Is She Ok? - Q&A - Return to Running Postpartum, Why You're Not Getting Results, When to Walk Away From a Relationship & More!

Episode Date: February 21, 2025

This episode is sponsored by some Luteal Phase Rage...Join Sophie & Chans for a Q&A episode, answering YOUR questions.From knowing when it's time to walk away from a relationship, to understanding what to do if you're not getting the results you think you deserve in the gym.And as always, if you enjoy the episode, please remember to subscribe to the podcast and share us on your socials!Find us at;@sophiegoorwich@issheokpodcast@csahni

Hi everyone and welcome to the Is She OK? podcast. I'm Chance and I'm Sophie and we're here to unpack life's ups and downs and all the in-betweens, having the conversations every woman's thinking about but rarely says out loud. Every week we'll chat about topics that really matter, aiming to answer the question we all ask ourselves. Is she OK? Hello! Hi Chance, How are you? Oh, yes, I'm good. How are you doing? I am exhausted. Can I can I have a quick phone? Ask me am I? Go on, do it. Are you okay? um no um just that the one maybe the only time i'm going to to say that um no so this is the week for my period um and normally like normally i get a bit of pre-period insomnia like it's normal it's

all to do with like the change in hormones this week i have had my backside handed to me like I have had my backside handed to me, like, just signed, sold, delivered. Like, I feel horrific. It's been a week of essentialism, as in, like, if it's not under a time constraint to be done this week, it just has not been done. And it's been a great, like, yeah, like, I've enjoyed it in the sense that like it's been really like awful and I've hated every second of every day and But it's been the sense that I've been able to draw and like the skills that I've accumulated over the years and it's been really

interesting in the sense that like when I wasn't having like a bleed when I wasn't having a period of PC and having like a bleed when I wasn't having a period because of PCF. This would be one of those weeks where like I wouldn't be able to understand why I felt so awful the whole time and why my sleep was interrupted. So it would have been so much worse whereas now because I know and I can rationalize it I can put things in place to make it better and maybe that's something we'll come back to some time but it's one of those things I'm like I'm so grateful for the knowledge that I have and for like the awareness of my body and like how it works because it's really helping me get through the week, like dropping things that I don't have to do,

like leaning into skills that I've got. And it's just made it a lot easier than it would have been in the past. Amazing, well done, well done. It's funny, because I think when people think of periods, they think that when you're actually having your period, that's when you want chocolate and get a bit angry and all of this kind of stuff.

But actually it's the week before that people need to watch out for. And like you said, once you realize that, you can kind of mark it in your diary and go, cool, I'm gonna be batshit crazy during this week so everyone needs to back off and like put those put those things in place like you've been doing which is amazing like my tolerance for like anything has been at zero like I think you can probably hear it in the time like I just like yeah no one like you struggle to

like have a conversation with someone without telling them just to like bite me yeah we will get through this and I will not offend you in any way and that will be okay. Well now I know what time of the month it is I won't be offended so you don't get offended. Marcy, tell them to guys, expect what that's from me every three weeks from now on. Tell me, so on that note, because it's not been like the most enjoyable week, tell me three wins from your week that will lighten the mood. Three wins, okay. So my first one was actually yesterday where I woke up in the morning and I randomly was craving, of all dishes, bouffe bourguignon for no reason.

I actually think maybe one of my iron levels might be low, but anyway, I woke up and I was like, right, I wanna make this really in-depth beef stew and I wanna make it like the original way. I don't wanna do like a cheap version. And my God, did I do it? And then midway through making this very complicated dish, I realized that A, my son can't eat it and B, my husband can't eat it because he doesn't eat meat.

So I was like, that's okay. You know, on this day where I'm looking after my eight month old, I'm going to make three different versions so that we can all eat the same thing. And I did. My God, did I cook it all? And it was great and it was delicious. But yesterday I was shattered. Thank you. So my win is that I am definitely cooking a lot more especially yesterday. And like fancy stuff. Julia Charles Eat Harder. Exactly. My husband was like you never cook this much before we have a kid. Yeah. But then I realized I'm like really entering the housewife era where I'm really enjoying being a homemaker. Yeah, I think I've worked for the whole time thing, to be honest.

I'm really, I'm entering it. I've kind of done the modern woman working and being independent, actually now I quite like being at home all the time. Yeah, so I jokingly say this a lot. I'm like, I have lived my best. I'm an independent woman. I'm financially like independent. I'm now at a stage and maybe I'm just tired. I'm kind of like, just someone come and look after me. I will cook, I will get a cleaner in because I don't really want to do that.

But I will cook, I will, you know, keep the house clean, I will do all that stuff, I will be a trad wife. And I'm not fighting patriarchy anymore, basically. No, we've done that. We've you know, and equal rights means you have the right to say I want to stay home and look after the house. Yes. You know, that's how it works. I feel like I'm going to do that now. So yeah, that's how it works. I feel like I like to do that now. So yeah, that's something. My second one is, my second and third one actually is two things that I had on my goals. And some of you might remember this from like an early episode where we were talking about setting goals for the year. My second one was to be more present for this last part

of my MAT LEAVE. And I really feel like I'm doing that. Like I feel like I'm enjoying, enjoying it. And a really good friend of mine said today, she was like, Mat leave should actually start from month six. Because those first six months, you don't know what the hell's going on. And actually from now, this should be our Mat leave, rather than just chucking it in at the end. So, you know, I'm just watching my son and just enjoying him and watching him grow and enjoying what my role is in his life and just the different pace of life that I've got. So I'm feeling very much like I'm being present. And my last one is about intrusive thoughts of which I have many at all times., my current fascination is, is still like mum friends. And, and, you know, is it bad that I don't see a lot of other mothers? And is it, am I letting my son down because

I'm not going to play dates all the time? And so these intrusive thoughts have just been like creeping in constantly, but I've been doing really well this week at just telling them to fuck off and actually just going, you what my kids fine I'm fine yeah don't get anyone else in my life really so yeah being in control of my intrusive thoughts is my my third one I love that little bit of emotional regulation yeah always important and what about you Soph I know you're having a bit of a everyone fuck off week, but give me three wins. Three wins. So doing this tonight because and I'm so grateful for you. This win is a gratitude moment for you. Because in all honesty, there was not one bone in my body that

could be asked. Yeah. But you committed to it. And therefore, I recommitted to it. And now that I'm doing it, obviously, I'm very happy to be here. So, yeah, that is one win. The second win is that I was able to manage what could have been a much worse week in the way that I did. And I did what I needed to do and I can get to the weekend and actually reflect back and like be proud of the things that I did tick

off. And the third thing is I'm really proud of my training this week. It's been, it's essentially like the peak week of my training. So it's this week and next week are like the biggest loads of my running and my everything. And the fact that I've done hard things, even when I basically didn't even wanna get out of bed is a massive win for me. So yeah. There is lightness amongst the dark.

There is, and you should be so proud of that. I think being able to acknowledge when you're not feeling your best and then still giving yourself kudos at the end of that week is something that none of us do enough of. So yeah. That's one of them, Claire de Forth. No one got murdered by me this week or talked off to their face out loud. I mean, there's still time Sophie, the to talk off to their face out loud. I mean, there's still time, Sophie, the week isn't over yet.

There is. I'm just waiting for my period to come. And then I'm going to have the best day ever because I know I feel better. Yeah, so today, we are just going to do a little bit of a Q&A because we put out some question boxes and we've got some good questions in. So I thought I would start with, it's a relationship you won a lot for the others of fitness, so I'm going to ask you, when do you know it's time to let go of someone? What's your... Oh this is a good question and you know I think this is something that almost all of us have probably struggled with at one time in our lives. I certainly did. And platonic friendship. Yeah, 100%. I was just going to say that actually, it doesn't just need to relate to a partner. This

could also just be talking about anyone in your life. For me, I've always tried to boil it down to something really basic and that, am I having more bad times with that person than good times? Because every relationship you have good and bad times, that's just standard. But I think when you wake up and you go, actually, do you know what? There are very few moments where I feel pure joy and happiness in this relationship, then it's probably time to start thinking about letting someone go. And you know, it's, it's really, really hard. But it's, it can be one of the best things you could ever do that saying, you know, you have people in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime, the older I get, the more I can look back at my relationships and go, ah, they fall into one of those three categories. It's really hard, especially if you love someone,

letting them go can be the hardest thing in the world. But actually you've got to look out for yourself and you've got to make that decision. Yeah, no. What about you, Soph? My answer is actually pretty simple in that I think if you are asking yourself that question, you've already got the answer. You don't question if it's time to walk out of a relationship of any kind if your gut

or your heart or something isn't telling you that the decision is already like at least 1% being made in that direction. So yeah, for me, the short answer is if you're having to ask that question, you already know the answer and the question, like it's, and actually I think like, if I was gonna go deeper, it would be like the whole kind of like people stay in relationships because of like sin cost fallacy.

So like, oh, I've invested 10 years in this relationship. You don't wanna hurt the other person. But actually I think that, well, say you're in your 30s now and say you do want to have kids, it's like, well, do you want to be in this situation in your 40s and think of them as like, you just put more time and energy into something that isn't going to fix it. And actually staying in a relationship where you aren't happy is actually pretty selfish, because you're depriving the other person of finding happiness as well. But yeah, the simple is if you are having to ask yourself that question, it's probably time to...

Yeah, I think the older you get, the better you get at this. And the more experience you have, the easier it is to navigate something like this. I'm a lot more cutthroat now with people in my life than I ever was in my in my 20s. You know, back then, I'd keep people going for as long as possible. But now, as soon as they stop adding value to my life, or I don't feel like I'm adding value to their life, then it's pretty much game over. Yeah. Okay, so we then have some fitness questions. The first one I've got is, I feel like every time I lose weight, I just put it back on again. How can I get out of this cycle? Cool. So I'm gonna try and be really concise with my answers today,

not just because we both wanna get to bed and I wanna eat my dinner. Essentially, we're talking about yo-yo dieting. Yeah. So it's probably happening because you are not ingraining behaviors into your life that support sustainable fat loss and long-term change. So you are going for the quick route of, let's get this weight off without really understanding

how or why it's happening. And then once you've got that weight off, you return back to all the previous patterns of behaviors that you did before, and then you're surprised when the weight goes back on. That is like the very concise, like without knowing this person or the details, like there's obviously more to it,

and there's probably a bit more empathy that I can add to the situation, but in terms of just kind of like getting to the crux of it, it's like you have not given yourself the skills and the toolbox, if you like, of things that you need to create a lifestyle that supports. And this is where I think things like, you know, a Zempik are going to be so dangerous because it's a quick win. And when you stop it, because you haven't done the work to understand nutrition and

understand how it all works, you will naturally end up going backwards quite quickly, and the weight will come back on. And I think that's something that a lot of people haven't quite worked out yet. And they're just like jumping in it because it's a fad diet. So yeah, that makes sense. Okay, next question we've got is, I don't have a lot of time to exercise, what's the best thing to do? Actually, this is a really good question, because this is also something I would like to know. So yeah, what's the best thing people can do? Okay, so I think there is an assumption that if a workout isn't like an hour long or two hours long, which a workout never needs to be, by the way, it's not worth doing. That is not

the case. Like you can micro dose exercise throughout the week and reap the benefits. For example, like I work with a lot of, and I hate to kind of like use this bit, like a lot of busy moms, or most people are busy. So it's just a case of going okay cool let's look at your schedule, look at kind of like times in your diary where you might have 20 minutes, maybe it's 15 minutes. Can you leave the house in that time? If you've got 15 minutes and you can leave the house, why don't you go for a run and out and back from 7 minutes out 7 minutes back, that is better than nothing. Say you've got to stay in the house and back for about seven minutes out seven minutes back that is better than nothing. Say you've got to stay in the house and you've got 15 minutes it's like okay cool within

that 15 minutes can you do you have some weights at home so could you do a 15 minute strength session could you do 15 minutes of like a follow along like yoga or Pilates or something like that. The answer is always yes. It doesn't have to be this massive investment of time. And it doesn't even have to be optimal. Something is better than nothing. Yes, in an ideal world, women would be doing a minimum of three strength stress straining sessions a week. those sessions would probably be 45 minutes to an hour, then we'd be adding some cardiovascular activity on top, be doing something maybe something restorative at least once a week. That's for everyone. Does that mean you should do nothing? Absolutely not. It's about creating an environment that makes it as easy as possible for you to meet yourself

where you're at. So yeah. Yeah. I think there's always this thing, isn't there, where you're like, it's all or nothing. If I don't do those three 45-minute sessions, then what's the point? And I've been trying really hard to get back into just moving my body when I haven't done for the last eight months. And actually, you know, I've found these like 10 minute workouts on YouTube. And I was like, and at first I was like, God, 10 minutes isn't gonna do anything.

But I was like, actually, do you know what? Over the course of a week for someone who hasn't exercised in eight months, those 10 minutes are gonna be doing something, you know? Right, so the thing as well, what you just said there, I think another really important thing to mention is, you have to manage your expectation, you have to make sure that your expectation of and I'm not

saying this is you but like, if someone says that they and I say this to clients, I'm like, if you say to me, you can commit to one workout at the gym for an hour a week, I'm like, if you say to me, you can commit to one workout at the gym for an hour a week, I will 100% support you with that. And we will take that and if we can build it in the future, great. But your expectation has to be in line with that one hour because there is no way you are going to get the same results as someone that is doing three times a week plus cut. Like like it's just it's that thing of just be realistic and maybe your expectation and your win is literally just it's not about kind of

like getting a six pack or you know building muscle because you're probably not going to yeah but what you can do in that 10 minutes is take 10 minutes for yourself and really, like do some pelvic floor work or you know, what it might be. There are benefits to that. But it's not the same. And I think just making sure that those things are aligned. And that's what you get disheartened because they're like, where I probably get up? Yeah, that 10 minutes is well worth it. But just make sure that you don't get disheartened because your expectations from it are out of alignment. That's a really good point.

Okay, the next question we've got is, I feel like I'm doing all the right things, but I'm not getting results. What should I do? Interesting. I feel like this question comes up. It does, it comes up and it's something, so oftentimes I will sit down with someone in a consultation and we talk about nutrition.

Nine out of 10 times someone says to me, oh, you know, my nutrition's really, my nutrition's good, I eat really well, I eat healthily. And I'm not saying that you don't. But everyone's definition of eating well and eating healthily is different for a start. And so firstly, we need to define what this person means by I'm doing all the right things. Because if your goal is fat loss, and you're doing all the right things, but you're not losing

fat, you're not doing all the right things, but you're not losing fat. You're not doing all the right things. So again, that expectation, right? It's like, so firstly, I would say maybe you do need to like sit down with a coach because again, something we need to explore like, what do you think are the right things? Because again, like we live in an age of like misinformation. So you could be following like the right things that is right for someone else and it's just not right for you. I'm assuming this again, big assumption, but I'm assuming this is to do with like fat loss. The main thing here is that like you're doing all the right things but you're not in a calorie deficit. So you're not doing enough

of the right things or you're you just something is amiss without any finer details it's hard to say. But it is just a thing of like maybe you just need to sit down with someone and kind of talk it through and actually find out where that gap is because there's something going on obviously. And I think sometimes people like to think it's something massive they're like my hormones are out of whack or it's this or it's that or like I just can't lose fat and I'm like no you're just not doing the right things consistently. Yeah. Yeah. Because before I got pregnant, I was working with a nutritionist, and we were really focusing on taking out processed foods and portion control and all of these things that just don't

cross your mind. And I just remember so distinctly thinking that this is stuff that they should have taught me in school. Like this is stuff I should have really known from a kid as a young adult through to my 30s and 40s. But I just didn't. And actually, I always credit her for me getting pregnant so quickly, because my body was probably in the healthiest place it had ever been nutritionally. And then, you know, I had the kid and it just all has gone out the window. And I thought that was such a shame that I stopped it when I did because I was doing so, so well and I was seeing the benefits of it. And that was just the nutrition that wasn't even including exercise at that point. So you're right. You know, I think it's, if you think you're doing all the right things,

but you aren't seeing the results, then you're definitely not doing all the right things. And also, just like, if you're afraid of reaching out to someone and having that conversation and like, you could spend another six months or another year doing all the right things and still not getting anywhere,

or you can work with a coach and just take the shortcut because they can figure out what's going on. So like why best than you? Yeah. Okay. And then the last one. I had a baby six months ago and I wanted to get into running again.

How should I start? Oh, I love this because this is actually something that I'm doing with someone at the moment. So I have a lovely client called Nicola, who I think will listen to this. So yeah, yeah, she has a gorgeous baby boy, much like yourself. And yeah, so essentially, it's the same as getting into running for anyone else. Meet yourself where you're at. So start from kind of like square one, you want to start with anything like so that it feels easy so that you feel you can do to follow, you don't have to think about it. So yeah, I mean, obviously, once you're six months, you're kind of cleared for exercise.

I would simple things like make sure you get like a decent pair of running trainers, because you're going to be a bit like stiff, I don't know, kind of like, it's like all that kind of stuff. So decent pair of running trainers, I would genuinely start off with couch to 5k. If it feels easy, please do not skip ahead, stick with it. Like it's so you want to get to the end of like the the run and be like, I could do a little bit more. That's great. Stop there. Leave it for the next one. It's good because it loads your joints progressively, it gets

harder progressively. So it's basically a great place to start up. And it gives you kind of a schedule and stuff like that. I would also definitely recommend getting some strength training in there. You're probably, the things that most women postpartum struggle with or have a new awareness of is their pelvic floor. So if you haven't done anything for that, like if it's fine obviously crack on, but do

just be mindful that your body might feel different. It might be quite achy and not feel like the most natural thing in the world at first. Don't be afraid of like niggles and little aches and pains. They will go. It's normal. Yeah. That happens whether you're postpartum or not. So just stick with it. And like enjoy it. Like just yeah, yeah, like really just kind of like don't be don't think that don't worry about the pace. Don't put any pressure on it, but just like enjoy it, enjoy half an hour to yourself, like getting out of the house.

Yeah. I think there's, you know, there's so much pressure now on exercise with the end result of weight loss, that I think there's so many of us now that don't just do it to enjoy it as well. And that's such a problem because, you know, when you've got this big burden of an end goal, it just, I imagine the failure rate is so much

higher because of it sometimes. But also, like, people's expectations are so out of whack, and people overestimate, this sounds really harsh, but people overestimate what they're doing, and they overestimate how good they are and like the intensity of it and they underestimate how hard it's going to be. There is so much more like exercise and fat loss are two separate things. Like you need to separate them. You need to exercise to feel stronger to, you know, live longer to move, to give yourself some endorphins to like enjoy and get to know your body again, like as someone who is postpartum, the benefits of exercise are so much greater than fat loss. Like, yeah, that is one and the more you enjoy it, the better you will be the more consistently you'll do it yeah better the fat loss will be in the end as a result of that and yeah you know so it's just kind of like find something that you like it sounds like this person is someone that like

had a love for running before and maybe a bit nervous about getting back into it which is perfectly normal because your body is going to feel different. Just find the love for it again. And then you'll just you'll you'll view it so so differently. Like when you have a performance goal. And it just makes it so much more fun. Yeah, I bet. And as a new mom, getting time out the house without the baby, my god, that should be enough incentive to make you get back out there. It's great as well because it's like 15 minutes out, 15 minutes back, like you don't need

to be gone for like for ages. So it's a really kind of good time effective thing to do and you get some sunshine, you get some, I mean, not in the UK, but you know, you get fresh sunshine you get some I mean not in the UK but you know you get fresh air and it's it's good for you in so many other ways. So yeah that's definitely. Thanks Sophie. Thank you, I like your no bullshit answers this week. Yeah I mean pre-menstrual answers coming through. I toned it down as much as I could. That's 1% empathy where normally it would be like 95%. If you're not losing weight it's because you're fucking doing something wrong. Get your shit together guys.

It is you. I am not the problem. It is you. I am not the proper, it is you. I can't even begin to tell you how many messages I have not replied to this week, just because I am like, I don't think that response is a, it's a hostile response. So I've just, yeah. So I've just, no, like not just like people like,

hey, how are you? And I'm like, get the fuck off. Oh, I see. But you know what? People who know you and love you will know So I've just, no, like, not just like people like, hey, how are you? And I'm like, get the fuck off. Oh, I see. Fuck off. But you know what? People who know you and love you will know that you will go back to them at some point and it's fine. Yeah.

Yeah. But yeah, thank you because I'm so happy we did this. And I am- How so am I? I'm in a much better mood than I was. Good. Yeah, thank you. Well, thank you to everyone

for sending those questions in as well. Really appreciate it. Always useful to hear from you all. Yes, thank you. Well, thank you to everyone for sending those questions in as well. Really appreciate it. Always useful to hear from you all. Yes, thank you. And thank you for listening. And we will be back next week with something deliciously interesting for you. And I will be in a good mood. So there you go. Amazing. All right. Thanks so much. It was lovely to see you. Bye. Bye.