It Can't Just Be Me - It's Not Just You: Recovery After Childbirth

Episode Date: January 17, 2025

In these weekly episodes of 'It's Not Just You', each week Anna will be joined by a different expert to explore the issues and dilemmas that are affecting you. No guests, just your dilemmas discussed by Anna and her expert.This week, Anna is joined by Dr Shirin Lakhani to answer a listener's question about recovery after childbirth – both physical and emotional. It's very normal to need extended time to recover after birth before having sex again, but there are many misplaced expectations and ideas around 'bouncing back'. Dr Lakhani is here to reassure anyone going through similar that you should take all the time you need.If you have a dilemma or situation you'd like discussed, reach out to Anna by emailing [e-mail] or DM her on Instagram @itcantjustbemepod Nothing is off limits, we’re open to it all, from your mental health, to dating, to your sex life to addiction…all of the challenges and hurdles that life throws at you - It's Not Just You is a place for you to find some practical advice and support. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Help create an inclusive workplace that benefits everyone. Find the tools and resources to help you hire persons with disabilities at Canada.ca slash right here. A message from the Government of Canada. Hello, I'm Anna Richardson and if you're a regular listener to It Can't Just Be Me, then welcome to our second weekly episode, It's Not Just You. Each week I'll be joined by an expert to explore the issues and dilemmas that are affecting you. No guests, just you, me and an expert. Nothing is off limits, we're open to it all. From your mental health, to dating, to your sex life, to addiction, all of the challenges and hurdles that life throws at you.

We're here to offer some practical advice and support because, whatever's on your mind, it's not just you. So let's begin. Today I'm delighted to be joined once again by Dr. Lekani. She's a GP, she's a women's health practitioner and she has a particular interest in intimate health. Welcome back, Shirin. How are you? I'm great, thanks Anna. Thank you so much for having me back on.

Oh, listen, thank you for coming into the studio as well. I do appreciate it very much. So as you know, today it's all about our listeners and we have a new dilemma in for you. This is from Pip. We've not used her real voice. Hi, Anna. I recently had my second baby about four months ago. He came about 18 months after our first child and although it was a lot to take on we are really happy and have settled into family life. However having a toddler and a baby has had a huge impact on our sex life. I just don't want my husband anywhere near me but I know he misses me and is trying so hard to be good about it. I feel like the fun has gone from our relationship. I did have to have a C-section,

so I have worries about that, but I'm also concerned about changes to my body and how I look. My husband only tells me he thinks I am amazing, but it doesn't help. How do I overcome this, as I don't want to lose our spark? It can't just be me that's not up for sex after childbirth. There is a lot going on here I think with this dilemma but firstly congratulations Pip on giving birth to two beautiful healthy babies. Your body has done an amazing thing and I don't think we should forget that but do you know what Sharon this is something I hear all the time and as a doctor you must hear this all the time as well sex life destroyed after kids yes this definitely isn't just PIP is it

no absolutely not this is a hugely common problem and first of all I'd also like to say congratulations PIP on your two little ones and having a toddler and a baby is certainly not easy I've got two kids over three years between them. And I remember how exhausted I was even after one. But when the second came along, it was just a whole new ballgame. So please don't be too hard on yourself. It's a really common problem. So just tell us, I've never had a baby.

What impact does childbirth have on the body? Because Pip's saying she's worried about the physical changes. So childbirth is a huge milestone in a woman's life. And whether you have a natural delivery or a caesarean section, your body is going to have gone through a massive change. You've created a baby for nine months and then you go through the trauma of delivering that baby and bringing it into the world and then you've got to look after it. So that has a massive impact on women both physically, hormonally and emotionally and

all of that plays into how Pip is feeling now. Absolutely. I'm just sort of enthralled by what you're saying thinking God no wonder I've never done it. Basically after a caesarean or any birth it's completely normal to feel disconnected from your body because of everything that you've been through and a lack of libido feeling exhausted all the time and even feeling less confident about how your body's changed immediately after childbirth, all plays a part in that.

But also presumably you're going to feel less confident and you're going to have a lack of libido after something like a C-section or even natural childbirth because as you say your body's gone through quite a trauma. So you're not going to want to be hopping back into bed with the other half are you? No and you've got to remember it takes time to recover even if you just look at the physical aspect of having a caesarean section that's major abdominal surgery so after any abdominal surgery you're looking at three to six months to get some sort of normality back in your body.

Oh that's really good to know because Pip is obviously saying that she had her second baby by c-section four months ago. It's not that long is it? No it's not long at all and forget the impact of having a baby and looking after two little children, your body has gone through major surgery. Let's talk a little bit about the psychological recovery after childbirth. You've said it yourself you know childbirth can be traumatic and for some women it is Psychologically traumatic and then you've got the hormonal changes the exhaustion adapting to being a parent. So Psychologically, what do you think might be going on for pip here? Well everything that you've already mentioned and we've already talked about she's

Feeling less confident about her body. She's obviously feeling that she's not wanting sex. So she's feeling, she's letting her partner down in that respect. And I think women judge themselves so harshly when it comes to having to bounce back to normal after having a baby. And I mean, in our society society we congratulate women on getting their

figures back straight away, on going back to work quickly, on literally just picking up and carrying on as if they've not been through a major traumatic experience and I think that's a not the norm and be really unhelpful to the normal people out there who feel like because they haven't achieved that they're in some way inadequate. Do you think that there's any sort of evolutionary aspect to not having much of a libido after you've just had a baby? Presumably there might be a hormonal thing going on here which is you just don't want to get pregnant that quickly again surely? Well it's quite traumatic getting pregnant again that quickly after delivering a child

and also when you're breastfeeding as well, that's like a natural contraception as well. It's not foolproof, but I mean, when you are breastfeeding, you're less likely to fall pregnant again. And also your periods don't come back straight away, do they? So that's your body's way of saying, hang on a minute, you're not ready yet. Just thinking about this a little bit

from Pip's husband's perspective, because I think it can be really tough for guys after their partners had a baby, and they can end up feeling isolated as well, because I guess it's his natural instinct to want to connect with his wife and to want to have sex. What can guys do? I think open communication is key here, isn't it? So I think being honest with each other about how you're feeling and what you're going through, but still respecting what your partner's feeling as well and being empathetic. And find if the partner can get hands-on in helping with the baby, that can help take some of the pressure off the woman and give her a bit of a break and help her

have some me time and get back to a little bit more of her normal self. So I guess what you're saying really is that give it time. It's only been four months. Your body's been through a lot. Your mind's going through a lot. Just give yourself a bit of a break. I think it's important to know that it can take a year or more to get back to normal after having a baby. Really? Yeah, with all the emotional and the hormonal turmoil as well as the physical trauma, throw into that caring for the child and the toddler as well. It's a lot to take on and I think people underestimate how hard it is being a mum.

If she needs more support then what should she consider? In my head I'm thinking she might benefit from some sort of postpartum therapy of some sort. Would that help? It may help but it's important to remember that what she's experiencing a lot of women experience and I think what I found helpful when I had my kids was the postnatal groups, connecting with other mums with children of a similar age. Through that we had access to the health visitors and the midwives and making use of that support

network that exists. And then obviously if you feel like you need more help then looking at some sort of counselling may help as well. So from having had your kids, do you remember those chats with the other mums going, God, I really don't want to have sex, I'll just write off it. Yep, and plenty more. We talked about absolutely everything.

I'm still friends with my NCT group and my postnatal group. So you form connections, they're going through the same thing you are. So they're a really good source of support. Dr. Lekarni, thank you so much for your support on this, we really appreciate it. Thank you. That's it for today. Thank you so much for sending in your dilemmas and sharing your stories with us. It's so important that we're having these honest

conversations that ultimately everyone can benefit from. So if there's something you want to talk about then please keep them coming. Whether it's big or small get in touch with us. You can email us or send a voice note to hello at itcan'tjustbeme.co.uk. You can also find us on Instagram, TikTok and Facebook. Just search for it can't just be me. And remember whatever you're dealing with, I promise it's not just you. In case nobody's told you weight loss goes beyond the old just eat less and move more narrative and that's where Felix comes in. Felix is redefining weight loss for Canadians with a smarter, more personalized approach

to help you crush your health goals this year. Losing weight is about more than diet and exercise. It can also be about our genetics, hormones, metabolism. Felix connects you with online licensed healthcare practitioners who understand that everybody is different and compare your healthy lifestyle with the right support to reach your goals. Start your visit today at felix.ca. That's felix.ca

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