. And that. What did you win for that? Tell us what that is again. The first seven-year-old woman to win a 30 under 30 award.

And I'm proud of it. Now, did you get a trophy for that? No. Sam, do you and Jenna, because the ACRAs were remote this year. They weren't held at a function centre. Oh, weren't they? No. Oh, well, fuck it.

I don't want one. They were digital. But do you guys get sent a trophy? Do you have to pay for it? I have no idea. No one has texted me. No one has said anything. Yeah, sorry, Sam.

We actually should say, Sam, what Acra did you win again? Some multimedia execution. Multimedia. That's the one. I could never remember it. But yeah, no, I found out in a hotel room by myself. By yourself. Your Krishna is listening, isn't she?

You're like, by myself, sweetheart. I swear I was by myself in a hotel room. And I was dry as a bone. Why are you telling us that part? Yeah, I don't know. Do we get something? I don't know. Of course, you wouldn't get cash, but you'd get a trophy.

I want a trophy. Do you actually not have one? No. No. Let me send them up. That's stupid. Don't even have finalists. Give me their number.

Bottles. Let's call them. Call the Commercial Radio Australia now and say, Hi, it's me, Mitch Chirri. You know me, obviously. But I don't know you. You didn't give me best comedy segment. You gave it to Henry and Anderson.

Yeah. Yeah. Hamish and Mandy. Hamish and Mandy, yeah. Hamish and Mandy. Ah, the close down for the year. That's a shame. Have you ever won a trophy?

Yeah. What was it for? Water polo, I think was my last name. Nationals, New Zealand. I didn't even play on the team. They just took me for morale. Yeah, right. But I got proxies.

You're a cheerleader. Yeah, yeah, by the side of the pool. Still worldwide. You were really good at drawing zinc on their legs and shit. No, you put on the nose. Yeah, right. Have you won a trophy? Only one.

And I was so fucking annoyed as a kid because my brother had like 40 trophies. Like they just give them to anyone when you play football and soccer. If you play cricket, it's like best bowler. Cleanest white pants. Like his fucking wardrobe was full of them. And I didn't get any until I think it was 2016 when I moved to Sydney and I got vocational student of the year, which means out of every bastard that went to tape in New South Wales, I was the best. What's vocational mean?

I don't know, but can you congratulate me or something? Congrats. Sorry. No, very good. I was the best fucking tape student out of all of the state in that year. And you know what? Five years later, clearly there's only been duds after me because now they've asked me to come back and host the award.

Oh, my God. And the vocational student of the year award goes to... I'm just warming up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a first place ribbon for blowing a ping pong ball off the top of the pool from one side or the other. Get out. That was a race.

Yeah. I put ping pong balls on top of the water. That's sensational. Along the surface. I fucking won. Sam, any trophies? I went home A couple of weeks ago

And for the Yay Yay Thank you They were very gracious Well done I found a trophy In a bottom drawer

From 2002 And it was the Junior Encouragement Award For music See what I mean They give it to any Offer music That's sensational

In 2002 I was six Or something I was going to say See sport They give it to any, oh, for music. That's insane. Yeah, in 2002 I was six or something. I was going to say, see, sport, they give stupid subcategory because, like, senior encouragement, junior encouragement, geriatric encouragement. Like, they do it for everyone. But, yeah, music, that's good. You've got junior music encouragement.

Fuck. Are you guys on the walls in your school? You know the big wooden plaques that they put up in the halls and they, like, get someone that makes gold lettering to just put your name on, like, school captain. And then it's got, like, from when the big wooden plaques that they put up in the halls and they get someone that makes gold lettering to just put your name on, like school captain. And then it's got like from when the school opened in 1916 to the current day. Oh, yeah. I'm on one of those.

Yeah, I'm on mine. I won the drama award every year from year seven until year 12, except in year 11 when they realised that I have won every year. So they gave it to someone else and the teachers even pulled me aside and said, oh, it was going to be you, but just for optics, we've given it to Alyssa. It just even pulled me aside and said, oh, it was going to be you but just for optics. We've given it to Alyssa. It just goes to show it's all bullshit. It's all bullshit.

Like the fact that they didn't do a thorough background check on Jenna's under 30 of all. Correct. She's been here since the dawn of time. You can't give that to her. Counter rings. Absolutely. But I got it.

She goes, oh, I thought it was 30 centuries. Yeah. That's what she believed. She genuinely believed it too. Well, they didn't specify so. Of course not. What do I do? And that's on them. Yeah. That's what she believed. She genuinely believed it too. Well, they didn't specify. No, of course not. What do I do? And that's on them.

Yeah. To be perfectly honest. Of course. That's on them. Who runs that shit? I want to ring them instead. Fucking idiot. Where's Jenna's trophy?

Anyway, it's time for 5 in 10. The segment I play on my new show, Summer Breakfast, I thought I'd bring it to the podcast. Would you guys like to play? Yeah, go on. No. Would you like to play? No. Why? No. All the podcast. Would you guys like to play? Yeah, go on. No. No. Why? No. Alright, Jenna, would you like to play? I'm just not in the mood for sound effects and shit.

And also, don't take credit for that game. My new game. What do you mean? It's my new game. Let's roll it. Alright, in five... In ten seconds, name five categories in the chosen topic so you can pick out of the current categories.

Entertainment, celebrity, sport, science or lucky dip. Celebrity. You're going to have to speak up. You're on radio here. Celebrity. Thank you, Jenna. With sealed section there? No, we removed it as I got a complaint yesterday,

so we had to pull sealed section. Ah. Yeah. So this is the soft cock version of Carl and Jackie. Yeah, well, I never claimed to be them. Jenna. Can you just... Oi, can you just...

Just to rebel against that complaint you got for being too sexual. Just be grotty. Just the filthiest thing ever. Like, name five slang words for a vagina. Go. Ten seconds, go. Name six racial slurs.

You did it, Jenna. Jenna! You've won. You did it. You've won a four-day trip to prison. All right, no, Jenna, this is your real chance to do this. Okay? In ten seconds, name five Kardashians or Jennas. I don't want to do this.

See, no one wants Kim. Kim, Kourtney, Kylie, Kendall. One more. Put some effort in. Oh, Chris. Did you say Kardashian or Jenna? I said Kardashians or Jenna. Oh, I could have slayed that.

I was like, I don't know the fucking... That was so annoying. I don't want to do it. Kim Cotton or Candy Kyler? Shut up. It's like those people that are like, oh my God, I'm so embarrassing to sing. I'm on the many things!

So annoying. Don't make me sing. It's Sam's turn. I've given you science category. You're the smartest person here. Since when? Science. In 10 seconds, name five planets.

Go for it. Jupiter, Saturn, Mars, Earth, Pluto. Pluto a planet? Neptune. Not anymore. Neptune, one more. Mercury. Yeah, Mercury. Well done. Well done. Come on, Mitch, you have to do it. Everyone's won.

You get to pick the category. What do you want? Entertainment, celebrity, sports, science, lucky dip. Lucky dip. Fuck it. Whoa. I'm random. Oh, God. This is tough.

Turn this down. Sorry. In 10 seconds, name five things you'd find at a music festival. Pingas, eckies, needles, vomit, coon bags, UDLs. He's won. Congratulations. There we go. Picking ducks $200 voucher to Sephora Beauty

Including Huda Beauty Peace out and more Smooth Can I be on your breakfast show? No, chance in the world I want to promote my podcast You couldn't because my executive producer Is Nat Penfold

Oh no The awful arch nemesis No Nat Penfold booked me on the edge last week. Maybe she'll book me again. Imagine if she booked me. You had to interview me. Imagine. Imagine. No, we did talk about it, but we should go guys

for the final time, season three. Oh, really? Already? Yeah. We need to let people go enjoy their Christmases. Prepare for the genocide show. It's the 13th of December. Yeah, I know. Have you done your Christmas shopping? Nah. I've done none. I've got a fucking shop. Yeah. I'm one of those people that goes to

Maya Westfield the night before. Or two nights before. No, I hate that. No, I kind of like that there's a magic in the air of the craze and the Christmas decorations and the low stock and the extended trading hours. Low stock? Where's the magic in that? You're like, oh, I really wanted to get them this shirt, but there's only four XLs left.

No, it's not that. But it's looking at the shelves and seeing like there's not much on the shelves in Coles, you know, all the eggnog's gone or there's not many panettones left. Like people have really stocked up for Christmas. There's only the shitty hams left. God, no. I can't do that. I can't leave shopping that late.

Yeah. Plus, I've also gotten this reputation for myself for always getting thoughtful gifts. And I'm like, I don't have any thoughts left, actually. Yeah. They're all gone. They're pretty much out. They're gone. Yeah.

We have actually, guys, just sit for a second and speak if you actually have a thought you think is worth saying. Oh, maybe I should do. You know what I should do? Because people love my meditations. Literally, I'll empty your mind. Oh, okay. should do, you know what I should do? Because people love my meditations. Literally, I'll empty your mind. Oh, okay. Okay.

Yay. Oh, that's the other thing. I didn't tell you guys this. Fuck. I just remembered. Yeah. As a little surprise, I organised for a private sound bath class in the studio. Oh.

Sound bath. Where is the bath? No, that bird that comes in with all the pots and gongs and shit. Yeah, no, that fell through because she was busy today. And I was like, I could try and reschedule them, but I don't know what you guys are like. Jenna's like, I've got Zumba. Every day except this one day.

And Connie's got a Santa photo. Well, Mitch, why don't you guide us into 2022 and season four of the podcast with one last final guided meditation? I'm going to need some sound bath. Okay. Find that on YouTube. I can get sound bath, yeah, of course. I'm pretty sure last time I did a meditation,

wasn't I doing an I to Bartro's impression? Yeah. Maybe I should be spinning. Oh, no, wait, I've done some normal ones too. Here we go. This is sound bath by Michelle Burke with a C. Right. Welcome to my guided meditation.

If you're at a place to safely do so, begin by closing your eyes and bringing awareness to your breath. I've done that. Shut your mouth. Feel your chest expanding as you fill your lungs with air. Now work with me here. On your next exhale, release any tension you may be carrying in your shoulders. Let them relax.

Breathe in. And relax them all. As you continue to breathe in and out slowly, I want you to think of one thing that's been causing you stress recently. What can you handle? Well, your eyes are meant to be closed. Sorry. you do think of one thing that's been causing you stress recently? I'm looking at it. Well, your eyes are meant to be closed. Sorry.

Now picture that one thing that's been causing you stress inside a snow globe. On your next inhale, you're going to give that snow globe in your mind a big shake. As you exhale, watch the cause of stress dissolve into a million tiny pieces of snow. And gently float down to the floor. Let's try it now. A long inhale. Shaking your stress up. And exhale, letting long inhale. Shaking your stress up. And exhale. Letting it dissolve.

As the snow in your imaginary globe begins to settle, so too do your thoughts. All the snow is completely still. Peaceful. Close your eyes! Oh, you've ruined it. I dropped my snow globe. Oh, I was really enjoying that. I was impressed by how long I had you all going.

And then old mate just goes like this, opens his eyes and darts around the room. I was like, oi. I thought you were done. Be present. I was about to wrap. Well, I, for one, am very relaxed. I do actually feel a little bit better.

That actually really did help. I really enjoyed that. Now what are your New Year's resolutions? I felt bad shaking you around that snow globe, though. But the genocide choice coming. That's the thanks I get for all the blood, sweat and tears I put into this show. He puts me in a fucking snow globe and shakes me to death. My New Year's resolution?

There's nothing there. Maybe go to the beach? Beach more. Actually, yeah, mine. Maybe go to the beach. Beach more. Actually, yeah, mine would be go to the beach. What? You don't want that. You want to improve your life, not put yourself through fucking agony. Yeah, I hate the beach.

Same. Yes. Guys, stay safe. Enjoy your holiday season. Be merry. And if you want a green skip bin touched by Jenna, it'll be out the front of Kiss FM in Macquarie Park

For the next 12 days Alright anything to add Mitchell? No Then I think we should wrap Yeah Thanks everyone You can still get tickets to Mitchell's live show Yeah

Where can people get your tickets? Link in by? Yeah Alright guys Well we didn't think Because we had John Laws on We should end our last show of the year with his closing music, the music that he uses at the end of his radio show.

Isn't this nice? It is. This song is giving me goosebumps. What the hell? Let me be a little kinder. Let me be a little kinder Let me be a little blinder To the false of those about me It's all about being nice to each other.

Mitchell, take note. Yeah, right. Let me be when I'm weary Just a little bit more cheery Think a little more of others and a little less of me. Oh God, I'm getting all emotional. What's wrong with me? We need to get out of here.

Alright, we love you all. Look after yourselves. Stay safe. And do we want to give them more than 3% over the holidays or fuck them? That's all they're getting. Oh, we'll do the maths. And we're going to miss. Hold on. Where's my calendar? Yeah, pop it up.

Hang on. Three, six, nine, twelve. What comes after twelve? Twelve. Fifteen. Fifteen. Eighteen. Eighteen.

I'm no good at time symbols. Twenty-one. We hope this podcast made you feel at least 21%. Yeah. Oh, that's a nice touch. That's all we want to leave you on, 21. And when I say at least, it means it could be more than that. I'm sure it will be, to be honest. Yeah.

Let's be real, this content will make you more than 21. We hope this podcast makes you feel 52 weeks better. Tell them a baby's in the oven. There you go. Have a little legend baby. Love you guys. Thank you for listening and we'll see you in season four. Can't wait.

Love you idiots. We'll miss you. Bye. See ya. Bye. Let me be a little kinder let me be a little blinder to the false of those about me let me praise a little more let me be when i'm weary just a little bit more cheery. Think a little more of others and

look less of me.