It Could Happen Here - CZM Book Club: Cool Zone 2055: After the Battle
Episode Date: February 16, 2025Margaret from the future tells you about Mx. Bunny Face Murder's childhood.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information....
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What would you do if mysterious drones appeared over your hometown?
I started asking questions.
What do you remember happening on that night of December 16th?
It actually rotated around our house, looking as if it was peering in each window of our
home.
I'm Gabe Lenners from Imagine, I Heart Podcasts and Lenners Entertainment.
Listen to Obscurum, Invasion of the Drones, wherever
you get your favorite podcasts.
Why would you do that to me?
Los Angeles, 2021. A friendly neighbor appears out of nowhere and promises to make all my
dreams come true.
Let's not forget that David Blum was a professional con artist.
So you didn't stand a chance.
But my dreams soon turned into a nightmare.
I'm Caroline DeMore.
Listen as I take down my scammer on Once Upon a Con on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you get your podcasts.
Don't miss Real Life Amigos, Wilmer Valderrama, and Freddy Rodriguez in their new podcast dos amigos where they have candid
Conversations with special guests about anything and everything join them in Wilmer speak easy for genuine moments laughter and a toast to good times
Remember here in this commercial are you between the 14?
Think you got it takes to be a TV personality and commercials and you know, Saturday morning shows.
Listen to those amigos on the iHeartRadio app,
Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Hey man, what are you into?
I have the hookup.
The hookup?
The hookup for what?
I'm solving a mystery through sex
and haven't made a private dick joke until now?
Poppers?
Why are there so many poppers?
All roads lead to the hookup. You think it's causing people to turn aggro?
I'm gonna rip your arms off and use them to-
Yeah, that's a word for it.
Listen to The Hookup on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Coolzone Media.
shows. couldn't tell by the title or the intro or just the fact that this is what I've been doing for several months now. It's a Dino Wars episode. A Dino Wars episode of Book Club, imagine that,
which means that we have for you a podcast from the future. That's right, this is a podcast I
recorded in the year 2055 and then sent back to myself,
which was nice of me to give me this heads up.
To give all of you this heads up.
And so without further ado, here's an episode.
Hello and welcome to Cool Zone 2055, How to Survive the Dino Wars.
I'm your host, Margaret Killjoy, and this week we are continuing to relay the last podcast
script sent to us by our fearless correspondent, Mick's bunny face murder, and if you're spelling
that out, that's just the bunny face emoji and then the dagger emoji, who is currently
trapped behind the Iron Curtain on the Iberian Peninsula.
Although it goes without saying, I'm going to say it anyway.
The only way that Mixed Bunnyface and the rest of the millions of people in Catalonia are going to survive the year is if we are able to fight our way to them
and distract the Iberian phalanx.
I know, everyone thinks, but we've got our own problems here,
wherever here is, and you're right. But we cannot fight this war as a series of
localized skirmishes. The revolution will be worldwide or it will fail. We've made
it this far because of international solidarity and coordination and it will
be exactly those two things plus
bravery that will see us through and into the world we know that we can make.
A world in which many worlds are possible.
An internationalist world, an anti-capitalist world, an anti-authoritarian world.
We've made it this far, and we've got to keep pushing.
And I know you know all of that already.
I know you're already working.
You're already putting your queer shoulder to the wheel.
I just want you to know that I'm proud of you.
I'm proud of us and we've got to keep going.
Whoever you are, dear listener, you have got to keep going.
Even though you don't feel like you're useful to the revolution right now.
Right this moment, the fascist death machine wants you dead, and we don't want to let it win.
Stay alive, if not for today, then for tomorrow. You will have your chance to be useful.
And look, there are thousands of ways to be useful.
The revolution needs bookkeepers and line cooks, and it needs singers and
metal workers and project managers and engineers and hackers.
It needs party planners and historians.
It also needs, you know, fighters.
And it needs trained dino riders.
You know where I'm gonna take this.
If you want to become one of the many, the proud, the Dino Riders,
there is no better way to get started than to sign up with Cool Zone Media's biggest and most generous sponsor, Dino Cadence.
That's right, Dino Cadence. From dance troupe to elite fighting school, Dino Cadence is a living example of how
all of us can turn our talents towards the struggle. So apply today and then tomorrow you
can ride a dino into war. Banner streaming, battalion screaming. Admission is free, but spots are limited. So apply to dino cadence today.
And now, here's from Mick's bunny face murder,
who, where we left them last time,
had scarcely survived an ambush
that saw nearly all of a unit of mighty dreadnoughts defeated.
I made it most of the way back towards the main camp
before I collapsed in exhaustion
and the world drifted out of focus and my mind drifted out of focus.
They're awake, I heard in Katalan.
My first thought was, hey, that's cool that my Katalan is good enough that I can understand
it when I'm half-conscious.
My second thought was, there is a very handsome woman looking down at me.
My third thought was, I appear
to be in some kind of hospital tent. Only then did awareness truly come over me. My
brain refused to incorporate the recent trauma, though, and it was just a fuzzy, oh, that
didn't go well. It's strange being a journalist, because I knew that soon enough I would be writing what happened.
I have to.
Not like because it's my job, but because, you know, it's what I do.
It's how I contribute to this terrifying and glorious world.
I let people know what's happening in my strange corner of that world.
I tell people how I'm feeling in case they can resonate with it. I entertain people,
I hope, which has value too. Forgive me these introspective asides. They're only going to get
worse. I am particularly aware of my mortality just now for some odd reason. I woke up in a
hospital tent in the main camp and that first face I'd seen was Dr. Abadi, a surgeon from Ohio.
Good news, she said in an accent that felt like home.
I'm not gonna cut off any of your limbs.
So I laughed until it hurt, which didn't take long.
Once I moved my arm by accident, pain coursed through me.
She smiled and I felt better.
Look, I am a simple creature, okay?
How bad is it, I asked?
Your wounds are the war.
Either, I suppose.
Well, they're setbacks for sure, she said.
In both cases.
You're not going to be walking for a while.
Then you're gonna be walking on crutches for a while.
If I had to guess, you're a cane user now, long term, at least some days, for the rest of
your life. But I suspect you'll regain full use of your arm." She reached up and
scratched the shaved half of her head, reflexively in thought. As for the war,
they don't tell us civilians too much, but I'll tell you that it is not looking good, not here, not for us.
We're not cut off, not yet.
There's still soldiers and material flowing in from Barcelona.
But Barcelona itself is cut off.
Unless a new front opens up for the Iberian phalanx,
it's kind of just a matter of time.
Unspoken, we both knew what she meant by that.
Maybe, dear listener, with all the horrors of this war, the fall of Valencia in 2053
went unremarked upon in your circles. In different times, the exodus would have been one of the
most important events in human history, when a million people died, helping a million people flee by boats.
When horrid Nazi sea monsters rip people down into the depths of the Mediterranean.
When Spanish soldiers and angry workers and art militias, do you remember the art militias?
Fighting as a form of expressionist art, the field of battle as the canvas.
When all these people with
different politics fought alongside one another against the iron tide of fascism, but collapsed
under its weight.
It was the Stand of Valencia that brought me to Iberia in the first place, to interview
refugees who'd made their way to Barcelona.
Many of those people have since joined up.
Many of those people have since died in the fighting.
Everyone who didn't make it out of Valencia
was sucked into the Iberian phalanx as war machine,
as conscript labor, as lab rats,
as dead bodies to resurrect,
as literal food for the terrors they were designing
and growing in the nightmare labs in Madrid.
the terrors they were designing and growing in the nightmare labs in Madrid. Imagine having the people eaten by Nazi sea monsters as the lucky ones.
The 21st century has given total war a new definition.
It's not that if we don't fight, we fall under occupation.
It's not that if we don't fight, we die. It's that if we don't fight, we will
be transformed into horrors beyond the comprehension of the human mind, horrors that challenge
the cruelty of even the old gods.
So when Dr. Abadi said, it's kind of just a matter of time, it was with a weight that
would have seemed almost unknowable to people
only a generation or two back. But do you know what else would have seemed unknowable
to people only a generation or two back? The sweet, sweet deals being offered by our advertisers.
This podcast is brought to you by the Council for Naming All the Objects That You Can See.
Are you feeling overwhelmed?
Got that familiar itch of anxiety creeping up your spine?
Pretty sure you're about to have a panic attack?
Try naming all the objects that you can see today!
Houseplant, dog, partner, ceiling fan, bookshelf, koleshnikov,
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So come on down to Wimpy Wobbles Wizard World today!
Have you ever looked into the night sky and wondered who or what was flying around up
there?
We've seen planes, helicopters, hot air balloons, and birds.
But what if there's something else, something much more ominous that appears under the cover
of night, silent, unseen, watching?
They may be right above your car late one night as you cruise down the road, or look
like mysterious lights hovering above your home.
Drones.
Or are they?
We used the word drone because it was comfortable to other people.
One minute it was there, one minute it wasn't.
Oh, that is beyond creepy.
Do you feel like this drone was targeting you specifically?
Yes, absolutely.
Listen to Obscurum, Invasion of the Drones,
on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you get your podcasts.
Don't miss Real Life Amigos, Wilmer Valderrama, or wherever you get your podcasts. and I've just found my calling. But a lot of that was just because I wasn't good at anything else, you know?
Join the two amigos straight from Wilmer's Speakeasy for toasted good times.
Don't be surprised if some special guests and good friends drop in.
And always expect lively, candid discussions, plenty of genuine moments, and lots of laughter.
I remember hearing this commercial. Are you between the ages of 16? What is it?
Oh, man.
Are you between the ages of 14 and 16 years old?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What do you think it takes to be a TV personality
at commercials and, you know, Saturday morning shows?
Listen to Dos Amigos as part of the MyCultura Podcast Network,
available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you get your podcasts.
Why would you do that to me when I thought we were friends?
We are friends.
Los Angeles, 2021.
A friendly neighbor appears out of nowhere and promises to make all my dreams come true.
Let's not forget that David Blum was a professional con artist, so you didn't stand a chance.
But my dreams soon turned into a nightmare.
Bloom generally targeted people with money.
And I was not alone.
He took over 100 people for over $15 million.
One of the victims was his own grandmother.
I was married to David for almost 10 years.
It was insane.
I was barely functioning, and I just had this realization that he will not stop
until he kills me. Getting a con artist to pay for their crimes isn't easy.
I'm Caroline DeMore. Listen as I take down my scammer on Once Upon a Con on the iHeartRadio app,
Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Do you remember what you said
the first night I came over here?
How goes lower?
I met Santi at a luau party in October.
I'm Santi, Damien.
Oh, it was bizarre.
The guy just disappeared one day.
Santi has been missing ever since.
The hookup, what is that?
I'm solving a mystery through sex
and haven't made a private dick joke until now?
Like no matter how hard I try, all roads lead to...
The hookup. You think it's causing people to turn aggro?
I'm gonna rip your arms off and use them to-
Yeah, that's a word for it. This is such terrible representation. I'm so sorry.
Poppers?
These aren't just any poppers.
Mama always used to say, God gave me gumption in place of a gag reflex.
No, my psychiatrist didn't laugh at that one either.
Listen to The Hookup on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to
your favorite shows. And we're back.
Dr. Abadi cleared me from the hospital tent in the early evening,
the day after the battle, it turns out, because I lost a day to pain and drugs.
Powered chairs were in short supply,
so I let a handsome old orderly volunteer
to push me around in an old-fashioned wheelchair.
His name was Florencio,
and he'd been born in the 20th century, just barely,
and he blushed like wildfire every time I flirted with him.
He'd spent his whole life in Madrid
and his whole career as an orderly.
He'd evacuated during the coup, and his whole career as an orderly.
He'd evacuated during the coup, and he wept openly and fiercely when he talked about the
triage of which patients they could get out of the city.
They'd prioritized anyone the fascists were most likely to kill, but he was certain, as
certain as he was that the sun would rise each morning, that the remaining patients
had been transferred into the demonic labs, into the nightmare factories.
I did what I could do, Señor Senora, he said,
using one of the many outdated non-binary honorifics
that people have explored over the decades.
I found it quaint and charming.
We were outside in the cooling air,
watching the sun set over the hills.
I've been a war correspondent since this war kicked off,
I told him, and I haven't met many people who've directly,
physically saved more lives than you have.
You have to focus on what you've accomplished,
on the people you've saved, not the things that you failed.
War has made an old person of you, he said, smiling.
Glad I got to live to be old then, I told him, even if I had to speed run the whole
thing.
The old books always say that war is mostly waiting around bored and miserable until bad
stuff happens.
And certainly, it really is mostly waiting around.
There'd been a flurry of excitement when I'd first arrived, sure, but I spent the
next two weeks without much going on.
I wasn't bored and miserable though.
Morale is a terrain of struggle, and it's one of the terrains we're winning on.
I think that the complex stew of ideologies and frameworks and nationalities and
just types of people and ways of looking at the world,
has made even a poorly fed camp on the losing side
of a campaign into a place that is vibrant and exciting. We had enough Thanato-Nihilism to accept
our dire situation, enough diehard old anarcho-syndicalists to remind us of the glory and
legacy that we were part of. We had enough religious sorts to keep us arguing over theology,
and enough political sorts to keep us arguing about politics. The semi-democratic nature of the command meant that everyone kept up with planning and strategy
and felt invested in our decisions. There was music from around the world.
I took my turn telling stories around the fire and I kept busy talking to dino handlers and medics
and messengers and scouts. By the end of the second week, I could get around on crutches and
even manage to be able to type a little again.
But there's no getting around it.
The Iberian phalanx could attack at any moment, and
the odds are not going to be in our favor if they do.
I've been compiling this missive, this podcast script.
What would I write if it were
the last thing I would ever say in public?
Some days, especially first thing in the morning with a lover's arm draped over my
chest and a little bit of drool on my shoulder,
the immediateism of many of the soldiers around me appeals to me.
Maybe it's better to be forgotten.
But after the midday meal, hard tacking tea lately, not something to write home about,
I sit down to write and there are so many things I want to say.
So many things that I don't want lost forever.
If you'll forgive me the self-indulgence, I want to tell you about, well, me.
I was born in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, in 2028.
Back then, Pennsylvania was a state, but I don't remember it as a state.
I was in elementary school when our statehood was revoked,
and our teacher was replaced by someone, quote, less woke,
who informed us that in the state's rights era of the Republican government,
only states that understood core American values could be trusted with such a high degree of independence.
Pennsylvania joined Rhode Island, Maryland, and Massachusetts as an FAT, a federally administered territory.
At first, this didn't change too much.
I was still a second-generation non-binary kid and a third-generation anarchist,
so what the government said we should do didn't change my life too much.
By middle school, though, my family started a homeschool co-op
because too many of my generation of kids was getting suspended
or even sent to juvie for being trans and or non-binary.
I remember really loving my childhood.
We were poor as hell, but so was the whole city
and we shared.
We lived with my grandmother, Mrs. Jones,
she insisted that everyone call her,
even though she'd never been married,
she just thought it sounded classy.
She'd bought a cheap house in the mid-aughts
and there was always a rotating cast of folks
passing through,
or extra families living with us.
Sometimes there was drama, and more than once my grandma ran people out at gunpoint if they
couldn't act right, if they weren't safe around us kids.
But I had a lot of friends, and when adults in our lives told stories about the bullies
and the homophobia that they'd faced as kids. It felt almost exactly the same as when they told ghost stories about murderers and demons.
These were just imaginary tales to scare kids.
All three of my immediate parents worked full time, and Mrs. Jones, she let me call her
another name, but she swore me to never mention it in print.
Mrs. Jones was the closest
adult in my life. The Federal Administration rescinded our co-op's homeschooling license
when I was 13, and they sent us back to public school. My peers were mostly good, but the
stuff they taught us was pure Christian nationalist propaganda. I used to get sent to the principal's
office almost every day. The principal, though, he was secretly on our side.
So he'd say, when you walk out of here, you'd better look like I scolded you,
or they'll take me away and disappear me.
What's worse, he meant it.
That whole situation didn't last.
When I was 16, the war came, and it shattered, well, everything.
My whole family and our whole extended network fled the city and crowded into a land project
out in the mountains of the, still a state because it was full of bootlickers, West Virginia.
And we were sheltered in our way by being in a place that just no one gives a single
shit about. We were also sheltered by these goods and services?
The sponsors that support our show?
I don't know.
Something.
Here's ads.
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Have you ever looked into the night sky and wondered who or what was flying around up there?
We've seen planes, helicopters, hot air balloons, and birds. But what if there's something else, something much more
ominous, that appears under the cover of night, silent, unseen,
watching?
They may be right above your car late one night
as you cruise down the road, or look like mysterious lights
hovering above your home.
Drones, or are they?
We used to work drone because it was comfortable
to other people.
One minute it was there and one minute it wasn't.
Oh, that is beyond creepy.
Do you feel like this drone was targeting you specifically?
Yes, absolutely.
Listen to Obscurum, Invasion of the Drones, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Wilmer Valderrama and Freddy Rodriguez in their new podcast Dos Amigos. Each
episode is a party where the good friends get real with each other about
life, careers, and everything about everything. And you're right there with
them. When I discovered acting, I've just found my calling. But a lot of that was
just because I wasn't I wasn't good at anything else, you know? Join the two
amigos straight from Wilmer's Speak Easy for toasted good times. Don't be surprised if some special guests and good friends drop in.
And always expect lively candid discussions, plenty of genuine moments, and lots of laughter.
I remember hearing this commercial. Are you between the ages of 16? What's that?
Oh man.
Are you between the ages of 14 and 16 years old?
What do you think it takes to be a TV personality and commercials
and you know morning Saturday morning shows?
Listen to Dos Amigos as part of the MyCultura Podcast Network
available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
Why would you do that to me when I thought we were friends?
We are friends.
Los Angeles, 2021.
A friendly neighbor appears out of nowhere
and promises to make all my dreams come true.
Let's not forget that David Blum was a professional con artist,
so you didn't stand a chance.
But my dreams soon turned into a nightmare.
Blum generally targeted people with money.
And I was not alone.
He took over 100 people for over $15 million.
One of the victims was his own grandmother.
I was married to David for almost 10 years.
It was insane.
I was barely functioning.
And I just had this realization that he will not
stop until he kills me.
Getting a con artist to pay for their crimes isn't easy.
Charge David Blum!
I'm Caroline DeMore.
Listen as I take down my scammer on Once Upon a Con
on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you get your podcasts.
Do you remember what you said the first night
I came over here?
Ow goes lower.
I met Santi at a luau party in October.
I'm Santi.
Damien.
Oh, it was bizarre.
The guy just disappeared one day.
Santi has been missing ever since.
The hookup, what is that?
I'm solving a mystery through sex
and haven't made a private dick joke until now?
Like, no matter how hard I try,
all roads lead to the hookup. You think it's causing people to turn aggro?
I'm gonna rip your arms off and use them to-
Yeah, that's a word for it.
This is such terrible representation, I'm so sorry.
Poppers?
These aren't just any poppers.
Mama always used to say, God gave me gumption in place of a gag reflex.
No, my psychiatrist didn't laugh at that one either. ["I Heart Radio"]
Listen to the hookup on the I Heart Radio app,
Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen
to your favorite shows.
["I Heart Radio"]
And we're back.
I lost Mrs. Jones and two of my three parents in the six months of the war.
We could have stayed out of it, probably.
Certainly, us kids managed to.
There's one moment that will stay with me, haunt me, forever.
My dad's name was Eryko.
He wasn't Italian, he was fourth generation Polish, but he was a history nerd, so he named
himself Eryko.
He wasn't my birth father, but he had gone through the endless legal ordeal to adopt
me and marry my birth parents so that there was a registered cisgender caretaker to protect
me legally during those anti-trans years.
He was fighting in the anti-war movement, and it's funny to say fighting in the anti-war movement,
and by that mean he carried a rifle
and he trained in the militia,
because they were delivering EMP devices
to communities across Appalachia,
and they were regularly involved
in firefights in the process.
I was 16, and I wanted to go with him.
We got in this massive blow-up fight,
just screaming and yelling.
I started the yelling, but he yelled right back,
which he wasn't allowed to do.
And I told him as much while I threw things.
And the reason we were fighting
is because I wanted to go with him.
One of my best friends from the land project had gone off to fight already.
"'There's seventeen, you're sixteen,' Eriko yelled at me.
"'What kind of anarchist are you?'
I yelled back.
"'I'm your father first and an anarchist second,' he yelled.
"'I would disgrace my ancestors before I'd put you in danger.'"
And look, I yelled the thing that everyone in my position has yelled at some point or
another.
I told him, you're not my real dad.
And I stormed up to my room on the second floor of the old barn, and I slammed the door,
and the whole building shook.
And outside my room in the common space, I heard Eric crying, talking to my other parents.
And I knew they were arguing about whether or not to let me come with them.
And then?
And then they left.
My 17-year-old friend, Ginger, Eric, Mrs. Jones, and my other father, Tomas, my real
dad, which wasn't something I ever believed in.
They went out that night on a mission and they never came back.
We never found their bodies.
Probably, almost certainly, they were killed by a drone strike outside of Martinsburg,
West Virginia that night.
Of the 70 people killed in that strike, only 54 were successfully identified.
For a long time, I'd like to think that they were still out there.
I don't know what I'd like to think anymore.
The last thing I told Erika was, you're not my real dad.
And I'm going to be sitting on that in sorrow for the rest of my life.
I forgive myself because I know that not only would he have forgiven me, he would have told
me there was nothing to forgive, that I hadn't done anything wrong.
After they disappeared, I fell into a dark place for a while after that.
I barely left my room, and I definitely never left the land until after the war.
I did, though, start writing,
a job which, I suppose, got me into the mess I'm in now.
But when I say mess,
I will also say that I am surrounded by passionate people
successfully holding back fascism against incredible odds.
I'm talking every night with so many wonderful people.
I'm sleeping next to or with so many wonderful people. And I don't know if
Erika was right or wrong, ethically or ideologically, to stop his 16 year old
kid from fighting in a war. But I know that I'm glad he did it. I'm glad he was
willing to risk his own ethical purity to save my life. So thank you,
Eric Oshbora. And I miss you, Ginger. I miss you, Tomas. I miss you, Mrs. Jones. Maybe I'll see you
soon. I sort of hope not. But maybe. Margaret here again. Thanks for listening to Cool Zone 2055, How to Survive the Dino Wars.
We still have a little bit more from Mixed Bunnyface Murder before, well, I feel like
I'm dragging it out cuz I'm really hoping we'll get another missive tied to a pigeon
or even better.
Maybe we'll all march in there.
Maybe we'll free Catalonia.
That'd be nice.
I hope it happens.
And plugs at the end of a podcast.
Well, if you like the work that I do, you should go back and read one of the first series
that I ever did.
Danielle Kane series.
The first book is called The Lamb Will Slaughter the Lion.
If you go back far enough in Cool Zone Media history,
you can hear me read it on Cool Zone Media Book Club to Robert Evans.
And the third book in that series was called The Immortal Choir Will Send,
nope, that's not the name of it.
That's me mixing up the first two books.
The second book is called The Barrow Will Send What It May.
And the third book is called The Immortal Choir Holds Every Voice.
And it came out, as I remember, in summer of 2025.
But more importantly than that, it was kickstarted in March.
Yeah, it was March 2025 that it was kickstarted.
And so people back then, they could have even back as far back as
February signed up for updates about that Kickstarter. And then once the
Kickstarter went live, they could have gotten all kinds of stuff including
audiobook versions of all three of the books. It was a good time to get into
that series. That's what I remember. But take care of yourself, take care of each other.
We're all we got, but we're all we need.
It Could Happen Here is a production of Cool Zone Media.
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Thanks for listening.
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