It Can't Just Be Me - Unexpected Pregnancy After a One-Night Stand with Charlotte Chilton

Episode Date: October 2, 2024

In this episode of It Can’t Just Be Me, Anna Richardson sits down with The Traitors star Charlotte Chilton who shares her journey of navigating an unexpected pregnancy following a one-night stand. Amidst a separation from her wife, Charlotte opens up about her surprise at becoming pregnant and her feelings of betrayal by the baby’s father. Despite the challenges, she talks about her excitement at finally welcoming a baby after enduring years of heartbreaking fertility struggles.If you are struggling with any of the topics discussed in this episode you can find some useful links for help and advice here: https://audioalways.lnk.to/ItcantjustbemeIGIn the coming weeks, Anna and a panel of experts will be answering YOUR dilemmas! If you have an 'It Can't Just Be Me' you would like discussed then get in touch with Anna by emailing [e-mail] Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Got a mortgage? Chances are you're thinking about your payments right now. Need help? Ask your bank about relief measures that may be available to you. Learn more at Canada.ca slash it pays to know. A message from the Government of Canada. Hello, I'm Anna Richardson and welcome to It Can't Just Be Me. If you've listened before, hello.

And if you're joining me for the very first time, it's great to have you here. This is the podcast that helps you realise you're not the only one. It's a safe space where nothing is off limits as we try to help you understand that whatever you might be going through, it's really not just you. that whatever you might be going through, it's really not just you. So each week I'm joined by a different celebrity guest who will talk through the challenges and hurdles they've faced in their own lives in order to help you with yours. I want to know about it all, the weird, the wonderful, the crazy, because these conversations are nothing if not open and honest. So, let's get started. This week's guest burst onto our screens earlier this year

on one of the biggest shows on British television. Famed for her bold lipstick choices, she was a fan favourite faithful in The Traitors. Totally obsessed with that show, by the way. Before being banished from the castle just ahead of the final round table, she is is of course big cheer charlotte chilton and the crowd goes wild since then her life has changed really quite dramatically because she's expecting her very first baby but her journey to motherhood has been

nothing if not unconventional charlotteilton, welcome. How are you? Tired and sweaty. Is that just you? No, that's the weather. Otherwise, I'm very good. I'm walking on cloud nine at the moment. So yeah, I'm really good. I just want to go back to tired and sweaty. I love that sort of introduction of yourself. How are you? I'm tired and sweaty. Tired and sweaty. I think any pregnant woman is tired and sweaty right now absolutely I think any woman basically at the moment is just tired and sweaty um before we chat any further I just want to know what your it can't just be me dilemma is it can't just be me who had a one night stand and got pregnant I think it's fair to say I think there's more it really isn't just you that's been in that situation oh come on I mean yeah so cliche it's like to say I think there's more it really isn't just you that's been in that

situation oh come on I mean yeah so cliche it's like all the movers I used to watch them and say that never happens then it happens but do you know what even though that it has are you shocked by it oh my god yeah but are you actually now settled and happy about it? I've been happy since day one, but like, obviously it had to be silently happy because I thought I was going to have a miscarriage. So I just tried to put it to the back of my mind. But the minute like I had my 12 week dating scan and she was bouncing around and everything,

then I was really excited. But I just high five my mum every week because we're just trying to get to the next week. And yeah, I'm really happy. I've never not been happy about it. To be discussed, to be discussed. But first of all, let's talk about The Traitors, because I am obsessed with that show.

And obviously, you and I had a little chat off camera, because I work with Studio Lambert, who make Negatraction, who make Traitors, and they're such a brilliant company to work for. But what was that experience like because I was quite obsessed with it and I imagine it must have been and I obviously I know television production as well that must have been incredibly intense for you to add to the pressure me and Laura my ex-wife we'd separated before so I went in there kind of like we've got nothing to

lose obviously no children know nothing so I was like just go for it but what kind of struck me as um really confusing is that I was expecting the person to hate and the person to love like you know the characteristics that you would have in reality television but everybody was so lovely and then you went oh well that's the game plan out the window so exactly so that's incredibly confusing where you're thinking actually everybody in here we're a bit of a gang yeah we like each other we get on so did that kind of mess with your head a little bit a lot so the thing is with with how it's set up so everything that is discussed is on camera we can't have a little chat off camera and go right

get the gossip and then we'll spread it so it's very short amounts of time that we actually get to talk about things and because you're slowly going a bit insane and you're getting more tired every day because you know the filming hours are very very long and the very physical the activities especially this year i didn't realize I was entering into uh the budget version of I'm a celeb like I just genuinely and when I say budget I don't mean as in effect I mean as in like you know we're just the general public and most people I would say in there I can't say for everyone but generally most people in there had no intention of it being this big we didn't know it was going to be this big. We watched series one and we'd all gone,

oh, I just liked the challenge. So it was really there actually for the challenge. It wasn't like anyone saw this as a stepping stone to get anywhere because we didn't expect it to be so big. They actually won awards whilst we were filming. Well, actually I'm really interested in why do you think it has become so big? Because I am not a massive fan of reality shows same oh

I mean that's another thing you and I've got in common I couldn't really live without them I'm not bothered by them same but because Studio Lambert make this show and I have such huge respect for them I thought I'm going to watch it and I became obsessed with it why do you think it's caught the public's imagination I think because a lot of reality television has gone from being real people in there and watching them do whatever challenge or setting they're in it's become a picture perfect dolled up perfect clothes perfect this and i don't think the public want to see that to be honest so this is real yeah definitely very real there's nothing fake there's no scripts there's no and now you're going to say this

and be really upset or do this word. But like, you know, that can happen a lot in doing anything. Like in Dremality and all that sort of the only way is. I want you to do this and I want you to do that. And how do you feel? Like you don't get any of that. It's just completely raw. And then when you add someone like Claudia Winkleman

to the mix, who just has this really good way of adding to the mystery yeah it's very immersive and so the more immersive it is you actually you kind of mourn someone when they get murdered which is ridiculous because they're not murdered so so it's a kind of as you say brilliant immersive interaction real parlor game yeah but with real people real reactions real you know you take someone real who has you know they ask you lots of different things about situations but ultimately these people are all interesting and quite tough resilient people you've got johnny who's gone to afghan and had to rebuild his life you've got harry who obviously was in the army so

he was used to that kind of that strictness, like being sort of on form. You've got really intelligent women like Sonia, who's gone and got degrees to support her special needs. So like everyone had a really interesting story. I mean, Jazz, like, look at him. God. I loved it. I've interviewed Jazz.

I love Jazz. You have, yeah. So like master of deception, his own father, like all these people had something that would bring something to the party. And then, yeah, that's the thing that's hard because your mind goes, this is an incredible person. So it can't be them. So they can't be a total twat.

Yeah, exactly. Because I actually like them. Well, Paul did a really good job of that, to be fair. True. He was absolutely amazing at it. He was incredible. I was screaming at the television with paul because i mean he was amazing at playing that okay final final final question because i mean i know we

weren't meant to be talking about traitors but i'm obsessed with it um so is it easier to be a faithful or a traitor or what's more fun i really wanted to be a traitor i'd be amazing wouldn't i'd love to be a traitor i really wanted to just like step into a villainous role and you know just really challenge my idea was I was just gonna write I'm gonna I'm gonna channel killing Eve I'm gonna be yes and I was really wanting to do that and then when I wasn't made a traitor I was like I actually wasn't prepared I think in my head I just said you're gonna be a traitor manifest it obviously didn't do a very good job and um so yes it was a faithful it's hard faithful it's hard because it's the murdering is completely out your hands which is why i said befriend someone you

think is a traitor i did it with paul it served me well really oh well listen congratulations because actually it was a highly entertaining viewing however talking of congratulations massive congratulations on your pregnancy um i think that's kind of come as a bit of a shock to all of us. Never mind you. We're all in shock. I'm in shock. I mean, it's totally unexpected. But what I want to do is just take us, all of us back really to the very beginning,

because there's lots of people listening who won't know your story. Sure, yeah. So you were married to a woman. Yes. To Laura. And as I understand it, you tried for a family. Sure, yeah. So you were married to a woman. Yes. To Laura. And as I understand it, you tried for a family. Oh, wow. We tried for about five years.

Oh, wow. How long were you together? So we was together seven years. That's a long time. Yeah, a really long time. Together seven years, married five. Still actually currently married, but going through divorce proceedings. But we started just before we got married to try and get pregnant i'm really interested in this because obviously i've had relationships with men

i was in an eight-year relationship with a woman yeah how would you describe the difference between being in a relationship with a guy and being in a relationship with a woman with a woman there's a lot more emotions involved and the line blurs sometimes i feel with you needing your time uh because you're seen as two females so a common complaint of my friends would be but i just want to go out with you yeah you're always together aren't you always together because you're both one of the girls Laura doesn't have a huge friendship group she's like very pleasant to be around as a person of course but in terms of she she's not as I I'm quite out there like you know I'll make a friend on a night out and they might think I won't text him the next day but I will like I really I love to make friends and Laura kind of just used to put up with me making friends everywhere. So yeah, so it's a bit tricky because there are times,

particularly when you're in your hardest times, when you just want that distance. And there's no, you feel guilty when you do things separately. When you're with a guy, he's got his thing, you've got your thing. The roles are more defined. So it's easier. But then I would say the passion and love I felt for Laura

is I worry that it will never be matched the same again. I agree with you that it does go up a notch, doesn't it? Yeah, it's to a point you can't breathe unless you're with them or if they're okay. And unfortunately it hasn't worked out for me and Laura, but I will never take away that she wasn't the love of my life like she's absolutely been the love of my life and whilst we're going through our tricky times now and we bicker like crazy because it is that way she knows if she picked up the phone I would stop the world for her and I think it would be vice versa because

when you found that love for your life and I know you I know you understand where i'm coming from here it's you can transition into the friendship area and i think laura for her sake has to walk away and say i hate you for a bit so she can get there but i i understand that totally that's understandable because this is very recent and very and i've landed this on her okay so i'm gonna come back to that but just just in terms of your marriage and you were trying for a family. So you went through, you were trying to get IVF. What else did you guys try? So we did insemination.

And then me and Laura are very passionate about finding our own donor. It's difficult because you're already taking the romance out of having a child when it's same sex. And you already know your chances are a child when it's same sex and you already know your chances are much lower because it's forced um but for for us i just couldn't get my head around the idea of not knowing the person not knowing them uh i didn't care what they did for a living or anything i didn't care about medical history either i just needed to feel if they were a good soul or not you know um so we spent a long time finding someone and we went through the correct channels to have that person as a donor it wasn't kind of like you know will you help me out let's go upstairs

exactly turkey baster yeah um no it was nothing like that we did go through the correct channels and we worked with him um for a number of years and it took a long time with my polycystic ovaries to get the rhythm of getting pregnant. So we spent about two years trying to get that sorted. And then I manipulated my body with all sorts of things to get it what I needed to. And then I could get pregnant, but it just never stayed. How many times were you pregnant?

Seven. Whoa. I know, it was horrific. Charlotte, seven pregnancies seven pregnancies it's a lot and and how and i'm sorry to hear that that they didn't know they were very very early so for me i think the psychological thing was the worst but you know i accept that they didn't give her a follow-up they'd got further it would be a lot more heartbreaking and it's not to take away that early loss isn't,

but, you know, it does give me some comfort. It was an earlier loss. There wasn't feeling in there necessarily because, you know, there were cells and it makes me feel so much better in that sense. That's how I kind of dealt with it. Yeah, absolutely. And then did you try adoption?

Yes, we went through the adoption process. Is that difficult? It's not easy no um my actually miles who was on traders with he um does a lot of support and uh about adoption so if anyone's looking for some advice whatever definitely follow what he's doing him him and diana doing some fantastic things with that but for me yeah i found the process quite intimidating because at first we went through an agency and we'd already said that we were open to having siblings because we didn't want siblings separated I'm an only child but Laura's very close

to her sister so to us it made more sense to you know say look don't rule out where we wasn't bothered about newborn although they were very pushy on that when we went to the local authority so we were kind of in both avenues and then yeah they yeah, they loved us. They were really good. We had some great references. My best friend, she's adopted three children, just adopted her fourth. Yeah, she told me she was adopting a newborn baby as I went, well, I'm pregnant. So I mean, how perfect is that?

So yeah, so I'm surrounded by this, blended families everywhere and it works for us. So yes, we did go through that process, but going through that process but and going through that process and learning some of the things that these children have been through really highlighted some things that happened to me in my past and i just says i need to pause and go and do some therapy because i don't want to bring a child into the home and be triggered from my past and then let that child down because they deserve better yeah so they totally respected it um and i

immediately went and started to get therapy and i still actually have a therapist now i'm you know i just good love it love that i think listen i think everybody should have a therapist so i applaud that but the bottom line is it didn't work in terms of creating your family no didn't work at all um we did do an ivf run and it was unsuccessful um because I produced a lot of eggs I've actually got loads of eggs I actually donated half of them um because I just figured congratulations that's great I know and there was a successful outcome so I feel really good about that so all this journey even though it's been really hard and ours didn't work out and they didn't recommend IVF again because they gave me the lowest dosage but for months after I was still

having to inject because the eggs were just flying out of me I love it just firing eggs out everywhere yeah just everywhere I mean this was years ago like it's not like I will like straight away afterwards I can see if like I'm talking we stopped conceiving for years and just went you know what we've got two amazing dogs we love each other got a lovely home let's just try and do that but after all those losses a lot of water goes under the bridge and that was quite a lot of our downfall I think of course so tell us there we go how this has happened then because you are happily beautifully pregnant I am very happy yeah seven months is it seven months this Saturday so I'm 27 weeks on Saturday which is insane it is insane um but for those of us who don't know about your story um what happened so oh god so i love it take a deep breath deep breath and get ready to tell

so essentially me and laura uh as i said i we filmed traitors separated got back together i wasn't working um tried very very hard but it just wasn't um so i was um in january at the end of january it was the wrap party for the traitors for the final episode. And we all got to be together and Harry and Molly and all those were on the stage. That's when they were interviewed by Ed. And after that, they had like an after party where Claude and everyone came to.

We all had drinks there, which was really good fun. But Harry had organized us to go to Raffles, which I'd never been to before. It's seen on Made in Chelsea. And just to be clear we're saying harry is the winner harry yeah harry clock winner um had put in the group a few times like you know i've got um connor who's his girlfriend's brother i don't know why i struggled

with that uh girlfriend but yeah girlfriend's brother um has said to come to raffles we've got a vip area it could be the after after party um and we were all a bit excited because you can remember like none of us are in the public eye i've only ever heard of this place on maiden chelsea so i was like oh you're amazing i know yeah like just say i've been um but some of the cast had arrived a bit late they had train schedule issues so we went back to the hotel got them changed and everything and very nearly didn't go actually um i knew that connor was quite keen to meet me he'd made it very clear and again just to be absolutely crystal clear so connor is um connected to harry the winner in that he's the brother of harry's girlfriend that's correct okay So Harry says, I need you to meet Connor.

Yeah. He really likes you. And I was like, who is he? I mean, he spoke about him in traitors. So that's not true. Actually.

I learned who he was in traitors, but I still didn't know who he was. I still like his music. Isn't my thing. I'm an indie girl. Yeah. So, yeah.

So I was like, I wasn't too fussed about meeting or anything. Anyway, we thought we'd go. Cause I, the girls I was with were like, look, I wouldn't mind going. So I was like, I wasn't too fussed about meeting him or anything. Anyway, we thought we'd go because the girls I was with were like, look, I wouldn't mind going. So I was like, well, sod it, let's go. So we jumped in a taxi and headed over from the hotel and we went and we had a really good time.

And you know, I was rude as hell to him for a long time, the poor lad. I don't know why I still have sympathy for that guy. But yeah, so i was quite rude because i just felt his ego was massive and there wasn't because he's well known yeah well you know well known isn't doesn't make you a nice person does it there's no excuse for it but i wonder whether you know if you're saying i think he just thought he's gonna fall at his feet and obviously i'm freshly out of a relationship so there's a part of me where I am a bit in a feisty zone.

Birthday was on the Monday. We're partying on the Friday. So I was ready to just go mental that weekend. It was well needed. Anyway, eventually, once he drops his cocksure attitude, there's a nice person in there that actually has funny things to say. And quite gentlemanly. I don't know whether it's a nice person in there that actually has funny things to say and quite gentlemanly um you know i i don't know whether it's a ruse if it is i'm not any good in the dating game i'm fresh so i'm gonna fall for it but yeah we had a really good time we laughed and

joked and then i ended up going to his i think we all know what happened next and we went from there but we had a lot of fun so the bottom line is you fancied each other yeah I mean come on we've all been there oh I'm 33 32 like it's not the end of the world of course it isn't so free agents just go and have a bit of fun so you're a single girl fresh out of a relationship hurting fresh out of a big a big show yeah you meet a guy that's all over you he's funny he's charming i get it yeah exactly it happens all the time and um you know while some people can't understand that women have one night stands i mean honestly they do they just don't talk about it they just

keep their mouth shut because apparently women aren't allowed to do it but i can tell you they are and i'm quite happy to do it of course they do of course they do we've all been there it's we grow up you know of course women have one night stands so you had a one night stand with somebody that you had a really good night with yeah we were friendly afterwards and a lot of people was like did you want a relationship etc no because i'm still healing like there's no way i'm gonna go into relationship and as far as i was aware he was also going through something a bit similar with somebody as well so we helped each other in a sense we i get it so much fun um but then from there we yeah we went our separate ways so you went your

separate ways yeah we're still in touch though we're still talking but at no point did you think oh my god i didn't use a condom or i'm not on the pill or oh my god you know i mean if i'm being brutally honest it's not a foolproof thing but it was a pull-out method but when you're drunk you think things are a good idea don't you i know i can tell you now it doesn't work listen no judgment at all no judgment at all from me yeah um i absolutely understand it i absolutely get it. Speaking from experience. Speaking from experience. So at no point did you think, God, I'm probably pregnant, especially given your experience of trying to get pregnant with Laura. I lose very early on.

So I remember I was quite late, but I had so much stress going on. I was like, it's probably just that. And I'd already confessed, come home and told mum, I was like, mum, I did this this weekend. And they always tease me because I always used to say when I was younger I probably don't feel it as much but I do in a way to get over someone you need to get under someone you need to stop thinking about you being with somebody else and that was my night to do that um and so yes so I'd come home and told mom because I told mom everything and she was like well as long as you had a good time and I went I did and you mom because I tell mom everything. And she was like, well, as long as you had a good time. And I went, I did.

And you know, there's no strings, no complications. You know, we're friends and that's it. It's great. Like, so I was really happy getting on. I'm in the midst of starting a divorce, selling my house, starting a business. So it's all gone suddenly crazy at home. But this period wasn't coming.

And I just started to remember this very, I'm sure a lot of women that have had children will understand. There's this like lower back ache constantly where I was like, oh, I've got water infection, but then you haven't. And then you're like, why is that all hurting? And then I'd never got to a point where I'd had really morning sickness. I think I'd had the one or two occasions where I'd been sick. But this was like, I felt like my blood was on fire and I couldn't stop throwing up and I was like I must have food poisoning because you just logically go everywhere so then eventually I do this pregnancy test and

it's positive and whilst it's lovely to see it I burst into tears and panicked it's like great I've got another miscarriage right okay so I mean I guess because you've told the story so many times it's interesting to witness you going and then this happened then I thought I had that and then it's like you can see how crazy my brain goes no it's not it's not crazy at all but it's interesting to see that actually a lot of this is a shock oh my god it was a shock and I I got so upset because I definitely didn't think it was gonna stick so i was just like mom i can't do this i can't do another miscarriage yeah however i let this happen but when you've been with a woman for seven years you i'm not using it as an excuse at

all like you you don't think about these things necessarily i was caught up in the moment um and i thought pull out would be okay but it weren't um and that's a shock yeah to have have struggled so much to get pregnant and then to just lose the baby and then like that on a one-night stand yeah yeah to get pregnant i know it's like oh my god that's a huge psychological readjustment absolutely and i found that really difficult to get my head around because in my head i wouldn't bond with the thought of having a baby. Yeah, no, I was just like, well, she's not. Well, I didn't even know if she was she then, but it's like it's not going to make it. And I even said that to Connor when I told him.

So you were in the headset of you absolutely want your baby. This is a miracle for me. And even though it's a shock i want this child so much yeah but i didn't have any faith we'd get to 12 weeks i'll be honest and i kept saying that to him i kept saying look just don't panic about it until we get to a scan because the chances are it's not going to get there but i had to be honest because i felt uncomfortable of course because he was trying to invite me to go up and see him so very supportive yeah he was like oh no not in that sense he had no idea i was pregnant he's contacted me to go up and stay for the weekend and i'm like i can't go there pregnant how am i not gonna drink with him i'm not gonna he's gonna expect charlotte party girls come

i see so initially he's going charlotte party girl come and stay for the weekend we'll have a laugh but then the minute you say do you know what i need to give you some news so you said initially he said what have we done and was that was that was that just showing you his shock of I don't want anything to do with I mean what happened he was very jokey about it so it's like what have we done I felt like I was talking to my friend and we were just like right well we'll just take each day as it comes so when did it change it changed when i had my first scan and they dated me back a couple of weeks which was good because i was confused i think well it's got to be him but you're saying i'm this many weeks and that's the night so then when i'm my dating scan it all fell into place perfectly then so then i sent him a picture and he just ignored it and I said feel free to respond he's

like well I'm in shock Charlotte and when I spoke to him he was just horrible to me he says why the f have you sent it me and I was like whoa personality change what's happened and I said you do understand you've said negative things a few times Connor about it but it's not a negativity to me so I'm being really respectful of you and just going okay he's going through the motions but you've known for four or five weeks now and you're acting like i've just told you like no that's not okay i've not asked for anything i never will but just don't talk to me like this so presumably he's saying i do not want anything to do. No, he hasn't said a thing this is what's so annoying. So you've just been blocked?

I've just been literally just shut down You're ghosted? Literally. Well no he's not ghosting me, he just talks to me like crap like why are you contacting me? Why are you talking to me? So that's a rejection? Oh gosh yes. So how does that confuse him? What would you have liked the outcome to be? The outcome I would have

it could still be the same that he doesn't want to be involved. That's fine. I would never force someone to parent when they don't want to. And I financially do not need his support. So I wouldn't ask for that. But if you're out, you're completely out. Like you can't just come in and out. Okay, like that isn't going to go down me.

And that's why I don't want the financial help because it's almost saying I'll take from you, but I'm not going to let you see your child i'd rather just say you don't exist and let you know the future unwind with penelope's decisions instead of mine which is you you know that you know you've got a little girl yes so you're calling her penelope i am yes um i can only imagine charlotte that you must be incredibly confused and upset and hurt and betrayed. Very betrayed. I'm using those words, but is that how you feel? They're fantastic words.

Betrayed, I would particularly pick up on. I feel betrayed by Connor in the sense that he's just, every word that comes out his mouth is a lie. I don't know who he actually is. And if I had been pregnant, that wouldn't have been my problem, you know? But unfortunately, the minute I found out I was pregnant, Harry just stopped speaking to me. I feel betrayed by him.

And I feel betrayed that his family and surrounding networks such as Harry and that are aware. And they still put me in touch with a guy like this. The betrayal just seems to keep going. So it's like a really weird real life traitors. Oh gosh, yeah, definitely. Traitor by name, traitor by nature. Oh, I'm really sorry, Charlotte.

I mean, I do have some sympathy. I had a similar situation when I was younger and I had an ectopic pregnancy. Sorry. But I had a very, very similar situation where my boyfriend absolute cut off. Really hurts, doesn't it? And from his family as well.

And it's deeply traumatizing. I found it very difficult because I was conflicted with this was never going to happen and now it is. So I'm so excited. But then you mix it with someone who cuts you down

and then starts to put pressure on you that he doesn't want it released he doesn't want people to know keep it quiet so then so then you're being shamed as well yeah I've got shame shames and silence are the things I mean again it sounds to me as though you're now in a position where you're going to be a mum yeah so I've got to plan I've got to make sure these things are in place and also that there's a degree how old are you so I'm 33 so although the papers keep saying I a degree. How old are you? So I'm 33. Although the papers keep saying I'm 32. So we could just go with that if you want.

I'm not. I'm 32. If anyone asks. But there's something here, isn't there, about responsibility, accountability. And you're going to be a mum. He's going to be a dad. There's something, isn't there, about stepping into that role of maturity. Yeah.

Do you know what really pisses me off is people who say you can't force him to be a dad there's something isn't there about stepping into that role of maturity yeah do you know what really pisses me off is people who say you can't force him to be a dad i'd like to correct you by law he is a father whether he wants to be involved or not is it yeah whether he wants to be involved or not is a different thing that's still it he is still father and i still have to tick boxes of course but i don't want him in my daughter's life now. Okay, let's take a quick break here. But don't go anywhere because in a moment, I'm going to ask Charlotte to pick a question from my box of truth. The only rule is she must answer and it has to be honest. From Searchlight Pictures comes A Real Pain, one of the most moving and funny films of the year. Written and directed by Oscar-nominated Jesse Eisenberg and starring Eisenberg and Emmy Award winner Kieran Culkin,

A Real Pain is a comedy about mismatched cousins who reunite for a tour through Poland to honor their beloved grandmother. The adventure takes a turn when the pair's old tensions resurface against the backdrop of their family history. A Real Pain was one of the buzziest titles at Sundance Film Festival this year, garnering rave reviews and acclaim from both critics and audiences alike. See A Real Pain only in theaters November 15th. Whether renting, renewing a mortgage, or considering buying a home, everybody has housing costs on their minds.

For free tools and resources to help you manage your home finances, visit Canada.ca slash it pays to know. A message from the Government of Canada. welcome back to it can't just be me and i'm here with the traitor's faithful and she always was faithful charlotte chilton charlotte um thank you for being so candid it's oh wow i know it you know this is really hard for you and i can see just you've been so generous with your time and I can see in us chatting that you know you're getting absolutely caught up inside in the sort of psychodrama of what's going on with you at the moment and I do not underestimate what you've been through and what you are going through yeah it is huge massive my life is upside down. And every day I get up and think, what's going to happen today? Yeah.

Which is quite a lot in itself. I think that if you can find a way of finding your path through this, it will start to just settle down. We all get in there, definitely. I think when you've got a past like I've had um a history uh things like trauma and stuff that's held you back for so many years when you make those moves to say no more you have to stick by it as much as as much as this is stressful and painful this is also me saying i can't let someone do this to me again and whilst this is on not as necessarily seeded or dramatic scale as previous the way he made me feel was the exact same yeah so you're getting

triggered again yeah very triggered and I did explain that to him but you know fall on deaf ears well look you've been so candid your story is utterly fascinating clearly you are one hell of a resilient woman yes and you go girl i love that about you it has been a pledge a total pledge having you with us today i mean there's so much more we could talk about i'm sure you and i can talk yes we will so we'd be here all afternoon but listen before i let you go um just take a card here now the rules are okay that these are just personal questions on here and the rules are that you get to pick the question but you've got to try and be honest with the answer okay i'm cool with that okay which i've got a feeling you're gonna be okay in what ways have your parents influenced your choice of partner oh that's a good one that is a good one go on so have your

parents influenced your choice of partner well my dad is a terrible player my birth father because my stepdad is like probably person i refer to as my dad now anyway but my birth father, when I was in his life, he's, yeah, he was a terrible player. So we. Isn't that weird that then you've had this encounter? I thought I was doing well avoiding these because he really got it in my head to not get in these situations. He's got three children, three different mums. So he's, he's. Charlotte, you have so just repeated that pattern.

I know, I know, I'm a cliche. So yes, that's why I was like, that's a really good question. But then my mom and me are almost identical. She was sat here now, we're just the same and we're so close, like I love her so much. And I've watched her give too much of herself that she loses herself.

You know, she's there for everybody. She still does it now. She needs to stop. She does it for me. And I have recognized that pattern. And it's very funny to say that because we have this motto with my next state. No more projects. Someone's looking after you.

Let someone look after you. No more like trying to help someone believe they're good or help them through a difficult time i'm a sucker for that i like roaring honest people so if someone's at their lowest point i generally am quite attracted to that because it's them you're seeing the real person and i don't trust anyone because of my dad so i think this is the problem i keep going into um and you must have addressed that in therapy sure oh my goodness yes oh therapy we've talked a lot about dads partners ex-partners current partners splits yes I my my therapist always says um you don't think anything of yourself you're always thinking of somebody

else which is lovely but it's also detrimental to you you need to love yourself so I'm trying to do that which is why I'm standing up for myself because it would be easy to shut up and go away I've got the greatest gift in the world but if I don't start standing up for myself I'm just going to repeat the pattern over and over again of being walked over and then just being heartbroken at the end and the truth is I love being in love I love it when you can't wait for that message to come through I love it when you have sex six times in a day because you're just obsessed just six just six well I've never done more than six maybe I need to be finding the better partner who are you with exactly that's that's what I'm worried about um and what will you be teaching Penelope then about love and relationships to just not give anything

up for anybody you know I I wanted to be in love and I'm happy for her to fall completely in love and move across the country if she wants to like I want nothing more than for her to be in love the way I see my mom and my pops like the way they love each other um I want to see that for her so desperately but I don't want her to give anything up of herself to make that other person happy because that's my biggest downfall I for some reason people want to clip my wings they they take me in they know I'm a big personality they know I've got big dreams and big ambitions and they say all these great things and then suddenly they just try and shut me down and so that's the one thing I'm just going to make her be aware.

Don't ever be less than who you are to please someone else. No one is clipping your wings. Oh, no, absolutely not. Charlotte Chilton, let me tell you, no one is clipping your wings. And thank God for that. Thank you so much. No, thanks for having me. It's been lovely.

I love the fact you're an open book. Oh, yeah. thank you so much no thanks for having me it's been lovely it's I love the fact you're an open book oh yeah um you know I applaud you and I think that you are absolutely drawing your boundaries I am and being that representative for other women that have been in the same situation as you and saying enough and I push any woman like honestly any messages that come through my inbox I read them like normally I know people in the public eye when you've got a lot of followers you don't but at this particular time I've gone out my way to respond to every message so if you do want to talk about it whilst it is taking over my life a little bit I still encourage it because I think we just need to stick together after this episode was recorded we contacted Connor Maynard's management for a comment but have so far received no response that's it for today but i'll be back

next week with a brand new episode of it can't just be me but in the meantime i also want to hear from you because very soon we'll be releasing extra episodes every week where i'll be joined by experts and answering your dilemmas so please if there's something you want to talk about, whether it's big or small, funny or serious, get in touch with us. You can email us or send a voice note to hello at itcan'tjustbeme.co.uk. And if you want to see more of the show, remember you can find us on Instagram, TikTok and Facebook. Just search for It Can't Just Be Me,

because whatever you're dealing with, it really isn't just you. From Searchlight Pictures comes A Real Pain, one of the most moving and funny films of the year. Written and directed by Oscar-nominated Jesse Eisenberg and starring Eisenberg and Emmy Award winner Kieran Culkin. A Real Pain is a comedy about mismatched cousins who reunite for a tour through Poland to honor their beloved grandmother.

The adventure takes a turn when the pair's old tensions resurface against the backdrop of their family history. A Real Pain was one of the buzziest titles at Sundance Film Festival this year, garnering rave reviews and acclaim from both critics and audiences alike. See A Real Pain only in theaters November 15th. Got a mortgage? Chances are you're thinking about your payments right now. Need help? Ask your bank about relief measures that may be available to you.

Learn more at canada.ca slash it pays to know. A message from the Government of Canada.