Is She Ok? - Get Over Your Ex & Move On for Good - 6 Tips to Get Your Life Back

Episode Date: January 31, 2025

This week, Sophie & Chans unleash all their heartbreak wisdom, giving you the advice they WISH they'd have received in their younger years. They're sharing their 6 best tips to help you get over your ex, heal your heart, and step into a new chapter of your life with confidence. Whether you're dealing with heartbreak, overthinking the past, or feeling stuck, these strategies will help you let go, regain your power, and truly move forward. Tune in for practical advice, mindset shifts, and real talk on how to stop obsessing, start healing, and finally feel like yourself again.

Hi everyone and welcome to the Is She OK? podcast. I'm Chans and I'm Sophie and we're here to unpack life's ups and downs and all the in-betweens, having the conversations every woman's thinking about but rarely says out loud. Every week we'll chat about topics that really matter, aiming to answer the question we all ask ourselves, is she oh hi hey chance and jack in the background i know he's just crept in he's currently licking his balls sorry this is why we don't have men on the podcast for reference it's her dog not her husband just so clear thank you for clarifying that sophie i think that's very important It's her dog, not her husband. Just so clear.

Thank you for clarifying that, Sophie. I think that's very important. For anyone who doesn't know. Well, that's a excuse. How are you? I know. I am doing well, actually. It's been, yeah, it's been quite a nice week. Busy.

My husband is leaving us for a week to go to LA next week, which is terrifying me. I'll be moving my mother in for a few days to help me with everything possible. But no, I think it's good timing. I think we were saying today that this is the best time for him to go away because we've got through a lot of the big hurdles

and I'm a lot more confident. And actually he has to go for work. So got through a lot of the big hurdles and I'm a lot more confident and actually he has to go for work so this is this is a good time and I'm feeling quite I'm feeling strong I'm feeling good about it I'm feeling good about it I think if it was not that it matters how I feel about the situation but I think I messaged you in the week and I was like the difference in like your tone of voice and how you talk about things and just your general demeanor like amen for all the sleep like it's so evident that you're in such a better place now and I think that whereas like six months would have been like couldn't like do you need more support do you need more people coming around like

it's now like exactly you'll be great no and you know I think the thing is you you create a bit of a trauma bond with your with your partner when you go through that newborn phase and you know the reality is I know how to look after my son but there's there's so much comfort in having my husband there to talk about things or to rant and all of that kind of stuff so it just feels a bit like a comfort blanket is being taken away but it doesn't mean that I don't know how to do everything it will just mean that I've got no one to be crazy with ultimately so yeah yeah I guess it's ever like it speaks volumes of how much like of a good team you guys are yeah um yeah but I think that when he gets back and you'll be like I did this on my own like I think you'll have even yeah um

and he will be so proud of you and you've always got Jack to you know more of Jack here always got Jack who's still who's still by the way licking his balls my god he's going down like yeah gotta do what you gotta do um Sophie are you okay I am okay um yeah I feel like we're both in pretty good places at the moment touchwood um yeah touchwood end of January it is my birthday in one month today um and as someone that used to not really like care about their birthdays the last few years I'm really getting into it and I'm 40 next year and I could not be more excited about that so yeah I I think it's flown by um I have spent today deep cleaning my flat um which is if life doesn't get any more exciting than that I I don't know what to tell you so um yeah things are good um this

week what's been happening this week in the in the world of news and pop culture chance anything well my tiktok has been blowing up with uh the blake lively situation i haven't kept on top of it in great detail but i have seen that is his name Justin yeah one of the guys named he's been releasing um clips that kind of contradict what she's been saying and it's it's fascinating because I find her I find her fairly unlikable that it doesn't mean I shouldn't believe her um in what she's claimed but looking at these clips and and comparing it to what she's been saying it's really interesting it's it you you it's very difficult to take a side on this matter because everything seems to clash and contradict um yeah it's just like they're both yeah a lot of these scenes that

have been released are from while they were filming so it's like well was she playing a role and like you just it's so messy and it's just it's like well was she playing a role and like you just it's so messy and it's just it's getting to the point now I think everyone's like it's bordering on a bit farcical and maybe they should all just kind of like put it to bed like again I haven't been like following it and it's just I think everyone is just a bit like this is just insane but speaking of TikTok this was of course the week when TikTok got shut down for all of like 12 hours, which was obviously a Trump stunt. So that was I mean, I couldn't care less about TikTok. It's not for me.

You couldn't. I could. I was watching all of these Americans saying goodbye and putting up their last TikToks. And I was genuinely mourning the fact that I wasn't going to get to see some content. Well I believed it. I mean like it could but it was just like it was I think like the the mishap that they made was like it needed to have been taken down for like a week for people to actually buy it for what it was but because it came straight back on more or less and like the statement came out it was all just a bit like okay well that was staged but like I do have empathy for people on there because at the end of the day there's a lot of people who've built

their whole careers on there and their livelihoods dependent on it so it is it's a it's a big thing and I was also reading that the majority of earners on TikTok are female. So actually it has a massive impact on like the female financial kind of. Yeah. Yeah. So that's really interesting. But what was interesting was what a lot of people were doing was they were saying, oh, this is, you know, bye bye TikTok. You can follow me on Instagram. So I think even in that 12 hour period of whatever it was, people would have managed to boost their numbers on other platforms, which

ultimately has ended up helping them anyway. So it was interesting. And of course, I think I completely agree with you. I think Trump just wanted to come in on his on his white horse and rescue everything. But he's, you know, he did. And he managed to get the the right kind of character portrayal out there yeah I mean it's all up and running and TikTok's back to being TikTok I guess um and it was also the week that Khloe Kardashian's podcast came out clearly our biggest competitor in the market but you know what I was watching I was like all her just like any friends that are listening who haven't shared it on their socials shame on you because she's out there and straight away all her friends are doing it all her family and i'm like that is support that is loyalty so whilst we might not be the

kardashians um friends and family as long as you're not our parents um get your shit together and yeah care us help us what are you doing i mean to be fair out of all the kardashians if i was gonna listen to someone do a podcast i think it would be chloe i feel like she's potentially the funniest out of all of them i feel like she could fit into our um 3pd quite well yeah i think she could and if you don't know what 3PD is please listen back to previous episodes and then never speak of it again um but yeah so last week we put a kind of request out on our stories for um dilemmas and questions that you wanted our um very educated advice on um and we got through a couple but there were obviously quite a few more and we noticed a trend some of them were asking about kind of heartbreak and breakups um and we

thought we would do a deep dive into this today um because we're just so well versed in being dumped so uh okay speak to yourself sophie how dare you i'm joking chance is the official heartbreaker um rather than the heartbroken so no but it's you know i think that you get to a certain age and if you don't have experience through breakups or like having your heart broken then you're one of the unicorns i think it's your yes not the many so that being said um we're going for six our top six um we've got the last two in a specific order but the first four are just kind of they made the top six and I thought you want to kick off with your yeah so to start us off uh how to get over a heartbreak one of my key things

is surround yourself with people who make you feel good and i don't just mean i don't just mean you're you're like best friend and you're your parents or whatever it is i think you have to look at who you're surrounding yourself by and go, right, I am in crisis mode. I am going to feel really shit about myself for X amount of months or whatever it is. I need to surround myself with people who inspire me, who comfort me, who make me laugh, who will help me just find my way out of this mist. And I think you've got people like that in your life but you probably have people like that in the periphery who you don't allow to get too close to you find those people and spend time with them because they will make you feel good they will help you see things from a different

perspective and they won't necessarily just tell you what you want to hear which you know god bless us all sometimes with our closest friends we just want to make them feel good um surround yourself yourself with people who are going to do that, but also with people who are going to tell you the truth. So that's, when you were saying that, I was like, a few things popped into my head. And I was going to say, firstly, like, when you say surround yourself with people who make you feel good, the first thing that came into my my mind but was what you just said was like but also people that challenge you and that is kind of like your echo chamber and aren't going to be like and obviously I'm talking as if like if you're a girl who's had your heart broken by a boy not the friends that are going to be like he wasn't good enough for you and like because

that's actually not helpful advice um have people that are gonna kind of challenge you and have those hard conversations yeah and people that are gonna maybe take you outside your comfort zone and introduce you to new things and maybe people that like you said aren't the people that you might have been spending your time with while you were in the relationship yeah people on the peripheries that you kind of lost contact with but actually you realize that they're important to you and maybe you let go of those friendships while you're with someone and yeah no I love that yeah and it's it's just figuring out what what you need in that time I remember my last breakup before before my husband was was quite a big one for me actually

and I just downed everything I put everything down in my life and I went back home and I stayed at my parents I remember this so clearly stayed at my parents house and then there were a few key people that I got in touch with and I said this awful thing has happened um please send me any any quotes or things like that you see online that you think this is so fun I love it and I created this group oh god I'm so dramatic I created this whatsapp group and people were like bless my friends they were sending these quotes and I remember at one point a girl was like actually this is really depressing so I'm gonna have to bow out of this whatsapp group and I was like that's fair enough my life is over um but god bless all the

others that stuck it through and sent me those quotes i love it um and there are so many of those quotes and you know they serve a purpose um exactly what's yours so so i will go with um let go of the idea of closure um yes someone else cannot give this to you I don't even know if closure exists um and in reality because I've done it myself when you say like I just want closure like can you just give me this I just like you don't want closure from that person you want them to realize that they've made a mistake and that they want to get back together with you yeah and if they give you what you think you need it's still never enough so I do think like the only thing that really heals heartbreak is time

and putting that energy kind of back into yourself and giving yourself yeah um so yeah I think that's a big one because I definitely think and again I don't even know where we get it from like is it from movies or is it just this thing that we've been taught like there's this big thing about closure and I just yeah I think it exists I completely agree the older I get the more I realize that closure is a fallacy closure is something that someone once made up to give them an excuse to get in touch with their ex that's what it is yeah and actually i'll tell you silence is so loud if someone doesn't want to be in your life anymore and they're not contacting you and they don't want

to talk to you that's your closure it's closed it's over just end it there i spent a lot i i definitely in my past was like i just need to speak to him once more to get closure I just need to know why this ended it's the reality is it's ended you just need to shut that door and go yeah and I think it's so interesting because I think even the conversation that we're having now would have been so different to the conversation that we would have had 10 15 years ago like our views and breakups are so different like I like it's somewhat like it's just a completely different and I think that comes from experience and I think it comes from looking back on things and learning that you know that feeling of like butterflies

was actually anxiety and what stability feels like and what you want in a relationship and what you want for yourself um so yeah it's this conversation would have been wildly different um but yeah no closure doesn't exist nothing and on the the fact that our conversations would have been wildly different um my next one is no one has ever died of a broken heart and I put this in specifically for myself because my god I was so dramatic at every breakup possible I you know I if I could die of a broken heart I probably would have done it already um the reason I've put this in it does like it's so hard not every breakup like I would say I've had like two two proper breakups one last 20 years and went through many cycles of a breakup.

And the other one was a lot more in cut. And so like the guy that I was with while I was at uni can't like, I would never say a bad word about anyone that I've dated period. That's just not. No, I would on your behalf. A lot of other people will, but I'm not going to go there. So that breakup was like, in my eyes at least, very clean cut. It wasn't like this big drama.

For me, that's not what this conversation is about. For me, it's about the Voldemort breakup. Yeah. And that, to be honest, like it broke me not just once like multiple times and like there were genuine times when like I couldn't breathe I couldn't get out of bed and it is probably the closest I've ever felt to death like it was and I know that you felt that way before as well yeah yes like but I also feel that the gravity of the breakup is also a reflection of like the lack of safety in the relationship yeah yeah I think that's

really really well put it's you know you do have this huge visceral physical reaction when your heart gets broken and if you've ever experienced it it's the most painful thing but once you get through it I feel like we're all pretty invincible after that you need to have your heart your big breakup and I remember mine so clearly and again you know I think that was it was my real formative years it was a big part of my teenage to early 20s and when it ended it felt like I was going to die. It felt like every part of me had just been shattered. But the reality is I got up, I carried on.

My life has been wonderful. I've, you know, I'm a good person off the back of it. And I think it's really important for us in those darkest, hardest moments to have a little bit of perspective and just remember there's a big old life out there and we're not going to die of a broken heart we've got plenty more living to do love that so cute yeah no it's so true and I do think it's so important because I think it's

like your mental health can take like a bashing during those times so actually that perspective of like deep breaths I'm not gonna die yeah tomorrow yeah yeah yeah um so my next one is to take off the rose-tinted glasses um chances are when a relationship ends even if it ends really suddenly and you didn't have a say in it and it wasn't what you think you wanted um chances are your needs weren't getting fulfilled either in some way um also I'm gonna tie this together with like believe people when they show you or tell you who they are um yeah I think all too often when especially when someone breaks up with you um it's that thing of going oh like I've been completely blindsided and this isn't what I want but actually it doesn't take much reflection to

be like well like was it the relationship that you yeah it was or were you were you projecting who you wanted them to be and were you kind of like in a relationship with your future selves like you were planning the kids. So you're actually more upset about this future that you actually weren't living rather than the situation that you were actually in. And we've all been there. We all do it. But I do, I think it's really important to just kind of call yourself out on that and be around with people that go, well, you know,

like he did let you down and she did this and like was he always you know kind of like just a bit of a reality check and be like were you really happy anyway yeah and ultimately if someone else is under the relationship you weren't fulfilling their needs yeah and that's enough of a reason for a relationship not to continue whether it's you ending it or someone else someone wasn't getting what they needed out of it yeah um so yeah I think that's a really good one actually uh and we all do it actually I mean I don't really tend to stay in touch with any of my exes I think I've got a couple on Instagram you know we might send a smiley face or something every now and then um but generally I don't because we were never friends to start with.

You know, I think you can often look back at those relationships and at those people and misremember a lot of it. Yeah. You know. Yeah. You see things how I think and I think a lot of the time you do that. Like I was listening to a conversation the other day on a podcast. it was about a girl that her her boyfriend of like eight years had just broken up with her and she kept saying throughout the podcast like she'd been blindsided by it because he just there was no discussion about it but then prior to this she

was saying that actually she wasn't happy in the relationship and that like she was like wondering if there was more out there or you know if this was the last person she was gonna like the only person she was ever gonna have sex with and I was like yeah you weren't happy and you weren't completely blindsided because you were both missing things it's just that you weren't willing to walk away from it and that yeah like you know better the devil you know and like sink cost fallacy and all that kind of stuff I think as women especially we feel like we've got this especially like if you want kids you've got this big kind of clock hanging over you and there's a lot of things and I've been with this person for

eight years so I can you know not worry about you know I can let this slide or not worry about my needs being met yeah don't settle don't settle yeah um okay that's good one um all right i think we're heading down to the like top two now yeah um so my big one is don't be afraid to get therapy i'm a big advocate of therapy talking therapy um after a couple of relationships i've i've gone in search of some answers and I have actually found that therapy has been such a good way to just digest what's been going on and in fact I think one of my last ones I found the therapist and I started talking to her and she was like why what's brought you here and I just distinctly remember saying I think

my relationship is about to end and so I'm pre-empting the fact that I'm going to need help and she was so she was so intrigued by that she said it's almost like you're putting some armor on getting yourself ready for for something that's coming and she was like that's brilliant well done for seeking this out in preparation for for knowing that something bad is about to happen um and i think therapy can often be a bit of a dirty word especially in certain cultures and religions and groups um but i'm really lucky that i've always had you know parents who've been really forward thinking from a young age and who were like you know what this is going to help you go and do it um and don't just save it for like big big crises use

it if you need to if things are just getting hard in your relationship or if if someone breaks up with you you know these are the moments to to go and discuss these things I think actually what you said about doing it preemptively like not because you think someone's going to break up with you but I think therapy is a really useful tool to do like when you're in a good head space like you don't need to be I think this is kind of like the misconception like you don't need to be in dire straits in your relationship or in anything else to go and speak to someone and get work on your kind of mental health like it's so valuable and you can learn so much about yourself and you can probably show up better as a partner and a friend or as a parent having that support support system there um yeah and I think even

for couples that are in a great place um like couples therapy I'm like it's it's a great way to make sure that you can communicate well moving forward um yeah and keep that kind of like strong relationship and strong one there so yeah all over therapy I think that that is a great one um and it comes in kind of like many different forms and many different ways I just think it's that thing of it's not kind of it doesn't mean that you're broken or no you know you're kind of on the edge it actually means that you're for me it means that you're a stronger person you're open-minded and you want to learn and grow um yeah a hundred percent and you know like i think that's a really good point you made about not just waiting till you're in dire straits you know if you

break your leg you go to a doctor if you have toothache you go to a dentist you know if you need to lose some weight you you go to Sophie. If your mind could be functioning better or in a more productive way or in a way that protects you or helps you understand yourself better, go and speak to a professional. It's pretty simple and straightforward. It doesn't need to be a long thought process about, you know, does this mean there's something wrong with me? I don't want anyone to know. It's a private private thing just go and speak to someone if you feel like you need to yeah 100% love that so my final and my number one and my I wish I knew this sooner and I wish I'd have been better at doing it myself is no contact yes once someone exits your life there is absolutely no need for that door to be left open and this is the hardest I always struggle with this so hard um

and also there's this thing of like but I don't want to block someone because then they'll think I hate them like get over it like block them if you are gonna send that message if you're gonna send that email if you're gonna like dial their number at two in the morning just just block them because the fact is they've ended the relationship they actually don't want to hear from you um and if they do get in touch it's not going to be for the reasons that you probably want it to be um no contact like I don't think in all honesty there is a way for people to break up and like carry on talking and be friends one side of that relationship is still going to have more than platonic feelings um like the only reason and I don't speak to him now but like the the ex from uni lovely guy when we broke up it was very like amicable and I guess from my perspective like I

could have stayed friends with him a week later because I had no feelings for him anyway yeah yeah I cannot say if he felt the same yeah with Voldemort like I could not have contact with him because I can't be his friend because yeah I'm still feelings there yeah um so it's kind of I was never gonna get what I wanted from that contact it was only gonna be really really unhealthy for me whereas from him perspective he could come and go because yeah there was nothing there so I just think like protect yourself protect your peace block delete just yeah like hide everything so like you don't have those like photo memories popping up like we live in like such a like age where everything's at our fingertips and it's so you know you don't even remember you've got all these photos they pop up our fingertips. And it's so, you know, you don't even remember

you've got all these photos. They pop up on your phone. Oh, it's awful. So just- This is what I was going to say. Like it was hard enough when you and I were younger. You know, at that point you deleted some emails, you deleted text messages, you removed their number.

Maybe you had them on Facebook, so you blocked and deleted them. Now it's a different ball game. You know, you've got access to everyone's life, whether it's a different ball game you know you've got access to everyone's life whether it's their professional life on linkedin to what they're doing with their family and friends on instagram to passing time and looking at their tiktoks seeing if they're online on whatsapp or not looking at their profile picture on whatsapp there is so many in the background who are they following

like the thing is it's a mind it's a mind it's a mind it's a mind it's a mind it's a mind it's a drive yourself in like insane and the fact is you're never gonna see what you're never gonna get what you want from it because this poet person has chosen to leave your life they don't want you in their life anymore and i think one of the things that I've kind of come to terms with I've got older with breakups is like I'm much harsher now like I used to be much more like forgiving with myself and actually that did me no favors yeah all the kind of like softly softly like like it's not what you need you need to go hard you need to delete you need to just clean slate um yeah because it's hard and that's really hard because you're then losing

that little ounce of contact or ability to see what they're doing and that voyeuristic element that we all live for after a breakup it's really goddamn hard um but it's got to be done got to be done go through all the call logs every anywhere you could find any way to communicate with them get rid yeah because otherwise it will pop up at like the worst moment yeah you'll be having a great day and suddenly like a photo memory will be like here's your memories from when you're like oh and then bad music and you're down a bad spiral yeah exactly so just delete and if you can't delete straight away like put it in like a hidden folder on your phone or

do you know like there are ways to protect it but yeah it's definitely get it out of like your immediate yeah i actually i remember doing that i sent i had a bunch of photos from my last breakup and i sent it to a friend and i said i don't want this on my phone but I don't want to delete them because at some point in the future I might want to look back and and you know remember with rose-tinted glasses um and I sent all the photos and to be honest I never asked for them back I just remember that and this is the thing but it's kind of it really is like out of sight out of sight out of mind like I know what it seems to imagine that that's true but it is it's like the less you see something the less they like are in your kind of vicinity and the less you see of them like it does it gets

a little bit easier every day and then one day comes and you're like oh my god I haven't thought about something so today and it's like oh okay and then you just accumulate more and more days and get your life back exactly there you go yeah so that is our six ways to get over your heartbreak I think they were fantastic it's really interesting talking about it now like you said I think if we had been talking about this in our 20s it would have been like change your hairstyle and like go out and get wasted and like if you want to get over someone get under someone else that's yes it would have been or I was good when you said your first one I was going to say like what are your opinions on like getting under someone to get over someone because I do and I do think like having like your haircut and all those things like they are like they are things you can do to give yourself like a bit of

and you know a little bit of self-care and I do think those things will serve a purpose and I do think they are but they're not the things that will actually no they're all the distractions that get you through the first few weeks and you know know what? More power to you. Go and do all of that stuff as well. But then do the six things that Sophie and I just said. And then you'll be a much happier human, which is what we want. Exactly. Yeah, no, I love that. And, you know, I would like to think that there is someone out there listening who is maybe going through what we've been through um and doesn't have to handle it in the batshit crazy ways that we might have handled it in the past yeah exactly

so yes we say not as we do well maybe i'll have a breakup at some point and i can put them into action here's hoping his hoping and on that note do as the Kardashians do for Khloe like share review our lovely podcast and you can find us on social media at sophiegorwich at sisani and at is she okay podcast on instagram amazing thank you so much for listening, everyone. And as always, Sophie, it's been lovely to speak to you. My pleasure. I'll see you next week.