It Can't Just Be Me - Introducing... First Dates: the Podcast

Episode Date: August 9, 2023

You loved the glorious Cici Colman when she joined me for last week's episode of It Can't Just Be Me. So, I'm sharing the first episode of her brilliant podcast, First Dates: The Podcast with you this week whilst I take a break for the summer.First Dates: The Podcast, is like a podcast version of the debrief you have with your best friend after you've gone on a first date. Co-hosted by Cici and the fabulous Frankie Bridge - I just know you're going to love it!You can find the show wherever you're listening to this or on listentofirstdates.com. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I have an extra treat for the summer holidays for you today, a whole episode of a brand new podcast for you to become obsessed with. One of the stars was on my podcast last week, Cece Coleman, and along with Frankie Bridge, she presents First Dates, the podcast. It's a really, really fun show all about dating and relationships. In each episode, a different couple chats to Frankie and Cece about their first date and how their relationship progressed beyond it. In some instances, I'm frankly amazed that they ever met up again. Some of the stories are ridiculous, some are funny, heartwarming, or quite dramatic. There's even one where the date starts at the ice skating rink and ends up in A&E.

The first episode is right here, so you don't have to do anything except keep listening. It starts with a date where the guy took his toothbrush to the nightclub and has some very specific bedtime playlist requirements. I mean, seriously. After listening to this one, you can catch up on even more episodes by following the show wherever you get your podcasts or by visiting listentofirstdates.com. Enjoy. Hi and welcome from Podimo and 2020. This is First Dates, the podcast. I'm Frankie Bridge. And I'm Cece Coleman. You've finished the drinks and settled the bill. You and your date have said your goodbyes

and you're immediately on the phone with your best friend. Once he's gone to the toilet, I message all my friendship groups just sort of being like, oh my God, you're never going to believe what just happened to me. I've literally done that. Which is the first thing that everyone would do. He's gone to the bathroom doing the same thing. In this podcast, we're letting you in on the post-date debrief. We'll be bringing you the most amazing, bizarre and heartwarming date stories.

Cece and I haven't met our daters before and we'll be hearing the gossip for the first time with you. This is the first ever First Dates podcast. I mean, it took them long enough. I am buzzing. I know. How are you feeling are you excited like I'm so excited I feel like there's so many good stories to be heard yes like we've seen it so many times on the show yeah you know the good the bad the ugly dates oh we've had them all we've had them all and we always want to know how they turn out yes I feel like on the podcast we get to hear people's stories and we get to hear the endings. Yeah, exactly. I think what is lovely about it is we see this journey. And what I always get from the show is that there is someone out there for everybody.

Just when you've got to the point where hope is lost and you can feel really disheartened a lot of the time in the dating world. But we put people together and we've had so many success stories. We've had marriages you know we've had it all haven't we and it really just it makes especially for someone like me who's single I'm still single you know it gives me hope that there is someone out there for me do you feel like I don't know do you feel like you've learned much from working on the show seeing seeing people in those vulnerable date positions? Yeah, I actually didn't realise we are in our 10th anniversary. So we have been on for 10 years, which just blows my mind. And you'd think you would have seen it all

because of how long we've done it for. But we haven't. There's always something fresh. Someone's story is always unique to them. We have two amazing guests today, Becca and Abby. Would you like a drink, girls? Help yourself. Should we have a cheers?

Let's have a cheers. Let's have a cheers. Cheers. Good old fashioned glass of water. Cheers. We know how to treat our guests. So before we get started, we want to do a couple of quick fire questions. So question number one is, we're going to go with you, Becca, first. so before we get started we want to do a couple of quick fire questions so

question number one is we're going to go with you becca first what's a green flag that you look for in a partner they've got to have a sister they've got to have a sister i do always think you can really tell a guy that has grown up with girls yeah definitely yeah that's true i'd say that's a really good one that is really good but if he doesn't have sisters and he's perfect like what do you do he's not perfect

he didn't have a sister oh yeah all these lovely men out there without sisters what about a step sister does that count mmm

don't know I'm not coming across that one I don't know I feel like there's something about you know they've seen their sister like I don't know first thing

like got out of bed and like got out of bed come down to breakfast like bed hair bad breath like not done for the day you know like not that they should ever be looking at their sister

being like you look good today but like you know at least like that's like a natural form I always thought of it from like the sense of like they understand a woman more

like they've been around them been around periods hormones when they've broken up with a guy when they've got rubbish've been around them, been around periods, hormones, when they've broken up with a guy, when they've got rubbish boyfriends around, like, I feel like they know how to treat a woman more.

But then I feel like with that, you've also got, like, the other scale where you've got, like, the mummy's boys, which is also, like, they've been around women but too much. Like, there's something wrong there. There's a real... Mr. Porphy, where are you?

Yeah, I'm looking for someone who's an orphan with a sister. I was like, what's my idea? That is perfect. And if you're out there, let us know. What about you, Abby? What is your green flag? My green flag is probably just good communication because I feel like...

Sorry, that's not as fun. But I feel like I've had so, so many people. That sounds awful. I've not been on that many dates, actually. Sorry. That's fine. so, so many people. That sounds awful. I've not been on that many dates, actually. Sorry. That's fine. We don't judge you. You crack on.

It sounds like I'm just racking them up one day a week. I think good communication, because I've had such negative experiences. Like, you know, you've seen the double ticks on. They've absolutely read it. They're just firing you off. And I find that just so rude. So you mean communication within like replying to messages and phone calls,

not in person, like being openly like, okay. But don't you hate it when they're like, oh yeah, sorry. Like when they kind of close it up and they're just like, yeah, I'm just already looking for anything right now. And they're like, yeah, they've communicated, they're done. But like, oh, like they've just like piled that off to like 10 people that night. Yeah. Yeah, start getting fresh next month.

Yeah. Good. Okay. Communication and sisters. Got this. Fine, fine. Yeah. Good. Communications. Good. Okay. So communication and sisters. Got this. Right. Fine, fine. So we've done the nice bit.

What's your specific ick? Like, do you have like, Becca, do you have like a real strong ick? Yeah. I feel like, I mean, I'm not surprised by that. I imagine you've got a few. No, I think like,

I don't know. It's more of like, I guess it's like a get over them or like, you know, and like they I think like I don't know it's more of like I guess it's like a get over them or like you know when like they're already like oh wow they're perfect

and then you put them in this situation and be like no they are human picturing them like going to like a concert that they're like

really into and they're at the front in the mosh pit oh my god that's like my dream man no I love a mosh pit but why is he jumping

and like why is he jumping and like why is he like because it's fun Becca no but he's got like someone's just poured beer over him like from a cup

from afar like he's just his head's in some big guy's armpit you're not enjoying the set like I thought you were

going to say the sex I know I was going to say we've gone from I wouldn't enjoy it if I was in some big guy's armpit to be fair wow that is wouldn't do it if I was in some big house. Wow, that is so much. To be fair, I went in hard on you there quite pretty quick because I grew up, I loved a mosh pit

and I liked a guy that liked a certain kind of music. But you get to a certain age and there's piss being thrown around, they're sweating, they're probably peeing into bottles, they're bumping into people, it's not hot. When they come back out, they're all sweatyeing into bottles they're like bumping into people it's not hot when they come back out they're all like sweaty and like ripped up grim

and also like there's they've either got there super early like do not tell me that you've been camping out no that is really

or they've been that one doing like the conga line through everyone be like oh sorry sorry my friends your friends are not down there you're just in my way I have nothing to add to this

I do not even know if I've experienced this. It sort of sounds fun, but the way you're describing it as well, I'm a bit nervous. But like, you're jumping, dancing, right?

Like to, like, everyone's like pushing everyone back. you jump, like, it's embarrassing. Just jumping. Yeah.

No, no, but it's not like, where everyone goes, like, everybody jump. It's like, everyone's pushing back,

and it's like, is it going to be like, a dance-off in the middle, and everyone just like, streams in, and jumps on top, I don't know. Okay, You guys. It's like, everyone's pushing back. And it's like, is it going to be like a dance-off in the middle? And everyone just, like, streams in and jumps on top. I don't know. Okay, got it. It's giving, like, summon. You guys are never, ever, like, well, obviously never emos, okay?

No. So I'm going to stand here and be the one of the emos. It's all part of them. I'll just tell you, it's good fun, okay? But when you're young. Yeah. We grew in a way. Okay, when you're young.

I'm going to stand up for us. Okay. Yeah. On my own. Let's move on. Sorry to touch a nerve. What about you? Nothing, like, really sends the shiver down my spine

more than the thought of a man getting into a bath. It just makes me feel sick. My goodness me. Oh, my God. These poor guys. They're like, can't have baths. Can't dance. Right.

Talk us through this bath. It's like, can't have baths, can't dance. Right, talk us through this bath. It's like, just the thought of like, okay, one naked man, kind of weird anyway, they've just taken all the clothes. I'm not saying they're, you know what I mean, they're just like, they're there, but they're kind of vulnerable, I guess, when they get into the bath. They thought of them like dipping a toe in and being like, oh, that's too hot. Oh, horrible. Makes me want to be sick. Floating penis isn't the one. Oh, yes, you worry about it.

I know, you two are great. I just worry about it. I do worry about it. You two are great. I just, I can't believe the answers you're giving. I just could not even fathom these. I'd be like, what's an ick? Oh, you know,

he like, I don't know, like turned up late or something. Like maybe that's an ick. But you're like toe dipping in baths. To be fair though, like with a bath, like have they got something in it?

I don't know what's worse. Like bubbles. Is that worse? Do men have bubbles in their bath? To be fair, I would say it's an ick's a nick but my husband literally we were working from home the other day and the girl's like where are you going it's like I'm off for a bubble bath I was like a bubble bath why are you calling it a bubble bath I honestly bye okay I can't wait to hear your story so after this okay Becca tell us your dating story where were you in your life what was going on tell us all the details okay so first year I had a boyfriend like long distance sort of like UCAS did send me

that email being like if you're going to uni make sure sure you're single. And I was like, no, I'm going to get married. Leave me alone, UCAS. He's the one. Yeah, was not the one. So came starting second year, freshly single. And I was just like, the world is my oyster. This is uni. There's hundreds of boys.

Yeah, I'm in a club. I'm just looking around. Everyone's like, oh, we're going on the pool. And I'm like, I don't want to do that. I also just want to have fun. You don't want to go out and be like, there's an aim. Did you want like, were you thinking like everyone's like oh we're going on the pool and I'm like I don't want to do that because I also just want to have fun you know you don't want to go out and be like there's an aim

did you want like were you thinking like do you have a type was you thinking still of your ex and thinking right I still want that same kind of person or was you like

I want to go for something different yeah I was completely opposite I was just like my ex was blonde I was like no let's go brunette I was like everyone talks about this

tall dark and handsome let's give it a try you know like let's see what all the fuck it's a classic for a reason. Yeah, exactly. So I was just like, in this club,

bumped into this guy, like literally on the way to the bar, like actually bumped into him and I was just like, wow. Like saw him, it was sort of like,

you know, like West Side Story, everyone's partying, it's just like, the light is coming out of his ears. I'm just sort of like, whoa, God.

Out of his ears? I've never had that before. Like a halo type thing. Also, like I'm a little bit drunk. You know where halos sit, right? Here, like over here. Like a headband. So you bumped into him.

What can we call him? Like, obviously we can't reveal his name. What nickname can we give him? God. No, not God. No. No. Maybe. what's the guy called on my side story?

Tony okay let's call him Tony Tony you've bumped into Tony bumped into Tony yeah we've like exchanged like a little bit of conversation

he's obviously like stopped and talked to me as well it's not that awkward moment where you pause and then he carries on you're like oh didn't even notice me so I was just like

oh okay well this is actually maybe something we've like been like oh well I'll catch you in a bit like he's like six foot something I'm like I'll definitely see him like everyone's here everyone here's really short um yeah so like gone to the bar then I met up with my friend and he's just like oh like you've met someone that's so nice like where is he I point him out they know each other on the same sports team I'm just like the wedding's

shaping up like everyone's everyone's everyone knows each other yeah so yeah basically I got my friend to do the work for me kind Kind of like started to set us up. So then my friend's giving him my number like outside. Like this is a new day. And so I've got this text. It's just like, hey, it's Tony. And I'm just like, oh my God. It's there.

Tony's in the DM. Like we arranged to go out on like the next like, it's not really like arranged to go out in terms of like just us. It's just like the next like. Like I'm going to be out. You're arranged to go out on like the next like it's not really like arranged to go out in terms of like just us it's just like the next like like I'm gonna be out

you're gonna be out yeah like the sports night Wednesday night I'm just like yeah I'll be there like make sure you go to the same club

more than like meeting up at a restaurant type vibe everything's great he still looks good you know like his whatsapp pic didn't lie

like I'm still like oh it wasn't like too like beer goggle situation yeah I think that's something that happens is that when you're just like oh they were so fit last night and then you look at them and you still like oh it wasn't like too like beer goggle situation I think that's when that happens

is that when you're just like oh they were so fit last night and then you look at them and you're like oh

never mind that be like blame all your friends like oh you gave me too many shots but yeah so no everything's fine I'm just like

okay this is good he's a little bit older as well which I'm always just a bit like that should be more mature whatever

so yeah like everything's going well we've had a bit of a chat in like the very romantic smoking area have you got sisters do we know if who's got sisters yet

to be fair like I really think I should have checked yeah where's the 25th question we go yeah era 101

you're like oh yeah so tell me about your sister first question I've got to step aside next yeah so you're out on the night out.

Second time you've seen him. Yeah. Still hot. Still going well. Yeah. And I'm just like, you know what? Like, top of the hill, that's my house. You know, let's go back there.

It's also like, to be honest, we're in Durham. So like, the clubs are shutting early. It's a bit of like a small old town. It's not that lively. So yeah, we've gone back to mine. I'm like, I kind of picked it. I was like, I'm going to uni now. Like I moved in with a couple of like people

who had boyfriends and stuff. And I was like, you know, I'll take the single bed. You know, like, that's fine. I've got a nice view. That'll do me. So it's the end of the night with this guy and I'm just kind of looking at him like, wow, that was really nice.

Yeah, you're going to go now? Yeah, I'll be like, oh, see, you know, Durham's small. You can get places. He's tall. We can get there really quick. So he's just like, is it all right if I stay? And I'm like, looking at him, looking'd be like, oh, see, Durham's small. You can get places. He's tall. We can get there really quick. So he's just like, is it all right if I stay? And I'm like, looking at him, looking at the bed, just being like, um, yeah, I guess.

Oh, it's actually worse than sharing a bed, a single bed. It's bad, right? It's embarrassing. And he's very long, isn't he? Like, how's he, you know? He's a big man. Yeah, like, I'm like, do you not have like a king bed at home or something you'd rather be going to?

Yeah. I was like, lovely that you want my company, but let's not. Anyway, then he's just like, oh, can I just use your bathroom? I'm like, yeah, sure, you can at least start there. And then I hear him brushing his teeth. And I'm just like... Not with your toothbrush. Well, this is the fear.

Whoa. And so I go in there. What? Not my toothbrush. His own that he brought with him to the club. Oh, he can. In what? Like, in his pocket yeah I should have written like those toothbrush cases it's like really presumptuous but also I'm like is he

that worried about his dental hygiene that like he can't go one night on a night out and like not go home and I slightly rate him I I slightly rate him. I slightly rate him. He's my new boyfriend. That's why I rate him. Like he's not pretty. The audacity of that mum. So what did you say to him? I feel like much better

than like just be like, do you have a spare toothbrush? Because you know, maybe I do. But you didn't need to because he had his own. He had his own. Did you not acknowledge it?

Was she not like, oh. I was just a bit like, oh, you have a toothbrush? And he was just like, yeah. And that was kind of, I didn't really know where to go from that. I like oh you have a toothbrush and he was just like yeah and that was kind of I didn't really know where to go from I feel really like he's just he's just yeah okay um I mean so he's confident yeah and like you say like it could have it could have been worse could have been my toothbrush yeah so half wind we're grateful right now yeah um

so yeah and then get into my bed I'm honestly like smushed up against the wall sort of thing. Like he's, we've not even like gone proper like spoon situation at this point. You know, it's a bit like I'm kind of shifting like what's going to work here. Do we top and tail? I don't really know. And he's just like, oh, do you mind if I just like put something on to help me go to sleep? And I was just like, it's not that noisy. But sure, like thinking maybe, I don't know, like dolphin sounds.

I don't know what that is. I don't know. Well, music. I don't know. Meditation. A bit Mozart. I'm not sure what we're going for here. And then he pops on the Harry Potter audiobook.

No. He's a man child. The fucking guy. After you were just saying he was such a man as well yeah he's so manly please

this is not someone that's got sisters like please yeah and then so I'm just there I'm just like hang on like sports guy

bit of like a laugh you know he must be like maybe his friends have been like oh next time you bring like I don't know like a dare

or something maybe he's like forfeited I don't know maybe he's like really bad at his sport I don't know so I'm just there like oh good one good one like let's turn it off you know like don't know. Maybe he's like really bad at his sport. I don't know. So I'm just like, oh, good one, good one. Like, let's turn it off, you know.

Like, it's not even at the start. Like, we're like halfway through a book, you know. I was going to say, that's kind of rude, isn't it? You're not going to start your chapter together. Yeah, that's rude. Yes. Let me get involved. That's fucking rude.

I'm not like a huge heroine. Forget what the audiobook is. No, me neither. It's gone halfway through. It's like watching a movie. Like, oh, do you mind if I just watch halfway through because I've already watched the start? No.

Fucking rude. We started together. Where is the've already watched the start? No. Fucking rude. We started together. Where is the audiobook etiquette? Where? Exactly. Thank you. But also, yeah, also we're in Durham and it's like that's where they film some Harry Potter stuff.

So I feel like it's like a thing. I don't think that really is relevant. I thought it was like a dare, you know? So I'm just there like, oh, funny. Like, let's call it quits here. Let's cut that. And then he's just going. You made me miss that.

And rewind it please tell him he's joking little bastard please tell him he's joking yeah can you imagine in my own bed

my own little squished up bed my fucking single bed the audacity am I right like please what did you do just like roll over

and just like can't wait for the morning yeah I think I was just like let me be gone but what do you do let me be gone he's kind of got the control here in a really weird way

in a weird way weird way like what do you say I'll be like okay then I'll just listen I feel like you're like I don't know what to do you're together for a while

before like you broach the like I need to listen to something when I go to sleep especially something a bit like I don't know it's intense

you know you can't chat over that apparently well no you're not allowed was this his like foreplay was this part of his like warm up

I don't really have a day round two doesn't really work for me doesn't get me going maybe it's Harry Potter they do I don't really know I don't even know

the guy who says it but his voice isn't really getting me going I can imagine so guy who says it but his voice isn't really getting me going no I can imagine so then like okay so you're eventually full of sleep

next day did you just ghost him well he's still in my bed so I was just sort of like well do you want breakfast or anything because I'm a host you know

I mean you've come this far yeah you've got your toothbrush you might as well get the day started but no he's just like no I'm good thanks thanks, and leaves. Never saw him again?

I did see him again. Oh, of course she did. She slept with him again? Yeah. Oh! She's like, she's got standards. She's a straight back. She went to him off the book, obviously.

Yeah, yeah. She just wanted to get a subscription. Oh, premium. The next time, did he say in your single bed again and did he put on his little fucking Harry Potter thing? And it was further along

so it must have been real. So what happened the next time? Did you just accept it? Were you like, oh, this is a process now? There were more red flags that kind of came up

the second time, to be honest. It was second and last. Thank you. We'll let you up. Thank you. Okay, so other than Harry Potter's audiobook,

what do you think could be the worst thing a date could put on before bedtime? I feel like anything's a bit awkward and who you know someone, no? Definitely. I mean, I sit with earplugs and an eye mask and a mouth guard, right? That doesn't come out for about four months because it looks fucking disgusting on. Like, waking up to me is just, it's awful. So I have to prep these people.

I have to gently, like, it just starts with the mouth guard and then the next time, the ear guard. Next time, I'm asked. And I'm like, they're all happy. But it takes a while. I think you have to, like, introduce it. He didn't introduce that. Didn't ease you into anything.

No. No, we hadn't even, like, bonded over. You know, it wasn't like a, oh, we're both, like, massive Harry Potter fans. It came out of the blue. It's a one-night stand, guys. It's just like, do you need a full night's sleep? Yeah, you should be sexy. You could just leave

if you really need it. Just leave. Please go. I do not want to. It wasn't there just like, oh, please, join me in my king-sized bed. I'll get my butler in.

It wasn't exactly the comfiest seat for him either. Okay, let's pause things here. I think we need a moment to process. And I need a wee. So we're going to take a second to go out and we'll be back in a minute. I just think the girls' ics are just so specific and niche.

Right, I need to know a bit more about moshing because I have no idea i feel like i rave and i feel like i jump but i don't feel like i push people would that be about is that like the that what makes it moshing is the push possibly i also just think maybe it's the music so it's just got a different name but it's kind of pretty much the same thing but yeah they do kind of like bump into each other i mean i never used to do that part i just used to kind of jump but i did lose some hair extensions in a mosh pit before so it does get brutal in there guys okay and then the toe the i don't know why i'm saying the toe dipping because i feel like i'm just watching

this like big man like what are your thoughts on baths well i'm married to a man that loves a bath but i i have always thought it was like a little bit strange but i don't know why i just think that's like a real like bad like representation of like oh okay toxic masculinity like I feel like we should it's a woman's thing but it's not wait do you know I don't know why maybe it's I usually I've got an ick about absolutely everything but this one I quite maybe it's the thought of being in the bath together I think it's quite sensual and sexy oh it's just hot and sweaty but watching a guy get in I don't you know I might have to try this on out and actually watch um okay so now that we. B, your turn.

Please tell us all about your dating story. We want, set the scene, tell us everything. When, where, how, what, who? Okay. So I am fairly recently single. I've been single for like a year. So all of these stories are very recent for me. So I think this was...

Fresh. Yeah, very fresh. I think this was in March. Like, so literally, very, very recent for me. So I think this was... Fresh. Yeah, very fresh. I think this was in March. Like, so literally, very, very recent. And I was going on my first ever second date, actually. I've only ever been on first dates

and then been like, oh, that wasn't for me. Really? Yeah. Just like, I think I have this thing where I'm like, I feel that there should be a spark. Otherwise, I'm a bit like,

oh, I don't know. Maybe it feels a bit more friendly. So I think I'm quite like, oh, no, maybe that didn't work. work basically went on a date with this guy um and then he asked me out another day but unfortunately I was going down to London for a week and then he was up here and then he was away and then so it sort of fizzled out for a bit and then he was like it's okay if not but like do you want to go on that second date and I was like what I said earlier good communication I was like oh I do what that is actually really nice and I was

like yeah go on then we will will go for a second date. And he says to me, okay, let's get some food. Already my absolute nightmare. The thought of going for a food date just scares me. Why? Is it eating in front of someone?

I'm such a messy eater. You are? Yeah, I am. I'm just so messy. Like, once I'm in a restaurant and like, people come across

with the napkins, I'm like, no, no, I'll need more. There will need to be more napkins than that. They come up with the napkins I'm like no no I'll need more there will need to be more napkins than that they come up with another I'm like no no

five more please but it's down your front it's on your face it's just kind of like I feel like I just have an odd way of eating it's like oh god I just

I feel like it's going to be so awkward I'm already kind of like a bit like apprehensive but I didn't say anything because I didn't want to be weird and be like sorry I don't eat in front of people

it was a bit strange so we go meet up on this date if you want a bit of a nickname for him he was the postman the postman I like that the postman

that's sexy already yeah I know right it's a bit weird he's actually not being a postman I'm just picturing postman Pat it's not really

not sexy for Becca not sexy for Becca so the postman the postman so met up with the postman. We went to this really nice wine bar first, which was super nice. And probably I feel like I needed to chill out

from my fear of going to eat. We also were going for Indian street food as well, which I feel like is super messy. Oh, God. I was really touchy. Not very sexy. I was like, hmm. I'm on your bar, Jean.

I'm on a snog. I always bring a toothbrush with me. I'm on a snog. I always bring a toothbrush with me. And so we go, we have like a couple of wines and then we head off to this place. And it's really nice. Like immediately I'm over the fear of eating. He's a really nice guy.

Like he's got like really nice chat. Like we're just, we're literally just chit chatting as if we've been friends for ages, which is super nice. And then we have a bottle of wine there and so at this point we're quite drunk I'd say the Indian food has not soaked up

much of the alcohol and so after the food nothing went wrong I know I feel like that's probably where it sounded like it was going but it all went okay congratulations

I was eating so delicately I was like I always eat like this one rice at a time yeah one grain of rice love this and um so after he's like shall we go to like another bar quite drunk and I'm like yeah great idea let's definitely go to another bar so we go across this bar we go in it's this really cute like kind of like dim lights kind of bars there's like little candles around like it's quite like a romantic key bar and I'm like oh yeah this is nice but I sat down we ordered some

cocktails probably a bad idea already quite drunk and we sat opposite each other and he leans in to kiss me and I think okay sure so I lean in to kiss him and then suddenly I hear this my hair's gone over like lent over the candle as I went to kiss him and then my hair just gone like that like it literally you can just see it out the corner of my eye and like it's so lucky that I don't wear hairspray

because otherwise I would have probably lost my whole head but to make matters worse I just go oh my god my hair's on fire and just like shout it across the bar

and everyone's turning to look and I'm like don't have anything to and part the part postman is like whacking the side of my head

trying to put it out oh my god he's just like smacking me and i'm like i love it i love it oh my god and then it just kind of it kind of, fine. Like, I'm so lucky. I only singed maybe like that much of my hair. Really good description of an audible thing. A very small amount of my hair. Really, really lucky. But I'm sort of looking at him and I'm like, am I missing loads of hair? And he's like, no, no, no, no.

Like, you're fine. And I was like, are you sure? Like, I feel like that was really going on for a while. And he was like, oh, my head's gone. Yeah, he was like, what's happening here? I mean, if there's ever a way to get out of snogging someone

it's like oh no I'm on fire so I like just sat there and just kind of look at me I'm looking at him

and he just starts having a conversation again normally and I'm like blow the candle out I'm like why is that still there I was like

move that across that table I don't want to see that once he's gone to the toilet I messaged all my friendship groups just sort of being like oh my god you're never going to believe the candle out. I'm like, why is that still there? I was like, move that across that table. I don't want to see that. Once he's gone to the toilet, I messaged all my friendship groups just sort of being like, oh my God, you're never going to believe what just happened to me.

I've literally done that. Which is the first thing that everyone would do. He's gone to the bathroom doing the same thing. He's like, this girl is crazy. Her hair is literally on fire

at our date. Is she still here? It must have stank as well, you know, like that smell of burning hair. It stank forank as well you know like that smell of burning hair it stank for days as well I just couldn't get rid of it

I was like oh oh rough so that let me remind her so I so I send a couple of these messages

to my friends I'm also obviously voicemailing them immediately I'm just like oh my god oh my god and then

the next day my friend puts it up on her Instagram story she screenshots the text she's like I've literally never laughed so hard this day my friend puts it up on her instagram story she screenshots the text she's like i've literally never laughed so hard this is so funny puts it on and i just think oh it's quite funny like i'll just i'll just repost it so i reshare it to my story and i get a message off a lad i've not seen in about six years who i used to work with who said yeah i can confirm that this is true i saw you were sat in the outdoor area of the bar oh no you were set on fire so it was not subtle at all

but how did you like get back into the day like how do you like recover from that I don't know if we really well we kind of did because like luckily I find found it really funny like I'm one of those kind of people I feel like if something tragic happens to me I'm like oh it's funny yeah so did you see him again no I didn't see him again it was nothing to do with the hair and fire he was a really nice guy but he was planning to go travelling

like two months later and I was kind of getting slightly friendly vibes and I thought I don't want to like carry on with this but I texted him

being like I'm really sorry like I've had a really nice time because he asked to see me again and I said oh I'm really sorry I've had a really nice time but like

I just feel like it's a bit more friendly like good luck in Australia um I'll be back in the UK just setting my hair on fire at random bars and to be fair he was like haha that's fine like it was like a nice ending like we yeah absolutely fine oh my god you two are great I know my god should we close the tab then we ask everyone this at the end on a first date who do you feel should pay the bill I always just have it I don't think I've ever had anyone sort of I feel like it's just natural I feel like I do it with my friends so I just do it on a day as well I mean by all means if they're super rich

and they wish to pay for me delightful wouldn't say no but I always have to just go halves and that usually happens you have to go halves and then that's the way it rolls yeah or like it's like you buy a drink here I buy the drink here do you know what I mean yeah like it's like I buy you one back got it got it and you I might have a code um she's got a code I was like this isn't gonna be straight yeah basically like if it's it kind of I mean they won't know but it's kind of depending on how well it's gone so like if it's gone really well and he like offers like we go halves like a sort of like I guess like that would be fine but um if he offers I'll let him if it's gone really well and he like offers, like we go halves, like it's sort of like, I guess like that would be fine. But if he offers,

I'll let him if it's gone well because I'm like, yeah, I will see you again. You know, like sometimes they're like, oh, well, you owe me a dinner or something like that. You know, like they do that. Which would, I mean, they'd then not go,

but like fine. Like it can be sort of like leads into that or I could say that as like, oh, I need to take you out. Yeah, if I go halves, I basically don't want to see them again. Really?

I feel like a lot of people do that. I'm like're like done dusted and to be honest like I've never even really considered paying for it myself to be honest like I'll be like if maybe if I've really keenly invited them but also I've never done that so um no is that what you do then yeah I would if I want to see them again I would allow them to pay even though I really really struggle with it I'm like just keep your hand on the table because I just automatically go because I find it very uncomfortable but when we go halves I'm like it's a friendship for me in my head I've already gone there if he doesn't fight me on it I'm like oh so annoying like now we're in friendship mode because that's what I do with my friends we go halves or I buy one meal and they buy the next one but you haven't kind of figured that out on a first date yet.

That's where I'm going wrong. Yeah. That is actually where I'm going wrong because that's exactly what I just said. Yeah. It's like you do it with your friends. Yeah. Oh my gosh, not all that well. Yeah, but then you've not met anyone that you don't feel like goes past being a friend.

So then. Oh yeah. There's something, there's a pause. Like when the bill comes, it's really hard. Yeah, that awkward moment. It's just, you've just got to wait. And I am literally sweating inside, gritting my teeth. I'm like, don't fucking move.

But there's something really powerful about that because they show what they want to do. And if they say, should we go halves? I'm like, he doesn't fancy me. Yeah, we're done. Whereas if he says, I've got this. Yeah, but then I think they're down if they do and down if they don't need to.

Because I think a lot of women don't like a man to assume that they're going to pay. and they want to be given the opportunity to pay and some want to pay whereas like I think when I was dating which is a really long time ago now it was just like the man would automatically pay there was no question about it it was like whereas I think times have changed I think some men are probably too scared to offend and say I'll get it in case you're the type of woman that would be offended by that. Totally. And I think that's why the pause is key.

I think if you can wait it out, you'll see what their behavior is because their behavior will show you everything you need to know about the relationship. She says there's a single woman at 37, so I clearly know everything. On that note, with that in mind with all of the guys that we've spoken about today

so we've got Tony and we've got Postman Postman Postman who do we think is going to foot the bill

who's paying the bill Tony the bed man yeah yeah Tony he's made himself at home

he might as well pay you know like he's paying the rent like he's moved in you're paying the rent. He's moved in. You're paying the rent because he stayed with you. But yeah, he should be paying for the bill because you put him up for the night. You allowed him to use your space, your bed.

Yeah, let him use your water to charge that book. Charge that book. Okay. It's an agreement. Sorry, Tony, you're paying the bill. Thanks, guys. Thank you. Lovely speaking to you both.

See you at some point in life. See you never. Bye. Good luck. Thank you so much for listening. I'm really hoping you've enjoyed it just as much as we have. I know you've got your phone in your hand right now. So just feel free to go on to wherever you listen to your podcast

and hit that subscribe button and leave us five stars. From Podimo and 2020, this has been First States Podcast, hosted by me, Frankie Bridge. And me, Cece Coleman. The producers are Blondine Hogue and Fionn Lewis. The video producer is Rob Walsh. The executive producers for Podimo are Jake Chudnow and Matt White. The executive producer for 2020 is Martin Tricky.

Special thanks to Bruna Pias, Kendra Steve and Fatima Batea. For ad-free episodes, subscribe to Podimo UK on Apple Podcasts.