Is It Just Me? - #98: Bitter Bitches with Christian Hull

Episode Date: February 28, 2022

Christian Hull is our guest host this week! Head to moretalent.com.au for tickets to see him live.In this episode:Christian hates dog people (10:03)The worst things about weddings (18:57)We don’t trust the ‘auto’ button (26:20)Christian does a ‘Sound of Silence’ prank call on his producer Phoebe (31:14)What does Christian think is better than drugs & dick? (36:22)Our “Secret Segment” ADDebrief (41:01)Follow us @coupleofmitchesSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

People do some weird shit. Would you like to try a vape? Why would you take up something that is going to be addictive and expensive? I think for people. I'll tell you why. Yeah. Because you're young and stupid. Some things make more sense than others.

You mentioned that your goal was to be healthy, and I just don't know how you figure that's going to happen when you're ordering a chocolate mousse. No. You know, I had it in the car on the way home, and I didn't have a spoon. So I was like an armadillo trying to get ants out of a hole. Brace yourself for the rude shocks of young adulthood.

Being fingered is an awful sensation. You haven't been fingered by the right person. Goodness me. This is Is It Just Me? Hosted by a couple of bitches. Hi, it's Jenna. Please don't forget to include my name in the opener this season. I'm sorry.

Ta-da! Now, here's Mitch Chooley and Mitchell Coos. Episode 98, It's a Date. Hello, Mitchell Coos. Hello, darling. And welcome to Christian Hull, our guest this week. It's a date with Christian. Hello.

Hi, team. Can I just say, you are so radio. You're like, hey, it's the podcast. Tuning in. It's a date with Christian. Hello. Hi, team. Can I just say, you are so radio. You're like, hey, it's the podcast. Tuning in. It's ten past seven. Checking the roads now with Tramp. No, it's because we come off the back of an opener and I've made it this stalky, stupid thing, Christian, where I say the number of the episode

than a dumb rhyme. So 98, it's a date with Christian Hull. Once you hear it, you'll go, he's a genius. You'll hear it. Will I? No. Will I? This is great.

Thank you for being here. Mitch, are you friends with Christian? I know you know him more than I do. I'm just a fan from afar. Well, Christian and I do go way back because when I was a little media student, just moved to Sydney, my teacher put me in touch with a successful alumni and that was you, Christian, because you were pretty much doing the exact job I wanted. Bottom of the barrel.

Yeah. Well, there weren't really many other people doing digital and social media stuff in radio because it wasn't really a job at the time. No, I mean, still sort of not really. Oh, yeah, it's a bit of a random job. But yeah, I remember my teacher put me in touch with you and we had the most professional and earnest catch up. I thought, oh my God, this guy is so polished. Then you started posting your own videos and I was like, oh, so this is the real Christian Hull when he's not on his best behaviour

mentoring young students. He's a fucking gronk like me. It was fabulous. Did I give you good advice or did I tell you to run for the hills? Oh, totally. You gave me really good advice at first. You were, like, super encouraging. But then after a while you were like, get out.

It was all a lie. It was all a lie. It was all a lie. I was joking. Please leave. Well, I guess that's what we have in common. We're all sort of radio nerds. I'm still stuck in there. I'm tethered down.

That's all I can do. I'm still a broadcaster thinking that people listen to me at night when I have to get my boyfriend to call every night to be a fake caller, but that's beside the point. Even in breakfast I was getting friends and family to be callers. Well, how long did you work in radio, Christian? How long, like all up? What was your stint?

In commercial radio, nine years. And then I did community radio for five years before that. So it was like 14, 15 years in the radio bubble. And I loved it. Like I had a really great time and it taught me everything that I'm able to use for my social channels and how to talk to an audience today. use for my social channels and how to talk to an audience today. But Jesus, in the end, you sort of get 14 years in and go, really, my pay has only gone up by $5,000 when I first started?

You lasted 14 years. I lasted four, darling. So you're more tenacious than me, Jesus. That's a long time. It's a long time. Yeah, but you went straight in. You were like straight to the top. Your job was right in the thick of it. I spent quite a number of years trying to get into the thick of it.

And you can only last like four years where you are. I don't know, Mitch, because how long have you been in radio? I've been in radio seven. I've done seven. But the first two was street team and you're not in content, so there's not the pressure. It's fine. You can have cans of coke.

I was still straight, so I had no sort of existential dread sitting on the shoulders so i was loving it but seven's long and how does it make you feel mitch when uh christian says things like radio's dying that's literally the titles of one of his podcast episodes right i haven't heard that i haven't heard that one um but christian care to elaborate on how radio is dying really yeah okay no like i'm so cynical like i went through radio and i chewed me up spit me out and i'm like like i've come out a bitter human being yeah but um look for me i just think when i was younger i listened to kyle and jackie o and that carried through you know my formative years were with you know ugly ph Phil and Jackie then it was Kyle and Jackie and I like I'm obsessed with them because that's who I grew up listening to and so they're still on air like my god but they're they're the last of their breed

same with Jonesy and Amanda like they are the last ones when they go I'm going to be really interested to see what happens because you can have amazing talent like jason pj but your audience like in my day back in my day i'm 35 you didn't have much choice you had radio and you had morning television and the newspaper now you've got everyone has a social platform everyone has a podcast everyone guilty yeah multiple And so there's so much choice. So the market is so much wider. So radio really has to offer something unique. And radio at the crucial time when social media was coming in,

it didn't adapt. Yeah, it had a brief window. Yeah. And it had a window to jump on things early and it didn't, you know, I saw all the radio networks could have jumped on podcasting a lot sooner, but they didn't and they waited for other people to explore them and make them big and then they were like, we're doing podcasting. I'm like, well, you should have been doing it six years prior.

We're doing podcasting. I'm like, well, you should have been doing it six years prior. They had the opportunity to build a real broader entertainment brand versus just radio. It's funny because now that I've left SCA, I get like KISS, where you guys work, like pay me a lot of money to do sponsored stuff for you guys and so does SCA. And I've seen it on our radio station. Is that me with a beard?

Have they Photoshopped a beard on me on the Insta story flogging a2 milk and no that's christian howell i'll get it have you ever seen christian in real life uh i think from afar maybe once christian yeah mardi gras was it mardi gras i think it was mardi gras you were broadcasting yes broadcasting live from mardi gras yeah i was i feel like a lot of people, Mitch, expect you to look like Christian in real life because he is, like, tiny. The first time I actually saw you in real life, Christian, I was like, holy shit, you are so short. Yeah, I'm 169 centimetres. I'm tiny. I'm whatever that is, 5 foot 6.

169. I can't do the face thing. I don't even know what I am. It's too much. It's too confusing. You know what's funny, Christian? My cousin, I was at a wedding on the weekend, and she was very pissed. But she was like, I love Christian and what he's done with the schools.

And I sent my kids to Catholic schools. And what if their guy loves everything you've been doing? And was like, you know, I think you, as in me and Mitchell Coombs, are a hybrid of you. Like you kind of have. Really? Yeah, you've got like the loudness and the lovability, the cute cheeks of me. Oh, and then the cynicism and the cuntiness of Mitchell Coombs. Oh, my God, that is so true.

I've got Mitchell Coombs' cuntiness and then occasionally, very occasionally, yeah, your joy. Yeah. But very rarely. My joy. A little more old Coombsy, old bitter Coombsy. Yeah, that's me. Do you know what?

I'm pretty sure I've actually told you this before, Christian, but I fully take credit for any success you've had because I remember many years ago before you started making videos and stuff, there was an interview you did and they said, what inspired you to start making videos? And it was like, oh, I saw Mitchell Coombs made this Bougainvillea video and I thought I need to get up off my ass and start making videos too. So that's nice, but it's a little bit annoying that you've completely fucking eclipsed me in terms of success.

But, hey, you'd be nothing without me, don't forget. I don't think so. No, I'd absolutely be in a gutter somewhere with that. Oh, the old Bogengate video. Oh, fuck, that was so good though. Like, wasn't that just. That Bogengate video. People still claim the Bogengate.

How annoying do you get because you're like, that was so long ago. Like, I get a lot of Trish because I played a character called trish and i that's sort of how i shot into the spotlight was playing a mum with the wig christian was that the blonde wig yeah with the blonde wig i i don't i don't do that anymore and everyone's like when's trish coming back that's what i was about to ask because i haven't seen trish for ages when was the last time how long has it been since trish passed away god i don't know it's been a. It's been a while. I'm just sort of done with it. I've exploited Trish in every possible facet

that there's nothing more to do and it just looks like I'm trying to go back to the glory days. Yeah. People have said that to me. You need to do a follow up to the Bogan Gate video and I'm like, I fucking showed you everything. What do I do? It's a tiny town. Yeah. That's all there is. I'm sure the tea towels have been updated. There's probably a new design.

No. With your face on them. The craft shop's closed. The craft shop's closed. They're one business. There were too many old ladies dying off. You could do like a fucked getaway, Mitch. You could just go to fucked towns and give tours of disgusting towns in Australia.

You could tour them. Oh, I'd feel a bit bad slagging off other towns. I can bag my own. That's your own. But I can't just go and visit some town and be like, this is disgusting. This is shit. Here I am in Wollongong, low lives. Are you from Wollongong?

No, I'm from the Shire. Close enough. And you're calling out Wollongong. You're from the Shire and you're calling Wollongong a cesspool. Right. Okay. Look, you're way more than your ex-radio career. You're very, very, very prominent online.

People love you. When we posted that we were having you on the show, very excited. And do you have an idjim? I believe you prepared one. Is that right? Do you know what an idjim is? Do we need to explain the basis of the show? I feel like you should just in case there's anyone new listening.

Do a radio reset. If it is your first time listening, we start the show the same way every week with something you've noticed, something you hate or appreciate. It's an is it just me or an idjim. I bring one, Mitch brings one, and neither of us know what we're about to say. And Christian's brought one. I also don't know what he's about to say, so we're winging it. I brought one, and I'm really passionate.

Really? Who starts? I think we let Christian go first. He seems like he's passionate about it. Yeah, you ready to go first? Yep. All right, so we'll count you in. Our VO guy, Bradley, will tee you up and then go straight.

Go for it. All right, Bradley. Is it just me or? Do you also hate dog owners? Get in the bin. Fucking hate. I hate dog people. I hate people that own dogs.

I love, well, no, I don't love dogs. I just don't. Do you guys own dogs? No, no. No, I've got a cat. She's just like not far from me in the house right now. I'm such a cat person because she's a lot like me in energy where she's like, get out of my face.

We don't really speak to each other. I live in a really uppity area in Brisbane and there's a trend going around, oh, my dog's friendly and they don't put it on a lead. Oh, no. I'm just like, fuck, like, it's so annoying. And then they're like, oh, he's so well behaved. Like, oh, he's friendly. He's a friendly dog.

Oh, he's so friendly. I'm like, it's not about your dog. The other dogs are on a lead because they're not friendly. And now your dog is just freely walking up to another dog. Oh, no, I can't believe you got attacked. Your dog's vicious. I'm like, put your fucking dog on a lead. I was walking the other day and there was a couple

behind me and they were like awfully training there. It was like a kelpie and it's like a cattle dog. I'm in the middle of the city. To give you an idea, I live in something. It's like Paddington or Woolloomoolooey. Lots of streets and hills and it's narrow.

You want your dog to run free? Like where's it going to go? It can go 10 metres and then there's a road. It's not like, oh, I don't want to restrict my dog on the lead. I'm like, it can't fucking go anywhere. And they were constantly being like, Scout, Scout, sit, heel, by my side, by my side.

No, yes, no. I'm like, just put it on a lead or let it run onto the road and die. Yeah, Christian, I've brought this up and have been equally as impassioned Just put it on a lead or let it run onto the road and die. Yeah. Christian, I've brought this up and have been equally as impassioned on the show before about extendo leads and how they're the bane of my existence, those leads. Oh, the retractable ones. The retractable leads that just go for miles.

They're worse than no leads because you get tangled in the legs and then they wrap up your thigh and then the dog runs through and weaves around different owners. It's a mess. I can't stand them. It's the worst. And, like stand them. It's the worst. And, like, this whole my dog is friendly, oh, piss off. How do you know?

Like, Ted Bundy was friendly. Do you think Ted Bundy's mother was like, oh, he's ferocious? No. She thought her son was friendly. He murdered 24 women. He was not friendly. Like, you know. Everyone's friendly until they attack, right?

Everyone is friendly. It's also not about whether they're friendly or not because when they're off the lead and the dogs, like, come up to you and are, like, putting their nose up in your business, it's like, I don't care how friendly you are. I just don't want you to touch me. Like, I just don't want to be involved. No. They're gross and smelly and I'm just. And then there's one and it's this beautiful giant wolfhound and it looks fucking terrifying but like of all accounts he lives in the local area he's quite a friendly

ish dog um but when his owner goes into the woolworths the dog is so enormous sits right in front of the automatic doors and you can't get in or out. And it's also because there's young kids. The kids are terrified. And I'm just like, I understand that your dog is this big, beautiful, friendly giant, but these children can't leave the fucking store with their mother because this dog is sitting in the way and they're screaming and crying. Oh, my God.

Like, what are you doing? And you can't rationalise with dog owners too because it's their fur baby. No, you can't at all. They change. They become like, I don't know what it is. Like, they allow filth into their home. It's disgusting. The dog smells.

It's like sitting on you and they're like, oh, isn't it so cute? I'm like, get it off me. You haven't clipped its clippers, its paws, and now it's sharp. I just, I just not. I just hate people. I've sensed that. But what about even dog people who don't own dogs? Like if I'm out with friends and I can't walk more than like 10 metres

without my friend just going, oh, hi, baby, and just bonding with some random dog. I'm like, no, ignore it. Yeah, Phoebe, my good friend and content producer, Phoebe, is the most obsessive dog person and will go, every time there's a dog. And it's like you can't have a conversation with her and just she has to be, excuse me, can I pet your dog?

I'm like, oh. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God, I've got so many friends like that. I don't have time. And so are you a cat person or just not a pet person at all? No. I'm a nothing person. Plants are the only things that I can handle that are living.

So you two just hate joy? Any sort of form of love? Joy? No. What part? Like, dogs are cute. Don't get me wrong. So cute.

And I'll be like, oh, that's such a cute dog. And I'm like, I am done. Get it away from me. Like, it's annoying. It's got a shit somewhere. It's pissing everywhere. I'm like, no. get it away from me like it's annoying it's got a shit somewhere it's pissing everyone I'm like no same as children really I mean I say that I hate people and I hate leaving the house but when you say it I can't actually tell if you're kidding because I feel like it's completely true no I I genuinely uh it's taken me a while like I always thought

people like you'll find the one you'll have a relationship I was like yeah maybe I will I mean I'm 35 and I just don't want I don't I don't like sleeping in the same bed with someone i don't want to make a compromise on dinner i like you know being nude and not being judged in the house i like shit everywhere like i live my best life alone and then when people like if i want to go out for dinner oh god alone oh it's just really i really like it sounds like a real narcissistic thing to say but just love my own company just there's no responsibility there's no pressure you don't have to like oh i'm running five late or you know gotta do this gotta do that it's just like just do whatever and so does your mum do what my mum does where she's

always kind of pressuring you when are are we going to meet your special someone? It'll happen one day. No, my parents have actually, I think my parents have always known that I'm just a grumpy arsehole. One man show. Well, you've got your sister and brother. Yeah, exactly. That they can go to.

Are they still a bit like, are they still doing this on their, tap their watch and look at you? Oh, definitely. And every time I say it's not going to happen, I don't want kids. Mum's like, you never know. And I'm like, I'm pretty, it can't happen by accident, can it? Not for you, no. It's a bit tricky.

And so you've never been in a relationship, right? No. No, I just have three minute hookups from Grindr and it's quite amazing. I remember hearing, I think it was on, God, when Emra Shiano did Breakfast, when you were on, you were doing a segment and I remember you saying, it stuck with me, that you had a separate room, a spare room in your house that you would exclusively use for hookups. So you had your main bedroom.

You would never fuck in there. But the spare guest room was your fucking room. Is that true? Do you still do it? Yeah, that's true. Yeah, because my bedroom is gross. It's just messy. And so I just have a guest room that's always made up that looks super clean.

And I'm like, oh, look how clean I am as a human. And it's my sex room. And a lot of people know that now. So friends just, well, I mean, I don't have any friends. And they also never want to come and stay. So it's fantastic. Because they're like, oh, we don't particularly want to stay in your sex room. I'm like, win.

Winning. And so if people are ever in Brisbane, like, for example, hypothetically, if I'm in Brisbane and I say to you, hey, want to catch up, are you secretly in the back of your mind thinking. Cancel, cancel, cancel. Fuck no. Like, I'd rather not. Like, look, it's not just you.

It would be everyone. Like, everyone. I'm just like, just people. But it's so, like i i find it so draining like you know having it go somewhere socially catch up it's all the weird awkward small talk that like i'm like i don't you know unless you've got some real juicy gossip and you're willing to hear some juicy stories like i don't particularly want to catch up yeah like it could have been a voice message whatever you have to say like it could have just been some Instagram messages and then that's it.

I feel like a lot of people find it surprising when people like you who are so, you know, loud and out there and such a performer, they find out that you're an introvert because would you say you're an introvert? Many are. Yes, very much so. Just really. So, my brother defined extrovert and introvert because I was like, well, I'm obviously extroverted. I'm so loud in your face.

But he said an extrovert gets energy from socializing and an introvert expels energy from socializing. And I was like, oh, my God. Oh, I'm an introvert because I hate socializing because it makes me so exhausted. It's so exhausting. And there's just a moment where I'll be at a party or even at my brother's wedding. Like, I was really thankful I was the emcee and I had a job to do because if I didn't, I would have been like, I need to leave. Yeah, same. I just can't handle this because it was just, it was a great wedding.

But it's just so much, like, every family member and it was great to see everyone but it was it's just so overwhelming oh my god that is the perfect tie-in to my yijam if you don't mind i can mine is very topical sure right now do you mind if i leap in i'm not to cut you short but i'm sure no go for it but okay bradley tears up though thank you very much is it just me or would you wish people stopped fucking asking you to emcee their weddings? Oh, my. The bane of my existence. Just because I talk for a living doesn't mean I want to talk at your fucking wedding. I don't want to get up and introduce speeches from your family.

That is work for me. That's what I do for a living. You wouldn't go to a baker. Oh, can you bake dinner rolls for my wedding? My family would love it. If you're friends with a butcher, you wouldn't go to a baker, oh, can you make dinner rolls for my wedding? My family would love it. If you're friends with a butcher, you wouldn't go, can you provide the steak for my wedding? It is so stupid and backwards and from this point on,

I'm not going to feel guilty for saying no when my friends ask me to emcee their wedding. So did you emcee your sister's wedding that you just had? Yes, I emceed it on Saturday. Family's different though. Yes, family's different. Because you know everyone, it's a lot easier and you're performing to an audience of people that you just had yes i mc'd on the on saturday family's different though yeah because you know everyone it's a lot easier and you're performing to an audience of people that you know and love yeah yeah and and it's it's kind of fun it's still a lot of work but the amount of i

hate confrontation and i've had some close friends say um we'd love to offer you the role of mc and i've been like can't i just come and enjoy the wedding that's exactly my point i have this is true the only wedding i've been to as a non-mc i was an infant i was like three i was a page boy and i still was on the fucking clock i haven't checked out and relaxed and enjoyed a wedding my entire life and the worst part is is when they they make it like you know when you offer someone to be your bridesmaid or your maid of honour and they get a little bow and they get the little satin nightie and they get a little champagne glass, will you be my maid of honour?

And I've had someone do that for MC. I'm like, this isn't, you're not bestowing this upon me. This is a pain in the- Like it's an opportunity. Yeah, like it's an opportunity. Add it to your LinkedIn. You MC'd Rochelle's wedding. I'm like, I don't want to emcee Rochelle's wedding.

Do people ask you all the time, Christian? Yeah. Yes, they do. And it's always really close friends. If you have some randoms ask and I'm just like, oh, I don't know you. You send them how much that would cost you, like your day rate, and they go, forget about it. Email Millie and she'll reply with you know 25 000 per hour

but yeah when it's close friends it's just and you have to be like i'm so sorry um but uh no no no thank you surely your close friends know you well enough to not even bother asking like they know how you're wired you'd really hope so but you would have been asked like both of you would have been asked heaps of times, I reckon. Yeah. Have you done it before? I've done it twice. They were both family members, though.

Yeah. And so I didn't mind. And they were like the first weddings I remembered going to. Yeah, as an adult. And so I thought, yeah, these are what weddings are. And then I had my first non-MC wedding. I had no job to do, nothing. And I was like, oh, this is what weddings are for.

Yes. Freaking party. I was blind the whole time. Free piss up, free food, drunk aunties. It's heaven when you're a guest at a wedding. And when you're the emcee, everyone comes to you. They're like, oh, this is running late. This is happening.

I don't – I literally say, here's some speeches. Welcome the couple. Here's some cake. And you have everyone coming to you with their issues. I'm like, I'm not the wedding planner. Yeah, I know. My sister came to me and was like, we're running late. We have to cut the cake. We have to cut to you with their issues. I'm like, I'm not the wedding planner. Yeah, I know. My sister came to me and was like, we're running late. We have to cut the cake.

We have to cut the cutting of the cake. I'm like, wait, are we cutting the cake or are we cutting the cutting of the cake? She's like, we've got to cut the cake. I'm like, what the fuck do you mean? And we're all yelling and then come on, Eileen's playing. This is too much. My uncle's like, you did a great job. Great speech.

I don't give a shit what you think, Uncle Rob. It's just weddings are chaos. Oh, weddings. MC. Weddings, though. Why? This has been the most bitter episode we've ever done. I love it.

Really? Oh, no. I'm so sorry. I've really brought it up. No, it's really setting my heart on fire. I love this bit. This is Mitch's dream episode. My love language.

Christian, would you elope? Because my partner Hayden and I have thought, we're like, fuck, the money my sister spent on a wedding is nuts. You could buy a property with it. I'm like, I'd rather elope with my boyfriend than get married. Eloping is like, if someone goes, oh, we got married, we eloped. I'm like, that is fantastic. One, as much as I, like, I know I've just, like, I don't want to MC.

I'd rather go to the wedding. I wouldn't even go to the wedding. I'm like, right, there's a wedding I don't have to go to. And also, I'm like, that money you're saving, you can now afford to put on a house deposit because house prices in today's day and age are fucking stupid. Yeah. Yeah.

Couldn't agree more. This actually flows in quite nicely to my, is it just me that I've just thought of as well. Bradley hit it. Oh, you think we're all broadcast professionals? Oh, stop it. Is it just me or? Is one of the worst parts about going to a wedding,

having to get dressed up in formal clothes that are uncomfortable as fuck? There's no such thing as comfy formal wear. A suit. No, I disagree. I am most comfortable. Are you kidding? And I'm a big boy. I'm a chunky boy. I am most comfortable in a suit. No, I disagree. I am most comfortable. Are you kidding? And I'm a big boy. I'm a chunky boy.

I am most comfortable in a suit. I promise. I would never have guessed that because for a fatty like me, suits are the most uncomfortable, unflattering, horrible feeling. And I know you would have both had to wear them a lot because you've got to put on a suit for all these radio functions and awards nights. And it's awful. It's sweaty and gross and uncomfortable.

Really? No, I like it because it cinches me in. I feel so protected. Like I'm in a little cocoon. Like I love the bow tie. It hides the neck. I love the white shirt and the jacket hides the tits. Well, see, I like a bit of movement in my outfits.

If I'm wearing a suit jacket, I can't put my hands up and dance like a little fart. Oh, see, see, yeah, right, right. I can understand it from a hiding perspective because a blazer, like it makes you look smarter and it draws this V line in. So it makes you a bit, and because it's all fitted, it makes you look a bit thinner. Gives you shape. But it's so uncomfortable.

And as soon as you take the like sort of blazer top off, everything's hanging out. The buttons are so tight and they're like, you look like a pressed hand. I just, like, it's just the worst. Oh, I love it. I've invested in a good pair of Nancy Gans. I had to do something for the Arias last year.

What's Nancy Gans? Like, you know, Spanx, like the stuff that sucks you in. Yeah. I think Nancy Gans is the name of a woman who has her own line. I love Nancy Gans. Yeah, she's very, I love Nancy. Are they comfortable, though? No, horrific. Absolutely awful. They're so, I think I, I love Nancy. Are they comfortable though? No, horrific.

Absolutely awful. I think I like punctured a kidney, but I look so slim. Christian, this has come up on the podcast before. One time my idgum was, is it just me or does Nancy Gans deserve to be shot? She's like, those things are fucked. Why would you be wearing Nancy Gans? Yeah, you idiot. You're a rake.

Because, a rake. We did our podcast photo shoot the week we came out of lockdown, so no gym in three months. I was like, oh, I'm not feeling great. Oh, yeah. 13 kilos later. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you gain 13? Over, since, so I have just gotten back into

like this real fitness routine and I logged back into MyFitnessPal and it had my starting weight when I joined it back in early 2020, which was 13 kilos lighter. And then I was like, oh, I actually signed up in 2013. So I was like, what was my starting weight then? So I'm currently at 114. In 2013, I was 80 kilos.

Wow. I was like, oh, my God, that's like blow away in the breeze. Like I put on. You were also a kid. You were a child. No, I was like mid-twenties. 2013? We were children. We were children. Sorry, yeah, I've got it wrong.

I was a kid. We were just born! Yeah. No, I was like ten years out of high school at that point. You were like, we were here stepping. You should follow these idiots online. Search couple of Mitches. You're listening to Is It Just Me?

Yes, this is Is It Just Me? We're here with Christian Hull. By the way, if you want to see Christian live in Melbourne, Sydney or Perth, head to moretalent.com.au to get your tickets. You're going on tour, Christian. Oh, God, I love you. Yes, I am. I'm very excited that the world is starting to open up again

and I can go and see people. Do you do meet and greets? So how do you cope with that if you hate people? Well, they're paying. It's different when they pay. When they pay, they can have all the time in the world. But, yeah, usually I'll try to meet people. COVID has put a big squash on it because a lot of venues don't want that

and also it can be a lot of – it's a bit of a a risk at the moment so I haven't been doing it and loving the fact that I don't have to do it is it true that you didn't like you weren't really keen to do stand-up shows not at all kind of pushed into it forced into it my management forced me into it and then uh I hated every moment of it did four shows. Was like never doing that again. And then they paid me and I was like, sorry? That's how much I made? I will absolutely do more. Oh, so you actually hated doing the shows as well? Because I was pretty similar.

Like I wasn't that keen. I was kind of pushed into it. And I was like, I could easily hate. What did you hate, Christian? But I actually loved doing it in the end. Oh, good, good. I hated. I didn't think it was funny.

I thought it was really awkward. I just didn't like the fact that, like, I'm really – people needed to be laughing for the full hour. Otherwise, I was like, I'm bombing. And you get used to that. And I now appreciate the silent moments because you need those where you can – it's not that they're not interested if they're not laughing. It just that you you've got to build that story up to get to that sort of punch line um yeah it was so daunting and really terrifying um and so i was like well i

pushed through a national tour um because i was like well i mean the pain is insane so i'll just push through it and then like driving a car you do it over and over and over're like, oh, I'm really happy with the show that I've got now. I've tweaked it. You know, what normal comedians do is do the test shows and sort of work it out. How would you cope doing something like an open mic night where the people there don't know you? Nope.

Never do it. So you test your material out on paying fans. Yeah, so the very first and second shows are my test shows and then I sort of work it from there and by the time I'm finished, I'm like, great, by the 30th time, I'm like, this is a great show. Congratulations to those who came to the very last show. Well, there you go, guys. Go and see Christian on the maybe fourth, fifth show.

No, no, no, because I've done this show, I did this show about 40 times last year. So this is the same show that I'm touring. Ah, there you go. Alright, recyclingmaterialmoretalent.com.au Go and see Christian live! That's good. Yes, I am. Is it just you, Christian? So this is when we get someone to write in or they send us a voice note on our Instagram and we just critique

them. We answer their question. Who have we got today? This one's from Corey and Corey says says is it just me or do you not understand the auto function he says like i've never used it i don't want to start it scares me and i don't trust it to do their job now he's talking about like auto in you know when you get in your car and you do auto aircon or you do auto in the microwave or you do auto on what any sort of um tech function that has order i'm the same i don't use auto uh when i do auto on any sort of tech function that has auto. I'm the same.

I don't use auto. When I do auto air conditioning in my car, driver fan's car, it's like it just, I'm like, how does it, what is it? It doesn't stop blasting. It doesn't feel right. It's like really trying to get 18 degrees as soon as possible. I'm like, no, I don't want that.

I'm like, Corey, I don't trust anything that says auto. I'm like, nah, I want to be in control. Yeah, maybe that's our personality types. We want to be in control of everything. What about if there was a machine that was auto fellatio? Would you trust that? Would you put your dick in it? Absolutely not.

God, no. What? I would. Every time. Every time. Do you have a flashlight, Christian? Sorry to dive right in there. Yeah, no, I used to.

And now I get sent a lot of them because I did a TikTok. And now people send me ones with water jets and air compressors. See, I've got a partner, so I have a real, I guess, a real light and a flashlight that's not needed. But I have always, even at like 17 and 18, but I lived at home, that stopped me from ordering one. But I love the sensation of trying it. I think it'd be so fun.

Yeah, it gets a bit old. That's it. Yeah. I can't believe you just referred to Hayden as your real fleshline. No, he's a beautiful person. Oh, come on, but that's what he is. That's pretty real. Once you see him, you go, oh, yeah, that's the walking fleshline.

You all know straight away. All right, thank you, Corey. That was a great issue. Now, when we put on our Facebook group, Christian, that you were coming on the podcast, one of our listeners said, oh, you need to get Christian to do one of your Sound of Silence calls. There's an opener for this. Let's get into it.

So how Sound of Silence works is you call someone, and then when they answer the phone you have a little bit of a chat and then once they ask you a question it might be oh so what did you call for what do you need something like that as soon as they ask a question you just don't answer it and see how long they stay on the line waiting for you to answer it and then you're only allowed to speak once to try and extend the silence one bridge phrase yeah you might say something like yeah i'm still here or oh yeah oh, yeah, just a sec. And then you've just got to see how long that silence can last.

I'm so ready. I'm so excited for this. Really? I would have picked you to be someone who hates something like this, to be honest. The only reason I'm so excited for this is because I know I'm going to do really well because my content producer, Phoebe, I could literally be like, just one second.

And she will hold on the phone for half an hour. Just wait. Because she's your employee. No, because, yeah, a little bit. Yeah. Because she's your employee. No, because. Yeah, a little bit. Because you're her boss. You pay her rent. You pitched me this idea and I was like, absolutely not.

I'm not doing that. And the only person I'm going to do it with is Phoebe because, one, I know she won't get offended and, two, I will absolutely nail this challenge. She talks and asks a lot of questions. So this could go one of two ways. Okay. Well, I'm pretty sure the record is like two minutes 12 or something around the two minute mark when nat penfold did it so i reckon

you're gonna beat that one if you just got the timer at the ready that your producer phoebe's gonna like wait until you're ready to talk here we go all right ringing hello ringing hello oh hi sorry i just wanted to ask did you before i go to this appointment did you have any questions for me because i'm just gonna be gone a while what appointment what What? Are you still there? Yeah.

One sec. Sorry. What is going on? So sorry, so sorry. I just wanted to check, because I'm going offline for a little bit. Did you need anything from me? No, I'm okay. No, all good.

Right. I'm only going offline for. You don't work with whip at 130? Are you muting me and saying weird things? What is going on? Hello? So sorry, I'm just stuck in something. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Did you need me for anything? Is that it? You can tell her if you want.

You beat the record. You beat the record. You've won. Oh, we beat the record! I mean, you kind of cheated. Yeah, you were speaking more than once, but whatever. We'll claim it. He won.

It's Christian Hull. He can take it. Yeah, totally. Sorry, I'm playing a game and I just had to keep you on the phone and there had to be a lot of awkward silences and we won. Go team! I'll buy you one small coffee. Thanks Phoebe. A couple of Mitch's said hi. We love you. A couple of Mitch's said hi. Who?

Yeah, exactly. She knows and loves who you are so she's going to be mortified. I've got to go. Bye. I'll talk to you soon. I'm actually not going offline but I'll talk to you in a minute. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. Okay. Yay! Let's go! Oh, my God. Wow.

Can you play the promo, which is a couple of minutes to say hi? Who? Oh, my God. I love that. That is too perfect on many levels. All right, guys. Christian Hull. You can go and see him live, like we said.

You're a superstar. We love you so much. Thank you for being here. Thank you so much for having me. I'll talk to you soon. Love you. Also, you can check out Christian's podcast, where he pretty much just abandons every rule he learnt in radio about, you know, keeping it tight, getting to the point quickly.

It's called Complete Dribble. Although, I did think in the middle of that, I'm like, well, people are currently listening to two and a half minutes of silence on your podcast, so. Oh, we love you. Thanks for coming on. We'll talk sooner, eh? Right. I know what you're thinking.

If you're a loyal listener, I fucked up. I fucked up. I made a grave error and forgot to ask Christian the same question that we ask every guest, which is, what is something that you believe is better than drugs and dick? Because you know we like to remind you that there's more to life than partying and boys. So we ask every single one of our guests to tell us a little thing in life they appreciate. So Angela Bishop said her waterbed is better than drugs and dick. Jess Marboy said being barefoot in the garden.

And as soon as I realised my error that I forgot to ask Christian, I did hit him up and asked him to send a voice message with his answer. So I'm just going to open the email. He's attached it. The subject line is drugs and dick. Wow. My line of work is so weird. Okay, here we go. Great question.

I know. Because to be honest, nothing is better than dick. Like, there's nothing. I knew he was going to say that. And the only drugs I've ever done, well, no, I've done, no, I did, yeah. I won't go, yeah. There's no need to share with you what drugs I did. Oh, come on.

For me, I'm 35. Remember this in my answer, gardening. Beautiful. I moved from Melbourne to Brisbane and Melbourne, I killed everything I ever tried to grow because Melbourne sucks. But Brisbane, plenty of sunshine, plenty of rain. My garden, it's just the Garden of Eden. Like it's so beautiful and it's so therapeutic to garden

and I absolutely love it. And sometimes I like putting dick in my mouth in my garden. So, you know, it just makes things a bit more fun. And everyone asks me if caramilk's better than dick. Yeah. Yeah. Martin. If you put caramilk on a dick, holy sweet Jesus, it's amazing.

There we go. I fixed my error. So now back to the podcast. Where were we? He's just hung up the thing. Right, It's amazing. There we go. I fixed my error. So now back to the podcast. Where were we? He's just hung up the Zoom. Right, he's gone. He put his finger up at us too. Did you see that?

He went, fuckers, goodbye. Talk shit about him now if we want. Not that we would. Not that I would. He is so genuine. He's so sweet. I could never do what he does where he does a solo podcast. What's it called?

Mindless Dribble? No, Complete Dribble. Complete Dribble. I've got friends that love it. I've got friends that love it. I've got family that love it. I listen to it a lot as well. It's like, it's amazing how he can just be sitting there doing nothing and it's so fascinating. Well, that's what Hayden loves to put like old episodes of Friends on and he watches

old series of Drag Race just to kill the time and have something playing and you kind of pick up 20% of it. So maybe that's what it's perfect for. No, you've actually, because there's so much silence in these podcasts, it's like you'll just be like, all right, now hang on. All right. Like the sort of thing that you'd usually edit out. Like it actually makes me lean in a bit further.

I'm like, oh, what's he doing? We'll go and have a listen to Christian. And he goes on so many tangents. It's great. Really? Unlike this show, we're professional, tight and bright. Tangents, not us. Also, I love the who.

Like that is perfect. I know, I do. That's already in a season opener. Sensational stuff out of Christian. All right, well, let's go. Before we go, though, guys, you have hours left to shop our FebFits merch range. It's closing at midnight. Yeah, so this episode comes out literally a day before our FebFits merch store closes.

So if you're listening to this in March, sorry, you missed out. No merch for you. Yeah, or if you're listening in 30 years' time. The merch was so big, Kanye West bought us out. It's in museums now. It's in museums. Yeah, it's in there. What's the one in Sydney?

Maritime Museum. It's in the Maritime. No, they've actually got Madame Tussauds wearing wax versions of our merch as well. Yeah, so the merch is available right now if you're listening live. Go and grab some. And don't forget to get the blue pop socket. That is us done for the day, everyone. For the day.

Why am I pretending we're live on the air? I know. All right. Well, thanks for listening. And we will see you guys next week. Thanks again, Kristen, for coming on. Yeah, Kristen's a superstar. Leave us a five-star review.

You can do it on Spotify now. I was on Spotify the other day. You can leave a rating on Spotify. They don't let you write words, but you can leave a five-star rating. Well, you can word us up on Apple Podcasts. It keeps us going. And thank you to Apple. I'm sure Tim Cook is listening, featuring us in the gay section.

The Mardi Gras. They featured us on the Mardi Gras homepage of Apple Podcasts. So when you're browsing, we were under the heading louder than ever. I'm like, yeah, that sounds about right. Maybe there's an issue with the levels on the show, and they couldn't hear one of us before. But we are louder than ever. Yeah'm like, yeah, that sounds about right. Maybe there's an issue with the levels on the show and they couldn't hear one of us before. But we are louder than ever. We're very gay.

I love how it says louder than ever, as though we were once quiet. But God, they fucking – Nowadays, you can't shut up. You can't shut them up, exactly. All right, we'll see you next week. Thank you for listening, everyone. We love you. Love you, buddy.

It's faint. Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of mitches. Make sure you've hit follow on your podcast app. Welcome to AD Debrief. This is our secret segment on the end. We pretend that we're done and then we keep chatting away. Nothing's planned or structured in this bit.

No, we trick you. Yeah. Welcome. We just talk shit, essentially. You've been tricked. Do you think there's anyone listening now that's new that has gone, what? I've just discovered it.

Oh, sometimes people do, but other people say to me, do you really expect people to believe you when you wrap up the show? Because you can see quite clearly on your phone that there's like 20 minutes left. But I'm like, I never look at podcasts and go, how long's left? As soon as they say we're done, I go, all right. Same. So like I reckon we could trick people easily. Also, I sometimes cut podcasts up at their wrap.

I don't want to listen to their fucking wrap. And all they say is, follow us. See us next week. Thanks for listening. You know, tops and tails. I will cut it off if I know they've still got five minutes left and they're going to rap my bar. Yeah, they actually do send you that data. It shows you when people drop off and stop listening.

And for Trash Alley, me other podcast, it's whenever we go, all right, well, it's been another great week. Thanks for listening. People start to trickle off there because they're like, whatever, they're wrapping up. But for this podcast, I think people have figured it out because they stick around to the very, very end. Because they're like, what are they going to say in the secret segment?

It's a genius marketing by us. A genius way. TSL, time spent listening. No, it's not genius because I genuinely don't want people to hear this. Truth. This is the worst part. Can't you just do as you're told and stop listening, people? Fuck.

If you haven't got your merch yet, I mean, God, guys, I know we gave you a little plug. You might miss out. And this is the worst part. Can't you just do what you're told and stop listening, people? Fuck. If you haven't got your merch yet, I mean, God, guys, I know we gave you a little plug. You might miss out. And this is our best yet. I do love it. I've got plenty hanging in my wardrobe. I need to buy some myself, actually, because I've got, like, the mocks. Yeah.

The samples. Yeah, Hayden's wearing the sample to bed, the singlet. It's a shame to wear that out in public. Yeah, that's a bit rude because it's a freebie black shirt. Maybe if he paid for it, it'd be different. No, he's wearing the tie-dye, too. He could wear that to the gym. It's perfect shame to wear that out in public. Yeah, that's a bit rude because it's a freebie black shirt. Maybe if he paid for it, it'd be different. No, he's wearing the tie-dye too. He could wear that to the gym. It's perfect for the gym.

I wouldn't wear it to the gym. No, I wouldn't want to get that all sweaty and yuck. You know Hayden, he loves to stand out and proud in the tie-dye. I thought that's what you meant. I don't want to stand out at the gym. No, but like that material at the gym, no. Yeah, and also, you know when you sweat and you need a T-shirt to mop it up? I don't need the shirt, but yeah. No, have you ever long like a singlet and you can feel the sweat dripping like

it's not being collected anywhere a little bit yeah oh it's the worst that's what i could never go to the gym in something like that yeah that's the only downside of all the oversized shirts i wear because they don't really cling to your armpits they're meant to be baggy and then i'm like oh i can feel the sweat but oh well isn't that funny that my idgm your idgm christian's idgm all flowed on from each other? I know. Well, that was not what I was originally going to use as my idjim, but then I thought of it as we were talking and I was like, right, this is going to work. Well, I had another one that I was going to use about bigger boys because Christian's a bigger boy and I thought he'll be able to back me up on this.

But my MC one is perfect because I was going to do it if we didn't have Christian anyway. It's funny because you say he's a bigger boy, but every time I see him, I'm like, shit, I forget how small you are. Like, he's tiny as a human. Oh, yeah. And he's not even that chubby. It's just because he's so short. Like, I'm not exactly a tall person, but I feel like a fucking giraffe down at Taronga Zoo

when I stand next to Christian Harle. He's like a little penguin. He is tiny. And I saw him with Tanya Hennessy, and he's shorter than Tanya Hennessy. How tall is Tanya Hennessy? Just a bit taller than Christian Harle. Great to know. Yeah. Great to know. Good metric. Oh, you know, we love him. It's true. So I had my sister's wedding. I want to talk about my sister's

wedding over the weekend. Oh my God, it was a love fest. I felt so loved up. Did they go all out? Because you said it was expensive. I think it was, yeah. I don't know. But I think it was tens of thousands of dollars, upwards of 50. Yeah, you'd think so. Mum said that the flower arrangements were $6,000 on their own. What the fuck? For flowers that die in a day.

See, that's something that I feel like, actually, no, I do love flowers. If I was having a wedding, which again, huge hypothetical, probably never going to happen. It will. I would be looking for, no, don't say it will. You sound like my mother. It won't. And I'm fine with that. Do you want me to stop saying it will?

I mean, that's the first time I've fucking said it. You can say it could because maybe it could, but like I don't. That's not nurturing at all. It could. Yeah. No, but when you say it will, that makes it sound like I don't have a choice. Yeah, true, true. I'm comfortable if it doesn't ever happen. But anyway, I'd be looking for things to skimp on makes it sound like I don't have a choice. Yeah, true, true. I'm comfortable if it doesn't ever happen.

But anyway, I'd be looking for things to skimp on because it's like I don't need to spend, buy the most expensive shit for every little element of the wedding. Maybe I'd skimp on a DJ and I'd just get an aux cord. Yes. Because I'd rather be the DJ myself. And we've got an aux cord lying around. So save the money buying one. Exactly.

You already own it. Yeah. Yeah. I reckon that's something I'd skimp on. I wouldn't want a band there or one. Exactly. You already own it. Yeah. Yeah. I reckon that's something I'd skimp on. I wouldn't want a band there. Yeah. That's what Becky skimped on. My sister Becky was like, we got the thin paper on the brochures.

I'm like, great. You don't need thick four-ply paper on the pamphlets. Because people fold that up, put it in their suit jacket, and they wash it, and it gets gross, and they never look at it again. I'd also be quite comfortable wearing like a cheap shitty suit. Oh, yeah. I reckon I was thinking about this while we had Kristen on. If I ever had a wedding,

I would make the dress code comfy. I don't want people in formals at mine because I don't want to be in formals at mine. What would you wear? A long flowy v-neck top that makes me look cute. Maybe some shorts. I don't know. Yeah, shorts would be nice. There was some shorts. It was a very traditional wedding,

this one. I was a groomsman with my new brother-in-law. And MC. And MC. Fuck. And I made a speech. It would have been a very proud speech. It was great. It tore the house down.

It was messy. And you know what it made me think? It made me think, oh, you will be in my bridal party. Yeah, no, I've already shotgunned. Well, I'm just letting you know. Because you have no brothers, so I've got that advantage. Yeah, but you've shotgunned. I think we discussed it.

I don't know if it was on the cloud or not, but I was like, oh, maybe. But after being at a wedding and this close to my life and being my sister and I could see it happening with Hayden, I thought, oh, yeah, I want you up there. I think you're both good for it too. You guys could afford a wedding. I think we'd be okay. Yeah.

Would I be just one of the groomsmen or the best man? Well, best man is, I don't know, is that too traditional? Maybe I'd choose something more gender neutral, like best one. Best them. No, I don't use they, them pronouns. Now he's best. Just he's best. He's the best.

He's the best Mitchell Coombs. Yeah. No, yeah, you would. I think you would be. I don't know. I'm going to have to do my own. Does that mean I have to organise the hens? Yes. For both? No. Well, that's the thing, because Coombs. Yeah. No, yeah, you would. I think you would be. I don't know. I'm going to have to do my own. Does that mean I have to organise the hens? Yes.

For both? No. Well, that's the thing because we're gay. Fuck tradition. I don't think we'll have a Bucks. We're going to have separate Bucks. I don't want to have a Bucks. I just want to go out and get pissed with friends before the wedding.

That'd be fun. Well, that's all it'd be. Yeah. Again, that's an opportunity to skimp because you don't like alcohol. So as if I'd waste money. Do you use my money? Imagine if you and Hayden both had bridesmaids and groomsmen each because you know how it's always like, oh, the bride and her bridal party,

she chooses them and then the groom and his groomsmen and he chooses them. That would mean that neither of you get women so you should both have a pool of each. Yes, we are. We are. So I'm doing my two sisters which was weird because Becky was was like we want you to be in the party of the women and the men but we're going to put you with the men i think because she's more traditional and brothering or it was very weird i'd much rather be with the girls which meant on the day of the

wedding and it was in the farm they were at different properties right the day of the wedding hayden was with the girls because he walked my mom down the aisle. What? Hayden did. Okay. No. Isn't she? No. No, the dad walks down the aisle with the bride. So mum was going to come in on her own and she felt awkward. So she begged Hayden to do it.

And he was like, I don't want to walk. He would have had such imposter syndrome. Like, why the fuck am I walking down the aisle? Yes. Everyone was like, who the fuck is that? And he was wearing a thick coat. Did you see what he was wearing? No. A corduroy.

I mean, I saw it, but I didn't really pay that much attention. It was a thick corduroy suit. I've just Googled best man wedding duties because I don't know what I'm agreeing to here, other than having to organise the hens and all that. Yeah, hens, I think you have to console me on the day. You do know how to talk me off a ledge. You're very good at de-stressing me when I'm stressed. I hope that I wouldn't have to talk you off a ledge on your wedding day.

Not no, but stress. My auntie's being a bitch. Where's the cake? Right. My bow tie. I'm sweating. I'll be that bitch. You won't even know on your wedding day. Not no, but stress. My auntie's being a bitch. Where's the cake? Right. My bow tie. I'm sweating. I'll be that bitch. You won't even know what's going on.

Yeah, that's good. What are your auntie's names? Who do you have? Karen? I'd be like, Karen, we've been through this. Get the fuck out of my kitchen. The kitchen? Yeah, because I'd be there like organizing the cake and stuff.

So I've got to organize the bachelor party, help the groom and groomsmen get their wedding attire. Oh, fuck that. Yeah, because I have to pay for all the suits. Good. Maybe I won't skimp on the suits then. You'd have access to my bank card. I'd just give you a debit and you'd just go spend it.

That's actually right up your alley. Ensure that the groom and groomsmen get to the ceremony on time. Oh, fuck. You're organised. Make a spreadsheet. It says ensure the groom and groomsmen. So I have to make sure you get there on time. Imagine me on my wedding day. Hold on to the wedding rings. I can do that. Serve as a spreadsheet. It says ensure the groom and groomsmen. So I have to make sure you get there on time. Imagine me on my wedding day.

Hold on to the wedding rings. I can do that. Serve as a witness. Oh, I get my signatures on your marriage license. Oh, fabulous. But we have probably have the same signature. Oh, MC. Yeah.

The amount of jokes I got about that. MC and you're an MC. Oh, same. Shut up. You know what I realized recently? Sorry, just while we're talking about our initials. Out of all the podcasts I've done, my name's never been first because we try to do alphabetical order so it's fair.

So Not My Cup of Tea with Aislinn, Mitch and Talisha. Aislinn, she came first, obviously. Trash Alley with Alright Hey Mitchell Coombs. Alright Hey begins with A, that comes first. This podcast, I was so fucking close down to the initials. I have Mitchell C and then you eclipsed me with the H That comes first. This podcast, I was so fucking close. Down to the initials. I have Mitchell C and then you eclipsed me with the H instead of C-O-O.

I was that close to getting first on the naming rights, but I will. Hold on. Mitchell Coombs and Mitch Jury. Mitch Jury, Mitchell Coombs. I guess because it is just me, it's not like, we're not a duo in that sense. I think it works. Offer the first toast to the newlyweds.

That means I have to do the first toast. Fabulous. I have to make sure I don't get pissed by the first toast. It'll probably be my 10th. I don't think you have to do this. These are just options. Collect gifts and cards from the guests. I can do that.

Yeah, Becky and Kurt had a wishing well. Is that what you're going to do? I think so. Yeah, I don't want all this random clutter. You know, I probably shouldn't be saying this, but they got $18,000 from the guests in money. I feel bad taking money from family and friends. Well, they're kind of, they see it as like paying for their meal, really like they're

at a restaurant because they're getting free food and shit out of it. Oh, the food was phenomenal. Yeah, exactly. So it's kind of like paying for that in a way. True. I didn't even think of that. Decorate the getaway car. Getaway car? Yeah. You know how the bride and groom, sorry. So it's kind of like paying for that in a way. True. I didn't even think of that. Decorate the getaway car. Getaway car?

Yeah. You know how the bride and groom, sorry, sorry, why did I use straight terminology? You know how the groom and groom drive away with like the just married banner and shit on their car driving, you know, dragging tin cans and all that? Yeah. Apparently I'm in charge of the decorating the car. We didn't do that. Also, I think what you are in charge of is you're in charge of delegating to the bridal

party. So you can tell Becky, Rachel, my two sisters, fucking do the car. You're the boss. So you can delegate all these tasks, really. All you need to do is be there to sign. Oh my God, I'm absolutely the right person for this job. You are. No, you actually are.

Oh, this is going to be fabulous. This is an interview. Wait till we get married. And I have to announce this to everyone. Hayden caught the bouquet. Did you see the footage? No. Oh, but isn't that – that's saying something, isn't it?

Because I feel like – you know how people say when you want kids, you're clucky? Yeah. I don't know what the word is for weddings, but I feel like you're clucky to get married after seeing your sister get married. Yeah, I am. It was a beautiful ceremony. You know how I love family. So a three-day getaway with nothing but family is – I loved it.

I was in heaven. This is the footage. Play it. He almost runs at it. I should take it as a compliment that he wants to – Oh, God. Yeah. Yeah, it didn't look like there was much competition there.

There weren't many people lining up to get the bouquet, to be fair. No, there was a sea of women behind him that were very unimpressed. Yeah, but he, oh, right, because you couldn't see that in the video, but yeah, he dove out in front of them. Yeah, he went out of his way to get it. Well, to be fair, your sister is also a shit aim. Like, she threw the bouquet, like, basically right behind her feet. He sort of appeared out of nowhere.

It was quite bizarre. All the women behind him were screaming. Oh, I see the other angle now. Yeah, the other angle. Well, he had to dive forward because your sister can't throw for shit. Obviously, everyone listening can't see this, but there's the bride there about to throw the flowers behind her. People are about 10 metres away,

and the flowers landed right next to her ankles. So she didn't really throw it. There was no heave. I think it was planned. I think they heated it up because she wants him to be brother-in-law, of course. All the family do. Which is the pressure as well. All the family are like, well, you're next.

Are you not? Yeah, we are. But anyone could be next. Oh, God. You're starting to sound like Mitchell Coombs. No, I don't want to be told what to do. I shan't be next. You will be, probably.

I just know it's not going to happen for a while. I don't want to get married yet. It's too early, too soon. Fair enough. I mean, here I am being like, nah, get married, but it does not affect my life one bit, so I can't really comment. I also don't want to get divorced. Not that we would, but you want to live together.

You want to do everything together. We even want to live overseas for a little bit together before we get married. I want to anyway. You know that even though you're not married now, he's pretty much legally entitled to anything that you would be because you've been living together for ages, so he's a de facto. So if you guys broke up, he could absolutely go to court

and try and take some of your money. Or do you want me to draft a prenup now? Yeah, can you get like, will we do a prenup? No, I'm not wealthy enough. Well, that's true, but you could also take him to court on the flip side. If you break up now as de facto you could you could claim half of everything he's entitled take him to the doctors today and i barely wanted to do that imagine taking him to court couldn't be fucked well i

don't think you have to take him you know what i mean there'd be lawyers and shit but yeah i didn't realize that until recently someone told me that oh if you're living together i think it's six months or something then you count as de facto and you basically have the same legal entitlements as a married couple. And I'm like, I will absolutely be that bitch, even though I don't have heaps of money to my name. Just for the peace of mind, I'd make a boyfriend of mine after six months living together sign a prenup,

be like, don't try and flog my shit. I don't trust men. What is de facto? I've just Googled it because it's such a weird. De facto. It just means you're a couple that is as strong as a married couple, but you're not legally married, I guess. Oh, it means expressed by law in Latin.

See? So you've got to. Can we start calling Hayden your gay facto? Yes. Gay facto. Joining us now is Mitch's gay facto Hayden. I mean, you could be dating someone for five years and not living with them and you're not de facto, but as soon as you're living together, de facto.

Isn't that great? It's so much easier to live together. You know what the current issue is in our household? Is that Hayden can't fucking drive and is driving me, literally, no pun intended, insane. Because he's got all these doctor's appointments because of the way he reacted to COVID, which is great. We're getting to the bottom of it.

But it's 8am and I have to go with him. I've got to drive him. Well, maybe Hayden should be the one that we teach to drive now that we've done Jenna. She's not licensed yet, but we have to take your gay facto L-plating. I'd do it. Yeah, why don't you though? He doesn't want to do it.

He does not want to drive. Well, you should turn around and say, maybe I don't want to drive. I do it all the time because I can't drink. I honestly think my lack of drinking now, I very rarely drink, is because I have to fucking drive all the time at every function. He can get blind and then I'm Dezo. Oh, that's bullshit. Yeah.

Yeah, no, he's got it good. He knows exactly what's going on. Thank you very much. And his mum knows it too. His mum's like, don't you fucking let him get away with it. Every lunch we go to, she brings up RMS and just slides from the phone and goes, I'm blind. And she's like, I'll pay for it.

I'll buy you a car. He has everything he needs to be set up. He just doesn't want to do it. I don't know what I'd do without the ability to drive. I'd feel like my wings have been clipped. Yeah, I have. Have you ever actually clipped a bird's wings? It's very traumatic. No, I've never had the need to clip someone's

wings. I've actually clipped a bird's wings. It's awful. For what reason? Because it's like a toenail. You can clip the wing, but most of it's cartilage, but then you get to the actual bone and you've got to sort of like judge it. Similar to when I'm cutting the cat's claws. Yes. Some of it's actual flesh. Some of it's just, yeah.

Yes, but it's a fucking wing. So it's like their arm. It's actually really traumatic. They're feathers, yeah. Yeah, they're feathers. But the bird squawks its little head off. We grew up with budgies. Why the fuck were you clipping its wings? Because you've got to. They're feathers, yeah. Yeah, they're feathers. But the bird squawks its little head off. We grew up with budgies. Why the fuck were you clipping its wings?

Because you've got to, otherwise they'll fly away. You need to clip budgies' wings so then you can let them roam the house and they won't fly. Oh. They can glide. They can jump from there to there and they will glide down, but they can't catch flight. That would be so fucked if someone just cut my toes off.

We don't want him running off. Yes. But, yeah, I don't know what I'd do if I all of a sudden just couldn't drive. You should just tell Hayden you lost your license. I'm close to. I'm really close to. Just like photocopy a bunch of fines you've already got and then be like, yeah, another one. I've got no demerits. Send

me one of the RMS letters. I'll Photoshop it to say you've got zero demerit points left and you're fucked. And he has to get it. We faced that because I almost lost my, I did lose my license and his mum had to take a point for me. That probably shouldn't be on the record, should it? Oh, it's there now. Fuck!

My mum's done the same for me. Okay, good. There we go. Well, it's because my car used to be in her name, so I got a fine and the points went off her licence. She goes, I'll cop it just this once. But, yeah, so I didn't ask her to take points for me. I got done by one of those – they're hidden speed cameras

and they've removed the signage in New South Wales anyway, so you don't know. It could just be a fucking Nissan sitting on the side of the road, scanning you for speed. Yeah, I don't understand why they've taken the signs away, because don't you want people to slow down? Yeah, and they're like, it's not for revenue raising. Bullshit.

It's for safety. I call bullshit. How is that for safety? Because the signs make people slow down, thereby they're being safe. I know. Fuck governments. Oh, there's a plane flying over right now. Is it?

There's a reason that we're recording from home today, by the way, idiots. The Kiss FM studio was flooded during the horrific Sydney weather. So, yep, here we are. I was there and water droplets started trickling down from the ceiling onto the panel, which, mind you, is probably $200,000, the control panel that broadcasts the station, drip, drip, drip, going into this expensive panel, and they freak the fuck out. The roof must be real fucked.

Yeah. It happened literally yesterday when I was at lunch with All Right Hey, and we were bitching about the studio that we record Trash Alley in because it's like in an office building but closer to the ground floor. So if a big truck drives past, the producer, Michelle, will scream out, stop, and we just have to stop talking and let the – and then she goes, all right, keep talking. And we're like, fuck, we've forgotten where we were at.

Yeah, it loses all flow. And so we were thinking, Jesus, what's a bitch got to do to get some soundproofing in this office? Because it kind of throws – it ruins the flow because a plane will fly over, a garbage truck will drive past. Yeah. And we just have to keep stopping and starting. You'd never know. What about this studio here?

This is where Mitch has closet for God's sake. But yeah, as we were having this conversation yesterday about how shit our studio is, you and Jenna sent in the group chat pictures of the Kiss FM studio flooded. So I was like, both me studios are fucked. And I was like, catch me working from home every week for the rest of my life because I'm so over it. And isn't it good? Like it actually, you can go to the bathroom, you can go to the kitchen. Yeah.

I love working from home and I love the little home studio you've got set up. You've got blankies on the wall. Yeah. Trying to dampen it a bit. So what happened with your radio show last night? The studio was fucked. And we couldn't do the podcast there today because it's still fucked. You could use it

for recording purposes, obviously, like the backup studio. Right. The backup studio. Just me. It was a real mess. You just wouldn't expect that a bit of rain would cripple the radio station. The wires are not waterproof. Yeah, the number one network in the country.

Oh, it's so funny. Community radio stations are more secure weather-wise than us. I feel like my house in particular, I don't know what it is about it, but it must be so well soundproofed or the walls must be really thick because there's no background noise whatsoever. But if you open my window, even a crack, you'll hear, like, the busy- ass street that I live above out there. It is so loud outside. Yeah, you're right.

Yeah, it's very busy. I'm going to go open the window just to prove it. I don't know what it is about. Okay, go. We need to get walls like this in Trash Alley so you can't hear shit happening outside. I'm going to show you. Open the window. They are thick walls though, now you mention it. Ready? How much louder is that? Oh, my God.

You should hear it during peak hour. And now, nothing. Couldn't hear a fly fart. A fly fart. Oh. So, um. Natural light's quite nice. You look great.

Mardi Gras's next week. Mardi Gras is next week. Or this week by the time this episode's out. What are you doing? I saw you were all over TikTok. You're the face of Mardi Gras for TikTok or something. Oh, yeah. I saw that too. They chose me looking real grumpy in that photo, didn't they?

You did. You had your arms crossed and everything. And all right, I was behind you. Yeah. Bet he'd love to be behind you. Yeah, I'm just doing the TikTok float again. I nearly pulled out because I just couldn't be arsed learning the dance. But no, no, I'll do it.

Wait, wait, wait. What's the dance? I don't know. That's the problem. So you're on the TikTok Mardi Gras float like you were last year? Yeah, in the parade. And I was like, maybe I should just go as a spectator this year. But I was like, oh, I'm in too deep now.

I've got my fucking photo plastered on the TikTok app saying, oh, Mardi Gras, as one of the people that's going. So I'm like, oh, I'm in too deep now. I better learn the dance. You were good last year. And you were so blind, remember? Like you were drunk. No, I wasn't.

Why were you sober? During the parade parade i was 100 sober yeah which is so it was so odd because i'm always a little bit tipsy at least during the parade remember whenever we did the kiss float they'd price with alcohol as we were getting ready yeah and then we'd end up being blind in the parade but last year there was nothing didn't like it i'm getting blind this year i don't care if i have to smuggle a flask of booze up my ass it I'll bring you one I'll be there

I'm broadcasting live like Christian said I'll sneak in Just throw one at me I will In a water bottle I don't know what Hayden's going to be there It's Hayden's birthday on that day Oh how perfect

Yeah so we're going to have a big celebration It's going to be a big thing It'll be quite fun I love Mardi Gras I actually think the SCG Mardi Gras If you've never been Or if you're coming Come say hi to us

We'll both be there in Sydney But they used to do it down Oxford Street The gayest street in the city I actually think the SCG Mardi Gras, if you've never been, or if you're coming, come say hi to us. We'll both be there in Sydney. But they used to do it down Oxford Street, the gayest street in the city. And now it's in the cricket ground. In the stadium. Yeah, the stadium. I love it. Yeah, I don't mind it.

I think it'll end up back on Oxford Street, which is fine. Because, like, oh, for old times' sake, it's more historic doing it on the street. But, yeah, I kind of like the SCG vibe. The cricket ground. It's weird that it's a cricket ground. Yeah, it doesn't feel synonymous with gays walking around in crop tops and leather belts. And also, when I say I'm on the TikTok float, because we're doing it on a fucking cricket pitch

and they don't want to ruin the grass, you can't physically drive floats on there. So when I say that I'm on the float, I'm just doing a lap on foot. So nothing's floating. No, there's no vehicles on that. Like you've got people with giant props to try and make up for the fact that they don't have a physical float. Because usually it's people on the back of trucks and stuff.

Nah, in the SEG it's just people wandering. So it's a march! It's a parade, yeah. I'm not on the float, I'm just in the parade posse. You're rallying. I remember you get the most awkward, the most random I should say, floats.

They're like, gays for dogs. And it's just gays who love dogs. Dykes on bikes. Dykes on bikes. Gays who love toast for breakfast. I'll put myself on that float next year. What if we could do an Is It Just Me float? It would probably cost a bomb to get in there.

Oh, my God. It would, I wonder. Probably a lot. We'd be good for it. Don't worry. I have contacts. I could ring someone. I need a coffee.

I'm starting to fade. Yeah, same. We should probably go. Thank you to Christian Hall for coming on. Don't worry. I have contacts. I could ring someone. I need a coffee. I'm starting to fade. Yeah, same. We should probably go. Thank you to Christian Hull for coming on. What a legend. Oh, yeah. It feels like forever ago. Doesn't it ever?

Thank you, Christian. We love you. And we'll see you guys next week. Merch is available minutes. You've got mere minutes to go and buy. If you're listening to this episode the day it drops, the last day of February is literally the last day you can order merch, and then the store's closed.

You're fucked. You're fucked. You'll have to shop it on Facebook Marketplace and pay your premium. Thank you for listening. Five-star reviews, please, if you're so kind. Write us one on Apple Podcasts too. That keeps us going.

Otherwise, we'll see you next week for 99. We hope this podcast made you feel at least 2% better today. That's all. So we do. So we do. So we do. It's not quite the same without the chorus of Jenna and Sam saying it in unison.

One person saying it sounds a bit creepy. So we do. So we do. A bit cold. All right. Let's get that coffee. Yeah. All right.

We'll catch you next week, idiots. Love you. See you guys. Happy Mardi Gras. Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of mitches. Make sure you've hit follow on your podcast app. Bye.