Is It Just Me? - GUEST: Reuben Kaye joins us! 👠

Episode Date: June 12, 2023

More in FULL EP148. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of Mitches. Okay, Mitchell, I'm so excited for our guest today. Truly, truly one of the greats and someone that we were meant to have on the show quite a while ago. It's been a long time coming. A long time coming. The one and only Ruben Kay is here. Hello, Ruben.

Hello, gorgeous. Oh, it feels so good to be finally here. Oh, they tried to silence you. We were meant to have you on this podcast the same week that you were on the project. Yeah, no, some people might have missed that, but yeah, a little something happened after your project appearance, didn't it? What happened? Did you and Willie Darley not get along or something?

I just think you're not doing something right. You're not doing anything right if you're not pissing someone off. And it was lovely for me to be back in the muzzle for once. I can imagine. So hold on. Are you happy to tell the joke you told on the project or do we not go back to that stuff? I've been telling that joke for about eight years.

Because I love Jesus. I love any man who can get nailed for three days straight and come back for more. And all the hosts on the project laughed along, didn't have an issue. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, of course, because it's a funny joke. It's a funny joke.

But if you take it out of context, what you see is someone queer sort of poking a bear. receiving hate from Christian people who use Jesus' name as a way to, as you know gets done, use Jesus' name as a way to rile up abuse or hatred of queer people. So I told a joke. But it's also a joke that has existed in many forms before, and I am not the first comedian to, you know, go after or poke fun at Christianity, but I do happen to be a visibly queer one. Yeah.

So I feel like sometimes it's a case of they don't care what the joke is, they just might care a bit about who's telling it. Yeah. Yeah. You're an easy target for them. It's just like I've just learnt myself, you just don't go there when it comes to religious jokes.

I worked here at KISS FM at the same time that Kyle Sanderlands made a joke about Virgin Mary. There were protesters out the front of the station holding signs. Mitch was getting calls to his time slot at night with bomb threats and stuff. So it's just like even if you think of a real zinger, if you think it's harmless, just don't go there when it comes to religion, I find.

I also think there's an element of people want to live in a free and open society of tolerance, but only if views that they find distasteful are not tolerated. You know, personally, to have a tolerant society means that the one thing you can't be tolerant of is intolerance. Wow. It's an interesting time. I mean, we've gone very heavy in.

I know. I love it. Yeah, we're all funny people, I swear to God. We will get there, but let's talk about Ukraine, Ruben. Okay, let's go. I've got some thoughts. I'm the only man less likely to pull out than Putin. Let's go.

Can I just say, by the way, I was there at the Sydney Comedy Festival showcase, which you emceed that night, and some of the jokes you made that night, I was like, that makes the Jesus joke on the project seem very fucking tame. play yeah this is the thing that i'm amazed at of all the horrible awful terrible disgusting things that come out of my mouth and sometimes go into it this is the thing this is the thing that got me in trouble it doesn't even have a swear word in it. It's technically a pun. At best, it's a dad joke. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it worked. Can you talk me through quickly how a PR crisis like that unfolds? Do you know instantly? Do you know in an hour? When does it? Yeah, do the producers go, Ruben, thanks for having you on. We'll get you back on another time. And then does it unfold the following days?

Can you refresh your Instagram and go, oh, fuck. Yeah, yeah. I think we came off, everything was la-di-da, shook hands, all the producers, everyone said, that was fantastic, that was brilliant, we loved it. And then as we left, I'm a social media whore, so I'm like looking and looking and it's gaining traction and it's got like positive and some negative some negative and like that's okay as a visibly queer person that's what you

get comes to the territory just as a person or even as a person in the media and then i think i went to bed and then i was meant to be on abc abc mornings the next morning and i got a call at 5 a.m as i was beginning to paint being like um I think we might just we might not yeah put the brushes down baby yeah okay I'll just go back to bed and then I woke up again I was like oh so then it sort of became um yeah then it was just very interesting it's like baby's first scandal as well. So it became equal parts sort of horrifying and fascinating to see how it all unfolded. But my, the best part was the Sydney comedy festival and my management who were all copying a whole bunch of flack, absolutely stood up with me,

defended it, defended me, excuse me, and all looked after my, my mental health. And even, you know, Sam Taunton from the project reached out and said, hey, are you okay? How are you doing in all this? Which is nice. Yeah, that's nice. He gets it. As a comic, it's rough.

And also now you're doing an encore show in Sydney, so I feel like in many ways, sure, a fuckload of people were offended, but then now a fuckload more people want to buy tickets. Ticket sales, baby. You know, light and shade. Look, what do you say? People are wanting to buy the. Ticket sales, baby. You know, light and shade. Look, what do you say? People are wanting to buy the tickets, and we're selling amazingly. Yeah.

And I can't wait to get on stage at the Enmore, and it's going to be a show of a lifetime. Oh, my God. Well, there's two shows. You're doing live and intimidating. If you're in Canberra, Hobart, the Gold Coast, or Brizzy, you can get live and intimidating. Then the Butchers back at the Enmore Theatre, 1st of July.

What are the two shows? You're just doing, you're like, I've got so much material, let me do two. That's exactly it. I'm not only a pariah, I'm a genius. You must be a genius because the idea of doing two shows at once stresses me out. I'd be like, which one am I, like halfway through,

I'd forget the order. I've been on a national tour doing three different shows. Oh, my God. A brain bomb. Cycling. So I've got a late night show called The K-Hole, which is a line-up show. Right, so that's my grinder.

Yeah. No, take it, take it. I am currently. He's under the desk. Oh, nice. That's why I had soup for breakfast. It'll be fine. So The Butch is Back is a huge show.

It's a six-piece band, full horn section, costume changes, the whole thing. It charts my journey from childhood to the current day and the music in it is just next level. I don't know if you know this, Mitch, but Ruben's got quite some fucking pipes on him. Very great singer. I'm well aware.

Yeah, that voice comes right deep from the K-hole. I can only imagine where that voice rumiates. And so how long have you been doing The Butch's Back for? Because I can imagine it would be quite different to, like, opening night now. Yeah. The Butch's Back has existed in one form or the other. It was born out of the first lockdown in Melbourne. opening night now yeah the butchers back has existed in one form or the other it got it it

was born out of the first lockdown in melbourne we created it in 2020 and we've been touring it all of 2021 we were jumping between states going fuck they're closing the borders in perth run run get to the airport jump on get on the plane to At one point we were in Darwin to isolate for two weeks so we could get into Perth. So we realised we travelled 10,000 kilometres to get to Perth just to do the gigs. Yeah, that is so illogical going from Darwin to Perth. Oh, my God.

It was like it was really cowboy for a whole year and I loved it. But the show has sort of been going in one form or another and evolving through since then. But we've never done Sydney and it's my biggest show, so I want to bring the big guns to the big smoke. Oh, I love that so much. I literally leave. You've been to my house, Mitch.

I'm like a street away from the Enmore Theatre. I can see the lights and the banner from my bedroom window. So I will be there. I'll be watching. I can't wait. and the banner from my bedroom window. So I will be there. I'll be watching. I can't wait. Mitch, we should go. Yeah, we definitely should. You're both going to be there.

Yeah, 100%. RubenK.com for anyone else who wants to come along. Yeah, get tickets. I've got gift bags with ketamine in it just for you two under your seats. Oh, can't wait. Oh, lovely. I truly am excited to go. Mitch pretending to know what that is.

I know what ketamine is, but I'm the kind of gay Ruben that if I even go near it, I will have a heart attack. It's either anaphylaxis or I'm not built for the party drugs, not for me. Yeah, but also, as Hannah Gadsby said, there's a certain gay whose favourite sound is a teacup hitting a saucer. Oh, well said. Like, where's that pride parade for the quiet gays?

Yes, yes. Peters of Kensington in Maskell. That's where that is. That's where they are, at the checkout. And then Live and Intimidating is the show that we've been taking through this year. It's the new show. It was really forged in the fires of sort of the project.

Oh, okay. And it's a smaller show. It's me, three musos. It's a total vibe. I welcome everyone as they come in with a hug and I say, welcome home. Because a lot of people have only just discovered me and I want them to kind of see all of the different facets of me. I want them to know that, yeah, I'm loud, I'm dirty, I'm a good time, but there's also something quite accessible, sensitive, real about me.

I also feel ironically that you're not that intimidating because if you're doing crowd work, you're actually, you don't punch down. You're quite lovely to the audience. So they don't have any reason to be nervous or intimidated coming to the show, right? No, absolutely not. And in fact, the crowd are really safe in it,

but also they're holding me as much as I'm holding them. It's a really lovely, like, intimate show. But we called it originally Live and Intimate. And then I don't know if you know Ali McGregor. Oh, yeah. She's a, yeah, amazing opera singer, cabaret diva, married to Adam Hills, showbiz icon. Right, right.

She just texted me and said, shouldn't it be live and intimidating with a laugh emoji? And I was like, stolen. Name change. Absolutely. Lock it in. That's the push that I need. You get no writer's credit. And I was like, stolen. Name change. Absolutely. Lock it in. That's the push that I need. You get no writer's credit.

You do not get a percentage. Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of Mitches. Reuben, what are you like after you've finished a show? Because I've found that I'm obviously much newer to stand up than you, but I find that there's one of two Mitchells that I get after I come off stage. There's one where I'm like, I'm going to keep the high going. I'm going out.

I'm going drinking. Or there's like a little bit of post-show depression. Everyone leave me alone. I never know which one it's going to be after a show. So I often get the second one because I'm giving a lot and I'm very physical. So the adrenaline drop, because you're being pumped with a huge amount of adrenaline and a huge amount of serotonin. And you've got 300 people or at the end more 1,700 people

like applauding and screaming. A human body is sort of not used to receiving that. And then all that adrenaline and serotonin, once it's in you, it kind of dissipates and you're left with a, you have to find a way to manage the crash. Yeah, I can come down. How do you manage the crash? I'm asking because I want to know because I have to tell everyone

around me, no, no, I'm not sad. It's not like the show went poorly. I'm not bummed. I just fucking feel flat as fuck after a show sometimes. Two things. You can either, I think if you can time a drink and being around people at the right time, you can keep the hike going, right?

And then like you might have a party or you might just be, the transition is smoother. But I tend to just sort of be alone, taken off the makeup after and it's hard to keep the buzz going when you're on your own yeah so i used to get very depressed and then my therapist um poor guy can you imagine can you imagine your therapist yeah he's got a therapist he should do it also a vet yes he he said you need to realize the difference between sort of walking into the river with your pocket full of stones and what is a chemical drop. So rate it.

Rate where you're at out of 10 so you can get a sense of what the perspective is and think to yourself, am I about to drop the toaster in the bath or do I just need to eat something and go to bed? You know, I think we all drop into huge existential crises about our lives and then we go, oh, actually, I think I just needed some Vegemite on toast. Yes.

Yeah. Yeah, I feel like as queer entertainers, we all put ourselves so much pressure on ourselves. It's like, chill the fuck out. We're just making people laugh. We just want to have a bit of anal and we just want to have, like, seven hours of sleep, right? Am I just speaking for myself?

At least seven Preferably all at the same time Yes, yes Stick it in me and let me fall asleep, you know? Oh my god And other poems by Maya Angelou Yes Look, I think also there's a reputation

Or there's a canon of amazing queer performers With really high standards Who've really changed the face of entertainment. So for any queer performer who's trying to break through, they're looking at the greats for inspiration. But also there's a little bit of pressure to follow through. If they get 70% of the way there, they're like, burn it down. I'm terrible. Yeah.

So you're one of those people that I look at who I've started doing stand-up shows for the last two years, I think. And sometimes I see performers like you where I'm like, fuck, should I be putting more attention into my costumes, my hair, my makeup? I just chuck my hair in a ponytail. I get out there. I'm all sweaty. I'm wearing no shoes half the time because I don't want to overheat on the stage.

I run a bit hot, Ruben, you see. I suggested prosthetics, Ruben. My costume shit really needs some work, especially when I look at people like you. Yeah, but the other part of it is you've got to find, everyone has to find the thing that works for them. You know, for me it's eight pounds of lead-based cosmetics, high heels and, you know, teeth that were taken from a horse in Turkey.

But for you, it might be a top knot, you know, bare feet and a trickle of sweat and that might be exactly what it is you need. I think trust your body and what you feel makes you feel the best. Yeah, okay, that's true. Good advice. Because, like, I look at the outfits and things you wear and I think, fuck, you're fabulous, but if I put that on, I'd be so uncomfortable.

It looks amazing, but I would fucking be so, I'd be so uncomfortable. It looks amazing, but I would fucking be – I'd be put off the whole show. I couldn't perform in that. These huge heels and shit. I find it really difficult now to sing or be on when I'm not in a heel. Really? I'm so used to it now. I'm so used to it now. But also, no doubt you would look gorgeous in all these things,

but stay away from my fucking gear. Yeah, it's a lovely note to end on. A threat. I do like that we're seeing a more stripped-back Reuben today. Yeah, it's nice. You haven't even seen below the waist yet. No. I'd love to.

Have you always been quite polished in all the things that you do on stage with your costumes and your makeup, or do you ever look back at old photos and think, fuck me, I've come a long way since then? I'm going to email you a picture of the first time I ever, or can I just show it on the screen? Show it, yeah, show us.

I can show you on the screen. Everyone here knows me as the beautiful and the gorgeous Ruben K, but what they don't realise is that the first time I ever put on make-up, I look like that. Oh. That's not make-up, that's face paint. My God. Yeah, that's Bunnings on a Saturday afternoon. And I just want you to know I felt like I was serving high glam.

Just for anyone who obviously can't see this, it's a podcast, just think Edward Scissorhands. Yeah, very Edward Scissorhands It screams regional tour of cats It does Is what it does Oh, you've come a long way, wow You have come a very, very long way

If you want to go and see Ruben Rubenkay.com The Butcher's Back in Sydney at the End More live and intimidating I'll go re-watch that project clip If you want to laugh Ruben, so good to have you on thank you finally

before we let you go don't forget Mitchell oh our question shit yeah go there's one question that we ask every guest I'm certainly not going to let you off the hook

I'm probably more intrigued about your answer than any other guest to be honest so every guest we ask them to tell us a little thing in life they appreciate

just like the crunch of an autumn leaf or a crunch of a good apple something like that freshly washed sheets. And then we add it to our list of things better than drugs and dick because we've got a lot of young adult listeners who might be in a stage of life where they're obsessed with drugs and dick,

partying, boys, what have you. So we like to remind them that there's more to life. So what would you say is better than drugs and dick? Resistance. Oh. What? I think resistance. If someone gives you pushback on an idea or says,

oh, I don't know if we're going to be able to do that or we can't do that because no one's ever done it before, that's the moment where I know I'm onto something and that's the moment I know, okay, I've got to keep pushing on this or there's something here. Sorry, I thought we were still in the gay sex realm. I thought you meant push back on a cock. And I thought that's a great tip.

I know you did. Great tip. Because you feel. Sorry, I'm sorry. But resistance, it's got more of a message there. I love how you've switched from, no, I'm a quiet gay. I'm a quiet gay. I love to stay home.

I couldn't touch a drug. And now we find out that you're a funnel cake. No, but ketamine and beautiful making love is very different. Okay. There's a difference between making love and pushing back on a dick. There's no line. Don't change the goalposts on me now. There's no line.

No, I love that. So obviously that's something that you have faced and still face, Ruben, I guess, is resistance. Every time I've gone on TV and they've said, well, you have to submit a script and I submit a script, there's always someone somewhere going, okay, okay, we just want to do this. I'm like, great. Give me the parameters that I can wiggle. Give me what I can work in and how I can push my message into this within your parameters? Or can I expand these parameters? So it's like the opposite of needing validation.

If someone tells you something is not a good idea, you're like, it must be great then. A little bit, yes. I just think it's, I think validation and support are necessary and fantastic. And I need it a lot. I wouldn't be in this career if I didn't. are necessary and fantastic and I need it a lot. I wouldn't be in this career if I didn't. But at the same time, when someone gives,

if there's a little bit of friction, I know I'm on the right path. That's an interesting contribution. That's the first time anyone has kind of added a concept to the list. The last thing was Tim Abbott saying, Choc coached Sultana, is it better than drugs and dick? Some guests are on different wavelengths to others. I'll say this right now. I'll add on to this. How about this then? When you haven't started your chalk top until the movie starts. Now that's good.

I'm putting both on there, of course. I'll add them both. Add resistance. Resistance is the best we've had. That's so true. That requires so much willpower. Yeah, wow. But then you've got to do the awkward rustling of the plastic. It's so awkward. Joe, a lady unwrapped a suite in one of my shows in Melbourne for three solid minutes. And I know because she did it throughout one song

and the song was a three-minute song and it was the quietest, slowest, most tender ballad. This was a few years ago. And she spent it just slowly trying to like as if no one would notice. Yeah. You've got to rip the Band-Aid, babes. If you do it slower, it just fucking drags it out. Or cough.

Cough when you do the first hair. That's what I do. Yeah, I'd rather think you have emphysema than be in the suite of my shows. All right. Well, if you want to go, rubenk.com. Great to finally have you on the podcast. Yeah, finally. It has been an absolute thrill.

Thank you for having me. Pleasure. Anytime. Pleasure, treasure. So much fun. Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of mitches. Make sure you hit follow on your podcast app.