Is It Just Me? - BEST OF: Fucking With Sound

Episode Date: January 22, 2023

Throwing back to some of our favourite bits from the podcast (so far!) This week, it's all the time we've fucked around with sound as the audio experts we are x   SEASON 5 COMING SOON!   Hit us up @coupleofmitches xSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of Mitches. Hello you, hello Mitchell Coons. Hello you, what's up? Hello you. Someone commented on my Instagram the other day going, hi you, and I went, that is so in, and it makes no sense. I wasn't even saying hello back, but it's caught on.

People love it. I love that it's catching on. It feels very sincere. Hello you. Hello you. Makes you feel special. It sounds like something like a really caring nurse would say to you. Yes. Like, hi, I feel really sick. I need to be checked out. No. Hello you. Makes you feel special. It sounds like something a really caring nurse would say to you. Yes. Like, hi, I feel really sick. I need to be checked out.

No, hello you. Take a seat. Yeah, like she pops in later on. She's been dealing with you for hours and then she opens the curtain. Hello you. Makes you think that you're the nurse's favourite. Do you think hello you could be negative? Like, going back to the, you know, the school sickbay. You're in there for two hours. You're really a pain in the arse for the office lady.

And she just pulls the curtain back and goes hello you but that would send shivers down my it depends on the tone like a bickering divorcing couple could run into each other at the front of the courthouse during one of their settlements and they're like hi you yes that's good good analogy see it's multi-faceted yeah um hey listen this is our last Best Bits episode before we're back for the new season, season five. Yeah. That doesn't mean that we're back next week for the new season. We've got to do all the admin involved with launching a new season. We haven't even got our new photos taken yet.

So bear with us, you. Bear with us, you. We'll get there, you. How have you been? Are you good? Oh, yeah, good. I've had the most – I'm a bit frazzled at the moment because I've had the most random morning of my life. Why? What happened? Oh, because our friend Aislin called me. You know how she works in childcare? Yeah. She calls me and goes, hey, have you got a cat carrier? And I said,

well, yeah, obviously I've got a cat and I've got a cat carrier. Yeah, Isabella. She goes, can you come into work? We've had a stray kitten show up and I need something to put it in because the kids are like poking it, patting it, trying to play with it, pulling its hair. And these poor little kittens just like not coping. So I had to go to the preschool with the cat carrier and all the kids were like, oh, the vet's here. And I like, it was so early in the morning for me. They thought I was the vet.

I was so tempted to ruin their lives and be like, yeah, I'm here to put it down. Make them cry. Look away kids. Or if you're into this kind of stuff, face it, make direct eye down. Make them cry. Look away, kids. Or if you're into this kind of stuff, face it. Make direct eye contact. That's awful. You don't give vet energy at all. Or did Aislinn say, oh, the vet's coming just to make them feel better?

I think she said, I'll take it to the vet. And then when someone unfamiliar turned up, they were like, he's the vet. And I was like, I'll take it. I'll save lives. I'm so pure. Anyway, so I took the cat carrier to the preschool. It was so pure. Anyway, so I took the cat carrier to the preschool and then I saw the kitten and it's like identical to my little Isabella.

It's like her when she was a kitten. So instantly I just fell in love with this thing and I was like I've got to protect it. Your maternal instinct kicked in. Yes, correct. And so we took it to the vet to see if it was microchipped so we could try and find out who the owner might be. Wait, wait, you wrangled this?

Was it easy to get wrangled? Did you have to get one of those, like, the sticks with the wire at the end and hook it in? How did you get this kitten? No, no, no. The kitten was so friendly and so chill, which was what made us believe that clearly it has owners. It's not a real stray.

Got it. Because it's been around people before. It was so adorable. I actually wanted to swap. It was much nicer to me than Isabella, that bitch. I thought, I'll just swap them. Anyway, we took it to the vet to see if it was microchipped. It was not. So we had no idea who the owner was. Oh my God. And there was no collar on this thing? Nothing. And so we're like, shit, what do we do? What do we do? Do we post in local Facebook

groups? We make posters. And so we're just going through the emotions of like, how do we get this thing back to its owners? And then the vet says to us, oh, this thing's riddled with fleas. Oh, it was? It was. And I thought, well, actually, even if it has an owner, I don't want this little baby going back to that owner. What a horrible owner. This tiny kitten, barely six months old, riddled with fleas.

So then I had to take it to the pet shop and buy flea shit. What the little droppers that you put on its neck? 70 bucks. Oh, my God. Well, you didn't have to do that, though. That's very sweet. But my maternal instincts kicked in. Yes, true, true. Wait, so you've got this thing. Did you buy it a collar while you were there?

I mean, you may as well, but it doesn't have one. No, because collars on cats have never ended well for me. We've lost a few childhood pets back when I was a kid. Just like getting tangled. We won't get into it. So where is it now? What happened? Oh, it's no longer with us. What do you mean?

Well, one of the – it's not dead, don't worry. One of the staff members, one of Aishan's colleagues at the preschool offered to take it. She goes, I've always wanted a cat. Let's do it. And she was willing to do everything that needed to be done, you know, the vaccinations, the de-sexing, the everything, the microchipping. And I thought, okay, that's good because if there was no other option,

I was really fighting the instincts to just be like, you can come home with me. Yeah. Also, that is a bold thing to set up. Take a cat, get it adopted and fleed in one day. What if there is an owner that's on the street going, Isabella, baby Isabella, and someone has it as their own new animal? Like, is this ethical?

How do you, what do you do? Well, I'll tell you what's not ethical. Letting a young kitten like that become riddled with fleas. And I have a feeling that that cat fled its home because it wasn't happy and it wasn't being treated right. So I think the cat was searching for help, that little kitten. It was looking for help. And oh no, Mitch is itching his ear.

You've got the fleas. It's jumping to you. Don't even, you know, like in school when teachers would talk about, oh, everyone just be careful because we know that there's head lice going around and as soon as someone mentions head lice, you get itchy. Oh, God, yeah. I felt like I've had fleas all morning. I've been scratching my under armpits like, fuck, they've got me.

They've got me. No, or when you get like one mosquito bite, then all of a sudden you feel like you've got mystery phantom mosquito bites everywhere around your body. Yeah, no, it's not a nice feeling. Do you know what fucking sucks? Is it just me on the fly is it just me or do you fucking hate it when you get a mozzie bite or some sort of itch on your ankle because if you scratch that it's not much flesh it's very close to the bone you end up with a bleeding ankle yep

you get a scab it's disgusting horrible i might do you do the cross technique where you get your fingernail and you put two lines in it and do like a little plus sign or an x no what does that do hayden taught me that it's apparently it stops it from itching like it just like you get your nail and you put one line in it really hard yeah yeah i get the other side and you do and you put an x in it or a t really and um it stops it from itching yeah it works it actually does work maybe it's like an old filipino trick because it's it really only he's the only person to ever show me that do you have to get hayden to etch your ex into your skin because you bite your nails, doll? How are you going to do that? It's just like a nub.

I just push flesh onto flesh. It's really too Frankfurt's butting each other in the head. Anyway, I'm glad that cat. Cat, if you're listening, welcome to your new home. Thank you. You're such a good egg, Mitchell. Can I show you a photo? This little baby is ridiculously similar to my Isabella.

Show me. And also the same suburb that Isabella was rescued in. So I'm like, maybe, maybe these fucking dropkick people just keep breeding these cats that flee the home. Oh, too much. That's too much. Right. Here's the photos. Look at this.

Look at these two. They're exactly the same. Oh, my God. They really are. Isn't that weird? Wow. Has Isabella chopped on a couple of kilos? No judgment.

Has she? Do you know what? I thought the same thing. In the photo you're looking at, I thought, fuck, she's gotten porky. But then I gave her a brush and now she looks malnourished. Like, I think that was all just her winter coat that hadn't come off yet. Okay, God, fuck, I wish I had that problem. Crabs get to shed their shell, cats get to shed their fur,

and here I am with just stomach fat. It's not fair. You just shed it in summer. You're like, gone, my winter coat. I wish. I'll try to shed it out. I'd love to. All right, we should start.

Today we're doing the best of – are we going to go with fucking with sound? Is that our brand that we're running with, Mitchell? I mean, that's what producer Callum, if you like, that's what producer Callum has named the episode, so it's fucking with sound. I think you're going to like this one because you know how much you love a sound effect. There's two things I love to fuck. It's sound.

And it's my beautiful partner. I do love fucking with sound. I love a good sound effect. And throughout the episodes and throughout the years, really, we have quite truly fucked with sound. And I didn't realize until, yeah, producer Callum put all this together and uh collated our best of sound and fucking with sound thank you yeah sorry fucking with sound but as you know i actually hate sound effects and so this is not a whole episode of sound effects it's also like sounds that we've created yes ourselves you know like we've done the instruments in studio all sorts of shit you're about to hear it all

should we kick it off yeah with a segment that I'm quite frankly surprised made the best bits? Because I do remember doubting this. I vetoed this segment and you only brought it up on the show when I handed the reins to you and said, I'm sorry, I'm too busy with my stand-up comedy. You have to plan this week's episode, back in episode 102. Oh, I remember. And I still think this is one of my best pieces I've ever brought to the podcast. It is, of course, the IJM Top 5 Doorbells featuring some enduring idiots

and some idiots of the show and some listeners who we adore. So this is it. Fucking with sound. Number one, Top 5 Doorbells. I've got some doorbell music playing. So there's our doorbell music. Right, okay. It's very on brand.

And what I've got, Mitch, is five doorbells. Five. Five doorbells. Let me tell you, I'll spoil it to you. Today we have an international doorbell. Really? So this is an Idjim top five in a way. Technically, yes.

I will get you to critique each five doorbells. Have you heard them already? I've never heard them, no. Oh, okay. No. And it's up to me. It's up to you to select who has the best doorbell in the world. Yeah, right.

This is glowing global, ladies and gentlemen. This is exciting. So Mitch will take notes. We are continuing, I guess, the My Kitchen rule scene by getting you to judge. Shall we go to the first doorbell? Let's start with Lisa on 131065. Hello, Lisa.

Hello, my Mitchie Moo. How are you? Oh, my God. Is this the Lisa from Adelaide? Oh, my God, darling. This is me. Hello, my Choo Choo, my Mitch, and my Madam Jenna. Hello.

How are you, my love? It was Madam J last time. Madam J it was. I know. Well, I have to be kind, though, because she's Jenna, and she's beautiful, and she's wonderful, and she's amazing. Thank you so much. You know.

That's all right, my love. Lisa, you were first cab off the rank. Can you please show us your doorbell? Are you ready for this? We're ready. It's Adelaidean. Are you ready? Adelaidean.

Good, Mitch. He's picking up notes of Adelaidean. All right, go for it. Oh. Oh. Ooh. Yeah, that sounds like the sort of thing that goes off when you walk into a store. It does.

Yeah. One more time, Lisa. One more time. Yeah. It rings twice. I quite like it. Yeah, right. Okay.

Short and sharp. That's classic. How do you feel about your doorbell, Lisa? Is that fucking annoying? It sounds loud. Listen, no, it's still going off. It fucking keeps going until you go there and turn it off. Oh, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's one going off. It fucking keeps going until you go there and turn it off.

Oh, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's one of those. And it's one of those with a screen so you can see the poor bastard standing at the door waiting for you to come and answer. And you think, yeah, no, I'm not answering the door. So you just turn it off and walk away. Lisa, you're losing points. You're losing points.

Yeah, it sounds like quite the pain. What do you mean I'm losing points? Because I didn't answer the door. I only answered the door to Uber Eats, babe. Same on this show. All right, thank you, Lisa. Let's move on. Doorbell number two.

We have Steph. Hello, Steph. Hello. Where are you from, darling? Tassie. Tassie. Oh, we're going local. Have you ever been to the Cadbury factory, Steph?

Yes, lots of school excursions there as a kid. It's disgusting, isn't it? Yeah, it's actually rank. Yeah, we were just talking about this earlier. What I said. Doorbell. All right, Steph, everyone say it with me. Play.

Play. There. Doorbell. Doorbell. Oh. Oh. Go again, Steph. Oh, okay.

Oh, it's haunting. What the fuck are we doing? I actually really like that. I'm going to say I don't like it. No, I like it. You don't like that one? Yeah, it's a bit pitchy, bub. Yeah, it's not great. It was like this house belonged to an old lady before us, so I think it was her

pick. Oh, definitely. That's why I love it. Yeah, no, she's got like those hearing aids. You can. You can. Alright, Steph, Mitch is writing notes. Thanks, Steph. Hopefully you's why I love her. Yeah, no, she's got like those hearing aids. You can. All right, Steph, Mitch is writing notes. Thanks, Steph. Hopefully you win. We love you. Let's move on.

We've got Joey. Hello, Joey. Hi, Mitch. Mitch and Jenna are here as well. We're very excited. Where are you from? Where are you from? I'm from the Philippines. Where?

Philippines. Oh, I thought you said Thorpeys. I was like, what? You spent the night with Ian Thorpe? Okay, the Philippines. There we go. I'm in Dubbo at the moment. Oh, Jenna's hometown.

Yeah, I know. You're in Dubbo? You're joking. Oh, they'd have sick fucking doorbells out there. North, south, east or west? Which area? Yeah. The south.

Oh, south Dubbo. All right, I want to hear this Dubbo doorbell. Yeah, all right. Hit us go, Joey, when you're ready. What's play? I've really got to hear this Dubbo doorbell. Yeah, all right, here we go, Joey, when you're ready. What? Play the... I've really got to get that catchphrase down. Yeah, you told us to say it together, but then you didn't tell us what to say.

Play the doorbell. Ready? Three, two, one. Play the doorbell. Okay. Ooh. That one sounds like a... Oh, fuck.

Wow, Dubbo doesn't muck around. That was our doorbell too, Dubbo. Really? That one sounds like a toy cash register. Yeah, very Mattel vibes. Joey, one more time, please. I can't believe you have the same doorbell as me. You know what that sounds like?

Like you're in a service station. All right, Joey, Mitch is taking notes. So I hope you win, okay? Good luck, Joey. Oh, good. Thanks, guys. Thanks, Joey. Did they win anything?

No, God, no. Just the gratitude of talking to us. All right, this is very exciting. In an IJM world first. Actually, in a global world first. Never been done before. We are crossing live to Minnesota in the United States of America. Hello, Jessica.

Oh, my God. Hey, guys. This is Jessica. Here's my doorbell. Oh, okay. Let's hear it. What was that? There it was.

What the fuck? That sounds like you're being electrocuted. Sounds like you're in the purge. Oh, Jesus. Sounds like a cat got caught in the gym's mowing. Yeah, that's painful. Does that give you the ick when that goes off? It scares us sometimes.

You know what it sounds like, Jessica? It sounds like I'm in my nan's back room playing Operation as a six-year-old. I accidentally sleep and drop the kidney. That is scary. Wow, okay. Well, thanks for that, Jessica. I'm so sorry to hear about your doorbell. Thanks. Hey, thank you for listening from

Minnesota, too. That's so exciting. How long have you been listening? Well, I've just found you guys maybe like a month ago. I started with the old ones and then I started listening to the newer ones and the older ones. Yeah, well clearly it's downhill

because now we're ranking doorbells. Alright, thank you very much Jessica. We love you. We love you. Thanks for listening. Love you guys. Thank you. Thank you for taking part. Final doorbell Mitchell. Hope your palette is adjusted and ready for Sky.

Hello, Sky. Welcome to the show. Hi, guys. How are you? Good. Where are you from, Sky? Melbourne. Melbourne.

A real very well-rounded selection of bells. Are you going to be at my comedy gig, which at the time of recording has not happened yet? Sure. Let's say yes. I'm sensing that you don't mean that and I will never meet you. Oh, Sky, you should have just lied. You wouldn't have known. All right, Sky, you're the last doorbell.

Doorbell number five. Take us out and play us your doorbell. Ready? Yeah. out and play us your doorbell. Ready? Yeah. Wait, do that again.

Wait. Go again. No, I think she was shot. Go again, Skye. Are you knocking on a door, Skye? Are you clapping or something? No. Rich enough for a doorbell. She No. Rich enough for a doorbell.

She's not rich enough for a doorbell. She's knocking. Oh, well, you're disqualified. Get out. You're out of the competition. That's not how it works, Skye. Cheater. Well, Skye comes in at number five, naturally. Sorry, Skye. Thanks a lot. Can you believe that?

So we're done. That's it, Mitchell. Yeah, wow. Doorbells have been delivered, which brings us to this moment in time. Dungeon top five. Dungeon top five on the fly. Okay, so it's the top five doorbells based on the calls we just had. Global doorbells, yes. Global doorbells, yeah. From Dubbo to Minnesota, no doorbell left unrung. Oh, I'm turned on.

All right, give us a ranking. All right, well, coming in at number five would have to be Skye because she was disqualified. She was knocking. That's not a doorbell. I'm so sorry. I mean, I wouldn't have put that cord away, but what would I know? She lied to me.

She lied to me. I vetted everyone's doorbells. Oh, did she? I said, do you have a doorbell? And she was cheeky. Gotcha. I kind of pay that. I pay the cheekiness, but no, she didn't have a doorbell.

Okay, well, coming in at number four would be Jessica with this. That electric chair doorbell. Yeah. No good. Yeah. Number three would be Steph. It was completely harmless, but this. Yeah, a bit too high pitch for me.

Yeah, it does a pain in the ears, that one. Irked me. No, it does a pain in the ears, that one. Irked me. No, it's not good. Coming in at number two, Lisa from Adelaide had a beautiful doorbell. However, it's got a mind of its own. It's an unhinged doorbell. Show me, show me. Yeah.

Remember she said she couldn't turn it off? Yeah. And, like, you have to physically go out there and ring it again so it'll stop. Otherwise, it could ring all day and night. Yeah. No, I don't like that. I need to have control of my bell. So that brings us to number one.

Yes. Well, number one is Joey from Dubbo whose doorbell was basically like Lisa's but it just is a bit more reliable. Have a listen. This is it. Oh, see, now that's a good doorbell. He joins us to celebrate. Hello, Julie.

Thank you, guys. Who would you like to thank? I would like to thank all the people of Dubbo for bringing us this doorbell. Well, Jenna reckons that you have the exact same doorbell that she did in Dubbo. I reckon there's one Dubbo doorbell dealer. I think that's a requirement to be in Dubbo. You need that bell. Wow. Well, congratulations.

You're a superstar in our eyes. Thank you. And Prize Keeper Jenna because it's her job will hook you up with a prize for winning, won't she? Thanks. I'll find something. Take that off the air and you can do it. I'll pick it up to Jenna's house in Dubbo. Yeah, good idea.

South Dubbo, so easy for you. Don't give out your dress. Thank you, Joey. It sounds like he was cracking on to you. Congratulations. I think Joey is definitely not interested in pushing the doorbell. He likes to be pushed himself. Oh, I see.

You know what I mean? What a shame. I thought you'd get some Dubbo dick. Oh, no. What a shame. I wonder if the Dubbo doorbell dealer gives good dick. Is it just me? All right, this next best bit from episode 125, not too long ago, this one.

No. We got so many posts in our Facebook group saying that people love this. This was when we discovered that if you toggle the speed at which you listen to our podcast, it really affects how sober we do and do not sound. Oh, truly. Take a listen. So this message we got from Anna on Instagram at Couple of Mitches, and she pointed out to us that if you go to episode 122 of the podcast and you go to the 55 minute, 43 second mark. Okay. All right.

Do yourself a favor and listen to the podcast at half speed. You three sound off your face. What? Like drunk or? No, like cooked, like stoned. Oh, really? Oh my God. It's mercilessly baked.

Okay. Well, hold on. I got us some stone music. So let's pop that in here. Some stone music. I wouldn't get stoned to this, but this does work for the sake of the segment. Oh, it's definitely. I got us some Stone of Music, so let's pop that in here. Some Stone of Music. Ooh. I wouldn't get stoned to this, but this does work for the sake of the segment. Oh, it's definitely, yeah, comical.

So I went to the point that she was talking about, and I've got to say, it doesn't help that this particular week we weren't in the studio. We were in your house. So you can also mentally picture us just, like, passing a bong around. Yeah, the echo. We were very chill. Puff, puff, puff, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But this particular point, we do sound really, really corked. Like, I hate this because it makes it sound dumb. And I'm like, oh, even at full speed, it's not an intelligent conversation. Oh, what are we discussing? Is it politics? Yeah. So just for context, we're talking about your home studio and the brand of equipment you use is Rode. Yes.

So we start by talking about the Rode equipment and then from there we just go into talking about sex stuff, basically. So this is us at half speed back in episode 122. Thanks for this, Anna. Um, yeah. How good's this home set up been? Thanks, Rode. Yeah.

What's that Lonnie Tunes character, Doc? What's up, Doc? Yeah, who says that? I don't know. Bugs Bunny. I just know the quote. Bugs Bunny. Bugs Bunny.

What's up, Doc? Yeah. I was a roadrunner guy. That nasty roadrunner would always run for me. And thanks to the road for sending us the runner. The roadrunner. That's really funny. They need to build a...

They do a range of treadmills. I was going to say they need treadmills. Or just a pair of shoes. Runners. These are the road runners. Oh, that's fucking gross. That's good. Anyway.

Are you going to get the monkey pox jab? I've been thinking about it, yes. Apparently you have to fill in the amount of sexual partners you have or have had in the last four months so that they can prioritise

the more slutty gay. Oh, then I'm not getting it then. I'm on me second dose. I'm not getting it then. I'm on me second dose. I'm kidding. That's good. You're just drinking it straight from the vial. I found a dildo on my bathroom drawer the other day,

and I'm so confused because it's not mine. It's getting worse. I was like, I recognize this thing. Did you express buy yourself wine and forget about it? No. Now I'd remember.

Was it your kind? Was it like one that you older version of Mitchell would have purchased? No. I don't have like a huge collection and I'd lose track. There's no logical explanation. It just turned up. Isabella, is she a wanderer?

Maybe she went to someone else's apartment, picked it up, and then brought it back. Thinking it was like a dead bird. Yeah. And put it in your drawer. She was a bodgy smuggler. Oh, my. Okay, who do you think sounded the most stoned out of all of us?

You started there, but by the end I was on one heartbeat a minute. Yeah, and Jenna just fully greened out. Oh, yeah. This is weird because after listening to that, I feel like we sound stoned now, but this is full speed. This is normal speed. I'm going to have to really enunciate everything now because I sounded the most slurry.

And spoiler alert, I wasn't stoned. I just sounded like that regularly. Oh, fuck. Oh, God, we need to go home. Regularly. Shit. Is it just me? Hey, this next one is from our very first episode,

episode one, way back, 2019. This has gone back ages, yeah. Yeah, this is when we wanted to choose our whoosh, which, you know, we came from radio. I'm still in radio. We were very radio-minded when we started this podcast, and you shook that out of me against my will. You are more relaxed, I would say. Much more relaxed, much more of a podcaster. Anyway, we wanted to choose our whoosh, which is, I mean, how would you. Much more relaxed, much more of a podcaster. Anyway, we wanted to choose our

whoosh, which is, I mean, how would you describe a whoosh? It is a little bit mini sound effect that you play before you throw to a piece of audio or a grab on the show. Oh, I mean, this is the sound effect that people would probably hear more than any other on this podcast. In fact, here it is. This is our whoosh that we went with in the end. Yeah, that's the little bookend that we put at the start and end of any piece of audio that we might throw to. But we did not choose that whoosh flippantly. No. As you're about to hear, a lot of time, thought, energy, blood, sweat and tears went into choosing our beautiful whoosh. Right back in episode one.

Here it is. So I've come up with a bunch of options. Okay. You've not heard these yet. No, they're in the system. I'm ready to play them, but this is the first time I'll be hearing them. I'm excited. So do you think that this fits the feel and the energy that we're trying to achieve here on Is It Just Me?

Okay. This whoosh. How does this work? One more time. It kind of sounds like someone opening their legs. It's very sort of barren. Yeah, actually, now that I've heard it, I don't remember it being that long. Like, it feels quite long.

It's like... Yeah, it sounds like the BFG sneezing. Ah! You know what I mean? Yeah, no, actually, I don't like that either. Eliminate, go on. It's out. Yep.

Number two. What is this? What do you think of this? Oh. Hold on. God, it's me. You know what that sounds like, ready? Man, man, watch out.

There's a bus coming. Step out of the way. The bus is hitting her. Sounds like bones are being cracked. It's not bad. It does, actually. It's very aggressive. Yeah, let's get rid of that.

I hate it. Go one more time. I want to hear it. See, I kind of like it, but I don't know. There's other options. We'll benchmark. It's better than bloody. Yeah. That sounds terrible. Okay. All right. We of like it, but I don't know. There's other options. We'll benchmark. It's better than bloody. Yeah.

That sounds terrible. Okay. All right, we'll go to option number three. All right, number three. Here we go. What was that? What is that? That was actually you coughing when we were recording some stuff.

No, it's not. I isolated that. You left the Vox Pro going and then you had some off air and I just isolated you coughing. Hold on. Listen, hear me out. I thought, how can we be different? No. Every other show uses a whoosh sound effect.

We are, you know, we've launched Coughing Fit Chicken. This show, whether we like it or not, will be synonymous with coughing. So I thought you coughing could top and tail our grabs. I just don't know if I like it. Can I at least give you some context for you, okay? Open your mind. I've got some audio for you to actually whoosh into using this, okay? Let's just pretend I'm doing a celeb gossip type report

and see how that whoosh sounds when I throw to the grab, okay? You ready? Like that woman who just wears all the leather on Studio 10. What? The entertainment woman. Oh, Angela Bishop. Yeah, she loves a dead cow, that one. Always.

Always looks so shiny. That's my Studio 10 colleague, Angela Bishop, you're talking about. Sure, I'll channel my inner Angela Bishop right now, okay? Got the whoosh ready? Yep, yep. Kim Kardashian has clashed with her husband Kanye West after she spotted on Twitter that he's been telling people they're moving to Chicago without talking to her about it first.

Take a listen. The thing that set me off was, okay, that should have been a conversation before I see on the internet you're moving to Chicago. I find out. No, no, I told you that before we had that conversation. Not a serious conversation. Oh, my God. Now, what do you want this show to be if not original?

You know what? How many other shows have used their own cough to top and tail their grabs? I think it works. No one. Sorry, I can't. I hate it. It's out. Oh, you're not going to like the next one then.

Is that another cough? Yeah, that would be John Laws' cough. So there was a reason that I was listening to John Laws. Why? I'm actually, it was for this show. And, yeah, I heard this while listening. I thought, I'll give that a crack. I'll run that by you, see if you like that as a whoosh.

Listen again. Do you have an example of that with a graph? The funny thing is that you do have a cough mute button, but he's like, nah, nah, they deserve to hear it all. Straight into it. I'm vetoing it. Go again, go again. You know what it sounds like?

Ready? Hold on, let me do this. This shit is bananas. Oh, my God. It's like the beat. Go again, go again. Oh, this is my shit. Oh, the girls and the beat.

You know what it sounds like? Hey, Mitch. Yeah, Uncle Jamie. Oh, the girls and the bees. You don't. You know what it sounds like? Hiya, Mitch. Yeah, Uncle Jamie. Can you come help your uncle start up the tractor? No worries. Kind of like starting an engine. So you don't like that one either with our woosh?

No, I hate it. Well, you've vetoed all the other normal wooshes. How many more do you have? Literally just one. I've got five. You better like this one because I thought they were all outstanding and I would have been happy with any of the choices. So if you don't like this, then we're screwed.

Okay, here we go. This is it. Now, let me tell you, the reason I like that one, go again, is there's a bit of surround sound bullshit going on right now. Is there? So if someone's driving their car listening to this podcast, they would have noticed that part of it happens in the left speaker, part of it happens in the right.

Actually, take one of your headphones off. Okay, yep. Play it. I heard the little end of whoosh in the right. Let me switch now. And now switch headphones. I hope people listening along are doing the same thing. Take one headphone out.

Now take out the other. Okay. Oh, I just get the little beeps at the top. And now put them both on and appreciate the glory of it. Oh, it's like a whoosh sandwich. My brain's the meat. Do you want to hear it with an example? Yeah.

Set it up. Ring it up. Okay. Kim Kardashian has clashed with her husband Kanye West after she spotted on Twitter that he's been telling people they're moving to Chicago without talking to her about it first. He didn't tell her. Take a listen. The thing that set me off was, okay, that should have been a conversation before I see

on the internet you're moving to Chicago. I find out. No, no, I told you that before we had that conversation. We already talked about that. Not a serious conversation. Oh, I feel like we're a real radio show. Well, we're not a radio show. Okay, sorry.

I feel like we're a radio show. Do I need to keep reminding you this? No, sorry. Well, thank God we settled that before the end of the show. I really like it. We couldn't have possibly carried on without it. Do you agree? I agree completely.

Now we're all set. We're a real podcast. You know, like when you move in... I don't know if you've done this. Actually, you still live with your parents. I have lived overseas. I know what it's like to live out of home. You know when you move into your new place and you finally unpack that last suitcase

or that little bloody plastic tub that you've been eating in the corner? Yeah. And you're like, now it's home. You know what I mean? That's what I feel. Play the whoosh again. Here we go. Ladies and gentlemen, officially the whoosh of Egypt.

I love it. It's so nice. That's beautiful. Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of mitches. All right, this next throwback, going back to episode 83, this is when we were trying to see if we remembered how to play the musical instruments that we learnt as kids.

So I played the violin for quite a few years and you played the saxophone. Yes, the alto saxophone, the baby saxophone. And we both got each other. My favourite saxophone, I'd say. Yeah, I mean, is there another saxophone? No, not in my mind. Tenor, hardly know her.

No. We both brought an instrument for each other. And shall we start with the violin or shall we start with the sax? What do you think? Let's start with your attempt at playing the saxophone. This is back in episode 83. Here it is. You reckon if someone handed you a saxophone that you'd be able to play it

and you'd remember it because you learned it in school you played it as a kid and you're like oh yeah it's like getting on a bike i can remember how to play the saxophone and i was like well gonna hold you to that dallin i don't remember saying that word for it we have the grab so this will be interesting because i feel like comment jenna here it is i played saxophone i have we have discussed this alto alto i tried to move to tenor and they said no you haven't even paid off the alto i just like Here it is. I played saxophone. We have discussed this. She used to play saxophone. Alto. Alto. I tried to move to tenor and they said, no, you haven't even paid off the alto.

I just like the glitz of it all. Oh, it's very, the saxophone as well is very dramatic. Sexy. Yeah. And very culturally relevant around the 2014 era when Thrift Shop was popping off. Oh, yeah. And then that Jason Derulo song. Yeah.

And Problem by Ariana. It was a good year to be a saxophonist. I think, I guarantee you, hand me a saxophone alto at this point and a reed, a moist reed, and I can perform Eye of the Tiger with my eyes closed still. Okay, well, if you stick around, maybe you'll hear that. No, you definitely won't. Yeah, you will. Why do I go into such specific detail?

Eye of the Tiger. Did you ever learn that song? Yeah, because I had to pick this thing up and today on the way here and I called my mum just as a daily update and I went, oh, I just picked up a saxophone. Remember I used to play in primary school? She said, yeah, and the only song you knew how to play was Eye of the Tiger. Wow.

So you weren't just bullshitting. You actually knew that song. Yeah. There you go. Well, anyway, you guys thought, oh, how are you going to get a saxophone, Mitch? Because I wanted you to play it on our podcast, prove that you still can. You were like, how are you going to get a saxophone? Piece of piss.

I just emailed Sydney Band Instruments. They're in Gladesville. Mike was lovely, very helpful. He's like, yep, I'll provide a sax to make this happen. So you've picked it up. Where is it? I've got it here with me. I'm going to play it.

Hold on. Why open it? This is the song I want you to... Eye of the Tiger. That part, see? Very easy. A couple notes. Okay. Yeah, that's the easy bit. All right. That's the song. I'm going over. So they're quite tricky to put together. Is it just in the box or have you put it all together with the reed and everything? Can you hear me? I'm moving microphones, Jenna.

Yeah. You can hear me nice and clear. It's still in the case. Hold on. I'll see. I haven't set it up. All right. We could be here a while.

This is a first open. Ready? Look at that. Oh, it's lovely. Sydney Band Instruments. Look at you go, Tyler. Yeah. Sydneybandinstruments.com.au if you want to have a look at the range.

I'm going to have to work out how to put this together, to be honest. So I've got the saxophone. Oh, the reed. Jen, the wet reed. Now, the reed is a little wooden duck tongue. It's a really thin piece of wood that goes on the mouthpiece, and it's what helps the vibrato. But it has to be wet before you play it.

And I remember you have to leave them out to dry in the sun, otherwise they get mouldy. And before my big recital, I forgot to leave it out in the sun. It was mouldy, but I played through the mould. Oh, yuck. I remember my sister would walk around the house with the reed on her tongue, kind of like she was sucking on a paddle pop without an ice cream.

Yeah. Because you have to get it moist, yeah. And she always used to get so shitty at me. I would accidentally bump the saxophone and chip the re cream. Yeah. And because you have to get it moist. Yeah. And she always used to get so shitty at me. I would accidentally bump the saxophone and chip the reed. Okay. I'm going to have to remember how to do this. I wish I had done this part. You need to pre-plan.

Before we record it. I thought that it was set up already. Okay. The reed is on. The reed is on. That's all right. We're making progress. Okay, cool.

God, I just remember every time I looked at Nicole playing the saxophone, I just think there's so many fucking buttons. How do you remember where to put them? And it's not like a piano where the buttons are in order from like low to high. They're all over the shop. Wow, this thing is stunning. Is it better than the one you had in school? Oh, God, yeah.

The one I had in school every kid had been through. I think I've set it up. I'm going to put the neck strap on because they supplied one and why would I not? Oh, look at that. Oh, you're a natural. I've got to remember. Jeez, it looked a lot bigger back when I was a kid. This looks like a prop when I'm holding it.

It's tiny. But it really suits you. It does, actually. Mitch, as soon as I hold it, it all comes back to me. It's actually quite magical. Oh, my God. Oh! First nose. Don't celebrate too early.

It was one hoot. Oh, God. Sorry. Sorry. I've got to learn. I've got to relearn. All right. It might have something to do with your breath.

You look like you're pushing really hard. Did you hear a bit of that, though? No, of course I did, but it was a bit all over the shop. Okay. I think it had something to do with your breath. Your cheeks were really puffed out, so it just made me more controlled with your diaphragm. Also, are you playing Eye of the Tiger?

The quick brown fox, yes. I can start from the beginning. Okay. Sorry. Sorry. start from the beginning. Yeah. Okay. Oh. Sorry. Sorry. Oh, bravo. Sorry, I'm laughing and blowing. Oh, it's beautiful. Okay. Okay.

Okay. That's it. That's the bit. Well done. Nailed it. Yay. No, don't patronise me. It's good.

I've got a couple of songs that I wanted to see if you could play, like some of my favourite iconic saxophone songs, you know, like pop songs. Do you remember this one, 2014? See if you can give this a go. Okay, good. Ready? Okay. Okay.

Yeah. Save me Okay, that's enough. Do more, do more, do more. Play something else. I think I'm getting, the more I play, the more it comes back to me. What about this one? Do you reckon you could do this? It's one from ABBA.

Oh. back to me. What about this one? Do you reckon you could do this? It's one from ABBA. Jenna, stop encouraging it. He couldn't be further from nailing it. He's just blowing it. Back to Eye of the Tiger. Shit. I thought I would have had it. I'll do Harry Potter, Welcome to Hogwarts. Okay.

Okay. That's not not Harry Potter. I think you'll find it is not Harry Potter. All right. Anything else before I go? No, that's quite enough. My lip is quivering from the vibrato of that reed. Yeah, my sister used to say that every time she finished playing sax, it would be like this weird tingly feeling.

She needed chapstick and stuff. Yeah, my lip feels like I've just been hooked up with. Like you've just given a gobby to a lawnmower. Yes, Yes. And I swore I'd never do it again. Is it just me? Yep. And then you might remember after that,

you then got me a violin to see if I could play the violin still. But instead of going online and going to a beautiful musical hire shop, you got some shit thing off Facebook Marketplace that had strings missing. The bow had no horse hair on it, so I literally couldn't play it. So to this day, the mystery remains. Can I still play violin? We'll never know. You really won't know, but I did try my best.

You still have the violin, like you said. We should bring it back out. Can we get it threaded? Do we need it to be re-threaded or do we need to get a stick? Yeah. I actually went to my sister's place because she's sort of babysitting my real violin, the one that I actually learnt on, because she's a music teacher. So she just kind of put it in her music studio as a prop.

And I went to try and find my violin recently because I thought maybe after all this time we can follow up and see if I can play it. My sister's let her children play with my violin, hasn't she? Oh, no. Is it broken? Well, there's an E string missing, and I do love a high note. That's the best string. That's the worst fucking string to be missing.

Can they play at least? Did they learn? Fuck no. No, of course not. Fuck no. Oh, I was so pissed off. I said to my niece as a nephew, oi, it's not a toy. Well, let's see if you were like a duck to water with the violin.

This is when I gave you a violin to see if you could still play it from episode 84. I don't know. This never happened. Why are you throwing to this? No. I couldn't play it. I know.

Did you try to? I don't even remember. Did we try to play it like a guitar? It's impossible to play. Did we just look at it? There was no horse hair on the bow. That was a massive oversight. I was very distracted in episode 84.

Let's move on to another one. I can't be bothered with that, okay? So this next one we're going to listen to. This is for any of my fellow ADHD girlies. If you have trouble focusing like myself, we were talking about sounds that help you focus. Some of them I found more effective than others. This is back in episode 117.

Here it is. effective than others. This is back in episode 117. Here it is. Is it just me or? Does focus music piss you off? Oh, wait, the app focus or in general music that's meant to make you focus? Oh, just anything. Like, you know, you look up on YouTube, focus music, or I looked it up on Spotify today because I was trying to get quite a few things done before I came to the studio. And I was like, right, focus, Mitchell. And I put it on and I was like, this is just annoying. This isn't helping me focus one bit.

Well, it depends because sometimes people need different types of music. Like, do you need pump up? Do you need zen? What kind of music? I don't know. I just clicked the first thing that came up when I searched Focus Music and it was this. Support it with me. Does this not fucking irk you?

It's a bit grim, isn't it? Oh, I used to listen to this when i was in year 12 you know this track yep no this to me is betty davis was killed who killed her we still don't know in this 12-part investigative series it's my imagination started to wander it wasn't helping with the focus i'm i was literally in my head picturing like they've spent the whole episode looking for this missing girl and then this is the music they play when someone walks in and goes, detectives, we found a body. And then it like cuts to them at the park. They lift up the top.

That's Sienna. That's her. And then go to an ab break. That's what this music is. And I was like, I'm supposed to be focusing. And that's what's going through my head. Maybe that's an ADHD thing. I don't know if that's what everyone does. I just find that music, it makes me feel things. So I need something that I'm just not thinking

at all. Have you heard of brown noise? Beg your pardon? Brown noise. No, what's brown noise? I really don't know. I saw something on TikTok. Apparently it's good for ADHD. Oh, should I get some out? Yeah. Actually, yeah. Just go on YouTube and look up brown noise. I'm sure it's there.

Yeah, I saw something on TikTok about that as well. Music is haunting. All right, brown noise. Right? It's not fucking relaxing or focusing at all. No, no. All right, let me have a look. Brown noise.

So brown noise, from what I can gather, white noise is like it chills you out. That's good for going to sleep. But then brown noise is kind of meant to make you switch on. Oh, is that true? I think. I don't know. I'll Google it. Okay, here we go. So this is brown noise is kind of meant to make you switch on. Oh, is that true? I think. I'll Google it. Okay, here we go.

So this is brown noise. Turn it up. It's like a plane. Yeah. Oh, now you've said that, I won't be able to unhear it. Oh, it sounds like we're just in a wind tunnel. Hang on, this is interesting. I just tried to Google the difference between white noise and brown noise,

and the top search is white noise versus pink noise. What the fuck's pink noise? Yeah, because, hold on, can we just all agree brown noise isn't doing it for me? Oh, maybe it is an ADHD thing, because it helped me. Let me try pink noise. Yeah, look up pink noise. I've never heard of that shit. I know white noise is what my sister uses to put in the background

when she's putting the kids to sleep. Brown noise is what I use to focus. Isn't this weird? I've just googled pink noise. So this is it. Sorry. Although, I'm focused. I'm not. See, this just makes me

like, because I'm an empath, I just think of the times I've been scorned by my non-existent ex. Yeah, yeah, fuck them. Here we go, here we go. Ten hours of pink noise. Here we go. Oh, I don't like that. Oh, no.

TV static. That's like the studio's malfunctioning. Hold on, we'll give it a second. No, I feel like a seashell. No, I don't like that at all. Yeah, if you put the shell up to ear, you can hear the ocean. I used to believe that, by the way. I used to go, oh, I can.

No, I was onto it even as a child. I was like, fuck up, that sounds nothing like the ocean. You would be too practical for that shit. You'd be like, no. It didn't sound anything like the ocean. Give me a random colour, Mitch. I'm just going to see if it exists. Cerulean.

Cerulean noise. No, it doesn't exist. it exists. Cerulean. Cerulean noise. No, it doesn't exist. Damn it. Damn it. What about? Magenta. Magenta noise. Magenta.

Oh, it exists. Wow. Oh, this is the caption. Is magenta noise the new pink noise? Wow. All right, let's go. This is magenta. No, that's worse.

It's just a louder beach. Just further into the sea. The tide's coming. Yeah. You know what Hayden and I listen to to get to sleep? This every night. Every single night. Does that help?

Puts me to bed like a baby. I'm out like a lion. Really? Yeah. I don't mind having my air purifier on. That puts me to sleep. Just a bit of white noise, funnily enough. Yeah, white noise.

Interesting. What about, can you look up spiced nutmeg noise? That's a nice colour. Yeah. Hogs bristle half noise. No, no, it doesn't come up. It doesn't exist. Damn it.

Anyway, focus music's bullshit. Get around the brown noise. Yeah. I'm into it. Could we create our own noise? Like, what if I, you, can you loop this, Mitchell? Just me exhaling and this could be Ijem noise. Oh, God.

Wow. That could be relaxing to some. Okay. That sounded like those little cherubs that they pull out of the bush in Harry Potter. The mandrakes. The mandrakes. Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of mitches.

Now, this next one, I didn't give it the green light to be brought back. I wouldn't exactly say it's the best bit. I think it is. No, I want it deleted from the archive, to be honest, because it's an accusation that is incorrect and is ill-founded and has no evidence to back it up. This is when you accused me, Mitchell. I accused you.

This is not a sound effect. This is a sound that you made with your own bodice. No, I didn't. This is when I believe that you farted in studio and I did have evidence to back it up I think you'll recall back in episode 96 You be the judge Take a listen

Obviously we're back for a new season of the podcast Season four And because it's the start of a new season We wanted to get new voiceover stuff from our voiceover guy Bradley Bradley of course You know the guy that does these sound effects Is it Just Me? Is it just me?

Yeah, it's great. So you and I came up with a bunch of things to say, like for Bradley to read in a new script for the new year, getting a bunch of new stuff done, and you recorded it with him. I wasn't there, but you recorded it with him in studio. Because we both work at Kiss, so he's here and I'm here. And so when I listened back to the audio to edit it down for one of the sweepers, I notice something.

What do you mean? You mean the unedited studio session? Yes, and I've put the audio over there on the little sound effects board. Oh, I should know. Anonymous grab. Oh, my God. I always get thrown by it. Yeah. You haven't cottoned on yet.

When I say leave the room, it's up fucking around with the computer. It means I've got a grab. Okay, no, it's great. So there was something I heard in Bradley's voiceover session with you. I'm pretty sure you farted. I'm just going to call a spade a spade here. Mitch! I was hoping he said something racist so we could cancel him.

No. No, don't besmirch beautiful Bradley. Not that he ever would. Not that he ever would. So listen out. It's not when he's talking off air. It's when he actually starts voicing the sweeper. So I didn't wait.

I waited for him to actually speak on mic to shit myself. Yeah, which is just the worst timing ever. So listen closely, headphone users. Turn this up. Listen out for the fart. All right. Okay. I'll just let you finish.

I don't want you to be swallowing. Okay. All right. Thank you very much. Thank you. So are you ready? All right. I'm ready.

Okay. Right. Spotify, now do ratings. If you don't leave five stars, you're dead inside. Okay, just listen carefully again. It's when he says ratings. Ratings. Hold on.

I swear. Did you hear that? You farted. Wait, let me turn my headphones up. And he did call you out at the start of the recording there. He said, oh, I don't want you to be swallowing when I'm talking. So you must have been eating. Yeah, I was eating.

Ratings. Ratings. It's in the tea. Ratings. Yeah. No, I think that's just a frog in his throat. That's not coming from my ass. I know.

It sounded so distant. Ratings. That's not from my butt. But it's just, What the hell was it? You must have been eating something spicy. Wait, how do you know it wasn't Brad that farted? He was on mic. My mic was off.

Sam, I think he's here. Go again. Bring him in because he definitely pooed. It wouldn't have been Bradley. Ratings. Go again. Ratings. It's comical.

And Bradley's so in the zone, I didn't throw him. Bradley's here. He must be outside. Can we call him in? Can you get him, Sam? Hey, Brad. Have you got a sec? Poor Bradley.

Bradley, it's us, our voiceover artists. We just want to discuss. So are you blaming? Oh, here he is. Hi, Bradley. Hello, Brad. Can you hear that, Bradley? No, I can't.

I'm sure you're running. No, no, bear with us. There we go. There we go. Hello, everybody. Something's been brought to my attention. You are the fantastic VO behind the show. There we go. Hello, everybody. Something's been brought to my attention. You are the fantastic VO behind the show. Who we love.

During the session that you and I did prior to the season starting last month, Mitch has found something in the background of the audio. You didn't say any. You weren't throwing any aspersions. It was fine. But something's happened and he's blaming me. Yeah, let's play this little thing. When you say the word ratings,

I'm thinking that Mitchell Cheery dropped his guts and farted. Listen real carefully. I would never blame you. You're too much of a gentleman. No, no. I mean, what happens in the studio with the offcuts should stay in the offcuts. You didn't say offcuts. That's the reason I was farting.

Right, yes, all right. The offcuts. All right. Okay, I'll just let you finish. I don't want you to be swallowing. Okay, all right. Thank you very much. Thank you, man.

So are you ready? All right, I'm ready. Okay, right. Spotify, now do ratings. If you don't leave five stars, you are dead inside. Did you hear that? I heard a fluff that was not of my making. Unmistakable.

Wait, wait, wait. Ratings. That wasn't my... Did you notice anything during the session? Did you hear that in the session? Well, I'm in the zone. That's what I did. Yes. Well, I'm dropping a VO and it sounds like you were dropping something else.

Get out. I wasn't. No, I wasn't. It definitely wasn't you, Bradley. Thank you. We love your work, Bradley. Was there a pong in the studio after or no? He's left.

That's embarrassing. Here I am trying to boost our Spotify ratings and you're fucking dropping your guts in the studio. Disgusting. Okay, well, everyone keep an ear out for that sweep because that's the only take he did, so I'm just going to have to run with the fart one. Is it just me?

Spotify, now do ratings. If you don't leave five stars, you are dead inside. All right, back in episode 102, I revealed my next and my latest obsession at the time. And as you guys know, I get quite fixated on a new hobby or a trend or an item, and I throw everything, all my money and all my time into it for about three to four days.

And then it gets put in the cupboard along with my banjo, my DJ decks. And sitting right on top of that is of course my theremin, which I. Yeah, this was another musical recital from you. You were trying to play the theremin, which by the way, I'd never heard of. I don't know. Is it just me? But I'd never heard of a theremin. I found it quite fascinating when you brought it in studio'd never heard of a theremin i found it quite

fascinating when you bought it in studio for a bit of a show and tell i was going to ask how that's going have you lost interest no i haven't i actually went to a um uh bucks party a couple months ago and i brought the theremin because they wanted it there and we plugged it into the speakers and we all had to go playing it was very fun we're all very tall and uh it was a great it was a great party item you know it's what it's for so it's one of those things you can't actually play it yet no i can't play it. Well, I mean, I tried. I'm no better than I am in this from episode 102.

If you don't know what a theremin is, I'll explain it. And as soon as you'll hear it, you'll know. This is me and the gorgeous dulcet tones of my theremin. I'll be showing and telling today my theremin. So if you'd indulge me, I'm going to go get it. Theremin? Yep. I'm going to get my theremin.

You haven't seen it because it's under the desk. It sounds like a kitchen appliance. Here it is. Whoa. Oh, what for the love of God is that? It looks like a laminator. Oh, my God. It's my theremin, everybody.

It's like a mini spaceship. So I'm moving the theremin. It is like a mini spaceship. Hold on. I spoke to the technicians and it is wired into the desk. Now, for those at home thinking, what the hell is a theremin? Well, I might point you to. I'm not at home. I'm in home thinking, what the hell's a theremin? Well, I might point you to... I'm not at home.

I'm in the room. What the fuck's a theremin? Okay, for those in the room, this is a theremin. You know this famous theme song, X-Files, right? Of course. Listen to this. Hear that in the background? So it's like a synthesizer in a way.

It's like a synthesizer. However, it's the only instrument in the world that requires nothing to be touched. It's all played via electromagnetics. What? Just watch and learn. So I'm turning my theremin on, ladies and gentlemen. So there's a giant antenna. It looks like an alien spaceship.

On the right, there's a giant antenna. This controls frequency. On the left, there is a curved antenna which controls volume. So I'm turning it on. We're on. Jesus. We're on. We're on.

How are we doing that? I'm just connecting to the theremin. Stay there. Wait, so does it depend on how close your hand is to that antenna? I'm now at one with the theremin. What the fuck? That is wild. This is so cool. You know I've tried the banjo and I like to stand out from the pack.

How many people can play the banjo in the world? Millions. And you're not that crash hot on the saxophone either, despite listening. So this is my third shot at an instrument that I think I can actually play because it requires no fucking playing. All you need is your hands. But what if you actually want to play a song? Oh, I'll get there eventually.

But I'm going to perform for you now, okay? So this is, ladies and gentlemen, me playing the theremin. Are we ready? Yeah. Yeah. You know what that makes me want to do? What? Ah, mozzie.

I can get higher. Ready? So it's... How do you get higher? Just wait. There's a mozzie in the room. You're going to have to explain it? So it's... How do you get higher? Just wait. There's a Mozzie in the room. You're going to have to explain it to the people listening. How do you do it?

Do you move your hands further away? Is that how you get higher? So there are two antennas here on the theremin. On the left is volume. Here, this one here, Mitchell. This controls the volume. The higher my hand goes, the louder it gets. On the right, this antenna, it looks like an old TV.

The further away it gets, the lower the pitch becomes, and the higher, the higher it becomes. I'm going to do classic theremin. Oh, can you change the sound on it? Yes, this is quite a modern theremin. Could you make it sound like a church organ? Yes, I can. You're joking.

Yeah, I can make it sound like, ready? I think we could actually try and play something. Yeah, okay. Can you play the X-Files? I want the X-Files theme song. I could try X-Files. We'll do the scales. Ready?

I'll start with scales. Okay. See, I find that harder than an actual instrument. Because a piano, you know which key to press to get a certain note, but that, it's guessing by distance. Yeah, you're right. Like, you could easily get the wrong note. Would you like to have a try?

Yeah, I would actually. Yeah, come on over. You're going to have to take my seat. I'm going to give you, would you like, in orbit? No, that's like that irritating doorbell. Yeah, very that. Go to the least irritating sound. What is it? Thermomix. No, that's like that irritating doorbell. Yeah, marry that. Go to the least irritating sound. What is it?

Thermomix. No, not that. All right, I'm over here watching. Now, don't forget your left hand is volume. So take the cord off it. Yep. And keep your left hand, touch your hand on it. Yep.

And then get your right hand and put it maybe a centimetre away flat like this. Yep. And now lift your left hand up i might just leave the left hand still just to leave it low i can't find the starting note of the x-files music does it even go low enough oh fucking hell yeah that's low i don't like this change the knob change the setting get something more classic furthest knob to the right. Oh! Oh, there we go.

It's way off. No, I heard it. Yeah. Wow, it's almost ridiculous how talented I am. I took to that like a duck to water. You know, if anyone will innately do the theremin, it's almost ridiculous how talented I am. I talk to that like a duck to water. You know, if anyone will innately do the theremin, it's Jenna. I think you should have a quick go. I think you've got it in your body.

I want to have a go. The theremin is in fact voted the hardest instrument to play in the world. And you thought that was easier? You told me the reason you wanted to learn is because it's easier than an actual instrument. Yeah, I thought it was too until I paid $800 and had to pick it up from Marrickville on Facebook Marketplace. Imagine getting invited to play this at the Anzac ceremony. The last post on the fucking...

I dare you. On the theremin. I don't know what you're gasping at. She's just playing nonsense. No, but it's innate. It's in her blood. You didn't say that about me. I'm blown away.

I mean, it's one of those instruments where it just sounds correct even if you're just making it up. Like if I did this on a piano, just bashed random notes, it wouldn't sound like a song. But because it's a thermomix, it just kind of... It's not a thermomix. Because it's so, like, obscure anyway. Okay, I'm going to just try for my final show. So what's your plan with this?

Are you actually going to get lessons? Do you get lessons on them? I have Maddie J and Laura Byrne's wedding coming up in October and I'm hoping to be asked to play it. That's my goal. Right. But are you actually going to learn it or did you just buy it to play with? No, no, I've got YouTube lessons.

I'm up to lesson three of Theremin 101. Yeah, right. Yeah, I'm learning. All right. I'm going to try and nail it over the beat of the X-Files theme. Ready? Oh, God. Oh, no.

It goes higher. I think I did it. Ready? I'm doing it. That's not you. Ready? Hold on. I'm going to try now.

Oh, so hard. I did it. Phew! Wow! Is that actually what X-Files is played on? Yes, a theremin, yeah. What made you want to get this? Like, where did this idea come from out of nowhere?

Well, I went to a microphone store to purchase a microphone for my radio show, and it's a music store, and someone was playing it beautifully, and I said, I want to be them. They had people lined up to watch them. And I thought, that's attention that I'm not getting. I need to be getting. So how do I buy? It was like $1,400.

So I went straight to Marketplace. There was one online in Marrickville. I went, hey, buddy, I'll give you $810. You hold that theremin for me, you sit put. I'm going to quickly show you one thing. I'm going to show you a professional theremin player so you know where I'll be in about three to four days. I feel like you're going to start taking this thing to parties and being like, no, don't make me play, don't make me play.

And then you just start playing Wonderwall on the Thermomix. Listen to this. This is a boy, 4.7 million views on the internet. He's playing the theremin. It's gorgeous. Isn't that nice? It's not that nice, actually.

Really? Yeah, I find that particular one a bit annoying sounding. The piano's nice. Well, he doesn't have a theremin as expensive as mine. Not everyone can afford it. He's been playing for 30 years and he can't afford it. It's actually his live craft and he's on an old school one. And that's my show and tell over.

I think we play this for the rest of the episode. I could do the next season's music. You could. It's not like there's royalties issues. You made it. I made it with my own instrument. I just don't know why you're striving for that same attention the guy in the music store had, because when are people ever just going to stumble across you playing it? Unless you take it to parties, which in itself is a bit annoying.

It's very portable. It's very poor. Very obnoxious. Imagine you busking. In the QVB. I will do it. Do you need like a guitar amp or something to go with it to play it out loud? Well, I've just connected it straight to the studio desk. It's got the guitar connection.

How do you play it at home? Oh, it's got a built-in speaker. Oh, right. I've got a guitar amp that I'm not using, so you can use that. Oh, I will use it. I will use it. Alright, guys, if you want a custom theremin played at your wedding, contact me. I reckon I'll be at that

level in about three to four days. So hit me up, and by the time this episode's out, I'll be playing. Yeah, what happens if you just like, your hand has a fucking spasm? I am speaking for it. If you just go like this, like wave your hand like a lunatic. I'll do it.

I like this. Now we're getting somewhere. This sounds like half the shit they play on Triple J anyway. Amazing new track here on Triple J. That right there was Jehovah's Beethoven, the modern take on Jesus Christ Superstar. The artist simply goes by the number seven. And you can catch them at Splendour this year.

Seven takes inspiration from sounds such as carnival cruise line horns and airplane turbines. We had enough of this yet? I'll get better. I'll get better. Yeah, what a shame. You had so much potential with that theorem, and I took to that like a duck to water.

You were very good. I don't know. You've got very steady hands like a brain surgeon. Me on the other hand, I'm like. No, I just have fucking ears, so I can tell if I'm playing the right notes or not. Yeah, I think I'm tone deaf. Honestly, I'm not musical in any capacity at all. I can't sing.

I can't hear it. I love music, but no, I can't perform it. I feel like I've got some musical ability in me because it's obviously in the family, but I just don't have the attention span to commit to it. Yeah, and also I'm talking around music when I'm on air. Like I know the beats and the rhythms and like when to come in. Yeah. I guess like making music is very different to quite literally just talking off the back of a song.

What makes a waltz different from other songs? It's slow. No. Why? It's in three, four times. So instead of one, two, three, four, it's one, two, three, one, two, three, one, two, three. And why? For what reason?

Who came up with that? Because I love three, four time. Like Kelly Clarkson's fucking breakaway. I spread my wings and I learn how to fly. I do what it takes. I still remember the theory. I've got some knowledge when I did music lessons stored up here for no fucking reason. Too much.

It's too much. Truly. No. Mitchell, what's on your finger? Oh, my God. I just saw. Is there a condom? Oh, that's's on your finger? Oh, my God. I just saw. Is there a condom? Oh, that's my finger condom.

Oh, my God. What is it? Oh, so my parents got me a brand new set of knives for Christmas because, you know, you place me in kitchen and I was using this shitty fruit knife and they got me a whole set. And it turns out they're really good knives because I didn't notice that I basically hacked the corner of my finger off. And it was like one of those knives that, you know how you just, you cut a tomato and the knife is so sharp and so quality that it just kind of breezes through. You barely even feel it.

Yeah. I didn't even notice that I'd cut my finger. And then I was like, what the fuck? Where's the blood coming from? Oh my God. I just hacked so much of my finger off. How much do you think was taken off? Enough that I probably should have gotten stitches. But then I put a call out on Instagram saying, can a nurse help me? And the nurse has said, you have to get stitches pretty much straight away. You've left it too long. So you're just going to have to let it heal naturally, which is why I've got the finger

condom on. It's been over a week now. And have you taken it off? Have you seen the damage yet? Yeah. I have to take it off every day or so just to clean it and, you know, put a bit of air it out. That's fine.

And it's okay. It doesn't look mangled. It's getting better. It's a bit, I can show you if you want. No, I'm. It doesn't look mangled. It's getting better. It's a bit. I can show you if you want. No, I'm all good. Let's wrap up. We're done here.

You sure? I've taken the condom off. No, no, no, no. You don't want to see my gash? Oh, God. Oh, it's not as bad as I thought. It's just off the little pad. Yeah, she's healed up quite nicely.

Look at that. You can't, you probably can't tell, but it's deep. Like it goes so deep. It's like someone's got a mini ice cream scoop and just out of my finger. Oh, that makes me sick. Like a melon baller. Oh, that's it. I was texting with Sean the other week, and he was telling me how much he loves being fingered.

So I guess you're going to have to put that on hold. No, I was very worried about my jerk-off abilities, but no, no. You're fine. They haven't been hindered. All right. Well, let's go, everyone. We will be back very soon. Like Mitch said at the top, we're going to get everything organized, our pictures, the new gorgeous Season 5 opener.

Plan ahead. Get ready. Have a lunch. Chat with Jenna. Get the team back. And we'll be on the cloud very soon for Season 5. Yeah. Just, like, don't hold your breath.

But also, we won't be gone for, like, months. Trust me. Okay? We're working on it. Okay? We'll be back, back hopefully bigger and better than ever i can't wait amen we'll see you then guys mitchell stay safe careful with those knives for god's sake i know stop saving cats okay you've done your good deed for the year i feel good i

feel good if you need anyone um if you need any help guys just dm mitch wires doesn't exist anymore uh just dm mitchell coombs on instagram if you've got a possum in your ceiling or a puppy in your floorboards call mitchell coombs and he'll come and save it if you've got a possum in your ceiling or a puppy in your floorboards, call Mitchell Coombs and he'll come and save it. If you've got a wasp's nest, no, I'm not coming to rescue that. Fuck that. You're on your own. No, no, it's got to be cute. It's got to look like an animal that he already has.

Yeah, I need to be able to look into its eyes and be like, I want to protect you, little baby. Look at you. Yeah. Anyway. You're like a gay Robert Irwin. All right, see you in a couple of weeks, everybody. Or as Robert Irwin calls it, Robert Irwin. All right, see you in a couple of weeks, everybody. We love you. Or as Robert Irwin calls it, Robert Irwin.

Yes. All right. See you guys. Goodbye, Mitchell. Bye, you. Catch ya. Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of Mitches.

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