Is It Just Me? - BEST OF: Talkback Tingz

Episode Date: January 15, 2023

Throwing back to some of our favourite bits from the podcast (so far!) This week, it's the segment you all voted as our all-time favourite, Talkback Tingz.   SEASON 5 COMING SOON!   Hit us up @coupleofmitches xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of Mitches. Oh, hello you. Hello Mitchell Coos. Hello you. What's been happening? Oh, look at me. Do I have an Adelaide glow about me? A brown wine region. What did you think? What did you think? Because I've been banging on about how much I adore Adelaide for so long

and you think I'm a loser for it. You have and I've never been and I was kind of ashamed of it but also like it didn't really bother me that I'd not ever been to Adelaide which is, I'm ashamed to say, but I am converted. That place is absolutely beautiful. And I don't know what you thought when you went there for the first time, but it's gorgeous. It's laid back.

The architecture is stunning. You've got 30 minutes to Wine Region, 30 minutes to the beach, great food, great cafes, and it's on the up and up. Like Adelaide, I was there, I was flown down by SA Tourism and the head of SA Tourism's like, no, we've got something to prove. So, like, you want good food? We guarantee we are investing to have the best food. You want a good hotel?

We're investing. Like, they're putting money into the States to make it compete with Sydney and Melbourne. So they're like, they've got a flame under their arses and I'm loving it. Yeah, I feel like they were probably putting on quite a show for you to try and win you over but even someone like me who's been there a few times and they weren't you know going above and beyond I was still impressed I absolutely love it I think the first time I went was when I was like 13 or 14 or

something on a family holiday yeah but then I went again recently for my comedy shows and oh I just adored it there was one hiccup though i will say what happened well um you know that river cruise thing that goes around the adelaide river goes past adelaide oval and all that shit yeah um sean and i booked one of the river cruises and we paid extra for the uh devon package gorgeous we got on board and they said we've run out of scones and we'd pre-ordered our chocolate chip scones. Oh, no, that is bad. And I was absolutely shattered.

I was really looking forward to my quaint experience of being on a gorgeous river cruise with a scone and a cup of tea. But, you know, all's well that ends well. They partially refunded me. How good's that? See, now, that is Adelaide. Sydney would be like, hey, we're out of scones. Fuck you, pay double. You know, like Adelaide at least refunds you.

Yeah, deal with it, prick melbourne would deconstruct it like they'd be like the tea water is taken from the river and the tea bag is actually a metaphor there's no it's like they'd give you some flour and a bottle of lemonade it'd be like make your own fucking scones very true i just loved it i just i went on a little scooter ride around the cbd i had like half an hour to kill so oh those things scare me though i've never done the scooter thing well i didn't realize like thank god i've got all these enduring idiots in my dms because i put up i'm gonna go on a scooter ride and there were orange ones and purple ones and i thought they were just different brands right yeah like different companies that's what i thought

orange is super fast purple is slow so. So I got an orange one. Oh, shoot. This is zooming around. Everyone's like, yeah, you did well because the purple ones, you just don't go anywhere. So thank you to the enduring idiots that gave me some recommendations. I even met some Mitch. We actually do have a lot of listeners in Adelaide, don't we? So many.

So many. Which makes sense. It's chill. It's laid back. Everyone's horny. They've got nothing else to do. So Adelaide listeners. And they don't take themselves too seriously.

Like Adelaide, you know, they are what they are. They're not up themselves. And it's just fucking gorgeous and underrated. Totally. And I met Sam Smith, which was gorgeous. Oh, yeah, of course. Sam actually said that they think that Adelaide is their favourite place in Australia because it reminded them of Sicily.

And they did say they just finished watching White Lotus, which so have I. But it gives Sicilian vibes and I know you're probably thinking I'm embellishing once again, but you go to wine region. I love Adelaide, but really? It's like Sicily. Sicily's got the gorgeous crystal clear waters. Adelaide River is essentially mud.

Oh, no, no. Get out of the river. I'm talking wine region and the oceans, like near McLaren Vale and the Barossa. There are vineyards. Now, that's something I haven't done. Oh, my God. You've got to do it. I went to the Darenberg Cube, which is like four different cubes stacked on top of each other with a vineyard around it and a restaurant inside. It was truly, it was very, very, very incredible.

Have I ever told you my dream holiday? No, I don't think you ever have actually. So I feel like it's something I'm going to have to do like in retirement because the plan is to go to Adelaide and then go to the wine regions and stay at Kingsford Homestead, which is the house that they filmed McLeod's Daughters at, but they've converted it into this gorgeous hotel, like winery stay thing. I don't even know if you could call it a hotel. Like a bed and breakfast.

Yeah, I guess so. And then from there I'll catch the Ghan up to Darwin or Alice Springs or something. Oh, you have mentioned this. This is the most bogan holiday ever, but I absolutely love it. Do you get that? No way. Do you get the full experience? Like, do they put you in a tractor that's on, like, a rollercoaster track and does it

drive off an edge and then stop and then reverse back? No, they don't replicate Clamor Cloud's death. No. Well, they missed opportunity. I will be in my mind, don't worry. Anyway, South Australian idiots, and everyone really, we love you, thank you for listening, but you know what, my next trip is Perth, because I've never been to Perth. Neither.

And I feel I'll have a similar reaction, because we live in our Sydney bubble, Mitchell, and as beautiful as it is here, you know, it's a big, wide Australia out there, so I loved SA so much. For all its faults, would you concur that when you fly back into Sydney after being elsewhere, you do still get that kind of, oh, I'm home. You get that feeling when you look out the plane window and see Sydney. Oh, 100%. It's like Stockholm Syndrome.

This place sucks, but we love it. I know. Even all the people in Adelaide, they're like, where are you from? I'm like, Sydney. They're like, oh. Sorry to hear that. they're intimidated by it. They're like, I went, there's too many areas. I'm like, you're right. There is too many areas. Did you go to the gay club in Adelaide, Mary's Poppin? No. Oh, that's a good name though. I didn't go. I think, am I confusing it with the drag queen? Is it Mary's Poppin? Hold on. I'm just Googling it. Funny name. Yeah. Mary's Poppin. That's it. It's gorgeous. It's like so many different levels, so spread out.

So if you get sick of one dance, you go to another. Why didn't you do that? That would have been right up your alley. No, because I was being wined and dined every night. I didn't have a free moment. I was being jetted around on buses and it was a whole thing. Sorry. I didn't get to choose.

Sorry. That's the VIP life. Anyway, shut the fuck up about your VIP life. What are we doing here? This is the Best Bits episode. It is. And it's possibly going to be the best of the best bits. Yes, it is.

Mitchell, today we're doing this. Yes, it's Talkback Ting. The segment where we play all of the weird cooked shit that we hear on Talkback Radio. And there's a lot of cooked shit that happens on Talkback Radio. This was voted by our listeners. We did a poll in our Facebook group. This was voted our best segment ever. So we're doing the best of Talkback Tings today. Yeah, we've never put them all in one place. So this is actually good going forward. If you're a fan of Talkback Tings, just go back to this episode and you can listen to all the best ones in one little bit. So let's start off with,

this was, oh my God, it was in the intro of our show for a long time from episode 45. This is Pike's Nursery. Yes, this is the famous John Laws, Talkback King himself. This is John Laws versus some deaf old lady that called into his show. We've done John Laws before here on the show. He's back again. I've got one from the archives today. It's an oldie bit of goodie that my dad was telling me about.

So you know how most Talkback listeners are ancient. Yes. And maybe they don't have Google. Yeah. So this particular audio we're about to hear, an old lady called into John Laws. Yeah. And she'd heard an ad during the ad break on his show. Right.

And she was asking for the details. Nice. She's like, oh, sorry, I heard that ad. What was their phone number? Standard. Okay. So it was an ad for a nursery, Pike? She's like, oh, sorry, I heard that ad. What was their phone number? Standard, okay. So it was an ad for a nursery, Pike's Nursery. Yeah.

So firstly, how would you spell Pike's? P-Y-K-E-S. Correct. So he had a bit of trouble passing that message on to her, but he did not give up. So strap yourself in. This goes on for a while. Okay.

He was determined to get it to her. And as you know, John Law's very little patience. Yes. But he persisted. Here it is. I'll tell you what to do. Ring Pike's Nurseries. What nursery? Pike's. Pike's. Yes. P-Y-K-E-S. P-I-A-T-E-M. Would you spell that again for me? P-I-A-T-M, did you say? No, ma'am.

No, I said P-Y. Oh, Y. Yes, P-Y as in Yankee. K as in Kilo. E as in Echo. S as in Stupid. Pikes, P-Y-K-E-S. Pikes Nurseries.

P-Y-A-T-I-N. Will we try it again, ma'am? I don't. Okay, you ready now? Have you got your pencil handy? Oh, yeah. Okay, P. B.

No, P. P, yeah. As in piddle. S. Y. P-I-J. As in piddle. Y. P, I. Jesus, save me from this. P, P. You've got the P there.

I've got a P. That's right. And a Y. A Y as in Yankee. That's right. Okay, then you have a K. A. K as in kill. Kill a K. A. Jesus. K as in kill.

K. It's a P-Y-A. K! Don't get excited, John. Don't get excited, ma'am. Can I ask you a leading question? Yes. Do you have trouble hearing?

I have, yes. Yes. All right, ma'? I have, yes. Yes. All right, ma'am, well, we'll try it again. P-Y. P-Y. K. A. K.

P again? Yes, no, thank you. K as in kill. E-S. Yes, E-S. God, you got that. Just a second. Would you spell it back to me now?

P-Y-A... Now, I... Oh, no, I'm tired. Oh, no, it's not right. Oh, it's not right. P-Y-K-E-S. P-A-Y-E. Where do you get the A from?

I haven't said an A anywhere. P. P. You got the P. I got that, yes. Right. Y. P-A.

No, Y, Y, Y, Y, Y as in Yankee. P-Y. Yes. K. E. Oh, God, save me. How can a K and an E sound alike? K.

Yes, I will. I will. I swear. I'm going to throw myself right down the microphone and choke you to death in a minute. That's what I'm going to do. P-Y-E. Did you say? No.

No, I didn't. I don't know. I don't think we're ever going to make it, ma'am, are we? Oh, well, it is. I don't think that I'm ever going to be able to give you this telephone number. I mean, this is just the name. Imagine it when I start to get to the telephone number. It's a nursery, isn't it?

Yes, it is, strangely enough. All right, well, give me the number of it. Oh, God, can I? That's the telephone number. Yes, all right, here you are. Are you ready? I'll take the risk. Are you ready? Yes. Okay, do you have your pen That's a telephone number. Yes, all right, here you are. Are you ready? I'll take the risk. Are you ready?

Yes. Okay, do you have your pen at the ready? Yes. Okay. Six. Six. Six. Good, that's very good.

Three. Six what? Three. E. Oh, Jesus. How can E be a number? I don't know, but I just can't... A cat seems to vibrate in my ear.

Okay, well, I'll say it very quietly now. Yes. Can you hear me? Yes. Six. Yes. Three. Three.

Very good. Yes. Six, three. Nine. Nine. And another nine. Yes. Eight. Eight. Eight. And another nine. Yes. Eight.

Eight. Very good. Five. Five. One. One. Yes. That's it, Mrs.

Yes, would you read it back to me? Uh, six, three, nine, nine, five, I don't know, eight, 9, 9, 5, no, 11, no, 8, 5, 1. You've got it. You've got it. I have. So just dial the telephone number and God help Bruce Pike.

Oh, my God! They got there in the end, didn't they? That is the best yet. And that would only happen on Talkback. Oh, K for kill. I reckon halfway through he realised, this is gold. I'm just going to persist. Where was she getting the A from?

And then a C in the phone number. K. Wow, could there be E in a number? I've never heard him get that animated before I know, well see, this was many years ago, right? Right, okay So I understand now why they call him the man with the golden tonsils Because that was quite a booming, rich voice

That was beautiful These days he doesn't really sound like that anymore So the reason I've had to dig into the archives as well Is because his podcast doesn't get updated anymore. There hasn't been a new episode. I'm surprised there isn't. I know. Well, that's how I usually find shit of his to play on Talkback Tings because I'm at work when he's on air.

That's why most of the stuff comes from the night show. And now that John Law's podcast has disappeared, I can't find the audio. But also the most recent episode, which was mid-March, he really doesn't sound well. Really? So play the old one. This is what he used to sound like. Okay. I'll tell you what to do.

Ring Pike's Nurseries. Wasn't it? Booming days. Beautiful. Very articulate. This is him in the most recent podcast upload. Okay. In the past couple of hours,

the World Health Organisation has described the coronavirus as the defining health crisis of our generation what they are at oh dear oh god what they are advocating is regular testing for the virus as pressure mounts for personal restrictions to on visits to pubs and movie houses and aged care homes many Many Anzac Day commemorations across... You can tell that he's turning his mic off to clear his throat, but it's still there. Oh, bless him. Irony, of course, being that he's talking about coronavirus.

Yeah, Jesus. He sounds like he's on a deathbed. He's on a ventilator, I know. I know. He is up in his 80s, right? Oh, yeah, but good on him for still being on air, right? He's still giving it a go, but just like, how the fuck am I supposed to find audio to play in

our podcast if he stopped uploading episodes of your podcast? It was 17th of March. It was the last update. That's the last podcast episode they put up. Poor avid listeners who can't, you know, be up at the crack of dawn. They might have medical appointments to see, to listen to their favourite jock. I know. Maybe they just assumed that his listeners don't listen to podcasts, but they're wrong.

Here I am. Here I am refreshing it going, come on, mate. Should we call them? Great minds think alike. That's actually what I was going to get you to do. Oh, let's do it. Let's call like reception. And this is exactly what I was going to get you to do.

I want you to be an old man. Yeah. No, I don't want to be a woman. I want to be a woman. I don't want to be a man. Too close to reality. Either works. Just be someone who would listen to John Laws.

Call 2SM reception. Let me get the number. And be like, where the fuck's the podcast? Yeah. It's been months. I'm worried. Is John still on air? Okay.

Like, where is he? No, I got the number. All right. I'm going to call. I'm going to be Dot. Oh, my God. Yes. Wiggins. I'll be in my net. Okay. I've got the number alright I'm going to call I'm going to be Dot oh my god yes Wiggins

be my name ok I've got the number are we ready yep I've never seen you so eager to do a prank call I feel like you I know

I know my alter ego is a 97 year old woman named Dot alright let's ring ok oh my god I'm dialing

hello 2SM hello 2SM? Hello, 2SM? Hello? Hello? Hi, it's 2SM. Hello, my name's Dot. Is this front desk reception? Yep.

A query. What did you say your name was? Ben, Ben from 2SM. Ben from 2SM. Ben, my name's Dot. How are you, Ben? I'm good, thanks. How are you? I've been better. I've been better.

I have a query. I listen to the John Laws Morning Show program every day. I mean, I'm not a religious person, but I listen every day. And for the love of God, I can't listen anymore. You see, in the mornings, too, I have to get my knee lanced. I've got pus in my knee. It's a whole thing. I can't seem to listen live, so I have to listen via podcasts.

However, there hasn't been a podcast updated, Ben, since March, middle of March. Middle of March, really? March 17th. I've written it down in my notepad. March 17th is the last podcast from John Laws. Okay, March, right now, I'll check the website right now. Is everything okay with John? Yes, everything's okay with John. He was sick today, so he didn't get on today.

Oh, no. Let me check. His last show was yesterday. Tell him, Dot, from Wonga Baradine, he'll know me. We had a brief fleeing back in 1980. But tell him I said my regards. So the podcasts, they don't get thumb-drived in.

They're not on anymore. They are in. They're on the website. No. Apple. Not the website. Apple, Ben. Oh, Apple.

Apple. Apple. It is lavender in colour, and the application has a little boy with two rings around their head. Okay, you might... Oh, I'm not sure if that's the right one. You might have to download an app called TuneIn. Who? TuneIn.

T-U-N-E. TuneIn. Space. I-N. I'm getting a pen. Hold on, Ben. Yep. So it should be on the App Store.

Who? It's called TuneIn. So that's B-U-N-E. No, no, no. TuneIn. T-U-N-E. Tune. So T-W-N-E-L-N.

No, no, no. Tune. T-U-N-E. Tune. I-N. Oh, like Looney Tune. T-O-O-N. No, no, no. Tune. T-U-N-E. Tune. I-N. Oh, like Looney Tune. T-O-O-N. No, no, no. T-U-M-G.

N-E. No, dear me. No. Tune, like tuning the radio. Yes. Tune. In. T-U-N-E. E, space. In. I-N. U-N.

That should be on the words. United Nations. No, I-N. I. Oh, I-N. I-E. E, space, N-I-N. U-N. That should be on the words. United Nations. No, I-N-I. Oh, I-N, I-N. I for Iceland. Okay, I've got to pick up other phone calls. I for Indigo. Hold on, wait.

Jamie, Jamie. I for Indigo and then N for Nelly. Yes, yeah. Tune in. All right, so spell it with me one more time. Ready? T-U-N-E-O-N I-N

No, I-N. Listen, I've got to get my grandson to get across. Thank you so much. Have a nice day. Bye. Oh my god. Oh, Bart. Jesus.

You're going to get calls like that all day, every day, I reckon. It was so calm, cool and collected. Is it just me? Oh, my God. I forgot that that used to be a hidden talent of yours, Mitchell, just coming up with fake suburb names on the spot. Did you hear just then how you said the dog was from Wongabaradine? Yeah.

God, we even made tea towels with my fake suburbs on them. That was a real thing for a period there. Wongabaradine. Yeah. God, we even made tea towels with my fake suburbs on them. That was a real thing for a period there. Wongabaradine. I missed that in my recent trip to ASAP. Have you lost your spark and you still do it? Oh, God, yeah. Of course I could. Brangington Ben.

No, that's terrible. I've lost my spark. That was shocking. I feel like I had a – I woke up one day and I just couldn't do it anymore, you know? Oh, God. Well, one more chance. You're out of practice. Okay.

Well, in Adelaide – Hi, I'm Mitchell. I used to live in – Oh, Hasington Hillside. That works hashington hillside that works we're getting warmer we're getting warmer by the way i need to actually correct myself because a couple of weeks ago i said that the first ever time dot wiggins came to be was when you were prank calling that guy that ghosted me i think that was actually that was the inception of dot that was the first time you ever did dot when you were calling after the pikes nursery thing was that the first time you ever did Dot, when you were calling after the Pike's Nursery thing. Was that the first Dot?

The very first, yes. I stand corrected. We were gaslighting people. Yeah, you're right, actually. Good call. It was so long ago. Who remembers? Now, anyway, sticking with John Laws, do you remember this, Mitch, back in episode 73,

which just sets my heart on fire? My favourite numbers are three and seven, so 73. Holy shit. I love that. I adore the fact that this is from episode 73 this is when we took inspiration from john laws's poetry because sometimes he just goes rogue and gets a bit self-indulgent plays his own poems on his radio show yeah which i think should be some sort it should be illegal right like that's cooking the books unless he's not selling these poems

like if they're in burkelau books and he's reading them out on air, you know, that's a conflict of interest. But I think they're fine otherwise. I wanted to give it my best shot so I did an improvised poem on the fly a la John Laws but it was at the time of the Free Britney movement and that was my inspiration. So from episode 73, here is Talk Back Tings and my Free Britney poem. I heard something during the six-hour drive back home to Bogengate, where I am right now, and I thought, oh, that's very out there.

That's odd. But I'm thinking, Mitch, you can implement it into your FM radio world. So John Laws, right? Yeah, the king. We've heard from him quite a few times in this segment. He was taking a call from someone and halfway through he sort of just broke into song. What?

What? But he wasn't singing. It was more like poetry, right? It sounds weird, but give it a listen. I really think, Mitch, you should take this on board. No, I don't think I need it. I think this is a good idea. I think my show is just fine.

But all right, we have the audio. This is John Laws on AM radio. 1-300-564-652. Should you like to give us a call and tell us what... Sorry, that fucking number. Simplify it. It's like 1-300-John-Laws. It spells his name.

Their listeners already have damaged frontal lobes. Like, don't make them have to... Ours is 13-1065. Easy. 1-300-16... Yeah, but I'm pretty sure... You know when you used to text on a Nokia and the letters and numbers would be there?

I'm pretty sure 1300, whatever it is, that spells 1300 John Law. Oh, my God. Like 13WSFM. Oh, that's actually smart. So they catered for that back in the day when that was really cool. But he doesn't say that. He says the number in full, 130056465. His listeners can barely remember to take their blood pressure medication, let alone that number. All right, here in full. 1-300-564-65 His listeners can barely

remember to take their blood pressure medication, let alone that number. Alright, here we go. Continuing the audio. It is on your mind. We better talk to Ross. Ross, are you there? Yeah, mate. Speaking. Okay, what do you want to talk about, Ross? Oh, yeah, just, um, I had a bit of a

culture shock myself the other day. I drive a truck up and down the coast and Queensland coast and out as far as Mount Isa, and I was getting ready to climb into my truck and my gear bag was missing. Five minutes on the front steps. And I come from a country town where you went down the pub and you left your wallet and your money on the bar

when you went to the toilet? Yeah, nobody touched a thing. Yeah. Oh, God knows what's happened to that lovely attitude we used to have in little towns where you could do anything you like. You've just got to be so careful these days because the world has become a much more violent place

and a much more dishonest place than it used to be. What? Yeah, and you know, everyone looked after everyone else. That's right. Everyone looked after everyone else. Now, it makes you really paranoid about people, you know? I remember a story

I did about Little Towns. I might read that for you. Oh no. Yep, yep. Okay, Ross, turn your radio on and listen because it's a good story about little towns. Are you ready? What?

Where did he get a guitar from? Let's just think about the magic of the little town. A little town is where everybody knows what everybody else is doing, but they read the weekly newspaper just to see who got caught doing it. A little town is where if you get the wrong number, you can talk for 15 minutes anyway, if you want to. In any town, the ratio of good people to bad people is 100 to 1. Where did you get that statistic from?

In a small town, The hundred are uncomfortable. In a little town, the one is uncomfortable. The small town policeman has a first name. The small town school teacher has the last word. The small town preacher

is sometimes a full-time farmer. The small town fireman takes turns. And you say, why would anybody want to live in one of these tiny, blink-and-you-miss-it towns? I don't know.

Maybe because in the class play, there's a part for everybody. What? In the town jail, there's rarely anybody.? At the town jail, there's rarely anybody. And in the town cemetery, you're still among friends. Oh, my. Mitchell, what did you think when you heard that live?

Well, I mean, I'll be honest. I did think, what the fuck is going on? Where did this come from? And I also did think, oh, he's clearly I'll be honest. I did think, what the fuck is going on? Where did this come from? And I also did think, oh, he's clearly not reading that live. His voice sounds way younger. Yeah, that was in the mid-80s at least. The phlegm wasn't on his throat as well at that point in time. But then I thought, this is John Laws we're talking about.

He has been in radio for 400 years. And so there must be some key to his longevity. And I feel that that might be the fact that he really thinks outside the box. So, Mitchell, I think you should take inspiration from his poetry. I was quite inspired. And what, start some poetry on the night show or the national breakfast show that I'm doing? No. Precisely.

That's what I'm thinking. You've got this new fancy radio gig you're doing, Breakfast Hours at the moment, and I was thinking you should call your boss and find some gentle guitar music similar to what John Laws has. With a pan flute. Yeah, pan flute. And then just say to him, hey, man, I've got this idea. Can you let me know what you think of this?

And then wing it. Just improvise something similar to that. Hold on. Wait a second. I don't want to implement this in my show. I've got enough content. I'm more than a crosshead. Hey, if it's good enough for the great John Laws,

it's good enough for you, Bucko. Exactly. You can learn a thing or two from him. I feel like poetry could be your thing. I found some music. This is perfect. This is lovely. Sounds like something from Banjo-Kazooie.

Okay, so call your boss, DB. No, I'm going to call my producer. I'm going to call my producer, Alex. Alex? Yeah, Alex is my producer for the winter breakfast show that I'm doing. Oh, wait. Is that the same intern, Alex, that we had on this podcast? We brought her in to oust Jenna.

Oh, my God. Yes, we did. And then we offered her a role on this podcast as a producer and then she ghosted it. Oh, my God. She fucking did. Never came back. Never.

We did a welfare check and we just presumed she was dead. Oh, my God. She fucking did. Never came back. Never. We did a welfare check and we just presumed she was dead. Oh, my God. I thought she was. So she's back from the dead working on your radio show, is she? Yeah, she got the call up. She's my head producer. She's alive? Yeah.

Wow. I can't believe she faked her own death just to get out of working on this podcast. That's unbelievable. That's something I would do. You should imagine myself when I got a call from a number. I thought, it's in Portugal! Yes! Anyway, so maybe call Alex then, your producer, and just say, oh God, this is actually better because she'll be really polite. She won't have the heart to tell you that it's fucking stupid. Yes. She'll be like, hey babe, I'm thinking outside the box. I want to bring something

fresh to the radio show next week. What do you think of it? And then what do you want your poem to be about? Or maybe ask her. Now, what's my poem to be? And I'm going to have to have an idea for a poem. What about Princess Diana's mural? Nah, you do better when you're improvising. Maybe ask her to give you a random topic.

Yeah, okay. Oh, good, yeah. Okay, all right. I'm going to dial her through. I'm going to connect my phone so she knows it's me. Fucking hell. Can I hear the music again? Yeah.

I've got options. There's Gentle Guitar No. 3, which you've heard. Okay. This sounds like the final ballad of the Titanic as it's sunk into the North Pacific. It does. Yeah, that one's too emo. It needs to be a bit inspiring. Yeah, yeah.

I know. This one sounds like New Poets Panty Line. It's by Libra. It does. Yeah, it does. I like the bachelors. I choose soy milk because I don't want calcium intake from regular milk. That's why I drink so good.

All right, now I like three. This is it. This is it. Okay, that's it. All right, I'm going to call her. But I'm going to get her opinion on which. Hello, it's me. Hello.

It's me, you nut. What? Are you on speakerphone? Rule number one, like I taught you. I'm driving you, Pef. Oh, I had an idea for the show. Tell it to me. I'm thinking, you know how we have Tom Gleisner from Have You Been Paying Attention Monday?

Yeah. I'm thinking on Tuesday, just to like tie into that comedy aspect and the fun, we should do, like I should do poetry on the air. Okay. Like, live poetry, live lyrics about a topic that's current. Okay. Cool. Fun.

It'd be like, yeah, like a slam poetry kind of thing. Yeah, not even slam, like inspiring. Like, I want to inspire,, like people, like kids listening. What's topical? What's happening at the Mo in like culture? Well, I mean, you could, you know, kind of do something inspiring in terms of Britney, you know. Britney Spears.

Be yourself, own your own shit, don't let people control you. Oh my God, Britney Spears could be good. I'd just like get some music out and I'd... Like, I'd sing to music like this. It'd be like... We knew you from a girl. Young, tight and cute. But now look at you, like an old haggard boot.

Free Britney. Let her out of that cage. Poor, poor Britney. It makes me filled with rage. Blonde hair. Blue eyes. Her father doing this. I despise!

Something like that, you know, like a poem, a current. Yeah. Okay, fine. Yeah, that could work. Or what else is topical? Well, I mean, royals are always topical. Royals. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You shouldn't have got in that taxi cab. I'll die. Why did you have to die? You would have been 60 today. It's the 60th anniversary of her life. There was a statue made for Diana. It was built from concrete and lime. Concrete and lime.

Her beautiful sons attended. Tension was at an all-time high No sign of Queen Lizzie No sign of Charles Philip wasn't there I guess he probably couldn't because Philip died. Just like Di! Oh, Princess Di.

Yeah, see, I think there's something in Di too. I love it. All right, well, we can talk Monday and then we'll send it to management because I reckon that's good to send to DB and the bosses. Yeah, I love that. Okay, fabulous. All right, thanks, Alex. I'll talk to you over the weekend.

Love you. Love you. See you. Thanks for the tips. Bye. Oh, my God. Wow, that didn't even feel like a prank call. That felt like a genuine fucking brainstorm.

And you know what? I'm sold. I loved it. I actually might run that audio on Monday morning. That was inspirational. Is it just me? Listening on Spotify. Don't forget to leave a

five star rating. Okie doke. We've got so many more best bits of Talk Back Tings to come. By the way, John Laws, we did actually end up interviewing him at the end. We were face to face with the man with the golden tonsils, which was just very intimidating. It's back in episode 94, if you want to go listen to that. Yeah, it was a lot going on. He was in a weird mood. He definitely warmed up by the end. I'll say that.

That was the first time I've ever seen you struggling in an interview, because you've got the gift of the gab. You interview people for a living, but you, John's a tough nut to crack and you were just struggling you're used to people just falling in love with you from the first sentence and so you were like it was so funny you were so out of your comfort zone I'd never seen it before I just couldn't crack him and then I also was very intimidated by him but I also don't think he could hear me so there was many issues happening at once so I think that was the problem but we got there there in the end. We really did. Well, moving on from John Laws, let's move on to Graham Gilbert, who is another Talkback radio host at night. And he is so prone to prank calls. He's constantly on the receiving end of prank calls. And this one that we're about to listen to back from episode 15 is

possibly the best of the best. Today, we're not listening to John Laws. We're listening to the guy that does the night show on the same station, 2SM. So I'm competing with him. Well, yeah, he's technically your rival at night time. So his name's Graham Gilbert, and as Wikipedia very generously phrases it, it says, in 2002, Gilbert's night time show on 2SM scored a rating of 0.1 in Sydney,

the lowest rating ever recorded for a commercial program in Metro Market in Australia. 2SM subsequently withdrew from the Sydney radio ratings. So now they don't really have any way of knowing how many people do or don't listen. But he does get callers. He does get a lot of calls. I'll tell you that.

But unfortunately, most of those callers, calling Peter Graham Gilbert, are prank callers. I don't know why. He's just become a target for prank callers. I've done it before. I'm not going to lie. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's just so easy.

He's such an easy target. He is. He's had a lot of them over the years. Most famously, I would say, would be the India prank call. This is so funny. I can't explain. You've heard it? Yeah, I've heard this. Have famously, I would say, would be the India prank call. This is so funny. I can't explain. You've heard it? Yeah, I've heard this. Have you, Jenna?

No. Okay, so I've got a quick example for you just to hear that. So basically, people call in and troll him by answering every question he asks in his quiz with the answer India. Here it is. Question one. Which Australian gymnast won Commonwealth Games gold in 1990 and again in 1994 for his performance on the pommel horse? Step in the dark, India. No, I didn't think you were that dumb. I didn't think you were that dumb, Lincoln, but clearly I was wrong.

Hello, Thomas. G'day, Graeme. Yeah, mate. Got these bloody idiots calling up again. But you'll have the answer. What do you think it might be? India. Yeah. Thomas. G'day, Graeme. Yeah, mate. Got these bloody idiots calling up again. But you'll have the answer. What do you think it might be? India. Yeah.

Thomas, it's bedtime now. Off you go. Okay? Off you go. 131269. Hello there, Marcus. Yes, good evening. Yes, mate.

Have you got an answer for us? India. Yeah, Marcus. Grow up. Yeah, grow up. Good on you. Oh, boy on you boys are gonna be one of those nights Robert good evening hello Graham how are you not too bad mate sorry after all that nonsense could you put repeat the question yeah the question is made which Australian gymnast won Commonwealth Games gold in 1990 and

again in 1994 for his performance on the pommel horse. Oh, just get my megaphone. There we are. It wasn't even clever, mate. Not even clever. Hello, Eve. Hi, Graham. Yes, who do you think it was?

Oh, India. Eve, don't fall for their silly games, okay? You're much too nice to fall for their silly games. Oh, my God. I love how he says, oh, another one of those nights. This must happen a lot. Also, what the fuck is a pommel horse? I have no idea.

I don't think anyone actually knew the answer. Poor Eve just, like, couldn't do it either. I know. But who are these people? I've done so much research. I cannot find out how the India call started. I know. I have no idea. I don't know if either. I know, but who are these people? I've done so much research I cannot find out how the India call started. I don't know if they're still happening, but they've happened plenty of times.

It's all over YouTube. But obviously he's aware of those prank callers. Often he just plays music because he gives up trying to do talkback. But some prank calls do slip through the cracks and he doesn't realise that they're a prank caller. Oh, I think I know what you mean. So, this one that I'm about to play, someone called through

and rather than talking to him, they just recited the lyrics to the Family Guy theme song. I've given you the theme song over there. May I have you play it? It seems today that all you see is violence in movies. You know it. Classic. But where are those good old-fashioned values? You know it. Classic.

And so someone called through with those lyrics to see if he would notice. Here's how it went. Talk Tonight on 131269. Hello, Brian. Good evening, Graeme. How are you? Yes, good, thanks. Mate, it seems today that all you see is violence in movies and sex on TV. Right.

Where are the good old-fashioned values on which we used to rely? Well, that's a good point, isn't it? And it's interesting. They've done a couple of surveys of late, and people are not going to movies as much as they used to, and the reason they give is because of the unnecessary language, the unnecessary language the unnecessary sexual scenes and you're right people are simply wanting to go back to movies where the whole

family can go and it can be wholesome well lucky there's the family guy yeah you know okay thank you very much okay good on you. I thought he had more to say. 13, 12, 69. Talk tonight. The best part of you is an old-fashioned values on which we used to lie. Couldn't agree more. The movies, the boobies, and the vaginas. It's awful.

I know, right? He bought a ride into it. And he took the bait. He had no idea. And so the challenge is, because Graham Gilbert is is so hyper aware of prank callers, is to try and slip through the cracks. So what you just heard, Mitch, I bet you're wondering why I asked to push back the recording time this week to a bit later at night.

My actual night show starts very soon. Yes, I know. And Jenna, you've missed Zumba for this. I know. Pump class. He's on seven till midnight. So there's like a two hour window and we are currently in that window. So I was thinking.

Oh, do you want us to call him? I want you to call and like that person did, recite some lyrics that sound like a conversation and see if he notices. So 13-12-69 is the number. Get it ready. Oh, I don't think I can. You knew this was coming, though.

You act so like, oh, you're going to make me do this. But, like, every time we do talkback things, I always tend to make you do something. I'm like, what have you learned from this, Mitchell? You do something off the back of it. Okay, if you give me the lyrics, I'll do it. Well, a couple of the ones that I thought of were Party in the USA by Miley Cyrus.

Here's the lyrics. Okay, thank you. Here you go. Oh, yeah. So just say hello. There you go. Oh, yeah. So just say hello. Ready? G'day, mate. Oh, Graham, I hopped off the plane at LAX with a dream and my cardigan.

Welcome to the land of fame excess. Oh, am I going to fit in? No, see, the rhyming is too obvious, isn't it? It's hard. Yeah, you can't do that. So then I jumped in a cab, Graham. Here I am for the first time. No, hard, yeah. You can't do that. So then I jumped in a cab, Graham. Here I am for the first time. No, you're right.

I can't do that. The other one, another one I came up with was All Star by Smash Mouth. Oh, yeah. Do you want to try? So, you know that song from Shrek, Jenna? Yes. Yeah. So talk tonight, Graham Gilbert.

Good evening. Oh, Graham. Yeah, somebody once told me the world is going to roll me. Hey, Graham, on the first tour with me,, I ate the sharpest tool in the shed. She was looking kind of damn right with her finger and her thumb. I reckon that one's better than Party in the USA. It's the rhymes, though. The rhymes throw us off.

Yeah. Do you reckon, Jenna? Let's go with that one. Can you think of any others? No, that one's the best. Yeah, it's better than Party in the USA anyway. No, I've got it. I've got one.

I don't want to tell you what it is, but I've got one. What is it? I don't want to tell you what it is. But I like to also. I don't want you to know. Oh, God. Is he going to put me on hold? 3,000 staff over a long period of time.

Talk tonight. Your name, please. Vern. You're on air, Vern. What did you want to say, mate? I just wanted to talk about Ancestry.com and genealogy. Yeah, very quickly. Graeme, you wouldn't believe it, but

I just took a DNA test and turns out I'm 100% that bitch. Yeah, that sounds right, Vern. Oh my god! Oh my god! He didn't take the bait at all. He hated it.

What a burn. I don't know where it came from. So that was, what was, wait, which song was that again? I can't remember what it's called. Oh, let me get it up. Lizzo, Truth Hurts. Yeah, that's right. It's a Lizzo lyric, classic.

Your friend that you caught up with last week. Yeah, my BFF, Miss Lizzo. You can only play five seconds. That's around five seconds. Go on. One man great, so they're going to be great. Sorry about that. Okay.

I just took a DNA test. Turns out I'm 100%. There you go. Oh, my God. I like the tie-in with the Ancestry.com. Yeah, yeah. Oh, mate, I've just been on Ancestry. That's how one of his old fart callers would start.

Oh, you wouldn't believe it. I found the internet. No, found the internet no i love how i said ancestry.com yeah keep it quick um he didn't have time for burns bullshit do you have flashback on there yeah yeah okay can you go and find 2sm and then just like scroll to what just happened and send it to me i want to know what he said after because I reckon he would have, like, slagged you off a bit more. Gone on a rant. Because what did he say just then? He said, oh, my God, what did he say?

Yeah, and I don't remember. I'm just asking the wrong person again. Can we just talk about the fact that that was way too easy to get on air? He didn't even vet me. Like, normally when someone rings my show, I go, hi, it's Kiz Nights. What do you want to talk about? What's your name? Get their name, and if they're shit, I get rid of them or

if they want to talk about something stupid, I don't put them on. But I never go straight to air with someone. No. And like if you call a talkback station, which is different to KISS, they still go through the basic, what's your name and what do you want to talk about? Off speakerphone, everything. They usually get your suburb too, like, oh, James from Croydon.

That was weird that he put me straight on air and says, what's your name? He's just asking i was gonna say he's asking to be based oh my god i can't believe that just happened that that was we were in and out so quick well yeah that's it's over before it even started it's like getting a needle um have you got it jenna yep just sent it i can get it in the system right there hold on So this is after he hung up on me we obviously didn't hear what Hay said on air but this is him carrying on after the prank call. Here we go. Talk tonight. Your name

please? Vern. You're on air Vern. What did you want to say mate? I just wanted to talk about Ancestry.com and genealogy. Yeah, very quickly. Graeme, you wouldn't believe it but I just took the DNA test and it turns out I'm 100% that bitch.

Yeah, that sounds right, Vern. So you hung on for that, did you? Yeah, I think you've described yourself 100%, Vern, okay? Yep, we've got your number so we won't put you back on talk tonight on 131269. Okay, that wasn't too bad, actually. It's actually better hearing it from the other point of view Yeah, it's very smug

Well, we'll be back on I reckon we can easily get back on That was not hard at all Such a piece of shit Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of Mitches Now this next one, Mitch, from episode 40, I don't even remember. Carter Edwards.

Who's Carter Edwards? This was, I've completely forgot we did this. So what we did was we played a grab from Carter Edwards, which was him just sitting. He goes, call the number now, you know, soliciting for people to call through for the talkback. And then he just sat there in silence waiting for someone to call. And then we did the same thing because we were on TikTok live, Instagram live, and we

got so many calls. It was amazing. I completely forgot this happened, but it was such a treat. Take a listen. I was listening the other night, Carter Edwards late at night on a weekend, and I witnessed the moment that Carter Edwards just gave up. Really? He's been in this game for a long time,

been hosting his talkback show for many years, and I just thought this particular night, he was like, I'm over it. I'm over it. Not his heart. I thought you meant his heart gave out. No, no, no, nothing like that. You'll know what I mean.

But first of all, let's just give you a little taste of what Carter Edwards' radio show is like. Okay. Any topic, any time anytime call 13 12 69 speaker there it's the truth yes okay it's your station I just push the buttons and give you the chance to have your freedom of speech and there's all kinds of things that we'd like to give you a chance to to talk about hmm one thing i wanted to do and i wanted to to try and get your opinion on whatever it is that we throw in your direction

because everybody's got a a uh a thought on whatever it is that we're talking about oops where have i got this happening? A second. Hang on. Okay. So, like, he's not super coherent, you know what I mean? No, everyone's got a thought but him. Yes.

So you wouldn't really tune into that show if you're wanting slick, polished radio, like the sort of FM rubbish you have to make. Oh, exactly. He left so many lulls. I could never do that. Oh, if you think those lulls are bad. So when I listened the other night, I heard him do his thing. He's like, you know, this is the number.

Call in. Talk about whatever you want to talk about. And then he just sat and waited for someone to call. On air? No. He didn't fill the silence. He literally just sat in silence waiting for the phone to ring. But was it a joke?

Was he doing it as a bit? No, no, no, no, no, no. Just play the audio. You'll know what I mean. Oh, my God. Okay. Thank you for your thoughts, Maureen. Okay, bye, mate.

Thank you, darling. Bye-bye. Okay, agree or disagree? What are your thoughts on that one folks please give us a give us an idea okay 13 12 69 i've got a one line waiting for somebody you'll wait no oh my god wait is this real yeah i'm not gonna make you sit through all the silence it went for over three minutes was he in a bad mood i don't know but can i tell you there was actually nothing he could have said in that moment that would have been more engaging to me

than that silence i wouldn't get out of the car I was sitting there in the car park for over three minutes being like, what's going to happen next? It was actually so gripping. Yeah, but also my brain goes straight to death. I'm like, has he died? Something has happened in the studio. There's a terrorist ISIS have broken in. Oh, my God.

I bet his listeners are like, oh, that's just Carter. He must be off doing away. Just Carter being Carter. This is why we love his program. He's nodded off again. But anyway, I'm not going to make you sit through the entire three-minute silence, but this is what happened when he came back on air and finally someone called through.

Okay. Righto. Good evening. Hello. Yeah, can you hear me? I can hear you, yes, sir. Thank you. Yeah, I was listening to your conversation earlier.

I think it went on from there. It's almost like he was asleep with a newspaper on his head. I know. Oh, hello, yes, hi, I've been waiting. Can I just ask, Mitchell, as someone who works on air in FM radio, how much trouble would you get in if you did that? Oh, if I say my name, I'm Mitch till midnight. I can't even leave a pause between the till and midnight.

I'm going to say it all as one word, Mitch till midnight. I can't even go Mitch till midnight. Fire. Done. Redundant. Very, very fast paced. Nothing like that talkback shit. Also, my call

because i take so many calls every night i can if they're bad i chop them they're done really oh of course but it's also funnier that way but this way like this is next level well as we've learned they they kind of just let anyone on air on talkback they don't really vet them it's just like whatever someone's called they'll take what they. Also, that lady that he let go didn't even know his name. Bye, mate. See you, mate. But anyway, I did feel bad for Carter and the fact that he was just left hanging for three minutes waiting for someone to call. It's quite sad. And so right now, as we're recording, we are on Facebook Live, TikTok Live and Instagram

Live. All of them. Hey, guys. And so I'm thinking that our listeners because they're fucking legends they wouldn't leave us hanging like that would they no you bloody hope not

absolutely not and so we've never done this before but we're going to give out the number of the studio that we record in here at Kiss and then Jenna I want you to get a stopwatch out and see how long it takes someone to call. Because I don't think our listeners would do that to us, leave us hanging for over three minutes.

No, I don't think they would. Although our listeners are that way inclined that they might just do it because they'd like us to be in the awkwardness. If anyone right now is considering doing this is to troll us. Don't. I will be furious because, like, that's going to be so tense. I probably would, knowing them. We're also on Facebook Live.

There's, like, I tested it earlier. There's a seven-second delay, so we're guaranteed at least some silence. Okay. So we're just going to sit here and wait and see how long it takes one of our listeners to call. So, Mitch, without further ado, give out the number. All right. I'll do it.

I'll be the very best Carter I can be. Okay. Okay. Give us a call wherever you are. 13-1065 13-1065 13-1065 Waiting for your call. Takk for ating med. Talk tonight.

This is Carter. Hi. Hi. Who have we got there? Eloise. Eloise. Are you calling Kiss 1065 or are you calling a couple of bitches? I was on TikTok watching your live.

Yes. Oh, yay. One of my TikTok followers. You legend. Oh, wait. Hold on right there. We've got another one as well. Stay right there. Another call. Hold the line, Eloise. Hold the line. Hold the legend. Oh, wait. Hold on right there. We've got another one as well. Stay right there.

Another call. I'm going to add a second in. Hold the line. Hold the line. Oh, they've just hung up. That's okay. Eloise, you're back. Jenna, what was the time?

It was 50 seconds. Thank you. Suck on that car to Edwards. This is what social media bloody millennial generation can achieve. Although 50 seconds still isn't anything to rave over. I saw people in the comments on my TikTok saying, guys, don't call. millennial generation can achieve. Although 50 seconds still isn't anything to rave over. I saw people in the comments on my TikTok saying, guys, don't call.

And I'm like, you motherfuckers. Yeah, same on Instagram. Eloise, where are you? In a wind tunnel, by the sound of things. Oh. Tunnel. Eloise? She's in a fish tank.

Hello? Are you all right? Eloise, where in the world are you? Sydney. Sydney. Okay, perfect. Eloise, is there a world are you? Sydney. Sydney. Okay, perfect. Eloise, is she okay? Is there a cat on your lap purring? Pardon?

Your phone line's shocking, darling. Call us back. Are you with fucking Labarra or something? Oh, I'm off you. I've got a new one. Hi, it's 131065. Who are you calling for? Calling for Mitch.

Amazing. What's your name? My name's Angela. Angela. Which Mitch? The two of us. Angela's offline. She's been cut.

That's fine. We've got another one. I'm waiting until we get one from Shuri. Here we go. Hi. Put it back on. Who are you calling for? Hi.

My name's Luke. I just thought I'd call off TikTok from Mitch's TikTok. They're all coming from my TikTok. Hi, Luke. What's Mitch's last name? What's his last name's Luke. I just thought I'd call off TikTok from Mitch's TikTok. They're all coming from my TikTok. Hi, Luke. What's Mitch's last name? What's his last name, Luke? Mitch Coon. Thank you.

Can somebody call for me? There's another one. There's another one. We're moving on. Hi. Thanks for calling. Oh, they hung up. Must have been a Gemma fan.

Well, we've got three currently. Who was the first girl again? Eloise? There was Eloise. Her phone line sucked. Eloise is in. I'm also going to add the second one, which I believe was Angela. You're both on there.

Hi, girls. Hi. Hi. Oh, hi, ladies. Thanks so much for calling through. I really thought for a long time there that we were going to have no one. Thank you for calling through. We do have one more.

Stop hanging up on this. One more. Hi. What are you calling for? Hello. Hi. What's your name? Angela.

We already spoke to her. Hi, Angela. Don't hang up on her again. Sorry. So how many people are there on hold right now? There's one more person calling through. Oh, well, okay. Hopefully they're for me.

Leave Angela on. Just put them on the other line. Okay, I'm going to get rid of you. Sorry, the girl in the fish tank. Hi. Who are you calling for? Hi. Hi. Are you calling for? Hi. Hi, calling for Kiss FM or the Couple Mitches podcast?

The second one. Oh, hi. Couple Mitches podcast. You sound familiar. Hi, we watched your video of Bodengate in English. Oh, did you really? Hang on, I need context on this. For what reason was the teacher showing you my old Bowdoin Gate video?

They were talking about low and middle class families. Shut up. Well, for some reason they thought it was really exciting for English so we could research other areas of Australia. I see, okay. I mean, it would have made sense in a geography class, but I don't understand English. So what was your name, sorry? Mia. Mia. I mean, it would have made sense in a geography class, but I don't understand English. So what was your name?

Sorry. Mia. Mia. Meet Angela. You're both on the line at the same time, I believe. Hi. Hi. Are you both in Sydney?

No, I'm actually in Newcastle. Oh, okay. Well, they don't have a kiss there, so it's all sorted. All right. I'm going to have to get rid of one. Who are we dropping? Because we have more calls coming through. I vote Angela.

You've been on the line, so you have to say goodbye to Angela. Angela, thank you so much. Bye we have more calls coming through. I vote Angela. You've been on the longest. You have to say goodbye to Angela. Bye Angela. Bye Angela. I found the other girls like, bye Angela. 131065 if you're watching with us too. Just letting everyone know that I'm here as well. Fuck off, Jenna. I'm adding them in. Wait there.

Here we go. Apparently the line's busy. That's what I keep being told. Hi. Who are you calling for? Mitch Coombs. What's your name? Luke. Luke. Is this the one that we answered earlier?

No, a different Luke. Oh, because what happened to the other one? He hung up. He hung up. We got another one. Well, a different Luke. Welcome to the show, no less. Thank God you saved us there.

Luke, you stay there. I'm adding someone else in. Stop. I'm trying to have conversations with these people. We can't not let people through. Hello? Hello? Hello?

What's your name? Kate. Kate. Where are you calling from? Facebook, Instagram, TikTok? Facebook, actually. Yes. We've got one from Facebook.

Amazing. Where are you calling from? Wollongong. Wollongong. Wollongong. I hope you're not talking and driving. Oh, look, it's hands-free. Hands-free. Hands-free.

Nice. You wouldn't usually allow such a thing on the radio. No, yeah, you'd be cut straight away from my program. I'm not sure about Carter's. You'd probably be left out. How long have you listened to our podcast for? Since the very beginning. Really?

Oh, it's one. Oh, thank you. I've been the one that the Shitty Community. Thank you so1. Oh, thank you. I've been to the other one. The shitty community. Thank you so much. I'll stop hanging up on them. Thank you for calling through. I appreciate it.

It was nice of her to join. She got cut off because she was going down the Wongong, the spit bridge. Why do you keep cutting off? What about the other ones that were still there? They're all hung up. I want to talk to Luke. Are there more? Talk to Red Bull.

What do you bitches need? There he is. Oh, there. Sorry, Luke. He keeps hanging up on people. I'm going to fucking ban you from that desk if you keep hanging up on my callers. We've got calls coming through. This is how a radio show works, guys.

You've got to get through them. No, it's not. I've never heard a radio show that just answers and then goes, oh, sorry, after two seconds. Next one. I think they're throwing you under the bus, really. They absolutely are, darling. Jesus Christ. Get his number off the air while you're at it.

Let's pretend this is a radio show. What have you called about, Luke? I was just calling for the pop quiz. Oh, okay. Well, I'm sorry. You've missed the cue. That's actually already happened, so you'll have to try again tomorrow, darling, but is there anything on your mind?

The three questions for 30K? No, everything? Okay, he's called the radio show. Yeah, he's definitely a Conjurio fan. Luke, how long have you listened to our podcast for? I actually follow Mitch Coombs on TikTok, and I have never listened to your podcast. Okay.

Well, you've got some homework to do, Lukey, so it's called Is It Just Me? You'll hear yourself next Monday when this episode comes out. Great. Just what I've been looking forward to. Don't fucking come here with your sarcasm, darling. Anyway, love you guys. See you on TikTok. Love you guys've been looking forward to. Don't fucking come here with your sarcasm, darling. Anyway, love you guys. See you on TikTok. Love you guys.

Thank you so much. All right, bye. Thank you. Bye. Jesus. Can we get someone from Instagram, please? 131065. Instagram, call through now.

Jenna's on what social? Jenna's on LinkedIn Live or something. We've got another one. We've got two. We've got three. Oh, I think we got them. Okay, here we go. Here we go.

Hold on. All right, let's go to call number one. Hello. Hello. What's your name? Where are you from? I'm Jess. Hi, Jess.

What were you watching on? I was on TikTok. Amazing. Thanks for calling through, Jess. You're in Sydney, are you? Yeah, I was your latest video. That was my comment. Oh, you're the one that watched my video in class as well, are you?

Yes. Can I tell you are one of literally hundreds of people that have told me that. Am I in the curriculum or something? Yeah. You must be. We learned it because we're learning about rural places. Yes, country. Can I ask you, Jess, how did the class react?

Were they like, God, this is cringe? Or they were like, okay, we get to watch YouTube. We loved it. We loved it. And then you showed up on my For You page like a week later and I was like, oh, my God, it's Miss Hill. And you were like, oh, my God, he's way more foul these days. Because I didn't swear in that Bogan Gate video.

That's the weirdest thing about it. Back in my day, we'd study Romulus, My Father and Blade Runner. That's what I did too. Look what these kids get. This is trash. Anyway, thank you for calling, Gabby. I don't remember her name. Her name was Jess. Jess, Jess, Jess, Jess. Do you listen to the podcast, Gabby. I don't remember her name. Her name was Jess.

Jess, Jess, Jess, Jess. Do you listen to the podcast, Jess? Yeah. Good to hear. Amazing. I don't need to bully you into listening then. Thank you, Jess. I'm going to let you go because we have one more.

Thank you, Jess. Okay, bye. Love you. What's your name? What's your suburb? Oh. Are you there? Is this Rachel?

Hi, guys. I love you so much. Thank you. Oh, hi, Rach. What are you calling from? What social media did you find us on? Instagram. I love you so much. Thank you. What are you calling from? What social media did you find us on? Instagram. There we go.

We got one on Instagram. That's all I wanted. How exciting. Thank you. We've done the full sweep. Yeah. Oh, for God's sake. I've just got a notification saying Jenna's gone live.

On what? Her own Instagram. Oh, Jenna's live on Pinterest, I believe. So where are you calling from? Newcastle. Newcastle you calling from? Newcastle. Newcastle. Another Newcastle girl. How are we getting fed to Newcastle and regional students?

Like, what is the algorithm? There you go. Wow. How long have you listened for, Rach? Oh, since the very beginning, guys. Oh, I'm so glad you didn't lose interest along the way. Thank God. I had to catch up today because I was a bit behind,

but I've literally listened to the last two episodes today. Really? I couldn't listen to more than one episode in a day, to be honest. What's the most amount that you've listened to in one go? Actually, this is really sad, but when I went through Trisha Foster, I went back and re-listened to other old episodes for probably like three hours.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Were you sick of it by the end, surely? No, I'm actually interested in my husband to you guys as well. No way. What did he think? Well, you know, he's just a big, burly bloke, and I didn't think that he would be into you guys,

but he actually really liked you guys. That's funny. Yeah, we have broad appeal. I mean, that's why we have Jennifer the tits. Shut up. That's funny. Yeah, we have broad appeal. I mean, that's why we have Jennifer the tits.

I'm just joking. That's why I'm here. The B cup. Well, thank you for listening and thank you for calling. That's all right. I'll get back onto Instagram live and keep watching. Thanks, Rachie. We love you.

See you. Bye. Wow. I feel like this was a success. Why is no one calling for me? I don't think you've explained it to your Instagram followers. Jenna hasn't done the setup. You just went live with no podcast. Call 131065 and ask for me.

Oh, my gosh. This is live on Etsy. Well done. I'm very impressed with our followers. Thank you to Instagram. Everyone's saying hi, hi, hi, hi. I don't like to try and, you know, thrive off validation from other people, but my soul died in those 50 seconds when I thought that no one was going to call.

Me too. Like, my ego was like, bang, took such a hit. Oh, well, how's my ego after everyone, I'm here for Mitchell Coombs' video he put on YouTube. Shut up. Well, I'm on TikTok right now. You are on TikTok. I'm on our stupid little live.

We have one more. Let's end with this. Come on, may as well. Hi, name, suburb. Hi, it's Holly. Hey, Holly. Holly from Hobart. Oh, didn't we speak to you a while ago?

Yes. That's right. She's come back. Did the red rooster voucher reach you? It did. Yay! I haven't been able to use it. Oh, you're kidding. Well, send it back, you bitch.

I'll use it. It never occurred to me that there's no Red Rooster in Tasmania. That's bullshit. Yeah. And you can't even leave. What a shitty competition we run. Here's a prize that you can't use. And also, I don't think corona, I'm pretty sure those vouchers expire in December. And the borders aren't going to open before then.

No, they're not. We really fucked you up, Holly. Sorry. I'm so sorry, Holly. Shit. Thanks for calling anyway. Appreciate it. All right.

Who are you calling for? Which Mitch? Just name a surname. I'm calling for Jenna. Yes! Yes! Yes! Well done, Jenna. I'm not ending this. Bye, holly until i get a cheery hi name and suburb

they're there name suburb g'day name and suburb hey who's calling? Hello? Hello? Hello? Must be a youth fan. They're not all there.

Yeah, that's... Finally, I get one! And they're not mentally stable. That's my demographic. All right, we need to get out of here. Thank you, everyone, for calling. What a great fan base I have. Thanks for listening, guys. And thanks to everyone who called in.

We should do this more often. We should. Yes. Oh, we've got another call. Hold on. We have one. I'll put it through. We may as well.

Yes, please. We have the one last call. This will be the last one before the lines get cut off. And then, yeah, you better close the lines. Yeah. Okay. Hello. What's your name?

Where are you calling from? Hi. This is Braden. I'm actually calling from california in the u.s oh my god who are you calling for um mitch and mitch and jenna oh my god wait you're calling from the u.s how did you manage that i was on tiktok and i saw your live it's like uh 10 30 p.m oh oh god. How did you get through? Did you have to work out the area code and the international country code? I did. I looked up. I was like, what's the Australian international number?

I had to look it up. Oh my god. Well, it's so good to have you. Oh my god. That's wild. That's so cool. Oh, I can't believe I actually got on. This is crazy. This is cool.

Thanks for going to all that effort. What was it, Brayden? Yeah, that's it. Yeah. Brayden, do, that's it, yeah. Brayden, do you listen to the podcast or are you just a TikToker? No, I love the podcast. Oh, that's great. Oh, how's things over there?

Oh, no, you go. My partner and I, we went to Australia in 2018. We visited Cairns and Sydney. Yeah. And we sort of fell in love with it. Oh, would you ever come back under better circumstances? Exactly. Hopefully, I mean, hopefully we'll be able to get back at some point.

But I'm in uni now for my undergrad. I love that you call it uni. You're an honorary Australian. I know. I figured college isn't the right word because we normally just call it college. Yeah. What are you studying? Music education.

I want to be a music teacher. Oh, that's so cool. I love that. My sister did that. She loves it. So there you go. Yeah. My whole family's in music.

Oh, where in California are you? Central California. Not quite LA, but not quite San Francisco. We're sort of like right in the middle. Sacramento? Sacramento? No, south of that it's called bakersfield you're in napa i've seen that in movies um are you near the fires currently

because there's bad wildfires as you would say um we are not but we're sort of like covered in smoke like at like noon outside it's like dark oh god that's what it's like going to Mitch's house. There's smoke everywhere. Yeah. You walk into his house, it's like, Jesus. It's like a pork smoker. Everything's just smoke everywhere. Anyway, Brayden, what a pleasure.

Thank you so much for listening. Spread it to as many Americans as you can. Let's get the word out there. Oh, I will. I absolutely will. I love you guys. Oh, I love. I absolutely will. I love you guys. Oh, I love you too, Brayden. Thank you for listening.

Well, thanks for answering. That's fine. That delay is very talkback, isn't it? Just to have the pause, like the newsreaders. It must be. Yeah. No, it's all good. Thank you for calling, buddy.

We appreciate it. Thank you. We'll see you on the socials. Thanks. Bye-bye. Oh, Brayden. Wait for calling, buddy. We appreciate it. Thank you. We'll see you on the socials. Thanks. Bye-bye. Oh, Brayden. Wait, question about California. What?

Yeah. What's that? Sorry. Tattle! He would have got a kick out of it, guy. He would have loved it. He would have loved it. He would have loved that.

Oh, God. He's not in the fires. He's not emotional at the moment. He's fine. Is it just me? Okey-doke. And finally, this is from episode 104. We're going back to Graham Gilbert because, like I keep saying,

he's very, very prone to prank calls. And we actually managed to get through and do one ourselves, which was a bit of fun. You know, if I was Graham Gilbert, I'd lean into the fact. I mean, people work for years without building a brand. He's got a brand. Yes, it is being the butt of the joke and being the idiot, but take it, Graham. Take the prank calls while people

still think you're relevant, you know, because once that goes, you're done. Like, take inspiration from the John Laws Park nursery thing. Just roll with it. It's gold. Don't get all uppity and cranky. He got very pissed off when this caller came through and let some dirty words slip on air.

Yeah, so, Talkback Teams is where we bring you some of the cooked shit that we hear on Talkback Radio because it's live, it's dangerous. You get some quirky old callers calling through to those places. And do you remember back in episode 15? That's right, we're going back a while. We played you the time that a bunch of people banded together to sabotage Graham Gilbert's nightly quiz. Oh, God.

We're talking India. Yep, India. Every question he asked, every single question he asked, they would answer with India just to piss him off. Which Australian gymnast won Commonwealth Games gold in 1990 for his performance on the pommel horse? India. Yeah, Marcus, grow up.

Yeah, whatever. Yeah, grow up. Good on you. Oh, boy, is it going to be one of those nights? Robert, good evening. Hello, Graeme, how are you? Not too bad. You'll have a sensible answer, won't you?

Oh, get my megaphone. Get me out. Oh. just get my megaphone. There we are. Oh. And please, no more. Please. That was in our show opener for a while. That was iconic to Ijem. Have you ever heard a more defeated man?

Now, please. I know. No more. You know the thing about talkback that I don't think we've ever addressed? Like, these guys, they have to time out to the hour, or half hour, for the news. they have to time out to the hour or half hour for the news. So they sometimes have to feel minutes of audio of dead air just to make it out to the news break. So the shit you have to come up with, it's a tough job.

But also it's not that hard to get through to Graham's show. So that's why so many prank callers slip through the cracks. I know, I know. We tried it once. Remember, he didn't even vet us. He just put us on air. Straight to air. Didn't even ask our name off air.

Yeah. So he's quite used to prank calls at this point. He's got quite a short fuse when it comes to being on the receiving end. He was asking his listeners about salt water in the ocean and what makes it so salty. And this old

bird called through with a dirty joke. I suspect it's not actually an old lady. You can tell by the voice. Oh, you think it's a Dot Wiggins scenario? It is very Dot Wiggins. You can just tell by the voice that it's not a real person. Okay, here it is. And the salt in the sea. Eleanor, is it?

Yes. Hi. I've got an answer for the saltiness of the ocean. Yes. My grandson told me he was looking it up on the internet. All right. Because of all the semen. Is that your answer?

Yes. Oh. All the semen in the ocean makes it salty. 13, 12, 69, we will totally ignore that answer. Okay, because I just wish these people wouldn't phone up and put on bodgy voices. All righty. I think they're going to get away with it, but please.

Do we need to say it one more time? We do take all of your numbers. And it is an offence, okay? It is an offence, the Communications Act. Shut up, Graham. Get off your horse. Get off your pummel horse. I just don't think that's true. Janet, can you look up the Communications Act? It's an offence to your pummel horse. I just don't think that's true.

Janet, can you look up the communications app? It's hard. It's an offence to prank call someone because I really don't think it is. We do it all the time. I have to do radio codes once a year and no, callers have no legal binding right. They can do whatever they want. It's just so easy and so fun to get through. And I just love his overreaction.

Yeah. Like, oh, please. We'll just totally ignore that. I have another example. Yeah, okay. More Graham. Right. No, it's not. We'll just totally ignore that. I have another example. Yeah, okay. More Graham. Right. No, it's not Graham.

This is a show in Melbourne on 3AW. Yep. And they were on the receiving end of a filthy prank call. And their reaction, oh, my God, they overreacted so much. It's like, oh, laugh a little, darling. Oh, they were angry. Oh, they were furious. Okay.

So this is a 3AW in Melbourne. Nightline with Bruce Mansfield and Philip O'Brady on 1278 3AW. We're down in Newport. Toby's at Newport. Hello, Toby. Hi, Bruce. Hi, Phil. Yes, Toby.

How are you? Good. Oh, good, thanks. I have a joke. Yes. What's the funniest smelling thing in the whole wide world? The funniest smelling thing in the whole wide world? Yes.

Perhaps your nose. Or nut. What was it? An anchovy's cunt. Oh, what a pity, Toby. Never call us again, please. Never in your life even think about us. And think, alright, we've dumped you, Toby, but there are people like

Carmen and Queenie online and could hear that in their ear and are offended. And we heard it and Simon heard it. So you've ruined it for all of us. Toby, if you're ever thinking of tuning in again, just don't get a life. Toby, grow up. Grow up. Who the fuck are Carmen and Queenie?

I found an answer. Oh, the communications act. So threatening to kill or cause serious harm to someone is considered a criminal offence. Of course. Oh, my God, Jenna, did you think we didn't know that? No. Oh, fuck, that's brand new information. Yeah, drowning a human will send you to prison.

Oh, good to know. Beheading your mother-in-law or even threatening to do so. brand new information. Yeah, drowning a human will send you to prison. Oh, good to know. No. Beheading your mother-in-law or even threatening to do so. Even if the prankster doesn't threaten their victim, repeated calls can amount to harassment, stalking or bullying. Okay, got it. So that person wasn't committing an offence. God, that call was hilarious.

They were so upset. Do you love how as soon as he said an anchovies C word, you just heard the host in the background be like, like turning all the buttons off. God, that's so funny. Good joke too. I've never heard that one before. That's fresh. Good gear.

I was going to suggest that we get Dot Wiggins, your 80-year-old, 90-year-old. I can't remember how old she is. Your alter ego. The old lady that comes out to play every now and then because we haven't heard from Dot and a bit. I miss her. I was going to suggest that we call a station and try and get through.

But if it's repeated prank calls, it's like, maybe that is. We'd have to call a different show, for example. Actually, no, Graham's not even on at this time of day, so it's probably fine. We could call an FM station. Oh, that would be way harder if it's an FM music station. Yeah, true. But you have to call and basically use a dirty word and see if they even notice. Oh, like slip one in.

Because you know how she said, the shaman. Yeah. The shaman in the ocean. That was like a double, what's the word? Double entendre. Yeah. Because like she was referring to men of the sea, men at sea, which is semen. But she tied it in with the saltiness.

So it's actually dirty. So we need like a hidden meaning. What if I talk about the fact that my pussy won't stop itching? And I think she might have mites. That's too obvious. Mites. Not even lice. Mites. Yeah, smaller than lice.

I'm going to Google like words that sound dirty. Beaver. Be dirty. Beaver. Beaver. Beaver. Oh, beaver's good. I don't think we even have beavers in Australia though, so that's too obvious. Are there no beavers?

No, we don't. Maybe I can just say that I've got, suddenly I'm fascinated with beavers and it's very late in life because I haven't normally been interested in beavers, but I watched something on telly. What about the word rump? No, I want more vulgar. It needs to be, like, I could say hole, like a butthole.

Like fanny. No. Fanny. Phalange. What's phalange mean? Oh, my God. Flaps. Oh, flaps is good.

Hi, I'm calling. I'm having issue with my flap. But what could you actually be talking about? Obviously not your vag. Mud flaps. I've got a four-wheel drive. Oh, yeah. My flaps are just've got a four wheel drive. Oh, yeah. My flaps are just, no matter how much I clean them.

They're covered in grime and grunt and it stinks. Let's go with flaps. Oh, my God. I like flaps. I've heard otherwise about you. What about like we're using flaps, but you're actually talking about flapper jacks, like the pancakes. You're like, when I come home, my husband loves to gnaw on flaps, but I'm just having some trouble. The flaps are too dry.

Oh, yeah. Flapper jacks. Is that too much of a long phone? I also don't think it's flapper jacks. I think you're mispronouncing that. I think it's flap jacks. Oh, whatever. You'll upset the Canadian.

Yeah, flapjacks. Oh, whatever. You'll upset the Canadian. Yeah, flapjacks. Like you have this whole narrative that you like to cook your husband pancakes when he comes home from work every day, but you're having problems with the flaps. With the flaps. Yeah. Yeah, okay. I like that. That works. There's nothing more he enjoys more after a long, hard day at work than my flaps.

Some moist flaps. Yeah. And what? I just start with him having some maritable problems. And then I, because I don't want to lead with the flaps, because that'll be a red flap. Yeah, maybe when you speak to the producer or whatever, you say you've got a cooking question.

Yeah. Hold on, who's even on air? Yeah, I'm looking now who's on air. Oh, okay, so same station as Graham and John Laws. Brent Bultitude. Oh, yeah. I don't think he'd be hard to get through to. What's the number?

Let's try. 13-12-69, famously. Oh, yeah, of course. All right, let's call. Shit, don't get me. Me? Yes. Don't.

Super Radio Network. Hello, who's calling? Me? It's me. Sorry? You're talking to me? I can't hear that. who's calling? Hello. Me? It's me. Sorry? You're talking to me? I can't hear that. Is that me?

No, no, no, certainly not. Dot D. Oh, dot. D-O-T. D for dog. What would you like to talk to Brent about? O-T. I've been with my beloved husband for years, and they're having marital issues, and I just wanted to see, to stick it through through or is it too late in life

to throw it all away? It won't be long. Hold on. Make the payments. You've got serious problems. Hello. Absolutely serious problems ahead of you.

Brian is next. Hi, Brian. How are you going, mate? I'm not bad. How are you, Brian? And how's the left eye? The left eye is fine. It's the right eye

that caused me all the problems. What's his name? What's this guy's name? Brent. The host is Brent. Can you just confidently call him Kent? Yeah, I'm going to call him Trent. Trent. Trent. Trent. Trent. And I quite frankly order it every Wednesday.

He does, mate, and quite frankly... Oh, come on, clown. Hurry up. What's the caller's name again? Brian or something? Brian. Phil. Come on, Brian. Boring story.

Politics. You have lovely hair, mate. You could be back here. You how are you, girl? He can't let anybody know that, can he? He's got to carry on. All right, mate. Good to talk to you, Brian. You can't let anybody know that, can you? You've got to carry on. Look at him next time. Oh, thank you.

Good to talk to you, Brian. Thank you for your... Dot. Oh. Hello. Hello. Oh, yes. Sorry, sorry, Trent.

You have conjunctivitis, do you? No, no, no. I wish I did because I could get over that. What did you have in your eye? I had a detached retina in my right eye. Oh, that's awful. You know, milk. Oh, tell me about it.

Milk will fix this, Si. Did you say milk will fix it? Skim milk, yes, skim milk. And you put it in. No, Trent, don't be silly. You put it in a shot glass. You put it in a shot glass. Skim milk would fix a detached retina.

You put it in a shot glass. How can I help you, Dot? What would you like to say? Or the cap of the milk, and you put your eye, and you roll your eye back. Anyway, look, I'm not having a marital problem, but I've been with my gorgeous husband, Brian, for 40, 45 years. And I cook him dinner every night, and he seems to enjoy it. He seems to enjoy tea, and I make him sweets.

I make him food. I make him savory food. And he mostly seems to enjoy it and he seems to enjoy tea and they make him sweets i make him food i make him savory food and uh he he mostly seems to enjoy my my flaps the only problem is he tends to be used to moist flaps however he now sadly has experienced that my flaps are dry so he's not happy. Teary, mate. Let's take a break. We're gone. I think they hung up on you, Doug. He hung up on me! Let's take a break! Oh, my God.

Oh, he didn't want a bar of it. No, I think you weren't subtle enough. Yeah, I really didn't weave it in, did I? I cook him a beautiful stack of flaps. It could be something else, but you just went right in when he doesn't like my dry flaps. I got distracted by the eye.

You know what? I felt bad because the poor bastard has a detached retina. And then here I am being a bastard to him. And then I called him Trent. And his name's Brent. Is it just me? You should follow these idiots online.

Search couple of Mitches. There we go. The best bits of talkback tings. And we were saying a couple of weeks ago, Mitch, that when we come back for season five, we've already got stuff ready to go. There's been some cool talkback shit happening over the summer. Oh, God, yeah.

And there was something that happened on FM radio. I mentioned it in the last best bit that we've been plagiarised and I've got it and we will unpack it. You haven't heard it yet, Mitch. Oh, you didn't mention it was FM radio. I don't know if that counts. Is that talk back? I'll pitch it to you.

Okay. And it could be a first, you know, season five for God's sake. Yeah, surprise me. We can change things up. We can shake things up. But, oh, that's my doorbell. Oh. Oh, fuck, it's the open house.

I have an open house in a minute now. An open house. Hayden, I think that's the real estate agent. Oh, no. Do you think this will up the value? Actually, Mitch, can you just sit here and smile, and I'm just going to put the webcam on full screen, and then if people see you, they might bid more.

It might make us some more cash. Do you mind? Take your top off as well. No, I'm not showing my tits to these random inspectors or whatever you call them. I better go. What do you call them? I don't know.

Real estate agents. Can I just say, by the way, it's very fitting that this has happened because next week, our final Best Bits episode, we're doing all the times that we've fucked with sound. You know we love a sound effect. We love creating our own sounds and such. And one of the segments that made it into the Best Bits, you'd be surprised, was top five doorbells.

Not surprised. I shit-canned at the time. I said, that's a terrible idea, but it's made the best bits, so go figure. Yay! Okay, that's next week. I've got to go sell my house. Love you guys.

Thanks for listening. We're back live with season five very soon. Another best bits next week. See you, Mitchell. I'll talk to you soon. Catch you then. Good luck with the inspection, by the way. I caught this doorbell from you too.

Yeah, Tar, thank you so much. Loved it. Amazon. Catch you, Idiot talk to you soon. Catch you then. Good luck with the inspection, by the way. Go to Storebill from you too. Yeah, Tar, thank you so much. Loved it. Amazon. Catch you, Idiot Spike. See ya. Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of mitches. Make sure you've hit follow on your podcast app.