It Can't Just Be Me - The Isolation of a Rare Medical Diagnosis with Betty Mukherjee

Episode Date: December 4, 2024

This time on In Can't Just Be Me, Anna is joined by Race Across The World's Betty Mukherjee, who won viewers' hearts this year with her down-to-earth humour and vulnerability as she travelled 15,000km from Japan to Indonesia with her brother, James. On the show, Betty revealed how a diagnosis of the rare condition MRKH syndrome at just 16 years old had altered the course of her life. Here, she shares with Anna how it felt getting such life-changing news at such a young age, and how the realities of the condition – like many people with MRKH, Betty was born with one kidney and no uterus – destroyed her confidence and ripped apart the vision of what she thought her life was going to look like. They discuss the isolation of having a medical condition that few people properly understand, and how finding escapism through travelling has always been a big part of Betty's life, but she wasn't prepared for how talking about her diagnosis on national television was going to change her life.If you or someone you know is struggling with any of the topics discussed in It Can’t Just Be Me, you can find useful resources and support here: https://audioalways.lnk.to/ItcantjustbemeIG.Every Friday Anna, alongside a panel of experts, will be addressing YOUR dilemmas in our brand new episodes ‘It’s Not Just You'! If you have a dilemma or situation you'd like discussed, reach out to Anna by emailing [e-mail] or DM her on Instagram @itcantjustbemepod Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Find your power. Peloton. Visit Peloton at OnePeloton.ca. ["It Can't Just Be Me"] Hello, I'm Anna Richardson, and welcome to It Can't Just Be Me. If you've listened before, hello, and if you're joining me for the very first time, it's great to have you here. This is the podcast that helps you realise you're not the only one. It's a safe space where

nothing is off limits as we try to help you understand that whatever you might be going through, it's really not just you. So each week I'm joined by a different celebrity guest who'll talk through the challenges and hurdles they faced in their own lives in order to help you with yours. I want to know about it all. The weird, the wonderful, the crazy because these conversations are nothing if not open and honest. So let's get started. nothing if not open and honest. So let's get started. My guest today was one of the surprise stars of the hit BBC show Race Across the World alongside her brother James. If you haven't seen it, where have you been? It's a competition that sees teams of two race across the world trying to get from A to B on a tiny budget using any means

of transport available other than air travel. Oh and no phones are allowed either. It's a nightmare and it's totally addictive. The UK was gripped as our brother and sister duo made their way from Japan to Indonesia. The sibling relationship blossomed and they stole our hearts, not least because some very painful confessions were shared along the way, with many people calling it the TV moment of 2024. Welcome, Betty Muggagee! Thank you so much. How are you? I'm good, thank you. How are you? Well, I'm okay but I imagine that you are a little bit stressed because it's taken you probably longer to get from Skipton to London than it did for you to get across Indonesia. How stressful has that journey been Betty? I know it's been pretty stressful but I feel like I'm quite well equipped now to just

go with the flow and deal with things. So that's quite very interesting to me actually. Do you now feel that with the sort of the state of the UK's transport system and the stress that it could put you under, do you now just let it wash off you and you go, do you know what I don't care? I mean, is it like this? Yeah, I think, you know, you can get yourself quite warmed up over the little things, can't you?

But I've, over this last year, I've tried to, you know, simmer a bit and just, you know, it's a journey. It's a, I don't really get that time to like sit and be in my own space a lot, so. Oh, I love that. Just totally cool and relaxed. That's brilliant. Well, listen, before we really get into it,

tell us what your, it can't just be me dilemma is. It can't just be me who has too much gas on their ultrasound scan. Now, okay, this is interesting. We are gonna get into your very particular condition that you revealed while you were doing Race Across the World. So it's fair to say that you've had a lot of ultrasound scans and you've got too much gas.

Is this just natural gas? So I've recently discovered actually quite a lot of people do experience this, but there's been quite a few scans in my life where I've just been told I'm too gassy and I've had so much, yeah. So you've just got a lot of people do experience this, but there's been quite a few scans in my life where I've just been told I'm too gassy and cut so much. Yeah. So you've just got a lot of wind.

I think so. Are you a windy person? I am quite a windy person. Are you? Openly, yeah. Yeah, my boyfriend will definitely agree with that as well. So basically inside your body, you've just got a kind of a giant cavity

of just natural gas. Well, I don't know if that's proven, but yeah. I love it. You're just a windy girl but that's fine I think it isn't just you Betty that is very very windy and I'm happy to hear that you admit it as well. Good for you. Now then let's start with why you decided to do one of the biggest shows in the UK race across the world and also with your brother James who you have admitted before you didn't really sort of get on that well with beforehand yeah so fill me in why did you decide to do it and why with James? So it was a show that we'd always like kind of sat down and watched as a family is really

you know there's a lot we didn't often spend time as a family but this was one show that we kind of came together every Wednesday evening. We sat down and watched the show and we all kind of said, oh, we could give this a go. But it's, I think when you're applying for anything, you don't presume that you're just going to, you know, get on a show. So I remember getting to it, I was tagged in it and it was like, you'd be really good at this. And I thought, yeah, actually, I probably would rate myself at that. But I kind of looked at my family. Well, to be fair, friends was a write off for me. I would never do it with a friend because I thought

if I do it with family, we have to come back as family. Yeah, with a friend. We might not come back as friends. And given your experience now of what you went through. Yeah. Are you pretty certain that if I'd gone with a friend, there's no way we'd be speaking again? Definitely. OK. I love all my friends to bits,

but it was just one of the hardest things I've ever done. Really? Yeah. And I kind of looked at my family and I kind of assessed of who I wanted to go with and my mom, well, my mom wouldn't have time off work, she's a teacher. I looked at my dad and I thought, there's no way

I could do that with my dad. And then my older brother lives in Canada, so he was a no go. So as a process of elimination, I ended up with James. And what did he think about it? Yeah, well, he is a very typical, I was gonna say teenage boy, he's not a teenage boy, he's 22 now, but he is a typical younger brother.

Okay, I've got one. Yeah, and he looked at the form and thought, I can't be asked to fill in that out. He just, he wasn't really having any of it. So I sat him down and I filled it out with his answers. And then, yeah, just stage after stage, we just kept getting through and it was the last stage. And we thought, oh God,

we're actually gonna have to do this together. But yeah, it was just to show that we always thought we could give it a go. You said a minute ago, I wanted to apply for it because I thought, yeah, I'd be pretty good at this. Why, what made you think I'd be pretty good at this. Why? What made you think I'd be good at basically going across the world with very little money, just sort of begging favors and not getting stressed?

I think it was because, you know, I'd always had a passion for traveling. So as soon as I left college, I got a job and every single wage I got, I booked a holiday with. And you know, at 18, I'd been around Central America on my own and interrailing with my best friend and out of my family and even my friends, like I was always known as like the person that had a bit of wanderlust and just wanting to go. So whether it was that I thought I was gonna be good at it

or whether I just thought I like a bit of traveling and. So yeah, so for you, traveling is second nature. Definitely. Yeah. But you said, I thought it was right. So you said it was one of the most difficult things you've ever done. Yeah. Why? Just because we are so accustomed to like using our phones and Googling everything, using maps and.

When all of that's taken away from you and then added on like all the filming and everything like that and not having any contact with back home and there was just so many elements that just added up to it just being physically and mentally so challenging. Yeah.

You know, waking up really early, not really having much sleep, having to carry everything on your back. And you're having to presumably wake up early and not getting much sleep because it is a race. Yes, it's a race and also like there's just so much behind the scenes that has to be done as well. Yeah, well just through the process of television production there's a lot that's going on isn't there and it is exhausting. Yeah. How many weeks were you on the road for? Eight weeks. Wow. I mean that is knackering.

Yeah. And within that, do you have any time off, presumably you have no time off because it is a race. Yeah, so we have, you have to get to certain checkpoints and at the checkpoints you could have, it was anything between like 24 and 36 hours, depending obviously when you got in and things like that. But even in that time they were still filming

and you know, we had to do, yeah, wrestling, R&R, R&R filming. There was one day out of the whole eight weeks that everyone got a day off and that was beautiful. Was there a point at any point, I mean, I'm now just going completely off on a tangent here because I'm trying to imagine myself being able to do this. Was there a point where you just had a complete meltdown? I don't think there was ever like a full meltdown in terms of like the actual you

know process or anything like that. Mostly because I thought if I have a meltdown they're going to have to refil this. That's going to be on camera. Yeah. And then they're going to ask about it again and again and again. And that's why me and James didn't fall out actually because we just kind of figured out that that would be filmed and then we'd have to make up on camera. Yeah. Yeah, I definitely had like meltdowns in other ways when certain things happened.

So sort of just frustration meltdowns of, oh my God, you know, we've missed the train or whatever it happens to be. Okay, I can, I mean, eight weeks, it's a long time. So tell me how the show challenged your relationship with your little brother, because you've said, look, we weren't that close, you know, we're family, but he's my little brother, weren't that close.

How did it challenge you for the worse and also for the better? And ultimately, how did it change you both? Well, we've both been quite open and honest that we weren't really that close before. I think, you know, as kids, you'll know with having brothers that you grow up as children and you have to do things to get that your mum and dad make you go on holiday together

and things like that, but you never kind of have, like kind of have those conversations that teaches each other like how you actually are as an adult. That's true. You don't have that, do you? It's weird because we just revert back, don't we, to being kids when you're with your brothers? 100%.

And those roles that you kind of get placed into. So now that you're an adult woman, and obviously, how old is James now? He's 22. Okay, so he's 22. He's a young man, but you're right, we don't really know who we are with our siblings as adults, do we?

No, we don't. And we never really get that opportunity, and I think we've both been really grateful for that because in terms of, you know, all of it was once in a lifetime, the travel and everything, but actually it was once in a lifetime that we spent eight weeks together. I'm never gonna do that again.

So I was grateful for that. What was the worst bit about being with him? I quite quickly learned. So I went into that being kind of the traveler that I was gonna be sort of the one leading the way or taking control and I very quickly learned that that wasn't gonna be the case. James is very cool-headed and he can make decisions under pressure, he's very much like live in the moment, looks for the positive in everything and at the start that kind of irritated me. Do you

know what I mean? Because it was like, I'm frustrated, like feel my frustration. He's like, oh well, it doesn't matter. So he was just really cool. Even though you're under pressure and it's a race. It was kind of annoying. Wow, so he's just cool, level-headed and you're going, James, please, I'm freaking out here. Just please sort of feel my pain

and hold that a little bit. And weirdly that actually turned into the best thing because everyone sort of asked, what was the thing that you learned the most? And I learned so much from James, which is absolutely crazy to me because I think I've spent a lot of time kind of searching for something. And I have reflected quite a lot of time kind of searching for something. And I have reflected quite a lot this year

that I used to use travel 100% for escapism to kind of get away from like the Monday and kind of reinvent myself wherever I was. And I couldn't do that because I was with James when I was on the race. Because he knew me like. So it's like stop bullshitting Betty. I know what's going on here.

This is you and it's me. Yeahshitting Betty, I know what's going on here. Exactly. This is you and it's me. Yeah, so I went through times in the race where I was like, I felt quite challenged within myself, but it allowed me to kind of reflect and I learned so much from James about living in the moment and you know, searching for that positive and yeah.

So challenged within yourself in terms of what? What do you mean I think usually when I'd be traveling or on holiday or abroad things might come up for me like certain thoughts or expectations or pressures and I'd kind of just brush it under the carpet like I'm on holiday or I'm traveling and I don't need to kind of deal with that but it's just it's just feeling the pressure of life and going I don't need to worry about that right now. Yeah, and I think more so like the thoughts I have about myself. But James is very good at just grounding you.

Yeah. So what would you say is the biggest thing that you learned about yourself while you were doing that eight week race? So I just learned, and I think I already kind of knew this but I definitely used to see the world through like dark colored glasses. Really? Always looked for sort of the negative, always sort of used to dwell on things and felt sorry for myself quite a lot and I very much recognize the importance of doing

that but equally James had a really good balance of like, yeah, that's happened, there's nothing we can do about it, and now let's move on and look for the positive. And I think because we were in that race, we didn't have the time to just sit and dwell. So there's definitely been times since I've come home where I have let myself kind of sit and dwell because I've had that time,

but there's also been times where I've like, right, come on, let's crack on now. What would you say is the thing you value most now about your brother? To his perspective on life, I value that a lot because he's not had an easy ride either. And he went through a lot with career and cricket and this whole sense of identity crisis.

I don't think he would maybe call it that, but you know, when you've sort of lived a life like he had playing cricket so much and then suddenly getting dropped, that was a huge thing at such a young age. And yet he looks back on that and he says, Oh, well, it led me to this. And, you know, he sees it very positively. And I think over these last six months, particularly talking about my diagnosis, for example, it's allowed me to do that. Whereas usually I'd be like, oh, well, this has happened to me and no, woe me.

But actually this has happened. I've spoken about it and all these great things have come from it. So. Well, as you were talking, I did wonder whether part of the reason that you see the world through a darker lens and with negativity is because of your diagnosis, which is something that you chose to open up about on the show.

So you have the very rare, and I know I'm going to get this pronunciation wrong, but Meyer-Rockitansky-Kusterhouser syndrome, so MRKH for short. I'd never heard of it. So for anybody else listening who isn't aware of it, can you just tell us a little bit more about it and how you discovered that actually you had it? Yeah, so MRKH is a condition that affects every one in 5,000 women.

So even though it's rare, it's actually quite a lot of women. And after talking about it, I realized that barely anyone knew about it. I didn't know about it when I got diagnosed. None of my family did. And yeah, it's rare, but it still does affect quite a lot of people.

Now this condition, there's type one and type two. Type two is the one that I have and that affects kind of other organs, so I only have one kidney as well. But it mostly affects sort of the reproductive system. So the absence of a uterus and no womb, it can affect like vagina length and things like that. Yeah.

Where did you discover this, Betty? So I was 16 because my period never came. So women with MRKH don't have obviously normal periods. Of course, okay. All right. Yeah. Okay, so I'm going back into my sex education days here. Of course. So periods are obviously the lining of the womb,

aren't they, Sherry? Of course, so you've got your ovaries. Yes, I've got my ovaries. But you have no uterus or cervix. That's right. Is that right? Yeah. Okay. So then your ovaries would release eggs every month, presumably. Where do they go? So I only just discovered this a few weeks ago after speaking

to a doctor. Apparently your eggs are like proteins, so they just get absorbed back into your body. So you were releasing eggs from God knows what age, so you know, from the minute you matured, and then they were just being reabsorbed into your body. So you're there as a teenager waiting for your period. Presumably all the other girls at school are having their periods. Did you just think, well, I'm just a late bloomer? I mean, there's that intuition, it's a thing, isn't it?

And I remember getting my first training bra when I was like 10, I was developing quite young. And so I just naturally presumed that I was gonna get my period quite young. But then I was in a really small secondary school actually, there was only six of us in our class. So we all kind of knew everything about everyone. So I knew when everyone was starting their periods

and it was about when I was 14, 15, I was like, I feel like there's something not quite right. So you had an intuition that there's something not right in my body. Yeah. And what can you sort of pinpoint when you say I had that intuition? What was that? Just a feeling that there was something wrong. Yeah. It would. And I never sort of, you know, I didn't go and doctor Google or anything like that. I never sort of self-diagnosed. So what happened then?

Presumably, you just just didn't get your periods Google or anything like that. I never sort of self-diagnosed. So what happened then? Presumably you just didn't get your periods for longer and longer and longer. So at what point did you say, I've got to do something about this? Yeah, well, there was a couple of times throughout like maybe a two, three year period where I was getting like quite a lot of pain, like abdominal pain, but I think on reflection,

it was, you know, like pain that's like actually caused mentally. So psychosomatic? Yes, I can't say that psychosomatic psychosomatic really yeah I think it was so you were getting those kind of like fake period yeah yeah and this is your well presumably your subconscious mind going yeah something all right you should be now ovulating and having a period but actually you're ovulating but nothing's happening here. Okay.

So I was going to the GP because the pain was pretty crippling and they just kept telling me that I was a late starter and I was gonna start my period. So it wasn't until about two weeks before my 16th birthday, one of my GP sent me for an ultrasound. Is this because you kept going back to your GP? Yeah, and because I was approaching 16

and I hadn't started my period. It's late, isn't it? 16's kind of like the cutoff, I suppose. Yeah. So I felt like that was when I started to take it a bit more seriously. So I went for an ultrasound and that was when I was too gassy

and I got told that it was blank. Back to gassy betty. Yeah. So they couldn't see anything and just said, there's too much wind in this girl. Yeah. But also they couldn't see anything because there wasn't that much to see.

Yeah. But obviously they couldn't just take one up to Sanna's face value. So I went back the week after and my mom sat me in the car and she winded me. Like, did she? Yes. Bless her.

So to get all of that wind. I mean, this is all making sense now, Betty, because I guess if you have got one kidney and actually you have no uterus or cervix, then there is quite a lot of space in there. So there will be wind, I suppose. So then you went back for your second ultrasound and what did they say?

So it was still blank. But at this point they were like, maybe you're not not grassy this time. So we for an MRI scan. And then the MRI scan was the scan that came back with showing one kidney and no uterus. And how were you told that news? So my parents actually told me

because it was really weird how, you know, when you say trust the time and like it was a weird time. So we went on a Wednesday morning to get my results. I might be in Thursday morning. Thursday morning to get my results from the doctor. And she said, oh, the scan results haven't come through. So I went to school as normal.

My mom worked at school and I went in to get some lunch money and I could tell my mom had been crying, but she wouldn't tell me what was wrong. And then that evening I was in the school production of Grease, I was cha cha. So I did my Grease production, went home and then, yeah, my mom and dad came into my bedroom that evening

and told me. Oh God. Oh Betty, I mean, that is, I can only, it makes me feel a bit tiff. I can only imagine how traumatizing that must have been for you at 16. And then your mum and dad coming into your bedroom, you know there's something going on,

don't you, when your mum and dad come in? So what did they say? So my mum just kind of said, we've had the results back and you've only got one kidney, but you don't have a uterus either. You must have been so scared. Yeah, it was, I think whenever you see parents upset as well, you know that it's kind of serious.

And yeah, I remember that like as plain as day as if it was like yesterday, that kind of conversation happening, but. Can you remember? Because you say that you can remember it like it was yesterday, that kind of conversation happening. But. Can you remember, because you say that you can remember it like it was yesterday, of course, because it's a really significant emotional event. So I can imagine that when you think about it, can you really see your parents' faces

and you can see where you were, you can probably see the color of your duvet, all that kind of thing. You remember the conversation. Can you remember how you felt? I remember actually the first thing I said to mom is, oh, I feel lighter. Like discovering that I didn't have these organs,

I was like, oh. That's weird, I feel thinner. I feel thinner and lighter, it's amazing. I think my kind of go-to, whatever emotion I'm feeling, I try and find a bit of humor just to like cover up how I am feeling. Yes, the pain.

Yeah. But I remember my mom saying like, do you wanna sleep with me tonight? I'm feeling I try and find a bit of humor just to like cover up the pain. Yeah But I remember my mom saying like do you want to sleep with me tonight? And I said no, but I remember just sobbing all night and I was straight on Google researching and I've been quite open with this But when you search mr. Kh, it's all very like jargon bases. All the diagrams are quite like Just as a 16 year old girl, you don't wanna see that. And I instantly felt like the two, three years leading up to that when I knew something was wrong and I didn't feel like normal, I felt like that was all just confirmed

that I was like this freak. And at 16 years old, anyway, as a teenager, it is hard like trying to identify who you are or who you you're gonna be and what you want to do next but then that kind of just added like a whole new layer and and what was the fear I think the fear was judgment from other people. It was a fear that I wasn't gonna have a normal life. It was a fear that I wasn't gonna be perceived as a woman.

I wanted to be a preschool teacher. That was gonna be what I was gonna go and study at college. This was February when I found out. Obviously, they knew CED, GCSEs, and then in September I was gonna go to college and do childhood development. And straight away I was like, I can't do that. I can gonna go to college and do childhood development. And straight away I was like, I can't do that. I can't go and learn about children

thinking that I couldn't have my own. So it was like suddenly for me, it was just like a huge identity crisis, you know, who am I? Just at a time in your life when you're really developing and trying to work out who I am, my identity, my plan for life. We'll be back in just a

moment. Whether you're in your running era, Pilates era or yoga era, dive into Peloton workouts that work with you. From meditating at your kids game to mastering a strength program, they've got everything you need to keep knocking down your goals. No pressure to be who you're not. Just workouts and classes to strengthen who you are. So no matter your era, make it your best with Peloton.

Find your push. Find your power. Peloton. Visit Peloton at OnePalatine.ca. Was it that underlying grief of, I'm not going to be able to have children? Did that impact you? I can, again, I don't want to put words into your mouth, but how did you feel about that? That I am never going to be able to have my own kids?

Yeah, that's exactly kind of one of the, well, obviously the first thing that I thought about, because when you think of a uterus or a womb, you think children. And, you know, one of the first things the doctor said to me after my diagnosis was, oh, you won't be thinking about having children yet, you're only 16.

But obviously like, someone tells you not to think of a pink elephant, you're thinking of a pink elephant. Right? And I remember the first boy when I was speaking to him at 16, and I remember telling him and he said, I don't wanna speak to you, if you can't have children.

Oh my God. I was 16 and I thought this is how it's gonna be forever. Like I'm never gonna find anyone who's gonna love me. And you know, at 16, obviously you're not preparing for those things, but equally like they're gonna cave away for your brain. Well, it's so bound up as you say with what it means to be a woman and your identity and femininity and your fertility,

and also what every other girl's going through. So for you, you felt, what, I'm a freak? Yeah. I'm on the outside. Did you tell any of your mates? I remember telling my best friend the next day, and I don't know. I think even to this day, whenever I told people, it was kind of like,

oh, you can have my kidney. And that was because at 16, like that was, I don't know, like more prominent maybe, or maybe people thought that was like the less taboo thing to talk about. Or what the more, did they think it was the more serious thing to say, oh my gosh, I've only got one kidney, so you can have mine.

Rather than focusing on the fact that actually there's no uterus there. Wow, Betty. How has it impacted you? Because how old are you now? I'm nearly 27. So we're only talking 10 years ago. It's sort of nothing really.

It goes like that, doesn't it? So how has that impacted you over the last decade and what kind of journey have you been on with acceptance? I feel like my acceptance has only really come in the last six months. And that is from using my voice and speaking about it on the race. I think I spent a lot of time in denial. Once I'd kind of got over, the way that I kind of see it is that I've got

through various hurdles in my life. And the first hurdle was obviously periods because everyone my age was getting periods. And I left school, went to college, and I'd have certain girls ask me for tampons. And that would be the worst thing that day because it'd be like they can either see straight through me and they know that's what I used to think or I just felt like a complete freak and you know there was a stage where I was kind of just putting tampons in my bag just in case people asked and then it was kind of like sex that was a huge thing. Okay tell me about about that. Why was that a huge thing? So with MRKH, one of the kind of components or elements

is kind of, it does, it can affect the vagina. In that it becomes underdeveloped, presumably. Yeah, so there's quite a few women with MRKH who literally have a dimple and they have to, I like to say, woman-make it themselves. It's not man-made, it's womanmade. And we go through a process of treatment called dilation and it essentially makes the vagina.

Okay, and you don't have to talk about your case if you don't want to, we can talk about other women. But with some women then we're saying that there's just a dimple, just a very short canal then where the vagina is meant to be. And then through dilation, you're creating that tube. Yeah, essentially, yeah. Okay, so that's something you had to experience.

I can only imagine, again, you tell me, in my head I'm thinking, God, that must be quite painful. So it was painful physically, but for me it was, mentally it was awful. It was just full of shame and embarrassment. And I just think at that age when you're trying to explore your body,

when you think of like, for Chinese you think of pleasure and you think of, you know, sex and whatever else. But for me it was kind of clouded with, yeah, just shame. Shame. Yeah. And shame is a terrible emotion. And something that I've had to kind of go backwards a bit

over the last six months and realize how it affects me today. How does it affect you? I think there's just always that, without going too much into it, surrounding the kind of bedroom activity and things like that, there's always just that sense of like, I don't know, like different or.

So presumably you've had a good look at other women's vulvas and vaginas. Yeah. Okay, you know that everybody's different, everybody's unique. It comes in all different shapes and sizes. Yeah. So where are you at now with that?

Can you look at your own vulva and feel your own vagina and go, do you know what? This works, it looks okay. Yeah, I think it's definitely been a process. And I think because now I'm in such like a safe relationship as well, obviously a lot of people say, my relationship gives me a lot.

And that's probably because I've been in relationships that have given me nothing or they've made me go absolutely backwards. And now I'm in that relationship where not only do we develop in a relationship, but he allows me to develop myself. And I've learned a lot about myself since coming off the race and since being

in this relationship, like it's been the best thing for me. And what have you learned? I have just learned that I can be extremely harsh on myself and out of that harshness on myself, I can act out in quite negative ways to other people. But I am allowed to do that in this safe relationship and then be like, right, you've acted like this, why was that and how can that be different next time?

Instead of like, you've acted like that, I don't wanna be with you anymore. And I've learned so much by doing that. And do you know why you act out, everybody acts out, but do you know why you act out? Depending on the situation, it's because I either feel embarrassed or I feel like I'm gonna be left and abandoned,

or I just feel this sense that I'm not understood. And it's taken a lot to kind of work backwards, but I know now it's probably stemmed from my diagnosis and all of those feelings when I was a teenager of being different and not feeling loved and not feeling worthy. And yeah, it all weirdly relates back to that. Oh, well, I mean, that makes perfect sense to me.

So do you accept yourself and do you accept your body? I'm gonna say, yeah. Good. Yeah, I do. And even if you'd have asked me that six months ago, I'd probably be like, no. But since coming off the race, I've kind of taken that next step

and explored like egg freezing. And I think I used to kind of shadow my whole future with like, it's doomed. And actually it's not. It really isn't. It really is. I mean, you are young, you know, but your future really is not doomed.

And this was gonna be an obvious question for me, is what does that future look like for you when it comes to having a family? Have you had to think about what you want to do? So I remember the morning after getting my diagnosis, so when I was 16 and my mom came in and she was like, I know what we're gonna do,, you're going to have my womb. And at the time I thought mum, that is the craziest thing you've ever said to me.

Anyway, like I say, my diagnosis in the February and then in the October, there was the first ever womb transplant in the whole world in Sweden. And at the start of COVID, the UK started trials for womb transplants. And I've always just kind of grown up with that hope. And I actually got an email from the womb transplant clinic a couple of weeks ago. And so I actually have a call with them next month. No way.

Yeah. And I'm not gonna get my hopes up too much of that because I know it is still like a huge operation, very rare, but I do believe that that hopes got me through the last 10 years. And now I'm at the point where I'm gonna freeze my eggs regardless. And I'm at that point where, no matter how it is,

I know that I'm gonna be a mum. That's one, that's amazing. 100%. That is incredible. So is it important to you to carry your own baby? I've always said, yeah. I've always said I would never want like a surrogate. I'd be too jealous.

I'm a very jealous person. But I'm now at that stage where I just think I would just love to have a healthy baby no matter how that kind of happens. So I'm just very kind of going with the flow like James would do, you know, just accepting things for how they are. Well, I think what's wonderful is that you've said,

I know that I'm going to be a mom and I'm gonna make that happen. And you will. How does that feel? Amazing. I mean, the inner critic in me wants to kick myself for being so negative for so long about something that now I'm like, oh, well, it was going to happen anyway, if you know what I mean.

But I think it's understandable because that's a trauma to receive that diagnosis and particularly as a teenager and just as you're developing as well. So don't be hard on yourself, Betty, at all. Why did you decide that you wanted to talk about it on Race Across the World? So it was something that I actually umbed and hard with producers about for quite a while. It was kind of something that they said you could just talk about it generally, as in like you have issues surrounding your fertility

and that was kind of the route that was gonna go down. And then in the end, I thought, do you know what? When I got diagnosed with this at 16, I felt so alone. I didn't know anyone else with this condition. And I just thought that if I could have this conversation and it help one 16 year old girl out there, then I felt like I'd achieved something and sort of used my voice for the greater good.

Absolutely, and you're now a big advocate, aren't you? You're an ambassador when it comes to talking about this. Yeah. And I mean, the reaction and the messages I've got and everything, it just blew up more so than I could have ever, ever imagined. And I very much anticipated, you know, the negative, the hate comments, the none. I haven't had any.

That's really interesting. Why did you think that people would hate on you by admitting that actually you've got this very rare condition? I think because I just so got in my own head that I was just this freak and so different and that other people would see me like that. And I mean, we are just our own worst enemies at times,

aren't we? We just absolutely hate on ourselves for no reason. I mean, it's related, but unrelated, but I absolutely hate my ears. I think they're huge and they stick out and I never, ever, ever wore my hair up. And on race I had to because humidity, my hair was going a bit crazy.

And I was like, I'm gonna get so much hate for this. I've not had a single hate coming about my ears. And I have honestly lived 26 years, I hate my ears. Isn't it interesting that the things that we worry about and how self-critical we are. And for you in particular, sort of seeing the world through a negative lens and then hating yourself, it's such a waste of energy.

It is, it is. And that's kind of where I'm at now. I'm like, actually, I don't wanna waste that energy on that side of things. And I kind of of where I'm at now. I'm like, actually, I don't want to waste that energy on that side of things. And I kind of have this new self-confidence. I do have a lot of energy to give in so many positive ways. And I think sometimes you go through an adversity to kind of do something with it. And that was kind of the choice that I had at the time. And, you know, I was never going to get that platform again or, you know,

that kind of audience again and I am so pleased I did it because I get messages daily from girls that just received the diagnosis but I've also had women who were like 60 odd who have gone their whole lives not even knowing that their condition had a name. Really? Yeah. Wow that's medical misogyny for you. Yeah. And just finally, how did James react when you talked about it? Because obviously he knew about your diagnosis. Yeah. But was he aware of just how painful it was for you? I don't think so.

I think going back to that whole thing of like, you know, sibling conversations, they're just not had, are they? And he even said on the show, he's like not had, are they? And he even said on the show, he was like, oh, I forgot you couldn't have kids. But again, it's like, I can have kids actually, but it's just how that's gonna be, it's gonna be different. It's gonna be different for you, that's all.

But I think when it now comes to that time and even like egg freezing and going through that stage, whenever he gets his nieces and nephews, he's gonna just appreciate that a little bit more, which is lovely. Okay, let's take a quick break here, but don't go anywhere, Betty, because in a moment, I'm gonna ask you

to pick a question from my little box of truth. The only rule is you must answer, and it has to be honest. You seem like an honest girl to me, so I don't think this is gonna be a problem. Are you up for it? Yeah, sure. Whether you're in your running era, Pilates era or yoga era, dive into Peloton workouts that work with you. From meditating at your kids game to mastering a strength program, they've got everything you need to keep knocking down your goals. No pressure to be who you're not. Just workouts and classes to strengthen who you are. So no matter your era, make it your best with Peloton. Find your push.

Find your power. Peloton. Visit Peloton at OnePalatine.ca. Welcome back to It Can't Just Be Me. And I'm here with Betty Mukherjee. And it's time to get a little bit raw, a little bit more raw, I should bit raw, a little bit more raw I should say and a little bit more honest with the It Can't Just Be Me box of truth, a time when celebs can start to become a little bit nervous. In front of you Betty is a pack of cards just right there containing random personal questions so grab the box and reach around the mic, grab the box. All you've got to do is pick one.

You can pick it from anywhere you like, have a shuffle, pick one, you just need to give an honest answer. Oh gosh. Go on, what does it say? What parts of your early life are you compensating for now? I got shivers. I know there's something weird about my box of truth. It always picks something that relates

to the conversation we've just had. So go on, what parts of your early life are you compensating for now? I think there's a part of my life that I kind of early on when I got my diagnosis that I lost that sense of self because I took an image of what I thought a woman should or a girl should grow into a woman. That idea of, you know, how a girl grows into a woman and I disassociated from that completely. I thought that's not me. You know, I can't

be whatever society's wanting me to be. And now I feel like I am going through this whole journey of like self-acceptance and self-worth and realizing exactly what I can do, what my body can do, what my brain can do and all its quirks, but it's still enough. and all its quirks, but it's still enough. And I've gone through a lot of sort of self hate, I want to say like earlier on in life. And you know, as a 16 year old,

your brain is developing massively, isn't it? And so I understand that my brain is kind of wired in a certain way. And yeah, I'm just making up for that now, but being a lot nicer to myself which is nice. I think that that is wonderful that you've said that over the last 10 years from 16 to now 27 I'm now focusing and particularly in the last six months yeah on what my body can do rather than what I thought it couldn't do.

And I think there's something about that reframe is so important for you, because it's making you realize that, I mean, you're not a freak by any stretch of the imagination, actually you're very healthy. And as you've said yourself, I'm gonna be a mum. However that, however, whatever that looks like,

you're in a healthy, happy, stable relationship and you're loved. Isn't that wonderful? Yeah. Thank you, Bretty. Thank you so much for joining us today. You have had quite a few life-changing experiences given what you've been through, A, with your condition, but B, doing one of the biggest shows on television and bonding more as well with your sibling. It's really brave of you to come down here and share all of that with us. And I really do thank you for that. Not many people are prepared to be that transparent, and I always really value those people that are prepared to go there. So thank you. With that in mind, everything that you've been through, what one piece of advice would you give to people listening

today in terms of how to overcome any difficulty in their life? I would say my biggest piece of advice is give yourself the time you need. But I think utilise the resources around you. So whether it's time, whether it's, you know, your support system, whether it's your friends, whether it's a group, you know, a community group of people going through the same thing, whatever it is, use what's right for you in that kind of that timeframe that you've got and just feel your feels, but know that it's all going to be okay eventually. That's it for today, but I'll be back next week with a brand new episode of It Can't Just Be Me. But in the meantime, I also want to hear from you because this Friday

you can hear the next episode of It's Not Just You. In these special Friday episodes, I'll be joined by different experts every week and we'll be answering your dilemmas. So please, if there's something you want to talk about, doesn't matter whether it's big or small, funny or serious, get in touch with us, we're here for you. You can DM me or email hello at itcan'tjustbeme.co.uk. And if you want to see more of the show, remember you can find us on Instagram, TikTok and Facebook. Just search for It Can't Just Be Me because whatever you're dealing with, it really isn't just you. Whether you're in your running era, Pilates era, or yoga era, dive into Peloton workouts

that work with you. From meditating at your kid's game to mastering a strength program, they've got everything you need to keep knocking down your goals. No pressure to be who you're not. Just workouts and classes to strengthen who you are. So no matter your era, make it your best with Peloton. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton. Find your push, find your power.

Peloton. Visit Peloton at OnePeloton.ca