Is It Just Me? - BONUS: Best Bits of Season 3 (so far!) 🎧

Episode Date: April 18, 2021

We're back from our Easter break next week!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of Mitches. G'day guys, welcome to the podcast. It's one of the two Mitches here with you today, Mitch Coombs that is. I'm doing a bit of a Best Bits episode for you today. I know we only usually do this at the end of every season of the podcast, but we're on a bit of an Easter break at the moment. You might have seen on Instagram Mitch Turi having a gay old time up in Queensland

and I thought, bah, bugger it. I've got nothing better to do. I'll whip together a quick best bits episode for you guys, because I know some people are in the habit of listening, you know, every Monday. They've welcomed us into their routine, for God's sake. I can't just leave them hanging with nothing to listen to. So we're going to be taking a bit of a listen to some of the best bits from the show so far this year. I want to kick it off with Dot Wiggins, Mitch's alter ego. This is her first appearance

on the podcast for 2021. We were doing the show from my bedroom at the time and this was my idjim for the week. Is it just me or... Would you love to live in a retirement home? Not now, not now. retirement home? Not now. Not now. No, I mean now. I'm ready.

Thinking about it, they have pretty cool facilities. Well, you've been through quite a few in your time. I have. I have. Are we talking village or like a home? Yeah, so nursing homes, I'm pretty sure that's where it's basically just a long hallway with a bunch of bed that's kind of hospital-esque i don't mean that i mean like it's almost like a resort where everyone's got their own little unit and the carport you still got all the perks of like having the nurses checking in the new stuff but i've realized that that's actually where i would thrive that would actually

suit my lifestyle right now perfectly because you know I've been spending the last couple of weeks on sick leave after my appendix removal and as much as I love my independence and I don't I at this point I'm just like I can't imagine having a partner or dating someone having someone around all the time yeah as much as I love my independence I'm like god sometimes I just really want someone to look after me i'm sick of doing everything myself right i just want to kick back and have a nurse wipe my ass like you know what i mean like i just don't want to do everything right and so i was watching this tv show have you heard of the end yeah oh i've heard of it i've never seen it it's

it's on foxtel and it's like an Australian one. And it had that cliche storyline of where the grandmother gets so upset. I can't believe you're putting me into a home. Classic. You know, I'm. I'm fine. Yeah, that sort of thing. And I'm like, you shut your mouth. It looks awesome.

Yeah. They had like craft club. They had like all these activities and things. It reminded me of O-Week when I was joining every union yes yes and i was like i'm so ready for that because you've still got the independence it was like your own little villa yeah but then you've got other people looking after you and there's a sense of community you've got the clubs and you've got fucking school kids coming to sing your christmas carols and shit i'm so down for that i'm ready but so so you have your own house, essentially.

On the show, yes. And I'm sure there's other set-ups like that. They look pricier. It's reality. This isn't scripted. It's a reality show. No, it's not a reality show. It's a drama.

It's got Noni Hazlehurst in it. By the way, this is another. Oh, she used to be on Play School. I remember her from that, which is why it was quite confronting to see her tits. Like, there's four lesbian lovemaking scenes with Noni Hazel Hurst from play school. She spends the whole time fucked up. Like, she's blazed, like, getting stoned all day, just sitting by the pool, making love

as an old lady lesbian. Right. And I was just like, that's who I'm meant to be. Not when I'm old. Now. Yeah. I'm ready. The thing is, I read an expose about the truth in nursing homes,

the truth about sex and STI, the ageing population want to remain active, the highest rate of STIs in Australia above teens and youth is in retirement homes. Really? They're all rooting each other silly. Wow. Why would they not? Their life partners are probably deceased or in a vegetative state. Yes, in many cases.

You can't consent if you're a cabbage. So they're all sleeping with each other, but they all don't care about the ramifications or aren't using protection, so they're all getting STDs. That's wild. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like nursing homes, they're a bit different to retirement villages. Like I don't want to glorify nursing homes too much

because I've heard some, I remember seeing some like 7.30 report about like nursing staff who were like a bit too rough and like the old people get bruised. And like CCTV for each other and all that. And one of my friends worked in a nursing home and she couldn't do it anymore because she was like,

like they just kept dying. I'd get attached. And like, so I feel like that part wouldn't be fun. All me mates around me carking it. But the retirement village situation, I reckon I'm ready for that. Also, shout out to aged care workers. That's a tough gig,

especially the dementia ward. I mean, I've been in there. I have as well, yeah. Oh my God, it's hard. So shout out. You do an incredible job. Which actually further emphasises my argument. Why not make your life easier as an aged care worker

by opening it up to young people like me? Yeah, and you could entertain them. You could put on little shows. You could teach them how to TikTok. You'd have to pretend you're straight. But they'd probably think you're a woman, to be honest. They'd love you. Oh, my God, I could teach Zumba.

Jenna could teach Zumba. I could teach Zumba. And I could do clowning exercises with them. Should we call one? Yes. I was hoping you would. Do it. Should we call?

I could call one as Dot Wiggins. Oh, wait. Even better. Oh, my God. Should we call, I could call on as Dot Wiggins. Oh, wait. Even better. Oh, my God. And see if, I'll see. Dot Wiggins hasn't actually made an appearance in season three of this podcast. Dot hasn't. Dot, are you able to?

No, don't do this. She's here. I hate it when you do this part. Dot! The alter ego. I prefer it when you just make the call and become Dot then. She's tripped over. Dot!

I'll go get her. I'll go get her. I hate it when he pretends she's in the room and they're different people. Just own it. It's you. Why are you tapping? That was her walking. Come to the microphone.

This one? Yes, this one. Oh. This bedroom smells. I know, babe. I know. The bedpan underneath. Hello.

Hi, Dot. How are you? Poor boy. His boy is right. He's a boy. How are you, dear? I'm good. I was just, can you call a retirement village and find out?

Actually, I think first and foremost you should find out, do you need to be old to live there? Like, can I apply? Is there an age limit? And then also, like, what facilities do they have? I want to know what I'm signing up for. Do they have a pool? Do they have a mezzanine?

Got it. A bar? Yeah. I know what I'm signing up for. Do they have a pool? Do they have a mezzanine? Got it. A bar? Yeah. I've just found a number for one. Oh! Oh, my God. Jenna, are you showing initiative?

I didn't even ask you to Google that. Well, I'm very interested in this and I want to know. I thought you were a statue, dear. I wasn't talking. Maybe if Jenna and I pretend we're an elderly couple, we can move in together. That could work, yes. It could.

With that voice, though, that throws them off, they would understand. Call it, call it, call it. Sure. This is Teresa. Good afternoon, Trinita. My name is Dot Wiggins. How are you? What's your name, sorry? Dot Wiggins?

D-O-T Wiggins. I got it, Dot. Sorry, I just didn't get it first time round. No, no, no issue. Apologise for that. That's a very confusing name. Sometimes people say Dot, sometimes people say Diana, and I go, I'd love to be Diana. She was beautiful, but I'll be Dot.

I'll be Dot. I'll be Divo. Dear, I have a few questions in regards to the facility. Sure, how can I help you? Do you have a pool? We have two pools. Oh, my. See, you know, you should be good friends with Dawn Fraser, bless her soul, the swimmer.

And I used to swim with her, and I think, oh, I have never had a pool in my whole life. So that checks off on the list. In regards to? We have an indoor pool, and we have an outdoor pool. You had me at indoor. How exciting. Is there a drinking bar for drink? How could we have a resort without having a drinking bar for drink?

This is going very well. Maybe a sports equipment or I've heard of Zumba or a gym facility? So we have a fully equipped gym. We have an aerobics room where they do yoga

and I think it's Pilates or like a Pilates kind of flash aerobics. Lovely. We have water aerobics in the indoor pool. So at the moment, our bar, every Friday night is happy hour. Yes. Every second Friday night we have a dinner night or a meal

night however you like to call it should be every Friday if you ask me I like it every week what the current caterer does is on dinner night she does a full menu and then on the non dinner night

she will do a takeaway menu. Oh, my goodness me. A lot of people buy a couple of those takeaway meals and freeze them for the week. Oh, my dear. That sounds absolutely lush. Well, I appreciate all the facts. This is great to know.

And very – Sorry. Sorry. My cat has just come in the room. Oh, your cat has just come in the room. Oh, your cat's attacking you? We have lots and lots and lots of other activities throughout the week. There's card playing, there's table tennis, there's craft sessions, they do ballroom dancing lessons. What was your name, my dear?

My name's Teresa Dot. Who? Teresa. Teresa. Got it, dear. Thank you. I appreciate that. Question, though.

What is the age limit for your grounds? Yeah, so you need to be 45 years plus, and you need to have no children living with you. Oh, dear. I'm sort of inquiring. My gay little grandson, 25 years old, would have loved to give you his business. 45, 45 and over.

You? So you need to be 45 or more. Oh, 45 and over. Goodness me. All right. Well, you know what? You can come and visit. I'll come and check out and I'll meet you at that bar you were talking about.

All right. Well, I've got everything I need to know. You've been above and beyond. Oh, thank you, dear. Thank you. Well, if you'd like to come and have a look at the village, let us know. We'll give you a bit of a guided tour and take it from there. Thank you so much.

I appreciate it, my love. You're welcome, Dot. Take care. Bye. Thank you. Bye. I'm shattered. I thought that would have been my perfect lifestyle.

There was bloody ping pong and craft. She was really selling it. Aerobics. Aerobics. Pilates. Yeah. Two. She was really selling it. Aerobics? Aerobics. Pilates? Yeah. Two pools. Indoor and outdoor?

Indoor and outdoor. It's fine. I'll just continue to rot in peace in my apartment. Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of mitches. All right. Now I want to throw it back to our last episode of season two last year. This was the episode with Jenna in the coffin.

And fun fact, that has gone on to become our most listened to episode ever. So obviously that episode was going to get a look in when it comes to the best bits. This was the first time we kicked off our brand new segment, TikTok School. TikTok School is where I challenge you to do a bunch of things that I've seen on the internet, TikTok in particular, because I've always said to you, Mitch, if you weren't so lazy, you could be a TikTok star. Yeah, you do say that quite often.

So Jenna and I have found a bunch of TikTok challenges that we want you to attempt to give you some inspiration, see if you can perhaps make this a hobby of yours. Jenna's in a coffin right now. Hi. Jenna, can you knock on the wall or something? It's an audio medium. People just think you're in a plastic bag.

Yes, we granted her her wish. She wanted to do a show from a coffin, so we made it happen. Thank you. I'm going to have to be the one that actually does these challenges. That's okay. That's fine. What's the first one? I'm excited.

The first one, I've got three for you today. The first one was started by a chick called Maury McFly, where she was talking without opening her mouth. So she was showing off her hidden talent. Yeah. And I reckon you'll be able to do it too. So take a listen to her attempt. All right.

Okay. Daddy, daddy, I'm stuck in a closet. I can't get out. Daddy, stop. See, she has all the seizures. There's no child stuck anywhere, right? No, so her lips never, ever open. So it's kind of like, but I can't do it very well. She can really enunciate each word. I think I can do this.

Go on, give it a crack. You have to film yourself. That's the idea. Oh, shit. On TikTok? No, just film it on your normal phone. All right. And do I have to do a setup Go on, give it a crack. Hold on, you have to film yourself. That's the idea. Oh, shit, on TikTok? Nah, just film it on your normal phone. All right, and do I have to do a set-up? Hey, everyone. No, it's not a radio show.

No, you just start. Okay. Wait. Here we go. So I had to film. Okay, here we go. Daddy, daddy, I'm stuck in a well and I can't get out. Oh, my God, I'm brilliant at this.

That's so good. Hold on, do it again, but turn your mic up a bit louder. Yeah, okay. Daddy, daddy, I'm stuck in a well and I can't get out. Oh, my God. Wow. Seashell, seashell, by the seashell. Holy shit, that is one of the weirdest things I've ever witnessed.

Sorry, I had some farting right there. That is one of the weirdest things I've ever witnessed. Sorry. I had some farting right there. He's not. What else? What is it just me, the podcast? You can't do P's. I need a sentence without any plosives. To be honest, that's what I thought Jenna was going to sound like in the coffin, but

the acoustics are quite good. No, that's what we expected. Okay, so why don't you say, it's something we've noticed, it's something we hate or appreciate. It's something we've noticed, something we hate or appreciate. That is terrifying. I sound like a Disney cartoon character. You look like a frog. Do I?

Like your neck fat definitely does a bit of a ribbit sort of thing. Oh, no, I got a lot of that. When you have to do that. I don't like the air coming through. I wonder if I can... Block your nose. Oh, my God. Wow.

You sound like a frog. Like an animated dog. Do you know what it sounds like? It sounds like I'm standing, I'm lining up out the front of a nightclub and I can hear the muffled music inside. Oh, yeah. Okay. Sing something.

Um. Oh, yeah. Okay. Sing something. That's good. Terrifying. All right. You succeeded with that one. Well, I will be a viral star. I'll send you that video. Can you send it to the Arctic and get me the cash?

Is that how it works? You just text it to him and go, where's the money? You haven't got a good track record of making shit viral, so let's baby step, fella. Okay, all right, fair enough. This next one is a cake cutting hack that's gone viral. So instead of cutting it into slices, people just scoop up a piece of cake with a wine glass. How do you mean?

This is a good one. So the cake just gets left with this round portion cut out of it, kind of like a cookie cutter. So rather than slicing it, you, kind of like a cookie cutter. Oh, so it's- So rather than slicing it- Yeah. You just kind of scoop it up. And then I guess you can sort of just give everyone their own cups

and they eat it out of the cup. Correct. So I'm going to have to polish off these wines of mine and Jenna's because we need empty cups. Have you finished yours? No, almost there. I'm going to be so drunk. Yeah, we have worked it.

Oh, he's just downed it. Oh, dear darling. You'll be in the bloody coffin before we know it. We have audio right for this challenge? No, no. This one's very visual, so a couple of minutes is where you can find it. I understand that. We're going to film the whole thing.

Make sure you film on your phone in one hand. Yep. Because that's how all the other videos look. Okay. All right, here's your cake. Wow. So it's just a classic Woolies. No, Coles.

Coles mud cake. Oh, it smells. I'm going to give you mine and Jenna's cup so you can do ours too. Do you want to film? Hold on, let me peel off the paper. The brown paper, yeah. Jenna, give us an update. How are you doing in there?

Good. Knock on wood. Is it getting hot and stuffy in there? Oh, you know, it's okay. Is it padded, Jenna? Are you leaning on a side or are your arms crossed like you're a corpse? No, they were crossed but now they're just down

by my side. Fair enough. But it's got a nice pillow. Make sure you don't dig the chipped glass into the cake. I don't want shards all through the cake. Alright, you film there. Alright. So I don't need to go, I don't need to say anything. There's no set up! I'm not even joking.

I'm wired to do it. All right. So I'm going to, I've got the cake in front of me, everyone. I've got one glass. And I'm going to shakunk it like that. Like a cookie cutter. All right. And I'm going to do one, two, three.

Yep. All right. Let me get ready. TikTok music. Yeah, there's only for the podcasters. Are we ready? Yeah. Three, two's only for the podcasters. Ready? Are we ready? Yeah.

Three, two, one, let's go. Oh, it really worked. Oh, it worked. Oh, it's a bit messy. One. I wish I could see it. Oh, that's a dirty rim. Mitch has been told that before. Whoa.

Hi. Two. I'm very responsible. Oh, it's kind of working. Oh, there's a bit of rosé on this mud. Okay, well, if we had more than... Ta-da! Wow.

And so they say that that's the perfect portion. Really? Yeah, that's what all the videos are saying. And to be honest, I think they're right. Did a fat person say that? Wow, I think that's a success. Yeah, if only we had more cups, because you're meant to do it until the cake's finished.

Oh, I can eat it really quickly if you really want to. I want this big one. Jenna, do you want some cake in your coffin? Is this show? It's screwed shut, so you have to unscrew it. Just drill in. Oh, that's beautiful. So that one was another success.

That was my favourite hack. Okay, so the last TikTok challenge I want to get you to do, it's called, hey, quick question. It was started by a guy called Steven Glansberg. Thanks, Steven. His TikTok username is hypocriticalanus. Oh. Yeah. Creative.

Let's not dwell on that. How it works is you call someone and you basically just keep fumbling on your words and never get to the point. You just keep going, and then see how long it to the point you just keep going and then see how long it takes the person on the phone to crack take a listen okay here we go hey quick question yep um hey so i was thinking with with um you know we're kind of looking at um you know with uh you know if you remember um dating back a you know, with a couple, there was a one point at least. And, you know, I've never really there was at least, you know, I've never there's I guess I've when I when I really sit down and think about it and, you know, with, you know, Easter

and everything, there's no, I've never. Why are you doing this? Oh, this is just meant for me. Isn't it, Jaz? Yeah. So back in episode 51, you might recall that you called mine and Jenna's boss. No. The head of the digital department.

Yeah. And so I'm thinking, just to make it even, you call the big boss, DB. No. The head of the digital department. Yeah. And so I'm thinking, just to make it even, you call the big boss, DB. No. The head of KISS. No, I'm not doing that. Yes, you are. Oh, hello. I'm the one that said, don't you dare call my boss, Kieran.

That's inappropriate. And now here we are in the same scenario and you're going, no. Yeah, but this is the big boss of the radio station. And? I'm too nervous. Not anyone but him. Oh, I knew he would stumble at the last hurdle, Jenna. Anyone.

He's had such a great succession rate in TikTok school, but no. But he's going to know it's coming off your phone. I'll turn the caller ID off. But then he won't. I'll say, hey, it's Mitch. He's the boss. He has to answer. Here you go. DB, the big boss. He has to answer. Here you go.

DB, the big boss of Kiss. Do it. I'd rather you do it off your phone, though, so he knows it's you calling. Shit, where is it? Over here. How did it get over here? You filmed with it. Oh, my God.

Your phone is so disgusting. It's got greasy fingerprints all over it. Yeah, it's because I was perspiring at the funeral home. Very anxious. Oh, dearie me. I don't all over it. Yeah, it's because I was perspiring at the funeral home. Very anxious. Oh, deary me. I don't think I can. Yes, you can. I believe in you.

Me too. This is a lot. Oh, shit. I've never seen Mitch this nervous before. He's my boss. He's given me the radio show. He's not going to take it off you after a prank call. Yeah, imagine that. He's literally, he's Kyle and the radio show he's not gonna take it off you after a prank call yeah imagine

that he's literally he's kyle and jackie o's boss he understands that sometimes you have to fuck around a bit to make good content mitch you made a viral video mate you're fired imagine let's ring so this is the hey quick question challenge started by hypocritical anus on tiktok here we are all right on speakerphone right hold it up've got to start with, hey, quick question. Yeah. Yes, Sean? Hi. Quick question.

I'm just wondering if you have been across the – with the quick turnaround that we were given, the timeframe between – well, I don't know if Cathy's told you or not, but between the left and the right, and I don't really know how to say it, but no one really knows where to go, left or right. And if you are okay with everything that happened at brunch on Friday, I'm okay to sort of make it confirmed to go ahead, if you know what I mean. But I understand if you don't, because last time you didn't, it was like, whoa, where do we even go from here? But I think we just continue moving forward with everything that we have in front of us.

What are you talking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think if we just go north and then around, I reckon we'll get to the campsite pretty much on time and then we'll just sort of hang for a bit. If you're okay with everything I'm sort of putting forward, but all good if I'm thinking you're not sort of ready you know yeah yeah yeah okay cool all right well uh i'll put it i'll put it all forward and then uh and i'll put it in

writing and then if you want it digitally i can get it there and then we'll just yeah i look forward to reading it let's put it in writing so then we'll just... Yeah, I look forward to reading it. Let's put it in writing so then I can sign off on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. Just like you signed off on it. It was last month, I think, the sign-off happened for the original file, which I don't believe I got a hold of, which sort of came to Susie then to me, and it bounced around for a bit,

similar to what happened in Europe back in 07. But, yeah, I'm all good if you're all good. Yeah, I'm all good if you're all good. Yeah, I'm not good and I won't comment. I'm filming a TikTok. I got you. Are you drunk, DB? No. You're in the pool, aren't you?

You bored, are you, mate? You don't have enough work? No, you call your boss and then you ramble and you don't actually get to the point. It's meant to be very funny. This will go viral. Righto, mate. Whatever. Alright. Bye, Deeps. Bye. Thanks, DB. Wow, he was fine!

I told you. He figured out what was going on. He's like, this is content. He started rolling with it. How was the rambling? Was it alright? Did I pass? Yeah, it made zero sense. Which is exactly what we're going for. Yay! Oh, I love TikTok school! You nailed it! When's lunch? Alright, if you guys want to send us any TikTok challenges

you want Mitch to do in the new year, add a couple of Mitch's on TikTok. That's us! Make sure you tag us in anything you reckon Mitch should attempt. Oh, that was fun. Is it just me? Don't forget to subscribe and leave a review on your podcast app. Or follow on Spotify.

Alright, I wanted to finish up this Best Bits episode with a mispronunciation. You guys know that that's kind of our thing. We love taking the piss out of a mispronunciation. And Mitch Cheery brought this one to the table. This is said by the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, Boris Johnson, who's very Republican and we do not like him, doesn't like our type. Anyway. What do you mean our type, Mitchell?

Handsome and successful! He was on radio in the UK, funnily enough, when this conversation about food came up and the host asked him if he'd tried any vegan foods. That's when this blunder happened. I've also eaten vegan sausage rolls. Have you eaten a vegan sausage roll? I've not, but it's meant to be a monster hit for that bakery chain.

They're not bad. Vegan. Vegan. He sounded repulsed. He's like, I have tried vegan sausage rolls. He had to take a. He's like, I have tried vegan sausage rolls. He had to take a pause in the middle of it. Vegan? Vegan.

Who pronounces it like that? No idea. And I haven't felt this strongly about something since I saw that interview with Harry and Megan. Oh, no. I haven't. I honestly haven't. I was disgusted.

And I was like. So, who are you voting for in the federal election? I didn't even think about that. That's a good one. Not ScoMo, though. He is terrible. Yeah. You can't vote him in again.

No, Jenna! Again. No. Again. No. You know what my guilty pleasure is? What? You get two bits of bread. Yeah. You butter it.

Mm-hmm. You put some tomato sauce. You love that. And then you slap some Devan. Devan and tomato sauce sandwiches, baby. Couldn't agree more. Yeah. I'm going to give that to my grandmother.

When she eats sandwiches, you know, because she's getting up there, she tends to choke on her food, you know, which is awful. It's such an awful thing to be in the room with someone who's choking. I don't want to give it to my nan because she chokes and she'll end up dying and then, you know, she'll end up in heaven. That was a great story. Thank you so much. I mean, that's a great story.

That's not, yeah, that was not Jenna. No. His grandmother choked to death. No. My grandmother. A great storyteller. Thank you, thank you. I've been told that before.

Not Alma, though, by the way. Honestly, I don't know what we were thinking the day that we decided to invite Jenna Bent Sand to the team. As soon as you suggested her, I said, nah, we'll have her. No question. We'll take her. That's good. Can you actually, Jenna, I think Jenna's very hard to impersonate,

but why don't you give a go at your best Jenna impression? I don't know. What's the common Jenna expression? I don't know. A lot of aggression. Often times. Often comes with a weapon. We're really going on.

This is going on to 11 minutes. We really should. I was about to say 11. Was it funnier than mine? I was trying to think of a way to weave it into a sentence. I was going to say I was really, really thrown when they moved Neighbours from Channel 10 to 11. I had to retune my set-top box. I agree.

You know, I'm worried about COVID. Why? And what it's going to do to people and the economy. Yeah, my uncle thinks we're heading into a recession. Your uncle sounds like a bit of a Karen. Karen! Oh, look over there! A lesbian!

I don't know why I'd say that. Lesbian! You won't say that. Couple of lesbians. God. One more time just to get the juices. I've also eaten vegan sausage rolls. Vegan?

I've not, but it's meant to be a monster hit for that bakery chain. It's so stupid. Mitch, how's your... Sorry, we really need to move on, but how is your depression? Oh, that's a fucking loaded question, darling. Gosh. You should have said loaded question. What an expression.

What an expression. All right, guys, there's a couple of bits of bullshit from the show. We'll be back next Monday with another brand new episode. And, oh, let me just say we've got a lot of things to catch up on from the Easter break. I can't wait. But in the meantime, we'll be chatting away in our Facebook group, like always. It's called Enduring Idiots. So make sure you join the group if you haven't already.

And we'll catch you back on the podcast next week. Bye-bye. Is it just me? Don't forget to subscribe and leave a review on your podcast app. Or follow on Spotify.