It Could Happen Here - CZM Book Club: The Barrow Will Send What it May, Chapter Two

Episode Date: March 16, 2025

Margaret reads Robert Evans the second book in her Danielle Cain seriesSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Do you remember what you said the first night I came over here? How? Goes lower? From Blumhouse TV, iHeart Podcasts, and Ember 20 comes an all new fictional comedy podcast series. Join the flighty Damien Hirst as he unravels the mystery of his vanished boyfriend. I've been spending all my time looking for answers about what happened to Santi. And what's the way to find a missing person? Sleep with everyone he knew, obviously. Listen to The Hook Up on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

I'm Mark Seale. And I'm Nathan King. This is Leave the Gun, Take the Canole. The five families did not want us to shoot that picture. This podcast is based on my co-host Mark Seale's best-selling book of the same title. Leave the Gun, Take the Canoli features new and archival interviews with Francis Ford Cobola, Robert Evans, James Kahn, Talia Shire, and many others. Yes, that was a real horse's head. Listen and subscribe to Leave the Gun, Take the Canoli on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts,

or wherever you get your podcasts. When I smoke weed, I get lost in the music. I like to isolate each instrument. The rhythmic bass, the harmonies on the piano, the sticky melody. Hey, hey, hey, hey, careful babe, there's someone crossing the street. Sorry, I didn't see him there. If you feel different, you drive different. Don't drive high. It's dangerous and illegal everywhere.

A message from NHTSA and the Ad Council. Reality TV and social media have love all wrong. So what really makes relationships last? On this episode of Dope Labs, poet and relationship expert Young Pueblo breaks down the psychology of love and provides eye-opening insights and advice we all need. You should not be postponing your happiness. Your greatest happiness is not necessarily going to come from a relationship.

Your partner should add to your happiness, but your happiness is really coming from within you. Listen to Dope Labs on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Cool Zone Media. Book club, book club, book club, book club. Welcome to Cool Zone Media Book Club. That's the best introduction we've ever done. Thank you.

Yeah, the bar's on the floor, but we stepped over it. I practiced for weeks. We've had to cancel three other shows, but I got it. I got it right. Yeah, no. The people that you live with have been really appreciative. They've all messaged me to let me know. Yeah.

They love the chanting. Yeah. Huge chanting fans. And the chanting show that you're listening to is Cool Zone Media Book Club, which you probably figured out by the title or the other part of the introduction. But this is the only book club where you don't have to do the reading because I do it for you. I'm your host, Margaret Killjoy, and my guest today is Robert.

Robert Evans. Hi, that's me. You always made this joke about how you were the only robert evans and it took me about. Three years to get the joke yeah well it was it made more sense years ago when the guy who produced godfather was still alive and in the news yeah. And i changed my online name to that the day he died as a bit and just haven't moved on. Yeah fair enough because i used to be the other Robert Evans, right? Yes, yeah. Well, you're always the greater Robert Evans to me.

Thank you, thank you. I'm certainly the Robert Evans who has done less cocaine. Because no matter who you are, you've done less cocaine than the Robert Evans who made the Godfather. We're gonna have to actually invent immortality in order to beat that record. Yeah, I don't care if you're literally Scarface.

So this week and last week and the next several weeks, we are reading The Barrel Will Send What It May, which is the second book in the Danielle Cain series. And if you want to go back, you can hear me read the first book in the series to Robert Evans a couple years ago but you could probably use a search function instead of scrolling yep and you will find me read the book the lamb will slaughter the lion but this book well it's chapter 2 so you probably know what's happening or you don't because you live a very different life than me and you start on chapter 2 yeah maybe you're one of those second chapter people at Book Talk who believe you should always start with chapter two.

Is that a thing? No, but they could, it might be. It is now. It is now. I did have a, my old art teacher was always like, it's okay to read the end of the book first because you are the person and it is the object. And I like both appreciated that and was like, I will never do that. As a writer, I find that deeply off putting as a logical argument. I can't disagree with

it. My friend always talks about I'm not going to spoil this book for the audience, but my friend always talks about how great spoilers are historically. There's like studies that show that spoilers actually make you enjoy something more. Oh, yeah. And how during like ye olde Shakespeare times, like when a new play would come out by anyone, people would like in the docks, like the boat would be coming in and they'd be like, what happens at the end of the new play? In a different culture. It's a different time.

We sure do. I was going to somehow tie that into this book also as the singular they, but because so did Shakespeare. Anyway. Vine. Sure. Section, section two, Jesus Christ, chapter two of The Barrel Will Send What It May, second book in the Daniel Cain series by me, Margaret Killjoy. Staring out a window again at the low sun.

I wasn't in my body, but just above it. Or was I in the driver's seat again? I wasn't. I was in the passenger seat of a stranger's car. Not a stranger. Gertrude. Maybe I was concussed. What did the doctor ask me when I was a kid and I hit my head super hard on the playground?

What year is it? What's my name? Count backward from 100 by sevens. 100. 93. I should have just pulled over earlier as soon as I'd been tired. Why hadn't I? 86. It had felt good driving. I'd felt useful. No, it hadn't been for other people. Driving west away from Iowa, I'd felt in control of my own life and destiny. That's half of why I travel. 79. I hadn't felt in control for months. It wasn't the magic and demons thing. It was Clay's death. He'd been such a, I don't know, not a cornerstone, a keystone. His existence, somewhere in the world, had been keeping me together.

He was gone and ever since I hadn't felt like I was in control. Maybe it wasn't him specifically, maybe I would have felt that way if any of my close friends had died. Did I have close friends anymore? 72 Traveling with others is always a trade-off. Being close with other people is always a trade-off. Do we give up pieces of our autonomy to be with others? Is it worth it? 85. No, no that isn't right.

55? What number was I on? I couldn't be concussed for the simple reason that I didn't want to be, and I wasn't sure that there was anything I could do about it even if I was. I probably couldn't count backward from 100 by 7s if I was fine. It was fine. I was fine. I could breathe. Thankfully, blissfully, the sun made its way below the horizon and stopped reminding me of that time I flipped a car and almost killed everyone. I even let myself doze off. But do you know what came to me in my dreams, Robert Evans?

A belief and an understanding that the only way to the promised land is through the products and services that advertise next on this podcast, whatever they are. That's right. We fully support. This is your only way to heaven. Love at first swipe? I highly doubt it. What's your biggest red flag? No, no, it. What's your biggest red flag?

No, no, no. What's your ultimate green flag? These days, reality TV and social media have us thinking love is instant. We're marrying strangers at first sight, we're finding love through walls, or we're even judging people by balloon pops. But what really makes a relationship last? On this episode of Dope Labs, poet, author, and relationship expert Young Pueblo breaks down the psychology and biology of loving better. And he provides eye-opening insights and advice that we all need. It's a big realization moment that you should not be postponing your happiness.

Like, your greatest happiness is not necessarily going to like come from a relationship. Your partner, they should add to your happiness, but your happiness is really coming from within you. Listen to Dope Labs on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Do you remember what you said the first night I came over here? How goes lower? From Blumhouse TV, iHeart Podcasts, and Ember 20 comes an all-new fictional comedy podcast series. Join the flighty Damien Hirst as he unravels the mystery of his vanished boyfriend.

And Santi was gone. I've been spending all my time looking for answers about what happened to Santi. And what's the way to find a missing person? Sleep with everyone he knew, obviously. Pillow talk. The most unwelcome window into the human psyche. Follow our out-of-his-element hero as he engages in a series of ill-conceived investigative hookups. Mama always used to say, God gave me gumption in place of a gag reflex.

And, as I was about to learn, no amount of showering can wash your hands of a bad hookup. Now, take a big whiff, my brah. Listen to The Hookup on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. I'm Mark Seale. And I'm Nathan King. This is Leave the Gun, Take the Canole. The five families did not want us to shoot that picture.

Leave the Gun, Take the Canole is based on my co-host Mark's best-selling book of the same title. And on this show, we call upon his years of research to help unpack the story behind the Godfather's birth from start to finish. This is really the first interview I've done in bed. Ha ha ha ha! We sift through innumerable accounts. I see 35 pages, very much.

Many of them conflicting. That's nonsense. There was 60 pages. And try to get to the truth of what really happened. And they said, we're finished, this is over. They know it's not gonna work. You gotta get rid of those guys, this is a disaster. Leave the Gun, Take the Cannoli

features new and archival interviews with Francis Ford Coppola, Robert Evans, James Kahn, Talia Shire, and many others. Yes, that was a real horse's head. Listen and subscribe to Leave the Gun, Take the Canole on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Mary Kay McBrayer, host of the podcast, The Greatest True Crime Stories Ever Told.

Join me every week as I tell some of the most enthralling true crime stories about women who are not just victims, but heroes or villains or often somewhere in between. Listen to the greatest true crime stories ever told on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. It was about a three- drive, and we discussed our plans as best we could in someone else's car. We'd try the library. If the folks there were as similar to us as Gertrude figured, then they'd put us up at least for the night.

Anarchists stick together. Well, except when we get mad at one another over small details. Also, I guess I kind of fed an anarchist to a deer a couple days ago, but that's besides the point. It was collective self-defense. He was trying to get the deer to eat my friends. No matter, we try the library then see what we could do about getting a new vehicle. Pendleton goes from rural road to downtown in less than a block, which is kind of impressive. Nothing, nothing, pasture, nothing, trees, nothing.

Then a speed trap and a tourist trap right in a row. The latter even had a concrete tyrannosaurus out front, that kind of awesome place you don't see much of until you get to the parts of the country people write road trip movies about. Then a western-style tourist downtown, complete with boardwalk and old timey looking lampposts. This town has seen better days, I said, as we drove past a broken chunk of concrete fence that lined the boardwalk. Ain't no jobs now that the tourists are gone.

Why are the tourists gone? Budget cuts, Gertrude said. I don't know the whole ways of it, but a lot of public land went private and there's not so much outdoor recreation like there was. It was okay for a while. There was still work for the gas companies. But I guess this area wasn't so good after all and all the jobs are a couple too many hours east of here and no one young sticks around.

That's a shame, I said, because it was. Everything ends, she said. That's just God's way. I didn't believe much in God, but she wasn't wrong. People are staring, I said. We were stopped at a light, probably the only light in town, and an old white man was glaring from behind the curtains of some kind of knick-knack store. Oh, they're not staring at you, Gertrude said. The light turned green, and she turned left off the

main drag. The town was only about three, maybe four blocks wide, maybe ten blocks long. Lots of small houses with forests and plains just beyond. People here ain't prejudiced, got nothing against black folks or even folks who dress like, uh, I don't know what you call that. Punks, I asked. We weren't what most people think of when you think of punks. None of us had mohawks and I don't think any of us besides maybe Thursday or Brynn listened to the Sex sex pistols. But we were punks. Sure, yeah. What about trans people, Vulture asked.

Gertrude looked up in the rearview, probably looking at Vulture to see if she could tell he was trans. Oh honey, this is Montana, not North Dakota, she said. Does that mean a yes or a no? Vulture asked. We read the news, we've seen people like you online and people around here are willing to let people be people. That's cool, Vulture said. He didn't sound incredibly reassured. You know, Gertrude said, I never would have noticed. You pass really well. So that's the kind of thing that probably sounds like it's going to be a compliment, but turns out not to be, Vulture said.

Have you had, you know? I think the three of us tried to cut her off at once. Not a real polite topic of conversation, I said. Got it. She genuinely seemed to take it well, but telling her not to ask the questions she so clearly wanted to ask still managed to kind of silence the car for a moment. So why are people staring, I asked at last when we stopped at the stop sign. Folks have been staring at me ever since I came back.

Back to town? Back from the dead. She said it so casually, like it was something no one would raise an eyebrow at. About that, I asked. You mean like, they had to put those paddles on you and shock you back to life after a car accident or something? If that's not, I don't know, also the kind of question that's rude to ask? No, no, it's okay, Gertrude turned right onto an unlit street.

Maybe the library was this way. Maybe something worse was happening. For the first time in the whole interaction, hey, I may be slow, but I'd had a rough day. I was getting uneasy, sitting on the edge of my seat, eyeing the locks on the doors. I died of cancer last Christmas Eve. I was dead six months. God bring you back? I dealt with crazy folks all my life.

It was fine. We'd be fine. I turned over my shoulder to see if my friends were paying attention. They were. Brynn had her hand on her knife. Thursday had his hand in the kangaroo pocket of his hoodie, probably on his gun. "'Someone like that,' Gertrude said. I had a feeling it wasn't God who'd told Gertrude to pick us up after all.

We'd asked for the dead to guard us. She stopped the car. It wasn't sudden, she'd been slowing down, but it caught me off guard and I reflexively flicked off my seatbelt, ready to fight or run. Well, she said, turning to smile with her cold smile, we're here. Been a pleasure meeting you, punks. And God bless. The library was in an old post office building on a darkened side street.

Greek style columns supported the front of the stone building, and a single flickering bulb and a sconce illuminated the door. A hand-lettered wooden sign read, Pendleton Library. Still free. Still open to the public. 10am p.m. run by anarchists beneath it someone attacked a piece of paper that read we do not carry the anarchist cookbook get your bad politics and bad science recipes off the internet not from us I got that one from an actual anarchist bookstore had that sign up but I I want to make my, what is it? What is the napalm recipe in that? Oh, I will not say that. I will not say recipes of such things online personally.

No, no, no. But. It doesn't work. Yeah. Also don't make napalm. Yeah. No, it never goes well. Yeah.

Not something that's ever been used for liberatory purposes. Yeah, okay. We could find friends here. What's our cover story, I asked. Thursday shrugged. Play it by ear. Back up whatever someone else comes up with. Thursday knocked.

He broke up the rhythm of his knock, presumably to sound friendly and less like we might be cops. No one likes a cop knocker. It started raining out of the blue. There'd been a few drops on the windshield in the last hour, but nothing serious. As soon as we stood under the awning of the library, the sky opened up. We're closed, a voice said, sleepily from the otherning of the library, the sky opened up. We're closed, a voice said, sleepily, from the other side of the door. We're travelers, heard there were good people here. The door opened a slit. The white man peering through the crack looked to be a little bit older than us,

maybe in his mid-30s. Gray streaked his thick black beard, and one half of his mustache was stark white. A spade was tattooed and faded blue on his cheek. Who told you that? Gertrude Miller, I said. She picked us up hitchhiking. There was fear in his face. His eyes darted to each of us in turn.

Another face appeared behind his, a woman closer to my age with pitch black hair cut into baby bangs that continued into an undercut on the side of her head. Feral bangs, I'd heard the style called. They went well with her septum clicker and immaculate makeup. Sometimes I'm jealous of people who pull off high Fem so well. Oh, for fuck's sake, Vasilis, she said. Let them in. Sorry, the man, presumably Vasilis, she said. Let them in.

Sorry, the man, presumably Vasilis, mumbled. He opened the door and went inside. And do you know what they found inside there, Robert Evans? Did they find the products and services that support this podcast? They did. They found exactly all of the objects and ephemeral things that you're about to hear about. Excellent. Perfect. Sexy.

Love at first swipe? I highly doubt it. What's your biggest red flag? No, no, no. What's your ultimate green flag? These days, reality TV and social media have us thinking love is instant. We're marrying strangers at first sight, we're finding love through walls, or we're even judging people by balloon pops. But what really makes a relationship last? On this episode of Dope Labs, poet, author, and relationship expert Young Pueblo breaks down the psychology and biology of loving better. And he provides eye-opening insights and advice

that we all need. It's a big realization moment that you should not be postponing your happiness. Like, your greatest happiness is not necessarily going to, like, come from a relationship. Your partner, they should add to your happiness, but your happiness is really coming from within you. Listen to Dope Labs on the iHeart Radio app, Your partner, they should add to your happiness, but your happiness is really coming from within you.

Listen to Dope Labs on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. -♪ Ho, ho! -♪ Do you remember what you said the first night I came over here? How? Goes lower? From Blumhouse TV, iHeart Podcasts, and Ember 20 comes an all-new fictional comedy podcast series.

Join the flighty Damien Hirst as he unravels the mystery of his vanished boyfriend. And Santi was gone. I've been spending all my time looking for answers about what happened to Santi. And what's the way to find a missing person? Sleep with everyone he knew, obviously. Hmm, pillow talk. The most unwelcome window into the human psyche. Follow our out of his element hero

as he engages in a series of ill-conceived, investigative hookups. Mama always used to say, "'God gave me gumption in place of a gag reflex.'" And as I was about to learn, no amount of showering can wash your hands of a bad hookup. Now, take a big whiff, my brah.

Listen to The Hookup on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. I'm Mark Seale. And I'm Nathan King. This is Leave the Gun, Take the Canole. The five families did not want us to shoot that picture. Leave the Gun, Take the Canole is based on my co-host Mark's best-selling book of the same title. And on this show, we call upon his years of research to help unpack the story behind the

godfather's birth from start to finish. This is really the first interview I've done in bed. We sift through innumerable accounts. I see 35 pages in there. Many of them conflicting. That's nonsense. There were 60 pages. And try to get to the truth of what really happened. through innumerable accounts, -"I see 35 pages." many of them conflicting, -"That's nonsense. There were 60 pages." and try to get to the truth of what really happened.

-"And they said, we're finished. This is over. They know this is not going to work. You gotta get rid of those guys. This is a disaster." -"Leave the Gun, Take the Cannoli features new and archival interviews with Francis Ford Coppola, Robert Evans, James Kahn, Talia Shire, and many others. -"Yes, that was a real horse's head.

Listen and subscribe to Leave the Gun, Take the Cannoli on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. When I smoke weed, I get lost in the music. I like to isolate each instrument, the rhythmic bass, the harmonies on the piano, the sticky melody. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Careful, babe. There's someone crossing the street.

Sorry, I didn't see him there. If you feel different, you drive different. Don't drive high. It's dangerous and illegal everywhere. A message from NHTSA and the Ad Council. [♪ music playing, Scrappy, DIY. But this place looked like a library. A small one, sure, but also one inside a beautiful old post office building. Rows and rows of books on thick wooden shelves filled the downstairs. The only thing they'd done differently, it seemed, was try to kill the sterility one usually sees in small town libraries. Tasteful sconces set into the wall lit the place, and

a slightly ragtag assortment of comfortable chairs and couches were everywhere. You live here? I asked. All of my questions about more pressing matters, like the apparently dead woman who'd driven us to town, were lost in my excitement about people having taken over a small town library and kept it running. lost in my excitement about people having taken over a small town library and kept it running. It's funny because when I wrote all of this, like, like, oh, they're going to privatize the parks. Yeah.

Like, well, at least it means we can probably take over some libraries. Any libraries going is going to be very impressive in the future. Yeah, totally. Yeah, the Silas said he led us through the main room of the future. Yeah, totally. Yeah, Vasilis said. He led us through the main room of the library. It's hard to walk past that many books without stopping to flip through them, but I followed him up the back stairs to the apartment above. It looked a lot more like places I was used to.

The living room was still covered with floor-to-ceiling bookshelves, but there was also a dining table and a counter that separated off a small kitchen area. A short hallway led to three other doors, presumably two bedrooms and a bathroom. How, I asked. The county left it empty. We moved in. It's squatted then? Technically, Vassilis said, but even the sheriff's wife comes here to check out books. I'm not sure anyone knows or even cares that no one legally owns the place. People assume we bought it and we don't discourage them. I'm Heather, the woman said, as we did introductions.

Wait, Vassilis said, after I introduced myself as Danielle. What's your last name? Kane, I waited, cringing to hear him call me Danny. He didn't. You knew Clay, he said. We talked about you a lot last time he was through here. You know Clay? Doomsday asked.

At the same time as the ice was broken by knowledge of a mutual friend, a different sort of tension filled the room. The tension of discussing a mutual dead friend. A different sort of tension filled the room. The tension of discussing a mutual dead friend. New. New Clay. None of these assholes had come to his funeral. Everywhere I traveled, people knew Clay. Everyone talked about him like he was a magical gift from the universe to its denizens. Which he was. But not one of them had made it to Denver to drink and mourn with me and his mom. Maybe I'd go out that way too.

I'd live on in legend, but no one would feel obliged to actually miss me. Sure, Vassilis said, he came through a couple of times a year, always wanted to check out whatever new books we had. The books up here were, in fact, different from those on the shelves downstairs. A lot of them had blank spines. A lot of them were gold embossed. Some of them looked older than some people think the earth is.

This is an occult library, I asked. Well, what else are you all doing here, Vasilis asked. He and I were the only ones still standing, I realized. Everyone else had made themselves comfortable on couches and chairs. Rain lashed against the windows and thunder rumbled across the plains. We, uh… I tried to figure out what to tell him. I tried to figure out what was safe to tell him.

We're demon hunters! Vulture blurted out. He put down a book and his phone. He'd been taking pictures of the pages. It's safe to tell him. We're demon hunters, Vulture blurted out. He put down a book and his phone. He'd been taking pictures of the pages. We're on the run because of some stuff that went wrong, and Ulixi maybe killed a lot of people and some cops too. So much for a cover story.

Doomsday and Thursday shot him the same look at the same time. The combined glare would have driven lesser men to silence, or at least to show remorse on their face. Vulture did neither. You're demon hunters, Vassilis repeated, like the words didn't make sense in his mouth. Like he was speaking some language he didn't know and was just parroting the phrase back. I mean, we are now, I guess. Vulture gave his best, whoops, sorry, looked to the rest of us.

You're here because of the disappearances then. That was Heather, who was sitting next to Brynn on a love seat. No, Thursday said. Yes, Vulture said at the same time. Doomsday ritual must have done a hell of a lot more than get us a ride safely. What disappearances, I asked. You might want to sit down, Heather said. This is weird.

I found myself in a large, comfortable chair by the window, and Vasilis brought us all tea. Heather, with a cup in her hand, told us the story. There used to be two more of us living here, she started, punctuating her sentence by blowing across her tea. Damien and Asola.

Then there's Loki. I know Loki, I said. It's a small scene, hitchhiking weirdos. Queer, kinda small. Book thief? I'd stayed with them. Loki didn't like being called he or she. In Oakland for a couple weeks the summer before.

They had been planning a rare book heist. I skipped town before I found out how it went. Yeah, Heather said. Loki came through with some books for us. Real shit, they said. Then they and Damien and Asola went winter camping in Glacier. And then none of them came back. Heather took a tiny sip of her tea, decided that it was cool enough, and took a longer sip.

Months go by, no word from any of them. Vasilis and I tried to track them down, but never found anything. Not their car, nothing. A record in the back country hiking registry at Glacier. And that's it. Then, this spring, Isola shows up in town. She won't talk to us, squats an empty bed and breakfast at the edge of town. We see her around town sometimes, but it's like she looks right through us.

She looks right through everyone else too. She's back, but she's not back. Where are the books Loki brought? Doomsday asked. Most of them are shelved now, Vasilis said, gesturing at the walls around us. Most of them are the same garbage you always find, though. 99.9% of occult books are just trash, gibberish packaged up all spooky, made to sell for as much money as possible. Most of them are shelved, Doomsday continued. Vasilis sighed.

The three of them went to Glacier with one book, one that seemed legit. Loki says they stole it from some ebola-type fascist on the Olympic Peninsula. Says those people had stolen it from somewhere in England. The Book of Barrow. Our friends took it to Glacier because they were going to try something out. What were they going to try out, Thursday asked. Vesillas looked to the floor. Heather answered instead.

Resurrection. Loki wanted to hunt a bear and bring it back to life. Oh, fuck that, Wren said. So they went out to the backcountry wilderness in the dead of winter to kill a hibernating bear, which by the way doesn't count as hunting, and turn it into a zombie bear and then they didn't come back, Thursday asked. Gee, I can't think of anything that might have gone wrong with that plan. What a mystery. Thursday, Doomsday said.

No, Thursday said. You've got to be kidding me. Mystery solved. They got killed by Winter or the bear, and frankly it's hard to claim they didn't have it coming. What about Gertrude Miller, I asked. She told us she was dead six months, then was resurrected. Honestly, Heather said, looking at Thursday, when they didn't come back from glacier, Vesillas and I thought the same thing you did.

But then Asola came back. Okay, she's shell shocked and doesn't want to talk to us. Heather turned to me. But then Gertrude came back. She was dead for six months. She was telling the truth about that then, I said. Heather nodded. Vulture clapped his hands together.

We all looked at him and he tried and failed to wipe the smile off his face. Sorry, he said. It's just, we have our first mystery. Yeah. Thursday side. We'll start first thing in the morning. Dinner consisted of reheated couscous, baked potatoes and green salad.

There were too many of us for the table, so we ate on the couches and easy chairs. We talked about friends in common who weren't dead or missing, the state of the anarchist movement and its role in fighting the rise of fascism and nationalism globally. Then, more interesting to me, the state of magic.

How many practitioners do you think there are, I asked? Until a couple of days ago, I've gone my whole life without seeing an ounce of real magic, and I have met plenty of people who spend their time trying." It's hard to answer, Vassilis said. I guess that worldwide, we're talking about a few hundred, maybe a thousand people who are real magicians who are tapped into what the endless spirits have to offer. Then below that, I don't know, a couple million people who stumble upon magic here and there,

but mostly fail? What do you mean? As far as I can tell, there's only one system of magic that actually works with any consistency, and that involves appealing to, or summoning directly, the endless spirits. But there are a lot of rituals that end up tapping into that power kind of by accident through a through a side door that people stumble upon from time to time as they practice other systems. Most of those side doors are for magic that only affects the practitioner, like rituals to grant you courage work well, rituals to heal yourself work a little less well, rituals

to heal other people? Almost never, unless you're communicating directly with a specific spirit. Okay, I said. If there's a system of magic that works, why doesn't everyone know about it? Keeping information rare is harder and harder these days. Oh, I know, Vulture said. We all turned to look at him. He'd finished his food already and was lying across Heather and Brynn on the love seat.

It's the Magic Feds, he said. I'm on this forum, right? And I don't know, a lot of it probably isn't true, but there's this thing people mention and no one knows its name, but it's the Magic Feds and they're like Mulder and Scully, but evil. Well, not evil from their point of view view but evil from my point of view. Yeah, Vassilis said. It used to be the church.

Now it's the state. Still an inquisition. Wait, I said. Should we be worried about this then? I mean, Vassilis said, as long as you don't do something crazy and spectacular, like set an endless spirit against your enemies in broad daylight, you'll be fine. Brinn started laughing. So I said, yes, we should be worried.

There was a spare bedroom. It had been a Sola and Damien's, and we piled in with our bags. Doomsday claimed the bed for herself on Thursday, and I laid my sleeping bag out on the floor. Vulture said he was going for a walk. Thursday said he was going to stand watch because something felt off. Brynn was out in the living room, still talking with Heather. I was exhausted, but as soon as I laid my head down on my balled up hoodie, I was awake.

Too much all in one day. Too much all in one week. I wanted Brynn there. I wanted to hold her. We'd been cuddling most nights. I hadn't kissed her or anything. I hadn't really been sure I'd been ready to do something like that, and vice versa. But I wanted to cuddle with her. She was out in the

living room talking to a high femme gorgeous stranger. That was fine. It would be fine. The rain had let up, but there was still thunder in the distance. Other than that, everything was quiet. Small towns are strange at night. None of the people noises of big cities, none of the car noises of busy rural roads, and none of the wildlife noises of the countryside. Just that thunder and the sound of Brynn laughing from the living room. It wasn't fine. I was being an idiot and I knew it. Brynn didn't owe me anything. And she wasn't doing anything wrong or even weird or mean. Knowing I was being an idiot didn't make it better. Couldn't I just think about the car crash instead?

Lightning lit the room. Doomsday started snoring. Worry became anxiety. Anxiety started on its way towards panic. I got up, pulled my hoodie on, slipped on my boots, and went out to the living room. Brynn and Heather were leaning against one another, talking sweetly. Brynn caught my eye and smiled. It was fine. I went down the stairs and out the front door. Thursday was on the porch, staring off down the street.

His backpack was in his hand, concealing his gun. Couldn't sleep, he asked. What is there to keep watch for, I asked. Talking about something other than me would be good. It was what I needed. Hell if I know, Thursday said. I'm just trying to be useful. I feel that, I said.

I'm not always this way, Thursday said. What way? I don't know, protective, kind of macho? And nodded. I love Doomsday more than I love life itself. I'm worried about her. I'm worried about the rest of us. So I don't know what else to do besides watch out for her best I know how.

What do you like usually? Believe it or not, I think I'm usually the funny guy, he said. When shit ain't serious, I ain't serious either. It's just, shit's real serious right now. I can feel that. You like Bryn, he said. It wasn't a question. He'd seen the two of us together.

Yeah. He looked over at me, took in my expression for a moment. You're jealous of her and Heather. No, I'm not. He didn't say anything to that. I guess I am. Want to know why I think that is? Sure, I said.

Because you don't know where you stand with her. That's it. That's all. You figure out where you stand with her, you talk it over with her, and none of that shit will bother you anymore. He was probably right. Doomsday and me, we know where we stand. She fucks someone else, howls she falls in love with someone else.

It wouldn't bug me much, because she makes it clear where she and I stand. You all are poly? I feel like most of the people I know are polyamorous, but it still surprised me. The days seemed so, I don't know, traditional in a wandering occultist with a bounty on their heads kind of way. I wouldn't worry about her and me unless, I don't know, Idris Elba decided he was single and started hanging around. Doomsday is a crush on Idris Elba? Hell if I know, Thursday said. I'm the one with a crush on Idris Elba. I laughed at that. Glad to know I can still be funny when shit's serious, he said. I'm the one with a crush on Idris Elba. I laughed at that.

Glad to know I can still be funny when shit's serious, he said. I'm glad I met you all, I said. This is hands down the weirdest week of my life. But I'm glad I've gotten to meet you all. You too, Danielle Kane. I'm gonna go back and try and sleep again, I said. Don't say anything to her. What?

You're in sad sack mode. I get it. We're all sad sacks sometimes. But if you go talk to her right now, you're going to come across wrong. You'll come across controlling. Just go to bed. And if she cuddles up with you, cuddle right back. And if not, try not to stress about it.

Thanks for looking out for us Thursday. Sleep well Danielle Kane. On my way back through the library I saw three rats on the checkout counter. I have a hard time getting mad at rats. All the best animals are scavengers, squatters. On my way back through the living room I saw Heather sitting next to Brynn. Heather's arm was across Brynn's lap and and Bren had a needle and ink in her hand. She was tattooing Heather. I couldn't tell what the design was. Bren looked up at me and smiled

sweetly, and I knew Thursday was right. If I told Bren I was sad, hell, if I said anything at all, it would come across wrong and Bren wouldn't be smiling so sweetly no more. I smiled back, then went down the hall to where my sleeping bag waited for me. It was fine. I was fine. That's the end of chapter two! Woo! Well, I'm excited.

I'm especially excited for the Magic Feds, because I fall asleep many nights watching X-Files and I've been watching Twin Peaks recently. Oh, yeah. Yeah Magic feds are a good trope It's great in part because like no matter how horrifying you make like the magic feds story It'll be less scary than what they normally do It'll be less scary than what they normally do I say on the day as habitat for humanities bank accounts were frozen by the FBI Sometimes I'm like we all want the like weird to demon hunting version of the world because the actual monsters are uh,

Yes, we know who they are. They're in power I've always made this argument Scully is a cop fox molder is not a cop Yeah, totally He's he never even arrests anyone. He's just a nerd who got dragged along. No, no charge is brought He loses his gun every third episode. You know, we all like, it's the same as how like with billionaires, I just want them to stop being billionaires. You know, they can choose to stop being billionaires.

I believe that Mulder would join the side of the right. Well, Mulder would be surprised if you put it out he still has a badge I'm still waiting for the day where you and I just get to write a like X-files reboot instead of worrying about the world falling into fascism. That's that's the dream. That's the dream and Suddenly the primary conflict in our life will be you repeatedly trying to convince me that every episode can't be about Bigfoot. And you have to convince me every single time that they can't just quit their jobs. That actually one of the core components of the show

is that they have to have those jobs. Those two issues will be the Yoko Ono of our creative relationship. Anyway, part three happens next week and you all can wait or you can go find the book. And also, if you're like, wow, I'm really enjoying this. I want audio books of this book, the one that came before it and the third book in the series that isn't even out yet. Well, have I got a deal for you.

There's a Kickstarter. It's really cheap. We sell our audio books for really cheap because we're an independent publisher, which means our books are slightly more expensive than we wish they were. I mean, they're like a normal price, but that's still too high because we're weird punks. But we can make the audiobooks really cheap because there's no paper that we have to pay for. So we pass the savings on to you. Anyway, see you next week on Booker.

All right. That's it, baby. Anyway, see you next week on Plot. All right. That's it, baby. It Could Happen Here is a production of Cool Zone Media. For more podcasts from Cool Zone Media, visit our website, coolzonemedia.com, or check us out on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. You can find sources for It Could Happen Here, updated, at coolzonedmedia.com slash sources. Thanks for listening. Do you remember what you said the first night I came over here?

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