It Can't Just Be Me - Finding Self Belief and Navigating Empty Nesting with Nadiya Hussain

Episode Date: September 25, 2024

In this episode of It Can’t Just Be Me, Anna Richardson sits down with TV Chef Nadiya Hussain to reflect on a decade since her victory on The Great British Bake Off. They explore the inspiration behind Nadiya’s new book, Cook Once, Eat Twice and engage in an open conversation about her childhood experiences, coping with anxiety and her long journey to self-belief. As her children prepare to leave home, Nadiya shares her thoughts on this new chapter in her life and her aspirations for the future. Join them for an empowering discussion about resilience and personal growth.If you are struggling with any of the topics discussed in this episode you can find some useful links for help and advice here: https://audioalways.lnk.to/ItcantjustbemeIGIn the coming weeks, Anna and a panel of experts will be answering YOUR dilemmas! If you have an 'It Can't Just Be Me' you would like discussed then get in touch with Anna by emailing [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Anna Richardson and welcome to It Can't Just Be Me. If you've listened before, hello, and if you're joining me for the very first time, it's great to have you here. This is the podcast that helps you realise you're not the only one. It's a safe space where nothing is off limits as we try to help you understand that whatever you might be going through, it's really not just you. So each week I'm joined by a different celebrity guest who will talk through the challenges and hurdles they faced in their own lives in order to help you with yours. I want to know about it all, the weird, the wonderful, the crazy, because these conversations are nothing if not open and honest. So let's get started. Today's guest accepted the trophy for winning the Great British Bake Off with one of the most memorable acceptance speeches ever broadcast on television. She said, I'm never going to put boundaries on myself ever again. I'm never going to say I can't do it.

I'm never going to say maybe. I'm never going to say I don't think I can. I can and I will. With those words, she immediately gained national treasure status. Even Mary Berry had a tear in her eye and I remember it. I was there. Since then she's written eight cookbooks with the ninth on the way, numerous children's books and three novels. She's also hosted numerous TV shows exploring food, family and everything in between. From how migrants are influencing the menu in North America to helping families find time to cook in a stress-free way. Welcome, Nalia Hussain. It's so nice to see you again because I've not seen you since 2015.

No, it's been that long. Yeah, it's really nice to be here and it's really nice to sit with you and just saying all of that stuff back, like listening to that speech back, I've got a bit of a lump in my throat. That's quite, because it gives me goosebumps. It gives me goosebumps to think that, because I was there, stood saying those words and they were effectively,

I mean, they meant something to me in that moment, but I didn't know what it would mean to me in 10 years time. But I clearly took those words and I ran with them and proved to myself that I can be fearless and I can do things that scare me and that I can and I will. And I'm living that now. And that's incredible to be here 10 years later to be living that.

Okay, so before we chat any further, let's just get to the heart of the show, the it can't just be me dilemma. So Nadia Hussain, what is your it can't just be me moment? Oh, my goodness. I'm going to say this and you're going to think I'm a serial killer. OK, how do I say this without making it sound really bad? But there's no way of making it sound really bad. And I did, you know, I went away and I thought about what is my, it can't just be me.

And I thought, and I thought, and I've been thinking for about three days, what is it that I'm going to say? And I couldn't think of anything. And this is the only thing that came into my head and it won't leave my head now. And now I have to say it. And you're looking at me thinking,

what is she going to say? It can't just be me who wants to throw people down the stairs when I'm walking behind them. I'm just, I, I think you must be the only celebrity that's that's come on here and I mean that yeah but um is it just you it might be that's my fear that it might just be me so you want when you're behind somebody okay so let me just explain myself let me just. Do you know how when you go to the top of a building and sometimes you look over it and you think,

Oh, could I? Am I going to fall? Or am I going to fall? What if I fell? And imagine if I fell and how would I feel? And could I fall? And you know, like, you know that feeling. So when I'm like walking down the stairs,

usually it's my husband who's walking in front of me. I'm like, I am am gonna push him down the stairs and i'm always really tempted i've never done it and then do you imagine he'd tumble yeah and then there'd be a catastrophic scene at the book would i have killed him are you thinking just just a mild tumble down the just off the last three steps not Not like all 14 steps, just three. How's the fact you've counted them? I have 14 steps and I know that I have 14 steps. People are probably listening to this thinking, she's not right, she's not right.

It's the last three steps that you just push him off. Just the last three steps. Just give him a little nudge. And then just, it's a little push, just to see him topple over. And then I would laugh at him and then I'd help him up. I love this. You've actually thought about this. Yeah, yeah. I do it all the time. see him topple over and then I would laugh at him and then I'd help him up I love this you've

actually thought about this yeah yeah I do it all the time so now my family they do not walk on the stairs with me ever up or down because either what would happen if they were if you were walking behind them and they're going up the stairs I might give them a gentle nudge just to see what happens I think I think you should start slowly with them going up the stairs just a gentle as you say just a gentle push because they're just going to fall forward up the stairs I'd start with that I think that's a great place to start it's kind of it's a helping hand okay let's go back to the great British bake-off 2015 so nearly 10 years ago you've talked very openly about coming from a family and a culture that just they just don't do baking

so how how did you get from that to then entering the biggest baking show on television well I started baking so I I did a bit baking at school when I was so I did food studies for my GCSEs did really well and my teacher Mrs Marshall she's she just she would always encourage me and she said you're really good at this like you could really do something with this. You're really creative. You're really good. I did not think anything of it. Because I think there's quite a lot of negativity towards cooking, I suppose, in our family.

Because men would come from Bangladesh as immigrants and they would cook in Indian restaurants. And to them, that wasn't the kind of job that you wanted to do. You didn't want to cook, and I suppose they didn't think of any other jobs outside of cooking apart from cooking in a restaurant, so it wasn't something that I ever broached with my parents and said, oh, I want to work in food or anything like that. Because it was looked at, sort of looked down on,

that's not a career. Yeah, I suppose to them it wasn't a career, but also I was a woman. I think my family didn't see a career in my future at all at all they they very much it was very much about you can go to college and then after that we're we're looking to get you married um and I was the first person in my family to actually get into university um so it wasn't something that and and I got I got into university and my parents were like absolutely no way you're not going to university.

So in terms of career, it wasn't something that I ever imagined I would ever do. So I'm just going to spin back on that a little bit because you went to college and that was encouraged, but then it was, we're just going to get you married. So then how did you apply for uni? Did you apply for uni secretly? No, so I did apply. I I went I applied for university back in the day it wasn't we didn't get emails as such as we didn't get as many emails it was a hard hard copy letter yeah it was always paper copy so I'd get a letter and I'd say to my mum look here I'm planning on going to this university and my mum thought I was just she I think she thought I was just doing it to test her and she didn't think I would do it for real like she didn't think I'd seriously

do it and then I was three weeks away from moving out, ready to go to university. Everything was sorted. And I said, mom, I'm going to university. This is where I'm going. And she said, absolutely no way. She said, if you go to university, I'm going to change the locks.

You're not allowed to come home. And I think when you're 18 and you don't have the support of your parents for something that you really, really want to do, I suppose I just wasn't brave enough to defy them I wasn't brave enough to say you know what I'm doing this whether you like it or not I just wasn't brave enough I wasn't financially stable of course at 18 at 18 what do you I mean at 18 I look at my own son and I think if I don't support him and and effectively if I tell him you're on the streets where does he have who does he have

and if anything in that situation you you're more likely to make wrong decisions and bad decisions and so when my mom said no absolutely no way I kind of went to pleaded my dad dad please let me go uni he's like not gonna happen and then I just gave up and I was like okay well I won't go so I worked two three jobs just to kind of try to get over the fact that I never got to uni that must have been utterly crushing it was because you clearly then accepted your place you got your place you accepted your place and this is all without your parents knowledge yeah albeit you said to your mum I want to go to uni. This is you, you know, accepting the place and organising it all. Yeah.

At 18. Yeah, did all of that myself. And then I think it was a huge blow when I had to, because I knew they'd say no, but I thought I could fight it. And when I realised that I can't fight it and when it was things like you can't, you know, you're not going to be welcome back in the house,

I got really scared. When I accepted defeat, I remember just feeling really angry. And I just kind of, I just buried myself in work. So I got two jobs, worked all the time, spent hardly any time at home. So I may as well have gone to university because I was never at home anyway, because I was always working. And I think it hurt me most when my brother went to university. Oh, I bet.

Yeah, so he, a few years later, many years later, he went to university. i bet yeah so he a few years later many years later he went to university and i just remember thinking no it's so unfair is it so wrong yeah it felt really unfair have you had that conversation with your mum and dad since yeah i have so my parents aren't the they're talkative but they're not they're not about talking about emotions or feelings and um and it's not, we come from a culture where parents are not meant to take accountability for their actions. It's very much sort of, they've done what they've done.

I'm not in a position as a child to be able to say to my mom and dad, this is what you've done to me, or this is why I'm upset, or this is why I want to have a chat about this. It's, I'm the child they're the parent they don't need to take accountability they don't need to apologize and so it's very much kind of that's the kind of relationship that we have so it's um and I suppose

if anything what it's done is made me realize how I how I need to treat my children I was just going to ask you how do you treat your sons now? Firstly, they're equal. And any opportunity that my sons have, my daughter will have the exact same opportunity. That's the most important thing for me. She's also a woman, which means she will always struggle more than... Because women struggle to get by.

And how old is she now? She'll be 14 in October. And is she's even in society still feeling that inequality that we felt yeah for sure yeah for sure she even now sometimes things might happen and she'll say do you think it'd be different if i was a man wow and that's that's a question that i asked myself all that i knew i knew it would be different if i was a man i know that in the fact that i wasn't able to go to university but my brother was so he he had his possibilities were endless whereas mine mine had a boundary mine had an end that

ceiling it's kind of like that's as far as you're gonna go yeah and so if anything it's really taught me that I need to be an open book with my kids they need to be able to see me vulnerable they need to be able to come to me and be really angry and know that there's no consequences uh they need to be able to make mistakes and know that home is always a safe place um and we're definitely experiencing experiencing that a lot more as they're becoming teenage as they're sort of going into adulthood um and and and they need to know that even though i'm their mom and and they've got a mom and dad at home, they are still, they're still humans. They're not, we're not equal in that I'm their parent. So they are, you know, we're not, we're not in the same place, but there's going to come a day when we're just going to be on the same level. And I think that has really allowed our kids to be loud. And I

think the loudest kids are the happiest kids the ones that can really scream and shout and say I'm hurt I'm hurting you hurt me and for us to be able to take accountability for that and we're we're really really we I think we're definitely gonna as in terms of the culture we grew up in my husband and I have definitely gone against the grain because we're really quick to if we've done something wrong I will say sorry to my child and so will my husband and we take accountability for our actions and we try our best to be completely opposite to the way we were raised I suppose. So is that where a lot of your anxieties come from Nadia because you've talked a lot about experiencing anxiety

in the past I'm just wondering whether it's come from perhaps, oh, I don't want to put words into your mouth, but where do you think the anxiety has come from? I think there's lots of elements. I think there's lots of things that could have happened in my life that could have caused the anxiety and the PTSD, but I was bullied quite badly as a child. As in racist bullying? Yeah, so by by it's really interesting because it was by I was I was I was bullied for for the best part of 15 years by two

boys who both Pakistani but very fair-skinned Pakistani boys and I was the only dark-skinned girl in our school that's really surprised me yeah so we i mean i would say our school was probably 98 southeast asians so pakistani's bangladeshis and a couple of i think we had a few black kids a few white kids but pretty much all pakistani bangladeshi origin lots of most children from immigrant households um and there was just two pakistani boys and they bullied me for the color of my skin and i had like big black curly hair and they I think they couldn't really work out where I was from but they would mock my skin it was my skin color and I was bullied really aggressively by them sort of head flushed down the toilet fingers indoors you know like really really bad but

I found it really hard I think um I think anyone's ever heard of the the term glass child um I I grew up in a house where there's six of us and two of my siblings were really sick so they spent a lot of time in hospital so my mum would spend best part of six months of the year in hospital with either one of those the kids sometimes both so she'd go between hospitals so we never really saw mom so we were effectively raised by my grandma my mom's my maternal grandma um and i think i think when you're seven or eight and you've had to learn perspective really quickly so you know i would be bullied and i'd get really hurt and then i'd come home and i would i'd have to weigh up whether it was worth me telling my parents because they've got a child that's also having to protect them yeah because you know when you go home and

you see you know you know your brother's going to go in and it's going to be a really horrific operation that's going to take six months of recovery or you've got a sister that's got heart problem and she could live it's a 50 50 chance when you when you're faced with something like that before you're even double digits you kind of have to learn perspective quite quickly and so I would go home and and and I would ask myself whether it was worth me saying and a couple of times I did say but it was there was definitely an attitude of just ignore them and they'll go away not just at home but also at school because whenever I approached a teacher at school they'd say oh just ignore them and they'll go away whichever fool came up with that i really want

to have a word with them because honestly who says that to a child it doesn't go away you can't ignore them because bullies are bullies and they'll find a way of bullying you so i don't know who came up with that because i hate that term so much because it's the most unhelpful term ever absolutely um but i think a lot of my anxiety might have come from the bullying and um and certainly being a glass child I think certainly just being quite invisible at home because when you've got two when you've got siblings that are really really sick a lot of your a lot of parents attention goes to them so is that what drove you then to become excellent and to achieve in the way that you've achieved because you really

have it just strikes me that you know the those bullies at school and also your mum and dad and your siblings are now going to be looking at you at the height of your career having done extraordinarily well yeah so I just wonder how much it actually drove you to go no I'm not going to put up with this I'm going to do I'm going to be different and I'm going to do really, really well. I'm going to forge my own path. I think one of the first things I did was when I first left home and I got married and it took me a couple of years and I'd had two kids by then. And I realised that actually the first time I'd ever felt supported,

like truly, truly supported by um was by my husband he saw in me things that i believed i had but i'd buried away for a really long time and it was little things like he'd say oh yeah but you can do that and he'd say it's so matter of fact for him he's like yeah but you can do that and i'm like no i can't he's like uh yeah you can so actually i'm really glad that you've said that because um you've shared something that your husband said to you that was very special at the time of your application on the Bake Off. And he said, I think you should do this. Your wings were clipped somewhere along the way, but I think it's time for you to fly. Yeah.

Yeah. Your husband's such a special man. He is. Having met him and having seen the support that he gave you at the time as well. I mean, how lucky were you to find him or to be were you matched with him our parents our dads worked together when they were 17 in Cambridge just weird and then they kind of met through mutual friends and they said oh so I've got loads of sons and I've got loads of daughters and I mean technically he could have been married off to any of my sisters but it just happened to be that I was the next in line and so we're like okay and I remember we kind of we got each other's numbers and we spoke for about six months we just everything

aligned with with with our belief all our beliefs just seemed to just really line up um and one thing he said to me when we first got before we got married was, look, I really want to be able to look after my parents. And if I'm ever in a position where I'm able to take them into my house and to look after them, are you all right with that? And I said, absolutely not. Your parents, I will look after them, love them like they're my own. No problem whatsoever. If we're ever in a position where we need to do that, yeah, no problem. in a position where we we need to do that yeah no problem and I kind of knew straight away like I think any man who is that loyal to his mom and dad or is that good to his mom and dad has he's going to be a great candidate good man good candidate to be a good dad I think he's a great candidate for a dad so I thought well this is that was that was I mean I mean I think it was

that and then also we kind of our faith matched I could just tell I don't know why I was very I mean I was 19 at the time and I don't know why. I was very, I mean, I was 19 at the time and I don't know what it was, but I've always trusted my gut. Like my gut's always been right and I was right about him. And I think the second we got married, we moved into our own house.

Like he came into his own. I think he just became, he just flourished and he became this version of himself that I'd never really seen because I didn't really know him that well. But it was him him he was always pushing me and I'd never realized that he'd quietly pushed me up until the point we did Bake Off I was like it's him he's the one who's pushing me and why do you think that because that sounds quite unusual what why do you think that he was so happy and keen to to push you to push you forward and into into the spotlight I think he

he saw a sparkle at the beginning and I think I think something was just make it that sparkle was going away it was becoming dull was fading it was fading and I think he could see that and I think little by little he could see that you know the happy version of me who just wasn't as happy or I was really down and I think I had lots of I think if I look back now I had lots of things that I probably should have gone to therapy for and I probably should have um addressed I think there's a lot of things I should have addressed and have you done that since I've tried I'm not very good at it that's the problem what do you mean like I've tried I try

and I really want I really want to go into therapy and really kind of understand myself a bit better and try to understand why I am the way I am or how I feel about certain things. Because I think that lots of things have been, again, still brushed under the carpet, dug very deep. But I think I get such comfort in knowing that he understands me. And it's much harder as your kids get older because you do have to make much more emotional time for your children that you kind of forget each other a little bit. So I think as they've gotten older and we're trying to make more time for ourselves,

but I think if he hadn't believed in me from the get-go, I don't know that I would be here because it was definitely him who was like, he was the one always pushing and saying, I think you should, I think he just saw something in me that I didn't. Well, I mean, what would you say to, because I'm so struck by this and in a way, just how fortunate you are to have such an incredible partner.

What would you say to women in your position where their sparkle is fading and they haven't got somebody as wonderful as your man? How can they sort of find that belief, do you think? I think, don't get me wrong, even with somebody so supportive by my side, the only time I've ever felt like I can achieve anything is when I've wanted to do it. And it's great to have somebody who's really supportive and kind,

but we're a married couple, we fight. He says things that he shouldn't say. I say things I shouldn't say. And there's things that happen that just make me think, you know, like I could love him now and I could hate him in the next 10 minutes. It's just life, isn't it? That's just being married. That's just that's just what it's like. And I and I and I realized for a long time that I relied entirely on him to keep me up, to prop me up. And my biggest realization, I think about probably just after COVID was I can't rely on him to prop me up. I have to work on myself. I have to know what it is about me that sparkles. I need to understand what it is about me that shines because I can't rely on him. I have to rely. I can only rely on me. The reality is that you can truly

only rely on yourself to love yourself and to be there for yourself. And if I hadn't come to that realization, I don't know that I would have been able to do the next five years of my last three or four years of my career, because it's taken a lot for me to realize that, that there is a sparkle in me and there's something in there in me, just like everyone else that's special. You just have to find it find it so exactly so you think that it's about for other people finding that thing in you that makes you unique that makes you sparkle yeah um yeah because we're all individual and we all have we all we're all special in our in in our own way and it's not enough for somebody else to see it you have to be able to see it yourself and I think sometimes it's really important to step away and do the work and and I've found you

know having time to myself has been the thing that's made me realize um and to step away and look at what you're doing and my biggest advice to anyone who's listening is you're probably really damn good at what you do you're probably really you probably work really really hard I don't say oh I'm really lucky anymore I'm like luck didn't get me this far it wasn't luck I had to be good at baking I had to be good at what I do and so um now I just don't say that I'm lucky I say no I'm actually really good at what I do and I think sometimes step back and look at what you're good at and you're probably really good at it and own it and say I've worked damn hard to get to where I am absolutely I also read in a letter that you wrote to your daughter uh that you wrote for the podcast dear daughter

that is so incredibly moving so you speak about how you lost some of your bigger dreams and ambitions which which you've which you've discussed, but that you see them in her. Yeah. What do you mean? She is, oh, she is something. Is she? Oh, she is something.

She is brilliant. I just, I am so lucky that she picked me as her mum. We believe in our faith that your children pick you. So they're up there with God and they pick you. They say, that's who I want to be my mum. Oh, that's wonderful pick you. So they're up there with God and they pick you. They say, that's who I want to be my mom. Oh, that's wonderful. Yeah, and so she picked me. And I'm always grateful to her.

Whenever she says something and I just look at her and I think, thank you for picking me because she is, oh my goodness, she is everything that I wanted to be. She's everything that I would have wanted to be. She is fearless and she is feisty and she's ambitious and she's smart and she's beautiful. And she has so much self-belief, like the way she believes in herself.

Like if I had that self-belief at her age, I just I don't know where I would be right now. Yeah, imagine that. You'd have taken over the world, Nadia. Right. Running for president. do you know what I just think if I look at her I just think oh my goodness she's everything that I've ever wanted to be and she's she's brilliant and she's smart and she's kind and she just she's amazing but then as you say she picked you as her mum and you've taught her everything she's part of you so you know she is you you are her you've taught her everything yeah i think she when i when i'm with her she she heals the lost girl in me

like when i'm with her i don't feel like a lost girl anymore like because i feel like i i've spent a lot of my life like holding the hand of this lost girl because she just always needs me to be with her because there's one day there'll become a day when the lost girl because she just always needs me to be with her because there's one day, there'll become a day when the lost girl and the not lost girl will connect and there'll be one person. But for now, I feel like I hold her hand

and I carry her with me everywhere I go. But when I'm with my daughter, I feel like she heals the lost, like that lost girl doesn't exist anymore. I'm like, yeah, come on, let's take over the world. And she's like, yeah, come on, mom, let's take it. So we just have these affirmations and we shout at each other and we talk about taking over the world and being amazing and brilliant and and she just heals every bit of me every bit of me

so do you think that maybe once she's flown the nest will you be able to do that work on on the lost girl in you and to just maybe align the two yeah i hope so i i really want to because this is a big year for me because i turned 40 this year is that all yeah i know my bones feel like they're 50 60 even um i i'm really working towards really pushing myself to face some of the things that i've not wanted to face for a really long time and I don't want to wait till my daughter leaves in order to heal that part of me I want her to see me do the healing while she's still at home with me so to do the work yeah yeah what is life like with a house full of teenagers now yeah because you've got a house full of teenagers now. Yeah. Because you've got a house full of hormones.

Oh my goodness, yeah. So you've got my husband, who's literally the calmest person ever. And then you've got my 18-year-old who's learnt to drive. So that's a whole other stress because I'm like, are you going to come home yet? Can you come home yet?

I'm watching you on Live360. Get home, get home. 17-year-old who likes, like most teenagers, likes to spend most of his time in his bedroom on his computer. But for us, even though my daughter and I get along really, really well, we're at really crucial points in our life. I'm perimenopause. She's period, like period hormone type stage. And so when the two of us get together and my husband's like, I don't get how you two can love and hate each other as much as you do. Because we do.

We're like, I love you. I hate you. I love you. I hate you. We have this weird relationship. But it's perimenopause and teenage hormones. It's very, very difficult, isn't it? I think this sort of decade, this age bracket of teenage girls and going into perimenopause, it's just the madness.

So your husband's probably just sort of like running for cover. Yeah, he just spends a lot of time in his office and he just says i've locked the door don't come in don't disturb me but i think he's just trying to stay away from us are you worried about having an empty nest i'm all you know what this is i'm so glad we're talking about this because nobody talks about the empty nest like there are tons of books on having babies and motherhood and all of that. But nobody really talks about an empty nest from the perspective of a mother or an aunt, to be honest, because nobody talks about what about people who don't have kids, but they have nephews and nieces who they love and who are growing up and kind of leaving them behind a little bit. There is all of that as well.

So I do worry about it because i've got an 18 year old who's obviously driving and he's you know he's out a lot more um and then at the time i thought it was great to have one after the other but i'm gonna have an empty net and my my nest is gonna be um empty quicker as quickly as it was filled if you know what i mean absolutely because i had one after the other so my daughter's loving it she's like like, yeah, so they're going to go off to university so I can have all of these bedrooms. And I'm like, what are you going to do with this many bedrooms? She goes, I don't know, but they're going to be all mine.

So she's really happy about it. But I, you know what? It's taken me about a year to really come to terms with the fact that kids are really, really growing up. But I'm really enjoying the time that I'm getting with my husband because we've spent all these years like trying to create these beautiful human beings and don't get me wrong they're pretty brilliant but now it's like now we've got to like we've got a bit of time for ourselves we went away for the first time without them so it was really nice

to just get away for a night without them um so yeah we're really as much as we're like it's going to be sad when they're all gone i'm also really looking forward to spending some time with him i think that's really interesting because a lot of the women that i speak to are really dreading the empty nest yeah you know it's it's a grief isn't it it's a sort of fear but i love the fact that again you you're saying i've spent about a year working this out. And actually, I'm really looking forward to connecting with my other half again. Yeah, because there's a huge disconnect. I think when you're raising children, you do forget that you have to love each other as well and have passion for each other and have grace for one another as well. Because when you're just raising children, that just becomes your sole purpose.

And sometimes you forget that we two are people. just raising children, that just becomes your sole purpose. And sometimes you forget that we too are people. And also you have to remember that, you know, the thing that connects me and my kids and the thing that connects him and the kids is blood. We're not connected by blood. We're only with each other because we like each other. What happens when we don't like each other anymore?

Like he likes me for me. It's not because I'm related to him by blood in any way. So he's not tied to me in any way. Well, this is it. You've got to work at it, right? Yeah, exactly. So I'm really looking forward to having some time with him. And I said, can I go to all the museums when the kids have gone,

when they've left home? He's like, absolutely. You can go to every museum. I love museums. I love a museum. Why? At choir, I think it's because it's peaceful and quiet. So you can get away.

And just be mindful and just walk and just, yeah. But do you get, you must get really hassled now, don't you, Nadia, that people must instantly recognise you. So do you get sort of, you know, hassled by people wanting your autograph or your photo or whatever? Yeah, we do get a lot of that. And it's really hard. I think it's over time we've got used to it.

And I definitely have done less and less because I'm concerned that people will recognize me so I just kind of stay at home quite a lot and that has been something that I've had to work up to doing again and through time I've gotten better at doing it it's just what I've learned is that my kids don't like it so what I do is when I do things I just don't do it with them because why don't your kids like it she's had quite a few horrible moments where we've been together and people have kind of sort of pulled and pushed a little bit

and she's not liked it. And she just said, I don't understand it. You're just mum. To her, I'm just mum. She's like, you're just mum. I don't get why they care. But this has been her life. She was only really teeny tiny when she was...

Yeah, titchy. Yeah, she was tiny. And she doesn't know anything else. She kind of thinks I've done this forever. So she doesn't know any different but she doesn't like how i suppose for her she's not willing to share me so sometimes she finds it really hard i've got to say my middle son doesn't care so much he's not that bothered by it but my eldest finds it really difficult because um we were we were in in london and we were looking at universities and we were we were in and out of london quite a lot and and some security guard just shouted my name really loud

in the in the underground really loud like nadia like a few times and my son just could not cope i think it'd been a whole day it was really long we'd gone and seen loads of universities and he turned around he goes and turned around he just said she's not a dog and he just felt really upset by it and i don't want to put him in that situation because he's a big 18 year old but he is only 18 and people will look at him as if he's a man and i don't want him to be in any kind of threatening or difficult situations i was like it's fine don't worry about he goes i don't know how you cope with it like he's just shouting at you mom and i was like i know but it's okay like let's just move on

it's fine he goes oh i don't get how you're so patient stop being so patient I'm like it's fine don't worry I guess this is part of the job isn't this is part of the fame that you've got the success the recognition that you've got well let's talk about your new book because it actually it lends itself really well to kids flying the nest as well what we're talking about the idea of convenience and using up leftovers in a really really good way so who did you have in mind when you wrote that book did you have it in mind for sort of students and people leaving home who was it for I think it can be for lots of people I think I definitely want to this is the way I cook like it the way the way you see the recipes is how I cook day to day otherwise I'd never be want to, this is the way I cook. Like the way, the way you see the recipes is how I cook day to day.

Otherwise I'd never be able to do this job because the kids would be eating takeaway every single night. Yes, that's true. So I, I've always batch cooked. I've always kept meals in the freezer. I've always used up waste products. So I'm really, really, I've always naturally been very frugal in the kitchen. And that's kind of evident in all of my books. But I wanted to write one book that encapsulated all of that in one go and and I definitely had my son in mind I was like this

would be great for him to take away to university but also it's great for I think we're at stage I think we're at a time now where people want to be more frugal I think people want to waste less yes people want to save more money and I just wanted to write a book for everyone. I wanted to write a book that could, that would allow everyone who is wanting to do all of those things to be able to say, right, I've got a book and this is going to help me to really think about how I cook in the kitchen and change the way I cook in the kitchen. And I think I'm really hopeful that people will pick it up and think, do you know what? I can do this. Cause there's really, there's, there's, there's really lovely recipes in there that you can make and put away and like make two dishes you can make there's a whole chapter where you can take one big batch and turn them into two separate dishes one for the freezer one for dinner

uh but my favorite my favorite chapter would have to be the um chapter where you take waste ingredients so things that we would normally throw away, like banana peels. Yeah. And turn it into a banana peel curry. No. Yeah. Delicious. Some of these recipes are really going to excite, I hope they really excite people into wanting to like waste less. Do you know, I have to say, I'm never excited about cookery books necessarily. I know people are kind of like, you know, fanatical about them and obsessive about them. I rarely get excited. But listening to you say that, that actually gives me a little bit of a trill. Oh,, I rarely get excited. But listening to you say that, that actually gives me a little bit of a trill. Ooh!

Yeah. Yes! I'm excited. I'm up for that because I throw so much away. Yeah. So the fact that you're saying, no, no, no, you can turn this into a meal. Absolutely.

I mean, things like I save, my kids, they just know now, they will peel an orange or peel a clementine and be like, windowsill? I'm like, yep. So I leave all my clementine peels on the windowsill? I'm like, yep. So I leave all my clementine peels on the windowsill and I leave them to just dry till they're really crisp. Then I blitz them up and mix them with some sugar and then I use them in my baking or when I'm making a hot chocolate to get the chocolate orange flavour, I use my clementine sugar. Oh, no, I'm going to go and buy it. We'll make sure you get one. This is exciting. This is exciting. Okay,

we are going to take a quick break here, but don't go anywhere, Nadia Hussain, because in a moment, I'm going to ask you to pick a question from my little box of truth. welcome back to it can't just be me and i'm here with the absolutely gorgeous lovely nadia hussein now it's time for one of my favorite bits of the show which is the it can't just be me box of truth i'm so excited about this i know i'm so excited i know i'm really hoping that you're going to pick a really good question so i have an obsession with the fact that we are not really connecting properly you and i are connecting properly i can see that you are a connector

yeah but most people don't know how to talk to each other properly so with the box of truth there are uh cards in there with personal questions on there. Okay. You just need to pick one at random. The only rule is, is you've got to be honest with the answer. Okay. Are you up for it? Yeah.

Go on, though. When do you feel shy? Oh, my goodness. Do I feel shy? I'm not really good with compliments. I do the classic, how much did they pay you? You know, the usual when somebody compliments me. I get really awkward when somebody compliments me. Why? That is probably, that's quite deep, I think, for me, because I grew up in a culture

where if you had fair skin, essentially, if you looked European, so if you had fair skin and a pointy nose, you were considered beautiful. And I'm one of six and I, all of us are different colors. Like us siblings were all different shades of Brown. And my eldest is, is very fair. And, um, I'm the darkest in my family. So often I would hear remarks where people would say, oh yeah, but she's dark. They'd make comments. My parents would make comments. And it was very normal for them.

They were just like, and I don't think they realized the damage they were doing, but they would make comments about, well, look, you can get her married because she's fair, but what are you going to do with her? Because she's fair and overweight. What are you going to do? So I had that as well.

Oh, so hang on, you're darker and overweight. Darker and overweight. Yes, so to do so i had that as well so oh so hang on you're darker and overweight darker overweight yeah so there was yes yes so there was so were you were you a bit a bigger child i wasn't overweight at all now when i look back at the picture at the time i thought i was obese but now when i look back at the pictures i just wasn't as skinny as my sisters so that's all it was um but colorism is rife within our culture. It is something that if you were to, if I were to question members of communities now, they say absolutely not, we're fair. with dark skin as lesser. And so I don't ever remember ever being called beautiful or being told that I was beautiful ever, ever. It was just always, look, you're all right, but you're dark, you're dark. You've got an all right face, but you're dark. So it was always about being dark. And it's taken me a really long time to be comfortable in my skin because I, you know,

I tried to bleach my skin when I was a teenager, all of that, just because I just, I just wanted to know what it was like to not be dark, and now, I, it just, I, it's taken me 40 years, but I love my skin, and I love, I, I love everything about my, my, myself, and my face, and, and I, and I, and I'm really comfortable with that now and I can say it out loud so I think I feel really really shy when somebody compliments me because I the I feel like they're saying it to the little girl the little girl who was never beautiful enough yeah I feel like they're saying it to her but then I have to remind myself that you're not the little girl anymore you're not the lost girl you you are you are Nadia and you are 40 and you are beautiful and

I have to say those things to myself so that's probably when I feel most shy I mean certainly people who know you and look at you can see an absolutely stunning woman beautiful woman and I know that that you know we shouldn't be judging people on their looks but you are a beautiful woman and an incredibly successful woman but I guess that just leaves me to say what would you like to say to the little Nadia that you hold her hand she's with you every day yeah what would you really like to say to her um I suppose I'm sad because there'll be one day when she won't be there anymore because I hold I've held her hand for 40 years but I'm ready to sort of I'm ready to bring the two together now I'm ready to hold her I'm ready to like accept her

and hold her and and I'm ready for us to be one if that makes sense absolutely um because I've carried her and in fact she's carried me for a very long time so it's time for I think in fact I think she's carried me for a long time it's time for me to carry her and look after her thank you so very much for being with us today it's been just so lovely to see you again and actually to watch you flourish just in in your personality just in everything about you and your career over the last 10 years has been a real privilege. Thank you. So thank you for being here. And before you go, though, could you just impart your one piece of advice to everybody listening? What do you live by

that you think might help other people? I have an affirmation that I live by, swear by, I live, breathe and eat this with my children. And it's remember to keep your elbows out. And that's something that I've had to really, really, really embody whilst it's something that I've really had to embody in the last 10 years during my career, because I found myself in spaces where I feel like I don't fit in or I feel like I don't belong and in those moments I tell myself elbows out just think about it put your hands on your hips and make space for yourself and and that's something that we have to do because nobody's going to make space for you you've got to make it for yourself and in doing that you'll make space for others. Nadia, thank you so much. And of course, Cook Once, Eat Twice,

such an amazing title, is out now. Congratulations. Thank you. That's it for today, but I'll be back next week with a brand new episode of It Can't Just Be Me. But in the meantime, I also want to hear from you because very soon we'll be releasing extra episodes every week where I'll be joined by experts and answering your dilemmas. So please, if there's something you

want to talk about, whether it's big or small, funny or serious, get in touch with us. You can email us or send a voice note to hello at it can't just be me.co.uk. And if you want to see more of the show, remember you can find us on Instagram, TikTok and Facebook. Just search for It Can't Just Be Me, because whatever you're dealing with, it really isn't just you.