It Can't Just Be Me - It's Not Just You: Anxiety Overload

Episode Date: December 6, 2024

In these brand new weekly episodes of 'It's Not Just You', each week Anna will be joined by a different expert to explore the issues and dilemmas that are affecting you. No guests, just your dilemmas discussed by Anna and her expert.This week Anna is joined by clinical psychologist Dr Hazel Harrison to discuss a listener's experience with overwhelming anxiety in all aspects of their life, from personal to professional. Anna and Dr Hazel discuss the potential impact of this kind of anxiety, and share some suggestions and advice for how to manage it.If you have a dilemma or situation you'd like discussed, reach out to Anna by emailing [e-mail] or DM her on Instagram @itcantjustbemepodNothing is off limits, we’re open to it all, from your mental health, to dating, to your sex life to addiction…all of the challenges and hurdles that life throws at you - It's Not Just You is a place for you to find some practical advice and support. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Anna Richardson and if you're a regular listener to It Can't Just Be Me, then welcome to our second weekly episode, It's Not Just You. Each week I'll be joined by an expert to explore the issues and dilemmas that are affecting you. No guests, just you, me and an expert. Nothing is off the limits, we're open to it all, from your mental health to dating to your sex life to addiction, all of the challenges and hurdles that life throws at you. We're here to offer some practical advice and support because whatever's on your mind it's not just you. So let's begin. Today I'm thrilled to be joined once again by Dr Hazel, a clinical psychologist and the founder of Think Avalana. So Hazel, we've got our dilemma in today from Zoe. Here we

go. Hi Anna, I feel ridiculous even sending this, but I'm in my early 40s and finding that I'm struggling with everyday things. I find myself in tears at situations I feel I should be able to cope with. Like if my boss or a member of my team at work push back on something, I get upset and have to hide in the loo to calm down. If my husband makes a joke at my expense, I feel really hurt by it. If a stranger is rude to me, I feel bothered by it for days afterwards and if friends don't respond to messages straight away I feel upset. If I try to explain why something is bothering me I

almost always end up angry and in tears I then get frustrated at myself for being so over the top. I also feel physical symptoms like a dread feeling in my stomach. I feel this is something that's gradually getting worse and I have no idea why or how to change it. I also spend a lot of time acting differently to how I actually feel so I don't seem completely mad. Why is this happening and how can I manage this better? It can't just be me that feels over sensitive all the time. There is a huge amount of anxiety in that dilemma isn't there for Zoe so what do you think is going on there? So

firstly if we sort of zoom out a little bit and just think about what Zoe's describing which many people will relate to I think it's important to notice that if those experiences of perhaps feeling more tearful, of having that kind of dread feeling in your stomach, of feeling very vulnerable, if that continues to deteriorate, then there's a line at which, as a clinical psychologist, we would look at that and say, perhaps that's now crossing over into something that's really impacting on someone's functioning. And when it crosses over that line, it can be really important to seek professional help.

I don't think that's where Zoe is now, but I think it's just really useful to flag that for anyone who might be listening and relating to that, particularly if it feels like it's getting worse and it's getting worse, it's getting out of control. Because like you said, there's a lot of anxiety in that dilemma. And at some point it may be that

that person needs additional help. So talking to their GP or talking to a mental health practitioner, having a look on the MIND website or the NHS mental health resources or the Royal College of Psychiatry, they all have really great resources on their websites to just help you understand a bit more about what those symptoms might look like. But if we

then come back into Zoe, there's lots in there that seems to be going on. And as I listen to that dilemma, what I'm thinking about is the sort of the way that she's describing a sort of over sensitivity that I might reflect reframe in some way to being almost like an over playing of her strengths so I think over playing or under playing well we could do both in that way because I think sometimes you know when we recognize that we are perhaps more sensitive that in itself can be a real strength, a real superpower to be able to perhaps read emotion in a room, to be able to dial up your own emotional intelligence and also social intelligence.

Often people who are sensitive to what's going on around them have those strengths that they're playing to. But sometimes perhaps it gets dialed up a bit too much or that sensitivity is dialed up too much. And that might mean that it feels overwhelming and like she's describing, feeling like she wants to run to the bathroom and cry, which is, I suppose that feeling of just not being able to regulate emotion it's just coming in like a wave and and a real

vulnerability that comes with that and of course there are times and places when we can just let our emotions out and sometimes in a work context that might feel challenging, difficult, unprofessional, so you try and hold it in and sometimes that makes it even harder. And then hence the crying I guess because that crying is a release isn't it? Yes, absolutely. By the sounds of things. So what would you suggest for Zoe in terms of building her resilience or maybe playing to her strengths of being a sensitive person but not allowing it to be a cascade of emotion for her. What could she do, do you think?

So there are lots of different tools and techniques that she could try to help with this and sort of that come from perhaps different schools of thought in relation to psychology. One of the areas I'm really interested in is about acceptance and commitment therapy, which is a sort of approach where we might be less judgmental about the emotions that we're having. So often when we maybe feel things like sadness and she's describing feeling tearful or overly sensitive, when we're experiencing that,

there's probably another voice that's going off inside her mind that's saying like, oh, look, there you are again, and you know, you're- You shouldn't be doing this. Yes, and you know, you're too over-sensitive, you're too emotional, you know, there you are again being sad.

You're just getting it all wrong, and it can kind of dial up all of that sort of harsh criticism that we might aim towards ourselves. So one thing that Zoe could think about doing is actually just starting to shift the way that she understands what that feeling is all about. So is that feeling of sadness a signal that she's getting life wrong and not coping well? Or is it actually a signal perhaps more connected to her values so when are the times in a meeting that she's feeling

those experiences it might be that she's feeling someone's challenged an idea that she's had or she's felt criticized or undermined in some way and maybe those things connect to her values of wanting to do really well, wanting to be liked by the team, wanting to be sharing ideas in an equal way to the rest of the team. I don't know what her values might be,

but when we start to understand that our emotions often arise in connection with some of our values, it can help us to make sense of them so that we feel a bit less confused about why we're feeling that thing. But also then we can maybe get a little bit of distance. It's like, oh, I'm noticing I'm feeling sad about this because it's my mind is telling me that I'm getting things wrong. You know, I'm noticing I'm feeling sad because now I'm worried the

rest of the team won't like me because of this idea. Whatever might be going through her mind, when we can get a little bit of distance from our emotions, we can recognize what they are, we can start to connect them to a sort of greater meaning and an understanding, then it gives us a chance to maybe get a little bit unhooked from it. So she may be able to just use that power of noticing rather than sort of downward spiralling with that to just recognise that yes, and that's a very normal emotion to have given those things that are important to me, sort of validating the reason why she may feel

those things. And what some people find, and it may or may not be, you know, what happens for Zoe is that even in just doing that process, she can start to feel perhaps a little bit less governed by those feelings. Like when we notice our feelings, they sometimes start to diminish. When we pretend that they're not happening, we try and push them down then they have a way of kind of popping back up in the ways that we don't want them to. So we're talking about for Zoe then it's notice them,

accept them, don't try and manage them necessarily but also with that important caveat that look if this is becoming completely overwhelming and it's affecting your day-to-day life which it may possibly be then that's the point to go and seek some further support and help. Yes. Dr Hazel thank you very much indeed again for such a beautifully put concise answer and I hope that's helpful for Zoe. answer and I hope that's helpful for Zoe. That's it for today. Thank you so much for sending in your dilemmas and sharing your stories with us. It's so important that we're having these honest conversations that ultimately everyone can benefit from. So if there's something you want to talk about, then please keep them coming.

Whether it's big or small, get in touch with us. You can email us or send a voice note to hello at itcan'tjustbeme.co.uk. You can also find us on Instagram, TikTok and Facebook. Just search for it can't just be me. And remember, whatever you're dealing with, I promise it's not just you.