It Can't Just Be Me - It's Not Just You: Embarrassed about your vagina

Episode Date: November 22, 2024

In these weekly episodes of 'It's Not Just You', each week Anna will be joined by a different expert to explore the issues and dilemmas that are affecting you. No guests, just your dilemmas discussed by Anna and her expert.This week, Anna is joined by Dr Shirin Lakhani to tackle a listener’s dilemma about embarrassment around the appearance of her vagina. Together, Anna and Dr Lakhani explore the impact of feeling uncomfortable about how your vagina looks and feeling discomfort in that area. They also discuss what a 'designer vagina' actually is and why you probably don't need one!If you have a dilemma or situation you'd like discussed, reach out to Anna by emailing [e-mail] or DM her on Instagram @itcan’tjustbemepodNothing is off limits, we’re open to it all, from your mental health, to dating, to your sex life to addiction…all of the challenges and hurdles that life throws at you - It's Not Just You is a place for you to find some practical advice and support. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Calling all music buffs. Hey, hey, turn the volume up, yeah? Make Me A Mix Tape is back. I'm Jordan Stevens. I'm Clara Ampho, and this is our weekly music show. A celebrity guest picks the theme. We select the tunes. And we battle it out to create the ultimate mix tape.

May the best music lover win. Oh, it's about to go down. Let's go! Make Me A Mix Tape. Listen only on BBC Sounds. Hello I'm Anna Richardson and if you're a regular listener to It Can't Just Be Me then welcome to our second weekly episode, It's Not Just You. Each week I'll be joined by an expert to explore the issues and dilemmas that are affecting you. No guests, just you, me and an expert. Nothing is off limits, we're open to it all, from your mental health, to dating, to your

sex life, to addiction, all of the challenges and hurdles that life throws at you. We're here to offer some practical advice and support because whatever's on your mind, it's not just you. So let's begin. Today we're joined by Dr. Shirin Lakhani, a GP and aesthetic doctor who is passionate about women's health, particularly when it comes to intimate health. She's appeared on TV shows such as Channel 4's Embarrassing Bodies and of course this morning, but today she's here with advice just for us. Welcome Dr. Lekane. How are you? I'm really well, thank you Anna. Thank you for having me on. Thank you for coming in, honestly,

really appreciate this. We have a cracking dilemma for you today which is your pet subject. Are you ready? I'm ready, go for it. This one is from Libby but it's been voiced by somebody else. Hi Anna, I've always been the shy and reserved one of my friendship circle. Recently during a girls night someone mentioned they were going to get a designer vagina as her ex-boyfriend said hers could be better. I've never shared any details of my sex life, not that I have much of one, and never really paid much attention down there but was too embarrassed to ask what it was or what she meant. Is it normal to have this done? What does it mean and why would you get one? Thank you. There is so much to say about this. So firstly I'm glad that he's now an ex-boyfriend, whoever that boy was, and

secondly what is Libby's friend thinking? So, designer vaginas. Libby's asked what is it and why would you get one, Shirin? Okay, so designer vagina is a term that was popularized in the media Traditionally it referred to labia plasie surgery. Okay, so the terminology is incorrect Anyway, because the vagina is the birth canal the vulva is the female genitalia So design of vulva doesn't have quite the same ring to it so Labia plasie is a surgical procedure which involves reshaping usually the inner

lips of the labia, sometimes the outer lips as well. And it's done sometimes for cosmetic reasons to improve the appearance, but actually it's really commonly done for functional reasons. So, for example, if someone's labia minora protrude, it might cause discomfort during intercourse or exercise or wearing certain clothes. So that's the reason why women may want to get the procedure. More recently, we've got a whole host of non-surgical treatments for the vulva and vagina

that address a huge range of intimate health concerns and they've tended to be lumped into the same category by the press. Hopefully that's changing more recently and they've started talking about the functional improvements you can get rather than just labeling everything to do with the female genitals as design of vagina. Okay so we've got two things going on here then you're saying there's a functional aspect to having surgery and that there's also an aesthetic aspect to having surgery. So I'm getting the impression from from this dilemma that this is an aesthetic desire, this sort of idea of I want to have in inverted commas the perfect vulva.

Why are we obsessing about this so much? Media and porn telling us what they think a vulva should look like. There is no one way for a vulva to look. They're as different as our faces, they're as unique as fingerprints. So everyone's vulva looks different and actually depending on your cultural background and your racial background and things like that, there's different aesthetic ideals. So actually not everyone wants to look the same way but I think in Western society in particular we've kind of been brainwashed. They all want a Barbie vulva.

Everything's tucked in. So you have no exposed inner labia. Yeah, and it's all neat and tidy. It's neat and tidy, and you've got no pubic hair. No. But that's not normal. And actually, when patients come to see me concerned about whether or not

they've got a normal looking vulva, I actually show them, I call it my wall of vulvas. I've got a big screensaver, which has got a multitude of different vulvas on it and they can see how much variation there actually is. So from my point of view, if you don't have a functional problem, don't be concerned with the appearance because everyone's is different and there is no right way for one to look. Well, I mean, it sounds unique, isn't it? As a fingerprint, if you think about it, we're all absolutely unique and different.

I know from having done Naked Attraction and various other shows, I reckon I've seen about a thousand vulvas. So I know the difference out there. You know the difference out there as a doctor as well. I mean, it is as unique as you are. So you're absolutely spot-on, Shirin, that there's no normal in inverted commas? They're all normal. Thank you. They're all normal. You're

absolutely right. Also in terms of the listener's friend, they were looking to have surgery because their ex-partner said they could look better down there. Who says that? I know, I've heard it once before from one of my patients, again from an ex-partner, but it actually scarred her and it affected the way she saw herself in her new relationship as well. And it took a lot of counseling and a lot of reassurance

for her to realize that actually he was a problem, not her. And when you saw your patient who said, my ex-partner said that my vulva, you know, could have been better, when you examined her, presumably what you saw was there's absolutely nothing wrong with your vulva whatsoever. No. And there's no functional problem.

No, there was no functional problem. And she was concerned because her labia minora No. And there's no functional problem? No, there was no functional problem and she was concerned because her labia minora was slightly larger and protruded from her labia majora which are the outer lips and people worry when they protrude past the labia majora. The average range for labia minora length is from 7 millimeters to 5 centimeters. So my maths is terrible I can't imagine what that looks like. So what does that look like? So I mean seven millimeters half a centimeter. Okay so half a centimeter. So it's small. So that's still within the normal range. That's incredible.

Wow. Normal ranges aren't for that. That's basically where the vast majority fall between. Even outside of those measurements, you're still normal. So when we talk about normal ranges for height, it doesn't matter if you're outside the normal range, you're still normal. You're just not where the majority of people are. Understood. So in terms of that if it's not causing you problems don't worry about it. So in what sort of circumstance might you consider having labiaplasty then? So as I said if there's a functional issue so if you've got discomfort during intercourse or during exercise or you find that when you're wearing certain clothes you're finding it uncomfortable then that would be a reason for laboplasty but also another thing to consider is how you feel

yourself and your confidence levels as well. If it's affecting you to the point where you're lacking in confidence so much that you don't want to be intimate with someone then that's also a valid reason to have one but remember it needs to be for you and not for someone else. Absolutely because we're not talking about sort of a bit of lunchtime Botox here this is this is a full-on procedure isn't it if you're having labiaplasty? Yeah it's a surgical procedure so you have the regular time of recovery and the same risk that you'd have with any surgery. And that is a very intimate area.

So how uncomfortable would that be if you did choose to have labiaplasty? Generally, it's a short period of discomfort afterwards, but you've got to remember that there are complications associated with it as well. And some women have reported loss of sensitivity and reduced orgasms after labiaplasty so that's something really important to consider as well. I just want to go back to something you were saying earlier on about the different cultural norms as well when it comes to our vulvas and you were saying

that the sort of Western ideal is that pornographic ideal of the Barbie vulva, no pubic hair, no visible labia. What about other cultural norms? And it depends on the culture and what's more common in those cultures. So in some cultures you're expected to have pubic hair, because if you don't, then you're a child. Ah, so and in certain cultures, women predominantly have protruding labia.

So that's what they'd expect to see. Is it becoming more common, do you think, women worrying about their vulvas or requesting labiaplasty? I think it's one of the areas that has grown over the years, but I think what's happening more now with the new non-surgical solutions that are out there is women are looking for solutions to functional issues

more than cosmetic concerns. So they're becoming more aware of symptoms they might be experiencing and looking for solutions for those rather than worrying about how their volvers look. Shirin thank you so much for talking about this. It's such a particularly intimate thing to discuss so thank you for all of your advice with that and you know what I think the main takeaway from this is so glad that boy's

an ex. Absolutely. That's it for today. Thank you so much for sending in your dilemmas and sharing your stories with us. It's so important that we're having these honest conversations that ultimately everyone can benefit from. So if there's something you want to talk about, then please keep them coming. Whether it's big or small, get in touch with us. You can email us or send a voice note to hello at itcan'tjustbeme.co.uk You can also find us on Instagram, TikTok and Facebook. Just search for it can't just be me. And remember, whatever you're dealing with, I promise it's not just you. I'm Jordan Stevens. I'm Clara Anfo and this is our weekly music show. A celebrity guest

picks the theme, we select the tunes and we battle it out to create the ultimate mixtape. May the best music lover win. Oh it's about to go down. Let's go! Make me a mixtape. Listen only on BBC Sounds.