It Could Happen Here - CZM Book Club: Pathfinder: Dawn of the Frogs, Part Four

Episode Date: November 23, 2025

More mighty beasts assail our brave antiheroes!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is an I-Heart podcast. A decade ago, I was on the trail of one of the country's most elusive serial killers, but it wasn't until 2023 when he was finally caught. The answers were there, hidden in plain sight. So why did it take so long to catch him? I'm Josh Zeman, and this is Monster, hunting the Long Island serial killer, the investigation into the most notorious killer in New York, since the son of Sam, available now.

Listen for free on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, wherever you get your podcasts. What up, y'all? It's your boy, Kevin on stage. I want to tell you about my new podcast called Not My Best Moment, where I talk to artists, athletes, entertainers, creators, friends, people I admire who had massive success about their massive failures. What did they mess up on? What is their heartbreak? And what did they learn from it? I got judged horribly.

The judges were like, you're trash. know how you got on the show. Check out Not My Best Moment with me kept on stage on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcast. On an all new episode of IHeartRadios Las Culturistas, Emmy, Golden Globe and Tony Award winner Sarah Paulson spills on red carpet hacks. We saw these pictures and you're like, what is the story with this? She gets real about the inspiration behind her roles. Oh, no, there is no end to how people will behave. And she puts host Matt Rogers and Bowen-Yag on notice. I don't think so, honey. I I feel very, very triggered by this.

Open your free IHeart Radio app. Search Las Culturista. And listen to the full podcast now. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty and I'm the host of the On Purpose podcast. Recently, I had the honor of sitting down with the iconic Chris Jenner. Even if one of your children has been through something really difficult with their partner or an ex-partner, you still love them as part of the unit and the family. These are the fathers of my grandchildren.

And that love doesn't go away when we experience really. challenging times with them. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the IHartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Quarzone Media. Book club. Book club. Book club. Book club.

Frogs. Don and a dog. Don and a dog. Dogfrog. Dog frog dog. Hello and welcome to dog frog dog, the raw dog podcast that you've been waiting for. It is not actually about hot dogs. Don't worry. The raw dog isn't a reference to that. And that's a Jamie Loftus joke. Introducing Jamie Loftus. Oh, I only wish. This is the tabletop roll plane takeover, the pathfinder takeover of Cool Zone Media Book Club. And I'm your host, Margaret Kiljoy, but I'm not really your host. I'm just the one who does the introductions because the actual host, our game master, is Jason. Hi, Jason.

Hello, everybody. Welcome to session four of our Pathfinder game night, Dawn of the Frogs. So we're a little bit over halfway done with our story here today. I'm excited to get into part four. So I'm going to leap right into it. Leap? Like a frog? Leap, frog.

Yeah, that's right. Ha, ha, rib it, et cetera. We're starting off contentious. All right. When we last left our intrepid band of adventurers, four heroes found themselves in Bog Bottom, a small swamp community on the north side of the Isle of Cortos. There, you have been tasked with helping a poor village beset on all sides

by the waters of the Dunmire Swamp. This village has seen its fair. amount of hardship over the past several days, many villagers went missing. You went and found some, recovering them from an old windmill deep in the swamp. But upon returning them to the town after defeating the Boggards that had them captured, these evil frogmen, you brought them back to the community of Bog Bottom and only to find out that when they woke up, they had no memory of who they were of the town itself and only wanted to go be with the Boggards.

In fact, they had to be convinced to stay. The town's healer, La Drusa, convinced the four of you, with a promise of another reward, to venture out into the swamp and find three ingredients that La Drusa needs to concoct an antidote to the poison that she believes they are suffering from that is making them lose their memories and want to go hang out with the frogs. In particular, she needs ripe lantern berries, pale, waning mushrooms and the petals of a tombflower. In our last session, you ventured out to a mushroom-covered log.

There, you dealt with a fungus lushy and convinced it to let you take some of the pale waning mushrooms. You also made your way to the top of a hilltop. There, you fought a pair of deadly giant swamp flies that nearly killed squash and did some pretty heinous wounds to spite as well, but you managed to defeat them as well

and get the ripe lantern banners. At the end of our previous session, the four of you had made your way back down to the raft and we're about to pull out to attempt to find the tomb flowers. But before we pick up right where we left off, I'm going to toss it around the horn for everybody to introduce themselves and their characters.

So we're going to start with Robert. Who are you playing? I'm Trant, widely considered to be the best whatever you call someone who's piloting whatever kind of boat this is in this swamp. Got a lot of experience, minutes long. I also make bombs.

I-o, who are you playing? I'm playing the dogman. Mr. Squash, you can just quell and squash if you want to. He's a nasty freak, and he's three feet tall and full of sass, baby. Hazel, who are you playing? Sister Mergergana bow at your service. Half-work cleric soup none.

Fantastic. And Margaret, bring us on. I am playing spite. I was named after one of the virtues. And I am a human champion of Malani. Perfect. So when we last left the story, the four of you were coming down from this hill

where you had recovered the lantern berries and we're about to head out into the swamp. There is something out there in the swamp. You heard a story of some vicious creature known as Tutusk. you've been trying to keep an eye out for it and you've seen signs that something is watching you from the deep swamp

but you haven't seen any actual predator on your tail just the strange feeling that you're being watched as you board up onto the raft to make your way to the final location the soggy cemetery located in the distant corner of the swamp

you all have a little bit of time if you wanted to heal up I know some of you are kind of wounded and perhaps would want to spend some time regaining focus spells, perhaps doing some healing. Yeah. Used two of my grenades last term of my five a day. Can I replace those with two of the versatile flasks? Or how does that work?

So you can't replace those immediately with versatile flasks. You can use the versatile flask and then get the versatile flask back, but you didn't use any. So you used the regular ones. So we're going to have to wait on that. Then I got nothing to do. I think I would maybe be the out-of-combat healer because I can heal and get my focus points back. whereas Mertie, you're better at point healing.

But I think that if I take some time, I'm going to heal myself back up with one lay on hands and then also heal squash back with another lay on hands. But then that involves 20 minutes of someone else has to pull the barge while I light the candles on my helmet and think about the necessity of revolution and the complexity of all the moral questions involved. Don't worry, boss. I've been piling in boats like this my whole life pretty much, basically. I hand squash the pole.

And I'm splayed out, and I just have, like, one hand where I'm, like, doing it. I hand Trent the pole after all, because, murder, you're navigating. Yeah. All right, Trance has the pole. Somebody, I don't even notice who takes the pole for me. And I'm like, oh, man, I hate this stinky bug. P.U. Let's go be Briggins or something.

This job sucks. Do you guys remember when we were like terrorists? That was so fun. What are we doing in this swamp, man? It takes a lot of money to get the supplies necessary to blow up entire jails. I know, but we were scamming guys left and right, and these people got no money to scam out of them. I tried my ass off, and they don't have anybody.

It's true. The people bunk bottom are, it's not exactly a prosperous community. It is a very small swamp village. Try and make me feel good. about that you won't succeed you'll get close but you won't you know i've heard it said that one man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter and i've never understood that because i'm a hundred percent a terrorist i'm a hundred percent a terrorist this guy knows what i'm talking about right i'm like recovering from being dead and also secretly getting drunk on ever clear last episode

tune in folks and i absolutely agree i love doing terrorism and I hate doing freedom fighting. I think I'm more of a freedom fighter, but I understand that it's a complex dichotomy and maybe shouldn't even be painted as a dichotomy at all. But if I really had to pick, I'm sure I'd be a freedom fighter. It's true. We are the original odd couple, all of us. Mertie is stirring soup and says, more doing things, less thinking.

Look, I'm not against freedom fighting. Like, if I see any freedom in this swamp, I'm going to beat the fuck out of it. I'm not fighting and I love freedom and Exactly, Trando's what I'm talking about So you begin pulling through the swamp Mertie, you're navigating so why don't you go ahead and give me a survival check Sure can You read the map given to you by La Drusa

That was my third 20 of the night on the dice So I got 27 27 yeah your dice have been hot going all the way back to the previous episode 27 is amazing. Yeah, you're easily navigating to the next site, which is good because I'm wagering Trantt mostly pulls you in a circle for at least the first 20 minutes. Once 20 minutes are up, I am back to the pole.

So... Does it get foggy and then I light the candles on my helmet because that'd be a good image, slowly moving through a bog with candles on the helmet? I will say this, yeah, as you make your way to this part of the swamp, It is getting a little later in the day and as it does so, the kind of

fog begins to settle over the swamp. It's not dark yet, but it is starting to get kind of the shadows are growing long. All you perverts who do fan art, take note. A thin fog settles over the swamp as the barge approaches the crooked

and rusted gates of an old cemetery. La Drusa said this place used to be Bogbottom's burial ground before it mostly sank into the swamp a few years ago. Now the barge quietly glides between blackened headstones which protrude from the water like crooked teeth. Up ahead is the only hill in this eerie place still above the water and on its crown looms a crumbling mausoleum covered in vines bearing bone white flowers. Oh, I bet those are the flowers we need. I reckon so. It's a pretty creepy scene as your barge kind of pads, you just kind of slowly pull your barge up between these

crooked and rusted gates that are just sticking up out of the water, past headstones that are covered in kind of a black mold and film, and slowly make your way up towards this island. Ho, ha, ha, ha, happy Halloween. Is it dark enough that we need extra light? Is it still twilight? Not yet. Okay.

It's dim out, but I wouldn't say it's so dark that those of you without dark vision can't see. It's just getting kind of gloomy out, but you can still see. The flowers are right there. And why should I be afraid? I'm squash after all. You did just, okay, yep, great.

What? You got something to say, Spite? Oh, I just, I remember that not very long ago, a fly ripped your neck out. That fly was playing dirty as flies are want to do that fly nearly decapitated you

my neck is still like extremely red and raw almost like glowing he leads back too far like blood bubbles for yeah you think I ain't got in me or something you do have all your hit points back

by the way though I did heal you while we were on the raft yeah yeah I am wrapping like gauze around this to keep it That's mighty kind to you. And ever since I've died, there's a little bit of a dark midnight of a soul in Squash where it's just like, maybe I should take the advice of this sourpuss who I love so much, spite. And I have my shield and morning star out and I'm walking in front.

Are you implying that like Squash had visions of the other side? They were dying too. That's half dead. Yes. We zoom into Squash's mind and there's like a cow playing a banjo. and like a chicken playing a washboard and I'm like walking into a gate and they're just like, no, no, not yet.

And Mertie is someone ushering me back and just like has a ladle out with soup and I like float like a hobo on the... The cartoon wave of the scent. Yeah, the cartoon waves of the soup scent. I'm like floating upon and I come back to life. As it turns out, the Shoney afterlife is some sort of

barnyard jug band. Can you imagine a better afterlife? I ask all of you. Oh, I think so. We'll talk about that later. Anyway, I walk forward, assuming everyone will also come with a shield and Morningstar. Every time we go one of these places, bad stuff happens, so it's best to be prepared. That's what my sister malevolence has always told me.

Oh, yes, I forgot you were all named after the, the verse. That's right, yes. As the raft kind of drifts up to the shore and you all disembark, you're looking out at what appears to be just a small slice of this cemetery. It's the only part that's still above water. And directly up ahead of you about 30 feet away is this kind of crumbling mausoleum. It's not a large place, you know, maybe 15 feet by 10 feet. It's not a gigantic mausoleum by any means. but it is adorned with these vines

bearing these bone white flowers but no sooner do you step foot on shore does the soggy sodden earth around you suddenly stir and crawling up out of the ground are a bunch of skeletons let's fucking go

I took so much shit around undead cool fuck yeah So, four skeletons come crawling up out of the ground. They are all armed. They have rusty old swords. They have crooked bows on their back. And they just have their rather long, bony hands. They all come crawling up, giving you all ample time to drop your weapons.

And at that, I'm going to need everybody to roll initiative. Nat 20, baby. Nice. Plus what? Five. All right. So, Trant has a 25. Squash, what do you got?

I rolled a 14 plus 5 at 21. You rolled a 14 plus 5? Wait, what are we adding? I thought it was perception. It is perception. 14 plus 5 is 19. Oh, wait. Here's a thing.

I was raised in a dirt shack. You just see. Yeah. Editor, cut that. Nobody can know I'm stupid. Editor, leave it in. Leave it in. Everybody needs to know. I'm vulnerable. I'm human. 14 plus 5. 19. All right. You got there in the end.

Spite, what do you got? I also have a 19, a 15 plus 4. Mertie, what do you got? I got a 5 plus 7 is 12. You're the one who specializes in this. I think I actually didn't take as much undead stuff. as I thought. Jason told me that I should maybe prepare for it

and then talked me out of taking some stuff. So I'm blaming Jason. I did no such thing. I think I also was like, I should min-max around this one specific thing that you said. We'll soften them all up for Murty. Yeah. And then it'll just be a little boy popping off.

Well, top of the order here, as these skeletons come crawling up out of the ground, You are first to act. You goddamn right. Skeletons, though, are notoriously immune to a lot of stuff. They're just bones. Many things do not affect them. Well, I know one thing that definitely works on the undead.

My great-grandpappy, Brusifer Campbell? Sure, why not? It taught me the ideal weapon to use against any kind of skeleton. And then I'm going to pull my shotgun. Ah, it's a shotgun. Yeah, there it is. All right, you draw your weapon, take aim. Nat 20 at the nearest.

Nat 20 at the nearest. Yeah, baby. Yeah, that is one directly off to your right. It just came crawling up out of the ground. And that is going to be a critical hit. God damn, right it is. Go ahead and roll damage. Two.

You rolled a two that is going to get doubled to four because it was a critical hit. Now, the damage. type is going to kind of depend on what you packed in there. You packed a bunch of pieces of chitinous fly corpse in there, which I'm going to say does bludgeoning. So that is just going to shatter the skeleton right next to you. It just entirely comes undone.

You blast it right in the chest, and its bones fall back down into the earth to its final rest. All right. And where'd you get that gun from one of our sponsors? I did. I actually got it from... A decade ago, I was on the trail of one of the country's most elusive serial killers, but it wasn't until 2023 when he was finally caught. The answers were there, hidden in plain sight. So why did it take so long to catch him?

I'm Josh Zeman, and this is Monster, hunting the Long Island serial killer, the investigation into the most notorious killer in New York, since the son of Sam. available now. Listen for free on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Robert Smith, and this is Jacob Goldstein, and we used to host a show called Planet Money. And now we're back making this new podcast called Business History, about the best ideas and people and businesses in history. And some of the worst people, horrible ideas, and destructive companies in the history of business. Having a genius idea without a need. for it is nothing. It's like not having it at all. It's a very simple, elegant lesson. Make

something people want. First episode, how Southwest Airlines use cheap seats and free whiskey to fight its way into the airline business. The most Texas story ever. There's a lot of mavericks in that story. We're going to have mavericks on the show. We're going to have plenty of robber barons. So many robber barons. And you know what? They're not all bad. And we'll talk about some of the classic great moments of famous business geniuses, along with some of the darker moments that often get overlooked. Like Thomas Edison and the electric chair. Listen to business history on the IHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. What up, y'all? It's your boy, Kevin on stage. I want to tell you about my new podcast called Not My Best Month, where I talk to

artists, athletes, entertainers, creators, friends, people I admire who had massive success about their massive failures. What do they mess up on? What is their heartbreak? And what Did they learn from him? I got judged horribly. The judges were like, you're trash. I don't know how you got on the show. Boo, somebody had tomatoes. I'm kidding.

But if they had tomatoes, they would have thrown the tomatoes. Let's be honest. We've all had those moments we'd rather forget. We bumped our head. We made a mistake. The deal fell through. We're embarrassed. We failed.

But this podcast is about that and how we made it through. So when they sat me down, they were kind of like, we got into the small talk. And they were just like, So what do you got? What idea is? And I was like, oh, no. What?

Check out Not My Best Moment with me, Kevin on stage on the Iheart Radio app, Apple podcast, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcast. On an all new episode of IHeartRadios Las Culturistas, Emmy, Golden Globe and Tony Award winner, Sarah Paulson, spills on red carpet hacks. We saw these pictures and you're like, what is the story with this? She gets real about the inspiration behind her roles. Oh, no, there is no end to how people will behave. And she puts host Matt Rogers and Bowen-Yag on notice. I don't think so, honey. I feel very, very triggered by this.

Open your free I-Heart Radio app. Search Las Culturista. And listen to the full podcast now. We're back. And if you use promo code not legally a Bruce Campbell reference, you can get a shotgun just like it for 10% off. It'll be groovy. Boy.

You still have two actions left. And you can spend one. I'm doing sports gambling. I'm going to spend one sports gambling and one reloading my shotgun. You know what? I'm going to let that ride. What is Trent win on sports gambling? You can bet on the next attack roll.

There's your future of actual plays right there. It's being able to bet on the game as it's being played. Jason, you might be absolutely right. Yeah, I'm going to put two gold on no one. else getting a critical hit this turn. All right, that is the end of Tran's turn. One of the skeletons has been shattered and sent back into its grave. Squash, we are over to you.

You took out the skeleton that... The one that was closest to us, yeah. Great. I go up to the one to my left, and I'm just blasting, like, the Terminator with my gun as I approach them, but I don't go farther than, like, two diagonal squares. I'm trying to get them kind of right in front of the mausoleum

because I know that Mertie's got some undead spells. All right, so Squash kind of steps forward towards the mausoleum, attempting to draw all the skeletons to you right in front of the place. Okay, the rest of the skeletons are kind of arrayed around it, in the tombstones that are around the mausoleum, they burst up from either side. So they've kind of got you flanked,

but they're not quite up on you yet. So Squash, you have moved forward, and then you are going to fire a gun. So go ahead and make an attack. Yes. That's a total of 20. A total of 20 is going to hit. That's right.

So go ahead and roll damage. Oh, it's a four, baby. Which is as good as I can get. All right. So that is, like most guns, that one does piercing damage. Oh, rats. I forgot. So the bullet kind of goes straight through the skeleton.

It doesn't look like, I mean, you hit, but it does. just kind of bounces off a ribbone and doesn't appear to do any significant damage at all. You're not sure that your pistol is going to be able to hurt these things. At least now they can suck their own dick. Anyway, well, I still got one action. Yeah, you do still have one. I mean, you could reload your gun or you could draw a different weapon, which you're probably going to need to do. Not your rapier. Not my rapier. I do. Oh, God.

I will say this, if you decide that your gun isn't going to work, you can always attack it with fists. You could also, like, pick up a rock or a chunk of tombstone and try and bash them with it, if that's something you want to do. But for right now, you can reload your gun. I just had an original idea is that I pick up a chunk of tombstone that I hit the Kellingtons with. Stroke of geniuses hit me. Yeah, all right. Wait, hold on. God is speaking to me.

And he says, hit them with a tombstone that says, I told you I was sick. Oh, I don't want that job. Spite, it is over to you. I am going to do the defensive advance where I raise shield, stride, and strike. Squash has this handled. I'm going to the... No, I have to go towards the two. I can't bring myself to.

I go to the closest one. I stand right in front of squash. And I attempt to hit it with the morning star while screaming, I've always wanted to do this. But I rolled a mere 17. a nine plus eight or 17 so these skeletons they're not exactly wearing armor and although they are kind of nimble being relieved of all of their flesh they're not that nimble so that is going to hit great i got 12 damage bludgeoning 12 bludgeoning damage so as it turns out skeletons as i've said

they don't take a lot of damage for much right you know they don't have flesh so you can't really cut them very well the piercing arrows don't really work very well on them but you know it does work very well a giant club. So you basically slam your morning star into this thing and just shatter it. It falls apart making the sound like somebody running their fingers across a xylophone. It just collapses into a heap of bones.

That skeleton has been destroyed. You do have one action left, but there's no skeleton within it. Can I throw my morning star? Not effectively. I'll be honest. You could, but you're already at a penalty and throwing it would make it really,

bad. You would basically need a nat 20 to hit. It's not a very aerodynamic weapon. I'm going to stamp my foot and say, I hate waiting. I want to run up to it, but I'm not going to. And my shield is already raised. And that's the end of my turn. I'm just going to do anything in my action.

All right. So the skeletons are going to go. The first skeleton is going to advance from its grave, and it doesn't make any good tactical decision. So I'm just going to randomly determine who it attacks spite or squash, since the two of you are standing next to each other. And it's going to attack Squash. No!

Yes. So here it comes. It's going to swing its scimitar. And I'm going to get an armor class of 25. Jason, that's so many. That is really high. I rolled a 19. What is your armor class? It is 18. Oh, okay. Well, it's not a critical hit, but it is definitely going to be a hit. And to top it off, I also rolled maximum damage, so take six. Oh, sorry, eight. Or you could take five damage because I'm going to use liberating step.

What a pal. I reach out and say, not on my watch. I hate my character. I mean, I love spite. I love spite. Spite's so fun. Spite's so sweet and funky. Immediately after she intervenes, I'm going to say, look out.

So Squash, you take three less damage. Oh, that's mighty kind of you. And you can step as a free action. You can move to any adjacent square. That rules. So which means that if it takes its next attack, it has to attack me. Okay. Or you can move wherever you want, but you probably want to move one step to your west.

A lot of numbers running fast and free here. How many damage do I take? Five. I eat five damage for breakfast, and I move. I'm going to move to my right. I'm going to get right up on this pool. Okay. That's just the way of squash, baby.

Yeah, fair enough. So in this case, it's actually going to attack spite anyway. Oh, okay. Because it is attacking with a scimitar, which does have a benefit if it attacks a different target. Oh, interesting. Okay. Because it has sweep. It's good for long attacks.

So it's going to hit squash, and then it's going to continue its blade and attempt to hit you, spite. But I rolled incredibly poorly, so it makes me. This is entirely, and that is the end of its strong. All right, the other skeleton's going to go, and, well, like I said, they don't exactly work with tactics, so they kind of just attack the nearest thing to them, which is squash. So the other skeleton comes marching up out of the swamp and goes after squash. It's going to swing at you with its scimitar. Here we go.

Hate that. Armor class of 14 isn't going to do it, though, so it is going to spend its final attack. And it's actually going to attack you with its claw, with its final attack, because that is agile and isn't going to have as much of a penalty. So, you're going to try that, and I didn't roll well on that at all 11. It's going to be missed entirely. So both of the skeletons have gone. Their hatred for the living shines dimly in their empty eye sockets, but their turn is now over. Mertie, we are up to you.

They're undead in your midst. Vile, evil creatures. minions of unlife. They have risen up from their graves to spit in the face of gods. What do you do? Heal them. Exactly.

I'm going to cast heal at the three-action version, which does 1D8 damage to, it's going to heal everybody from 1D8, but for undead creatures that, like, does damage. Exactly. So heal when cast as three actions causes a burst of healing energy

to come surging out of you washing over the skeletons I rolled a four four? So they all take four damage and squash is healed four right and squash is healed for everyone who is hurt is healed for the undead that get hit by it

do get a fortitude save they can possibly reduce this damage so what is your save DC for your spells My spell DC is 17 17. All right. Two fortune saves. Here they come. Well, surprisingly, they both actually made it.

They do not have good bonuses, but one rolled a 20 and the other one rolled a 17 on the die. So they're both going to make their saves. Oh, my God. The Holy Power washes out of you and the vitality of life hits the skeletons and their bones blacken and crisp. Both of them take two damage from this.

I think that this is microwaves. I'm like heating them up. It's not dissimilar. So both of them look like they were wounded by that. Their bones are blackened and crispy, but it did not destroy either one of them. Top of the order, Trant. All right. Well, this is a complicated situation.

You know, we've got a lot of moving parts here. So I think in situations like this, you know, got to act creatively. I've got to try new things, things you haven't done before. So I'm going to take a five foot step and shoot. this guy with a shotgun. Yes, absolutely. That's it. A 17 plus 5, so 22.

All right, yeah. You load the gun up with, what did you say, rocks? Yep, yep, just rocks. Just the rocks at my feet. All right. So go ahead and roll damage. That's another two. Another two.

The skeleton directly in front of you shatters into a million pieces as your rock blast. It's it. That skeleton shatters and crumbles to the ground, thanks to the vitality damage it just took from the heel spell and the blast, that was enough to do it in. So you have moved and fired, you can reload if you want. Yeah, this seems to be working pretty well. I'm just going to throw some more rocks in this bad boy.

Don't mess with an alchemist with a shotgun. All right. Squash, we're back to you. There's one skeleton left alive. Surely you can take it with something. Absolutely, surely. The chunk of tombstone in your hand, perhaps. You know, I was going to draw my big fuck-off gunsword,

but I got a beautiful tombstone. I'm going to try and knock its goddamn head off. All right. Is that an improvised weapon? So, yeah, the way that's going to work is you're going to get, what's your strength modifier? Strength modifier is plus two. All right.

So basically, you're going to be attacking this thing with a plus 3 on the die. If you hit, it's going to do 1D3 bludgeoning plus 2 for strength. So it's pretty straightforward attack. So go ahead and roll the die and you get a bonus of three. Great, because I roll the 20. So to keep things moving along simply, go ahead and roll damage, but your minimum's going to kill it.

Yeah. I don't care about this stuff you just said. I kill this skeleton stone dead. Yeah, you kind of. drop the tombstone atop the skeleton. Its skull gets cracked, crushed into powder. And for a moment, the body is running around with a bit of tombstone up there. Then I remember this isn't Looney Tune, so it collapses.

And I'm laughing my ass off the whole time. This rocks. This is what I got into this business for, baby. This is what it's all about. Okay. This rocks. And I look to spite as if, like, hey, you like puns, right? I give you a big thumbs up.

and I like really awkwardly I don't understand the fist bump thing and so that I'm like I like try and do a thumb war and you're like awkward about it and then I got really into it and you win

yeah probably twice as tall as you anyway Jason what happens so the last of the skeletons falls back down into the dirt slowly sinking

back down into the graves from which they came, and you now find yourself standing atop this soggy cemetery alone. It is quiet. Sun is beginning to set, and you see the pale tomb flowers there before you. Easy to pick now that the threat has been taken care of. I'm also going to look in the tomb to see if there's anything that could steal. This is really easy to justify with my hatred of the rich, because who gets to have a thing like that? That mausoleum? No, that's absolutely fair. I'm going to load up a sack full of bones just for future shotgun.

The hand bones work great for that. There's lots of tiny little ones. So you take a look up around the mausoleum. The mausoleum itself is actually sealed. It's not something you can just open. You'd have to like break in. Eh, I don't really need to break in. I break in.

I got some gunpowder. We can make our way. into this, boss. Oh, I have a thieves kit. Yes, everyone seems into us being like fantasy radical for a second. Let's blow up the tomb. I'm assuming you collect the flowers before you do anything dangerous. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're in my pocket. I spend enough time in Louisiana to hear how much people hate Nicholas Cage's eventual tomb in the middle of New Orleans, and I'm

going to pretend that this is that. We're blowing up Nick Cage's tomb. Sorry, Nick. It sounds like one of you has thievery. Do you just want to try and pick the lock first? Are we going straight to gunpowder? I have plus seven thievery. I will do it. I have thieves tools that I can loan you.

I would appreciate it. Go ahead and give me a thie check. It is an old rusty lock. It's not really very secure. It's not exactly a state of the art. Oh, but you can get guidance. Oh, yeah, you want guidance? I would love guidance.

Yeah. Here's guidance and thieves tools. That should be at least a plus three. Well, the guidance gives you a plus one. The thieves tools don't give you any bonus unless they're very expensive thieves tools, which I doubt you have. I don't have the expensive ones. Yeah, that just kind of lets you try it. Yeah.

Without it, you take big penalties, actually. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. That's 26 altogether. I was born to Grave Rob, baby. Well, I mean, honestly, it didn't require that much effort. It's a very simple lock. And, yeah, you managed to pick it. within a few moments, you managed to get the old rusty chain off and are able to open up the door

to the mausoleum. Inside, there are a trio of coffins, kind of atop stone beers. They are pretty soggy and rotten, this whole cemetery having kind of mostly sunk into the swamp. Things in here haven't exactly fared too well. Spite, it sounds like you're going to go check out the coffins. Is that, is that what you're doing? I'm going to pull, I probably have a bandana or something. And I am covering my face because my uncle, Larsonie, has talked to me a lot about grave robbing. And he suggests that it is actually always best to cover your face because there's all kinds of gross stuff, measma, as it were, sometimes in the air. And so when you're stealing from the dead, which isn't theft, because why would they need it? And then I'm going to go through and start looking around.

You're explaining this the whole time. You pry open the coffins. And there's no amazing treasure to be found here. although, you know, most of them were buried in relatively simple clothing that is since kind of moldered away. These are skeletons. I will say that you find a pair of rings. They're probably not magical.

They're very simple in make. One of them is silver and one of them is gold. All right. I take them. I'm going to drink one of those stone beers while they're doing that. Yeah, likewise. Oh, sure. Yeah.

Hanging out, having a cold one before you head back to town, doing the hero stuff. Robbing a grave. Yeah, we cheers. Yama ki-e-e-e-e-e-a-kilabas. Well, there wasn't all that much in there, but there were these two rings. I bet we could sell them

and spend the money to get explosives to bring revolution to the countries of the world. Hey, now you're speaking my language. There you go. Common. I say the same thing in Infernal. The people back,

in town suddenly have a shudder. They don't know why, but they suddenly realized, wait, have we hired good guys? By some way of looking at it. Yeah. Anyway, there wasn't that much in the graves, but you know where there is treasure. Is it in the sweet deals?

It might be. Well, listen, find out. I thought you were going to say it's friendship, and I was going to get pissed. No, we're not sponsored by friendship. We don't care about it. It doesn't sponsor us. Friendship, please.

Do you sponsor us. However, if we're sponsored by the Resurrectionist School, which is actually just about getting bodies for medical examination, then maybe that's what we're sitting. Yeah. Corpses are us. We'll take your money. I'm never going to ask what you're talking about. One day I'm going to do a cool people that cool stuff on Resurrectionists just because they're so

fascinating to me. I can't wait to not listen. Yeah, the thing that you've described does not sound cool. No, it's probably not. It's actually really bad. Anyway, we were doing ads. Oh, yeah. Ads.

We're doing a Midwestern goodbye, but for the ads. Here they are. Hold on, I got to slap my knees and go, Welp. Well. A decade ago, I was on the trail of one of the country's most elusive serial killers. But it wasn't until 2023 when he was finally caught. The answers were there, hidden in plain sight. So why did it take so long to catch him?

I'm Josh Zeman, and this is Monster, hunting the Long Island serial killer, the investigation into the most notorious killer in New York, since the son of Sam, available now. Listen for free on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Robert Smith, and this is Jacob Goldstein, and we used to host a show called Planet Money. And now we're back making this new podcast called Business History, about the best ideas and people and businesses in history. and some of the worst people, horrible ideas, and destructive companies in the history of business. Having a genius idea without a need for it is nothing.

It's like not having it at all. It's a very simple, elegant lesson. Make something people want. First episode, how Southwest Airlines use cheap seats and free whiskey to fight its way into the airline business. The most Texas story ever. There's a lot of mavericks in that story. We're going to have mavericks on the show. We're going to have plenty of robber barons.

So many robber barons. And you know what? They're not all bad. And we'll talk about some of the classic great moments of famous business geniuses, along with some of the darker moments that often get overlooked. Like Thomas Edison and the electric chair. Listen to business history on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. What up, y'all?

It's your boy, Kevin on stage. I want to tell you about my new podcast called Not My Best Moment, where I talk to artists, athletes, entertain. painters, creators, friends, people I admire who had massive success about their massive failures. What did they mess up on? What is their heartbreak? And what did they learn from it? I got judged horribly. The judges were like, you're trash. I don't know how you got on the show. Boo. Somebody had tomatoes. I'm kidding. But if they had tomatoes, they would have thrown the tomatoes. Let's be honest. We've all had those moments we'd rather forget. We bumped our head. We made a mistake.

the deal fell through, we're embarrassed, we failed. But this podcast is about that and how we made it through. So when they sat me down, they were kind of like, we got into the small talk, and they were just like, so what do you got? What? What ideas? And I was like, oh, no. What? Check out Not My Best Moment with me, Kevin on stage, on the Iheart radio app,

Apple podcast, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcast. On an all new episode of IHard Radio's Las Culturistas, Emmy, Golden Globe, and Tony Award winner. Sarah Paulson spills on red carpet hacks. We saw these pictures and you're like, what is the story with this? She gets real about the inspiration behind her roles. Oh, no, there is no end to how people will behave.

And she puts host Matt Rogers and Bowen-Yag on notice. I don't think so, honey. I feel very, very triggered by this. Open your free IHeart Radio app. Search Las Culturistas. And listen to the full podcast now. And we're back. And we're back?

We are. Great work, everyone. Yeah. I could feel it. I knew that we were back. Yeah, people are listening. Well, you've gathered up all three ingredients that you need. So you have everything that Ladrusa needs now to create the antidote to the vile poison that is making the poor villagers forget their friends and family and want to go live with the boggards.

So all you have to do now is make your way back to bog bottom. A simple enough task. Should be easy. I'm going to, for aesthetic value, put torches on each corner of the boat. that when we go through the fog, it looks cool. Great idea. And light the candles on my helmet. Absolutely.

As it is starting to get dark now, that does actually help. Everyone piles back onto the raft and you begin pulling your way back to bog bottom as quick as you can because, again, it is starting to get a bit dark. Mertie, your roles have been stellar thus far. Your survivor roles have been absolutely amazing. I'm setting it up here so that if you bounce a one, it's really funny. But knowing you, you're just going to bounce another 20. 20. So go ahead and give me a survival check to guide everybody back home.

Jason, when you say it like that, you're going to jinx the dice. You can't let the dice hear this. No, that's why I said it that way. It's going to be great. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my gosh. That was another nap 20. Son of them. Have you ever done the thing where you take your dye and you put it in salt water so that it's like the perfectly buoyant and floats and then see what number comes up? And then you spin it. This is how you can. find out if your dye is actually neutral? I don't want to do that. I'm not doing that. That might reveal that my dye is rigged. No, you have to go to insert

whoever pays the most money to advertise on this podcast, dice.com and buy their dyes. There are a lot of gamers out there that will do like a 500 roll test on their dice just to see what the average is. People take this seriously. There's a particular dye company that I have

like two mugs at Margaret its house about, and boy, I herpet, I hope that they'll give us $10,000 to advertise, because I love them. You have to go get yourself some precision dice that gives you equal access to all the vertices of your dice. Yeah, that's important.

The famous Luzaki told me that. All right, so we have 27 on her survival check. For like a fourth time in a row. Mertie is the best swamp guide. Clone that die. I'm joining the maps cult next. So once again, And Mertie has just an incredible skill at guiding this raft through the swamp.

You begin making your way back to the community. The journey is a little different now that it's grown dark. Earlier in the day, the swamp was a vibrant place, full of life. Iridescent insects floating lazily on warm swamp air, floating up into the fog coming back down, zooming around, as you glided between thick, green, vibrant vines, but at night, it takes on a decidedly different theme, tone, feel. It's dark. It's foreboding.

There's a mist that rises up. Your vision becomes rather limited. The insects grow quiet and instead are replaced by night noises. Frogs, slithering things plopping into the water. Small disturbances as your raft makes its way. back, port bulk bottom. The smell seems to change, too. Instead of being one of fertile life,

it now smells more of rot and decay, swamp cooling around you. Gosh, it's beautiful here. Yeah, a lot of people call swamps the deserts of the sea. So I'm going to go ahead and put you all on the raft here. If you could all move yourselves to wherever you want to be, it's a pretty good-sized raft, as you can see. Seems like a normal thing to say.

It's about, you know, 25 feet long and, you know, 15 feet wide or so. If you can just place yourself on the raft wherever you want to be, for no particular reason, just kind of curious. I assume that you pull from the back of a, I, Margaret, don't know shit about a pole barge. Where does I, where do I pull from, front or back? So I actually think you generally speaking, you're going to have Murdy at back because Murdy is navigating with the kind of rudder, helping to guide the raft in the right direction. I think the polling is generally done from the sides, right? Because you want to be able to avoid obstacles and push away from things.

Yeah, that's my understanding. From all my barge time. From Robert's extensive barge life. I've done some barging in my time. I've done some barging. I've barged a couple of times. Based on what I think might happen with me by the side of the barge, I just want to say, in real life, I have swam and chain mail.

It is doable. I just want to make that clear. But this is a thing I have done. I can confirm. Listen, the rules of Pathfinder allow for a great many things, including swimming. Okay, great. I just, all right. I just want to be clear.

Anyway. I think this squash is crisscross applesauce in the middle of the barge trying to meditate. Trent, you want to be on the other side of the barge polling as well? There are multiple poles. You generally want to have people pulling from other sets. Oh, sure. Okay. All right.

You're polling along. It's been about half, hour since you last left the cemetery, you're going to wager that bog bottom can't be far away. But a wave of foul-smelling swamp water rushes over the barge as a massive frog-like creature leaps from the depths of the swamp to land at the stern. Its two massive tusks scrape the barge's hull while its belly coats the deck with a slick grease. What looks like an old dagger is embedded in the creature's glistening flank. The monster lets out a thunderous croak as it licks its lips and anticipation while the entire

barge shakes under the creature's massive bulk. It's some sort of wolf. Jason, this thing is fucking nasty. Yuck, ah, P-U. Two tusks, you've put the last person in the cage of a watery grave that you're ever going to get to well that thing's huge oh fun what she said oh my god holy shit my favorite part for all of you listening at home

is all that bravado until I moved the miniature onto the map and it is fully four times bigger than any of them and all of a sudden all of their bravado turned into oh no it's giant frog monster I think we should try diplomacy do you speak elvish

I don't So yeah I'm going to need everybody to roll initiative This frog thing And mind you It's not actually a frog It has tusks That are about

Two feet long Sticking out of its mouth Dear listener This frog looks cool as hell It does look cool as hell Its belly Is coated in some sort of slippery grease

That like when it pulls itself up it is just coating your raft in this slippery. That looks like a reflex save to me. That's not where I'm a Viking. All right. So I'm going to go ahead and collect everybody's initiative. Squash, what do you got? I rolled a 17 plus 5.

So 22. 22 again. Spite, what do you got? A 5 plus 4 is a 9. Mertie, what he got? 18 plus 7 is 25. Trant, what do you got? 8 plus 5 is 13.

Well, one of us is getting swallowed. Okay. So the entire raft is now leaning. It is at such an angle that for all of you, the ground is now all considered difficult terrain. And what that means is that your movement is basically halved. So every space you want to move costs you 10 feet of movement, not 5 feet. So you cannot move very efficiently.

while this thing's on the raft, because you might slide right off. You have to take everything very carefully. The ground is too steep. Mertie, you get to go first. This thing is right next to you. It hopped on the back of the raft. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Well, Jason, I would like to cast less for two actions,

which is going to give everybody a plus one status bonus to attack rolls. And then I would like to try to gouge out at least one of its eyes with my soup ladle. so bless does have a short range until you kind of spend some time with it right that's 15 feet if you take one step to your oh but then you wouldn't be able to attack if you took one step to your west you'd be within 15 feet of me and trant and then also you would be within 15 feet of me so if you got swallowed by a giant frog I could make it so you don't get swallowed by a giant frog that seems worth it I consider gouging out the eyes and decide I'm going to be close to comrades so i'm going to attempt to move to the left and also cast bless all right the

giant frog two tusk does not take an attack at you or anything like that for you moving in front of it yeah you move and uh cast your spell so everybody's going to have a plus one bonus on their attack rolls squash beautiful we are over to you this thing is just hanging out it's just like roaring at us. The first thing it did was just unleash a kind of terrifying bellow. Hmm. Well, you know, they say the Grand Canyon is the biggest hole in this world next to this guy's mouth, and I throw a big bomb in the air that I bought in town.

What is it? Alchemist fire. I throw one of theirs. You're going to throw an Alchemist fire. Okay. Your bonus on this is, well, it's going to be your decks plus three, so. Plus one more for a bless. Oh, plus one from plus.

I roll a seven, and so it'll be a 15. All right. So you throw the Alchemist fire, but it lands just short, hitting the deck of the boat, and it shatters there and does do one point of damage to Teutask. It just kind of singes him lightly, but he does not seem to even have noticed your attempt. You probably leave the bomb throwing to Trant. No, kidding. So that was your first action.

Actually, there's probably your second action. You had to draw the bomb. Draw that. Okay. You know what? This guy's a swashbuckler. And he's been out the game for so long that he's just itching for it. He's acting out in town.

He's making a fool of himself in front of his friends who he's like desperate to impress. And he's just like, no more. He does a big front flip. And he tries to get on to the fucking head of this frog. I'm going to go ahead and call that a grapple check. You're trying to grapple the frog. Yeah, but I got so many swashbuckler stats, good luck getting me to fall off of this frog. I dare you, in fact.

So you're going to be attempting an athletics check to grapple the frog. You sure to start acrobatics? Okay, athletics, let's go. And that's a 14 plus 5. So we got a 19 there, Jason. 19 against my fortitude save So here's the thing You do get a bonus for blessed

So that is going to make it dead on So you flip up there And grab this thing Which I believe gives you Panash Gives me Panash Congrats You're a swashbuckler who has panache Everybody loves me now

Here's hoping you don't die Before you can use it Okay I'm holding on to the tusks That is the end of Squash's turn. Two Tust goes. Uh-oh. So the first thing that Tutus does is it spends its entire action

coating the back half of the raft in belly grease. Oh, my God. So it spends all of its actions doing this, and it just kind of squirts and splatters this belly grease all over the back of the raft. Am I, like, taking damage for this because it's moving into me? No, but now anybody other than Tootas on the back of the raft, if they get hit by an attack or fail a saving throw, they have to make a balance check, which is an acrobatics check, or get knocked prone, because the ground is now super slippery. This is on the back of the raft and on the back of Tootask? Yes.

Okay. And so someone who ignores difficult terrain specifically from bogs or an enemy within it, am I still affected by that? This is not difficult terrain. This is something different. This is uneven ground. You are definitely still affected by this. Rats, crumbs. Yeah. Okay. That was Tutas's entire turn. That's all he did. Trantt. We were over to you. Okay, this is a complicated situation. Can I do an arcana to see what this guy might be more vulnerable to of my gizmos? Yeah, if you want. I mean, the ideal skill to use here would probably be nature, because it is a giant... Oh, nature, you're right.

If you have nature, that would be idea. I do. I have plus two to that. So... Basically, okay, so that's a total of 20. I got an 18. And my choices are I've got the glue alchemist flask. I've got frost, I've got lightning, and I've got fire. Okay, so honestly, looking at this frog, you don't think it's particularly immune to anything.

It's just big and probably has a lot of hit points. So kind of use whatever you want. All right. Well, in that case, fire in the hole! And I'm throwing me an alchemist fire. All right. That's a total of 16. So you said a 16?

I also get a plus one for a plus plus one. Plus one. So that's a total of 17. Exactly. what you needed to hit. Yeah. Let's save the day. Did save the day.

So go ahead and roll damage as your bomb hits the... Enjoy being on fire, you thing. And that's an eight, I guess, plus one, so nine total. It is a DA plus one because the splash damage affects the target. Right. So in this case, it's going to take nine points of damage. Yeah, that'll learn you. It roars out in pain, the giant two-tube.

Tusk is very angry at that. Everyone, its weakness is being exploded. That was your first action because you're a bomber, so you get to throw bombs pretty quick. You do have two more actions. I'm throwing another bomb. All right. This one will be at a bit of a penalty. Isn't it grappled?

So it is. That does give it a penalty to its AC. Normally, all of you would take splash damage, but Trant is a bomber alchemist, so he can decide not to deal splash damage to anybody but the primary target, which I'm assuming he's doing in this case. Yeah, I'm choosing that. I'm being good. That's how it works in real life.

For anyone being courted by the CIA, you know? Yep. Think about it. That's why you need to take your mad bombing levels. That's right. All right. I'm rolling another alchemist fire. All right?

And that's, oh, even higher. So that's a 14 plus 6, so 20 minus 5, so 15 total, I guess. So because it's grappled, that's going to hit. Hazzah! Oh, this is my best day ever. Two grenades in a row? Yeah.

I just do two damage, though. All right, but that one does minimum. You just managed to cinch it a bit with that one. You do technically still have one action left, but if you throw this one, it's at a huge penalty. No, can I just prep one of my versatile flasps to be an alchemist's fire? Yeah, you can prep one to do that. You will have to use it by the end of your next turn,

otherwise it'll go away, I think. I don't think that'll be a problem. All right, spite. Okay, so I'm going to use one of my actions to move carefully to the next space to my lower right, and then I'm going to go into my defensive advance, and I'm going to step forward, and I'm going to, this time, I'm going to scream an infernal, get back in the water, you filthy abomination, and try and hit this thing. Which infernal doesn't sound pleasant to listen to. to the frog.

No, I hate it. And I'm going to cancel her on Pathfinder Twitter for using what I assume is an infernal slur. It was, absolutely. Abomination is not a polite thing to say. You know, what's impressive is that I still got a 10, even though what I rolled is a 1. That is impressive. So you carefully line up and charge across the boat. It's not very far, but because the boat's at such an angle, you really had to take some time to get there.

You run up to the two Tuscan swing your blade and miss entirely. Yeah, I just completely, I hit the gooey surface of the boat. You, in fact, nearly hit squash. Yeah. Me? No. Yeah. Yeah.

Almost. Did you take the one from Bless? Yeah, yeah. That's how I got to a 10 instead of a 9. When you roll a one, it's kind of like the opposite of a critical hit. Even if you did roll a hit, it would still get downgraded one step to miss. I'd have to crit it. I'd have to have like a plus 27 in order to.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, you would have to get a critical hit to turn it into a hit. That's the only way that works. That makes sense. That's my turn. It's our rule that prevents you from sending a mob of peasants after a dragon because they will not be able to hurt it at all. That makes sense.

Murdy, we're back to the top of the order. You know this thing is going to go soon, and you can't imagine it's going to be squirting belly grease all day. Merdy, what do you got? Hazel is deeply upset by that turn of freeze. Yeah, the belly grease is coming for you. You're already coated in it, aren't you? Yeah.

Yeah, I sure am also coated in it. I'd like to take one of my actions to sustain the blast spell, so everybody keeps that plus one for the next round. That also increases the radius by 10 feet, so now it covers the entire raft, no matter where you are. Oh, hell yeah. Can I whack this and then back up? Yeah, sure. I'm going to whack this thing again. Lusely, I'm sort of going for the eyes, because I, you know, learned that and stew-scan.

As you go for the eyes. Yeah, yeah. All right. Well, I was 16 on the die, plus four is 20. All right. So you managed to clip it, hit two tusk with your ladle. Go ahead and roll damage. I rolled a five.

Five damage. Yeah, you hit it in the eye. It's got one of those, like, nictitating membrane things. So it kind of closes. You didn't blind it or anything. But it definitely hurt. It looks like it didn't like that. And then you want to back up.

Yeah, I would love to, yeah, Just back up there. All right, so you delicately and carefully get yourself out of all the belly grease that's all over the place. And that is the end of your turn. Squash, we are over to you. Now, Squash, one thing. You are grappling this thing, so you have to spend at least one action to attempt to maintain the grapple. Otherwise, the grapple will end.

All right. That's the first one. Can be. Well, I'll take it because it's a 19. Do I add anything? 19 on the die? Yes, 19 on the die. Do I need to add it?

anything? Well, you get to add your athletics, so... Hot dog. That's good. Yeah, it's a 24 for a grapple that. That will be enough. So you maintain the grapple on this thing. Now, on its turn, it can try and break the grapple, but you have at least maintained it. Fat chance, too tusk. Now, you basically need to use at least one hand to maintain the grapple, so you're kind of holding on to it. With your other hand, you can attack it if you want to draw a weapon or do something. Yeah, I guess I do have to draw my weapon. I'll draw my magic rip here. Okay. I'm going to try and stab it right into this guy's goddamn brain. Okay. So you are attacking. You have Panash, which means your attack is going to do an additional two points of damage while you have Panash. Now, I will note that you do

also have competent finisher, which is something you can declare you are doing. You get to make an attack roll, you will even deal damage if you miss, and instead of dealing an additional two damage, you will deal an additional 2D6 damage, but you will lose Panash. That's fine. That's actually dynamite. So while you were talking, I rolled a 15. I am going to try and do a confident finisher, and I'm up there, and I try and stab into this guy's goddamn brain

with my beautiful So you attempt to drive your rapier deep into it you roll the 15 you have a bonus of what 7 yes plus plus it's 22 23 it's flat footed so that is going to hit

it's not a critical hit but it is a hit so go ahead and roll well the rapier normally does a D6 so in this case roll 3D6 Shit. That's four. That's five. Two.

So that's 11 points of damage, please. What's your strength? Strength is plus one. You do a lot of damage to Tutsk. He is very mad. That's right I do. He is also very badly hurt between the bombs and the stabbing. Two Tusc is very hurt, and he would normally try and escape, but you have him grappled.

So he's not going to try and escape He's instead going to try and kill you That's what he's going to do Fat chance So here it comes Better frogs have tried Boy Let's see how that goes

We'll see if I'm telling the truth Two tusks goes And he's going to attempt to hit you Surprisingly With his tusks Oh that's bad So I rolled the 13 Which comes out to an armor class of 24

Okay So the thing is I don't like Yeah, I know you don't, but that's going to hit. I also rolled max damage, so take 12. Oh, well, all right. Thanks for tanking. I suppose.

I'm going to use my reaction, liberating step, to reduce that by three damage. Oh, good. You can move if you want to, but you probably don't want to because you're grappling this thing. No. I'm good. I'm great. All right. So with the liberating step, you've taken nine points of damage. You're still at eight. All right, so two things happen. First, we can either resolve this one or two ways.

Are you going to let go because of the liberating step? No way. Okay. Give me an acrobatics check to keep your feet. Because if you fall prone, that will be bad. I rolled in 18 plus seven. So good luck, baby. You're far too nimble for that. Okay, so you're still up, you're still grabbing it, which means I'm going to take my second action.

Two will hit you with my tusks again. Mm-hmm. At least it doesn't swallow. I saw this thing and was like this thing swallows hole. I was hoping. Oh, so the second attack is a complete miss. Its third attack is a 19. A 19, you say.

Well, it sounds like I'm going to use my flashy dodge. Flashy Dodge. You swashbucklers, you're too slippery. Too slippery is what they always say. That gives you a plus two bonus to your AC, which means I am gonna miss. And it gives you Panash back till the end of your next turn. That's terrible for me,

because now you have Panash again. All right, that is the end of two Tusk's turn. He is very badly hurt. Trant. I'm trying to think of a joke that incorporates the lyrics of the Fleetwood Mac song Tusk, but telling this thing, don't say that you love me. It doesn't really work, so...

You can say it in infernal. Sure. I don't speak it, but... Try not to be in the way! And then I throw a grenade directly over Margaret's head. Sounds accurate. Oh, and I got 22, total. 22 is a clean hit.

It lights the candles as it goes over. Yeah, it ignites off the candles. Yeah, totally. All right. Big number, big number, big number. That's a seven total eight damage. Damn, real savage-like. So Squash, you end up having to let go of this thing

as the body of two tusks bursts into flame once again and begins sliding off the back of the raft. Its tusks dragging across as its massive bulk pulls it back down into the depths. of the swamp. Can I, like, athletics, try and grab it and prevent it from falling so I can get the dagger out? You cannot grab it, but I will give you a roll to try and grab the dagger.

Just one, though. Okay. Give me an athletics check. Nat 20. Where was that? So 27. Oh, what? Almost as if drawing it from a sheath, you reach forward, grab the dagger, and just hold

on to it as the giant body of the slurk, which is what two tusks is, slides off and down into the song. That also sounds like a slurracharino. Slurks are a very old Pathfinder monster. They're one of the first monsters we ever created. Oh, nice. Giant, it's greasy frogs. It's a good monster.

I'm annoyed I didn't get to hit it. Whatever. I got to hit it a lot. Yeah, I know. It's a world shit initiative and a shit to hit. You're not missing anything. I look down at the super cool dagger in my hands. You can tell that if this thing's been embedded in the hype of

a frog for over a year. It seems in remarkably good condition, which usually indicates its magic in nature in some way, shape, or form. Go ahead and write down that you now have a plus one dagger as well. Yeah. All right. Get a little of that guy, am I right? So everyone can have a plus one weapon when we get done with us. Yeah. Yeah. If you don't mind, I'm going to use that on my guitar. I hand you the dagger and I hand the scimitar to Mertie. For those of you listening at home, there is an activity you can do between adventures. It takes about a day to do, and they had some downtime between Avengers, where you can transfer the magical runes from one weapon to another.

Anyway. I'm going to put a hand on my shoulder and say, look, I know you feel bad about missing with that grenade back there, but I'm going to tell you something my grandpappy told me about grenades, which is that the beauty of grenades is, even if you don't hit what you're trying to hit, you hit something. And sometimes, that's good enough. Squash has like a tear, tear in his eye. That's beautiful.

The battered barge finally arrives back in Bog Bottom, where La Drusa stands on the pier, eagerly waiting. Although the journey was exhausting, there's still one more task to be done, curing the villagers of whatever foul malady the boggards have set upon them. La Drusa, however, looks hopeful. I'm so glad to see that you've returned and none too worse for where, although Squash has large tuscoles in him. got, like, bloody necks. I'm at full hit points, y'all. Yeah, I'm shockingly not burnt or stab. I lay on hands one on squash.

Yeah, fair. But while we're on our way back. Were you able to find the ingredients? I'm certain we'll be able to cure the villagers if you have what we need. Yeah. There's one thing, though, as I hand the pale moonlight mushrooms. Uh-huh. I'm afraid that you all have not really talked with,

With leather cap, and the next time you go to harvest these mushrooms, you really should talk to them and get their permission first. Oh, why haven't? We had no idea that there was even a leshy out there. We will, of course, trick them with respect and dignity. We would never intrude on them in such a way. Oh, great. I'm glad that you brought this to our attention. Great.

I'm not rolling any kind of perception to figure out their lying. I'm just like, this person's telling the truth. I mean, honestly, Ladrusa does look kind of shocked. So it's just too earn. people being like, yeah, moral compromise completely, like, completely ruined.

I'm just, I'm going to tell her, look, you really want to make sure that you're as good as your word with this thing because an elephant never forget.

I'm glad to see that joke coming back and paying off. The Drusel leads you all to the House of Rest where the two villagers are sleeping fitfully. They are in a fevered state, thrashing in their beds and mumbling about boggards and they keep saying their great works.

You don't know what that means. Ledrusa begins to prepare the elixir, which takes about an hour for her to kind of fully concoct. But after that period of time, she returns with this shimmering golden liquid and carefully administers it to both afflicted villagers. At once, their fevered dreams begin to fade, and within a few minutes they're sleeping peacefully. The Drusuf places a hand upon their brows, nodding approvingly. She thinks it may have worked, but only time will tell. The rest of you are free to return to town, where once again, the people of Bulk Bottom are more than happy to hear of your success. At the Moss Pig,

the owner is throwing yet another feast in your honor. You were all rewarded with more coin in your pocket. Indeed, you now all have another 10 gold to spend if you like, or you can start pocketing it for your future revolution. So I would like to go back to the muddy deadfly and very politely ask if I could return the bug bombs. The frog is like, are you sure? You might need them. I know.

And actually, everything that you sold me did come in handy. Well, we'll eventually come in handy. Although I realized that if I use the butterfly nets and catch dragonflies, I'm actually putting the dragonflies in jail. I'm basically hoping to talk so kind of annoyingly earnestly that he just gives me my money to leave. He looks at you noddingly, approvingly. At one point in time, his tongue darts out to rub one of his eyes and go back into his mouth. And then he looks at you and goes, yep, no refunds, and close is the shack.

I'm trying to figure out whether my character would go back and sneak in at night and steal or not. Probably not. Anyway, I go back to the party. Yep. I feel as a squash would try and convince you to do that. But that's a side adventure. Yeah, that's a side adventure. Yeah, later.

One more level 10, we'll come back. Murdy would go steal your coin back. All we've got to do is burn the place down. And then while he's putting out the fire, we can just put the bug bombs back and take your money. It would change the way that people see us in town. Because right now, we're doing a really good job of finding people to be in solidarity with our revolution. Because once we're the heroes of this town, We can use them as foots.

I mean, we can enlist them. We need to make a popular front. That's right. And by that, what we need is more listeners to our podcast. Tell your friends, baby. So I'm assuming you're all having these discussions at the Moss Pig as the town celebrates your victory. Oh, yeah. We're pounding a couple of pints, taking some of the mushrooms.

And we're telling the story about two tusks and using the dagger as proof. That has everyone in rapt attention. You all get free drinks all night and are able to tie on a nice one and have a pleasant evening. The next morning, Lidrusa once again leaves a note for you to come meet her at the House of Rust immediately. Immediately. Holy smokes. Well, all right. Within the House of Rest, Lidrusa speaks with the villagers, getting a recount of their captivity.

Oh, good, you're here, she proclaims. Halperin and Perinia were just telling me about their time with the Boggards. I think you better sit down. You need to hear this. I'm wearing big sunglasses and like drinking a mimosa and moving slowly. You're all definitely feeling it. The Bog Bottom Stout does not play around after you've had five or six of them. I highly recommend bog bottom stout.

I'm handing squash a jar that has like a raw egg and some big. and, like, other nasty hangover things. Thank you, Marty. At once, a harrowing story spills out from the two recovered villagers. How they were captured by Boggards outfishing, then forced to eat a foul-smelling mush that muddled their thoughts. They weren't harmed during their time with the Boggards.

In fact, the Boggards took care to make sure the villagers were well-fed, because, quote, In a few days, you'll just, Join your friends in the great work. This information intrigues Lidrusa, who now suspects more boggards are building something deeper in the swamp. She looks about with worry on her face. Seems to me that the town might need you for one last adventure.

And that is we're going to wrap up this session of Dawn of the Frogs, everybody. That is the end of the second night of play. Yeah, we're done here with session four. We got two more to go. Dawn of frogs. Don of dogs. Everyone, have a lovely night. Come back next week to hear the next episode.

And until next time, remember, there's no downside to the use of high explosives. Hi, everyone. Hi. Bye. It could happen here as a production of Cool Zone Media. For more podcasts with Cool Zone Media, visit our website, Coolzone Media. or check us out on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. You can find sources where it could happen here updated monthly at coolzonemedia.com

slash sources. Thanks for listening. In the heat of battle, your squad relies on you. Don't let them down. Unlock elite gaming tech at Lenovo.com. Dominate every match with next level speed, seamless streaming, and performance that won't quit. Push your gameplay beyond performance with Intel Core Ultra processors. For the next era of gaming, upgrade to smooth.

with high-quality streaming with Intel Wi-Fi 6E and maximize game performance with enhanced overclocking. Win the tech search. Power up at Lenovo.com. Lenovo, Lenovo. A decade ago, I was on the trail of one of the country's most elusive serial killers, but it wasn't until 2023 when he was finally caught. The answers were there, hidden in plain sight.

So why did it take so long to catch him? I'm Josh Zeman, and this is Monster, hunting the Long Island serial killer, the investigation into the most notorious killer in New York since the son of Sam, available now. Listen for free on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, wherever you get your podcasts. On an all-new episode of IHeartRadios Las Culturistas,

Emmy, Golden Globe and Tony Award winner, Sarah Paulson, spills on red carpet hacks. We saw these pictures and you're like, what is the story with this? She gets real about the inspiration behind her roles. Oh, no, there is no. end to how people will behave. And she puts host Matt Rogers and Bowen-Yag on notice.

I don't think so, honey. I feel very, very triggered by this. Open your free IHeart Radio app. Search Lust, Cultureistas. And listen to the full podcast now. What up, y'all? It's your boy, Kevin on stage. I want to tell you about my new podcast called Not My Best Moment,

where I talk to artists, athletes, entertainers, creators, friends, people I admire who had massive success about their massive failures. What did they mess up on? What is their heartbreak? And what did they learn from me? I got judged horribly. The judges were like, you're trash. I don't know how you got on the show.

Check out Not My Best Moment with me, Kepp on stage, on the IHeart Radio app, Apple Podcast, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcast. This is an IHeart podcast.