It Could Happen Here - CZM Book Club: Cool Zone 2055: A Bestiary of Beasts

Episode Date: January 12, 2025

Margaret from the future talks about all of the terrible creatures that fascists have invented to attack internationalist forces.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information....

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Starting point is 00:00:00 I'm Jason Alexander and I'm Peter Tilden and together our mission on the Really No Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor? What's in the museum of failure and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to ReallyNoReally.com and register to win $500 a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition signed Jason Bobblehead. The Really No Really podcast.
Starting point is 00:00:24 Follow us on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B. As we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms.
Starting point is 00:00:54 With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that'll resonate with your experiences, Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means
Starting point is 00:01:17 to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 00:01:34 The OGs of uncensored motherhood are back and batter than ever. I'm Erica. And I'm Mila. And we're the hosts of the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast, brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network every Wednesday. Yeah, we're moms, but not your mommy.
Starting point is 00:01:48 Historically, men talk too much. And women have quietly listened. And all that stops here. If you like witty women, then this is your tribe. Listen to the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you go to find your podcast.
Starting point is 00:02:05 We want to speak out and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy, my doll. He was like, I'll take you to the top. I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in. It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him. From Novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. When I smoke weed, I get lost in the music.
Starting point is 00:02:40 I like to isolate each instrument. The rhythmic bass, the harmonies on the piano, the sticky melody. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, careful babe, there's someone crossing the street. Sorry, I didn't see him there. If you feel different, you drive different. Don't drive high. It's dangerous and illegal everywhere. A message from NHTSA and the ad council Call Zone Media
Starting point is 00:03:11 But club club club club club club club club club like what about it's the cool zone media book club And I am your host Margaret killjoy and this week like we've been doing for the past several weeks We've got a report from the future. That's right. We have a podcast sent to us from the year 2055. From me. Because I still work for this show, or a different show, in 2055. And I sent a thing back in time to myself. Don't think too much about the time
Starting point is 00:03:46 paradox part of it. The important thing is that it's another episode of Cool Zone 2055, How to Survive the Dino War. Good morning and or evening, one and all, and welcome to another episode of Cool Zone 2055, How to Survive the Dino Wars. I'm your host Margaret Killjoy, here to say, hey, we're going to get through this. Maybe not as individuals, but none of us were going to survive being alive anyway. Terminal condition, being alive. This week on How to Survive, we're going to go over some of the threats we're facing and talk about some of the specific concrete actions we can take to counter those threats. It's going to be a good time, but first, some headlines.
Starting point is 00:04:33 The Canadian War took a turn for the better this week. First Nations fighters and their allies announced on Tuesday that they have secured Vancouver Island. If you haven't seen the videos of troops storming the Doom facility in the University of Vancouver in Victoria, you are missing out. Every one of those Nazi scientists surrendered, and thousands of human and non-human test subjects were released. This comes after months of bad news out of the western half of Canada. With the capture of Vancouver Island, it is only a matter of time before
Starting point is 00:05:03 internationalist forces step onto the mainland again. Unfortunately, news out of Egypt is not as good. Islamist forces, backed by the Aryan Empire and the new IDF, have stormed the capital of Cairo, making heavy use of the Israeli government-in-exile's favorite lab-grown weapon of terror, the half-sentient land jellies. This right-wing alliance has ousted the democratically elected Council of Cairo and replaced it with a strongman. This marks the fifth reversal in the area in only two years.
Starting point is 00:05:37 The internationalist forces defending the city was a coalition built from the anti-Zionist New Bund, the pluralist Islamic group, the Brothers and Sisters Alliance, and of course, the SDF. There is no word yet from the internationalist forces about the hopes of a counterattack and protests within the city have been met by immediate violence. In other news, wildfire is ravaging much of the continental U.S., including rare East Coast winter fires, the recently coined Christmas fires that have been affecting the mid-Atlantic in particular. Listeners are reminded to keep a weather alert radio running 24-7 if you live in one of the affected areas.
Starting point is 00:06:13 Keep a go-bag packed and your car charged. The flooding through Central Africa has been particularly extreme this year. Climate change is of course drying the southern portion of the continent while wetting, is that a word? Wetting? I don't know. While making central Africa substantially wetter. We'll have links in the show notes on how to support mutual aid efforts there. And finally, it would not be a cool zone media podcast in World War 3.5 if we did not shout out our most generous sponsor, Dino Cadence.
Starting point is 00:06:47 Dino Cadence is the world's fastest growing chain of Dino Rider Academies, offering classes on everything from trick shots to Stegosaurus firefighting. If there's not a Dino Cadence Academy in your area, then you, yes you listener, you can start one. Contact Dino Cadence and they'll get instructors out to your area. Because we are all in this together, human and dinosaur. And together, we're going to win. We just actually have to do it.
Starting point is 00:07:16 You can't win this fight by avoiding it. Tuition is free, but spots are limited, so apply to Dino Cadence today. So, the oldest military strategy book in existence is still one of the best. The Art of War by Sun Tzu. It was written during the warring states period of Chinese history. It's mandatory reading still more than 2,000 years later for more or less anyone considering military strategy on every side of this conflict.
Starting point is 00:07:48 The capitalists who did a good job of destroying the world used to read it for lessons in corporate warfare. The best and the worst people in the world read the art of war. I'm not going to quote the whole thing at you, though it's not a very long text and you should read it. But there's a part that's particularly relevant to what we're talking about today. Note that most translations, including the one I'm about to read, use the pronoun he throughout, but classical Chinese did not make use of gendered pronouns.
Starting point is 00:08:17 Mandarin Chinese adopted gendered pronouns in the 20th century after contact with Western languages. In case you wanted another reason to be mad at romance languages, there you go. But that's unrelated. Here's a quote from the Art of War. We may know that there are five essentials for victory. One, he will win who knows when to fight and when not to fight.
Starting point is 00:08:42 Two, he will win who knows how to handle both superior and inferior forces. 3. He will win whose army is animated by the same spirit throughout all its ranks. 4. He will win who, prepared himself, waits to take the enemy unprepared. 5. waits to take the enemy unprepared. Five, he will win who has military capacity and is not interfered with by the sovereign. So those are the five main principles we're operating under when we discuss how
Starting point is 00:09:15 we're gonna get through this. Know how to pick your battles, know how to adapt to the enemy, know how to maintain morale, know how to time your attacks, and celebrate our decentralized command structure. But the next section of the art of war is even more specifically useful to what we're talking about today. Quote, if you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred
Starting point is 00:09:41 battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle. So we must know the enemy and ourselves. That's easy you might think. We're the good guys and they're a bunch of evil Nazis. That's all I need to know. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.
Starting point is 00:10:08 That is what the enemy wants us to think. They want us thinking in purely black and white because they want us ignorant. We need to know ourselves, our strengths and our weaknesses alike. And we need to know them, their strengths and weaknesses alike. That means knowing how they tick. That means knowing what spirit animates their armies. There is a reason that Mein Kampf, the principles of the elders of Zion, and the Turner Diaries and all those sorts of horrible texts are required reading in internationalist officer
Starting point is 00:10:43 training programs. There's a reason that Cool Zone Media has been talking about how bad people think since the very start. Also how reasonable people end up thinking bad things and how we need to be aware of that and learn to distinguish between the two. The Art of War gets into way more about that, but I'm not going to get into it right now. I promise this isn't a purely Art of War for the Dino War episode. That would be fun.
Starting point is 00:11:07 We should do an edition that just takes the Art of War and adapts it to the Dino War. What do you think? You should let us know on the various Internet things. You think we should do that? So this week, we're to talk about the enemy forces. And in particular, we're going to talk about the living weapons that they bring to the battlefield.
Starting point is 00:11:30 But first, we're going to talk about the goods and services that support this podcast. Are you tired of bonky bonks that boink your big bonk? Do you wonder why you were issued a helmet and your Bronto wasn't? Do you want to show your main reptile that you love them? Then you need to talk to Big Boingo's Ballistic Anti-Boink Barting today. The bros and broettes at Big Boingo's know everything about how to equip your steed with ceramic plating. They know how hard it is to build helmets for Brontos, but they're not afraid to do
Starting point is 00:12:04 it. If your Bronto canontos, but they're not afraid to do it. If your bronto can't think, it can't fight. So guard that big boy, or boyette, and their brain today. This week and this week only, Big Boingos is offering a special deal for Coolzone listeners. If you purchase a set of braided barding, they'll throw in one of their patented bronchi brodels for free. That's right, for free! Cool Zone Media had slight reservations about accepting this ad. Big Boingo's ballistic anti-boink barding has been categorized by the Strategic Alliance Department of the Baltimore Commune as an opportunistic corporation, whose loyalty to internationalism is currently in question. Ongoing investigations are looking into potential financial ties between Big Boingo's and an outfitter who serves the other side of this war called Massive Mal's Monsterous Monster Munitions.
Starting point is 00:12:48 Cool Zone Media would like to remind its listeners that it cynically takes money from advertisers in order to finance the production of anti-fascist content and suggests listeners do their own research into the goods and services it advertises. That said, Big Boingos Dino Armor has been field tested by people we trust. Their quality is good and their prices are competitive. by people we trust. Their quality is good and their prices are competitive. Are you a millennial still in this war, figuring it's your generation that should have done a better job of stopping the rise of fascism worldwide? Are you a Gen-Xer in uniform, using your trademark cynicism to bolster a sort of nihilistic morale among your younger comrades?
Starting point is 00:13:22 Are you a Zoomer refusing to slow down? Maybe you are a proud member of the Grey Brigades, fighting alongside your not-young peers in this desperate winner-take-all showdown between fascism and internationalism. If you are 45 years or older, you are more than welcome at this summer's Old Bastard's Ball in Belfast, United Ireland. Here is your chance to socialize with the other ancient warriors and to tell ancient war stories. Cool Zone Media's Maya Wong will be presenting
Starting point is 00:13:53 the Wokeys, the award for combat veterans old enough to have called things woke unironically. For security reasons, all attendees must RSVP and a vouch system will be in place. All attendees must RSVP and a vouch system will be in place. I'm Jason Alexander and I'm Peter Tilden and together on the Really No Lily podcast Our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like, Why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor.
Starting point is 00:14:29 We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the wooly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts?
Starting point is 00:14:44 His stunt man reveals the answer. And you never know who's gonna drop by. Mr. Brian Cranston is with us today. How are you two? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really No Really, sir. Bless you all.
Starting point is 00:14:57 Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, really. No, really. Go to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really, no really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com.
Starting point is 00:15:07 And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition signed Jason Bobblehead. It's called Really, No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Some people won't give you the real talk on drugs, but it's time we know the facts. Fentanyl is often laced into illicit drugs and used to make fake versions of prescription
Starting point is 00:15:31 pills. You can't see it, taste it, or smell it. Suppliers mix fentanyl into their products because it's potent and cheap, and the dealer might not even know. Keep yourself and others safe by knowing the real deal on Fentanyl. Get the facts. Go to realdealonfentanyl.com. This message is brought to you by the Ad Council. We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness, and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful.
Starting point is 00:15:59 I'm Ellie Flynn and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a playboy model. Lingerie, topless. I said, yes, please. Because at the center of this murky world
Starting point is 00:16:18 is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behavior? He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together, we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app,
Starting point is 00:16:44 Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. The OGs of uncensored motherhood are back and batter than ever. I'm Erica. And I'm Mila. And we're the hosts of the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast, brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network every Wednesday.
Starting point is 00:17:03 Historically, men talk too much. And women have quietly listened. And all that stops here. If you like witty women, then this is your tribe. With guests like Corinne Stephens. I've never seen so many women protect predatory men. And then me too happen. And then everybody else wanna get pissed off
Starting point is 00:17:17 because the white said it was okay. Problem. My oldest daughter, her first day in ninth grade, and I called to ask how it was going. She was like, oh, dad, all they was doing was talking about your thing in class. I ruined my baby's first day of high school. And slumflower.
Starting point is 00:17:32 What turns me on is when a man sends me money. Like, I feel the moisture between my legs when a man sends me money. I'm like, oh my god, it's go time. You actually sent it? Mm. Listen to the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday
Starting point is 00:17:45 on the Black Effect Podcast Network, the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you go to find your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and my latest interview is with Mel Robbins. The theory is very simple. It is a mindset tool that instantly helps you identify what's in your control and what's not in your control.
Starting point is 00:18:03 Renowned motivational speaker, best-selling author, Mel Robbins! Work has been seen as the number one cause of stress. How can the let them theory help? As you notice the stress come up, Jay, you're simply going to say, let them. You have no idea right now how much time and energy is being wasted because of other people's behavior. It's like a death by a thousand cuts. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back.
Starting point is 00:18:44 While climate change scientists in Helsinki were de-extincting animals in the 2040s, they were not the only people developing ex-vitrogenesis. In Toledo, Ohio, there was a pharmaceutical startup that was originally called the Crusaders Grail. Their odd name was part of that wave of counterculture right-wing Catholic converts that happened right before the Disconcordant. Mostly, they made their money selling knockoff pharmaceuticals and infringing on other companies' patents, which won them a lot of support during the era of the insurance riots.
Starting point is 00:19:17 But it soon became clear that they were adulterating their products with drugs that they hoped would, quote, reverse the homosexual and transsexualization of the US and make kids straight. Instead, it sort of made people lose their minds. It was bad. Whole bunch of behind-the-bastards episodes about them before we knew how real bad they were gonna get. The FDA tried to shut them down,
Starting point is 00:19:39 and there was that arm standoff at their compound, and it was a whole big deal. You probably remember it. If you don't remember the standoff, check out Molly Conger's 2036 episode of Weird Little Guys titled, Make the Frogs Straight Again. And so the Crusaders grail, they changed their name and their business model, but not their overall mission. The Crusaders grail became substantiation, which is of course transubstantiation, the Catholic belief that the crackers and wine they eat turned into literal body and
Starting point is 00:20:10 blood of Jesus when they eat them. But without the trans in the name, because they're a bunch of right wing culture war zealots. Substantiation set about trying to, well, raise the dead and breed monsters. Like that was their mission statement in internal paperwork. Or to quote it directly, Substantiation is a for-profit organization dedicated to spreading the word of Christ and spreading Christian nationalism by use of unliving bio-weapons.
Starting point is 00:20:42 It is God's plan that we recreate the miracle of Lazarus and arm the resurrected with flaming swords with which to strike down the sinful." Which, look, we did a whole two week series on the Disconcordance and you can go check that out for more information. But this statement, once it leaked, it pretty much split the Christian faith. And it was a huge reason why a series of antipopes
Starting point is 00:21:03 started popping up all over the world. Because a lot of people were like, wait a second, isn't the whole point of Christianity not to strike down the sinful, like with flaming swords, but to forgive them? And other people were like, but we want zombies with flaming swords to kill gay people. And so those are the two sides of Christianity ever since.
Starting point is 00:21:25 Substantiation got mystery funding, funding which Ed Zitron actually proved the source of. It was the Republican Party. Do you remember the Republican Party? They were a bunch of right-wing bastards who went mask-off fascists in the 2010s before most of you were born, who picked a really strange name for themselves, since Republican means leftist everywhere else in the world. But then again, I guess when the Republican Party picked it, they were actually the anti-racist,
Starting point is 00:21:48 whatever. There's a whole bunch of history about this. I've done so many episodes over the past several decades that talk about the Republican Party and when it switched over and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That's unrelated, okay? Unrelated. Substantiation never really made money. They just ate up resources developing living weapons, what we call biospawn today.
Starting point is 00:22:08 They developed ex vitro genesis, which is that cloning that isn't really cloning because it doesn't require a living host that everyone else just calls cloning. But if you don't say ex vitro genesis in podcasts, then people get mad at you on social media. Anyway, they developed this around roughly the same timeline as Cold Lab Cooperative in Helsinki did. Substantiation's first big success was the hellhound, a sort of half dog half rabbit monstrosity that is still in production today. Like most biospawn, especially monster hybrids, hellhounds live for only a year or two at most, and they spend all of their waking hours in tremendous pain, screaming and crying.
Starting point is 00:22:48 They were sold first as guard dogs to the ultra-rich. It was this whole fad. But owners kept them so full of pain meds to get them to shut up that the hellhounds mostly slept all day and were not really useful even for intimidation. Plus, there was that beautiful day when hellhounds ate Bomboy, the white rapper turned pastor, white nationalist billionaire, at his estate in front of a live news crew. Some of these hellhounds were even utilized in World War III,
Starting point is 00:23:17 mostly just for their impact on the enemy's morale. But in an era of drones, the hellhounds weren't particularly impactful on a larger scale. If you find yourself up against hellhounds, which you might have already, honestly, here's what you need to know about them. They have the jaws of a pit bull, and once they've latched onto you, realistically, the only way you're getting it off of you is to shoot it in the head. They can jump 10 feet vertically or 30 feet horizontally. Even the most ardent animal lover instinctively knows that it is a favor to kill these creatures.
Starting point is 00:23:51 Hellhounds have a death wish as strong as their prey drive. They live to kill and die. Their main weakness is that they are never quiet. Even sleeping hellhounds are suffering, crying in their sleep. Unfortunately, it really is a drive to kill and not a drive to eat. Even sleeping hellhounds are suffering, crying in their sleep. Unfortunately, it really is a drive to kill and not a drive to eat. Most distraction techniques that work on dogs do not work on hellhounds. But, on the plus side, they somewhat regularly attack their own trainers. Due to their volatility, hellhounds are rarely used in field battles.
Starting point is 00:24:23 Which is good, because they're reasonably effective against dinosaurs otherwise. They just attack their own side too much. Hellhounds are often guarding the perimeter of nationalist bases, trained not to wander too far and to attack anything living that they run across. They're also used to flush out buildings in urban warfare. A pack, usually 3-12 dogs, will be let loose in the front door. These hounds are also often equipped with suicide vests that explode if shot. More recently, since dogs cannot open doors, some hounds have been trained to self-detonate
Starting point is 00:24:59 their vests if they find a door they cannot open, which clears the path for the remaining creatures. I know I said earlier about how we shouldn't see these things in terms of black or white, but our enemy, at least its scientists and its generals, truly are evil. If you encounter hellhounds, it is useless to run even on dinosaur back. These fucking things are fast. You need to fight. They are physically weaker than you and your mount at the end of it.
Starting point is 00:25:27 If you can shoot them, shoot them. If they're masked and you have access to a flame thrower, use that. If you're alone, there's an old trick people use to fight dogs. I'm sorry to say that this is a thing that people have had to do. Where you offer your forearm,
Starting point is 00:25:42 the forearm of your non-dominant arm, and the hellhound will lunge and bite that. Use your dominant arm then to shoot or stab the creature to death. If you're expecting hellhound trouble, vam braces are worth adding to your kit. For those of you who didn't grow up obsessed with swords and armor, that's a forearm guard. After the development of the Vishnu shield at the end of World War III,
Starting point is 00:26:04 substantiation itself actually collapsed. I wish we could take credit for this, but basically one of the founders detransitioned from Catholicism back to mainline evangelical Protestantism, and then one of the Catholics got mad, and then the two killed each other in a literal duel. And the whole organization was so hierarchical that it fell apart with two of its leaders dead. But its core ideas of using ex vitro Genesis to develop super weapons, organization was so hierarchical that it fell apart with two of its leaders dead. But its core ideas of using ex vitro genesis to develop super weapons, that idea spread and spread and spread. It's all over the world.
Starting point is 00:26:38 But you know what else is all over the world? Products and services. This podcast is brought to you by the Council for Total War on Boredom, the makers of the finest board and card games in the 21st century. When you've got some downtime in the trenches or the lab or the warehouse or the factory or the mess hall or wherever you do your part to kill fascists, why not pass the time with a board game? You could try last year's breakaway hit, Please the Plesiosaur, a semi-cooperative game for 2-17 players that teaches battle
Starting point is 00:27:05 tactics while you're just having fun. Or maybe you'd like to try something new. Just last December, we put out Where's Santa, that rat bastard he owes me child support, a card game for three people who are comfortable expressing sexuality with one another. Looking for something more family-friendly? Try our latest game, Zombie Town, in which you practice family evacuation from a town beset by the living dead, stepping over the corpses of your loved ones to try to escape to the relative safety of
Starting point is 00:27:33 internationalist lines three miles away. That's about five kilometers to those of you in civilized countries. Remember, just because we're in total war doesn't mean we should get total bored. This podcast was brought to you by Redisant Randy's Rodent Rescue. Why is he rescuing all these rodents? He won't say! But if you need to rescue a rodent, Randy is the man for the job. This advertisement barely passed our editorial board. None of us are exactly sure what service is being offered by this advertiser.
Starting point is 00:28:02 It seems likely, perhaps even probable. The appearance of this advertisement is a code that communicates meaning to some portion of the listening audience. Cool Zone Media would like to remind the people who play such ads in order to communicate to internationalist fighters behind enemy lines that such coded messages are more effective if they appear to be the shipment advertisements. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Lily podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to
Starting point is 00:28:34 life's baffling questions like... Why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the wooly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stunt man reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Brian Cranston is with us today. How are you two too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really No Really, sir.
Starting point is 00:29:07 Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, really. No Really.
Starting point is 00:29:18 Go to ReallyNoReally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition signed Jason Bobblehead. It's called Really No Really and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Some people won't give you the real talk on drugs, but it's time we know the facts. Fentanyl is often laced into illicit drugs and used to make fake versions of prescription pills.
Starting point is 00:29:43 You can't see it, taste it, or smell it. Suppliers mix fentanyl into their products because it's potent and cheap. And the dealer might not even know. Keep yourself and others safe by knowing the real deal on fentanyl. Get the facts. Go to realdealonfentanyl.com. This message is brought to you by the Ad Council. We want to speak out, we want to raise awareness,
Starting point is 00:30:05 and we want this to stop. Wow. Very powerful. I'm Ellie Flynn, and I'm an investigative journalist. When a group of models from the UK wanted my help, I went on a journey deep into the heart of the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a Playboy model. Lingerie, topless. I said yes please.
Starting point is 00:30:27 Because at the center of this murky world is an alleged predator. You know who he is because of his pattern of behavior. He's just spinning the web for you to get trapped in it. He's everywhere and has been everywhere. It's so much worse and so much more widespread than I had anticipated. Together we're going to expose him and the rotten industry he works in. It's not just me. We're an army in comparison to him. Listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. The OGs of uncensored motherhood are back and batter than ever. I'm Erica.
Starting point is 00:31:07 And I'm Mila. And we're the hosts of the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast, brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network every Wednesday. Historically, men talk too much. And women have quietly listened. And all that stops here. If you like witty women, then this is your tribe. With guests like Corinne Stephens.
Starting point is 00:31:23 I've never seen so many women protect predatory men. And then me too happen. And then everybody else want to get pissed off because the white said it was OK. Problem. My oldest daughter, her first day in ninth grade, and I called to ask how I was doing. She was like, oh, dad, all they were doing
Starting point is 00:31:37 was talking about your thing in class. I ruined my baby's first day of high school. And slumflower. What turns me on is when a man sends me money. Like I feel the moisture between my legs when a man sends me money. I'm like, oh my God, it's go time. You actually sent it?
Starting point is 00:31:53 Listen to the Good Moms, Bad Choices podcast every Wednesday on the Black Effect Podcast Network, the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you go to find your podcast. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and my latest interview is with Mel Robbins. The theory is very simple. It is a mindset tool that instantly helps you identify what's in your control and what's not in your control. Renowned motivational speaker, bestselling author, Mel Robbins!
Starting point is 00:32:21 Work has been seen as the number one cause of stress. How can the let them theory help? As you notice the stress come up, Jay, you're simply going to say, let them. You have no idea right now how much time and energy is being wasted because of other people's behavior. It's like a death by a thousand cuts. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your
Starting point is 00:32:45 podcasts. And we're back. Soon enough, nationalist scientists were reanimating the dead. There was no religious motivation this time, not really. It was a tech startup, Brains! with a Z and two exclamation marks, that really pushed for the reanimation of the dead. Zombies would, Brains! hoped, be able to replace living workers in any number of industries. After all, the unliving require weekly injections in order to stay animate. And so if the workers were sentient, that
Starting point is 00:33:20 could have been held over their heads to make them loyal to whatever company they were leased out to. Because Brains! was a subscription service, as was the style at the time. Early on, there was some optimism about bringing people back as, well, people. There would have been some brain damage, people assumed, but they might still have, you know, sentience, memory, and personality. Despite a few famous counterfeit attempts, do you remember Jesus, the blonde-haired, blue-eyed preacher who claimed to have been resurrected after self-crucifixion?
Starting point is 00:33:50 No one ever managed a true resurrection. The dead stay dead, or at least their souls or personalities or whatever you want to call it do. The very, very freshly dead were able to be resurrected and merged with other creatures, creating bipedial biospawn with roughly the intelligence and demeanor of the hellhounds. Most corpses, though, are resurrected as what we call zombies. Slow shambling creatures without even an animal's self-awareness. The zombies cannot be trained, only herded. They walk and moan until they find a warm-blooded creature that
Starting point is 00:34:26 they then rip to shreds, trying to consume every bit of its blood and warmth. Fortunately, unlike the zombies of Screen and Page, real-life zombies lack the ability to self-replicate. You get bit by a zombie, you're not going to turn into a zombie. The real-life zombies even tend to rip people up so badly that their kills cannot be resurrected by the necromancers, as zombie making engineers are so often called. Unfortunately, they are like movie zombies in that the only way to kill them is to destroy their brain. And resurrection has not weakened their
Starting point is 00:35:01 skulls to any appreciable degree, so it's not as easy to destroy their brain as it is in the movies. The fact that they use zombies is, somehow, the biggest propaganda issue of either side. Christian nationalists, in particular, have managed to spin the whole thing as a way in which sinners are punished, that the army of the dead is serving God's plan. But everywhere, the existence of zombies, it's a very successful weapon of fear. You might not like us, but we're unstoppable. Join us or zombies will eat your family.
Starting point is 00:35:33 It's a very convincing line. On our side, we're able to say, well, the other side reanimates the dead as unthinking monsters driven only by bloodlust. They are the bad guys. This too is a very convincing line. Zombies, interestingly, only have limited military use. They are primarily used for terrorism. They are set loose in enemy population centers, especially civilian areas.
Starting point is 00:35:59 On the battlefield, they're too vulnerable to machine gun fire to be wielded with too much success. Though they are so easy to produce that occasionally they are masked in sufficient numbers to be sent out ahead of the regular forces as bullet sponges and, well, terror units sent to demoralize us. Fortunately, images of brave soldiers on dinosaurs shooting down zombies have bolstered our cause quite a bit. Morale is a train of struggle, as we always say, or as Sun Tzu put it,
Starting point is 00:36:28 one will win whose army is animated by the same spirit throughout all its ranks. We like to squabble about anarchism versus republicanism versus Marxist-Leninism versus democratic confederalism versus social democracy versus nihilism, but our whole army is animated by the same spirit throughout all its ranks. The idea that the living ought to win in the war against the liminal. If you're up against zombies, get into the open. They're slow and vulnerable in the open, even in great numbers. Firearms, fire, explosives, all quite effective against them. In tighter
Starting point is 00:37:05 spaces they're much more dangerous. Don't get split up, fight back to back, aim for the head if you've got the shot, but if you take out their knees they can't do much more than crawl and that's better than nothing. Early propaganda bulletins made sure to emphasize that we knew that these creatures were not living, that they're not the people that they look like. But honestly, we stop bothering to say that because one look at a zombie and you know there is no spark of life left in it. So the zombies were a big hit and hellhounds truly strike terror in the hearts of many of us.
Starting point is 00:37:37 But the nationalist forces decided that the creation of biospawn is an art. All over the world, nationalist scientists have developed different local flavors to the monsters that they grow and set loose. And new trends regularly sweep across the globe. In 2053, they went big, hulking monstrosities like combining roly-polys with elephants, or spiders and rhinoceroses, or things that we never really reverse engineered.
Starting point is 00:38:03 Like at one point they pulled off a dragon. Like how do they do that? We don't know. It must have taken so much work because they never did it again. When these things first hit the battlefield, they were admittedly terrifying. Their screams echo for miles because they are also like all biospawn in terrible pain. But they were too hard to control to make much tactical use of these giant ones. And in the end, they were no match for T-Rexes and the good old classic de-extincted animals like the saber-toothed tigers that can hunt in packs. Oh, you got to watch the video of the saber-toothed tigers bringing down that dragon.
Starting point is 00:38:36 It is a sight to see. In 2054, they were smarter. They went smaller. This was the year of roving packs of jellies, In 2054, they were smarter. They went smaller. This was the year of roving packs of jellies and the admittedly kind of cool, if you grew up playing D&D, gelatinous cubes that inched their way across the battlefield in pervious traditional munitions, dissolving everything in their way. That's when most units were issued flamethrowers.
Starting point is 00:39:02 And biospawn without central nervous systems are a bit easier for the other side to control, as they are not in constant pain. We don't know what the big trend will be this year, but early indications out of Ukraine suggest that the Russians at least are toying around with dinosaurs as base models from which to create horrific screeching hell monsters. Like the six-legged raptors that bleed from their mouths and vomit acid uncontrollably. We're as yet unsure if the acid thing was a feature or a bug. But one more creature we want to cover in more detail, because you are likely to run across it,
Starting point is 00:39:37 are the moles. I mean, they're not actually moles at all. They're more like land shrimp, ground lice. They're awful. They dig though. They're the size of squirrels and they dig and they dig until they hear someone above them and then they pop out and try to eat you. A single mole is not a big deal at all. It's gross, but you can step on it to kill it. They don't send out single moles. They send out swarms. We're unsure exactly how they were constructed, but they first appeared on the South African front, and now they're in use all across the world because they are damned effective.
Starting point is 00:40:13 Particularly if a swarm gets into a dino stable. That usually causes a stampede, which usually means a lot of people die. These things can dig through wood, but not concrete. So in places with suspected mole activity make sure your primary living quarters are on slab foundations. Make sure that your space is equipped with ground penetrating radar if you're not under conditions of Vishnu shielding. But if you are under Vishnu conditions, dogs have been trained successfully to detect their presence. Either way, if you've got a heads up it's best to evacuate the area. They can be fought with fire and poison gas if necessary. The best way to
Starting point is 00:40:49 deal with a mole attack though, is to stop it at its source. Mole facilities are massive because these creatures are only effective in large numbers and they cannot be transported far as their lifespan is measured in hours or days, not weeks or months or years. So if you're attacked by moles the breeding ground is nearby. Destroy it. In fact that's the best way to deal with all the biospawn. Find and kill the fascists who produce them. Feed the fascists to your stable. It's good for morale. As for another way to track down these fascists I'm'm going to leave you with another bit of
Starting point is 00:41:26 advice from Sun Tzu. Whether the object be to crush an army, to storm a city, or to assassinate an individual, it is always necessary to begin by finding out the names of the attendants, the aides du comps, and the doorkeepers and sentries of the general in command. Our spies must be commissioned to assert these." So yeah, know your enemy. Literally know their names. Know who they know.
Starting point is 00:41:55 Figure out what you can use against them. And that's what we've got for you for this week. Stay strong, stay tough. Remember the anarchist prayer. Yeah, yeah, whether you're an anarchist or not. We're all on the same side here, animated by the same spirit of anti-fascism. The anarchist prayer. I ask not to be safe from my enemies, but dangerous to them. Stay dangerous and good luck. It could happen here as a production of Cool Zone Media.
Starting point is 00:42:25 For more podcasts from Cool Zone Media, visit our website, coolzonedmedia.com, or check us out on the iHeard radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. You can find sources for It Could Happen here, updated monthly, at coolzonedmedia.com slash sources. Thanks for listening. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission.
Starting point is 00:42:44 On the Really No Really podcast. Is to get the best of the best. And we're going to be talking about the best podcast in the world. And we're going to be talking about the best podcast in the world. And we're going to be talking about the best podcast in the world. Thanks for listening. And register to win $500 a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition sign Jason Bobblehead. The Really No Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeart radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B. As we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex and love.
Starting point is 00:43:29 Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. Tune in and join the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. The OGs of uncensored motherhood are back and badder than ever. I'm Erica.
Starting point is 00:43:52 And I'm Mila. And we're the hosts of the Good Moms Bad Choices Podcast, brought to you by the Black Effect Podcast Network every Wednesday. Yeah, we're moms, but not your mommy. Historically, men talk too much. And women have quietly listened. And all that stops here. If you like witty women, then this is your mommy. Historically, men talk too much. And women have quietly listened. And all that stops here.
Starting point is 00:44:06 If you like witty women, then this is your tribe. Listen to the Good Moms Bad Choices podcast. Every Wednesday. On the Black Effect Podcast Network, the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you go to find your podcast. We want to speak out and we want this to stop. Wow, very powerful.
Starting point is 00:44:22 I'm Ellie Flynn, an investigative journalist, and this is my journey deep into the adult entertainment industry. I really wanted to be a player boy, my doll. He was like, I'll take you to the top, I'll make you a star. To expose an alleged predator and the rotten industry he works in.
Starting point is 00:44:37 It's honestly so much worse than I had anticipated. We're an army in comparison to him. From Novel, listen to The Bunny Trap on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Some people won't give you the real talk on drugs. But it's time we know the facts. Fentanyl is often laced into illicit drugs and used to make fake versions of prescription pills. You can't see it, taste it, or smell it.
Starting point is 00:45:02 Suppliers mix fentanyl into their products because it's potent and cheap, and the dealer might not even know. Keep yourself and others safe by knowing the real deal on fentanyl. Get the facts. Go to realdealonfentanyl.com. This message is brought to you by the Ad Council.

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