It Could Happen Here - CZM Book Club: The Barrow May Send What it May, Chapter Seven

Episode Date: May 4, 2025

Margaret reads chapter seven of her book The Barrow Will Send What it MaySee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I want you to ask yourself right now, how am I actually doing? Because it's a question that we rarely ask ourselves. All of May is actually Mental Health Awareness Month. And on the psychology of your 20s, we are taking a vulnerable look at why mental health is so hard to talk about. Prepare for our conversations to go deep. I spent majority of my teenagers and my 20s just feeling absolutely terrified. I had a panic attack on a conference call.

Knowing that she had six months to live, I was no longer pretending that this was my best friend. So this Mental Health Awareness Month, take that extra bit of care of your wellbeing. Listen to the psychology of your twenties on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty,

and my latest interview is with Michelle Obama. To whom much is given, much is expected. The guilt comes from am I doing enough? Me, Michelle Obama, to say that to a therapist. So let's unpack that. Having been the first lady of the entire country and representing the country in the world, I couldn't afford to have that kind of disdain. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty

on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. It's nostalgia overload as Wilmer Valderrama and Freddie Rodriguez welcome another amigo to their podcast Dos Amigos. Wilmer's friend and former That 70s Show castmate Topher Grace stops by the Speakeasy for a two-part interview to discuss his career and reminisce

about old times. We were still in that place of like, what will this experience become? And you go, you're having the best time you've ever been in. But it was like such a perfect golden time. Listen to Dos Amigos on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. In 2020, a group of young women found themselves in an AI-fuelled nightmare. Someone was posting photos. It was just me naked.

Well, not me, but me with someone else's body parts. This is Levittown, a new podcast from iHeart Podcasts, Bloomberg, and Kaleidoscope about the rise of deepfake pornography and the battle to stop it. Listen to Levittown on Bloomberg's Big Take podcast. Find it on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Cool Zone Media It's the Cool Zone Media Book Club. I told you that's always been our jingle. I can't believe you all didn't believe me.

It is the Cool Zone Media Book Club, which is the only book club that you don't have to do the reading because I do it for you. I'm your host, Margaret Killjoy, and every week I bring you a story that I want to read you. Sometimes I just talk about books. I think that'll come up too. And sometimes I do whole weird radio plays and I think that'll come up too. But what I do right now is I read you a novella that I wrote. I read you The Barrow Will Send What It May, the second book in the Danielle Cain series. This book was originally published, oh I don't know, 2016, 2017 from Tor.com. These were my mainstream published books. These sort of, you know, started my career in many ways. I had several books that came out before it.

I have a book called A Country of Ghosts, which is an anarchist utopia book. I also have this book called What Lies Beneath the Clocktower, and it's legally distinct from Choose Your Own Adventure book. It is an adventure of your own choosing book. I got a message from the Choose Your Own Adventure,

the people in that trademark who informed me that I was not in fact going on a Chooser and Adventure book tour. I was going on an Adventure of Your Own Choosing book tour and I wrote them back and I said that noted. But when these two books, the first two Danielle Cain books came out, you know, it was like then that I like got an agent and started having more people read my books and things like that. And so there's like a real particular love that I have for these books. I've probably talked about this already, but I'm not sure.

These books also, I've been writing novellas sort of set in this world, although without the magic, basically following Danielle Kane before she was, well, before she transitioned and became Danielle Kane. I've been writing them for a very long time. They started as a way for me to kind of process my strange life of being a cross-punk traveler, like living in squats and doing forest defense and things like that.

And I wanted a way to do that without writing actual memoir because at the time I felt like writing my actual memoirs would kind of be telling other people's stories without asking them. And also there's some like crime related to some of those stories. And I didn't know how I felt about publishing stories that were like, I do crime. Obviously I've never done crime. I would never do crime. Oh, this would have been such a good place to transition ads because the only crime would have been not taking advantage of these goods and services.

But it's not time to transition to ads. Instead, it's time for me to start reading you this book, the thing that you came here to hear me do. I'm gonna start again with a couple paragraphs of the last chapter. Last chapter was chapter six. Thursday was pinned down behind the dumpster. Vasilis drew his pistol aloft, but Doomsday snatched it out of his hand and stepped outside,

firing calmly. I don't think she was aiming to keep those guys pinned down. I think she was aiming for the guys themselves. They ducked. Thursday ran zigzag. A shot shattered the glass of a window, not a meter in front of him, but he got in through the door and Doomsday slammed it shut. The firing stopped.

I fucking hate gunfights. Dun dun dunnnn. Chapter 7. Nothing says well-established squat like barricades and other defenses ready to deploy. I went through the building with Asola and dropped thick wooden panels over every window. Upstairs, an argument raged. How are you feeling? I asked Asola. I'd rather be watching TV, Asola said as she helped me get a steel bar in place over the front door.

Yeah, I used to think I wanted a life of adventure. Now I just want to be left alone. Yeah. I felt that to my core sometimes. I'd gambled everything on a life less ordinary. I had no savings, no long-term partner, no home, no roots in any given community. All I had were stories and scars and vivid memories of moments too beautiful or horrid

to comprehend. Sometimes I wish I'd just had a little bit of peace instead. I didn't say any of that to Asola though, because me even pretending to understand where she was coming from, that was bullshit. I didn't know shit about shit. I'd never been kidnapped and murdered. Everything bad in my life, truly bad, I had stabbed and fought and kicked my way out of to varying degrees of success.

Maybe we'll get through this, I said. I didn't sound optimistic, though. Maybe, she said. I hope so. It'd be cool to find out what happens in Voyager. Find out if they ever get home. I looked out through the peephole. Half the town must have been gathered outside. No pitchforks or torches, just handguns and cars. The modern pitchforks and torches, I guess. Which made us... what?

Frankenstein's monster? Dracula? If we were the monster, Frankenstein himself was out there, somewhere in that crowd. He was out there and he was lying to everyone, and everyone was going to believe him. You can hide in there, Sebastian shouted, his voice muffled through the thick door. But we're patient, we can wait.

I didn't wanna watch TV and live a simple life. I wanted to kick open that door and walk out into that crowd and stab Sebastian Miller to death. That's what I do in a dream world. A world in which I could do anything. Bucket list be damned. There wasn't shit I could do. You want to go upstairs and join the argument? I asked. No, Asola said. I'll stay down here. Keep an eye on the door. If I'm going to die again, I'd rather be first and I'd rather be surrounded by books. I nodded and plodded up the stairs into the angry chaos.

And right into an ad? How would that even work? Like, just like walking up the stairs. Maybe there's posters on the wall. Maybe the posters on the wall of the library contain verbatim all of the words that you're about to hear from our sponsors. I think that's the most likely thing. Hey, my name's Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of On Purpose.

I just had a great conversation with Michelle Obama. To whom much is given, much is expected. The guilt comes from am I doing enough? Me, Michelle Obama, to say that to a therapist. So let's unpack that. Former First Lady Michelle Obama and someone who knows her best, her big brother Craig, will be hosting a podcast called IMO. What have been your personal journeys with therapy?

We need to be coached throughout our lives. My mom wanted us to be independent children. And she would always tell me, stop worrying about your sister. Having been the First Lady of the entire country and representing the country in the world. I couldn't afford to have that kind of disdain what would you say has been the most hardest recent test of fear.

Listen to on purpose with Jay Shetty on the I heart radio app Apple podcast wherever you get your podcast. It's nostalgia overload as Wilmer Valderrama and Freddy Rodriguez welcome another amigo to their podcast, Dos Amigos. Wilmer's friend and former That 70s Show castmate, Topher Grace stops by the Speakeasy for a two-part interview to discuss his career

and reminisce about old times. We were still in that place of like, what will this experience become? And you go, you're having the best time. But it was like such a perfect golden time. Listen to Dos Amigos on the iHeart Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Camila Ramon, Peloton's first Spanish speaking cycling and tread instructor. I'm an athlete, entrepreneur, and almost most importantly, a perreo enthusiast. And I'm Liz Ortiz, former pro soccer player and Olympian and like Kami, a perreo enthusiast.

Come on, who is it? Our podcast Hasta Abajo is where sports, music and fitness collide. And we cover it all, de arriba hasta abajo. Sit downs with real game changers in the sports world, like Miami Dolphins CMO Priscilla Schumate, who is redefining what it means to be a Latina leader. It all changed when I had this guy come to me. He said to me, you know, you're not Latina. First of all, what is that move?

I'm out this wide open. Yeah. History makers like the Sukar family, who became the first Peruvians to win a Grammy. It was a very special moment for us. It's been 15 years for me in this career. Finally, things are starting to shift into a different level. Listen to Hasta Bajo on the iHeart radio app,

Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. And the dream season is now complete. The Golden State Warriors are the 2015 NBA champions. On the new limited podcast series, Dub Dynasty, it's been 10 years since their shocking run to a championship. We examined the controversial move that made it possible.

It's never a great conversation as a player when you hear that you're being benched. For the entire behind the scenes story of Golden State's incredible 10 year run, listen to Dub Dynasty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. The argument was split into two camps. Thursday and Vasilis wanted to get out onto the roof and try and shoot Sebastian.

Bryn, Gertrude, and Vulture wouldn't let them. Doomsday was sitting cross-legged on the floor, poring through the book of Barrow. She refused to acknowledge the conversation. I don't see any other option, Thursday yelled. Dying in a standoff with innocent people isn't an option either, Vulture said. Come on, you know that. This is bullshit, I said, once I got the gist of what was going on. Quit arguing. It's just making everything worse.

Well, what else am I going to do when these idiots won't let me at least try something? Thursday asked. Thursday, I said. I approached him. Adrenaline kicked into my system, almost the same as when I'd approached Sebastian. Angry, armed men. And this was one I usually trusted. Listen to me. We're a team, right?

Maybe, he said. We've made it this far, right? You saved my life and freedom, didn't you? Yeah, he said. Save it again. By calming down. By not doing something stupid. Fuck, he grumbled.

The longer we wait, the worse the situation is going to get. Maybe I said. Maybe not. But if there's one thing I learned while traveling, if you've got a losing hand, it's better to shuffle the cards and draw all new ones, even if the new ones might be worse. That's not how poker works, he said. Yeah, I know, but it's kind of how life works. Everything is shit right now.

But in here, for the moment, we're comparatively safe. We don't have to act this second. We can just get ready for when things change. When is that? I don't know, I said. Maybe everyone will get bored. Maybe Sebastian will say something damning and they'll figure him out. Maybe they'll all go home tonight.

Maybe Doomsday will figure out something good in that book. Or maybe one of us will think of something. Or maybe those rednecks will set this place on fire, Thursday said. Or maybe the magic feds will show up and kill all of us. Maybe, I said. Thursday sighed. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you all. I don't know what to do.

Doomsday, without standing up from where she was, reached out a comforting hand and held onto his calf. If we're going to hunker down, she said, anyone want to make us some tea? I hate being barricaded inside a building with enemies outside. I also, for what it's worth, hate that this is something I know about myself, because it's happened more times than I could count. Thanks, property laws, for making my way of life illegal. There's never enough air or something when you barricade the doors. There are always

too many people, both inside and outside, when you barricade the doors. We'd waited half the day already. The sun was high overhead. When I'm fighting off a panic attack, I go into scientist mode and observe my body. I think to myself, how am I feeling? As specific as possible, how and where exactly is the worry manifesting in my body?

How long does each wave last? And how intense is it on a quantifiable scale, like from 1 to 10? This serves two purposes. First, it gives me something to do. Just the act of trying to track my feelings distracts me enough to break out of the worst feedback loops of anxiety. Second, it gives me a database of sorts that I can refer back to. Okay, I could say to myself, you're having one of your existential loneliness panic attacks. Expect three major waves with a high water mark of seven on the panic scale, one every three to five minutes, each one lasting roughly a minute before ebbing back down to a level

four. Or if it's a false alarm medical panic attack, that's good for a single eight followed by a descending succession of waves until it's over. Knowing what I'm in for keeps the panic from controlling me utterly. It knocks each panic attack down

one to four increments on that scale. This was the old barricaded inside a building with cops outside panic attack. Well, in this particular case, it wasn't cops, it was armed strangers and an evil magician. Which was better in some ways, they didn't have the institutional authority to lock me in a cage for the rest of my life. But was overall kind of worse, because Sebastian was not what could be called a rational actor, and it was impossible to tell what he might do with the power he had.

So that was the kind of panic attack I had. The worst kind. A couple of the waves, they hit up towards nine, maybe ten. A wave of panic that hits nine, it just takes me right out of scientist mode and right into that prison called my own head. I sat on the couch closest to the door, my head between my knees, and tried to count my breaths. I couldn't. I tried to drink my tea.

I couldn't. It was all just too much. For way too long, it was all just too much. Can I join you? I looked up. Vasilis. The past few days had wrecked him, and he looked it. The darkness under his eyes had reached the skeletal stage. His hair was a frightened, uncombed mess.

His lip quivered under his mustache, a nervous tick. Yeah, I said. He sat next to me, but not rudely close. I can only imagine what you think of me, he said. I didn't say anything. I didn't mind him opening up to me, though. Any distraction at all was welcome. For example, the way that you're about to be distracted out of the story by an ad transition.

And if you have Cooler Zone media, you'll only be distracted by the ad transition. But if you don't have Cooler Zone media, you're about to be distracted by the ads themselves. Hey, my name's Jay Shetty, and I'm the host of On Purpose. I just had a great conversation with Michelle Obama. To whom much is given, much is expected. The guilt comes from am I doing enough? Me, Michelle Obama, to say that to a therapist.

So let's unpack that. Former First Lady Michelle Obama and someone who knows her best, her big brother, Craig, will be hosting a podcast called IMO. What have been your personal journeys with therapy? We need to be coached throughout our lives. My mom wanted us to be independent children. And she would always tell me, stop worrying about your sister.

Having been the first lady of the entire country and representing the country and the world, I couldn't afford to have that kind of disdain. What would you say has been the most hardest recent test of fear? Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

It's nostalgia overload as Wilmer Valderrama and Freddy Rodriguez welcome another amigo to their podcast Dos Amigos. Wilmer's friend and and Freddy Rodriguez welcome another amigo to their podcast, Dose Amigos. Wilmer's friend and former That 70 Show castmate, Topher Grace stops by the Speakeasy for a two-part interview to discuss his career and reminisce about old times. We were still in that place of like,

what will this experience become? And you go, you're having the best time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was like such a perfect golden time. Listen to Dose Amigos on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Camila Ramon, Peloton's first Spanish-speaking cycling and tread instructor. I'm an athlete, entrepreneur, and almost most importantly, a perreo enthusiast.

And I'm Liz Ortiz, former pro soccer player and Olympian and like call me a perreo enthusiast. Come on, who is it? Our podcast, Hasta Bajo, is where sports, music, and fitness collide. And we cover it all, de arriba hasta abajo. Sit downs with real game changers in the sports world, like Miami Dolphins CMO Priscilla Shoemate, who is redefining what it means to be a Latina leader.

It all changed when I had this guy come to me. He said to me, you know, you're not Latina. First of all, what does that mean? My mouth is wide open. Yeah. History makers like the Sukar family who became the first Peruvians to win a Grammy. It was a very special moment for us.

It's been 15 years for me in this career. Finally, things are starting to shift into a different level. Listen to Hasta Wajo on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Presented by Capital One, founding partner of iHeart Women's Sports. And the dream season is now complete. The Golden State Warriors are the 2015 NBA champions. On the new limited podcast series, Dub Dynasty, it's been 10 years since their shocking run

to a championship. We examined the controversial move that made it possible. It's never a great conversation as a player when you're here that you're being benched. For the entire behind the scenes story of Golden State's incredible 10 year run, listen to Dub Dynasty on the iHeart radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Dynasty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. Every excuse I could tell you, it would sound like something Sebastian would say. That's part of what's eating me alive, seeing all the parallels between me and him. I want to say, I've lost everything because in a lot of ways I have. Heather was my world. I wasn't hers, but she was mine. I just accepted that dynamic while we were together. I knew she was going to leave me one day. That wasn't what I thought he'd tell me. I lifted my head to listen better. When you all came to town, I thought, this is it.

She'll leave with these people. I accepted that. But of course, the reality is so much worse. I'm sorry, I said. I thought for a moment about what I was apologizing for. There's this thing when people die where people always blame themselves. I may be hyper aware of that being what people usually do, because I do the opposite. People die and I absolve myself of guilt. Clay died and yeah it was partly because of a demon, but I'm sure it was partly because

of loneliness. And I know he loved me non-romantically, and I loved him non-romantically, but I didn't keep up with him as well as I could have. I chose solitude. I chose the road over him. We can't save one another, Vassilis said. I know we can't, but if I could go back knowing what I know now, I would have stuck with him, and I bet you anything he'd still be alive, and I bet you anything I'd be happier than I am right now. So that's what I've avoided thinking about. And with Heather, she made her own choices. You can't blame yourself for that. I wasn't blaming myself for Heather's death. I was blaming you and Brynn. If I'd been in any other mood I might have

taken that badly or pointed out his botched attempt to save her. Instead I just nodded. Which is bullshit of course, Vasilis said. Mostly bullshit but it's true if we hadn't been here she'd be alive right now. It's not our fault but it's still causation and not correlation. What do you call that? Life, he said. Chaos. Yeah.

I understand Sebastian. I understand what he's thinking, what he's feeling. I know magic. I don't have a natural aptitude, but I've been studying it for years, and I can perform most rituals if I've got the right book in front of me. Now I've got a book here in my apartment that could bring Heather back from the dead. I could sacrifice myself to bring her back, but I won't. And I know why Sebastian grabbed other people instead of doing it himself. Why is that?

Because Sebastian didn't want Gertrude alive for her sake. He wanted her alive for his sake. It wasn't that he wanted Gertrude to feel the summer air on her skin one more time. It was that he wanted a wife. He wanted company. True. I love Heather. Loved. I loved Heather. But not more than I love myself.

If we survive this, I'm going to wind up alone now, at least for a while. That's just the way it is. You'll leave and maybe a solo will stay. But I have a feeling we'll both be alone for a while, a long while, even with the other around. He laughed all of a sudden. That's the best case scenario. How do we get to that scenario, I asked. I don't know, he said.

I know one thing though. We've got to kill Sebastian. There's no coming back from what he's done. I don't know if there's such a thing as beyond redemption in my book, I said. I try not to believe in vengeance, only solving problems. If that means we've got to kill him, I won't cry. But there's always coming back from what we've done. The path into the light is always there, even if most people won't take it.

And sometimes you need to kill them if they won't, in order to keep yourself or your community or even strangers safe. Vasilis shook his head. Any other situation, I'd probably agree with you. I didn't want to argue nitpicky shit about creating societies Vasilis shook his head. Any other situation, I'd probably agree with you. I didn't wanna argue nitpicky shit about creating societies with radically transformed ideas of crime and punishment. I also didn't wanna get off the couch and get away from him. Surprisingly, I didn't want him to get up either.

Talking doesn't always help with panic, but it was helping just then. What's with the spade, I asked, nodding towards his tattoo to change the subject? It was a different man when I was younger. Gambling man, lost a bet. I'll tell you one thing that a drunken face tattoo is good for. It's good for teaching you not to regret. You ever think about getting it removed, I asked? Hell no.

I love this thing. How many librarians do you know with face tattoos who run a library that they technically stole from the state? You're the only one, I said. Damn straight. There's nothing in here, Doomsday said, standing up at last, setting the book atop Heather's body like she was a table. Nothing that's going to help us.

What we need is a distraction, Gertrude said. She was handling the whole thing rather well. I suppose she had nothing left to fear. Like what? I asked. I peered out the narrow crack between the wooden shutter and the window. Most of the crowd was still there, leaning on cars, smoking cigarettes, looking bored. Sebastian Miller stood sentinel in the middle of the street, staring intently at the front door. It had been what, eight hours? Our magic feds

were nowhere in sight, which was not reassuring. I bet they'll let me go. Me and Asola. We're not with you. We know these people. I bet they'll let us go, and we'll figure out something." You're the two that Sebastian was trying to kill, I said. He won't, not with everyone else watching. Sebastian always cared a lot about what other people think of him. It was a dangerous plan, but it wasn't get to the roof and start shooting dangerous, and it was better than anything else we'd come up with. I followed her downstairs to the front door.

Asola was easy to convince. Gertrude opened the door a crack. Don't shoot, she yelled. It's me, Ms. Miller. I'm coming out. She slipped out, Asola close behind, and I slammed the bar back in place behind them. I was trapped inside again. Fuck, I wish I'd

been able to join them. I wonder what they'll do. I was back upstairs, back on the panic couch. It didn't hit me so bad this time. Maybe because whether or not it was me doing something, I knew that someone was doing something. I knew that the current situation would not continue indefinitely. Even without physically moving, every passing minute got me closer to not in the library, as surely as if I was walking towards the exit. Fuck off and leave us here, Vasilis said. That's my guess. Thursday and doomsday sat on the love seat, quietly whispering.

Vulture was asleep in Asola's bed. Brynn paced, her boots a rhythmic clomp clomp on the floor. Every time her circuit took her past the window, she peered out for a second. Hey, she said on one of her rounds. She motioned us over. Check this out. In the distance from the west edge of town, a thin trickle of smoke turned into a billowing cloud erupting up toward heaven. Asola's house was on fire. Dun dun dun!

Okay, that's a real cliffhanger, right? Because the house is on fire! What's going to happen? What's going to happen when we come back next week with chapter eight, the final chapter in The Barrel Will Send What It May? What's gonna happen when we come back next week with chapter eight? The final chapter in The Barrel will send what it may. And I will say writing this particular chapter was kind of fun. Is fun the right word?

Daniel Caine is the closest I've ever done to a self-insert character. It's like not complete. Daniel Caine doesn't have all the same mannerisms and things as I do. But I specifically wanted to write about the fact that I have really bad anxiety when I'm locked in buildings with the cops outside and I know that. And then I try to explain it to people who don't live the same lifestyle that I used to live and they're like, why do you know that? And the answer is that I used to squat all the time.

And one of the things that we would do in Amsterdam when I live there, there's a very strong squatting scene there, there certainly was at the time. And one of the things that we would do in Amsterdam, when I live there, there's a very strong squatting scene there, there certainly was at the time. So in order to get into buildings and open them up for the people who wanted to live there, we'd go into these buildings that had been empty at least a year and open them up and people would move in and squatting was legalized at the time, but the cops would still try and stop you. And so in order to do it, we would gather at least 50 people to open the building. And so kind of like, you're not off the hook.

If you're a squatter, you're kind of expected to go to these things because, you know, that's how you got your house, right? And so we'd all gather to go do this. And sometimes the cops would figure out where we were meeting up and they would just like surround the building and we'd have to just lock ourselves into these buildings and squats are very well barricaded because people are used to exactly the situation.

And so we would just be like locked in the building. And most of the people I was there with were just like laughing, hanging out, smoking, having a good time or whatever. And I would just like sitting there like, it's fine, it's fine, it's totally fine that I'm in a building in a foreign country with the police locked outside. But I got through it every single time and learned a lot of cognitive behavioral therapy to help me deal with that kind of thing in the future. And so it was just fun to write about it in a fictional way.

Anyway, see you'all next week. It Could Happen Here is a production of Cool Zone Media. For more podcasts from Cool Zone Media, visit our website, coolzonemedia.com, or check us out on the iHeard Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. You can find sources for It Could Happen Here, updated monthly, at coolzonemedia.com slash sources. Thanks slash sources. Thanks for listening. I want you to ask yourself right now, how am I actually doing?

Because it's a question that we rarely ask ourselves. All of May is actually Mental Health Awareness Month. And on the psychology of your 20s, we are taking a vulnerable look at why mental health is so hard to talk about. Prepare for our conversations to go deep. I spent the majority of my teenage years, my twenties, just feeling absolutely terrified. I had a panic attack on a conference call. Knowing that she had six months to live, I was no longer pretending that this was my best friend.

So this Mental Health Awareness Month, take that extra bit of care of your well-being. Listen to the psychology of your 20s on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, I'm Jay Shetty, and my latest interview is with Michelle Obama. To whom much is given, much is expected. The guilt comes from am I doing enough? Me, Michelle Obama, to say that to a therapist.

So let's unpack that. Having been the first lady of the entire country and representing the country and the world, I couldn't afford to have that kind of disdain. Listen to On Purpose with Jay Shetty on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. It's nostalgia overload as Wilmer Valderrama and Freddy Rodriguez welcome another amigo to their podcast Dos Amigos. Wilmer's friend and former That 70s Show castmate Topher Grace stops by the Speakeasy for a two-part interview to discuss his career and reminisce about

old times. We were still in that place of like, what will this experience become? And you go, you're having the best time. But it was like such a perfect golden time. Listen to Dos Amigos on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. In 2020, a group of young women found themselves in an AI-fuelled nightmare. Someone was posting photos. It was just me naked. Well, not me, but me with someone else's body part. This is Levittown, a new podcast from iHeart Podcasts, Bloomberg, and Kaleidoscope, me with someone else's body part.