Is It Just Me? - TALKBACK TINGZ: Dropping Dirty Words On Air 📻

Episode Date: May 8, 2022

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Yeah, so Talkback Teams is where we bring you some of the cooked shit that we hear on Talkback Radio because it's live, it's dangerous. It is. You get some quirky old callers calling through to those places. And do you remember back in episode 15? They said, we're going back a while. We played you the time that a bunch of people banded together to sabotage Graham Gilbert's nightly quiz. Oh, God, we're talking India?

Yep, India. Every question he asked, every single question he asked, they would answer with India, just to piss him off. Which Australian gymnast won Commonwealth Games gold in 1990 for his performance on the pommel horse? India. Marcus, grow up. Yeah, whatever you Marcus? Grow up. Yeah, whatever. Yeah, grow up. Good on you.

Oh, boy, is it going to be one of those nights? Robert, good evening. Hello, Graeme. How are you? Not too bad. You'll have a sensible answer, won't you? Oh, just get my megaphone. India.

Oh. And please, no more. Please. That was in our show opener for a while. I know. That was iconic to Ijem. Have you ever heard a more defeated man? Now, please.

I know. No more. You know the thing about talkback that I don't think we've ever addressed? Like, these guys, they have to time out to the hour for the, or half hour for the news. So, they sometimes have to feel minutes of audio of dead air just to make it out to the news break so you just the shit you have to come up with it's a tough job but also it's not that hard to get through to graham show so that's why so many prank callers slip through the cracks he does like we tried it once remember he didn't even vet us he just put us on air straight to air didn't

even ask our name off air yeah so he's quite used to prank calls at this point and he's got quite a short fuse when it comes to being on the receiving end. So he was asking his listeners about salt water in the ocean and what makes it so salty. And this old bird called through with a dirty joke. I suspect it's not actually an old lady. You can tell by the voice. Oh, you think it's a Dot Wiggins scenario? It is very Dot Wiggins.

You can just tell by the voice that it's not a real person. Okay, here it is. And the salt in the sea. Eleanor, is it? Yes. Hi. I've got an answer for the saltiness of the ocean. Yes.

My grandson told me he was looking it up on the internet. All right. Because of all the semen. Is that your answer? Yes. Oh. All the semen in the ocean makes it salty. 13, 12, 69, we will totally ignore that answer.

Okay? Because I just wish these people wouldn't phone up and put on bodgy voices. Alrighty. I think they're going to get away with it, but please. Do we need to say it one more time? We do take all of your numbers, and it is an offence, okay? It is an offence, the Communications Act. Shut up, Graeme.

Get off your horse. Get off your pummel horse. I just don't think that's true. Janet, can you look up the Communications Act and see if it's an offence to prank call someone, because I really don't think it is. We do it all the time. I have to do radio codes once a year. And no, callers have no legal binding right.

They can do whatever they want. It's just so easy and so fun to get through. And I just love his overreaction. Yeah. Like, oh, please. We'll just totally ignore that. I have another example. Yeah, okay.

More Graham. Right. No, it's not Graham. This is a show in Melbourne on 3AW. Yep. And they were on the receiving end of a filthy prank call, and their reaction, oh, my God, they overreacted so much. It's like, oh, laugh a little, darling.

Oh, they were angry. Oh, they were furious. Okay, so this is a 3AW in Melbourne. Nightline with Bruce Mansfield and Philip Brady on 1278 3AW. Down to Newport.'re down in Newport. Toby's at Newport. Hello, Toby. Hi, Bruce.

Hi, Phil. Yes, Toby. How are you? Good. Oh, good, thanks. I have a joke. Yes. What's the funniest smelling thing in the whole wide world?

The funniest smelling thing in the whole wide world? Yes. Perhaps your nose. Oh, no. What was it? An anchovy's cunt. Oh, what a pity, no. What was it? An anchovy cunt. Oh, what a pity, Toby. Never call us again, please.

Never in your life even think about this. And think, all right, we've dumped you, Toby, but there are people like Carmen and Queenie online and could hear that in their ear and are offended. And we heard it and Simon heard it. So you ruined it for all of us. Toby, if you're ever thinking of tuning in again, just get a life.

Toby, grow up. Grow up. Who the fuck are Carmen and Queenie? I found an answer. Oh, the communications act. So threatening to kill or cause serious harm to someone is considered a criminal offence. Of course. Oh, my God, Jenna, did you think we didn't know that?

No. Oh, fuck, that's brand new information. Yeah, drowning a human will send you to prison. Oh, good to know. No. Beheading your mother-in-law or even threatening to do so. Even if the prankster doesn't threaten their victim, repeated calls can amount to harassment, stalking or bullying.

Okay, got it. So that person wasn't committing an offence. God, that call was hilarious. They were so upset. Do you love how as soon as he said an anchovies C word, you just heard the host in the background be like, like turning all the buttons off. God, that's so funny.

Good joke too. I've never heard that one before. That's fresh. Good gear. I was going to suggest that we get Dot Wiggins, your 80 year old, 90 year old. I can't remember how old she is. Your alter ego. The old lady that comes out to play every now and then because we haven't heard from

Dot in a bit. I miss her. I was going to suggest that we call a station and try and get through. But if it's repeated prank calls, it's like, maybe that is. We'd have to call a different show, for example. Actually, no, Graham's not even on at this time of day, so it's probably fine. We could call an FM station. Oh, that would be way harder if it's an FM music station.

Yeah, true. But you have to call and basically use a dirty word and see if they even notice. Oh, like slip one in. Because you know how she said, the shaman. Yeah. The shaman in the ocean. That was like a double, what's the word? Double entendre.

Yeah, double meaning. Because she was referring to men of the sea, men at sea, which is seamen, but she tied it in with the saltiness, so it's actually dirty. So we need like a hidden meaning. What if I talk about the fact that my pussy won't stop itching? And I think she might have mites. That's too obvious. Mites! Not even lice. Mites.

Yeah, smaller than lice. I'm going to Google like words that sound dirty. Beaver. Beaver! Beaver! Oh, beaver's good. I don't think we even have beavers in Australia though, so that's too obvious. Are there no beavers?

No, we don't. Maybe I can just say that I've got, suddenly I'm fascinated with beavers. And it's very late in life because I haven't normally been interested in beavers, but I watch something on telly. What about the word rump? No, I want more vogelike. It needs to be, like, I could say hole, like a butthole. Like fanny.

No. Fanny. Flange. What's flange me oh my god flaps oh flaps is good hi i'm calling i'm having issue with my flat but what could you actually be talking about uh obviously not your vag mud flaps on i've got a four-wheel drive oh yeah my flaps are just no matter how much I clean them They're covered in grime and grunt and it stinks Let's go with flaps Oh my god I like flaps I've heard otherwise about you

What about like, we're using flaps but you're actually talking about flapperjacks, like the pancakes You're like, when I come home, my husband loves to gnaw on flaps, but I'm just having some trouble. The flaps are too dry. Oh, yeah. Flapperjacks. Is that too much of a long word? I also don't think it's flapperjacks. I think you're mispronouncing that.

I think it's flapjacks. Oh, whatever. You'll upset the Canadian. Yeah, flapjacks. Like you have this whole narrative that you like to cook your husband pancakes when he comes home from work every day, but you're having problems with the flaps. With the flaps. Yeah.

Yeah, okay. I like that. That works. There's nothing more he enjoys more after a long, hard day at work than my flaps. Some moist flaps. Yeah, and what? I just start with him having some maritable problems. And then I, because I don't want to lead with the flaps,

because that'll be a red flap. Yeah, maybe when you speak to the producer or whatever, you say, you've got a cooking question. Yeah. Hold on, who's even on air? Yeah, I'm looking now who's on air. Oh, okay, so same station as Graham and John Laws. Brent Bultitude. Oh, yeah.

I don't think he'd be hard to get through to. What's the number? Let's try. 131269, famously. Oh, yeah, of don't think he'd be hard to get through to. What's the number? Let's try. 13 12 69. Famously. Oh, yeah, of course. Alright, let's call. Shit, Dot, get me! Me? Yes! Dot?

Super Radio Network. Hello, who's calling? Me? It's me. Sorry? You're talking to me? I can't hear that. Is that me? No, no, certainly not. Dot D... Oh, dot. D-O-T. D for dog.

What would you like to talk to Brent about? O-T. I've been with my beloved husband for years and they're having marital issues and I just wanted to see, to stick it through or is it too late in life to throw it all away? It won't be long. Hold on. Make the payments.

You've got serious problems. Hello. Absolutely serious problems ahead of you. Brian is next. Hi, Brian. How are you going, mate? I'm not bad. Take my call.

How are you, Brian? And how's the left eye? The left eye is fine. It's the right eye that caused me all the problems. What's his name? What's this guy's name? Brent. The host is Brent.

Can you just confidently call him Kent? Yeah, I'm going to call him Trent. Trent. Trent. Trent. And I quite frankly order it. Hurry up. Oh, come on, clown.

Hurry up. What's the caller's name again? Brian or something? Brian. Phil. Come on, Brian. something? Brian. Phil. Come on, Brian. Boring story. Politics.

You have lovely hair, mate. You. Good to be back here. You how are you, girl? He can't let anybody know that, can he? He's got to carry on. Look at him next time. Oh, dear.

Good to talk to you, Brian. Thank you for your... Dot. Oh. Hello. Hello. time. Oh, dear. Good to talk to you, Brian. Thank you for your... Dot. Oh. Hello. Hello. Oh, yes. Sorry, Trent.

You have conjunctivitis, do you? No, no, no. I wish I did because I could get over that. What did you have in your eye? I had a detached retina in my right eye. Oh, that's awful. You know, milk. I'll tell you about it.

Milk will fix this, Si. Milk will fix conjunctivitis. Did you say milk will fix it? Skim's awful. You know, milk. I'll tell you about it. Milk will fix this eye. Did you say milk will fix it? Skim milk, yes. Skim milk. And you put it in. No, Trent, don't be silly. You put it in a shot glass. If only.

If only skim milk would fix a detached breast. You put it in a shot glass. How can I help you, Dot? What would you like to say? Or the cap of the milk, and you put your eye, and you roll your eye back. Anyway. Look, I'm not having a marital problem, but I've been with my gorgeous husband, Brian, for 40, 45 years,

and I cook him dinner every night, and he seems to enjoy it, and he seems to enjoy tea, and I make him sweets, I make him food, I make him savory food, and he mostly seems to enjoy my flaps. The only problem is he tends to be used to moist flaps. However, he now, sadly, has experienced that my flaps are dry. So he's not happy. Teary, mate. Let's take a break.

If it's news in your... We're gone. I think they hung up on you, Tom. He hung up on me! Let's take a break. If it's news in your... Oh. We're gone. I think they hung up on you, Tom. He hung up on me! Let's take a break! Oh, my God. Oh, he didn't want a bar of it. No, I think you weren't subtle enough.

Yeah, I really didn't weave it in, did I? It was meant to be. I cook him a beautiful stack of flaps. Like, it could be something else, but you just went right in. He doesn't like my dry flaps. I got distracted by the eye. The milk. You know what? I felt bad because the poor bastard

has a detached retina and then here I am being a bastard to him. And then I called him Trent and his name's Brent. Is it just me? You should follow these idiots online. Search Couple of Mitches.