Is It Just Me? - MINI: Ladybug Part 2 🐕‍🦺

Episode Date: June 5, 2023

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Is it just me? The rude shocks of young adulthood. Let me just say, for those wanting a ladybug update. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. This is dog. Context, just in case people weren't listening last week, I've decided to embark on a dog walking era because A, I want to get more steps in my day.

B, I get to spend time with dogs. I love dogs. And C, I get to help someone out, you know? Yes, yeah. Lighten the load. So tick, tick, tick. I put a listing on some dog walker's website. I went a couple of months, no bites.

And then I got my first customer inquiry last week. And where we left off last week was that I was going to do my first meet and greet with Ladybug to make sure I'm a good fit before they give me the dog walking gig. And Ladybug is a black and white French bulldog. I got that wrong, actually. It's not a French bulldog, but similar enough. It's actually a Staffordshire Terrier.

Okay. Yeah. Close. Much of a muchness. A little black dog. Yeah. A very cute, lovely looking dog, but also packs a punch. A kind of dog that your mum would be scared of.

Probably. Yeah. Okay. But she was absolutely adorable. I went along to this meet and greet. Oh, mum would be scared of. Probably. Yeah, okay. But she was absolutely adorable. I went along to this meet and greet. Oh, you've met Ladybug? Yeah. Oh, I haven't met her.

I told you that was happening. I know, but I just didn't think you'd actually do it. Of course I would do it. I was so excited. I was really, really looking forward to this. I was like, I want this gig. I just know that Ladybug and I are going to get along so well. And I was really, really excited.

It just warmed my heart, the thought of having a cute little relationship with someone else's dog because I can't take on my own. And so I went along to the meet and greet. It wasn't a gay couple, by the way. Gay, damn it. And they were waiting for me out the front, the owner, little Ladybug on a leash. And I say, hello, sweetie.

Who have you got here? Ladybug, so excited, responds to that sort of tone of voice. I'm like, hello, come here, look at you. Oh, you're a good girl. Jumps up, has a pause on my knees, getting a good scratch in. I'm like, oh, you're a beautiful girl, aren't you? And then I said, hi, by the way, to the owner. I've just given this dog all the attention.

And then the owner pulls out some dog treats from his pocket right and starts showing off what ladybug can do fucking sit stay roll over all that and i'm there giving it my all being like oh you're such a good girl good girl ladybug oh aren't you beautiful and then the owner says to me why don't you try and give her a treat? Right. And that's when fucking Ladybug turned. Oh, no. No way. I could have been killed. Seriously?

Or are you embellishing this? Seriously. Look at this finger. Ladybug did that. Where? Where am I looking? It's healed very nicely. It has healed well.

And she fucking bit me. As soon as I had the treats in my hand, she's like, and like attacked me. Wait, she growled? No. Growled, barked, bit, everything. What did the owner do? Did the owner freak out? Well, he was like trying to pull her back on the leash.

Oh my God, Mitchell. But because she's quite a hefty fucking dog, that's what I mean. She's small, but packs a punch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was like pulling the lead, being like, no, come on, Ladybug. And I'm just stepping back going, oh, God, what's going on? And then he goes, try again. And I was like, do I have to?

So, again, put the little treat near her mouth, fucking attacks my hand again. And I was like, oh, God. And this isn't how Ladybug reacted when the owner gave the treat to her. No, not at all. And so we just kind of thought, okay, let's stop trying that now. We won't try that again. And then I spent the next half hour walking around the block multiple times

with the owner and Ladybug. She didn't look at me once. She only had eyes for the owner. Every time I spoke to her in that fucking voice, hi, sweetie, you like your cute? She just didn't even acknowledge me. Oh, my God. So you failed?

Apparently, because I didn't even have to flag with them that I wasn't going to be available. I've been rejected. Oh, no. That's harsh. I've been knocked back. You've been broken up with Ladybug by Ladybug. Oh, that's really sad. I shouldn't laugh.

I'm not laughing at you. I'm laughing at the situation. That's devastating. Because it's not you. It's the dog. The dog didn't choose you. I was just thinking in the lead up, what would I have to do to fuck up this meet and greet with a dog? Like if I come and kick it, sure. I'm like, what would I have to do to fuck this up? But then they rejected me

because the dog didn't fucking like me. Did they let you down easily? It was very much like, oh, we're just going to, we're not going to proceed this time. But if we ever need a dog walker again, we'll let you know beyond this three-week stint. And so I should have been walking later bug this morning, but I was rejected. Oh, no, Mitchell. That's actually devastating.

I'm really sorry to hear that. Look, it was sad because I was, I had imagined our future together. Yeah. I imagined us walking off into the sunset having a gorgeous time. But then this is why I'm pissed off about it. I think the owner fucking stitched me up because he said to me, oh, these treats in my pocket, they're the good treats. Normally when I'm just doing day-to-day dog walking,

I've got the povo schmackos or whatever. Yeah. But when she's meeting new people people as an incentive to be extra nice i get her the special treats as an extra award and i'm like no wonder she attacked me she thought i was stealing them oh she thought that i was taking the treats away from her no wonder she fucking wanted blood yeah because they were the good treats the fucking top shelf treats and she thought that this random woman was trying to rob her of her beautiful treats wow and then he says to me yeah no sorry about that she's normally great with people but

not great with other animals i was like what are you saying you're a man i'm not another animal what does that even mean just adding insult to injury i think that if it weren't for the fucking luxury treats i would have nailed. You would have got the job. She was all over me before the treats were involved. I agree, Mitchell. It's not you. It's the treats. Yeah.

I'm sorry. I know how excited you are seriously about getting that gig. I'm really sorry. I just think that we should be able to euthanise other people's dogs. No, I don't stand by that. I just think we should be able to surrender her because quite frankly, our streets aren't safe with ladybugs out and about. You should print photos.

She's a fucking threat. Is she? What if they hear this? You don't want to piss them off. I don't care. They didn't give me the gig. Yeah, that's true. I'm very sorry.

Their fucking tiny black dog tried to maul me to death in the street. It does sound like a vicious dog. And then they still made you walk it. That's cruel. Sadistic. Yes. It was like they were hovering a treat in front of me and I couldn't get it. They're like, this is the dog you could have been walking if you got along for the next

half hour that it's paraded around being like, no, she doesn't like you, does she? Still doesn't like you. No, she still doesn't like you. Well, Mitchell, I'm pleased to say I've got an update in my dog search. I believe in the next six months I'll be getting a dog. Can you please, like, I say this as a friend. Yeah. Can you fucking not, though?

Get a dog. The last thing you need is another excuse to stay at home. That's why you're getting it, isn't it? No. Because fucking dog owners make it their whole personality, sorry, I've got to get home to the dog. Yeah, they do. They might have fucking eaten a cushion.

No, my dog will be very well behaved. You say that now. My dog will be behaved. I'm going to get a little black white one and name it Ladybug, just to spite you. And I hope it fucking rips everything that's written inside Ladybug. All right, good job. Also, Ladybug's allergic to grass.

Fucking pathetic little thing. It's like an astronaut being allergic to space. I know. Idiot. I have to only walk around the path. Oh, that's stupid. Well, I would have had to. But I thought that I had the gig because at the end of the day,

when I was about to go home from this meet and greet, they said, right, so key to the house will be in the letterbox. That'll be where it is the first time you walk her, but then you can just hold on to it for the next three weeks. Right. So you don't have to keep putting it back in the letterbox. And I was then you can just hold on to it for the next three weeks. Right. So you don't have to keep putting it back in the letterbox. And I was like, sweet, I got the gig despite the fact she can't stand me. And quite frankly, I can't stand her.

And you didn't get the gig. No. I'm very sorry. Sorry. Condolences to you. To think what could have been. Don't think. It's over.

Their loss. Their loss. Ladybug's loss. Ladybug's loss. I know their address now. If I happen to drop rat poison in the wrong backyard, wouldn't that be terrible? Wouldn't that be terrible?

Why do you have raw sausages and razor blades on your side of the desk, Mitchell? Raw sausages and razor blades. That's what people do. What? They bait. People bait dogs in dog parks. They put razor blades. Neighbours who hate their neighbours' dogs because they're bark,

they put razor blades in raw sausage. It's true. Okay. I take back my joke because that's awful. That's awful. Brittany Harkley, my friend and my radio co-host, the Bondi dog park that she walks her beautiful dog Delilah in, there's rat poison in.

They bake them into cookies and put them into dog treats. That's horrible. And then dogs eat them and then they die at home because these neighbours are just awful people. Maybe I should take Ladybug to Bondi. Mitchell! Mitchell! All right, we ready for my agem?

Sure, hit me. Let's do it. Is it just me or... Did we all just stop getting croup? What? Croup cough. What's that? Did you never get croup cough?

I don't know. If you explain what it is. Well, I've got an audio grab of what croup cough. What's that? Did you never get croup cough? I don't know. If you explain what it is. Well, I've got an audio grab of what croup cough sounds like. Because growing up, oh, croup was the plague. Mum would freak out. The kids have croup! Croup is an upper airway infection that blocks breathing and has a distinctive barking cough. Yes, it does.

Now you're just being cruel. No, no. This is croup. I found it online. That's a croup cruel. No, no. This is croup. I found it online. That's a croup cough. Oh, gosh. It sounds like a hanky, like an old man blowing his nose into a hanky. I had croup a dozen times growing up.

It is that cough that rumbles in your chest. You know when you breathe out and it goes. That kind of cough is croup. That sounded like you doing coughing fit chicken on this podcast. Are you sure you don't still have it? No, I don't have croup cough. Perpet is croup. That sounded like you doing coughing fit chicken on this podcast, that croup cough. Are you sure you don't still have it? No, I don't have croup cough. Perpetual croup.

Because I've noticed not getting it. I've actually, like, I forget croup cough. Maybe it's a thing that only my family spoke about. I remember my mum had a kid's health book, and, like, the first page was croup cough. You were raised before google so i guess yes that's a good call it was actually inscribed onto a concrete tablet yes wait so mitchell you've never had croup i don't know maybe i did i just didn't call it that i've got no idea this rings

not one bell for me i don't i don't know if i had it deep chesty cough croup yeah but it didn't sound like a hanky what What? What did it sound like? Describe it. Just like a normal iPad kid cough. Yeah. No, that's not it. It's just a deep rumbling cough. Do an impression.

Okay. Why is your tongue out? Why is your tongue out? I'm hiccuping. Oh, my God. Something's going wrong with me. Oh, no. That's it.

That's it. The wet one at the end. You do the wet ones all the time. That's your normal cough. Oh, so this isn't a real disease. Mum made this up. Probably. Because I was an ill kid.

She must have thought you were sick all the time, but that was just your cough. Thanks, Michelle. Is it just me? A podcast by a couple of mitches. Make sure you've hit follow on your podcast app.